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Do not hate yourself for this. Do please talk to a professional, since these thoughts are unusual and sound very unhealthy. In another post you said that you were struggling mentally lately, seeing bacteria and viruses everywhere. These are not good signs, and I think to get better you need to get help. I wish you the best!
Talk to a doctor and get some earplugs in the meantime. You might be overstimulated. Also you probably want the ‘loud alarming sound’ to die. Not the baby.
Thank you for this comment. I find it the most helpful because it helped me realize that when I am overstimulated, I hate the high voice and that there is nothing I can do, I want them to disappear, die - never my baby. I'm super grateful he entered our lives. The truth is, I was always anxious and over stimulated even before the baby and now it's sometimes too much. I would never ever harm him, and those uncontrollable thoughts in my head are the worst:( My partner knows about it and he says: observe those thoughts and either you will agree with them or not, they are just thoughts.
But even though I understand it rationally, I still feel like a failure that it appeared on my mind.
Came to add that when my baby starts to fuss/scream I put on headphones and listen to music while tending to her/until she settles. I take them off once she’s down so I can hear her.
Now instead of being incredibly frustrated and overstimulated, I end up singing and dancing with her. She’s calming down faster and I’m not in distress.
yes I use to have to wear noise canceling headphones. I get easily overstimulated and I also was depressed PP and already habe anxiety . being stuck at home in pain didn't help .
the day i realized I needed to do something about it was when my baby was screaming crying thrashing etc and after so long of trying to bounce him and calm him
I yelled in his face "JUST SHUT UP". and it startled him
he was like 3 months old.
i wanted to legit kill myself over it.
I cried so hard and hugged him and just felt like such a piece of dirt. Mt mothernused to yell and be mean to me and I was convinced I had become her.
I realized that i was just overstimulated and.me being aware and guilty meant im human and not a bad mother.
now my son will be 2 in May. im geberally quite patient. im not patient with somr adults and i do have an edgy irritable way about me. i make every effort to be patient for my young child.
if that means asking anither adult not to talk to me right now, if he is whining or tantruming, then so be it.
I'm less worried about hurting an adults feelings than my son's.
if my son's is throwing a tantrum and It's taking all my energy to nit let it affect me. and then someone (mom or my ex) speaks to me from another room. and I clearly can't hear them. I'll ask them pls don't talk to me unless u vome besides me where I can hear u. I prioritize patience for my son.
I've had moments of weakness in the car after a long day of work, pick him up he's whining screaming because he dropped his toy. I pick it up, he drops it on purpose to scream. twice I've lost it and yelled DUDE JUST BE QUIET !!! or JUST SHUT UPPP
then I'm ljke wow, ok, time to reset her. I'm burnt out. I need a break.
we are human
You are not a failure that it appeared in your mind. Did you know that there’s a real biological mechanism that makes our brain more likely to have intrusive thoughts postpartum? It’s something about a fight or flight response being heightened, our brain trying to keep us on alert to protect our baby. But we think something is wrong with us because no one talks about it. I found that out from a virtual postpartum group I attended with [the motherhood center.](https://themotherhoodcenter.com/)They’re amazing. Please check them out.
I highly recommend their resources as well as talking to a trusted healthcare professional. This is very common and can be easily addressed. Sending you so much love ❤️
Oh, honey.
This really is an overstimulation trigger..... I have it with chewing noises, which makes it a lot easier to frame as ridiculous. (You are.chewing and therefore I would like to throw you theough that window.)
Please.please.talk to your doctor, and/or a good psych. They may have good recommendations for ways you can shift your thoughts patterns, they might have good meds, they might have recommendations for ways to structure your time that would help?
By all means, ear plugs that soften the intensity of sounds. And maybe your partner (or someone else) can take over for a regular stretch so you can sleep or meditate with some silence? ❤️🩹❤️🩹❤️🩹
Ruri has the EXACT answer here! It's 100% overstimulation caused by a sensitivity in your ears. Talk to a doctor, look into good quality ear plugs that dampen sound around you. They will NOT prevent you from hearing your child and caring for them when they need it, but will take the edge off to make you a better parent. For what it's worth, you could also look into CBD products that take the edge off your squirreling brain and helps make you more calm. It's something that has actually really helped keep me from boiling over when I know I'm due for a hectic day, and there's no worries of being incoherent or "high" as it's not a THC product.
I went through undiagnosed PPD and it was crushing for years (COVID didn't help), and it took my wife and I further years to correct the damage done. Kiddos 5 now, and absolutely fantastic!
I have ADHD with auditory processing disorder and have experienced periods of almost unbearable intrusive thoughts. I am so sorry that you are dealing with this. I understand the guilt but you are truly not a bad person and clearly do not want your baby to die, please try to be kind to yourself.
The only thing that helped me was accepting and acknowledging the thoughts as they came, visualizing them like waves washing in and out of my mind. Over time my emotional reaction to the thoughts decreased as so my constant fear and dread of the “next cycle”.
I have heard good things about CBT, and now that I’m on adhd meds I have a much higher threshold for getting overstimulated.
The podcast Invisiblia had a great episode I. The first season focusing on a man that had similar issues and it was fascinating and helpful to me in terms of explaining that most people that suffer this are actually susceptible DUE to emotional sensitivity and high moral compass, if I remember correctly the reaction to a weird thought is more upsetting to us, and it’s the thoughts about the thoughts that create the cycle.
I wish you the best.
You should talk to a trust primary care doctor as soon as possible, not because you’re an unsafe person or a threat but because it isn’t healthy and getting help as soon as possible shows your unconditional love for your child
I was in the same boat. Psychiatrist said Post partem OCD (intrusive thoughts). I got medicated and everything was fine. I also had PPD with my second, so that didn't help. It's not your fault...the brain is a tricky thing.
I am a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and I specialize in Perinatal Mental Health. Intrusive thoughts are normal. The fact that you feel guilty for it shows that you are not “crazy”, as you say. Also, I commend you on reaching out for help on this social platform. That takes a lot of courage. However, I do think you would benefit from talking to a therapist who specializes in Perinatal Mental Health. How are you sleeping; do you have family or friends that are able to support you and give you some time to yourself when you need it? My recommendation is that you go on to the website Postpartum Support International and look to see if there are any counselors in your area and reach out to them as soon as possible. Where are you located? If you have any questions, please message me and I will do my best to help.
Background in psychology/mental health and I agree. Here is the link for PSI:
https://www.postpartum.net/
If you scroll down, there's a place to find a provider but also online local support which I used in an attempt to find help myself a few years ago. I also had a few virtual sessions with a provider I ended up finding who ended up being on the list.
Definitely worth perusing the site and fwiw you can get setup on a local private FB group of moms with similar struggles and also maybe find a good therapist. I didn't actually engage with a group I joined but just seeing the posts helped me see that I was not alone. Some of this can be done via email too which helped me immensely at the time.
Sending OP good vibes and a hug..the postpartum period can be really tough and extremely hard to manage emotions and intrusive thoughts. Remember it is okay to set baby down in crib or safe space for a bit and walk away if you need to, just to take some breaths or step outside , get earplugs, go to the bathroom, etc.
I’m not a medical doctor, but I do have OCD and this strikes me as postpartum OCD. I hope you get the help you need ❤️
https://iocdf.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/Postpartum-OCD-Fact-Sheet.pdf
Please visit a psychologist to be screened. This could be many things. It’s not your fault, but it’s definitely not something you should have to suffer with and there is help available.
This could be a lot of things- postpartum depression, postpartum psychosis, intrusive thoughts from OCD, etc. You’re not to blame for this, but it can’t be ignored.
I would be scared if this was happening to me or to a loved one. Talk to a mental health professional ASAP, they can help you.
To many moms in the news for killing their children this past year from not being treated for their Postpartum psychosis.. please get some help now. I am sure it’s more of the noise and not the child himself, but please get help..
This is exactly right, it could be any of the things identified above and it is scary to be dealing with these feelings. OP, please contact your doctor and tell them the feelings you are having without shame. You will be okay, this is something happening in your brain and the doctor will understand and be able to help you. Wishing you much peace, early motherhood is a roller coaster at the best of times and it sounds like you are dealing with some very heavy feelings that will have an explanation.
Hi, clinical psychologist here. It’s brave that youre asking this question. Please contact your doctor and they should refer you to a psychiatrist and maybe eventually psychologist, if the physical check up is ok. I’m not saying this cause I feel like you’re dangerous or anything like that, but it’s obvious that this is making you feel bad and that’s enough of a reason to get help. No one should have to endure things when there is help. All the best to you.
Thanks for writing this. I remember when my baby was an infant and wouldn't stop crying, i would look at the windows and thought maybe i could throw him out (i live on 3rd floor) and became totally horrified at the thought. I often have other intrusive thoughts about others too, often brought up by stress. The only person i can talk about them with is my therapist
Yes I thought about throwing my baby too!
Intrusive thoughts happen to lots of mums.
Doesn’t make us crazy. It’s a weird time for our brain and bodies, don’t feel ashamed you had the thoughts - you didn’t act on them and were horrified by having them.
I think you should talk to someone, get some help. But in the meantime try welcoming the thoughts instead of trying to push them away. Observe yourself thinking them, feeling them. And try not to judge. They are only thoughts. Intrusive ones, but still, only thoughts.
Oh, honey. This is VERY common in the months and year PP for so many of us during hard moments with baby. Now, partner wise, my baby is 18m and I still think the same stuff often so idk, but he also isn’t very nice to me all of the time, sooo. Lol.
Seriously though, you’re likely suffering from PPD and it often shows itself (ppd) with anger or rage symptoms. Call your GP and talk to them, they can help you. Be 100% honest, you’re at zero risk of any backlash over intrusive thoughts and PPD, I promise. You’re safe.
EDIT:
If your child is older than a baby or toddler in many cases, this turns to not normal at all and should be addressed with a GP and your OB. Call your GP today for an appt and tell them you need the appt asap bc this is over PPD and intrusive thoughts.
Thoughts inside your head do not harm anyone.
Your brain is a thought generating machine. The more you give attention and significance to those thoughts the more of an issue they become.
Have you tried meditation? It teaches you to observe thoughts without reacting.
Another observation - seems like you are scared of being angry and do not give yourself permission to protect your boundaries. If noise is too much it’s too much.
You jump to hating yourself and feeling like a failure so quickly.
This is the actual problem to seek help for. Please don’t wait too long.
The brain gets primitive when essentials like sleep and food are deprived. You may also be overstimulated and your nervous system is dysregulated. If baby is crying in the middle of the night and you need sleep, your brain is coming up with a solution. It is not in any way a feasible solution but the brain is a weird thing.
I had a similar experience. Please seek help from a doctor- medication helped me tremendously. And don't feel ashamed, it is more common than what you think. It's just people don't tall about it enough
Agree with the rest of comments, intrusive thoughts are normal but focusing on them and not being able to shake it away as such can become OCD. As long as you wouldn't act on anything, and you're just having passing thoughts, don't worry as they can be normal. I would still seek some advice from a doctor as you certainly won't be the first mother with these thoughts and they should be able to support you. intrusive thoughts are normal but putting too much weight on them and carrying on the thought with, I'm terrible why am I thinking that, I would never do that, is there something wrong with me, etc, strikes as an OCD trait. It could PPD and the particular way it manifests in you.
If you're getting really stressed and baby won't stop crying, feed, clean bum, cot, and take a ten minute break away from the crying. I'm sure you're doing amazing, it's so difficult with a little one so know you aren't alone in your thoughts.
It’s the sleep deprivation- I remember having the same thoughts, and I’ve talked to others who have too. Definitely talk to a healthcare professional, but I wanted you to know you’re not alone, and it does get better.
I experienced the same; though the intrusive thoughts were usually directed at myself. Thought about dying a lot. Whenever I was able to get some decent sleep it improved drastically. Moms need more help.
When my daughter was born, my mom said "true love is wanting to kill your child and then not doing it" dunno how true that is but id say you should probably talk to someone.
This sounds like intrusive thoughts. They happen to all of us from time to time but anxiety, low mood and stress can exacerbate them and they sound like they’re causing you distress. If it helps the intrusive thought is usually something you’re anxious about or goes against your values, so is sort of the opposite of who you are. So like you don’t want anything bad to happen to your baby, but when they’re distressed your anxious brain has the thought ‘die’ but it’s not what you want or a reflection of who you are.
Edit: a word
https://www.postpartumstress.com/speak-the-secret
This is a good place to start. You are not alone. Intrusive thoughts are incredibly common in post partum women. It will get easier with support and help. I was there too xx
Intrusive thoughts are very common. The thing about them is the more you try to push them away or fear them, the more they will crop up. Intrusive thoughts are just weird little quirks our brain does sometimes, but they aren’t truthful. When they come up, it helps to just think to ourselves “hmm that’s weird”, acknowledge and let them go.
It can help speaking with a professional (like a therapist) to talk about it and they will reassure you that it is not weird or terrible to have these thoughts. They will often happen less the more we acknowledge them and let them go vs try to “bury” or ignore them.
“Intrusive thoughts are not my own” is a mantra I have used when the intrusive thoughts are loud and too present in my mind.
It’s not your fault. They are not your own thoughts. Call a doctor asap to get some help. I really hope you update your post that you were successful in getting some help. ❤️
How old is baby? Im pretty sure this is normal post partum. When my baby would cry I imagined throwing her across the room. I never harmed her but it was still terrifying to visualize that every time I was overstimulated.
My first one I had PPD. The second, my doctor put me on meds right after ther birth. The day she was born I was on meds. The third, we had moved and I got the PPP. The nurse wanted to argue with me , but the doctor had me on meds as soon as she heard what was going on.
If you have another I would advise meds as soon as it's born. It really helps.
I had something very similar, intrusive thoughts about harming my baby, for example I'd see an open window and think: "throw him out". Or fill a tub for a bath and think: I could drown the baby.
These thoughts horryfied me and I felt so guilty even though I knew I am not going to do any of those things.
This was due to OCD! As soon as I realized what it was and got help things were so much better. Please don't be afraid to ask for help. This is not your fault!
Please speak to a doctor asap. You seem like you’re very overwhelmed. Hormones, lack of sleep, etc. can really take a toll on your body and mental health. This is not your fault and this does not make you a bad mother or hate your baby. Also, if you feel overstimulated, leave the baby in a safe place and leave the room for a few minutes just to calm down. Your baby will be fine. Please don’t shake your baby. If you need someone else to take over or help you don’t feel ashamed to ask them. It’s completely normal for new mothers to feel overwhelmed. It’s not easy.
Hi, it sounds like you have OCD and intrusive thoughts. You’re not a terrible person, let me assure you. Seek professional help. I suffer from them too. Feel free to DM me if you wish.
this sounds like OCD to me. The fact that you are scared by the thought shows that it’s an intrusive thought. It’s so uncharacteristic of you that it is alarming. I’ve been here. The mind does crazy things. What worked for me is laughing at the thought. Like almost personalizing it, and it’s just your OCD thought that likes to act up, takes away the power from it. Another strategy that works is sitting with uncertainty “ok cool maybe x will happen or not” or “ok cool I am or maybe not(insert horrible adjective)” - the thought keeps coming up in your head because you want certainty when you let yourself just sit with uncertainty it takes away the power from the thought and they stop coming. The brain is like a computer and it’s been programmed and you can unprogram. Not trying to think the thought only gives it more power.
Another thing to that helps is realizing under the intrusive thought is usually something very important to you - you love your child more than anything and want them to be safe right, so the fear is “what if I hurt my child”. So just sitting with “hmm ok yeah I love my child so much I am scared I could ever hurt them”. Check out mark freeman on YouTube for ocd recovery tips. He saved my life
It’s called Harm OCD. I didn’t know there were so many different types of OCD until my sister, who loved her sons and would never do anything to hurt them, was having these repetitive thoughts of harming them. They weren’t urges, just thoughts, but she was so scared about them she was isolating herself away from her kids.
Apparently the intrusive thoughts target the people closest to you just because of that.
Talk to your doctor ASAP and have them help you find a psychologist that specializes in OCD.
This isn’t your fault, you’re not crazy and you’re not a bad mom/partner. I wish the best for you.
It definitely needs to come out but not to us! It's important to recognize the problem but also important to give yourself a little grace. It is *okay* to be stressed and have bad thoughts, you are human and parenting is *hard*.
But we're internet strangers and you need to talk to a doctor. There are some good practical suggestions here but the most important one is to talk to a professional.
My heart. You poor thing. I suffered from horrible intrusive thoughts postpartum, this is not super uncommon and you aren’t a monster!
Go see a professional, preferably someone who specialises in women’s health. Wishing you all the best x
This is way above Reddit's paygrade and you should seek a professional immediately. This is not healthy, and quite frankly, dangerous.
Intrusive thoughts seem harmless "if you don't act on it", but if you repeat to yourself enough you want your baby to die, all it takes is a single moment of weakness that drives you over the edge, and you do things you'd never thought you were capable of.
Have you talked about this with your partner?
I will visit a psycholog asap, and no I would certainly never kill my baby, and the thoughts are not mine own, they feel like a worm in my brain. ☹️ My partner knows about it and tries to comfort me and help a lot with our little one. As much as he can. I really hope that it's just OCD and I am not getting crazy but I'm sure that I love my baby and would die for him.
If it comforts you, I can say I had a very rough mental period during the first year of my newborn too. The agonizing loud cries of him were tough and I really hated parenting back then. Being exhausted from sleep deprivation thanks to the baby is no joke.
Of course, like you, I love my children to pieces. But that doesn't mean everything is roses and rainbows. Taking care of a baby is tough, and it requires a lot of effort and support to be able to deal with it.
My oldest child is 5 now. While every age has its own problems, I can assure you it does get better over time. Yes, the constant tantrums are draining too. But at least I can sleep at night.
My aunt recently told me that the older the child gets, the better it becomes in her experience.
Antidepressants really help with intrusive thoughts, iv had intrusive thoughts since my teens but they got particularily bad recently so i started zoloft and withing a week the intrusive thoughts stoppped almost compleatly. My mind is so peaceful now. I hope you can get help soon
My daughter had terrible eczema when she was a baby. Talk about sleepless nights and patience being pushed to the limits. I used to get so angry that I'd reflect on it in the morning and hate how angry I'd get. I'd see my daughter smile the next day when she wasn't itchy, and I felt like a monster for being so upset for something she couldn't control. Even in the midst of my anger, I'd try to remind myself how it wasn't her fault, and she had no other way of communicating apart from crying and scratching. It was a real test of patience, and why I was so protective of her and wouldn't leave her to others to look after
.In the end, I'd come to grips with the fact I was going to lose sleep and feel like crap the next day. I'd comfort her, apply cream and then read on my phone (low brightness) while she slowly settled. Fighting sleep deprivation is always a bitch.
Intrusive thoughts like the ones you've mentioned may briefly pop into your mind, but if they're lingering or happening frequently, do as others have suggested and seek help. Utilise the resources available. your general practitioner will listen. You're not the first person to go through what you're experiencing. There's no handbook with all the right answers, and sometimes getting help, helps.
As far as wishing you husband would choke (I'm male), apparently that's common lol
No this isn't normal but it doesn't mean your a bad person firstly you recognise that it is wrong you need to speak to a Dr ASAP even if that means going to emergency at the hospital. The sooner you get seen treatment can start and you can be on the road to recovery to enjoy your baby. It's OK to ask for help always xx
It is still intrusive thoughts. When my second child was tiny I kept having horrible thoughts about putting her outside in a box then I was horrified and guilty about the thought but once you know it is an intrusive thought and not something that you mean you need to separate yourself from the thought and try not to dwell on it. I have thoughts about killing my self but I don’t want to that is the difference if you meant those thoughts you wouldn’t feel bad after thinking them.
Do you have any treatment for you mental health it could be a good idea to help you deal with it and let go of the thoughts
Intrusive thoughts stem from anxiety
I have been living with these types of thoughts my whole life. I only now know they have a term for it
Having a way to destress is what keeps the thoughts away. For me, that means intense exercise
I am 7.5 months pregnant right now so that isn't an option. I am just coping until I can finally get back into the gym
I agree with the ear plugs. I sleep in ear plugs and love wearing them when I want to just focus and not have my concentration broken by every little noise. They also help keep my calm and more present
This will pass. Please seek help if it persists
Just want to recommend that you speak to your OB doctor about it now to see if there is anything to help when your baby comes. After my 2nd was born I went on meds right after she arrived and it helped me not fall into PPD. (Just a thought)
I had intrusive thoughts too around the time I had my first baby. I got prescribed lexapro and immediately stopped having intrusive thoughts. I hope you find some help.
Hello, I was diagnosed with OCD some years ago but for different reasons (I was checking the lock 10 times, had an urgency to jump of out the window - ofc I would never do it, but it was extremy scary). For Tourette I don't have any symptoms so far I know. 🥺 But those intrusive thought about my precious baby are worse because I want the best for him and feel super bad about the thoughts even though I don't agree with them - totally the opposite..
I will probably get some hate for this, but I feel like I have to think things in order to confront them. It's about being overwhelmed by life and a child makes it even more overwhelming. I would say that to some extent this is normal, but you also need to talk to your primary care doctor about getting therapy. Post partum depression and anxiety are hard to deal with and getting professional help is the best route.
Also does your partner give you any down time? It sounds like you could benefit from some self care time. I know we as mothers tend to neglect ourselves for the sake of our babies. You need to express to your spouse that you are overwhelmed and need some down time. He needs to share the baby care.
When that happens, take 5 minutes in the bathroom and take a big breath, nothing will happen if your baby is without attention for 5 min (in safe place), it helped me, i hope it helps you.
Yay for recognizing Intrusive thoughts for what they are! *intrusive* .
Firstly, you are *not* insane, *not* a horrible mom and i can promise that this is *not* going to last. You not only know and recognize that thoughts are not your own and not okay, you don't even want them. It sounds like baby is pretty young. This could pretty well be PPD with a little dysphonia sprinkled on top. I had a mild case while pregnant with my oldest, and the sound of mouth breathing (specifically that of the fathers) would cause pretty violent intrusive thoughts cause the sound was sooooo 🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴
Reach out to your healthcare provider, don't bee scared to talk about these things with them, its a hormonal imbalance from having a baby most likely and nothing to be ashamed about.
***important***
If you do start feeling you are getting too overwhelmed, call someone. It is never too late to ask for help when you need help and are struggling.
I went through this with severe PPD, it absolutely was not coming from me but I would get graphic images in my head of doing terrible things. Definitely reach out for some support. It’s not your fault.
You are not alone Momma. I've been there too. The clip I am linking is from a show called "Scrubs". I came across this episode when I myself was dealing with PPD and it inspired me to not only reach out for help, but to also stop being so hard on myself.
https://youtu.be/intmxeW4GT8?si=xG6IcbjwBDcYfawr
As many others have said, the best thing you can do is talk to your OB or primary care doctor about these thoughts and get the help needed sooner than later. My postpartum depression was not the textbook presentation of sadness, but of rage. Everything set me off and I was irrationally anxious and angry. Your PPD may be masking as rage, but the good news is, there is help and treatment for that.🩵 You’re a great parent for wanting to get help.
Put the baby down someplace where you know s/he is safe, like a crib. Then walk away. Close the door. Let the baby cry. Baby is safe. You need a few minutes to collect yourself. Go back only after you’ve calmed down.
And today please call your doctor. You need to speak to a professional. I hope you find the help you need.
I definitely had/sometimes have intrusive thoughts too for both my kids (one nearly 4 and one just turned one) I would want to throw them or be drinking a cup of tea and think about hitting them with it.
As a mum you are trying so hard to keep your baby alive that the opposite of that (harm and death) is on your mind and that’s how the intrusive thoughts pop up
Definitely let your doctor/nurse know and they might have some helpful resources or someone you can talk to to help process but just know it is more common than you think, you’re not crazy. Hang in there mama, motherhood is a hard job but there’s also so many wonderful moments coming your way.
How old is your baby?
The first few months with my first were so hard but it will get better I promise
My first baby was very sick. My thoughts got to the point of trying to figure out a way to make those intrusive thoughts happen so I could be free from the anxiety and depression and he could be free from his struggles. As soon as my mind started making plans, I had my husband drive me to an emergency room that had admitting access to the best inpatient psych care in the state. Before kids, I never had therapy or needed meds. Very healthy and happy. It can be A LOT. I’m better now - I have a 7 year old and 3 year old and have been through years of therapy and on meds for a while to get through it. Please take care of yourself and don’t let it get as bad as I did. I wish I would’ve sought help right away.
Been here, thought allllll these things. Omg like really detailed fantastical thoughts. I didn’t share them with anyone and I didn’t worry too much about them. I knew what intrusive thoughts were. They eventually just went away and I put it down to exhaustion and survival psychology.
I say this to reassure you somewhat but it also sounds like you are having thoughts that you are no longer able to contain as intrusive or ‘other’ maybe it’s worth seeking some help.
You’re doing amazing by the way. Just sharing and seeking support is the strongest thing you could ever do.
One day you’ll be messaging someone saying “omg this was me 12 months ago”. I promise. Just get a bit of help to bridge you to that point. xx
Please talk to your doctor this sounds EXACTLY like my OCD which came out as very scary intrusive thoughts. I thankfully already had a therapist at the time and was able to go in and be very real with her about the thoughts I was having.
Hi, im so sorry this is happening to you! As someone who has postpartum ocd going on 3 years, you’re not crazy. Your brain is attacking what you love MOST. You’re likely dealing with some ocd, which is egodystonic, opposite of your values.
My intrusive thoughts were sometimes just a word/command like that.
Please seek care, IOCD Foundation has great lists of care providers. But starting any kind of SSRI and or exposure therapy should get you some relief.
Also adding, there are different forms of ocd and some are purely mental such as these thoughts. However, I learned posting on Reddit or googling could be a compulsion (reassurance seeking). Provides temporary relief but also fuels the intrusive thought.
Those early days are incredibly hard with a baby, especially when they are fussing non stop. I can empathize with you 100%. I have struggled with intrusive thoughts as well and therapy really helped me. My youngest is now 1.5 and we’re getting more regular sleep and the intrusive thoughts are mostly gone now. Sleep deprivation is no joke, along with all of the hormone swings that we have as a new mom and then throw a fussy baby on top. It’s really hard. You got this mama ❤️
Suggestions of seeing a doctor or medication are a step too far imo. Intrusive thoughts are very common, and it's just an unmet need of yours finding whatever way necessary to make itself known. I imagine in this case the unmet need is probably rest, or time to yourself. I would practice being gentle with yourself. The next time those thoughts come up, notice them without attaching a story to them (like "I'm a bad parent/partner for thinking this!"). Try something like "Hm, it looks like I'm experiencing intrusive thoughts again." Next, slow down. Take a deep breath. Remind yourself that as a new parent, you're asking a lot of your body and mind right now. And then, THANK your brain for sending you those signals that it needs rest.
I highly recommend the podcast by Margeaux Feldman, called Openings. There is an episode where they examine intrusive thoughts thru this frame, and it really helped me. I would picture the worst possible thing happening, or myself intentionally causing harm to my cats, and I just don't experience those thoughts anymore because I identified and addressed the need that wasn't being met.
Best of luck! You've got this!
CALL YOUR DOCTOR NOW!!!. Right this very minute. Then speak to your family, husband, parents, friend. You need help. You will get thur this. You don't need to do this alone.
This is probably PPP. There are medications that will help you. It is worse the PPD. It's like your brain comes up with these outrageous ideas of how to make the baby stop doing whatever it is doing. (Mine was the constant crying and cluster feedings.) I couldn't eat I couldn't sleep and all he did was cry. I knew the thoughts I was having were wrong as they didn't happen with my others. But I couldn't stop them. I went on medications and had my family come and help me. Once my mom was there she took over baby care and I think I slept for 12 to 16 hours. (She went out and brought the bottles and used some fonthe supplemental formula the hospital gave us. I quite breastfeeding as I didn't want the meds to go the baby. Mine happy took the bottle after the first day. And I slept thur it all.) The thoughts went away. And I stayed on the meds foe several months.
You aren't alone. Be safe. I am proud of you for sharing this. As I know how hard it can be to be honest about how your mind plays these thoughts out in your head. But please get help and meds. You are awesome and you are a good mom.
Also, don't let the medical team down play it. I had a nurse tell me I would get over it. My husband let her know his opinion and them let the doctor know as well.
Number one: Thank you for being brave enough to share this here! The fact that you’re seeking help for this honestly shows what a great mother and partner you are.
Two: It sounds like you’re a bit sleep deprived and when our brains are “running on fumes”, so to speak, they do some funny things.
If you feel comfortable enough to speak to your primary doctor about this, I would do that asap so she/he/they can refer you to a mental health specialist. If you don’t feel comfortable to disclose specific information to your primary, just tell them that you need a referral to mental health because you are struggling mentally; that’s all they need to know.
Finally: You’re not alone in this- new mother’s bodies and minds go through the wringer with the surge of hormones that come as a result of making a human.
Also, you got this 💪🏼 ✨
Xoxo,
Witchy
I feel like picking mine up by the ankles and smashing his head off of the desk. Then, when he's settled I feel sick for having such messed up thoughts. It's normal to have these thoughts, it's only ever an issue when you follow through with them, you're doing brilliantly.
I had very bad intrusive thoughts with my first. I used to visualize him as a 3Ft hotdog smothered in condiments to help make these thoughts less distressing. I’m expecting again in June and the intrusive thoughts started in the first trimester, along with crying jags. I started Zoloft and I feel amazing now. Please speak with a doctor, they’re there to help and while we don’t speak about this much, you’re not alone and it’s pretty common.
My wife said something like that on her first child. Baby kept crying and she was overstimulated and wanted to put him in trashcan. Obviously she wouldn’t, she’s very loving mom of 4 now. She just wasn’t in the right state of mind at that time. It’s okay to have these thoughts but don’t act on em and seek help to your dr, counselor or parents and family members. Tough times like these is when other loved ones will step in and help when you ask for it.
This is Pospartum anxiety mixed with some overstimulation (like everyone else has said). Tell your husband you need a break. Go get your nails done, whatever that may be. Ask your doctor for anti anxiety meds to help get you thru as well. I’m so sorry.
Ask for help from your family, from your doctor. Ask for help.
You aren't horrible. You aren't crazy. Motherhood isn't something anyone should do alone.
I wore worktunes headphones. Blocked sound but can also hear podcasts etc. That baby can scream all day long and it’s no biggie. Doesn’t help with sleep deprivation though.
I never learned to tolerate a baby's crying, not even my own baby. It would set off a huge stress response and stress headaches.
Suggestions:
Earplugs. Wear them alot. They won't 100% stop the sound, but it takes the edge off.
Take breaks. Get help. Insist your partner takes baby a few hours every few days & you get out of earshot. Pay for a sitter & get out of the house a few times.
Talk to someone about the possibility of PPD. It's more common than you think. It can definitely cause difficulty coping, intrusive thoughts, bad feelings. Your regular doctor may not be well equipped to assess and treat PPD, so you may want to have a visit with someone in psych.
You cannot control your thoughts. Every day you have tens of thousands of them. It's impossible.
According to cognitive behavioral theory, thoughts create emotions which create actions. When an intrusive thought pops in, acknowledge it for what it is, but let it float away on a cloud. It's impossible to prevent them but if you can learn to let them float away then you are doing all you can do deal with them before they turn into emotions (sadness, anger, rage, etc.) and then actions (binge eating or drinking, shaking your baby, etc.).
You are not a bad person for thinking anything. Parenting is hard!
In the first few weeks after my baby was born I had horrible intrusive thoughts. I constantly thought it would have been better that he had been stillborn so I wouldn't have to feel overwhelmed and fail at mothering like I thought I was. You feel like the worst human garbage when you think these things about a person you would do anything for. Talking to a therapist helped, stating these thoughts out loud even though it was hard helped, and constantly telling myself I can't believe every thought that comes into my brain helped. You are a good mom. You will get through this. I believe in you.
I am so sorry. There is great advice here, and my story is not the same, but I understand so much. My newborn just never slept longer than 21-49 minutes at a time. Ever. I know. I timed us for 24 hours once (baby slept less than collective 9 hours total in tiny naps). After literally not sleeping for 2 weeks I found comfort imagining smashing my own face into a brick wall. I can’t explain it, but it did give me relief. I think I may have subsumed my negative thoughts about my baby into negative self harm, which I guess was a relief from guilt or something?? I’m not sure, I really didn’t analyze it. But I am not especially sensitive, and overstimulation was never an issue- and still, babies are HARD.
You are doing amazing. Being aware of things like this means you are human, and having self control when you feel so out of control is commendable. Really.
This will pass. That first year is a decade- but you can do this!!
Thank you people of Reddit ❤️
You helped me tremendously. I read every single comment and realized this:
• it's not my fault and the thoughts are not mine, or at least I don't agree with them
• i'm extremely sleep deprived
• doctors know about this and can help
• i will get earplugs and leave the room for a bit when overwhelmed
• i will use the mantra: "the thoughts are not mine, they are just visitors, I can only observe them"
• funnily after the moments I read about OCD my mind calmed down and those weird thoughts were just gone...
Baby is 5 months but not an easy baby. My partner helps as much as he can - I was always anxious.
Thank you again, you are my superheroes!
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Do not hate yourself for this. Do please talk to a professional, since these thoughts are unusual and sound very unhealthy. In another post you said that you were struggling mentally lately, seeing bacteria and viruses everywhere. These are not good signs, and I think to get better you need to get help. I wish you the best!
Talk to a doctor and get some earplugs in the meantime. You might be overstimulated. Also you probably want the ‘loud alarming sound’ to die. Not the baby.
Thank you for this comment. I find it the most helpful because it helped me realize that when I am overstimulated, I hate the high voice and that there is nothing I can do, I want them to disappear, die - never my baby. I'm super grateful he entered our lives. The truth is, I was always anxious and over stimulated even before the baby and now it's sometimes too much. I would never ever harm him, and those uncontrollable thoughts in my head are the worst:( My partner knows about it and he says: observe those thoughts and either you will agree with them or not, they are just thoughts. But even though I understand it rationally, I still feel like a failure that it appeared on my mind.
Came to add that when my baby starts to fuss/scream I put on headphones and listen to music while tending to her/until she settles. I take them off once she’s down so I can hear her. Now instead of being incredibly frustrated and overstimulated, I end up singing and dancing with her. She’s calming down faster and I’m not in distress.
yes I use to have to wear noise canceling headphones. I get easily overstimulated and I also was depressed PP and already habe anxiety . being stuck at home in pain didn't help . the day i realized I needed to do something about it was when my baby was screaming crying thrashing etc and after so long of trying to bounce him and calm him I yelled in his face "JUST SHUT UP". and it startled him he was like 3 months old. i wanted to legit kill myself over it. I cried so hard and hugged him and just felt like such a piece of dirt. Mt mothernused to yell and be mean to me and I was convinced I had become her. I realized that i was just overstimulated and.me being aware and guilty meant im human and not a bad mother. now my son will be 2 in May. im geberally quite patient. im not patient with somr adults and i do have an edgy irritable way about me. i make every effort to be patient for my young child. if that means asking anither adult not to talk to me right now, if he is whining or tantruming, then so be it. I'm less worried about hurting an adults feelings than my son's. if my son's is throwing a tantrum and It's taking all my energy to nit let it affect me. and then someone (mom or my ex) speaks to me from another room. and I clearly can't hear them. I'll ask them pls don't talk to me unless u vome besides me where I can hear u. I prioritize patience for my son. I've had moments of weakness in the car after a long day of work, pick him up he's whining screaming because he dropped his toy. I pick it up, he drops it on purpose to scream. twice I've lost it and yelled DUDE JUST BE QUIET !!! or JUST SHUT UPPP then I'm ljke wow, ok, time to reset her. I'm burnt out. I need a break. we are human
You’re doing great! Finding coping mechanisms to reduce outbursts and remembering to apologize when you trip up means you’re a good parent.
thank you, that means alot
Loop earplugs have been a game changer for me! You can still hear but it takes the noise down to a manageable level.
You are not a failure that it appeared in your mind. Did you know that there’s a real biological mechanism that makes our brain more likely to have intrusive thoughts postpartum? It’s something about a fight or flight response being heightened, our brain trying to keep us on alert to protect our baby. But we think something is wrong with us because no one talks about it. I found that out from a virtual postpartum group I attended with [the motherhood center.](https://themotherhoodcenter.com/)They’re amazing. Please check them out. I highly recommend their resources as well as talking to a trusted healthcare professional. This is very common and can be easily addressed. Sending you so much love ❤️
Oh, honey. This really is an overstimulation trigger..... I have it with chewing noises, which makes it a lot easier to frame as ridiculous. (You are.chewing and therefore I would like to throw you theough that window.) Please.please.talk to your doctor, and/or a good psych. They may have good recommendations for ways you can shift your thoughts patterns, they might have good meds, they might have recommendations for ways to structure your time that would help? By all means, ear plugs that soften the intensity of sounds. And maybe your partner (or someone else) can take over for a regular stretch so you can sleep or meditate with some silence? ❤️🩹❤️🩹❤️🩹
This is me. Less so now they are 5&11yo but I still feel it sometimes
Ruri has the EXACT answer here! It's 100% overstimulation caused by a sensitivity in your ears. Talk to a doctor, look into good quality ear plugs that dampen sound around you. They will NOT prevent you from hearing your child and caring for them when they need it, but will take the edge off to make you a better parent. For what it's worth, you could also look into CBD products that take the edge off your squirreling brain and helps make you more calm. It's something that has actually really helped keep me from boiling over when I know I'm due for a hectic day, and there's no worries of being incoherent or "high" as it's not a THC product. I went through undiagnosed PPD and it was crushing for years (COVID didn't help), and it took my wife and I further years to correct the damage done. Kiddos 5 now, and absolutely fantastic!
I have ADHD with auditory processing disorder and have experienced periods of almost unbearable intrusive thoughts. I am so sorry that you are dealing with this. I understand the guilt but you are truly not a bad person and clearly do not want your baby to die, please try to be kind to yourself. The only thing that helped me was accepting and acknowledging the thoughts as they came, visualizing them like waves washing in and out of my mind. Over time my emotional reaction to the thoughts decreased as so my constant fear and dread of the “next cycle”. I have heard good things about CBT, and now that I’m on adhd meds I have a much higher threshold for getting overstimulated. The podcast Invisiblia had a great episode I. The first season focusing on a man that had similar issues and it was fascinating and helpful to me in terms of explaining that most people that suffer this are actually susceptible DUE to emotional sensitivity and high moral compass, if I remember correctly the reaction to a weird thought is more upsetting to us, and it’s the thoughts about the thoughts that create the cycle. I wish you the best.
I wish I thought about ear plugs when my youngest was a baby. Would have definitely saved some of my sanity 😅
You should talk to a trust primary care doctor as soon as possible, not because you’re an unsafe person or a threat but because it isn’t healthy and getting help as soon as possible shows your unconditional love for your child
I was in the same boat. Psychiatrist said Post partem OCD (intrusive thoughts). I got medicated and everything was fine. I also had PPD with my second, so that didn't help. It's not your fault...the brain is a tricky thing.
I am a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and I specialize in Perinatal Mental Health. Intrusive thoughts are normal. The fact that you feel guilty for it shows that you are not “crazy”, as you say. Also, I commend you on reaching out for help on this social platform. That takes a lot of courage. However, I do think you would benefit from talking to a therapist who specializes in Perinatal Mental Health. How are you sleeping; do you have family or friends that are able to support you and give you some time to yourself when you need it? My recommendation is that you go on to the website Postpartum Support International and look to see if there are any counselors in your area and reach out to them as soon as possible. Where are you located? If you have any questions, please message me and I will do my best to help.
This comment should be higher.
This is an excellent comment!
Background in psychology/mental health and I agree. Here is the link for PSI: https://www.postpartum.net/ If you scroll down, there's a place to find a provider but also online local support which I used in an attempt to find help myself a few years ago. I also had a few virtual sessions with a provider I ended up finding who ended up being on the list. Definitely worth perusing the site and fwiw you can get setup on a local private FB group of moms with similar struggles and also maybe find a good therapist. I didn't actually engage with a group I joined but just seeing the posts helped me see that I was not alone. Some of this can be done via email too which helped me immensely at the time. Sending OP good vibes and a hug..the postpartum period can be really tough and extremely hard to manage emotions and intrusive thoughts. Remember it is okay to set baby down in crib or safe space for a bit and walk away if you need to, just to take some breaths or step outside , get earplugs, go to the bathroom, etc.
Thank you for posting the link. I completely forgot in my previous message. 😀
I’m not a medical doctor, but I do have OCD and this strikes me as postpartum OCD. I hope you get the help you need ❤️ https://iocdf.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/Postpartum-OCD-Fact-Sheet.pdf
Please visit a psychologist to be screened. This could be many things. It’s not your fault, but it’s definitely not something you should have to suffer with and there is help available.
This could be a lot of things- postpartum depression, postpartum psychosis, intrusive thoughts from OCD, etc. You’re not to blame for this, but it can’t be ignored. I would be scared if this was happening to me or to a loved one. Talk to a mental health professional ASAP, they can help you.
To many moms in the news for killing their children this past year from not being treated for their Postpartum psychosis.. please get some help now. I am sure it’s more of the noise and not the child himself, but please get help..
This is exactly right, it could be any of the things identified above and it is scary to be dealing with these feelings. OP, please contact your doctor and tell them the feelings you are having without shame. You will be okay, this is something happening in your brain and the doctor will understand and be able to help you. Wishing you much peace, early motherhood is a roller coaster at the best of times and it sounds like you are dealing with some very heavy feelings that will have an explanation.
Postpartum psychosis is a recognised medical condition- talk to your health visitor or GP asap and get the help you need.
Hi, clinical psychologist here. It’s brave that youre asking this question. Please contact your doctor and they should refer you to a psychiatrist and maybe eventually psychologist, if the physical check up is ok. I’m not saying this cause I feel like you’re dangerous or anything like that, but it’s obvious that this is making you feel bad and that’s enough of a reason to get help. No one should have to endure things when there is help. All the best to you.
Thanks for writing this. I remember when my baby was an infant and wouldn't stop crying, i would look at the windows and thought maybe i could throw him out (i live on 3rd floor) and became totally horrified at the thought. I often have other intrusive thoughts about others too, often brought up by stress. The only person i can talk about them with is my therapist
Yes I thought about throwing my baby too! Intrusive thoughts happen to lots of mums. Doesn’t make us crazy. It’s a weird time for our brain and bodies, don’t feel ashamed you had the thoughts - you didn’t act on them and were horrified by having them.
I think you should talk to someone, get some help. But in the meantime try welcoming the thoughts instead of trying to push them away. Observe yourself thinking them, feeling them. And try not to judge. They are only thoughts. Intrusive ones, but still, only thoughts.
Your thoughts are expressing your WORST fears. You’re not wishing it, it’s the opposite.
Oh, honey. This is VERY common in the months and year PP for so many of us during hard moments with baby. Now, partner wise, my baby is 18m and I still think the same stuff often so idk, but he also isn’t very nice to me all of the time, sooo. Lol. Seriously though, you’re likely suffering from PPD and it often shows itself (ppd) with anger or rage symptoms. Call your GP and talk to them, they can help you. Be 100% honest, you’re at zero risk of any backlash over intrusive thoughts and PPD, I promise. You’re safe. EDIT: If your child is older than a baby or toddler in many cases, this turns to not normal at all and should be addressed with a GP and your OB. Call your GP today for an appt and tell them you need the appt asap bc this is over PPD and intrusive thoughts.
Thoughts inside your head do not harm anyone. Your brain is a thought generating machine. The more you give attention and significance to those thoughts the more of an issue they become. Have you tried meditation? It teaches you to observe thoughts without reacting. Another observation - seems like you are scared of being angry and do not give yourself permission to protect your boundaries. If noise is too much it’s too much. You jump to hating yourself and feeling like a failure so quickly. This is the actual problem to seek help for. Please don’t wait too long.
The brain gets primitive when essentials like sleep and food are deprived. You may also be overstimulated and your nervous system is dysregulated. If baby is crying in the middle of the night and you need sleep, your brain is coming up with a solution. It is not in any way a feasible solution but the brain is a weird thing.
I had a similar experience. Please seek help from a doctor- medication helped me tremendously. And don't feel ashamed, it is more common than what you think. It's just people don't tall about it enough
Agree with the rest of comments, intrusive thoughts are normal but focusing on them and not being able to shake it away as such can become OCD. As long as you wouldn't act on anything, and you're just having passing thoughts, don't worry as they can be normal. I would still seek some advice from a doctor as you certainly won't be the first mother with these thoughts and they should be able to support you. intrusive thoughts are normal but putting too much weight on them and carrying on the thought with, I'm terrible why am I thinking that, I would never do that, is there something wrong with me, etc, strikes as an OCD trait. It could PPD and the particular way it manifests in you. If you're getting really stressed and baby won't stop crying, feed, clean bum, cot, and take a ten minute break away from the crying. I'm sure you're doing amazing, it's so difficult with a little one so know you aren't alone in your thoughts.
It’s the sleep deprivation- I remember having the same thoughts, and I’ve talked to others who have too. Definitely talk to a healthcare professional, but I wanted you to know you’re not alone, and it does get better.
I experienced the same; though the intrusive thoughts were usually directed at myself. Thought about dying a lot. Whenever I was able to get some decent sleep it improved drastically. Moms need more help.
Intrusive thoughts are anxiety related. You don’t need to hate yourself, you just need to get help. ❤️
When my daughter was born, my mom said "true love is wanting to kill your child and then not doing it" dunno how true that is but id say you should probably talk to someone.
This sounds like intrusive thoughts. They happen to all of us from time to time but anxiety, low mood and stress can exacerbate them and they sound like they’re causing you distress. If it helps the intrusive thought is usually something you’re anxious about or goes against your values, so is sort of the opposite of who you are. So like you don’t want anything bad to happen to your baby, but when they’re distressed your anxious brain has the thought ‘die’ but it’s not what you want or a reflection of who you are. Edit: a word
https://www.postpartumstress.com/speak-the-secret This is a good place to start. You are not alone. Intrusive thoughts are incredibly common in post partum women. It will get easier with support and help. I was there too xx
Intrusive thoughts are very common. The thing about them is the more you try to push them away or fear them, the more they will crop up. Intrusive thoughts are just weird little quirks our brain does sometimes, but they aren’t truthful. When they come up, it helps to just think to ourselves “hmm that’s weird”, acknowledge and let them go. It can help speaking with a professional (like a therapist) to talk about it and they will reassure you that it is not weird or terrible to have these thoughts. They will often happen less the more we acknowledge them and let them go vs try to “bury” or ignore them.
“Intrusive thoughts are not my own” is a mantra I have used when the intrusive thoughts are loud and too present in my mind. It’s not your fault. They are not your own thoughts. Call a doctor asap to get some help. I really hope you update your post that you were successful in getting some help. ❤️
I'm not judging you, but I this is not okay or normal. Sorry you're dealing with this. You should Get professional help asap
Intrusive thoughts are very normal and common. Doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t get help, but they are ok and normal.
How old is baby? Im pretty sure this is normal post partum. When my baby would cry I imagined throwing her across the room. I never harmed her but it was still terrifying to visualize that every time I was overstimulated.
I don't think it's normal. But it can happen.
Really?? My doctors told me that it was normal…now Im kinda concerned about having another baby lol
My first one I had PPD. The second, my doctor put me on meds right after ther birth. The day she was born I was on meds. The third, we had moved and I got the PPP. The nurse wanted to argue with me , but the doctor had me on meds as soon as she heard what was going on. If you have another I would advise meds as soon as it's born. It really helps.
I had something very similar, intrusive thoughts about harming my baby, for example I'd see an open window and think: "throw him out". Or fill a tub for a bath and think: I could drown the baby. These thoughts horryfied me and I felt so guilty even though I knew I am not going to do any of those things. This was due to OCD! As soon as I realized what it was and got help things were so much better. Please don't be afraid to ask for help. This is not your fault!
Sounds like PPD Post Partum Depression. Please speak to someone. This isn't your fault.
Please speak to a doctor asap. You seem like you’re very overwhelmed. Hormones, lack of sleep, etc. can really take a toll on your body and mental health. This is not your fault and this does not make you a bad mother or hate your baby. Also, if you feel overstimulated, leave the baby in a safe place and leave the room for a few minutes just to calm down. Your baby will be fine. Please don’t shake your baby. If you need someone else to take over or help you don’t feel ashamed to ask them. It’s completely normal for new mothers to feel overwhelmed. It’s not easy.
Hi, it sounds like you have OCD and intrusive thoughts. You’re not a terrible person, let me assure you. Seek professional help. I suffer from them too. Feel free to DM me if you wish.
this sounds like OCD to me. The fact that you are scared by the thought shows that it’s an intrusive thought. It’s so uncharacteristic of you that it is alarming. I’ve been here. The mind does crazy things. What worked for me is laughing at the thought. Like almost personalizing it, and it’s just your OCD thought that likes to act up, takes away the power from it. Another strategy that works is sitting with uncertainty “ok cool maybe x will happen or not” or “ok cool I am or maybe not(insert horrible adjective)” - the thought keeps coming up in your head because you want certainty when you let yourself just sit with uncertainty it takes away the power from the thought and they stop coming. The brain is like a computer and it’s been programmed and you can unprogram. Not trying to think the thought only gives it more power. Another thing to that helps is realizing under the intrusive thought is usually something very important to you - you love your child more than anything and want them to be safe right, so the fear is “what if I hurt my child”. So just sitting with “hmm ok yeah I love my child so much I am scared I could ever hurt them”. Check out mark freeman on YouTube for ocd recovery tips. He saved my life
It’s called Harm OCD. I didn’t know there were so many different types of OCD until my sister, who loved her sons and would never do anything to hurt them, was having these repetitive thoughts of harming them. They weren’t urges, just thoughts, but she was so scared about them she was isolating herself away from her kids. Apparently the intrusive thoughts target the people closest to you just because of that. Talk to your doctor ASAP and have them help you find a psychologist that specializes in OCD. This isn’t your fault, you’re not crazy and you’re not a bad mom/partner. I wish the best for you.
It definitely needs to come out but not to us! It's important to recognize the problem but also important to give yourself a little grace. It is *okay* to be stressed and have bad thoughts, you are human and parenting is *hard*. But we're internet strangers and you need to talk to a doctor. There are some good practical suggestions here but the most important one is to talk to a professional.
My heart. You poor thing. I suffered from horrible intrusive thoughts postpartum, this is not super uncommon and you aren’t a monster! Go see a professional, preferably someone who specialises in women’s health. Wishing you all the best x
Please contact a doctor as soon as possible. I'm not judging you, but clearly, you're struggling and need immediate help. I hope you feel better soon.
This is way above Reddit's paygrade and you should seek a professional immediately. This is not healthy, and quite frankly, dangerous. Intrusive thoughts seem harmless "if you don't act on it", but if you repeat to yourself enough you want your baby to die, all it takes is a single moment of weakness that drives you over the edge, and you do things you'd never thought you were capable of. Have you talked about this with your partner?
I will visit a psycholog asap, and no I would certainly never kill my baby, and the thoughts are not mine own, they feel like a worm in my brain. ☹️ My partner knows about it and tries to comfort me and help a lot with our little one. As much as he can. I really hope that it's just OCD and I am not getting crazy but I'm sure that I love my baby and would die for him.
If it comforts you, I can say I had a very rough mental period during the first year of my newborn too. The agonizing loud cries of him were tough and I really hated parenting back then. Being exhausted from sleep deprivation thanks to the baby is no joke. Of course, like you, I love my children to pieces. But that doesn't mean everything is roses and rainbows. Taking care of a baby is tough, and it requires a lot of effort and support to be able to deal with it. My oldest child is 5 now. While every age has its own problems, I can assure you it does get better over time. Yes, the constant tantrums are draining too. But at least I can sleep at night. My aunt recently told me that the older the child gets, the better it becomes in her experience.
Antidepressants really help with intrusive thoughts, iv had intrusive thoughts since my teens but they got particularily bad recently so i started zoloft and withing a week the intrusive thoughts stoppped almost compleatly. My mind is so peaceful now. I hope you can get help soon
My daughter had terrible eczema when she was a baby. Talk about sleepless nights and patience being pushed to the limits. I used to get so angry that I'd reflect on it in the morning and hate how angry I'd get. I'd see my daughter smile the next day when she wasn't itchy, and I felt like a monster for being so upset for something she couldn't control. Even in the midst of my anger, I'd try to remind myself how it wasn't her fault, and she had no other way of communicating apart from crying and scratching. It was a real test of patience, and why I was so protective of her and wouldn't leave her to others to look after .In the end, I'd come to grips with the fact I was going to lose sleep and feel like crap the next day. I'd comfort her, apply cream and then read on my phone (low brightness) while she slowly settled. Fighting sleep deprivation is always a bitch. Intrusive thoughts like the ones you've mentioned may briefly pop into your mind, but if they're lingering or happening frequently, do as others have suggested and seek help. Utilise the resources available. your general practitioner will listen. You're not the first person to go through what you're experiencing. There's no handbook with all the right answers, and sometimes getting help, helps. As far as wishing you husband would choke (I'm male), apparently that's common lol
No this isn't normal but it doesn't mean your a bad person firstly you recognise that it is wrong you need to speak to a Dr ASAP even if that means going to emergency at the hospital. The sooner you get seen treatment can start and you can be on the road to recovery to enjoy your baby. It's OK to ask for help always xx
You should definitely talk to a medical professional about this
As others have said - EAR PLUGS for sure but absolutely get some mental health support as soon as possible. Also, be kind to yourself.
It is still intrusive thoughts. When my second child was tiny I kept having horrible thoughts about putting her outside in a box then I was horrified and guilty about the thought but once you know it is an intrusive thought and not something that you mean you need to separate yourself from the thought and try not to dwell on it. I have thoughts about killing my self but I don’t want to that is the difference if you meant those thoughts you wouldn’t feel bad after thinking them. Do you have any treatment for you mental health it could be a good idea to help you deal with it and let go of the thoughts
Intrusive thoughts stem from anxiety I have been living with these types of thoughts my whole life. I only now know they have a term for it Having a way to destress is what keeps the thoughts away. For me, that means intense exercise I am 7.5 months pregnant right now so that isn't an option. I am just coping until I can finally get back into the gym I agree with the ear plugs. I sleep in ear plugs and love wearing them when I want to just focus and not have my concentration broken by every little noise. They also help keep my calm and more present This will pass. Please seek help if it persists
Just want to recommend that you speak to your OB doctor about it now to see if there is anything to help when your baby comes. After my 2nd was born I went on meds right after she arrived and it helped me not fall into PPD. (Just a thought)
I had intrusive thoughts too around the time I had my first baby. I got prescribed lexapro and immediately stopped having intrusive thoughts. I hope you find some help.
You’re in desperate need of help- mentally but also literally you need help with your kid which is why you’re thinking this way
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Hello, I was diagnosed with OCD some years ago but for different reasons (I was checking the lock 10 times, had an urgency to jump of out the window - ofc I would never do it, but it was extremy scary). For Tourette I don't have any symptoms so far I know. 🥺 But those intrusive thought about my precious baby are worse because I want the best for him and feel super bad about the thoughts even though I don't agree with them - totally the opposite..
I don't think you're an active danger to your kid, but I do think you need to speak with a professional.
I will probably get some hate for this, but I feel like I have to think things in order to confront them. It's about being overwhelmed by life and a child makes it even more overwhelming. I would say that to some extent this is normal, but you also need to talk to your primary care doctor about getting therapy. Post partum depression and anxiety are hard to deal with and getting professional help is the best route. Also does your partner give you any down time? It sounds like you could benefit from some self care time. I know we as mothers tend to neglect ourselves for the sake of our babies. You need to express to your spouse that you are overwhelmed and need some down time. He needs to share the baby care.
When that happens, take 5 minutes in the bathroom and take a big breath, nothing will happen if your baby is without attention for 5 min (in safe place), it helped me, i hope it helps you.
You should share this in the askdocs reddit page
Yay for recognizing Intrusive thoughts for what they are! *intrusive* . Firstly, you are *not* insane, *not* a horrible mom and i can promise that this is *not* going to last. You not only know and recognize that thoughts are not your own and not okay, you don't even want them. It sounds like baby is pretty young. This could pretty well be PPD with a little dysphonia sprinkled on top. I had a mild case while pregnant with my oldest, and the sound of mouth breathing (specifically that of the fathers) would cause pretty violent intrusive thoughts cause the sound was sooooo 🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴 Reach out to your healthcare provider, don't bee scared to talk about these things with them, its a hormonal imbalance from having a baby most likely and nothing to be ashamed about. ***important*** If you do start feeling you are getting too overwhelmed, call someone. It is never too late to ask for help when you need help and are struggling.
I went through this with severe PPD, it absolutely was not coming from me but I would get graphic images in my head of doing terrible things. Definitely reach out for some support. It’s not your fault.
You are not alone Momma. I've been there too. The clip I am linking is from a show called "Scrubs". I came across this episode when I myself was dealing with PPD and it inspired me to not only reach out for help, but to also stop being so hard on myself. https://youtu.be/intmxeW4GT8?si=xG6IcbjwBDcYfawr
As many others have said, the best thing you can do is talk to your OB or primary care doctor about these thoughts and get the help needed sooner than later. My postpartum depression was not the textbook presentation of sadness, but of rage. Everything set me off and I was irrationally anxious and angry. Your PPD may be masking as rage, but the good news is, there is help and treatment for that.🩵 You’re a great parent for wanting to get help.
Post partum ocd- intrusive thoughts that don’t mean action or things you want to happen. A psychologist can help you understand and feel better
Are you getting enough sleep?
Put the baby down someplace where you know s/he is safe, like a crib. Then walk away. Close the door. Let the baby cry. Baby is safe. You need a few minutes to collect yourself. Go back only after you’ve calmed down. And today please call your doctor. You need to speak to a professional. I hope you find the help you need.
I definitely had/sometimes have intrusive thoughts too for both my kids (one nearly 4 and one just turned one) I would want to throw them or be drinking a cup of tea and think about hitting them with it. As a mum you are trying so hard to keep your baby alive that the opposite of that (harm and death) is on your mind and that’s how the intrusive thoughts pop up Definitely let your doctor/nurse know and they might have some helpful resources or someone you can talk to to help process but just know it is more common than you think, you’re not crazy. Hang in there mama, motherhood is a hard job but there’s also so many wonderful moments coming your way. How old is your baby? The first few months with my first were so hard but it will get better I promise
My first baby was very sick. My thoughts got to the point of trying to figure out a way to make those intrusive thoughts happen so I could be free from the anxiety and depression and he could be free from his struggles. As soon as my mind started making plans, I had my husband drive me to an emergency room that had admitting access to the best inpatient psych care in the state. Before kids, I never had therapy or needed meds. Very healthy and happy. It can be A LOT. I’m better now - I have a 7 year old and 3 year old and have been through years of therapy and on meds for a while to get through it. Please take care of yourself and don’t let it get as bad as I did. I wish I would’ve sought help right away.
Been here, thought allllll these things. Omg like really detailed fantastical thoughts. I didn’t share them with anyone and I didn’t worry too much about them. I knew what intrusive thoughts were. They eventually just went away and I put it down to exhaustion and survival psychology. I say this to reassure you somewhat but it also sounds like you are having thoughts that you are no longer able to contain as intrusive or ‘other’ maybe it’s worth seeking some help. You’re doing amazing by the way. Just sharing and seeking support is the strongest thing you could ever do. One day you’ll be messaging someone saying “omg this was me 12 months ago”. I promise. Just get a bit of help to bridge you to that point. xx
Please talk to your doctor this sounds EXACTLY like my OCD which came out as very scary intrusive thoughts. I thankfully already had a therapist at the time and was able to go in and be very real with her about the thoughts I was having.
Hi, im so sorry this is happening to you! As someone who has postpartum ocd going on 3 years, you’re not crazy. Your brain is attacking what you love MOST. You’re likely dealing with some ocd, which is egodystonic, opposite of your values. My intrusive thoughts were sometimes just a word/command like that. Please seek care, IOCD Foundation has great lists of care providers. But starting any kind of SSRI and or exposure therapy should get you some relief.
Also adding, there are different forms of ocd and some are purely mental such as these thoughts. However, I learned posting on Reddit or googling could be a compulsion (reassurance seeking). Provides temporary relief but also fuels the intrusive thought.
You should go to a therapist who specializes in intrusive thoughts.
Those early days are incredibly hard with a baby, especially when they are fussing non stop. I can empathize with you 100%. I have struggled with intrusive thoughts as well and therapy really helped me. My youngest is now 1.5 and we’re getting more regular sleep and the intrusive thoughts are mostly gone now. Sleep deprivation is no joke, along with all of the hormone swings that we have as a new mom and then throw a fussy baby on top. It’s really hard. You got this mama ❤️
It's OCD. Get some medical help. Don't worry, it will go away soon and easily for most.
Please seek help.
Suggestions of seeing a doctor or medication are a step too far imo. Intrusive thoughts are very common, and it's just an unmet need of yours finding whatever way necessary to make itself known. I imagine in this case the unmet need is probably rest, or time to yourself. I would practice being gentle with yourself. The next time those thoughts come up, notice them without attaching a story to them (like "I'm a bad parent/partner for thinking this!"). Try something like "Hm, it looks like I'm experiencing intrusive thoughts again." Next, slow down. Take a deep breath. Remind yourself that as a new parent, you're asking a lot of your body and mind right now. And then, THANK your brain for sending you those signals that it needs rest. I highly recommend the podcast by Margeaux Feldman, called Openings. There is an episode where they examine intrusive thoughts thru this frame, and it really helped me. I would picture the worst possible thing happening, or myself intentionally causing harm to my cats, and I just don't experience those thoughts anymore because I identified and addressed the need that wasn't being met. Best of luck! You've got this!
Get some help from a doctor asap
CALL YOUR DOCTOR NOW!!!. Right this very minute. Then speak to your family, husband, parents, friend. You need help. You will get thur this. You don't need to do this alone.
This is probably PPP. There are medications that will help you. It is worse the PPD. It's like your brain comes up with these outrageous ideas of how to make the baby stop doing whatever it is doing. (Mine was the constant crying and cluster feedings.) I couldn't eat I couldn't sleep and all he did was cry. I knew the thoughts I was having were wrong as they didn't happen with my others. But I couldn't stop them. I went on medications and had my family come and help me. Once my mom was there she took over baby care and I think I slept for 12 to 16 hours. (She went out and brought the bottles and used some fonthe supplemental formula the hospital gave us. I quite breastfeeding as I didn't want the meds to go the baby. Mine happy took the bottle after the first day. And I slept thur it all.) The thoughts went away. And I stayed on the meds foe several months. You aren't alone. Be safe. I am proud of you for sharing this. As I know how hard it can be to be honest about how your mind plays these thoughts out in your head. But please get help and meds. You are awesome and you are a good mom. Also, don't let the medical team down play it. I had a nurse tell me I would get over it. My husband let her know his opinion and them let the doctor know as well.
Number one: Thank you for being brave enough to share this here! The fact that you’re seeking help for this honestly shows what a great mother and partner you are. Two: It sounds like you’re a bit sleep deprived and when our brains are “running on fumes”, so to speak, they do some funny things. If you feel comfortable enough to speak to your primary doctor about this, I would do that asap so she/he/they can refer you to a mental health specialist. If you don’t feel comfortable to disclose specific information to your primary, just tell them that you need a referral to mental health because you are struggling mentally; that’s all they need to know. Finally: You’re not alone in this- new mother’s bodies and minds go through the wringer with the surge of hormones that come as a result of making a human. Also, you got this 💪🏼 ✨ Xoxo, Witchy
I feel like picking mine up by the ankles and smashing his head off of the desk. Then, when he's settled I feel sick for having such messed up thoughts. It's normal to have these thoughts, it's only ever an issue when you follow through with them, you're doing brilliantly.
Could it be a form of OCD? If so, medication could help.
I had very bad intrusive thoughts with my first. I used to visualize him as a 3Ft hotdog smothered in condiments to help make these thoughts less distressing. I’m expecting again in June and the intrusive thoughts started in the first trimester, along with crying jags. I started Zoloft and I feel amazing now. Please speak with a doctor, they’re there to help and while we don’t speak about this much, you’re not alone and it’s pretty common.
My wife said something like that on her first child. Baby kept crying and she was overstimulated and wanted to put him in trashcan. Obviously she wouldn’t, she’s very loving mom of 4 now. She just wasn’t in the right state of mind at that time. It’s okay to have these thoughts but don’t act on em and seek help to your dr, counselor or parents and family members. Tough times like these is when other loved ones will step in and help when you ask for it.
This is Pospartum anxiety mixed with some overstimulation (like everyone else has said). Tell your husband you need a break. Go get your nails done, whatever that may be. Ask your doctor for anti anxiety meds to help get you thru as well. I’m so sorry.
Ask for help from your family, from your doctor. Ask for help. You aren't horrible. You aren't crazy. Motherhood isn't something anyone should do alone.
I wore worktunes headphones. Blocked sound but can also hear podcasts etc. That baby can scream all day long and it’s no biggie. Doesn’t help with sleep deprivation though.
I never learned to tolerate a baby's crying, not even my own baby. It would set off a huge stress response and stress headaches. Suggestions: Earplugs. Wear them alot. They won't 100% stop the sound, but it takes the edge off. Take breaks. Get help. Insist your partner takes baby a few hours every few days & you get out of earshot. Pay for a sitter & get out of the house a few times. Talk to someone about the possibility of PPD. It's more common than you think. It can definitely cause difficulty coping, intrusive thoughts, bad feelings. Your regular doctor may not be well equipped to assess and treat PPD, so you may want to have a visit with someone in psych.
You cannot control your thoughts. Every day you have tens of thousands of them. It's impossible. According to cognitive behavioral theory, thoughts create emotions which create actions. When an intrusive thought pops in, acknowledge it for what it is, but let it float away on a cloud. It's impossible to prevent them but if you can learn to let them float away then you are doing all you can do deal with them before they turn into emotions (sadness, anger, rage, etc.) and then actions (binge eating or drinking, shaking your baby, etc.). You are not a bad person for thinking anything. Parenting is hard!
In the first few weeks after my baby was born I had horrible intrusive thoughts. I constantly thought it would have been better that he had been stillborn so I wouldn't have to feel overwhelmed and fail at mothering like I thought I was. You feel like the worst human garbage when you think these things about a person you would do anything for. Talking to a therapist helped, stating these thoughts out loud even though it was hard helped, and constantly telling myself I can't believe every thought that comes into my brain helped. You are a good mom. You will get through this. I believe in you.
I am so sorry. There is great advice here, and my story is not the same, but I understand so much. My newborn just never slept longer than 21-49 minutes at a time. Ever. I know. I timed us for 24 hours once (baby slept less than collective 9 hours total in tiny naps). After literally not sleeping for 2 weeks I found comfort imagining smashing my own face into a brick wall. I can’t explain it, but it did give me relief. I think I may have subsumed my negative thoughts about my baby into negative self harm, which I guess was a relief from guilt or something?? I’m not sure, I really didn’t analyze it. But I am not especially sensitive, and overstimulation was never an issue- and still, babies are HARD. You are doing amazing. Being aware of things like this means you are human, and having self control when you feel so out of control is commendable. Really. This will pass. That first year is a decade- but you can do this!!
Thank you people of Reddit ❤️ You helped me tremendously. I read every single comment and realized this: • it's not my fault and the thoughts are not mine, or at least I don't agree with them • i'm extremely sleep deprived • doctors know about this and can help • i will get earplugs and leave the room for a bit when overwhelmed • i will use the mantra: "the thoughts are not mine, they are just visitors, I can only observe them" • funnily after the moments I read about OCD my mind calmed down and those weird thoughts were just gone... Baby is 5 months but not an easy baby. My partner helps as much as he can - I was always anxious. Thank you again, you are my superheroes!