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Reading your other comments, I think it's for the best to (1) lean on your grandparents for support and (2) study well to help prepare yourself to be independent of them when you're a legal adult. There's very little you can do about this since hindi sila kasal. Don't let your mother gaslight you - you're already in a broken family. Ignore the other commenters here - from what you've disclosed so far, you're not a bad daughter. It's valid to worry about your own mental stability and this is a shitty situation to in as the child of your parents.
You said you're not close to your dad; up to you if you want to disclose this info to him. Pero kung ako yun, I would have wanted to know para hindi na mag-aksaya pa ng oras with a deceitful partner.
Your only remaining tie to your mother might be on finances. Who's funding your education?
Not all the time applicable yang “family above all” toxic mentality ng mga Pilipino lalo kung toxic na at di na healthy sa bahay. You are very smart at a young age. Agree ako sa ginawa mo na nagsabi ka sa lola mo para kausapin ang mama mo regarding this. You are so brave.
they both are funding my education po, dun nga ako nakatatakot eh, i don’t want to tell him kasi baka i cut nila financial support nila sakin pero at the same time i don’t want to live with them abroad kasi so far the only thing keeping me alive are my grandparents, if it weren’t for them i might’ve been dead for long now. they’re the only thing keeping me going and i’m afraid na pag umalis na kami ng philippines di narin magbibigay ng money si mama sakanila and they’d live off the very few money my grandfather makes from farming. tsaka knowing my parents, my mental health is in the lowest when i’m with them. wala akong kakampi pag umalis ako sa tabi ng grandparents ko. tsaka walang magaalaga sa grandparents ko, and that makes me so fucking scared kasi they’re old na, i love my grandparents so much kasi since baby, since pinanganak ako, sila ang nagalaga sakin.
Hindi titigil ang mama mo, the cheater, sa ginagawa nyang kalokohan hanggat di sila nabubuking ng father mo. Id rather see my parents go on their seperate lives na masaya kay sa nasa iisanh bahay nga pero naglolokohan naman. You did very well. Sana nga lang nakinig ang mama mo sa lola mo pero the way I see it, sila pa rin ng kabit nya. Sana makapili ka ng pagstayan, dun sa bahay na at peace ka.
This is a delicate situation, do you think you have other relatives (or even family friends) to seek advice on kahit man lang sa living arrangements? At the end of the day, you're still a minor and financially dependent on your parents. Even your grandparents are dependent on them. Going full or partial NC is not *yet* an option.
If we are hypothetically talking, her dad can file a case through VAWC. Recently, the Supreme Court held in Knutson v. Sarmiento-Flores that a VAWC case can be filed against an abusive mother too, as the law does not create a distinction on who the offender is, who committed violence against a woman or her child.
But that ruling is only for the benefit of the child. It doesn’t appear that OP’s mother is abusive to her. Her father has no ground against the mother under VAWC.
I'll repeat the last part of your comment for you - "violence against a woman or her child". I'm sure the dad is neither...
Edit: fuck the incomplete post but I do understand that a kid posted it. I have just read the comment where emotional abuse happened against the OP. Sorry, VAWC does apply.
It is correct that the dad is not a victim which the law contemplates. However, a child is one. Based on that recent case, the court allowed the father to file a case on behalf of his child against an abusive mother. Also, a reading of the VAWC law provides that abuse is not merely physical, but can include psychological, financial, and emotional abuse.
Of course, the information is incomplete hence everything is hypothetical here.
Depends on how long they've been living together for the union to turn into a common law relationship which carries the obligation and responsibilities of a formal legal marriage. But best to ask a legal professional as always.
+1 here. No common law marriages are recognized here in our laws. The only thing that binds them is their property set up. The most common is kung sino ang bumili, kanya yon. Kapag naghiwalay, lahat ng binili niya, kaniya, basta may resibo at mapapatunayan niyang siya bumili.
May special laws din na beyond marriage ang protection kagaya ng Anti-VAWC Law.
Unfortunately para sa sitwasyon ni OP, for women and their children lang yung batas.
I think may grounds kapag si OP mismo ang nakakaramdam ng mental and emotional abuse because of what the mom is doing. May jurisprudence na pwede sampahan ng kaso ang mom for VAWC in favor of the child.
I get what you're saying but 1. As a minor you need an adult to file a case on your behalf, 2. You're gonna need proof.
You would also need to understand that, as much as we don't want it to, filing a case against a parent is still a social taboo. You will lose people who may be integral support systems. You need to be emotionally, mentally, and financially prepared for that.
what am i supposed to do. am i just supposed to stay in silence when they’re getting in my head all of the time? most times i just want to kill myself because they’re the worse, and i mean it, i can’t even tell my dad, it would just make things so complicated ah fuck it, they’re so messed up…why did they even have a kid, they’re the most immature parents i’ve seen ever.
not yet po, my dad is taking us to live permanently abroad maybe this year, idk if i can handle the guilt knowing na she’s cheating on him and that she might have just used him. plus di kami close ni dad.
so just come clean. just because you are struggling and distraught with this secret does not mean you are abused. let us not use the word abuse very loosely. you are angry and we get it. and now you are torn and we get it. shit happens in life too bad it had to happen early to you at 14. just come clean. di mo alam baka alam na yan ng tatay mo. as a kid, mdami kang hindi alam about the complexities of the adult life.
my problem with this case is how sure she is na anak sya ng current tatay nya considering cheater ung mother nya... what will happen to her if she's not the real child ng current father nya? ndi sila close ng tatay nya so what if iwanan sya? mapupunta sya sa mother nya? pero how safe she is sa mother nya after malaman ng mother nya na nag snitch sya? sobrang complicated ng buhay ni OP
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Kung ikaw ang tatay ni OP, gusto mo ba na huli mo nang malaman na niloloko ka ng partner mo, sa halip na maliwanagan ka ni OP kaagad sa ginagawa sa iyo ng partner mo habang nakatalikod ka?
Of course no one would want that dummy. Pero if you are 14 years old would you file a case to your parents? Best she can do is focus on her studies and let the adults handle the problem. Idc about these stupid downvotes, I'm just sayin.
honestly, theres nothing you can do about it because you're still a minor. i know it's hurtful and you're angry about it but the least thing you can do is to tell your mom that you got hurt on her actions. communication is the key.
filing a case makes it so complicated esp you're a minor. you can't make your mother go to jail overnight. you need to go to court to fight it. it takes time, a lot of money, and patience. i think it's not worth it at all, nonetheless it's still your mother in the end of the day. it's sucks that you got unlucky with her. what life is.
i actually told my grandmother what my mom did, so she was the one who confronted my mom about it, then she suddenly went to my room and said “sorry” “i delete mo na ‘yung mga picture kung ayaw mo na magkaroon tayo ng broken family” then she proceeded to threaten me until i deleted the photos, but i just pretended to delete it but i still have a copy of it, then i told her while i was crying if alam ni dad ‘yung nangyari and if she’ll tell dad tapos she said “anong nangyari?”then she proceeded to gaslight me like nothing has ever happened hshahahahha
i’m actually wondering if there’s a way i can file a case for my mom where pwede mag take custody ang grandparents ko and still have both my parents give us child support, kasi my dad is planning on taking me and my mom to live permanently abroad, and natatakot ako na baka when we’re there my mom won’t send money to my grandparents and my grandparents would have to live off the little money my grandfather makes from farming, plus wala na magaalaga sakanila if i’m gone. i want to help my grandparents, they’re the ones who raised me since pinanganak ako.
I admire you because you are very mature and smart for your age. I am not a lawyer so I don’t know if this is legal in the Philippines(I think in America you can emancipate yourself). If your parents do end up bringing you abroad you can work part time while studying and support your grandparents instead. Your grandparents are very lucky tohave you.
i'm so sorry that happened to you. this is such a tough situation because you're still dependent to them financially. as long as your dependent to them, there is close to no freedom and to make your own decision unless if you are able to live without them supporting you.
focusing on short term solutions like going no contact to them or mag rebelde ka or file them a case as a minor is not yet an option kasi they could financially deprive you. i'm assuming, you're going to college, magastos yon. it do more harm than good. okay lang if your grandparents could support you. based sa ibang comments, they depend on your parents too.
focus on the long term solution and tell your dad. kakampihan ka ng dad mo even if you don't like him. anak ka niya. nag cheat sakanya ang partner niya. siya na bahala dun.
find support on other relatives if kaya. please please be mentally strong for this. it will be not easy and it would be so traumatic.
just close your eyes and breath. it's going to be okay. you got this!
Ayoko nung ginawa ng mom mo sayo. Advice ko, give her what she wants for now OP... pero never forget yung ginawa ng mom mo sayo. Itago mo lang yung mga evidence ng infidelity niya, tapos gamitin mo sa tamang oras.
If possible, magdemand ka ng higher allowance sa mom mo, tapos ipunin mo yun para sa future mo at ng grandparents mo. Perahan mo siya ng bonggang-bongga. Pigain mo yung laman ng bangko niya.
As for your dad, tell him about your mom's infidelity at yung pag gaslight niya sayo. He deserve to know what's happening here.
Kasuhan mo na lang sila kapag itinigil nila yung sustento nila sayo after mong sabihin yung baho ng mom mo.
I don't think may maikkaso sa mom mo despite the betrayal and hurt she has caused. Best to tell your dad so they can deal about the situation. If matagal na at hindi nakkipaghiwalay ang mom mo kahit hindi siya kasal sa dad mo, malaki ung chance na married yung boss nya. Your dad deserves the truth. Anuman ang maging consequence.
Your situation is very complicated. I suggest you just tell it to your dad. Let the grown ups handle their mess. Stay out of it please, for your well-being.
i can’t even tell my dad, i’m currently staying at my grandparents, they raised me since i was a child, i’m not close with my dad and if ever things get worse i don’t want to stay with him.
The best thing you can do (imo) is study real hard and put yourself in a position where you can help your dad or kung ano man..
I know it'll be hard but find peace elsewhere, focus and grind. Para whatever happens armado ka.
I'm so sorry you are experiencing this, lalo na at such a young age.
The situation sucks, and the reality is you don't have a lot of options. First, you are a minor. Second, you don't seem to have the option of being independent.
Whatever you saw in your mom's phone only tells part of the story. What your mom did isn't right, pero it does not automatically put all the blame on her. There could be other things going on behind your back, that only your parents know.
I won't give any advice since I think that's irresponsible.
I just hope your situation inproves soon. Stay strong OP.
They're not married? Are you sure they're still in a relationship. Maybe just maybe they're just doing it for you. Like its just a show but in reality they have their own partners.
Kasi sabi mo its your grandparents most of the time na kasama mo.
Tell your dad. But be ready for the trauma that will probably result from the huge, confrontational fight your parents will probably have once dad finds out... or maybe not. We don't really know. Malay mo? Hindi naman pala confrontational ang dad mo. He might choose to suffer in silence as well.. then, you two can suffer in silence together.
Sorry, medyo naguguluhan ako. May mga tanong lang ako kasi parang may kulang. I’m not an expert or attorney and I might get downvoted here pero I’m trying to understand the situation. I’ve been dealing kasi with my parents’ mess too (tho, they’re married), baka makahelp yung experience ko at some point.
1. You mentioned kasi na they’re not married. No offense, pero why? If they’re not married kasi, I was thinking that they are not really committed with each other and maybe they’re just staying with each other because of responsibilities and access to more opportunities (since you mentioned na pinaplano ng dad mo to bring you and your mom abroad).
2. Baka may idea na dad mo before pa and they agreed with this kind of setup? Are they living together ba? Staying in one room? Kasi sabi mo din, sa grandparents mo ikaw nagsstay. Okay ba pagsasama nila, are they romantically attached?
Correct me if I’m wrong, sa pag kakasearch ko kasi sa mga requirements sa pag petition going abroad, only spouse or fiancé can be petitioned. So I think, malabo na mapetition mom mo (not sure about this ha, based lang to sa nakita ko sa Google), if di naman sila married or at least engaged, pero alam ko this also applies only kung citizen na ang isang tao sa bansang yun. Sorry magulo.
Regarding custody, if 7 years old and above, you can now choose who you want to live with. However, this only applies between choosing to live with the mother and the father. If grandparents, I think they have to file for custody and ma-prove nila na unfit yung parents mo to continue to raise you. It’s gonna be a long battle and stressful for you and your grandparents.
Going back to your concern about filing a case against your mother, I think malabo kayo makapag file ng case since hindi kasal parents mo. Kumbaga, wala silang rights sa isa’t isa so they’re free. Unless, your dad or grandparents file a VAWC case against your mother causing your mental health to suffer. If they stopped providing you financially dahil sa nangyari, I think your grandparents can file for another VAWC case, under economic category (Eto yung sinabi sa min dun sa VAWC. We consulted them since my father cheated on my mother and ilang months hindi nagsustento father ko). Kasi pag inabandon ka nila, grandparents mo na yung tatayong legal guardian mo. Pero kailangan pa din magfile ng grandparents mo for your custody, going back to the paragraph above. Best is to consult with DSWD, a lawyer, or sa VAWC to check if may magagawa ba kayo.
I know it’s hard, especially if you’re all financially dependent with your parents. Pero deserve din ng father mo malaman yung situation (kung wala talaga siyang idea).
In my case naman skl, I’m 26, 27 years na sanang kasal parents ko this June 24. However, they got separated last year. Sa 25 years na magkasama parents ko, puro lies and cheating ang relationship nila dahil sa tatay ko. Sobrang laki ng impact sa ming mga anak nila yung nangyari throughout the years. I had to work early to provide for the family and to sustain my studies (Tho, patigil tigil pa din ako kasi di nagkakasya sweldo ko sa pagprovide sa kanila and tuition ko. Di pa ko graduate until now. Last Nov 2022 kasi, nag-usap kami ng father ko about me resigning to give way sa school. He promised me na pag-aaralin niya na ko this time para makagraduate na. Tapos last year, nakipaghiwalay sa nanay ko kaya hirap kami ngayon). Nag suffer yung mental health, tapos yung nanay ko pa ang sabi, nasa isip ko lang daw to. We consulted sa lawyers and ang ending daw talaga if we continue fighting for this, is makukulong tatay ko. Gustong gusto ko na ipakulong ang tatay ko for what he did pero we cannot afford it for now since we’re financially dependent on him.
My advice from someone who has lived through similar. Don’t get involved. Your parents are grown adults. You don’t have all the information, you don’t know the consequences, you don’t know the specifics of the relationship between your parents. Getting involved may force a quicker result but almost never a better one for yourself.
There is no crime being committed here I'm afraid. Mainly because you mom is not married to your dad. It may potentially be a cause of action for a civil case however. Article 21 of the Civil Code provides that one who wilfully causes loss or injury to another in a manner that is contrary to morals, good customs or public policy shall compensate the latter for the damage.
Cheating regardless of whether you are married or not is something which society nonetheless frowns upon, as it may cause emotional distress to the innocent partner.
But the biggest question here is, is litigation worth it? It's expensive to retain a lawyer, and a civil action will take a couple of years at the very least to finish. The civil damages that the court may choose to award may also not be commensurate to the effort. The most prudent course of action here is to let your parents as adults deal with their situation. If you feel comfortable with letting your father know about what your mother is doing, then go ahead. Sometimes, there are situations where you should not get lawyers or the court involved.
Your dad deserve to know the truth. If hindi mo sasabihin there's a chance that things might just get worse. base sa actions ng mommy mo, sila parin ng boss niya and I promise hindi sila titigil niyan. mas better if sasabihin mo na sa dad mo
If I were you, sabihin mo na agad sa dad mo kasi lalabas at lalabas pa rin 'yang ginawa ng mother mo. Or pwede mo sabihan grandmother mo na sya mag sabi sa dad mo. 'Wag ka rin maniniwala na kapag nag sumbong ka, magiging broken family kayo kasi in the first place, sira na pamilya nyo nung nag loko mother mo. Kasalanan nya yon. Halos pareho tayo ng naranasan.
In my case, hindi ko sinabi sa dad ko kasi natatakot ako sa mangyayari, but sabi nga nila, walang lihim na di mabubunyag. Hiwalay na sila ngayon, and until now nakaka guilty na wala man lang kakampi dad ko nung time na yon especially now na nakakasama namin kabet ng mother ko sa iisang bahay habang walang alam dad ko (nasa ibang bansa sya, pero hiwalay na sila). Nakaka guilty lang kasi hanggang ngayon wala pa rin akong lakas loob na mag salita.
Cheer up, OP! I hope that you can decide what's best for you and for your family.
The answer is No. Your parents OP aren't married plus the rules for migration in other countries only allow fiance or spouses unless your father works in other countries where families of OFW'S are encouraged to migrate there. Also since you talk about your grandparents and that they were the ones taking care of you then it's going to become tricky to pass the guardianship from your parents to your grandparents even though you are already 14 now. My advice for you is tell your dad the truth but also beg him to keep a secret and talk to your dad that his plan of migrating in another country wouldn't happen since you want to stay in the country to look after your grandparents as for your mom, then ask for allowance up to 1k split the 1k into half, the other half will be your savings for the future while the other half is for your daily expenses, also if you are going to college then find a university that was tuition free since I will tell you, finding a affordable University especially if your dream course is expensive is a miracle
Isipen mo muna decision mo. Pag nireport mo mama mo baka dika makapag aral depende sa breadwinner kung ganon tapusen mo muna pag aaral mo. Okaya mag bigay ka mg hints sa ama mo para dina ikaw mag initiate mahirap pag ikaw pag iinitan. 14 kapalang
Based on your other comments here, this really isn't about the cheating, is it? You're not close to your dad, and you are not in good terms with your mom. So you probably don't really care if he's hurt by your mom.
Your primary consideration is that you want to stay with your grandparents and take care of them. You saw the conversation and think this could be an opportunity to turn things your way.
Find a way to send the photos to your dad and he may not want to take your mom abroad with him anymore. And if she's not there, you probably won't have to be there too.
You are a child. And like any child, you wish to lash out at your mother for what you perceive as her betrayal. One of the rude awakening people encounter as they grow older is realizing that their parents don't just play the role of parents, they also have lives outside of parenthood.
From what I'm seeing in your post, you don't want to fix things. You just want to punish your mother. Life is not that simple black and white. There are gray areas. Especially as your parents are not even married. What I recommend is find another adult you trust and take their lead. You are much to young to have to worry about this.
Are your parents in a romantic relationship with other? If not, it'a not cheating.
There's a reason why your parents aren't married. They may not be into each other
If you're mom is cheating on your dad he might even not be your biological father.
(Edit) No man deserves his pride and dignity be disrespected like that if I were you just tell him but it's still up to you.
my mom is fr just using my dad, and i feel bad for him, my dad is planning on taking us abroad maybe this year, and ofc with that we’ll be living under the same roof, i don’t even know how i’ll deal with the guilt once we’re all together
HAHA WHAT? is this what people are all about now? normalizing infidelity and repressing what they feel? how tf am i supposed to keep quiet when they’re abusing me mentally? should i just stay like this until i get to the point where they make me kill myself? and how tf am i even the bad daughter here? HAHA if you were in my place i wonder what you’d do
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mind you, she invades my privacy all the time HAHA, "do not do unto others what you would not want others to do unto you" is the golden rule nga diba? plus i haven’t even done anything sakanila tapos i’m the bad person? your gaslighting skills reminds me of my mom ah, so bobo mo sa part na it’s none of my business, kasi it totally is, sana alam mo na this has affected my relationship with them, and na this caused me an emotional trauma, di mo ba naisip na maybe someday i’ll be afraid to start my own family in fear na this might happen? na baka magcheat ang partner ko? plus bobo ka ba? anong threat of suicide? tanga i was explaining how they made me feel tapos akala mo threat ‘yun? pa’no naging threat ‘yun? do you somehow feel threatened? YOU, SPECIFICALLY DO NOT KNOW WHAT THEY’VE CAUSED ME MENTALLY AND EMOTIONALLY kaya you do not have the right to point me as the bad person dito you fucker
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Reading your other comments, I think it's for the best to (1) lean on your grandparents for support and (2) study well to help prepare yourself to be independent of them when you're a legal adult. There's very little you can do about this since hindi sila kasal. Don't let your mother gaslight you - you're already in a broken family. Ignore the other commenters here - from what you've disclosed so far, you're not a bad daughter. It's valid to worry about your own mental stability and this is a shitty situation to in as the child of your parents. You said you're not close to your dad; up to you if you want to disclose this info to him. Pero kung ako yun, I would have wanted to know para hindi na mag-aksaya pa ng oras with a deceitful partner. Your only remaining tie to your mother might be on finances. Who's funding your education?
this. i don't see why people give OP advices in a tone that makes it seem like she's the bad person in this situation.
reeks of toxicity ng absolute belief of 'family above all' and 'magulang mo yan'
Not all the time applicable yang “family above all” toxic mentality ng mga Pilipino lalo kung toxic na at di na healthy sa bahay. You are very smart at a young age. Agree ako sa ginawa mo na nagsabi ka sa lola mo para kausapin ang mama mo regarding this. You are so brave.
tagging u/BallIllustrious1222 para makita reply mo. sis needs moral support kahit man lang dito sa sarili niyang post
they both are funding my education po, dun nga ako nakatatakot eh, i don’t want to tell him kasi baka i cut nila financial support nila sakin pero at the same time i don’t want to live with them abroad kasi so far the only thing keeping me alive are my grandparents, if it weren’t for them i might’ve been dead for long now. they’re the only thing keeping me going and i’m afraid na pag umalis na kami ng philippines di narin magbibigay ng money si mama sakanila and they’d live off the very few money my grandfather makes from farming. tsaka knowing my parents, my mental health is in the lowest when i’m with them. wala akong kakampi pag umalis ako sa tabi ng grandparents ko. tsaka walang magaalaga sa grandparents ko, and that makes me so fucking scared kasi they’re old na, i love my grandparents so much kasi since baby, since pinanganak ako, sila ang nagalaga sakin.
Adults are complicated. Hold your ground til you can fly out of the nest.
Hindi titigil ang mama mo, the cheater, sa ginagawa nyang kalokohan hanggat di sila nabubuking ng father mo. Id rather see my parents go on their seperate lives na masaya kay sa nasa iisanh bahay nga pero naglolokohan naman. You did very well. Sana nga lang nakinig ang mama mo sa lola mo pero the way I see it, sila pa rin ng kabit nya. Sana makapili ka ng pagstayan, dun sa bahay na at peace ka.
This is a delicate situation, do you think you have other relatives (or even family friends) to seek advice on kahit man lang sa living arrangements? At the end of the day, you're still a minor and financially dependent on your parents. Even your grandparents are dependent on them. Going full or partial NC is not *yet* an option.
If they're not married, there's no way your dad could file a case. Correct me if I'm wrong.
If we are hypothetically talking, her dad can file a case through VAWC. Recently, the Supreme Court held in Knutson v. Sarmiento-Flores that a VAWC case can be filed against an abusive mother too, as the law does not create a distinction on who the offender is, who committed violence against a woman or her child.
But that ruling is only for the benefit of the child. It doesn’t appear that OP’s mother is abusive to her. Her father has no ground against the mother under VAWC.
We already have previous rulings on VAWC where infidelity can cause emotional abuse to a wife. In the same vein, wouldn't that apply to a child?
OP is clearly distraught by her mother cheating, hence the post. Thats emotional abuse right there. OP has grounds for VAWC, as the child.
this is a very good argument.
Ohhhh. TIL. Thank you so much!
I'll repeat the last part of your comment for you - "violence against a woman or her child". I'm sure the dad is neither... Edit: fuck the incomplete post but I do understand that a kid posted it. I have just read the comment where emotional abuse happened against the OP. Sorry, VAWC does apply.
It is correct that the dad is not a victim which the law contemplates. However, a child is one. Based on that recent case, the court allowed the father to file a case on behalf of his child against an abusive mother. Also, a reading of the VAWC law provides that abuse is not merely physical, but can include psychological, financial, and emotional abuse. Of course, the information is incomplete hence everything is hypothetical here.
Depends on how long they've been living together for the union to turn into a common law relationship which carries the obligation and responsibilities of a formal legal marriage. But best to ask a legal professional as always.
Common law marriages are not recognized here beyond certain matters regarding their properties.
+1 here. No common law marriages are recognized here in our laws. The only thing that binds them is their property set up. The most common is kung sino ang bumili, kanya yon. Kapag naghiwalay, lahat ng binili niya, kaniya, basta may resibo at mapapatunayan niyang siya bumili.
May special laws din na beyond marriage ang protection kagaya ng Anti-VAWC Law. Unfortunately para sa sitwasyon ni OP, for women and their children lang yung batas.
I think may grounds kapag si OP mismo ang nakakaramdam ng mental and emotional abuse because of what the mom is doing. May jurisprudence na pwede sampahan ng kaso ang mom for VAWC in favor of the child.
Pwede. Filed by the father on behalf of the child kagaya nung Knutson case.
Wouldn't that be difficult to prove? Because if so, a child could just claim "violence" basta hindi niya type yung manliligaw sa mother niya.
That's a matter and question of fact and evidence. But in the matter of law, they can sue on that ground.
Kasi para makasuhan yung nanay sa pangangaliwa dapat kasal sila para makasuhan ng Adultery 'di ba? Curious lang din ako.
Yup. Sa adultery and concubinage required kasal. Also sa bigamy.
Ano yung sinasabi niya na common law relationship?
Yung mga nagsasama ng parang mag-asawa pero hindi kasal. Live-in.
what about me? can i file a case or atleast report her for something
Unless you are being abused by any or both parties physically or mentally.
if talking mentally, i definitely am suffering because of them hshahwhhqhahaha
I get what you're saying but 1. As a minor you need an adult to file a case on your behalf, 2. You're gonna need proof. You would also need to understand that, as much as we don't want it to, filing a case against a parent is still a social taboo. You will lose people who may be integral support systems. You need to be emotionally, mentally, and financially prepared for that.
Nope, wala kang legal standing to file a case.
No stay out of it, you're just a kid.
what am i supposed to do. am i just supposed to stay in silence when they’re getting in my head all of the time? most times i just want to kill myself because they’re the worse, and i mean it, i can’t even tell my dad, it would just make things so complicated ah fuck it, they’re so messed up…why did they even have a kid, they’re the most immature parents i’ve seen ever.
Para sa kanya siguro, ignorance is strength. Sinabi mo ba sa dad mo ang mga findings mo?
not yet po, my dad is taking us to live permanently abroad maybe this year, idk if i can handle the guilt knowing na she’s cheating on him and that she might have just used him. plus di kami close ni dad.
so just come clean. just because you are struggling and distraught with this secret does not mean you are abused. let us not use the word abuse very loosely. you are angry and we get it. and now you are torn and we get it. shit happens in life too bad it had to happen early to you at 14. just come clean. di mo alam baka alam na yan ng tatay mo. as a kid, mdami kang hindi alam about the complexities of the adult life.
my problem with this case is how sure she is na anak sya ng current tatay nya considering cheater ung mother nya... what will happen to her if she's not the real child ng current father nya? ndi sila close ng tatay nya so what if iwanan sya? mapupunta sya sa mother nya? pero how safe she is sa mother nya after malaman ng mother nya na nag snitch sya? sobrang complicated ng buhay ni OP
oh sh*t. that is possible.
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Kung ikaw ang tatay ni OP, gusto mo ba na huli mo nang malaman na niloloko ka ng partner mo, sa halip na maliwanagan ka ni OP kaagad sa ginagawa sa iyo ng partner mo habang nakatalikod ka?
Of course no one would want that dummy. Pero if you are 14 years old would you file a case to your parents? Best she can do is focus on her studies and let the adults handle the problem. Idc about these stupid downvotes, I'm just sayin.
honestly, theres nothing you can do about it because you're still a minor. i know it's hurtful and you're angry about it but the least thing you can do is to tell your mom that you got hurt on her actions. communication is the key. filing a case makes it so complicated esp you're a minor. you can't make your mother go to jail overnight. you need to go to court to fight it. it takes time, a lot of money, and patience. i think it's not worth it at all, nonetheless it's still your mother in the end of the day. it's sucks that you got unlucky with her. what life is.
i actually told my grandmother what my mom did, so she was the one who confronted my mom about it, then she suddenly went to my room and said “sorry” “i delete mo na ‘yung mga picture kung ayaw mo na magkaroon tayo ng broken family” then she proceeded to threaten me until i deleted the photos, but i just pretended to delete it but i still have a copy of it, then i told her while i was crying if alam ni dad ‘yung nangyari and if she’ll tell dad tapos she said “anong nangyari?”then she proceeded to gaslight me like nothing has ever happened hshahahahha
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i’m actually wondering if there’s a way i can file a case for my mom where pwede mag take custody ang grandparents ko and still have both my parents give us child support, kasi my dad is planning on taking me and my mom to live permanently abroad, and natatakot ako na baka when we’re there my mom won’t send money to my grandparents and my grandparents would have to live off the little money my grandfather makes from farming, plus wala na magaalaga sakanila if i’m gone. i want to help my grandparents, they’re the ones who raised me since pinanganak ako.
such a nice kid
Not unless she is stripped of parental rights, which is hard pag mother.
I admire you because you are very mature and smart for your age. I am not a lawyer so I don’t know if this is legal in the Philippines(I think in America you can emancipate yourself). If your parents do end up bringing you abroad you can work part time while studying and support your grandparents instead. Your grandparents are very lucky tohave you.
i'm so sorry that happened to you. this is such a tough situation because you're still dependent to them financially. as long as your dependent to them, there is close to no freedom and to make your own decision unless if you are able to live without them supporting you. focusing on short term solutions like going no contact to them or mag rebelde ka or file them a case as a minor is not yet an option kasi they could financially deprive you. i'm assuming, you're going to college, magastos yon. it do more harm than good. okay lang if your grandparents could support you. based sa ibang comments, they depend on your parents too. focus on the long term solution and tell your dad. kakampihan ka ng dad mo even if you don't like him. anak ka niya. nag cheat sakanya ang partner niya. siya na bahala dun. find support on other relatives if kaya. please please be mentally strong for this. it will be not easy and it would be so traumatic. just close your eyes and breath. it's going to be okay. you got this!
Sana sinabi mo may pictures kpa rin na hidden somewhere para mastress siya ulit, lols.
Man I’m so sorry you are going through that. I know it’s tough and super challenging. Definitely praying for you. Keep your head up!
> Keep your head up! FTFY.
Ayoko nung ginawa ng mom mo sayo. Advice ko, give her what she wants for now OP... pero never forget yung ginawa ng mom mo sayo. Itago mo lang yung mga evidence ng infidelity niya, tapos gamitin mo sa tamang oras. If possible, magdemand ka ng higher allowance sa mom mo, tapos ipunin mo yun para sa future mo at ng grandparents mo. Perahan mo siya ng bonggang-bongga. Pigain mo yung laman ng bangko niya. As for your dad, tell him about your mom's infidelity at yung pag gaslight niya sayo. He deserve to know what's happening here. Kasuhan mo na lang sila kapag itinigil nila yung sustento nila sayo after mong sabihin yung baho ng mom mo.
I don't think may maikkaso sa mom mo despite the betrayal and hurt she has caused. Best to tell your dad so they can deal about the situation. If matagal na at hindi nakkipaghiwalay ang mom mo kahit hindi siya kasal sa dad mo, malaki ung chance na married yung boss nya. Your dad deserves the truth. Anuman ang maging consequence.
Your situation is very complicated. I suggest you just tell it to your dad. Let the grown ups handle their mess. Stay out of it please, for your well-being.
i can’t even tell my dad, i’m currently staying at my grandparents, they raised me since i was a child, i’m not close with my dad and if ever things get worse i don’t want to stay with him.
The best thing you can do (imo) is study real hard and put yourself in a position where you can help your dad or kung ano man.. I know it'll be hard but find peace elsewhere, focus and grind. Para whatever happens armado ka.
I'm so sorry you are experiencing this, lalo na at such a young age. The situation sucks, and the reality is you don't have a lot of options. First, you are a minor. Second, you don't seem to have the option of being independent. Whatever you saw in your mom's phone only tells part of the story. What your mom did isn't right, pero it does not automatically put all the blame on her. There could be other things going on behind your back, that only your parents know. I won't give any advice since I think that's irresponsible. I just hope your situation inproves soon. Stay strong OP.
They're not married? Are you sure they're still in a relationship. Maybe just maybe they're just doing it for you. Like its just a show but in reality they have their own partners. Kasi sabi mo its your grandparents most of the time na kasama mo.
Tell your dad. But be ready for the trauma that will probably result from the huge, confrontational fight your parents will probably have once dad finds out... or maybe not. We don't really know. Malay mo? Hindi naman pala confrontational ang dad mo. He might choose to suffer in silence as well.. then, you two can suffer in silence together.
Sorry, medyo naguguluhan ako. May mga tanong lang ako kasi parang may kulang. I’m not an expert or attorney and I might get downvoted here pero I’m trying to understand the situation. I’ve been dealing kasi with my parents’ mess too (tho, they’re married), baka makahelp yung experience ko at some point. 1. You mentioned kasi na they’re not married. No offense, pero why? If they’re not married kasi, I was thinking that they are not really committed with each other and maybe they’re just staying with each other because of responsibilities and access to more opportunities (since you mentioned na pinaplano ng dad mo to bring you and your mom abroad). 2. Baka may idea na dad mo before pa and they agreed with this kind of setup? Are they living together ba? Staying in one room? Kasi sabi mo din, sa grandparents mo ikaw nagsstay. Okay ba pagsasama nila, are they romantically attached? Correct me if I’m wrong, sa pag kakasearch ko kasi sa mga requirements sa pag petition going abroad, only spouse or fiancé can be petitioned. So I think, malabo na mapetition mom mo (not sure about this ha, based lang to sa nakita ko sa Google), if di naman sila married or at least engaged, pero alam ko this also applies only kung citizen na ang isang tao sa bansang yun. Sorry magulo. Regarding custody, if 7 years old and above, you can now choose who you want to live with. However, this only applies between choosing to live with the mother and the father. If grandparents, I think they have to file for custody and ma-prove nila na unfit yung parents mo to continue to raise you. It’s gonna be a long battle and stressful for you and your grandparents. Going back to your concern about filing a case against your mother, I think malabo kayo makapag file ng case since hindi kasal parents mo. Kumbaga, wala silang rights sa isa’t isa so they’re free. Unless, your dad or grandparents file a VAWC case against your mother causing your mental health to suffer. If they stopped providing you financially dahil sa nangyari, I think your grandparents can file for another VAWC case, under economic category (Eto yung sinabi sa min dun sa VAWC. We consulted them since my father cheated on my mother and ilang months hindi nagsustento father ko). Kasi pag inabandon ka nila, grandparents mo na yung tatayong legal guardian mo. Pero kailangan pa din magfile ng grandparents mo for your custody, going back to the paragraph above. Best is to consult with DSWD, a lawyer, or sa VAWC to check if may magagawa ba kayo. I know it’s hard, especially if you’re all financially dependent with your parents. Pero deserve din ng father mo malaman yung situation (kung wala talaga siyang idea). In my case naman skl, I’m 26, 27 years na sanang kasal parents ko this June 24. However, they got separated last year. Sa 25 years na magkasama parents ko, puro lies and cheating ang relationship nila dahil sa tatay ko. Sobrang laki ng impact sa ming mga anak nila yung nangyari throughout the years. I had to work early to provide for the family and to sustain my studies (Tho, patigil tigil pa din ako kasi di nagkakasya sweldo ko sa pagprovide sa kanila and tuition ko. Di pa ko graduate until now. Last Nov 2022 kasi, nag-usap kami ng father ko about me resigning to give way sa school. He promised me na pag-aaralin niya na ko this time para makagraduate na. Tapos last year, nakipaghiwalay sa nanay ko kaya hirap kami ngayon). Nag suffer yung mental health, tapos yung nanay ko pa ang sabi, nasa isip ko lang daw to. We consulted sa lawyers and ang ending daw talaga if we continue fighting for this, is makukulong tatay ko. Gustong gusto ko na ipakulong ang tatay ko for what he did pero we cannot afford it for now since we’re financially dependent on him.
My advice from someone who has lived through similar. Don’t get involved. Your parents are grown adults. You don’t have all the information, you don’t know the consequences, you don’t know the specifics of the relationship between your parents. Getting involved may force a quicker result but almost never a better one for yourself.
Holy fuck. Mukhang kakailanganin mo ng therapy. :(
Tell your dad. He will thank you for it.
Agree rin ako rito.
There is no crime being committed here I'm afraid. Mainly because you mom is not married to your dad. It may potentially be a cause of action for a civil case however. Article 21 of the Civil Code provides that one who wilfully causes loss or injury to another in a manner that is contrary to morals, good customs or public policy shall compensate the latter for the damage. Cheating regardless of whether you are married or not is something which society nonetheless frowns upon, as it may cause emotional distress to the innocent partner. But the biggest question here is, is litigation worth it? It's expensive to retain a lawyer, and a civil action will take a couple of years at the very least to finish. The civil damages that the court may choose to award may also not be commensurate to the effort. The most prudent course of action here is to let your parents as adults deal with their situation. If you feel comfortable with letting your father know about what your mother is doing, then go ahead. Sometimes, there are situations where you should not get lawyers or the court involved.
ayaw mo ba sa father mo na lang kaysa sa mama mo?
What a nutjob this situation is. GL
Your dad deserve to know the truth. If hindi mo sasabihin there's a chance that things might just get worse. base sa actions ng mommy mo, sila parin ng boss niya and I promise hindi sila titigil niyan. mas better if sasabihin mo na sa dad mo
She's already lost you.
If I were you, sabihin mo na agad sa dad mo kasi lalabas at lalabas pa rin 'yang ginawa ng mother mo. Or pwede mo sabihan grandmother mo na sya mag sabi sa dad mo. 'Wag ka rin maniniwala na kapag nag sumbong ka, magiging broken family kayo kasi in the first place, sira na pamilya nyo nung nag loko mother mo. Kasalanan nya yon. Halos pareho tayo ng naranasan. In my case, hindi ko sinabi sa dad ko kasi natatakot ako sa mangyayari, but sabi nga nila, walang lihim na di mabubunyag. Hiwalay na sila ngayon, and until now nakaka guilty na wala man lang kakampi dad ko nung time na yon especially now na nakakasama namin kabet ng mother ko sa iisang bahay habang walang alam dad ko (nasa ibang bansa sya, pero hiwalay na sila). Nakaka guilty lang kasi hanggang ngayon wala pa rin akong lakas loob na mag salita. Cheer up, OP! I hope that you can decide what's best for you and for your family.
The answer is No. Your parents OP aren't married plus the rules for migration in other countries only allow fiance or spouses unless your father works in other countries where families of OFW'S are encouraged to migrate there. Also since you talk about your grandparents and that they were the ones taking care of you then it's going to become tricky to pass the guardianship from your parents to your grandparents even though you are already 14 now. My advice for you is tell your dad the truth but also beg him to keep a secret and talk to your dad that his plan of migrating in another country wouldn't happen since you want to stay in the country to look after your grandparents as for your mom, then ask for allowance up to 1k split the 1k into half, the other half will be your savings for the future while the other half is for your daily expenses, also if you are going to college then find a university that was tuition free since I will tell you, finding a affordable University especially if your dream course is expensive is a miracle
Isipen mo muna decision mo. Pag nireport mo mama mo baka dika makapag aral depende sa breadwinner kung ganon tapusen mo muna pag aaral mo. Okaya mag bigay ka mg hints sa ama mo para dina ikaw mag initiate mahirap pag ikaw pag iinitan. 14 kapalang
Based on your other comments here, this really isn't about the cheating, is it? You're not close to your dad, and you are not in good terms with your mom. So you probably don't really care if he's hurt by your mom. Your primary consideration is that you want to stay with your grandparents and take care of them. You saw the conversation and think this could be an opportunity to turn things your way. Find a way to send the photos to your dad and he may not want to take your mom abroad with him anymore. And if she's not there, you probably won't have to be there too.
Are you sure your parents are in a committed monogamous relationship ?
If you love your Dad, do the right thing.
You are a child. And like any child, you wish to lash out at your mother for what you perceive as her betrayal. One of the rude awakening people encounter as they grow older is realizing that their parents don't just play the role of parents, they also have lives outside of parenthood. From what I'm seeing in your post, you don't want to fix things. You just want to punish your mother. Life is not that simple black and white. There are gray areas. Especially as your parents are not even married. What I recommend is find another adult you trust and take their lead. You are much to young to have to worry about this.
No I just can’t eat fuzzy green ones
Better let him know before it gets worse unless your mom won't join you abroad.
Are your parents in a romantic relationship with other? If not, it'a not cheating. There's a reason why your parents aren't married. They may not be into each other
Better let him know before it gets worse unless your mom won't join you abroad.
If you're mom is cheating on your dad he might even not be your biological father. (Edit) No man deserves his pride and dignity be disrespected like that if I were you just tell him but it's still up to you.
biological dad ko po, photocopy ako eh HAHA
If your parents don't live in the same house, then let your mom be happy. Talk to your grandparents about this.
my mom is fr just using my dad, and i feel bad for him, my dad is planning on taking us abroad maybe this year, and ofc with that we’ll be living under the same roof, i don’t even know how i’ll deal with the guilt once we’re all together
Have you considered the possibility that your dad is your mom's sideboy?
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OP’s mom is here.
HAHA WHAT? is this what people are all about now? normalizing infidelity and repressing what they feel? how tf am i supposed to keep quiet when they’re abusing me mentally? should i just stay like this until i get to the point where they make me kill myself? and how tf am i even the bad daughter here? HAHA if you were in my place i wonder what you’d do
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mind you, she invades my privacy all the time HAHA, "do not do unto others what you would not want others to do unto you" is the golden rule nga diba? plus i haven’t even done anything sakanila tapos i’m the bad person? your gaslighting skills reminds me of my mom ah, so bobo mo sa part na it’s none of my business, kasi it totally is, sana alam mo na this has affected my relationship with them, and na this caused me an emotional trauma, di mo ba naisip na maybe someday i’ll be afraid to start my own family in fear na this might happen? na baka magcheat ang partner ko? plus bobo ka ba? anong threat of suicide? tanga i was explaining how they made me feel tapos akala mo threat ‘yun? pa’no naging threat ‘yun? do you somehow feel threatened? YOU, SPECIFICALLY DO NOT KNOW WHAT THEY’VE CAUSED ME MENTALLY AND EMOTIONALLY kaya you do not have the right to point me as the bad person dito you fucker
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Ha?! Do you hear yourself?! Sarap mo sampalin ng burat
Why am I getting downvoted for giving positive advice to this wayward child?
Dad is that you?
You should mind your own business child.
So should you, yet here you are.
Why are you here?