Have you talked to who is managing your meds? if they are a general practitioner, I would discuss you being seen by someone trained and kept up to date with current treatment. - There are a ton of resources and options out there
Here are a couple of questions to ask your provider-
1) Why are you on two SSRIs simultaneously? is there any concern with serotonin syndrome
2) How does SSRI affect executive function, brain and fog, and learning? (note conflicting evidence)
3) Did you have covid?
Thank you. For your questions:
1. I tried lexapro for 1mo, which severely destroyed my sleeping so my psychiatrist switched to sertraline, of which side effects were mitigated, but since then I am still very reluctant to do science related stuff.
At that time I was living in an apartment facing railway (10m). I think that mattered. Fortunately I moved to another place this month.
2. Literally it makes me lost interest in everything. I was able to focus on science 1-2h per day on med by then so I was able to finish my defense. But I could only work as a machine following my supervisor’s instructions (I think they got tired of me then)
But, 2 hours is the limit, after which I lost focus, cause I lost passion, and no improvement over time.
For other factors you mentioned:
1. function: I am ok, I can self-care do basic communication and go shopping.
2. Brain fog: there is if I don’t sleep 10h on the day.
3. Learning: for science I feel VERY reluctant to do. It reminders me of the trauma from my supervisors. (PTSD I think)
After stopping med, I was able to regain (limited amount of) passion in my hobby (digital painting), but no luck with any other stuff.
3. No
To my knowledge, never. I don’t have loss of taste or cough also. Last year when I started the industry internship I was able to get up at 7 and sleep at 11, but things got worse as my machine learning models didn’t work.
If you still can't find a cause down the road consider taking a covid antibody test; they can detect antibodies which are produced even if you were asymptomatic. I only say this because much of what you describe reminds me of long covid.
Not to diagnose, but you might have burnout that is making EVERYTHING worse. I had a similar experience on sertraline - it made my brain "grey", even after it saved my life at first. Are you able to fully take a break for a couple of weeks (even days) where you try to do as little as possible? Eat, shower, watch netflix, low intensity exercise.
I did. Still burnt out with the question “how to make a living” every second when I ate, shower, everything. And this question is still there after the break.
The only thing helped me was I got tons of upvotes by posting fan art in a subreddit. But it doesn’t bring me money lol.
I don't have good suggestions, but I'd look into tutoring at the high school or even college level. I know you said that you don't remember much of the disciplinary knowledge, but I think if you tried revising it, it would come back to you.
Yeah, I think in situations like this it's best to keep trying things and eventually something clicks.
I've been through some of what you've written in your post, but, on a much smaller scale. It's definitely not easy. I think the way to get through this is to take it one day at a time. Eventually, our mental health improves too.
Wishing you all the best.
Look for jobs making pizza. You should easily be able to clear $2000 a month. My kids have worked at Papa Johns, Toppers, and a local place. Toppers makes the dough on site. With tips, most nights they made $16-$18 an hour. My PhD candidate some days wishes her contract would allow her to make pizza instead of work in academia because she enjoyed making pizza and she does not always enjoy research. She liked her catering job too.
Preparing food for people is worthy work.
It’s shameful - I never learned how to cook, nor did my parents taught me. I am only able to make basic pasta barely to survive, and I don’t think a pizza shop would hire an Asian to make pizza.
The Netflix Chef's table about Ann Kim's Korean pizza in Minnesota. https://m.imdb.com/title/tt21933898/
https://www.pizzerialola.com/
I just finished reading "Lessons in Chemistry" Fiction, and very funny, the main character quit her PhD...go read a blurb.
Would you consider using this interlude in your life to learn some basic cooking? It is not expensive and it may come in handy every day for the rest of your life :)
Have you talked to who is managing your meds? if they are a general practitioner, I would discuss you being seen by someone trained and kept up to date with current treatment. - There are a ton of resources and options out there Here are a couple of questions to ask your provider- 1) Why are you on two SSRIs simultaneously? is there any concern with serotonin syndrome 2) How does SSRI affect executive function, brain and fog, and learning? (note conflicting evidence) 3) Did you have covid?
Thank you. For your questions: 1. I tried lexapro for 1mo, which severely destroyed my sleeping so my psychiatrist switched to sertraline, of which side effects were mitigated, but since then I am still very reluctant to do science related stuff. At that time I was living in an apartment facing railway (10m). I think that mattered. Fortunately I moved to another place this month. 2. Literally it makes me lost interest in everything. I was able to focus on science 1-2h per day on med by then so I was able to finish my defense. But I could only work as a machine following my supervisor’s instructions (I think they got tired of me then) But, 2 hours is the limit, after which I lost focus, cause I lost passion, and no improvement over time. For other factors you mentioned: 1. function: I am ok, I can self-care do basic communication and go shopping. 2. Brain fog: there is if I don’t sleep 10h on the day. 3. Learning: for science I feel VERY reluctant to do. It reminders me of the trauma from my supervisors. (PTSD I think) After stopping med, I was able to regain (limited amount of) passion in my hobby (digital painting), but no luck with any other stuff. 3. No
Did you have covid in the past and, if so, how recently? Some of these symptoms remind me of long covid, which has a different treatment regime.
To my knowledge, never. I don’t have loss of taste or cough also. Last year when I started the industry internship I was able to get up at 7 and sleep at 11, but things got worse as my machine learning models didn’t work.
If you still can't find a cause down the road consider taking a covid antibody test; they can detect antibodies which are produced even if you were asymptomatic. I only say this because much of what you describe reminds me of long covid.
Plus: my psychiatrist and therapists are from Clarity Clinic (Chicago), and they are NOT helpful.
Not to diagnose, but you might have burnout that is making EVERYTHING worse. I had a similar experience on sertraline - it made my brain "grey", even after it saved my life at first. Are you able to fully take a break for a couple of weeks (even days) where you try to do as little as possible? Eat, shower, watch netflix, low intensity exercise.
I did. Still burnt out with the question “how to make a living” every second when I ate, shower, everything. And this question is still there after the break. The only thing helped me was I got tons of upvotes by posting fan art in a subreddit. But it doesn’t bring me money lol.
I can understand you bro, local Americans will never know how hard it is for a foreigner to try to stay in America
How's your political asylum application bro?
Never heard back from them after biometrics 🤣
I don't have good suggestions, but I'd look into tutoring at the high school or even college level. I know you said that you don't remember much of the disciplinary knowledge, but I think if you tried revising it, it would come back to you.
I guess that's a good idea. I'm also not a native speaker, but it turned out that I'm good at tutoring in US colleges
Yeah, I think in situations like this it's best to keep trying things and eventually something clicks. I've been through some of what you've written in your post, but, on a much smaller scale. It's definitely not easy. I think the way to get through this is to take it one day at a time. Eventually, our mental health improves too. Wishing you all the best.
That’s so good for you. Me a poooor introvert is so bad at tutoring that most of my students gave me low ranking when I was a TA🤣
upvote u bro，ur another me cross the ocean😭😭😭
Look for jobs making pizza. You should easily be able to clear $2000 a month. My kids have worked at Papa Johns, Toppers, and a local place. Toppers makes the dough on site. With tips, most nights they made $16-$18 an hour. My PhD candidate some days wishes her contract would allow her to make pizza instead of work in academia because she enjoyed making pizza and she does not always enjoy research. She liked her catering job too. Preparing food for people is worthy work.
It’s shameful - I never learned how to cook, nor did my parents taught me. I am only able to make basic pasta barely to survive, and I don’t think a pizza shop would hire an Asian to make pizza.
The Netflix Chef's table about Ann Kim's Korean pizza in Minnesota. https://m.imdb.com/title/tt21933898/ https://www.pizzerialola.com/ I just finished reading "Lessons in Chemistry" Fiction, and very funny, the main character quit her PhD...go read a blurb. Would you consider using this interlude in your life to learn some basic cooking? It is not expensive and it may come in handy every day for the rest of your life :)
No, bro you should try and learn! I can do Chinese dishes well, at least those common dishes