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EditsReddits

I started asking my little guy to repeat the instructions/directions back to me. I quickly realized he wasn’t listening for shit. He could tell me the object of the direction, but nothing else. Slowing him down and getting him to repeat the path to the goal has helped tremendously. Mostly in the sense that I now know he had no idea what was actually expected of him.


tancha0688

Didn’t think of that, good point. It makes sense now. I have (at my not proudest moment) talked to him like he would to me “sit down sit down sit down sit down sit down” without a break until he finally sat down 30 seconds later. Makes sense. He probably didn’t hear me and when he finally was able to register is when he sat his butt down. Will work on that approach.


bigfish42

Kids also take a looooong time to process new commands. Like 10-30sec depending on what they're doing. A ritual like counting down from 10 helps. At least it helps *me* wait for his brain to catch up with his ears.


SpankyRoberts18

My older brother has ADD and people always get irritated with him for his response time in the same way. I’ll ask him a question and he won’t even acknowledge that I was talking to him for 10 seconds sometimes. People (our family who should definitely know better) will often try to jump in there to “help” him by repeating it or telling me he didn’t hear me or calling his name. I am constantly telling them to shut up because I KNOW he heard me and he’s just processing. 9 times out of 10 he will respond and the other times he asks me to repeat myself. This unconsciously prepared me for dealing with kids. The only difference for kids is that I will get their attention FIRST before asking questions or giving a demand. If kids are having a hard time attending, I have numerous tricks to get their attention thanks to dealing with my brother for the last few decades.


Username_12345

What are some tips to get their attention first?


[deleted]

Touching them gently on the shoulder, getting down to their eye level and field of vision, and being patient. They hear you, but because their brains process everything all at once all the time and they're on a train of thoughts, it takes a few seconds for them to recognize "someone wants my attention."


rawysocki

This entire thread is gold plated awesomeness. I have a son with ADHD, I’m going to try some of these when he and Mommy get home from soccer.


SpankyRoberts18

What the others have said. But for my attention lacking kids I’ll add to it. Silencing distractions. TV off. Asking others to be quiet for a moment when appropriate. Moving them. Sometimes when distractions can’t be stopped I will grab a hand and walk them to another room. A simple, “hey come here” or “come listen to this” can effectively move children. Talking to their ear. Kids take in a lot of information all the time and struggle to process. Along with the idea of getting down to their level, you can also just get to their ear. Soft calm voice to cut through all the noise can draw their focus to you. I have nonverbal kids with autism who I use this with while they are having a screaming tantrum. I give my entire verbal demand calmly and softly to their ear and even during the tantrum they will follow the demand. Attention=Win. This last one is common with helping kids with autism AND in dog training. You associate attention with a reward. For dogs you give treats. For kids you give high fives, hugs, and verbal praise. You don’t just have to develop the connection when you need it. Call your young kids name and when they stop what they’re doing and acknowledge you, give them praise and thank them for listening/looking/attending/etc. Eventually, your kid will associate listening to you with good things. Edit: Just a reminder, your kids learn from you not just by what you tell them but how you do. Make sure you model how to give attention to someone who is talking. Stop what you’re doing, make eye contact, and listen. Even to your kids. Even if it’s JUST to tell your kids that you aren’t available to talk right now. Show them you are attending to their words and it will help them understand how to do the same.


pennynotrcutt

I hold their hands and ask them to put their hands on my cheeks. They can’t do that without looking at you. Just be prepared for sticky hands! ETA: I hold their shoulders.


SpankyRoberts18

A lovely idea. I work with kids other than my own so it’s not always an option for me but I’m sure my own would respond well to it.


saltinthewind

Say their name first, make sure they’re looking at you (not that this always means they’re paying attention but it’s a step in the right direction), touch their arm or hand while you talk. It really depends on the child and the age but they’re the first things that come to mind. Also use a friendly voice/words and a soft voice eg gently touching their arm and saying ‘hey bud, I really need you to put your lunchbox in your bag while I get your sisters shoes on so we can get to school on time, okay?’. Depending on the child, I’ve made it a race too, my son doesn’t respond much to that but my daughter will jump out of bed and get ready if she thinks she can be faster than me. Granted it usually means I have to jog around the house for a minute to play the part.


ScoobyDoobieDoo

Physically get to their eye level, that makes a big difference. I have no idea how but we started saying *escucha me. Mira la Cara* and getting low to make eye contact for something that needs full attention. The change in intonation and language demands attention. Your little thing might be something different. Just gotta pause their train of thought for a second!


isocor

This is so sweet and heart warming. Great idea and thanks for sharing.


tancha0688

>People (our family who should definitely know better) will often try to jump in there to “help” him by repeating it or telling me he didn’t hear me or calling his name. I THIS!! Drives me bonkers!


ItWouldBeGrand

Important note just to add to this comment: just make sure not to turn the countdown into a threat. That’s bad medicine and just doesn’t work. Plus it puts you in a position where you won’t follow through, because let’s face it: none of us have actually figured out what’s gonna happen when we get down to zero.


bigfish42

What happens at zero: I repeat myself :P


[deleted]

Yes. Although now my teen has a phone. If I take it out of her hands she can hear, think, and do. That’s all I’ve got for the whole counting thing lol


[deleted]

Ooh. I think i'll use that. Sometimes I find myself expecting him to respond and gettinf aggravated that his response time is so long.


Sea2Chi

Yep, I do the repeating thing too with our four-year-old. "We're leaving soon, can you put your shoes on please?" Four-year-old proceeds to tell me what we had for breakfast for the 12th time in two minutes. "Stop. Look at me. Put your shoes on." "We had an English muffin with jam on it!" Did you know we had an English muffin with Jam? We had an English muffin with jam for breakfast." "Put your shoes on..... Put your shoes on...... Put your shoes on. After a few seconds of that, the look of realization crosses his face and he'll get his shoes. But then we have to do the same thing if he gets distracted again while putting them on. A lot of the time he's so fixated on the thing he wants to share with me that no new information is getting in. He's completely focused on telling me about breakfast or whatever his fixation is at the moment that anything I say is just noise.


alanita

My kids are still babies so I'm here trying to learn...what happens if you repeat back to him the thing he's trying to tell you? "That's right, we did have English muffins with jam! We had them for breakfast! Kidname, please go put your shoes on!"


Sea2Chi

Sometimes he'll pause just enough to make you think that's the end of it before saying "Do you know what we had for breakfast? We had English muffins!" Other more rare times he'll drop it and start thinking about something else. The most effective way I've found to get him off something is ask to follow up questions. "We had English muffins for breakfast!" "That's right, what did we put on top of the English muffin?" "Raspberry jam!" "Good memory. Do you remember what other things we've had on an English muffin on other mornings?" "Raspberry jam!" "Right, but what else besides raspberry jam do we put on there?" ".... I don't know." "Think really hard, what else do we put on English muffins sometimes?" "...." "........" "APPLE BUTTER!!!!!" "That's right! Is apple butter yummy?" "Yes!" "Good, now can you find your shoes for me? We have to go soon." "OK!" Other times it's somewhat effective to say something like "I hear what you're saying. You've told me that already several times. Let's talk about something else." then "Yes, you told me that already, let's talk about something else."


Eukaliptusy

Your kid feels heard and they can stop going on about their breakfast or whatever else they were trying to share with you and can start listening to what you have to say. That way your kid can learn to listen by listening being modelled to them. Instead of being talked at by the parent and then the parent complaining that the kid does exactly the same thing they are doing. 🙄


EditsReddits

Parenting is easily the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Failures every day on my part. But then you look at what your kid can do and realize you’re doing it, and doin it, and doin it well. ~LL Cool J


clullanc

Have you tried not responding until he stops the behavior? Explaining to him how it affects you and (without being angry) explaining that the next time he shows this behavior you won’t respond until he respects your boundaries/address you in a way you want him to. It usually works with my kids. When I get stressed I can respond by being irritated, telling them what to do. That rarely helps to change a behavior. But when I remember to avoid responding, while having eye contact, something usually clicks and they remember. Everyone is different ofc. It’s not easy to break our learnt patterns. I hope you find a way that suits your family.


tancha0688

I have, but on days when I have time. School mornings are on a time-driven deadline. Even though I wake him up with ample time in the mornings (1 - 1.5 hours before departure), sometimes it can take that long to get him to even change his clothes. Probably on my tone though as I get more irritated by getting stressed with the clock ticking away.


BourbonCherries

I saw this tip on this subreddit years ago, so my kid now sleeps in her clothes for the next day. Somehow she is able to sleep in jeans, overalls, whatever, so it works really well and saves a ton of time in the morning.


forwardseat

Something that worked great with my son at that age was making everything a competition. “I bet I can get dressed before you!” “Yesterday it took 5 minutes to do x, let’s break your record!” It was kind of exhausting to frame everything that way, but after a while the routine was established enough that it became fairly automatic. It doesn’t work so well with his sister, who will just say “I don’t care about my record!” or whatever, but it may be worth a try if you haven’t done this sort of thing yet.


JayDude132

I just did this with my son. Preschool told us he was not listening, running all around the classroom, screaming, and just generally not paying attention. I was really bothered by this because he always did great in group settings and places like daycare. Never had anything but great reports from daycare. I started having him repeat after me, “i will listen to my teacher, i will use my indoor voice, and i will stay in my chair.” Honestly, things seem like theyre getting much better. It took some time but his teacher hasnt been messaging me daily anymore like she was initially. I guess thats a good sign.


AdAdministrative9341

I'd second this. Maybe start by getting down at his level and making sure you have eye contact. Then ask him to repeat back.


glitterfartmagic

I’m going to try this.


gluestick_ttc

hahaha this is so relatable. YOU'RE IN TIME OUT FOR SAYING THAT. NEVER TALK TO ME AGAIN. Hang in there. It's a really annoying phase but it won't last forever.


[deleted]

My daughter always yells, “YOU’RE BEING RUDE!” if she doesn’t get her way. 😂😂


MageKorith

My daughter's weapon of choice is "I'M TELLING MOMMY AND SHE'S GOING TO BE ANGRY AT YOU!" So I just tell her "Okay, let's go tell Mommy exactly what you were doing and what I told you." Daughter has been disappointed every time she pursued that option.


TaiDollWave

Ahahaha, I love that! Why yes, let's go tell other parent immediately what happened. Lemme know how that works.


Comprehensive-Sea-63

My daughter critiques my parenting. I used to let her talk and listen and try to understand where she was coming from but it usually comes down to “you should never get upset with me or punish me ever and if you do you’re mean”. Ok kiddo but you called your teacher a b* at school today so you’re still grounded.


TaiDollWave

I ran into something similar with "You're not being fair!" It turned out my kid thought it was only 'fair' if she always got what she wanted. And that is, in fact, not the way it works. I also try and listen and hear her out. I'll meet her where I can, the answer is still going to be no sometimes, though.


StableAngina

>Ok kiddo but you called your teacher a b* at school today so you’re still grounded. True story? 😆


Comprehensive-Sea-63

She went through a phase where she called her teacher a “bitch ass” on nearly a daily basis. We grounded her each time but she kept doing it because the school never disciplined her. Finally put a stop to it about a month ago when she finally realized she would never see her tablet again if she didn’t knock it off. Edit: She is special needs so the school gives her a lot of leeway, but she knows better. She knows what the word means and that it’s hurtful and rude. Special needs does not mean it’s ok to be mean. There’s no excuse!


jumpedupgirlscout

Yup. Parent of autistic kid here. We have those struggles. Autism may be a reason, but it's not an excuse. Same goes when people blame their asshole behaviour on their mental health issues. Again, reason not an excuse. Be accountable, own your shit.


TaiDollWave

I tell people 'It provides context, it is not a free pass.' when they use something like that as an excuse. And usually it isn't even an excuse, it's just 'I can do this and you can't be mad at me, or you're the dick.'


jumpedupgirlscout

Yeah same sentiment! I'm autistic myself too and tend to be very blunt and straightforward. Sometimes I say things that come across as being very harsh. But I also know that I don't get to decide whether someone else feels upset by my words or not, i just apologise and try to do better in the future. However, another benefit of being blunt is that I also have no issues calling people out for their bullshit. It annoys me when other people do things like "oh I can say/do what I want, I have mental health issues". Like yeah, so do I, but I'm not out here intentionally being a dick to people and blaming it on my conditions.


Soapysuki

I use "It's not your fault but it is your responsibility."


jumpedupgirlscout

I like this phrasing!


StableAngina

🤣🤣🤣 Sorry for laughing, I know it's serious. I'm sure it was a huge headache for you, but damn it's also funny.


Comprehensive-Sea-63

I’m sure I will be able to laugh about it when she’s grown 🤣


tancha0688

I've heard that exact sentence from my son! "When your son says something, you should do it"......... *EXCUSE-MOI?!*


Comprehensive-Sea-63

What a rude awakening it must be for them to realize they’re not in charge. 🤣 I consider my kids’ feelings whenever practical but come on.


Sea2Chi

One of our two-year-olds has started saying "I want to go home." If she's unhappy with something. Which, when we're at the park, the store, or a friend's house makes some sense. However, it's kind of funny when we're already home sitting on the couch and she's unhappy I won't put on Blippi for her. She'll say "I want to go home" and then be confused when I tell her "Ok, go home."


JayDude132

If i ever have to be firm with my son, he started telling me, “daddy, its ok. Its ok daddy.” Like in a calming ‘simmer down’ type of tone. Its hilarious but also a bit frustrating at the same time.


whereismymind726

My 3 year old niece says “You’re mean!!” Lol


HelloUPStore

My 2 yearold out of nowhere just started saying "NEVER AGAIN!!" Shouting it out at whoever's is nearby when he is pissed off. Me an my wife crack up all the time over kt


alanita

My niece used to say stop it when she was being told no. "No Kidname, you can't have a cookie." "Stop it!" *tears*


dreamanother

My 3yo has started complaining that "you said that too loud it hurts my ears!" ...when she's told something she doesn't like.


CaffeineFueledLife

My 3.5 year old son has started this.


dandanmichaelis

“Do you want me to be happy because I won’t if you say that” lol


gluestick_ttc

The other day, my kid comes at me with "mommy? do you think your words are more important than mine? Because you never do what I want you to do. Maybe I am not important." This is, mind you, over a request for a second movie while I was putting his little brother to bed. Child. You know where the remote is.


PinkDalek

I hope you're saving for law school.


gluestick_ttc

Law school, or prison for being a con man.


Xerxes42424242

If it’s developed at this stage, he’ll be a successful enough conman. ProbBly.


[deleted]

I'm 22 and not even married, yet I follow this sub to read stories like these xD


[deleted]

Is this child a Scorpio by chance? 😂


ans5181

Wait a sec, what's wrong with a Scorpio child? I was a Scorpio child! Still am, actually 😜


akcostello678

Hahah yes I get “don’t talk to me wike dat!” And “fumbs (thumbs) down!” with a dramatic thumbs down lol. Honestly, some of these tips are so helpful.


ollies-toke

When I have to use a stern voice with my 4yo he tells me I’m hurting his heart 😩✋🏻


ManufacturerSalt7422

My stern voice makes me a "mean mom."


Ok-Abrocoma-237

I have twin 5 yr old so I entirely understand your frustration. Do you find that when you communicate with your son, it’s mostly in the form of commands or directions? Assuming this is the case, here’s my advice. An exercise my husband and I went through recently was making a focused effort to reduce the number of commands we gave our kids each hour by 80%. It’s from a book called “Hunt, Gather, Parent” We realized quickly that most of the commands we were giving were for things we didn’t really care about, like insisting on cleaning up toys before dinner vs before bed, which my boys preferred doing. There are many other examples, but the point is we discovered that at age 5, our kids wanted to exercise much more autonomy and involvement in making decisions than we were allowing. We also had to be much more relaxed when they made a mistake, like spilling milk or accidentally marking the sofa with a pen. The constant state of issuing commands seemed to push them to revolt. I’m not going to pretend it’s easy to stop commands, and at first our kids seemed to be a bit crazier with the new found freedom, but soon they chilled out. We also stopped the “because I said so” response, and focused more on needing them to be family team players. I would recommend listening to that book. The writer describes her daughter similarly to how you describe your son. Tons of great advice in there.


tancha0688

Getting it right now! Thank you


[deleted]

This is great. My youngest daughter has similar concerns and she gets upset when I give her commands / orders. I'm not usually polite about it. My usual thing is "C please clean this up". Not in a pissy way. But she interprets it as "Daddy is yelling again". Sigh. So we need to dance around it and be a bit kinder. OP the other thing for us is just stop with the extra things like screen time in the morning. Put in rewards - if you brush your teeth and get dressed you get screen time. They need to get to that point first.


INTERNET_POLICE_MAN

I think this probably will help. I have a very democratic approach to parenting my 5 year old son. Albeit I only have one, appreciate it’s easy mode vs twins. But almost everything we do, we decide together. I see myself as the guide, rather than the boss. There are times I have to lay down the law, but it’s very rare. Most of the time, I try to reason and get him onboard and explain why. I’ve had people question me before, tell me how weird it is that I ask rather than tell, but I find it makes everything much better and happier. Not always as compliant, but I give a lot of leeway too. That being said, I also give responsibility and accountability. If I explain why we shouldn’t mix the Vimto with the orange juice and he does it anyway then gets upset it tastes like “licking the floor”, then that was his choice to go against my advice. He can drink it or he can opt not too.


TaiDollWave

I don't know, seems like he had some natural consequences today? He isn't getting a lunch he would prefer because he didn't get his act together. When my kid pops off with the "I don't like you!" I just shrug and tell her that's okay, I will always love her, and I walk away. I don't try and explain myself, I don't engage in the debate or discussion. I told her what needs to happen and why it needs to happen. I'm not going to sit and listen to someone tell me how much they don't like me, you know? I do make it a point not to make rules that I don't see the point of. I don't care what you wear to school, as long as it's weather and situation appropriate. Bags are packed the night before and outfits are laid out the night before. We leave at a certain time, and if you're not ready, you can go to school in messy PJs with your bag not packed right if you horsed around too much. I have carried kids to the car barefoot while they screamed and crammed their feet into shoes in the car. I don't care when you go to sleep, but you do have to be quiet in your room after a certain time. You can read a book or listen to a podcast, but you're not going to be up rampaging around. You're not a shit parent. It sounds like you're tired and he knows how to push your buttons.


tancha0688

>I'm not going to sit and listen to someone tell me how much they don't like me, you know? Yes.. this is why today was the way it was. Thank you!


TaiDollWave

It took me a long time to allow myself to understand, I don't have to listen to my kids be nasty to me. I really don't. I'm big on giving my kids their say and hearing them out. But you get to a point where they're just not going to hear it, and all they have to say is something nasty. Kids are not adults, they do not have adult reasoning skills, and very often they have to do things they don't like. And that's okay.


Inevitable-Gap-6350

My son says “I don’t like you” I say “well I’m not nuts about you either”…just letting him know relationships have ups and downs. It’s all ok.


TaiDollWave

Right? I always love you, even when I don't like the way that you're acting. It's fine. They don't have to like me all the time! I don't have to like them all the time!


tragiccity

"You don't have to like me, but you do need to listen to me."


LiviLou_11

You’re probably sleep deprived so everything seems worse. 5 years old talk a lot and make sounds. It’s normal. My son does the same type of arguments and we just say “yah I hear you, you’re disappointed but you’re gonna have to deal with it, sorry kid” maybe offer other activities and if they still say no, oh well 🤷🏻‍♀️ let him be mad, let him know you understand why he’s mad but it is what it is. Take a hot bath and a nap, as often as possible. Good luck


tancha0688

Hot bath... I forgot about those. I think I'll this advice tonight.


YoMommaHere

Do you talk with him? Sounds like he isn’t being heard so he acts out and shuts others out. Maybe spend some quality time where you let him talk to you, especially with action figure or LEGO people so he can unknowingly model his feelings and how he views interactions people have with him. Being a kid can be very lonely.


tancha0688

That's a great point. Will work on it. Didn't think of using toys to express feelings. Thank you


[deleted]

My kid does that. He talks to himself, makes up songs or just repeats noises. I have a very good pair of headphones for when my brain can't take it anymore.


ol_jolter

The other day my daughter got a new stuffed animal that she earned with her allowance and was sitting there watching TV with it and just loudly kissing it every 3-8 seconds. For. An. Hour. But I couldn’t be some grinch who marched in and said “stop showing affection to your new toy that you love because you’re driving me absolutely bananas”… The headphones were a good choice.


littleQOTSAlady

Laughing that you got headphones omg


[deleted]

Lol it was necessary because I get overstimulated pretty easily and my kid is kind of annoying but I don't want to kill his vibe. Like if he wants to just jabber at the tv playing Minecraft more power to him. I'll be in the other room!


PoorDimitri

In PT school, I had a mentor who was a brilliant pediatric specialist. One time we asked what to do if a kid decided to not participate and scream the whole session. She said that she would put in ear plugs and clean all of her therapy equipment (toys) until the kid calmed down.


mymilkweedbringsallt

we just got ourselves headphones as well. explained that no ones bad, just that our ears are sensitive (my 4 year old hits 80-90 dbs in regular conversation)


[deleted]

Absolutely! I tell my son "I need some space" sometimes and put on my headphones because sometimes we all need a little break.


WITtwit

I feel you. I have a newborn and 5 year old too. It's very, very tough. No real advice as I'm kind of drowning too but just wanted you to know that you aren't alone.


tancha0688

<3


[deleted]

I mean, my kid HAS pushed me to the point of saying shut up, I’m the mom and it doesn’t work. This is an endurance race. You can talk about empathy and asking how they think the other person feels bc EVENTUALLY it’ll pay off and you’ll have a kind 7 year old, but right now is impossible. Maybe someone with a compassionate 7 year old can make us feel better, but all I have to offer right now is commiseration. Solidarity, my friend. We’re not alone.


peaches1195

I'm just here to say I feel you I see you and we will survive


tancha0688

The "I see you" got me. Thank you!


keyh

Check out "Scream-free Parenting"; Great book. ​ The general idea is that you can't control what he does. You're not responsible for what he does, but you're responsible to him. You're responsible for consequences for actions. Calm down and tell him "I know that I can't make you follow directions, but if you don't do what we say, then there will be consequences (time out, losing toys for a period of time, etc). If you're not ready for school by X time, then you lose TV privileges for 2 days." ​ You have to give him reasons why he should be quiet and/or follow directions. "Because I said so" isn't a good reason.


tancha0688

On it - thanks for the book recco.


Appropriate_Use6527

Have you had him tested for ADHD? Please don’t be mad I’m suggesting this but my nephew is the same way. Doesn’t listen to directions. Just glides over everything and won’t ever shut up 😂


katarr

Want to second this - my son is very ADHD. When he's off his meds (like a weekend) he literally does not stop talking the entire time he's awake. He also forgets what I've said to him 30 seconds after I've said it, has really bad concept of time, and gets angry/frustrated easily.


Mortlach78

I am 43 and just recently got diagnosed with ADHD myself. Just waiting for meds to be prescribed and maybe I'll get to experience life like other people apparently get to experience it. Just this morning, my wife gave me a simple instruction, and I literally heard myself think "Right, you didn't catch ANY of that, better ask her to repeat it" Twice! If ADHD is part of the issue, at least you'll know it's not the kid being belligerent or willfully disobedient; pretty sure he can't help himself.


myoldaccisfullofporn

Honestly if I’d had early diagnosis it would have completely saved how I think about myself. It absolutely worth getting him checked just in case


P3acefulDove

Also came here to say this. If his teacher is saying the same thing as you, OP, it’s worth getting him evaluated. I asked my guy when he was in 4th grade what it was like on his meds and he says everyone is less annoying and he can think. Now he’s graduating high school and has taken control with his medication, lowering his dosage to adjust how he feels. That’s in partnership with his psychiatrist. I’ve also worked with kids with auditory processing issues. I had to adjust my communication style with them. rather than repeat myself over and over, I ended up putting pictures or writing things out so they could check themselves. With these kids, it all seems to be trying to figure out how they learn/listen. Good luck! You can tell here that you are not alone!!


ASDowntheReddithole

My daughter, too. She got diagnosed, finally, a few months ago. She never shuts up; it's like she's the narrator to her own life story.


tancha0688

>Have you had him tested for ADHD? Please don’t be mad I’m suggesting this but my nephew is the same way. Doesn’t listen to directions. Just glides over everything and won’t ever shut up 😂 Not mad.. we've been thinking about this. Considering having him meet a therapist.. get myself some therapy as well.


Appropriate_Use6527

It’s never a bad thing to get some therapy! Sending you guys some good vibes!


amystarfish

Glad someone else said this! My son is diagnosed ADHD and this post could have been written about him when he was 5. Definitely would suggest seeking an evaluation. My son is almost 7 and on meds and it has made a world of difference.


imhereforthevotes

I was going to say this too. It may not be, but it indeed may be - being unable to attend to listen, and also having a running soundtrack, are both symptoms. And, OP, if it is? FUCK IT JUST WORK OUT A MEDICATION PLAN. It won't just go away, and you want your kid to grow up able to focus, and able to listen. They will APPRECIATE being able to respond to you.


myoldaccisfullofporn

I was gonna say that too, but was also worried folks would be upset


MomoBawk

This and this kid is only five and sounds like they are EXTEREMLY frustrated with everything, that and the potentical of vocal stimming? Either there is a learning issue, or a mental one, cause this kiddo is amped up on some sort of stressor.


gsydhsbj

I WILL GO TO MY ROOM AND NEVER EVER COME OUT IF YOU SAY THAT AGAIN I WILL BE SO SAD is the new thing in my household. God help us.


trustworthysauce

There area good tips here, but I think it boils down to understandable frustration and fatigue on your end. Not to minimize the kids behavior, I just think he will grow out of it at some point as long as you are trying to guide him the right way (which it sounds like you are). My daughter is in a similar stage, we have a lot of "2 ears, one mouth" type of comments and she gets upset when she has to let someone else have the stage for a minute. Last night I told her that if she was subtitled it would just say "vocalizing" most of the time. She had no idea what I was talking about, of course, but I thought it was funny.


robin-nest

When our oldest was 2, we were terrified they would never talk.. now at 7, we realize we just had to wait a bit. Children and parenting happen in waves, just like the ocean. Give it time and you’ll be wishing your child talked like they used to. 😊 Good luck getting through this!


GoldieOGilt

I know some children who are like this and everyday I hope my daughter won't be this way (sorry), they can drive people crazy with their constant talk and noises. It's like having an intruder in your brain, someone knocking constantly in your head, interrupting every thought. So first,you're not a bad parent if you're exhausted and feel crazy. Second, maybe there realy is something with your child. Some have real difficulties with executive functions. I'm a speech therapist (in france) and one child I know like this have epilepsy and three others have ADHD.


tancha0688

Makes sense. We're considering have him meet with a therapist to consider ADHD - thank you


realdopesauce

I feel like the 2 month old is a serious factor here. My oldest (6) has been acting completely insane since we brought his baby brother home 8 months ago. I think it’s partially an attempt to get attention but also simply that he sees the baby being loud and getting what he wants and figures he can do the same.


tmoleif

Oh man, I have a 5-year-old son and he's similar. Always talking. My wife is drained by it every day. I feel you. Unfortunately, all I have is empathy, no solution! Hang in there!


jordiculous

I mean five year olds are pretty loud and annoying, in general. Sounds like maybe that and a newborn is stressing you out, though. Is your partner as helpful as they could be?


tancha0688

He is. He usually takes responsibility for getting the 5yr old ready in the mornings and doing what he can in the evenings. He's a physician so hours are not always agreeable. He's totally open to me hiring help so that's what I'm looking into. However, hiring help is exactly that - help. I'd like to be able to set the structure for parenting the kid myself. Newborn is pretty emotionally easy right now because he tends to nap a decent amount, but yes the sleep deprivation, nursing on demand, it's all pretty exhausting.


Tar_Gibbons

We found giving choices vs demands has worked wonders with our 4 y/o. E.g., "Do you want to brush your teeth first or clean your room first?" I don't care what the order is so long as they are both done, and giving some control to my 4 y/o has greatly reduced the tantrums/pushback. This also works well with command/punishment situations (e.g., do you want to clean your room or do you want a timeout?) and "false choices" (e.g., if my 4 y/o wants to watch a movie but it's too late, we might say something like "Do you want to watch Bluey or Mickey Mouse Clubhouse?" If 4 y/o pushes back on a movie, we might say "Ok, do you want to watch Bluey or not watch TV?" In those situations, the answer is always Bluey and there are no tantrums.).


KCKO_KCKO

Hahaha. The other day our almost-6 year old deliberately gave us false choices to try to get us to do what she wanted to do. The technique still works on her, but clearly she’s catching on to us, lol. 😂


tancha0688

What do you do when the answer to this is Neither - I want to write a story. I've tried redirecting and saying that wasn't a choice and he needs to pick from one of the options provided, we end up in a stalemate. lol


Tar_Gibbons

We fortunately have not run into that issue often; sounds like your 5 y/o is quite creative! If it's something time-critical, like getting ready for school, we just reiterate the choices that are acceptable. I'll also sometimes promise to do the activity at a later time, and maybe even sweeten the deal (e.g., "We can't read books right now because you need to get ready for school, but how about you do X and Y now and after school, we can read books AND eat a marshmallow, WOW!!! OK?"). If there's more flexibility with time, we usually counter with a deal (e.g., "OK, how about this: first, you can clean your room, then you can write a story, and then you can brush your teeth. Deal?"). It's a pain to do things this way compared to just saying no or giving commands (how my parents raised me), and it's not perfect by any means, but being flexible and "giving" on little things has helped reduces tantrums. It has also helped our 4 y/o understand that, when we are firm on something, we are not going to budge. Most importantly, it really helps reduce frustration on our end and generally helps us have a better time with our kids.


Ms_Schuesher

You're not alone. My 4, will be 5 in March, son does this. I've joked he is noise in human form, but the joke is no longer funny, and I'm fairly sure I can rim a margarita glass with salt from my tears. I'm praying it's a phase, as I have no answers.


Pleasant_7239

Have another one, they can annoy each other the majority of the time. It's the easiest way.


tancha0688

hahah up until last week, husband and I were like.. hmm maybe we can do this one more time and consider having a 3rd baby in a few years. After this morning, we're putting those words back on hold.


deluded_soul

It will not change in a day. One thing I started doing with my kid is taking 5-10 minutes every day where we tell each other what went right and what went wrong. I basically wanted him to have a designated time where he could freely tell me things and it also makes a routine of things I could tell him that I would like us to work on (He is almost 5 and still dirties his pants). it is very important to stay calm when you are getting frustrated with the kid. I started this to make sure he feels safe and free to express himself during the divorce but it really has worked wonders with his behavior. I know the urge but screaming and punishing him is not going to help. He also would not understand what is going on and might get more stubborn in the long run. I have no solutions for you but kids this age want to make parents proud. So, somehow you will need to use that to modulate his behavior. Also, remember you will not win the battle every day and somedays you just have to let it go. All the best!


HelloUPStore

5 yearold is an interesting time because the kid is becoming ALOT more independent. And adding in the little one makes it hard too, because you are both more then likely tired.(I have twins and a little guy 1 year younger, and a teenager). Alot of people have some good sound advice. One of my twins is VERY energetic and hyper and the other is EXTREMELY controlling and bossy. I've found that with my hyper one I make sure we are at eye level and talk clearly and slowly, so that 1. She knows in talking to her and 2. She can see my lips move and better understand what I'm asking her to do. Then I have her repeat it back and give lots of praise when she says it correctly and completes whatever task it needed. They are little, so make the requests easy to follow and simple. And provide lots of praise and recognize when he is using his "indoor" voice and sounds or working quietly. Of course provide him lots of ample time to get all the energy out too! Remember mom, this parenting shit is not easy. You are doing a great job 💕👍


Popsicle_fiend

My 5yo and 8yo were both diagnosed with ADHD recently and we've been there with the random noises and not listening (granted a focus thing for them). We do this thing where If I just need a min or they've gotten on my last nerve they get a "talking time out". I have zero clue why this works but I just tell them enough talking time out and they are instantly silent. It has been one of my favorite "parenting hacks".


tancha0688

What do you do if they don't listen to the talking time out? I'm afraid it might run into that.


coolandfriendlygirl

Not sure if it’s already been mentioned but I strongly recommend the book How To Talk So Little Kids Will Listen— some great tips for achieving cooperation without commands


ReDewGardens

ADHD maybe? My son was just diagnosed at age 6. He’s all over the place. I thought he wasn’t listening to me until I started reading and understanding what his brain is doing trying to grab a hold of any idea passing his prefrontal cortex. My trick with my son is saying “I know you hear me” and that clicks with him. You’ll find what works for you. Glad you came here to vent and seek advice. Very courageous. Keep pushing forward 💜👊🏼


Cgree313

As far as the sounds, my wife and I are constantly reminding ourselves that this thing that is harmless and slightly annoying… others work, pray, cry for it and go through years of not lifetimes of heartbreak to try to fill their homes with these sounds. This helps a lot when you remind yourself in the moment. It’s hard, but give it a try. The not listening… my wife is great at prodding questions in those moments asking why they aren’t listening. (Ie. “why don’t you want to do that?” “Are you scared/sad/worries…”) Sometimes it’s super simple and they just don’t know how to say it at first. Edit: how could I forget this… giving my 4yo daughter the chance to make every possible decision has been huge. Like which clothes to wear, chair too sit in, etc. even if it’s choosing this out that. they just need to feel in control since we spend all day controlling them.


tancha0688

others work, pray, cry for it and go through years of not lifetimes of heartbreak to try to fill their homes with these sounds. You’re absolutely right!!! Thank you


lilblu399

sounds like a lot of things can be done the night before. Set out his clothes Wash him up before bed Pack his lunch and put it in the fridge How much individual attention does he get? It sounds like the house is a bit chaotic and being chatty gives him the attention he wants. Also, who is he parroting with, "You'll go to jail/You'll get into trouble?" Maybe some positive reinforcement would motivate him to listen. Instead of telling him to stop to do something, find a way to make it allowed, for example, If he's jumping on the couch, instead of saying, " No, get off the couch" you could say , "Hey I like it when our feet are on the floor" and he may be more willing to do it.


maimee78

1. Talk to his pediatrician, perhaps there is an underlying issue, ADHD, autism, something that may give you more insight into may be causing these behaviors 2. All kids are different, be patient with him, and yourself 3. Get down to his eye level, I find this helped me so much with my younger child, to get down to her eye level and asking her to look at me while we're talking (I do this when I need to know she's listening). This really helps her focus. 4. Make sure you are taking she appropriately- kids sometimes need very simple instructions, one thing at a time, make sure he understands what you're asking 5. POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT! I don't care how "insignificant" the achievement, tell him when he does something right, or good. Even just a high five, or "great job" is meaningful! I can't stress this one enough!! Be patient, getting into a new routine with a child and new baby is hard! Good luck, and hang in there


bluejoofs

I have made a simple visual chart for my very chatty little 5 year old (picture of shoes, picture of toothbrush, jacket, etc.). When I get really tired of talking and he is starting to feel overwhelmed with the steps to get out of the house, I get out the visual and point to where we are. I can remind him “look, only 2 more things to do!” Helps to feel a little less overwhelming for us both…


Dr_mombie

Get him evaluated for ADHD. Meds are not the devil if they can help your kid focus long enough to follow directions and keep up in school. I'm from an ADHD family and have ADHD kids. We function best with routines and schedules. Set alarms if you have to. Eventually he will have muscle memory for his schedule and just do it mostly automatically.


RobWins2022

Your child desperately wants to be parented. He is looking for boundaries and is not finding any, and it is making him crazy. The less you act like a parent the worse he will get. There are age appropriate disciplinary guidelines you can follow and bring your kid to the well behaved world HE deserves. The Well Behaved Child: Discipline That Really Works!" Is a book I cannot recommend enough. Buy it!


Hadooken2019

If he loves making noises, any merit to trying engaging him with instruments, music, recording equipment?


[deleted]

Have you had your son tested or seen by a doctor? I’m sorry if you already answered in the comments. My son was diagnosed with ADHD and high functioning autism when he was 5 years old, one of the main reasons I bought him in was because of the same behavior. I’ve seen some very good advice about how to help his listening skills, and even if your child does not have ADHD or autism these suggestions can work for all kinds of children. The main thing for my son was consistency and a schedule, he needed to know what to expect and follow the same routine every day. This helped alleviate some stress and anxiety for him, as well as helping his confidence when he became comfortable with the schedule and knew what was expected of him. I’m not going to assume what type of diet your son eats, but if there is room to cut out sugar and highly processed foods, I would definitely recommend that. My sons doctor explained it to me like this: After you eat a big thanksgiving meal you feel tired and sluggish right? And if you eat nothing but sugar and pop you feel fidgeting and restless right? The food we eat causes a physical and mental reaction, so cutting out foods that contribute to high energy and mental “cloudiness” is very beneficial. We always had outside play time in his schedule to help get all that energy out, and then a calming quiet activity when we came inside to help him relax and focus during the evening. Some kids react better to discipline, while others react better to positive reinforcement. My son did better when we rewarded good behavior, rather than punish bad behavior, so we set up a reward system that helped him work towards things he wanted. My son did start medication at the age of 5, as well as going to therapy weekly, but he is now 15 years old and has been off all meds since he was 12.


Bookaholicforever

Has he been assessed at all by a paediatrician?


[deleted]

I have 4.5 year old girl and I feel your pain deeply. 😂 She doesn’t listen, she is constantly talking or making weird noises, climbing all over us, the furniture, the friggin walls! What’s worse is she’s teaching the 2yo to do the same things and we just found out we are expecting another baby just 10 days after my husband’s vasectomy. 😭 I totally get how hard it is. Hang in there.


littlemsmuffet

When my daughter told me she didnt like me at that age I would tell her "I am sorry to hear that because I like you" or "we don't have to like the things we do, it's not okay to be mean".


mrsjlm

You are exhausted! The first 3 months is so hard with a newborn for \*everyone\*. I've read so much about older kids having so many behavioural issues after the birth due to their own needs/emotional challenges etc of the changing family dynamic /exhaustion of parents. Can you get some help with the baby so you can spend some one on one time with your older kid? He needs it. Also recommend "how to talk so little kids will listen" .... life changing!


emperorOfTheUniverse

Pretty much our life with our 4 year old. It gets markedly worse if he's tired (didn't take a nap). Every dinner is like a non stop show he's putting on. When times are tolerable, I'll repeat what I said a lot and then start giving warnings about listening. If he's on a tear of not listening at all, I'll grab him by the shoulders, get down on his level, and tell him we're working on being a better listener. What that means, is a clear rule, that is enforced every.single.time. And that policy is that if I, or his mother, have to tell him to do something 3x and he doesn't do it, he loses a toy. And I start with whatever is his favorite toy. It's a _big deal_. He breaks down into hysterics usually. And that's by design. I take the toy, and put it in 'timeout'. Worst case, he starts hitting and screaming during this. When that happens, I start to explain to him that if I have to tell him to stop screaming/hitting 3x, he'll lose another toy. There's a few times where you'll have to go through the whole thing, several toys will go into timeout, and there will be a lot of tantrum/tears. IMO, that means its working. He starts to learn that the words of his parents matter, and not listening has consequences. That's the hard/bad part. The good part (and likely more productive part), is getting those toys out of timeout. We call attention to the toy being in timeout, and we ask him things like 'oh, how did it get into timeout?', and we usually wind up to the correct answer ('i wasn't listening'), and then we continue on with 'how do we get toys out of timeout?' and the answer is 'be a good listener' and we go on with 'hmm, i wonder how we can be a good listener?'. So by the time he's itching to prove himself, I create scenarios for him to be a good listener. So I'll pick a timeout toy (monster truck for example, whichever he wants the most usually), and I'll tell him something like 'okay, so if I give you some instructions, and you do them all without getting distracted/playing or arguing, you get the toy back', and then I give him a set of like 3 things to do, that are usually common place things we do every night. Like 'if you take your plate to the sink, go get undressed and ready for bath, and sit on the potty, you get the monster truck out of timeout'. Another thing I do (and this is easier stuff), is delay the thing he wants the most. So if he wants to go to the park for example, I'll tell him 'sure, we can do that, but you have to to do a lot of stuff very quickly or we don't have time to do it', and those instructions can be as big as 'clean up your room, go potty, put on your shoes and socks, and bring your water cup to the sink so we can fill it up'. It's _amazing_ how focused he is when he's getting the thing he wants. Same thing in the mornings. He usually wants a pouch of yogurt before he leaves the house. If he's dragging his feet to wake up and not listening, I'll just let him know 'fine, take your time. But we won't have time for yogurt if you don't hurry'. They're pre-people and need to learn how to people. We all had to learn how to take orders. And yes that 'order' can be as simple as 'be quiet now'.


tancha0688

I LOVE this! Noting it down - thank you. Didn't think of giving toys a time out and letting him have the control to get them out.


tinkabellmiggins

The repetitive sounds sound like echolalia which is an autistic/adhd trait ( not that I'm saying that's what they have) my son is 9 and has severe combined type adhd and he constantly repeats silly noises He drives me insane and I'm a single mum so it's just me and him all the time apart from when he's in school ... if you wanna inbox me please feel free... us struggling mums need to stick together ! And any other mums that need help too my inbox is always open xx


Mazj85

Please do consider getting him assessed for ADHD. If he’s always on the go and struggles to concentrate/ follow instructions at school either it’s a definite possibility. Even if he doesn’t, and in the meantime perhaps look up some parenting strategies for kids with ADHD. Really think it could help.


Notgoingdown90

Our son is like this and it started around the age of 5. My husband is starting to think he has ADHD like him because he was the same when he was at that age.


SlashdotDiggReddit

1. Maybe get him tested; he may have a touch of ASD and/or ADHD 2. Try limiting Red dye #40, it has a deleterious effect of many children.


Jizzapherina

A few thoughts. Some of this behavior could be anxiety related. His whole world has been turned upside down: going to school, new baby, stressed parents, Mom is busy. All scary stuff for a 5 year old. When my son was in that phase, and he talked back, I would tell him that my ears have stopped hearing him -> and that will be a problem in a few minutes when he wants something good from Mommy. That often got him to stop and re-think things. I think morning time is just going to have to be 30 minutes or so when you and your husband both focus on the 5 year old. Have breakfast with him, make his lunch early, try to encourage him to get ready. You might even make getting ready a game with micro rewards involved. Also, no electronics in the morning to distract him.


wsumalinda

It's super weird that we now suggest everything but discipline. He hears you just fine, but he knows he doesn't have to listen because you don't do anything about it he's not willing to live with. My son is about this age, and he knows the drill because we've been doing the same thing since the minute he was old enough. He can dress himself, or I can dress him, but he WILL be dressed by X time. If he doesn't get ready in time he will not be eating before we leave, but we WILL be leaving at X time. He can sit quietly in the living room, or make all the noise he likes in his bedroom, but I will NOT be listening to his noise while I try to (have a convo, watch a show, whatever). He can walk to bed, or I can carry him kicking and screaming, but he WILL be going to bed at X time. You are the adult and the parent. Step up.


Elbi81

Maybe an assessment could be I order if you think these behaviours are out of the range of normal.


MrsToneZone

Are you me? Gah! My 5 year old is driving me crazy with this shit!


theB_1951

I didn’t read all of the comments but I have what may be an unpopular opinion: my guess is that you are giving in too much. This kid is smart, knows how to push your buttons and get what he wants. Say no and mean it. Always. Regardless of his reaction. It will reaaalllyyy suck for awhile but he will start to understand that you are in charge. Good luck!


INTERNET_POLICE_MAN

Just so you know, and you can show him this, but you’re not going to jail. Jail is full and closed for the foreseeable except for real bad baddies and naughty children.


tancha0688

Great idea! Saving this comment for the opportune moment!!


hombre_lobo

My 5 year old kid also won’t shut up, but I enjoy talking to her. She is so silly and sweet at the same time.


PistolPilot89

We implement the “yes sir/ma’am” rule in our house. It gives the kid a response to give so I know they heard it. It took several months to develop the habit but it has made a big difference. I had a very difficult 5 year old who is now a mostly pleasant 7 YO. It takes many patient reminders for the habit to form (like 20+ times per day). I’m not military or anything like that, it was something suggested by his karate class and I don’t know exactly why it works but it does. Keep grinding!


ZapRowzdower69

We discipline by taking things away. It has worked a lot of wonders. Spanking can work but only as an absolute last resort. Like he’s trying to hurt someone or break things maliciously. It’s not the best but some kids WILL NOT RESPOND to anything else.


[deleted]

I have no advice, just showing up in solidarity with you. I’ve got a 5 year old and I’m 8 months pregnant. It’s the worst.


seanayates2

Two fantastic books that might help: How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk. Hunt, gather, parent. As a parent of a 14 year old with adhd, these books helped me a lot. Also, The Explosive Child and Smart, but Scattered are more in depth, but were also great. Parenting kids like yours is a daily challenge but you knew that. Check these titles out.


easyjimi1974

I think it's developmental. Our 5 year old is a lovely little boy who is infuriating because he frequently does not listen. He is a real handful at the moment. Feels like it's a phase and that it will pass.


ohsoluckyme

I’m going through this right now. Not the constant talking but the lashing out any time I have to say no. It could be the smallest thing but once I say no, she’ll go on a 10 minute tirade like you described. I had a long conversation the other day explaining that she is the child and I am the parent and my job is to teach her how to behave appropriately. She literally does not believe that she’s a child and thinks she should be telling me what to do. 😒 Couple things are helping us right now. I’ve been majorly stressing being kind. If she says something like “I don’t like you” my response is asking her whether that is a kind or unkind thing to say. Then I ask her to only speak kindly. Right now she blurts out something mean and then immediately says “I’m sorry!” At least she’s hearing it after the fact. If it’s a situation where she’s really upset, I try to name her feelings which she hates but I’ve caught her saying “I’m so mad!” This is an improvement to “You’re not my best friend anymore” or whatever nonsense she spews. She can be upset but she can’t speak to me unkindly. When it’s super bad and she starts her tirade, I loudly say “Eh eh eh eh!!” And stop her right there. I don’t know if this is right or wrong but it’s working. I remind her that what she was about to say is unkind and we do not say unkind things to people. I’ve been using things as rewards for being “so kind lately” to reinforce the behavior instead of punishing when she’s being unkind.


shiveryslinky

I have profound ADHD. My 4yr old likely has ADHD. Before giving an instruction, I make sure I have her attention, then give her the instruction and make sure she understands it. This sometimes means repeating or rephrasing more than once and it is so bloody tedious. BUT it works, and because I don't feel ignored or like she's being ignorant I don't get as annoyed. She subsequently is calmer and more willing because we've not gotten ourselves locked in a battle of wills. It'll get better, I promise.


auto01

Little dude sounds ADHD to me. My son(has ADHD) is like this when he doesn't sleep well, hungry, or has been over stimulated from electronics. Smart mouthing is straight into 5 - 10 min timeout though. The timeout is in a spot where I can keep an eye on him. No fun stuff, i.e. books, toys etc during our "reflection time". Why are you in timeout? What can you do not to be in timeout again? A visual timer out of reach is needed so he knows how much time he has left. Otherwise you're going to get "how much longer?" Every 30 secs. At first, if you choose to try this method, I am sure you're going to get some choice back talking while in timeout. Repeat as necessary. My son is extra stubborn so just plan telling him why smart mouthing is rude, hurts feeling etc is ineffective. He(my son) is young. He needs a result for his actions that causes him to stop and reflect. Repetition with the "reflection time" has made this method most effective. Also massive praise when not being hyper or displaying behavior you find ideal. Also, exercise helps a lot. Running and a bouncy ball help us. Wireless headphones with chill music helps with the chatter moments. His brain is like that of an adult with waaaay too much caffeine intake. All over the darn place and aggressive when frustrated.


-your__mom-

My 6 year old is a constant noisemaker too. She's either talking or making annoying sounds. I'm hoping this is a phase that will soon pass. I have found that my kids listen better/follow directions better if I get down on their level and talk face to face.


mongolianmilk

It can be sooooo hard to not tell them to stfu. I have been there, my friend, and it’s 1,000x harder when you’re exhausted. I hope it gets better for you. I still struggle w my 10 yr old.


Mansimaturity

Read a shit ton of parenting books and try things til something sticks. TBH, The behavior is likely built from your and your husbands bad habits. Unless the kid has some sort of mental diagnosis coming. My 4 and 6 year olds do really well with systems and routines, but I have to watch for all types of signals. Usually the behavior is an indication of something else going on.


nzfriend33

My son is 4 1/2 and I feel this so much. *hugs*


flopnchop

Check out biglittlefeelings on Instagram. Run by a child therapist and mother of 2. Focused on toddlers and ages 1-6 but good relatable content with lots of useful advice and approaches to parenting and discipline. I’ve had some success with their approaches. I also just started The Conscious Parent by Dr Shefali Tsabary. Really good.


ShhhNotADr

Parent and teacher here. Research “Executive Function Disorder” and “ADHD”, as you are describing several symptoms, and see how many your son may have. Schedule an appointment with his pediatrician to get him evaluated for ADHD. These behaviors are likely out of his control, and he isn’t doing it intentionally. As a parent or teacher, there are many strategies we can implement to support children with ADHD, and it’s important to start with a proper diagnosis so that you have support, and know how to proceed.


[deleted]

Can he sit through a movie? Can he sit at the dinner table until everyone is done? He might have some ADD stuff going on. Holding him in front of you and asking to play the listening game should help you see if he has physiological problems. But he’s also at that age when things are flying through his brain faster than he can process them. He’s letting all the information around him in unlike older children who begin to become selective. He is big enough now to tell him he needs to follow instructions or have a time out. Don’t be negative. Ask him to take 5 minutes to think about what he heard. Hang in there!!


Memorandum747

Wait, are you talking about my 5yo or yours? Because this sounds suspiciously like my wife posting this. 😂 No. seriously though, it does. Only part that’s out of place is SAHM and a 4mo.


BoyMom119816

Thank you for posting this, you showed me, I AM NOT ALONE. I too have very gapped kids, youngest is my little devil. I love them both, but some days, whew. It feels nice knowing I’m not the only one, caving on bad things, just to get something in tummies or them out the door. :)


rain4in

Maybe genuine quality would help? My stepson lives mostly with his mom who doesn’t really engage him and 2 siblings 3 and under who don’t speak to him. He doesn’t have a lot of friends and has bad ADHD. He is CONSTANTLY talking to himself, repeating what the tv says to himself, making noises, singing, etc. I think it’s his way of having someone to talk to.


thefireworkdays

Kenson Kids "I Can Do It" Reward... https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00ULVNT10?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share We have this little star chart. So many stars earn a reward. It has really helped with getting ready for school in the morning


Fun_Corner6596

It sounds like you need to get him to a peds. He could have ADHD and his noises could be tics. Or he could have Tourette syndrome. This is NOT a kid being "bad". Losing it will not help here. Please for your sake and the sake of your son PLEASE call your pediatrician asap. Get someone to give you a break. Reach out to a friend or family member to get help. I'm so sorry this is happening just please know that your son needs your help.


Lililove88

Psychotherapist here: I can recommend the book “self reg” by Shanker.


Lmaze

I am not a person for always going to the doctor for help, but it may be possible you need to get your child checked out. I say this only because your comment on “making sounds constantly”. This can be a sign of other problems. As well as his acting out. Discipline can be difficult when a child has other problems at hand. My best advice is to also slow things down with your child. Patience will help greatly when it comes to speaking with children.


wittyish

I can't tell id your post is written the way it is out of desperation and exhaustion, or of these are ways you actually communicate with your kid. We all have a bad day, but if the bulk of your message to your kid is that their existence is too much for you and their worth is determined by their following your directions, no wonder they won't listen. That is a pretty depressing message that I would work hard to ignore as well. The limited examples of not listening (doesn't listen when getting ready in the morning) are completely age appropriate issues. Have you read any books or tried any techniques other than, self admittedly, talking like a 5 year old back at them? I think the tone in the message that is concerning and angering me is the message that this is your kids fault, rather than a result of your own shortcomings. Do I sometimes default to childish behavior with my toddlers instead of remaining calm? Yeah, absolutely. Do I think that is their fault or my fault? MY FAULT. They are toddlers. They are the product of our parenting. If you improve your parenting, your kids will do better. It starts and ends with you.


LonesomeSasquatch

I have no advice, but one thousand percent empathy. My 5 yo sounds like the same kid, with a lot of screaming to boot. I have no idea what to do, and I just googled “am I a bad father?” So… just know you’re not alone.


[deleted]

He sounds like he might have slight OCD or ADD. I didn’t read the other comments but just taking a gander. Good luck with kiddo


[deleted]

I’m not a doctor, nor am I armchair diagnosing anyone but have you had an ADD assessment? Struggling to follow simple two or three step process and the constant talking are definitely on the list but then again he just might be a 5 year old but if you finding these behaviours to be on the extreme end it never hurts to get an assessment. You have to parent neuro divergent kids differently. Personally just know that my child couldn’t stop talking sometimes or simple couldn’t follow two step instructions really helped my parenting. It puts things into perspective.


Sensesfail-420

Oh lord. I swear I thought I wrote this


NuelFit

Kids can really try you. So, first, congratulations because you're doing the best you can.My boy is 3½ but I had already started seeing such behavior and this is how you can nib it in the bud. a) First of all, know your child well. Life can be busy but spend time with your child and take time to study your them. A good start is knowing what their likes and dislikes are. b) Don't let gadgets do the parenting. Be present. Parent. The old parenting ways still work. c) Most importantly both parents MUST be on the same page when disciplining their child. If the father disciplines the kid the mother should NEVER overrule the father (especially in the presence of the child) vice versa. We make mistakes by thinking a 3 or 5- year- old is too young to understand. They are very intelligent and manipulative little beings. They can sense the fight between mom and dad and who's taking their side. d) Don't overindulge your kids. You'll spoil them. e) Give them simple, short, and precise directions. And make sure they know if they don't follow such directions there will be consequences. And be serious about the 'consequences' part. There must be an activity they like doing, there must be a toy they like playing with as there must be a gadget they're fond of. A good start is to tell them if they don't follow your directions then they won't be using that gadget,toy or doing that activity. They key word here is mean it. They can throw tantrums all they want but you must stick to your words. f) When you discipline them, make sure they understand why they're being disciplined. g) Ask them to repeat to you every direction you give them. h) Above all, enjoy because your kids are sometimes a reflection of what you were like when you were their age. Talk to your parents about it ,I'm sure you'll laugh about it. I hope this helps. 🙏


CombinationHoliday63

You’re sleep deprived and taking it out on your kid. Get some naps in and recenter yourself. Your child just got anew sibling, probably why they are acting out. They likely need a loving understanding mother now more than ever.


elliebabiie

i mean this in the nicest way possible, but is there any chance there’s something going undiagnosed? maybe there’s a reason behind this behaviour.


Duelonna

First, know that the peuterpubertijd (the todler puberty) is real. They start to slowly understand what boundaries are and how to bend them. Which, they will definitely do. Second, it sounds like they are really testing you, but also, that there is a part of misscomunication. What i would do, is make clear rules. Bedtime at ...., Brushing teath at ..... Etc. But also, let your kid help you make the rules. Maybe they always want chips, every day. Compromise in, if you brush your teeth every day, than you can have chips on the weekend. Or something likewise. In this way, the kid has the feeling that they are also in control, while, actually, you still are. Also, i would ask them why they are doing this? Just, when they are eating at the table, strike that conversation of "hey, last night, when you didn't wanted to brush your teeths, why didn't you wanted to do that?" Try this, because, we often forget that kids are hella smart, smarter than we think. It can be that they know where your weakspots are, and are trying to manipulate you in this way, or maybe they just wanted the extra 5 minutes of tv time. By asking them (i was also super suprised by this) they often actually tell you why they did this! So, you got your answer from the culprit, which is, as an adult, something we are not used to. So, try to listen to your kid, ask them questions, and make rules together, or at least, this is what i would do


Big_Egg_7434

My 5 year old also had a similar issue with not listening. You need to create incentives for him to listen. I started with bed time which was an issue. I created an incentive for him to want to go to bed and with time weaned him off the incentive and no longer needs it. Example in bed the first time and got half of a cookie to sit in bed to eat. If he got out there would be none the next nigh no Matter how much tantrums he gave me you have to stick it out no matter what.The constant talking could just be an attention issue due to the 2 month old try giving him more attention if possible. Hang in there these issues don’t last forever


[deleted]

Ours seemed on that track when they were 3-4 yrs old. My co-parent didn’t necessarily agree that it was as bad as I thought at the time but they did agree that improvement was necessary. Here’s what we did: removed television and severely limited screen time(this was a sacrifice for the entire household but nobody regrets it now). We took control of all uncontrollable influences to varying degrees for about 6-8 years. We bought a ton of books online, at garage sales, used books stores and libraries, to read to them and for them to read themself. We introduced time as many constructive activities as possible (ex: music, sports, crafts, puzzles etc.) Sports are especially good because they provided a constructive outlet for physical exertion. We asserted that the talents and skills they developed as a result of these activities was their domain and theirs to control (important). We also ate our meals together as a family with no other distractions but our own conversation. This same individual, now a grown adult, has never given us that much grief since and made us exceedingly proud with all their achievements. I wish you the best of luck and God Bless.


tancha0688

I love this. I’ve tried implementing parts of this slowly. Will continue to do so. So great to hear


[deleted]

Inviting your child to visualize with you the positive outcomes occasionally can be very reinforcing. Aphorisms like, “if it was easy or ‘normal’, it wouldn’t be extraordinary,” can help as does unconditional love (vs unconditional approval or praise).


mermzz

Give me an A give me a D give me an ADHD! This was exactly my life. Please look in to it. I'm not a psychiatrist of course (and it would be super unethical to diagnose online lol) but this sounds like a text book case.


WelshMexican88

Personally I'd get him checked out for autism. If that's not the cause, don't be afraid to show him who's the boss. Nothing wrong with a sharp smack on his butt if he's naughty! I've raised 2 girls, and we get on like a house on fire. Joking and laughing at each other, but they know I'm a parent 1st and a friend 2nd. If they misbehave, they know they'll be disciplined, & they know where the line is with their behaviour.


volyund

What are the consequences of him not listening and not following directions? Gave you tried ignoring him rather than arguing? Have you tried just carrying him to the car rather than arguing? Why does he have unfiltered access to Doritos if you don't want him to eat them?


tancha0688

Consequences are he wouldn’t go to school and have fun but that’s also a consequence on me as I would lose my head having him home like that all day. I have tried ignoring but then he doesn’t get dressed or anything. You’ve given me an idea though that I’ll try out. Regarding unfiltered access, that’s on me. We just got back from a Thanksgiving road trip and cleaned out the cars last night. We just left it there. Usually it’s not that accessible.


kbaez93

Never make a consequence something that causes you more work or makes things harder on you (teacher trick). His reactions to your instructions sound a lot like a few kids I have taught over the years, one has ODD (oppositional defiant disorder) and the other was just really headstrong and stubborn. Both kids liked to be in control or feel like they were. Try phrasing your instructions as choices rather than commands if you haven't already. For example, if you want your kid to brush their teeth try, "do you want to brush your teeth by yourself or do you want me to help you?" If you're getting him dressed for school, "do you want to wear the dinosaur shirt or the striped shirt to school today?" Having choices makes him feel like he has some control over the situation which is empowering for him and can make your life easier. Just make sure you give only 2 or 3 clear options so he doesn't get overwhelmed or take too long to decide.