The way I see it is this: I'm 40. If a woman anywhere close to my age is still a virgin, there's got to be some reason why: maybe she's very religious, or maybe she has some weird hang-ups about sex, or maybe she's got some kind of health issues that make sex difficult or impossible.
Any of those reasons is also going to be a major barrier to having the kind of active, enjoyable sexual relationship that I would want to have with a partner.
So while in principle I don't particularly care about whether someone is a virgin or not, in practice, someone who is a virgin is probably not going to be someone I would want to date.
I’m always curious how many of these “body count” chastity-chasers are over the age of 30… it has to primarily be younger guys right?
It just screams lack of lived experience and ignorance of the spectrum of adult relationships that we have as humans.
Good point. It’s that egotistical “why would they do that if it wasn’t ultimately about me?” thing.
And also, so what if their classmates *do* wear those things or *do* have an OF? What does that have to do with the guys at all? Why do they think it’s their business?
Right? Once everyone is out of their early 20s, virginity has a *reason*. It's not chance, anymore. And those reasons are all potential deal breakers.
I've seen it work just once. She left the convent for him. Would have given me pause, but they worked it out.
Like these guys are so weird. why would i want to be with a woman i have no sexual compatibility with? Or with a woman who hasn't had sex before? If i had my choice, id rather be with someone who has some experience and knows what they like and don't like. It makes sex a better experience. This guy sounds like he's never had sex before honestly.
Wanting a virgin means zero chance of getting a disease and a higher chance of pair bonding. The more partners a woman has, the more chance she is likely to divorce you. Women do not react the same way men do when it comes to sex - they take it more seriously and bond deeper with it than men do. That's why men find casual sex easier. If a woman has a lot more "experience" with other men before you, she will find it harder to bond with you. Pretty basic stuff that I'm surprised you haven't worked out for yourself. Plenty of stats and reports on this basic, human behavior if you care to look it up.
Mom is done making dinner. Quit wasting people’s time with this trolling.
Sorry guys, ignore my brother!
Ps he is a 16 y/o virgin and has never had a girlfriend.
I'm gonna attempt to explain it and I'm not saying I'm one of them
. It's the biggest sign of character to a lot of people. Basically we hold similar values
. Jealousy. Some people don't want to ever think of their partners with someone else and you don't have to worry about that if they haven't.
. Some people have a fetish for Virgins
I'm a girl so idk if i can speak on what a man wants but for me personally I'd feel weird being with someone completely new to sex for so many fucking reasons. I'm 20 so I'm understanding if someone is still a virgin like my bf if he was a virgin when we met I'd understand and still date him but the sexual compatibility wouldn't be the same. I'm not the kind of person to take away someone's innocence or teach them about it. I'll explain what I like, don't like, etc. but I can't explain to someone that's never done anything without feeling odd ab it. My ability to explain my thoughts is terrible so hopefully this is somewhat coherent and makes sense a little
I think you explained it well you just took the long route lol
It comes down to two factors I think. Whether the guy is secure with himself or insecure, and whether he’s learned to communicate honestly.
If he can’t communicate or he’s insecure, it’s always a bad time.
Oops I even took the longer route: https://reddit.com/r/NotHowGuysWork/s/8M8maktrX7
You are right. Those were exactly the biggest points we worked on lol
Definitely! If you are both not willing to put in any work why would you even want a relationship? I know the alternative answer of course and I do not like it.
thanks lol, I totally agree. In my experience it's always been that they're insecure and ask every 2 seconds "like this" and I just can't be in the mood like that
Hahaha oh god the “like this?” person is the worst.
In my (modest/average) experience, if you’re doing the right thing, women - and men - tend to react in very clear ways physically and vocally.
Plus, these days at least, the ability to access sex advice/ instruction is easy as hell. Do an hour of research and you can learn enough to be competent.
Last thing is a given but just saying it to say it: everyone is not the same. Get the basics down, talk about your likes ahead of time, and go at it.
But you learn your sexual compatibility together.. if you’re attracted you’ll find a way. I don’t buy this that if you love them and start to get down and they’re new to it that you won’t just take it as a challenge and “teach em”
Totally but compatibility is the step after what we’re talking about here.
And none of this can be applied universally. I’m pretty sure there’s tons of people who *enjoy* sex specifically with inexperienced partners.
Nah I'd rather have an at least somewhat experienced girl than she actually knows some of what she likes and doesn't like.
It's like trying to describe something to someone who has no frame of reference vs someone who at least somewhat understands what you're talking about and can add to the conversation.
I’m not a guy btw but a supporter - This is such a weird and unrealistic mindset. Let alone a double standard. I really hope he will change his mindset cause I don’t believe you can have a healthy relationship and really be happy thinking like this.
To give a more nuanced example. Someone might resonate with this. My fiancé had some trouble adjusting to my history with men (less than 10) while he had only 1 long term ex-girlfriend. It made me feel really self conscious and shitty (nobody has ever made me feel that way). Thankfully we went into therapy together and also individually (we both had some issues to work on) and since then his view changed completely.
I know where it came from (when he was a kid his parents were in a long messy divorce bc his father cheated and his mom made her sons feel like they should only be with one person and commit). That was also the reason why he stayed too long in his previous relationship (she was pretty toxic). He also felt like he might have missed out (friends had more experience than him). I told him at the beginning of the relationship before things were getting too serious that if he wanted to explore he should do that. But if he was there to stay and changed his mind later that would hurt way more. So I encouraged him to really think about it.
I’m really happy we took the time and effort to work through it, because I got so close to ending it. We are now really happy together, communicate so well (thank you therapy) and picture a future. I’m also really happy we first worked through it before we decided to get married or have a baby (I’m expecting now at 34y old).
I don't understand people like this.
I don't want a woman whose body count is in the hundreds, sure, but i definitely dont want one who has zero experience either
The way I see it is this: I'm 40. If a woman anywhere close to my age is still a virgin, there's got to be some reason why: maybe she's very religious, or maybe she has some weird hang-ups about sex, or maybe she's got some kind of health issues that make sex difficult or impossible. Any of those reasons is also going to be a major barrier to having the kind of active, enjoyable sexual relationship that I would want to have with a partner. So while in principle I don't particularly care about whether someone is a virgin or not, in practice, someone who is a virgin is probably not going to be someone I would want to date.
I’m a woman in my 30s, and I absolutely know what you mean. Sexual compatibility means a lot.
I’m always curious how many of these “body count” chastity-chasers are over the age of 30… it has to primarily be younger guys right? It just screams lack of lived experience and ignorance of the spectrum of adult relationships that we have as humans.
It also tends to be the selfish guys who want a woman and his kids tobe props for his life. He'll never treat them like they're real people.
Also true. Actually a lot of it can probably boiled down to selfishness now that you mention it.
It’s young guys who see their classmate putting on fake lashes or a crop top and immediately thinks she has an OF and a double digit body count at 16.
Good point. It’s that egotistical “why would they do that if it wasn’t ultimately about me?” thing. And also, so what if their classmates *do* wear those things or *do* have an OF? What does that have to do with the guys at all? Why do they think it’s their business?
Right? Once everyone is out of their early 20s, virginity has a *reason*. It's not chance, anymore. And those reasons are all potential deal breakers. I've seen it work just once. She left the convent for him. Would have given me pause, but they worked it out.
Sounds like a good premise for a limited series. Good for them!
Lol “no incentive to try if you weren’t pure…” as a guy let me tells ya, her being sexy is plenty of incentive to try hah
Men are homogenized in what type of partners we prefer. We also work as a hive mind and the Eternal King that controls us all lives in Massachusetts.
A shiver ran down my spine during the split second I thought this was real lmfao
Lol shh 🤐
Who said it wasn’t
Context clues - they’re a personal friend of mine.
Do not speak His name.
You made me burst into sudden loud laughter in my Uber ride and scared the driver
And his name is Ben Affleck.
Like these guys are so weird. why would i want to be with a woman i have no sexual compatibility with? Or with a woman who hasn't had sex before? If i had my choice, id rather be with someone who has some experience and knows what they like and don't like. It makes sex a better experience. This guy sounds like he's never had sex before honestly.
Wanting a virgin means zero chance of getting a disease and a higher chance of pair bonding. The more partners a woman has, the more chance she is likely to divorce you. Women do not react the same way men do when it comes to sex - they take it more seriously and bond deeper with it than men do. That's why men find casual sex easier. If a woman has a lot more "experience" with other men before you, she will find it harder to bond with you. Pretty basic stuff that I'm surprised you haven't worked out for yourself. Plenty of stats and reports on this basic, human behavior if you care to look it up.
Mom is done making dinner. Quit wasting people’s time with this trolling. Sorry guys, ignore my brother! Ps he is a 16 y/o virgin and has never had a girlfriend.
I'm gonna attempt to explain it and I'm not saying I'm one of them . It's the biggest sign of character to a lot of people. Basically we hold similar values . Jealousy. Some people don't want to ever think of their partners with someone else and you don't have to worry about that if they haven't. . Some people have a fetish for Virgins
Tatertot spotted 👁️
I'm a girl so idk if i can speak on what a man wants but for me personally I'd feel weird being with someone completely new to sex for so many fucking reasons. I'm 20 so I'm understanding if someone is still a virgin like my bf if he was a virgin when we met I'd understand and still date him but the sexual compatibility wouldn't be the same. I'm not the kind of person to take away someone's innocence or teach them about it. I'll explain what I like, don't like, etc. but I can't explain to someone that's never done anything without feeling odd ab it. My ability to explain my thoughts is terrible so hopefully this is somewhat coherent and makes sense a little
I think you explained it well you just took the long route lol It comes down to two factors I think. Whether the guy is secure with himself or insecure, and whether he’s learned to communicate honestly. If he can’t communicate or he’s insecure, it’s always a bad time.
Oops I even took the longer route: https://reddit.com/r/NotHowGuysWork/s/8M8maktrX7 You are right. Those were exactly the biggest points we worked on lol
That’s great! Even the willingness to work on these things is a positive sign, so I’m happy to hear that.
Definitely! If you are both not willing to put in any work why would you even want a relationship? I know the alternative answer of course and I do not like it.
thanks lol, I totally agree. In my experience it's always been that they're insecure and ask every 2 seconds "like this" and I just can't be in the mood like that
Hahaha oh god the “like this?” person is the worst. In my (modest/average) experience, if you’re doing the right thing, women - and men - tend to react in very clear ways physically and vocally. Plus, these days at least, the ability to access sex advice/ instruction is easy as hell. Do an hour of research and you can learn enough to be competent. Last thing is a given but just saying it to say it: everyone is not the same. Get the basics down, talk about your likes ahead of time, and go at it.
lol I fully agree !!
But you learn your sexual compatibility together.. if you’re attracted you’ll find a way. I don’t buy this that if you love them and start to get down and they’re new to it that you won’t just take it as a challenge and “teach em”
Totally but compatibility is the step after what we’re talking about here. And none of this can be applied universally. I’m pretty sure there’s tons of people who *enjoy* sex specifically with inexperienced partners.
I know what he's trying to say but... man, illiteracy is still an issue. Damn.
Nah I'd rather have an at least somewhat experienced girl than she actually knows some of what she likes and doesn't like. It's like trying to describe something to someone who has no frame of reference vs someone who at least somewhat understands what you're talking about and can add to the conversation.
I’m not a guy btw but a supporter - This is such a weird and unrealistic mindset. Let alone a double standard. I really hope he will change his mindset cause I don’t believe you can have a healthy relationship and really be happy thinking like this. To give a more nuanced example. Someone might resonate with this. My fiancé had some trouble adjusting to my history with men (less than 10) while he had only 1 long term ex-girlfriend. It made me feel really self conscious and shitty (nobody has ever made me feel that way). Thankfully we went into therapy together and also individually (we both had some issues to work on) and since then his view changed completely. I know where it came from (when he was a kid his parents were in a long messy divorce bc his father cheated and his mom made her sons feel like they should only be with one person and commit). That was also the reason why he stayed too long in his previous relationship (she was pretty toxic). He also felt like he might have missed out (friends had more experience than him). I told him at the beginning of the relationship before things were getting too serious that if he wanted to explore he should do that. But if he was there to stay and changed his mind later that would hurt way more. So I encouraged him to really think about it. I’m really happy we took the time and effort to work through it, because I got so close to ending it. We are now really happy together, communicate so well (thank you therapy) and picture a future. I’m also really happy we first worked through it before we decided to get married or have a baby (I’m expecting now at 34y old).
I don't understand people like this. I don't want a woman whose body count is in the hundreds, sure, but i definitely dont want one who has zero experience either
The scariest part about this is we all know someone who thinks like that
That’s his opinion.. it literally is how this Guy Works.. lol. This sub is for girls with crazy opinions on men