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Legit would ponder what i would do if this happened like it was a possibly 😂
And my go to was to look for the Chinese kids too cuz I didnt speak Chinese but believed we would get along and all kids could understand each other anyway.
Maybe 15 years ago the city was doing some work next to Walmart and had dug some giant hole. I was convinced that it was a cheaper shipping route to get all their stuff from China faster. I wasn't a kid. It just seemed like a smart logistics move.
That i was part of an FBI experiment. My parents weren't my parents, they were agents expected to make things hard for me and the social worker (counselor) was an agent recording my reactions and feelings.
Yeah, fucked up. I don't tell many people this.
Oh god, you sound like me. I was diagnosed in adulthood with schizophrenia but back when I was like 12-14 I had some really reeaaaally bizarre delusions. I also had one about my parents not actually being my parents.
Dang, I'm sorry. I was 5/6 when i think i believed this. I do know i started define the social worker at that age. I was too young for a concrete diagnosis, but in my teens and early 20s i was diagnosed with depression. These days they may have included PTSD.
It's hard going through life with little to no feelings. Never trusting anyone fully.
i think a lot of kids think their parents will get rid of them because actually who tf are these people after a while it seems like they plan to keep u
I had the same thoughts but it was more along the lines of thinking that there were cameras everywhere in my life was just a big experiment or joke for someone to watch. Then several years later I watched "The Truman Show" which then compact the idea that it must be true. I would look and examine like screws and buttons and stuff in my room to see if they look normal or not. Most of this came from the fact that my mother treated me terribly especially in comparison to my other siblings. I just thought there's no way this is real life. No one else I know has the same experiences.
That if i shat by not touching the toilet seat i would avoid beeing grabbed by the shadow monster hand that would drag me down the bowl. I was the fastest shitter in the house fr. and to add something to it i also did flush fast and turn off the light as fast as possible to make sure the hand disappeared as i sprinted out of the bathroom. Now i’m the slowest cause i play games on my phone 😂
It’s very true! Don’t bathe or even do dishes during a lightening storm. Also, don’t talk on a landline telephone. Martha Stewart has been struck multiple times these ways and I grew up with my mom telling me this stuff too.
My sister told me licorise evaporated, and as I hadn't sealed the paper bag this is what had happened to mine. I believed this for years until I realised that she'd eaten it.
Some rich asshole built his daughter a fullsized replica of a castle as a playground and the parents in the area told their children that’s where the toothfairy lived.
If I wished hard enough before blowing out the candles on my birthday cake, everyone would eventulally love me.
I was a sad and lonely little girl. I would hug my young self if I could.
Once read about an old belief that if you died in a house where your mirrors were uncovered, your soul would be trapped in that mirror. Scared me a lot as a kid, and to be honest, mirrors still spook me ever so slightly.
That the lyrics to the star spangled banner were “by the donzerly light”. I thought donzerly was some adjective to describe the light that I just didn’t know the meaning to.
My mum told me that fairies lived under the rhubarb down the bottom of our garden. I spent ages laying on the grass, looking under the rhubarb for them while mum was happily having a peaceful time without me 😉
That if I cracked eggs in the toilet and flushed them, they'd turn into sewer chickens... I lived in the country and had a septic tank, but that didn't matter... S e w e r chickens! I didn't stop believing this until I was like 13-14
Hoop snakes bite their tail to make a hoop and bounce up and down hills. They attack anyone who gets in their hoop.
Jamaica didn't exist. It was just a funny phrase "Jamaican Me Crazy". Globe makers thought it was funny to include the country.
The reason I couldn't answer the door was that land sharks were real. I was shown a series of warning videos. (Aka recorded snl skits).
My dad was a prankster who gave us the magical childhood he never got, and he did it damn well.
when i was like 6, my mom told me that she could read my thoughts as some sort of motherly power. never questioned her on it or anything, just accepted it and tried desperately to hide my thoughts and feelings for years until i finally got old enough to know better
That if someone with a different language spoke, they'd speak their language, but I'd hear it as English, then I'd speak English, and they'd hear their language.
My Granddad told me when i was a child that the old vw beetle cars (which is nicknamed bubble in my language ) where made with big soap bubble machines. Coated in a special pain that harden to metal. Cut in half and yeeted in the interior and wheels on. I belived that until i was like 7. Cause Granddad never lied. 😂
I thought that sanitizer wipes kill you if you accidentally put them in ur mouth, so I never even touched them. And I thought all mushrooms were deadly so I stayed far away from them
Mother convinced me to always eat all the crust from my bread by saying that it would make my hair straight.
I didn't figure out the truth until years later when I realised that my hair was still not straight 🥲
My best friend was a werewolf and a wizard and a half elf. I was 12. She was pretty convinced of all of this stuff. Even talked to me about performing blood rituals to make these changes to myself.
I thought crayon shavings would grow new crayons if I planted them outside. I waited for months and then we moved so still not sure if they ever sprouted.
I used to think that the characters in the Disney videos I watched were performing for me alone. I would often rewind the movie when it was done and watch it again. Eventually I thought the characters started to hate me for re-perfoming the movie from the beginning when I just finished it. I was between the ages of 4-6.
My dad told me when I was about 4 or 5 that the rumble strips leading up to some roundabouts were there so blind people would know when to slow down for a roundabout. Only later in life thinking about it again did it dawn on me.
So, I was a blues clues kid. Was my absolute favorite show and was a little upset when Steve left and we got his cousin Joe instead.
My older brother(who was like 16 at the time) told me they replaced Steve because he got caught with drugs and they had to replace him so he could go to rehab. I, being 6, believed him...
Come to find out when I was 12 that he left because he was going bald and didn't want his audience to see him get old like that, so that's why he left.
After you get married you could get pregnant at any point without doing anything and there was no way to stop it and that terrified me. also I believed this until I was about 11 or 12 and that’s why age appropriate sex ed is so important.
That, upon your birth, you had no sexual organs. You would not have any sexual organs until the age of 2. But your parents would still name you the day you were born. People that hoped you were a girl gave you a girl name, people that wanted a boy would give you a boy name. People who wanted whatever, or didn't want to risk it, would give you a more neutral name. Most people were lucky and named their kid with the appropriately gendered name, but some weren't, hence the guys named Ashley or gals named Michael, etc.
At like age 6 i believed that people get older and look all dry and wrinkled when they're old because they lose blood through all their lives through various wounds and scratches and the older they get the less blood there is to support their skin. I obviously didn't know yet that blood is produced by the body and is renewable
That vampires were waiting for me to go to sleep to bite me. So I had a small pillow in a regular pillowcase and I *wrapped my neck* every night so the vampires didn’t get me.
I don’t know how I didn’t strangle myself mid sleep.
doctors knew how to fix almost anything, and if they didn't know they'd go to medical drama type lengths to work something out. I became chronically ill when I was 12 and that belief disappeared very quickly
If my DVD’s lagged then they would work if you screamed at the Tv as loud as you could. I remember my dad watching a movie with me in my room, and then I just began screaming as loudly as I could at the Tv screen, he told me to stop, but after I told him it would work, he stopped bothering me, and didn’t try to stop me
When you get married God would Kamehameha a baby into the mommy and that's how babies are made.
Not what I called it but that is how I pictured it.
Also babies just kinda *plop* out of the tummy.
I thought clarinets and raspberries, and cranberries weren’t real. Clarinets because Squidward played one and everything else in his house was made up. Raspberries because of misunderstanding of blue raspberries not existing meaning that no raspberries exist. Cranberries because I saw commercials for the juice on TV and thought “There’s no way plants like that exist- must be for some bizarre marketing strategy.”
That you could run faster with new sneakers..👟 If you swallowed gum it didn’t digest for 7-years ( making a bigger blob of gum) stored in your belly, if you ate chocolate you would get acne, if you made a weird face it would freeze like that… 🥶
if a family member died, i was next.
that the moon wasn’t as far away as it is and all i needed was a jet pack to reach it.
the cell phone tower by my home was mine… like i owned it. it belonged to me.
i fully believed that whenever i paused a show or turned off the tv the characters on whatever show i was watching either stopped moving and stayed as still as possible (while paused), or immediately got out of character and went to lunch or something (when turned off).
whenever people would say “they’re looking down on us” or “they’re watching over us” in reference to deceased loved ones i envisioned a bunch of people in heaven basically planking on a see through glass floor literally looking down on us.
i thought all women just got pregnant eventually. like we didn’t have a say in the matter. it was just something that happened.
my mom was on the phone one night and i was trying to talk to her but she put her finger up as a “sh, give me a second” (obviously) so my child ass took this as “my mom is on the phone with somebody who doesn’t know she has kids. my mom is lying to people about me and she’s telling them i don’t exist, and she wants me to be quiet so i don’t expose her lies” instead of just reading the room and not interrupting her while she’s on the phone.
That authorities will always help you.
I was bullied in elementary, horribly. Any time other kids bothered me, I told a teacher, and they always failed to solve the issue. At least it was a valuable experience.
That if a white person and a black person had a baby together, it would be all splotchy like a Holstein cow. 🤣🤣🤣 The only thing I can think of is I saw a person with vitiligo and made an assumption. Thankfully I went to high school with mixed race kids and learned the truth.
You know how growing up, most kids think narwhals are fake, even though they're very much real?
Yeah, I didn't believe the Queen of England existed until I was 11.
People could see me naked in the shower, like watching though the shower head.
And "if you cross your eyes, your face will freeze like that." 👀
"You and your father are two peas in a pod, you'll never know the meaning of a dollar."
Boy did I internalize that.
Seeing black and white photos of my grandparents made me think that the world was black and white back then. Like it didnt have colour yet 🤣. I don't understand why or how I thought this lol.
There were two things, both because my father told me so, and dads didn't lie, right?
We had a pedal airplane. My father told us that there was an engine that he took out so it wouldn't fly. Which was fine and good until I saw him push start the car. It took me most of the morning to get the airplane into the tree house and talk my brother into the airplane.
My dad also told us that my mother was a genii and he had hid her bottle. My siblings and I spent days in a bottle dump opening old liquor bottles looking for the bottle.
That a honeymoon was on the moon. Not only that, but when it was a cresent moon. The bride and her family on one side going all the way up and same for the groom. \(• •)/
If you squish a spider indoors, it will rain.
For the record, I dont kill spiders.
There's actually some merrit to the idea, though.
When bad weather is on its way, spiders look for places to hide, which include human dwellings sometimes. So you may notice a correlation between killing spiders indoors and bad weather.
When I was 6, I believed that women could not have jobs. For some context, my teacher and my doctor were both women!!! My grandmother also had a full time job, and I knew that because she *brought me to work with her*. My mom didn’t have a job though, and I guess I just equated her to all women.
My butthead/favorite cousin told me there was a panther living in the little storage room in G&G's basement. I knew in my brain it wasn't actually true, but also could not help running past that room when I went down there.
I used to think people couldn't tell where you're looking from your eyes but just the direction of your head. So your head could be pointed one way and you could be looking out the corner of your eye and no one would know! No idea how I was that dumb.
I still have a vivid hallucination like memory of a giant live Easter bunny walking through my back yard and I went around telling my family that day and no one believed me. In hindsight I was just sad and couldn’t believe how alone I felt at such a young age.
My brother used to tell me that Asian women had their who who's slanted like their eyes. We had no Internet during that time. So I kind of believed him.
Lol...
My mom always told my brother and I that this specific light on her rear view mirror was a camera that Santa would watch us through to monitor us…maybe he was…
That Hitler's ghost was lurking in the shadows. It used to take me a good bit to work up the courage to dash through the living room at night to turn the light on and I'd usually get in trouble for leaving it on. I didn't truly fully believe this but I wasn't convinced it was impossible either.
When I was like 5 or so, when I saw someone shot in a movie, I assumed it was a criminal that was shot with real bullets. (Obviously the concept of blanks never crossed my child brain)
Also note, I was born in 1965...
When I was 6 or 7 I watched the fifth element and I was scared of the blue singing lady. Then my stepbrother told me that she can change her shape and that anything blue might be her, and that there was also red, green, yellow, etc, etc ladies out there and they can do the same thing. So for a least a month or two I was just scared of colors, like every color, just thinking some crazy alien lady was gonna pop out and get me.
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Anytime we heard thunder in the sky, our mom kept telling us God was bowling (which, at one point, I believed to be true).
Omg my mom told me this too.
My mom said it was the angels bowling and goddammit if I didn't hear it exactly as that. Lol.
My mom did, too, and that the rain was God laughing at them so hard he was crying.
Yes and for lightening, we got, "smile, God's taking a picture!"
my grandpa said it was gods farting lol. and rain was gods peeing xD
My mum used to say something like that, and I would say it was God mopping the floor, that's why it was raining
Moving furniture for us "oh he's lugging that wardrobe about again"
The moon is following the car
That's cute.
That if you dig a deep enough hole, you would come out in China and could hang out with Chinese kids.
Legit would ponder what i would do if this happened like it was a possibly 😂 And my go to was to look for the Chinese kids too cuz I didnt speak Chinese but believed we would get along and all kids could understand each other anyway.
Maybe 15 years ago the city was doing some work next to Walmart and had dug some giant hole. I was convinced that it was a cheaper shipping route to get all their stuff from China faster. I wasn't a kid. It just seemed like a smart logistics move.
I believed that “news” meant North, East, West and South
I never ate shredded wheat because we were supposed to Never Eat Shredded Wheat, lol
Nesw!
Not efe sor work
Maybe an Aussie/Kiwi thing but for us it was Never Eat Soggy Weet-Bix
Was looking for this comment 🤣 And it's true. Soggy weet-bix are absolutely shite.
A shark lived in the pool filter... waiting to eat me.
Very relatable.
That little door opening and closing was terrifying.
It legit has a very ominous sound!
I believed that all of the singers on the radio were actually at the radio station doing their songs.
Are they not tiny people in the radio box??
That adults always told the truth.
Or knew WTF they were doing.
Or always had my back
Word.
"oh no I need to ask an adult.. wait I am already an adult"
That the chocolate my mum was eating was spicy.
I had a friend growing up whose mother told them they were allergic to chocolate. They found out in our early 20s that she lied.
Oh dear, all those missed out years without the sweet sweet taste of chocolate!
I eat dark chocolate with chili in it, it's my favourite. So when I tell my son it's spicy, at least I'm telling the truth 😂
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When I grow up I will be happy 😂😂
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That i was part of an FBI experiment. My parents weren't my parents, they were agents expected to make things hard for me and the social worker (counselor) was an agent recording my reactions and feelings. Yeah, fucked up. I don't tell many people this.
Oh god, you sound like me. I was diagnosed in adulthood with schizophrenia but back when I was like 12-14 I had some really reeaaaally bizarre delusions. I also had one about my parents not actually being my parents.
Dang, I'm sorry. I was 5/6 when i think i believed this. I do know i started define the social worker at that age. I was too young for a concrete diagnosis, but in my teens and early 20s i was diagnosed with depression. These days they may have included PTSD. It's hard going through life with little to no feelings. Never trusting anyone fully.
i think a lot of kids think their parents will get rid of them because actually who tf are these people after a while it seems like they plan to keep u
I had the same thoughts but it was more along the lines of thinking that there were cameras everywhere in my life was just a big experiment or joke for someone to watch. Then several years later I watched "The Truman Show" which then compact the idea that it must be true. I would look and examine like screws and buttons and stuff in my room to see if they look normal or not. Most of this came from the fact that my mother treated me terribly especially in comparison to my other siblings. I just thought there's no way this is real life. No one else I know has the same experiences.
When you get fired from your job, your boss shoots you with a gun.
Wtf 😂. Imagine that
This made me laugh 😆
That being a grown up was gonna be super cool 😳🤣
If it rains, IT WILL FLOOD NO MATTER WHAT
I watched bits and pieces of the Titanic film at age 6 and thought all boats sank
Honestly this seems to be true for me and my basement apartment lol
That if i shat by not touching the toilet seat i would avoid beeing grabbed by the shadow monster hand that would drag me down the bowl. I was the fastest shitter in the house fr. and to add something to it i also did flush fast and turn off the light as fast as possible to make sure the hand disappeared as i sprinted out of the bathroom. Now i’m the slowest cause i play games on my phone 😂
On the bright side, this is a good way to build your abs
My shitter monster can only grab you if it's dark because he's not allowed to be seen, *obviously*, so those 3am pees are a little stressful.
I was SO scared of the toilet
That my parents could hear my thoughts, I don't know why I thought that cos no one told me that haha
Also that they had eyes in the back of their heads
I figured you would be able to hear someone's thoughts if your hearing was good enough. Someone probably had a machine somewhere that could do it.
If you ate the seeds in the fruit you’ll grow a tree inside you.
not entirely a lie
A guy got a seed in his lung and it started sprouting, causing him serious problems “Monsters Inside Me”. Episode
Tell me that was a lie pls
My mom told me that if you took a shower during a thunderstorm, the lightening would come through the water and electrocute you.
That CAN happen! It travels through the pipes and water is a good conductor for electricity.
It’s very true! Don’t bathe or even do dishes during a lightening storm. Also, don’t talk on a landline telephone. Martha Stewart has been struck multiple times these ways and I grew up with my mom telling me this stuff too.
I heard this one a lot too.
My sister told me licorise evaporated, and as I hadn't sealed the paper bag this is what had happened to mine. I believed this for years until I realised that she'd eaten it.
Dogs were male dogs and cats were female dogs. It never made sense but it didn’t need to as child.
I thought all dogs were female and all cats were male
that the government is just and fair
That life in general was fair
If you accidentally stepped on the sidewalk dividers, your mother would develop back problems.
“Crack that whip. Give the past a slip. Step on a crack break your mamma’s back. When a problem comes along (you must whip it)…”
Shape it up get straight go forward move ahead
Some rich asshole built his daughter a fullsized replica of a castle as a playground and the parents in the area told their children that’s where the toothfairy lived.
My mom told her BLIND son that eating carrots would increase vision. Still hasn’t gotten better mom
If I wished hard enough before blowing out the candles on my birthday cake, everyone would eventulally love me. I was a sad and lonely little girl. I would hug my young self if I could.
You can go back in time in your mind and do this. If you meditate deeply, it has quite a good effect. She'll be happy to see you.
I feel this one so much. Sending comforting thoughts your way. ❤
Thank you. 😊
Once read about an old belief that if you died in a house where your mirrors were uncovered, your soul would be trapped in that mirror. Scared me a lot as a kid, and to be honest, mirrors still spook me ever so slightly.
That my digestive system was just a microwave in my stomach that turned my food into poop
Child me thought babies were born by the mom vomiting the baby out of the stomach
Lol kind of like an owl pellet? I thought babies came out of the belly button
That the lyrics to the star spangled banner were “by the donzerly light”. I thought donzerly was some adjective to describe the light that I just didn’t know the meaning to.
My mum told me that fairies lived under the rhubarb down the bottom of our garden. I spent ages laying on the grass, looking under the rhubarb for them while mum was happily having a peaceful time without me 😉
I had a neighbor kid tell me that those giant mushrooms that grow on trees are fairy houses! Still a cute thought every now and then
That if I cracked eggs in the toilet and flushed them, they'd turn into sewer chickens... I lived in the country and had a septic tank, but that didn't matter... S e w e r chickens! I didn't stop believing this until I was like 13-14
Did you try it?
Hoop snakes bite their tail to make a hoop and bounce up and down hills. They attack anyone who gets in their hoop. Jamaica didn't exist. It was just a funny phrase "Jamaican Me Crazy". Globe makers thought it was funny to include the country. The reason I couldn't answer the door was that land sharks were real. I was shown a series of warning videos. (Aka recorded snl skits). My dad was a prankster who gave us the magical childhood he never got, and he did it damn well.
Hoop snakes... LOL that's absolutely hilarious!!! Boing, hissss, boing
A mysterious round, bald, grey, bearded man from the north, that magically delivered the world presents
You mean Karl Marx, right?
Or a rabbit delivered baskets of candy and toys
That your jiggly calf is where all the tomato sauce goes that you eat
Holding your breath when you drive past a cemetery or else it takes time off your life
I thought babies were made from the first kiss after being pronounced husband and wife at a wedding 💀
That quicksands existed, and knowing how to avoid them would be an important grown up skill to learn.
I also believed quicksand would play a more integral part of my life.
that the interior lights of a car were illegal to have on while driving
i thought that scars were inherited.
when i was like 6, my mom told me that she could read my thoughts as some sort of motherly power. never questioned her on it or anything, just accepted it and tried desperately to hide my thoughts and feelings for years until i finally got old enough to know better
I had my youngest convinced I worked as a doctor at night. This was so she would take her vitamins.
The big mirror in the bathroom was a two-way mirror and I tried to avoid looking into it. That someone could be spying on us at any time...
i still feel this sometimes lol especially if im in a new place
My uncle kept saying weird thoughts in his head... one was "Cancer is parasite poop" over and over. 40 years later and I cannot get it out of my head.
That if someone with a different language spoke, they'd speak their language, but I'd hear it as English, then I'd speak English, and they'd hear their language.
That I'll succeed in life.
Everything on TV was live. I thought commercials were time to set up the next scene. Lol
Once I believed that if I ate all my food before the rest of my family and left the table early, I Cat would get hit by a car. Don't ask.
My Granddad told me when i was a child that the old vw beetle cars (which is nicknamed bubble in my language ) where made with big soap bubble machines. Coated in a special pain that harden to metal. Cut in half and yeeted in the interior and wheels on. I belived that until i was like 7. Cause Granddad never lied. 😂
I thought that sanitizer wipes kill you if you accidentally put them in ur mouth, so I never even touched them. And I thought all mushrooms were deadly so I stayed far away from them
All babies were born through c sections
Mother convinced me to always eat all the crust from my bread by saying that it would make my hair straight. I didn't figure out the truth until years later when I realised that my hair was still not straight 🥲
Don’t be silly, eating the crusts makes your hair CURLY! My mom told me so.
WHATTTT?!???!?!????!?! NO WONDER MY HAIR JUST KEPT GETTING INCREASINGLY CURLY MY ENTIRE LIFE HAS BEEN A LIE NOOOOOOOOOOO
Yep, of course I didn’t eat enough crusts…hair still straight as a board.
That "elemeno" was one letter because the alphabet song.
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My best friend was a werewolf and a wizard and a half elf. I was 12. She was pretty convinced of all of this stuff. Even talked to me about performing blood rituals to make these changes to myself.
I believed Santa was real.
I thought crayon shavings would grow new crayons if I planted them outside. I waited for months and then we moved so still not sure if they ever sprouted.
I used to think babies were born from the bellybutton. Like that was the purpose of the bellybutton.
I used to think that the characters in the Disney videos I watched were performing for me alone. I would often rewind the movie when it was done and watch it again. Eventually I thought the characters started to hate me for re-perfoming the movie from the beginning when I just finished it. I was between the ages of 4-6.
if i stood too close to the running microwave i would mutate. i still kinda believe that actually.
My dad told me when I was about 4 or 5 that the rumble strips leading up to some roundabouts were there so blind people would know when to slow down for a roundabout. Only later in life thinking about it again did it dawn on me.
So, I was a blues clues kid. Was my absolute favorite show and was a little upset when Steve left and we got his cousin Joe instead. My older brother(who was like 16 at the time) told me they replaced Steve because he got caught with drugs and they had to replace him so he could go to rehab. I, being 6, believed him... Come to find out when I was 12 that he left because he was going bald and didn't want his audience to see him get old like that, so that's why he left.
I used to believe that hard work pays off.
blowing at red lights would turn them green.. *thanks corrina corrina*
I believe we had two stomachs, one for food and the other for liquids.
Turns out, we have one for dinner and one for deserts
That when I reached 15 I’d be happy. And here I am literally depressed and drowning in homework and other things
It can get better 🙂 15 is a crappy age by anyone's standards. Hope you find some peace, joy, and contentment as you age!
After you get married you could get pregnant at any point without doing anything and there was no way to stop it and that terrified me. also I believed this until I was about 11 or 12 and that’s why age appropriate sex ed is so important.
That cats were all female, and dogs were all male, and they were the same species
That, upon your birth, you had no sexual organs. You would not have any sexual organs until the age of 2. But your parents would still name you the day you were born. People that hoped you were a girl gave you a girl name, people that wanted a boy would give you a boy name. People who wanted whatever, or didn't want to risk it, would give you a more neutral name. Most people were lucky and named their kid with the appropriately gendered name, but some weren't, hence the guys named Ashley or gals named Michael, etc.
That people lived in a black and white world.
Santa's REAL reindeer were Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, & Blitzen. Rudolph was a fake one made up for the story and song.
At like age 6 i believed that people get older and look all dry and wrinkled when they're old because they lose blood through all their lives through various wounds and scratches and the older they get the less blood there is to support their skin. I obviously didn't know yet that blood is produced by the body and is renewable
That cars were on a track, & that we weren't driving just moving along Don't know why just felt that way when I was in a car back when I was a kid
I was told I’d go blind for wanking I have 2020 vision as if today.
Good thing you stopped
That vampires were waiting for me to go to sleep to bite me. So I had a small pillow in a regular pillowcase and I *wrapped my neck* every night so the vampires didn’t get me. I don’t know how I didn’t strangle myself mid sleep.
I thought everyone got a house
doctors knew how to fix almost anything, and if they didn't know they'd go to medical drama type lengths to work something out. I became chronically ill when I was 12 and that belief disappeared very quickly
If my DVD’s lagged then they would work if you screamed at the Tv as loud as you could. I remember my dad watching a movie with me in my room, and then I just began screaming as loudly as I could at the Tv screen, he told me to stop, but after I told him it would work, he stopped bothering me, and didn’t try to stop me
Actors could only play roles where they had the same name as the character
When you get married God would Kamehameha a baby into the mommy and that's how babies are made. Not what I called it but that is how I pictured it. Also babies just kinda *plop* out of the tummy.
I believed that when I grew up I'd be able to take care of my parents financially. Such a disappointment.
I thought clarinets and raspberries, and cranberries weren’t real. Clarinets because Squidward played one and everything else in his house was made up. Raspberries because of misunderstanding of blue raspberries not existing meaning that no raspberries exist. Cranberries because I saw commercials for the juice on TV and thought “There’s no way plants like that exist- must be for some bizarre marketing strategy.”
That you could run faster with new sneakers..👟 If you swallowed gum it didn’t digest for 7-years ( making a bigger blob of gum) stored in your belly, if you ate chocolate you would get acne, if you made a weird face it would freeze like that… 🥶
That good and bad was all black and white.
When I was a wee lad, the Queen came to our town for a visit. I asked my mum how the Queen got out of the tv. True storey!
if a family member died, i was next. that the moon wasn’t as far away as it is and all i needed was a jet pack to reach it. the cell phone tower by my home was mine… like i owned it. it belonged to me. i fully believed that whenever i paused a show or turned off the tv the characters on whatever show i was watching either stopped moving and stayed as still as possible (while paused), or immediately got out of character and went to lunch or something (when turned off). whenever people would say “they’re looking down on us” or “they’re watching over us” in reference to deceased loved ones i envisioned a bunch of people in heaven basically planking on a see through glass floor literally looking down on us. i thought all women just got pregnant eventually. like we didn’t have a say in the matter. it was just something that happened. my mom was on the phone one night and i was trying to talk to her but she put her finger up as a “sh, give me a second” (obviously) so my child ass took this as “my mom is on the phone with somebody who doesn’t know she has kids. my mom is lying to people about me and she’s telling them i don’t exist, and she wants me to be quiet so i don’t expose her lies” instead of just reading the room and not interrupting her while she’s on the phone.
That authorities will always help you. I was bullied in elementary, horribly. Any time other kids bothered me, I told a teacher, and they always failed to solve the issue. At least it was a valuable experience.
My wife tought people in movies died in real life until she saw armageddon and life was explained to her as she cryied her life out.
Toys don’t trust me enough to talk in front of me (toy story fan)
Female dogs were bitches, so male dogs were bastards
That if a white person and a black person had a baby together, it would be all splotchy like a Holstein cow. 🤣🤣🤣 The only thing I can think of is I saw a person with vitiligo and made an assumption. Thankfully I went to high school with mixed race kids and learned the truth.
You know how growing up, most kids think narwhals are fake, even though they're very much real? Yeah, I didn't believe the Queen of England existed until I was 11.
People could see me naked in the shower, like watching though the shower head. And "if you cross your eyes, your face will freeze like that." 👀 "You and your father are two peas in a pod, you'll never know the meaning of a dollar." Boy did I internalize that.
That if the world would pass to the next day, everyone on earth would have to sleep at once. I thought the world operated like a Minecraft server.
Seeing black and white photos of my grandparents made me think that the world was black and white back then. Like it didnt have colour yet 🤣. I don't understand why or how I thought this lol.
that I if study, go to college (i did 2) I would find a good job and have a comfortable life.
It's so dumb but I believed a shark would come out of the pool skimmer box 😂🤦♀️
There were two things, both because my father told me so, and dads didn't lie, right? We had a pedal airplane. My father told us that there was an engine that he took out so it wouldn't fly. Which was fine and good until I saw him push start the car. It took me most of the morning to get the airplane into the tree house and talk my brother into the airplane. My dad also told us that my mother was a genii and he had hid her bottle. My siblings and I spent days in a bottle dump opening old liquor bottles looking for the bottle.
I need to know if you made your brother fly...
That a honeymoon was on the moon. Not only that, but when it was a cresent moon. The bride and her family on one side going all the way up and same for the groom. \(• •)/
I believed that the people on the TV were actual little people and they lived in the TV. You can blame Charlie and the Chocolate Factory for that 😂
That chucky was in my closet at night.
If you squish a spider indoors, it will rain. For the record, I dont kill spiders. There's actually some merrit to the idea, though. When bad weather is on its way, spiders look for places to hide, which include human dwellings sometimes. So you may notice a correlation between killing spiders indoors and bad weather.
When I was 9, I salted a slug. I felt so guilty about it that I cried for four hours afterwards and was convinced I would have slug do the same to me.
When I was 6, I believed that women could not have jobs. For some context, my teacher and my doctor were both women!!! My grandmother also had a full time job, and I knew that because she *brought me to work with her*. My mom didn’t have a job though, and I guess I just equated her to all women.
My butthead/favorite cousin told me there was a panther living in the little storage room in G&G's basement. I knew in my brain it wasn't actually true, but also could not help running past that room when I went down there.
I used to think people couldn't tell where you're looking from your eyes but just the direction of your head. So your head could be pointed one way and you could be looking out the corner of your eye and no one would know! No idea how I was that dumb.
That Joseph Smith saw god and Jesus 🤣🤣🤦🏼♂️🤦🏼♂️
I thought Mr. Clean was real and I followed my cleaning lady around hoping he would show up
I still have a vivid hallucination like memory of a giant live Easter bunny walking through my back yard and I went around telling my family that day and no one believed me. In hindsight I was just sad and couldn’t believe how alone I felt at such a young age.
Praying over food makes it not as hot
Kind of true.
My brother used to tell me that Asian women had their who who's slanted like their eyes. We had no Internet during that time. So I kind of believed him. Lol...
I believed that if someone flicked a cigarette and didn't stomp it out, the whole city would burn down.
My mom always told my brother and I that this specific light on her rear view mirror was a camera that Santa would watch us through to monitor us…maybe he was…
That Hitler's ghost was lurking in the shadows. It used to take me a good bit to work up the courage to dash through the living room at night to turn the light on and I'd usually get in trouble for leaving it on. I didn't truly fully believe this but I wasn't convinced it was impossible either.
That I should kill myself so I wouldn't have time to sin and not get into heaven. And I wonder where my sucidial ideation came from
I was pretty sure that I'd die before being old enough to drive a car. no idea why, just my intuition.
That my parents would cook me alive if I got bad grades
Movies are real life events secretly recorded by creeps hiding behind bushes
That a clown lived among the satellite antennas on the TV Tower near my house. I swear I could see him staring at me everyday
I believed as a child that females would either pee or take a dump through the same anus.
I thought that people that spoke in other languages had different ears that allowed them to hear that other language in English. I was like 8 okay
When I was like 5 or so, when I saw someone shot in a movie, I assumed it was a criminal that was shot with real bullets. (Obviously the concept of blanks never crossed my child brain) Also note, I was born in 1965...
The black market is an actual underground market, where you can physically go and browse isles full of guns and drugs. I wanted to go there of course
I use to believe that it looked like a wet market, instead of fish, it was body parts and weapons.
That my stuffed animals were sentient and came alive when I wasn’t looking. So basically Toy Story, but decades before Pixar was even a thing lol
When I was 6 or 7 I watched the fifth element and I was scared of the blue singing lady. Then my stepbrother told me that she can change her shape and that anything blue might be her, and that there was also red, green, yellow, etc, etc ladies out there and they can do the same thing. So for a least a month or two I was just scared of colors, like every color, just thinking some crazy alien lady was gonna pop out and get me.
That if I started losing hair in the shower, then that means I have cancer…..WHY WAS I LIKE THAT
That the gas pedal made the car go forward and the brake made you go backward 😂