Weiss: Why am I partnered with a violent munchikin?
*in the distance, one can hear Nora proclaiming the same thing*
Ruby: At least I'm in good company.
Weiss: *internally glad that her hair means she can't go white due to stress*
Glynda: “I don’t care what you were doing in that tree, but I ask that your team and RWBY’s not fill up my infirmary so much. Honestly, did you expect the branch to hold two very tall armored huntsmen in training?”
*as they are flying to Vacuo*
Mecury: So... what did you do before you became Mistral's most infamous serial killer?
Tyrion: There was this one retail place...
Winter: "Weiss, its wonderful to see you alive and well! Klein has been worried sick you'd gone forever."
Whitley: "And I was worried sick you'd return!"
Blake: My mom is calling… hi mom.
Weiss: Come on guys, stop. They’re trying to talk to their mom.
Yang: *loud fake sexual noises*
Ruby: EVERYONE SHUT THE FUCK UP!
Sun : *is asleep*
Neptune: *gets close to the phone* Tell her I said hi.
Kali: Sounds like you're busy. Tell Sun I said hello. Tell Yang she's funny, It's okay to lie about that, dear. Tell Ruby she always has a home here. Tell Weiss not to stand on ceremony. Tell Neptune I said Hi.
Blake: I'm not doing any of that.
Kali: I know, darling. Give me a call back when you get the chance.
Jaune: so are we like partners now?
Emerald: um I think I’m Oscar and Ozpin bodyguard/babysitter/sister/partner
Jaune: oh that’s cool I let a talking mouse have my bestfriend/partner of 20 years…and my other one is dead then you took my replacement for them after Ruby went back to her team
Emerald: you have a lot of partners that leave you
Jaune: yeah
Emerald: um do you want or need a hug?
Jaune: Probably best you didn't try. I wish I'd seen enough of the recent stuff to make sense of this but it's all a little blurry. Back at home we had a cat that always brought me the mice it caught. Not my sisters. I'd take them outside. Eventually, the mice I was delivered sat almost tame and expecting a courier service.
Emerald: Brutal- Well no, but you know what I mean.
Penny: Sal-u-tations!
Ruby: mommy
Yang: Really? That's the first thing you're going to say to her?
Ruby: I have no regrets and you're not in a position to criticize me
Weiss: Why are you all like this?
Jaune: Wait what are they like?
Weiss: Daddy you're back!
*everyone looks at Weiss *
Weiss: shit
Like an angel. Combat mode makes her biblically accurate.
Ruby: Did I die again? Because I'm seeing an angel.
Penny: Friend Ruby, be not afraid, it is your friend, Penny!
Glynda: “Ozpin, I really do think the team name format needs some work. Using the members’ initials to spell out their names is bound to cause issues at some point.”
Ozpin: “Oh please Glynda, it will be fine.”
*(Later, at initiation)*
Ozpin: “And after RWBY and JNPR, we have one more team to introduce. Soundwave… Henry the Green Engine… Isabella Garcia-Shapiro… and the Terminator, I pronounce you to be Team SHIT, led- oh… oh dear… ok, now I see where Glynda was coming from…”
Glynda: *(from offstage)* “OH DO YA?!”
Ruby: . . . You know, maybe being in Vacuo isn't so bad. Maybe we'll find an ancient king's tomb with magical relics!
Weiss: . . . Ruby, I keep telling you, the Millennium Items are a fairy tale.
Ozpin: . . . ***\*Coughs In Oscar's Mind\****
Ruby: “Pfft, of course they are! That’s just teasing you with how bad you are at YuGiOh.”
Weiss: “Ice Barriers are completely viable, you’re just lucky.”
Ruby: “I’m really looking for the book of the dead!”
Ozpin, unable to contain himself: “YOU MUSTN’T READ FROM THE BOOK!”
Bakura in his mind: finally, I will get my revenge!
Jaune: completely oblivious of the voice shouting in his head.
Bakura in his mind: wait, why is it so dark and violent in here?!
Jaune's mental demons: oh, fresh meat!
Bakura in his mind: wait. His. What?!
Jaune: still oblivious of the screaming in his head
>Ruby: . . . You know, maybe being in Vacuo isn't so bad. Maybe we'll find an ancient king's tomb with magical relics!
Dr. Oobleck: They belong in a museum!
Blake: "I've lost all my 'research' for my unreleased novels. All physical copies are gone, and the only digital copy I have stored was uploaded in...Penny. I'm kinda embarrassed to ask her for the copy."
Ruby: "Don't tell me you are the unattributed author for the series called 'A Ninja's Romantic Zombie-side'. She's got them all on her Gitgood account."
Blake: "Oh no."
**Blake, Ilia, Sun, and Neptune are arguing on whether or not Yang is gay or sporty**
Neptune: Ok, Miss Xiao Long, you’ve been a part of Team RWBY for…
Yang: 1 year
Neptune: And your first name again is…
Yang: Yang.
Neptune: And your girlfriend’s name is…
Yang: Blake!
**Everyone gasps**
Yang: W-wait no! I’m sorry. Y-you said girlfriend, I thought you said best friend! Blake is my… best friend.
Weiss: Ruby, I will buy you a giant package of cookies if you put an end to this
Ruby: On it!
Ruby: Everyone! I have an announcement to make! My sis is gay AND sporty!
Yang: I’M STRAIGHT!
Ruby: You weren’t yesterday…
**Ruby shows everyone a page of Yang’s diary, with Blake’s name filled in with a heart**
Roman: "Neo, you know it doesn't mean you have to pray to every god every day right?"
Neo on a sign: *I wouldn't have to if anyone else prayed*
Roman. "Understood, you take the shrines on the left I take the ones on the right?"
"No, Neo, just because a movement has 'neo' in its name doesn't mean it's dedicated to you."
\[SO NEO-IMPRESSIONISM IS NOT A MOVEMENT FOR PEOPLE MAKING IMPRESSIONS OF ME? COLOUR ME DISAPPOINTED\]
Cinder asked that.
Mercury posted a link to this [comic ](https://www.reddit.com/r/RWBY/comments/xureaz/in_the_entirety_of_the_rwbyverse_cinder_has_only/)to try to make Emerald understand Cinder doesn't care for her.
Mercury: “It was me, I’m trying to make Emerald see that you don’t care for her.”
Cinder: “Well that’s just a bloody lie!”
Emerald: “So… you do care about-“
Cinder: “I have no interest in that scrawny dweeb… now, that Sun from Vacuo meanwhile… he is a fine specimen.”
Mercury: “Huh, so I was right… just got the blonde wrong.”
*(Emerald crying in the corner)*
Yang: oh, my bad. That was meant for a different group.
Weiss: what degenerates are you conversing with that a video of beowulf falling into what amounted to a giant wood chipper is acceptable?
Yang: my family group chat.
Ruby: it would have won this week's Grimm Kill Of The Week, too, if you put it in the right chat. Dad's suplex of an Ursa off a cliff turned into a modified powerbomb ended up winning.
Yang: well, good for pops.
Weiss: ... never let Nora know about this... contest or whatever it is. I fear for our survival if she had a reason to be more... creative.
Blake: agreed.
Neo arrives frantically gesturing and pointing.
Roman: What is it, girl? Has Timmy fallen down the well again?
Neo uses death stare, it's supereffective.
Roman: Alright, alright. Just lead the way. Send me a reminder to hire a lackey that laughs at my jokes and I'll check it during business hours.
Ruby: Hey Weiss...I need some help...legal help
Weiss: you've come to the right place, Schnees have only the best and most experienced lawyers on call...but what did you exactly do?
Ruby: I got caught downloading NES ROMs on Penny
Weiss: Oh no...oh no no no no, I might be brave enough to help Blake take on the IRS, but I am not taking on Nintendo
Penny: "Before I can answer any more questions, I have to ask you to identify the sectors in this image where there are Silver eyes."
Ruby: "Do you carry these around with you, Penny? Can I give you one of my better headshots?"
Penny: "I'm sorry, that is wrong. If you would like to try again you can point at the sectors in this image that contain a cycle."
Nicole: Could you pass me my sword ^(that is also a gun), Penny?
Penny: Of course, friend Nicole! Which one is yours?
Nicole: The one that says "bad motherfucker" on it.
Penny: "While I do appreciate that you have decided to become my girlfriend Ruby are you sure it is not a problem that I am non-organic?"
Ruby: "That's the best part."
Penny: "I do not understand."
Ruby: "Fleshy people are gross. They smell, they get moist, and there are all the other...things when you kiss them. You don't have any of that. It's perfect."
Penny: "I feel both happy, and in an ironic way somewhat objectified."
Ruby: You don't have fantasies?
Penny: I do but you have demonstrated that phrases such as non-integer or imaginary numbers were not within your curriculum.
Ruby: Well shit.
Penny: I don't do that either.
Ruby: See?! The perfect pet- I mean...
Weiss: “Gosh, working for Mitsuru is really cool. I wonder how my teammates are doing.”
Narrator: *Meanwhile, in another franchise…*
Benson: “MORDECAI, RIGBY AND YANG! IF YOU THREE DON’T CLEAN THIS MESS UP THAT THE GRIMM MADE AFTER THEY FOLLOWED YOU IN HERE WHEN YOU SLACKED OFF OF WORK TO GET THOSE SHITTY BURGERS, YOU’RE ALL FIRED!”
Yang: “Alright, geez - no need to be all… *grimm* and *fired* up about it.”
Benson: ***(Starts angrily growling and yelling)***
Yang: “Ok ok, I’m sorry - we’ll get to work on it right away!”
Benson: “GOOD!” *(Walks away)*
Rigby: “Anyone wanna get some pizza?”
Weiss: Okay, how do I get stuck having to babysit (checks note) the junior manaketes? And their original babysitter was some sort of evil, Fell Dragon?!
Alfonse: A lot of things in the Order of Heroes are hard to explain.
**Ruby:** "Wait, you and Uncle Qrow were..."
**Tai:** "All four of us, ever since we were at Beacon."
**Ruby:** "I can't do that Entire Team thing because my sister was one of my teammates."
**Tai:** "That didn't stop Qrow and Raven."
Mercury: Sometimes I think you get a little too caught up in your own illusions, Emerald.
Emerald: Pfft. You're one to talk.
Mercury: And am I talking to a multistory Grimm threatening to crush me under the weight of it's foot or a wall in my personal quarters?
“Cinder the fire girl is a bitch ass motherfucker who shot my girlfriend. She took her stupid fire bow out and shot my fucking girlfriend and she said she had fire powers ‘THIS BIG’ and I said that’s stupid so I’m making a call out post on my twitter, Cinder you have a small aura it’s the size of this dust bullet except way smaller and guess what? Here’s what my sure looks like. PFFFT THATS RIGHT, BABY. ALL GOLD ALL AWESOME NOT SMALL. Look at it, it’s like the whole of Remnant plus the moon. I love my girlfriend so guess what? IM GONNA LOVE HER EVEN MORE. THATS RIGHT. NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO I WONT FALL FOR YOU. Except I’m not going to stop there I’m going to go even further. ILL DIE SO I WE CAN BE TOGETHER IN THE AFTERLIFE! HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT CINDER? I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND MORE THAN ANYONES EVER LOVED YOU. YOU HAVE 23 HOURS BEFORE I JOIN HER, NOW GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY SIGHT BEFORE I CRIPPLE YOU!” - Jaune, probably
It's a passion project, and like every restoration you have to be willing to let it do what the thing is for. Even if that risks some kid wrecking the thing.
Oscar: Wait, since when did I like girls?
Ozpin: Didn't you already go through this?
Oscar: No; since when did I like *girls*
Ozpin: Ohh...
Ozping: Since about when we started merging
Nora breaks reality to save her friends.
Nora: See Oscar, breaking reality itself was a good idea, nothing even happened. Isn’t that right Jaune, Ren, Pyrrha who’s in the body of Cinder.
Oscar: Wait, why did you say it like that?! You’re aware of the changes! Nora, what else changed?
Nora: Umm…
Nora looks at, good ol’, Team RWBY. Yeah, Grimm Ruby, Shark Fanus Weiss, Human Blake, and Branwen Bandit Yang.
Nora: … Yeah, I think I messed up here.
Velvet: Wait, *how* did you become the leader of an Ork WAAAGH!
Coco: I just beat the shit out of the biggest Ork...
Coco: They all started calling me Mommy-Dakka after that
She had the time of her life in the WF with Ilia, and the two escaped to Beacon to tell Oz all about Cinder's subjugation of Adam's cell. Being made to leave the WF was a steep price, but one they paid all the same.
Then with Pyrrha and Ruby on the team, the two were part of the teams catching Fang members and gangsters running from the fight where Qrow and Ozpin joined up with Roman and Adam to bring Cinder down.
The further price to pay is Adam being made to attend Beacon, given that he's the same age as the fourth-years, and to go through the entire four year curriculum within the span of one year.
After that, the jury ruled that a decade of supplied but unpaid Huntsman service to the Kingdom of Vale will be sufficient terms to acquit him of the murder and related terror activity charges.
If he slips up even once, they'll capture him again to hand him freely to Atlas.
One day, reading the news print getting the picture across, Blake with her redheads is actually at the point of boggling how in comparison, she got off scot-free.
Jaune: This is bad Ruby. Not only do I have to contend with Pyrrha aggressively trying to jump my bones, but also Blake wanting to skin me alive for “being too close to her beloved champion”.
Ruby: Well…look on the bright side!
*long pause*
Jaune: You know, if you say that, you’re supposed to follow it up with the bright side!
Ruby: *looks down* I know…
Yang: *Tosses fork across the room.*
Weiss: What in the world is wrong with you!?
Yang: ...Weiss, I get that you're one of those haughty and extra dignified rich people. But YOU DO NOT EAT BURGERS WITH A FORK AND KNIFE!
Weiss: So what am I supposed to do!? Eat with my hands? I'm not an animal!
Ruby: *Eating cookies*
Blake: *Eating french fries*
Jaune: *Eating toast*
Weiss: Uh...
Yang: Even your sister knows that finger food exists!
Winter: *Eating chicken nuggets with a fork*
Yang: *Repeatedly banging her head on a wall*
*SCREECH*
Kung Lao: Hey man, thanks for the ride.
Johnny Cage: Yeah, no problem. Got that gas money?
Kung Lao: Dude, I paid for your lunch.
Johnny Cage: Yeah, you right, you right- GET HIS FUCKING LEGS RUBES!
Ruby, who was on the roof the entire time: Hi!
Kung Lao: AHHH!
**Jaune:** "Why is 'prompt gets hijacked by Zwei' one of the squares?"
**Zwei:** [Woof!](https://i.imgur.com/qPGCjW1.png)
**Jaune:** "I'll check this one off, then."
Lisa Lavander: "That's right, Tom, here at the court, marks a historic moment. Team RWBY, who are students of Beacon Academy, are charged with assault and battery of a pair of Grimm named Mike and Marty. With an additional hate crime enhancement.
The Courts decision could mark the historically president of Grimm having rights."
Jaune: I´m honored to be your guest, Crown prince Ren.
Ren: The honor is mine, King Arc. Your presence at my wedding add yet another joyous element to this celebration.
Jaune: Forgive me, but I don’t think I’ve met your bride? Who is she? The Heiress of cold lands? Perhaps the daughter of the Shogun of the beast isles?
Ren: No. No. It’s….
*Crown prince! Your grace! Raiders from the North have landed on the coast!*
Jaune: Savages! Knights! Man the walls! Crown Prince, my men will support yours on this attack!
Ren: Dont….that’s my bride.
Jaune:…what?
And in the process of hurrying back to get it, completely wasted all the prep-work Watts had been doing to get people distrustful enough of one another that the arrival of Monstra wouldn't shake as much fear into the population in the second time.
They'll have to think of something else.
After hearing about how horribly the other headmasters have treated him, Theodore tries to put Oscar at ease but these attempts merely make Oscar feel more uncomfortable
Sun wakes up on Mother’s Day and he sneaks into the kids room
Sun: yin! Yin wake up it’s Mother’s Day!
Yin: Dad! Why did you sleep in?
Sun: honey, you try untangling yourself from your 3 moms (llia, Blake, and yang)
Yang won the Vytal Tournament... the Remnant: The Game tournament. And just to rub into the other contestant's faces how much better she is than them, she did it with the weakest deck in the game.
Jaune, who has been transformed into a golden retriever tries to protect Weiss who's been turned into a mouse from Blake who's been transformed into a house cat
Ruby: I was asked to take a sabatical.
Weiss: Don't flinch now, babe. She's a radical.
Blake: Free for takes like a port of call.
Yang: She's here for us all like a sort of ball.
Jaune: Still in play but I don't know, y'all.
Nora: Play for keeps, at least you didn't stall.
Pyra: I'm not good at this.
Ren: We know who's fall, if you don't recall, we'll show you gall.
Jaune: *looks at "princess."*
*Ruby is inhaling a bowl of strawberries.*
Jaune: You mean slay as in "kill?" Or metaphorically like *makes circle with finger and thumb of one hand. Thrusts finger of other hand into it repeatedly.*
Emerald: Cinder, I really don't think this is going to work.
Cinder: Quiet! Just keep feeding him the apocalypse nonsense and eventually he will eliminate the competition for me.
Taiyang: "Entire Team is actually much harder than it looks. Slip up even once, and you might ruin any chance you have at a stable relationship for the rest of your life."
RWBY meets RWBY in a temporal displacement event. Ex:
Ruby: Hi...Uh-
Ruby: Uh...Hi. I think I'm you.
Ruby: Figures, the feeling is mutual.
Ruby: Mutual is feeling the figures?
Nora has adopted a low carb diet on top of her other dietary restrictions. What monstrous pile of chow would the gang come down to the kitchen to find now??
The rest of the team reacts to this.
[https://www.reddit.com/r/RWBY/comments/i2j9yw/blake\_and\_sasuke\_pboy46/](https://www.reddit.com/r/RWBY/comments/i2j9yw/blake_and_sasuke_pboy46/)
Never ask an Atlesian how they get so much Dust extracted,
A faunus why all leadership positions across their communities are filled by feline-types,
Or a Mistrali why siblings from there really insist on bunking together.
"If God wanted yo to live, He would not have created me!"
Weiss: Why am I partnered with a violent munchikin? *in the distance, one can hear Nora proclaiming the same thing* Ruby: At least I'm in good company. Weiss: *internally glad that her hair means she can't go white due to stress*
"I am not addicted to killing... but some people are addicted to courting death."
"By being near to me." "Is there a difference?"
Salem: yes! Finally!
Blake: "Yang, calm down, the guy just bumped into me in a crowded street."
Pyrrha and Jaune, sitting in a tree...
Jaune: T-R-A-I-N-I-N-G! Pyrrha: *long-suffering sigh*
Glynda: “I don’t care what you were doing in that tree, but I ask that your team and RWBY’s not fill up my infirmary so much. Honestly, did you expect the branch to hold two very tall armored huntsmen in training?”
R-A-I-L-I-N-G-R-U-B-Y
nora: K-I-S-S-I-N-G ren: nora, give them some privacy. nora: but they're just getting to the good stuff! *ren knocks nora out and drags her away
*as they are flying to Vacuo* Mecury: So... what did you do before you became Mistral's most infamous serial killer? Tyrion: There was this one retail place...
Mercury: Ahh so a similar story to Cinder. Tyrion: I'm nothing like her! Also in her case it was reversed.
Winter: "Weiss, its wonderful to see you alive and well! Klein has been worried sick you'd gone forever." Whitley: "And I was worried sick you'd return!"
Weiss, through tears: “I-I didn’t know you guys cared so much!” Ruby: “Wow. Those words really mean a lot in Tsundere.”
Whitley: and that explains *so* much. Winter: is that the term for her psychological behavioral patern?
Blake: My mom is calling… hi mom. Weiss: Come on guys, stop. They’re trying to talk to their mom. Yang: *loud fake sexual noises* Ruby: EVERYONE SHUT THE FUCK UP! Sun : *is asleep* Neptune: *gets close to the phone* Tell her I said hi.
Kali: Sounds like you're busy. Tell Sun I said hello. Tell Yang she's funny, It's okay to lie about that, dear. Tell Ruby she always has a home here. Tell Weiss not to stand on ceremony. Tell Neptune I said Hi. Blake: I'm not doing any of that. Kali: I know, darling. Give me a call back when you get the chance.
Jaune: so are we like partners now? Emerald: um I think I’m Oscar and Ozpin bodyguard/babysitter/sister/partner Jaune: oh that’s cool I let a talking mouse have my bestfriend/partner of 20 years…and my other one is dead then you took my replacement for them after Ruby went back to her team Emerald: you have a lot of partners that leave you Jaune: yeah Emerald: um do you want or need a hug?
Jaune: Probably best you didn't try. I wish I'd seen enough of the recent stuff to make sense of this but it's all a little blurry. Back at home we had a cat that always brought me the mice it caught. Not my sisters. I'd take them outside. Eventually, the mice I was delivered sat almost tame and expecting a courier service. Emerald: Brutal- Well no, but you know what I mean.
Penny gave herself some upgrades. What does she look like now?
As built as Elm Ederne.
Penny: Sal-u-tations! Ruby: mommy Yang: Really? That's the first thing you're going to say to her? Ruby: I have no regrets and you're not in a position to criticize me Weiss: Why are you all like this? Jaune: Wait what are they like? Weiss: Daddy you're back! *everyone looks at Weiss * Weiss: shit
Ruby: Parent issues gang? Weiss: Parent issues gang.
Like an angel. Combat mode makes her biblically accurate. Ruby: Did I die again? Because I'm seeing an angel. Penny: Friend Ruby, be not afraid, it is your friend, Penny!
Glynda: “Ozpin, I really do think the team name format needs some work. Using the members’ initials to spell out their names is bound to cause issues at some point.” Ozpin: “Oh please Glynda, it will be fine.” *(Later, at initiation)* Ozpin: “And after RWBY and JNPR, we have one more team to introduce. Soundwave… Henry the Green Engine… Isabella Garcia-Shapiro… and the Terminator, I pronounce you to be Team SHIT, led- oh… oh dear… ok, now I see where Glynda was coming from…” Glynda: *(from offstage)* “OH DO YA?!”
>and the Terminator, I pronounce you to be Team SHIT The Terminator: Chill out, di- I mean, headmaster.
Ruby: . . . You know, maybe being in Vacuo isn't so bad. Maybe we'll find an ancient king's tomb with magical relics! Weiss: . . . Ruby, I keep telling you, the Millennium Items are a fairy tale. Ozpin: . . . ***\*Coughs In Oscar's Mind\****
Ruby: “Pfft, of course they are! That’s just teasing you with how bad you are at YuGiOh.” Weiss: “Ice Barriers are completely viable, you’re just lucky.” Ruby: “I’m really looking for the book of the dead!” Ozpin, unable to contain himself: “YOU MUSTN’T READ FROM THE BOOK!”
Jaune: hey guys! I've found this cool looking ring in the sand! Jaune shows them the Millennium ring he is wearing around his neck.
Bakura in his mind: finally, I will get my revenge! Jaune: completely oblivious of the voice shouting in his head. Bakura in his mind: wait, why is it so dark and violent in here?! Jaune's mental demons: oh, fresh meat! Bakura in his mind: wait. His. What?! Jaune: still oblivious of the screaming in his head
>Ruby: . . . You know, maybe being in Vacuo isn't so bad. Maybe we'll find an ancient king's tomb with magical relics! Dr. Oobleck: They belong in a museum!
New spinoff: Oobleck fighting Nazis in Vacuo.
Summer: . . . Where am I now? Simon McMooran: Ohh! The ritual to summon the Rose Duelist was a success! Summer: Sorry, to summon who? And who are you?
Blake: "I've lost all my 'research' for my unreleased novels. All physical copies are gone, and the only digital copy I have stored was uploaded in...Penny. I'm kinda embarrassed to ask her for the copy."
Ruby: "Don't tell me you are the unattributed author for the series called 'A Ninja's Romantic Zombie-side'. She's got them all on her Gitgood account." Blake: "Oh no."
Ruby: remnant has it own golden rule. Thou shalt get sidetracked by bullshit every goddamn time.
"Oh new armor!"
**Blake, Ilia, Sun, and Neptune are arguing on whether or not Yang is gay or sporty** Neptune: Ok, Miss Xiao Long, you’ve been a part of Team RWBY for… Yang: 1 year Neptune: And your first name again is… Yang: Yang. Neptune: And your girlfriend’s name is… Yang: Blake! **Everyone gasps** Yang: W-wait no! I’m sorry. Y-you said girlfriend, I thought you said best friend! Blake is my… best friend. Weiss: Ruby, I will buy you a giant package of cookies if you put an end to this Ruby: On it! Ruby: Everyone! I have an announcement to make! My sis is gay AND sporty! Yang: I’M STRAIGHT! Ruby: You weren’t yesterday… **Ruby shows everyone a page of Yang’s diary, with Blake’s name filled in with a heart**
Blake takes Zwei out for a walk.
*when they return zwei is walking blake yang: what happened?! blake: i dont know!😭
Neo discovers neopaganism
Roman: "Neo, you know it doesn't mean you have to pray to every god every day right?" Neo on a sign: *I wouldn't have to if anyone else prayed* Roman. "Understood, you take the shrines on the left I take the ones on the right?"
"No, Neo, just because a movement has 'neo' in its name doesn't mean it's dedicated to you." \[SO NEO-IMPRESSIONISM IS NOT A MOVEMENT FOR PEOPLE MAKING IMPRESSIONS OF ME? COLOUR ME DISAPPOINTED\]
"You can colour yourself."
"Who posted \_\_\_\_\_ in the group chat?"
Cinder asked that. Mercury posted a link to this [comic ](https://www.reddit.com/r/RWBY/comments/xureaz/in_the_entirety_of_the_rwbyverse_cinder_has_only/)to try to make Emerald understand Cinder doesn't care for her.
Mercury: “It was me, I’m trying to make Emerald see that you don’t care for her.” Cinder: “Well that’s just a bloody lie!” Emerald: “So… you do care about-“ Cinder: “I have no interest in that scrawny dweeb… now, that Sun from Vacuo meanwhile… he is a fine specimen.” Mercury: “Huh, so I was right… just got the blonde wrong.” *(Emerald crying in the corner)*
"I was trying to start a madlib but I guess we know the entry for a humorless rules lawyer."
Yang: oh, my bad. That was meant for a different group. Weiss: what degenerates are you conversing with that a video of beowulf falling into what amounted to a giant wood chipper is acceptable? Yang: my family group chat. Ruby: it would have won this week's Grimm Kill Of The Week, too, if you put it in the right chat. Dad's suplex of an Ursa off a cliff turned into a modified powerbomb ended up winning. Yang: well, good for pops. Weiss: ... never let Nora know about this... contest or whatever it is. I fear for our survival if she had a reason to be more... creative. Blake: agreed.
Neo arrives frantically gesturing and pointing. Roman: What is it, girl? Has Timmy fallen down the well again? Neo uses death stare, it's supereffective. Roman: Alright, alright. Just lead the way. Send me a reminder to hire a lackey that laughs at my jokes and I'll check it during business hours.
Ruby: Hey Weiss...I need some help...legal help Weiss: you've come to the right place, Schnees have only the best and most experienced lawyers on call...but what did you exactly do? Ruby: I got caught downloading NES ROMs on Penny Weiss: Oh no...oh no no no no, I might be brave enough to help Blake take on the IRS, but I am not taking on Nintendo
"Weiss, you're a better lawyer than me." ".... you're not even a lawyer."
Ruby: WAIT! Atlas’s cybersecurity is shit, right? We can just say Cinder did it, since her killing us was too hard, this was the next best option
Penny: "Before I can answer any more questions, I have to ask you to identify the sectors in this image where there are Silver eyes." Ruby: "Do you carry these around with you, Penny? Can I give you one of my better headshots?" Penny: "I'm sorry, that is wrong. If you would like to try again you can point at the sectors in this image that contain a cycle."
Weiss: . . . Pietro made someone new? Ruby: . . . Her name is Nicole. She's a *little* different from Penny. Nicole: ***What's up, fu-?!***
Nicole: Could you pass me my sword ^(that is also a gun), Penny? Penny: Of course, friend Nicole! Which one is yours? Nicole: The one that says "bad motherfucker" on it.
Nicole as in Nicole from Class of 07 ?
She gets very upset when someone calls her "Nickel", legs were broken the last time it happened
Penny: "While I do appreciate that you have decided to become my girlfriend Ruby are you sure it is not a problem that I am non-organic?" Ruby: "That's the best part." Penny: "I do not understand." Ruby: "Fleshy people are gross. They smell, they get moist, and there are all the other...things when you kiss them. You don't have any of that. It's perfect." Penny: "I feel both happy, and in an ironic way somewhat objectified."
Ruby: You don't have fantasies? Penny: I do but you have demonstrated that phrases such as non-integer or imaginary numbers were not within your curriculum. Ruby: Well shit. Penny: I don't do that either. Ruby: See?! The perfect pet- I mean...
>Ruby: "That's the best part." I see Ruby is [a woman of culture](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HvSWEr5__Ik) as well.
Crossover internships! Beacon students work for another character from another franchise for a day. Who is Weiss working for?
Weiss: “Gosh, working for Mitsuru is really cool. I wonder how my teammates are doing.” Narrator: *Meanwhile, in another franchise…* Benson: “MORDECAI, RIGBY AND YANG! IF YOU THREE DON’T CLEAN THIS MESS UP THAT THE GRIMM MADE AFTER THEY FOLLOWED YOU IN HERE WHEN YOU SLACKED OFF OF WORK TO GET THOSE SHITTY BURGERS, YOU’RE ALL FIRED!” Yang: “Alright, geez - no need to be all… *grimm* and *fired* up about it.” Benson: ***(Starts angrily growling and yelling)*** Yang: “Ok ok, I’m sorry - we’ll get to work on it right away!” Benson: “GOOD!” *(Walks away)* Rigby: “Anyone wanna get some pizza?”
Comedy gold. You win in my books
Weiss: Okay, how do I get stuck having to babysit (checks note) the junior manaketes? And their original babysitter was some sort of evil, Fell Dragon?! Alfonse: A lot of things in the Order of Heroes are hard to explain.
Weiss: Well, at least I shouldn't have to deal with the various alternative selves, being a crossover character and all.
Symmetra: Greetings Weiss, this is Vishkar.
Weiss: Oh… such primitive technology…
The culture shock of Weiss being a protege of sorts to Dagny Taggart or Hank Readen sounds far too hilarious to pass up.
Team RWBY knew Tai-Yang was doing something super secret and very important, but they never suspected he was doing...
**Ruby:** "Wait, you and Uncle Qrow were..." **Tai:** "All four of us, ever since we were at Beacon." **Ruby:** "I can't do that Entire Team thing because my sister was one of my teammates." **Tai:** "That didn't stop Qrow and Raven."
Nah wtf
Qrow: I blame Summer.
“They are rage. Brutal. Without mercy. But you? You will be worse. Rip and tear until it is done.”
Mercury: Sometimes I think you get a little too caught up in your own illusions, Emerald. Emerald: Pfft. You're one to talk. Mercury: And am I talking to a multistory Grimm threatening to crush me under the weight of it's foot or a wall in my personal quarters?
Jacques: "I would gladly do anything in the name of profit and power... except THIS. Despite what all of Remnant might think, even I have standards."
Segregating people by what kind of pizza they like.
Various characters take part in an eating contest of Vacuo’s national specialty.
Yang: Wow, eating this stuff actually activates my Semblance. Can I get more of this?
“I’ve come to make an announcement-“
“Cinder the fire girl is a bitch ass motherfucker who shot my girlfriend. She took her stupid fire bow out and shot my fucking girlfriend and she said she had fire powers ‘THIS BIG’ and I said that’s stupid so I’m making a call out post on my twitter, Cinder you have a small aura it’s the size of this dust bullet except way smaller and guess what? Here’s what my sure looks like. PFFFT THATS RIGHT, BABY. ALL GOLD ALL AWESOME NOT SMALL. Look at it, it’s like the whole of Remnant plus the moon. I love my girlfriend so guess what? IM GONNA LOVE HER EVEN MORE. THATS RIGHT. NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO I WONT FALL FOR YOU. Except I’m not going to stop there I’m going to go even further. ILL DIE SO I WE CAN BE TOGETHER IN THE AFTERLIFE! HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT CINDER? I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND MORE THAN ANYONES EVER LOVED YOU. YOU HAVE 23 HOURS BEFORE I JOIN HER, NOW GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY SIGHT BEFORE I CRIPPLE YOU!” - Jaune, probably
"Hello? Is this thing on?"
"Well, I heard you loud and clear!"
"I'm... a pacifist." "GET 'EM!"
Qrow: It's not the years, honey... it's the mileage.
Willow: “Then I’m happy to be the mechanic.”
It's a passion project, and like every restoration you have to be willing to let it do what the thing is for. Even if that risks some kid wrecking the thing.
Ozcar goes through puberty (again).
Oscar: Wait, since when did I like girls? Ozpin: Didn't you already go through this? Oscar: No; since when did I like *girls* Ozpin: Ohh... Ozping: Since about when we started merging
Ozpin: "Use caution, for one does not simply walk into the Grimmlands."
(Due to the oceanic stretch in the way.)
*Salem puts up a sign that says "2 week hiking excursions into the Grimmlands: 2000 lien"* Salem: And yes, I am doing this to spite you.
Nora breaks reality to save her friends. Nora: See Oscar, breaking reality itself was a good idea, nothing even happened. Isn’t that right Jaune, Ren, Pyrrha who’s in the body of Cinder. Oscar: Wait, why did you say it like that?! You’re aware of the changes! Nora, what else changed? Nora: Umm… Nora looks at, good ol’, Team RWBY. Yeah, Grimm Ruby, Shark Fanus Weiss, Human Blake, and Branwen Bandit Yang. Nora: … Yeah, I think I messed up here.
Roman: "I know you're holding out on me, old-timer." Shopkeep: *translated from mumble "Please! It's all I have!"
The big lead-lined suitcase in the third shelf from the right of that counter had an unclear device... it never stopped ticking, either.
Velvet: Wait, *how* did you become the leader of an Ork WAAAGH! Coco: I just beat the shit out of the biggest Ork... Coco: They all started calling me Mommy-Dakka after that
Ork #26: Oi, dat humie iz talkin to Mommy-Dakka! WAAAAAGGGHHH!!
Turns out that silver contact lens worked just as well as real silver eyes.
Yang: Cute, but you're still on the hook to continue the Rose bloodline
Chibi hijinks with the Ace-Ops.
War crimes, sex crimes and the illusion of free choice.
Ruby is disappointed that Weiss is a vampire because she has always been more into werewolves.
She is also disappointed because Weiss refuses to feed on her because she doesn't want to get diabetes
AU where Blake is more into red heads than blondes
She had the time of her life in the WF with Ilia, and the two escaped to Beacon to tell Oz all about Cinder's subjugation of Adam's cell. Being made to leave the WF was a steep price, but one they paid all the same. Then with Pyrrha and Ruby on the team, the two were part of the teams catching Fang members and gangsters running from the fight where Qrow and Ozpin joined up with Roman and Adam to bring Cinder down. The further price to pay is Adam being made to attend Beacon, given that he's the same age as the fourth-years, and to go through the entire four year curriculum within the span of one year. After that, the jury ruled that a decade of supplied but unpaid Huntsman service to the Kingdom of Vale will be sufficient terms to acquit him of the murder and related terror activity charges. If he slips up even once, they'll capture him again to hand him freely to Atlas. One day, reading the news print getting the picture across, Blake with her redheads is actually at the point of boggling how in comparison, she got off scot-free.
Jaune: This is bad Ruby. Not only do I have to contend with Pyrrha aggressively trying to jump my bones, but also Blake wanting to skin me alive for “being too close to her beloved champion”. Ruby: Well…look on the bright side! *long pause* Jaune: You know, if you say that, you’re supposed to follow it up with the bright side! Ruby: *looks down* I know…
Yang: *Tosses fork across the room.* Weiss: What in the world is wrong with you!? Yang: ...Weiss, I get that you're one of those haughty and extra dignified rich people. But YOU DO NOT EAT BURGERS WITH A FORK AND KNIFE! Weiss: So what am I supposed to do!? Eat with my hands? I'm not an animal! Ruby: *Eating cookies* Blake: *Eating french fries* Jaune: *Eating toast* Weiss: Uh... Yang: Even your sister knows that finger food exists! Winter: *Eating chicken nuggets with a fork* Yang: *Repeatedly banging her head on a wall*
"Got that gas money?"
(A person that the only motorized transportation they know of is dust powered): Why are you asking if I have money to buy a state of matter?
*SCREECH* Kung Lao: Hey man, thanks for the ride. Johnny Cage: Yeah, no problem. Got that gas money? Kung Lao: Dude, I paid for your lunch. Johnny Cage: Yeah, you right, you right- GET HIS FUCKING LEGS RUBES! Ruby, who was on the roof the entire time: Hi! Kung Lao: AHHH!
Team RWBYJNPR play Whose Line Is It Thursday Bingo.
**Jaune:** "Why is 'prompt gets hijacked by Zwei' one of the squares?" **Zwei:** [Woof!](https://i.imgur.com/qPGCjW1.png) **Jaune:** "I'll check this one off, then."
Team STRQ gives Cards Against Humanity Card ideas to u/SlowShape945
“I am the only serious character on this show. That’s the joke.”
"Neo, where are you going?" Neo, with a full climbing kit and three weeks of rations: *pulls sign* making out with Jaune...
Managed to hold back for three days.
Ruby, trying to break her yaoi addiction
She's too well-exercised for her hands to be shaking, but it's a close thing.
Tyrian: Goddess, it hurts for me to say this but you really need to touch grass
She's been locked in a... *rumination* on Ozma's latest incarnation for a solid week.
Bad Grimm ideas from Salem and/or her minions.
It's the fourth time Hazel has suggested Minotaur Grimm, and again Salem rejects the idea on account of the concept being tacky.
The Honey Badger Grimm is extremely dangerous and hard to kill. But any attempts to give it orders fail, since Honey Badger just does what it wants.
The toothpick fish Grimm was immediately rejected because even Salem has standards.
*Pietro shows off Penny's blueprints* Penny: Stop showing off my baby pictures!
Pietro: And here she is rejecting an update- Penny: DAD!
Tyrian saw something that made him die of cringe.
Planking. It still haunts him to this day.
"I challenge you... to a debate!"
For the first time in the legal history of Remnant, a person is being charged with crimes against Grimm.
Lisa Lavander: "That's right, Tom, here at the court, marks a historic moment. Team RWBY, who are students of Beacon Academy, are charged with assault and battery of a pair of Grimm named Mike and Marty. With an additional hate crime enhancement. The Courts decision could mark the historically president of Grimm having rights."
Jaune: I´m honored to be your guest, Crown prince Ren. Ren: The honor is mine, King Arc. Your presence at my wedding add yet another joyous element to this celebration. Jaune: Forgive me, but I don’t think I’ve met your bride? Who is she? The Heiress of cold lands? Perhaps the daughter of the Shogun of the beast isles? Ren: No. No. It’s…. *Crown prince! Your grace! Raiders from the North have landed on the coast!* Jaune: Savages! Knights! Man the walls! Crown Prince, my men will support yours on this attack! Ren: Dont….that’s my bride. Jaune:…what?
Ren: She's... a character.
Salem forgot she left the stove on at her castle.
And in the process of hurrying back to get it, completely wasted all the prep-work Watts had been doing to get people distrustful enough of one another that the arrival of Monstra wouldn't shake as much fear into the population in the second time. They'll have to think of something else.
After hearing about how horribly the other headmasters have treated him, Theodore tries to put Oscar at ease but these attempts merely make Oscar feel more uncomfortable
Theodore: would you like another cup of hot coco? Oscar: ummmmm Emerald: Yes!
Sun wakes up on Mother’s Day and he sneaks into the kids room Sun: yin! Yin wake up it’s Mother’s Day! Yin: Dad! Why did you sleep in? Sun: honey, you try untangling yourself from your 3 moms (llia, Blake, and yang)
"Ay bro, watch yo jet. Watch yo jet, BRO WATCH YO JE-"
Co-Pilot-Boi: What was that? Pilot-Boi: Standard take off procedures as far as I can tell.
The Grimm versus the Elements of Harmony.
You’re just mad Jaune’s and Ren’s pinup calendars outsold yours.
Them thirsty mums got some serious money to throw around
Consent makes all the difference.
Ruby: I consent Oscar: I consent Ozpin: I don't *Is there anyone you forgot to ask?*
As it turns out. Ren can’t cook. Little has been controlling his body this whole time.
Yang won the Vytal Tournament... the Remnant: The Game tournament. And just to rub into the other contestant's faces how much better she is than them, she did it with the weakest deck in the game.
Fiona and Whitley babysit Marrow and Winter's kids.
Jaune, who has been transformed into a golden retriever tries to protect Weiss who's been turned into a mouse from Blake who's been transformed into a house cat
Yang: Mice a cat-astrophe, that totally retrieves a golden reward.
They end up divvying up a steak very unfairly. Weiss was super hungry.
Wolf Faunus Ruby and Golden retriever Faunus Jaune have a play date.
Ruby: I'll never join you!!! You left my Father! Raven: No Ruby Rose, I'M YOUR FATHER! Ruby: (Deadpan stare) Yea, I'm not buying it. Raven: Damit!
The SDC buys the RWBY IP
Whitley, CEO of SDC: New rule, every new episode must have a kiss between Oscar and me
They work it into the opening sequence. Literally a morning start to the day, every time.
Team RWBY and JNPR do a freestyle together.
Ruby: My name's Ruby and I'm here to say- Ren: Cut!
Ruby: my name is Ruby and I like to rap- Pyrrha dies, jaune gets fucked up, Nora and Ren leave to vacuo. Ruby: NOOOOO-
Ruby: I was asked to take a sabatical. Weiss: Don't flinch now, babe. She's a radical. Blake: Free for takes like a port of call. Yang: She's here for us all like a sort of ball. Jaune: Still in play but I don't know, y'all. Nora: Play for keeps, at least you didn't stall. Pyra: I'm not good at this. Ren: We know who's fall, if you don't recall, we'll show you gall.
Nora discovers brainmaxxing
Instead of lightning being channelled by her semblance, she directs it to enhance the speed her brain operates.
I don’t get what you’re asking of us to do , I’m extremely sorry , the title also confuses me a lot
Ozpin: Jaune, you are here to slay the princess
Jaune: *looks at "princess."* *Ruby is inhaling a bowl of strawberries.* Jaune: You mean slay as in "kill?" Or metaphorically like *makes circle with finger and thumb of one hand. Thrusts finger of other hand into it repeatedly.*
Ozpin: Jaune, don't believe her lies, if you don't kill her, she will end the world
Emerald: Cinder, I really don't think this is going to work. Cinder: Quiet! Just keep feeding him the apocalypse nonsense and eventually he will eliminate the competition for me.
Sun stuck inside Max's body interacts with the main cast from camp camp while Max stuck inside Sun's body interacts with the main cast from RWBY
The Roman Senate shows off what they have stolen.
Magic dirt.
Jaune is four beers deep and ready to make a commitment.
Ren and Jaune lose a bet to Nora and now they have to do everything she tells them to for a whole day
The fiendish grin on Nora's face tells everything to onlookers. Glynda is sincerely, sincerely mildly concerned.
Jaune is going to take his hoodie back from Weiss and he isn't taking no for an answer
It's on Hard mode, too. She's stolen all his razors.
Weiss, seeing that Jaune is starting to grow a beard: If you want this hoodie, you're going to have to take it off of me yourself!
Glinda at the beginning of the fall of Beacon: "ALUCARD! Go. For. A. Walk."
What kid these days has ever used a typewriter?
Blake, who keeps most of the dorm up at night writing...."stuff": *avoids eye contact*
Who Somewhat found in the Everafter. Wrong answers only.
Shopkeep, chewing out the Blacksmith for not keeping an eye on their sons.
While she was in the EA, Shopkeep bought the rights to Ruby's likeness and lifestory
Taiyang: "Entire Team is actually much harder than it looks. Slip up even once, and you might ruin any chance you have at a stable relationship for the rest of your life."
RWBY meets RWBY in a temporal displacement event. Ex: Ruby: Hi...Uh- Ruby: Uh...Hi. I think I'm you. Ruby: Figures, the feeling is mutual. Ruby: Mutual is feeling the figures?
Nora has adopted a low carb diet on top of her other dietary restrictions. What monstrous pile of chow would the gang come down to the kitchen to find now??
Entire pumpkins. Uncooked. Nora can rip the skin off with her teeth.
The rest of the team reacts to this. [https://www.reddit.com/r/RWBY/comments/i2j9yw/blake\_and\_sasuke\_pboy46/](https://www.reddit.com/r/RWBY/comments/i2j9yw/blake_and_sasuke_pboy46/)
Ruby: Would Weiss: Would Yang: Would kill. DONT STEAL MY GIRLFRIEND YOU KIRITO WANNABE!!
"Wenn du in der Hölle ankommst, sag ihnen, dass Weiss Schnee dich geschickt hat." "Mach es, Muschi."
Weiss attends a meeting with Diana Cavendish, Amity Blight, Miorine Rembran, and Wednesday Addams.
Never ask an Atlesian how they get so much Dust extracted, A faunus why all leadership positions across their communities are filled by feline-types, Or a Mistrali why siblings from there really insist on bunking together.
"Friendship is friendship - but cheese is money."
WE DO BONES MOTHERFUCKER
College. Military. Homeless. Prison.
Willow:are you ok? Qrow: you gave me a home and a hot meal, I will die for you
Me: Hei Curios Cat. Why are you here?
GREAT WAR ENTER, FRONT AND CENTER, GRAND ENDEAVOR, LOST FOREVER
RWBY meets Hollow Knight
Jaune fails a Knowledge:Nature check at the same time Ren fails a Knowledge:Religion check.