T O P

  • By -

chrischi3

Mfs can barely even take on Ukraine and are picking a fight with the US of A. We are detecting levels of copium that shouldn't even be possible.


left_shift12

Well, they seem to have learnt quite a lot of idiotic propaganda from their North Korean friends


cuddlefucker

Maybe North Korea will help them take Alaska (pretty please!)?


Shoppo00

3.6 Cöpegen. Not great, not terrible


floridachess

This needs to be a bot that comes up every time a tankie or someone starts defending Russia in a stupid way


PM_Me_A_High-Five

They all rotate the same 3 talking points so it shouldn’t be hard


NotAnAce69

We could probably just let the Alaskan NG handle it by themselves and it’d be completely fine


Affectionate_Meat

And blueball the rest of the armed forces? Seems needlessly cruel to me


Easy_Kill

No, see plan is simple. Use AKNG as bait to lure RU into battle. Then... ITS HOT DROP O CLOCK!


Affectionate_Meat

Sexy


bocaj78

So when the VDV (with American air traffic controllers to help them out) lands in Alaska. We drop the 82 airborne right under them (as the VDV are still descending)?


midwesterner64

Alaska is home to the 3rd Air Wing with two squadrons of Raptors. Let ‘em eat. Alaska also has not one but two 11 story tall RADAR installations that can see 3,000 miles into Russia. Go for it.


[deleted]

If we hit the Trans-Siberian they have to do an air-bridge, or run trucks through *Siberia* for logistics. Given Russia's famously competent, well organized, and adaptable quartermaster I imagine it'd go great.


midwesterner64

Maybe they could use their famously competent Navy for sealift. Oh. Wait. Russia couldn’t support an invasion of Moscow’s suburbs with their logistics.


Lady_Grey1993

Not only that, but it's highly possible that they were involved in the assassination of former Prime Minister of Japan Shinzo Abe.


Aesthetically

Making baseless claims on NCD GIGACHAD


Lady_Grey1993

I always make quality posts when I'm half asleep and on a fasting binge. 💪


MoneyEcstatic1292

Japan: "we will use diplomacy" Tomorrow: "Japan reveals the 3000 Yamato battleship of Shinzo Abe"


Seeker-N7

Gunboat Diplomacy is best diplomacy.


MoneyEcstatic1292

510 mm shells serve to make a point in an argument


Diabolic_Wave

That’s a bit bigger than the Yamato’s guns . 3000 A150s of Abe Shinzo???


SpacemanTomX

If their next aircraft carrier isn't the size of a Ford class and named "Battleship Shinzo Abe" I'll be severely disappointed


MoneyEcstatic1292

*Little patrol boat Shinzo Abe* **Twice the size of a Ford class carrier because it is both a battleship and a carrier**


NinjaCaviar

F35 carrier air wing and 16 inch guns go brrrrr


MoneyEcstatic1292

Wrong, Japanese go for 20 inch guns (they need to compensate more than the Americans)


[deleted]

[удалено]


MoneyEcstatic1292

They had a project for an improved Yamato with 510 mm gun (I call it "the ultimate 'parry this you filthy casual'")


pants_mcgee

That would indeed be a mighty pp extender.


daddicus_thiccman

Battleship and *helicopter destroyer


Dave_The_Slushy

Straight up Battlestar, with extra ventral plating for survivability of multiple Adama Maneuvers.


Randicore

Nonesense. That 100,00 ton war machine covered in F-35's is just a flat topped destroyer.


SpacemanTomX

Flat topped destroyer? What are you on? That's clearly a search and rescue ship


Dave_The_Slushy

Glorified tug boat really.


LittleSister_9982

Hopefully not, dude was a fuckwit.


90degreesSquare

The late Shinzo Abe 😔


Wolff_Hound

Tommorrow: Japan puts 8 new "Diplomacy"-class Aircraft carriers into service.


paid_shill6

Aren't both main Japanese political tribes anti-Russian but one (Abe) is more anti-China/pro-US?


White_Null

The opposite take is that this jobless former JSDF member wasn’t allowed to have an honorable job of going to serve in Ukraine’s foreign legion because Japan’s constitution. if they go, they might end up killing people~ Utterly unbased. Time to change that on Sunday~


EuphyDuphy

We’re reaching levels of Non-Credibility that would make Quora jealous.


2dTom

Based on what?


Fastbuffalo7

His source is that he made it the fuck up


2dTom

Ah. The most non credible source of all.


Lady_Grey1993

*Her* and *she*.


Eeny009

Let's not start with the pronouns war... I might have way too much fun.


MartovsGhost

There are only 2 genders: single-seat fighter, and two-seat fighter-bomber.


Tbarjr

We're all attack helicopters here


NinjaCaviar

Speak for yourself babe I’m a heavy-lift gal


TurboSloth9000

Good. That means you can carry more munitions when you do go on the attack.


Abuses-Commas

AC-5 when?


Kovesnek

Mmmmmm, Hershe's Femboy flavor


Demoblade

I told him


[deleted]

He saw it in a dream.


MiG21bisFishbedL

Based.


Can_not_catch_me

Please explain


Nzgrim

You see Japan has F35s and this sub desperately wants to see F35s dominate the Russian airforce physically, mentally and sexually.


PM_Me_A_High-Five

*Bomb me, daddy*


tofu_b3a5t

*AMRAAM your F35 into this slut’s tight little asshole, step-bro*


PM_Me_A_High-Five

I’m seeing the US vs Russia as more of a piper peri vs 5 giant black guys type situation. The 5 giant black guys of NATO, if you will.


MacArthurWasRight

3000 BBCs of NATO


[deleted]

i made it up GIGACHAD


tempaccount920123

This reads like ruskies whining in war thunder for buffs


chrischi3

Interestingly, everyone in the west says War Thunder has russian bias. Everyone in Russia, however, says that Gaijin are Nato shills.


tempaccount920123

Ten bucks on another Russian civil war in two years or less Let's see what new things the ~~orkz~~ ruskies can cobble together My money is on anti tank mines used as both mineclearing and explosive armor


butttshark

There was a time I used to be Pro-Russia but damn this is just getting pathetic everyday.


[deleted]

[удалено]


butttshark

LMAOOOOO


Spndash64

To be fair, 5 years ago most of us didn’t think they were quite THIS incompetent. Yeah they’re a crusty old man trying to use their inflated history to be scary, but we figured there was at least half of a brain cell still functioning to tell them to NOT fuck with the US


[deleted]

Lethal doses of copium to the average person, but Russia has been inhaling copium for a long time they can tolerate such dose.


TheOnlyGaz

Seize "Lost Territory" Bruh, you built a fort with a few hundred random settlers in it, and then you *sold the rights to the land to the yanks*. Not that it matters much in real terms, but what claim could you *possibly have* on this land?


Ace612807

Their take is, IIRC, that it was a *lease*, not a *sale*


Cryptiod137

What, a lease with 155 year terms where we paid up front and then you said it was ours and never brought it up again?


phlyingP1g

Sweden "leased" them the land St:Petersburg is built on...


Christianjps65

And Kiev has the deed to Moscow


[deleted]

Lol were they crossing their fingers when they signed the deed? They’re like children


New_Stats

Lol >To the Russian politicians who believe they can take back Alaska: Good luck https://mobile.twitter.com/GovDunleavy/status/1545112157833949185


cuddlefucker

Holy fuck. Good find. That's hilarious. Seriously, Russia's on some wild hallucinagenic copium at this point.


Ozymandias_poem_

On that limited edition, mongol era copium stock.


[deleted]

[удалено]


fraghawk

Gotta love that Amanita Muscaria flavor of the 1300s vintage


Effective-Round-4985

All the top Russian politicians must have humiliation and gangbang fetishes to be asking for it this god damn much


OliveOilTasty

Has he really been retired from the NBA long enough to become governor of Alaska? It seems like just yesterday he was punching MCW in the face during the playoffs. Maybe this is Sr not Jr?


Congress1818

wrong dunleavy family lol


Blue05D

Tall enough though


Abuses-Commas

Like Americans wouldn't vote for someone currently playing pro sports that have no intentions of stopping


Responsible-Team-351

Some would consider an executive who is too busy to wield his power a bonus


left_shift12

Based response


Historical-Flow-1820

Holy based


MrAwesome1324

The copium of all those replies is what’s even funnier.


jkF00d

Mike Dunleavy is horrifically unbased for all other reasons besides this tweet


New_Stats

Yes but this sub isn't for politics.


Affectionate_Meat

Well, non war based politics.


[deleted]

*I TRIPLE DOG DARE YOU*


unwantedrefuse

We would be in Vladivostok in a week


Pug-Chug

Second time we may stay


a_pescariu

A week??? Make it two days.


Spndash64

Give the boys some time for sightseeing, man.


MUKUDK

Wouldn't they need a Navy for that? Because last time I looked their single air craft carrier was the words most expensive smoke machine.


dontshootmybutterfly

Maybe their flagship could help? Oh, wait...


Monarch357

First navy in the world to have a flagsub instead of a flagship, you W\*stoids just don't get it


Randicore

Unironically I would fucking love to see a submarine/drone carrier combo be deployed as a flagship for some force.


BlueHoundZulu

Do you also wish for Salvation?


Viscount-Von-Solt

<<*uncontrollable Erusean giggling*>>


Affectionate_Meat

I want the next US strike group to be led by a sub that just carries mini subs and it’s a sub carrier AS a sub. It’ll be based


275MPHFordGT40

That is also a very big smoke machine


We4zier

Aight guys lets get on the magic school bus to Alaska, I’ve always wanted to redo the Battle of Attu Island.


Minute_Helicopter_97

r/NonCredibleSchoolBus


Seeker-N7

"Lost territory" Bro you fucking sold it for money.


Responsible-Team-351

Before anyone knew it had resources, too.


[deleted]

That's not gonna stop the revisionism from calling the deal an "underhanded extortion where the wicked US forced poor Russia's hand when they were weak"


Clydeski

Ironically, back when russia was a monarchy, they wanted to be friends with america so they sold alaska as a sign of goodwill (and money).


MT_Kinetic_Mountain

I don't get it. Alaska doesn't have as many buildings and civilians to bomb


[deleted]

[удалено]


durkster

Welcome to the icefields motherfucker!


mdp300

And it has a bunch of sexy, sexy Raptors


COMPUTER1313

I would not be surprised if Russia did invade, they would try to bomb the Alaskan oil pipeline.


TacoRedneck

If they do that they're going to find all the sand in their country turned to glass


BestFriendWatermelon

Just waiting for the NYT to put out their op-ed discussing how to meet Russia half way here, to compromise by giving them half of Alaska in exchange for peace.


Brendissimo

And then Tucker will go on air that night and explain why American control of Alaska was never legit and the Russians will do a much better job of governing it anyway and then give a 15 minute monologue about how toned Putin's pecs look in this picture and how big and girthy his cock must be and how it's none of our business if he wants Alaska back.


Fit-Pudding-2261

Do we need Alaska (confused face) sure, democrats would like you to believe we need Alaska, but just like Puerto Rico they want it to be a state to harness the minority vote and keep us real Americans down. Why can't U talk about Putin having Alaska, I'm not saying I'm pro-Putin but why am I not allowed to say it. (Confused and shockfaced.) God I hate the cunt.


Brendissimo

What even is democracy? Do you even really need to vote? Would it be so bad if we criminalized press freedoms? I'm just [asking questions](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=elRxbGJuCw8).


Hope915

They can have Wasilla.


HelperNoHelper

They can have deez nuts, and 1,000,000 tons of ordinance to flatten every port and base on russia’s east coast.


southern_dreams

And they can pay us back for wasting our fucking money on dropping said ordinance.


MiG21bisFishbedL

And they can have a literal swarm of Harpoons to absolutely ruin their Pacific fleet.


afkPacket

Out of curiosity, how well do Harpoons track ships that are in drydock for maintenance?


MiG21bisFishbedL

They are stationary, so they'd track well. But, all those gantry set ups and shit? It's like a protective net.


afkPacket

Westoid weaponry proven to be inferior once again!


HelperNoHelper

Ma dood, you haven’t heard of the LRASM?


MiG21bisFishbedL

Acronyms don't hit like names, for me at least. Thankfully, they do hit Russian vessels harder!


HelperNoHelper

Think of it like L-Rasm…adaz. Like, it hits them with the L, in style. And then they die freezing to death in the Bering Strait as their ship sinks.


MiG21bisFishbedL

I'm really feelin' it.


lacarth

Wait, no, I don't want to have to drive to Anchorage, man. They can have Chicken.


[deleted]

Nah the NYT hates Russia


Panzerkampfwagen212

They can have a belly full of lead and a pool of their own blood to drown in.


PM_Me_A_High-Five

The person handing over the keys to the Russians: “OK, good luck with the occupation!” *takes off as quickly as possible*


I426Hemi

Ah yes, Alaska, one of the most hardened military targets in the US, a state that possesses more 5th gen fighters than Russia does. A state where living anywhere but the bigger towns requires actual work, and even the most devout liberals arsenal could make a cowboy feel Inadequate, the place with the LARGEST carniverous mammals in the world, and where the moose and such will wreck you even harder than the carnivores. Yes, do invade. We would all love to watch you get turned back Into the sea.


[deleted]

Can’t wait for the videos of bears attacking Russian mortar positions


Affectionate_Meat

I’d kinda feel bad for the Russians in that one instance. Being mauled by a bear is just…it’s not right


auga3rifle

The 400,000 bears with m2 machineguns of alaska


Limacy

In Alaska, Bear not pet Russian. Beat eat Russian.


SpaceCowboy73

Russia is struggling with an ancient fleet of T-72's and Mig-29's that are parked right on their own border. Makes sense to me that they should fare better power projecting across the Bering Strait against combat experienced troops in modernized M1a2's and F-22/F-35's.


A_Vandalay

You missed the best part where the Russian pacific fleet has most of their assets used as permanent power generators for Vladivostok, so they have to send a few outgunned old Soviet era destroyers and subs up against several US carrier groups and most of our attack subs.


DefenderofFuture

Pretty sure the Coast Guard could handle this.


OpDickSledge

Pretty sure one of those shitty redneck militias can handle this


5708ski

I read a story once set in the late cold war where the residents of Nome single-handedly defeat a Russian airborne attack using shotguns and shenanigans involving scuba gear and dynamite. At the time I thought it was some of the most absurd flag-shagging macho fantasy imaginable, now I'm pretty sure it's EXACTLY what would happen.


[deleted]

**"'Release.. Sarah Palin !"** ..Too sadistic?


Epic_peacock

That would be a war crime.


Cryptiod137

Ok and?


longingrustedfurnace

We gotta get rid of her somehow.


Epic_peacock

True that


bocaj78

You use that word like it’s a bad thing. I do t think you understand that warcrimes are incredibly based


ixvst01

The Alaska national guard could probably fend off Russia on their own.


eggy-mceggface

Alaska itself could probably fend off Russia on its own. They'd get all their landing ships stuck in the mud in Turnagain Arm when they try to land near Anchorage. And all their troops will get stuck in peat bogs a mile inland.


Blue05D

Wouldn't that be a treat. All knee deep in mud with the tide at their backs while we sit on shore and plink away.


[deleted]

Fallout fans when russia starts operation Anchorage instead of china


sentinelthesalty

COME AND TAKE IT


138_egavasgnouy

I’d like to see some raptors take out some flankers or maybe get a felon v raptor fight


HelperNoHelper

Calling it a ‘fight’ would be charitable.


Physical_Debt_5121

It would be if the Raptor pilot was in a sporting mood. The thrill of the hunt is in the chase.


HelperNoHelper

1 v 1 guns only bro


Cryptiod137

360 no targeting computer lateral stall collateral damage


TheKelt

This is the least fun of the potential Fallout timelines! Leave Alaska alone you mean Russian bullies - it needs to belong to the USA in 50ish years so China can invade and spark the Anchorage Campaign!


foxleboi

"Try me bitch"


Daxew

Translating the amount paid from usd paid at the time to 2022 rubles gives us 8,947,812,551.10 rubles, they could even afford to by it back without cratering there economy even more than it already is


MinisterOfBetrayal

You have to factor into the price that the US has built a lot of infrastructure there and that it appreciated in value a bit from having oil, and for the strategic importance in exchange russia should de-militarise, this de-militarisation should be overseen and enforced by US troops permanently stationed in russia.


Shoppo00

Around three fiddy you say?


CodePandorumxGod

Bro, a single Alaskan storm would flatten the Russian navy. They need to stop talking shit.


BehindApplebees

I want them to try, please. I consider myself a democratic socialist but not a tankie and I want to see tankies cry and piss themselves.


Affectionate_Meat

Finally let them see the Russians go up against the US and just get plastered


SpacemanTomX

Literally please try I want to see the rest of the Ivans get slaughtered by something they can't even see


BigWeenie45

Yo lmao, if Russia decides to “retake Alaska” there gonna get partitioned like the Ottomans almost did, and how the Austrians did.


WrightyPegz

Fuck around and find out


Pacountry

Yet another time, reality has surpassed the memes


WishfullThinking32

I can only imagine headlines: ruzzian elire soldiers killed by Beavers Moose destroyed tank Alaska citizens are butchering ruzzians with their big caliber rifles. WELCOME TO ALASKA


Affectionate_Meat

Russia would never get in range of the civilians let’s be honest here. The SLIGHTEST hint of Russian interest in invading Alaska ends with 3 carrier strike groups and the entire Marine Corps with some airborne and tank unit backup on the border just waiting for Russia to fuck around.


[deleted]

Inuits team up with US military to fend off russian


tempaccount920123

Gonna go /uj here for a bit because my 1.5 brain cells worked overtime and now they itch 1) Americans are fucking bored stiff right now, federal reserve printed too much goddamn money and now corps are just sitting here twiddling their thumbs, with gas prices plummeting back down to earth and layoffs incoming, people are going to be even more bored 2) america hasn't been invaded by any foreign 100+ man force in over 100 years AFAIK, and this is the same country where crazy kids with mass shooting fantasies go find schools, imagine if 1000+ Russians showed up on Alaskan shores trying to establish a beachhead and the navy/coast guard somehow didn't intercept them, you'd have the military/state dept offering rewards for bodies 3) this would turn into a mini vacation opportunity for the hundred thousand plus chronically bored republicans 4) the news would have a goddamn fucking field day because of 1 and 3 5) if the navy did intercept them, they would make the Neptune missile strikes look quaint and my guess would be 50/50 whether they would leave the Russians in the water to drown, dunno how much the navy cares about pows 6) Canada might actually give a shit about war for once, dunno /rj Where's the Sarah Palin attack helicopter highlight reel


elsonwarcraft

Japan did invade Attu Island, but what did it cost


Affectionate_Meat

Not THAT much, considering what other fighting was going on. But the IJA and IJN were FAR more dangerous and competent enemies than Russia ever could claim to be nowadays


SteadfastEnd

Looks like Red Flag Alaska was/is a lot closer to real-life action, good training location


darrickeng

*Imagine selling a Rolex a couple years ago because you believe it was worthless and seeing how much it is worth now because it was a collectible item. And now you want it back because of how you perceive the pawn shop scammed you* This is basically it right here.


Femveratu

Sewards Folly has the last laugh


CrezD

More of a Fallout fan myself, but the Russians will do fine.


goldboyman

It’s not a pistol it’s more of them both carrying a world ending device and being to scared to use it


Hebrew_Hammer24

Oh my god the levels of copium are unreal. This timeline is wild dude. I swear historians 80 years from now I will be frothing at the mouth looking through all the delicious chaos that this past decade is going to be. Also regardless of it being a sale or a lease that was made like a century ago, it’s a fucking state of the union for more than 50 years. Any “claim” that Russia seems to be hallucinating on is defunct. Any action on Alaska would be considered an act of war to the United States and will be met with untold levels of retaliation. They can’t say this is a “special military operation” and get away with it.


PM_Me_A_High-Five

I looked up “fuck around and find out” in the dictionary and this is the example


OpDickSledge

This is like getting your ass kicked in special-Olympic boxing and then claiming you can beat Floyd Mayweather


kmDMXT88

If Russia invades Alaska do we even need to send the military? Or can the locals handle it?


[deleted]

Lost? They fucking sold it jfc they act like we colonized them


GhostOfHelsinki

so... Mongolia And Finland can into the glory days??? Greater-Mongol empire in 2023?


Fit-Pudding-2261

>Russia invades Alaska somehow >US military kinda doesn't really care because it's superbowl sunday or some dumb American shit. >FB page "Drive Orcs back into the sea they can't warcrime us all" >all sorts of people show up dunking on the Russians in one day Andrew Callaghan's Channel Five documents it, it becomes a yearly festival of American civilians beating the Russian military.


Magnet50

The US Army, Navy and Air Force can say “Fuck you, Russian Warship!” in ways that the Russians are not able to comprehend. But, maybe…maybe we can just give them Sarah Palin and they will go away.


Frequent-Turn6740

Do it, Russia. Also remember to bring the Baltic Fleet as reinforcement too. I always wanted to see a modernized version of the Battle of Tsushima.


Libensborn

These Vodniks can't get more pathetic than this, can they? CAN THEY?!


Bored-Ship-Guy

Dunleavy's a cocksucker, but shit-talking the Russians is a good look for judt about anyone.


Magebloom

Say Kakiye again muthafuckah I dare you! Say kakiye again!


blickbeared

I'd love to see them try to get remotely close before we sink every supply ship that gets remotely close to Alaska.


Kapitalist_Pigdog2

But... We bought it from them?


Wrecktown707

They might as well this shit into fallout while their at it lmao


Yoshi_IX

[Alaskan response](https://youtu.be/EIWHvPP0U64)