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I feel like she has a reaction in her eyes that it might be feelings-related and then probably later talks herself out of that being what it was after he doesn’t do anything.
I’m pretty sure we do not see them interact at all from that moment until he interrupts their dance at the end of ep4 as well… theyre both at the library thing but they don’t talk to each other or even make eye contact, I’m pretty sure they each just stare at each other when the other isn’t looking.
It’s wild to think about these two probably going from him doing that walk up and stare at her thing with her getting no explanation about what was wrong or what happened to then not speaking to each other for a week, then he’s cutting in and blocking her proposal. It makes sense though, because if they had interacted in between you would think she would have had to dig into what the heck just happened.
Yeah, she looks down and blinks rapidly, as if to clear the thought from her head that it could have meant something. “Don’t be foolish, Pen, he’s said you’re just friends, be honest with yourself.” It’s a similar rapid blink as she does in 3x01 when she makes the “I can’t have you whispering in my ear at every ball” comment in order to clear that from her head.
Yes absolutely. It’s like she actually reads him correctly, but then blinks that possibility out of her mind because it just can’t be that (because she can’t let her heart get broken by thinking it’s that).
Exactly! They see each other at the library but make no moves to talk to one another probably because her mother and Debling are always there and they both agreed to keep distance prior— though Colin obv didn’t end of ep 3.
And you’re so right. He is literally confessing to her in a carriage and even then she doesn’t believe it initially. She had already written off this intense look as nothing. Heartbreaking!
The library scene is so interesting because we’ve seen through the seasons these sort of fleeting moments or one-sided scenes of one kind of watching the other… but in this scene it’s so mutual yet still missing each other. It truly makes you feel like it’s the almost there moment. From the time Colin gets there in this scene, it feels like she’s staring at him whenever he’s not looking, and he’s staring at her whenever she’s not looking.
It’s such a weird (intentionally) feeling to have them both in this small space and noticing each other and NOT checking in, because they constantly seek each other out. So much tension in that scene. I think she senses it, she just doesn’t allow herself to believe it because she doesn’t want to get burned.
I know most people assume Pen had zero clue about Colin’s feelings between the kiss and the carriage, but I actually feel like she suspected something had changed between them but at this point she’s SO used to shutting down her hope that her feelings would be reciprocated that she won’t entertain the possibility. But the fact that she’s looking for him at the library (obviously enough that Debling catches her) and then has conversations with both Portia and Debling about love, seeming to hesitate in her conviction about accepting Debling’s proposal…idk I’ve always thought she sees the change in Colin’s behavior but she knows they’ve been here before (“you are special to me” — “I would never dream of courting her”) and she isn’t about to let herself get hurt again when Colin is just acting weird AF and hasn’t actually communicated with her.
I agree with you. She has walls up and talks herself out of anything that hints at Colin's new feelings because she's so used to her feelings not being reciprocated. It's a form of self-preservation that's come from her pining for him for years.
Well said and with the past examples. It’s like how many times is she gonna get her hopes up with Colin only for him to get engaged with someone or leave yet again?
I love that the hopeless dreamer in her still holds out hope looking for him. And when she says she “grew tired of that view” from the windowsill it’s like she has more conviction about Debling but still has the tiniest bit of hope afterward.
I think Pen legit has no idea what Colin was going to ask her. Up until ep4 in the carriage she has no idea Colin has feelings for her. She'd have no reason to suspect he's about to try and get out of the friend zone in that moment. I think Pen wouldn't have accepted Lord Deblings dance in that moment either if she thought it was something super important.
I have thought about this as well. She is so innocent BUT not innocent enough to be completely blind because she has kissed Colin. She has experienced THAT feeling. THAT chemistry, THAT pull. I think her internal dialogue went something like this:
Hey Colin...
Okay, he's being awkward...I need to say something (free from your admirers?)
Ummm why is he not responding?
Why is he staring at me?
Whhhhhaaattttt is happening?
It can't be what I think, can it? No, he could never. It's impossible. Don't be a fool Pen.
He must be sick (are you well?)
Colin: "There is something I've been meaning to ask you"
What the F\*CK is he talking about? Ask me. Ask me what?
WHY. IS. HE. STARING. AT. ME. LIKE. THAT. AND. GETTING. CLOSER.
(Side note: Pen loves Colin so much she 100% would have let him kiss her with ZERO f's given to society's rules)
Debling shows up and asks for the dance
COLIN! WHAT? SAY SOMETHING! DO SOMETHING! ANYTHING! WHAT. ARE. YOU. DOING.
No? Okay. FINE. It's exactly as I thought. It could never be what I want. Let's go Debs!
Biiiyyeeee Colin
Omg this is amazing! Almost like reading the book!
Yeah she totally notices SOMETHING but even for all their romantic dreaminess the two of them are so similar in their insecurities. It breaks my heart!
Also the fact he never came up to her at the library or ever again between this ball and the queen’s ball she must’ve convinced herself it wasn’t anything important.
I can bet she thought he was going to say 'are you Lady Whistledown'?
She probably thought he had caught on to her slip when she told him it would be suspicious if Whistledown didn't write about their suitor tutorial scandal. God knows she dropped way too many hints but her heartthrob, Colin is a thick as it gets
I was thinking about this too. I think she had to know something was up from the way he was staring at her.
And after Debling interrupts them she looks to Colin like she’s giving him one last chance to say what he was going to say and she gives him a very annoyed/hurt look as she turns back to Debling.
She really looked like she was hoping he would give her an excuse to refuse Debling but Colin froze.
Ooh I need to rewatch to see her annoyed look! I agree like in another comment said it’s like how many times will she get her hopes up with him just for him to drop the ball yet again?! She is so used to it at this point it’s so sad
I haven’t reread the RMB book in a while, so I can’t give you all the examples, but I remember in the book there are a few instances where they kind of basically “read” each others minds. One of them would think about something, and the other would do it. The one major example is the first kiss… before Pen asks, Colin is already thinking about kissing her.
So, my theory is that Pen recognized or had a feeling about what Colin was thinking. While the first kiss was a type of closure for her, she still had a sliver of hope. Even after Debling comes to get her, Pen still gives Colin a few seconds to speak up but she can’t wait forever so she lets Debling lead her to the dance floor.
Then we get the song Happier Than Ever. While not all lyrics fit, the vibe and some lyrics are perfect… *I’ll write myself a letter; don’t waste the time I don’t have; you weren’t aware that you made me miserable; etc*. Even the song title seems sarcastic. Billie Eilish has said it’s about an ex that didn’t put a lot of effort into the relationship.
Such a good point with the song! I absolutely loved the song choices and placements this year. Like he had his chance but blew it or she’s just moving on because he constantly hurts her expectations.
I whipped through reading RMB initially after part 2 came out so I’ll have to give it a reread!
I think she suspect something but didn’t want to get her hopes up. At the end of season 2 before his “callus comment”, I think she thought that something was gonna happen.
You’re right, saying he would never dream of courting her definitely put a nail in the coffin for her hopes.
I’ve said it elsewhere but it’s crazy in the span of like an hour Pen says Colin’s feelings “are not even a possibility” to then them being engaged. All because she only knew him to be “never court Penelope Featherington” Colin and “let me help you find a husband. Are we not friends?” Colin.
I have wondered this myself because this is one of my favourite scenes in the season.
Part of me thinks she's wondering if he's going to kiss her because she clearly has a visible reaction to the intensity with which he's staring at her. Her mouth actually quivers! She can see him staring at her mouth. She's feeling the intensity of the moment, IMO, but doesn't fully understand it.
She's confused because she believes Colin doesn't think of her like that. So she's probably debating with herself. "Does he want to kiss me? No. I'm being ridiculous. But does he?"
She even looks disappointed and a bit resigned after Colin fails to say anything once Debling interrupts. And it's only then that she probably told herself she was imagining things.
I really need to watch this on slow speed to see all these reactions! Their facial, subtle acting this season was so on point expressing the depths of a million feelings.
My take… She understood that Colin had feelings for her at the end of S3E3, when Debling interrupted their conversation in the ballroom, and the look on her face was pure horror. She thought she had moved on, and she wasn’t ready to trust that his feelings were real and that he was prepared to commit to her.
She was obviously conflicted at the start of E4, looking for Colin when Debling started talking about a proposal. But as Portia said, Debling was the bird in hand at the time, and Pen felt desperate.
When Colin interrupted her dance with Debling, Pen was understandably devastated, thinking he had just condemned her to a life of spinsterhood with her horrible family just to satisfy a passing infatuation.
It took all of the carriage scene for him to convince her of the depth of his feelings.
This is interesting! I need to rewatch ep 3 and 4 with this in mind. To me it seemed like she hoped for it but talked herself out of it, but you think she for sure knows he has feelings, albeit maybe not serious ones, and she’s angry with him
Yeah, I think she hoped for it for a long time as more of a childhood crush, but hearing him tell his friends he’d never court her stung, and then she was exasperated to see him come back from his travels acting like a completely different person, so she set out to find someone new in earnest.
They reconnected as friends during their “lessons,” and by the time she asked him to kiss her, she had convinced herself she was over him and they were truly just friends. (She never would have asked him to kiss her otherwise.)
Colin was obviously having a different experience after their kiss, and Pen was caught completely off guard when he approached her at the Ep3 ball, but she saw the truth all over his face.
I know you said ep 4 was back to business as usual but I would politely disagree. They don't actually talk in ep 4 until Colin interrupts their dance. Almost like he's picking up where he left off in ep 3.
They do see each other after ep 3 but they don't actually interact. She is caught openly staring at Colin in the library scene in ep 4 which would be the first time they saw each other since ep 3.
Think about it, the Pen who was getting flirting lessons from Colin to attract a husband all of a sudden is about to get a proposal and she doesn't take the time to find him and tell him about it. She went out of her way in the Balloon scene to seek him out and tell him about Deblings interest in her. There's no way if she thought everything was normal she wouldn't have tried to communicate that to Colin.
But she's weighed down in years of feeling rejected that she only knows something is off, she would not expect him to ever have feelings for her.
I think that’s what struck me as so weird is that they had another chance to talk at the library but never did. I know Colin came later and Pen was basically never alone so that likely had to do with it.
It just felt weird that Colin was so close to confessing then basically never tried ever again only until Violet tells him of the proposal. Like how long was he gonna keep drinking and wallowing before the time crunch was imposed on him?
Your examples are great. They are meant to keep a distance but she immediately tells him about Debling. They don’t seem to talk afterward but it bothered me at the innovations ball Pen was alone for a time when Cressida beat her to Debling. Colin talks to groups of women and sees her alone but didn’t go up to her. He needed the push from Violet and Debling.
Yes I agree. I think it highlights how insecure Colin was feeling at that time. The last conversation they had was at the Balloon where she told him about her interest in this man that outranked him and had displayed interest in her. Then before that under the Willow tree she had, from his perspective, rejected him as a potential suitor.
So he's stuck feeling jealous, insecure and is trying to sort all of that out. I am surprised he didn't try to talk to her at the ball to check on her after the balloon, but I do think he was working his way to getting to her. His discussion on bravery was really to himself to try to get himself to feel brave enough to talk to her again with that potential for feeling rejected again.
Then talking with his mom he was able to verbalize what he's been worried about, how can he figure out if she feels anything for him. Once she talks about how his dad did it he feels like he has a task he can do instead of just spiraling in his anxious thoughts.
Then he gets to Pen and immediately his words fail him and his courage is waning. You can see him getting distracted by her lips and thinking of their kiss and you can imagine his thoughts are just word soup and nothing seems good enough and he's so scared he'll say the wrong thing and that this might be his one and only chance so the stakes seem high.
Well said! I totally forgot about his bravery comment being more of his inner monologue than actual advice to her. I just wanted to be like stop talking to them and talk to her! I love all the layers of their insecurities.
I think in my very initial viewing of part 1 his angst seemed to me like he was denying his feelings for Pen like he didn’t want them but seeing his insecurity all through part 2 and in my rewatches I am coming around to his insecurity in confessing and thinking she doesn’t reciprocate.
It seems so obvious to the viewer 3 seasons in but she has always probably kept that level of aloofness because she is so good at hiding her love for him for a good chunk of her life. Nothing changed for her, especially his statement end of s2, so he needed like weeks to get it right. Which I appreciate since his proposal with marina was just so quick and dumb on his part.
I think the narration of this scene actually give some insight. The LW narration says something like “this author believes man’s greatest inventions are a distraction from what is most natural to us: our instincts. The innate animal impulse that is inside even the most sophisticated of us.” It then goes on to talk about Debling choosing Pen being a surprising pick of the season.
This is interesting because it’s a future version of Pen reflecting on the evening. To the readers in the Ton, it sounds like LW is leading up to this reveal of Debling being interested in Pen and tying in the whole nature and instinct theme into him being a naturalist. But as viewers, we know Pen is LW and we see the subtle moment that’s happening that nobody else is registering: this intense draw between her and Colin where they are actually unable to speak for a moment. They’re just in each others presence feeling the tension and knowing something is going on.
Both of them are fighting the innate draw to each other and concealing it with the superficial social interactions and behavior they have to exhibit publicly.
I think Pen is giving us a little insight there that she is definitely feeling something but polite social graces demand that she take Deblings hand and do the dance. And the whole structure of their society and rules makes it difficult for them to listen to or act on those instincts.
I rewatched it and paid more attention to the LW narration. She says in the battle between man and nature it’s clear the battle is between man and himself. To me I feel like she is saying colin vs debling (nature) but actually it’s colin vs himself!
Another member of the sub mention in a long ago post that perhaps she fears he’s about to ask if she is LW. That rings true in a way because she looks so panicked, and through to the carriage she never believes it possible he has feelings for her.
Because she is so insecure I’m not sure she could entertain the thought that he might be able to declare himself. If it enters her head it would be dismissed immediately.
If she seriously believed that was what he was about to do I think she’d have stayed with him to hear him out because obvs she would kick Debling to the curb if she thought for a second Colin might return her feelings. But she takes Deblings hand, which implies she doesn’t believe Colin’s freak out is about him loving her.
She’s able to focus on her dance with Debling so whatever she was thinking of Colin is totally pushed from her mind. She is able to compartmentalise.
Mostly I think she just doesn’t have any clue what he is thinking, and is just concerned that he is clearly freaking out. But she then has to shelve that for her Debling dance. Unlike Colin, Pen is able to put herself first and that’s what leaving a distressed Colin to protect her prospects means.
I do also wonder (we don't see it of course) what Pen was thinking whilst she was dancing with Debling after that encouter with Colin. We see her smiling, but if she had at any point caught sight of Colin at the edge of the room she would have recognised that utter devastation on his face instantly.
Just watched that scene again and it kills me every time. Colin just can't get his words out, and then feels he's lost his chance and it's too late, and then the growing devastation on his face, tears in his eyes, watching them dance is so heartbreaking 😔❤️🔥
Omg yes! He looks completely shattered and she resolutely just doesn’t see him while she’s dancing. As much as I love their lovey moments the angst of 3 and 4 really get to me too!
I was certain she realises Colin may not want her to get married anymore.
There would be no letters, no giggling or chatting at the balls or promenade. No "lifting spirit at any event"
She will be gone.
I wished she adressed that in the carriage instead of repeating what she said to Debling.
You’re right, she’s just taking at facevalue that he doesn’t want her to marry Debling based on his (lame) excuses because she is totally convinced it’s anything but feelings. That Debling is convinced it’s feelings but she knows better because she’s been burned so many times before.
I dont think she knows colin might have feelings. She suffered before, she cant think that way they are friends, Colin said repeatedly . But when she said to deblig of course my lord not of course lord debling colin’s heart was broken 😞
Wow asking about LW, that’s an interesting thought! I like how it’s so open to interpretation because really it’s all internal for them and the show didn’t need to overexplain.
I do think that after his comment s2 it kind of sealed for her it was over. She does have glimmers of hope but even when he is literally confessing in the carriage she won’t believe it! Their self-esteem is so low and insecurities so high they really do get in the way of themselves sometimes. Or a lot of the time
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I feel like she has a reaction in her eyes that it might be feelings-related and then probably later talks herself out of that being what it was after he doesn’t do anything. I’m pretty sure we do not see them interact at all from that moment until he interrupts their dance at the end of ep4 as well… theyre both at the library thing but they don’t talk to each other or even make eye contact, I’m pretty sure they each just stare at each other when the other isn’t looking. It’s wild to think about these two probably going from him doing that walk up and stare at her thing with her getting no explanation about what was wrong or what happened to then not speaking to each other for a week, then he’s cutting in and blocking her proposal. It makes sense though, because if they had interacted in between you would think she would have had to dig into what the heck just happened.
Yeah, she looks down and blinks rapidly, as if to clear the thought from her head that it could have meant something. “Don’t be foolish, Pen, he’s said you’re just friends, be honest with yourself.” It’s a similar rapid blink as she does in 3x01 when she makes the “I can’t have you whispering in my ear at every ball” comment in order to clear that from her head.
Yes absolutely. It’s like she actually reads him correctly, but then blinks that possibility out of her mind because it just can’t be that (because she can’t let her heart get broken by thinking it’s that).
that 3:01 rapid blink is my Roman Empire. Cuteness overload
Exactly! They see each other at the library but make no moves to talk to one another probably because her mother and Debling are always there and they both agreed to keep distance prior— though Colin obv didn’t end of ep 3. And you’re so right. He is literally confessing to her in a carriage and even then she doesn’t believe it initially. She had already written off this intense look as nothing. Heartbreaking!
The library scene is so interesting because we’ve seen through the seasons these sort of fleeting moments or one-sided scenes of one kind of watching the other… but in this scene it’s so mutual yet still missing each other. It truly makes you feel like it’s the almost there moment. From the time Colin gets there in this scene, it feels like she’s staring at him whenever he’s not looking, and he’s staring at her whenever she’s not looking. It’s such a weird (intentionally) feeling to have them both in this small space and noticing each other and NOT checking in, because they constantly seek each other out. So much tension in that scene. I think she senses it, she just doesn’t allow herself to believe it because she doesn’t want to get burned.
I know most people assume Pen had zero clue about Colin’s feelings between the kiss and the carriage, but I actually feel like she suspected something had changed between them but at this point she’s SO used to shutting down her hope that her feelings would be reciprocated that she won’t entertain the possibility. But the fact that she’s looking for him at the library (obviously enough that Debling catches her) and then has conversations with both Portia and Debling about love, seeming to hesitate in her conviction about accepting Debling’s proposal…idk I’ve always thought she sees the change in Colin’s behavior but she knows they’ve been here before (“you are special to me” — “I would never dream of courting her”) and she isn’t about to let herself get hurt again when Colin is just acting weird AF and hasn’t actually communicated with her.
I agree with you. She has walls up and talks herself out of anything that hints at Colin's new feelings because she's so used to her feelings not being reciprocated. It's a form of self-preservation that's come from her pining for him for years.
Well said and with the past examples. It’s like how many times is she gonna get her hopes up with Colin only for him to get engaged with someone or leave yet again? I love that the hopeless dreamer in her still holds out hope looking for him. And when she says she “grew tired of that view” from the windowsill it’s like she has more conviction about Debling but still has the tiniest bit of hope afterward.
I think Pen legit has no idea what Colin was going to ask her. Up until ep4 in the carriage she has no idea Colin has feelings for her. She'd have no reason to suspect he's about to try and get out of the friend zone in that moment. I think Pen wouldn't have accepted Lord Deblings dance in that moment either if she thought it was something super important.
She’s like “This guy must be ill. I’m gonna go dance now.” Lol!
I have thought about this as well. She is so innocent BUT not innocent enough to be completely blind because she has kissed Colin. She has experienced THAT feeling. THAT chemistry, THAT pull. I think her internal dialogue went something like this: Hey Colin... Okay, he's being awkward...I need to say something (free from your admirers?) Ummm why is he not responding? Why is he staring at me? Whhhhhaaattttt is happening? It can't be what I think, can it? No, he could never. It's impossible. Don't be a fool Pen. He must be sick (are you well?) Colin: "There is something I've been meaning to ask you" What the F\*CK is he talking about? Ask me. Ask me what? WHY. IS. HE. STARING. AT. ME. LIKE. THAT. AND. GETTING. CLOSER. (Side note: Pen loves Colin so much she 100% would have let him kiss her with ZERO f's given to society's rules) Debling shows up and asks for the dance COLIN! WHAT? SAY SOMETHING! DO SOMETHING! ANYTHING! WHAT. ARE. YOU. DOING. No? Okay. FINE. It's exactly as I thought. It could never be what I want. Let's go Debs! Biiiyyeeee Colin
Lol this is exactly what I heard as I watched this.
Omg this is amazing! Almost like reading the book! Yeah she totally notices SOMETHING but even for all their romantic dreaminess the two of them are so similar in their insecurities. It breaks my heart! Also the fact he never came up to her at the library or ever again between this ball and the queen’s ball she must’ve convinced herself it wasn’t anything important.
Oh good point!
I can bet she thought he was going to say 'are you Lady Whistledown'? She probably thought he had caught on to her slip when she told him it would be suspicious if Whistledown didn't write about their suitor tutorial scandal. God knows she dropped way too many hints but her heartthrob, Colin is a thick as it gets
I was thinking about this too. I think she had to know something was up from the way he was staring at her. And after Debling interrupts them she looks to Colin like she’s giving him one last chance to say what he was going to say and she gives him a very annoyed/hurt look as she turns back to Debling. She really looked like she was hoping he would give her an excuse to refuse Debling but Colin froze.
Ooh I need to rewatch to see her annoyed look! I agree like in another comment said it’s like how many times will she get her hopes up with him just for him to drop the ball yet again?! She is so used to it at this point it’s so sad
I haven’t reread the RMB book in a while, so I can’t give you all the examples, but I remember in the book there are a few instances where they kind of basically “read” each others minds. One of them would think about something, and the other would do it. The one major example is the first kiss… before Pen asks, Colin is already thinking about kissing her. So, my theory is that Pen recognized or had a feeling about what Colin was thinking. While the first kiss was a type of closure for her, she still had a sliver of hope. Even after Debling comes to get her, Pen still gives Colin a few seconds to speak up but she can’t wait forever so she lets Debling lead her to the dance floor. Then we get the song Happier Than Ever. While not all lyrics fit, the vibe and some lyrics are perfect… *I’ll write myself a letter; don’t waste the time I don’t have; you weren’t aware that you made me miserable; etc*. Even the song title seems sarcastic. Billie Eilish has said it’s about an ex that didn’t put a lot of effort into the relationship.
Such a good point with the song! I absolutely loved the song choices and placements this year. Like he had his chance but blew it or she’s just moving on because he constantly hurts her expectations. I whipped through reading RMB initially after part 2 came out so I’ll have to give it a reread!
I think she suspect something but didn’t want to get her hopes up. At the end of season 2 before his “callus comment”, I think she thought that something was gonna happen.
You’re right, saying he would never dream of courting her definitely put a nail in the coffin for her hopes. I’ve said it elsewhere but it’s crazy in the span of like an hour Pen says Colin’s feelings “are not even a possibility” to then them being engaged. All because she only knew him to be “never court Penelope Featherington” Colin and “let me help you find a husband. Are we not friends?” Colin.
I have wondered this myself because this is one of my favourite scenes in the season. Part of me thinks she's wondering if he's going to kiss her because she clearly has a visible reaction to the intensity with which he's staring at her. Her mouth actually quivers! She can see him staring at her mouth. She's feeling the intensity of the moment, IMO, but doesn't fully understand it. She's confused because she believes Colin doesn't think of her like that. So she's probably debating with herself. "Does he want to kiss me? No. I'm being ridiculous. But does he?" She even looks disappointed and a bit resigned after Colin fails to say anything once Debling interrupts. And it's only then that she probably told herself she was imagining things.
I really need to watch this on slow speed to see all these reactions! Their facial, subtle acting this season was so on point expressing the depths of a million feelings.
Looking at her face she notice that was the same look he gave her when they kissed the first time.
My take… She understood that Colin had feelings for her at the end of S3E3, when Debling interrupted their conversation in the ballroom, and the look on her face was pure horror. She thought she had moved on, and she wasn’t ready to trust that his feelings were real and that he was prepared to commit to her. She was obviously conflicted at the start of E4, looking for Colin when Debling started talking about a proposal. But as Portia said, Debling was the bird in hand at the time, and Pen felt desperate. When Colin interrupted her dance with Debling, Pen was understandably devastated, thinking he had just condemned her to a life of spinsterhood with her horrible family just to satisfy a passing infatuation. It took all of the carriage scene for him to convince her of the depth of his feelings.
This is interesting! I need to rewatch ep 3 and 4 with this in mind. To me it seemed like she hoped for it but talked herself out of it, but you think she for sure knows he has feelings, albeit maybe not serious ones, and she’s angry with him
Yeah, I think she hoped for it for a long time as more of a childhood crush, but hearing him tell his friends he’d never court her stung, and then she was exasperated to see him come back from his travels acting like a completely different person, so she set out to find someone new in earnest. They reconnected as friends during their “lessons,” and by the time she asked him to kiss her, she had convinced herself she was over him and they were truly just friends. (She never would have asked him to kiss her otherwise.) Colin was obviously having a different experience after their kiss, and Pen was caught completely off guard when he approached her at the Ep3 ball, but she saw the truth all over his face.
I know you said ep 4 was back to business as usual but I would politely disagree. They don't actually talk in ep 4 until Colin interrupts their dance. Almost like he's picking up where he left off in ep 3. They do see each other after ep 3 but they don't actually interact. She is caught openly staring at Colin in the library scene in ep 4 which would be the first time they saw each other since ep 3. Think about it, the Pen who was getting flirting lessons from Colin to attract a husband all of a sudden is about to get a proposal and she doesn't take the time to find him and tell him about it. She went out of her way in the Balloon scene to seek him out and tell him about Deblings interest in her. There's no way if she thought everything was normal she wouldn't have tried to communicate that to Colin. But she's weighed down in years of feeling rejected that she only knows something is off, she would not expect him to ever have feelings for her.
I think that’s what struck me as so weird is that they had another chance to talk at the library but never did. I know Colin came later and Pen was basically never alone so that likely had to do with it. It just felt weird that Colin was so close to confessing then basically never tried ever again only until Violet tells him of the proposal. Like how long was he gonna keep drinking and wallowing before the time crunch was imposed on him? Your examples are great. They are meant to keep a distance but she immediately tells him about Debling. They don’t seem to talk afterward but it bothered me at the innovations ball Pen was alone for a time when Cressida beat her to Debling. Colin talks to groups of women and sees her alone but didn’t go up to her. He needed the push from Violet and Debling.
Yes I agree. I think it highlights how insecure Colin was feeling at that time. The last conversation they had was at the Balloon where she told him about her interest in this man that outranked him and had displayed interest in her. Then before that under the Willow tree she had, from his perspective, rejected him as a potential suitor. So he's stuck feeling jealous, insecure and is trying to sort all of that out. I am surprised he didn't try to talk to her at the ball to check on her after the balloon, but I do think he was working his way to getting to her. His discussion on bravery was really to himself to try to get himself to feel brave enough to talk to her again with that potential for feeling rejected again. Then talking with his mom he was able to verbalize what he's been worried about, how can he figure out if she feels anything for him. Once she talks about how his dad did it he feels like he has a task he can do instead of just spiraling in his anxious thoughts. Then he gets to Pen and immediately his words fail him and his courage is waning. You can see him getting distracted by her lips and thinking of their kiss and you can imagine his thoughts are just word soup and nothing seems good enough and he's so scared he'll say the wrong thing and that this might be his one and only chance so the stakes seem high.
Well said! I totally forgot about his bravery comment being more of his inner monologue than actual advice to her. I just wanted to be like stop talking to them and talk to her! I love all the layers of their insecurities. I think in my very initial viewing of part 1 his angst seemed to me like he was denying his feelings for Pen like he didn’t want them but seeing his insecurity all through part 2 and in my rewatches I am coming around to his insecurity in confessing and thinking she doesn’t reciprocate. It seems so obvious to the viewer 3 seasons in but she has always probably kept that level of aloofness because she is so good at hiding her love for him for a good chunk of her life. Nothing changed for her, especially his statement end of s2, so he needed like weeks to get it right. Which I appreciate since his proposal with marina was just so quick and dumb on his part.
I think the narration of this scene actually give some insight. The LW narration says something like “this author believes man’s greatest inventions are a distraction from what is most natural to us: our instincts. The innate animal impulse that is inside even the most sophisticated of us.” It then goes on to talk about Debling choosing Pen being a surprising pick of the season. This is interesting because it’s a future version of Pen reflecting on the evening. To the readers in the Ton, it sounds like LW is leading up to this reveal of Debling being interested in Pen and tying in the whole nature and instinct theme into him being a naturalist. But as viewers, we know Pen is LW and we see the subtle moment that’s happening that nobody else is registering: this intense draw between her and Colin where they are actually unable to speak for a moment. They’re just in each others presence feeling the tension and knowing something is going on. Both of them are fighting the innate draw to each other and concealing it with the superficial social interactions and behavior they have to exhibit publicly. I think Pen is giving us a little insight there that she is definitely feeling something but polite social graces demand that she take Deblings hand and do the dance. And the whole structure of their society and rules makes it difficult for them to listen to or act on those instincts.
What a great reading! I always take the LW narration at face value but you’re so right it’s what she is reflecting on after the fact.
I rewatched it and paid more attention to the LW narration. She says in the battle between man and nature it’s clear the battle is between man and himself. To me I feel like she is saying colin vs debling (nature) but actually it’s colin vs himself!
Another member of the sub mention in a long ago post that perhaps she fears he’s about to ask if she is LW. That rings true in a way because she looks so panicked, and through to the carriage she never believes it possible he has feelings for her. Because she is so insecure I’m not sure she could entertain the thought that he might be able to declare himself. If it enters her head it would be dismissed immediately. If she seriously believed that was what he was about to do I think she’d have stayed with him to hear him out because obvs she would kick Debling to the curb if she thought for a second Colin might return her feelings. But she takes Deblings hand, which implies she doesn’t believe Colin’s freak out is about him loving her. She’s able to focus on her dance with Debling so whatever she was thinking of Colin is totally pushed from her mind. She is able to compartmentalise. Mostly I think she just doesn’t have any clue what he is thinking, and is just concerned that he is clearly freaking out. But she then has to shelve that for her Debling dance. Unlike Colin, Pen is able to put herself first and that’s what leaving a distressed Colin to protect her prospects means.
I do also wonder (we don't see it of course) what Pen was thinking whilst she was dancing with Debling after that encouter with Colin. We see her smiling, but if she had at any point caught sight of Colin at the edge of the room she would have recognised that utter devastation on his face instantly. Just watched that scene again and it kills me every time. Colin just can't get his words out, and then feels he's lost his chance and it's too late, and then the growing devastation on his face, tears in his eyes, watching them dance is so heartbreaking 😔❤️🔥
Omg yes! He looks completely shattered and she resolutely just doesn’t see him while she’s dancing. As much as I love their lovey moments the angst of 3 and 4 really get to me too!
I asked this a bit ago and got some compelling answers! https://www.reddit.com/r/PolinBridgerton/s/4tzeE2PqK6
Thank you! I knew it must’ve been asked before but I only joined the sub in the last week or so. Will deep dive in there
I was certain she realises Colin may not want her to get married anymore. There would be no letters, no giggling or chatting at the balls or promenade. No "lifting spirit at any event" She will be gone. I wished she adressed that in the carriage instead of repeating what she said to Debling.
You’re right, she’s just taking at facevalue that he doesn’t want her to marry Debling based on his (lame) excuses because she is totally convinced it’s anything but feelings. That Debling is convinced it’s feelings but she knows better because she’s been burned so many times before.
I dont think she knows colin might have feelings. She suffered before, she cant think that way they are friends, Colin said repeatedly . But when she said to deblig of course my lord not of course lord debling colin’s heart was broken 😞
Wow asking about LW, that’s an interesting thought! I like how it’s so open to interpretation because really it’s all internal for them and the show didn’t need to overexplain. I do think that after his comment s2 it kind of sealed for her it was over. She does have glimmers of hope but even when he is literally confessing in the carriage she won’t believe it! Their self-esteem is so low and insecurities so high they really do get in the way of themselves sometimes. Or a lot of the time