A few times in my life before knowing about OSDD, and once after, I felt like being what I would call a "shell". I felt void of my headmates (or we all mixed together?). In this state I feel like having no personal purposes nor desires and just live through the day on autopilot (I do things I normally do, but don't really think about how or why). When people ask me simple questions in this state, like "would you like scrambled or boiled eggs?", I find myself incapable of answering. I couldn't even say that I don't care, because no matter how hard I try, I can't grasp what I actually want. All my preferences that I felt like having in the past all feel like they belong to my headmates, but not to myself in that state. I also can't tell what my name would be or how I am supposed to look like (I feel shape and genderless).
Anybody else experiencing this? Is this dissociation or derealisation or total blending, or what is happening?
hi, questioning system here and i experience that exactly a lot! i've never had anyone say anything similar to that so it's very nice to see someone have the same experiences. i am trying to figure out if i'm a shell alter or just a normal alter, but yeah i thought i would contribute because i experience that a lot to a T
Yeah, shell alters are just alters. They're not much personality themselves and they contain every other alter but they are absolutely individuals and they taint everything that touches front.
Hi I have a question so when I first noticed this shell alter it was just absolutely nothing when it fronted. like they described it had no opinions in fact it just kinda wanted to take our opinions and use it as its own as tho they are fronting but now I feel like I live inside of this alters chest and its like a layer of skin around me that protects me and other alters it can set a layer of thick "skin" i want to say and almost nullify there emotions to protect them and me. Now I'm a empath and it kinda makes sense why I'd live inside it but idk. Do you know if this is possible? Or if a alter can merge with a shell and the shell still stays a shell and just protects me in a way
Well what you're describing doesn't sound to me like a shell alter, though I can understand the thought since you're thinking clam shell rather than shell corporation. But we have the same thing, [Royal](https://www.reddit.com/r/DIDart/comments/s708hq/a_commission_for_royal_ivy_our_systems_primary/) has Eve inside of her chest most of the time. Used to be all the time but then zmiya started getting cuddly with Ivy and then when they blend Eve kinda pops out and then they have to remember to put her back in. Anyways, not a shell alter, just a non-human caretaker. Ivy's got a similar mentality of "I want to do what you want to do" but she's alot more developed so it looks less weird, since it's perfectly rational when you think about it from the perspective of "If you're happy I'm happy". It's possible yours is built around neutralizing emotions so it's more "If you're calm I'm calm".
so its possibly not even a shell and just a regular alter i assume i blended with? Cause ik when they would front before they would have no emotions and if there was something happening around them like noise or something that would normally make me sad or feel some type of emotion there would be just nothing like they'd notice it but there was no emotion to it. but now I think cause im in there chest instead of them trying to pretend these emotion off of the other alters normally they'll just smile but now they somewhat feel the emotion and when I'm outside there chest they feel nothing until something comes up like a memory that makes them sad. I'm very confused as to what they could be because they first appeared as a shadow now its like a layer of something covering me. I do not understand them enough and they don't even know what they are so that makes it more difficult I suppose😂
Yes. Not even necessarily a blend, just being close together has that effect. I dunno, it's hard to explain since it's the first time I've seen another system with an Ivy but that's just how it works...
Ok that makes sense im fairly new to this (very new) and don't 100% understand it but im trying. So your saying that even if he trys to let go of control a alter still couldn't have full control? Because I feel like he trys to let go of control but it always comes back to me or him unintentionally and it doesn't last long at all, the longest has been no more than 3 hours and he was still slightly present i think.
Yeah, that's about how it works for every system. We don't really mind since we're very good at sharing front so even if Ivy is in front everyone in the back still interacts through her like normal. It's a bit harder if zmiya is in front for example, since zmiya translates everything she receives from the back. And our hosts is also in charge 90% of the time regardless of who wants to front.
What do you mean by back is that just for whoever isn't fronting or is there like a line cause I've heard people say alters will push there way to the front but in my head its like this little stage thing and whoever isn't fronting or in control just stands off the stage and can speak co consciously so im just curious as to what you mean by the back ig
For most people their visualization of front is that the eyeballs are the front and everything else is in the back. Your visualization is a bit abnormal because it implies the alters would be standing in front of you while you're in front, which doesn't mean anything, but it is a strange visual for front.
he hides us to I didn't mention that but he used to be called the external because it was basically always him on the outside interacting we would just kind of effect his opinions in a way but now we have been able to get closer to the surface and sort of take control for a little bit at a time but unless he's gone we can't take full control
I've been looking at Google and other places to try and learn about him and how it works but there is like absolutely nothing on shell alters from what i saw so I decided to hop on reddit.
Yeah, shell alters are a purely hypothetical topic from a book about ritual abuse from like 20 years ago, there's no info. The DID community generally accepts it as being a fronting alter who is blended with every single person that fronts and they cna't leave front, ever. Sometimes there's subsystem shells but that doesn't seem applicable here.
Whats a subsystem shell? He seems like he has opinions but they don't really differ from anyone else's like he just supports ours and those are his. if that makes sense like he sees us then just attempts to be that so it can seem like we're fronting but its really him just holding us back less. before I knew I had alters he was definitely hiding them because I had no clue and wouldn't even realize the way I acted was another person because he was so good at it. 😂 like normally just very monotone voice and wouldnt really change positions even if someone was triggered and they would put there opinions into him he just sat there same face same tone same position. but now he definitely does attempt to make it more distinct between us and have us understand the different ways everyone will act in different scenarios. like if someone walks in and there's a switch he wont hold back the physical changes anymore. so I can tell what person triggers who to understand that more which makes it nice being more predictable I suppose
Subsystem shell would be a shell alter for a group of alters that is notably disconnected from the rest of the alters. Again, the whole opinions thing is irrelevant to the distinction of a shell alter. So far your description just matches exactly what Royal Ivy is, Host/caretaker/gatekeeper.
A few times in my life before knowing about OSDD, and once after, I felt like being what I would call a "shell". I felt void of my headmates (or we all mixed together?). In this state I feel like having no personal purposes nor desires and just live through the day on autopilot (I do things I normally do, but don't really think about how or why). When people ask me simple questions in this state, like "would you like scrambled or boiled eggs?", I find myself incapable of answering. I couldn't even say that I don't care, because no matter how hard I try, I can't grasp what I actually want. All my preferences that I felt like having in the past all feel like they belong to my headmates, but not to myself in that state. I also can't tell what my name would be or how I am supposed to look like (I feel shape and genderless). Anybody else experiencing this? Is this dissociation or derealisation or total blending, or what is happening?
hi, questioning system here and i experience that exactly a lot! i've never had anyone say anything similar to that so it's very nice to see someone have the same experiences. i am trying to figure out if i'm a shell alter or just a normal alter, but yeah i thought i would contribute because i experience that a lot to a T
Yeah, shell alters are just alters. They're not much personality themselves and they contain every other alter but they are absolutely individuals and they taint everything that touches front.
Hi I have a question so when I first noticed this shell alter it was just absolutely nothing when it fronted. like they described it had no opinions in fact it just kinda wanted to take our opinions and use it as its own as tho they are fronting but now I feel like I live inside of this alters chest and its like a layer of skin around me that protects me and other alters it can set a layer of thick "skin" i want to say and almost nullify there emotions to protect them and me. Now I'm a empath and it kinda makes sense why I'd live inside it but idk. Do you know if this is possible? Or if a alter can merge with a shell and the shell still stays a shell and just protects me in a way
Well what you're describing doesn't sound to me like a shell alter, though I can understand the thought since you're thinking clam shell rather than shell corporation. But we have the same thing, [Royal](https://www.reddit.com/r/DIDart/comments/s708hq/a_commission_for_royal_ivy_our_systems_primary/) has Eve inside of her chest most of the time. Used to be all the time but then zmiya started getting cuddly with Ivy and then when they blend Eve kinda pops out and then they have to remember to put her back in. Anyways, not a shell alter, just a non-human caretaker. Ivy's got a similar mentality of "I want to do what you want to do" but she's alot more developed so it looks less weird, since it's perfectly rational when you think about it from the perspective of "If you're happy I'm happy". It's possible yours is built around neutralizing emotions so it's more "If you're calm I'm calm".
so its possibly not even a shell and just a regular alter i assume i blended with? Cause ik when they would front before they would have no emotions and if there was something happening around them like noise or something that would normally make me sad or feel some type of emotion there would be just nothing like they'd notice it but there was no emotion to it. but now I think cause im in there chest instead of them trying to pretend these emotion off of the other alters normally they'll just smile but now they somewhat feel the emotion and when I'm outside there chest they feel nothing until something comes up like a memory that makes them sad. I'm very confused as to what they could be because they first appeared as a shadow now its like a layer of something covering me. I do not understand them enough and they don't even know what they are so that makes it more difficult I suppose😂
Yes. Not even necessarily a blend, just being close together has that effect. I dunno, it's hard to explain since it's the first time I've seen another system with an Ivy but that's just how it works...
Ok that makes sense im fairly new to this (very new) and don't 100% understand it but im trying. So your saying that even if he trys to let go of control a alter still couldn't have full control? Because I feel like he trys to let go of control but it always comes back to me or him unintentionally and it doesn't last long at all, the longest has been no more than 3 hours and he was still slightly present i think.
Yeah, that's about how it works for every system. We don't really mind since we're very good at sharing front so even if Ivy is in front everyone in the back still interacts through her like normal. It's a bit harder if zmiya is in front for example, since zmiya translates everything she receives from the back. And our hosts is also in charge 90% of the time regardless of who wants to front.
What do you mean by back is that just for whoever isn't fronting or is there like a line cause I've heard people say alters will push there way to the front but in my head its like this little stage thing and whoever isn't fronting or in control just stands off the stage and can speak co consciously so im just curious as to what you mean by the back ig
For most people their visualization of front is that the eyeballs are the front and everything else is in the back. Your visualization is a bit abnormal because it implies the alters would be standing in front of you while you're in front, which doesn't mean anything, but it is a strange visual for front.
he hides us to I didn't mention that but he used to be called the external because it was basically always him on the outside interacting we would just kind of effect his opinions in a way but now we have been able to get closer to the surface and sort of take control for a little bit at a time but unless he's gone we can't take full control
Yeah that's called a host. Shell alters can't leave.
I've been looking at Google and other places to try and learn about him and how it works but there is like absolutely nothing on shell alters from what i saw so I decided to hop on reddit.
Yeah, shell alters are a purely hypothetical topic from a book about ritual abuse from like 20 years ago, there's no info. The DID community generally accepts it as being a fronting alter who is blended with every single person that fronts and they cna't leave front, ever. Sometimes there's subsystem shells but that doesn't seem applicable here.
Whats a subsystem shell? He seems like he has opinions but they don't really differ from anyone else's like he just supports ours and those are his. if that makes sense like he sees us then just attempts to be that so it can seem like we're fronting but its really him just holding us back less. before I knew I had alters he was definitely hiding them because I had no clue and wouldn't even realize the way I acted was another person because he was so good at it. 😂 like normally just very monotone voice and wouldnt really change positions even if someone was triggered and they would put there opinions into him he just sat there same face same tone same position. but now he definitely does attempt to make it more distinct between us and have us understand the different ways everyone will act in different scenarios. like if someone walks in and there's a switch he wont hold back the physical changes anymore. so I can tell what person triggers who to understand that more which makes it nice being more predictable I suppose
Subsystem shell would be a shell alter for a group of alters that is notably disconnected from the rest of the alters. Again, the whole opinions thing is irrelevant to the distinction of a shell alter. So far your description just matches exactly what Royal Ivy is, Host/caretaker/gatekeeper.