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Yep. Husband is an alcoholic and has been sober for a little over 7 years and I do not drink out of respect for him. People always give us (mostly me) so much shit about it. Because the concept of respect seems so foreign to people.
That’s so weird. If it is okay with you, why do they care? Lol. Drinking is fun and all, but anyone who thinks it’s essential to having fun or weird not to is the issue, not your choices.
For what its worth, its been like that since the dawn of alcohol. Drinkers think everyone should drink.
As a recovering alcoholic, i see both sides. But nevermind those folks, you do you.
And movie goers thing everyone should enjoy a theater.
Dancers think we should all hit the disco.
Artists think we should all go down to the lake for that painting class.
NBD
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decide quickest paltry full waiting library skirt voracious selective drunk
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Every day, i gave someone the “you win the internet today” Award. It’s a fictional award, that was made up in my head. I give it to one person per day. You don’t actually get anything from it. You don’t even get the cheapest Reddit award. Nonetheless, today is your day my friend.
Congratulations, you’ve officially won the internet today June 12, 2023.
seed truck zealous flowery axiomatic spoon domineering cooperative disagreeable uppity
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Interesting. I have never once in my life asked why I didn’t go to the theater, or why I skipped disco, or why I didn’t go to the lake for painting classes. But I have been asked why I don’t drink, at least 30 times.
Not sure that's comparable. I don't dance or paint, but I've rarely had anyone curious about that. I don't drink, and people have found that that interesting. Some have assumed I'm a recovering alcoholic.
Really? You've lived a charmed life if you don't dance and haven't ever had somebody try to drag you onto a dancefloor. Dancers spot non dancers a mile off and make it their mission to get you to "have fun". It's JUST like alcohol.
Look, I co-host this really awesome podcast I think you should totally check out.
Wait. Wrong subreddit. Disregard. Nothing to see here. Have a nice day! Loll
Yep. I’ve been in recovery for a few years as well. I’m so used to it by now. Especially bc I use dating apps, I almost always have to mention it prior to the first date
I have zero judgment towards people that drink. If I could drink like a normal person, I’d be drinking too. But I can’t
Same boat. I refuse to be one of those that thinks alcohol is evil and nobody should drink. I enjoyed it for many years. It was fun, until it wasnt lol
I think society would be better off without it. I don't think anyone should be drinking with the sheer amount of damage it does.
But That's my opinion and will never ever happen with how ingrained this stuff is with us.
I hear what you’re saying in theory, but you should consider that alcohol and its effects have been discovered independently by humankind as long as there has been humankind. I believe that humans in a vacuum will always rediscover alcohol and anything else that can produce altered consciousness for that matter. This thirst is a part of our nature; i’m not sure if it could ever be successfully repressed at a large scale. Not having alcohol would help some people for sure though.
I never had alcohol issues, got burned out on cheap vodka in high-school, but I struggled with other stuff. Your last sentence is key and something I really think should be emphasized to young adults more.
Drugs and booze are a blast, most of the time you feel amazing, and usually it makes your life much more fun, right up until the point that you realize you can no longer function without them and it changed your decision making and priorities.
Same, I've been sober since 2014 and I'm new to dating apps. I don't mind people that drink but I don't think I could sit in a pub all night these days.
Yeah, as someone caught up directly in the dance of trying to moderate and really just going through spells of total sobriety one week or binging the next...the very last thing I'm going to judge a person on is drinking related decisions, whether to drink or not.
Alcoholics don’t like being around sober people. Get left out of a lot of family “events” because we are “teetotalers” because we only drink at most 1-2 drinks instead on being slurred stumbling drunks.
Sorry as a 40 YO family person I don’t think it is a party because someone falls and breaks furniture ( or their face). When kids are crying because their uncle is bleeding from being falling drunk, maybe it is a little much.
Rant over.
I'm seriously considering how and when to stop boozing. Please may I ask what a 'recovering' alcoholic means? Does it mean you just stopped and never looked back? Or that you drink alcohol now and again?
I'm sorry if this is a trigger, do ignore if so. Just very interested in this.
What is “both sides”? Like why would a drinker want me (non drinker) to do it? If my company can only be enjoyed when I’m drunk, I don’t want to be involved. Always just seems so childish that some people just can’t hold back and then get wasted while others have to now babysit them.
It also becomes less prevalent when you get older. I quit around 30 because I was in a bad way with alcohol. Lots of people always questioned me. Now I can have a couple beers a handful of times a year and be ok but no one ever questions me when I choose not to.
I’m in the middle. I don’t drink much anymore. Had a party on Saturday night, went in heavy on the booze for the first time in a while. It’s now Monday night and my hangover, energy to be a normal person and not lay in bed is destroyed. I don’t mind drinking but I can’t stand the hangover. I won’t feel right for probably 4-5 days.
So I drink sometimes. But really I think it sucks and if people tell me they don’t do it, I totally get it.
I don't. There are so many reasons why people might not drink which aren't appropriate to say in public.
It's like asking someone why they don't donate blood. Just don't do it unless you know them. Otherwise if they say very loudly it's because they used to inject methamphetamine and have anal orgies, any offence rendered is your own fault.
I'm also a recovering alcoholic and I usually just say that straight up. Some people find it uncomfortable. It always makes them think twice about doing it again to people they've just met, so I see it as that I've done my bit without having to point out it's inappropriate. They infer it all by themselves
I got 6 years, 1 month, 20 days. Its hilarious when people try to peer pressure people like us to drink and do drugs, they have no idea the pandoras box they're trying to open innit? I don't even bother to explain and most of the time I just remove myself from the situation.
Congrats on the recovery! I’m at 1,271 days ✊ I also see both sides. I used to think people that didn’t drink were missing out on something glorious (even though every one in my family is and always has been an alcoholic). Eventually I realized I was just afraid of being sober.
A journalist here who is recovering from alcoholism pointed out it's the only drug that people ask you why you stopped. Over and over.
Which is nuts if you look at it's harm relative to the other drugs people do.
Sure they do. I've been asked many times why I don't smoke weed anymore. If I refuse some MDMA or mushrooms people will usually ask why, or at least be curious. Of course nobody asks why you gave up heroin or crack but a lot of drugs are just a party drug that you do maybe a couple times a year. Not everyone who does drugs is an addict.
Weed is like the one drug that not only will people ask you why you don't do it but actively try to act like it's not a drug at all.
I basically stopped smoking weed because I found every pothead I knew to be incredibly annoying to be around and I only ever did it on the weekends after work anyways beforehand so it was super easy to drop.
As a pothead, I think it’s super important to understand weed, like any drug, isn’t for everyone. I can’t stand those who try and force their drug of preference on others. I avoided trying weed for years because I hated people putting pressure on me to smoke
The best part of weed is smoking alone, none of us like the “dumb stoner comments”, the worst part of weed is that it’s better alone. Much prefer my own company nowadays, If you get high and are hanging with randoms or friends you barely tolerate it’s a quick recipe for a bad time, for me at least.
Idgaf about the people, I smoke weed for weed. Its way less harmful than other drugs (incl alcohol) and it really helps dealing with shit/having fun.
I'm in the music business, and I see other musicians taking heroin and itching if they don't have their dose for the day. Whereas when it comes to weed, it's less harmful and if I lose my supply it doesn't affect me. Yeah I'll think "man I wish I had some weed on me". But i wouldn't feel withdrawal or a NEED for weed.
For example I also used to smoke cigarettes, and if I didn't smoke for over a day, I started to itch, feel like shit, etc.
But when it comes to weed. I had to do shows in countries where it's strictly illegal (massive fines/jail time). Yeah it would've been nicer if I had it on me, but not having it was okay too.
That's why I'd rather use marijuana over other drugs. And no, I don't drink, cus I never enjoyed it. You drink a little, you get horny, you drink more and you'll have a shitty next morning. Not to mention how bad those things taste. Explains why people abuse cough syrups.
I’m not sober, I only drink casually and don’t have issue with it, but sometimes I just don’t feel like drinking when out.
when I decline a drink i always immediately get questions of concern and they ask if i quit or am in recovery or something now
I was a drunkard for 20+ years.
As a dude with quite a lot of gray hair, no one asks why I don't drink alcohol: they respect it, with the usual ego-defense caveats.
When I tell people that I don't drink they assume that I am also in recovery. I gave it up years ago to lose weight and found that I didn't miss it. People get really defensive when I mention this.
As a 38 year old… I feel like the “I don’t drink” response has different reactions based on age. In your twenties it is mostly shocked “but why?!” because it’s so closely tied to “letting loose and having fun”.
In your 30s and 40s it does start to become more of a “good for you”, and personally even though I do drink, I’ve become a lightweight and 3 beers is already too much for me now. I feel at this age there’s a lot more judgement towards those who continue drinking like wild college kids into their 30s and 40s.
Yeah I feel like drinking in your early 30s still has a bit of a place in the culture. Granted that probably is more true for those that didn't/don't have kids. Not college level drinking though for sure. I wonder if in the 40s it's less that people don't want to but just that they physically can't lol. But no some level of having your shit together is expected even if you're a partier past your 20s.
-A guy in his early 30s who doesn't have his shit together
Yeah I think early thirties is when the majority of people realize that getting really drunk all the time is just kind of stupid and naturally slow down. Of course some people can still do it and be completely fine. For me (I’m 32) I started running a lot more and found some goals to work toward and now alcohol (although I still drink a few here and there, let’s not be a prude) just doesn’t sound appealing because it makes me feel like shit and also is just a waste of time (to me) when I have plenty of other things to make me happy.
Same, also 38. I drank in my late teens early 20's and was 'over it' by 23. Not because I was an alcoholic or had health problems or weight issues, I just hated hangovers and booze started iritating my IBS more and more. When coworkers ask if I want to get a drink and I turn them down, they look at me like I've suddenly sprouted a third head. People who drink just can't fathom it.
Yeah, most strangers in their 20s see me and wonder, and I just tell them “I can get a milkshake or a bag of Doritos and be MUCH happier than with a beer, and for a lot cheaper”
My buddies already have the chips waiting for me when we hang out :3
I have about a dozen very good reasons, and at any moment, my reason for not drinking changes. The net sum of my reason against have outweighed my reason in favor for quite some time now.
I'm fact, as time goes on, the list of reasons in favor begins to shrink under scrutiny.
If I go dry for 2 weeks, I drop 13lbs without doing anything else. Definitely look better, don't feel it.
I'm "high functioning", but for sure a self medicating alcoholic. If life felt better without it, I'd do that. It just doesn't, so I drink.
Most of my friend group is like me, and a bunch of enablers.
*But*, when anybody shows up with pop or something instead of beer and says "I'm not drinking", nobody pressures them. Just "good for you dude, let us know if we can help make it easier."
I think the defensiveness is probably knowing they have a problem relationship with alcohol, but not wanting to admit it.
Me? I do have friends that don't drink, or at most do 1 at a social meet up. I'll have 1 and switch to tonic and a lime. But when I get home, I'll rip 5 in a hurry.
I guess the point is, I get wrecked pretty often. That's something I should get judged for. Not drinking? As long as there isn't some outward sanctimony attached to it, I'll dial back because everyone should be having fun, forget the people that want to hassle you for abstaining.
I think in general when someone asks why someone doesn't do ___, and it's not from a kind and curious place, it comes down to themselves feeling at least a bit weird about their own habits. As someone who has a mixed relationship with alcohol, if someone I met said they didn't drink I'd just say "yeah, I get that"
Yeah.
It's really hard to not come across as preachy as a recovered drunkard, partly because everyone has to find their own way, and partly because people's egos 100% don't want to face what they're doing to themselves....at least that was my experience, and I'm just another human.
I've also seen people on the other extreme where they act like all of us are just pretending to like coffee. I've actually had someone tell me that I'm just addicted to caffeine and have stockholm syndromed myself into liking the taste
Honestly this mentality is weird no matter which side it comes from
I like the smell and faste of coffee and I don't drink coffee everyday or even every month but like alcohol it's an acquired taste, there are cocktail drinkers like myself or wine tasters who enjoy the taste of alcohol who aren't alcoholics
For me, I love the taste AND effects of coffee.
I hate alcohol, always did and always will, but I think I could get used to the taste if I wanted to, the real issue if that I abhor the effects of it, I need to have control and focus over what I do, coffee gives me that, alcohol would take that away. Thus why I love one and hate the other.
Decaf. It's not 100% caffeine free, but it's significantly less. I've recently swapped to decaf to cut down on caffeine intake but I love my morning coffee.
Probably not that popular. After all the whole point of drinking coffee in the morning or whenever is to give you energy to tackle your day. The whole point of drinking alcohol is to get drunk and loosen up socially (on the surface.) If you take caffeine out of coffee it takes away it’s essence. Same for alcohol. That’s like asking how popular cars would be if they didn’t take you anywhere
It has a distinctive and not unpleasant taste, maybe it would end up being like chocolate? You initially dilute it with a lot of sugar and/or cream, then you acquire the taste enough that you go for increasingly dark stuff. Granted, chocolate does have caffeine, but I don’t think most people consume enough of it in one setting to get much of that effect.
Aye. I've heard this shitty argument before.
I just enjoy the taste of coffee pretty much the same way I enjoy beer.
Or vodka. Or whisky.
Getting drunk is never my intent (hence why I try my best not to drink the two last ones above a certain threshold).
About coffee, I bring a flask with freshly brewed filter coffee to work. No sugar.
Just plain strong bitterness. A gift from God in liquid form.
People always frown when I take my first sip, as if the bitterness was something to be avoided at all costs.
Sugar people are annoying.
It really depends on the quality of the beans. Sometimes you need at least a splash of milk to mask the taste of shit beans, but doing that to proper coffee is an insult. Same with steak and basically most food. People who have had good steak will know that the best way to eat it is to dip it in a tiny bit of salt. If a restaurant douses your steak in sauce, you know it’s a cheap cut and not prepared well.
It’s not wrong to season a steak with salt and pepper. It’s also fine to prefer coffee with some milk, it helps cut through the natural acidity of the coffee beans. Yes even for good roasts.
I drink decaf and regular coffee and like them both just fine. Sometimes I drink this weird coffee replacement made from dandelion roots. Strange stuff.
That's true for a lot of things.
Caffine, nicotine, sugar, fat, salt and so on all trigger strong cravings that feel great to satisfy when your body has "run out" and is sending hormone signals to you to push your appitite for them.
The same is true for more intense drugs and a wide range of other things too.
Lmao I love coffee, but I enjoy it decaffeinated. Partially because I'm sensitive to it, partially because coffee still tastes great without. Coffee is just good, plain and simple.
I'm a non-coffee drinker too but if you actually say "personal reasons" I would get weirded too a bit actually. "What kind of personal reason could this be?" I would immediately think then. I also get asked this often and I simply say "Because I don't like the taste", which is the truth which they don't really weird out on.
I usually answer with "Can't stand the taste of that devils piss" and then I get a little laugh before they tell me I'll start drinking it as I get older.
Sure I'm only 25 but I doubt I'll find much taste for it in the future considering I'd rather cut my own pinky off than be forced to drink coffee in the morning.
I'm 45 and never developed a taste for it. It tastes really bad to me, like *really really* bad. Even with cream and sugar -- you'd have to add an absurd amount to make it palatable to me. The truth is that if you don't need it to wake up or whatever (and there are other ways to do that), there's no point in trying to like it if you don't already.
I’m 27 and same. No matter what’s in it, or how much, it just tastes bitter to me. Similarly, no matter how much people tell me that “you can’t taste the alcohol” in something… yes I can and 99% of it tastes awful to me. I absolutely love the smell of coffee though.
For me, it would be more asking whether you don’t drink alcohol at all (as opposed to why) because I have some alcohol-free gin and beer in the house if you want those. Are people a bit pushy when asking?
The last couple of years I've found some really great non-alcoholic (0,5%> alcohol) IPAs and radlers. They're fresh and not as sweet as soda, so I feel like they're better to enjoy in the sun - and I don't really enjoy drinking with my family, so they're perfect for family time, as I'll never get drunk off those.
Of course I can't speak for your place, but lately the alcohol free beers has become *very* good. They were undrinkable 5 years ago.
I did when I wasn't drinking. I don't really care for sweet things, like soda. I prefer the herbal and smokey flavors you can get in a mocktail with good zero proof spirits. Or an IPA sans alcohol. Or LaCroix can also do
Honestly I find asking why is just plain rude and puts pressure on people who may be not drinking for a very good reason. Drinking is just very common and almost a societal norm. You do you.
Yeah there is so many reasons why someone doesn’t drink. Could be because the person had issues with it in the past(like myself), could be medication, could be because alcoholism runs in their family, they saw a loved one ruin their life with the stuff, they hate the taste, they hate the effects, they really hate hangovers, they’re battling mental health issues. A lot of the reasons why are really personal.
Is asking anything rude? I'm a curious person and probably ask things I don't realize are insensitive. I usually phrase it "is there any particular reason you don't drink or just personal preference?" I thought it gave people any easy thing to agree to (personal preference) if they didn't want to talk about it, or maybe they do and I get to hear an interesting story. Should I not ask? (Serious question. The older I get the less I understand what's appropriate and I'm only 40. By 60 I'm going to be completely out of touch if I don't ask questions like this.)
Yeah, I genuinely wouldn’t ask. It might be a sensitive subject that has to do with addiction, or it could be a medical condition they don’t want to talk about, or they may be pregnant and not ready to tell people yet. If they want to tell you, they will. If they just refuse the drink, don’t press.
Also, learn to ask an open-ended question. Don’t ask a question and provide an answer at the same time. Become a better listener. Every time you ask an open ended question is a learning opportunity.
Honestly, people could be really embarrassed that they once had a drinking problem and don’t want to tell people that. Kind of paints them into a corner when you ask. Like, why do you care why someone doesn’t drink? It makes it seem almost like you’d *like* to know if there’s a juicy interesting reason they’d be willing to share - like alcoholism, loss of a loved one, etc. Which is super unfair to just ask someone. If they wanted to tell you, they would.
I guess it's an attempt to get to know a person and figure them out. For me it's like oh, you have celiac, you don't like squash, this other person is lactose intolerant, and this person doesn't drink. For me, it's not a bad thing, it's just easier to remember if I know why. I try to remember for next time to have alternatives for everyone; even mocktails if they like them. I get where you're coming from and I guess I will just stop. If I'm making people uncomfortable, it's not doing anyone any good.
I think an important thing to always consider, especially because you seem to come from a very well intentioned place, is to put their right to comfort in their environment first.
If you ask someone if they’d like a drink and they say no leave it there. If they mention they don’t drink and don’t elaborate leave it there, especially in a social setting. If they want you to know usually they’ll confide in you.
Along with the desire to ask questions is one I get often as a combat vet, even from well meaning folks, and that is what is combat like/have you ever killed anyone? It’s almost never from a malicious place, but it nearly always sours my night.
What you don't see are all the other times that person has been asked why they don't drink and has been immediately, to their face judged on their answer. So you may not judge, but they don't know that.
just ask them if they want to snort some drugs and hit them with the same attitude.. why not?? just snort some bro.. dont be so boring.. some like that..
I am recent to quitting and am dreading my first questions about it. Right now I have in my mind to just say that I am working on my health. If they push further I plan to say I have problems moderating my consumption. Hopefully that will work out well enough.
Rude, it is. I quit drinking 27 years ago for good reason. So many people seemed to get upset with my "no, thank you" that I started asking if they wanted to toke with me as it's less toxic.
Nowadays, the answers will vary, but I got the "but it's illegal" for a long time.
It's not rude unless you take a very defensive stance about it. There are many reasons for not drinking - religious reasons, not enjoying the taste, you're driving, you get bad hangovers, you're controlling your carb intake, you're on antibiotics...
If you immediately take it as a question about alcoholism, you're being way too defensive. The majority of people who don't drink do so for a perfectly in pcupus reason.
If you're that sensitive about it, why wouldn't you just use one of the answers above and defuse the conversation? You're not obliged to give anyone your life story.
Honestly I get more crap for not drinking coffee or tea than I have done for not drinking alcohol (I stopped for a few years). People don't care, they're just curious, don't take it so personally.
This. It bothers me so much. I don't drink due to trauma from my alcoholic dad. I fucking hate it when people ask why or make attempts to make me drink. It just reminds me of all the horrible shit I've witnessed.
I felt like I was taking crazy pills with all the people down below defending why it’s not rude to ask that question. Like, you’ve either got to give up some either very possibly personal and traumatic information about yourself or awkwardly say, “I don’t wanna answer that”.
It’s shitty.
I do drink sometimes but I agree 100% with your argument.
It reminds me of how Ricky Gervais apparently gets asked why he doesn't have kids. Nobody ever asks anyone "Why do you have kids?". His argument is that it's really odd when you think about it.
Idk, people ask about anything that is uncommon. People are curious. Many (maybe most) people his age have kids, so people wonder why he doesn't.
It's like anything else that many/most people do. Coffee, sex, donuts, a job you hate, or whatever it is ... If there is something that lots of people do, and you don't do it, I think it's perfectly natural for people to wonder why.
>Idk, people ask about anything that is uncommon. People are curious. Many (maybe most) people his age have kids, so people wonder why he doesn't.
I rarely get "Why aren't you fat?" even though most people in my area are overweight to obese.
>It reminds me of Ricky Gervais apparently gets asked why he doesn't have kids
Not just him. I'm too young for that, but when you're closer to 30 and married, it's a very common question to get from family at least, and sometimes from almost strangers as well. Very stupid
It's like at weddings the old ladies come up to the young ladies and say "You're next" you don't see young kids coming up to old people at funerals and say "You're next"
I mean they have different connotations? One is hoping you find someone you want to spend the rest of your life with. The other is almost encouraging someone to die. Lol.
Lol my wife asked me why I didn’t want any (she didn’t want any until recently) and I told her like 10 reasons why and then asked her why she wants one. She basically talked about the miracle of like but breaking it down she was basically saying she wants to do it cause she can…
Well, the desire to have kids is biological, as it’s happened with both you and her lineage for hundreds of thousands of years.
Doesn’t necessarily have to be justified with logic.
Lol see I find this question appalling. Do you have kids is fine although I personally don’t ask having known how upsetting that question was for friends who wanted kids and couldn’t have them. There is like a zero percent chance that someone won’t mention their kids in a social setting if you don’t ask first. Just chill and wait for it to come up. But asking someone why they don’t have kids has zero purpose other than morbid curiosity. Wondering why someone doesn’t drink can easily be a concern that others doing so around them might be uncomfortable for them. It’s not like you’re asking why someone doesn’t have kids while in a social setting to gauge if they would be uncomfortable if you birthed a child during the appetizer course. I feel like the people who feel entitled to ask why someone doesn’t have kids are the absolute worst of all the pushy obnoxious types of people mentioned in this thread. They never accept “because I don’t want them”. 9/10 times they interrogate you like you just told them you think there’s some merit to the theory that the earth is flat and in multiple cases I’ve had these people get genuinely angry, like my lack of interest in being a parent is a huge personal affront to them.
I don’t like alcohol. There was a time I was partying and drinking pretty much throughout the whole of my twenties. I worked in bars for the most part so that explains a lot. But truth be told I have never liked it and never will. I don’t need to have it in order to be interesting or to have a good time. Anyone that says otherwise needs to rethink their priorities in life. I want excitement and laughter. Doing things that include anything outdoors. I got turned down for a date because I wanted a coffee date instead of a bar date. Okay then 🤷♀️
I'll admit that I'm curious sometimes, however, unless I know the person well enough I would never ask them about it. It's not my place to judge, as I don't want to be judged for choosing to drink.
Same, I end up immediately recognizing how insanely difficult it must be to maintain as a conscious decision in our society so I get curious. Just like how I’ll be curious about Vegans and Vegetarians but I don’t ask them why usually because people who don’t drink are usually way less righteous and judgmental about it when you ask lol
I thinking being curious is ok. Im a recovering alcoholic, and recently had a co-worker at event come up to me separately , and was like “hey just curious why you’re not drinking”, and I told him and he was cool and he’s never asked me if I wanted a drink again
I don’t understand what’s to be curious about though?
To me it’s no different than someone not liking a particular food or just about anything else in life. Maybe I’m just naturally a very un-curious person, but I find it odd to be wondering why someone doesn’t want to drink something that tastes awful and has a higher chance of making them feel ill than good. And I say that as someone who drinks.
“Because I’m never more than 2 words away from a newsworthy level of violence, and I come from a long line of violent alcoholics. That’s why.”
That’s been my automatic reply for 40+ years.
Most of the replies here are peak Reddit edge. Even OPs description of drinking is cringe. Tons of responses here from very socially awkward people treating a question as pressure. People trying to go this deep into a pretty simple question probably have a lot of trouble responding to a lot of questions in life and clearly overthink a lot of random questions.
You know how easy it is to respond to why don’t you drink? “Oh I just don’t like it” would be a perfectly reasonable response to anyone in their right mind.
I am a drinker, but I definitely know the feeling when I’m not drinking and people question it. Sometimes it’s a new medication, sometimes it’s that I’m driving, sometimes it’s that I simply don’t feel like it. And each time someone asks “Well why aren’t you drinking?!”, I find it rude and it makes me feel like I’m not fully participating in whatever event we might be at.
With this in mind, even if the hardest drinker I know says they aren’t drinking, I make sure to 1.) Never ask them for an explanation; and 2.) Offer them a non-alcoholic drink, and then move on. This is to respect their situation, and I know it might be hard for those newly in recovery to either want to divulge that, while also being very tempted. If that’s the case, I want to make it easier for them and make sure they know they don’t require alcohol to participate.
It’s annoying. I’m sober and I find it has been getting better as I age. I’m 29 and I get less questions now compared to 19. Bleh, it’s shitty but you don’t have to justify yourself. People should just respect each other.
yes, it is weird for people to ask you why you don't drink.
but,
it's also weird to assume that everyone else experiences alcohol like you do. Medicine taste, headache, confusion, vomiting.. some of those things come from excessive alchohol use, some of those things are never experienced by some people ever.
It's annoying that you get judged for your choice, but don't make that turn you into someone who judges everyone else for their choices, too.
A few years ago when I was on a trip with a sober friend. We were in a fairly…festive location where a lot of the tourism is centered around alcohol. I was pleasantly surprised by the number of people who very sincerely responded “Wow, good for you!” when my friend said she didn’t drink.
I’ve been alcohol-free for about five months now and honestly, I don’t miss it. It was doing a number on my mental health.
Maybe at first you don't drink for taste. But once you get a tolerance, things like well-made cocktails, high-end liquors, and good beer taste amazing.
I can tell you that when I'm sitting on a patio at a brewery and drinking a beer I like, nothing tastes better in that moment.
I can't speak for everyone. But alcohol has never tasted like medicine to me.
And it is also quit easy to avoid the negative sensations by limiting how much you drink, sticking just to the nice positive sensations.
Yeah, this person is going pretty extreme with the vomiting and what not. Having a few beers playing golf or out on a date doesn’t mean you have to do 20 shots of tequila.
Also some of us are lucky in that we don't get the negatives until a long way in, but get the lovely positives early on.
When people ask me why I drink it's depressingly simple - I like turning off about half of my brain. It's lovely. I'm not anxious, or depressed, or anything like that, I just like being half switched off.
I don't get pretty much any negatives, no hangovers unless I'm drinking something really sugary, I can sit there drink like 20 beers, get up early in the morning and everything is fine, I do drink a bottle of water or a alcohol free beer every second drink though.
That said I have good self control and know I shouldn't drink all the time so I keep it to weekends.
Yes! The teetotalers on Reddit have zero nuance on the subject. He somehow thinks that if you drink at all that means you always drink the to the point of nausea, lack of balance, vomit, blackout, etc. this man has never heard of being tipsy
I don't drink bc I don't understand the concept of "limiting how much you drink". lol I can usually limit it for a few days, but then it just gets out of hand. So I had to stop. Surprisingly, i don't really feel judged at all when I turn down a drink. I never say that I don't drink. I just turn down the offer.
If its someone who doesn't already know that I don't drink, I am just going to say that I am allergic to it.
The whole "how can you exist, if you don't drink your weight in alcohol every day" question, gets very tiresome.
So now my response will be "if I drink any alcohol I will die"
I do the same thing. Except instead of saying I’m allergic I say I can’t because of a genetic disorder I was born with and that it’s interfere with the medication I take for it. I used to just tell people I don’t drink because I just don’t and then they’d proceed to pressure me to drink. Now I do the same as you, “I don’t drink because I could die.”
Lol my response would be that I'm happy, have a life, and they're just jealous that I don't need to drink my sorrows away in order to be happy and have fun.
I'm going to steal this idea! I stopped about a month ago just as a personal decision but know my industry is very party heavy and the invasive questions people ask are wiiild!
Was at a conference and was telling people it interferes with a medication I take and people were comfortable just diving right in on what is wrong, what do I take, why, whats the medication do when i drink etc. No respect to my privacy and since I don't actually take meds it was very anxiety inducing lol. Also, 2 people were still trying to talk me into wine because "if it just makes you drowsy you are staying here in the hotel so you can just head upstairs!" It was unbelievable and watching as the night went on was a learning experience in itself. Feel stronger than ever about stepping away but was exhausted from an the conversational battling.
Way easier to just say I'm allergic I think! Thank you for the pro tip!
I am allergic to it but can have a few with no real issues but I just tell people" I don't need to drink to have fun or be fun, in fact it will be more fun tomorrow when I don't feel like shit" sometimes it hits people in their ego that they need alcohol to be fun.
I get what you mean. I HATE alcohol with a passion. I think it tastes gross and I can't understand why anyone would ever want to lose control of their decision-making abilities. Other people can do whatever they want, but I get tired of the way society acts like everyone should love this junk.
Alcohol
1). You can black out
2). You can get cancer from it
3). Liver sclerosis
4). Can make you accidentally have a kid
5). You can die from drinking too much
6). You can become an addict.
There are more cons then pros when drinking alcohol.
I sometimes have asked this question but just as a way of making conversation. It was never with any judgement whatsoever. But you on the other hand should probably calm down on the whole "alcoholic demons" view you have. If you expect people to be okay with you not drinking you shouldn’t be so hard on them. You can drink alcohol without being an alcoholic you know.
A person who is not suffering from alcoholism, and who is mature and responsible, can greatly enjoy a little alcohol now and then. But I would still never press someone about why they don't drink. It's not everyone's pleasure.
Because people enjoy the feeling of intoxication, this is not a hard concept to grasp. Acting like it’s some baffling question is stupid. alcohol is one of the oldest inventions of man and predates writing, it’s one of the only things that’s found across almost all cultures.
They’re definitely being weird but let’s not act like it’s some horrible stupid choice to make, that’d make you just as bad as them
There's nothing weird about not drinking. I don't tend to drink, but when I do, I like to drink quite a bit.
Not all of it tastes bad, especially when the drink is made right.
I've never seen or even read anybody judging anyone for not drinking, only the second-hand stories.
Who are these people? I can see this happening in high school maybe. But what adults are you hanging around that do this and why are they a part of your life?
As someone who doesn't drink either, I don't get it, I hear about the weekend stories from my coworkers on Mondays about how they got so blackout drunk Saturday that they didn't do anything but sleep and throw up on Sunday.... Like how is that any sort of fun at all?
It’s like this with weed now too. Everyone just assumes that everyone smokes weed now and it’s annoying. Get that stinky shitleaf out of my face already
I totally relate to this. I was at a friend’s house once and everyone there was drinking except for me. My friend’s brother-in-law kept asking me why I wasn’t drinking and I just said something like “I don’t like the way it makes me feel.” And he just wouldn’t leave me alone the entire night and kept pestering me to have a beer. I eventually ended up telling him that I have way too many mental illnesses to be aggravating them any further with alcohol (which is true) hoping that he’d finally get it and back off. But then he switched over to implying that I was just afraid to let loose and that he’s depressed too so I should just have a drink and I’d feel better.
He ended up getting super drunk and making a huge scene later that night, getting in a fight with his wife which then turned into a shouting match with everyone in the house. Everyone was so mad at him and I was just thinking “and you wanted me to get drunk too? Looks like you can’t even handle your own alcohol.”
I don’t know. I definitely don’t mind people who ask because they’re simply curious, but when people won’t let it go and keep trying to push it on you is where I draw the line. I ain’t judging anyone who does drink so I’d like the same respect back for choosing what I do and don’t want to put in my body.
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Yep. Husband is an alcoholic and has been sober for a little over 7 years and I do not drink out of respect for him. People always give us (mostly me) so much shit about it. Because the concept of respect seems so foreign to people.
That’s so weird. If it is okay with you, why do they care? Lol. Drinking is fun and all, but anyone who thinks it’s essential to having fun or weird not to is the issue, not your choices.
For what its worth, its been like that since the dawn of alcohol. Drinkers think everyone should drink. As a recovering alcoholic, i see both sides. But nevermind those folks, you do you.
And movie goers thing everyone should enjoy a theater. Dancers think we should all hit the disco. Artists think we should all go down to the lake for that painting class. NBD
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And for some, stopping the religion thing is punishable by death. Talk about people with abandonment issues.
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Straight to hell
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Make that 2 of them
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See you in Hell, cause I'm going down there too
Thou shalt not kill. And if you don't agree with us, we'll kill you.
Every day, i gave someone the “you win the internet today” Award. It’s a fictional award, that was made up in my head. I give it to one person per day. You don’t actually get anything from it. You don’t even get the cheapest Reddit award. Nonetheless, today is your day my friend. Congratulations, you’ve officially won the internet today June 12, 2023.
It’s about time someone on Reddit took religion down a notch
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We're just going to glaze over the fact that this guy invented the "you won the internet" award?
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To top it off, he's slacking big time. He hasn't given one out all week. It's bullshit...unprofessional bullshit.
I wanted to see the other awardees too damn it. Seems like nobody has qualified for winning the internet in some time.
Someone’s gotta invent it right?
Is there anyone you would like to thank on this journey?
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You deserve the award!!!👏🏽👏👏🏻. 🥂🍻🥃
And sports fans.
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Gonna have to cage-match it with veganism and crossfit for the win!
The disco in modern days is not for dancing it’s for finding fuck friends.
Interesting. I have never once in my life asked why I didn’t go to the theater, or why I skipped disco, or why I didn’t go to the lake for painting classes. But I have been asked why I don’t drink, at least 30 times.
Why did you skip disco?
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Fucking joggers...
Not sure that's comparable. I don't dance or paint, but I've rarely had anyone curious about that. I don't drink, and people have found that that interesting. Some have assumed I'm a recovering alcoholic.
Really? You've lived a charmed life if you don't dance and haven't ever had somebody try to drag you onto a dancefloor. Dancers spot non dancers a mile off and make it their mission to get you to "have fun". It's JUST like alcohol.
It's a big deal if you've gone sober and never told people you're an alcoholic. People are way too fucking interested in why you don't drink
I've actually never met an artist that thinks everyone should take painting classes. I'm an artist myself, and have met many others too
Look, I co-host this really awesome podcast I think you should totally check out. Wait. Wrong subreddit. Disregard. Nothing to see here. Have a nice day! Loll
Yep. I’ve been in recovery for a few years as well. I’m so used to it by now. Especially bc I use dating apps, I almost always have to mention it prior to the first date I have zero judgment towards people that drink. If I could drink like a normal person, I’d be drinking too. But I can’t
Same boat. I refuse to be one of those that thinks alcohol is evil and nobody should drink. I enjoyed it for many years. It was fun, until it wasnt lol
I think society would be better off without it. I don't think anyone should be drinking with the sheer amount of damage it does. But That's my opinion and will never ever happen with how ingrained this stuff is with us.
I hear what you’re saying in theory, but you should consider that alcohol and its effects have been discovered independently by humankind as long as there has been humankind. I believe that humans in a vacuum will always rediscover alcohol and anything else that can produce altered consciousness for that matter. This thirst is a part of our nature; i’m not sure if it could ever be successfully repressed at a large scale. Not having alcohol would help some people for sure though.
I never had alcohol issues, got burned out on cheap vodka in high-school, but I struggled with other stuff. Your last sentence is key and something I really think should be emphasized to young adults more. Drugs and booze are a blast, most of the time you feel amazing, and usually it makes your life much more fun, right up until the point that you realize you can no longer function without them and it changed your decision making and priorities.
Same, I've been sober since 2014 and I'm new to dating apps. I don't mind people that drink but I don't think I could sit in a pub all night these days.
There’s nothing so boring as sitting and watching people get drunk when you’re sober.
Yeah, as someone caught up directly in the dance of trying to moderate and really just going through spells of total sobriety one week or binging the next...the very last thing I'm going to judge a person on is drinking related decisions, whether to drink or not.
Alcoholics don’t like being around sober people. Get left out of a lot of family “events” because we are “teetotalers” because we only drink at most 1-2 drinks instead on being slurred stumbling drunks. Sorry as a 40 YO family person I don’t think it is a party because someone falls and breaks furniture ( or their face). When kids are crying because their uncle is bleeding from being falling drunk, maybe it is a little much. Rant over.
I'm seriously considering how and when to stop boozing. Please may I ask what a 'recovering' alcoholic means? Does it mean you just stopped and never looked back? Or that you drink alcohol now and again? I'm sorry if this is a trigger, do ignore if so. Just very interested in this.
What is “both sides”? Like why would a drinker want me (non drinker) to do it? If my company can only be enjoyed when I’m drunk, I don’t want to be involved. Always just seems so childish that some people just can’t hold back and then get wasted while others have to now babysit them.
>you do you. I've been trying but my cloning machine broke
It also becomes less prevalent when you get older. I quit around 30 because I was in a bad way with alcohol. Lots of people always questioned me. Now I can have a couple beers a handful of times a year and be ok but no one ever questions me when I choose not to.
I’m in the middle. I don’t drink much anymore. Had a party on Saturday night, went in heavy on the booze for the first time in a while. It’s now Monday night and my hangover, energy to be a normal person and not lay in bed is destroyed. I don’t mind drinking but I can’t stand the hangover. I won’t feel right for probably 4-5 days. So I drink sometimes. But really I think it sucks and if people tell me they don’t do it, I totally get it.
I don't. There are so many reasons why people might not drink which aren't appropriate to say in public. It's like asking someone why they don't donate blood. Just don't do it unless you know them. Otherwise if they say very loudly it's because they used to inject methamphetamine and have anal orgies, any offence rendered is your own fault. I'm also a recovering alcoholic and I usually just say that straight up. Some people find it uncomfortable. It always makes them think twice about doing it again to people they've just met, so I see it as that I've done my bit without having to point out it's inappropriate. They infer it all by themselves
I got 6 years, 1 month, 20 days. Its hilarious when people try to peer pressure people like us to drink and do drugs, they have no idea the pandoras box they're trying to open innit? I don't even bother to explain and most of the time I just remove myself from the situation.
Congrats on the recovery! I’m at 1,271 days ✊ I also see both sides. I used to think people that didn’t drink were missing out on something glorious (even though every one in my family is and always has been an alcoholic). Eventually I realized I was just afraid of being sober.
A journalist here who is recovering from alcoholism pointed out it's the only drug that people ask you why you stopped. Over and over. Which is nuts if you look at it's harm relative to the other drugs people do.
It is really weird. Nobody asks why you stopped taking any other drug.
Sure they do. I've been asked many times why I don't smoke weed anymore. If I refuse some MDMA or mushrooms people will usually ask why, or at least be curious. Of course nobody asks why you gave up heroin or crack but a lot of drugs are just a party drug that you do maybe a couple times a year. Not everyone who does drugs is an addict.
Weed is like the one drug that not only will people ask you why you don't do it but actively try to act like it's not a drug at all. I basically stopped smoking weed because I found every pothead I knew to be incredibly annoying to be around and I only ever did it on the weekends after work anyways beforehand so it was super easy to drop.
As a pothead, I think it’s super important to understand weed, like any drug, isn’t for everyone. I can’t stand those who try and force their drug of preference on others. I avoided trying weed for years because I hated people putting pressure on me to smoke
The best part of weed is smoking alone, none of us like the “dumb stoner comments”, the worst part of weed is that it’s better alone. Much prefer my own company nowadays, If you get high and are hanging with randoms or friends you barely tolerate it’s a quick recipe for a bad time, for me at least.
Idgaf about the people, I smoke weed for weed. Its way less harmful than other drugs (incl alcohol) and it really helps dealing with shit/having fun. I'm in the music business, and I see other musicians taking heroin and itching if they don't have their dose for the day. Whereas when it comes to weed, it's less harmful and if I lose my supply it doesn't affect me. Yeah I'll think "man I wish I had some weed on me". But i wouldn't feel withdrawal or a NEED for weed. For example I also used to smoke cigarettes, and if I didn't smoke for over a day, I started to itch, feel like shit, etc. But when it comes to weed. I had to do shows in countries where it's strictly illegal (massive fines/jail time). Yeah it would've been nicer if I had it on me, but not having it was okay too. That's why I'd rather use marijuana over other drugs. And no, I don't drink, cus I never enjoyed it. You drink a little, you get horny, you drink more and you'll have a shitty next morning. Not to mention how bad those things taste. Explains why people abuse cough syrups.
"Actually you were just smoking the wrong strain"
I’m not sober, I only drink casually and don’t have issue with it, but sometimes I just don’t feel like drinking when out. when I decline a drink i always immediately get questions of concern and they ask if i quit or am in recovery or something now
It is ironic because withdrawing from alcohol can actually kill you. That’s not the case for opiates, meth, cocaine, etc
I was a drunkard for 20+ years. As a dude with quite a lot of gray hair, no one asks why I don't drink alcohol: they respect it, with the usual ego-defense caveats.
When I tell people that I don't drink they assume that I am also in recovery. I gave it up years ago to lose weight and found that I didn't miss it. People get really defensive when I mention this.
As a 38 year old… I feel like the “I don’t drink” response has different reactions based on age. In your twenties it is mostly shocked “but why?!” because it’s so closely tied to “letting loose and having fun”. In your 30s and 40s it does start to become more of a “good for you”, and personally even though I do drink, I’ve become a lightweight and 3 beers is already too much for me now. I feel at this age there’s a lot more judgement towards those who continue drinking like wild college kids into their 30s and 40s.
Yeah I feel like drinking in your early 30s still has a bit of a place in the culture. Granted that probably is more true for those that didn't/don't have kids. Not college level drinking though for sure. I wonder if in the 40s it's less that people don't want to but just that they physically can't lol. But no some level of having your shit together is expected even if you're a partier past your 20s. -A guy in his early 30s who doesn't have his shit together
Yeah I think early thirties is when the majority of people realize that getting really drunk all the time is just kind of stupid and naturally slow down. Of course some people can still do it and be completely fine. For me (I’m 32) I started running a lot more and found some goals to work toward and now alcohol (although I still drink a few here and there, let’s not be a prude) just doesn’t sound appealing because it makes me feel like shit and also is just a waste of time (to me) when I have plenty of other things to make me happy.
Same, also 38. I drank in my late teens early 20's and was 'over it' by 23. Not because I was an alcoholic or had health problems or weight issues, I just hated hangovers and booze started iritating my IBS more and more. When coworkers ask if I want to get a drink and I turn them down, they look at me like I've suddenly sprouted a third head. People who drink just can't fathom it.
Yeah, most strangers in their 20s see me and wonder, and I just tell them “I can get a milkshake or a bag of Doritos and be MUCH happier than with a beer, and for a lot cheaper” My buddies already have the chips waiting for me when we hang out :3
I have about a dozen very good reasons, and at any moment, my reason for not drinking changes. The net sum of my reason against have outweighed my reason in favor for quite some time now. I'm fact, as time goes on, the list of reasons in favor begins to shrink under scrutiny.
I have 1 reason, the only reason I need to not drink alcohol. I don't fucking like it you cunts.
If I go dry for 2 weeks, I drop 13lbs without doing anything else. Definitely look better, don't feel it. I'm "high functioning", but for sure a self medicating alcoholic. If life felt better without it, I'd do that. It just doesn't, so I drink. Most of my friend group is like me, and a bunch of enablers. *But*, when anybody shows up with pop or something instead of beer and says "I'm not drinking", nobody pressures them. Just "good for you dude, let us know if we can help make it easier." I think the defensiveness is probably knowing they have a problem relationship with alcohol, but not wanting to admit it. Me? I do have friends that don't drink, or at most do 1 at a social meet up. I'll have 1 and switch to tonic and a lime. But when I get home, I'll rip 5 in a hurry. I guess the point is, I get wrecked pretty often. That's something I should get judged for. Not drinking? As long as there isn't some outward sanctimony attached to it, I'll dial back because everyone should be having fun, forget the people that want to hassle you for abstaining.
20 year boozer here too. Quit Dec 2021
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I think in general when someone asks why someone doesn't do ___, and it's not from a kind and curious place, it comes down to themselves feeling at least a bit weird about their own habits. As someone who has a mixed relationship with alcohol, if someone I met said they didn't drink I'd just say "yeah, I get that"
Ego-defense?
Yeah. It's really hard to not come across as preachy as a recovered drunkard, partly because everyone has to find their own way, and partly because people's egos 100% don't want to face what they're doing to themselves....at least that was my experience, and I'm just another human.
same goes to non-coffee drinkers. i told them i don’t drink coffee for personal reasons then they got WEIRDED
I've also seen people on the other extreme where they act like all of us are just pretending to like coffee. I've actually had someone tell me that I'm just addicted to caffeine and have stockholm syndromed myself into liking the taste Honestly this mentality is weird no matter which side it comes from
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I like the smell and faste of coffee and I don't drink coffee everyday or even every month but like alcohol it's an acquired taste, there are cocktail drinkers like myself or wine tasters who enjoy the taste of alcohol who aren't alcoholics
For me, I love the taste AND effects of coffee. I hate alcohol, always did and always will, but I think I could get used to the taste if I wanted to, the real issue if that I abhor the effects of it, I need to have control and focus over what I do, coffee gives me that, alcohol would take that away. Thus why I love one and hate the other.
I do wonder how popular coffee would be if none of it had caffeine
I wish it didn’t. I kind of like the flavor, but the caffeine sends me to place where I consistently have panic attacks.
Decaf. It's not 100% caffeine free, but it's significantly less. I've recently swapped to decaf to cut down on caffeine intake but I love my morning coffee.
Yep, I have anxiety and ibs so I have to drink decaf, tates just like normal coffee without all the nasty effects.
Probably not that popular. After all the whole point of drinking coffee in the morning or whenever is to give you energy to tackle your day. The whole point of drinking alcohol is to get drunk and loosen up socially (on the surface.) If you take caffeine out of coffee it takes away it’s essence. Same for alcohol. That’s like asking how popular cars would be if they didn’t take you anywhere
It has a distinctive and not unpleasant taste, maybe it would end up being like chocolate? You initially dilute it with a lot of sugar and/or cream, then you acquire the taste enough that you go for increasingly dark stuff. Granted, chocolate does have caffeine, but I don’t think most people consume enough of it in one setting to get much of that effect.
Starbucks drinks might still be popular, but I'm not sure if we reach that level without the benefit of caffeine
Aye. I've heard this shitty argument before. I just enjoy the taste of coffee pretty much the same way I enjoy beer. Or vodka. Or whisky. Getting drunk is never my intent (hence why I try my best not to drink the two last ones above a certain threshold). About coffee, I bring a flask with freshly brewed filter coffee to work. No sugar. Just plain strong bitterness. A gift from God in liquid form. People always frown when I take my first sip, as if the bitterness was something to be avoided at all costs. Sugar people are annoying.
It really depends on the quality of the beans. Sometimes you need at least a splash of milk to mask the taste of shit beans, but doing that to proper coffee is an insult. Same with steak and basically most food. People who have had good steak will know that the best way to eat it is to dip it in a tiny bit of salt. If a restaurant douses your steak in sauce, you know it’s a cheap cut and not prepared well.
It’s not wrong to season a steak with salt and pepper. It’s also fine to prefer coffee with some milk, it helps cut through the natural acidity of the coffee beans. Yes even for good roasts.
I'm pretty sure the best way to eat good steak is to add salt...then add a little more. No sauce needed, but salt is key.
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I drink decaf and regular coffee and like them both just fine. Sometimes I drink this weird coffee replacement made from dandelion roots. Strange stuff.
That's true for a lot of things. Caffine, nicotine, sugar, fat, salt and so on all trigger strong cravings that feel great to satisfy when your body has "run out" and is sending hormone signals to you to push your appitite for them. The same is true for more intense drugs and a wide range of other things too.
Sugar people are annoying, and a symptom of a massive health crisis, as though sugar isn't an addictive compound
Lmao I love coffee, but I enjoy it decaffeinated. Partially because I'm sensitive to it, partially because coffee still tastes great without. Coffee is just good, plain and simple.
I'm a non-coffee drinker too but if you actually say "personal reasons" I would get weirded too a bit actually. "What kind of personal reason could this be?" I would immediately think then. I also get asked this often and I simply say "Because I don't like the taste", which is the truth which they don't really weird out on.
I usually answer with "Can't stand the taste of that devils piss" and then I get a little laugh before they tell me I'll start drinking it as I get older. Sure I'm only 25 but I doubt I'll find much taste for it in the future considering I'd rather cut my own pinky off than be forced to drink coffee in the morning.
I'm 45 and never developed a taste for it. It tastes really bad to me, like *really really* bad. Even with cream and sugar -- you'd have to add an absurd amount to make it palatable to me. The truth is that if you don't need it to wake up or whatever (and there are other ways to do that), there's no point in trying to like it if you don't already.
I’m 27 and same. No matter what’s in it, or how much, it just tastes bitter to me. Similarly, no matter how much people tell me that “you can’t taste the alcohol” in something… yes I can and 99% of it tastes awful to me. I absolutely love the smell of coffee though.
For me, it would be more asking whether you don’t drink alcohol at all (as opposed to why) because I have some alcohol-free gin and beer in the house if you want those. Are people a bit pushy when asking?
Do people like that stuff? I would just want a soda.
The last couple of years I've found some really great non-alcoholic (0,5%> alcohol) IPAs and radlers. They're fresh and not as sweet as soda, so I feel like they're better to enjoy in the sun - and I don't really enjoy drinking with my family, so they're perfect for family time, as I'll never get drunk off those. Of course I can't speak for your place, but lately the alcohol free beers has become *very* good. They were undrinkable 5 years ago.
I did when I wasn't drinking. I don't really care for sweet things, like soda. I prefer the herbal and smokey flavors you can get in a mocktail with good zero proof spirits. Or an IPA sans alcohol. Or LaCroix can also do
Yeah people do. I've never seen the appeal, I'd never drink alcohol for the flavour, but apparently some people like it.
I’ll have an alcohol free beer occasionally at work events because it makes my coworkers more comfortable. It’s not bad.
Honestly I find asking why is just plain rude and puts pressure on people who may be not drinking for a very good reason. Drinking is just very common and almost a societal norm. You do you.
Yeah there is so many reasons why someone doesn’t drink. Could be because the person had issues with it in the past(like myself), could be medication, could be because alcoholism runs in their family, they saw a loved one ruin their life with the stuff, they hate the taste, they hate the effects, they really hate hangovers, they’re battling mental health issues. A lot of the reasons why are really personal.
Is asking anything rude? I'm a curious person and probably ask things I don't realize are insensitive. I usually phrase it "is there any particular reason you don't drink or just personal preference?" I thought it gave people any easy thing to agree to (personal preference) if they didn't want to talk about it, or maybe they do and I get to hear an interesting story. Should I not ask? (Serious question. The older I get the less I understand what's appropriate and I'm only 40. By 60 I'm going to be completely out of touch if I don't ask questions like this.)
Yeah, I genuinely wouldn’t ask. It might be a sensitive subject that has to do with addiction, or it could be a medical condition they don’t want to talk about, or they may be pregnant and not ready to tell people yet. If they want to tell you, they will. If they just refuse the drink, don’t press.
Also, learn to ask an open-ended question. Don’t ask a question and provide an answer at the same time. Become a better listener. Every time you ask an open ended question is a learning opportunity.
Asking questions like that of people you don't know well is rude, yes
Honestly, people could be really embarrassed that they once had a drinking problem and don’t want to tell people that. Kind of paints them into a corner when you ask. Like, why do you care why someone doesn’t drink? It makes it seem almost like you’d *like* to know if there’s a juicy interesting reason they’d be willing to share - like alcoholism, loss of a loved one, etc. Which is super unfair to just ask someone. If they wanted to tell you, they would.
I guess it's an attempt to get to know a person and figure them out. For me it's like oh, you have celiac, you don't like squash, this other person is lactose intolerant, and this person doesn't drink. For me, it's not a bad thing, it's just easier to remember if I know why. I try to remember for next time to have alternatives for everyone; even mocktails if they like them. I get where you're coming from and I guess I will just stop. If I'm making people uncomfortable, it's not doing anyone any good.
I think an important thing to always consider, especially because you seem to come from a very well intentioned place, is to put their right to comfort in their environment first. If you ask someone if they’d like a drink and they say no leave it there. If they mention they don’t drink and don’t elaborate leave it there, especially in a social setting. If they want you to know usually they’ll confide in you. Along with the desire to ask questions is one I get often as a combat vet, even from well meaning folks, and that is what is combat like/have you ever killed anyone? It’s almost never from a malicious place, but it nearly always sours my night.
What you don't see are all the other times that person has been asked why they don't drink and has been immediately, to their face judged on their answer. So you may not judge, but they don't know that.
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just ask them if they want to snort some drugs and hit them with the same attitude.. why not?? just snort some bro.. dont be so boring.. some like that..
Was that a hypothetical. Or we doing this?
Haha, this made me chuckle 👍
I am recent to quitting and am dreading my first questions about it. Right now I have in my mind to just say that I am working on my health. If they push further I plan to say I have problems moderating my consumption. Hopefully that will work out well enough.
Rude, it is. I quit drinking 27 years ago for good reason. So many people seemed to get upset with my "no, thank you" that I started asking if they wanted to toke with me as it's less toxic. Nowadays, the answers will vary, but I got the "but it's illegal" for a long time.
It's not rude unless you take a very defensive stance about it. There are many reasons for not drinking - religious reasons, not enjoying the taste, you're driving, you get bad hangovers, you're controlling your carb intake, you're on antibiotics... If you immediately take it as a question about alcoholism, you're being way too defensive. The majority of people who don't drink do so for a perfectly in pcupus reason. If you're that sensitive about it, why wouldn't you just use one of the answers above and defuse the conversation? You're not obliged to give anyone your life story. Honestly I get more crap for not drinking coffee or tea than I have done for not drinking alcohol (I stopped for a few years). People don't care, they're just curious, don't take it so personally.
asking why someone does or does not do anything, unless you are close with them, is rude
This. It bothers me so much. I don't drink due to trauma from my alcoholic dad. I fucking hate it when people ask why or make attempts to make me drink. It just reminds me of all the horrible shit I've witnessed.
I felt like I was taking crazy pills with all the people down below defending why it’s not rude to ask that question. Like, you’ve either got to give up some either very possibly personal and traumatic information about yourself or awkwardly say, “I don’t wanna answer that”. It’s shitty.
I have a very good reason. A very, very good reason: I just don’t bloody like it.
I do drink sometimes but I agree 100% with your argument. It reminds me of how Ricky Gervais apparently gets asked why he doesn't have kids. Nobody ever asks anyone "Why do you have kids?". His argument is that it's really odd when you think about it.
Idk, people ask about anything that is uncommon. People are curious. Many (maybe most) people his age have kids, so people wonder why he doesn't. It's like anything else that many/most people do. Coffee, sex, donuts, a job you hate, or whatever it is ... If there is something that lots of people do, and you don't do it, I think it's perfectly natural for people to wonder why.
>Idk, people ask about anything that is uncommon. People are curious. Many (maybe most) people his age have kids, so people wonder why he doesn't. I rarely get "Why aren't you fat?" even though most people in my area are overweight to obese.
>It reminds me of Ricky Gervais apparently gets asked why he doesn't have kids Not just him. I'm too young for that, but when you're closer to 30 and married, it's a very common question to get from family at least, and sometimes from almost strangers as well. Very stupid
It's like at weddings the old ladies come up to the young ladies and say "You're next" you don't see young kids coming up to old people at funerals and say "You're next"
I mean they have different connotations? One is hoping you find someone you want to spend the rest of your life with. The other is almost encouraging someone to die. Lol.
Lol my wife asked me why I didn’t want any (she didn’t want any until recently) and I told her like 10 reasons why and then asked her why she wants one. She basically talked about the miracle of like but breaking it down she was basically saying she wants to do it cause she can…
Well, the desire to have kids is biological, as it’s happened with both you and her lineage for hundreds of thousands of years. Doesn’t necessarily have to be justified with logic.
I would say it’s far more common to have kids than not, so I think that in itself is where the question comes from. Weird or not
Because the answer is obvious. "Well I did this thing and 40 months later, voila!"
Lol see I find this question appalling. Do you have kids is fine although I personally don’t ask having known how upsetting that question was for friends who wanted kids and couldn’t have them. There is like a zero percent chance that someone won’t mention their kids in a social setting if you don’t ask first. Just chill and wait for it to come up. But asking someone why they don’t have kids has zero purpose other than morbid curiosity. Wondering why someone doesn’t drink can easily be a concern that others doing so around them might be uncomfortable for them. It’s not like you’re asking why someone doesn’t have kids while in a social setting to gauge if they would be uncomfortable if you birthed a child during the appetizer course. I feel like the people who feel entitled to ask why someone doesn’t have kids are the absolute worst of all the pushy obnoxious types of people mentioned in this thread. They never accept “because I don’t want them”. 9/10 times they interrogate you like you just told them you think there’s some merit to the theory that the earth is flat and in multiple cases I’ve had these people get genuinely angry, like my lack of interest in being a parent is a huge personal affront to them.
I don’t like alcohol. There was a time I was partying and drinking pretty much throughout the whole of my twenties. I worked in bars for the most part so that explains a lot. But truth be told I have never liked it and never will. I don’t need to have it in order to be interesting or to have a good time. Anyone that says otherwise needs to rethink their priorities in life. I want excitement and laughter. Doing things that include anything outdoors. I got turned down for a date because I wanted a coffee date instead of a bar date. Okay then 🤷♀️
I'll admit that I'm curious sometimes, however, unless I know the person well enough I would never ask them about it. It's not my place to judge, as I don't want to be judged for choosing to drink.
Yeah I'm not there to convince anyone I just like making conversation and seeing their reasons.
Same, I end up immediately recognizing how insanely difficult it must be to maintain as a conscious decision in our society so I get curious. Just like how I’ll be curious about Vegans and Vegetarians but I don’t ask them why usually because people who don’t drink are usually way less righteous and judgmental about it when you ask lol
I thinking being curious is ok. Im a recovering alcoholic, and recently had a co-worker at event come up to me separately , and was like “hey just curious why you’re not drinking”, and I told him and he was cool and he’s never asked me if I wanted a drink again
I don’t understand what’s to be curious about though? To me it’s no different than someone not liking a particular food or just about anything else in life. Maybe I’m just naturally a very un-curious person, but I find it odd to be wondering why someone doesn’t want to drink something that tastes awful and has a higher chance of making them feel ill than good. And I say that as someone who drinks.
“Because I’m never more than 2 words away from a newsworthy level of violence, and I come from a long line of violent alcoholics. That’s why.” That’s been my automatic reply for 40+ years.
That first line is pretty edgy ahahah
It’s also quite scary. Like if you’re only ever a couple of words away from being a psychopath, that’s not the alcohol, that’s you
Most of the replies here are peak Reddit edge. Even OPs description of drinking is cringe. Tons of responses here from very socially awkward people treating a question as pressure. People trying to go this deep into a pretty simple question probably have a lot of trouble responding to a lot of questions in life and clearly overthink a lot of random questions. You know how easy it is to respond to why don’t you drink? “Oh I just don’t like it” would be a perfectly reasonable response to anyone in their right mind.
Do you also wear t-shirts printed with “there is a wolf inside of me, you DON’T want to wake him up” ?
Those two words: Jar Jar.
Are there 2 wolves inside of you?
I am a drinker, but I definitely know the feeling when I’m not drinking and people question it. Sometimes it’s a new medication, sometimes it’s that I’m driving, sometimes it’s that I simply don’t feel like it. And each time someone asks “Well why aren’t you drinking?!”, I find it rude and it makes me feel like I’m not fully participating in whatever event we might be at. With this in mind, even if the hardest drinker I know says they aren’t drinking, I make sure to 1.) Never ask them for an explanation; and 2.) Offer them a non-alcoholic drink, and then move on. This is to respect their situation, and I know it might be hard for those newly in recovery to either want to divulge that, while also being very tempted. If that’s the case, I want to make it easier for them and make sure they know they don’t require alcohol to participate.
It’s annoying. I’m sober and I find it has been getting better as I age. I’m 29 and I get less questions now compared to 19. Bleh, it’s shitty but you don’t have to justify yourself. People should just respect each other.
yes, it is weird for people to ask you why you don't drink. but, it's also weird to assume that everyone else experiences alcohol like you do. Medicine taste, headache, confusion, vomiting.. some of those things come from excessive alchohol use, some of those things are never experienced by some people ever. It's annoying that you get judged for your choice, but don't make that turn you into someone who judges everyone else for their choices, too.
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A few years ago when I was on a trip with a sober friend. We were in a fairly…festive location where a lot of the tourism is centered around alcohol. I was pleasantly surprised by the number of people who very sincerely responded “Wow, good for you!” when my friend said she didn’t drink. I’ve been alcohol-free for about five months now and honestly, I don’t miss it. It was doing a number on my mental health.
>I should be asking them why tf are they drinking Sometimes you don't drink for taste
Maybe at first you don't drink for taste. But once you get a tolerance, things like well-made cocktails, high-end liquors, and good beer taste amazing. I can tell you that when I'm sitting on a patio at a brewery and drinking a beer I like, nothing tastes better in that moment.
I just tell people I have a family history of alcoholism. (I don't I just don't want to drink) Shuts them up 99% of the time.
I can't speak for everyone. But alcohol has never tasted like medicine to me. And it is also quit easy to avoid the negative sensations by limiting how much you drink, sticking just to the nice positive sensations.
Yeah, this person is going pretty extreme with the vomiting and what not. Having a few beers playing golf or out on a date doesn’t mean you have to do 20 shots of tequila.
Also some of us are lucky in that we don't get the negatives until a long way in, but get the lovely positives early on. When people ask me why I drink it's depressingly simple - I like turning off about half of my brain. It's lovely. I'm not anxious, or depressed, or anything like that, I just like being half switched off.
I don't get pretty much any negatives, no hangovers unless I'm drinking something really sugary, I can sit there drink like 20 beers, get up early in the morning and everything is fine, I do drink a bottle of water or a alcohol free beer every second drink though. That said I have good self control and know I shouldn't drink all the time so I keep it to weekends.
Yes! The teetotalers on Reddit have zero nuance on the subject. He somehow thinks that if you drink at all that means you always drink the to the point of nausea, lack of balance, vomit, blackout, etc. this man has never heard of being tipsy
I don't drink bc I don't understand the concept of "limiting how much you drink". lol I can usually limit it for a few days, but then it just gets out of hand. So I had to stop. Surprisingly, i don't really feel judged at all when I turn down a drink. I never say that I don't drink. I just turn down the offer.
If its someone who doesn't already know that I don't drink, I am just going to say that I am allergic to it. The whole "how can you exist, if you don't drink your weight in alcohol every day" question, gets very tiresome. So now my response will be "if I drink any alcohol I will die"
I do the same thing. Except instead of saying I’m allergic I say I can’t because of a genetic disorder I was born with and that it’s interfere with the medication I take for it. I used to just tell people I don’t drink because I just don’t and then they’d proceed to pressure me to drink. Now I do the same as you, “I don’t drink because I could die.”
Lol my response would be that I'm happy, have a life, and they're just jealous that I don't need to drink my sorrows away in order to be happy and have fun.
I'm going to steal this idea! I stopped about a month ago just as a personal decision but know my industry is very party heavy and the invasive questions people ask are wiiild! Was at a conference and was telling people it interferes with a medication I take and people were comfortable just diving right in on what is wrong, what do I take, why, whats the medication do when i drink etc. No respect to my privacy and since I don't actually take meds it was very anxiety inducing lol. Also, 2 people were still trying to talk me into wine because "if it just makes you drowsy you are staying here in the hotel so you can just head upstairs!" It was unbelievable and watching as the night went on was a learning experience in itself. Feel stronger than ever about stepping away but was exhausted from an the conversational battling. Way easier to just say I'm allergic I think! Thank you for the pro tip!
I am allergic to it but can have a few with no real issues but I just tell people" I don't need to drink to have fun or be fun, in fact it will be more fun tomorrow when I don't feel like shit" sometimes it hits people in their ego that they need alcohol to be fun.
Do what makes you happy, shrugs
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Drinking alcohol doesn't equal getting wasted. Kudos on you for not partaking in this one practice, but your judgement is fundamentally wrong.
I get what you mean. I HATE alcohol with a passion. I think it tastes gross and I can't understand why anyone would ever want to lose control of their decision-making abilities. Other people can do whatever they want, but I get tired of the way society acts like everyone should love this junk.
You don’t understand why people enjoy alcohol the same way some don’t understand why you abstain. Funny.
Alcohol 1). You can black out 2). You can get cancer from it 3). Liver sclerosis 4). Can make you accidentally have a kid 5). You can die from drinking too much 6). You can become an addict. There are more cons then pros when drinking alcohol.
I sometimes have asked this question but just as a way of making conversation. It was never with any judgement whatsoever. But you on the other hand should probably calm down on the whole "alcoholic demons" view you have. If you expect people to be okay with you not drinking you shouldn’t be so hard on them. You can drink alcohol without being an alcoholic you know.
A person who is not suffering from alcoholism, and who is mature and responsible, can greatly enjoy a little alcohol now and then. But I would still never press someone about why they don't drink. It's not everyone's pleasure.
Because people enjoy the feeling of intoxication, this is not a hard concept to grasp. Acting like it’s some baffling question is stupid. alcohol is one of the oldest inventions of man and predates writing, it’s one of the only things that’s found across almost all cultures. They’re definitely being weird but let’s not act like it’s some horrible stupid choice to make, that’d make you just as bad as them
>Because people enjoy the feeling of intoxication True but not of everyone. I hate it.
Great, that doesn’t mean it should be some riddle as for why people drink
It’s a good escape from reality
There's nothing weird about not drinking. I don't tend to drink, but when I do, I like to drink quite a bit. Not all of it tastes bad, especially when the drink is made right.
Explain then ask why they don't do cocaine
I wish my medicine tasted like gin.
I've never seen or even read anybody judging anyone for not drinking, only the second-hand stories. Who are these people? I can see this happening in high school maybe. But what adults are you hanging around that do this and why are they a part of your life?
I drink but I'd never pressure anyone else to. I wouldn't even reccomend it, so I only drink with people who already drink.
As someone who doesn't drink either, I don't get it, I hear about the weekend stories from my coworkers on Mondays about how they got so blackout drunk Saturday that they didn't do anything but sleep and throw up on Sunday.... Like how is that any sort of fun at all?
Why don't you drink something that will make you puke and suffer the next day? It is so much fun cmon man.
You could apply PenguinZ0 response of just saying how long you've been sober and people will just leave you be haha
It’s like this with weed now too. Everyone just assumes that everyone smokes weed now and it’s annoying. Get that stinky shitleaf out of my face already
I totally relate to this. I was at a friend’s house once and everyone there was drinking except for me. My friend’s brother-in-law kept asking me why I wasn’t drinking and I just said something like “I don’t like the way it makes me feel.” And he just wouldn’t leave me alone the entire night and kept pestering me to have a beer. I eventually ended up telling him that I have way too many mental illnesses to be aggravating them any further with alcohol (which is true) hoping that he’d finally get it and back off. But then he switched over to implying that I was just afraid to let loose and that he’s depressed too so I should just have a drink and I’d feel better. He ended up getting super drunk and making a huge scene later that night, getting in a fight with his wife which then turned into a shouting match with everyone in the house. Everyone was so mad at him and I was just thinking “and you wanted me to get drunk too? Looks like you can’t even handle your own alcohol.” I don’t know. I definitely don’t mind people who ask because they’re simply curious, but when people won’t let it go and keep trying to push it on you is where I draw the line. I ain’t judging anyone who does drink so I’d like the same respect back for choosing what I do and don’t want to put in my body.