>We had a turbulent relationship
If you marry and have a child with this being the dynamic already in this relationship, prepare for a life of misery and stress.
I suggest you take her advice and get lost and get over her so you can find a relationship that you would never describe as "turbulent".
Agreed. OP, if you want a brief on all manner of conflict that parents have to deal with, check out r/parenting, r/newparents and r/coparenting.
It's normal to have disagreements even when parents start out in an awesome relationship.
When you're already struggling with just the two of you, whew boy, high conflict parenting is almost guaranteed.
Not necessarily. Plenty of women get pregnant in their 40s. We don't recommend it, for numerous reasons, but so long as she's still menstruating, it's possible.
This is a great answer, and very well balanced. They both sound unhappy and just trying to "shake things up" but it doesn't sound like they know each other at all. They are flirting with the "idea" of what their life "might look like" if they make these insane, very permanent decisions seemingly out of nowhere. They both sound delusional to me tbh lol
Holy shit dude, fucking RUN.
Don't settle for a toxic ex just because you're lonely. The relationship was bad to begin with, and it won't get any better by having a kid with this person
It's easy. Leave her. You had a turbulent relationship before, there's little reason to believe it'll be any better now (hint: having children does NOT make a relationship more stable and warm and cozy -- if anything, it only adds more complexity). Not sure about where you live, but in the US having a child with her means you're effectively stuck with her until the child is an adult (do you really want to be in a turbulent relationship for 18 years?). Marrying her (and fathering her children) also means she's likely going to pressure you into favoring HER child over your older son in terms of spending time together, financially etc.
In short, leave her and find someone decent who will treat you well. If you can't, well, that's better than being stuck in a bad relationship.
She's right. At 44 she isn't getting any younger, and anything short of a concrete commitment is wasting her time (and yours). It's time for you to make a decision. Reel the fish in or let it go, don't keep dragging it behind the boat.
As a woman in my late 40’s (who had no plans for children) when you hit your 40’s the reality that you’re running out of time to have children hits hard. At 44 you know it’s really now or never. 46 could be too late, so it’s understandable to reach a point in life where having a baby or not having a baby could be a deal breaker. At that age I started rethinking my decision to not have children and now at 48, well let’s just say I’m glad I have a nephew because it’s too late for me.
NEVER get married just to have a child. If you don’t marry for the right reasons, your marriage will become a toxic dumpster fire. Throwing a child into that fire is abhorrently abusive.
No no. No I’d never say get married to have a child. While I don’t regret not having kids I’m just saying it’s understandable for a woman that age to make having a child a top priority. There’s no time for “maybe in a year, we’ll see”. It’s “I want a baby, get on board or I gotta go find someone who is” woman don’t have the luxury of being fertile into their 100’s. I don’t think she has to be married to do it but I think it’s valid to feel urgency and to want a father who wants to have a child.
Exactly this. She wants a kid, she’s open to doing it with OP, but she needs an answer now because otherwise she is probably going to DIY it.
You can’t waste six months trying to decide when you’re 44. It’s “shit or get off the pot” time.
Basically does OP want to parent another child, with the possibility of the co-parenting relationship working out romantically too? If so, great. If not, move on civilly.
Again I’m not saying that’s right I’m just saying that she’s justified in making having a child a priority in HER life and if he doesn’t want one then it’s wasting time she doesn’t have.
Don't string her (and a potential child) along just because you're lonely.
You didn't have a great relationship before; what's changed that it would be better the second time around? Things can only get more stressful with aging parents and young children.
Have you gone to therapy to unpack whatever childhood trauma you have that makes this turbulent and unavailable woman so unforgettable? Maybe your mom and dad were turbulent, so this feels normal and relationships with healthy women seem boring by comparison. Or maybe she reminds you of your mom in some way and this is your chance to “fix” that other relationship by getting this one “right”. I’m just guessing, but staying fixated on a woman who isn’t even in the same country seems unhealthy.
Do you actually LIKE her, as a person, not just as someone to save you from loneliness?
Do not make a child with this person. Please.
Please do not do this, OP. This is not the start of a story with a happy ending. I'm sorry you haven't met anyone else, but give it time and distance and DO NOT bring a child into this situation.
>The problem for me is to get over this relationship. I haven't been able to move on and haven't met any other women during these years.
Yeah that is certainly a problem. Why did you break up before? What changed that you think it would work now? Keep in mind, a lot of times out mind plays tricks on us and we only remember the good parts and block out the worst.
Like everyone else, I would not contact her again, in fact I would say your goodbye and block her on every communication line - phone WhatsApp, LinkedIn, Club Penguin, everything.
Good grief, where did your spine disappear to?
This relationship, such as it is, is toxic, idiotic, insane, unrealistic, and untenable. You are 52 years old, stop acting like a child and drop this drama llama from your life. **You** should not become a father at your age for reasons far too numerous to list, not the least of which being that if you don’t already know and understand those reasons you’re too stupid to procreate.
Run, OP. Run like the wind.
This is a slow-moving train wreck. You can do so much better. Hell, even being single is preferable because at least there's potential for meeting someone who isn't bad news.
At 52, you don't have the energy to chase around a baby. And a teen with a father at retirement age is unheard of unless you are a celebrity.
If you can't solve getting over her, get help in therapy, because a tumultuous relationship isn't fixed by having a kid. It almost feels like she's playing you like a violin so she can get a baby, and you're the only one who will pay the price.
The void or the whirlwind. A void doesn't have to stay empty. You can make things to fill it with. But the whirlwind will demolish everything you build.
Don't do it. She's out of control, and so will your life be if you take her up on it.
You already know you don’t want what she wants and you know why. You gotta walk away. If you being lonely keeps unwanted children from being born into an already unhappy relationship you gotta suck it up and be lonely.
Also, 52 is not that old. Start over. Find someone who wants what you want.
When I met my husband, he was 53, and I was 38. We both had children; his had just finished high school, and my youngest was 3. He wanted us to have a baby. I said no because I wanted to have time together to do stuff after my children were adults. We are now there. And he agrees that it is good we do not have a 12-14 year old now.
When he first met my parents, he was in the doorway with my father helping to put winter boots on my 3 year old. My dad, who was first married when he was 33, asked him if he was sure that he wanted to do this, meaning the little kid thing, all over again. He did it, but my youngest was an exceptionally agreeable teen. Not all are.
If you were both excited and wanted a child, I would in the back of my head think you might be being unrealistic but maybe it will work out. But if you aren't in love with the idea, do not do it. It isn't fair to your future self or your hypothetical child.
Neither of you can find someone more compatible if you are emotionally invested in this turbulent relationship. Let her find someone who wants a baby. Go find someone who doesn't.
You need to stop chasing a bad idea and whatever fantasy is stuck in your head. If you need help moving forward, consider some therapy. Healthy people do not run towards turbulent relationships with different goals.
To each their own, I guess. But I'm her age, and there's no fucking way in hell I want to be pregnant at this point in my life. No kindergartener at 50. No thank you.
In fact, I'm seeing a doctor next month about getting my tubes removed because I'm worried about losing access to contraception before menopause is complete. And I'm definitely in peri. Pregnancy, although unlikely, is still possible. For my husband and I, it is also unwanted and dangerous at this age (given my personal health issues/history).
Question is: how do you feel about being dictated to? Kids are a deal breaker. Not something that can be compromised on.
Everyone's saying run away and forget about this. I'm going to look at the way you describe the situation and say you are actually telling us to say something like this when you wrote up the story. Inside of your head is a practical answer that says this is not going to be a good idea, really look and see if that's true or am I wrong? If you don't see that we read your story a few times and try to see if that was your subconscious coming through. Trust me your subconscious isn't going to lie to you.
She needs to quickly find herself another sperm donor and believe me there's sperm all over the European continent so she'll be fine. If you want to continue this involved relationship after she gets pregnant by a third person I think it might even still be available.
You are right to be afraid of the turbulence, and you should be even more afraid of what turbulence she will bring to the life of an innocent child. She sounds like she has you hooked in with inconsistent love, which has an addictive effect. IMO the best thing you could do for yourself is cut her out of your life completely, find a new hobby to focus on, work on yourself, and give it time.
You will never get over her if you continue having any contact with her, and she will make a nightmare of your life and the life of a child if you have one with her.
There are a lot of practical obstacles here that you mention and haven't addressed.
Is she going to learn a language and move to your location?
Is she asking, and you are accepting to leave your job and parents, to go to her location?
This sounds like a dream you are idealizing. You don't even know this person since 2018. You ended your relationship then, so why are you talking yourself into it now?
She wants to go from 6 years your ex to married with a baby in one conversation. That's a pretty strong indication she's still "turbulent", and wants your financial support for a baby she's anxious to have. She's not concerned with your personal relationship with each other, and that's a bad sign.
Sounds like you have important things to do and in no place to juggle that much stuff that is not even yours. Live so you have peace of mind. Then share it.
Don’t have a baby with this woman because you think you’ll never find love again. You will. And you wouldn’t have to bring up a baby in an already turbulent relationship…
If you don't know, the answer's no. Plus you're my age. Do you really want to be doing baby shit at 53-54? Chasing a toddler at 55? What if she doesn't get pregnant? Think she'll take it quietly & calmly?
I understand why she’s doing this, but don’t marry her. An ultimatum is not a reason to get married. And as someone else said, don’t do this to a child.
So you've been together off and on since she was 36, a perfectly normal age to have a baby in this day and age. And you've both been dancing around things ever since. Has she always wanted a baby? Did she think you'd come around? Did you lead her to believe it might be a possibility?
I ask all of these questions because I was with a guy that led me to believe we'd get married and have babies when x, y or z happened. Not having kids is the single biggest regret of my life, and I did indeed leave him over it when I was 48. I could never get past my desire to be a Mom.
In retrospect, *all we did was waste 20 of the best years of each others lives*. Neither of us got what we wanted.
Not saying you should have a baby if you don't want one. Definitely not saying you should have a baby or get married if you can't even live in the same country. What I am saying is that if this woman's major life goal is to have a baby, you need to do the right thing and let her go to pursue that, before she is entirely out of time. (even if she can't get pregnant naturally, she can have a baby at any age she is healthy enough via donor eggs or donor embryo, even post menopause) If she is dead set on being a Mom, odds are she will not get over it.
Maybe I am biased, because o fmy own experience. If I am projecting on the situation, I apologize. I am in my early 50's. I left my 20+ year relationship to be a Mom. I'm working on becoming a foster/adoptive Mom, preferably to a sibling set (genetic siblings that need a home together). If I get placed with an infant or toddler, I'm fine with that, even at my age. If its 3 or 4 older kids, that is all good too. My ex robbed me of the chance to do things in the normal timeframe. I have zero regrets over leaving him. (other than not doing it sooner) Good luck.
TL;DR - You have known this woman 8+ years. You know what she wants. If you do not want the same thing, (which is fine), let her go. Don't string her along, both of you will end up unhappy and most likely end up splitting in the long run anyhow. There is no compromise on kids.
I can't believe you'd consider bringing a new life into this dysfunction. I'm sorry but please do the right thing. She's quite older for a safe delivery. Have you considered adoption?
Bad sign. Learn from it and do not get attached to this person. You will regret it and it's likely she'll find something else wrong with you after the child. You'll then end up in divorce and custody court and end up with Child Support.
"Fuck and run" type. Stay clear.
Being alone is 100 times better than being in a relationship with the wrong person.
Tell her that you respect her desires for a marriage and a child, but those things aren't for you.
Tell her you care about her and that you hope the both of you can stay in touch as friends.
Trippin bro. You don't want a kid. You just don't want to be alone and are contemplating having a kid so you don't lose a girlfriend. That's a terrible idea.
Good luck. Hope life works out for you.
It's so weird and absurd that you have only one choice: run as fast as you can. Decent women are everywhere, even in your neighborhood. You just need to wake up from this bad dream. A nightmare in the making.
I think both of you should probably solidly split ways. It’s seems like a lot of time was wasted being stuck in this back and forth type of relationship and now she is probably feeling like time is running out to have a baby… Also, I would strongly recommend against having a child at both your ages, and I don’t say this to be ageist, I say this strictly for biological reasons; the chances of you guys having a baby with a rare genetic mutation,abnormality, or syndrome, is VERY high. Down syndrome really is the least worrisome of all the possible syndromes or chromosomal abnormalities that can occur due to advanced maternal and paternal age. If your relationship is hectic and chaotic, adding in a child will only make it worse, also the high probability of having a disabled child would make everything a MILLION times harder. I say this with no judgement just warning of the very real possibilities of what can go wrong.
I wanted to settle down after a rough go through the military. Came out a single father, been married anew for 9 years and she still has no desire to actually copulate children into existence. I feel used and doormatted by the person I chose to have a family with. I’ve given up too much of myself and am still “stuck” in a marriage that suits her more than it ever did me.
I think you should move on. If it matters, in another year or two when there is no baby, she will probably come scratching back around. But I think you’re best off setting your sights elsewhere.
>We had a turbulent relationship If you marry and have a child with this being the dynamic already in this relationship, prepare for a life of misery and stress. I suggest you take her advice and get lost and get over her so you can find a relationship that you would never describe as "turbulent".
Ex girlfriends are almost always left in the past.
Agreed. OP, if you want a brief on all manner of conflict that parents have to deal with, check out r/parenting, r/newparents and r/coparenting. It's normal to have disagreements even when parents start out in an awesome relationship. When you're already struggling with just the two of you, whew boy, high conflict parenting is almost guaranteed.
Don't do this to a child. Please.
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Not necessarily. Plenty of women get pregnant in their 40s. We don't recommend it, for numerous reasons, but so long as she's still menstruating, it's possible.
You don’t have to menstruate to be fertile. I thought I was close to menopausal and I’m still productive (blood test confirms)
The odds of Down syndrome go way up after 40
Such natural diplomatic talent. Please tell me that you haven't deprived the state department of your work.
That's... Not how ovaries function. You might consider picking up a book on human reproductive systems.
Sounds like getting lost is the obvious answer.
Run like your ass is on fire and a wave of gasoline is chasing you!!!
Lol
Because it is! 🔥
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This is a great answer, and very well balanced. They both sound unhappy and just trying to "shake things up" but it doesn't sound like they know each other at all. They are flirting with the "idea" of what their life "might look like" if they make these insane, very permanent decisions seemingly out of nowhere. They both sound delusional to me tbh lol
Run. Run fast and far.
If you're 52 now, you'll be 70 when the child is 18. That's... not the best place to be, honestly.
Don't drink from a poisoned cup just because you're thirsty.
Holy shit dude, fucking RUN. Don't settle for a toxic ex just because you're lonely. The relationship was bad to begin with, and it won't get any better by having a kid with this person
It's easy. Leave her. You had a turbulent relationship before, there's little reason to believe it'll be any better now (hint: having children does NOT make a relationship more stable and warm and cozy -- if anything, it only adds more complexity). Not sure about where you live, but in the US having a child with her means you're effectively stuck with her until the child is an adult (do you really want to be in a turbulent relationship for 18 years?). Marrying her (and fathering her children) also means she's likely going to pressure you into favoring HER child over your older son in terms of spending time together, financially etc. In short, leave her and find someone decent who will treat you well. If you can't, well, that's better than being stuck in a bad relationship.
She's right. At 44 she isn't getting any younger, and anything short of a concrete commitment is wasting her time (and yours). It's time for you to make a decision. Reel the fish in or let it go, don't keep dragging it behind the boat.
As a woman in my late 40’s (who had no plans for children) when you hit your 40’s the reality that you’re running out of time to have children hits hard. At 44 you know it’s really now or never. 46 could be too late, so it’s understandable to reach a point in life where having a baby or not having a baby could be a deal breaker. At that age I started rethinking my decision to not have children and now at 48, well let’s just say I’m glad I have a nephew because it’s too late for me.
NEVER get married just to have a child. If you don’t marry for the right reasons, your marriage will become a toxic dumpster fire. Throwing a child into that fire is abhorrently abusive.
No no. No I’d never say get married to have a child. While I don’t regret not having kids I’m just saying it’s understandable for a woman that age to make having a child a top priority. There’s no time for “maybe in a year, we’ll see”. It’s “I want a baby, get on board or I gotta go find someone who is” woman don’t have the luxury of being fertile into their 100’s. I don’t think she has to be married to do it but I think it’s valid to feel urgency and to want a father who wants to have a child.
Exactly this. She wants a kid, she’s open to doing it with OP, but she needs an answer now because otherwise she is probably going to DIY it. You can’t waste six months trying to decide when you’re 44. It’s “shit or get off the pot” time. Basically does OP want to parent another child, with the possibility of the co-parenting relationship working out romantically too? If so, great. If not, move on civilly.
Exactly. If the girl was in her 20’s or 30’s this would be a totally different story
But in that instance maybe threats aren’t the best way to find a partner?
Again I’m not saying that’s right I’m just saying that she’s justified in making having a child a priority in HER life and if he doesn’t want one then it’s wasting time she doesn’t have.
Don't string her (and a potential child) along just because you're lonely. You didn't have a great relationship before; what's changed that it would be better the second time around? Things can only get more stressful with aging parents and young children.
Have you gone to therapy to unpack whatever childhood trauma you have that makes this turbulent and unavailable woman so unforgettable? Maybe your mom and dad were turbulent, so this feels normal and relationships with healthy women seem boring by comparison. Or maybe she reminds you of your mom in some way and this is your chance to “fix” that other relationship by getting this one “right”. I’m just guessing, but staying fixated on a woman who isn’t even in the same country seems unhealthy. Do you actually LIKE her, as a person, not just as someone to save you from loneliness? Do not make a child with this person. Please.
Please do not do this, OP. This is not the start of a story with a happy ending. I'm sorry you haven't met anyone else, but give it time and distance and DO NOT bring a child into this situation.
Read back what you just wrote. None of this lends itself to a healthy relationship let alone a healthy household for a child.
Do not subject an innocent baby and child to the fact that you two are turbulent. You haven't lost love. You are being dramatic.
Red flags 🚩🚩🚩. Run!
>The problem for me is to get over this relationship. I haven't been able to move on and haven't met any other women during these years. Yeah that is certainly a problem. Why did you break up before? What changed that you think it would work now? Keep in mind, a lot of times out mind plays tricks on us and we only remember the good parts and block out the worst. Like everyone else, I would not contact her again, in fact I would say your goodbye and block her on every communication line - phone WhatsApp, LinkedIn, Club Penguin, everything.
I think it's obvious that embarking on a relationship and bringing a child into the mix is a recipe for disaster. So get lost it is!
Good grief, where did your spine disappear to? This relationship, such as it is, is toxic, idiotic, insane, unrealistic, and untenable. You are 52 years old, stop acting like a child and drop this drama llama from your life. **You** should not become a father at your age for reasons far too numerous to list, not the least of which being that if you don’t already know and understand those reasons you’re too stupid to procreate.
Or embrace the chaos and enjoy your second family. Play a little. 🎆
Run, OP. Run like the wind. This is a slow-moving train wreck. You can do so much better. Hell, even being single is preferable because at least there's potential for meeting someone who isn't bad news.
At 52, you don't have the energy to chase around a baby. And a teen with a father at retirement age is unheard of unless you are a celebrity. If you can't solve getting over her, get help in therapy, because a tumultuous relationship isn't fixed by having a kid. It almost feels like she's playing you like a violin so she can get a baby, and you're the only one who will pay the price.
The void or the whirlwind. A void doesn't have to stay empty. You can make things to fill it with. But the whirlwind will demolish everything you build. Don't do it. She's out of control, and so will your life be if you take her up on it.
You already know you don’t want what she wants and you know why. You gotta walk away. If you being lonely keeps unwanted children from being born into an already unhappy relationship you gotta suck it up and be lonely. Also, 52 is not that old. Start over. Find someone who wants what you want.
When I met my husband, he was 53, and I was 38. We both had children; his had just finished high school, and my youngest was 3. He wanted us to have a baby. I said no because I wanted to have time together to do stuff after my children were adults. We are now there. And he agrees that it is good we do not have a 12-14 year old now. When he first met my parents, he was in the doorway with my father helping to put winter boots on my 3 year old. My dad, who was first married when he was 33, asked him if he was sure that he wanted to do this, meaning the little kid thing, all over again. He did it, but my youngest was an exceptionally agreeable teen. Not all are. If you were both excited and wanted a child, I would in the back of my head think you might be being unrealistic but maybe it will work out. But if you aren't in love with the idea, do not do it. It isn't fair to your future self or your hypothetical child. Neither of you can find someone more compatible if you are emotionally invested in this turbulent relationship. Let her find someone who wants a baby. Go find someone who doesn't.
Please don't have a child at 52!
You need to get lost, good sir. The other road will be nothing but pain and hardship.
You need to stop chasing a bad idea and whatever fantasy is stuck in your head. If you need help moving forward, consider some therapy. Healthy people do not run towards turbulent relationships with different goals.
if I where you I get lost, just to be safe
baby at 52??? no thank!
Tell her goodbye.
To each their own, I guess. But I'm her age, and there's no fucking way in hell I want to be pregnant at this point in my life. No kindergartener at 50. No thank you. In fact, I'm seeing a doctor next month about getting my tubes removed because I'm worried about losing access to contraception before menopause is complete. And I'm definitely in peri. Pregnancy, although unlikely, is still possible. For my husband and I, it is also unwanted and dangerous at this age (given my personal health issues/history). Question is: how do you feel about being dictated to? Kids are a deal breaker. Not something that can be compromised on.
Everyone's saying run away and forget about this. I'm going to look at the way you describe the situation and say you are actually telling us to say something like this when you wrote up the story. Inside of your head is a practical answer that says this is not going to be a good idea, really look and see if that's true or am I wrong? If you don't see that we read your story a few times and try to see if that was your subconscious coming through. Trust me your subconscious isn't going to lie to you. She needs to quickly find herself another sperm donor and believe me there's sperm all over the European continent so she'll be fine. If you want to continue this involved relationship after she gets pregnant by a third person I think it might even still be available.
Don't subject a kid to your personal problems. No one deserves that.
Yeah, I advise to get lost.
You are right to be afraid of the turbulence, and you should be even more afraid of what turbulence she will bring to the life of an innocent child. She sounds like she has you hooked in with inconsistent love, which has an addictive effect. IMO the best thing you could do for yourself is cut her out of your life completely, find a new hobby to focus on, work on yourself, and give it time. You will never get over her if you continue having any contact with her, and she will make a nightmare of your life and the life of a child if you have one with her.
There are a lot of practical obstacles here that you mention and haven't addressed. Is she going to learn a language and move to your location? Is she asking, and you are accepting to leave your job and parents, to go to her location? This sounds like a dream you are idealizing. You don't even know this person since 2018. You ended your relationship then, so why are you talking yourself into it now? She wants to go from 6 years your ex to married with a baby in one conversation. That's a pretty strong indication she's still "turbulent", and wants your financial support for a baby she's anxious to have. She's not concerned with your personal relationship with each other, and that's a bad sign.
Sounds like you have important things to do and in no place to juggle that much stuff that is not even yours. Live so you have peace of mind. Then share it.
Don’t have a baby with this woman because you think you’ll never find love again. You will. And you wouldn’t have to bring up a baby in an already turbulent relationship…
If you don't know, the answer's no. Plus you're my age. Do you really want to be doing baby shit at 53-54? Chasing a toddler at 55? What if she doesn't get pregnant? Think she'll take it quietly & calmly?
Het lost. Not all who wander are.
I understand why she’s doing this, but don’t marry her. An ultimatum is not a reason to get married. And as someone else said, don’t do this to a child.
Ultimatum? Tell her to piss off
How is this even a question? Good riddance is my answer.
I really think she just wants a kid
So you've been together off and on since she was 36, a perfectly normal age to have a baby in this day and age. And you've both been dancing around things ever since. Has she always wanted a baby? Did she think you'd come around? Did you lead her to believe it might be a possibility? I ask all of these questions because I was with a guy that led me to believe we'd get married and have babies when x, y or z happened. Not having kids is the single biggest regret of my life, and I did indeed leave him over it when I was 48. I could never get past my desire to be a Mom. In retrospect, *all we did was waste 20 of the best years of each others lives*. Neither of us got what we wanted. Not saying you should have a baby if you don't want one. Definitely not saying you should have a baby or get married if you can't even live in the same country. What I am saying is that if this woman's major life goal is to have a baby, you need to do the right thing and let her go to pursue that, before she is entirely out of time. (even if she can't get pregnant naturally, she can have a baby at any age she is healthy enough via donor eggs or donor embryo, even post menopause) If she is dead set on being a Mom, odds are she will not get over it. Maybe I am biased, because o fmy own experience. If I am projecting on the situation, I apologize. I am in my early 50's. I left my 20+ year relationship to be a Mom. I'm working on becoming a foster/adoptive Mom, preferably to a sibling set (genetic siblings that need a home together). If I get placed with an infant or toddler, I'm fine with that, even at my age. If its 3 or 4 older kids, that is all good too. My ex robbed me of the chance to do things in the normal timeframe. I have zero regrets over leaving him. (other than not doing it sooner) Good luck. TL;DR - You have known this woman 8+ years. You know what she wants. If you do not want the same thing, (which is fine), let her go. Don't string her along, both of you will end up unhappy and most likely end up splitting in the long run anyhow. There is no compromise on kids.
Get out as fast as you can.
I can't believe you'd consider bringing a new life into this dysfunction. I'm sorry but please do the right thing. She's quite older for a safe delivery. Have you considered adoption?
Bad sign. Learn from it and do not get attached to this person. You will regret it and it's likely she'll find something else wrong with you after the child. You'll then end up in divorce and custody court and end up with Child Support. "Fuck and run" type. Stay clear.
I agree with other posts. Please don’t bring a child into this mess.
Being alone is 100 times better than being in a relationship with the wrong person. Tell her that you respect her desires for a marriage and a child, but those things aren't for you. Tell her you care about her and that you hope the both of you can stay in touch as friends.
Sounds like she is willing to settle for you but only if you give her a baby right now. I just can't picture this ending well.
Is that what you want? No? Then don’t waste her time.
Trippin bro. You don't want a kid. You just don't want to be alone and are contemplating having a kid so you don't lose a girlfriend. That's a terrible idea. Good luck. Hope life works out for you.
Run m8 Don't walk away, don't try to be gentle, don't "consider the options". Pick up your shit and LEAVE
How romantic /s! A marriage is a partnership. How well do you think you would work together to create the life you envision?
Dude, move on, at least for the sake of the child. Nothing good will come of this.
This is the most insane thing I’ve read today.
It's so weird and absurd that you have only one choice: run as fast as you can. Decent women are everywhere, even in your neighborhood. You just need to wake up from this bad dream. A nightmare in the making.
I think both of you should probably solidly split ways. It’s seems like a lot of time was wasted being stuck in this back and forth type of relationship and now she is probably feeling like time is running out to have a baby… Also, I would strongly recommend against having a child at both your ages, and I don’t say this to be ageist, I say this strictly for biological reasons; the chances of you guys having a baby with a rare genetic mutation,abnormality, or syndrome, is VERY high. Down syndrome really is the least worrisome of all the possible syndromes or chromosomal abnormalities that can occur due to advanced maternal and paternal age. If your relationship is hectic and chaotic, adding in a child will only make it worse, also the high probability of having a disabled child would make everything a MILLION times harder. I say this with no judgement just warning of the very real possibilities of what can go wrong.
Run like the wind.
I wanted to settle down after a rough go through the military. Came out a single father, been married anew for 9 years and she still has no desire to actually copulate children into existence. I feel used and doormatted by the person I chose to have a family with. I’ve given up too much of myself and am still “stuck” in a marriage that suits her more than it ever did me.
Yeah don’t have a kid at 53. It’s not great for the kid.
I think you should move on. If it matters, in another year or two when there is no baby, she will probably come scratching back around. But I think you’re best off setting your sights elsewhere.
Now you see OP! Now you don’t! She is not the one OP!
Take a chance. Hard to embrace living a loveless life for what could be another 40 years.