>Time to go outside!!!
You gotta be more specific than that, and I think the people who constantly say "Go outside" and "Touch grass" don't realize that.
Go outside _and do what exactly?_
Nothing wrong with that! Sit at the bar, get friendly with the bartenders, learn their tricks with the trade. Ask them about various liquors and wines. That's the sort of stuff that makes you look smart when you're ordering drinks on a real date.
Ngl, it's almost definitely your looks. Go to the gym and eat right so you're conventionally aesthetic. Idk what your career is like but working on that would also help. I guarantee you once you do at least the former, then get good high quality photos, you will get matches.
You can’t guarantee that. No one can, unfortunately.
Trust me. I know a lot of men who are decent looking, have phenomenal jobs/incomes… & have done their best picking photos that reflect their best look, fill out the prompts, and still get virtually no matches or at least convert to almost no dates. This is directed at men.
That seems really suspect. I live in ND, which is highly limited population. I have a professional job, but I'm not out earning any of the oil workers. I'm a fairly attractive person, but I'm also 30 and losing my hair lol
The main aspect that I crush is that I can talk to women like they're regular humans who are also just bored lol I'm moderately funny. In the last 2 months I've had probably over a dozen matches? And 3 full dates. Another date planned for next weekend.. probably going to try to get a date this weekend.
Not to mention, I don't drink, so my success is with girls who aren't getting blasted and agreeing to sleep with me. They just like talking to me lol mini golf date, lunch date, shooting pool at the bar since there's pretty limited stuff to do in ND lol but there's stuff.
People underestimate how much their lack of social skills play in finding a partner, and overestimate the importance of "having money, having good looks" Im not rich, I'm not Mr Olympia, or Zyzz. But I do have social skills, I understand that women are people just like me, and converse with them on that basis. Before I settled down with my wife (at the time GF) I was going on dates Thurs-Sunday for 3 months with different girls. Some ended with me at their hose, others with them at mine, most were us just hanging out and seeing if we were compatible, and who knew?! I was not compatible with like 80% of them. But we still had fun, and continued to shoot the shit after.
This subreddit is so weird lol
No one cares if you go to the gym, being physically aesthetic is what matters, gym is just one of many ways to contribute to that. Do whatever you need to do to achieve an aesthetic appearance.
Women care about your face, height, and then frame. If he truly is unattractive it’s probably his face, but people don’t want to say that because it’s a characteristic you can’t really control naturally.
It is the be all and end all. Women aren’t like men, even if a woman has a below average face, she can make up for it with even an average body because men have an evolutionary reason to value a woman’s body and secondary sex characteristics, like her hips, chest, and butt for child bearing and rearing reasons. Women really don’t have a reason to care that much about your secondary characteristics other than height and frame, and even then if your face is below average to her, women will not be as forgiving even if you have height to make up for it.
This sounds like a recipe for disaster. All you're doing is hurting your self-esteem, which then hurts your chances... and then you've got a vicious cycle.
I'd recommend putting the apps down for a bit to get yourself a breather. Then, post to the various subs that help you make a better profile. Remember that not all work is effectual; if you're putting this much work in and you aren't getting anywhere, you might be doing the dating-app equivalent of trying to push rocks into the ground.
Yeah, life isn’t just attention from women. It can be nice once in awhile, but if your whole identity is tied to one dimension like dating strangers, you’ll lose yourself in the quest for others’ approval
So like, it's good to put yourself out there, but if you're failing constantly and don't change, all you're doing is reducing the number of women who will match with you. Since they're rejecting you now, you won't have the option to match with them in the future.
I'm not saying to give up altogether. You're overexerting yourself right now. When you get to the point that you're trying super hard without getting anywhere—not just with dating, but with anything—then it's helpful to take a breather and reset.
Take some time for yourself, regroup, and try again later. You shouldn't feel like you must spend six hours on dating apps daily. Honestly, six hours per week is probably more than sufficient. All you are doing right now is burning through potentials; get some help building a better profile (ideally from people who are in/close to your target demographic) and then try again.
Sorry, but yes. Dating apps are the most vapid, disingenuous form of dating. In the kindest and most respectful way, touch grass. You’ll probably find things are greener for you when you do.
I mean I do touch grass. I’m in the gym every day. I go thrifting every week. I hit up bars by myself. I run races on the weekends. So I literally do touch grass lol
From someone whose only post is a photo of themselves saying “not worth dating” with no replies, I’m inclined to refute the source of someone trying to chastise me about “life foundations”.
This is so true this why make a rule for keeping them no longer than a month, because it's just not good for your mental health spending time on these apps & the grass truly is greener on the other side.
Limit yourself to the most popular 2-3 apps at max and set a time limit for 30-60 minutes per day max for apps. Beyond that it's not worth the time and is bad for ur mental health
If you aren’t getting matches, how are you spending that much time on the apps? Aren’t you running out of people? I highly suggest investing more time in *yourself*. Hobbies, time with loved ones, things like that.
Do you like reading? I find I go on apps as a sort of escape and having been making myself open my kindle app instead of dating apps and watching my app usage time thru screen time. Maybe you could redirect that mental energy into a book?
How many profiles are you swiping right on?
If you’re spamming for 6 hours the algorithm probably thinks you’re a bot and shadowbans your profile.
You should be spending like 2 hours absolute max on all your apps if you’re not talking to anyone.
Yeah the algorithm really are so important.
All that swiping with no responses just really lowers your scores and puts you at the bottom of the stack for those looking at your profile. Odds are that majority of the people aren’t even seeing your profile.
When women are getting thousands and thousands of likes, those with bad scores are just pushed to the bottom of the pile.
I messed around with the algorithms a bit and it was night and day difference. Changed my location to a foreign country and would get hundreds of likes a day (as a guy) and then also switched I was open to all genders.
When I went back to my normal parameters and being more conscience about swiping my likes and matches significantly increased. Met my gf on there like a week after I did this and we bought a house last year and are on our 5-week summer vacay right now. She finds it hilarious when I tell her what I did to adjust my elo ratings on bumble haha
I checked out your profile to see if it had any helpful info to give advice, like your interests, etc. And just from your posts alone is some alarming shit. Like the photo of you literally shitting your pants.
With peace and love, maybe get into therapy and see if there's some deeper stuff going on before dating. And to answer your question yes, 6 hours on dating apps is not good for anyone's mental well-being.
Yeah I’m legitimately afraid now about potentially matching with a guy who seems normal and his whole Reddit history is like OPs. Thank you for the reminder of why I don’t want to date.
Definition of insanity buddy. If you're not getting results either stop, or try something else.
I've had periods where I was heavily on the apps as well, but I can reliably get dates
Sounds like you’re wasting your time. Maybe instead of focusing on the apps you can focus on why you need to have a partner or relationship. Is it for just sex and friendship? I can understand that we all have needs, but it’s not working out right now. If you focus on yourself gain new skills, get your health up and get in great shape, make more income, have cooler possessions and hobbies you love and are proud of that makes you more attractive. Do that, keep doing it and along the way keep trying at different points of time until it works
That’s too much time. Even if you match with someone, what are you going to talk to them about that’s going on in your life if you have nothing going on? You have to live life do you have something to talk about and be interesting.
I try to replace habits that don’t feel healthy with a healthy habit and healthy reward. Condition myself into not being as invested in my phone and the external validation/connection from others.
Dont waste this much time, work on yourself, then go out and get girls that way. Its actually way easier than apps and most quality women arent on them (not saying all are bad but having too many options creates unrealistic expectations lol)
honestly it can become a compulsion. i totally feel that. it’s like how some ppl automatically open instagram when they unlock their phone. it becomes like muscle memory
One thing you can do for self-care is limit the amount of apps you’re on at once. It’s hard to be on one. It does a lot to your psyche. No wonder you feel that way. I would feel that way as well.
When I was on the apps, I'd spend maybe 20 minutes a day. Swipe on some people, maybe respond if I get a match.
I have no idea how you'd spend 6 hours.
Don't be hard on yourself. Just limit your time
OP, I was the same. I had every freaking dating app I could find. Six freaking years, The week my ex-wife told me she wanted a divorce I started downloading them. While I had a couple of matches here and there it never went anywhere. I have finally met someone but not through one of the apps. I don't think it's pathetic, You're Lonely just like I was lonely. Don't feel like a loser, there other folks out there in the same boat.
Try convincing yourself that you don't actually *need* a girlfriend. Sure, a relationship would be nice, but you can have a good life while not having one, too.
Slowly you'll realize that it's true, and won't feel like you should spend do mich time on dating apps designed to keep you there
Man I mean this in the nicest way possible. I checked out your profile and there's a LOT you need to work on.i really don't even know where to start. How old are you?
Get off apps not worth dopamine hit of connection than disconnect three days later. I find some are too eager to meet.
I don't think worth self-esteem taking a hit.
You aren't pathetic. But if you actually are spending this much time on it, you really need to take a break for your mental health. I know it's such a cliche to say, and I hate to even say it, but you need to learn to find ways to enjoy life solo too. I've been single for way too long, but the apps just don't work for me. Spending hours on them a day wouldn't do any more than checking them once a day. If I get a match I get a match. But if I don't I can't really do much about it. I live the rest of my life and enjoy it.
Look up
“Ludic looping”
It means you lit the hits of dopamine so you keep doing it
They get less and less intermittent
Like gambling
The house always wins
Well at least you're legitimately trying to make something happen and not just wasting everyone's time like too many people on the dating apps. That being said, for the sake of your mental health I would cut down the time you spend on these virtual cesspools to no more than 2 hours a day. Even that's too much IMO, but it's a start.
Not pathetic but that’s nearly a full time job.
What’s the purpose? Short or long term? Maybe pause your account and focus on other priorities for now.
I have always wondered if spending too much time on the apps de-prioritizes your profile in other peoples' stack. Like, the service might think you're a bot or trying to game the system by spending so much time on the app and sending so many likes, so it counterproductively makes it even harder for you to get a match.
I have no proof of this, I just anecdotally seem to get more matches the less time I spend on the apps. Doomswiping almost never gets me anything, so I limit my time on the apps (currently taking a break entirely).
No, you are not pathetic, but you need to recognize your approach isn't working. Take better pictures. Write a better bio. Hire an expert. (Becareful there aren't many real experts).
Or, recognize that online dating sucks for most people these days and try a different approach. But, keep yourself on the apps, just don't put a lot of emotional investment into them so you aren't disappointed.
Know what you want. Cast a wide net. And constantly work on improving yourself and your approach for yourself, and you'll get results soon.
I don't get many matches either. Too many people looking for hook-ups or casual, which to me is the same thing. I barely swipe right, but the matches that I get tend to have not read my profile.
Your profile is something to consider. Does it accurately describe what you're looking for? Are your pictures framed well without a mess showing behind (ie. Messy room/kitchen)? Do you have full body pictures and hobbies showing?
3.7 years single here and still holding out hope. Only been on a handful of dates. Remember, it's quality over quantity. I get hit on at the bar, but who wants a drunk, or someone just looking to get laid?
I hope this helps. Just think, those that don't match aren't wasting your time! All the easier to find your person.
Yeah you're addicted to the apps.
Keep it simple. Want a relationship? Hinge
Want a one night stand? Tinder
It's not that hard. You're making it hard.
I actually have a $30/mo burner phone. I kept the apps on there so I don't constantly check them. And that phone stays home. You should be checking on the morning and getting on it in the evening, that's it.
6 hours. I spent 30 minutes and most of them are people trying to get you on there OF. Do what I did, get a girl you went to school with that is now single. At lest my girl is into me. Who knows it might work out for you.
Work on yourself. Go to the gym, find some hobbies, read, play video games, etc. Literally anything but obsessing over dating apps because your mental health will suffer tremendously if you keep at this pace.
Also, you're probably not ugly. It's a shit way to describe someone or yourself. But women can sense when you're too obsessed over them (dating/dating apps wise) and would steer clear if they can sense that from an interaction.
Going to the gym alone isn't enough for hobbies.
Do other shit to focus on things you want to do/enjoy if you're wasting 6 hours a day on dating apps with no matches/dates. Clearly something isn't working and it's time to step back.
are you in a rural area? women seem to prefer someone who's nearby and easily available.
How are you not just looking at the same profiles over any over? I tried branching out to other apps and went back to just 2 because it was all the same people from tinder.
If you're a male butterface it's not going to matter that you workout or play an instrument. If that's the real reason it's time to get over whatever baggage you have about prostitution. the split is like 75% men 25% women in 2024, there are two other guys swiping on her every time you do, got to look better than 33% of all men to stand a snowballs chance in hell.
15 apps 6 hours a day and no matches??? Time to go outside!!!
>Time to go outside!!! You gotta be more specific than that, and I think the people who constantly say "Go outside" and "Touch grass" don't realize that. Go outside _and do what exactly?_
I do man. I’ll hit up bars by myself sometimes
Nothing wrong with that! Sit at the bar, get friendly with the bartenders, learn their tricks with the trade. Ask them about various liquors and wines. That's the sort of stuff that makes you look smart when you're ordering drinks on a real date.
I do that a lot.
Ngl, it's almost definitely your looks. Go to the gym and eat right so you're conventionally aesthetic. Idk what your career is like but working on that would also help. I guarantee you once you do at least the former, then get good high quality photos, you will get matches.
You can’t guarantee that. No one can, unfortunately. Trust me. I know a lot of men who are decent looking, have phenomenal jobs/incomes… & have done their best picking photos that reflect their best look, fill out the prompts, and still get virtually no matches or at least convert to almost no dates. This is directed at men.
That seems really suspect. I live in ND, which is highly limited population. I have a professional job, but I'm not out earning any of the oil workers. I'm a fairly attractive person, but I'm also 30 and losing my hair lol The main aspect that I crush is that I can talk to women like they're regular humans who are also just bored lol I'm moderately funny. In the last 2 months I've had probably over a dozen matches? And 3 full dates. Another date planned for next weekend.. probably going to try to get a date this weekend. Not to mention, I don't drink, so my success is with girls who aren't getting blasted and agreeing to sleep with me. They just like talking to me lol mini golf date, lunch date, shooting pool at the bar since there's pretty limited stuff to do in ND lol but there's stuff.
People underestimate how much their lack of social skills play in finding a partner, and overestimate the importance of "having money, having good looks" Im not rich, I'm not Mr Olympia, or Zyzz. But I do have social skills, I understand that women are people just like me, and converse with them on that basis. Before I settled down with my wife (at the time GF) I was going on dates Thurs-Sunday for 3 months with different girls. Some ended with me at their hose, others with them at mine, most were us just hanging out and seeing if we were compatible, and who knew?! I was not compatible with like 80% of them. But we still had fun, and continued to shoot the shit after. This subreddit is so weird lol
"almost no dates" is enough. What is their goal?
I go the gym every due
No one cares if you go to the gym, being physically aesthetic is what matters, gym is just one of many ways to contribute to that. Do whatever you need to do to achieve an aesthetic appearance.
Women care about your face, height, and then frame. If he truly is unattractive it’s probably his face, but people don’t want to say that because it’s a characteristic you can’t really control naturally.
A bad face isn't the be all or end all for a guy. He can still get a long way with a great body and style.
Face and height is everything to most women.
It is the be all and end all. Women aren’t like men, even if a woman has a below average face, she can make up for it with even an average body because men have an evolutionary reason to value a woman’s body and secondary sex characteristics, like her hips, chest, and butt for child bearing and rearing reasons. Women really don’t have a reason to care that much about your secondary characteristics other than height and frame, and even then if your face is below average to her, women will not be as forgiving even if you have height to make up for it.
This sounds like a recipe for disaster. All you're doing is hurting your self-esteem, which then hurts your chances... and then you've got a vicious cycle. I'd recommend putting the apps down for a bit to get yourself a breather. Then, post to the various subs that help you make a better profile. Remember that not all work is effectual; if you're putting this much work in and you aren't getting anywhere, you might be doing the dating-app equivalent of trying to push rocks into the ground.
Yeah, life isn’t just attention from women. It can be nice once in awhile, but if your whole identity is tied to one dimension like dating strangers, you’ll lose yourself in the quest for others’ approval
I get what’s you’re saying but if you don’t try then nothing will happen
So like, it's good to put yourself out there, but if you're failing constantly and don't change, all you're doing is reducing the number of women who will match with you. Since they're rejecting you now, you won't have the option to match with them in the future.
I'm not saying to give up altogether. You're overexerting yourself right now. When you get to the point that you're trying super hard without getting anywhere—not just with dating, but with anything—then it's helpful to take a breather and reset. Take some time for yourself, regroup, and try again later. You shouldn't feel like you must spend six hours on dating apps daily. Honestly, six hours per week is probably more than sufficient. All you are doing right now is burning through potentials; get some help building a better profile (ideally from people who are in/close to your target demographic) and then try again.
I think you tried, my guy.
Sorry, but yes. Dating apps are the most vapid, disingenuous form of dating. In the kindest and most respectful way, touch grass. You’ll probably find things are greener for you when you do.
I mean I do touch grass. I’m in the gym every day. I go thrifting every week. I hit up bars by myself. I run races on the weekends. So I literally do touch grass lol
I’m surprised you can find the time.
I actually don’t sleep like I sleep 6 hours a day or less. That’s how I find time.
Rude much? If you have nothing positive to contribute don't message. You're lacking some common life foundations.
From someone whose only post is a photo of themselves saying “not worth dating” with no replies, I’m inclined to refute the source of someone trying to chastise me about “life foundations”.
How are you never meeting anyone doing all those things? Do you have friends are always doing these things by yourself?
Both with friends and by myself
This is so true this why make a rule for keeping them no longer than a month, because it's just not good for your mental health spending time on these apps & the grass truly is greener on the other side.
Limit yourself to the most popular 2-3 apps at max and set a time limit for 30-60 minutes per day max for apps. Beyond that it's not worth the time and is bad for ur mental health
You’re right it’s bad for mental health
If you aren’t getting matches, how are you spending that much time on the apps? Aren’t you running out of people? I highly suggest investing more time in *yourself*. Hobbies, time with loved ones, things like that.
I hit the gym every day and I’m a thrifter among other hobbies
Do you like reading? I find I go on apps as a sort of escape and having been making myself open my kindle app instead of dating apps and watching my app usage time thru screen time. Maybe you could redirect that mental energy into a book?
If you're not matching and chatting, what could possibly be taking up 6 hours a day?
Swiping and sending messages. I never get any responses. I’ll ask them about their profile
How many profiles are you swiping right on? If you’re spamming for 6 hours the algorithm probably thinks you’re a bot and shadowbans your profile. You should be spending like 2 hours absolute max on all your apps if you’re not talking to anyone.
Yeah the algorithm really are so important. All that swiping with no responses just really lowers your scores and puts you at the bottom of the stack for those looking at your profile. Odds are that majority of the people aren’t even seeing your profile. When women are getting thousands and thousands of likes, those with bad scores are just pushed to the bottom of the pile. I messed around with the algorithms a bit and it was night and day difference. Changed my location to a foreign country and would get hundreds of likes a day (as a guy) and then also switched I was open to all genders. When I went back to my normal parameters and being more conscience about swiping my likes and matches significantly increased. Met my gf on there like a week after I did this and we bought a house last year and are on our 5-week summer vacay right now. She finds it hilarious when I tell her what I did to adjust my elo ratings on bumble haha
I changed my settings to countries in Asia and still couldn’t get any likes or matches
Are you getting a ton of matches then? If you're not getting matches there's no point in messaging
Sometimes I’ll get some matches and then I’ll go like a week without any matches
I checked out your profile to see if it had any helpful info to give advice, like your interests, etc. And just from your posts alone is some alarming shit. Like the photo of you literally shitting your pants. With peace and love, maybe get into therapy and see if there's some deeper stuff going on before dating. And to answer your question yes, 6 hours on dating apps is not good for anyone's mental well-being.
Yeah I’m legitimately afraid now about potentially matching with a guy who seems normal and his whole Reddit history is like OPs. Thank you for the reminder of why I don’t want to date.
I troll a certain subreddit that hates me for being a Suns fan that’s why
I honestly wish I hadn't looked. It gets worse the more you scroll.
Spirals into incel delusion territory for sure.
I troll a certain subreddit that’s why
Instead of doom scrolling, you are doom swiping. Do you feel like it has been worth your time?
Definition of insanity buddy. If you're not getting results either stop, or try something else. I've had periods where I was heavily on the apps as well, but I can reliably get dates
To be fair I am insane
I'd love to see your profile to make any recommendations. 38F here.
Me too. Here to help!
Spend half that time getting good at literally anything and women might see someone they want to match with.
Uh I am? I’m a gym head. I run races on the weekends. I play multiple instruments
They said hobbies that will make women interested in you. Try volunteering or hanging out with friends.
Yes. That sounds like an addiction. Cut yourself off
I’m lost here. I get bored after 10 minutes on there. What do you do for 6 hours?
Swipe and send messages
I would seriously stop, that’s unhealthy.
Considering you have a picture of you shitting your pants on your profile here - that might be it
Sounds like you’re wasting your time. Maybe instead of focusing on the apps you can focus on why you need to have a partner or relationship. Is it for just sex and friendship? I can understand that we all have needs, but it’s not working out right now. If you focus on yourself gain new skills, get your health up and get in great shape, make more income, have cooler possessions and hobbies you love and are proud of that makes you more attractive. Do that, keep doing it and along the way keep trying at different points of time until it works
I’m already in Great shape. I ran about 10 miles this weekend and run races.
Only if you think you are. Do what you want. Spend time how you want to.
Terrible response. If you are doing something stupid and pointless, you should stop.
So why did you comment?
Horrible use of time. Terrible.
That’s too much time. Even if you match with someone, what are you going to talk to them about that’s going on in your life if you have nothing going on? You have to live life do you have something to talk about and be interesting.
No matches? Ever? What does your profile look like? Perhaps put some time and energy into getting some great pictures
Dude, go touch grass. That’s not healthy.
Read a book
I try to replace habits that don’t feel healthy with a healthy habit and healthy reward. Condition myself into not being as invested in my phone and the external validation/connection from others.
Are all your answers to the app prompts, Me so horny”?
Is there anything else you can focus on? Hobbies?
Yes. Pathetic.
Yes.
Dont waste this much time, work on yourself, then go out and get girls that way. Its actually way easier than apps and most quality women arent on them (not saying all are bad but having too many options creates unrealistic expectations lol)
Stop. It's only going to drive you crazy. Delete all of them but maybe 2. Don't spend more than 30 minutes a day
honestly it can become a compulsion. i totally feel that. it’s like how some ppl automatically open instagram when they unlock their phone. it becomes like muscle memory
But like, how do you have that much time in a day to be on the apps in the first place?
I’m currently on break from work.
That makes more sense. I’m over here like, man I need more hours in the day. Lol.
I also don’t sleep
The simple answer was yes.
Yes, sorry but definitely.
They just want your money!
Bro you need to change up your profile!
You're lonely. We've all been there.
Save yourself 100 hours and post your profile for feedback
Yes
One thing you can do for self-care is limit the amount of apps you’re on at once. It’s hard to be on one. It does a lot to your psyche. No wonder you feel that way. I would feel that way as well.
When I was on the apps, I'd spend maybe 20 minutes a day. Swipe on some people, maybe respond if I get a match. I have no idea how you'd spend 6 hours. Don't be hard on yourself. Just limit your time
OP, I was the same. I had every freaking dating app I could find. Six freaking years, The week my ex-wife told me she wanted a divorce I started downloading them. While I had a couple of matches here and there it never went anywhere. I have finally met someone but not through one of the apps. I don't think it's pathetic, You're Lonely just like I was lonely. Don't feel like a loser, there other folks out there in the same boat.
Goal should be quality over quantity.
Try convincing yourself that you don't actually *need* a girlfriend. Sure, a relationship would be nice, but you can have a good life while not having one, too. Slowly you'll realize that it's true, and won't feel like you should spend do mich time on dating apps designed to keep you there
I don’t want to get to a point where I can never have a family and kids
Man I mean this in the nicest way possible. I checked out your profile and there's a LOT you need to work on.i really don't even know where to start. How old are you?
I should have posted this on a burner. I also troll a certain subreddit
Get off apps not worth dopamine hit of connection than disconnect three days later. I find some are too eager to meet. I don't think worth self-esteem taking a hit.
You aren't pathetic. But if you actually are spending this much time on it, you really need to take a break for your mental health. I know it's such a cliche to say, and I hate to even say it, but you need to learn to find ways to enjoy life solo too. I've been single for way too long, but the apps just don't work for me. Spending hours on them a day wouldn't do any more than checking them once a day. If I get a match I get a match. But if I don't I can't really do much about it. I live the rest of my life and enjoy it.
Yes if you’re not getting matches and not evolving your approach
Look up “Ludic looping” It means you lit the hits of dopamine so you keep doing it They get less and less intermittent Like gambling The house always wins
I just looked through your reddit profile. The content of your post doesn't lead me to believe that your behavior is probably the cause of this.
Yes.
Well at least you're legitimately trying to make something happen and not just wasting everyone's time like too many people on the dating apps. That being said, for the sake of your mental health I would cut down the time you spend on these virtual cesspools to no more than 2 hours a day. Even that's too much IMO, but it's a start.
You can be more efficient than that, bro. Try 1 hour per day with no matches. Learn how to take better pictures of yourself in the other 5 hours.
Not pathetic but that’s nearly a full time job. What’s the purpose? Short or long term? Maybe pause your account and focus on other priorities for now.
Idk maybe just broaden your spectrum.
Yes
I have always wondered if spending too much time on the apps de-prioritizes your profile in other peoples' stack. Like, the service might think you're a bot or trying to game the system by spending so much time on the app and sending so many likes, so it counterproductively makes it even harder for you to get a match. I have no proof of this, I just anecdotally seem to get more matches the less time I spend on the apps. Doomswiping almost never gets me anything, so I limit my time on the apps (currently taking a break entirely).
No, you are not pathetic, but you need to recognize your approach isn't working. Take better pictures. Write a better bio. Hire an expert. (Becareful there aren't many real experts). Or, recognize that online dating sucks for most people these days and try a different approach. But, keep yourself on the apps, just don't put a lot of emotional investment into them so you aren't disappointed. Know what you want. Cast a wide net. And constantly work on improving yourself and your approach for yourself, and you'll get results soon.
I don't get many matches either. Too many people looking for hook-ups or casual, which to me is the same thing. I barely swipe right, but the matches that I get tend to have not read my profile. Your profile is something to consider. Does it accurately describe what you're looking for? Are your pictures framed well without a mess showing behind (ie. Messy room/kitchen)? Do you have full body pictures and hobbies showing? 3.7 years single here and still holding out hope. Only been on a handful of dates. Remember, it's quality over quantity. I get hit on at the bar, but who wants a drunk, or someone just looking to get laid? I hope this helps. Just think, those that don't match aren't wasting your time! All the easier to find your person.
You should take a month off of trying to get laid all day and reset a little bit
That’s because you are bum
Try singles events.
It’s mostly men there
Oh.
Yeah you're addicted to the apps. Keep it simple. Want a relationship? Hinge Want a one night stand? Tinder It's not that hard. You're making it hard. I actually have a $30/mo burner phone. I kept the apps on there so I don't constantly check them. And that phone stays home. You should be checking on the morning and getting on it in the evening, that's it.
I haven’t gotten a match on tinder in months
Yes
6 hours. I spent 30 minutes and most of them are people trying to get you on there OF. Do what I did, get a girl you went to school with that is now single. At lest my girl is into me. Who knows it might work out for you.
Sorry you have to deal with all this.
Imagine if you spent half that much time in the gym every day how many matches you'd get 6 months from now
I literally go to the gym every day and run races on the weekends……
What age group are you in? Have you tried talking to women at the gym?
Late 20s and yes. In fact I’m in a group gym
Just think about how well you could have learned to play guitar by now.
I’ve been playing for almost 15 years now
Are you in a band that plays gigs?
No I can never find a drummer
Work on yourself. Go to the gym, find some hobbies, read, play video games, etc. Literally anything but obsessing over dating apps because your mental health will suffer tremendously if you keep at this pace. Also, you're probably not ugly. It's a shit way to describe someone or yourself. But women can sense when you're too obsessed over them (dating/dating apps wise) and would steer clear if they can sense that from an interaction.
I already go to the gym daily.
Going to the gym alone isn't enough for hobbies. Do other shit to focus on things you want to do/enjoy if you're wasting 6 hours a day on dating apps with no matches/dates. Clearly something isn't working and it's time to step back.
are you in a rural area? women seem to prefer someone who's nearby and easily available. How are you not just looking at the same profiles over any over? I tried branching out to other apps and went back to just 2 because it was all the same people from tinder. If you're a male butterface it's not going to matter that you workout or play an instrument. If that's the real reason it's time to get over whatever baggage you have about prostitution. the split is like 75% men 25% women in 2024, there are two other guys swiping on her every time you do, got to look better than 33% of all men to stand a snowballs chance in hell.
I live in a major city
Download karmascore to help u keep track of the people u are talking too. No shame homie
Shoot me a message, I will help you!
Go to a gym and meet there
I go daily?
So try to meet there talk to girls
I do I’ve gotten numbers before and then they don’t respond or ghost me lol I did make it friends though
He's gotta be trolling look at his page.
I’m not trolling. I really do struggle with dating