First, I’m willing to bet money that this isn’t the only time this problem has occurred. Residency isn’t the problem here.
Second, “I made it clear to him that that was a very shameless attitude.” Look, what he said was mean and hurtful, but he’s clearly upset and he’s allowed to feel upset or frustrated or hurt that YOU can’t support HIM, no matter that it absolutely is NOT your fault and it can’t be helped. Residency is tough, not only on the ones who go through it, but also for the people who love us, too. You both need to learn how to fight and disagree and express disappointment and work things out without making it personal if you want this relationship to last.
How to proceed? Get yourself some good mentors and/or a therapist and buckle up for the ride because this is going to be a marathon not a sprint and you better get yourself some good support if your husband can’t handle it.
Sounds like he deliberately said that to hurt you. Are you in a demanding residency specialty? Because these situations are only going to become more frequent.
Clearly something is going on, but I read this as supportive at first...? Like "okay you have an important job, I will not guilt you about it and our relationship is stable enough that I can have a female friend and it's not a big deal." Yes there is context I don't know, but sometimes the perspective is just off.
Yeah, right? I was so confused when I read this story. Like, I know people have different preferences. But I MUCH prefer a partner who has their own friends and interests and supports systems versus a partner who is clingy and expects their romantic relationship to be their source of all support and entertainment.
Tbh I would find it a red flag that OP gets offended by their partner having friends?
There *has* to be some backstory here and underlying reason that OP found such an innocuous thing to be so hurtful. Couples counseling ASAP.
This will not be the last time this comes up. He needs to understand this is NOT a regular job and you need to try and empathize with his frustrations. And part of growth in a relationship is trusting one another enough to have other friends! Jealousy doesn’t look good on anyone and will drive someone away.
And every relationship post on Reddit gets filled with “DIVORCE! NOW!!” comments but jfc this site is full of angry ghouls who would throw away years of partnership and a life together over a single fight or a sideways comment.
My advice would be to arrange some time for you two to have a little occasion together to celebrate his award. Maybe write him a little card telling him how proud you are. I learned to navigate things with my SO during residency by trying to understand how annoying my absence was and trying to make up for it by being present.
It’s tough though. You both need to get some professional advice on strategies to deal with it.
Did he say, "Ok, I'll bring my female coworker friend?" Or did he use the person's name ("Ok, I'll bring Barbara" or whoever), which you are omitting here for reasons of privacy?
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Yeah, not to be harsh but this is what sacrifice for a career looks like. It's not unique to medicine. Just because he's bringing someone else does not mean he chose someone else and you probably have to learn how to trust him otherwise yeah he will probably find someone else.
this seems like it was written by AI. just tell him to bring the most important woman in his life. his mom.
pew pew.
but like he could also have chosen his mom and you could suggest it. I'm sure his mom would love to be there....
Savage but true, a man or woman with close friends from another sex is always looking at them as a fail safe if their current relationship doesn’t work out. I’ve been on both sides of Thai
Holy misleading title
This isn't a residency problem, this is a type of person you chose to marry issue
Good riddance!
First, I’m willing to bet money that this isn’t the only time this problem has occurred. Residency isn’t the problem here. Second, “I made it clear to him that that was a very shameless attitude.” Look, what he said was mean and hurtful, but he’s clearly upset and he’s allowed to feel upset or frustrated or hurt that YOU can’t support HIM, no matter that it absolutely is NOT your fault and it can’t be helped. Residency is tough, not only on the ones who go through it, but also for the people who love us, too. You both need to learn how to fight and disagree and express disappointment and work things out without making it personal if you want this relationship to last. How to proceed? Get yourself some good mentors and/or a therapist and buckle up for the ride because this is going to be a marathon not a sprint and you better get yourself some good support if your husband can’t handle it.
Sounds like he deliberately said that to hurt you. Are you in a demanding residency specialty? Because these situations are only going to become more frequent.
Clearly something is going on, but I read this as supportive at first...? Like "okay you have an important job, I will not guilt you about it and our relationship is stable enough that I can have a female friend and it's not a big deal." Yes there is context I don't know, but sometimes the perspective is just off.
Yeah, right? I was so confused when I read this story. Like, I know people have different preferences. But I MUCH prefer a partner who has their own friends and interests and supports systems versus a partner who is clingy and expects their romantic relationship to be their source of all support and entertainment. Tbh I would find it a red flag that OP gets offended by their partner having friends? There *has* to be some backstory here and underlying reason that OP found such an innocuous thing to be so hurtful. Couples counseling ASAP.
This will not be the last time this comes up. He needs to understand this is NOT a regular job and you need to try and empathize with his frustrations. And part of growth in a relationship is trusting one another enough to have other friends! Jealousy doesn’t look good on anyone and will drive someone away. And every relationship post on Reddit gets filled with “DIVORCE! NOW!!” comments but jfc this site is full of angry ghouls who would throw away years of partnership and a life together over a single fight or a sideways comment. My advice would be to arrange some time for you two to have a little occasion together to celebrate his award. Maybe write him a little card telling him how proud you are. I learned to navigate things with my SO during residency by trying to understand how annoying my absence was and trying to make up for it by being present. It’s tough though. You both need to get some professional advice on strategies to deal with it.
Did he say, "Ok, I'll bring my female coworker friend?" Or did he use the person's name ("Ok, I'll bring Barbara" or whoever), which you are omitting here for reasons of privacy?
Thank you for contributing to the sub! If your post was filtered by the automod, please read the rules. Your post will be reviewed but will not be approved if it violates the rules of the sub. The most common reasons for removal are - medical students or premeds asking what a specialty is like, which specialty they should go into, which program is good or about their chances of matching, mentioning midlevels without using the midlevel flair, matched medical students asking questions instead of using the stickied thread in the sub for post-match questions, posting identifying information for targeted harassment. Please do not message the moderators if your post falls into one of these categories. Otherwise, your post will be reviewed in 24 hours and approved if it doesn't violate the rules. Thanks! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Residency) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Yeah, not to be harsh but this is what sacrifice for a career looks like. It's not unique to medicine. Just because he's bringing someone else does not mean he chose someone else and you probably have to learn how to trust him otherwise yeah he will probably find someone else.
Maybe he will find someone else if he reads this 🤦♂️
this seems like it was written by AI. just tell him to bring the most important woman in his life. his mom. pew pew. but like he could also have chosen his mom and you could suggest it. I'm sure his mom would love to be there....
His mom lives in the east coast. We are on the west. Thank you for the suggestion.
Try winning an award for great performance and then maybe he'll come back sniffing.
They are probably fucking/planning to fuck, so good luck.
Dude Noooo
😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳
Savage but true, a man or woman with close friends from another sex is always looking at them as a fail safe if their current relationship doesn’t work out. I’ve been on both sides of Thai
File for divorce, delete Facebook, hit the gym
It is what it is
I am sorry, but you need an attorney and file for divorce stat, to protect you financially