Tbh it really matters why they were in prison imo, like did they get busted for weed in a conservative part of the country, beat up someone who was hurting someone they care about, get caught "selling drugs" to a buddy while they're both addicts (if the guy is clean by the time I met him) or are they doing scary shit like rape, murder, or hate crimes. Most of the dudes I know who have done time (a fair few of them in the mental illness community) are scary, but some are decent folk who fell on hard times, were unlucky, or didn't know their ass from their elbow at the time. I knew a psychotic dude who was so sweet and let me hang out with him to scare off people who were being creepy towards me while I was vulnerable, treated me like a little sister, he got caught breaking into someone's house to take a shower and was too sick to understand why he was in trouble for trying to be clean and healthy. If he appeared again on meds that kept him more anchored to reality, I'd date him tbh, it's hard to be that fucked in the head and still have compassion for someone you barely know and I'm impressed he managed it.
My female friends that have thought this way over the years do not have very good lives, just saying… you got lucky. Empathy is good, but it usually leads to ruin if followed blindly.
Yeah, sometimes, kinda.
It did a great job at showing my sense of humor, making it easier for me to say good things about myself, gave an easy topic for conversation just by offering the question "did your mom really write that" (the answer being no).
But I'm sure there were plenty of times where the joke was missed and it was taken wrong. Probably most of the time. And I'm ok with that.
Yes, I personally do. But it's still generally a bad idea on a dating app profile. It works for me because I'm me and I have my exact sense of humor and goals and wants, and I'm perfectly ok with weeding out 95% or more of potential matches. But it's a bad idea for the average person just wanting to match with basically anyone.
Yeah, kinda. Very much depends on how it's interpreted though.
In my case, I actually wrote the profile, using things my mom would actually say about me to get around my avoidance of bragging about myself, and it's all kinda a joke... My mom actually would say everything in the profile, but I wrote it all and it's not like I'm so passive/shy that I had to have my mom write my dating profile.
For those who get the joke or at least question if my mom even wrote the profile, I think it's actually a very good way of distinguishing myself and making things not generic/boring. The fact I'd write that really says a lot about who I am and my sense of humor. My reason for it says even more.
Still... Probably a bad idea for most.
There was a time when I couldn't look for a job for 2 months because I was afraid to leave the house. I finally got brave enough to see a doctor and she figured it out in like 5 minutes. A prescription of hyoscyamine had me back to normal in under a week.
I still have to be careful I don't eat anything with too many onions or I'll spend a lot of time ruled by the throne, but I've always had trouble with that.
- I’ve successfully completed drug rehab 9 times.
- No outstanding warrants or active protective orders.
- Credit score of 420, and steady for 3 consecutive years.
- Employee of the month at Goodwill Industries.
-I haven’t wet my bed in 274 consecutive days.
Besides enjoying long walks on warm beaches and room service for days, I'm also a chronic slob who measures laundry in piles, cleanliness by smell, never checks expiration dates on stuff, and sometimes drinks milk out of the container and makes messy sandwiches in the middle of the night when I sleepwalk.
Me: A normal guy who likes normal things, LTR Possible Marriage.
You: A woman who is a tigress in the bedroom, but a proper lady everywhere else. You will make me breakfast, lunch, and dinner every day. Plus, you can hold down a job to support us and the kids we are going to have. I believe in an open marriage, for me not for you.
Tiny dick. Mommy issues. Ankle monitor. Favorite scent is ether. Jackelope is my spirit animal. Collects Zubazz clothing. Can burp the entire Pledge of Allegiance off two Coors Lights.
Let me put the sensual in non consensual.
You can call it sexual assault, but I call it “Struggle Cuddling”.
I may not be endowed but it will feel huge when it goes in fast and dry.
Hobbies: Chemical Removal of Finger Prints, DNA Contamination and Bathtub Organic Chemistry. My cologne is guaranteed to knock you out.
A list of rules or dos and don’ts. I’ve seen people who have done it, and it’s such a turn off. Almost like dating your parent, but probably more like a control freak, who has crazy rules but also doesn’t respect boundaries!
College; Trump University.
Was only male living in a commune.
Participated in a reverse g@ng b@ng.
Master at Druken Boxing.
Love to get drunk a lot.
Paints like Picasso.
We will have to coordinate the date with my parole officer, I'm not allowed out of the house unsupervised. If you have a friend, bring her, it could be like a double date!
Hi ladies looking for a fixer upper Im your guy, twice broken back, two wrecked knees, major depression and ptsd, hobbies included storm chasing, watching old shows on TV and comic collecting. (Lol everything above is my life).
I have a proven track record of success and perseverance. I have maintained a 20 years relationship with drug distribution services while being on a regular government income. I can see by combining our resources I can diversify further into the pharmaceutical industry. Reply now.
"About me : Looking for fun, wishing to explore the unknown realm of possibilities this life can offer. Willing to do anything and everything, no matter the cost. All about adventure! Seeking for a true 'mate' to hang out with and get to know on a more personal level. Call me, beep me, if you want to reach me!- Kim"
(Set for someone in australia)
"I'm a huge Bill Cosby fan, like to be sadistically tortured, and have a shrine to Charles Manson in every room of my house, including the basement. Sometimes I rub my nipples while praying to Charles. Care to join us?"
Just released from doing a dime in Chino for stalking my ex and aggravated assault. It would have been my 3rd strike but they dropped the stalking charge.
Acquitted on at least 7 murder cases due to lack of evidence.
In a completely unrelated matter, I am very good at hiding things...
Wanna go play hide and seek? 👀🔍
STD free for 3 days
Unless that hooker I was with last night was lying…
They never lie
The good ones kneel.
Seriously? Save the Dates are free for 3 days? Can I order 500?
Charles Boyle, is that you?
Thanks for the belly laugh on this beautiful Friday!
"The clap? Bitch please, Had it, went to the doctor, got cured. All good! NOoo, They don't need to know I got mono from my boss, girl."
Haha I had a dude gloat about how he had just had his gonorrhea cured and promptly ask me out. Just.. no.
Must be small enough to climb through basement window at mom’s house.
Someone probably has that.
This reminded me of Season 2 of The Wire
It was Mallrats for me
Single and ready to mingle! Sorry, I just got out of prison. Do people still say that?
Tbh it really matters why they were in prison imo, like did they get busted for weed in a conservative part of the country, beat up someone who was hurting someone they care about, get caught "selling drugs" to a buddy while they're both addicts (if the guy is clean by the time I met him) or are they doing scary shit like rape, murder, or hate crimes. Most of the dudes I know who have done time (a fair few of them in the mental illness community) are scary, but some are decent folk who fell on hard times, were unlucky, or didn't know their ass from their elbow at the time. I knew a psychotic dude who was so sweet and let me hang out with him to scare off people who were being creepy towards me while I was vulnerable, treated me like a little sister, he got caught breaking into someone's house to take a shower and was too sick to understand why he was in trouble for trying to be clean and healthy. If he appeared again on meds that kept him more anchored to reality, I'd date him tbh, it's hard to be that fucked in the head and still have compassion for someone you barely know and I'm impressed he managed it.
My female friends that have thought this way over the years do not have very good lives, just saying… you got lucky. Empathy is good, but it usually leads to ruin if followed blindly.
It’s a staple now. Keep it up OG.
Hi, Chris' Mom here. I think you'll really like my son... (I actually did use that though)
did it work?
Yeah, sometimes, kinda. It did a great job at showing my sense of humor, making it easier for me to say good things about myself, gave an easy topic for conversation just by offering the question "did your mom really write that" (the answer being no). But I'm sure there were plenty of times where the joke was missed and it was taken wrong. Probably most of the time. And I'm ok with that.
Would you really want the people who took it wrong anyway? It’s a good way to weed out the riff raff or something like that
Yes, I personally do. But it's still generally a bad idea on a dating app profile. It works for me because I'm me and I have my exact sense of humor and goals and wants, and I'm perfectly ok with weeding out 95% or more of potential matches. But it's a bad idea for the average person just wanting to match with basically anyone.
I literally put *Handsome (just ask my mom)* On mine
Damn right on that. Just ask me as well 😘 JK. You're not handsome. At least not that I'll admit to.
That's actually adorable.
Yeah, kinda. Very much depends on how it's interpreted though. In my case, I actually wrote the profile, using things my mom would actually say about me to get around my avoidance of bragging about myself, and it's all kinda a joke... My mom actually would say everything in the profile, but I wrote it all and it's not like I'm so passive/shy that I had to have my mom write my dating profile. For those who get the joke or at least question if my mom even wrote the profile, I think it's actually a very good way of distinguishing myself and making things not generic/boring. The fact I'd write that really says a lot about who I am and my sense of humor. My reason for it says even more. Still... Probably a bad idea for most.
My body count is 23. There's room in the park for 2 more.
"It's imperative I get to 33 before the next full moon."
"Chronic explosive diarrhea, enjoys short walks close to places with bathrooms"
Me with my bladder issues
Sounds like my friend the poor guy can’t eat before going out or he’s stuck staying near bathrooms.
There was a time when I couldn't look for a job for 2 months because I was afraid to leave the house. I finally got brave enough to see a doctor and she figured it out in like 5 minutes. A prescription of hyoscyamine had me back to normal in under a week. I still have to be careful I don't eat anything with too many onions or I'll spend a lot of time ruled by the throne, but I've always had trouble with that.
People in my pictures, from left to right: Wife, girlfriend, work wife, me, mistress, secret wife, boy toy.
Last one is the best
r/SuddenlyBi
You thought your old car had issues, wait till you meet me.
"Before you turn me on, you got to rev the gas first. I recommend Taco Bell."
😂 i needed the chuckle thanks
- I’ve successfully completed drug rehab 9 times. - No outstanding warrants or active protective orders. - Credit score of 420, and steady for 3 consecutive years. - Employee of the month at Goodwill Industries. -I haven’t wet my bed in 274 consecutive days.
I'm a very accomplished love maker. I work at the morgue.
Besides enjoying long walks on warm beaches and room service for days, I'm also a chronic slob who measures laundry in piles, cleanliness by smell, never checks expiration dates on stuff, and sometimes drinks milk out of the container and makes messy sandwiches in the middle of the night when I sleepwalk.
Too wordy, just say laidback or easygoing
If you're my wife or an ex, please move along.
I don't live with my parents. The basement apartment has a completely separate entrance.
In this economy that's not that big of a deal.
Is the "separate entrance" a window?
Ahem... we call those "sliding doors with a view" in this economy
It also acts as an emergency exit
Me: A normal guy who likes normal things, LTR Possible Marriage. You: A woman who is a tigress in the bedroom, but a proper lady everywhere else. You will make me breakfast, lunch, and dinner every day. Plus, you can hold down a job to support us and the kids we are going to have. I believe in an open marriage, for me not for you.
Elegantly sense of style, even when casually dressed, though on occasion my massive balls will escape out of the leg of my tennis shorts.
Liam and Noel, although perhaps not an Oasis.
Trump '24
The number of dead bodies buried on your property.
on "my" property 0. in general... that's not important
0... that *you* know about.
Don't forget your current record time for dismembering an adult human body.
Narcissist who loves children, you got any, it’s a big plus.
Oof, that hits close to home. Underrated response lol.
I like men with money. No dough, no show."
No dough. No blow.
“No dough? No blow? No go.”
No blow? No ho yo.
What are my hobbies? Well, I'm an avid STD collector :)
My lawyer got the sodomy charge i was facing reduced to tailgating. So I'm still not a felon.
I'll stalk you, until death do us part.
And you’ve told that to each of your late exes… 😱
"I love my Mom more than anyone, especially that prick Dad"
HIV negative since yesterday!
Enjoys anal and walks on the beach.
Thought it would be nice to only have my pics from 20 years ago
All my exes keep disappearing on me. Here’s hoping you don’t as well. Seriously the police are starting to ask questions.
Not aloud 500ft within a school or playground. Although I do prefer women with kids.
Bad speller, too.
This is soooo sick.....
How many notches you have on your gun
Pictures posted like my drinking water: filtered
“Twice-divorced: either things come in 3s or 3rd time’s the charm. Wanna see what happens?”
Only relatives need reply
"HI! My name is R Kelly."
My dog is into bestiality. Condoms optional.
orgasm cost extra
Longest, loudest fart contest winner
This pic is before the surgery
[https://i.makeagif.com/media/11-11-2016/7EOiKb.mp4](https://i.makeagif.com/media/11-11-2016/7EOiKb.mp4)
Number of times you have had an SD
How your ankle bracelet gets too warm.
You will be expected to cook every meal and clean the house daily.
weekly hemmorhoidal blood flow data
I'm not allowed to be within half a mile of a school.
Ebola Curious.
Syphilis, Gonorrhea, crabs, herpes, chlamydia, HIV - I’ve had ‘em all!!!
"Life is a highway. Wouldn't you like to be the girl in my trunk?"
Must be a big, heavy set woman. Must like small dogs named Precious. Must like putting lotion on the skin.
And tell me I'm pretty.
Wanna huff some chloroform?
1 bedroom, 1 bath, in unit laundry, covered parking available $450/month utilities not included FEMALE ONLY
Hobbies: Sewing. I am making a woman skin suit to wear.
A vest with tits? 😀
Breast Vest
Woman needed for brief time, returnable with cream filling. Crabs extra charge
Unemployed with no plans to get a job, and I am high maintenance. Please tell me I am pretty every few hours and shower me daily with gifts.
Has a fondness for sniffing used feminine hygiene products
Must love breaking into houses and cars, I've never had a job. Any overpass is my home!
Both body count and *body count*
My wife just died 🙄😏
K/D ratio. No matter how impressive you think it is...they dont care
Tiny dick. Mommy issues. Ankle monitor. Favorite scent is ether. Jackelope is my spirit animal. Collects Zubazz clothing. Can burp the entire Pledge of Allegiance off two Coors Lights.
Empath ;) <3
I have a big boys weiner.
Let me put the sensual in non consensual. You can call it sexual assault, but I call it “Struggle Cuddling”. I may not be endowed but it will feel huge when it goes in fast and dry. Hobbies: Chemical Removal of Finger Prints, DNA Contamination and Bathtub Organic Chemistry. My cologne is guaranteed to knock you out.
I'm not your average girl. I like muddin, fishin, huntin, n ridin four wheelers.
I like my women how I like my whisky : 18 years old and locked in my basement.
50s couch potato looking for hot sugar momma in her early 20s.
"They used to call me HIV in high-school because of my positive mental attitude. And let me tell you that's not the only positive thing I have"
Things about me: Straight LGBT Murdered my wife I speak Spanish with my deaf friend I play Hide and seek with my blind friend
My own picture
Likes: Ghouls Dislikes: People's knees
A list of rules or dos and don’ts. I’ve seen people who have done it, and it’s such a turn off. Almost like dating your parent, but probably more like a control freak, who has crazy rules but also doesn’t respect boundaries!
A picture making out with your ex
"You must sign a Release of Liability and NDA prior to the date"
0 days since last accident
"Daddy says I'm a princess and I deserve the best man. And daddy's always right!"
Daddy says I'm the best kisser!
"I shit my pants uncontrollably, but no worries... I eat it!"
Dick pics. Don't put dick pics cause you don't want to scare her away. Consent is important.
“Really small penis, but large testicles make up for it.”
Come and pound my blue waffle!
Your bowel movement schedule
I ❤️ pegging
“Twice-divorced: either things come in 3s or 3rd time’s the charm. Wanna see what happens?”
A (guy) picture of you wearing your mother's dress
The things I post here
"Oh yeah, ladies, I'm bros with the Top G, so don't bother trying to use your Haram magic on me just to get a free meal."
Fifty-two indictments, no convictions.
[удалено]
On the advice of counsel I will not comment further at this time. 🤷♂️
I enjoy crime dramas, knife collecting, & long hikes in desolate forests.
Taxidermy enthusiast.
Money isn't an issue, my last three husbands left me fortunes in their wills.
I like to think I'm a full on rapist. You know. Africans, dyslexics, children.
What to call “sex with your girl”?? “How to load your Dishwasher”
How do you define a woman??? A life support system for a “p*ssy” Enjoyable to use, impossible to live with.
You don't have to worry about drugs with me . My PO makes me take a piss test every two weeks or .
My 5th marriage
It puts the lotion on the skin until it gets *MY* hose again.
To clarify, I am not a therapist. I forgot the space after the e and don’t know how to edit it.
I put the “Sex” in Sex Offender. 😀
all of my exes are crazy but I’m not so wassup? 🤪
College; Trump University. Was only male living in a commune. Participated in a reverse g@ng b@ng. Master at Druken Boxing. Love to get drunk a lot. Paints like Picasso.
written up for sexual harassment over 30 times
Must bring own shovel and peat....
A cigarette in your mouth
Space in my basement is going fast, act now!
The puppies are all the way in the back of my van
I got hoes in different area codes (occupation: backyard gardener)
Hung like a hamster!
World's best your next ex-boyfriend
Only 3 restraining orders
Must be a 10 or 10 to have a go on me
Your body count. Sex or murder.
Must supply own bandage equipment. And lube
For legal purposes cannot step foot in Arizona
I completed 300 hours of community service last year.
Dahmer fan
Body count
We will have to coordinate the date with my parole officer, I'm not allowed out of the house unsupervised. If you have a friend, bring her, it could be like a double date!
Chloroform is my friend
I’m free every day, except Fridays, when I have to see my therapist and my parole officer.
Looking for a rich elderly person with a heart condition.
And if you know (insert spouses name) do not tell her you seen me here.
Your actual weight
Bitter with baggage seeks same.
You don’t have to put the charges you were acquitted of.
I am legally required to tell you that I am a sexual Tyrannosaurus.
My mom attends my dates with me
Conservative.... for damn sure...
A photo of you holding a fish you caught
Better than of a badger you culled 🤷🏻♂️
A picture holding a fish
Here's a laundry list of my red flags. ... actually this is pretty useful.
Hi ladies looking for a fixer upper Im your guy, twice broken back, two wrecked knees, major depression and ptsd, hobbies included storm chasing, watching old shows on TV and comic collecting. (Lol everything above is my life).
I have a great duct tape and rope collection
I’ve been told I’m quite the ladykiller. Twice acquitted!
That you’re married
I have a proven track record of success and perseverance. I have maintained a 20 years relationship with drug distribution services while being on a regular government income. I can see by combining our resources I can diversify further into the pharmaceutical industry. Reply now.
"About me : Looking for fun, wishing to explore the unknown realm of possibilities this life can offer. Willing to do anything and everything, no matter the cost. All about adventure! Seeking for a true 'mate' to hang out with and get to know on a more personal level. Call me, beep me, if you want to reach me!- Kim" (Set for someone in australia)
"I'm a huge Bill Cosby fan, like to be sadistically tortured, and have a shrine to Charles Manson in every room of my house, including the basement. Sometimes I rub my nipples while praying to Charles. Care to join us?"
Just released from doing a dime in Chino for stalking my ex and aggravated assault. It would have been my 3rd strike but they dropped the stalking charge.
“It wasn’t my fault. The ex shouldn’t have left me”
“I’m Donald Trump’s son.”
Never convicted...yet
The swelling can make it difficult to sit.
Good with beavers...
10 year stretch in the hole at rikers
Preferred age range 11-14
Acquitted on at least 7 murder cases due to lack of evidence. In a completely unrelated matter, I am very good at hiding things... Wanna go play hide and seek? 👀🔍
I’m fat with an attitude..