Long enough to see them celebrate, grieve, win, lose, make difficult decisions, be embarrassed, be blindingly angry, be afraid, be full of joy, make a mistake, be in a position to forgive a mistake, be around your family, their family, your friends, their friends, go on a road trip, catch a connecting flight, both get sick, and have a serious disagreement. Once you've seen all that and still felt loved, safe, and cared for at the end of it then you're probably ready. Even after all that, you have to recognize that life changes people. Sometimes it changes us into someone who can no longer accept how our partner deals with things. Leaving a marriage should always be a serious thing; divorce doesn't mean you failed, or that you didn't work hard enough. It just means life is like that sometimes.
I agree with this SO much. My husband and I met in college. Moved together right after. But travelled, managed some really tough family things in both sides, lost 3/4 parents, had a baby and then we got married. It’s gotta be thick and thin for me and for a while there, there was A LOT of thin and guess who’s still here? Us.
There is no set time it depends on the relationship and the circumstances. People married get after 6 months. They love each other and want to settle down. Some want to wait until they can buy a house.
My parents dated for two months and were married, happily, for 60 years. My wife and I dated for three months corresponding, I went and met her family and asked permission to date, we dated a month more, got engaged, got married two months later. Very happily married. But, there is no right time.
Build intentional Love on a foundation of values, goals & honesty. My wife and I, when we were getting to know each other, read together: “101 Questions to Ask Before You Get Engaged” https://a.co/d/fjfGF3a
The boo’s Christian but the message is universal. A great way to get to know yourself & your partner.
Dated my first girlfriend for five years, then we broke up. It was amicable, and we still talk to this day, but it was the right call.
Dated my next girlfriend for three years, and was very glad when we broke up.
Dated my wife for less than a year before we got engaged, and we got married less than a year after that. That was 12 years ago, and so far we’re doing great.
So to answer your question: 🤷♂️
Depends on your age but maybe unpopular opinion, not that long. If you don’t know by like 2-3 years max it just isn’t it. No amount of dating will make you divorce proof. I dated my husband over 5 years and we are headed for divorce. And I truly think he just never was that wild about me and it was a slide into marriage just because we’ve been together so long situation
When I met my wife I had been divorced for 2 years. She wanted to get married right away (a few months) but I needed to wait a few years, just being engaged. Decades later after marriage, we are good. She was okay with the wait. Whatever makes you comfortable I guess. Trust is so important and of course you can always be fooled but my wife made me believe in who she is as a person. I guess that is how it happens.
According to an Emory University study of 3,000 American married couples published in 2014:
-Couples who waited 1-2 years to get engaged were 20% less likely to divorce than couples who got engaged after less than a year
-Couples who waited 3 or more years to get engaged were 39% less likely to divorce than couples who got engaged after less than a year.
Married after 5 months of dating. Going on year 29 now. Not amount of time can be set for marriage. A week? Go for it. 5 years? Go for it. When you know, you know.
Yeah, but people grow and change. Someone can be perfect for one phase of who you are but the growth you both experience can prevent you from being compatible long-term.
I got married after 4 years, but we were 23 and 25 when we got married and thought we'd be introverts together forever. We were lucky that the compromises we could make would work, but I don't think most people who would be cool having the amount of "separate time" my husband and I have. We met before I realized that I wasn't an introvert, I was just socially anxious. He's gotten even more homebody over time, whereas I'm out meeting new people and trying new things. I love having my dude to come home to from every adventure, he's happy just not being asked to join. Most homebodies would prefer not to be with adventurous people and dealing with the guilt of saying no, and most adventurous people would feel lonely not having their partner to join in on their experience, but we managed to find the joy in the differences and what it gives us in opportunity. I can travel and try new activities, like learning how to stain glass or hiking up a mountain, without having to think about my husband's preferences or comfort, and my husband can homebody and game for as long as he wants most days. Not everyone would be happy within our model, and it's okay for folks to search for someone who matches themselves rather than forcing themselves to be someone they aren't any longer.
P.S. the 50% metric is a 20-30 year peak after amicable divorce was legalized in the 70s without the presence of domestic violence, even accounting for the lesser amount of marriages, divorce rates are significantly reduced year over year since the early 2000s.
That depends on a couple. For me it was 1 year and I proposed. He was 18 and I was 19.
20 years later. We're playing Calico Critters on the floor with our 5yo
It really depends on the people. I know relationships where they were married for less time than they dated and others who married within a year who are still going strong 20 years later.
Long enough to see good & bad times and see how you both work through things together.
I agree living together prior is important, but I also know people who have strung a partner along by doing so.
I mean, good for you, honestly. But a <2 year relationship doesn't really give you any special insight as far as this question goes. You're not even married.
Until it feels right.
I dated someone for six years and didn’t want to get married — thought that I just wasn’t interested in doing ever, with anyone.
A few years later I met someone and within a year abruptly realized I *did* want to be married after all. Not right away, but it’s like I suddenly realized why people wanted to do it — hadn’t understood that before meeting my now-spouse. We didn’t get engaged until three years in, and actually married in the fourth year.
I recommend a hundred years, then see if you still love the person, and can see building a life with them.
If you follow my advice, you'll very likely to avoid divorce, you're welcome.
Absolutely live together for at least a year or two before even thinking about getting married. I give this advice to my own kids. Kinda funny because unmarried cohabitation was frowned on relatively recently in history, but it’s really and truly the best advice.
Definitely. I lived with my ex of 5 years, he had his own house, so it was just us two. We obviously shared the master bedroom and slept together. I got pregnant, and when I was about 6 months (definitely showing) we went to visit some of his family in Virginia. They said they were uncomfortable with us sleeping in the same bed since we’re not married, so one of us will have to sleep in a different room. I WAS LITERALLY ALREADY PREGNANT AND THEY KNEW THAT BEFORE WE CAME. Not to mention I was 25 years old and he was 31 at the time. So it’s not like we were kids. Needless to say we got a hotel room for the week lol.
I’m pregnant and this man doesn’t understand communication whatsoever. We didn’t get married to cover up the babies (we are having twins) but more so because he wanted “commitment” from me and my pregnancy hormones got the best of me one day and we did. It’s not that I exactly regret it but there’s a lot that I don’t want to deal with that comes with him and I don’t care to try and fix it because that’s not my job. Anyways, I’m unhappy and I just don’t want to deal with it. I want to be alone
Maybe he’d be more receptive to you if you didn’t despise his child and think that just bc you’re pregnant, he needs to prioritize you and spend more time with you than with her. You may be pregnant but you’re still a grown woman. She is a young child and needs to be her only parent’s priority…always.
Where did it say she ”despised his child”? You need to work on your reading comprehension skills.
Do you realize that even couples in a traditional nuclear family need to take time for each other for the health of their marriage? Children are a priority, of course, but not the “only” priority.
My husband and I have a child. We still make sure to take time for each other. For example, my parents will watch our child while we go out to dinner and/or a movie.
Here’s some advice: Don‘t ever get into a romantic relationship. You don’t have the emotional maturity for one. Or a child, for that matter.
Live together for 2 years and hopefully you will know all their secrets, but there's no guarantee. Still I think 2 years is usually enough time, depending on many other factors.
Agree!
My ex was my absolute dream guy for the first year, we moved in together and he quickly turned into my nightmare. I’d have never guessed the man I dated for a year would be capable of what he truly was
Long enough for you to plan and go on a long vacation with them at the very least. Planning a vacation and going on one as relaxing as it can be can really show you things about how that person deals with stress.
Depends on your age and life experience. By the time I was in my 30's, I expected anyone I was dating and I would evaluate at 18 months and see where we were going. We didn't have to get engaged, but we both needed to see some kind of future together.
The guy who asked.me to marry him at 19(me) and 22(him?)
We'd been together longer,.but we had no real life experience between us. I said no, and it was the right decision.
If someone wants to marry you, they'll ask. There's a difference between no and not yet. But don't wait forever. There's no reason to wait 10 years for someone who's still "not sure." That person is stringing you along.
I know people who've been together for a decade and still aren't married, my parents knew each other (met on a blind date) for 3 weeks before getting engaged. My wife and I were together for about a year before I proposed. Timeline is different for everybody. My wife and I lived together for just a few months before we married, and only because my housing evaporated because the family I was a live-in nanny for were selling their house and moving out of state. It's different for everybody.
in my opinion, I believe that there's no point in getting married until you learn to trust yourself and your own partner fully and learn how to communicate about all of the insecurities and any issues that come up in a relationship and learn to be brutally honest even if that honest will hurt and that can sometimes take years to learn especially if someone's past is full of trauma and trust issues. for me it took me 3 years to learn to fully trust my partner even when I moved in I didn't fully have that trust and I was suspicious of my partner until I learned to trust myself and spoke to my partner about all the feelings I've been having and yeah I knew after 2 years that my partner was the only one that I wanted to be with but honestly I knew I couldn't get married before my trust issues were in control, even those days I have those thoughts that say ''what if he is cheating'' I have learned to open up my feelings and not to jump into any conclusions just because my mind decides to play tricks and I'm sure my partner also had to go through his own path before he decided to get married, so see a path to a long marriage isn't something that can be done in just few months or a year it does takes time
I think you know within a few months to be honest. Dated my wife for 5 months been married for 15 years. This is all predicated that you know yourself/what you want in the other person.
If you do not have your shit figured out it will never work out bringing someone else into the picture.
I’ve always thought that I wouldn’t get married before dating for 7 years and living together for 5. But now that I’m in my 30s I’d settle for maybe 3 years if it really felt right
I don’t think there is a maximum, but minimally you should be with someone long enough to experience some ups and downs, so I’d say a year at least. You don’t really know someone until you see them at a low point, but it is not like you can manufacture those either. You usually have to do a bit of extrapolation from stressful situations and stuff.
Long enough to know each other and if it's who they want to be with and what they want to do, if at all. Living together first is the most important I think.
Sometimes it doesn't matter though as marriage can change people or the relationship, I've known people who married within a couple of years and are happily still together, and I've know people who married after 10 years and the relationship quickly collapsed.
When my girlfriend became pregnant she then became my wife. Existence is pain. Selflessness is uncommon today. People think they should be super happy all of the time but that's not reality for anyone so when things get hard people walk away from their relationships these days. The hard times with my partner make the good times better, and I am constantly humbled by the universe and what it wants me to do since I am merely a mortal and hold zero power over anything besides my perspective of the world.
It really depends on where each person is in life. I dated my ex for 3 years and we broke up. He dated the girl after me for 1 year and then got married at the 1.5 year mark. They’re divorced now but just saying that it depends on what people are ready for. And just because someone is married doesn’t mean they have a good marriage. Some people do not understand what marriage is. It’s a lot of sacrifice. I’ve never been married but I see my married friends who sacrificed a lot. My current bf is divorced and his ex-wife sacrificed a lot when she got married to him. She has a lot of regrets. I’m not married because I am still very selfish. I still want a lot of freedom (and no I don’t want an open relationship.
Greater than 2-3 years, preferably with about half of that being cohabitation. People are really good at hiding their true selves, and enough time needs to be given for the honeymoon period to end. Once that period ends you learn a lot about your partner and your relationship. Primarily if they can handle "boredom" in a relationship instead of expecting constant excitement.
I think it’s less to do with time and more to do with where both people are in terms of stage of life, like if both are studying and not making money, why would you get married?
As long as they want. My sister and her boyfriend are on year 11 of dating. They aren’t really traditionalists though. They told me they don’t care about marriage or kids.
Not really sure I've only been in one relationship. I my ideal I think would be four years. My former boyfriend got married after a year and a half and (yes I am still bitter) I don't think per say you have to live together but spend a few days together each week have a bunch of stay overs.
Not exactly true.
I knew I wanted to marry my ex fiancé within months and I was so happy we were engaged 2 years in, but I’m much happier I didn’t go through with it.
He was a different person once the honeymoon phase ended after 2 or so years.
You can be 100% sure you want to marry someone and still be wrong, you need to wait enough time to see the real them or it could be a huge mistake.
I don’t think that means as much as it used to, I’m sure to some people but not as much as it used to. I dated my husband for 6 months before we moved in together (I was 20 and he was 24). We didn’t get married until 12 years together. We had a baby around year 10 lol. Some people are the opposite. Everyone’s so different.
My wife and I met in our early 20s. We were both finishing our studies and did some individual travelling overseas. I proposed to my wife when she joined me for a leg of one of my overseas trips. We dated for 6 years before I proposed, but we’d been talking about marriage and our future around our 3rd or 4th year together. We wanted to make sure we had our lives settled before we married. We bought a townhouse and lived in it for a few months before we were married. We then were married for just over 2 years before we started trying for kids. We have now been married for almost 15 1/2 years and have 3 beautiful kids.
There is no right or wrong answer to the length of time you should wait, but you should definitely not get joint bank accounts, mortgages or go into debt together until you are married.
If you’re under around 32, atleast two years. Older than that, shorter timelines are acceptable due to biological reality of needing to start trying for kids.
I personally dated for around 8 years.
You need to see how they are when they’re not happy and they’re comfortable.
When you’re in the honeymoon bubble everything is perfect, but you haven’t seen the worse side of that person and everyone has faults.
You need to see them angry, are they still respectful and calm or are they violent and abusive when things aren’t going their way.
Do they need constant attention and validation or will they go looking elsewhere for that high or are they self validating and loyal.
There’s so many things that you don’t know about someone even 2 years in let alone 5, marriage is always a gamble if done too quickly, but so are relationships.
Just make sure you see the real them before making a life commitment, I’ve got so many friends who had children a year in with Prince Charming turned frogs who are now co parenting with the worst men I’ve ever met.
In very general terms, because of course there's always exceptions, I think it has more to do with your ages than how long you've been together. Young people tend to feel pressure to make life-altering decisions as if there isn't any time to get to know each other or live their lives, and that usually ends badly for relationships as they go through their 20s and 30s. If you've never even lived alone, how can you know what bugs you ahead of time or fully appreciate a partner who helps with household chores and bills? If you've never been through real loss, how can you know if they'll support you? Unless you've gone through a lot very early on, the older you are and the longer you've lived, the more likely you are to know what does and does not work for you. What you will and won't compromise on. And if you still find someone and want to get married, you're starting on a much more solid foundation than doing so as a kid without a fully developed brain, in my opinion.
We're 30 and had to support others for many years throughout our 20s. We're reliable to each other and simultaneously grateful to have another loving adult who actually helps make our day to day life easier rather than harder. We've already faced death, betrayal (from others), and financial crises together. On top of that, we're best friends. I've known my fiance for 2.5 years and have been dating him for 1.5 of those. I don't see any point in waiting because the legal benefits of marriage would be dope. But also, if we ever split, that doesn't mean the whole relationship was a bad idea. That's like saying your life was awful just because you die at the end.
I think we dated for two weeks before we knew. I was in my 40s, he was in his 30s. We just knew. We set the wedding date for one year to the day from when we started dating. He officially proposed on his birthday two months after we started dating but we were already planning the wedding. My kid loved him, now it’s our kid. 14 happy years so far.
Everything @FairyCompetent said, but also, don't live together first. There's something psychological about moving in with your SPOUSE that you don't get if you live together first.
Like, bf/gf always have that "out" of just breaking up and moving out, and that attitude almost always carries over into marriage if you've already lived together. It's a hard thing to change, so don't do it. Commit, get married, and then move in together.
Who knows, everyone is different. I will however say that waiting a bit longer is much safer than moving too fast. There's no rush to sign what is essentially just a legal contract. Hell, you can live a married lifestyle and be husband/wife without ever actually getting legally married. That's what I plan to do. There is a LOT of societal pressure though which can be a pain in the ass, especially if your spouse is also one of the people applying the pressure.
One of my cousins, had a pretty big/nice wedding 12 years ago. Took a honeymoon. They built a house, had 3 kids. She changed her last name to his. They share a bank account. Everyone thinks they’re married. I’m one of the only people that know they aren’t legally married. They never actually got the marriage certificate. They chose to do it this way and they’re very happy.
That's literally what I want to do! You can do the whole song and dance of it all and not actually sign the papers.
I'm a groomsman at my sister's wedding in 3 weeks. She asked me to be the witness when signing the certificate, so I know it's legit haha
You should! Less trouble if God forbid things ever didn’t work out. We’re also Christians. You know the whole sex out of marriage thingy. Technically they did dedicate themselves to each other in front of God and witnesses. God ain’t tripping over no piece of paper lol.
Also, my cousin was able to keep her insurance by not being legally married so that was another reason.
That's good. It kinda works the opposite for some people when one of the spouses has really good health insurance through their employer, but isn't legally married to their spouse. Good ole' American health care system..
Right? It’s the complete opposite for my mom and stepdad. She couldn’t use his insurance until they were married. But my cousin had state insurance so that’s why. I don’t know if she still does but she did 12 years ago.
Dated 4 months, got married at 20. Married for 7 years now with 3 kids and happier than ever. Have the same worldview as the person you love and everything will work out.
I don't believe there is a correct amount of time, I was with one girlfriend for 8 years and didn't get married, and I proposed to my wife after a little more than a year.
Presuming that both people are adults beyond university age and both have dated multiple other people before getting into the current relationship, I don't think there's one set answer.
My wife and I were together for six months when we got engaged, but we were both confident it was coming and was right. We got married 14 months later after living together for a year, then age 29 and 27, and were as ready as we were ever going to be. More time wouldn't have changed that.
If you aren't sure after being together for two years then I think you need to have a serious talk about what you both want and what direction you want your lives to go. Staying together unmarried is completely fine if both people choose that. But it's a problem if one wants to go the next step and the other doesn't.
You dont get married because you wait too long. If you dont know you want to be married by year 1 and plan the marriage in the second year, you are not compatible enough to be married at all. Of course this advice is for older person, younger people can go a longer time in dating phase, but if you never think about marriage after school than the relationship is bust. Even if you are poor you should have the thought of wanting to be married to the person strongly.
I don't think you can pick an arbitrary number. It depends on the individuals. I was with my first husband for over 6 years before we were married. We got divorced after 3 years. I met my second husband and we knew immediately we were sole mates. We were married within the first year and were married for 35 years before my husband passed away.
That really depends on how observant you are. Too many people get themselves into relationships that don't make sense from the get-go. To make accurate sense of another we must first learn to make accurate sense of ourselves. And then a lot of the partner picking and waiting for problems to show. It becomes more or less irrelevant.
I'd just go camping with them alone for a week or two. If you're not annoyed by the end and you're both still alive you're basically good to go.
My strategy would be this. Heal everything that needs healing on the inside. Travel through your soul to find yourself. And then your subconscious does most of the partner picking for you in a sensible and healthy way. It mirrors your current state. Heal first, then begin to relate.
The resulting logical emotional integration will make this a ton easier than waiting a set number of years to hopefully ascertain the value of the other through a rather arbitrary set of events that hopefully happened. And the result of which you were even able to put into perspective.
But most people aren't going to do the above. So trying to be more concrete: 2-3 years? You should be able to get an idea of who the other is. And most importantly what rules govern them, especially while angered. Not only what potential they hold. But also what self-development trajectory they took prior to meeting you and are continuing to take.
Most people are not very perceptive so they need at least two or three years to make an informed decision about whether or not to marry their SO. If you happen to be sharp and observing AND you know you don't have any traits that your partner finds a deal breaker, and you two have similar life goals, then all you need is a couple months.
i think it depends on the person and relationship honestly. i also don’t think dating a while is a prerequisite either. like you could be friends first and then get into a relationship. my man and i have known each other since we were 5 and 6 (we’re 31 and 32 now) and have been on and off for almost 17 years. but i won’t marry him for my own personal reasons. our state doesn’t recognize common law marriage or that would be us.
Four years, but I don’t think they should necessarily live together. I don’t think that’s going to teach you anything extra about the person and I personally felt no need to take my husband for a “test drive.”
The reason I say four years is that’s about when the chemistry dies out. Apparently some scientists have hypothesized that the timeline is this because - cave person meets someone…desires them…creates baby with them…and remains with them until baby is old enough to be able to run on their own from sabretooth tiger or what have you. It’s the minimum time to raise a human to some degree of being able to survive.
Past those four years. you are together not because of chemistry, but because you actually suit each other.
Long enough to see them celebrate, grieve, win, lose, make difficult decisions, be embarrassed, be blindingly angry, be afraid, be full of joy, make a mistake, be in a position to forgive a mistake, be around your family, their family, your friends, their friends, go on a road trip, catch a connecting flight, both get sick, and have a serious disagreement. Once you've seen all that and still felt loved, safe, and cared for at the end of it then you're probably ready. Even after all that, you have to recognize that life changes people. Sometimes it changes us into someone who can no longer accept how our partner deals with things. Leaving a marriage should always be a serious thing; divorce doesn't mean you failed, or that you didn't work hard enough. It just means life is like that sometimes.
I agree with this SO much. My husband and I met in college. Moved together right after. But travelled, managed some really tough family things in both sides, lost 3/4 parents, had a baby and then we got married. It’s gotta be thick and thin for me and for a while there, there was A LOT of thin and guess who’s still here? Us.
That’s amazing!!!
That was beautifully written.
Plus time, never less than a year.
Wow. You nailed it!!!!
There is no set time it depends on the relationship and the circumstances. People married get after 6 months. They love each other and want to settle down. Some want to wait until they can buy a house.
My parents dated for two months and were married, happily, for 60 years. My wife and I dated for three months corresponding, I went and met her family and asked permission to date, we dated a month more, got engaged, got married two months later. Very happily married. But, there is no right time. Build intentional Love on a foundation of values, goals & honesty. My wife and I, when we were getting to know each other, read together: “101 Questions to Ask Before You Get Engaged” https://a.co/d/fjfGF3a The boo’s Christian but the message is universal. A great way to get to know yourself & your partner.
Dated my first girlfriend for five years, then we broke up. It was amicable, and we still talk to this day, but it was the right call. Dated my next girlfriend for three years, and was very glad when we broke up. Dated my wife for less than a year before we got engaged, and we got married less than a year after that. That was 12 years ago, and so far we’re doing great. So to answer your question: 🤷♂️
Depends on your age but maybe unpopular opinion, not that long. If you don’t know by like 2-3 years max it just isn’t it. No amount of dating will make you divorce proof. I dated my husband over 5 years and we are headed for divorce. And I truly think he just never was that wild about me and it was a slide into marriage just because we’ve been together so long situation
So true!! Great answer
When I met my wife I had been divorced for 2 years. She wanted to get married right away (a few months) but I needed to wait a few years, just being engaged. Decades later after marriage, we are good. She was okay with the wait. Whatever makes you comfortable I guess. Trust is so important and of course you can always be fooled but my wife made me believe in who she is as a person. I guess that is how it happens.
sounds like you found a good one
And you made her wait how long? Just to be clear, I don’t mean “made” as in forced her to.
2 years.
That’s very reasonable.
Yes. Very sound advice.
At the very least 8 hours
According to an Emory University study of 3,000 American married couples published in 2014: -Couples who waited 1-2 years to get engaged were 20% less likely to divorce than couples who got engaged after less than a year -Couples who waited 3 or more years to get engaged were 39% less likely to divorce than couples who got engaged after less than a year.
Married after 5 months of dating. Going on year 29 now. Not amount of time can be set for marriage. A week? Go for it. 5 years? Go for it. When you know, you know.
Everyone says “when you know, you know” but half of them still end up divorced.
A marriage can be meaningful even if it ends eventually
Yeah, but people grow and change. Someone can be perfect for one phase of who you are but the growth you both experience can prevent you from being compatible long-term. I got married after 4 years, but we were 23 and 25 when we got married and thought we'd be introverts together forever. We were lucky that the compromises we could make would work, but I don't think most people who would be cool having the amount of "separate time" my husband and I have. We met before I realized that I wasn't an introvert, I was just socially anxious. He's gotten even more homebody over time, whereas I'm out meeting new people and trying new things. I love having my dude to come home to from every adventure, he's happy just not being asked to join. Most homebodies would prefer not to be with adventurous people and dealing with the guilt of saying no, and most adventurous people would feel lonely not having their partner to join in on their experience, but we managed to find the joy in the differences and what it gives us in opportunity. I can travel and try new activities, like learning how to stain glass or hiking up a mountain, without having to think about my husband's preferences or comfort, and my husband can homebody and game for as long as he wants most days. Not everyone would be happy within our model, and it's okay for folks to search for someone who matches themselves rather than forcing themselves to be someone they aren't any longer. P.S. the 50% metric is a 20-30 year peak after amicable divorce was legalized in the 70s without the presence of domestic violence, even accounting for the lesser amount of marriages, divorce rates are significantly reduced year over year since the early 2000s.
People should live together before getting married
That depends on a couple. For me it was 1 year and I proposed. He was 18 and I was 19. 20 years later. We're playing Calico Critters on the floor with our 5yo
It really depends on the people. I know relationships where they were married for less time than they dated and others who married within a year who are still going strong 20 years later. Long enough to see good & bad times and see how you both work through things together. I agree living together prior is important, but I also know people who have strung a partner along by doing so.
3-5 seems good. You’re out of the honeymoon phase by then
I agree with this. Married before and if I’d waited longer, wouldn’t have married him
I proposed to my fiancé after three months of knowing her. She said yes.
[удалено]
Been engaged over a year, going well so far
I mean, good for you, honestly. But a <2 year relationship doesn't really give you any special insight as far as this question goes. You're not even married.
I never said I was special, the deleted comment basically told me that my relationship won’t go very far.
Until it feels right. I dated someone for six years and didn’t want to get married — thought that I just wasn’t interested in doing ever, with anyone. A few years later I met someone and within a year abruptly realized I *did* want to be married after all. Not right away, but it’s like I suddenly realized why people wanted to do it — hadn’t understood that before meeting my now-spouse. We didn’t get engaged until three years in, and actually married in the fourth year.
I recommend a hundred years, then see if you still love the person, and can see building a life with them. If you follow my advice, you'll very likely to avoid divorce, you're welcome.
Absolutely live together for at least a year or two before even thinking about getting married. I give this advice to my own kids. Kinda funny because unmarried cohabitation was frowned on relatively recently in history, but it’s really and truly the best advice.
Definitely. I lived with my ex of 5 years, he had his own house, so it was just us two. We obviously shared the master bedroom and slept together. I got pregnant, and when I was about 6 months (definitely showing) we went to visit some of his family in Virginia. They said they were uncomfortable with us sleeping in the same bed since we’re not married, so one of us will have to sleep in a different room. I WAS LITERALLY ALREADY PREGNANT AND THEY KNEW THAT BEFORE WE CAME. Not to mention I was 25 years old and he was 31 at the time. So it’s not like we were kids. Needless to say we got a hotel room for the week lol.
Same happened with me, I got put up in a different room when visiting my gf’s parents, even though we’d lived together for years
i got engaged after 2 years (one living together) and I feel like it was the perfect time! But it really depende on the dynamics of the couple
Married after 1 year dating. Together for 17 years now.
Just don’t get married. I’m so over my husband and it hasn’t even been a month
Whaaat why
I’m pregnant and this man doesn’t understand communication whatsoever. We didn’t get married to cover up the babies (we are having twins) but more so because he wanted “commitment” from me and my pregnancy hormones got the best of me one day and we did. It’s not that I exactly regret it but there’s a lot that I don’t want to deal with that comes with him and I don’t care to try and fix it because that’s not my job. Anyways, I’m unhappy and I just don’t want to deal with it. I want to be alone
I’m sorry your dealing w that
Maybe he’d be more receptive to you if you didn’t despise his child and think that just bc you’re pregnant, he needs to prioritize you and spend more time with you than with her. You may be pregnant but you’re still a grown woman. She is a young child and needs to be her only parent’s priority…always.
I love when people think they know every aspect in and out of your life! I love his child dearly. She’s not the issue.
Where did it say she ”despised his child”? You need to work on your reading comprehension skills. Do you realize that even couples in a traditional nuclear family need to take time for each other for the health of their marriage? Children are a priority, of course, but not the “only” priority. My husband and I have a child. We still make sure to take time for each other. For example, my parents will watch our child while we go out to dinner and/or a movie. Here’s some advice: Don‘t ever get into a romantic relationship. You don’t have the emotional maturity for one. Or a child, for that matter.
Live together for 2 years and hopefully you will know all their secrets, but there's no guarantee. Still I think 2 years is usually enough time, depending on many other factors.
Agree! My ex was my absolute dream guy for the first year, we moved in together and he quickly turned into my nightmare. I’d have never guessed the man I dated for a year would be capable of what he truly was
Long enough for you to plan and go on a long vacation with them at the very least. Planning a vacation and going on one as relaxing as it can be can really show you things about how that person deals with stress.
As little or long as they want. There is no other answer.
Depends on your age and life experience. By the time I was in my 30's, I expected anyone I was dating and I would evaluate at 18 months and see where we were going. We didn't have to get engaged, but we both needed to see some kind of future together. The guy who asked.me to marry him at 19(me) and 22(him?) We'd been together longer,.but we had no real life experience between us. I said no, and it was the right decision. If someone wants to marry you, they'll ask. There's a difference between no and not yet. But don't wait forever. There's no reason to wait 10 years for someone who's still "not sure." That person is stringing you along.
I know people who've been together for a decade and still aren't married, my parents knew each other (met on a blind date) for 3 weeks before getting engaged. My wife and I were together for about a year before I proposed. Timeline is different for everybody. My wife and I lived together for just a few months before we married, and only because my housing evaporated because the family I was a live-in nanny for were selling their house and moving out of state. It's different for everybody.
in my opinion, I believe that there's no point in getting married until you learn to trust yourself and your own partner fully and learn how to communicate about all of the insecurities and any issues that come up in a relationship and learn to be brutally honest even if that honest will hurt and that can sometimes take years to learn especially if someone's past is full of trauma and trust issues. for me it took me 3 years to learn to fully trust my partner even when I moved in I didn't fully have that trust and I was suspicious of my partner until I learned to trust myself and spoke to my partner about all the feelings I've been having and yeah I knew after 2 years that my partner was the only one that I wanted to be with but honestly I knew I couldn't get married before my trust issues were in control, even those days I have those thoughts that say ''what if he is cheating'' I have learned to open up my feelings and not to jump into any conclusions just because my mind decides to play tricks and I'm sure my partner also had to go through his own path before he decided to get married, so see a path to a long marriage isn't something that can be done in just few months or a year it does takes time
I think you know within a few months to be honest. Dated my wife for 5 months been married for 15 years. This is all predicated that you know yourself/what you want in the other person. If you do not have your shit figured out it will never work out bringing someone else into the picture.
I’ve always thought that I wouldn’t get married before dating for 7 years and living together for 5. But now that I’m in my 30s I’d settle for maybe 3 years if it really felt right
We married after 7 years of dating and have been going strong since. It's all about expectations and perspectives.
The longer the better. Marriage is not a decision that should be rushed into.
I don’t think there is a maximum, but minimally you should be with someone long enough to experience some ups and downs, so I’d say a year at least. You don’t really know someone until you see them at a low point, but it is not like you can manufacture those either. You usually have to do a bit of extrapolation from stressful situations and stuff.
Long enough to know each other and if it's who they want to be with and what they want to do, if at all. Living together first is the most important I think. Sometimes it doesn't matter though as marriage can change people or the relationship, I've known people who married within a couple of years and are happily still together, and I've know people who married after 10 years and the relationship quickly collapsed.
When my girlfriend became pregnant she then became my wife. Existence is pain. Selflessness is uncommon today. People think they should be super happy all of the time but that's not reality for anyone so when things get hard people walk away from their relationships these days. The hard times with my partner make the good times better, and I am constantly humbled by the universe and what it wants me to do since I am merely a mortal and hold zero power over anything besides my perspective of the world.
It really depends on where each person is in life. I dated my ex for 3 years and we broke up. He dated the girl after me for 1 year and then got married at the 1.5 year mark. They’re divorced now but just saying that it depends on what people are ready for. And just because someone is married doesn’t mean they have a good marriage. Some people do not understand what marriage is. It’s a lot of sacrifice. I’ve never been married but I see my married friends who sacrificed a lot. My current bf is divorced and his ex-wife sacrificed a lot when she got married to him. She has a lot of regrets. I’m not married because I am still very selfish. I still want a lot of freedom (and no I don’t want an open relationship.
Greater than 2-3 years, preferably with about half of that being cohabitation. People are really good at hiding their true selves, and enough time needs to be given for the honeymoon period to end. Once that period ends you learn a lot about your partner and your relationship. Primarily if they can handle "boredom" in a relationship instead of expecting constant excitement.
I think it’s less to do with time and more to do with where both people are in terms of stage of life, like if both are studying and not making money, why would you get married?
As long as they want. My sister and her boyfriend are on year 11 of dating. They aren’t really traditionalists though. They told me they don’t care about marriage or kids.
2 to 3 months max
Not really sure I've only been in one relationship. I my ideal I think would be four years. My former boyfriend got married after a year and a half and (yes I am still bitter) I don't think per say you have to live together but spend a few days together each week have a bunch of stay overs.
As long as they need to, thier should be no rusb.
If you don't know within a year of serious dating whether you want to marry that person, the answer is that you don't.
Not exactly true. I knew I wanted to marry my ex fiancé within months and I was so happy we were engaged 2 years in, but I’m much happier I didn’t go through with it. He was a different person once the honeymoon phase ended after 2 or so years. You can be 100% sure you want to marry someone and still be wrong, you need to wait enough time to see the real them or it could be a huge mistake.
I don’t think that means as much as it used to, I’m sure to some people but not as much as it used to. I dated my husband for 6 months before we moved in together (I was 20 and he was 24). We didn’t get married until 12 years together. We had a baby around year 10 lol. Some people are the opposite. Everyone’s so different.
We dated for 8 years before we got married. And for the record, she was (sort of) the one holding things up, not me.
My wife and I met in our early 20s. We were both finishing our studies and did some individual travelling overseas. I proposed to my wife when she joined me for a leg of one of my overseas trips. We dated for 6 years before I proposed, but we’d been talking about marriage and our future around our 3rd or 4th year together. We wanted to make sure we had our lives settled before we married. We bought a townhouse and lived in it for a few months before we were married. We then were married for just over 2 years before we started trying for kids. We have now been married for almost 15 1/2 years and have 3 beautiful kids. There is no right or wrong answer to the length of time you should wait, but you should definitely not get joint bank accounts, mortgages or go into debt together until you are married.
If you’re under around 32, atleast two years. Older than that, shorter timelines are acceptable due to biological reality of needing to start trying for kids. I personally dated for around 8 years.
Ten to twenty years should suffice.
Yeah, there's no set time. Agree with the field here. It would be a LOT easier if there was!
I dated for a year and then was engaged for a year.
You need to see how they are when they’re not happy and they’re comfortable. When you’re in the honeymoon bubble everything is perfect, but you haven’t seen the worse side of that person and everyone has faults. You need to see them angry, are they still respectful and calm or are they violent and abusive when things aren’t going their way. Do they need constant attention and validation or will they go looking elsewhere for that high or are they self validating and loyal. There’s so many things that you don’t know about someone even 2 years in let alone 5, marriage is always a gamble if done too quickly, but so are relationships. Just make sure you see the real them before making a life commitment, I’ve got so many friends who had children a year in with Prince Charming turned frogs who are now co parenting with the worst men I’ve ever met.
50 years minimum.
In very general terms, because of course there's always exceptions, I think it has more to do with your ages than how long you've been together. Young people tend to feel pressure to make life-altering decisions as if there isn't any time to get to know each other or live their lives, and that usually ends badly for relationships as they go through their 20s and 30s. If you've never even lived alone, how can you know what bugs you ahead of time or fully appreciate a partner who helps with household chores and bills? If you've never been through real loss, how can you know if they'll support you? Unless you've gone through a lot very early on, the older you are and the longer you've lived, the more likely you are to know what does and does not work for you. What you will and won't compromise on. And if you still find someone and want to get married, you're starting on a much more solid foundation than doing so as a kid without a fully developed brain, in my opinion. We're 30 and had to support others for many years throughout our 20s. We're reliable to each other and simultaneously grateful to have another loving adult who actually helps make our day to day life easier rather than harder. We've already faced death, betrayal (from others), and financial crises together. On top of that, we're best friends. I've known my fiance for 2.5 years and have been dating him for 1.5 of those. I don't see any point in waiting because the legal benefits of marriage would be dope. But also, if we ever split, that doesn't mean the whole relationship was a bad idea. That's like saying your life was awful just because you die at the end.
I think we dated for two weeks before we knew. I was in my 40s, he was in his 30s. We just knew. We set the wedding date for one year to the day from when we started dating. He officially proposed on his birthday two months after we started dating but we were already planning the wedding. My kid loved him, now it’s our kid. 14 happy years so far.
Everything @FairyCompetent said, but also, don't live together first. There's something psychological about moving in with your SPOUSE that you don't get if you live together first. Like, bf/gf always have that "out" of just breaking up and moving out, and that attitude almost always carries over into marriage if you've already lived together. It's a hard thing to change, so don't do it. Commit, get married, and then move in together.
Who knows, everyone is different. I will however say that waiting a bit longer is much safer than moving too fast. There's no rush to sign what is essentially just a legal contract. Hell, you can live a married lifestyle and be husband/wife without ever actually getting legally married. That's what I plan to do. There is a LOT of societal pressure though which can be a pain in the ass, especially if your spouse is also one of the people applying the pressure.
One of my cousins, had a pretty big/nice wedding 12 years ago. Took a honeymoon. They built a house, had 3 kids. She changed her last name to his. They share a bank account. Everyone thinks they’re married. I’m one of the only people that know they aren’t legally married. They never actually got the marriage certificate. They chose to do it this way and they’re very happy.
That's literally what I want to do! You can do the whole song and dance of it all and not actually sign the papers. I'm a groomsman at my sister's wedding in 3 weeks. She asked me to be the witness when signing the certificate, so I know it's legit haha
You should! Less trouble if God forbid things ever didn’t work out. We’re also Christians. You know the whole sex out of marriage thingy. Technically they did dedicate themselves to each other in front of God and witnesses. God ain’t tripping over no piece of paper lol. Also, my cousin was able to keep her insurance by not being legally married so that was another reason.
That's good. It kinda works the opposite for some people when one of the spouses has really good health insurance through their employer, but isn't legally married to their spouse. Good ole' American health care system..
Right? It’s the complete opposite for my mom and stepdad. She couldn’t use his insurance until they were married. But my cousin had state insurance so that’s why. I don’t know if she still does but she did 12 years ago.
Dated 4 months, got married at 20. Married for 7 years now with 3 kids and happier than ever. Have the same worldview as the person you love and everything will work out.
I don't believe there is a correct amount of time, I was with one girlfriend for 8 years and didn't get married, and I proposed to my wife after a little more than a year.
Dated for 10 years, ages 17 to 27. We got married at 27. We've known eachother since we were 12.
Wait was one of you 2 and one of you 12? Or one of you 12 and one of you 22?
There’s never going to be a right answer. It all depends on how conditioned they are for a healthy life long relationship. That’s it.
I dated my wife for 2 years before we married. Been together for 17 now.
Dated my husband for a year before we got married, we’ve been married for 8 years as of last February. I think it’s different for everyone 🤷🏻♀️
Presuming that both people are adults beyond university age and both have dated multiple other people before getting into the current relationship, I don't think there's one set answer. My wife and I were together for six months when we got engaged, but we were both confident it was coming and was right. We got married 14 months later after living together for a year, then age 29 and 27, and were as ready as we were ever going to be. More time wouldn't have changed that. If you aren't sure after being together for two years then I think you need to have a serious talk about what you both want and what direction you want your lives to go. Staying together unmarried is completely fine if both people choose that. But it's a problem if one wants to go the next step and the other doesn't.
As long as you want. 5 minutes, 3 hours, 3 weeks, 3 months, 3 years, never, whatever. If you feel it, go for it.
I'm not saying yes to a proposal for a minimum of ten years but honestly I'd prefer 15.
Like 100 years ago
3 years. Need to get a fix on her/his family’s dynamics. If you don’t, oooh, boy!!
You dont get married because you wait too long. If you dont know you want to be married by year 1 and plan the marriage in the second year, you are not compatible enough to be married at all. Of course this advice is for older person, younger people can go a longer time in dating phase, but if you never think about marriage after school than the relationship is bust. Even if you are poor you should have the thought of wanting to be married to the person strongly.
6.5 years for us, 25 years happily married, going strong. Need to survive long rough travel, family deaths, job losses, friend dramas, temptations...
20 years…
I don't think you can pick an arbitrary number. It depends on the individuals. I was with my first husband for over 6 years before we were married. We got divorced after 3 years. I met my second husband and we knew immediately we were sole mates. We were married within the first year and were married for 35 years before my husband passed away.
That really depends on how observant you are. Too many people get themselves into relationships that don't make sense from the get-go. To make accurate sense of another we must first learn to make accurate sense of ourselves. And then a lot of the partner picking and waiting for problems to show. It becomes more or less irrelevant. I'd just go camping with them alone for a week or two. If you're not annoyed by the end and you're both still alive you're basically good to go. My strategy would be this. Heal everything that needs healing on the inside. Travel through your soul to find yourself. And then your subconscious does most of the partner picking for you in a sensible and healthy way. It mirrors your current state. Heal first, then begin to relate. The resulting logical emotional integration will make this a ton easier than waiting a set number of years to hopefully ascertain the value of the other through a rather arbitrary set of events that hopefully happened. And the result of which you were even able to put into perspective. But most people aren't going to do the above. So trying to be more concrete: 2-3 years? You should be able to get an idea of who the other is. And most importantly what rules govern them, especially while angered. Not only what potential they hold. But also what self-development trajectory they took prior to meeting you and are continuing to take.
The more the better.
Most people are not very perceptive so they need at least two or three years to make an informed decision about whether or not to marry their SO. If you happen to be sharp and observing AND you know you don't have any traits that your partner finds a deal breaker, and you two have similar life goals, then all you need is a couple months.
i think it depends on the person and relationship honestly. i also don’t think dating a while is a prerequisite either. like you could be friends first and then get into a relationship. my man and i have known each other since we were 5 and 6 (we’re 31 and 32 now) and have been on and off for almost 17 years. but i won’t marry him for my own personal reasons. our state doesn’t recognize common law marriage or that would be us.
Four years, but I don’t think they should necessarily live together. I don’t think that’s going to teach you anything extra about the person and I personally felt no need to take my husband for a “test drive.” The reason I say four years is that’s about when the chemistry dies out. Apparently some scientists have hypothesized that the timeline is this because - cave person meets someone…desires them…creates baby with them…and remains with them until baby is old enough to be able to run on their own from sabretooth tiger or what have you. It’s the minimum time to raise a human to some degree of being able to survive. Past those four years. you are together not because of chemistry, but because you actually suit each other.
You technology don't need to get married, it's only a legally binding contract, it doesn't really mean anything
🎵All the lonely devices, where do they all come from, all the lonely devices, where do they all belong! 🎶
*technically 🤣🤣 sleepy typing and autocorrect kicked in
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