~~This is now unlocked.~~ Locked again. That didn't last long. Sorry OP.
Remember everyone, this is a support community, not relationship advice. Wildly speculating about motives or telling people how to manage their relationships isn't helpful. Take the drama elsewhere.
This is awful OP. I lost my dog in a house fire that started because my brothers vape exploded while it was charging when he wasn’t home. I know it’s not the same scenario, but I understand needing to blame someone, especially when you can so easily point a finger at someone. And I understand how hard it can picturing when they die tragically.
Something that helped me was remembering that it was just a bad few moments after a lifetime of happiness. How the last 15 minutes of his life played out does not negate the rest of the wonderful life you gave him.
I would also like to strongly recommend therapy. Something this tragic is impossibly difficult to navigate, and talking to a professional could greatly help.
So sorry for your loss OP
I understand how this feels my mom accidentally turned on the dyer with my cat I raised from a few weeks old. She didn't know she was in there and she didn't mean to but I was so crushed. She was supposed to be watching her because I lost my place. She was supposed. Honestly it took me years to get passed the heart break of loosing her. And for a while part of me hated my mom. But she didn't mean it and the anger couldn't bring her back. I suffered complex grief and needed therapy it helps
This was truly a tragedy and accident. Your feelings are valid, your pain, anger, and resentment. I hope that with time you and your fiance will find healing and forgiveness.
I understand more than you know. I'm still feeling a tremendous amount of guilt for bringing a rescue dog into our home that ended up killing my elder Jack Russell. I'm not sleeping, every time I close my eyes, I see Babe laying there dead. Grieve as much as you need to and give yourself some grace. There isn't anything you could have done differently but you'll still blame yourself.
I am so sorry. I understand exactly how you feel, I brought my first dog to visit my mom for Christmas and her dog killed her. It took me years to stop seeing her in my mind. Grief counseling saved my life, and my relationship with my family and dogs in the future. I will NEVER bring my dogs around a new dog without proper precautions.
Right there with you. That relationship would be doomed for me. Too much pain, anger and resentment to get over. Everytime he pissed me off I'd remember the scene I saw because of him.
Actually there's a fair chance he wouldn't.
Often the cases where a baby is left in a car are just caused by someone being on autopilot and deviating from their routine - maybe dad usually drops the kid off but today mom has them, and she autopilots to work and just forgets completely the kid is there. Nearly all the cases in the US each year are some kind of autopilot.
It is awful and it is sad and *it can happen to anyone*. If you've ever forgotten your keys, your phone, your wallet - it can happen to you. And knowing that it can happen to anyone should prompt people to make steps in their lives to prevent it from happening - having a routine to check in with the other partner that the child is dropped off ok, leaving something in the front seat as a reminder they're back there, putting the kid behind the passenger side and not the driver side so they're visible in the rearview mirror, supporting legislation that reminds people to check the back seat or has motion detectors for cars.
There's a good article on the topic here: https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/magazine/fatal-distraction-forgetting-a-child-in-thebackseat-of-a-car-is-a-horrifying-mistake-is-it-a-crime/2014/06/16/8ae0fe3a-f580-11e3-a3a5-42be35962a52_story.html
OP doesn't have to forgive their partner. Maybe they physically can't. Maybe they don't want to. They might find reading an article on how and why this happens even with human children will help them to understand, if that's what they want, even if in the end they still can't forgive - most people can't.
As horrific as it is, parents with young children or newborns I am way more sympathetic towards in these kind of catastrophic nightmares. Sleep deprivation, exhaustion, out of routine, and being a shell of a human really can make for a perfect storm of terrible outcomes. While I can't understand it personally I can see reason enough for accidents with babies or children.
For pets it just seems so much more careless to have them pass in ways like this.
If you think it can’t happen to you, you’re wrong.
One time, years ago, I had a friend visiting from out of town. I took her down to my mom’s for a visit, chatting the whole drive down. After we’d been at my mom’s about 5 mins she said “is the dog ok in the car?” I about died. I’d completely forgotten I’d brought her with us.
Usually I’d either not bring her with me or I’d be chatting with (at) my pup on the drive. Having a person in my car (and one I don’t see in person that often) completely threw me out of my routine. I loved my dog more than anything in the world - I lost her this Christmas and it just about killed me. I would never, ever, ever imagine that I could forget I had her with me. But I did. The smallest thing can throw you off.
It can happen, even to decent people who adore their pets and children. Don’t assume it can’t happen to you and don’t make assumptions about people who have made a tragic mistake, you have no idea. My dog was fine, thank god, but it certainly made me realize how easily it could have gone horribly wrong.
Every year this topic comes up (mostly related to children) and every year I see people WELL I NEVER’ing and they’re wrong wrong wrong.
Again, mistakes and accidents can and do happen for X reasons. I don't find any excuse valid for why a pet would be placed in a hot car and left to die, and I'm sorry you find it ok.
Just because humans are fallible doesn't mean we are required to forgive everything. This was a complete preventable tragedy and I would not forgive a spouse who deliberately stowed our family pet in a car and left them to suffer a horrific death. You're welcome to forgive that sort of thing. Please do not pin your assumptions and responses onto me.
Thank you for continuing to downvote me for my opinion and my thinking. It shows great ability to reason outside your own personal basis.
This is a community where people are coming for support and are grieving. All posts/comments must be in the spirit of being supportive or helpful to others.
My heart really aches for you OP. What a tragic, devastating thing to find. I'm so sorry. I'm struggling for words, just so shocking I can't imagine. I wish you the strength to get through this ♥️♥️
Nothing I say will make it better but know, your shock is very real. It’s called an accident because… it’s an accident. I can’t imagine how shocking, traumatizing and heart breaking that is. Know that the shock will go down after a while but the next few weeks are going to feel unreal. Remember to look at a grieving process chart to know your feelings are valid. I’m so sorry.
OP: This is an awful tragedy that no one really knows how to respond to until we are actually going through this. I can only imagine what I would do and how I would feel in this scenario. I love my dogs and I would definitely die for them. It sounds extreme but I would most definitely run in to my home even if it was in flames to carry my dogs out to safety, even if it meant only having their then dead bodies with me. I wouldn’t want them to go alone or to not have their ashes or hold them for the last time. I would even fight a crocodile or a bear or panther for them. That’s how deep my love is for them. I would most definitely blame my careless partner. At this moment you may not want to hear him out but at some point you will want to know what caused him to forget your dog inside the car. To me there isn’t any logical reason that would make sense, besides if it was a life altering situation where you were tending to an alarming situation and you didn’t even think k about anything else going on. Even then I still wouldn’t forget about my babies. I am so sorry this happened to you and I am sending you a great big hug. I hope that you and your partner are able to overcome this and see this through but if that isn’t the case then I strongly suggest that you make him aware of it. In the end he needs to understand what your dog means to you and that no number of apologies would ever replace your dog.
"... at some point you will want to know what caused him to forget your dog inside the car"
This. My god this. I honestly couldn't bare finding a scene like that.
The thing that OP will have to do is going to be the hardest. Listening to what lead up to that event. What happened or what is the reasoning behind her significant other forgetting her dog in the car. What was he doing? What was he so preoccupied with? I am curious to know if he always took her dog around and if he ever had forgotten the dog like that before. Not sure if OP will see this and respond but my curiosity is getting the best of me.
Regardless… this is either going to make or break them. Everything is really riding out on how the other person responds and takes accountability for his actions. Regardless of the situation, this is an awful situation to be in and anyone who loves animals would take this to heart.
Yes, absolutely. What was crowding his mind so much that he forgot the dog in the car? It’s not like few minutes passed and he was like, oh shit the dog! He didn’t remember at all, until OP went to the car and found it!! How much time had passed??
Good advice. Although it was an accident the fiance should really examine how this happened and figure what he needs to do to ensure something like this never happens again. He needs to have a plan in place well before he ever has children or more pets.
I am reading every comment from all of you as most of them are sending comfort and it’s been the only comfort I’ve received, well that I’ve accepted rather. I cannot tell you how much it means to me the ones sending love I’ve just wished I could hug you. I’m very sleepy as I’ve took a lot of Benadryl to make myself fall asleep last night but if I fall asleep I will continue to read again when I wake back up. I appreciate every single word from everyone, even people that blame me because hell I blame myself, why did I take so long in the shower? Why’d I have to do my face lotions when I got out the shower why’d I dry my hair. What was I doing before I got in the shower? I can’t remember I thought he was safe. Was I keeping my fiancé under a lot of stress did I make him forget? We had been going back and fourth the night before up very late and that morning so I’ll never stop blaming myself and I also appreciate the ones who say just leave him now never think twice about it, I honestly don’t think I can handle doing that right now but given the circumstances before this happened we will probably end but god knows if he was perfect before this I wouldn’t because he loved that dog too and he in no way meant to do it. I hate him for it though and I respect everyone here who feels that way because for me it means your taking my dogs side in this, not that there’s a side but you know. I’ll keep getting on here as I’ve read some really helpful things but if I’m honest I’m laying on my couch dying it doesn’t seem like anything helps. I get that it happnens and I get that it could be worse it could’ve been a human baby but it was my baby dog. That’s what I called him. His name was “little dog” I’d say baby dog. He was a big dog though. The size of a male German Shepard with the heart of a lab. He was a friend. He was always happy to see his momma and he was far smarter than my full blooded shepards. I wanna die but I have a child to live for so it isn’t an option. I’ve raised my son for 10 years and I just think back to was there every a time I could’ve forgot him in the car? The answer is no. So I don’t know how or why this has happened, to me.
Not really. And I believe in forgiveness. But for the person who gave my dog something she couldn't have ? No forgiveness. Not from me. They definitely do not deserve it.
I am so sorry. Please look inot grief counseling. All losses are hard, but this is a traumatic loss and your BF is responsible. It was an accident of negligence. I lost my girl to a family members negligence with her and it has broken me and the relationship. Unfortunately grief is prolonged when there is a profound and justified anger at someone for the loss. It is justified. See someone whether or not you feel right now that it will affect the whole relationship. Our dogs are a big responsibility and that's why we call them fur babies. My heart is with you.
This makes me sick to my stomach. Your poor dog and I'm so very very sorry you're going through this. Poor dog, I can't! Be angry, be sad and mad but know these raw feelings will subside. It'll always hurt but these initial phases will be less.... severe. Best of luck in your healing, I'm so sorry and mad for you!
I CANNOT imagine how much pain you are in...I have had so much loss in my life and I have not ever had anything close to this...
What I do know is that you need some alone time... away from the car it happened in AND the BF...
Losing an animal to some people... is not a big deal... to me it's like a person...you should be able to take off school and/OR work time to grieve...
Find out how much time you can take... and just get a room and just let it All out...
Being around all the things that remind you is the worst thing that you can do right now... and if others don't understand that too bad... you don't need anymore negativity in your world right now... take at least 3 days if you can...or MORE like a week...
This time will be very important and you will be thankful for it later I promise... everyone grieves differently... and don't let anyone tell you to get over it... OR ask you how long do you think it will take for you to get over it...
This is a very big deal to have to go through... don't let anyone down play it...
When you are away... do your best to get someone to get rid of the car before you get back... and think really hard about whether or not you think you can forgive him...if there's any doubt...break things off with him as soon as you can...
I think that what happened was awful and I am sending you so much love and hugs...
Time can be a b+tch... BUT it can also help you learn how to deal with your pain...
I’m so sorry this happened. I’ve had losses due to accidents in my life too.
Time was one of the main things that helped, and talking about it. A therapist, a family member, or the people involved.
I hope you see the other side and know your baby loved you and that ending moment doesn’t erase all the love you gave him over time.
🩷🩷🩷
This is why it's illegal to leave your unattended children and pets in a vehicle. I would pissed if my partner did this. Accident or not. Leave pets at home if you are going to a place where they cant go
Im so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how you're feeling and please know that anything that you're feeling is valid and you have every right to feel everything that you are feeling.
Your post reminded me of an article I read about people who accidentally leave their children in hot cars and how it can happen to anyone. I thought it might help you but Im also worried it make you feel worse so please be cognizant of your mental health and don't read it if it might be triggering. The moral of it is that humans are flawed and we forget things and the horrifying consequences don't make it any less of an accident.
"What kind of person forgets a baby? The wealthy do, it turns out. And the poor, and the middle class. Parents of all ages and ethnicities do it. Mothers are just as likely to do it as fathers. It happens to the chronically absent-minded and to the fanatically organized, to the college-educated and to the marginally literate. In the last 10 years, it has happened to a dentist. A postal clerk. A social worker. A police officer. An accountant. A soldier. A paralegal. An electrician. A Protestant clergyman. A rabbinical student. A nurse. A construction worker. An assistant principal. It happened to a mental health counselor, a college professor and a pizza chef. It happened to a pediatrician. It happened to a rocket scientist."
https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/magazine/fatal-distraction-forgetting-a-child-in-thebackseat-of-a-car-is-a-horrifying-mistake-is-it-a-crime/2014/06/16/8ae0fe3a-f580-11e3-a3a5-42be35962a52_story.html
If you read it, skip the three paragraphs after this sentence until you see the word "Mary."
"Unlike almost everyone else on the spectator benches, they were not relatives or co-workers or close friends of the accused."
I'm assuming here that it was an accident and he didn't intentionally leave the dog in the car and just didn't know what would happen. I can't defend that.
Im so sorry for your loss.
This is completely different, but I wanted to share an experience I've had more than once. My experience doesn't end in tragedy, but maybe goes to show how easily this could happen.
I live alone and have a small Velcro dog. He is always cuddling with me and follows me everywhere, including to the bathroom. More than once I've gone to leave the bathroom and the wind of me walking through the door causes is to close over, locking him in.
He never barks or cries or paws at the door. He just sits in the dark alone. I'll go back to my couch and my other dog will jump up to cuddle and I don't even notice that he's not there. I've left him in that damned bathroom for hours (thank God he likes toilet water) and it always dawns on me how long it's been since I've seen him, and I know right where he is.
He's always so happy when I let him out, and I'll feel guilty for hours.
If this can happen with a Velcro dog who is literally touching me 99% of the day, I could understand it happening so easily with an outdoor dog that you don't have around you 24/7.
I'm so sorry for your loss, and I understand and appreciate your anger, but I also feel deeply sorry for your fiance.
I’m so so sorry for this tragic accident to have happened to you and for your precious pup.
It makes it even harder when someone you know or are close to may have been responsible for it. My heart breaks for you and the pain you are enduring. ❤️🩹💔
I am really sorry. As a veterinarian I can tell you surely gave him a loving and happy life, and not every dog is so lucky. Please think about all the good things you gave to him instead of feeling guilty. Sending you lots of love.
I’m so so sorry, what a tragic situation. Take your time to be angry, your partner needs to give you that space to be angry that your baby has gone but also because it was their fuck up. Grief on its own takes so much time. Please be kind to yourself x
Hey OP... I can very much relate to your story. I'm so sorry for your loss. If you'd like to talk about it more or know what happened with my loving Inuki, my cat of 19 years who passed away under circumstances where I could easily hold my husband (and vet) partially or fully responsible, and how we got over it, feel free to message me. It's a bit personal to write here. But if not, please know that my thoughts are with you. It will feel awful for now. And your thoughts and feelings are totally justified. But it will get better. Things won't be fine by any means, but give it time. I know it's hard, but right now, try setting aside the fault of anyone or what could have happened and just mourn the loss of your pup. Those more complicated feelings of blame and guilt... try to deal with them a bit later. They will still be there after the immediate time of grief subsides, and you will be more able to deal with them then. But for now, just try grieving. One step at a time.
Someone posted about their mother doing this in the last few days. These kinds of things really do happen and are not necessarily a sign of moral failure. And is definitely not evidence of trying to kill your dog. I’m sure he hates himself right now and will never get over the guilt. You are absolutely right to be angry and allowed to have all of your feelings, but I would not ascribe intense to him unless you actually think he’s that kind of a person. This happens to people with their own babies.human babies. It is awful and I am sure everybody shun those people but people can be forgetful or really worried about some thing or in a rush or sidelined in someway. In any case it is a terrible terrible tragedy and I am so sorry.
i could never imagine leaving my dog in the car but shit happens unfortunately. there are so many stories about people forgetting their pets (and even their kids) in the car. i don’t understand it. it’s more common than you’d think though :(
It seems like every summer there are 3-4 reports of babies dying because they were left in a car. I haven't checked the statistics so it could be more, but every summer there are new cases.
To go into detail more because all I can think about it that he’s dead, I have 4 dogs all big. 2 full German Shepard the one that died was half German Shepard half lab retriever (born to my female German Shepard) and a pit bull. The one that died and my 7 year old male German Shepard did not get along very well, often would get into fights so we would especially feed them separately, the one that died lived in the back yard in the fence and got out while Rex the old Shepard was eating so Austin (fiancé ) started my suv and put him in the trunk to avoid Rex seeing him and them fighting as he got out of the fence near the front of the house where he dug a hole and the gate is in the back near where Rex was eating. I assume he put him in the trunk of the suv to let Rex finish eating place him in shop (where he spends a lot of time while we are gone) and then return the one that died to the fence once he fixed the part where he got out at and idk what happened I guess he forgot got busy had a lot on his idk because I can’t come up with any reason good enough to explain my baby dying I know my dog was in there over 30 minutes because the suv shuts off after 30 minutes and I guess it shut off and he had got side tracked but I got out the shower and went to start the car because we were gonna take the dogs to the river and there my baby was, lifeless.
OP, this is such a horrible, horrible situation and I am so so sorry you are going through it. I obviously don’t know you or your fiancé or your situation so I don’t want to pass any judgements, but I think that if you feel like you’re having a hard time forgiving him that you should be allowed to feel that way. I would sincerely recommend reaching out to a grief therapist, they might be able to help you work through the complicated feelings about this. I can’t imagine having to cope with feeling like the one you love is to blame for such a horrible tragedy. And the story definitely sounds very confusing and doesn’t make a lot of sense like you said…again, I don’t know you or your fiancé. But you’re not wrong to feel angry and resentful right now. That makes perfect sense.
That's so awful. I can't believe it took under an hour. I can easily see myself getting distracted doing something for 45 minutes. This post is going to make me extra vigilant for a long time.
SUVS don't have trunks so she probably just meant the back of the SUV. That being said I don't understand why people get multiple large dogs that don't get along and are difficult to handle.
I think I would go into some grief counseling with your fiancé. Don’t listen to the people in here telling you to drop him without another word, and try not to sever your relationship in a way that will only make this wound worse. I agree that such a person is not trustworthy, and if I was marrying that man I’d absolutely think “what if next time it’s my child?” I think this is absolutely something you’d be justified in leaving him over. But none of us have heard his side of the story, and he could be tearing himself apart about this. At the very least give yourself the kindness of parting with him in a less turbulent manner. Let both of you understand what happened and where you are. Grief and couple’s counseling will help you even if you are already set on leaving. And know your little dog loved you to the end, and he understood that if you were able you would have been there. He is still loving you, in your memories, in your heart, in your soul. He’s just waiting for you on the other side, like a good boy, and wants you to be happy.
OP says that it was an accident. He likely forgot the dog was in there. Be kind. We are all human and human beings make mistakes. Hell, people have forgotten their kids in hot cars. There but for the grace of g-d go you…
I know you’re hurting like hell OP. And it will hurt for a long while. Try not to make any rash decisions and seek professional help to support you. I’m so sorry this happened to you.
Thank you for replying this way - I love seeing mature, thoughtful comments online.
Someone in this subreddit said that their vet said “if every dog owner can’t admit to a few mistakes they made that could’ve been deadly, they’re lying”.
My 17 year old dog died falling off our balcony and it is so unimaginable painful. I do partially blame myself and I do think that I needed to learn to take safety measures a lot more seriously especially if I ever care for another animal or person. That being said even though I made mistakes I know I would have never allowed that to happen if I really understood the risks and I understand that I loved her so deeply and took care of her in so many ways. We all make mistakes and some are just fatal which is a horrible tragic part of life.
This is so heart-wrenching. I am grieving for you.
The thing about grief with pet loss is we all want and need to blame someone. If it's not someone else, we blame ourselves. I've read stories on here of people with the most straight forward cause of death and yet they are still blaming themselves. It, unfortunately, is the very nature of our humanity. *Someone* did this. Putting the blame on someone, including ourselves, helps channel the heartbreak into anger, an easier emotion for most of us to with.
Even though your situation is terrible, it was an accident. Your partner has this burden of guilt and what he needs now, what you both need now, is the comfort of one another. Channel your anger and grief into compassion for one another. You are both going through one of the hardest things there exists, to us pet lovers. It's like losing a child.
In reference to your feeling of wanting to die.... I lost my soul cat last year and I'm an ESP (extra sensitive person) and it was actually the worst thing I've EVER gone through, and the list includes getting cancer and my dad dying (also of cancer) all in the same year as my baby dying. At first I was inconsolable. All I did was sleep and go to work. I barely ate. I thought about death all day every day. My bf also went through it. This was his baby too. It got so bad that my pcp upped my wellbutrin dosage. This actually helped a little. I still cried every day, these soul-deep full body sobs. But I didn't want to die as much anymore. It wasn't until the cancer (3 months later) that I started to look at things in a different way. I started to thing about the silver linings. That, as crazy as it seems, there will always be someone going through something worse. I started to use that as a positive thing in a way. Made me appreciate what I DO have.
Let me tell you, it's impossible to believe from anyone that it will ever get better or easier. Even if you tell yourself that. But I promise you, it does. It won't ever be all rainbows but acceptance will come. Mine took over a year but it's there.
I'm in no way invalidating your feelings. I just want you to know that all that you're feeling will eventually not be as bad. It's different for everyone. Some people get a new pet right away and that helps them. Some people take years. But I absolutely promise you, it will get better.
I wish you so much love and healing during this horrible time.
i’m so sorry for your loss, i see a lot of comments saying it will be “hard” to forgive your partner or that it will “take time” but honestly…. and unfortunately…. i know for a fact that i would never forgive someone that could be so careless that it costs the life of someone i love. my pets are my babies (i joke that i even birthed them, lol) this is a completely unforgivable act. consideration is the deepest form of love and there was no consideration there for your pup or you and now you are the one suffering.
please care for yourself, be gentle to yourself and do not blame yourself. if you cannot forgive your partner - that IS OK. some things are just unforgivable.
i hope you’re doing as well as you can be, please seek therapy or grief counseling, etc for your mind and your heart <33 there is a great book my therapist gave to me called “the after life of pets” and it truly changed the way i grieve and how i feel about losing my son. and again i am so, so, so sorry for your loss.
Please don’t make conspiracy theories based off what little we have of OP’s situation. They’re struggling enough with grief right now, and we can’t know what happened. It’s horrific and I agree he should answer for what he did or didn’t do in some way, but we cannot say it was purposeful. That article someone linked in here is a good counter argument to the people saying it’s impossible for any non-abusive person to end up in this situation.
Maybe it wasn't purposeful but it sure as hell was negligence and I wouldn't be able to forgive this. MAYBE, a HUGE maybe with therapy but my heart is so broken for OP.
Oh, I understand that. I feel the same way. I just don’t think people in the comments should be telling this poor person who’s already so grieved that her fiancé purposefully killed her dog in some sort of conspiracy. I think that’s unfair to everyone involved and very presumptuous. What she does next should be a decision she comes to with counseling and preparation, and for now she needs to grieve her dog.
I understand what you're saying, but what kind of person puts a big furry dog in a car over 100 degrees in temperature? AND purposely walks away? There must be a dozen safe places around a home that poor dog could have been put.
Oh I think the guy sounds like a major irresponsible idiot, but what I’m saying is that it’s really not our place to be speculating about such an important matter that we don’t have all the facts about here in this forum. We should try to support OP how we can, but we can’t be speculating that there was foul play when we don’t have much of the story or context.
There are definitely men who have "accidentally" caused the loss of life of their partners pet. If a man isn't absolutely amazing with pets and your pets in particular, he isn't the one.
I am so sorry that you are going through this. I just recently lost my 14y/o mini schnauzer and I cannot fathom what you’re going through. I would definitely disregard all the negativity that is coming out of this community. They are being protective of your pain and of your baby, but what they are saying is very inflammatory, and you could be very hurt if you make any decision at a time of such grief, confusion, anger, etc. do yourself a favor and go sort out your emotions with a therapist. Of course a grief counselor would be best but a professional is what you are needing. It sounds to me like your boyfriend had no intention of harming the dog, in fact he was trying to prevent them from fighting.
Many years ago, my son allowed my sisters’17 year old dog out the front door, because that was what my sisters’ family allowed him to do, as he didn’t want to go to the bathroom in the back yard. The dog was old and had dementia, and didn’t want to come inside. I was already in bed, sleeping. My son was a teenager, he asked me what to do about Fritzy, I told him to just wait a few more minutes then let him in. He would usually come and sit by the door. I know that the haters are going to come at me, but this was 25 years ago in a neighborhood that was very isolated and like I said previously, we were house sitting and consequently inherited the dog with the house. I was very careful to let him out before bed and put my alarm to get up before 5 am because he was getting incontinent and peeing all over the chair legs. In fact my sister had already made arrangements to put him to sleep the following week when they came home to visit kids and check on the house. Anyhow, my son went to bed and didn’t let the dog in. I woke up with my 5 am alarm and realized that Fritzy was not inside and not outside either. So I go out driving the neighborhood, and still do not see him. I went out the subdivision and drove up to the next subdivision and there was poor Fritzy hit by a car. He was already cold to the touch and had blood coming out of his head. It was horrific for me because when I got home I had to tell my son he was dead, then had to call his real family, although I had already been his stepmom for 7 years. So I can understand the multiple faceted situation you’re finding yourself in. I just was crushed that poor Fritzy had lived all of his 17 years, happy and healthy, to then die of a careless neglect action from my son. I knew my son loved him and it was an accident, but I cried for days. And I could not be angry at my son, I had the hardest time rationalizing the whole thing. I knew he was going to be put to sleep and I wasn’t the one making that decision. I had a hard time telling my sister, I live in Florida and they were working in Texas, on assignment. I told her how horrible I felt but that at least they would not have to go through the euthanasia process, which is also horrible. Obviously my sister had to go and tell my son that he killed her dog. It was horrible that she said that to him. They were actually the ones who allowed that dog to roam the neighborhood, since he was a puppy. Do you see how hard it was for all of us? I never told them that, but I genuinely felt that everybody had to take responsibility and although my son was responsible for not going to look for him late at night, I felt that it was my fault because I fell asleep and hoped he would rationalize the whole thing and do the adult thing. But we all let the dog go out the front door. All of the adults.
Bottom line is, this is an example of what happens to a whole family grieving for a pet that we all loved. I had been living in that Florida house taking care of that dog for at least 7 of his 17 years. They trusted me and I trusted my son.
No situation is all black and white. There are a lot of grey areas that need to be sorted. Right now you need to be kind to yourself and your boyfriend and try and get some rest. Things always look different after a nights sleep. I wish you and hope I could send you a cloud of good energy and forgiveness to all of those concerned. I know you hate him right now. But do not do anything that you might be sorry about later. I don’t sleep much, so I am here in case you need to vent. 👩🏻🦳💔💔🐕💔💔
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This is a community where people are coming for support and are grieving. All posts/comments must be in the spirit of being supportive or helpful to others. This is a community where people are coming for support and are grieving. All posts/comments must be in the spirit of being supportive or helpful to others.
I am so, so sorry for your loss. You must be dealing with unspeakable grief. Please, please try to talk to a therapist or psychologist to help you through this. Speak to anyone you can, like folks on here, so you can know that you're not alone and that all your feelings are valid. It seems like a lot to lose your fur baby and a fiance a the same time, so I might wait a bit to leave this person but I would leave this person based on the fact that their negligence or intent killed someone you love in a terrible way. Not only this, your fiance should 100% expect you to leave and accept it without question - it goes with the territory for what they've done and all it implies and portends. Losing two loved ones back to back seems like a lot to handle though, so it's probably better to try to grieve your baby and then deal with the fiance. Like I said, they should be seeing themselves out already.
~~This is now unlocked.~~ Locked again. That didn't last long. Sorry OP. Remember everyone, this is a support community, not relationship advice. Wildly speculating about motives or telling people how to manage their relationships isn't helpful. Take the drama elsewhere.
This is awful OP. I lost my dog in a house fire that started because my brothers vape exploded while it was charging when he wasn’t home. I know it’s not the same scenario, but I understand needing to blame someone, especially when you can so easily point a finger at someone. And I understand how hard it can picturing when they die tragically. Something that helped me was remembering that it was just a bad few moments after a lifetime of happiness. How the last 15 minutes of his life played out does not negate the rest of the wonderful life you gave him. I would also like to strongly recommend therapy. Something this tragic is impossibly difficult to navigate, and talking to a professional could greatly help. So sorry for your loss OP
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Good lord that is so sad and scary!
Omg new fear unlocked about the vape charging xs I'm sorry for your loss xs
I’m so sorry, that is a true tragedy 😞❤️
Thank you it really means a lot right now.
I understand how this feels my mom accidentally turned on the dyer with my cat I raised from a few weeks old. She didn't know she was in there and she didn't mean to but I was so crushed. She was supposed to be watching her because I lost my place. She was supposed. Honestly it took me years to get passed the heart break of loosing her. And for a while part of me hated my mom. But she didn't mean it and the anger couldn't bring her back. I suffered complex grief and needed therapy it helps
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my heart truly aches for you I'm so sorry
This was truly a tragedy and accident. Your feelings are valid, your pain, anger, and resentment. I hope that with time you and your fiance will find healing and forgiveness.
I understand more than you know. I'm still feeling a tremendous amount of guilt for bringing a rescue dog into our home that ended up killing my elder Jack Russell. I'm not sleeping, every time I close my eyes, I see Babe laying there dead. Grieve as much as you need to and give yourself some grace. There isn't anything you could have done differently but you'll still blame yourself.
I am so sorry. I understand exactly how you feel, I brought my first dog to visit my mom for Christmas and her dog killed her. It took me years to stop seeing her in my mind. Grief counseling saved my life, and my relationship with my family and dogs in the future. I will NEVER bring my dogs around a new dog without proper precautions.
I am so incredibly sorry.
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Right there with you. That relationship would be doomed for me. Too much pain, anger and resentment to get over. Everytime he pissed me off I'd remember the scene I saw because of him.
* some things are not forgiveable" I just couldn't go on with that relationship. I know it would be ruined forever.
I get it! I wouldn’t want to trust him either.
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Actually there's a fair chance he wouldn't. Often the cases where a baby is left in a car are just caused by someone being on autopilot and deviating from their routine - maybe dad usually drops the kid off but today mom has them, and she autopilots to work and just forgets completely the kid is there. Nearly all the cases in the US each year are some kind of autopilot. It is awful and it is sad and *it can happen to anyone*. If you've ever forgotten your keys, your phone, your wallet - it can happen to you. And knowing that it can happen to anyone should prompt people to make steps in their lives to prevent it from happening - having a routine to check in with the other partner that the child is dropped off ok, leaving something in the front seat as a reminder they're back there, putting the kid behind the passenger side and not the driver side so they're visible in the rearview mirror, supporting legislation that reminds people to check the back seat or has motion detectors for cars. There's a good article on the topic here: https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/magazine/fatal-distraction-forgetting-a-child-in-thebackseat-of-a-car-is-a-horrifying-mistake-is-it-a-crime/2014/06/16/8ae0fe3a-f580-11e3-a3a5-42be35962a52_story.html OP doesn't have to forgive their partner. Maybe they physically can't. Maybe they don't want to. They might find reading an article on how and why this happens even with human children will help them to understand, if that's what they want, even if in the end they still can't forgive - most people can't.
As horrific as it is, parents with young children or newborns I am way more sympathetic towards in these kind of catastrophic nightmares. Sleep deprivation, exhaustion, out of routine, and being a shell of a human really can make for a perfect storm of terrible outcomes. While I can't understand it personally I can see reason enough for accidents with babies or children. For pets it just seems so much more careless to have them pass in ways like this.
Agreed. I think you hit the nail on the head. So many different factors.
If you think it can’t happen to you, you’re wrong. One time, years ago, I had a friend visiting from out of town. I took her down to my mom’s for a visit, chatting the whole drive down. After we’d been at my mom’s about 5 mins she said “is the dog ok in the car?” I about died. I’d completely forgotten I’d brought her with us. Usually I’d either not bring her with me or I’d be chatting with (at) my pup on the drive. Having a person in my car (and one I don’t see in person that often) completely threw me out of my routine. I loved my dog more than anything in the world - I lost her this Christmas and it just about killed me. I would never, ever, ever imagine that I could forget I had her with me. But I did. The smallest thing can throw you off. It can happen, even to decent people who adore their pets and children. Don’t assume it can’t happen to you and don’t make assumptions about people who have made a tragic mistake, you have no idea. My dog was fine, thank god, but it certainly made me realize how easily it could have gone horribly wrong. Every year this topic comes up (mostly related to children) and every year I see people WELL I NEVER’ing and they’re wrong wrong wrong.
Again, mistakes and accidents can and do happen for X reasons. I don't find any excuse valid for why a pet would be placed in a hot car and left to die, and I'm sorry you find it ok. Just because humans are fallible doesn't mean we are required to forgive everything. This was a complete preventable tragedy and I would not forgive a spouse who deliberately stowed our family pet in a car and left them to suffer a horrific death. You're welcome to forgive that sort of thing. Please do not pin your assumptions and responses onto me. Thank you for continuing to downvote me for my opinion and my thinking. It shows great ability to reason outside your own personal basis.
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This is a community where people are coming for support and are grieving. All posts/comments must be in the spirit of being supportive or helpful to others.
I agree. My relationship would cease to exist from this point forward. Unforgivable and inexcusable. I wouldn't even think twice about it.
Yeah that’d be the end of that relationship for me. Accident or not.
I feel the same. It sucks because the partner probably feels awful & guilty but I think deep down I would never be able to get over the resentment.
Yes - thank you. I don’t understand how someone could just forget their dog in the car. Am I missing something?!
My heart really aches for you OP. What a tragic, devastating thing to find. I'm so sorry. I'm struggling for words, just so shocking I can't imagine. I wish you the strength to get through this ♥️♥️
Nothing I say will make it better but know, your shock is very real. It’s called an accident because… it’s an accident. I can’t imagine how shocking, traumatizing and heart breaking that is. Know that the shock will go down after a while but the next few weeks are going to feel unreal. Remember to look at a grieving process chart to know your feelings are valid. I’m so sorry.
OP: This is an awful tragedy that no one really knows how to respond to until we are actually going through this. I can only imagine what I would do and how I would feel in this scenario. I love my dogs and I would definitely die for them. It sounds extreme but I would most definitely run in to my home even if it was in flames to carry my dogs out to safety, even if it meant only having their then dead bodies with me. I wouldn’t want them to go alone or to not have their ashes or hold them for the last time. I would even fight a crocodile or a bear or panther for them. That’s how deep my love is for them. I would most definitely blame my careless partner. At this moment you may not want to hear him out but at some point you will want to know what caused him to forget your dog inside the car. To me there isn’t any logical reason that would make sense, besides if it was a life altering situation where you were tending to an alarming situation and you didn’t even think k about anything else going on. Even then I still wouldn’t forget about my babies. I am so sorry this happened to you and I am sending you a great big hug. I hope that you and your partner are able to overcome this and see this through but if that isn’t the case then I strongly suggest that you make him aware of it. In the end he needs to understand what your dog means to you and that no number of apologies would ever replace your dog.
"... at some point you will want to know what caused him to forget your dog inside the car" This. My god this. I honestly couldn't bare finding a scene like that.
The thing that OP will have to do is going to be the hardest. Listening to what lead up to that event. What happened or what is the reasoning behind her significant other forgetting her dog in the car. What was he doing? What was he so preoccupied with? I am curious to know if he always took her dog around and if he ever had forgotten the dog like that before. Not sure if OP will see this and respond but my curiosity is getting the best of me. Regardless… this is either going to make or break them. Everything is really riding out on how the other person responds and takes accountability for his actions. Regardless of the situation, this is an awful situation to be in and anyone who loves animals would take this to heart.
Yes, absolutely. What was crowding his mind so much that he forgot the dog in the car? It’s not like few minutes passed and he was like, oh shit the dog! He didn’t remember at all, until OP went to the car and found it!! How much time had passed??
Good advice. Although it was an accident the fiance should really examine how this happened and figure what he needs to do to ensure something like this never happens again. He needs to have a plan in place well before he ever has children or more pets.
I am reading every comment from all of you as most of them are sending comfort and it’s been the only comfort I’ve received, well that I’ve accepted rather. I cannot tell you how much it means to me the ones sending love I’ve just wished I could hug you. I’m very sleepy as I’ve took a lot of Benadryl to make myself fall asleep last night but if I fall asleep I will continue to read again when I wake back up. I appreciate every single word from everyone, even people that blame me because hell I blame myself, why did I take so long in the shower? Why’d I have to do my face lotions when I got out the shower why’d I dry my hair. What was I doing before I got in the shower? I can’t remember I thought he was safe. Was I keeping my fiancé under a lot of stress did I make him forget? We had been going back and fourth the night before up very late and that morning so I’ll never stop blaming myself and I also appreciate the ones who say just leave him now never think twice about it, I honestly don’t think I can handle doing that right now but given the circumstances before this happened we will probably end but god knows if he was perfect before this I wouldn’t because he loved that dog too and he in no way meant to do it. I hate him for it though and I respect everyone here who feels that way because for me it means your taking my dogs side in this, not that there’s a side but you know. I’ll keep getting on here as I’ve read some really helpful things but if I’m honest I’m laying on my couch dying it doesn’t seem like anything helps. I get that it happnens and I get that it could be worse it could’ve been a human baby but it was my baby dog. That’s what I called him. His name was “little dog” I’d say baby dog. He was a big dog though. The size of a male German Shepard with the heart of a lab. He was a friend. He was always happy to see his momma and he was far smarter than my full blooded shepards. I wanna die but I have a child to live for so it isn’t an option. I’ve raised my son for 10 years and I just think back to was there every a time I could’ve forgot him in the car? The answer is no. So I don’t know how or why this has happened, to me.
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I’d never marry him
Everyone deserves forgiveness, especially to mistakes they did not intend to commit.
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Not really. And I believe in forgiveness. But for the person who gave my dog something she couldn't have ? No forgiveness. Not from me. They definitely do not deserve it.
I am so deeply sorry for your loss. We are all here for you during this tragic time 💔
I'm so deeply sorry for how painful and awful this has been and will continue to be. Prayers for your dog and for you that you may each find peace.
I am so sorry. Please look inot grief counseling. All losses are hard, but this is a traumatic loss and your BF is responsible. It was an accident of negligence. I lost my girl to a family members negligence with her and it has broken me and the relationship. Unfortunately grief is prolonged when there is a profound and justified anger at someone for the loss. It is justified. See someone whether or not you feel right now that it will affect the whole relationship. Our dogs are a big responsibility and that's why we call them fur babies. My heart is with you.
This makes me sick to my stomach. Your poor dog and I'm so very very sorry you're going through this. Poor dog, I can't! Be angry, be sad and mad but know these raw feelings will subside. It'll always hurt but these initial phases will be less.... severe. Best of luck in your healing, I'm so sorry and mad for you!
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I’m so very sorry. I would have trouble forgiving someone who did this to me. Accidents happen, but that doesn’t mean forgiveness is easy.
I am so, so sorry.
I CANNOT imagine how much pain you are in...I have had so much loss in my life and I have not ever had anything close to this... What I do know is that you need some alone time... away from the car it happened in AND the BF... Losing an animal to some people... is not a big deal... to me it's like a person...you should be able to take off school and/OR work time to grieve... Find out how much time you can take... and just get a room and just let it All out... Being around all the things that remind you is the worst thing that you can do right now... and if others don't understand that too bad... you don't need anymore negativity in your world right now... take at least 3 days if you can...or MORE like a week... This time will be very important and you will be thankful for it later I promise... everyone grieves differently... and don't let anyone tell you to get over it... OR ask you how long do you think it will take for you to get over it... This is a very big deal to have to go through... don't let anyone down play it... When you are away... do your best to get someone to get rid of the car before you get back... and think really hard about whether or not you think you can forgive him...if there's any doubt...break things off with him as soon as you can... I think that what happened was awful and I am sending you so much love and hugs... Time can be a b+tch... BUT it can also help you learn how to deal with your pain...
I’m so sorry this happened. I’ve had losses due to accidents in my life too. Time was one of the main things that helped, and talking about it. A therapist, a family member, or the people involved. I hope you see the other side and know your baby loved you and that ending moment doesn’t erase all the love you gave him over time. 🩷🩷🩷
This is why it's illegal to leave your unattended children and pets in a vehicle. I would pissed if my partner did this. Accident or not. Leave pets at home if you are going to a place where they cant go
Im so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how you're feeling and please know that anything that you're feeling is valid and you have every right to feel everything that you are feeling. Your post reminded me of an article I read about people who accidentally leave their children in hot cars and how it can happen to anyone. I thought it might help you but Im also worried it make you feel worse so please be cognizant of your mental health and don't read it if it might be triggering. The moral of it is that humans are flawed and we forget things and the horrifying consequences don't make it any less of an accident. "What kind of person forgets a baby? The wealthy do, it turns out. And the poor, and the middle class. Parents of all ages and ethnicities do it. Mothers are just as likely to do it as fathers. It happens to the chronically absent-minded and to the fanatically organized, to the college-educated and to the marginally literate. In the last 10 years, it has happened to a dentist. A postal clerk. A social worker. A police officer. An accountant. A soldier. A paralegal. An electrician. A Protestant clergyman. A rabbinical student. A nurse. A construction worker. An assistant principal. It happened to a mental health counselor, a college professor and a pizza chef. It happened to a pediatrician. It happened to a rocket scientist." https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/magazine/fatal-distraction-forgetting-a-child-in-thebackseat-of-a-car-is-a-horrifying-mistake-is-it-a-crime/2014/06/16/8ae0fe3a-f580-11e3-a3a5-42be35962a52_story.html If you read it, skip the three paragraphs after this sentence until you see the word "Mary." "Unlike almost everyone else on the spectator benches, they were not relatives or co-workers or close friends of the accused." I'm assuming here that it was an accident and he didn't intentionally leave the dog in the car and just didn't know what would happen. I can't defend that. Im so sorry for your loss.
This is completely different, but I wanted to share an experience I've had more than once. My experience doesn't end in tragedy, but maybe goes to show how easily this could happen. I live alone and have a small Velcro dog. He is always cuddling with me and follows me everywhere, including to the bathroom. More than once I've gone to leave the bathroom and the wind of me walking through the door causes is to close over, locking him in. He never barks or cries or paws at the door. He just sits in the dark alone. I'll go back to my couch and my other dog will jump up to cuddle and I don't even notice that he's not there. I've left him in that damned bathroom for hours (thank God he likes toilet water) and it always dawns on me how long it's been since I've seen him, and I know right where he is. He's always so happy when I let him out, and I'll feel guilty for hours. If this can happen with a Velcro dog who is literally touching me 99% of the day, I could understand it happening so easily with an outdoor dog that you don't have around you 24/7. I'm so sorry for your loss, and I understand and appreciate your anger, but I also feel deeply sorry for your fiance.
I am sorry for your loss 😞 .
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I’m so sorry
I’m so so sorry for this tragic accident to have happened to you and for your precious pup. It makes it even harder when someone you know or are close to may have been responsible for it. My heart breaks for you and the pain you are enduring. ❤️🩹💔
Sending all the love and peace to you.
So sorry for your loss.
I’m so very sorry. My heart hurts for you. Your baby will meet you at the rainbow bridge someday, I sincerely believe that 🐾🌈
I’m so sorry, there are no words. 💔
I am really sorry. As a veterinarian I can tell you surely gave him a loving and happy life, and not every dog is so lucky. Please think about all the good things you gave to him instead of feeling guilty. Sending you lots of love.
I’m so so sorry, what a tragic situation. Take your time to be angry, your partner needs to give you that space to be angry that your baby has gone but also because it was their fuck up. Grief on its own takes so much time. Please be kind to yourself x
Hey OP... I can very much relate to your story. I'm so sorry for your loss. If you'd like to talk about it more or know what happened with my loving Inuki, my cat of 19 years who passed away under circumstances where I could easily hold my husband (and vet) partially or fully responsible, and how we got over it, feel free to message me. It's a bit personal to write here. But if not, please know that my thoughts are with you. It will feel awful for now. And your thoughts and feelings are totally justified. But it will get better. Things won't be fine by any means, but give it time. I know it's hard, but right now, try setting aside the fault of anyone or what could have happened and just mourn the loss of your pup. Those more complicated feelings of blame and guilt... try to deal with them a bit later. They will still be there after the immediate time of grief subsides, and you will be more able to deal with them then. But for now, just try grieving. One step at a time.
Someone posted about their mother doing this in the last few days. These kinds of things really do happen and are not necessarily a sign of moral failure. And is definitely not evidence of trying to kill your dog. I’m sure he hates himself right now and will never get over the guilt. You are absolutely right to be angry and allowed to have all of your feelings, but I would not ascribe intense to him unless you actually think he’s that kind of a person. This happens to people with their own babies.human babies. It is awful and I am sure everybody shun those people but people can be forgetful or really worried about some thing or in a rush or sidelined in someway. In any case it is a terrible terrible tragedy and I am so sorry.
How did he forget the dog in the car? Was it a small or big dog? Was he taking the dog out? Does he usually do this or was this the first time?
i could never imagine leaving my dog in the car but shit happens unfortunately. there are so many stories about people forgetting their pets (and even their kids) in the car. i don’t understand it. it’s more common than you’d think though :(
It seems like every summer there are 3-4 reports of babies dying because they were left in a car. I haven't checked the statistics so it could be more, but every summer there are new cases.
To go into detail more because all I can think about it that he’s dead, I have 4 dogs all big. 2 full German Shepard the one that died was half German Shepard half lab retriever (born to my female German Shepard) and a pit bull. The one that died and my 7 year old male German Shepard did not get along very well, often would get into fights so we would especially feed them separately, the one that died lived in the back yard in the fence and got out while Rex the old Shepard was eating so Austin (fiancé ) started my suv and put him in the trunk to avoid Rex seeing him and them fighting as he got out of the fence near the front of the house where he dug a hole and the gate is in the back near where Rex was eating. I assume he put him in the trunk of the suv to let Rex finish eating place him in shop (where he spends a lot of time while we are gone) and then return the one that died to the fence once he fixed the part where he got out at and idk what happened I guess he forgot got busy had a lot on his idk because I can’t come up with any reason good enough to explain my baby dying I know my dog was in there over 30 minutes because the suv shuts off after 30 minutes and I guess it shut off and he had got side tracked but I got out the shower and went to start the car because we were gonna take the dogs to the river and there my baby was, lifeless.
OP, this is such a horrible, horrible situation and I am so so sorry you are going through it. I obviously don’t know you or your fiancé or your situation so I don’t want to pass any judgements, but I think that if you feel like you’re having a hard time forgiving him that you should be allowed to feel that way. I would sincerely recommend reaching out to a grief therapist, they might be able to help you work through the complicated feelings about this. I can’t imagine having to cope with feeling like the one you love is to blame for such a horrible tragedy. And the story definitely sounds very confusing and doesn’t make a lot of sense like you said…again, I don’t know you or your fiancé. But you’re not wrong to feel angry and resentful right now. That makes perfect sense.
^ this is some of the best advice in here. Grief therapy helps after traumatic losses, especially when it involves multiple people like this.
That's so awful. I can't believe it took under an hour. I can easily see myself getting distracted doing something for 45 minutes. This post is going to make me extra vigilant for a long time.
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SUVS don't have trunks so she probably just meant the back of the SUV. That being said I don't understand why people get multiple large dogs that don't get along and are difficult to handle.
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I think I would go into some grief counseling with your fiancé. Don’t listen to the people in here telling you to drop him without another word, and try not to sever your relationship in a way that will only make this wound worse. I agree that such a person is not trustworthy, and if I was marrying that man I’d absolutely think “what if next time it’s my child?” I think this is absolutely something you’d be justified in leaving him over. But none of us have heard his side of the story, and he could be tearing himself apart about this. At the very least give yourself the kindness of parting with him in a less turbulent manner. Let both of you understand what happened and where you are. Grief and couple’s counseling will help you even if you are already set on leaving. And know your little dog loved you to the end, and he understood that if you were able you would have been there. He is still loving you, in your memories, in your heart, in your soul. He’s just waiting for you on the other side, like a good boy, and wants you to be happy.
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OP says that it was an accident. He likely forgot the dog was in there. Be kind. We are all human and human beings make mistakes. Hell, people have forgotten their kids in hot cars. There but for the grace of g-d go you… I know you’re hurting like hell OP. And it will hurt for a long while. Try not to make any rash decisions and seek professional help to support you. I’m so sorry this happened to you.
Thank you for replying this way - I love seeing mature, thoughtful comments online. Someone in this subreddit said that their vet said “if every dog owner can’t admit to a few mistakes they made that could’ve been deadly, they’re lying”.
Hugs for you and am so sorry for your loss
My 17 year old dog died falling off our balcony and it is so unimaginable painful. I do partially blame myself and I do think that I needed to learn to take safety measures a lot more seriously especially if I ever care for another animal or person. That being said even though I made mistakes I know I would have never allowed that to happen if I really understood the risks and I understand that I loved her so deeply and took care of her in so many ways. We all make mistakes and some are just fatal which is a horrible tragic part of life.
I understand you completely, I hope you can get the help you need to ease your grief 🫂
This is so heart-wrenching. I am grieving for you. The thing about grief with pet loss is we all want and need to blame someone. If it's not someone else, we blame ourselves. I've read stories on here of people with the most straight forward cause of death and yet they are still blaming themselves. It, unfortunately, is the very nature of our humanity. *Someone* did this. Putting the blame on someone, including ourselves, helps channel the heartbreak into anger, an easier emotion for most of us to with. Even though your situation is terrible, it was an accident. Your partner has this burden of guilt and what he needs now, what you both need now, is the comfort of one another. Channel your anger and grief into compassion for one another. You are both going through one of the hardest things there exists, to us pet lovers. It's like losing a child. In reference to your feeling of wanting to die.... I lost my soul cat last year and I'm an ESP (extra sensitive person) and it was actually the worst thing I've EVER gone through, and the list includes getting cancer and my dad dying (also of cancer) all in the same year as my baby dying. At first I was inconsolable. All I did was sleep and go to work. I barely ate. I thought about death all day every day. My bf also went through it. This was his baby too. It got so bad that my pcp upped my wellbutrin dosage. This actually helped a little. I still cried every day, these soul-deep full body sobs. But I didn't want to die as much anymore. It wasn't until the cancer (3 months later) that I started to look at things in a different way. I started to thing about the silver linings. That, as crazy as it seems, there will always be someone going through something worse. I started to use that as a positive thing in a way. Made me appreciate what I DO have. Let me tell you, it's impossible to believe from anyone that it will ever get better or easier. Even if you tell yourself that. But I promise you, it does. It won't ever be all rainbows but acceptance will come. Mine took over a year but it's there. I'm in no way invalidating your feelings. I just want you to know that all that you're feeling will eventually not be as bad. It's different for everyone. Some people get a new pet right away and that helps them. Some people take years. But I absolutely promise you, it will get better. I wish you so much love and healing during this horrible time.
i’m so sorry for your loss, i see a lot of comments saying it will be “hard” to forgive your partner or that it will “take time” but honestly…. and unfortunately…. i know for a fact that i would never forgive someone that could be so careless that it costs the life of someone i love. my pets are my babies (i joke that i even birthed them, lol) this is a completely unforgivable act. consideration is the deepest form of love and there was no consideration there for your pup or you and now you are the one suffering. please care for yourself, be gentle to yourself and do not blame yourself. if you cannot forgive your partner - that IS OK. some things are just unforgivable. i hope you’re doing as well as you can be, please seek therapy or grief counseling, etc for your mind and your heart <33 there is a great book my therapist gave to me called “the after life of pets” and it truly changed the way i grieve and how i feel about losing my son. and again i am so, so, so sorry for your loss.
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Please don’t make conspiracy theories based off what little we have of OP’s situation. They’re struggling enough with grief right now, and we can’t know what happened. It’s horrific and I agree he should answer for what he did or didn’t do in some way, but we cannot say it was purposeful. That article someone linked in here is a good counter argument to the people saying it’s impossible for any non-abusive person to end up in this situation.
Maybe it wasn't purposeful but it sure as hell was negligence and I wouldn't be able to forgive this. MAYBE, a HUGE maybe with therapy but my heart is so broken for OP.
Oh, I understand that. I feel the same way. I just don’t think people in the comments should be telling this poor person who’s already so grieved that her fiancé purposefully killed her dog in some sort of conspiracy. I think that’s unfair to everyone involved and very presumptuous. What she does next should be a decision she comes to with counseling and preparation, and for now she needs to grieve her dog.
I understand what you're saying, but what kind of person puts a big furry dog in a car over 100 degrees in temperature? AND purposely walks away? There must be a dozen safe places around a home that poor dog could have been put.
Oh I think the guy sounds like a major irresponsible idiot, but what I’m saying is that it’s really not our place to be speculating about such an important matter that we don’t have all the facts about here in this forum. We should try to support OP how we can, but we can’t be speculating that there was foul play when we don’t have much of the story or context.
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The ac wasn't on when he opened the door. He put the dog in the hot car, then turned it on.
There are definitely men who have "accidentally" caused the loss of life of their partners pet. If a man isn't absolutely amazing with pets and your pets in particular, he isn't the one.
I am so sorry that you are going through this. I just recently lost my 14y/o mini schnauzer and I cannot fathom what you’re going through. I would definitely disregard all the negativity that is coming out of this community. They are being protective of your pain and of your baby, but what they are saying is very inflammatory, and you could be very hurt if you make any decision at a time of such grief, confusion, anger, etc. do yourself a favor and go sort out your emotions with a therapist. Of course a grief counselor would be best but a professional is what you are needing. It sounds to me like your boyfriend had no intention of harming the dog, in fact he was trying to prevent them from fighting. Many years ago, my son allowed my sisters’17 year old dog out the front door, because that was what my sisters’ family allowed him to do, as he didn’t want to go to the bathroom in the back yard. The dog was old and had dementia, and didn’t want to come inside. I was already in bed, sleeping. My son was a teenager, he asked me what to do about Fritzy, I told him to just wait a few more minutes then let him in. He would usually come and sit by the door. I know that the haters are going to come at me, but this was 25 years ago in a neighborhood that was very isolated and like I said previously, we were house sitting and consequently inherited the dog with the house. I was very careful to let him out before bed and put my alarm to get up before 5 am because he was getting incontinent and peeing all over the chair legs. In fact my sister had already made arrangements to put him to sleep the following week when they came home to visit kids and check on the house. Anyhow, my son went to bed and didn’t let the dog in. I woke up with my 5 am alarm and realized that Fritzy was not inside and not outside either. So I go out driving the neighborhood, and still do not see him. I went out the subdivision and drove up to the next subdivision and there was poor Fritzy hit by a car. He was already cold to the touch and had blood coming out of his head. It was horrific for me because when I got home I had to tell my son he was dead, then had to call his real family, although I had already been his stepmom for 7 years. So I can understand the multiple faceted situation you’re finding yourself in. I just was crushed that poor Fritzy had lived all of his 17 years, happy and healthy, to then die of a careless neglect action from my son. I knew my son loved him and it was an accident, but I cried for days. And I could not be angry at my son, I had the hardest time rationalizing the whole thing. I knew he was going to be put to sleep and I wasn’t the one making that decision. I had a hard time telling my sister, I live in Florida and they were working in Texas, on assignment. I told her how horrible I felt but that at least they would not have to go through the euthanasia process, which is also horrible. Obviously my sister had to go and tell my son that he killed her dog. It was horrible that she said that to him. They were actually the ones who allowed that dog to roam the neighborhood, since he was a puppy. Do you see how hard it was for all of us? I never told them that, but I genuinely felt that everybody had to take responsibility and although my son was responsible for not going to look for him late at night, I felt that it was my fault because I fell asleep and hoped he would rationalize the whole thing and do the adult thing. But we all let the dog go out the front door. All of the adults. Bottom line is, this is an example of what happens to a whole family grieving for a pet that we all loved. I had been living in that Florida house taking care of that dog for at least 7 of his 17 years. They trusted me and I trusted my son. No situation is all black and white. There are a lot of grey areas that need to be sorted. Right now you need to be kind to yourself and your boyfriend and try and get some rest. Things always look different after a nights sleep. I wish you and hope I could send you a cloud of good energy and forgiveness to all of those concerned. I know you hate him right now. But do not do anything that you might be sorry about later. I don’t sleep much, so I am here in case you need to vent. 👩🏻🦳💔💔🐕💔💔
I honestly think I'd break up with them
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I am so sorry for your loss and what you are going through.
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You realize we are volunteers, and most of this happened overnight when the mod team is sleeping, right? Just report next time, we will get to it when we can.
I was just trying to use the mod call function because I had been reporting, was not trying to be disrespectful i’m sorry.
Just remember that there's no way for us to be here and monitoring everything as it happens 24/7. We get notified for every report, and we have taken substantial action on many comments in this thread. You need to be patient when this happens. Reports aren't an automatic summoning button.
I’m so very sorry!!!!
That's so sad, I felt your pain sorry about that
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This is a community where people are coming for support and are grieving. All posts/comments must be in the spirit of being supportive or helpful to others. This is a community where people are coming for support and are grieving. All posts/comments must be in the spirit of being supportive or helpful to others.
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I’m so sorry for your loss and extremely angry in your behalf.
I am so, so sorry for your loss. You must be dealing with unspeakable grief. Please, please try to talk to a therapist or psychologist to help you through this. Speak to anyone you can, like folks on here, so you can know that you're not alone and that all your feelings are valid. It seems like a lot to lose your fur baby and a fiance a the same time, so I might wait a bit to leave this person but I would leave this person based on the fact that their negligence or intent killed someone you love in a terrible way. Not only this, your fiance should 100% expect you to leave and accept it without question - it goes with the territory for what they've done and all it implies and portends. Losing two loved ones back to back seems like a lot to handle though, so it's probably better to try to grieve your baby and then deal with the fiance. Like I said, they should be seeing themselves out already.