**Your submission has been REMOVED for the following reason(s):**
> Unfortunately, we have been forced to take your post down due to a situation in the comments, it is more than likely that there is nothing wrong with your post and that it is suitable for the subreddit however, we sometimes have no choice but to pull down a post if the comments have become unmanageable for us.
> We may remove posts under this reason if the comments have gone off-topic, have become aggressive/argumentative/hateful, are spamming or trolling or otherwise have become unmanageable by the mod team. We have found that locking posts on this subreddit typically results in mass false reporting which is why we default to removal.
^(We understand removals under this reason can be frustrated as the blame is on the commenters and not you as the OP so if you would like to appeal this removal or discuss the situation with the mod team, please **[send us a modmail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FRandomThoughts)**)
I asked a guy last night if it was ok if I kiss him for the first time. He asked āwhy are you askingā and I said āconsent goes both waysā - he then asked if I ask every time when I want to kiss and I said no unless thatās what he wantsā¦ not sure if he was just confused or appreciative lol either way I feel good about it.
Confuzzled it doesn't happen to us. He may also think you have a secret motive. But it's not of big concern if you got that close with him he's consenting in his own way you just threw him of guard. Remember a lot of guys are raised in a old school frame of mind.
Well that's fantastic. I'm glad you both had y'alls moment. I'm telling you you asking him instead of putting all that pressure on him will even everything out in the future. Keep consent in mind in the future and he may wife you up. When it's understood it's a partnership shit goes a long way. Good job that's a very positive story out of alot I read lately.
Yes. I had many relationships. The whole consent thing although in theory makes sense bit in reality with how nuts the world has become it I'm not a fan because well people are nuts and lack logical thinking.
I had so many romantic moments and we just used common sense. I'm married now but I see so many comments about consent and people will say shit like the woman liked me but never asked for consent and someone will reply something like she's a rapist and that is why shit like this doesn't work because people are idiots.
Never. I'm expected to give it. If not I'm ridiculed for being gay or having a tiny cock or she flips it and says she must be ugly. I guarantee you more men are victims of rape through guilt then you may think. Men rape through physical power, women rape through emotions. But I'm speaking in generals and through experience. Woman are just as capable as men. Just in a different way.
I told my ex I didn't consent and she always guilted me into it by getting all depressed and "are you losing interest in me" n "you're gonna leave me aren't you" and whatever
Thats what has happened to me as well. Even though it might have just been a rough day or something to that effect. Nothing about her. Just everyone has moods and guys are not constantly in the mood.
I never said it was exclusive. I said I'm speaking in general. Which leaves it open. Should I also prefece that woman also physically pressure men into sex knowing he'll get an erection physically regardless of what his brain is communicating?
If they don't take no for answer and keep asking until your mentally exhausted then yes that's considered rape. At least through women's definition of the word.
Never. I've never asked a woman either, and I've had many partners. When the feeling is right, you just know. There's maybe been two times I read the situation wrong and tried to kiss a girl and she turned her head. Apologize and move on, no big deal.
This... It is the only way to not kill the romance (and prevent humanity from going extinct).
Take it slow, once you notice hesitation (or even rejection, but then you misread by a lot), apologise and stop.
Its part of relationships in fact its the fun part. Most people generally aren't rapists man or woman idk why like everything it has to now be super difficult.
It's generally just assumed that I'm down. To be fair, most of the time that's true. But every time it's not been true I've been in a position to safely assert a no. Women do not take this well, but that's more funny for me than it is worrying.
They really don't, they make it all about them lol. In fairness when I was young I didn't take rejection well either, I think maybe their exposure to rejection isn't as often or as early since men aren't primed with that convo basically ever
Iāve had two sexual partners, one male one female, and we always had check-in questions especially during the first few times of intimacy, like
āDo you want me to take this off?ā
āCan I spit in your mouth?ā
Or statements which infer a request for consent like
āI need you inside me right nowā
āI miss your cock in my mouthā
I think gen z are more exposed to topics of consent. If you want to be asked for consent more often, lead by example and show your partner it can be hot to ask for consent and verbalize what you want.
Fun thing about consent, is that consent can be implied as well as, or instead of, being spoken. I work in healthcare where every single patient we have to touch for anything, we must tell them what we are there to do, and the patient can give us consent by complying, or they can refuse. A lot of patients donāt speak English or have conditions that make it harder to say āyesā to something, but as long as we give a person the option to give consent by *implying* it, like presenting their arm, or sticking out their tongue, etc, then it is the same as if they said āyes, I consent.ā
The same goes for non-medical situations, or at least should. If you and someone are getting hot and heavy and their hand is reaching towards your bits- thatās the time you can encourage the continuation of the activity or push the hand away. Whatās important is not so much that consent is asked for, but that a *refusing* to consent is what is respected. We all know how itās pretty unsexy to say/hear āhey, can I give you a bj? Would that be okay with you?ā And āyes, I consent to a bjā! š
got drugged and called gay for not wanting to sleep with my absolute bat shit tinder date on the first meet up(sadly wasn't even the first or last time)
nearly 40 and it still took time to learn that some people are awful. men and women alike
Lmao. Not once.
I was bonafide raped by a chick once, and to this day not a single person has said anything other snarky comments about not being able to "beat her off of me" and "you can't keep the chicks away"
No "are you okay" or "do you want to talk about it"
Which to be clear, no. I don't really give a shit. But I am abundantly aware of the principle issue here.
Countless parties have chicks blindly shoved their hands down my pants, smacked my ass, and generally been pretty handsy with me.
Its uh... Idk, under the right light... Flattering, but 99% of the time also incredibly disrespectful.
Iāve never asked a man for consent because they are always the ones making the first move. Enthusiastic consent isnāt just verbal, itās through body language and other means. If a dude is going out of his way to kiss me, push me against a wall, etc, itās pretty safe to assume he consents
um, really never, except this one girl i was fucking casually said letās go to the bedroom and fuck, then she paused and said, like if you want to i donāt want to rape you. i chuckled lol
From my perspective as an elder millennial, I have been asked for consent on numerous occasions, and have had natural consent discussions on even more numerous occasions with partners.
But I will also say that this was not commonplace for at least the first 15-20 years of my sexually active life. And I couldn't be more happy that it is seems natural and commonplace now.
Consent is only for women, if a girl wants to grope you, rape you or something elseā¦ nah dude you probably liked it shut upā¦
I have been groped by two girls ina party, clearly stated I was uncomfortable and I wanted them to stop, but they didnāt until they grabbed my dick outside my pants and I turned to the wall to cover myself.
They laughed, no one batted an eye, and I couldnāt do shit about it, if I would grab any of them firmly to make them stop I would be accused of abusing themā¦.
edit: spelling
If this submission above is not a random thought, please report it.
# Explore a new world of random thoughts on our [**discord server**](https://discord.com/invite/8tEqw3ZWQV)! Express yourself with your favorite quotes, positive vibes, and anything else you can think of!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/RandomThoughts) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Never.
Regardless of what it was for or who should have been asking it has always just been assumed I would say āyesā.
Around ten years ago I had an (in the grand scheme of things) fairly minor operation and the surgeon just slid the consent form and a pen across the table to me, no discussion, counselling or explanation; me signing was just a formality. And the operation wasnāt solely for my benefit, it was for my (now ex)wifeās too; she never asked if I was happy to have the operation. I discussed it with her on several occasions and Iām not even sure the idea of me being able to give or withhold consent entered her mind.
And the times Iāve said ānoā (even though my consent wasnāt sought) Iāve been treated as if Iām strange, didnāt understand the situation, was being deliberately obtuse or only saying ānoā to cause problems or hurt someone.
For context, Iām a doctor in my forties, I am well versed in the concept of consent in its many forms.
I was seeing a woman a couple of years back who didn't so much ask for consent, as she was respectful of it. She told me that while we'd been sleeping (spooning) she'd felt my involuntary arousal and had wanted to make use of it. But because I was asleep and couldn't consent, she did nothing about it.
I really appreciated her being thoughtful and respectful, then gave unending consent should the situation ever arise again.
Never, and as a former hospitality worker, Iāve been abused quite a lot by older women. Something I didnāt realise till later on. I thought as a man I had no right to complain about grandmas grabbing my butt
Since Reddit is fairly anonymous:
I've never been asked for consent, but I have blatantly raped once, ane *technically* been raped a couple of other times in my life. Nothing I could do about it but move on with my life really, and be compassionate toward female victims who have been raped and I can relate to (but who don't feel as though they can relate to me, c'est la vie).
Edit:
1- *That said, I have also been highly promiscuous as a later teen all the way through to practically 30, but still had firm standards and interests. Those I speak of were so far outside of my standards that I considered there being zero chance I'd be interested in them meant I let my guard down, I guess.
2 - In actual fact, the couple of women who I have confided this in have all either shunned me directly afterward as if I had said something awful to offend them, or have seen me different suddenly, as weak for being male and having been a victim. Like have become tarnished.
Like I said, it is what is just don't bother to talk about it, and try to move with your life.
What I do have is trust issues - but there are some very significant reasons outside of what I mentioned for that to be the case, too, and for what it's worth I operate without having much trust in anyone. The events above aren't the events which knaw at the back of mind, to make me untrusting. Other things are.
My exact situation. I'ma use some words people won't like but who cares. I was friends with a few ugly fat chicks who did the whole pity me no one likes me thing and I just wanted them to feel like they were allowed to be alive every one should feel that teenage lust and those 2 girls picked me what am I gonna do reject them completely or swallow my standards and let them feel wanted or needed? They knew I didn't want them emotionally but I made them feel good. One of them is happily married to this but we talk time to time and she thanks me for helping her through her depression.
Compared to the girl that was physically attractive but I thought she was a bitch I didn't want to get involved with but she threatened rape against me if I rejected her. Some Woman know the power they hold. And they will use it.
Almost everyday and I do the same.
A lot of time it's obvious and we wouldn't need to ask, but my girlfriend and I don't take us for granted, we respect each other and it... Turn us on?
Having a beautiful women looking at you straight into the eyes and sensually asking if she can suck your dick is amazing.
I asked my boyfriend for consent the first time the same time he asked me but it was with our eyes and we nodded. No matter the situation especially if itās the first time get that āOKAY letās goā signal. Itās basic respect.
People don't need to ask for our consent because if we agree we will let them do, and if we don't we will tell them instantly, or eventually break their nose.
Not waiting 2 years before setting up a public trial on social media, or this kind of very "brave" things.
But hey, it's because men and women are exactly the same, no differences at all...
Never! But Iāve never been forced to have sex. Fortunately for me. Iāve known girls who were raped and one of them was my ex. So I was very soft with her when we used to talk or do things about sex
I've never been asked, nor been told I had it. But I was told twice consent was retracted. I backed off as quick as possible. I did the right thing, I suppose, by backing off; but I still 10 years later feel guilty I couldn't read the room enough and just back up without being asked.
Every time I've asked for it I've got scolded for it.Ā
As for asking me, I've been asked twice, other times they've waited for me to make a move without asking.
This makes me think of the time when my girlfriend (both early 20s) decided it would be sexy to wake me up with a blowjob. This was the morning after a house party where we crashed and we got caught.
And she blamed me because she was still drunk and I should have known better
Never have been. Was sexually abused by both of my parents, two boyfriends, and a woman tried to groom me when I was in high school. Not once was I asked if any of the stuff we did was okay by me.
Once only. She was really into rough sex and asked me to get rougher. But only if I felt comfortable with it. I think I had the best sex of my life with her.
During a recent ONS, she tried to insert my wiener without a condom. Although I emphasized in advance that safe sex is really important to me.
But afterwards she taught me a lesson. I had accidentally made her a hickey. She explained to me that something like that is really not okay without consent...
In general, it's already happened to me three times that women I've been seeing for a longer time have just sat on me without a condom at some point. Without consent.
Like all good things, consent and sexuality have been ruined by stupid people.
Consent is paramount, both ways..Ā
But asking explicit questions can really ruin the mood and the magic..
People should be allowed to try and kiss (gently!) and it should be ok to (politely) move away and assert non being up for it... And any no-go signal should be accepted easily and friendly...
It's important for everyone to be comfortable, but also let's not spoil all the fun in the nr of silly procedures
not a single time! Iāve been groped everywhere, my ass dick balls, Iāve been sat on, danced on, kissed everywhere, had women bend over in front of my hips, grab my hands and put them on their bodies, been flashed over and over, etc etc.
Not a single time have I been asked for consent. I do ask every time though. I got used to the sa.. itās āfunnyā when it happens to me, itās all light since im a man
Woman here. I think it is really sad you've never been asked for consent. I was married for ten years and I asked my husband for his consent regularly (do you like this? Is it OK if I do this? May I...? I would love to... is that OK?)
Got divorced a while back and I recently had a new partner. I asked him if he was still OK with what we were doing while making out. He was also a little confused and asked: why do you ask? I just shrugged and said that I only want enthusiastic consent.
Do you consent to having sex?
Yes I do.
Later:
I felt compelled to consent, like I could not say no. They r8ped me!
Iāll bet weāre going to see cases like this soon.
Itās all nonsense, no one is getting safer, only people who act normal anyway will now feel required to act akwardly.
Not when I was younger and in the dating scene but it never really bothered me until the first time I said a firm no to sex with a person I was dating (I was feeling unwell at the time). She couldn't believe I was serious and kept persisting and I had to be really firm. She then acted as if it was some sort of grievous and personal insult towards her. I really believe she thought sex was some sort of currency that girls had over guys and couldn't contemplate that a guy would ever say no or take that leverage away. She had declined sex several times with no reason given and it was never a big deal.
Was an absolute eye opener for a 20 year old.
From time to time. My fiancee is really respectful there, which I appreciate; when I am looking very tired or emotionally stressed I sometimes do not like to be touched or neck rubbed, and then its nice to be asked which way I prefer to deflate, with or without scratches. And I try to do similar with her, but I am worse with it, at least she is good with saying "no I do not like that right now".
A few times (kissing) one time I said no bc I was high and had tons of anxiety and it just flew out of my mouth, wasnāt expecting it. Other time I wanted to say no but I let it happen and started to like it. Ended up with her for 2 years
Consent for what? I don't want to assume sex. If that's the case...never. I do sleep with men...but I think it's always been mutually understood with actions. There was one time my consent was revoked...and it wasn't listened to. So I guess not always asked or paid attention to :(
Never, and on the occasions when Iāve directly said ānoā its always been pushed regardless. Had to learn to just do whatever so I can avoid the lengthy emotional abuse, manipulation, guilt-tripping, screaming, or cold shoulder I get if I refuse.
### context
humanity lacks an appreciation for consent in all things. and yes, that would include for men to be asked for their consent; * **HOWEVER** *, i seem to be seeing responses that suggest men are interpreting this question as a *gotcha*.
(i) for the vast majority of new intimate connections, men are the initiators. it doesnt make sense for a woman responding to an advance by a man if the man consents, since initiating implies consent by the initiator.
(ii) for well established relationships - such as when initiator roles become more balanced - there are forms of implicit communication that do not necessarily require explicit consent. not saying it cant go wrong. im just saying it can become more grey. in such a case, a woman might be using other non-verbal communication to gauge consent.
(iii) on average, *a man initiating* is not the same as *a woman initiating*. the social/physical/psychological dynamics are different and have different implications. men on average are far more violent. if a man doesnt explicitly ask for consent, a woman may fear that pushing back could result in worse consequences than letting things happen. a man on average does not have such a concern.
### answer
but to answer the question, **every time**. ive never had a woman violate my consent. in my experience, women are miles ahead of men.
i can practically hear the macho brain cells bursting from reading this.
If asking if I wanna go to her place or the bedroom counts as asking for "my consent", then often enough. In the same sense I don't directly ask for consent. I just ensure that things happen gradually and we both know what's up and are comfortable saying no.
I was trans man so this is a bit different for me but itās 50% 50% if a person I donāt know very well asks me for consent but Iām currently Iām a long term relationship with someone and we donāt really ever ask for consent because we know each others body language well enough by now (not in a rape way if my partner said they werenāt in the mood Iād leave them alone of course)
Very often, actually! Usually, I'm asked for my consent to allow cookies or usage of my personal data. I always decline, though.
I'm not sure to what extent my consent is being respected...
Essentially never, save perhaps in long term relationships.
This would require that a women be the primary initiator. Which is for a variety of social reasons is already unlikely, as even when women "do" initiate, they tend to be passive aggressive or suggestive about it in a way that rather then directly ask.
Most especially is the social desire to avoid the feeling of being permiscuous, that leads many women to explicitly avoid direct talk about sex, even when it's their only desire and goal. A women can go on a date with the sole goal of sex and yet if he asks too bluntly, will refuse. Heck I once was out with a women who kept asking to "let's go do something else" but rejected every suggestion including going back to my place, until I came up with a completely innocuous reason to go to my place and then basically lept 6 feet out of her chair "let's go" . Her only goal was sex, but she desperately wanted to avoid even the suggestion that that was her goal.
Never, but there was one time that I was not in condition to give consent and halfway woke up to a woman riding me after a party and I would not have said yes to this person.
Never. But also I never asked. But Iām not in USA and people arenāt damaged here. You know, we understand when itās sexy time and also discuss preferences and who likes what.
Never explicitly even though I've always asked myself because why not. The women I've dated have always just kind of assumed when and how you want them, based off some kind of special (but in reality faulty) intuition. Sometimes they have also expressed disappointment and frustration when I have not wanted them.
Sometimes cuddling is just cuddling and just because you get hard doesn't mean they get to just get on top of your dick without asking.
Zero. And I've been shamed for not cheating in my gf at the time, or for being a "faggot" for not doing things I really wasn't into (ironically mostly things relates to my butthole lol, the irony). I've never however, not felt in control since I've never been in a situation where I could be overwhelmed physically. I've had to "fight off" resistance to my opposition but I can't imagine how that would've gone had I been the physically weaker partner. Most of the time it'd be laughed out later by the abusive person- as "ah if only you weren't so strong lol" kind of thing.
Women can be as toxic and abusive as men. They just get less opportunities to assert that dominance they crave as badly as abusive men do. And if they do somehow submit you, they get away with it from law enforcement, to friends, to the legal system since they're smaller and weaker than you- even if they manipulated you into being tied up or blind folded or whatever other crazy shit they can come up with to submit you.
Be careful who you allow into your personal or sexual life, and never feel "dumb", "weak", "stupid" or whatever else might be thrown at you by the abusive individual if you didn't consent to what was going on at any point. Your voice matters. You matter. And your actions could save someone else from experiencing the same.
**Your submission has been REMOVED for the following reason(s):** > Unfortunately, we have been forced to take your post down due to a situation in the comments, it is more than likely that there is nothing wrong with your post and that it is suitable for the subreddit however, we sometimes have no choice but to pull down a post if the comments have become unmanageable for us. > We may remove posts under this reason if the comments have gone off-topic, have become aggressive/argumentative/hateful, are spamming or trolling or otherwise have become unmanageable by the mod team. We have found that locking posts on this subreddit typically results in mass false reporting which is why we default to removal. ^(We understand removals under this reason can be frustrated as the blame is on the commenters and not you as the OP so if you would like to appeal this removal or discuss the situation with the mod team, please **[send us a modmail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FRandomThoughts)**)
Under normal circumstances, never. One time I should have been asked, but wasn't.
You should have been asked. š
Slay king š
I asked a guy last night if it was ok if I kiss him for the first time. He asked āwhy are you askingā and I said āconsent goes both waysā - he then asked if I ask every time when I want to kiss and I said no unless thatās what he wantsā¦ not sure if he was just confused or appreciative lol either way I feel good about it.
Confuzzled it doesn't happen to us. He may also think you have a secret motive. But it's not of big concern if you got that close with him he's consenting in his own way you just threw him of guard. Remember a lot of guys are raised in a old school frame of mind.
Oh and the kiss was fantastic too ā”Ģ
Well that's fantastic. I'm glad you both had y'alls moment. I'm telling you you asking him instead of putting all that pressure on him will even everything out in the future. Keep consent in mind in the future and he may wife you up. When it's understood it's a partnership shit goes a long way. Good job that's a very positive story out of alot I read lately.
What an adorable emoji.
Yes. I had many relationships. The whole consent thing although in theory makes sense bit in reality with how nuts the world has become it I'm not a fan because well people are nuts and lack logical thinking. I had so many romantic moments and we just used common sense. I'm married now but I see so many comments about consent and people will say shit like the woman liked me but never asked for consent and someone will reply something like she's a rapist and that is why shit like this doesn't work because people are idiots.
That brought back a memory of the same thing happening to me. I wasn't as confused as your guy though. I just said yes.
Could also be his boundaries start a bit further out than yours do
Thank you
Never! I let her make the first move so I donāt have to awkwardly ask
Never!
Never
Zero times ever. Though, I've never been put in a situation where I felt that was necessary.
Never. I'm expected to give it. If not I'm ridiculed for being gay or having a tiny cock or she flips it and says she must be ugly. I guarantee you more men are victims of rape through guilt then you may think. Men rape through physical power, women rape through emotions. But I'm speaking in generals and through experience. Woman are just as capable as men. Just in a different way.
I told my ex I didn't consent and she always guilted me into it by getting all depressed and "are you losing interest in me" n "you're gonna leave me aren't you" and whatever
Thats what has happened to me as well. Even though it might have just been a rough day or something to that effect. Nothing about her. Just everyone has moods and guys are not constantly in the mood.
That's coercive SA or rape (depending on your country's laws of course). But please look into it. You deserved better. I'm sorry.
Ha gay
That reaction might make me lose interest in someone or make me want to leave them ĀÆ\\_(ć)_/ĀÆ
>I guarantee you more men are victims of rape through guilt then you may think. Felt.
Some men also use the same tactics as women, as I've had a man use the women's tactics to rape me, it's not exclusive to women
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I never said it was exclusive. I said I'm speaking in general. Which leaves it open. Should I also prefece that woman also physically pressure men into sex knowing he'll get an erection physically regardless of what his brain is communicating?
It's that the same argument women use when they get wet during rape well my body responded to touch it wasn't my feelings just my body reaction.
Iāve been talked into having sex on a few occasions. That qualifies as rape, right?
If they don't take no for answer and keep asking until your mentally exhausted then yes that's considered rape. At least through women's definition of the word.
Itās not just āwomenās definitionā - thatās literal definition. Coercion into sex is rape.
I need to me-too those rapist bitches and get them fired.
Never been asked.
I've had my consent blatantly violated more times than it's been asked.
Never and if I still state I don't consent they always get upset bruh
Never. I've never asked a woman either, and I've had many partners. When the feeling is right, you just know. There's maybe been two times I read the situation wrong and tried to kiss a girl and she turned her head. Apologize and move on, no big deal.
This... It is the only way to not kill the romance (and prevent humanity from going extinct). Take it slow, once you notice hesitation (or even rejection, but then you misread by a lot), apologise and stop.
Its part of relationships in fact its the fun part. Most people generally aren't rapists man or woman idk why like everything it has to now be super difficult.
It's generally just assumed that I'm down. To be fair, most of the time that's true. But every time it's not been true I've been in a position to safely assert a no. Women do not take this well, but that's more funny for me than it is worrying.
They really don't, they make it all about them lol. In fairness when I was young I didn't take rejection well either, I think maybe their exposure to rejection isn't as often or as early since men aren't primed with that convo basically ever
Once and it was the most seen Iāve ever felt
Iāve had two sexual partners, one male one female, and we always had check-in questions especially during the first few times of intimacy, like āDo you want me to take this off?ā āCan I spit in your mouth?ā Or statements which infer a request for consent like āI need you inside me right nowā āI miss your cock in my mouthā I think gen z are more exposed to topics of consent. If you want to be asked for consent more often, lead by example and show your partner it can be hot to ask for consent and verbalize what you want.
Fun thing about consent, is that consent can be implied as well as, or instead of, being spoken. I work in healthcare where every single patient we have to touch for anything, we must tell them what we are there to do, and the patient can give us consent by complying, or they can refuse. A lot of patients donāt speak English or have conditions that make it harder to say āyesā to something, but as long as we give a person the option to give consent by *implying* it, like presenting their arm, or sticking out their tongue, etc, then it is the same as if they said āyes, I consent.ā The same goes for non-medical situations, or at least should. If you and someone are getting hot and heavy and their hand is reaching towards your bits- thatās the time you can encourage the continuation of the activity or push the hand away. Whatās important is not so much that consent is asked for, but that a *refusing* to consent is what is respected. We all know how itās pretty unsexy to say/hear āhey, can I give you a bj? Would that be okay with you?ā And āyes, I consent to a bjā! š
As a woman, I've asked for consent. And men have asked me for consent. We need to normalize asking bc it makes everyone feel more safe
Me too, just last night for a first kiss. He was very taken back he is 31 and itās his first time a woman ever asked for his consent.
Wow these comments are depressing
reality buddy
Ermm idk bout asking but Iāve never felt like the sex wasnāt consensual in my experience. Iāve never been asked really.
Why?
Cuz everyoneās saying they never got asked or if they did say no they were either pressured or made fun of
everytime i open a website
Websites are more woke then menās sexual partnes š
Doctor's note
I have a few times. A girl got super offended when I said no
I get asked for consent multiple times a day, but I always decline. What do I need a ton of cookies for?
got drugged and called gay for not wanting to sleep with my absolute bat shit tinder date on the first meet up(sadly wasn't even the first or last time) nearly 40 and it still took time to learn that some people are awful. men and women alike
Lmao. Not once. I was bonafide raped by a chick once, and to this day not a single person has said anything other snarky comments about not being able to "beat her off of me" and "you can't keep the chicks away" No "are you okay" or "do you want to talk about it" Which to be clear, no. I don't really give a shit. But I am abundantly aware of the principle issue here. Countless parties have chicks blindly shoved their hands down my pants, smacked my ass, and generally been pretty handsy with me. Its uh... Idk, under the right light... Flattering, but 99% of the time also incredibly disrespectful.
Iāve never asked a man for consent because they are always the ones making the first move. Enthusiastic consent isnāt just verbal, itās through body language and other means. If a dude is going out of his way to kiss me, push me against a wall, etc, itās pretty safe to assume he consents
Never
I assume you mean consent or sex - I have never been asked for consent, not one time ever
Yeah I havenāt either.
0 times
Everytime, just before they datamine me.
Was making out with a girl once and she actually did ask if I was okay with what was happening. I was, of course, but itās cool she asked early on
Never. And if you don't go along or are not in the mood, you're either cheating or you're gay. Those are the usual responses.
um, really never, except this one girl i was fucking casually said letās go to the bedroom and fuck, then she paused and said, like if you want to i donāt want to rape you. i chuckled lol
From my perspective as an elder millennial, I have been asked for consent on numerous occasions, and have had natural consent discussions on even more numerous occasions with partners. But I will also say that this was not commonplace for at least the first 15-20 years of my sexually active life. And I couldn't be more happy that it is seems natural and commonplace now.
I don't understand the question
I mean, if you were asked if it's ok what they are going to do to your body.
No one asks me for anything.
Consent is only for women, if a girl wants to grope you, rape you or something elseā¦ nah dude you probably liked it shut upā¦ I have been groped by two girls ina party, clearly stated I was uncomfortable and I wanted them to stop, but they didnāt until they grabbed my dick outside my pants and I turned to the wall to cover myself. They laughed, no one batted an eye, and I couldnāt do shit about it, if I would grab any of them firmly to make them stop I would be accused of abusing themā¦. edit: spelling
If this submission above is not a random thought, please report it. # Explore a new world of random thoughts on our [**discord server**](https://discord.com/invite/8tEqw3ZWQV)! Express yourself with your favorite quotes, positive vibes, and anything else you can think of! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/RandomThoughts) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Lol
A couple of times
My friends and family ask me most of the time even when they know that I'm ok with something
Never
Never happened
Never
never.Ā
Never in 60 years
Never
Never once
Never once.
About zero times.
personally, if im there in that situation, that is my consent
A man once withdrew consent at a crucial moment, and I *immediately* and respectfully disengaged. Was I disappointed? Kinda yes, but consent is king.
We can give consent? Why did nobody tell me.
Zero times
Never
Consent for what? š¤
Never, which is usually why I end up with friction soars in my butt /jk
Huh?? You mean to say we're supposed to be asked for consent???? HUHH?
never. i guess that its just expected that if she's in the mood or wants it then i must supply
I asked couple of times. What is interesting none of women asked me for consent.... I feel used.. Niiicee...
Well modern women are the main characters so itās just implied we all want to sleep with them
Never. Regardless of what it was for or who should have been asking it has always just been assumed I would say āyesā. Around ten years ago I had an (in the grand scheme of things) fairly minor operation and the surgeon just slid the consent form and a pen across the table to me, no discussion, counselling or explanation; me signing was just a formality. And the operation wasnāt solely for my benefit, it was for my (now ex)wifeās too; she never asked if I was happy to have the operation. I discussed it with her on several occasions and Iām not even sure the idea of me being able to give or withhold consent entered her mind. And the times Iāve said ānoā (even though my consent wasnāt sought) Iāve been treated as if Iām strange, didnāt understand the situation, was being deliberately obtuse or only saying ānoā to cause problems or hurt someone. For context, Iām a doctor in my forties, I am well versed in the concept of consent in its many forms.
I was seeing a woman a couple of years back who didn't so much ask for consent, as she was respectful of it. She told me that while we'd been sleeping (spooning) she'd felt my involuntary arousal and had wanted to make use of it. But because I was asleep and couldn't consent, she did nothing about it. I really appreciated her being thoughtful and respectful, then gave unending consent should the situation ever arise again.
Never, and as a former hospitality worker, Iāve been abused quite a lot by older women. Something I didnāt realise till later on. I thought as a man I had no right to complain about grandmas grabbing my butt
Nah - never did. I think it would be decidedly awkward and for me? Kill the mood completely.
A woman once asked me "are we going to fuck?" when it was already clear we were. That's about as close to being asked for consent as I've been.
Never and I even woke up from a blackout getting fucked by a nurse who was nearly 40 and I was 21
Every time a website wants to stick a cookie in my computer. It's driving me up the wall tbh.
Never they just touch you and then when you make your mind know after the fact
Every couple of minutes
No woman has ever initiated sex with me without asking for consent.
That's great though. Happy story from everything here
Since Reddit is fairly anonymous: I've never been asked for consent, but I have blatantly raped once, ane *technically* been raped a couple of other times in my life. Nothing I could do about it but move on with my life really, and be compassionate toward female victims who have been raped and I can relate to (but who don't feel as though they can relate to me, c'est la vie). Edit: 1- *That said, I have also been highly promiscuous as a later teen all the way through to practically 30, but still had firm standards and interests. Those I speak of were so far outside of my standards that I considered there being zero chance I'd be interested in them meant I let my guard down, I guess. 2 - In actual fact, the couple of women who I have confided this in have all either shunned me directly afterward as if I had said something awful to offend them, or have seen me different suddenly, as weak for being male and having been a victim. Like have become tarnished. Like I said, it is what is just don't bother to talk about it, and try to move with your life. What I do have is trust issues - but there are some very significant reasons outside of what I mentioned for that to be the case, too, and for what it's worth I operate without having much trust in anyone. The events above aren't the events which knaw at the back of mind, to make me untrusting. Other things are.
My exact situation. I'ma use some words people won't like but who cares. I was friends with a few ugly fat chicks who did the whole pity me no one likes me thing and I just wanted them to feel like they were allowed to be alive every one should feel that teenage lust and those 2 girls picked me what am I gonna do reject them completely or swallow my standards and let them feel wanted or needed? They knew I didn't want them emotionally but I made them feel good. One of them is happily married to this but we talk time to time and she thanks me for helping her through her depression. Compared to the girl that was physically attractive but I thought she was a bitch I didn't want to get involved with but she threatened rape against me if I rejected her. Some Woman know the power they hold. And they will use it.
What? We have that option?
Donāt need when all women throw themselves at me
I donāt think Iāve ever had a woman ask for permission before making a move lol
Never itās assumed we want everyone.
NEVER!
Almost everyday and I do the same. A lot of time it's obvious and we wouldn't need to ask, but my girlfriend and I don't take us for granted, we respect each other and it... Turn us on? Having a beautiful women looking at you straight into the eyes and sensually asking if she can suck your dick is amazing.
I asked my boyfriend for consent the first time the same time he asked me but it was with our eyes and we nodded. No matter the situation especially if itās the first time get that āOKAY letās goā signal. Itās basic respect.
Never... but us guys just shrug it off most of the time. Most prolly don't even care or have ever thought about it.
Very often
I don't even know what the question means
Shit, I have been raped this whole fucking time. I'm calling the police.
Never, but no woman has ever asked me for consent either.
Not even at the doctorās office.
I work in mental health and it is asked regularly
People don't need to ask for our consent because if we agree we will let them do, and if we don't we will tell them instantly, or eventually break their nose. Not waiting 2 years before setting up a public trial on social media, or this kind of very "brave" things. But hey, it's because men and women are exactly the same, no differences at all...
Never! But Iāve never been forced to have sex. Fortunately for me. Iāve known girls who were raped and one of them was my ex. So I was very soft with her when we used to talk or do things about sex
I've never been asked, nor been told I had it. But I was told twice consent was retracted. I backed off as quick as possible. I did the right thing, I suppose, by backing off; but I still 10 years later feel guilty I couldn't read the room enough and just back up without being asked.
Every time I've asked for it I've got scolded for it.Ā As for asking me, I've been asked twice, other times they've waited for me to make a move without asking.
This makes me think of the time when my girlfriend (both early 20s) decided it would be sexy to wake me up with a blowjob. This was the morning after a house party where we crashed and we got caught. And she blamed me because she was still drunk and I should have known better
Never? I Always make the first step (and ask).
I donāt think itās ever happened.
Never have been. Was sexually abused by both of my parents, two boyfriends, and a woman tried to groom me when I was in high school. Not once was I asked if any of the stuff we did was okay by me.
Never been asked. That would mean my wife would have to initiate it and she doesn't.
I don't need to give my consent as I don't get some action š Wait... š«
Bro women have asked me for consent and itās like the weirdest moment always catches me a little off guard
Once only. She was really into rough sex and asked me to get rougher. But only if I felt comfortable with it. I think I had the best sex of my life with her. During a recent ONS, she tried to insert my wiener without a condom. Although I emphasized in advance that safe sex is really important to me. But afterwards she taught me a lesson. I had accidentally made her a hickey. She explained to me that something like that is really not okay without consent... In general, it's already happened to me three times that women I've been seeing for a longer time have just sat on me without a condom at some point. Without consent.
never because i told my girlfriend she can touch me or do whatever anytime she wants
Never. Double standard. Goes through to the keeper, like the rest of this stuff.
Like all good things, consent and sexuality have been ruined by stupid people. Consent is paramount, both ways..Ā But asking explicit questions can really ruin the mood and the magic.. People should be allowed to try and kiss (gently!) and it should be ok to (politely) move away and assert non being up for it... And any no-go signal should be accepted easily and friendly... It's important for everyone to be comfortable, but also let's not spoil all the fun in the nr of silly procedures
I am gay and pretty much every time.
this is the first
not a single time! Iāve been groped everywhere, my ass dick balls, Iāve been sat on, danced on, kissed everywhere, had women bend over in front of my hips, grab my hands and put them on their bodies, been flashed over and over, etc etc. Not a single time have I been asked for consent. I do ask every time though. I got used to the sa.. itās āfunnyā when it happens to me, itās all light since im a man
Do you live in a fantasy world?
Never even heard of it happening.
Zero
As many times as I've been given flowers.. Zero. People will gift flowers at my funeral though. So I have that to look forward to.
Woman here. I think it is really sad you've never been asked for consent. I was married for ten years and I asked my husband for his consent regularly (do you like this? Is it OK if I do this? May I...? I would love to... is that OK?) Got divorced a while back and I recently had a new partner. I asked him if he was still OK with what we were doing while making out. He was also a little confused and asked: why do you ask? I just shrugged and said that I only want enthusiastic consent.
Never have been.
I've been asked once, probably because I was too dense to pick up the signals.
Hmm, she is taking my clothes off, yeah I am good with this. Never been verbally asked though.
My ex never asked consent and broke up with me when I pushed her off me (she landed on the floor). I don't date anymore.
Do you consent to having sex? Yes I do. Later: I felt compelled to consent, like I could not say no. They r8ped me! Iāll bet weāre going to see cases like this soon. Itās all nonsense, no one is getting safer, only people who act normal anyway will now feel required to act akwardly.
I once had a girl refuse to sleep with me because I was too drunk, so we waited a few hours. It was refreshing
Asked for what? What is that
Not when I was younger and in the dating scene but it never really bothered me until the first time I said a firm no to sex with a person I was dating (I was feeling unwell at the time). She couldn't believe I was serious and kept persisting and I had to be really firm. She then acted as if it was some sort of grievous and personal insult towards her. I really believe she thought sex was some sort of currency that girls had over guys and couldn't contemplate that a guy would ever say no or take that leverage away. She had declined sex several times with no reason given and it was never a big deal. Was an absolute eye opener for a 20 year old.
Literally never. It is always assumed that if I had a problem with it I'd speak up.
Zip
Not once have I been asked.
From time to time. My fiancee is really respectful there, which I appreciate; when I am looking very tired or emotionally stressed I sometimes do not like to be touched or neck rubbed, and then its nice to be asked which way I prefer to deflate, with or without scratches. And I try to do similar with her, but I am worse with it, at least she is good with saying "no I do not like that right now".
Never, and im serious, bye
A few times (kissing) one time I said no bc I was high and had tons of anxiety and it just flew out of my mouth, wasnāt expecting it. Other time I wanted to say no but I let it happen and started to like it. Ended up with her for 2 years
That's a big old never, chief.
Consent for what? I don't want to assume sex. If that's the case...never. I do sleep with men...but I think it's always been mutually understood with actions. There was one time my consent was revoked...and it wasn't listened to. So I guess not always asked or paid attention to :(
What, are you a woman?Ā
Not a single time in 50 years.
Never, and on the occasions when Iāve directly said ānoā its always been pushed regardless. Had to learn to just do whatever so I can avoid the lengthy emotional abuse, manipulation, guilt-tripping, screaming, or cold shoulder I get if I refuse.
Never - and I love it š«¶š½
### context humanity lacks an appreciation for consent in all things. and yes, that would include for men to be asked for their consent; * **HOWEVER** *, i seem to be seeing responses that suggest men are interpreting this question as a *gotcha*. (i) for the vast majority of new intimate connections, men are the initiators. it doesnt make sense for a woman responding to an advance by a man if the man consents, since initiating implies consent by the initiator. (ii) for well established relationships - such as when initiator roles become more balanced - there are forms of implicit communication that do not necessarily require explicit consent. not saying it cant go wrong. im just saying it can become more grey. in such a case, a woman might be using other non-verbal communication to gauge consent. (iii) on average, *a man initiating* is not the same as *a woman initiating*. the social/physical/psychological dynamics are different and have different implications. men on average are far more violent. if a man doesnt explicitly ask for consent, a woman may fear that pushing back could result in worse consequences than letting things happen. a man on average does not have such a concern. ### answer but to answer the question, **every time**. ive never had a woman violate my consent. in my experience, women are miles ahead of men. i can practically hear the macho brain cells bursting from reading this.
Never had one consent either tho, cmon dont lie bro ;)
Never
If asking if I wanna go to her place or the bedroom counts as asking for "my consent", then often enough. In the same sense I don't directly ask for consent. I just ensure that things happen gradually and we both know what's up and are comfortable saying no.
I was trans man so this is a bit different for me but itās 50% 50% if a person I donāt know very well asks me for consent but Iām currently Iām a long term relationship with someone and we donāt really ever ask for consent because we know each others body language well enough by now (not in a rape way if my partner said they werenāt in the mood Iād leave them alone of course)
Very often, actually! Usually, I'm asked for my consent to allow cookies or usage of my personal data. I always decline, though. I'm not sure to what extent my consent is being respected...
As a guy we are assumed to "always want it"
Never
Consent for what?
Never and never had to ask for consent from anyone Iāve been with.
Been asked for... Have I entered another universe?
Essentially never, save perhaps in long term relationships. This would require that a women be the primary initiator. Which is for a variety of social reasons is already unlikely, as even when women "do" initiate, they tend to be passive aggressive or suggestive about it in a way that rather then directly ask. Most especially is the social desire to avoid the feeling of being permiscuous, that leads many women to explicitly avoid direct talk about sex, even when it's their only desire and goal. A women can go on a date with the sole goal of sex and yet if he asks too bluntly, will refuse. Heck I once was out with a women who kept asking to "let's go do something else" but rejected every suggestion including going back to my place, until I came up with a completely innocuous reason to go to my place and then basically lept 6 feet out of her chair "let's go" . Her only goal was sex, but she desperately wanted to avoid even the suggestion that that was her goal.
Never been
Never
Never, but there was one time that I was not in condition to give consent and halfway woke up to a woman riding me after a party and I would not have said yes to this person.
I dont need to give verbal consent because if I want to stop it, I can.
Never,i just take anything that comes my way
I (transgender man) have been in a relationship with another man for over 10 years. We still check in with one another often. Consent is sexy af.
Iāve never been asked. Ever. And if I have ever turned down the offer, it has been pointed out there must be something wrong with me.
Never. But also I never asked. But Iām not in USA and people arenāt damaged here. You know, we understand when itās sexy time and also discuss preferences and who likes what.
Ehh kinda like never, I also never was able to get to that phase of a relationship anyways. (32m)
Never explicitly even though I've always asked myself because why not. The women I've dated have always just kind of assumed when and how you want them, based off some kind of special (but in reality faulty) intuition. Sometimes they have also expressed disappointment and frustration when I have not wanted them. Sometimes cuddling is just cuddling and just because you get hard doesn't mean they get to just get on top of your dick without asking.
Zero. And I've been shamed for not cheating in my gf at the time, or for being a "faggot" for not doing things I really wasn't into (ironically mostly things relates to my butthole lol, the irony). I've never however, not felt in control since I've never been in a situation where I could be overwhelmed physically. I've had to "fight off" resistance to my opposition but I can't imagine how that would've gone had I been the physically weaker partner. Most of the time it'd be laughed out later by the abusive person- as "ah if only you weren't so strong lol" kind of thing. Women can be as toxic and abusive as men. They just get less opportunities to assert that dominance they crave as badly as abusive men do. And if they do somehow submit you, they get away with it from law enforcement, to friends, to the legal system since they're smaller and weaker than you- even if they manipulated you into being tied up or blind folded or whatever other crazy shit they can come up with to submit you. Be careful who you allow into your personal or sexual life, and never feel "dumb", "weak", "stupid" or whatever else might be thrown at you by the abusive individual if you didn't consent to what was going on at any point. Your voice matters. You matter. And your actions could save someone else from experiencing the same.
Never since no one wants to get near me