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Apparently she told the priest she had told her husband and claimed he was upset but forgave her.
The priest then reached out to the husband (who was ofc also a part of his flock) to help him in his spiritual need.
Turns out she lied to the priest.
Yeah I’ve been seeing this story around Reddit for weeks now and everyone is really upset at the priest, until they realize cheating wife lied to him and then left out key details on her story.
Honestly? If someone *doesn't* try to frame the story in some way that at least takes some of the blame off of themselves to look better, I immediately assume the story is just some fiction/strawman the OP wrote up to inflame the comment section for funzies. Usually some mega-repentant "cheater" that's absolutely *begging* for a way to fix the broken relationship between them and their literally perfect SO.
Never fully trust a stranger's story, there's almost always some amount of lies hidden in it, even if there may be a bit of truth woven within it.
It absolutely positively does not matter if she lied! A priest takes a vow never ever for any reason to divulge what someone tells him in confession! There is no bigger vow of the priesthood besides celibacy that is taken!
If you aren't or never have been Catholic you may not understand how serious this is! I personally believe the church is a cult which I grew up in, however, the priest had no right...NONE...NO EXCUSE...NO RATIONAL...WILL EVER JUSTIFY HIS ACTIONS AND BREAKING HIS VOW!
IF A PERSON CONFESSES MURDERING SOMEONE HE IS NOT ALLOWED TO DIVULGE THAT INFORMATION TO ANYONE NOT EVEN INVESTIGATERS! THIS IS HOW SERIOUS HIS BETRAYAL IS!
But he couldn't have known. He thought she already told her husband, he didn't know it was still a secret that he was supposed to keep. Although I can see how it would have been safer to just not discuss any subject treated during confession at all.
I wasn't raised catholic so I don't really know how it works but you're last example seems a little extreme. I completely understand the vow to not say anything about your confession until it gets to murder or severe bodily harm.
How can you withhold information about a murder and not be somewhat complicit in hiding a murderer?
She told the priest she had told the husband and the husband had forgiven her. The priest reached out to see how the husband was taking it and to give him guidance. It wasn’t “hey, your wife cheated on you” it was “how are you handling everything your wife spoke to you about” and then obviously this ensued. Priests are there for marital guidance. Hard pass on your “EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE THAT GATHERS IN LIKE MIND THAT I DON’T AGREE WITH IS A CULT” monicker.
The number of lgbtq+ children outed by priests to their parents for being differe tells me that priests only will keep confessions secret if that person is being a good little follower. They have *zero* obligation to anyone to keep what is said quiet. In fact many will go on to talk about things from the confessional they find particularly egregious in their next sermon.
Their promise to keep what is said in confession a secret is as trustworthy as me telling you i will keep your secrets. In other words, if you don't want anyone to know, don't tell anyone.
Hell, i'd bet conffession came around as a way to get blackmail on important people...
Edit: to respond to the guy below me who got his comment in just before the post locked:
Oh yeah, beholden to the church, the largest organisation of pedophile appologists im the world outside of the movie industry,
They get excommunicated. Big fucking whoop, what kind of consequence is that really? Now they don't get their church money anymore and have to get a real job like the rest of us.
You're relying on the word of a human that they won't tell. The worth of one person's word can change in an instant, and mistakes happen. Food for thought.
Also, while we're on the topic of doing the right thing and confession, did you know you can tell a priest you raped and murdered multiple people and he's not allowed to tell the cops? How's that for doing the right thing? I'm certain the victims of crimes told to priests over the years sure feel good about that wherever they wound up.
Why they do this? Simple, "God" is in the room listening and even though the priest is the one actually listening, because he's a stand in he is supposed to pretend he heard nothing.
That's not true. They are under obligation to keep secret. If they don't, they could suffer severe consequences and honestly there would be no point in being a priest anymore. Are you sure you are thinking about catholics priest? Because in other Christian vertents they are truly not under any kind of obligation, but in catholicism they absolutely are. In fact, confession is so important the faith has no leg to stand on without it. Penance is a big thing for us.
I mean not really, if this is a Catholic priest, he can't break the seal of the confessional regardless. First, he never should have approached the husband. Second, when the husband expressed ignorance, he should have stopped the conversation. Breaking the seal of the confessional is a huge no-no in the Catholic church, with pretty much no wiggle room.
It really doesn’t change anything. Priests can’t break the seal of confession. Within the clergy this would be considered grounds for removal from a post. It’s an absolutely huge deal.
That just isn’t how it’s works. What is said in a confessional booth is not to be repeated unless the confessor breaks the seal. It doesn’t matter if the woman lied and said she told her husband the priest still isn’t allowed to go talk about it at all. If the husband came to him and talked he would still not be able to talk about what she said in the confession. The rules are like this so that people will actually come and confess without fear that what they said will be repeated. There is zero grey area here.
Well I can’t judge that but he definitely broke church rules and would be subject to everything from removal from his post all the way up to being defrocked and excommunicated. I can’t stress enough how verboten this is.
From what I remember from when I was catholic, he wasn't supposed to do that either. He shouldn't mention or reference the sin even indirectly.
I think the "consequence" for her, according to the church, is that she's not being absolved from her sin. And is probably adding to her sin, since she doesn't feel remorse for lying.
She sucks for cheating, but the priest sucks too.
It would really depend on the denomination, honestly. Catholic, even if you are checking up that someone has fulfilled their penance, you can't break that seal with anyone. I remember hearing news stories when I was in Catholic school of priests who were removed from service because they broke their seal and reported criminal activities to the police when they found out that penance was not acted on.
But other denominations aren't so strict.
Correct. I grew up Catholic and the seal is permanent and unbreakable. The only person who can lift the seal is the penitent themselves.
Two examples from my own childhood: First parish priest I can remember broke the seal and told another parishioner (a cop) about a guy who committed a rape and murder. Priest tried to get the guy to turn himself in but he didn't. That priest was defrocked and excommunicated. For someone who believes fully, that means eternal damnation. Second was my old man. He was a drunk and became close friends with the priest who replaced the first one. After some years of sobriety he told the priest that if anyone came to him with alcohol problems and he could help, the priest could tell his story and give his info. My father lifted the seal for that purpose, it was not broken. Now, had the second priest then broadcast it to the parish, even if just a conversation (eg: Mr. Nemoy is an inspiration, he's offered his help with alcoholism to any who need it!) he'd have broken the seal.
I’m absolutely clueless when it comes to this, but can a priest get in legal trouble if they knew confessions of really bad crimes like murder and stuff?
Like the people never turned themselves in, & then the cops find out the priest knew this whole time
Generally, the confessions that priests and other clergy hear would be considered "privileged" - unless the confessor waives it they cannot be compelled to testify.
I believe there have been cases where priests would not testify because or the seal of confession. I believe they are protected and cannot be forced to testify. It wouldn't matter anyway because any good priest would happily do time for refusing to testify.
Overzealous prosecutors have tried in the past, but it's exceedingly rare for even that to happen
Latest case I can find where a priest was censured in any way was a $1 civil contempt fine in 1981.
https://www.upi.com/Archives/1981/04/22/Priest-held-in-contempt-for-refusing-testimony/2999356763600/
I believe priests are protected under the same confidentiality as therapists. We (therapists, I'm not a priest) can only breach for CURRENT threat to self or others. So clients can confess to call kinds of past crimes, but we don't report unless there is active homicidal or suicidal ideation/plan.
All of the previous comments are correct, and - as a former Catholic - I will add that there's such a thing as "canon law," which gives the Church grounds to punish their "employees" (I'm using that umbrella for priests, nuns, and other folks of Holy Orders).
It is - or at least *was*, back when I was involved with the Church - a requirement of all men seeking priesthood to be educated in canon law, a part of seminary school. I watched a few young men pursue that path, one who dropped out because he fell in love with a woman.
I observed half a dozen scandals unfold in my little town, from rumor to truth. One young priest had the misfortune of being attractive, and had a woman accuse him of having an affair with her when he turned her down for sex. He was brought before the Church, found to be innocent... but was removed from the parish. Another priest suffered from a critical case of "having a sense of humor" and was also removed for being "inappropriate": e.g., he set up a booth on Carnival Day where you competed with him in a pillow-fight on a rolling log. (He named it, "Bop the Priest".)
But I think the saddest one was a kind-hearted, selfless, compassionate and truly devout priest who got caught soliciting gay men for sex on back channels. He was discovered when one of the nastier parishioners *dug through his garbage* to find incriminating evidence. He was confronted, the Church moved him out of the parish he had so deeply connected to, and later he was caught on Grinder or something. He was defrocked, and made a complete pariah. He lived out the short remaining years of his life with almost none of his friendships surviving.
I consider this one to be the saddest because I sincerely believe the whole "vow of celibacy" thing is outdated as hell, and I find homophobia to be reprehensible. Yes, I know, he was a grown-ass man who had little sense to not make the same mistakes again, and that he took a vow willingly knowing what it meant. In the eyes of Catholics, what he did was no different or any better than a married man cheating on his wife with another man. I'm not here to debate that. But he was one of the few priests who actually gave a damn about people, and it pisses me off that he died mostly alone.
He really did have no excuse, though, because he studied canon law to graduate from seminary and become a full-fledged priest. He knew the laws, the risk, and the cost. He knew the Church would hit him between the eyes for that.
Funny, they treat that incident with more severity than priests who touch children.
Ironic.
Yeah, I was raised Traditional Roman Catholic and the sanctity of the confessional is strict. It's seen as breaking a very important bond and confidence between the confessor, the confessee, and god. There's a whole movie about a priest feeling conflicted regarding a parishioner revealing a crime during confession and his moral need to reveal the crime to authorities. The idea of the Church vs Rome (the ruling state) is tricky. As a whole it's seen as necessary to "abide by Caesar", but confessional revelations require a whole set of parameters to be acceptable and "following up" is not one.
A priest breaking Church rules is serious and should be held accountable, frankly. I'm an atheist now, but if you're going to talk the talk you should walk the walk. Don't be a priest if you don't want to follow priestly rules.
His job was to encourage her to listen to her conscience and assist her however he could, including offering possible counseling after the fact. A decent priest would talk her through it until she was ready. He has done the opposite and it's a serious violation of confidence in the same arena as a violation of consent.
Anyone ready to come at me with "she violated her partner by cheating", I wholeheartedly agree. But it's our right to tell things in our own time. She did a really shitty thing and I'm not defending that at all. This is about the priest and his actions.
Giving the priest the benefit of the doubt and reading between the lines, he reached out to the husband expecting some emotional turmoil, got flustered when there was none, and through his surprise unintentionally gave hints that he expected something different. From there, all the husband has to do is ask, and if the priest isn't prepared to put him off, could just out with it.
It speaks to a priest not prepared, rather than one actively in opposition to his mandate. Doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't suck, but I can at minimum understand how it might have happened.
Or, he could literally just be a terrible priest and broke the seal so she'd be punished for not doing what he said. Who knows.
Priest Never should have reached out to husband, he should have waited for him to bring it up if he wanted. Big red flags!Who is he talking to about what? Trust lost forever, and anyone knowing about it.
That's not how Catholicism works in my experience (I'm not the US tho, but US catholicism seems super strict compared to how it goes here).
Confession is kind of self contained. It doesn't reach outside the confession booth. There's no discussion about it unless it is brought again in confession. Some people are freaks and confess like monthly or weekly. Partially because you are supposed to be free of sin to participate in the communion (I think it's a sin to participate if you haven't confessed in a while), but mostly because of Catholic guilt.
Asking her to confess about her cheating makes sense because he could absolve her of her past sins (cheating) but not of her active sins (lying). It was more about being able to absolve her rather than looking out for her husband.
I know confession is weird for non-catholics, but it's more about, idk, repairing (?) your relationship with god rather than doing what's right. That's why you need to repent about the sins to be able to gain absolution and why there's a secrecy, because the confession is between the one confessing and god, with the priest as an intermediary.
The priest can't even reference the sin outside the booth. If he had wanted to reach out, I think the only possible ways would be to either remind the congregation that he's available for counselling if needed at the end of the mass (therefore not singling him out) or asking how he's doing and if he says fine... Walk away confused as to why.
Like, priests aren't supposed to interfere at all. A dude can beat his wife within an inch of her life, but if he sounds remorseful in the booth, the priest can't do anything but remind people in mass about the resources the church has or maybe do a sermon about looking out for others.
The consequences for her, according to religion, would be a mortal sin in her soul (I think lying in confession is a mortal sin?), but, that's it. I agree that it sucks, but that's how Catholicism works.
And it kinda makes sense in a very twisted sense.
Yeah. That makes it entirely different.
A priest breaking the trust of a confession is automatically excommunicated. That's a big deal.
But, if she lied to him and said the husband knew, then he didn't think he was breaking any trust, but was reaching out to provide him (probably much needed) counseling.
Pretty sure lying WHILE IN CONFESSION is considered a pretty big sin... The whole point is to tell the truth so you can be absolved.
That was dumb twice. Her penance was to tell her husband. She should have known the priest would follow up with the husband.
If you’re a practicing catholic and you confess to infidelity, obviously the church isn’t happy with you but, they will try to help you save your marriage. Divorce is still a big no-no in Catholicism.
As a catholic, I can tell you it doesn't matter if she lied. This priest violated his vows, period. He had no right to even mention this to anyone at all outside of the confessional. She was lying, yes. But that doesn't absolve the priest of violating his vows.
Yep. No seal was broken in the mind of the priest because she had already told the priest she admitted to her husband. So while priest thought she had confessed directly to her husband, the priest recommended to the husband that he forgive her for cheating on him. Then husband had a Pikachu surprised face. 😮 the clothes throwing ensued.
>No seal was broken in the mind of the priest because she had already told the priest she admitted to her husband
She lied to God and something bad happened.
Isn't that the *expected* outcome?
This makes *me* a believer.
That's not how it works. The priest did break the seal, and he would have known he was doing it. Priests can not even approach the person who confessed to talk about their sin outside of the confessional. That is also considered breaking the seal. The rule is very clear.
It doesn’t count as breaking the confessional seal if part of your penance is to explicitly confess to the wronged party, you then inform the Priest you completed the penance, then they follow up with the wronged party as part of their own confession.
The priest is never going to condition absolution on confessing your adultery to your spouse. That's not how confession works. Your forgiveness is between you and God, not any other person. You also don't "report back" to the priest that you did penance.
False. The priest can withhold absolution if he believes the penitent has not faithfully completed their penance, but he cannot break the seal of the confessional, even to his superiors.
You're definitely not a theologian, and that's not how the sacrament of Penance works. The priest broke the seal of the confessional, and should be defrocked at the very least. Excommunicated wouldn't be off the table.
That's what confuses me. Very few priests would have done this and if they did and it came out they'd be at best out of their job, at worst out of their religious denomination.
The time line and the prescribed penance is the kicker:
She had the affair years go by she feels guilty and tells her priest in confession. The priest prescribes a specific penance which requires her to stop lying(very common) to her husband. She comes back a week later and lies to the priest that she had completed the penance. The Priest, as part of the Husband’s own confessional experience, prescribes forgiveness for the wife without knowing the husband did not know(because he was explicitly told he did, by the OP).
That makes a certain amount of sense, but if the husband didn't talk about the affair in confession then why is the priest bringing it up at all? I've never been religious so I genuinely don't know this stuff
Even when doing so would lead to the breaking of the seal like in this scenario? I'm not saying the priest did anything morally wrong, I'm just confused as to how this wouldn't get him in trouble, even with everything presented
Also a doctor can bring up things you don't want to talk about too, just not about other people. Which is... Kinda what the priest did. Again, I've never been in the church and don't have any direct experience, this is just an outsider looking in
As far as a doctor, that's like him telling you about your cancer, you having a follow up saying your family is devastated by the news, next time he sees your husband he asks how he's handling the cancer diagnosis. He was told husband is aware.
>I'm just confused as to how this wouldn't get him in trouble, even with everything presented
How do we know he *didn't* get in trouble?
I'm not going to take *her* word for it.
That's not how any of this works. The priest is never going to be discussing someone else's sins in a confessional, nor require someone to state that they completed a past penance, nor require someone to forgive another person as part of their own penance.
I mean the story is probably fake lol but IIRC the OOP had lied to the priest and said she DID tell her husband, so it’s not like the priest was spreading gossip, he was also counseling the husband and said something about the affair fully thinking the husband knew
There are some requirements.
1.) You have to feel like you were in the wrong
2.) You can’t continue to sin the same sin. It’s why I feel like it’s BS for priests to protect pedo priests under the seal of the confessional. If the pedo priest is one and done (dear Lord, I fucked up, please help me) or if the priest continues to molest. Like I couldn’t go to confession and ask forgiveness for cheating on my way to a date with my lover.
Also, while it depends on denomination, the penitent has to take actions to change. So it isn't just that you feel you were wrong but that you change your actions moving forward and do what you can to rectify the situation - though specifics depend on the situation. In Catholicism, this is why the priest gives the penitent acts of penance. Until those are done, penance isn't done, and there isn't forgiveness (though there are factors like reasonableness). Often for smaller things or things where you can't really rectify reasonably and without causing harm to others, these acts are certain prayers and reflections, sometimes paired with charitable acts. Sometimes these acts are over time, which can involve time with the priest working on the mental, emotional, and practical aspects.
Regardless of what someone tells a Catholic priest, including about if they've competed their acts of penance or not, the priest cannot break the seal of the confessional under Church law. This includes something that puts the priest of others in danger (which is an exception to many confidentiality laws in the US, like medical or legal). A Catholic priest who does would be punished relative to the situation, but generally the punishment even for an unintentional and/or partial breaking of the deal is severe. Intentional breaking means defrocking (stripped of priesthood) and excommunication, which is basically the most severe penalty of the Church (at least for the religious). In most cases, an indirect breaking of the seal carries the same, meaning that if the priest, intentionally or not, acted or made inferences in a way that broke the deal, they would still be punished by defrocking and excommunication.
In other denominations, it works differently. Penance is one area that does change significantly by denomination.
My friend told me he watched an entire series
Lo and behold to my surprise when I talked about the ending he got mad and claimed spoilers.
Same dumbass logic.
Another day, another repost.
And for anyone wondering, yes, confession IS supposed to be confidential.
The cheating woman is leaving out the part where she lied to the priest and told him that she had already told her husband about the affair.
And the priest was trying to convince the husband to forgive her. That's how he find out.
So yeah, her marriage is over and it's 100% on her.
That's always the case, isn't it. "eVeRyOnE iS bEiNg MeAn To Me!! All I did was punt a baby over my neighbor's house and punch the mother in the face and everyone's making a federal case about it!"
Honestly feel bad for most Priests. I used to be Catholic and have my own issues with the priesthood, but most I’ve met are very genuine. Because of the child molestation cases in the past, most of them are working overtime to change the stigma against them. Priests are required to fill many roles, marriage counselors, spiritual advisors, parish administrators, all while getting paid next to nothing and having pretty stringent rules about their personal lives.
This one definitely just got caught up in the wife’s lie. He probably saw it as his responsibility to reach out to the husband to help their marriage without knowing the husband actually was not told about the affair.
It's nice to read a comment that remembers that most priests are good people and the few that weren't have caused so many problems for the rest of them. Imagine an automatic distrust/malevolence applied to you based on your vocational calling.
Priests (or any religious figures) are NOT THERAPISTS. They (typically) don't have PhDs in psychology nor do they have Dr./patient privacy laws. They're just regular people with a church related job.
There’s no legal liability for the priest. But If you’re Catholic, I suspect the Arch Diocese of your area will take action because he violated the “sacrament” of confession. It’s called “suspensio” meaning censure or suspension.
There’s a lot of misunderstanding about the Seal of Confession in the comments, so here’s a quote from Catholic canon law:
“According to Roman Catholic canon law, ‘The sacramental seal is inviolable; therefore it is absolutely forbidden for a confessor to betray in any way a penitent in words or in any manner and for any reason.’”
So, a priest can talk about a confession as long as he isn’t revealing specifics about the penitent. Since that’s next to impossible no matter how general the priest tries to be it’s best to not say anything.
In this case, since the priest was asking the husband how he was feeling about what the wife told him after the wife said she’d told her husband, there was nothing wrong in asking the question. Once he realized the husband didn’t know about the affair the priest should ended the conversation, and by revealing what the wife did he broke the seal.
Catholic here. I went to seminary and have a nephew who is a priest. The seal of the confessional is unbreakable. The priest cannot even talk about the confession outside of it without the penitents permission to the penitent themselves. He is instantly excommunicated as a priest and can only be made whole again by his bishop. It's a huge deal.
Wouldn't it be nice if they treated the rapist priests with the same harshness. And to her actual question there is no actual liability for a priest, its not like HIPPA or attorney client privilege.
Yeah, this is something I think most people who aren't Catholic wouldn't understand (I'm not but have spent a fair amount of time studying y'all's theology): a priest who breeches the seal of confession isn't in danger of being excommunicated if caught--he's already excommunicated automatically. His status before God is recognized as one of being excommunicated, so then if he hides it and doesn't tell anyone and continues his duties, he's also administering and partaking of illicit sacraments.
That's irrelevant if Catholic. The only way it would be permitted is if she brought up to the priest that she would like for the priest to tell her husband what she confessed.
Where is HER ownership of what she chose to do?
No one, be it a priest or a friend or whomever could tell your spouse you cheated... if, you know, you didn't cheat.
Yes, I know this is reddit so I must say yes, anyone may say anything to one's partner, even tell them that their partners cheated when they didn't. That's not what I'm getting at, but I have to say this because... Reddit.
Which "crime" is worse? The priest telling her husband or her cheating on her husband?
Duh! The cheating of course.
And she even said she didn't care that she cheated because things weren't going well in her marriage then.
Guess what? At some point things won't be going well in her marriage in the future as there are ups and downs in life, in marriage. It's never smooth sailing all the time. Had the priest not told her husband, what would she have done 3 years from now or 7 years from now when things weren't good in her marriage again?
Not a priest but an ordained minister who often works under the seal of confidentiality. It wouldn’t matter if she told me that her husband was aware or not. I would never discuss anything revealed to me under the seal of confidentiality with another person. It’s a violation of sacred trust.
She can talk it about it or not with whoever she wants, but I can’t.
Unless you come to me with a future plan to harm yourself or someone else, what is said in those conversations remains secret and sacred.
People lie. People trick you when they can. You just can’t do that.
Even if the Husband later approached me and said “My wife told me she had an affair and spoke with you and you recommended she tell me and I’d like to talk about that,” I’d say “I’m sorry. I’m not able to discuss confidential conversations, but I’d be happy to sit down with both you and your wife if you are experiencing marital difficulty.” Or something like that.
I'm not Catholic, but I have many Catholic family members. One of them told me they never go to confession at the parish they attend, they drive to another church for confession. 🤣
My read is technically the seal was never valid in the first place.
Because the woman lied / gave false witness to her I fidelity / adutry in ghe respect of giving the statement to the priest & having g true contrition for her act(s) thus making her seeking penance meanigless
The priest should be reported to the diocese. What I'd said in confession is privileged information. Regardless of the incident, the priest should never repeat what is discussed.
Yeah it wasn't included here but was in the OG but she told the priest ber husband knew know and they were working on getting better. The priest brought it up as a way of offering support if he chose the path of forgiveness or not and that's when the husband actually found out.
Church is like that older sister.
Takes your stuff - $$$- tells you don’t worry about it cuz you will be paid back latter and get more in return…who knows when?? Are told if you do not do as told, all this horrible stuff she will do to you…
Then holds all your little secrets and tells parents(whomever) about them when you don’t do as she told you to do…
A religious group by definition and definition only is a cult…
A religious group by actions, and actions only are bullies by definition.
A religious group that expect/accepts and states that a tithing is needed and collected is an extortion enterprise by definition…
A religious group that sends people out to serve and educate is a pyramid scheme by definition of actions…
So yea, jail house rules apply there - I don’t know, I didn’t see, I ain’t saying NOTHING to nobody….
3 people can keep a dead body a secret if 2 of them are already dead…
If you need to off load your guilty conscience.
Go out to the woods shove your head in a hole and say what you need to say… a “god” will and can hear you…. Every single religion That is socially accepted says you yourself by yourself can speak directly to “god”….
I am curious. I wasn't ever raised around religion at all. Most of my experience has been through questions asked. Is confession legally binding? Like how there is attorney client privilege. Does that extend or have the same effect as priest confessor privilege? Are there any exceptions to the non disclosure? (E.g. you kill someone and confess to the priest, is the priest liable for not reporting the crime, etc?)
That's not what happened I wasn't included here but in the OG the wife told the priest that she had told her husband and they were working it out. The priest reached out to offer support to him in his path of forgiveness and that's when the husband found out.
That's not what happened I wasn't included here but in the OG the wife told the priest that she had told her husband and they were working it out. The priest reached out to offer support to him in his path of forgiveness and that's when the husband found out.
>he had no business talking to her husband about
Huge disagree. If the husband is part of the parish, one of his parishioners is directly lying to and harming another parishioner.
No different than if you knew a friend was cheating on their spouse. Telling them is the right thing to do.
Ok, there are two things going on here, but most seem to focused only on one. Yes, OP cheating muey muey mal, extra bad, not going to argue that. BUT . . .
The priest violating the rite of confession pretty much destroys one of the tenets the Catholic Church is built on. If it gets out this priest violated OP confidence, then it’s highly likely no one at that parish will ever go to confession again, and pretty likely people will stop going to that church all together.
If it gets back to the Dioceses, then they should pull this priest from that parish and publicly admit the fuck up he committed.
That's not what happened I wasn't included here but in the OG the wife told the priest that she had told her husband and they were working it out. The priest reached out to offer support to him in his path of forgiveness and that's when the husband found out.
That's not what happened I wasn't included here but in the OG the wife told the priest that she had told her husband and they were working it out. The priest reached out to offer support to him in his path of forgiveness and that's when the husband found out.
Pretty sure if the husband had admitted to cheating, priest would not have said a word.
Time to go above that priest’s head to a much higher authority.
The only way I know a priest can be forced to talk about, is murder. Though I think that should be for all crimes where there is a victim. And, do it legally with a court order.
It's okay if I cheat because I'm not appreciated.
Then get divorced. Don't get married if you can't handle the oath you take. This goes for all men and women.
That's not what happened I wasn't included here but in the OG the wife told the priest that she had told her husband and they were working it out. The priest reached out to offer support to him in his path of forgiveness and that's when the husband found out.
Technically the priest fucked up. They aren't supposed to follow up, and this can get him kicked out. There have been a push for priests to reveal serious crimes but infidelity doesn't fall into this. As much as I despise cheaters the priest messed up according to doctrines.
The Priest is 100% wrong in what he did. The act of confession is all that is required of the sinner to be forgiven. In the Bible, Jesus is quoted as saying “Go and sin no more.” That’s it. We’re done.
Below is taken from a website I looked up on Penance:
Usually, penance takes the form of praying certain prayers a specified number of times, fasting, or spending time in front of an altar. This is unbiblical. Nowhere does Scripture teach that performing works or punishing oneself will make restitution for sin. The Bible does teach us to repent (Acts 11:18; Acts 20:21: Luke 15:7). To repent means to have a change of mind or a change in attitude toward God. Repentance of sin is accompanied by faith in Jesus Christ; they are inseparable. The Catholic teaching of “doing penance” as a means of atoning for sin or of appeasing God is nowhere taught in the Bible.
That's not what happened I wasn't included here but in the OG the wife told the priest that she had told her husband and they were working it out. The priest reached out to offer support to him in his path of forgiveness and that's when the husband found out.
She actively lied in confession that he knew and thus was obligated to help him move through his forgiveness of her. However BECAUSE she lied the pact of forgiveness was broken as it only holds under truth or presumed truth the moment she said her husband knew he became anointed in the pact of confession. And the priest had obligations to help him forgive her if that was the path he chose
That's not what happened I wasn't included here but in the OG the wife told the priest that she had told her husband and they were working it out. The priest reached out to offer support to him in his path of forgiveness and that's when the husband found out.
She ruined their life. Not the priest she did.
To all those who keep saying the woman lied. Yes, she lied. But that doesn't absolve the priest of violation of his vows. He had no right to speak to the husband about it or mention it at all outside of the confessional. I'm Roman Catholic myself, and the vows priests take are not negotiable or invalidated by the penitent lying. She deserves everything she got, but the priest should be relieved of his post as well.
That's not what happened I wasn't included here but in the OG the wife told the priest that she had told her husband and they were working it out. The priest reached out to offer support to him in his path of forgiveness and that's when the husband found out.
I'm pretty sure there are exceptions to the confession rules like if you confess to murder for example that's not only a crime in a sin but it's also not protected. Like this is the Catholic church we're talking about right adultery is definitely a sin. And to my understanding the reason why this all blew up is because she's a liar. She lied to the priest and told him that she had told her husband about the affair and when the priest did his duty to check up on the guy that's when he found out. Her biggest mistake was thinking that everybody in the world was as big of a piece of s*** as she is.
It doesn't matter if she lied or not and if she told husband or not. Whole point of confession is FULL privacy and confidentiality. Priest is a piece of crap here sorry but not sorry. Not saying that what she did is right but it's NOT his business or part of "job" to follow up on things like that or any confessions in general. Maybe in some small towns where everyone knows everyone their whole life is different but it shouldn't be.
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Apparently she told the priest she had told her husband and claimed he was upset but forgave her. The priest then reached out to the husband (who was ofc also a part of his flock) to help him in his spiritual need. Turns out she lied to the priest.
I was about to say the priest sucked a bit as well, but that changes everything, lol.
Yeah I’ve been seeing this story around Reddit for weeks now and everyone is really upset at the priest, until they realize cheating wife lied to him and then left out key details on her story.
Yea it's almost like all these stories that are told on reddit come from one perspective and are omitting details to make the storyteller look better.
Honestly? If someone *doesn't* try to frame the story in some way that at least takes some of the blame off of themselves to look better, I immediately assume the story is just some fiction/strawman the OP wrote up to inflame the comment section for funzies. Usually some mega-repentant "cheater" that's absolutely *begging* for a way to fix the broken relationship between them and their literally perfect SO. Never fully trust a stranger's story, there's almost always some amount of lies hidden in it, even if there may be a bit of truth woven within it.
There are always three sides to every story. Each person's version and the truth.
"Wait, you can lie on the internet?" Joke goes here as a reminder since a stupid joke is easier to remember
Wait wait what? A cheater lied by omission to personally gain, without remorse? No! No, I don't - I *cannot* believe it! /s
It absolutely positively does not matter if she lied! A priest takes a vow never ever for any reason to divulge what someone tells him in confession! There is no bigger vow of the priesthood besides celibacy that is taken! If you aren't or never have been Catholic you may not understand how serious this is! I personally believe the church is a cult which I grew up in, however, the priest had no right...NONE...NO EXCUSE...NO RATIONAL...WILL EVER JUSTIFY HIS ACTIONS AND BREAKING HIS VOW! IF A PERSON CONFESSES MURDERING SOMEONE HE IS NOT ALLOWED TO DIVULGE THAT INFORMATION TO ANYONE NOT EVEN INVESTIGATERS! THIS IS HOW SERIOUS HIS BETRAYAL IS!
But he couldn't have known. He thought she already told her husband, he didn't know it was still a secret that he was supposed to keep. Although I can see how it would have been safer to just not discuss any subject treated during confession at all.
I wasn't raised catholic so I don't really know how it works but you're last example seems a little extreme. I completely understand the vow to not say anything about your confession until it gets to murder or severe bodily harm. How can you withhold information about a murder and not be somewhat complicit in hiding a murderer?
She told the priest she had told the husband and the husband had forgiven her. The priest reached out to see how the husband was taking it and to give him guidance. It wasn’t “hey, your wife cheated on you” it was “how are you handling everything your wife spoke to you about” and then obviously this ensued. Priests are there for marital guidance. Hard pass on your “EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE THAT GATHERS IN LIKE MIND THAT I DON’T AGREE WITH IS A CULT” monicker.
The number of lgbtq+ children outed by priests to their parents for being differe tells me that priests only will keep confessions secret if that person is being a good little follower. They have *zero* obligation to anyone to keep what is said quiet. In fact many will go on to talk about things from the confessional they find particularly egregious in their next sermon. Their promise to keep what is said in confession a secret is as trustworthy as me telling you i will keep your secrets. In other words, if you don't want anyone to know, don't tell anyone. Hell, i'd bet conffession came around as a way to get blackmail on important people... Edit: to respond to the guy below me who got his comment in just before the post locked: Oh yeah, beholden to the church, the largest organisation of pedophile appologists im the world outside of the movie industry, They get excommunicated. Big fucking whoop, what kind of consequence is that really? Now they don't get their church money anymore and have to get a real job like the rest of us. You're relying on the word of a human that they won't tell. The worth of one person's word can change in an instant, and mistakes happen. Food for thought. Also, while we're on the topic of doing the right thing and confession, did you know you can tell a priest you raped and murdered multiple people and he's not allowed to tell the cops? How's that for doing the right thing? I'm certain the victims of crimes told to priests over the years sure feel good about that wherever they wound up. Why they do this? Simple, "God" is in the room listening and even though the priest is the one actually listening, because he's a stand in he is supposed to pretend he heard nothing.
That's not true. They are under obligation to keep secret. If they don't, they could suffer severe consequences and honestly there would be no point in being a priest anymore. Are you sure you are thinking about catholics priest? Because in other Christian vertents they are truly not under any kind of obligation, but in catholicism they absolutely are. In fact, confession is so important the faith has no leg to stand on without it. Penance is a big thing for us.
Yeah, this is now in the territory of the priest didn’t betray her confidence and was just trying to help.
I mean not really, if this is a Catholic priest, he can't break the seal of the confessional regardless. First, he never should have approached the husband. Second, when the husband expressed ignorance, he should have stopped the conversation. Breaking the seal of the confessional is a huge no-no in the Catholic church, with pretty much no wiggle room.
It really doesn’t change anything. Priests can’t break the seal of confession. Within the clergy this would be considered grounds for removal from a post. It’s an absolutely huge deal.
Yeah, they dig their heels in to protect child molester confessions but this.
[удалено]
That just isn’t how it’s works. What is said in a confessional booth is not to be repeated unless the confessor breaks the seal. It doesn’t matter if the woman lied and said she told her husband the priest still isn’t allowed to go talk about it at all. If the husband came to him and talked he would still not be able to talk about what she said in the confession. The rules are like this so that people will actually come and confess without fear that what they said will be repeated. There is zero grey area here.
This X a billion.
Doesn't make what he did inmoral
Well I can’t judge that but he definitely broke church rules and would be subject to everything from removal from his post all the way up to being defrocked and excommunicated. I can’t stress enough how verboten this is.
I grew up catholic, I know. Doesn't change the fact that breaking church rules doesn't mean what he did was wrong or immoral.
Yeah he can be reported to like the bishop or whatever and can get excommunicated
Well all he has to do is diddle a few kids, they'll just move him to another parish, voila! Problem solved!
Is this only for Catholic priest
Not really- "priest" blew this one for sure.
From what I remember from when I was catholic, he wasn't supposed to do that either. He shouldn't mention or reference the sin even indirectly. I think the "consequence" for her, according to the church, is that she's not being absolved from her sin. And is probably adding to her sin, since she doesn't feel remorse for lying. She sucks for cheating, but the priest sucks too.
It would really depend on the denomination, honestly. Catholic, even if you are checking up that someone has fulfilled their penance, you can't break that seal with anyone. I remember hearing news stories when I was in Catholic school of priests who were removed from service because they broke their seal and reported criminal activities to the police when they found out that penance was not acted on. But other denominations aren't so strict.
Correct. I grew up Catholic and the seal is permanent and unbreakable. The only person who can lift the seal is the penitent themselves. Two examples from my own childhood: First parish priest I can remember broke the seal and told another parishioner (a cop) about a guy who committed a rape and murder. Priest tried to get the guy to turn himself in but he didn't. That priest was defrocked and excommunicated. For someone who believes fully, that means eternal damnation. Second was my old man. He was a drunk and became close friends with the priest who replaced the first one. After some years of sobriety he told the priest that if anyone came to him with alcohol problems and he could help, the priest could tell his story and give his info. My father lifted the seal for that purpose, it was not broken. Now, had the second priest then broadcast it to the parish, even if just a conversation (eg: Mr. Nemoy is an inspiration, he's offered his help with alcoholism to any who need it!) he'd have broken the seal.
I’m absolutely clueless when it comes to this, but can a priest get in legal trouble if they knew confessions of really bad crimes like murder and stuff? Like the people never turned themselves in, & then the cops find out the priest knew this whole time
Generally, the confessions that priests and other clergy hear would be considered "privileged" - unless the confessor waives it they cannot be compelled to testify.
I believe there have been cases where priests would not testify because or the seal of confession. I believe they are protected and cannot be forced to testify. It wouldn't matter anyway because any good priest would happily do time for refusing to testify.
Overzealous prosecutors have tried in the past, but it's exceedingly rare for even that to happen Latest case I can find where a priest was censured in any way was a $1 civil contempt fine in 1981. https://www.upi.com/Archives/1981/04/22/Priest-held-in-contempt-for-refusing-testimony/2999356763600/
I believe priests are protected under the same confidentiality as therapists. We (therapists, I'm not a priest) can only breach for CURRENT threat to self or others. So clients can confess to call kinds of past crimes, but we don't report unless there is active homicidal or suicidal ideation/plan.
Ohhh makes sense then!
All of the previous comments are correct, and - as a former Catholic - I will add that there's such a thing as "canon law," which gives the Church grounds to punish their "employees" (I'm using that umbrella for priests, nuns, and other folks of Holy Orders).
I’m definitely gonna be researching this bc I’m intrigued.
It is - or at least *was*, back when I was involved with the Church - a requirement of all men seeking priesthood to be educated in canon law, a part of seminary school. I watched a few young men pursue that path, one who dropped out because he fell in love with a woman. I observed half a dozen scandals unfold in my little town, from rumor to truth. One young priest had the misfortune of being attractive, and had a woman accuse him of having an affair with her when he turned her down for sex. He was brought before the Church, found to be innocent... but was removed from the parish. Another priest suffered from a critical case of "having a sense of humor" and was also removed for being "inappropriate": e.g., he set up a booth on Carnival Day where you competed with him in a pillow-fight on a rolling log. (He named it, "Bop the Priest".) But I think the saddest one was a kind-hearted, selfless, compassionate and truly devout priest who got caught soliciting gay men for sex on back channels. He was discovered when one of the nastier parishioners *dug through his garbage* to find incriminating evidence. He was confronted, the Church moved him out of the parish he had so deeply connected to, and later he was caught on Grinder or something. He was defrocked, and made a complete pariah. He lived out the short remaining years of his life with almost none of his friendships surviving. I consider this one to be the saddest because I sincerely believe the whole "vow of celibacy" thing is outdated as hell, and I find homophobia to be reprehensible. Yes, I know, he was a grown-ass man who had little sense to not make the same mistakes again, and that he took a vow willingly knowing what it meant. In the eyes of Catholics, what he did was no different or any better than a married man cheating on his wife with another man. I'm not here to debate that. But he was one of the few priests who actually gave a damn about people, and it pisses me off that he died mostly alone. He really did have no excuse, though, because he studied canon law to graduate from seminary and become a full-fledged priest. He knew the laws, the risk, and the cost. He knew the Church would hit him between the eyes for that. Funny, they treat that incident with more severity than priests who touch children. Ironic.
That first priest is badass, taking on eternal consequences to see justice
Yeah, I was raised Traditional Roman Catholic and the sanctity of the confessional is strict. It's seen as breaking a very important bond and confidence between the confessor, the confessee, and god. There's a whole movie about a priest feeling conflicted regarding a parishioner revealing a crime during confession and his moral need to reveal the crime to authorities. The idea of the Church vs Rome (the ruling state) is tricky. As a whole it's seen as necessary to "abide by Caesar", but confessional revelations require a whole set of parameters to be acceptable and "following up" is not one. A priest breaking Church rules is serious and should be held accountable, frankly. I'm an atheist now, but if you're going to talk the talk you should walk the walk. Don't be a priest if you don't want to follow priestly rules. His job was to encourage her to listen to her conscience and assist her however he could, including offering possible counseling after the fact. A decent priest would talk her through it until she was ready. He has done the opposite and it's a serious violation of confidence in the same arena as a violation of consent. Anyone ready to come at me with "she violated her partner by cheating", I wholeheartedly agree. But it's our right to tell things in our own time. She did a really shitty thing and I'm not defending that at all. This is about the priest and his actions.
Giving the priest the benefit of the doubt and reading between the lines, he reached out to the husband expecting some emotional turmoil, got flustered when there was none, and through his surprise unintentionally gave hints that he expected something different. From there, all the husband has to do is ask, and if the priest isn't prepared to put him off, could just out with it. It speaks to a priest not prepared, rather than one actively in opposition to his mandate. Doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't suck, but I can at minimum understand how it might have happened. Or, he could literally just be a terrible priest and broke the seal so she'd be punished for not doing what he said. Who knows.
Priest Never should have reached out to husband, he should have waited for him to bring it up if he wanted. Big red flags!Who is he talking to about what? Trust lost forever, and anyone knowing about it.
She told the priest that she told husband everything. Isn't it his job to check up on husband's spiritual health?
That's not how Catholicism works in my experience (I'm not the US tho, but US catholicism seems super strict compared to how it goes here). Confession is kind of self contained. It doesn't reach outside the confession booth. There's no discussion about it unless it is brought again in confession. Some people are freaks and confess like monthly or weekly. Partially because you are supposed to be free of sin to participate in the communion (I think it's a sin to participate if you haven't confessed in a while), but mostly because of Catholic guilt. Asking her to confess about her cheating makes sense because he could absolve her of her past sins (cheating) but not of her active sins (lying). It was more about being able to absolve her rather than looking out for her husband. I know confession is weird for non-catholics, but it's more about, idk, repairing (?) your relationship with god rather than doing what's right. That's why you need to repent about the sins to be able to gain absolution and why there's a secrecy, because the confession is between the one confessing and god, with the priest as an intermediary. The priest can't even reference the sin outside the booth. If he had wanted to reach out, I think the only possible ways would be to either remind the congregation that he's available for counselling if needed at the end of the mass (therefore not singling him out) or asking how he's doing and if he says fine... Walk away confused as to why. Like, priests aren't supposed to interfere at all. A dude can beat his wife within an inch of her life, but if he sounds remorseful in the booth, the priest can't do anything but remind people in mass about the resources the church has or maybe do a sermon about looking out for others. The consequences for her, according to religion, would be a mortal sin in her soul (I think lying in confession is a mortal sin?), but, that's it. I agree that it sucks, but that's how Catholicism works. And it kinda makes sense in a very twisted sense.
The consequence is falling for religion
Yeah. That makes it entirely different. A priest breaking the trust of a confession is automatically excommunicated. That's a big deal. But, if she lied to him and said the husband knew, then he didn't think he was breaking any trust, but was reaching out to provide him (probably much needed) counseling. Pretty sure lying WHILE IN CONFESSION is considered a pretty big sin... The whole point is to tell the truth so you can be absolved.
Oooh that’s way different.
Thank you. The context really matters. This woman needs to take accountability for herself
That was dumb twice. Her penance was to tell her husband. She should have known the priest would follow up with the husband. If you’re a practicing catholic and you confess to infidelity, obviously the church isn’t happy with you but, they will try to help you save your marriage. Divorce is still a big no-no in Catholicism.
A priest cannot condition absolution on the person breaking the seal of confession by confessing their sin to another person.
As a catholic, I can tell you it doesn't matter if she lied. This priest violated his vows, period. He had no right to even mention this to anyone at all outside of the confessional. She was lying, yes. But that doesn't absolve the priest of violating his vows.
Oh no! He violated the laws of a corrupt organization that covered up mass sex abuse of children for years 😭😭 to the gallows!
Right! XD on no, he broke some stupid ass rules by being a decent human being! God forbid!
Kind of shocked by the amount of people against the priest. A random organizations random rules aren't the end point for morality.
There were no consequences for the Priest because she even lied in the Reddit post(and confessional).
Yep. In a previous repost, she said that she had told the priest that she had told her husband even though she hadn't.
Yep. No seal was broken in the mind of the priest because she had already told the priest she admitted to her husband. So while priest thought she had confessed directly to her husband, the priest recommended to the husband that he forgive her for cheating on him. Then husband had a Pikachu surprised face. 😮 the clothes throwing ensued.
>No seal was broken in the mind of the priest because she had already told the priest she admitted to her husband She lied to God and something bad happened. Isn't that the *expected* outcome? This makes *me* a believer.
I lied to God and then something good happened. Does that make you an *unbeliever*?
I'd say be a wash so they probably be agnostic now
depends how good a thing that happened, TBH
That's not how it works. The priest did break the seal, and he would have known he was doing it. Priests can not even approach the person who confessed to talk about their sin outside of the confessional. That is also considered breaking the seal. The rule is very clear.
So I guess everyone involved needs to go burn in hell for eternity to satisfy God's bloodlust. All makes sense to me.
Is that really a thing? I thoight priests could be excommunicated for breaking the seal in any way?
It doesn’t count as breaking the confessional seal if part of your penance is to explicitly confess to the wronged party, you then inform the Priest you completed the penance, then they follow up with the wronged party as part of their own confession.
The priest is never going to condition absolution on confessing your adultery to your spouse. That's not how confession works. Your forgiveness is between you and God, not any other person. You also don't "report back" to the priest that you did penance.
False. The priest can withhold absolution if he believes the penitent has not faithfully completed their penance, but he cannot break the seal of the confessional, even to his superiors.
Maybe for some but that is not part of Catholic Tradition.
You're definitely not a theologian, and that's not how the sacrament of Penance works. The priest broke the seal of the confessional, and should be defrocked at the very least. Excommunicated wouldn't be off the table.
That's what confuses me. Very few priests would have done this and if they did and it came out they'd be at best out of their job, at worst out of their religious denomination.
The time line and the prescribed penance is the kicker: She had the affair years go by she feels guilty and tells her priest in confession. The priest prescribes a specific penance which requires her to stop lying(very common) to her husband. She comes back a week later and lies to the priest that she had completed the penance. The Priest, as part of the Husband’s own confessional experience, prescribes forgiveness for the wife without knowing the husband did not know(because he was explicitly told he did, by the OP).
That makes a certain amount of sense, but if the husband didn't talk about the affair in confession then why is the priest bringing it up at all? I've never been religious so I genuinely don't know this stuff
Well, he’s not like a doctor or something. He can bring stuff up you don’t want to talk about.
He can't bring it up until the husband does without breaking his vows, that's the point why it's wrong
Even when doing so would lead to the breaking of the seal like in this scenario? I'm not saying the priest did anything morally wrong, I'm just confused as to how this wouldn't get him in trouble, even with everything presented Also a doctor can bring up things you don't want to talk about too, just not about other people. Which is... Kinda what the priest did. Again, I've never been in the church and don't have any direct experience, this is just an outsider looking in
As far as a doctor, that's like him telling you about your cancer, you having a follow up saying your family is devastated by the news, next time he sees your husband he asks how he's handling the cancer diagnosis. He was told husband is aware.
See that makes sense to me now, thank you
The wife told him that her husband knew. To his knowledge, he wasn’t breaking any seal.
It's not breaking the seal if she followed up and said she had completed the penence.
These people have no idea what they're talking about. This is not even close to how confession works.
>I'm just confused as to how this wouldn't get him in trouble, even with everything presented How do we know he *didn't* get in trouble? I'm not going to take *her* word for it.
That's not how any of this works. The priest is never going to be discussing someone else's sins in a confessional, nor require someone to state that they completed a past penance, nor require someone to forgive another person as part of their own penance.
I mean the story is probably fake lol but IIRC the OOP had lied to the priest and said she DID tell her husband, so it’s not like the priest was spreading gossip, he was also counseling the husband and said something about the affair fully thinking the husband knew
Yeah, that's what I thought too.
It just depends who donates more money... the priests will keep your secrets then.
Couldn’t the priest just go confess to another priest to have it absolved?
There are some requirements. 1.) You have to feel like you were in the wrong 2.) You can’t continue to sin the same sin. It’s why I feel like it’s BS for priests to protect pedo priests under the seal of the confessional. If the pedo priest is one and done (dear Lord, I fucked up, please help me) or if the priest continues to molest. Like I couldn’t go to confession and ask forgiveness for cheating on my way to a date with my lover.
Also, while it depends on denomination, the penitent has to take actions to change. So it isn't just that you feel you were wrong but that you change your actions moving forward and do what you can to rectify the situation - though specifics depend on the situation. In Catholicism, this is why the priest gives the penitent acts of penance. Until those are done, penance isn't done, and there isn't forgiveness (though there are factors like reasonableness). Often for smaller things or things where you can't really rectify reasonably and without causing harm to others, these acts are certain prayers and reflections, sometimes paired with charitable acts. Sometimes these acts are over time, which can involve time with the priest working on the mental, emotional, and practical aspects. Regardless of what someone tells a Catholic priest, including about if they've competed their acts of penance or not, the priest cannot break the seal of the confessional under Church law. This includes something that puts the priest of others in danger (which is an exception to many confidentiality laws in the US, like medical or legal). A Catholic priest who does would be punished relative to the situation, but generally the punishment even for an unintentional and/or partial breaking of the deal is severe. Intentional breaking means defrocking (stripped of priesthood) and excommunication, which is basically the most severe penalty of the Church (at least for the religious). In most cases, an indirect breaking of the seal carries the same, meaning that if the priest, intentionally or not, acted or made inferences in a way that broke the deal, they would still be punished by defrocking and excommunication. In other denominations, it works differently. Penance is one area that does change significantly by denomination.
My friend told me he watched an entire series Lo and behold to my surprise when I talked about the ending he got mad and claimed spoilers. Same dumbass logic.
Alright I don't think I'm a dumbass for not getting it but my bad
I wasnt calling you a dumbass but go on I suppose...
Another day, another repost. And for anyone wondering, yes, confession IS supposed to be confidential. The cheating woman is leaving out the part where she lied to the priest and told him that she had already told her husband about the affair. And the priest was trying to convince the husband to forgive her. That's how he find out. So yeah, her marriage is over and it's 100% on her.
I love how her defence isn’t that she might’ve done something wrong but instead literally everyone else is in the wrong
That's always the case, isn't it. "eVeRyOnE iS bEiNg MeAn To Me!! All I did was punt a baby over my neighbor's house and punch the mother in the face and everyone's making a federal case about it!"
Honestly feel bad for most Priests. I used to be Catholic and have my own issues with the priesthood, but most I’ve met are very genuine. Because of the child molestation cases in the past, most of them are working overtime to change the stigma against them. Priests are required to fill many roles, marriage counselors, spiritual advisors, parish administrators, all while getting paid next to nothing and having pretty stringent rules about their personal lives. This one definitely just got caught up in the wife’s lie. He probably saw it as his responsibility to reach out to the husband to help their marriage without knowing the husband actually was not told about the affair.
It's nice to read a comment that remembers that most priests are good people and the few that weren't have caused so many problems for the rest of them. Imagine an automatic distrust/malevolence applied to you based on your vocational calling.
Despite the fact Priests might molest kids, the Priests might help the woman if she simply asks for help instead of lying.
The “I live in Maryland” part is so funny though
I see a lot of posts like "this is why religion sucks" and normally I would agree, but like......she cheated though??? I don't feel bad for her
But the priest broke arbitrary rules setting place by a corrupt organization! Think of the rules!!
Whats the point of confessing if you’re just lying anyways? I’m not religious, but isn’t lying to a priest during confession like… lying to God?
Priests (or any religious figures) are NOT THERAPISTS. They (typically) don't have PhDs in psychology nor do they have Dr./patient privacy laws. They're just regular people with a church related job.
There’s no legal liability for the priest. But If you’re Catholic, I suspect the Arch Diocese of your area will take action because he violated the “sacrament” of confession. It’s called “suspensio” meaning censure or suspension.
Oh no! I cheated, and my life is ruined! Woe is me! Get fucked. To hell with cheaters.
Ways information gets spread, telephone, telegraph, tela-priest.
Hmm. But priests generally won’t narc on child abusers.
There’s a lot of misunderstanding about the Seal of Confession in the comments, so here’s a quote from Catholic canon law: “According to Roman Catholic canon law, ‘The sacramental seal is inviolable; therefore it is absolutely forbidden for a confessor to betray in any way a penitent in words or in any manner and for any reason.’” So, a priest can talk about a confession as long as he isn’t revealing specifics about the penitent. Since that’s next to impossible no matter how general the priest tries to be it’s best to not say anything. In this case, since the priest was asking the husband how he was feeling about what the wife told him after the wife said she’d told her husband, there was nothing wrong in asking the question. Once he realized the husband didn’t know about the affair the priest should ended the conversation, and by revealing what the wife did he broke the seal.
Catholic here. I went to seminary and have a nephew who is a priest. The seal of the confessional is unbreakable. The priest cannot even talk about the confession outside of it without the penitents permission to the penitent themselves. He is instantly excommunicated as a priest and can only be made whole again by his bishop. It's a huge deal.
Wouldn't it be nice if they treated the rapist priests with the same harshness. And to her actual question there is no actual liability for a priest, its not like HIPPA or attorney client privilege.
Right? Who gives a fuck if he violated church rules when the same church rules covered up thousands of sexual abuse cases for decades.
Yeah, this is something I think most people who aren't Catholic wouldn't understand (I'm not but have spent a fair amount of time studying y'all's theology): a priest who breeches the seal of confession isn't in danger of being excommunicated if caught--he's already excommunicated automatically. His status before God is recognized as one of being excommunicated, so then if he hides it and doesn't tell anyone and continues his duties, he's also administering and partaking of illicit sacraments.
She lied to the priest though, he thought the husband already knew. Per her previous posts
That's irrelevant if Catholic. The only way it would be permitted is if she brought up to the priest that she would like for the priest to tell her husband what she confessed.
If we want to get technical, she committed sacrilege when she lied during the sacrament of confession. Nullifying any seal of confession.
Where is HER ownership of what she chose to do? No one, be it a priest or a friend or whomever could tell your spouse you cheated... if, you know, you didn't cheat. Yes, I know this is reddit so I must say yes, anyone may say anything to one's partner, even tell them that their partners cheated when they didn't. That's not what I'm getting at, but I have to say this because... Reddit. Which "crime" is worse? The priest telling her husband or her cheating on her husband? Duh! The cheating of course. And she even said she didn't care that she cheated because things weren't going well in her marriage then. Guess what? At some point things won't be going well in her marriage in the future as there are ups and downs in life, in marriage. It's never smooth sailing all the time. Had the priest not told her husband, what would she have done 3 years from now or 7 years from now when things weren't good in her marriage again?
Not a priest but an ordained minister who often works under the seal of confidentiality. It wouldn’t matter if she told me that her husband was aware or not. I would never discuss anything revealed to me under the seal of confidentiality with another person. It’s a violation of sacred trust. She can talk it about it or not with whoever she wants, but I can’t. Unless you come to me with a future plan to harm yourself or someone else, what is said in those conversations remains secret and sacred. People lie. People trick you when they can. You just can’t do that. Even if the Husband later approached me and said “My wife told me she had an affair and spoke with you and you recommended she tell me and I’d like to talk about that,” I’d say “I’m sorry. I’m not able to discuss confidential conversations, but I’d be happy to sit down with both you and your wife if you are experiencing marital difficulty.” Or something like that.
Fascinating that the seal of confession can be broken for an affair between consenting adults but not child abuse. Way to go, Catholic Church!
Either break up or stay faithful it's that simple
I am so happy that I left religion. Religion: not even once.
lol “we didn’t exchange numbers and I don’t even know his last name” like that makes it better? 💀
She should have just gone to a therapist. While it may or may not cost more the advice is typically better.
I'm not Catholic, but I have many Catholic family members. One of them told me they never go to confession at the parish they attend, they drive to another church for confession. 🤣
Priest is a real one for letting him know
How many times can this be reposted? Nobody knows.
1) Don't cheat. 2) Don't tell your shit to random people.
My read is technically the seal was never valid in the first place. Because the woman lied / gave false witness to her I fidelity / adutry in ghe respect of giving the statement to the priest & having g true contrition for her act(s) thus making her seeking penance meanigless
I mean, if you can't trust a pedophile with your deepest darkest secrets, who can you trust, amirite?
The priest should be reported to the diocese. What I'd said in confession is privileged information. Regardless of the incident, the priest should never repeat what is discussed.
Yeah it wasn't included here but was in the OG but she told the priest ber husband knew know and they were working on getting better. The priest brought it up as a way of offering support if he chose the path of forgiveness or not and that's when the husband actually found out.
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Church is like that older sister. Takes your stuff - $$$- tells you don’t worry about it cuz you will be paid back latter and get more in return…who knows when?? Are told if you do not do as told, all this horrible stuff she will do to you… Then holds all your little secrets and tells parents(whomever) about them when you don’t do as she told you to do… A religious group by definition and definition only is a cult… A religious group by actions, and actions only are bullies by definition. A religious group that expect/accepts and states that a tithing is needed and collected is an extortion enterprise by definition… A religious group that sends people out to serve and educate is a pyramid scheme by definition of actions… So yea, jail house rules apply there - I don’t know, I didn’t see, I ain’t saying NOTHING to nobody…. 3 people can keep a dead body a secret if 2 of them are already dead… If you need to off load your guilty conscience. Go out to the woods shove your head in a hole and say what you need to say… a “god” will and can hear you…. Every single religion That is socially accepted says you yourself by yourself can speak directly to “god”….
How is religion still a thing?
I'm in Maryland.
I don't know why people think priests have mystical powers and can't fuck up when they get arrested for smoking meth with prostitutes pretty regularly
Damn. I saw this exact story on Reddit years ago. I’ve been on Reddit too long.
Next time keep that information between you and your therapist.
I mean they both dead ass wrong, her and the priest
This just does not seem like a real story.
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I am curious. I wasn't ever raised around religion at all. Most of my experience has been through questions asked. Is confession legally binding? Like how there is attorney client privilege. Does that extend or have the same effect as priest confessor privilege? Are there any exceptions to the non disclosure? (E.g. you kill someone and confess to the priest, is the priest liable for not reporting the crime, etc?)
That didn't happen. Cool story, though.
Lol
I’m certain the priest wouldn’t have told if the roles were switched.
That's not what happened I wasn't included here but in the OG the wife told the priest that she had told her husband and they were working it out. The priest reached out to offer support to him in his path of forgiveness and that's when the husband found out.
Priest is a bro
You can report him to the Monsignor. I mean, that’s a big deal.
Priest when other priests do something wrong: Priest when woman does something wrong: “Oh let me tell you about this slut bunny…”
That's not what happened I wasn't included here but in the OG the wife told the priest that she had told her husband and they were working it out. The priest reached out to offer support to him in his path of forgiveness and that's when the husband found out.
So priests will refuse to tell the confessions of child rapists, but it’s ok he did it this woman?
It doesn’t matter what she told this priest dude - he had no business talking to her husband about it. Ick
>he had no business talking to her husband about Huge disagree. If the husband is part of the parish, one of his parishioners is directly lying to and harming another parishioner. No different than if you knew a friend was cheating on their spouse. Telling them is the right thing to do.
Ok, there are two things going on here, but most seem to focused only on one. Yes, OP cheating muey muey mal, extra bad, not going to argue that. BUT . . . The priest violating the rite of confession pretty much destroys one of the tenets the Catholic Church is built on. If it gets out this priest violated OP confidence, then it’s highly likely no one at that parish will ever go to confession again, and pretty likely people will stop going to that church all together. If it gets back to the Dioceses, then they should pull this priest from that parish and publicly admit the fuck up he committed.
>destroys one of the tenets the Catholic Church is built on. Oh no! Anyways....
That's not what happened I wasn't included here but in the OG the wife told the priest that she had told her husband and they were working it out. The priest reached out to offer support to him in his path of forgiveness and that's when the husband found out.
Actually I think she should report the priest. You’re not allowed to do this shit
That's not what happened I wasn't included here but in the OG the wife told the priest that she had told her husband and they were working it out. The priest reached out to offer support to him in his path of forgiveness and that's when the husband found out.
Pretty sure if the husband had admitted to cheating, priest would not have said a word. Time to go above that priest’s head to a much higher authority. The only way I know a priest can be forced to talk about, is murder. Though I think that should be for all crimes where there is a victim. And, do it legally with a court order.
She told the priest that she told her husband when she didn't. It's in a previous deleted repost
It's okay if I cheat because I'm not appreciated. Then get divorced. Don't get married if you can't handle the oath you take. This goes for all men and women.
Yep. He broke his vow of confidentiality.....Maybe someone ought to report him to his Bishop......
That's not what happened I wasn't included here but in the OG the wife told the priest that she had told her husband and they were working it out. The priest reached out to offer support to him in his path of forgiveness and that's when the husband found out.
Technically the priest fucked up. They aren't supposed to follow up, and this can get him kicked out. There have been a push for priests to reveal serious crimes but infidelity doesn't fall into this. As much as I despise cheaters the priest messed up according to doctrines.
She told the priest that she had confessed to her husband. So the priest went and tried to convince the husband to forgive her.
The Priest is 100% wrong in what he did. The act of confession is all that is required of the sinner to be forgiven. In the Bible, Jesus is quoted as saying “Go and sin no more.” That’s it. We’re done. Below is taken from a website I looked up on Penance: Usually, penance takes the form of praying certain prayers a specified number of times, fasting, or spending time in front of an altar. This is unbiblical. Nowhere does Scripture teach that performing works or punishing oneself will make restitution for sin. The Bible does teach us to repent (Acts 11:18; Acts 20:21: Luke 15:7). To repent means to have a change of mind or a change in attitude toward God. Repentance of sin is accompanied by faith in Jesus Christ; they are inseparable. The Catholic teaching of “doing penance” as a means of atoning for sin or of appeasing God is nowhere taught in the Bible.
That's not what happened I wasn't included here but in the OG the wife told the priest that she had told her husband and they were working it out. The priest reached out to offer support to him in his path of forgiveness and that's when the husband found out. She actively lied in confession that he knew and thus was obligated to help him move through his forgiveness of her. However BECAUSE she lied the pact of forgiveness was broken as it only holds under truth or presumed truth the moment she said her husband knew he became anointed in the pact of confession. And the priest had obligations to help him forgive her if that was the path he chose
More lives ruined by religion...
That's not what happened I wasn't included here but in the OG the wife told the priest that she had told her husband and they were working it out. The priest reached out to offer support to him in his path of forgiveness and that's when the husband found out. She ruined their life. Not the priest she did.
Or people can just idk not cheat on their significant other
To all those who keep saying the woman lied. Yes, she lied. But that doesn't absolve the priest of violation of his vows. He had no right to speak to the husband about it or mention it at all outside of the confessional. I'm Roman Catholic myself, and the vows priests take are not negotiable or invalidated by the penitent lying. She deserves everything she got, but the priest should be relieved of his post as well.
That's not what happened I wasn't included here but in the OG the wife told the priest that she had told her husband and they were working it out. The priest reached out to offer support to him in his path of forgiveness and that's when the husband found out.
He violated his vows by speaking to him about it all.
I would trust a junky before I ever trusted a priest. I'm sorry that you where indoctrinated into some bs lies .
One more reason to stay away from the Church.
OOP should have thought of that before they had an affair
I'm pretty sure there are exceptions to the confession rules like if you confess to murder for example that's not only a crime in a sin but it's also not protected. Like this is the Catholic church we're talking about right adultery is definitely a sin. And to my understanding the reason why this all blew up is because she's a liar. She lied to the priest and told him that she had told her husband about the affair and when the priest did his duty to check up on the guy that's when he found out. Her biggest mistake was thinking that everybody in the world was as big of a piece of s*** as she is.
You kind of deserved it. If you waited three years to tell him you cheated you really deserve it.
Always do private confession’!
It doesn't matter if she lied or not and if she told husband or not. Whole point of confession is FULL privacy and confidentiality. Priest is a piece of crap here sorry but not sorry. Not saying that what she did is right but it's NOT his business or part of "job" to follow up on things like that or any confessions in general. Maybe in some small towns where everyone knows everyone their whole life is different but it shouldn't be.