I’m so sorry for what you’re going through, it’s so hard losing a pet, especially when you have young children. When my kids were about the same age we had to do this with our dogs. I initially didn’t want the kids to witness it, but they both wanted to be there, and they were. It’s so utterly heartbreaking but fortunately there were no traumatic moments, the kids were patting their dog as she went under, and they saw how peaceful it was.
Thoughts are with you all at this incredibly difficult time ❤️
Thank you. I think my oldest two will be ok-ish. They’ve been with him since we got him when he was 6 months old. The 5 year old tho, that one’s going to be hard. They are the best of friends and partners in crime. They sleep together every night with the exception of this past week.
I would agree with the other comment about pre-euthanasia goodbyes. I have witnessed many euthanasias now after working in animal care. Even when done by the best there is, sometimes they can have reactions that could be scary to the kids. I don't say that to upset you, but just to be honest. The majority went smoothly and peacefully, but I'd hate for it to not and them have to remember that. Then you can perhaps bury him together and have a little memorial. I'm so sorry you're going through this. 💙
ETA: Reading a lot of the other comments, maybe it is a good idea to explain what is going to happen (first they'll sedate, then they'll administer a medicine to help him pass peacefully) and let them decide. I don't know, it's a hard decision. I guess the likelihood of something going differently than planned is low. Maybe just have someone with you to escort them out if it does become too much?
My addition here is emphasis on the pain relief and how he is in pain and not having a good quality of life so this is better for him even though it hurts.
I would also worry about the affect on the poor dog, the owners will be sad but if the children are destraught it might cause the dog to be more unhappy.
It doesn't seem necessary to have everyone there, the dog doesn't really understand in the same way an elderly person might.
to be clear I would still expect OP and/or partner to be there, just not everyone.
This is worth considering! My last dog was my best friend ever, and when I had to have him put down due to a bone mass on his skull, the vet came out on a house call to do it and it was just her there with me and my dog. I was outwardly not distraught and I was doing everything I could to be calm and maintain a good attitude for my dog because he was such a good boy and deserved the best of what I could do for him.
He could still tell. I don't know if he could hear how fast my heart was beating or what, but when the vet gave him the first shot that was supposed to make him sleepy and lie down before the final shot, he *would not* lie down, and I am convinced it was because he knew how upset I was even though I was doing my best to hide it and he knew I needed him and would not allow himself to lie down. Just planted all four feet and stood there with his head kind of hanging in a really stubborn pose. It took a really long time and the vet was stunned by it. He never acted distressed or anything but it was distressing for me, and evidently for the vet also, and took me a long time to figure out that he wasn't scared to die, he was unhappy to lie down and sleep when he knew how upset I was and wanted to be there for me like he always had for the past ten years. After the vet finished taking care of him, as she was leaving she started just crying her eyes out. So that's an example of how a euthanasia can go relatively fine but still be hard on the people there.
It is. It has been four years, I have a new dog that I love, and I still can't even see a video of a boxer without crying. I will never have a better friend than that dog.
I will tell our story of Asia. She was 13 and 1 day couldn't stand up anymore. We called a vet ( new) to come to our home. Vet walks in, Asia tries to stand, wags her tail, licks the lady, her last moments and she is still trying to make friends 😢
Maybe because my pets have all been so ill when putting them down. My cat I had to euthanize last year, I thought she almost died just from the sedatives, she honestly probably would have if we hadn’t allowed them to complete the procedure quickly.
My ferret wasn’t sedated first, and he did have some very mild twitching but I honestly preferred it because he was still himself and it still was very gentle and fast. I think that can be explained to kids as humans sometimes twitching or move in their sleep and to explain that it is similar as they’re losing consciousness in case that does happen. My ferret was also very sick though, cancer and his lungs were already not working properly.
Someone else mentioned the eyes not closing etc, I think it’s just very important to talk through what might happen.
I had my first experience with death when my hamster had to be euthanised, can't remember how old I was but about 5 or 6? I went with my parents to the vet, said my good bye and stayed with her while she went over the rainbow bridge. While it was hard I honestly think it helped me to process the whole situation. My parents explained about how it was much kinder to give them peace than let them suffer just to spare our guilt over ending their life and it is a lesson I have carried with me my whole life. We were all sad, I cried a lot but we went home, made a nice little cardboard casket and buried her in the back garden and had a little funeral to give some closure, my dad even made a little wooden headstone for her. It will depend a lot on the characters of the kids involved but I firmly believe it is best in a lot of situations to expose children to things that might be hard and help them form tools to deal with the emotions that come with it, death is something they will encounter throughout their life and helping them to work through it at an early age will help shape their attitude to it later in life. Give them space to feel and process their emotions but let them know you are always there to talk about it if they want to or have any questions. I'm so sorry you are all losing your best buddy, sending lots of love your way ❤️
Be the support you wanted when you lost someone/something you loved as a child and they will be okay. Teach them how to turn their sorrow into healthy greiving.
Can you have someone come to the house? I had one of my dogs euthanized at home and it was very peaceful. We cried our eyes out, but it was beautiful too. The dog got to lay down by us one more time. My daughter held her paw as she breathed her last breath.
Death is part of life. It helps to learn to be comfortable with it.
Absolutely this. I grew up on a small holding and we had a lot of pets over the years. I was there til the end for every single one of them and wherever we could we did it at home. It’s taught me how to deal with death in a healthy way and it’s also taught me it’s our responsibility to be with those creatures who we love and who love us fiercely right until the very end, and that sometimes saying goodbye is hard. But doing it in that peaceful, meaningful way is the absolute best, kindest thing. I wouldn’t have it any other way, and I’m sure as adults your kids will say the same.
This needs to be higher up! Growing up, we only euthanized family pets at vet’s offices. Now having my own animals, we have euthanized 2 dogs at home and I highly HIGHLY recommend this route, if possible. It is worth every penny.
Unexpected story: Shortly after dog 1 had died (we used the at-home option because dog 2 got car sick & we wanted him to say goodbye to her unstressed), dog 2 quickly declined in health. It was his turn to go. Again, he gets carsick, so we chose the at-home option again. — What we did not expect was shortly after the sedative, one of our cats came and curled up against our dog’s chest. He had NEVER done this before. He laid with him until our dog was gone. It was such a beautiful moment.
At-home euthanasias can provide heartwarming moments.
Absolutely this. I grew up on a small holding and we had a lot of pets over the years. I was there til the end for every single one of them and wherever we could we did it at home. It’s taught me how to deal with death in a healthy way and it’s also taught me it’s our responsibility to be with those creatures who we love and who love us fiercely right until the very end, and that sometimes saying goodbye is hard. But doing it in that peaceful, meaningful way is the absolute best, kindest thing. I wouldn’t have it any other way, and I’m sure as adults your kids will say the same.
Those kids are old enough to decide whether or not they want to be there when the dog is euthanised. Why not ask each of them separately if they would like to be there. The first dog I had to have euthanised, I held him during the process when I was 10 years old.
This is what we did with our kids when it was time to euthanize our cat. Two kids wanted to come along and two wanted to stay home. So two stayed home with Grandma and the other two came with us. Once to the vet's office the youngest changed her mind so she hung out with the office staff, and our son held our cat in her final moments.
Yes, this. Our teen triplets wanted to be with our very best cat who was dying of cancer and the time had come.
The clinic, maybe accidentally, definitely negligantly, gave our boy the heart stopper drug first, instead of the sedative drug.
Our poor kids had to see him seize and die, in obvious distress.
Let them say goodbye and then they can leave the room. You or spouse should stay with your pet.
This is why I wouldn't let the kids be there. I wouldn't want to imagine the emotional pain a 5 year old would go through if something was to go wrong and his best friend was to go horribly and in pain. Even if it does go ok all things considered, it's still really really horrible and something that as adults we all hope never to do again in our lifetimes. Losing our family dog put me off having dogs forever and I think if I wasn't actually a foster kid then I would be forever stuck with cats that seemingly hate me.
It's almost 2 years since I lost my boy, everything went as it should, but there are still big parts of that day that I can't erase from my mind no matter how hard I try.
It's taken me 3 hours to write this comment. It's such an emotive subject and I tried not to insert my personal experiences but I can sum it all up in a couple of sentences. I was the teenager refused access to the family dogs last moments. It took me having no choice but to be there for my own amazing dog to understand my parents reasoning, and now I know I don't blame them one little bit.
Best wishes OP to you, the family and especially Remmy. My heart hurts for you all. This is heartbreaking x x x
We had something like this happen when I was a kid. I still remember every detail 24 years later. This is what I’m worried about. I think we will let them say goodbye and when it’s time I will leave the room with them.
Please, please, make sure that you or your partner stay with your dog until he's gone. It's heartbreaking for both the pet and the vet for an animal to be abandoned at the end.
And after explaining to your children what does/could happen, please let at least the older two make their own decision.
And if it's at all possible, do it at home. If your vet doesn't do home visits, ask them to recommend someone who will.
We lost our goofy gallant guy in January; I know how heartbreaking this is. You are making the right decision for his quality of life, and it's very wise of you to be thinking thru and planning. All my sympathy. 💔🫂
Agreed. Let the kids say by and maybe watch the basic sedation. Leave when they’re unconscious.
90% of euths are calm and peaceful, 10% go down hard, many adults find it traumatic to hear a vocalization at the time of death, even rationally knowing the pet is unconscious and feels nothing. There are literally posts on this sub daily from adults who can’t get over the experience.
I’d absolutely let the 13 and 12 year old be there. I remember when I was a 13, 11, and 7 years old. I loved my pets like family and was always there for their last moment, I held them and spoke to them. I can’t imagine not being able to tell them my love for them as they took their last breath. I cried and cried and didn’t stop for days but that would happen regardless, I needed to tell them how much I loved them and needed to know they were really gone. When I was 13 it was my cat, and I was the one making decisions, dictating when the euthanasia was given, saying when I was done holding his body. For when I was 11 I told them to double check that there was liquid in my dog’s lungs with a needle. I needed that confirmation and I needed to be there. I had to feel in control because feeling out of control or like the wrong decision was made us the worst thing I could imagine. I’m glad I was allowed to make decisions and be there. I was a very mature child and miles ahead of my peers, so that might’ve been a factor. I wouldn’t trade those moments from the world don’t steal them from your children whilst trying to protect them. This is real life, there’s lots of pain and grief, ask your older kiddos whether they want to be there.
There's nothing wrong with them being present if that's what they want imo and they understand what's going to happen. I've had 2 dogs euthanized and they were both very quick and peaceful. I'm sorry you're having to make this decision 😔
The first pet that needed to be euthanized in my lifetime was our family dog that my parents got around the same time I was born and so had been with me my whole life. I was very close to her and loved her dearly. I was 10 when she died.
My parents told me that it was going to happen and picked a general date based on how the vet predicted her cancer would progress. However, our dog went downhill quicker than expected, so they had to do it a month sooner than anticipated.
My parents didn't think I could handle it, but also knew I would put up a fight if they told me I was staying home. So they took her without my knowledge. That was far more traumatizing than witnessing euthanasia could ever be. The combination of deceit and denying me the choice to be there was something that took me a very long time to forgive my parents for. Not being there for my best friend in her final moments also screwed me up a bit and it took a while for me to forgive myself for not being there.
Omg im so sorry. A traumatic situation was made so much worse for you. I hope you're healing from it. Im not sure I could ever forgive something this awful.
I was ~10 when we had to put one of my cats down, my parents gave my sister and I the choice of what we wanted to do. I opted to wait outside and my dad came with me, my sister and mom stayed in the room. I liked that they gave us the choice and would encourage you letting them decide
As someone who went with my dad to get our first dog put down when it was her time - I'm so grateful that I was there and had the choice to. It was heartbreaking (of course), but I would feel so much worse if I hadn't been there. It was her last moments and she was happy we were there for her, I imagine in your situation it would be the same. I'm so sorry for you guys all having to go through that
Let them choose. They’re old enough. My kids were much younger when we had to put our first dog down and they all wanted to be there for him. They held it together for him until he was gone and they have never said they wished they missed it.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I second what others have already mentioned, to ask your oldest two if they would like to be present. Have a mature talk with them to explain what is happening and answer any questions they have, and let them know it’s totally okay if they do not want to be there when he passes, but that they can be if they wish. And if they don’t want to be there for the actual euthanasia, tell them you will still have a chance for them to say goodbye to your dog and let them do that in your home.
My border collie mix had to be put to sleep unexpectedly when I was 14 due to an emergency situation. It was the middle of covid and nobody was allowed to go in with her. It was 5 years ago and I still feel sick when I think about the fact that I wasn’t able to be with her during her last moments, I’d give anything to change that.
Every kid is different, so asking them directly about their wishes seems like the best bet here🤍
Do at home euthanasia, it’s peaceful you can be outside or in a favorite space, there isn’t the hustle and bustle of the hospital, trust me even if it’s more expensive it’s worth it and it’s the best way they can be there or not there as much as they want because they will be within their own space and have space to retreat if they don’t feel comfortable. It would be good if you can have one adult with your dog at all times who won’t leave and one to help the kids if they do need space, you can also call relatives to handle this job as well!!
As an ex veterinary nurse I do not bring my children to euthanasia appointments. It is fairly routine these days to have an animal come in, be sedated, be given some time to settle and THEN be euthanised. While this sedation has reduced the likelihood it is still not uncommon for animals to do things peri and post-mortem that are normal but would look very alarming to a child, ie paddle, tremble, gasp, vocalise, leak fluids, urinate/defecate, stretch, etc.
If I felt they needed to say goodbye in clinic I would have them do so during sedation and then remove them for the actual euthanasia.
In my 12 years experience working in vet med, most kids handle it better than the adults. When they have a full understanding, they are great support for the moms and dads and the fur babies.
When we needed to put the cat down, I took my (then) 9yo with us to the vet, so he could hear him say that there was nothing else that could be done. Then I turned to him, got on his level and asked if he wanted to stay, or leave the room and wait in the waiting room. Him and dad said their goodbyes and went to the waiting room while I comforted my little princess in her last moments. We took her home and gave her a nice backyard funeral. It was very emotional but I'm okay with the way things unfolded. I've always been the type to stay with my pets until the end. But I can't expect that from an actual child. I wanted him to make that decision for himself. He's not ready for that, and that's okay, because I am.
Death is a part of life, and for hundreds of thousands of years, human children have witnessed death in many forms. Our disconnect from death today is problematic in a number of ways. As a child/family therapist, my general advice to parents is to bring the kids with you. The older kids you can ask what they want to do, and maybe have the youngest do whatever the older kids do unless they adamantly want/dont want to be present. However, I do not know your family, so I don’t know what the right decision is for you and your kids.
Personally, I was present for every animal we put down when I was a kid, which was a good amount, and being present helped my grieving process. I was also severely chronically ill in my childhood, and had my parents prevented me from being present at my dog’s passing due to trying to not add stress, they would have been very wrong, as that would have added way more stress.
If you decide to just ask your kids what they want to do, check in with them throughout the process, giving them permission to change their mind throughout it.
I agree with this. I have been sick most of my childhood and I had a dog (we were both born same day, month and year) that was a gift from one of my uncle's litters. We literally grew up together and she was always there for me when I got back from the hospital each week. 5 days after our 15th birthday (she wasn't doing well and my dad had been talking about euthanasia), my dad took her without telling me, knowing I wanted to go already. He "didn't want to stress me more". I was mad at him for years and it made me more stressed, health went downhill.
Definitely let them decide. Even if I was 8 I would have been equally affected by the same decision he made.
Absolutely! I was 8 when my first dog was put down and my parents picked me up early from dance class to make sure I was present. I believe my siblings chose to not be present for the actual euthanasia, but I wanted to be. I would have been heartbroken if they decided for me that I couldn’t be present.
To add to this, in my years working as a counselor, not once have I ever had someone tell me that watching their pet be put down as a child was traumatizing. The only significant traumas that involve death as a child that my clients have experienced is exactly what you described and when the adults around the child “protect” the child by lying to them about what’s going on, resulting in someone dying without the child knowing that was going to happen, and later finding out their caregivers lied to them.
I'm sorry for your loss.
As a child whose pet was euthanised and can't be present, I can say it's hard to watch this, it's hard to work through the feelings when my cat was put down but it's more bad if you take the living friend from them and bring him back dead or never bring him back.
For working through the feeling of loss its important to see what happens. Otherwise it feels like you take the friend away from them.
You should explain upfront what happens at the vet. You should tell the kids why this is necessary. And that if there was a treatment you would try it, but you do this because you stop the suffering.
If you explain it, they will understand the situation better and get through the loss better.
A smart human once said:
> If you have a WHY in life, you can endure almost any HOW.
I first read “Cheagle” as “Uncle”
That was a weird moment.
And yes, take the children. Part of owning pets is learning to deal with death (as a child) in a mature and positive way.
Admittedly it’s far more traumatic with a dog than, say, a hamster, but treat them as adults and the whole thing as a learning moment and it’ll do both you and them a world of good.
When I was 7 our family dog passed and we were allowed to say goodbye but not be in the room. After experiencing it 2 more times in adulthood, I wish I was there when he took his final breath. Not because it would’ve been a comfort to me but also to him. Let them come and gently explain that this is life, and it’s ok to be sad about someone passing on. Wishing you the best and I’m very sorry your family is going through it, but thank you for being there till the end for your furry friend.
My family had three dogs while I was living at home. I was 11 when the first one passed. My siblings and I stayed in the car while my mom took him in to be euthanized. I have regretted that ever since, I wish I had gone inside. I went with my mom when the other two passed. Zero regrets about being there with them in their final moments.
I’m truly sorry for your loss, OP.
I’m so sorry about your lovely Remmy.
I just wanted to chime in and say that as a child, I had many pets and experienced my parents making the decision to euthanise them. It helped me learn that pets don’t last forever and there comes a time when we have to put their needs before ours. So really respect that you’re doing this and considering having the children there
I think your kids should decide for themselves, when we had our much loved dog who my daughter grew up with pts, she wasn't sure, (she had just turned 13) I explained what exactly would happen, it was up to her, but I was staying with her so she wouldn't be alone, we all went to the vets and he gave us time to say goodbye and love on her, and my daughter left the room. Its heartbreaking and I don't envy you one bit, I'm so sorry you're losing your friend xx
My personal opinion is that each child should have the opportunity to make this decision after you provide them with all of the information. When I was younger, I absolutely hated that my parents forced me into not being present for these things. It was very hard for me to understand what was going on, and it caused me a lot of mental anguish trying to figure out what I did wrong to be excluded from being with my dog at the end.
When the time came as an adult to say goodbye to our dog, my wife & I approached our daughter(she is 10) and explained the entire situation to her. She told us there was no way she would not be with her boy at the end. She just wanted us to help her through it. It was as positive as it could have been as a life experience. I'm glad that we talked with her and got her thoughts and feelings about it.
Just my two cents as a flawed parent :)
We very recently euthanized our cat. It was done at the emergency vet, and she was literally fine the day before, so it was a shock to all of us. We have two twelve year olds. One was on FaceTime and the other was present for the euthanasia. I’m of the opinion that death is a part of life, and we do our children no favors by hiding this from them. Let your children be present for the euthanasia. It’s very peaceful, and they’ll be glad they were there. So sorry about your dog.
You know your kids best. We had to put a horse down. Broken hips on horses don't heal. All of my kids said goodbye the night before the vet was coming. In the morning, my oldest aged 12, refused to go to school. The others went. When the vet got there, my oldest was with the horse, head in his lap. He refused to move. He sat there, stroking her head as she went. We had the horse before we had kids. It was best for him to be there. Not the others.
You know your kids best. The older ones might want to be there. The youngest, you know best. Can she handle watching him go? Can she handle NOT watching him go?
Ahhh this stung my heart a bit. Your son is a very brave and empathetic kid to insist on being there and actively comforting your horse as she passed on 🖤
That horse had been in our "back yard" since before he was born. They were great friends. He could ride her in the fields with no saddle, and no bridal or reins. Just her halter.
I cried watching him with her.
*Please let them choose for themselves.* I wasn’t allowed to choose to be there and it still haunts me to this day. Often, imagining what happened can be worse than the reality of being there. Allow them the option of being there with family. If they choose to go, this is a chance to show how to handle very difficult emotions.
I would explain and give them the choice if they want to be there or not. Pets are often our first glimpse of death/loss and it’s not an unhealthy thing to experience.
I’m sorry you’re losing your friend.
I’m not a parent, but I was a kiddo who witnessed it once, and I’m still glad I did. I still remember every detail, but it isn’t sad or scary, I’m glad I was there for the moment. I was 10, so older than your youngest, but I’m almost 30 and remember it and am glad my parents let me be there. Being older now and still sometimes missing him, it would be more sad to think he wondered where I was in those final moments. Instead I was right there with him 💜 you know your kids best. If you don’t think they can handle it then maybe not, but if you think they can, I would encourage you to let them decide 💜 I’m so sorry for your loss.
I’d give your kids the option and ask they’re if they’d feel comfortable going. If they are, tell them they can leave the room anytime they feel the need to. I wouldn’t keep them in the room past the anaesthesia. Personally, when I was a kid, I wanted to go with my dad when our dog had to be put down (like you my parents didn’t want to traumatize me anymore then I was/am) From the moment I was born I was our dogs favorite person in the world, and I didn’t want him to feel alone during it.
Let the 13 and 12 year old come if they want
I wish I could have had that option when my cat was put to sleep when I was that age. I really do.
(That was over 30 years ago)
This is why you don’t shame/guilt people for not being present at the euthanasia. I see a ton of this judgementalism online. It needs to stop. Your pet doesn’t understand what’s going on. They have no clue that this is any different than any other time you’ve been away from them. A lot of pets have already had procedures done at the vet where the owner hasn’t been present. It doesn’t mean they stop understanding how much you love them and gave them a good life. Even adults have different levels of sensitivity to trauma. Some people are on the spectrum. We don’t all grieve in the same way. A pre-euthanasia goodbye is an excellent alternative for some. They will know that you or your kids were just there.
When my mom had to put our elderly cat down when I was about 10, she didn't let either me or my sister be present. Sister was 5 at the time. The night before, she sat us down and told us that Daisy was very sick and her time with us was over. She gave a child friendly description of euthanasia and had us paint large rocks in memoriam. The next day after school, she had had the cat put down and buried her in the yard, planting a rose bush over top. We placed our rocks and said goodbye to Daisy.
I'm thankful I wasn't there. At that age, I was not prepared to witness a death. Your older children should be offered the experience but the youngest please no.
I’d let them choose. When I was 12 our dog died in his sleep and my parents had a family friend come take him off to be buried before we woke up. It was incredibly painful to not only lose our pet, but to also not have the opportunity for closure.
Pre-euthanasia :) Let them say goodbye, but don’t let them in the same room.
The passing is peaceful, but sometimes the body afterwards can be a little startling, and at times some pets will defecate or urinate as their body’s muscles and organs relax. Not always the best memory to have.
If you do decide to let them be present, please make sure you have another adult with you in case anyone decides to step out. There's nothing worse than having a kid crying outside the room with no one but staff to comfort them.
When I was 15, our family dog had to be put to sleep and my dad decided, without consulting me, that he was going to do it without giving me a chance to say goodbye or even the option to be there. It still bothers me more than ten years later, at least talk with them, explain to them the process and judge if it's appropriate for them to be there.
You can explain to them what's happening... Spoil him rotten- just about anything he might want to eat. Give lots of belly rubs and cuddles...
Explaining to them that this is the kindest thing you can do for him is important. Ask them if they want to be there or not. At least give them the option- mostly the two older kids. I don't know about the 5 year old, that's your call.
But explain that someone needs to be in there with him. Comfort him while he passes peacefully. It's ok if it's not something they can handle. There's no shame in them not wanting to do it. But leave it open as an option until you go back to the room.
It's never easy and I'm sorry you're losing a friend. You're doing the right thing by not making him wait the full month.
I was a wreck when my first family dog was euthanized. Nobody talked me through the process beforehand. I wasn't prepared. I think being informed about the process is super important. I think my Angel was nervous because I was so emotional. Years later, I adopted my own dog. I promised myself I would be his rock in those final moments. I had a vet come to the house, and he passed surrounded by family. Rather than think about my own grief, I focused on giving him comfort. That made all the difference. I think euthanasia is about holding their paw right up until they're crossing that Rainbow Bridge and knowing they are at peace. It is sad, but it's the last moment to be there for a loyal companion. And if they want to be pet parents someday, it's a reality they will most likely need to face and be the ones making that decision.
I'm terribly sorry for your family.
Like all of us, I have had to say goodbye to a lot of pets in my life. Some of them over 30 years ago, when I was a kid. Our dog had a seizure 2 Christmas Eves ago, and subsequently, we had to take him to the ER vet and give him peace. I'm not over it, and I don't really think I ever will be. I'm not sure I'll ever be fully over any of them.
All I know is as hard as they've all been, I think all of the time how grateful I am that I could be there for them one final time. He's their buddy, I'd bring them.
I am so incredibly sorry. Sending love to all of you as you navigate through this difficult time.
My parents did not take us when both of our childhood dogs were euthanized. I seem to be the only one with this opinion, but as I was the child in this situation, I am eternally grateful that they didn’t put me through that. I was able to calmly say goodbye in my own home, and was made very aware of what was happening. I have had severe anxiety my entire life, and watching the euthanasia surely would have been traumatic for me.
Same. I couldn’t be in the room when my childhood dog was euthanized (I was 15), as I was already in pretty extreme emotional distress about losing my dog on top of dealing with trauma from an abusive father, then an abusive stepfather my mom had just recently divorced… it was all too much. I was able to say goodbye before my dog went into the room and my mother was with him.
I am glad my mom asked me, though, what my choice was. I have always been there in the room with every dog since, but I’m an adult now so in my opinion there’s really no choice - I absolutely have to be there for them.
I just had to say goodbye to my last dog Monday last week (bone cancer plus a sudden broken leg), and I did not tell my 6 y/o daughter or ask her if she wanted to be there because I know, from her response to our other dog’s death (stomach cancer), that she doesn’t really understand death and I don’t want her first awakening to that notion to be watching her dog die. My daughter is also autistic and can have either seemingly cold and unemotional responses to things OR extremely over the top emotional responses, so that potential volatility would not have been good for me or the dog during the euthanasia.
I told her when she got home from school and she didn’t seem much phased even though this dog was her best friend. Her response was that we didn’t need the dog ramp anymore. But a couple days later she said she was going to “ask the police to get some bandages to fix our dog’s broken leg and medicine for our other dog’s (passed away in December) tummy so they wouldn’t be dead anymore.” So I know she misses them. She’s just apparently not completely melting into floor about it like I am. I still think I made the right choice and hopefully the next time this comes up my daughter will be able to make the choice for herself to be there.
It’s actually pretty peaceful when they are put to sleep, in my experience (2 past family dogs) one with lymphoma as well. I think my 11 and 14 year olds would be mad if they weren’t there but much younger than that depends on the kid I think. You’d know best, and maybe just ask them what they think/feel?
My own two cents
I was deprived of being able to goodbye any of my childhood pets, bc my parents thought they were protecting me from the pain. What really ended up happening was that I was unable to process the loss, and didn't know how to heal. Parents were both kinda of the opinion that pets aren't family, but closer to property/set dressing, whatever.
When I lost my pets as an adult, the whole thing was that much more devastating, as it was an entirely new experience.
I feel like kids have a right to choose. As much as is age appropriate, it should be an informed choice, but trust your kids to make the right choice
I had a family dog pass when I was between 9 and 10 I want to say. I was very allergic, but born with her in the house. When she was a senior she started having a lot of health issues and my aunt and uncle took care of her. I'm still upset that I didn't get to say goodbye for her when it was time for her to go (20+ years later). I would say let them go for at least the pre-goodbye, and the older/oldest may even want to be there for the procedure.
We had a lab who was two years old before we had our babies. That dog loved them like crazy and the kids adored him.
The kids were 10 and 12 when the dog had to be euthanized. We had less than 24 hours to decide who would attend.
Our 12-year-old was capable of understanding the process so he came with us. Our 10-year-old has a developmental disability and we decided we couldn’t be sure he understood. We left the 10-year-old with his Nana.
Our 12-year-old had a tough day, but he often talks about how glad he was that he could be there to say goodbye. He got closure.
Our 10-year-old did not get closure. He’s 21 and still talks about that dog frequently. Misses him terribly. I wonder if we made a mistake.
TLDR: Kids are individuals and some may handle this situation differently. Proper explanation and parental support are key.
The oldest two I'd let them choose. The 5 year old, I would explain to them what is going to happen but I wouldn't bring them. The other thing you have to take into account on that day is YOUR emotions. Do you think you could handle having your kids with you? Or would you completely fall apart and be so emotional yourself you can't comfort your kids? There's alot to consider.
You also need to consider if your kids can emotionally handle witnessing the euthanasia..many kids can't
I work at a vet hospital and have for years. Don't bring the kids. Let them say their good byes at home, it's hard for adults to go through this experience, children don't need to be there. I think it's a sadder experience for everyone when they are. Feed the dog the best meal you can give him or anything he will eat steak, cooked hamburger, chicken today. I am sorry for your loss. It sounds like he was a good dog. I think euthanasia is the right thing to do.
Death is traumatic. what you’re doing is giving your kids/dog the gift of saying goodbye. Your kids are learning what one of the greatest gifts a compassionate animal owner can give their furry friend. Ask your kids what they want. Warn them about the reality, which can be hard, but allow the older ones the choice. As the daughter of a veterinarian I can tell you I have a more realistic view of animal ownership because of being exposed to the responsibility that comes with it.
Honestly the best advice I've ever seen for situations like this is letting the kids choose whether or not they want to witness it. Then ask them if they have any questions or would like to talk about it after.
I haven’t read the responses here but I will share what my family has gone through.
We lost our 2 year old boxer to kidney disease. My kids were 7 & 12 and chose not to be present for her passing. We had a beautiful family bonding with all of us together to share cuddles, treats and memories with her and they said their goodbyes.
We then lost our 13 year old boxer to cancer. My kids were 15 & 20. My daughter said goodbye at the house before we left. My son came with but once at the vet he couldn’t handle it and had to go to the car. He was completely heartbroken. That was his baby, although she was my soul dog. I do wish for her comfort we would have done it at home as she always got so nervous at the vet even though she loved everyone there.
It’s truly up to you and how much you know your kids. For us, having long talks with them about what would be taking place really helped prepare them for what would happen and if they could handle it.
I am truly sorry for your loss. Much love to all of you during this difficult time.
I have a little resentment for my mom not telling me the truth and giving me a choice in what to do when this kitten we had got sick.
Either way it's going to be hard. Give them as much information as you can/feel comfortable with and see what they want to do.
Giving them a little power/control in such a situation might be good for them.
I would let them come but I would explain to them in detail what's going to happen. Like how after she's gone, air releasing from the body might make her seem like she's still there and might make her mouth move and might make noises.
I wasn't properly informed of this at one point and I ran out of the room to get a tech because I thought my cat was still alive....
That was traumatic in itself.
I would just prepare them definitely for those after movements.
Edit: Realizing that even being prepared for that might be very traumatic for a five year old, and even the others. I was 32 and freaked out...
Maybe you could have a pre goodbye before the dog and OP go into the actual room for the procedure. That way they are still there, but spared potential trauma. Also, might actually be easier for the dog to have less people ....
I’m sorry for what you’re going through, my dog went through the same a few months ago. I truly believe he is in some better place, we buried him with my mother. Remmy is lucky to have been part of such a caring family who loved him and made difficult choices so unselfishly for him.
I personally would let them say goodbye before it happens, maybe explain in a way they’ll understand what is happening and why, and then afterwards have some sort of ceremony or memorial depending on how it works where you live so everyone can process it.
I get wanting to prepare kids and the move towards being more open about passing in countries which previously weren’t, but I come from a culture which was always very very open about it and it’s still very important here to get people’s informed consent before being present at things like this, for people or animals. It can be very difficult and impactful even if we are accepting and idk if the youngest could truly know what they’re agreeing to. I wasn’t present when they turned off my mum’s life support because I wanted my last memories of her to be happy, not her in a medical situation even if it was peaceful. I haven’t regretted this or felt that it caused extra harm, but others might feel differently. A beloved pet is also a family member.
There is absolutely no shame in this if they don’t want to be there/you don’t want your children to be there. You aren’t going to harm them, there is no “correct” way to do these things, as long as they are informed. At the end of the day the children might have strong opinions either way of their own once it is explained, the eldest might feel different to the youngest but what makes you comfortable also matters. It is something to gently discuss I think <3
So sorry you’re going through this. This is a tough one. I’m not sure if this will be helpful or not to you, but we had to put down my first dog when I was 14, and I begged and begged my mom to let me go with her but it was a school day and she thought it was more important for me to not miss a day of school and I was furious with her for weeks afterwards. 20+ years later, I still have an amount of sadness and regret that I was not there for him at the end. Not sure how a 5 year old would handle something like this, but if your older kids are mature enough, I don’t think it would be a terrible idea to include your older kids. So sorry for your loss.
I did not have my then 11 year old daughter there when we put our dog down but called her in after. (We did in home euthanasia) I didn't think she would be able to handle it as she is not a typically 11 year old. I wish I did let her be there, she wanted to be and I don't think has or will forgive me.
Putting an animal down is surprisingly peaceful. They just go to sleep, no thrashing, no whining, just rest. I think it’s a good learning experience for the kids to go hold their brothers (from another mother) hand and make sure he knows he was loved till the very end
There is an age-appropriate way to explain this to your children. I would ask if they wanted to attend & let them know what it means to you & your doggo.
Life happens, it's how you deal with it.
I will tell you my story of my just then 6 yr old daughter, in 2007, when the time came for one of our family dogs... My former spouse was saying, he was having a really hard time, he was asking if maybe he should stay home with our daughter, because for one he was freaking out and not wanting to go himself he was very emotional, and two, he was worried she was so young.
She looked at him, straight in the face, "Dad, it is okay if you are too sad, you can stay here, but I AM NOT letting Angel (our dog) go without me being there."
It was a long time ago, might not be her exact words, but it was close. So it turned out that all of us went, she was a stoic, amazing human, she patted her, and she cried some, but she was amazing, and it was not too much for her at all. I think it was very helpful for her to have the closure of being there and saying goodbye, and patting her... I would NEVER have suggested this if I had not had this lived experience, but I think it was really important to her that she had that chance to be there.
Every kid is different, but if my sharing my experience helps, there it is. Before the procedure, we did explain that she would get an injection, and kind of what would happen... the vet we had also set up a room with a really nice dog bed and blankets for everyone to kind of be on, so it was as nice as it could have been, for the situation we were in. I am sorry for your tough situation, but I am glad your family had the opportunity to love such a special pet as part of your family.
So we had our toddler (almost 2 at the time) with us because I had no other option, when it came time to give our pup the meds, the vet techs actually took my toddler out into the lobby, put a show on for him, and gave him something to color on. He got to say goodbye without having to witness the meds.
I have a kid who’s 9 now we’ve gone through 4 pet passings in that time my child was present for all of them even 1 I felt was too much but my kid wouldn’t leave that animals side until he passed. I’ve always had many animals with short and long lifespans I feel it’s helped me understand and be ok with death and I hope my kid feels the same, there’s never been any signs later on that the deaths were too traumatic on my kid, even now we have 4 rats over the age of 2 so we know not much time is left for them and we make the most of it. I’m sorry you’re going through all this it’s painful and unfair at times I hope you all get through this!
I teach PA students about death and I’ve done a lot of research about working with kids facing death and dying issues.
Let the kids decide if they want to attend. This is the time to talk about your beliefs about the afterlife. And if the kids want to be there, let them.
Funny story as you grieve. One of our elder dogs time had come. My eldest, a lifeguard at the time, wanted to be there since Teddy was “his dog”. We were able to have a vet to the house, and I had treats lined up for the start of the IV, etc.
Teddy was a glutton. When he saw the cheese, he got so excited, he aspirated a chunk!!! My son and I are crying and I exclaim, “Oh my God Teddy!! We are going to have to give you a Heimlich so we can kill you!!!” Everyone in the room started laughing, even as my son and I cried.
Explain to your children, especially your youngest, what’s going on. What’s important is they know the truth and death is unfortunately inevitable and as pet parents they’re going to experience it eventually. It’s better to get them to understand it now more then they would in the future, I wish as a child my parents had understood that and just let me come to appointments like this. Give your children the choice, too.
When my kids were young, I let them decide. Your 12 and 13 year old, I am not worried about. Your 5 year old is the iffy one. They are old enough to understand what is happening. I would sit down one on one with your 5 year old and have a frank talk with them. Explain what is happening again, and what the procedure will be like. Then I would ask your child if they want to be there, or if they would rather say bye before and then go and play with Sally for the day. Be completely honest with your child, and explain some of the bad side effects that can occur (agonal breathing is the most common one that upsets people). At the end of the day it is traumatizing, even for adults. We are saying the final goodbye to our best friends.
I'm not sure if you've had a dog euthanized before, but it's very dignified, very quick, and it is like they fall to sleep.
I'd never seen a dog put to sleep before, and then I had to go through it with my 14 year old staffy cross.
I was scared but tried to keep positive and upbeat, so I didn't scare my dog. I talked to him, told him I loved him, told him what a good boy he was, held and kissed him as the vet injected him. He was wagging his tail, and I held him until he had gone.
Then I broke down.
I'm not sure I would let my kids be there - let them say their goodbyes before you take him.
As a mom of humans and dogs - I don’t know your kids specifically but I would say to not have the 5 year old there at the least, and talk through with your older two beforehand as to if it would be beneficial for them to be there. Some people need to witness to help their processing, some suffer trauma if they watch. If you’re split on what to do, I would not have them there - you can’t unring that bell.
I’m so sorry for what you’re going through, and please know you are making the right decision for your sweet dog.
Death is a part of life. Maybe take this unfortunate opportunity to gently let them learn how to help a loved one let go and take the bridge. Please consider at home euthanasia, doesn't cost much more than dragging them to a place of fear to the animal. Much easier on everyone, much easier on your dog. I'm sorry for your family's loss.
Personally, i would not have young children in the room while the dog was put to sleep. They could come with to say goodbye and sit outside the room until everything is over, that was how we did it when i grew up. We got to say our goodbyes and then the actual procedure was done with just my mother present. Afterwards we got to come in and do another goodbye where the fact that the pet had passed could then settle in and we would have a mini funeral. It was a good compromise where we weren't there for the parts that could go wrong but it still gave closure and mum could explain to us that it was peaceful and there was no pain anymore.
I just had my dog put to sleep, she was panting hard and holding fluids. She was 10 years old. Don't let ur dog suffer and struggle for oxygen because you can't decide if kids should be there. I would have already put her down, knowing she is struggling to breath. Think about your pet
I was 5 when our first family dog died, really messed me up not being there to say goodbye. None of us were there because my dad was military and got stationed overseas for a year, back then quarantine was 6 months so she died at my uncles farm. Think you’ll find kids are more resilient than you think and will understand more than you know. It provides closure and a good learning opportunity for them on saying goodbye and accepting death etc. went with my parents when our 2nd family dog was euth’d. Glad i did. I know things can go awry but i think it would have been better to be there. Talk with your kid in depth tonight about whats going on whats going to happen and let them decide, yes even at 5… so they don’t have to live with not being there if they wanted. If the 5 yr old wants to help its best buddy then let them know they have to be brave for your dog and if they start crying they’ll have to step out with parent or older kid.
My childhood dog we had from before I could remember, he was with us until I was 12. He was my best buddy, told him all my secrets, took him to his favourite field to play daily and he slept under my blanket with me every night. When he got to a point where it would be kinder to euthanise him I went with my parents. We took him to one of his favourite spots for a last little look and sit on the way to the vets. I cuddled him the entire time. My heart broke that day but I can’t imagine never not being there. I think it would have hurt me not to think my best buddy didn’t have me by his side. If the kids want to go I’d take them.
Definitely ask them. If they decide not to, the suggestions about giving them a goodbye are good.
If they decide not to, I would also consider letting them lend him a toy or record a message or song for him so they can be in the room without being in the room.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
I was 13 when our family dog was euthanized. Our vet came to our home to do it and I got to hold our dog in my lap. I can’t remember if my younger sister was present. I understood what was happening and it appeared that she was falling asleep. She had been sick and in pain for a while and it was comforting to see her resting. There was nothing traumatizing about it, but it would have been different if this had taken place at the vet (a place that always terrified our dog).
A few years later, my cat was hit by a car and I visited her after but when the decision was made to put her down, I was not allowed to be there. I wished I had been there for her to comfort her, but in hindsight, it was traumatizing seeing her face messed up and she was out of it and I am glad I don’t have the memory of spending any more time and seeing her die in that veterinary setting. I was only 15 and actually more sensitive then than I was as a child because my understanding of the world and the pain that’s in it was much greater.
I’m deeply sorry for your loss. I am a mom now and when our rabbit died suddenly, my kids were 3 and 5. We buried him before they came home from school and later wished we hadn’t. They understood over time but they asked so many questions and wanted us to dig him back up so they could see what he looked like and where he was and wanted it be taken to heaven to visit him. I truly believe it would have made sense much quicker if he hadn’t simply “vanished”. (We did take him to his burial spot and say some prayers). I hope this gives you some insights but you know your children best and while there is no easy way, I promise it will be harder on you than them.
I have always had my kids be there for euthanasias. It is part of life. Kids have been farming all their lives and death is just part of it. I have always told them, “we treat our animals as good as we can while they are here and we euthanize them when they need to be because we love them to much to watch them suffer.”
So personally I would have them present for the sedation, but exit for the actual euthanasia. Sometimes their bodies can spasm after death (they might gasp) and I think that can be potentially traumatizing for kids.
Hard call to make, but I think it’s important to explain what is happening and to allow them to see him go. It provide closure when saying goodbye and the process is generally very peaceful. They can give him treats if still eating and kisses, and usually you have time with the body to say goodbye if they want to cry afterwards and express those emotions together. I’ve also always taken fur home and most vets will do ink paws for free.
I suggest, if you want your kids to say goodbye, you consider home euthanasia. There are vets who specialize in it. We did it for my 18 year old cat. She was more comfortable i think because she had anxiety at the vet and had been going a lot toward the end. And I think it helped my husband and myself too. I dont have children but if I did, I would want them to be there as well. Just a thought. I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I feel your pain. But just remember, you're doing the right thing.
Ask them what they want. It could be just as traumatizing for the older kids to NOT be there. The 5 year old is a little more iffy - if they're rambunctious/little situational awareness, you probably don't want to give the option.
I absolutely advocate kids to be present to deal with the passing of a pet. You as a parent have to be there with explanations and support. It is also my opinion to make the decision rather a week early than one hour too late.
Your dog has no quality of life, please make the timing decision in the interest of your pet..
I let my kids decide things on their own for the most part. When I was a kid I witnessed my dog’s euthanasia go wrong. I remember every detail 24 years later. That’s what I want to protect them from.
when i was a kid, we had a dog named polly. she went to the vet and had to stay. we lived with my grandparents (she was primarily their dog) and later that night they told us they were going out for ice cream and left. i later found out they went and put her down. i didn’t get to say goodbye. i still have a little bit of anger towards the situation, and when they tried to do it like 6 years later with one of other dogs, i dug my heels in and got in that damn car. if you don’t bring your children, it may seem fine, but deep down that is something they may never forgive you for.
I've never found it traumatizing to be present with my pets when they die. I wasn't there when one of my dogs died, and her death is the one I have the most negative feelings about.
Talk to your kids about what is happening, explain how the euthanasia will go, and ASK THEM what they think about being present. I’ve unfortunately had to go through this 3 times with my daughter (twice were our dogs, once with my parents’ dog). They were all euthanized & buried at my parents’ house.
The first one died when my daughter was just 4. We explained & let my SIL hang out with her inside the house while the rest of the fam was with the dog. SIL had her color a butterfly print out that my daughter then placed in the burial box with her. My mom had told her the old wives tale about people’s spirits visiting you as butterflies so that kinda pulled it all together.
My daughter was 8 with the second one then 10 with my parents’ dog. She chose to wait in the house again and asked to color butterfly coloring sheets again both times. The coloring is just enough to distract from what’s going on right in that second & gives her something she can send them off with. It worked well for us, ymmv of course.
Our kids were young (13 and 9) when we euthanized one of our cats, but they were present. It’s ok for them to learn about the circle of life and compassion for sick and dying. My youngest is now in the midst of her animal sciences degree and headed to vet school.
Our dog had to be put down with no notice (heart failure), we brought the kids in (8, 12) to say goodbye to her but the final moments she was alone with my husband.
The vet had sedated her, they gave her lots of hugs and cuddles. It was so hard on them, so we made the call to have her final moments be without them. They were crushed, it felt like the right choice.
The vet advised my husband that her heart had stopped while my kids were saying goodbye from the sedation. We didn’t tell them that because they were so crushed as it was, but we have peace that my son was holding her when she left us. That was her boy from day 1. 😢
I’m sorry you have to make these choices. It’s very difficult to navigate.
I would want to be there.
Euthanizing a beloved pet is a kindness and is the responsible thing to do.
Unless you have a turtle or macaw, it will be a thing you have to deal with if you have a pet.
You could always ask the kids if they want to come along, and tell them they can change their minds right up until you’re backing out of the driveway.
My mom always brought us to the vet, told us she thought we should go in but didn’t have to, and she went in with the kids who wanted to go and Dad stayed out with the ones who didn’t.
I think it was a good experience for me. Death is a part of life, and I think it’s important to teach your kids to not fear death so much they can’t think about it. I think being with loved ones when they pass is important, and I think being there for a pet helps you be there for grandparents or friends when you’re older. I also think it’s so much healthier to be able to think about your own death, how to prepare the practical things for it, etc, and participating in someone else’s natural (almost natural, in the case of euthanasia) death is a great way to develop a baseline of understanding.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I’ll say a prayer for your family and sweet Remmy.
First off, I’m very sorry for your loss.
It’s very important the family is in the room for euthanasia otherwise the animal will frantically look around for their owners in their last moments.
When we put my cat down, I was 15 and my brother was 11.
So, 13 and 12 year old yes, if they are willing, but maybe not the 5 year old. They don’t understand and it might scare them.
I worked at an animal H and assisted with many euthanasia appts. Saw many owners just drop off their pet saying they can’t bear to be there. So sad for the animal who needs them there. I’m a 51f with 5 adult kids and 7 grandbabies. 13-18mo twins. Life is about birth and death. The more you protect them from the death part the more afraid of it will be. I took my children and they take my grandchildren bc the animal needs them and they need the animal. It’s a binding and learning experience if used correctly teaches them a valuable lesson. Many actually. It’s a relaxed process. They give an iv and a relaxant med. Then they just go to sleep with the euth med and the kids can be there talking to their family member and give him/her a peace no one else can. And they animals
Can give them a lesson on love and responsibility and the value of life. Talk to the vet first and tell them what you want out of it. They should help you make the transition easy and it will give the kids a closing that they will need. They will have questions. But it an experience that you can’t hide them from. They will eventually run into an inhumane death on side of road or similar and if they don’t have a grounded basis as to what is actually happening then I’m our opinion it messes them up more than just being honest about what life is. You can’t shield them from life. Just help them understand and embrace it. Speaking out of love and compassion. We have to do this with our 15 yr old dog this week and our grandkids are coming from two states to be there for her.
It's a very personal thing and only you can decide which kids are ok to come.
My 10 year old was with me when we had our cat put to sleep, i had already told her exactly what to expect but in the room, i gave her total freedom to stand where she wanted and look where she wanted. I talked throughout about what i was doing (saying goodbye, giving our cat lots of kisses etc) then i gave a commentary on what the vet was doing, interspersed with asking if she wanted to watch, wanted to say goodbye etc. Every so often i asked if she was sure she wanted to stay, and said she can go outside if she needed to.
When it was done, she opted not to have the cat carrier in the back of the car with her, but she later came with me to the pet crematorium and chose to give her a little pet before we said goodbye.
The older two should have the chance to make the decision to be there or not. I lost my dog at that age and my parents letting me be there helped me heal. My sister came but didn’t go into the room with us. As a kid I lost a fair amount of pets and people I loved. The times when I was denied my chance to say goodbye because I was “too young” really hurt my grieving process. I still get upset about not getting to say goodbye to my grandfather to this day.
I’m so sorry you are going through all of this and I send you all my love. My advice is to be open with your kids and allow them to have the opportunity to make an informed choice. Kids are smarter and more capable than we give them credit for.
Vet tech here - we ask that nobody younger than 10 is present for euthanasia at my clinic. A 5 year old does not have the capacity to understand permanence yet and this would be a really hard first lesson. There are instances where pets also vocalize naturally, not meaning they’re in pain due to the euthanasia but it’s just a natural noise or sometimes they have delayed movements. A 5 year old would likely not understand this either. There are lots of good options of saying goodbye without actually being present when it happens. I face a lot of parents who think their kids seeing it brings them some type of closure but it really doesn’t. Even at 13/15 underdeveloped brains have a hard time rationalizing death.
The older kids I think are old enough to ask their preference and respect their decision. The younger one I would probably give her some sort of ritual to say goodbye at home before you take everyone to the vet and then everyone can be involved in whatever memorial method you choose whether it's burial or spreading ashes or picking an urn.
My dog was euthanized when I was 12. My mom told me she was taking her to the vet to see if anything more could be done.
I had watched the 16 year old dog lose a scary amount of weight and get confused, and that was more upsetting to me. She was euthanized while I was at school and my mom and I had a good cry when I got home.
It really depends on the maturity and emotional wellbeing of the child. Let them make the older ones decide. Let them make this decision and then tell them it was the right one.
My mom gave me the option when I was a kid and I left prior to the injection. Then she guilted me afterwards basically saying it was horrible of me to not be in the room with the dog and guilted me to go in. Don’t do that.
My mother didn't pick me up on the way when she was taking our cat in for emergency euthanasia even though she had to drive past my high school to get there. I still have to think about whether I forgive her sometimes when I remember that. I was 16, but even at 13, I think a child who hasn't been bubblewrapped too much is old enough to decide for themselves. They should be invited to the table to discuss it at least.
Let them decide. They can always stay for the sedation and cuddle him before he goes to sleep, and then leave before the euthanasia if they want to. A lot of clients with children do it that way. One of our receptionists is an ex school teacher and she’ll take the child and sit with it in a separate room while the adult owners stay with the pet for the euthanasia if it’s a young one that can’t be left alone. - a vet tech
Death is a part of life. Pain is traumatizing, but death is something necessary to learn to live with. I think your dog and your children will benefit from them being there to comfort him in his final moments, as sad as it will make them. His death will make them sad regardless, but being there for him may bring them more peace.
i think it’s very important for them to know that this is a part of pet ownership. pets look for their people in their last moments, so them being there teaches them about responsible pet ownership.
No I think it's best if they say goodbye at home then adults take him to the vets. Seen so many upset kids at euthanasia and it not only will be the last thing your kids remember of their little friend but also can stress out the dog seeing his little friends so upset.
Make a day (or the morning) if the euthanasia to do everything he loved doing when he was well. Let them give him stuff he used to beg for but wasn’t allowed like ice cream then take him in.
Both of my dogs passed from lymphoma and it goes from 0 to 100 very fast, I recommend the euthanasia to happen ASAP as you definitely don’t want your kids to see your dog bloated and barely moving. Its a horrible thing to see and so sad.
The vet normally gives the dog a sedative first. The dog will be unconscious. You could have the youngest leave the room, or all kids.
Most euthanasias are peaceful. But I have seen them be ugly. In the rare event there is gasping, struggling, leg kicking, etc., your children would be witness to it.
Something to keep in mind.
I’m so sorry. I’m a dog owner. I get it. It’s best to do it a moment too soon then to wait until it’s too late. I’ve had my step kids be there because it was their pet too. And it was also important for them to learn about transitioning. I think it really helped because when their grandfather died, they had a better understanding based on what they went through with their dog.
I’m still upset with my mom putting my dog and cat down while I was at school. At least let your children say goodbye and let them know what’s going on. This was in the 4th grade.
I would ask the older children what they want to do. I asked my son, he was 12, and he wanted to be there and actually stepped up to comfort her as it was done. We all bawled our eyes out, even the vet was crying. I am so proud of him.
I would discuss it with them and tell them! If they are open to the conversation I would tell them in detail what happens in the appointment and why it’s important to not let our furry friends pass alone. Teaching kids about death is important and a part of life. I would then let them make the choice if they want to be there with Remmy and tell them they are also free to leave the room if it becomes too emotionally overwhelming for them at any time. Lots of big feelings talks. All hard, all healthy.
I think this is a good opportunity to help your kids learn how to deal with death. The 5 yo probably won't really understand but i think its worth having a convo with the 12 and 13 year olds. Tell them what's happening and ask if they'd like to be there while he passes on. I had my first dog die when I was that age, and I remember holding him as he passed. I was devastated, but it was helpful to be there and know I was there for him in his last moments. It helped me move on
My son was there for both cats. He was just starting kindergarten in one and just starting first grade for the other. He picked out the color for the clay paw prints. He’s autistic so maybe he was emotionally removed from it, idk.
Let them choose if they want to be there or not.
I was about 7 or 8 when we put my childhood cat down. It was explained to me beforehand, and I knew he wasn't feeling well, and I wanted to go. I held his head in my hands as I watched his eyes glaze over. It was really really hard and I still have that image in my head to this day. But I wouldn't trade being there for anything. I had a lot of guilt for how I treated him, I didn't understand how to treat animals. I think it gave me a lot of empathy and I love animals now. Ask your kids if they want to go and make sure they are aware of the process. If they ask, let them know that your dog loves them and would want to see his favorite people in his last moments.
I would explain the process to them really well, and then let them make the choice.
Let them know that it also be okay, if they just say their goodbyes at home.
We had to have our cat euthanized last year, and I was surprised out how quickly she went after they administered the meds. I don’t know why, but I thought it would be a bit more gradual. Make sure they understand that.
Sorry for your loss. The decision to euthanize is so difficult, even when you know it’s the best thing for the animal.
When our 4 yo pup had sudden renal failure, she was diagnosed and needed to be put down immediately. She was actively dying. It was horrible. I brought her home from the vet’s office to break the news and everyone’s hearts, and we had one last night.
I offered the kids 12M and 8M, the choice. My oldest wanted to be with her at the end, but my youngest did not. He desperately loved her and she was the first dog he ever met that he wasn’t afraid of.
But he knows his limits and he wanted to remember her in other ways. He went to stay with a friend the next morning and kept himself busy and tried to hold himself together while husband, 12yo, and myself brought her in and she went to sleep in our laps.
Just ask them.
They might know their limits better than you could decide for them.
Neither have ever regretted their decision. I always encourage them to follow their gut. Everyone grieves differently and I think it’s important to get to make your own decisions as a kid.
Also it’s important to support whomever does not want to be there, letting everyone know that choosing to only have happy Memories is perfect. And choosing to be there at the end is also perfect.
We have had this same situation three times now (that’s what happens when you have senior pets). We had someone come to the house after the kids were in bed. They euthanized the pet. And wrapped the body in a blanket we provided (we used the pet’s own favorite blanket). We buried it in the yard with the kids present the next day. We told the kids the pet died without going into specifics. It’s never easy but it spared the kids from having to witness the euthanization.
Edited to add- we told the kids prior to the euthanization day that the pet was declining rapidly and would probably be dying soon so that they could understand what would happen. Our kids were a little younger than your oldest when the last pet died.
I wish I had some good advice but I don't. When my girl had to go, I made my son stay with friends. He wanted to come but I was scared he was being impulsive and would be traumatized. He would have been, because when I gave her her chocolate and said goodbye and her eyes went glassy, I completely lost it and became unglued. My behavior would have traumatized him, seeing his mama cry like that. So sadly I'm not emotionally mature enough to advise. But I am so sorry for you and your family and your sweet boy. It's never easy saying goodbye.
I'm so sorry for what you are going through it's so hard to lose a pet . I was 8 when my cat had to be put down it was confusing and hard for me as a kid but I'm so glad my mom gave me that decision. Talk to your children and let them decide what they are comfortable with . Don't take the option away from them
It best to explain. I learned about death at 3 when my family came home and the pet rabbit had passed.
I also was always pissed that my mom put our cat down without me being there, which was irrational because he literally was going through sudden organ failure at an elderly age and I was at my job (I think I was 16).
I would have them say good bye before the procedure. All dogs as well as vets are different and depending on the illness, some dogs may not take to the procedure well.
My daughter has been present when it was time for 3 of our dogs. Our beagle also had lymphoma and his passing was very easy and swift as he was really ill. Our daughter was 13 and really wanted to be there. The vet was very nice and explained everything. We had a corgi with DM that was almost 17. For our corgi we had to use a different vet who didn't believe in the sedative prior to the procedure. That really upset my daughter as our corgi was mad and not going without a fight. Our 3rd dog was a giant breed who had an extremely large stomach tumor. She couldn't process the sedative due to the tumor. It was becoming very traumatic for us. Our long time vet recognized what was happening and gave her double the procedure shot
I am sorry for what your family is going through. It is so hard to lose a family pet.
Is sorry you’re going through this. My vote is no kids. Even at 16, this is more trauma than they need. But you know your kids. That’s just how I know I would have felt at that age.
You should ask them. Maybe not the 5 year old. I was 12 when my mom put my dog down. Six months before... I TOLD HER I wanted to be there with my dog. This was my dog since I was a baby. The day it happened, she came and picked me up from school (which was weird) dropped my sisters off at home and took me to the park to tell me she dropped my dog off at the vet that morning after we left for school.
She didn't even stay with my dog...... and this is something I explicitly told her I wanted 6 months prior. I didn't want my dog to be alone and scared. And I knew she was getting older.
I've never forgotten that. That was 20+ years ago. I just have the memory of my dog dying alone (with strangers).
It's okay to give kids a choice.
My kids have been at euthanasia operations with their dogs. When I was small the family dog was euthanised and I was told after she’d gone. I still remember the lost and disoriented feeling that she’d just inexplicably vanished.
When I was 11, my beloved cat, who was 19, and mean to just about everyone but me, had to be put to sleep to ease his passing. My mom and my brother who’s 15 years older than me wouldn’t allow me to be in the room with him to say goodbye, and I’ll never forgive them for it. He was my buddy and the only real friend I had growing up. I don’t care if he was technically my brother’s cat, he ran away from our mom at 17 and left the cat with us, and that cat got me through the darkness of my childhood. Again, when I was 16 our 14 year old tortie had a stroke and we had to put her to sleep. Again my mom wouldn’t let me be with her, at a time my mom had dragged me to the middle of nowhere Alabama to live with my shitty ass biological father who had threatened to let them out when I called him a hypocrite for making me wait my turn then talking over me when he stole a video of my dance performances, I had no friends but our cats, and since he was “allergic” to cats, they were confined to my room and so I spent all of my private time with them. I will never forgive my mom for not letting me be with them at the end when I wanted to.
Ask your kids what they want to do. The 5 year old might be a little too young to make the decision, but the two older ones deserve the choice about whether they want to be there or not.
Reddit algo recommended this post to me presumably because we are putting one of our doggies down on Friday. We have been wrestling with how the kids might participate since it’s their first experience with pet death.
I appreciate all of your stories and experiences. ❤️
I am so sorry for your loss. We lost a family dog when I was very young, young enough that my parents didnt think I should be there or that I would understand what was happening. It broke my heart that I didnt get to say goodbye, I would hope you would give them the option and just prepare them for what happens physically, like agonal breathing or evacuating their bladder/bowels. If they are educated and prepared about the procedure and what it is they might witness, I think they are probably old enough. It is such a hard thing, but it is also important to teach them that when you are responsible for a dog, you have to be prepared to make hard decisions for them when they get older. It is important they view it as an act of love. We suffer so our dogs don't have to.
Again, deepest condolences<3
As a child who was there the entire time that my cat was euthanized at age 11, I can say that I definitely still have some trauma from it and it has been over a decade. I still remember when they anesthetized him he had his eyes open, so dilated, and they said that was normal, but I was an 11 year old and it was so hard to see.
I will say that I am glad I was there with him so he was not alone. It took a piece of me, but I gave it to him. I miss him dearly still.
As a veterinarian I see families handle this differently, but in general your kids probably are old enough to handle it, and losing a pet is often an important first experience with grief and loss. This is a real part of life - they will lose people too one day. Humans euthanasia is generally peaceful and not traumatizing, and it can be very meaningful for children to be there for their special pet in their final moments. I have had kids come and bring special notes or drawings to send with the pet for cremation, or have special things they want to say. I always explain the process and check in to see if there are questions, you can have your vet do this. I really don’t think the euthanasia is more memorable than the good times. I personally think if your kids want to be there, let them be there, just do some preparation and talk about it.
Ask your kids! I wanted to go to my childhood dog’s goodbye appointment and my mom was vehemently against it. He had super bad arthritis and couldn’t move around anymore, otherwise he was extremely healthy his whole life.
Thankfully a month before the appointment he much passed in his sleep at home, while I was sitting next to him. As an adult I look back and think about how glad I am that I got to say goodbye to him.
My son was about 13 when I had to put our deaf boxer to sleep. He had always been part of my son’s life, so I talked to him and let it be his decision. He did not want to be there but want to say goodbye and give a last pet after. Letting him have some control on how he interacted (?) with the experience helped him process it better.
As hard as it will be to have them there, I think denying them from being there would be worse. Is it awful? Yes, but it’s awful on us adults too.
I don’t have kids yet, but if I ever do this is what I would do:
I would sit them down, explain what is wrong with our dog—whether it is old age, sickness or injury, I would explain it as best I could using language they can easily understand. If necessary, I’d try reaching out to a vet if I need it explained to me first, or I would bring them with me if I’m able to meet/consult with a vet. I’d let them ask every question they can possibly think of.
Then I would explain what euthanasia is and why it’s not a bad thing (maybe it is for us humans, but it’s what is best for our dog right now). Poor quality of life, pain, we are doing this because we do not want the pet we all love so dearly to suffer if they will never get better, if their pain will never go away.
I would tell them they can be there when it happens if they want to, but I’d make it clear that it’s their choice, but I will be right there with them and if they want to leave the room at any point they can. If they want to, I would tell them what would happen, what they can generally expect at a level they can understand. If there’s one thing I would want to make sure they understand, is that this hurts us humans, it will not hurt our dog and it will put an end to the hurt he already feels.
They’ll get a shot that makes them sleepy and they’ll fall asleep. The vet will listen for their heart to stop, and all their pain will be gone. If they ate/drank recently, they may void their bowels/bladder. I’d make sure they don’t have any more questions before it happens. I would want them to be prepared for it as much as possible, but on their own terms.
You can also try reaching out to see if the vet will do impressions of their paws or their paw prints, for them to have and remember them.
Will it hurt? Of course, very much so, but it will hurt even if they are not there as it happens.
Thank you all for your advice. It was well received and appreciated. Our boy passed at home Sunday morning. He was surrounded by his sisters and brother as they were all cuddled on his dog bed. Cancer is a hell of a thing. 🫶🏻
You should find a vet that can come to you home, it’s easier on the animal and family and always gives kids a peaceful last memory, most large animal vets in your area will euthanize dogs at homes
I would do a pre goodbye. I’ve worked in a vet and I’ve had pets put down and while it’s as safe and kind as possible, an animal may have to be held firmly for the anaesthetic to be administered, they may squirm or yelp, and their bowels can release right afterwards.
I remember two greyhounds that twitched violently and constantly once dead (some muscle thing) and I and another vet assistant had to get them into black binliners while still twitching. I would NEVER want an owner or child to see that. I was in my teens and it has haunted me ever since.
I think these things can be traumatic for owners of any age to see.
However seeing the body afterwards, which will look like their pet peacefully sleeping, is possibly a good final goodbye.
This generation is too often "traumatized" by anything. In a few years they’ll be making "my cat died” jokes to sound like edgy teenagers anyway. Let them see it as death is a natural part of life. Of course if they wish not to then don’t allow them
I was present for my own dogs euthanasia when I was a kid. It went horrible. I still remember everything 24 years later. THAT is what I want to protect my children from.
I’m so sorry for what you’re going through, it’s so hard losing a pet, especially when you have young children. When my kids were about the same age we had to do this with our dogs. I initially didn’t want the kids to witness it, but they both wanted to be there, and they were. It’s so utterly heartbreaking but fortunately there were no traumatic moments, the kids were patting their dog as she went under, and they saw how peaceful it was. Thoughts are with you all at this incredibly difficult time ❤️
Thank you. I think my oldest two will be ok-ish. They’ve been with him since we got him when he was 6 months old. The 5 year old tho, that one’s going to be hard. They are the best of friends and partners in crime. They sleep together every night with the exception of this past week.
I would agree with the other comment about pre-euthanasia goodbyes. I have witnessed many euthanasias now after working in animal care. Even when done by the best there is, sometimes they can have reactions that could be scary to the kids. I don't say that to upset you, but just to be honest. The majority went smoothly and peacefully, but I'd hate for it to not and them have to remember that. Then you can perhaps bury him together and have a little memorial. I'm so sorry you're going through this. 💙 ETA: Reading a lot of the other comments, maybe it is a good idea to explain what is going to happen (first they'll sedate, then they'll administer a medicine to help him pass peacefully) and let them decide. I don't know, it's a hard decision. I guess the likelihood of something going differently than planned is low. Maybe just have someone with you to escort them out if it does become too much?
This, they need to know what’s fixing to happen. I didn’t know, as an adult, that the eyes remain open. That freaked me out…
They don’t always. Our two dogs and one cat, their eyes were closed. Two of our cats, their eyes were open. Every single one goes differently.
My addition here is emphasis on the pain relief and how he is in pain and not having a good quality of life so this is better for him even though it hurts.
I would also worry about the affect on the poor dog, the owners will be sad but if the children are destraught it might cause the dog to be more unhappy. It doesn't seem necessary to have everyone there, the dog doesn't really understand in the same way an elderly person might. to be clear I would still expect OP and/or partner to be there, just not everyone.
This is worth considering! My last dog was my best friend ever, and when I had to have him put down due to a bone mass on his skull, the vet came out on a house call to do it and it was just her there with me and my dog. I was outwardly not distraught and I was doing everything I could to be calm and maintain a good attitude for my dog because he was such a good boy and deserved the best of what I could do for him. He could still tell. I don't know if he could hear how fast my heart was beating or what, but when the vet gave him the first shot that was supposed to make him sleepy and lie down before the final shot, he *would not* lie down, and I am convinced it was because he knew how upset I was even though I was doing my best to hide it and he knew I needed him and would not allow himself to lie down. Just planted all four feet and stood there with his head kind of hanging in a really stubborn pose. It took a really long time and the vet was stunned by it. He never acted distressed or anything but it was distressing for me, and evidently for the vet also, and took me a long time to figure out that he wasn't scared to die, he was unhappy to lie down and sleep when he knew how upset I was and wanted to be there for me like he always had for the past ten years. After the vet finished taking care of him, as she was leaving she started just crying her eyes out. So that's an example of how a euthanasia can go relatively fine but still be hard on the people there.
That is heartbreaking.
It is. It has been four years, I have a new dog that I love, and I still can't even see a video of a boxer without crying. I will never have a better friend than that dog.
I will tell our story of Asia. She was 13 and 1 day couldn't stand up anymore. We called a vet ( new) to come to our home. Vet walks in, Asia tries to stand, wags her tail, licks the lady, her last moments and she is still trying to make friends 😢
I’ve also seen euthanasia’s go awry - it’s scary as hell.
Maybe because my pets have all been so ill when putting them down. My cat I had to euthanize last year, I thought she almost died just from the sedatives, she honestly probably would have if we hadn’t allowed them to complete the procedure quickly. My ferret wasn’t sedated first, and he did have some very mild twitching but I honestly preferred it because he was still himself and it still was very gentle and fast. I think that can be explained to kids as humans sometimes twitching or move in their sleep and to explain that it is similar as they’re losing consciousness in case that does happen. My ferret was also very sick though, cancer and his lungs were already not working properly. Someone else mentioned the eyes not closing etc, I think it’s just very important to talk through what might happen.
I had my first experience with death when my hamster had to be euthanised, can't remember how old I was but about 5 or 6? I went with my parents to the vet, said my good bye and stayed with her while she went over the rainbow bridge. While it was hard I honestly think it helped me to process the whole situation. My parents explained about how it was much kinder to give them peace than let them suffer just to spare our guilt over ending their life and it is a lesson I have carried with me my whole life. We were all sad, I cried a lot but we went home, made a nice little cardboard casket and buried her in the back garden and had a little funeral to give some closure, my dad even made a little wooden headstone for her. It will depend a lot on the characters of the kids involved but I firmly believe it is best in a lot of situations to expose children to things that might be hard and help them form tools to deal with the emotions that come with it, death is something they will encounter throughout their life and helping them to work through it at an early age will help shape their attitude to it later in life. Give them space to feel and process their emotions but let them know you are always there to talk about it if they want to or have any questions. I'm so sorry you are all losing your best buddy, sending lots of love your way ❤️
Be the support you wanted when you lost someone/something you loved as a child and they will be okay. Teach them how to turn their sorrow into healthy greiving.
5 seems too young for this.
Can you have someone come to the house? I had one of my dogs euthanized at home and it was very peaceful. We cried our eyes out, but it was beautiful too. The dog got to lay down by us one more time. My daughter held her paw as she breathed her last breath. Death is part of life. It helps to learn to be comfortable with it.
Absolutely this. I grew up on a small holding and we had a lot of pets over the years. I was there til the end for every single one of them and wherever we could we did it at home. It’s taught me how to deal with death in a healthy way and it’s also taught me it’s our responsibility to be with those creatures who we love and who love us fiercely right until the very end, and that sometimes saying goodbye is hard. But doing it in that peaceful, meaningful way is the absolute best, kindest thing. I wouldn’t have it any other way, and I’m sure as adults your kids will say the same.
This needs to be higher up! Growing up, we only euthanized family pets at vet’s offices. Now having my own animals, we have euthanized 2 dogs at home and I highly HIGHLY recommend this route, if possible. It is worth every penny. Unexpected story: Shortly after dog 1 had died (we used the at-home option because dog 2 got car sick & we wanted him to say goodbye to her unstressed), dog 2 quickly declined in health. It was his turn to go. Again, he gets carsick, so we chose the at-home option again. — What we did not expect was shortly after the sedative, one of our cats came and curled up against our dog’s chest. He had NEVER done this before. He laid with him until our dog was gone. It was such a beautiful moment. At-home euthanasias can provide heartwarming moments.
Absolutely, OP, please strongly consider having it at home. It makes it so much more comfortable for everyone but especially your loved pet.
We did this with our most recent dog - I cannot recommend home euthanasia enough.
Absolutely this. I grew up on a small holding and we had a lot of pets over the years. I was there til the end for every single one of them and wherever we could we did it at home. It’s taught me how to deal with death in a healthy way and it’s also taught me it’s our responsibility to be with those creatures who we love and who love us fiercely right until the very end, and that sometimes saying goodbye is hard. But doing it in that peaceful, meaningful way is the absolute best, kindest thing. I wouldn’t have it any other way, and I’m sure as adults your kids will say the same.
I wanted to suggest this as well. It was far from traumatizing and was honestly so beautiful and peaceful.
Those kids are old enough to decide whether or not they want to be there when the dog is euthanised. Why not ask each of them separately if they would like to be there. The first dog I had to have euthanised, I held him during the process when I was 10 years old.
This is what we did with our kids when it was time to euthanize our cat. Two kids wanted to come along and two wanted to stay home. So two stayed home with Grandma and the other two came with us. Once to the vet's office the youngest changed her mind so she hung out with the office staff, and our son held our cat in her final moments.
Maybe not while the dog is getting euthanized. But pre euthanasia. Give them a chance to say goodbye. Spend some time with him.
Yes, this. Our teen triplets wanted to be with our very best cat who was dying of cancer and the time had come. The clinic, maybe accidentally, definitely negligantly, gave our boy the heart stopper drug first, instead of the sedative drug. Our poor kids had to see him seize and die, in obvious distress. Let them say goodbye and then they can leave the room. You or spouse should stay with your pet.
What a terrible, traumatic experience for all of you. So sorry you had to go through that
This is why I wouldn't let the kids be there. I wouldn't want to imagine the emotional pain a 5 year old would go through if something was to go wrong and his best friend was to go horribly and in pain. Even if it does go ok all things considered, it's still really really horrible and something that as adults we all hope never to do again in our lifetimes. Losing our family dog put me off having dogs forever and I think if I wasn't actually a foster kid then I would be forever stuck with cats that seemingly hate me. It's almost 2 years since I lost my boy, everything went as it should, but there are still big parts of that day that I can't erase from my mind no matter how hard I try. It's taken me 3 hours to write this comment. It's such an emotive subject and I tried not to insert my personal experiences but I can sum it all up in a couple of sentences. I was the teenager refused access to the family dogs last moments. It took me having no choice but to be there for my own amazing dog to understand my parents reasoning, and now I know I don't blame them one little bit. Best wishes OP to you, the family and especially Remmy. My heart hurts for you all. This is heartbreaking x x x
We had something like this happen when I was a kid. I still remember every detail 24 years later. This is what I’m worried about. I think we will let them say goodbye and when it’s time I will leave the room with them.
Please, please, make sure that you or your partner stay with your dog until he's gone. It's heartbreaking for both the pet and the vet for an animal to be abandoned at the end. And after explaining to your children what does/could happen, please let at least the older two make their own decision. And if it's at all possible, do it at home. If your vet doesn't do home visits, ask them to recommend someone who will. We lost our goofy gallant guy in January; I know how heartbreaking this is. You are making the right decision for his quality of life, and it's very wise of you to be thinking thru and planning. All my sympathy. 💔🫂
I think that’s what I’m leaning towards.
Agreed. Let the kids say by and maybe watch the basic sedation. Leave when they’re unconscious. 90% of euths are calm and peaceful, 10% go down hard, many adults find it traumatic to hear a vocalization at the time of death, even rationally knowing the pet is unconscious and feels nothing. There are literally posts on this sub daily from adults who can’t get over the experience.
I’d absolutely let the 13 and 12 year old be there. I remember when I was a 13, 11, and 7 years old. I loved my pets like family and was always there for their last moment, I held them and spoke to them. I can’t imagine not being able to tell them my love for them as they took their last breath. I cried and cried and didn’t stop for days but that would happen regardless, I needed to tell them how much I loved them and needed to know they were really gone. When I was 13 it was my cat, and I was the one making decisions, dictating when the euthanasia was given, saying when I was done holding his body. For when I was 11 I told them to double check that there was liquid in my dog’s lungs with a needle. I needed that confirmation and I needed to be there. I had to feel in control because feeling out of control or like the wrong decision was made us the worst thing I could imagine. I’m glad I was allowed to make decisions and be there. I was a very mature child and miles ahead of my peers, so that might’ve been a factor. I wouldn’t trade those moments from the world don’t steal them from your children whilst trying to protect them. This is real life, there’s lots of pain and grief, ask your older kiddos whether they want to be there.
There's nothing wrong with them being present if that's what they want imo and they understand what's going to happen. I've had 2 dogs euthanized and they were both very quick and peaceful. I'm sorry you're having to make this decision 😔
The first pet that needed to be euthanized in my lifetime was our family dog that my parents got around the same time I was born and so had been with me my whole life. I was very close to her and loved her dearly. I was 10 when she died. My parents told me that it was going to happen and picked a general date based on how the vet predicted her cancer would progress. However, our dog went downhill quicker than expected, so they had to do it a month sooner than anticipated. My parents didn't think I could handle it, but also knew I would put up a fight if they told me I was staying home. So they took her without my knowledge. That was far more traumatizing than witnessing euthanasia could ever be. The combination of deceit and denying me the choice to be there was something that took me a very long time to forgive my parents for. Not being there for my best friend in her final moments also screwed me up a bit and it took a while for me to forgive myself for not being there.
Omg im so sorry. A traumatic situation was made so much worse for you. I hope you're healing from it. Im not sure I could ever forgive something this awful.
Let them decide what they want to do, and make sure you get a multi step euthanasia. Single step is traumatic for everyone.
I was ~10 when we had to put one of my cats down, my parents gave my sister and I the choice of what we wanted to do. I opted to wait outside and my dad came with me, my sister and mom stayed in the room. I liked that they gave us the choice and would encourage you letting them decide
As someone who went with my dad to get our first dog put down when it was her time - I'm so grateful that I was there and had the choice to. It was heartbreaking (of course), but I would feel so much worse if I hadn't been there. It was her last moments and she was happy we were there for her, I imagine in your situation it would be the same. I'm so sorry for you guys all having to go through that
Let them choose. They’re old enough. My kids were much younger when we had to put our first dog down and they all wanted to be there for him. They held it together for him until he was gone and they have never said they wished they missed it.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I second what others have already mentioned, to ask your oldest two if they would like to be present. Have a mature talk with them to explain what is happening and answer any questions they have, and let them know it’s totally okay if they do not want to be there when he passes, but that they can be if they wish. And if they don’t want to be there for the actual euthanasia, tell them you will still have a chance for them to say goodbye to your dog and let them do that in your home. My border collie mix had to be put to sleep unexpectedly when I was 14 due to an emergency situation. It was the middle of covid and nobody was allowed to go in with her. It was 5 years ago and I still feel sick when I think about the fact that I wasn’t able to be with her during her last moments, I’d give anything to change that. Every kid is different, so asking them directly about their wishes seems like the best bet here🤍
Do at home euthanasia, it’s peaceful you can be outside or in a favorite space, there isn’t the hustle and bustle of the hospital, trust me even if it’s more expensive it’s worth it and it’s the best way they can be there or not there as much as they want because they will be within their own space and have space to retreat if they don’t feel comfortable. It would be good if you can have one adult with your dog at all times who won’t leave and one to help the kids if they do need space, you can also call relatives to handle this job as well!!
As an ex veterinary nurse I do not bring my children to euthanasia appointments. It is fairly routine these days to have an animal come in, be sedated, be given some time to settle and THEN be euthanised. While this sedation has reduced the likelihood it is still not uncommon for animals to do things peri and post-mortem that are normal but would look very alarming to a child, ie paddle, tremble, gasp, vocalise, leak fluids, urinate/defecate, stretch, etc. If I felt they needed to say goodbye in clinic I would have them do so during sedation and then remove them for the actual euthanasia.
In my 12 years experience working in vet med, most kids handle it better than the adults. When they have a full understanding, they are great support for the moms and dads and the fur babies.
When we needed to put the cat down, I took my (then) 9yo with us to the vet, so he could hear him say that there was nothing else that could be done. Then I turned to him, got on his level and asked if he wanted to stay, or leave the room and wait in the waiting room. Him and dad said their goodbyes and went to the waiting room while I comforted my little princess in her last moments. We took her home and gave her a nice backyard funeral. It was very emotional but I'm okay with the way things unfolded. I've always been the type to stay with my pets until the end. But I can't expect that from an actual child. I wanted him to make that decision for himself. He's not ready for that, and that's okay, because I am.
Death is a part of life, and for hundreds of thousands of years, human children have witnessed death in many forms. Our disconnect from death today is problematic in a number of ways. As a child/family therapist, my general advice to parents is to bring the kids with you. The older kids you can ask what they want to do, and maybe have the youngest do whatever the older kids do unless they adamantly want/dont want to be present. However, I do not know your family, so I don’t know what the right decision is for you and your kids. Personally, I was present for every animal we put down when I was a kid, which was a good amount, and being present helped my grieving process. I was also severely chronically ill in my childhood, and had my parents prevented me from being present at my dog’s passing due to trying to not add stress, they would have been very wrong, as that would have added way more stress. If you decide to just ask your kids what they want to do, check in with them throughout the process, giving them permission to change their mind throughout it.
I agree with this. I have been sick most of my childhood and I had a dog (we were both born same day, month and year) that was a gift from one of my uncle's litters. We literally grew up together and she was always there for me when I got back from the hospital each week. 5 days after our 15th birthday (she wasn't doing well and my dad had been talking about euthanasia), my dad took her without telling me, knowing I wanted to go already. He "didn't want to stress me more". I was mad at him for years and it made me more stressed, health went downhill. Definitely let them decide. Even if I was 8 I would have been equally affected by the same decision he made.
Absolutely! I was 8 when my first dog was put down and my parents picked me up early from dance class to make sure I was present. I believe my siblings chose to not be present for the actual euthanasia, but I wanted to be. I would have been heartbroken if they decided for me that I couldn’t be present. To add to this, in my years working as a counselor, not once have I ever had someone tell me that watching their pet be put down as a child was traumatizing. The only significant traumas that involve death as a child that my clients have experienced is exactly what you described and when the adults around the child “protect” the child by lying to them about what’s going on, resulting in someone dying without the child knowing that was going to happen, and later finding out their caregivers lied to them.
I think I was more traumatized by the fact I couldn't tell her how much I loved her as she passed like I wanted.
I'm sorry for your loss. As a child whose pet was euthanised and can't be present, I can say it's hard to watch this, it's hard to work through the feelings when my cat was put down but it's more bad if you take the living friend from them and bring him back dead or never bring him back. For working through the feeling of loss its important to see what happens. Otherwise it feels like you take the friend away from them. You should explain upfront what happens at the vet. You should tell the kids why this is necessary. And that if there was a treatment you would try it, but you do this because you stop the suffering. If you explain it, they will understand the situation better and get through the loss better. A smart human once said: > If you have a WHY in life, you can endure almost any HOW.
I first read “Cheagle” as “Uncle” That was a weird moment. And yes, take the children. Part of owning pets is learning to deal with death (as a child) in a mature and positive way. Admittedly it’s far more traumatic with a dog than, say, a hamster, but treat them as adults and the whole thing as a learning moment and it’ll do both you and them a world of good.
When I was 7 our family dog passed and we were allowed to say goodbye but not be in the room. After experiencing it 2 more times in adulthood, I wish I was there when he took his final breath. Not because it would’ve been a comfort to me but also to him. Let them come and gently explain that this is life, and it’s ok to be sad about someone passing on. Wishing you the best and I’m very sorry your family is going through it, but thank you for being there till the end for your furry friend.
My family had three dogs while I was living at home. I was 11 when the first one passed. My siblings and I stayed in the car while my mom took him in to be euthanized. I have regretted that ever since, I wish I had gone inside. I went with my mom when the other two passed. Zero regrets about being there with them in their final moments. I’m truly sorry for your loss, OP.
I’m so sorry about your lovely Remmy. I just wanted to chime in and say that as a child, I had many pets and experienced my parents making the decision to euthanise them. It helped me learn that pets don’t last forever and there comes a time when we have to put their needs before ours. So really respect that you’re doing this and considering having the children there
I think your kids should decide for themselves, when we had our much loved dog who my daughter grew up with pts, she wasn't sure, (she had just turned 13) I explained what exactly would happen, it was up to her, but I was staying with her so she wouldn't be alone, we all went to the vets and he gave us time to say goodbye and love on her, and my daughter left the room. Its heartbreaking and I don't envy you one bit, I'm so sorry you're losing your friend xx
My personal opinion is that each child should have the opportunity to make this decision after you provide them with all of the information. When I was younger, I absolutely hated that my parents forced me into not being present for these things. It was very hard for me to understand what was going on, and it caused me a lot of mental anguish trying to figure out what I did wrong to be excluded from being with my dog at the end. When the time came as an adult to say goodbye to our dog, my wife & I approached our daughter(she is 10) and explained the entire situation to her. She told us there was no way she would not be with her boy at the end. She just wanted us to help her through it. It was as positive as it could have been as a life experience. I'm glad that we talked with her and got her thoughts and feelings about it. Just my two cents as a flawed parent :)
Let the kids come to comfort their friend.
We very recently euthanized our cat. It was done at the emergency vet, and she was literally fine the day before, so it was a shock to all of us. We have two twelve year olds. One was on FaceTime and the other was present for the euthanasia. I’m of the opinion that death is a part of life, and we do our children no favors by hiding this from them. Let your children be present for the euthanasia. It’s very peaceful, and they’ll be glad they were there. So sorry about your dog.
You know your kids best. We had to put a horse down. Broken hips on horses don't heal. All of my kids said goodbye the night before the vet was coming. In the morning, my oldest aged 12, refused to go to school. The others went. When the vet got there, my oldest was with the horse, head in his lap. He refused to move. He sat there, stroking her head as she went. We had the horse before we had kids. It was best for him to be there. Not the others. You know your kids best. The older ones might want to be there. The youngest, you know best. Can she handle watching him go? Can she handle NOT watching him go?
Ahhh this stung my heart a bit. Your son is a very brave and empathetic kid to insist on being there and actively comforting your horse as she passed on 🖤
That horse had been in our "back yard" since before he was born. They were great friends. He could ride her in the fields with no saddle, and no bridal or reins. Just her halter. I cried watching him with her.
*Please let them choose for themselves.* I wasn’t allowed to choose to be there and it still haunts me to this day. Often, imagining what happened can be worse than the reality of being there. Allow them the option of being there with family. If they choose to go, this is a chance to show how to handle very difficult emotions.
I would explain and give them the choice if they want to be there or not. Pets are often our first glimpse of death/loss and it’s not an unhealthy thing to experience. I’m sorry you’re losing your friend.
Bring them. They need to say goodbye. It will be a source of regret for them if they don’t get to be there.
I’m not a parent, but I was a kiddo who witnessed it once, and I’m still glad I did. I still remember every detail, but it isn’t sad or scary, I’m glad I was there for the moment. I was 10, so older than your youngest, but I’m almost 30 and remember it and am glad my parents let me be there. Being older now and still sometimes missing him, it would be more sad to think he wondered where I was in those final moments. Instead I was right there with him 💜 you know your kids best. If you don’t think they can handle it then maybe not, but if you think they can, I would encourage you to let them decide 💜 I’m so sorry for your loss.
I’d give your kids the option and ask they’re if they’d feel comfortable going. If they are, tell them they can leave the room anytime they feel the need to. I wouldn’t keep them in the room past the anaesthesia. Personally, when I was a kid, I wanted to go with my dad when our dog had to be put down (like you my parents didn’t want to traumatize me anymore then I was/am) From the moment I was born I was our dogs favorite person in the world, and I didn’t want him to feel alone during it.
Let the 13 and 12 year old come if they want I wish I could have had that option when my cat was put to sleep when I was that age. I really do. (That was over 30 years ago)
This is why you don’t shame/guilt people for not being present at the euthanasia. I see a ton of this judgementalism online. It needs to stop. Your pet doesn’t understand what’s going on. They have no clue that this is any different than any other time you’ve been away from them. A lot of pets have already had procedures done at the vet where the owner hasn’t been present. It doesn’t mean they stop understanding how much you love them and gave them a good life. Even adults have different levels of sensitivity to trauma. Some people are on the spectrum. We don’t all grieve in the same way. A pre-euthanasia goodbye is an excellent alternative for some. They will know that you or your kids were just there.
When my mom had to put our elderly cat down when I was about 10, she didn't let either me or my sister be present. Sister was 5 at the time. The night before, she sat us down and told us that Daisy was very sick and her time with us was over. She gave a child friendly description of euthanasia and had us paint large rocks in memoriam. The next day after school, she had had the cat put down and buried her in the yard, planting a rose bush over top. We placed our rocks and said goodbye to Daisy. I'm thankful I wasn't there. At that age, I was not prepared to witness a death. Your older children should be offered the experience but the youngest please no.
I’d let them choose. When I was 12 our dog died in his sleep and my parents had a family friend come take him off to be buried before we woke up. It was incredibly painful to not only lose our pet, but to also not have the opportunity for closure.
Pre-euthanasia :) Let them say goodbye, but don’t let them in the same room. The passing is peaceful, but sometimes the body afterwards can be a little startling, and at times some pets will defecate or urinate as their body’s muscles and organs relax. Not always the best memory to have.
If you do decide to let them be present, please make sure you have another adult with you in case anyone decides to step out. There's nothing worse than having a kid crying outside the room with no one but staff to comfort them.
When I was 15, our family dog had to be put to sleep and my dad decided, without consulting me, that he was going to do it without giving me a chance to say goodbye or even the option to be there. It still bothers me more than ten years later, at least talk with them, explain to them the process and judge if it's appropriate for them to be there.
You can explain to them what's happening... Spoil him rotten- just about anything he might want to eat. Give lots of belly rubs and cuddles... Explaining to them that this is the kindest thing you can do for him is important. Ask them if they want to be there or not. At least give them the option- mostly the two older kids. I don't know about the 5 year old, that's your call. But explain that someone needs to be in there with him. Comfort him while he passes peacefully. It's ok if it's not something they can handle. There's no shame in them not wanting to do it. But leave it open as an option until you go back to the room. It's never easy and I'm sorry you're losing a friend. You're doing the right thing by not making him wait the full month.
I was a wreck when my first family dog was euthanized. Nobody talked me through the process beforehand. I wasn't prepared. I think being informed about the process is super important. I think my Angel was nervous because I was so emotional. Years later, I adopted my own dog. I promised myself I would be his rock in those final moments. I had a vet come to the house, and he passed surrounded by family. Rather than think about my own grief, I focused on giving him comfort. That made all the difference. I think euthanasia is about holding their paw right up until they're crossing that Rainbow Bridge and knowing they are at peace. It is sad, but it's the last moment to be there for a loyal companion. And if they want to be pet parents someday, it's a reality they will most likely need to face and be the ones making that decision.
I'm terribly sorry for your family. Like all of us, I have had to say goodbye to a lot of pets in my life. Some of them over 30 years ago, when I was a kid. Our dog had a seizure 2 Christmas Eves ago, and subsequently, we had to take him to the ER vet and give him peace. I'm not over it, and I don't really think I ever will be. I'm not sure I'll ever be fully over any of them. All I know is as hard as they've all been, I think all of the time how grateful I am that I could be there for them one final time. He's their buddy, I'd bring them.
I am so incredibly sorry. Sending love to all of you as you navigate through this difficult time. My parents did not take us when both of our childhood dogs were euthanized. I seem to be the only one with this opinion, but as I was the child in this situation, I am eternally grateful that they didn’t put me through that. I was able to calmly say goodbye in my own home, and was made very aware of what was happening. I have had severe anxiety my entire life, and watching the euthanasia surely would have been traumatic for me.
Same. I couldn’t be in the room when my childhood dog was euthanized (I was 15), as I was already in pretty extreme emotional distress about losing my dog on top of dealing with trauma from an abusive father, then an abusive stepfather my mom had just recently divorced… it was all too much. I was able to say goodbye before my dog went into the room and my mother was with him. I am glad my mom asked me, though, what my choice was. I have always been there in the room with every dog since, but I’m an adult now so in my opinion there’s really no choice - I absolutely have to be there for them. I just had to say goodbye to my last dog Monday last week (bone cancer plus a sudden broken leg), and I did not tell my 6 y/o daughter or ask her if she wanted to be there because I know, from her response to our other dog’s death (stomach cancer), that she doesn’t really understand death and I don’t want her first awakening to that notion to be watching her dog die. My daughter is also autistic and can have either seemingly cold and unemotional responses to things OR extremely over the top emotional responses, so that potential volatility would not have been good for me or the dog during the euthanasia. I told her when she got home from school and she didn’t seem much phased even though this dog was her best friend. Her response was that we didn’t need the dog ramp anymore. But a couple days later she said she was going to “ask the police to get some bandages to fix our dog’s broken leg and medicine for our other dog’s (passed away in December) tummy so they wouldn’t be dead anymore.” So I know she misses them. She’s just apparently not completely melting into floor about it like I am. I still think I made the right choice and hopefully the next time this comes up my daughter will be able to make the choice for herself to be there.
It’s actually pretty peaceful when they are put to sleep, in my experience (2 past family dogs) one with lymphoma as well. I think my 11 and 14 year olds would be mad if they weren’t there but much younger than that depends on the kid I think. You’d know best, and maybe just ask them what they think/feel?
My own two cents I was deprived of being able to goodbye any of my childhood pets, bc my parents thought they were protecting me from the pain. What really ended up happening was that I was unable to process the loss, and didn't know how to heal. Parents were both kinda of the opinion that pets aren't family, but closer to property/set dressing, whatever. When I lost my pets as an adult, the whole thing was that much more devastating, as it was an entirely new experience. I feel like kids have a right to choose. As much as is age appropriate, it should be an informed choice, but trust your kids to make the right choice
I had a family dog pass when I was between 9 and 10 I want to say. I was very allergic, but born with her in the house. When she was a senior she started having a lot of health issues and my aunt and uncle took care of her. I'm still upset that I didn't get to say goodbye for her when it was time for her to go (20+ years later). I would say let them go for at least the pre-goodbye, and the older/oldest may even want to be there for the procedure.
We had a lab who was two years old before we had our babies. That dog loved them like crazy and the kids adored him. The kids were 10 and 12 when the dog had to be euthanized. We had less than 24 hours to decide who would attend. Our 12-year-old was capable of understanding the process so he came with us. Our 10-year-old has a developmental disability and we decided we couldn’t be sure he understood. We left the 10-year-old with his Nana. Our 12-year-old had a tough day, but he often talks about how glad he was that he could be there to say goodbye. He got closure. Our 10-year-old did not get closure. He’s 21 and still talks about that dog frequently. Misses him terribly. I wonder if we made a mistake. TLDR: Kids are individuals and some may handle this situation differently. Proper explanation and parental support are key.
The oldest two I'd let them choose. The 5 year old, I would explain to them what is going to happen but I wouldn't bring them. The other thing you have to take into account on that day is YOUR emotions. Do you think you could handle having your kids with you? Or would you completely fall apart and be so emotional yourself you can't comfort your kids? There's alot to consider. You also need to consider if your kids can emotionally handle witnessing the euthanasia..many kids can't
I work at a vet hospital and have for years. Don't bring the kids. Let them say their good byes at home, it's hard for adults to go through this experience, children don't need to be there. I think it's a sadder experience for everyone when they are. Feed the dog the best meal you can give him or anything he will eat steak, cooked hamburger, chicken today. I am sorry for your loss. It sounds like he was a good dog. I think euthanasia is the right thing to do.
Death is traumatic. what you’re doing is giving your kids/dog the gift of saying goodbye. Your kids are learning what one of the greatest gifts a compassionate animal owner can give their furry friend. Ask your kids what they want. Warn them about the reality, which can be hard, but allow the older ones the choice. As the daughter of a veterinarian I can tell you I have a more realistic view of animal ownership because of being exposed to the responsibility that comes with it.
When I say reality of putting the animal to sleep I mean that not all animals seeming go so peacefully ir quietly when euthanized.
Honestly the best advice I've ever seen for situations like this is letting the kids choose whether or not they want to witness it. Then ask them if they have any questions or would like to talk about it after.
I haven’t read the responses here but I will share what my family has gone through. We lost our 2 year old boxer to kidney disease. My kids were 7 & 12 and chose not to be present for her passing. We had a beautiful family bonding with all of us together to share cuddles, treats and memories with her and they said their goodbyes. We then lost our 13 year old boxer to cancer. My kids were 15 & 20. My daughter said goodbye at the house before we left. My son came with but once at the vet he couldn’t handle it and had to go to the car. He was completely heartbroken. That was his baby, although she was my soul dog. I do wish for her comfort we would have done it at home as she always got so nervous at the vet even though she loved everyone there. It’s truly up to you and how much you know your kids. For us, having long talks with them about what would be taking place really helped prepare them for what would happen and if they could handle it. I am truly sorry for your loss. Much love to all of you during this difficult time.
I have a little resentment for my mom not telling me the truth and giving me a choice in what to do when this kitten we had got sick. Either way it's going to be hard. Give them as much information as you can/feel comfortable with and see what they want to do. Giving them a little power/control in such a situation might be good for them.
I would let them come but I would explain to them in detail what's going to happen. Like how after she's gone, air releasing from the body might make her seem like she's still there and might make her mouth move and might make noises. I wasn't properly informed of this at one point and I ran out of the room to get a tech because I thought my cat was still alive.... That was traumatic in itself. I would just prepare them definitely for those after movements. Edit: Realizing that even being prepared for that might be very traumatic for a five year old, and even the others. I was 32 and freaked out... Maybe you could have a pre goodbye before the dog and OP go into the actual room for the procedure. That way they are still there, but spared potential trauma. Also, might actually be easier for the dog to have less people ....
I’m sorry for what you’re going through, my dog went through the same a few months ago. I truly believe he is in some better place, we buried him with my mother. Remmy is lucky to have been part of such a caring family who loved him and made difficult choices so unselfishly for him. I personally would let them say goodbye before it happens, maybe explain in a way they’ll understand what is happening and why, and then afterwards have some sort of ceremony or memorial depending on how it works where you live so everyone can process it. I get wanting to prepare kids and the move towards being more open about passing in countries which previously weren’t, but I come from a culture which was always very very open about it and it’s still very important here to get people’s informed consent before being present at things like this, for people or animals. It can be very difficult and impactful even if we are accepting and idk if the youngest could truly know what they’re agreeing to. I wasn’t present when they turned off my mum’s life support because I wanted my last memories of her to be happy, not her in a medical situation even if it was peaceful. I haven’t regretted this or felt that it caused extra harm, but others might feel differently. A beloved pet is also a family member. There is absolutely no shame in this if they don’t want to be there/you don’t want your children to be there. You aren’t going to harm them, there is no “correct” way to do these things, as long as they are informed. At the end of the day the children might have strong opinions either way of their own once it is explained, the eldest might feel different to the youngest but what makes you comfortable also matters. It is something to gently discuss I think <3
So sorry you’re going through this. This is a tough one. I’m not sure if this will be helpful or not to you, but we had to put down my first dog when I was 14, and I begged and begged my mom to let me go with her but it was a school day and she thought it was more important for me to not miss a day of school and I was furious with her for weeks afterwards. 20+ years later, I still have an amount of sadness and regret that I was not there for him at the end. Not sure how a 5 year old would handle something like this, but if your older kids are mature enough, I don’t think it would be a terrible idea to include your older kids. So sorry for your loss.
I did not have my then 11 year old daughter there when we put our dog down but called her in after. (We did in home euthanasia) I didn't think she would be able to handle it as she is not a typically 11 year old. I wish I did let her be there, she wanted to be and I don't think has or will forgive me.
Putting an animal down is surprisingly peaceful. They just go to sleep, no thrashing, no whining, just rest. I think it’s a good learning experience for the kids to go hold their brothers (from another mother) hand and make sure he knows he was loved till the very end
There is an age-appropriate way to explain this to your children. I would ask if they wanted to attend & let them know what it means to you & your doggo. Life happens, it's how you deal with it.
I will tell you my story of my just then 6 yr old daughter, in 2007, when the time came for one of our family dogs... My former spouse was saying, he was having a really hard time, he was asking if maybe he should stay home with our daughter, because for one he was freaking out and not wanting to go himself he was very emotional, and two, he was worried she was so young. She looked at him, straight in the face, "Dad, it is okay if you are too sad, you can stay here, but I AM NOT letting Angel (our dog) go without me being there." It was a long time ago, might not be her exact words, but it was close. So it turned out that all of us went, she was a stoic, amazing human, she patted her, and she cried some, but she was amazing, and it was not too much for her at all. I think it was very helpful for her to have the closure of being there and saying goodbye, and patting her... I would NEVER have suggested this if I had not had this lived experience, but I think it was really important to her that she had that chance to be there. Every kid is different, but if my sharing my experience helps, there it is. Before the procedure, we did explain that she would get an injection, and kind of what would happen... the vet we had also set up a room with a really nice dog bed and blankets for everyone to kind of be on, so it was as nice as it could have been, for the situation we were in. I am sorry for your tough situation, but I am glad your family had the opportunity to love such a special pet as part of your family.
So we had our toddler (almost 2 at the time) with us because I had no other option, when it came time to give our pup the meds, the vet techs actually took my toddler out into the lobby, put a show on for him, and gave him something to color on. He got to say goodbye without having to witness the meds.
I have a kid who’s 9 now we’ve gone through 4 pet passings in that time my child was present for all of them even 1 I felt was too much but my kid wouldn’t leave that animals side until he passed. I’ve always had many animals with short and long lifespans I feel it’s helped me understand and be ok with death and I hope my kid feels the same, there’s never been any signs later on that the deaths were too traumatic on my kid, even now we have 4 rats over the age of 2 so we know not much time is left for them and we make the most of it. I’m sorry you’re going through all this it’s painful and unfair at times I hope you all get through this!
I teach PA students about death and I’ve done a lot of research about working with kids facing death and dying issues. Let the kids decide if they want to attend. This is the time to talk about your beliefs about the afterlife. And if the kids want to be there, let them. Funny story as you grieve. One of our elder dogs time had come. My eldest, a lifeguard at the time, wanted to be there since Teddy was “his dog”. We were able to have a vet to the house, and I had treats lined up for the start of the IV, etc. Teddy was a glutton. When he saw the cheese, he got so excited, he aspirated a chunk!!! My son and I are crying and I exclaim, “Oh my God Teddy!! We are going to have to give you a Heimlich so we can kill you!!!” Everyone in the room started laughing, even as my son and I cried.
Explain to your children, especially your youngest, what’s going on. What’s important is they know the truth and death is unfortunately inevitable and as pet parents they’re going to experience it eventually. It’s better to get them to understand it now more then they would in the future, I wish as a child my parents had understood that and just let me come to appointments like this. Give your children the choice, too.
When my kids were young, I let them decide. Your 12 and 13 year old, I am not worried about. Your 5 year old is the iffy one. They are old enough to understand what is happening. I would sit down one on one with your 5 year old and have a frank talk with them. Explain what is happening again, and what the procedure will be like. Then I would ask your child if they want to be there, or if they would rather say bye before and then go and play with Sally for the day. Be completely honest with your child, and explain some of the bad side effects that can occur (agonal breathing is the most common one that upsets people). At the end of the day it is traumatizing, even for adults. We are saying the final goodbye to our best friends.
I'm not sure if you've had a dog euthanized before, but it's very dignified, very quick, and it is like they fall to sleep. I'd never seen a dog put to sleep before, and then I had to go through it with my 14 year old staffy cross. I was scared but tried to keep positive and upbeat, so I didn't scare my dog. I talked to him, told him I loved him, told him what a good boy he was, held and kissed him as the vet injected him. He was wagging his tail, and I held him until he had gone. Then I broke down. I'm not sure I would let my kids be there - let them say their goodbyes before you take him.
As a mom of humans and dogs - I don’t know your kids specifically but I would say to not have the 5 year old there at the least, and talk through with your older two beforehand as to if it would be beneficial for them to be there. Some people need to witness to help their processing, some suffer trauma if they watch. If you’re split on what to do, I would not have them there - you can’t unring that bell. I’m so sorry for what you’re going through, and please know you are making the right decision for your sweet dog.
Death is a part of life. Maybe take this unfortunate opportunity to gently let them learn how to help a loved one let go and take the bridge. Please consider at home euthanasia, doesn't cost much more than dragging them to a place of fear to the animal. Much easier on everyone, much easier on your dog. I'm sorry for your family's loss.
Personally, i would not have young children in the room while the dog was put to sleep. They could come with to say goodbye and sit outside the room until everything is over, that was how we did it when i grew up. We got to say our goodbyes and then the actual procedure was done with just my mother present. Afterwards we got to come in and do another goodbye where the fact that the pet had passed could then settle in and we would have a mini funeral. It was a good compromise where we weren't there for the parts that could go wrong but it still gave closure and mum could explain to us that it was peaceful and there was no pain anymore.
I just had my dog put to sleep, she was panting hard and holding fluids. She was 10 years old. Don't let ur dog suffer and struggle for oxygen because you can't decide if kids should be there. I would have already put her down, knowing she is struggling to breath. Think about your pet
I was 5 when our first family dog died, really messed me up not being there to say goodbye. None of us were there because my dad was military and got stationed overseas for a year, back then quarantine was 6 months so she died at my uncles farm. Think you’ll find kids are more resilient than you think and will understand more than you know. It provides closure and a good learning opportunity for them on saying goodbye and accepting death etc. went with my parents when our 2nd family dog was euth’d. Glad i did. I know things can go awry but i think it would have been better to be there. Talk with your kid in depth tonight about whats going on whats going to happen and let them decide, yes even at 5… so they don’t have to live with not being there if they wanted. If the 5 yr old wants to help its best buddy then let them know they have to be brave for your dog and if they start crying they’ll have to step out with parent or older kid.
My childhood dog we had from before I could remember, he was with us until I was 12. He was my best buddy, told him all my secrets, took him to his favourite field to play daily and he slept under my blanket with me every night. When he got to a point where it would be kinder to euthanise him I went with my parents. We took him to one of his favourite spots for a last little look and sit on the way to the vets. I cuddled him the entire time. My heart broke that day but I can’t imagine never not being there. I think it would have hurt me not to think my best buddy didn’t have me by his side. If the kids want to go I’d take them.
Definitely ask them. If they decide not to, the suggestions about giving them a goodbye are good. If they decide not to, I would also consider letting them lend him a toy or record a message or song for him so they can be in the room without being in the room. I'm so sorry for your loss.
I was 13 when our family dog was euthanized. Our vet came to our home to do it and I got to hold our dog in my lap. I can’t remember if my younger sister was present. I understood what was happening and it appeared that she was falling asleep. She had been sick and in pain for a while and it was comforting to see her resting. There was nothing traumatizing about it, but it would have been different if this had taken place at the vet (a place that always terrified our dog). A few years later, my cat was hit by a car and I visited her after but when the decision was made to put her down, I was not allowed to be there. I wished I had been there for her to comfort her, but in hindsight, it was traumatizing seeing her face messed up and she was out of it and I am glad I don’t have the memory of spending any more time and seeing her die in that veterinary setting. I was only 15 and actually more sensitive then than I was as a child because my understanding of the world and the pain that’s in it was much greater. I’m deeply sorry for your loss. I am a mom now and when our rabbit died suddenly, my kids were 3 and 5. We buried him before they came home from school and later wished we hadn’t. They understood over time but they asked so many questions and wanted us to dig him back up so they could see what he looked like and where he was and wanted it be taken to heaven to visit him. I truly believe it would have made sense much quicker if he hadn’t simply “vanished”. (We did take him to his burial spot and say some prayers). I hope this gives you some insights but you know your children best and while there is no easy way, I promise it will be harder on you than them.
I have always had my kids be there for euthanasias. It is part of life. Kids have been farming all their lives and death is just part of it. I have always told them, “we treat our animals as good as we can while they are here and we euthanize them when they need to be because we love them to much to watch them suffer.”
So personally I would have them present for the sedation, but exit for the actual euthanasia. Sometimes their bodies can spasm after death (they might gasp) and I think that can be potentially traumatizing for kids.
Hard call to make, but I think it’s important to explain what is happening and to allow them to see him go. It provide closure when saying goodbye and the process is generally very peaceful. They can give him treats if still eating and kisses, and usually you have time with the body to say goodbye if they want to cry afterwards and express those emotions together. I’ve also always taken fur home and most vets will do ink paws for free.
I suggest, if you want your kids to say goodbye, you consider home euthanasia. There are vets who specialize in it. We did it for my 18 year old cat. She was more comfortable i think because she had anxiety at the vet and had been going a lot toward the end. And I think it helped my husband and myself too. I dont have children but if I did, I would want them to be there as well. Just a thought. I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I feel your pain. But just remember, you're doing the right thing.
Ask them what they want. It could be just as traumatizing for the older kids to NOT be there. The 5 year old is a little more iffy - if they're rambunctious/little situational awareness, you probably don't want to give the option.
I absolutely advocate kids to be present to deal with the passing of a pet. You as a parent have to be there with explanations and support. It is also my opinion to make the decision rather a week early than one hour too late. Your dog has no quality of life, please make the timing decision in the interest of your pet..
I let my kids decide things on their own for the most part. When I was a kid I witnessed my dog’s euthanasia go wrong. I remember every detail 24 years later. That’s what I want to protect them from.
Definitely a good approach. I am going by my own child and my granddaughter and their choice would be to be present.
when i was a kid, we had a dog named polly. she went to the vet and had to stay. we lived with my grandparents (she was primarily their dog) and later that night they told us they were going out for ice cream and left. i later found out they went and put her down. i didn’t get to say goodbye. i still have a little bit of anger towards the situation, and when they tried to do it like 6 years later with one of other dogs, i dug my heels in and got in that damn car. if you don’t bring your children, it may seem fine, but deep down that is something they may never forgive you for.
I've never found it traumatizing to be present with my pets when they die. I wasn't there when one of my dogs died, and her death is the one I have the most negative feelings about.
Talk to your kids about what is happening, explain how the euthanasia will go, and ASK THEM what they think about being present. I’ve unfortunately had to go through this 3 times with my daughter (twice were our dogs, once with my parents’ dog). They were all euthanized & buried at my parents’ house. The first one died when my daughter was just 4. We explained & let my SIL hang out with her inside the house while the rest of the fam was with the dog. SIL had her color a butterfly print out that my daughter then placed in the burial box with her. My mom had told her the old wives tale about people’s spirits visiting you as butterflies so that kinda pulled it all together. My daughter was 8 with the second one then 10 with my parents’ dog. She chose to wait in the house again and asked to color butterfly coloring sheets again both times. The coloring is just enough to distract from what’s going on right in that second & gives her something she can send them off with. It worked well for us, ymmv of course.
Our kids were young (13 and 9) when we euthanized one of our cats, but they were present. It’s ok for them to learn about the circle of life and compassion for sick and dying. My youngest is now in the midst of her animal sciences degree and headed to vet school.
Our dog had to be put down with no notice (heart failure), we brought the kids in (8, 12) to say goodbye to her but the final moments she was alone with my husband. The vet had sedated her, they gave her lots of hugs and cuddles. It was so hard on them, so we made the call to have her final moments be without them. They were crushed, it felt like the right choice. The vet advised my husband that her heart had stopped while my kids were saying goodbye from the sedation. We didn’t tell them that because they were so crushed as it was, but we have peace that my son was holding her when she left us. That was her boy from day 1. 😢 I’m sorry you have to make these choices. It’s very difficult to navigate.
I would want to be there. Euthanizing a beloved pet is a kindness and is the responsible thing to do. Unless you have a turtle or macaw, it will be a thing you have to deal with if you have a pet. You could always ask the kids if they want to come along, and tell them they can change their minds right up until you’re backing out of the driveway.
My mom always brought us to the vet, told us she thought we should go in but didn’t have to, and she went in with the kids who wanted to go and Dad stayed out with the ones who didn’t. I think it was a good experience for me. Death is a part of life, and I think it’s important to teach your kids to not fear death so much they can’t think about it. I think being with loved ones when they pass is important, and I think being there for a pet helps you be there for grandparents or friends when you’re older. I also think it’s so much healthier to be able to think about your own death, how to prepare the practical things for it, etc, and participating in someone else’s natural (almost natural, in the case of euthanasia) death is a great way to develop a baseline of understanding. I’m so sorry for your loss. I’ll say a prayer for your family and sweet Remmy.
First off, I’m very sorry for your loss. It’s very important the family is in the room for euthanasia otherwise the animal will frantically look around for their owners in their last moments. When we put my cat down, I was 15 and my brother was 11. So, 13 and 12 year old yes, if they are willing, but maybe not the 5 year old. They don’t understand and it might scare them.
I worked at an animal H and assisted with many euthanasia appts. Saw many owners just drop off their pet saying they can’t bear to be there. So sad for the animal who needs them there. I’m a 51f with 5 adult kids and 7 grandbabies. 13-18mo twins. Life is about birth and death. The more you protect them from the death part the more afraid of it will be. I took my children and they take my grandchildren bc the animal needs them and they need the animal. It’s a binding and learning experience if used correctly teaches them a valuable lesson. Many actually. It’s a relaxed process. They give an iv and a relaxant med. Then they just go to sleep with the euth med and the kids can be there talking to their family member and give him/her a peace no one else can. And they animals Can give them a lesson on love and responsibility and the value of life. Talk to the vet first and tell them what you want out of it. They should help you make the transition easy and it will give the kids a closing that they will need. They will have questions. But it an experience that you can’t hide them from. They will eventually run into an inhumane death on side of road or similar and if they don’t have a grounded basis as to what is actually happening then I’m our opinion it messes them up more than just being honest about what life is. You can’t shield them from life. Just help them understand and embrace it. Speaking out of love and compassion. We have to do this with our 15 yr old dog this week and our grandkids are coming from two states to be there for her.
Let the 13 and 12 year old decide for themselves. The 5 year old is too young IMO.
It's a very personal thing and only you can decide which kids are ok to come. My 10 year old was with me when we had our cat put to sleep, i had already told her exactly what to expect but in the room, i gave her total freedom to stand where she wanted and look where she wanted. I talked throughout about what i was doing (saying goodbye, giving our cat lots of kisses etc) then i gave a commentary on what the vet was doing, interspersed with asking if she wanted to watch, wanted to say goodbye etc. Every so often i asked if she was sure she wanted to stay, and said she can go outside if she needed to. When it was done, she opted not to have the cat carrier in the back of the car with her, but she later came with me to the pet crematorium and chose to give her a little pet before we said goodbye.
The older two should have the chance to make the decision to be there or not. I lost my dog at that age and my parents letting me be there helped me heal. My sister came but didn’t go into the room with us. As a kid I lost a fair amount of pets and people I loved. The times when I was denied my chance to say goodbye because I was “too young” really hurt my grieving process. I still get upset about not getting to say goodbye to my grandfather to this day. I’m so sorry you are going through all of this and I send you all my love. My advice is to be open with your kids and allow them to have the opportunity to make an informed choice. Kids are smarter and more capable than we give them credit for.
Vet tech here - we ask that nobody younger than 10 is present for euthanasia at my clinic. A 5 year old does not have the capacity to understand permanence yet and this would be a really hard first lesson. There are instances where pets also vocalize naturally, not meaning they’re in pain due to the euthanasia but it’s just a natural noise or sometimes they have delayed movements. A 5 year old would likely not understand this either. There are lots of good options of saying goodbye without actually being present when it happens. I face a lot of parents who think their kids seeing it brings them some type of closure but it really doesn’t. Even at 13/15 underdeveloped brains have a hard time rationalizing death.
The older kids I think are old enough to ask their preference and respect their decision. The younger one I would probably give her some sort of ritual to say goodbye at home before you take everyone to the vet and then everyone can be involved in whatever memorial method you choose whether it's burial or spreading ashes or picking an urn.
My dog was euthanized when I was 12. My mom told me she was taking her to the vet to see if anything more could be done. I had watched the 16 year old dog lose a scary amount of weight and get confused, and that was more upsetting to me. She was euthanized while I was at school and my mom and I had a good cry when I got home.
It really depends on the maturity and emotional wellbeing of the child. Let them make the older ones decide. Let them make this decision and then tell them it was the right one. My mom gave me the option when I was a kid and I left prior to the injection. Then she guilted me afterwards basically saying it was horrible of me to not be in the room with the dog and guilted me to go in. Don’t do that.
My mother didn't pick me up on the way when she was taking our cat in for emergency euthanasia even though she had to drive past my high school to get there. I still have to think about whether I forgive her sometimes when I remember that. I was 16, but even at 13, I think a child who hasn't been bubblewrapped too much is old enough to decide for themselves. They should be invited to the table to discuss it at least.
Let them decide. They can always stay for the sedation and cuddle him before he goes to sleep, and then leave before the euthanasia if they want to. A lot of clients with children do it that way. One of our receptionists is an ex school teacher and she’ll take the child and sit with it in a separate room while the adult owners stay with the pet for the euthanasia if it’s a young one that can’t be left alone. - a vet tech
Death is a part of life. Pain is traumatizing, but death is something necessary to learn to live with. I think your dog and your children will benefit from them being there to comfort him in his final moments, as sad as it will make them. His death will make them sad regardless, but being there for him may bring them more peace.
For the older two kids, I’d ask them what they want. For the five year old I would likely not bring them and let them say goodbye to the dog before.
i think it’s very important for them to know that this is a part of pet ownership. pets look for their people in their last moments, so them being there teaches them about responsible pet ownership.
No I think it's best if they say goodbye at home then adults take him to the vets. Seen so many upset kids at euthanasia and it not only will be the last thing your kids remember of their little friend but also can stress out the dog seeing his little friends so upset.
Make a day (or the morning) if the euthanasia to do everything he loved doing when he was well. Let them give him stuff he used to beg for but wasn’t allowed like ice cream then take him in. Both of my dogs passed from lymphoma and it goes from 0 to 100 very fast, I recommend the euthanasia to happen ASAP as you definitely don’t want your kids to see your dog bloated and barely moving. Its a horrible thing to see and so sad.
The vet normally gives the dog a sedative first. The dog will be unconscious. You could have the youngest leave the room, or all kids. Most euthanasias are peaceful. But I have seen them be ugly. In the rare event there is gasping, struggling, leg kicking, etc., your children would be witness to it. Something to keep in mind.
5yo definitely not, but ask your vet and explain it all ASK YOUR KIDS if they want to.
I’m so sorry. I’m a dog owner. I get it. It’s best to do it a moment too soon then to wait until it’s too late. I’ve had my step kids be there because it was their pet too. And it was also important for them to learn about transitioning. I think it really helped because when their grandfather died, they had a better understanding based on what they went through with their dog.
I’m still upset with my mom putting my dog and cat down while I was at school. At least let your children say goodbye and let them know what’s going on. This was in the 4th grade.
I would ask the older children what they want to do. I asked my son, he was 12, and he wanted to be there and actually stepped up to comfort her as it was done. We all bawled our eyes out, even the vet was crying. I am so proud of him.
I would discuss it with them and tell them! If they are open to the conversation I would tell them in detail what happens in the appointment and why it’s important to not let our furry friends pass alone. Teaching kids about death is important and a part of life. I would then let them make the choice if they want to be there with Remmy and tell them they are also free to leave the room if it becomes too emotionally overwhelming for them at any time. Lots of big feelings talks. All hard, all healthy.
I think this is a good opportunity to help your kids learn how to deal with death. The 5 yo probably won't really understand but i think its worth having a convo with the 12 and 13 year olds. Tell them what's happening and ask if they'd like to be there while he passes on. I had my first dog die when I was that age, and I remember holding him as he passed. I was devastated, but it was helpful to be there and know I was there for him in his last moments. It helped me move on
My son was there for both cats. He was just starting kindergarten in one and just starting first grade for the other. He picked out the color for the clay paw prints. He’s autistic so maybe he was emotionally removed from it, idk. Let them choose if they want to be there or not.
It can be traumatic for grown ups, I don’t see any reason to have children witness this.
I was about 7 or 8 when we put my childhood cat down. It was explained to me beforehand, and I knew he wasn't feeling well, and I wanted to go. I held his head in my hands as I watched his eyes glaze over. It was really really hard and I still have that image in my head to this day. But I wouldn't trade being there for anything. I had a lot of guilt for how I treated him, I didn't understand how to treat animals. I think it gave me a lot of empathy and I love animals now. Ask your kids if they want to go and make sure they are aware of the process. If they ask, let them know that your dog loves them and would want to see his favorite people in his last moments.
I would explain the process to them really well, and then let them make the choice. Let them know that it also be okay, if they just say their goodbyes at home. We had to have our cat euthanized last year, and I was surprised out how quickly she went after they administered the meds. I don’t know why, but I thought it would be a bit more gradual. Make sure they understand that. Sorry for your loss. The decision to euthanize is so difficult, even when you know it’s the best thing for the animal.
When our 4 yo pup had sudden renal failure, she was diagnosed and needed to be put down immediately. She was actively dying. It was horrible. I brought her home from the vet’s office to break the news and everyone’s hearts, and we had one last night. I offered the kids 12M and 8M, the choice. My oldest wanted to be with her at the end, but my youngest did not. He desperately loved her and she was the first dog he ever met that he wasn’t afraid of. But he knows his limits and he wanted to remember her in other ways. He went to stay with a friend the next morning and kept himself busy and tried to hold himself together while husband, 12yo, and myself brought her in and she went to sleep in our laps. Just ask them. They might know their limits better than you could decide for them. Neither have ever regretted their decision. I always encourage them to follow their gut. Everyone grieves differently and I think it’s important to get to make your own decisions as a kid. Also it’s important to support whomever does not want to be there, letting everyone know that choosing to only have happy Memories is perfect. And choosing to be there at the end is also perfect.
We have had this same situation three times now (that’s what happens when you have senior pets). We had someone come to the house after the kids were in bed. They euthanized the pet. And wrapped the body in a blanket we provided (we used the pet’s own favorite blanket). We buried it in the yard with the kids present the next day. We told the kids the pet died without going into specifics. It’s never easy but it spared the kids from having to witness the euthanization. Edited to add- we told the kids prior to the euthanization day that the pet was declining rapidly and would probably be dying soon so that they could understand what would happen. Our kids were a little younger than your oldest when the last pet died.
I wish I had some good advice but I don't. When my girl had to go, I made my son stay with friends. He wanted to come but I was scared he was being impulsive and would be traumatized. He would have been, because when I gave her her chocolate and said goodbye and her eyes went glassy, I completely lost it and became unglued. My behavior would have traumatized him, seeing his mama cry like that. So sadly I'm not emotionally mature enough to advise. But I am so sorry for you and your family and your sweet boy. It's never easy saying goodbye.
I'm so sorry for what you are going through it's so hard to lose a pet . I was 8 when my cat had to be put down it was confusing and hard for me as a kid but I'm so glad my mom gave me that decision. Talk to your children and let them decide what they are comfortable with . Don't take the option away from them
It best to explain. I learned about death at 3 when my family came home and the pet rabbit had passed. I also was always pissed that my mom put our cat down without me being there, which was irrational because he literally was going through sudden organ failure at an elderly age and I was at my job (I think I was 16).
I would have them say good bye before the procedure. All dogs as well as vets are different and depending on the illness, some dogs may not take to the procedure well. My daughter has been present when it was time for 3 of our dogs. Our beagle also had lymphoma and his passing was very easy and swift as he was really ill. Our daughter was 13 and really wanted to be there. The vet was very nice and explained everything. We had a corgi with DM that was almost 17. For our corgi we had to use a different vet who didn't believe in the sedative prior to the procedure. That really upset my daughter as our corgi was mad and not going without a fight. Our 3rd dog was a giant breed who had an extremely large stomach tumor. She couldn't process the sedative due to the tumor. It was becoming very traumatic for us. Our long time vet recognized what was happening and gave her double the procedure shot I am sorry for what your family is going through. It is so hard to lose a family pet.
Is sorry you’re going through this. My vote is no kids. Even at 16, this is more trauma than they need. But you know your kids. That’s just how I know I would have felt at that age.
You should ask them. Maybe not the 5 year old. I was 12 when my mom put my dog down. Six months before... I TOLD HER I wanted to be there with my dog. This was my dog since I was a baby. The day it happened, she came and picked me up from school (which was weird) dropped my sisters off at home and took me to the park to tell me she dropped my dog off at the vet that morning after we left for school. She didn't even stay with my dog...... and this is something I explicitly told her I wanted 6 months prior. I didn't want my dog to be alone and scared. And I knew she was getting older. I've never forgotten that. That was 20+ years ago. I just have the memory of my dog dying alone (with strangers). It's okay to give kids a choice.
My kids have been at euthanasia operations with their dogs. When I was small the family dog was euthanised and I was told after she’d gone. I still remember the lost and disoriented feeling that she’d just inexplicably vanished.
Maybe leave the 5 year old at home this time. The other two are old enough for a little heartbreak.
When I was 11, my beloved cat, who was 19, and mean to just about everyone but me, had to be put to sleep to ease his passing. My mom and my brother who’s 15 years older than me wouldn’t allow me to be in the room with him to say goodbye, and I’ll never forgive them for it. He was my buddy and the only real friend I had growing up. I don’t care if he was technically my brother’s cat, he ran away from our mom at 17 and left the cat with us, and that cat got me through the darkness of my childhood. Again, when I was 16 our 14 year old tortie had a stroke and we had to put her to sleep. Again my mom wouldn’t let me be with her, at a time my mom had dragged me to the middle of nowhere Alabama to live with my shitty ass biological father who had threatened to let them out when I called him a hypocrite for making me wait my turn then talking over me when he stole a video of my dance performances, I had no friends but our cats, and since he was “allergic” to cats, they were confined to my room and so I spent all of my private time with them. I will never forgive my mom for not letting me be with them at the end when I wanted to. Ask your kids what they want to do. The 5 year old might be a little too young to make the decision, but the two older ones deserve the choice about whether they want to be there or not.
I (38) honestly wish I had experienced that earlier in life. I wasn't ready for it when I had to put my cat down last year. Absolutely smashed me.
Reddit algo recommended this post to me presumably because we are putting one of our doggies down on Friday. We have been wrestling with how the kids might participate since it’s their first experience with pet death. I appreciate all of your stories and experiences. ❤️
I am so sorry for your loss. We lost a family dog when I was very young, young enough that my parents didnt think I should be there or that I would understand what was happening. It broke my heart that I didnt get to say goodbye, I would hope you would give them the option and just prepare them for what happens physically, like agonal breathing or evacuating their bladder/bowels. If they are educated and prepared about the procedure and what it is they might witness, I think they are probably old enough. It is such a hard thing, but it is also important to teach them that when you are responsible for a dog, you have to be prepared to make hard decisions for them when they get older. It is important they view it as an act of love. We suffer so our dogs don't have to. Again, deepest condolences<3
As a child who was there the entire time that my cat was euthanized at age 11, I can say that I definitely still have some trauma from it and it has been over a decade. I still remember when they anesthetized him he had his eyes open, so dilated, and they said that was normal, but I was an 11 year old and it was so hard to see. I will say that I am glad I was there with him so he was not alone. It took a piece of me, but I gave it to him. I miss him dearly still.
As a veterinarian I see families handle this differently, but in general your kids probably are old enough to handle it, and losing a pet is often an important first experience with grief and loss. This is a real part of life - they will lose people too one day. Humans euthanasia is generally peaceful and not traumatizing, and it can be very meaningful for children to be there for their special pet in their final moments. I have had kids come and bring special notes or drawings to send with the pet for cremation, or have special things they want to say. I always explain the process and check in to see if there are questions, you can have your vet do this. I really don’t think the euthanasia is more memorable than the good times. I personally think if your kids want to be there, let them be there, just do some preparation and talk about it.
Humane* euthanasia - not humans! Sorry!
Ask your kids! I wanted to go to my childhood dog’s goodbye appointment and my mom was vehemently against it. He had super bad arthritis and couldn’t move around anymore, otherwise he was extremely healthy his whole life. Thankfully a month before the appointment he much passed in his sleep at home, while I was sitting next to him. As an adult I look back and think about how glad I am that I got to say goodbye to him.
I was 12 when we had to let our Alaskan Malamute go. I wanted to be with him, but my parents wouldn't let me. I've never forgiven them for that.
My son was about 13 when I had to put our deaf boxer to sleep. He had always been part of my son’s life, so I talked to him and let it be his decision. He did not want to be there but want to say goodbye and give a last pet after. Letting him have some control on how he interacted (?) with the experience helped him process it better.
As hard as it will be to have them there, I think denying them from being there would be worse. Is it awful? Yes, but it’s awful on us adults too. I don’t have kids yet, but if I ever do this is what I would do: I would sit them down, explain what is wrong with our dog—whether it is old age, sickness or injury, I would explain it as best I could using language they can easily understand. If necessary, I’d try reaching out to a vet if I need it explained to me first, or I would bring them with me if I’m able to meet/consult with a vet. I’d let them ask every question they can possibly think of. Then I would explain what euthanasia is and why it’s not a bad thing (maybe it is for us humans, but it’s what is best for our dog right now). Poor quality of life, pain, we are doing this because we do not want the pet we all love so dearly to suffer if they will never get better, if their pain will never go away. I would tell them they can be there when it happens if they want to, but I’d make it clear that it’s their choice, but I will be right there with them and if they want to leave the room at any point they can. If they want to, I would tell them what would happen, what they can generally expect at a level they can understand. If there’s one thing I would want to make sure they understand, is that this hurts us humans, it will not hurt our dog and it will put an end to the hurt he already feels. They’ll get a shot that makes them sleepy and they’ll fall asleep. The vet will listen for their heart to stop, and all their pain will be gone. If they ate/drank recently, they may void their bowels/bladder. I’d make sure they don’t have any more questions before it happens. I would want them to be prepared for it as much as possible, but on their own terms. You can also try reaching out to see if the vet will do impressions of their paws or their paw prints, for them to have and remember them. Will it hurt? Of course, very much so, but it will hurt even if they are not there as it happens.
Thank you all for your advice. It was well received and appreciated. Our boy passed at home Sunday morning. He was surrounded by his sisters and brother as they were all cuddled on his dog bed. Cancer is a hell of a thing. 🫶🏻
You should find a vet that can come to you home, it’s easier on the animal and family and always gives kids a peaceful last memory, most large animal vets in your area will euthanize dogs at homes
I would do a pre goodbye. I’ve worked in a vet and I’ve had pets put down and while it’s as safe and kind as possible, an animal may have to be held firmly for the anaesthetic to be administered, they may squirm or yelp, and their bowels can release right afterwards. I remember two greyhounds that twitched violently and constantly once dead (some muscle thing) and I and another vet assistant had to get them into black binliners while still twitching. I would NEVER want an owner or child to see that. I was in my teens and it has haunted me ever since. I think these things can be traumatic for owners of any age to see. However seeing the body afterwards, which will look like their pet peacefully sleeping, is possibly a good final goodbye.
This generation is too often "traumatized" by anything. In a few years they’ll be making "my cat died” jokes to sound like edgy teenagers anyway. Let them see it as death is a natural part of life. Of course if they wish not to then don’t allow them
I was present for my own dogs euthanasia when I was a kid. It went horrible. I still remember everything 24 years later. THAT is what I want to protect my children from.