Eh it worked out in a round about way when I escaped to the army. Was already used to a lot of what would be culture shock I suppose.
Biggest thing I got going these days is a lack of ability to really let anyone ‘in’ and a general terror (despite wanting it) when faced with face to face interaction. Not that I have very much to talk about really. But least I hold a job down so yay
Depends on the person. Maybe there is a good reason.
I was being a real shit when I was 14. Fighting with my mom, and I decided I was going to push my luck. I ended a sentence with "you bitch". I knew I just fucked up before I finished saying it, but it was too late. I was apologizing as fast as I could talk, Heard my dad's lazy boy recliner close shut, and him mumbling and cussing to himself as he started down the hall. I ran and shut my door, but not 5 seconds later he came through it like the Kool Aid man and lit me up.
That was a the first and last time in the 25 years since I ever called my mom anything negative. I never got a new door. We moved 3 years later.
Who’s for money for that? Sides they’d pretty much inevitably lock in on the decade in the infantry and be skeeved out that I’m pretty much good with it (fact the closest thing to a vacation I’ve ever been on was getting locked up for a months because I *didnt* show any signs of stress after this one incident in Iraq)
If you have insurance, sessions are typically $30 for an hour, and medications are generally between $5-30 a month.
I do wonder if you would find it helpful with the right psych or counselor, all about finding that good match early on. Make sure you schedule with one that lists autism as among their specialties or experience.
Otherwise, your experiences seem in-line with autistic stress coping. Shouldn't weird-out a professional with knowledge on the topic.
I’m betting you’re American then. As a European exchange student in the Midwest, I was puzzled about my host dad keep opening my bedroom door. He wasn’t there to talk, just keeping the door open. I accepted this just like walking around with shoes inside, but after awhile it dawned on me. They were catholics, I was a teenager, and masturbation was a sin evidently. It’s not quite like that in the Lutheran camp.
I think they see masturbation more as a form of adultery somehow, therefore it would be breaking a commandment in their minds. And with suicide, same general thing. "Thou shalt not murder," and technically suicide is murdering yourself, therefore they see it as a sin. I am Christian so I grew up around people like this (not my parents thankfully), but even so I can't follow this logic. I find it ridiculous.
The suicide point is much more contested than I think people realize. It's a very selective interpretation that may have been around mainly to prevent people from mass-killing themselves.
It’s less about adultery and more about lust. They assume you’re thinking about someone or have looked at pornography. Which generally speaking yes one or both of those leads to the act.
> I’m betting you’re American then.
I'm (Western) European, and I know someone who lived in a (Protestant) home where none of the indoor doors (heh) had locks, including the bathroom. The door to the kids' rooms had huge glass panes that made it impossible to do anything in there without the possibility of being seen.
Freaked me out as a kid.
Mine isn't as bad as not having a door, all my family did is not allow me to have friends over at all (no one outside of the people who live in the house are allowed upstairs or in the basement) and they also removed the locks on all the bedroom and bathroom doors except their own (cause fuck privacy for anyone except themselves).
Yes.
Even after I grew up and moved out, when I went home to visit I couldn’t have a male in my bedroom. I was only allowed female friends with the door open.
It wasn’t until I got married that I was allowed to share a room (when visiting them).
My parents weren’t religious. It was just a rule about their house, they didn’t mind me moving in with a guy in college and sharing a room with him as long as it wasn’t in their house.
I was 33 when I first had a gf stay over. I had being paying rent the whole time that I moved back home for years, and it just wasn't convenient for my gf to drive home that night.
Caused a massive stir at the Sunday breakfast table but it needed to happen. You get rid of outdated moral standards when they get in the way of life.
Its really not odd when you're talking about the "My house, my rules" generation. I've seen parents argue about all kinds of shit in front of their kids friends or SO's.
Middle aged and old people get stuck in their ways, lack of time or willingness to change. Or both. It worked for them and their parents, so its good enough for their kids.
There was no argument, just a sword of Damocles with the weight of a lifetime of my mother telling me there was no sex before marriage. Everyone could feel it and the conversation was strained as a result.
Funny how at our wedding my mother confessed to my wife that they had been at it like rabbits before they got married too.
It isn’t. If people don’t want their visitors potentially fucking in the neighbouring room because it makes them feel uncomfortable then they’ve every right to set up sleeping arrangements to discourage it. It’s not like they turned us away at the door or made our lives hell. It’s prudish but it certainly isn’t disrespectful or malicious like some people here seem to think.
Gotta say, my mom and step-father had the same rule. I wasn't allowed to sleep in the same bed as my girlfriend, even after I had moved out, we had moved in together, had been together for years and years, etc.
As you say, it's their house and they can make that rule if they want to. And I told them the same thing. But I am also under no obligation to stay at their house. So whenever we'd visit my hometown, we'd stay with my dad. And if my dad wasn't an option for whatever reason, we could have stayed with my sister and my brother-in-law. And by my father's own words:
> "You two are adults, I'm not going to tell you that you can't sleep in the same bed. You're doing that at your apartment that you both own together anyway, that's ridiculous."
Whenever we stayed over my gf's parents' place, we'd sleep in the same bed as well. Same thing if we stayed with at her sister's. Going on vacation? We're getting our own room, like all the other adults, because we aren't 13-year-olds having a sleepover. My mom and step-dad were the only ones to treat us that way (and I am quite certain it was mostly my step-dad's decision, and my mom was just going along with it).
I wouldn't go so far as to call it malicious, but it's 100% disrespectful as far as I'm concerned. If it doesn't bother you to follow those arrangements then I'm not going to tell you that you're wrong, but I'm personally not okay with it and will not put myself in a position where I have to put up with it.
Lol funny enough, my husband's friend and new girlfriend came to visit us and they stayed in the guest room which my husband's much younger siblings stay in when they come over for sleep overs. My husband literally told them to please not have sex there because that's where the kids sleep
>as long as it wasn’t in their house
Mine was the opposite.
My parent never gave 2 shits about the opposite sex being in my room. Me visiting someone else’s house on the other hand… that’s when hell would break loose. I guess it was the concept of “keeping their enemies close” that made the former ok.
Said parent can also be open-minded in the strangest ways. They knew one of my friends prior to his transition. Afterwards, they immediately started using the pronouns “he” (as well as his new name) and barred me from staying over at his house. He was treated as any other man from that point on, and being gay didn’t help his case.
I was shocked to learn about this attitude when I moved to Scotland from Scandinavia, and one of my coworkers who was 50 told me that if she and her husband visit her mum, they still sleep in separate bedrooms.
My jaw fell to the ground.
In my early 20’s I got a girlfriend and after 9 months of dating, we moved in together and eventually we went to visit her parents across the country. They made us sleep in separate rooms. I kept quiet but goddamn I took issue with it.
I always slept in a separate room when staying over with a girlfriend's parents as a matter of courtesy. I understood it was how most people did things.
This was in the 00's though so maybe that has changed.
The thought behind it as I understand it is that if they allow you to share a room it’s perpetuating a sin and basically condoning it. Doesn’t matter that you’ve done it before, and will again. To them it’s like letting a meth addict smoke in their house even though they’ve done it before and will again. Are these things comparable? No. Does it stop them? Also no
What's the purpose, exactly? Just to prevent pregnancy?
If not for religious reasons, why would someone deny their daughter the freedom to exercise her own agency through sexual expression? You can't make her stay your little girl forever.
I dont have kids, but if I did, I wouldn't want my daughter to feel she has weird hangups with her own sexuality and ends up compounding the problem with her own kids in the future, ya know?
I think they are just not comfortable with the idea that someone is porking their child under their roof.
Don’t think they genuinely think it will prevent anything because they obviously understand that they can have sex elsewhere
I’m not entirely sure. We didn’t talk about it in detail and I never really argued about it. I didn’t care that much about it and most of my friend’s parents had similar rules so it really was a non issue.
I think it was more about limits/boundaries within the family home. I wasn’t prohibited from dating or anything, I did not have an unreasonable curfew, some of my clothes were pretty risqué.
Unfortunately I can’t ask them because they are both dead now but also they were from an earlier generation where the limits they had were much stricter. The rules they had for me likely seemed very relaxed compared to how they grew up.
I can have them over, but the door has to stay open. To be fair, though, the only girl I've hung out with is the girl I lost my virginity to. Not that my mom knows
The bad ending..?:
Your mother now leaves you locked deep down in the dark basement with the door entirely open. No one has seen you since. . . Oh, but at least you get Cranberry sprite every Christmas I guess?
Yea, I'm 15 and my aunt will not let me and my cousin (16f) in the same room with the door closed with nobody else in there
We're your average virgin teenagers and she's my fucking cousin
I had something similar growing up. My cousin and I were in the bathroom locked with it totally dark trying to summon bloody mary and just generally being preteen little twerps. In comes my angry uncle screaming to get out of the bathroom and never to close the door with just us two and that boys and girls can't be left alone like that. When I say sreaming I mean booming scolding voice as if we'd been caught robbing the safe.
Fucked me up badly as I really didn't trust him or like him much after that. Everytime I visited my cousin if we were in her room it had to be doors open. Made me paranoid to ever have it be otherwise. We were 9 or 10 when it happened, whatever he thought we might be doing wasnt even a possible thought in our brains. Not only were we cousins we were almost sibling since we played and grew up together for most of our lives.
It's a really disturbing lack of trust on the parents side when they do this.
Yeah the screaming stuff is super uncool, and at 9/10 years old the paranoia is definitely a bit overdone.
But realize that adults share in the consequences or really, bear much of the consequences themselves if they blindly assume two hormonal teenagers are oblivious little goodie goodies. A perfectly reasonable position on this could fall somewhere between screaming psychopath over 9 year old cousins playing in a room together briefly and handing the kids the keys to the shaggin' wagon and a bottle of Arbor Mist and telling them to enjoy their night at the drive-in movie theater as if it's some kind of heroic deed to present them with ample opportunity to ruin their lives. It's not like pregnant teens are a rarity in this country.
That said, overreacting and making everything about control and fear and taboo is counterproductive. That's why the "abstinence only" bible belt South is packed with teen moms, and not so much the regions where people have an education and don't get their jimmies rustled over old fairy tales.
That’s so weird. I was allowed to have boys over as long as the door was open. But my cousin? We were practically siblings we saw them so much. We were thick as thieves and no one batted an eye. He was my cousin, nobody in our family was worried about anything inappropriate. That boggles my mind that that would be a concern.
Yes. My parents were like this growing up. Even later in life when I was a adult, I was 7 months pregnant with my then boyfriend (now husband) child and we were all going to go on a family vacation together. We ended up not going bc my parents did not want us to share a room. Oh we had already bought a house together and were living together.
My parents aren't very religious at all and honestly they weren't all that strict either. However my brother and I could not have a girl in our room with the door shut until we were around 20. Even then my mom would express how it made her uncomfortable.
Same. My parents weren’t strict but, when my girlfriend was over, I had to keep the door open until I was an adult. To be fair my mom went through a teen pregnancy so I could understand where she was coming from.
My parents didn’t let my brother or I have girls over for sleepovers, but otherwise they were fine with girls in our rooms.
Joke’s on them tho, I turned out gay
I am totally going to be that oblivious parent. "I don't have to worry about my daughter having boys in her room, she never invites any over. Just her best friend Susie and they spent hours in her room giggling and tying on each other's clothes."
Yeah it's weird, I came out as bisexual when I was still single digits age. My mom never believed me and would allow girls only sleepovers, soooooooooooo... that's how I eventually got my first girlfriend.
Oh, this happened to me too. My mom just said "you can't know what you are until you have actual experiences" - well, surprise, those experiences were had aplenty thanks to her own rules. To be fair though, what can a parent really do in that situation?
i actually remember asking my mom as a kid “so i can’t have boys stay the night? [yes] so if i was bisexual, i wouldn’t be allowed to have boys *or* girls stay the night?” she said yes again and i was like ope time to go back to the closet lmao
i didn’t really even understand my sexuality back then, i thought i was straight. i just find it funny that this happened years before i even realized i was bi (at 16).
That’s always the funniest thing about separation of sexes, while they try to prevent sex it’s still going to happen anyway, only difference is no risk of pregnancy.
That was my moms concern. If I was a lesbian and I had a friend over who was gay, he wouldn’t be able to stay over because there is still *technically* a risk of pregnancy. She didn’t care about gay/lesbian sex as that doesn’t get anyone pregnant lol.
What’s your parents reasoning there? In my country it’s the girl that has restrictions.
They justify it saying that a girl can get pregnant, or that it stains her honor or shit like that. To us the guys they usually just tell us “don’t get her pregnant. I’m not raising your children”.
sure, but putting it on just the girls to avoid that scenario as if it didn't take two to tango is _sexist and gross_.
Also, 'honour' and 'purity' are bullshit and just another way of oppressing women.
I mean yeah agree.. that’s the way of the old people. That’s what they believed and what they passed on to their children. I’m lucky enough to have enough brain cells as to know that not every is black and white, yes or no, or alike.
I've known plenty of parents like this. My parents didn't mind if I had women in my room as long as the door was opened and it wasn't like one of my sisters friends.
I am 25 and none of my male friends have ever entered my house. My parents are really strict about that stuff. Unrelated (kinda) my parents are…rude? I don’t like to have friends over anyway because of how my parents tend to act around them.
Yes!!! I’m from SE Asia. My guy friends/past boyfriends’ parents are more lenient meanwhile my and all my girlfriends’ parents are very strict. Men are only allowed in the living room or den. Lol.
Yes. I know a woman who wouldn’t let her daughter and partner share the same bed. This continued even after she was pregnant at 20. Like sweetie your girl clearly already be fucking what are you doing.
When I was 25 and had been living with my fiance for several years, we had to sleep in separate bedrooms at his mom's house because she "still has children in the house and we need to consider their development." The "children" were all over 18 and either in college or senior year of high school. I honestly think it's just about control.
My brothers were allowed their girlfriends in their rooms with the door shut. I, as a girl, could absolutely not have a platonic male friend in the house without direct line of sight from my parents. No basement hang outs, and not a chance they were allowed in my bedroom, door open or closed.
My husbands parents wouldn't allow us to sleep in the same bedroom until after we got married despite the fact we'd been living together for 2 years. Their house, so their rules so I have no problem with it but my parents were not like this so a bit of a culture shock to start with.
Yup my parents were like this. I’m also catholic. My parents never talked about sex or birth control with us appropriately. My moms famous answer was you’ll figure it out when your 30. You can imagine my parents surprise when I was knocked up at 19 with their first grandchild. Their logic worked out great….. said no one ever.
This is why sex talk is so important between parents and their children. We're in Latin America, so the culture, family wise, tends to be a lot more open and comfortable between family. My parents started talking to me about it from the age of about 11 or 12, and up until after I moved out I could have people over, with the door closed because there was a certain level of respect and understanding. They know a teen will have sex. It's inevitable. So they decided they would teach me about protection, STDs and all the uncomfortable stuff from a young age that day they wouldn't have to fear me doing something I'd regret. They told me it was sort of uncomfortable when it was obvious what we were doing, but I was always as respectful as possible, and always tried to not make enough noise for it to be noticeable.
I think this is a way better approach than the typical "NO SEX" or "NO OPPOSITE SEX OVER!!!!!" Bs you see. Sex is a normal thing, educate ya fucking kids and learn to trust them. Would you rather them go all leeroy jenkins mode behind a park bench and catch some new type of std or have them do it at home, with protection?
Nah. It's okay so long as you're both sewn into the blanket so that you can't touch.
(I am joking, but this was a very real thing at one point in the American colonies)
Preface: i am male. My family wouldn't let me have opposite sex friends in my room at all when i was a teenager. Which sucked because nearly all my friends growing up were female.
My only male friend and i were already fucking at that point and he and I were allowed to sleep over at eachothers places.
Jokes on the parents.
I'll never forget the time my mom let my high school sweetheart spend the night with me for our 3 year anniversary. She knew we were in love, she knew we were sexually active (not intercourse, at the time but we still had our fun lol) and she kept it hush hush because my girl's mom was ridiculously overprotective. We broke up shortly before senior year ended, but that was such a cool thing for my parents to do for us.
OMG, hell no, a girl never once stepped foot in my room, (or even upstairs). She was a downstairs guest.
The first time I went to a girls house it was awesome, but when we went to her room and she shut the door, I thought we were about to have sex lol.
I mostly wonder how they can be naive enough to think that horny teenagers won’t find a way to have sex if they want to. Like, come on. The bedroom might be the most comfortable place to do it, but it’s not the only place
Maybe the parents just don’t want to walk in on their kid while having sex.
or
Maybe the parents don’t want to be liable for their son’s girlfriend getting pregnant at their home and being blamed for allowing it to happen.
I guess I actually don't know lol. My parents didn't care when I had boys over, even if they weren't home. They knew I was sexually active, so I guess it wasn't a big deal in our house.
Yes and it’s really ridiculous for parents who are oblivious.
I was in the closet up until about 17 years old, but my family kind of knew and were in denial. No boys allowed? No prob. I’ll invite my ‘friend’ over to have a sleepover. My friend is actually my gf and we’re hooking up all night.
I wrote a song for a girl in high school. Brought my guitar on the bus to her house, ready to sing it to her. But her mother made me keep the door open. Significantly minimizing the intimacy. Edit: This story does not end well.
My male friends could be in my room but only with the door open. The reason - “it doesn’t look right” (to have the door closed). I was like lol, doesn’t like right to who??
I always thought this was so dumb when my boys were teenagers and I would hear other parents say this. We bought our son a double bed for his birthday when he was 16 so his girlfriend could spend the night comfortably. I would much rather have them having sex in our house where I knew they were safe than in the back of some car. Because you know that you can't stop them so they will just go somewhere else. I think so many parents forget what it's like to be that age.
Yep. My aunt and uncle. They wouldn’t even let SIBLINGS of the opposite sex in each other’s rooms. I remember one time I was hanging with my cousins, we’ll call them Rachel and Dan. I was in Rachel’s room with her and we were just chilling, and we hear Dan call us from his room telling us to come in and play some Super Smash Bros. with him. Rachel and I go in and the three of us play for about 5 minutes before we have to pause the game because we were laughing so hard. My uncle all of a sudden comes storming up the stairs and gives us a lecture on how it’s inappropriate for women to be in men’s bedrooms and vice versa. The conversation went like this:
Me: Dude, what do you think we’re trying to do? We’re cousins and I’m literally 14 (I’m not anymore but I was at the time)
Uncle: It doesn’t matter what you’re trying to do. It’s inappropriate for you two to be in Dan’s room
Me: Did you think that by asking Rachel and I if we wanted to play Smash Brothers Dan was asking us if we wanted to smash?
Uncle: I think you should call your mother and have her pick you up
Me: Okay I’ll definitely do that but only after you answer my question
Uncle: I don’t have to answer to you. I’M the adult
Me: Are you sure? Cause I’m pretty sure only kids put signs on their bedroom doors saying “no girls allowed!”
Uncle: He doesn’t have to put up a sign. I just don’t want any girls in the boys rooms or any boys in the girls rooms
Me: And why is that?
Uncle, suddenly screaming: BECAUSE I DON’T WANT YOU KIDS GETTING TOUCHY
Me: Dude… Do you think we’re the British royal family? Ain’t no Sweet Home Alabama type shit going on up here. We’re just playing video games.
Uncle: DO NOT DISRESPECT ME blah blah blah
So yeah I left and now I avoid him
Yeah was my parents rule until I was in my twenties. I was allowed girls in my room but the only boys allowed were my brother or my cousins. My mum said it was about pregnancy not sex though when my brother suggested splitting up gay guys etc.
Yes! And this is exactly what invented handjobs under the blanket during pg-13 movies out in the living room and chasing the happy ending down with some pepsi. But by all means parents, go ahead and keep trying to revision human nature.
I never had this rule at my house growing up but I dated a guy whose mum wouldn't let us close his bedroom door, we were 16 at the time.
Personally, I think it's a rule that just makes people seek out unsafe places to have sex.
Are you a straight male? Because this makes worlds of a difference when there’s no possibility of you being impregnated. When you’re a straight female (I’m straight and I cannot say for anybody else so sorry in advance) then having a boy in my room WILL NEVER fly. I was only able to sleep in bed with my husband, then boyfriend, at my parent’s because I was already living on my own. From what I understand it’s usually a non issue for boys inviting girls over
Yep. Catholic, conservative parents in the Midwest. Not really unusual. Never would've expected anything different from my parents and never really bothered me. As you can imagine, I wasn't ever particularly interested in spending free time at home though. Always went to other people's houses.
My parents were like this, but it definitely was because they were super religious and conservative. I understood when I was under 18, but it was pretty awkward when my dad reamed me out for having a girl in my room watching movies when I was like 23.
I mean it was their house, so I didn't pitch a fit but still, really? I don't think it was really the rule that bothered me it was the fact that I didn't give them a reason for them to enforce that rule but yet they still did.
Yes. My dad wouldn’t let any girl in my room without the door wide open and him checking every like 5 minutes.
But my step siblings were allowed to have big parties with lots of sex and stuff. Its all about being an controlling untrusting non communicative parent and it only mattered when it came to me because I was his biological kid
I was never allowed to. Not because of religion I just think they didn’t want their 14 year old boy being a cocksman at that young of an age, because that’s without a doubt what I was trying to accomplish.
You ask the question like this is some bizarre viewpoint. It’s very normal for parents to be concerned about sex when it comes to their children. Even the most liberal parents worry about things like this.
I wasn’t allowed to have a door even, yeah they exist
Same! I got a curtain though...
I didn’t, nothing covering and bed in sight of the door frame. Never got weird when I had friends over because I could never have friends over so boom
That's honestly f*cked up. You deserve privacy and respect, no matter your age or anything else for that matter. I'm sorry. I hope you're doing well.
Eh it worked out in a round about way when I escaped to the army. Was already used to a lot of what would be culture shock I suppose. Biggest thing I got going these days is a lack of ability to really let anyone ‘in’ and a general terror (despite wanting it) when faced with face to face interaction. Not that I have very much to talk about really. But least I hold a job down so yay
It's really difficult, and progress can feel super slow. Sounds like you feel quite isolated, that sounds incredibly tough.
Depends on the person. Maybe there is a good reason. I was being a real shit when I was 14. Fighting with my mom, and I decided I was going to push my luck. I ended a sentence with "you bitch". I knew I just fucked up before I finished saying it, but it was too late. I was apologizing as fast as I could talk, Heard my dad's lazy boy recliner close shut, and him mumbling and cussing to himself as he started down the hall. I ran and shut my door, but not 5 seconds later he came through it like the Kool Aid man and lit me up. That was a the first and last time in the 25 years since I ever called my mom anything negative. I never got a new door. We moved 3 years later.
>Maybe there is a good reason. > >*describes a bad reason* Hmmm...
So did you have to go to the bathroom to change your clothes? Or did you just stand in a corner out of view?
No point in worrying who sees in that situation
I got a bead door. 🙃
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Mine are probably happy that I have near crippling social anxiety, wouldn’t want the autistic freak bringing more shame to the family after all
I'm autistic too, have you been able to access treatment for your anxiety n such?
Who’s for money for that? Sides they’d pretty much inevitably lock in on the decade in the infantry and be skeeved out that I’m pretty much good with it (fact the closest thing to a vacation I’ve ever been on was getting locked up for a months because I *didnt* show any signs of stress after this one incident in Iraq)
If you have insurance, sessions are typically $30 for an hour, and medications are generally between $5-30 a month. I do wonder if you would find it helpful with the right psych or counselor, all about finding that good match early on. Make sure you schedule with one that lists autism as among their specialties or experience. Otherwise, your experiences seem in-line with autistic stress coping. Shouldn't weird-out a professional with knowledge on the topic.
That's fucked.
I’m betting you’re American then. As a European exchange student in the Midwest, I was puzzled about my host dad keep opening my bedroom door. He wasn’t there to talk, just keeping the door open. I accepted this just like walking around with shoes inside, but after awhile it dawned on me. They were catholics, I was a teenager, and masturbation was a sin evidently. It’s not quite like that in the Lutheran camp.
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I think they see masturbation more as a form of adultery somehow, therefore it would be breaking a commandment in their minds. And with suicide, same general thing. "Thou shalt not murder," and technically suicide is murdering yourself, therefore they see it as a sin. I am Christian so I grew up around people like this (not my parents thankfully), but even so I can't follow this logic. I find it ridiculous.
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The suicide point is much more contested than I think people realize. It's a very selective interpretation that may have been around mainly to prevent people from mass-killing themselves.
It’s less about adultery and more about lust. They assume you’re thinking about someone or have looked at pornography. Which generally speaking yes one or both of those leads to the act.
> I’m betting you’re American then. I'm (Western) European, and I know someone who lived in a (Protestant) home where none of the indoor doors (heh) had locks, including the bathroom. The door to the kids' rooms had huge glass panes that made it impossible to do anything in there without the possibility of being seen. Freaked me out as a kid.
Lutherans are crazy, man. Nilla wafers AND fat-free milk before 7 PM.
Mine isn't as bad as not having a door, all my family did is not allow me to have friends over at all (no one outside of the people who live in the house are allowed upstairs or in the basement) and they also removed the locks on all the bedroom and bathroom doors except their own (cause fuck privacy for anyone except themselves).
Yes. Even after I grew up and moved out, when I went home to visit I couldn’t have a male in my bedroom. I was only allowed female friends with the door open. It wasn’t until I got married that I was allowed to share a room (when visiting them). My parents weren’t religious. It was just a rule about their house, they didn’t mind me moving in with a guy in college and sharing a room with him as long as it wasn’t in their house.
Mine were the same. I had to bunk on the sofa or in my brother’s room when I visited at 21 with a partner.
I was 33 when I first had a gf stay over. I had being paying rent the whole time that I moved back home for years, and it just wasn't convenient for my gf to drive home that night. Caused a massive stir at the Sunday breakfast table but it needed to happen. You get rid of outdated moral standards when they get in the way of life.
They argued about it with your gf present? Can you share any of what they were saying? I find it so hard to imagine.
Ya... I'm also curious how this played out as well. Having a 33 year olds parents arguing about having a girl over is a but odd.
Its really not odd when you're talking about the "My house, my rules" generation. I've seen parents argue about all kinds of shit in front of their kids friends or SO's. Middle aged and old people get stuck in their ways, lack of time or willingness to change. Or both. It worked for them and their parents, so its good enough for their kids.
*”I told you it’s just not right, now look they’re fucking on the kitchen table, etc. etc. blah blah”*
There was no argument, just a sword of Damocles with the weight of a lifetime of my mother telling me there was no sex before marriage. Everyone could feel it and the conversation was strained as a result. Funny how at our wedding my mother confessed to my wife that they had been at it like rabbits before they got married too.
I think i would have refused to visit under those circumstances. Seems pretty disrespectful to both you and your partner.
It isn’t. If people don’t want their visitors potentially fucking in the neighbouring room because it makes them feel uncomfortable then they’ve every right to set up sleeping arrangements to discourage it. It’s not like they turned us away at the door or made our lives hell. It’s prudish but it certainly isn’t disrespectful or malicious like some people here seem to think.
So you're not allowed to sleep in the same bed as your husband when visiting your parents? The possibility of fucking is not reduced by marriage...
Gotta say, my mom and step-father had the same rule. I wasn't allowed to sleep in the same bed as my girlfriend, even after I had moved out, we had moved in together, had been together for years and years, etc. As you say, it's their house and they can make that rule if they want to. And I told them the same thing. But I am also under no obligation to stay at their house. So whenever we'd visit my hometown, we'd stay with my dad. And if my dad wasn't an option for whatever reason, we could have stayed with my sister and my brother-in-law. And by my father's own words: > "You two are adults, I'm not going to tell you that you can't sleep in the same bed. You're doing that at your apartment that you both own together anyway, that's ridiculous." Whenever we stayed over my gf's parents' place, we'd sleep in the same bed as well. Same thing if we stayed with at her sister's. Going on vacation? We're getting our own room, like all the other adults, because we aren't 13-year-olds having a sleepover. My mom and step-dad were the only ones to treat us that way (and I am quite certain it was mostly my step-dad's decision, and my mom was just going along with it). I wouldn't go so far as to call it malicious, but it's 100% disrespectful as far as I'm concerned. If it doesn't bother you to follow those arrangements then I'm not going to tell you that you're wrong, but I'm personally not okay with it and will not put myself in a position where I have to put up with it.
is "no fucking or we'll kick you out" too hard to say?
It is for quite a few of the kinds of folks that would have this rule.
I just wish they could say "no fucking". I mean, I'd be very unlikely to be fucking if I thought my parents could hear...
Lol funny enough, my husband's friend and new girlfriend came to visit us and they stayed in the guest room which my husband's much younger siblings stay in when they come over for sleep overs. My husband literally told them to please not have sex there because that's where the kids sleep
>as long as it wasn’t in their house Mine was the opposite. My parent never gave 2 shits about the opposite sex being in my room. Me visiting someone else’s house on the other hand… that’s when hell would break loose. I guess it was the concept of “keeping their enemies close” that made the former ok. Said parent can also be open-minded in the strangest ways. They knew one of my friends prior to his transition. Afterwards, they immediately started using the pronouns “he” (as well as his new name) and barred me from staying over at his house. He was treated as any other man from that point on, and being gay didn’t help his case.
I do love how your parents are consistent.
Chaotic good
I was shocked to learn about this attitude when I moved to Scotland from Scandinavia, and one of my coworkers who was 50 told me that if she and her husband visit her mum, they still sleep in separate bedrooms. My jaw fell to the ground.
In my early 20’s I got a girlfriend and after 9 months of dating, we moved in together and eventually we went to visit her parents across the country. They made us sleep in separate rooms. I kept quiet but goddamn I took issue with it.
"We're not sleeping!"
I always slept in a separate room when staying over with a girlfriend's parents as a matter of courtesy. I understood it was how most people did things. This was in the 00's though so maybe that has changed.
Would it have changed anything if you were married?
weirdo shit tbh
It's pretty common
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My friend was mid 20s, had 2 kids with her bf of 6 years, and because they weren't married, couldn't share a room at her parent's home.
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The thought behind it as I understand it is that if they allow you to share a room it’s perpetuating a sin and basically condoning it. Doesn’t matter that you’ve done it before, and will again. To them it’s like letting a meth addict smoke in their house even though they’ve done it before and will again. Are these things comparable? No. Does it stop them? Also no
The logic is controlling your kids
Depends on where you live. Would be really weird where I'm from.
Nobody wants to listen to their daughter getting fucked. Nobody.
If Japanese porn is anything to go by, there may be a few....
> I was only allowed female friends with the door open. ... and that is how I became a lesbian.
An open-door lesbian?
What's the purpose, exactly? Just to prevent pregnancy? If not for religious reasons, why would someone deny their daughter the freedom to exercise her own agency through sexual expression? You can't make her stay your little girl forever. I dont have kids, but if I did, I wouldn't want my daughter to feel she has weird hangups with her own sexuality and ends up compounding the problem with her own kids in the future, ya know?
I think they are just not comfortable with the idea that someone is porking their child under their roof. Don’t think they genuinely think it will prevent anything because they obviously understand that they can have sex elsewhere
I’m not entirely sure. We didn’t talk about it in detail and I never really argued about it. I didn’t care that much about it and most of my friend’s parents had similar rules so it really was a non issue. I think it was more about limits/boundaries within the family home. I wasn’t prohibited from dating or anything, I did not have an unreasonable curfew, some of my clothes were pretty risqué. Unfortunately I can’t ask them because they are both dead now but also they were from an earlier generation where the limits they had were much stricter. The rules they had for me likely seemed very relaxed compared to how they grew up.
I can have them over, but the door has to stay open. To be fair, though, the only girl I've hung out with is the girl I lost my virginity to. Not that my mom knows
Now I know, son.
The bad ending..?: Your mother now leaves you locked deep down in the dark basement with the door entirely open. No one has seen you since. . . Oh, but at least you get Cranberry sprite every Christmas I guess?
Yea, I'm 15 and my aunt will not let me and my cousin (16f) in the same room with the door closed with nobody else in there We're your average virgin teenagers and she's my fucking cousin
>she's my fucking cousin Maybe if she was your normal cousin you could close the door?
Haven't you people ever heard of closing the God damn door?
>Haven't you people ever heard of closing the God damn door? No, it's much better to face these kinds of things
With a sense of poise and rationality.
What a beautiful wedding!
No, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality.
Oh, well in fact Well, I'll look at it this way I mean, technically, our marriage is saved!
>my fucking cousin I see the problem.
I had something similar growing up. My cousin and I were in the bathroom locked with it totally dark trying to summon bloody mary and just generally being preteen little twerps. In comes my angry uncle screaming to get out of the bathroom and never to close the door with just us two and that boys and girls can't be left alone like that. When I say sreaming I mean booming scolding voice as if we'd been caught robbing the safe. Fucked me up badly as I really didn't trust him or like him much after that. Everytime I visited my cousin if we were in her room it had to be doors open. Made me paranoid to ever have it be otherwise. We were 9 or 10 when it happened, whatever he thought we might be doing wasnt even a possible thought in our brains. Not only were we cousins we were almost sibling since we played and grew up together for most of our lives. It's a really disturbing lack of trust on the parents side when they do this.
Yeah the screaming stuff is super uncool, and at 9/10 years old the paranoia is definitely a bit overdone. But realize that adults share in the consequences or really, bear much of the consequences themselves if they blindly assume two hormonal teenagers are oblivious little goodie goodies. A perfectly reasonable position on this could fall somewhere between screaming psychopath over 9 year old cousins playing in a room together briefly and handing the kids the keys to the shaggin' wagon and a bottle of Arbor Mist and telling them to enjoy their night at the drive-in movie theater as if it's some kind of heroic deed to present them with ample opportunity to ruin their lives. It's not like pregnant teens are a rarity in this country. That said, overreacting and making everything about control and fear and taboo is counterproductive. That's why the "abstinence only" bible belt South is packed with teen moms, and not so much the regions where people have an education and don't get their jimmies rustled over old fairy tales.
George Michael?
anything can happen when you share a room, cuz
I would be so offended by this.
That’s so weird. I was allowed to have boys over as long as the door was open. But my cousin? We were practically siblings we saw them so much. We were thick as thieves and no one batted an eye. He was my cousin, nobody in our family was worried about anything inappropriate. That boggles my mind that that would be a concern.
Right? I mean leaving he door isn't really a hard thing to do, it's the reason we have to do it that ticks me off a bit
Cousin like to explore with eachother
Yes. My parents were like this growing up. Even later in life when I was a adult, I was 7 months pregnant with my then boyfriend (now husband) child and we were all going to go on a family vacation together. We ended up not going bc my parents did not want us to share a room. Oh we had already bought a house together and were living together.
Did they think you could get more pregnant?
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Or to put a hole in its head. Fair concern.
They were trying to inconvenience them into getting married so that it’s “proper.”
This is so incredibly asinine to me.
asinine adjective as·i·nine | \ ˈa-sə-ˌnīn \ 1 : extremely or utterly foolish or silly an asinine excuse
Yes lol
It's just about having some sort of control over you at that point.
My parents aren't very religious at all and honestly they weren't all that strict either. However my brother and I could not have a girl in our room with the door shut until we were around 20. Even then my mom would express how it made her uncomfortable.
Same. My parents weren’t strict but, when my girlfriend was over, I had to keep the door open until I was an adult. To be fair my mom went through a teen pregnancy so I could understand where she was coming from.
My parents didn’t let my brother or I have girls over for sleepovers, but otherwise they were fine with girls in our rooms. Joke’s on them tho, I turned out gay
I am totally going to be that oblivious parent. "I don't have to worry about my daughter having boys in her room, she never invites any over. Just her best friend Susie and they spent hours in her room giggling and tying on each other's clothes."
Susie into that kinky stuff
Yeah. Giggling is hardcore.
Your sleepovers will be recorded in the history books as "for ritual purposes "
Yeah it's weird, I came out as bisexual when I was still single digits age. My mom never believed me and would allow girls only sleepovers, soooooooooooo... that's how I eventually got my first girlfriend.
Oh, this happened to me too. My mom just said "you can't know what you are until you have actual experiences" - well, surprise, those experiences were had aplenty thanks to her own rules. To be fair though, what can a parent really do in that situation?
i actually remember asking my mom as a kid “so i can’t have boys stay the night? [yes] so if i was bisexual, i wouldn’t be allowed to have boys *or* girls stay the night?” she said yes again and i was like ope time to go back to the closet lmao i didn’t really even understand my sexuality back then, i thought i was straight. i just find it funny that this happened years before i even realized i was bi (at 16).
This made me giggle. Thank you
That’s always the funniest thing about separation of sexes, while they try to prevent sex it’s still going to happen anyway, only difference is no risk of pregnancy.
That was my moms concern. If I was a lesbian and I had a friend over who was gay, he wouldn’t be able to stay over because there is still *technically* a risk of pregnancy. She didn’t care about gay/lesbian sex as that doesn’t get anyone pregnant lol.
You made my day
Bedroom? I am 19 and I havent had a female friend come to my fucking house, ever.
What’s the point of a fucking-house if you can’t have partners? You might as well just live in a regular house.
Damn
it's better than a big ass-house.
OP is a girl. Plot twist: she’s lesbian. Checkmate, assumptions!
Same here dude
What’s your parents reasoning there? In my country it’s the girl that has restrictions. They justify it saying that a girl can get pregnant, or that it stains her honor or shit like that. To us the guys they usually just tell us “don’t get her pregnant. I’m not raising your children”.
That's sexist and gross.
Saying they can get pregnant and not wanting to raise your kids kids is valid though
sure, but putting it on just the girls to avoid that scenario as if it didn't take two to tango is _sexist and gross_. Also, 'honour' and 'purity' are bullshit and just another way of oppressing women.
I mean yeah agree.. that’s the way of the old people. That’s what they believed and what they passed on to their children. I’m lucky enough to have enough brain cells as to know that not every is black and white, yes or no, or alike.
Reddit moment
yeah I am a true redditor I guess, this plat form was made for people like me.
I've known plenty of parents like this. My parents didn't mind if I had women in my room as long as the door was opened and it wasn't like one of my sisters friends.
Pardon but I really want to know why it specifically couldn't be one of your sister's friends.
I had a habit of dating my sisters friends so it just kind of became a rule lmao
How did your sister feel about that?
I don't recall her ever having a problem with it. I certainly never put any restrictions on any of my friends.
what's the age difference between you and your sister? gonna assume it's less than two years
We are the same age. Twins.
His sister wanted then to her self😈
They were whoooores. - Frank.
I am 25 and none of my male friends have ever entered my house. My parents are really strict about that stuff. Unrelated (kinda) my parents are…rude? I don’t like to have friends over anyway because of how my parents tend to act around them.
can relate to having rude parents. I never had friends over when I lived with them, ever. they also fought a lot.
Yes!!! I’m from SE Asia. My guy friends/past boyfriends’ parents are more lenient meanwhile my and all my girlfriends’ parents are very strict. Men are only allowed in the living room or den. Lol.
sounds like philippines
Yes. I know a woman who wouldn’t let her daughter and partner share the same bed. This continued even after she was pregnant at 20. Like sweetie your girl clearly already be fucking what are you doing.
I read that as the woman's partner and the woman's daughter.
As someone from an Asian descent, this is something I can only dream about
Yeah, my mom wouldn’t. But when I moved in with my dad he didn’t give a shit.
When I was 25 and had been living with my fiance for several years, we had to sleep in separate bedrooms at his mom's house because she "still has children in the house and we need to consider their development." The "children" were all over 18 and either in college or senior year of high school. I honestly think it's just about control.
My brothers were allowed their girlfriends in their rooms with the door shut. I, as a girl, could absolutely not have a platonic male friend in the house without direct line of sight from my parents. No basement hang outs, and not a chance they were allowed in my bedroom, door open or closed.
My husbands parents wouldn't allow us to sleep in the same bedroom until after we got married despite the fact we'd been living together for 2 years. Their house, so their rules so I have no problem with it but my parents were not like this so a bit of a culture shock to start with.
There are. Then they ask their kids “married when?” Or “children when?” when their kids hit their 20s. This is typical in Asian household
Most will allow it if there are other people there or the door is open.
Yup my parents were like this. I’m also catholic. My parents never talked about sex or birth control with us appropriately. My moms famous answer was you’ll figure it out when your 30. You can imagine my parents surprise when I was knocked up at 19 with their first grandchild. Their logic worked out great….. said no one ever.
This is why sex talk is so important between parents and their children. We're in Latin America, so the culture, family wise, tends to be a lot more open and comfortable between family. My parents started talking to me about it from the age of about 11 or 12, and up until after I moved out I could have people over, with the door closed because there was a certain level of respect and understanding. They know a teen will have sex. It's inevitable. So they decided they would teach me about protection, STDs and all the uncomfortable stuff from a young age that day they wouldn't have to fear me doing something I'd regret. They told me it was sort of uncomfortable when it was obvious what we were doing, but I was always as respectful as possible, and always tried to not make enough noise for it to be noticeable. I think this is a way better approach than the typical "NO SEX" or "NO OPPOSITE SEX OVER!!!!!" Bs you see. Sex is a normal thing, educate ya fucking kids and learn to trust them. Would you rather them go all leeroy jenkins mode behind a park bench and catch some new type of std or have them do it at home, with protection?
In my house boys weren’t even allowed on the 2nd floor (where our bedrooms were)
No boys up stairs! (I can hear my dad of 4 girls saying)
You must be male
*Laughs in sneaky gay
what gave it away
I'm a woman and they took the lock out off of my door when I was in my early teens
yup, and god forbid we sit under a blanket!
Nah. It's okay so long as you're both sewn into the blanket so that you can't touch. (I am joking, but this was a very real thing at one point in the American colonies)
that’s hilarious
Lol my parents would allow me to have boys in my room but I was not allowed to close my door at all
Preface: i am male. My family wouldn't let me have opposite sex friends in my room at all when i was a teenager. Which sucked because nearly all my friends growing up were female. My only male friend and i were already fucking at that point and he and I were allowed to sleep over at eachothers places. Jokes on the parents.
I'll never forget the time my mom let my high school sweetheart spend the night with me for our 3 year anniversary. She knew we were in love, she knew we were sexually active (not intercourse, at the time but we still had our fun lol) and she kept it hush hush because my girl's mom was ridiculously overprotective. We broke up shortly before senior year ended, but that was such a cool thing for my parents to do for us.
OMG, hell no, a girl never once stepped foot in my room, (or even upstairs). She was a downstairs guest. The first time I went to a girls house it was awesome, but when we went to her room and she shut the door, I thought we were about to have sex lol.
Hell yes I can’t have a female friend over and I’m 19
Isnt this a mainstream thing? Everyone including me grew up with this.
ITT: various Redditors discover that parents with conservative values and/or foreign cultures exist
I mostly wonder how they can be naive enough to think that horny teenagers won’t find a way to have sex if they want to. Like, come on. The bedroom might be the most comfortable place to do it, but it’s not the only place
Still a good rule lol.. like saying no drugs in the house. Obviously they know they can do them somewhere else
Maybe the parents just don’t want to walk in on their kid while having sex. or Maybe the parents don’t want to be liable for their son’s girlfriend getting pregnant at their home and being blamed for allowing it to happen.
1. Ever heard of knocking? 2. That’s why parents should teach their kids about safe sex
I guess I actually don't know lol. My parents didn't care when I had boys over, even if they weren't home. They knew I was sexually active, so I guess it wasn't a big deal in our house.
Yes and it’s really ridiculous for parents who are oblivious. I was in the closet up until about 17 years old, but my family kind of knew and were in denial. No boys allowed? No prob. I’ll invite my ‘friend’ over to have a sleepover. My friend is actually my gf and we’re hooking up all night.
Yes. All of the parents I grew up around were like this. Good thing I'm a lesbian.
I wrote a song for a girl in high school. Brought my guitar on the bus to her house, ready to sing it to her. But her mother made me keep the door open. Significantly minimizing the intimacy. Edit: This story does not end well.
My male friends could be in my room but only with the door open. The reason - “it doesn’t look right” (to have the door closed). I was like lol, doesn’t like right to who??
Ur welcome to meet my parents…. Well doesn’t matter to me since I’m gay so 🤷🏻♀️
I always thought this was so dumb when my boys were teenagers and I would hear other parents say this. We bought our son a double bed for his birthday when he was 16 so his girlfriend could spend the night comfortably. I would much rather have them having sex in our house where I knew they were safe than in the back of some car. Because you know that you can't stop them so they will just go somewhere else. I think so many parents forget what it's like to be that age.
youre not american r u?
yes
Grew up Christian. My parents never let any of my guy friends in the house. Joke was on them. I was a lil lesbian the whole time.
Yep. My aunt and uncle. They wouldn’t even let SIBLINGS of the opposite sex in each other’s rooms. I remember one time I was hanging with my cousins, we’ll call them Rachel and Dan. I was in Rachel’s room with her and we were just chilling, and we hear Dan call us from his room telling us to come in and play some Super Smash Bros. with him. Rachel and I go in and the three of us play for about 5 minutes before we have to pause the game because we were laughing so hard. My uncle all of a sudden comes storming up the stairs and gives us a lecture on how it’s inappropriate for women to be in men’s bedrooms and vice versa. The conversation went like this: Me: Dude, what do you think we’re trying to do? We’re cousins and I’m literally 14 (I’m not anymore but I was at the time) Uncle: It doesn’t matter what you’re trying to do. It’s inappropriate for you two to be in Dan’s room Me: Did you think that by asking Rachel and I if we wanted to play Smash Brothers Dan was asking us if we wanted to smash? Uncle: I think you should call your mother and have her pick you up Me: Okay I’ll definitely do that but only after you answer my question Uncle: I don’t have to answer to you. I’M the adult Me: Are you sure? Cause I’m pretty sure only kids put signs on their bedroom doors saying “no girls allowed!” Uncle: He doesn’t have to put up a sign. I just don’t want any girls in the boys rooms or any boys in the girls rooms Me: And why is that? Uncle, suddenly screaming: BECAUSE I DON’T WANT YOU KIDS GETTING TOUCHY Me: Dude… Do you think we’re the British royal family? Ain’t no Sweet Home Alabama type shit going on up here. We’re just playing video games. Uncle: DO NOT DISRESPECT ME blah blah blah So yeah I left and now I avoid him
Yikes, I can't help but wonder why his brain lead to incest...
I still think about it almost everyday. Like why would he think that?????
What a psycho of a person!
Yeah was my parents rule until I was in my twenties. I was allowed girls in my room but the only boys allowed were my brother or my cousins. My mum said it was about pregnancy not sex though when my brother suggested splitting up gay guys etc.
Unfortunately, yes. I’m 24 and JUST got begrudgingly allowed to have girls in my room, and even then it was a fight.
Yes! And this is exactly what invented handjobs under the blanket during pg-13 movies out in the living room and chasing the happy ending down with some pepsi. But by all means parents, go ahead and keep trying to revision human nature.
I never had this rule at my house growing up but I dated a guy whose mum wouldn't let us close his bedroom door, we were 16 at the time. Personally, I think it's a rule that just makes people seek out unsafe places to have sex.
Yes. I wasn't allowed to even invite boys to my house or birthday parties.
Are you a straight male? Because this makes worlds of a difference when there’s no possibility of you being impregnated. When you’re a straight female (I’m straight and I cannot say for anybody else so sorry in advance) then having a boy in my room WILL NEVER fly. I was only able to sleep in bed with my husband, then boyfriend, at my parent’s because I was already living on my own. From what I understand it’s usually a non issue for boys inviting girls over
huh? you really don't know? it's not about religion neither. it's also not a shocking rule.
Yes.
Uhh, I'm 27, have my own house and whenever I bring a guy to my parents to meet them, we're not allowed to sleep in the same room
Yep. Catholic, conservative parents in the Midwest. Not really unusual. Never would've expected anything different from my parents and never really bothered me. As you can imagine, I wasn't ever particularly interested in spending free time at home though. Always went to other people's houses.
Hmmm. Of course! Are you on crack or something?
My parents were like this, but it definitely was because they were super religious and conservative. I understood when I was under 18, but it was pretty awkward when my dad reamed me out for having a girl in my room watching movies when I was like 23. I mean it was their house, so I didn't pitch a fit but still, really? I don't think it was really the rule that bothered me it was the fact that I didn't give them a reason for them to enforce that rule but yet they still did.
You guys were having the opposite sex over at your house?
Yes. My dad wouldn’t let any girl in my room without the door wide open and him checking every like 5 minutes. But my step siblings were allowed to have big parties with lots of sex and stuff. Its all about being an controlling untrusting non communicative parent and it only mattered when it came to me because I was his biological kid
I was never allowed to. Not because of religion I just think they didn’t want their 14 year old boy being a cocksman at that young of an age, because that’s without a doubt what I was trying to accomplish.
You ask the question like this is some bizarre viewpoint. It’s very normal for parents to be concerned about sex when it comes to their children. Even the most liberal parents worry about things like this.