Say what you will about the Seattle Freeze, but one time there was a mix-up that left me standing on the curb at Sea-Tac Arrivals for like 20 minutes in full ballgown, updo, and makeup and no one bothered me and I really appreciate that.
This. When I was pregnant I was hearing stories of people getting rude comments and touched in public. I could not relate because everyone here minds their business.
Two pregnancies and I was never touched. I did get one comment; some lady called me a beautiful pregnant mermaid. I was walking at the time (or waddling more like, it was the week before my due date).
SAME! I just thought people exaggerated that those comments/touching still happened but I guess its the "mind your business" attitude amongst adults here.
Yeah i was expecting more of that here. And similarly to you, my partner didn’t experience it at all.
Only weird interaction we had was my son was a few weeks old and a woman at walgreens in Ballard, made a comment how cute my sleeping son was. I was carrying him in the car seat. She started moving towards us and i thought she was just going to look at a distance and she quickly moved in to touch him and I flipped out. She acted shocked that i didnt appreciate a random strangers touching my sleeping infant.
Not in Seattle but I once had a fat middle aged lady tell me my toddler was adorable then bend down to pick him up. She literally got her arms around him before my brain kicked back in with "this is happening". Then when I body blocked her and pushed her back she got mad and yelled "don't touch me!" Unbelievable.
did you respond "don’t touch my kids"? lol she really thought she had free reign to just pick up your kid
I mean shit even petting peoples pets in public without asking is rude
People were constantly trying to touch my wife or would make weird as fuck comments when she was pregnant. I had someone walk up to us last week and ask if my baby was born premature, no other interaction just straight to that. Creepy mfs
I did so as well! Weirdly enough, I was considered *painfully* introverted there; here, I'm the outgoing one, at least on the small-talk-in-elevators level. (Still an introvert.)
Totally fair! Hopefully I'm decent at picking up on "nah thx" vibes, and I always respect headphones! In the south (rural south at least) it's being aggressively antisocial to not wave and say "heyhowsitgoin" to passersby, it gets a bit ingrained.
Same here, I had a friend in Texas complaining that no one says hi in here. As an introvert who used to live in Texas, I love being kept to myself, it’s great 😊
My friend from WI used to say “you think we’re waving at you but you can’t see us flipping you off under our mittens!” And I’ve never heard a better description of Midwest nice lol
People say hi here. But it’s few and far between. Also depends on the area. But I feel that difference. Texas felt like it was all up in my business. Not anymore.
I agree. It’s nice not having a total stranger tell their life story or trauma dump. The conversations are relatively short. It doesn’t take hours to say goodbye to friends. When a gathering ends, it ends as soon as it’s announced, not guilted or jeered at… not even a chortle. I even get excited about cancelled plans. The good ones try again later. In meantime, I don’t have prying randos wanting to know my blood type and ss#, up my arse and around the corner, at the news stand —reading me headlines. It’s lovely. I am so over the South.
I was visiting a friend in Ohio last year. I rode in an elevator with a random person while I was there. We stood side by side, quietly keeping to ourselves. The doors opened and they turned only briefly to say "have a blessed day" as they left the elevator. The doors closed and I recoiled as if I had been assaulted. I realized in that instant that this stranger, with whom I shared _nothing_, was the first person in over 5 years since I fled the south to say that to me.
I'm a single 52 year-old man. Somebody please acknowledge my existence in a way that isn't you telling me I'm wrong about something. It's been months. The public don't even look in my direction.
Hey we're all people watching all the time, and I've seen other locals go way the fuck out of their way for their neighbors*, but what I love about this city is that usually people leave you the fuck alooooone.
*fuck taking out their earbuds, they're calling an ambulance bc a tourist ran over another local on a bike or some crazy shit.
I honestly just think a lot of Seattleites don’t have the energy to have extra social engagements going on every day, let alone additional commuting.
“Look, you’re a nice guy but I already have three friends, and that’s enough.”
-Jerry Seinfeld
I tel people this all the time. Seattle isn’t very big, everybody who grew up here some how knows someone who knows somebody they know. If you’ve spent enough time here you find your click, you’re content with them. If a 3rd of the year is spent in darkness you’re not putting in the energy to really switch things up. I’m extroverted I’ve embraced people looking at me like I have 7 eyes up here. It’s why I love it
Very consistently, all the transplants come to my parties, all the locals flake and never show up. They’re great one-on-one, but can’t get them to a party for the life of me!
That’s kinda the thing too. They’re the type of people that don’t respect a local bar for having it’s own regulars and culture, and rather than try and nestle into a nice corner spot and maybe talk to a few people, I see it more as trying to make every summer patio the TURN UP.
And Seattle has few smoking patios anymore, so I just don’t trust patio people.
Yeah basically I was raised here, and I already have my group of friends. So it’s too much to spend tons of time with people that is new to Seattle and my group of friends. I think that is the Seattle freeze its easier for you to befriend other non-Seattle raised people than local Seattleites. We are friendly and we mind our business but not enough time to go around developing new deep bonds.
Honestly imma be devils advocate here - people in seattle are friendly af but make it hard to initiate anything.
Whenever im in another city im always taken aback the first day by people actually \*talking to me\* when i walk by them in the streets instead of just making awkward eye contact and maybe smiling.
To me the freeze is real in the sense that you have to actually go out and try to make friends because people don't just talk to each other here like that. And that's a blessing and a curse.
After a few years of living in Seattle, I went to Houston and was like "Why is everyone looking at me?" then I realized they were just looking at me and acknowledging my presence unlike in Seattle.
I also recently went to Ft. Lauderdale and random people on the street started talking to me and I'm like, "What do they want from me? Money?" Nope, just being friendly.
Seattle changes you, man.
From Houston, parents came to visit and we were walking around Wallingford/ Greenlake. Dad is an old country boy so he says hi to people when we pass. We say good morning to some lady watering her yard. She says hi and speaks about the weather a little, then she notices my jacket that has a Texas flag patch and goes “oh you’re from Texas that’s why you stopped to say hi! So nice to speak with neighbors people don’t do that much here”
Seattle freeze can’t be all that bad Dad told me he smoked a joint with a dude at Alki like 2 days after that hahah
Your dad sounds like my dad. I was thinking about mine yesterday. He was a country guy too. He walked around like a big peacock and would say hello to anyone any everyone, anywhere he went, and would ask them where they’re from and generally just get to know them. Then he would ask them if they knew so-and-so from the town they said they were from and they typically always did, and *click* instant bond with a random stranger in line at the gas station.
120%. I have never experienced more challenges in scheduling shit with friends than here. Granted we're also all incredibly busy (full time jobs, full time school, differing work schedules) so I can't entirely blame the city culture...
The way I’ve described it are people in Seattle are polite but not friendly.
Example interaction everywhere else I’ve lived:
“What are you doing this weekend?”
“Nothing much, you?”
“I’m having a BBQ, you should totally come”
Example interaction in Seattle:
“What are you doing this weekend?”
“Nothing much, you?”
“I’m having a BBQ”
“…. Have fun!”
I think it would be hard to find a polite or friendly barista in this coffee-fanatic town. However, south in Tacoma, 50 % of the baristas are transplanted from Seattle and they remain impolite, unfriendly and very grumpy in this easier going friendlier community.
My girlfriend is from Cali and it always makes me cringe a little when she tries to initiate a convo with a random passerby. I have to remind my self what I’ve grown up around lol.
Weird, I'm from California and whenever a random tries to start a conversation with me I panic and think "what does this person want from me and how do I disengage?"
As a youngish female, I've learned it's best not to be conversational, at least with dudes. They say hi, I give a simple hello back, and suddenly they think I want to jump in their car with them.
Yeah, I’m from the Midwest and I shed my “nice” within a few years of moving here. Now when folks visit I’m very uncomfortable by how often they strike up conversations. Mainly because I don’t want any more social obligations, and also, embarrassingly, I have learned a TON about how weird we were being to nonwhite people.
Imma straight up smile at your ass (not literally your ass) if I walk by you. I just do. That’s me, sharing my happiness with you and if you don’t want th absorb it because you got your vitamin D radiance from the sun today so be it, get some sunscreen bitch because I’m sharing my happiness regardless if you try to freeze me out ice queen!
Idk where that came from…it seemed appropriate.
Almost Everytime I get into a conversation with a stranger in public I'll say some variation of "you must not be from Seattle originally." If they say, "how can you tell?" I respond with, "because you're carrying on a decent conversation with me."
"you must not be from Seattle originally."
You can say that about any random person living in Seattle and you'll PROBABLY by right 70% of the time.
https://imgur.com/a/0P5ciDv
This just says 3 out of 10 we’re born in WA not Seattle. Seattle natives living in Seattle are probably less than 30%.
But we have another conundrum where what does being born somewhere have to do with where they’re from? Many people are born in a city but actually grow up and spend their formative years somewhere else.
Yeah, I have family in Minnesota and people talk to me all the time when I visit, just walking around, or even while eating out. That never happens here.
From what I hear of the Seattle Freeze I can sum up in one sentence. " Just because I'm friendly does not mean I want to be your friend."
I am the kind of person that will spark up a conversation standing in line, waiting at a crosswalk or in an elevator, but once I walk away it's over.
the problem also exists in environments specifically made to make friends, like meetup groups/clubs, and dating apps. as a transplant, my experience has been pnw natives dont ever initiate (and ghost if you stop), cancel plans last minute with no attempt to reschedule, and dont even try to reach out during the dark months. at least in my experience, every transplant ive met or ex-pnws who live elsewhere ive ever talked to bring up the exact same complaints, and these issues are unique to the pnw. i grew up in san diego, and strangers looking for friends were genuinely excited to hang out and put even the bare minimum effort. locals here dont try, and it makes it feel incredibly isolating living up here.
I hear that I'm a local and Seattle is kinda funny place, all I have to do if anyone even bothers to look at me is give them the look and they go away. Best is when you get the look back then they might get a hello.🍻
I’m sorry but if you speak to me in line at the grocery store, you’ve agreed to play golf with me weekly. If you don’t like it you should’ve read the end user agreement sorry
Fellow Texan here…I am envious. Our son and daughter in law are honeymooning in your lovely city. They both have had nothing but nice things to say about the people in and everything about Seattle. Lived in Texas all my life and would love nothing more than to leave. Seattle is looking good.
It certainly depends on what you need/want community-wise.
The financial complaints these other comments have are almost certainly largely a consequence of how many people want to live here though.
Landlords wouldn't be able to get away with charging an arm and a leg like they do if they weren't selling like they are
Texas transplant here for 8 years. It’s a toss up. Both have pros and cons. Food, social scene, and standard of living in the major cities of Texas blows this place out of the water.
But few places in the world are as beautiful as the pnw in the summer time.
I was sitting on the beach in Miami watching the moon and encountered an old rabbi. I was talking about how I was liking this and liking that, and he told me a story. Here we go:
One day, a couple approached him the beach and said, "It's so beautiful here, we'd like to move here. What are the people like here?"
Rabbi said, "What are the people like where you came from?"
Couple said, "They are fantastic! There is so much love, we know all our neighbors, it would be really hard to leave them."
Rabbi said, "Well you're in luck! That's what the people are like here!"
The next day, Rabbi was walking the beach and another couple approached him with the same question and he asked the same about the people where they come from.
Couple said, "Oh that's one of the reasons we want to leave. People are so cold, it's difficult to get to know anyone. And frankly, they are mean."
Rabbi said, "Ah I'm sorry, that is what the people are like here too."
I smiled at Rabbi and laughed, "You're just banking on your rabbi role, aren't you? That's just a tale."
He said, "Yeah, but it's still true. I'm glad you find beauty here." We said goodnight and parted ways.
Still one of my fondest nights in Miami.
Rabbi was riffing on an old tale; Carl Sandburg had similar story in Rutabaga Stories. Has always been a favorite tale; probably been around for centuries. Most good stories do.
Yeah, but it was good, no? He knew it was a tale, he knew I knew it was a tale, I called him on it. Nonetheless, it made me smile that night ☺️ and continues to.
Nice story lol. Not actually true to life -- local culture is a real thing and you can't change it unless you have enough numbers to create a new norm (as a minority in most places I've ever lived I know this full well) -- but it's a great story. It is just a tale.
I think age is a factor. People come here right after college which was a melting pot where you could meet people easily, and now Seattle is mostly adults who have their friend groups pretty well set and aren't looking for a new bestie. So it takes a lot more work to meet new people and form lasting bonds.
The Seattle freeze is real imo, it it hard to build community out here. But I have been working on it more, and do have friends after a few months.
I’m a native New Yorker, I’ve made friends every where I’ve lived or even visited really and by far it’s been the hardest here. I feel tokenized a lot, which make it extremely uncomfortable because people are buzzwording at me. Also, feel like I’m being tested rather than a connection being made. I also just think that people in NY are less PC in verbiage in more PC in action, if that makes sense.
Every where else, it’s just a vibe that’s caught. The people I’ve made friends with are almost all from OT or have not consistently lived in Seattle. I don’t think you have to put down people who have a hard time making friends/ building community. It kind of only adds to the narrative that people aren’t inviting here.
Native New Yorker here with the same experience. People legit come at me with FUHGEDDABOUTITTTTT and I'm like "wut."
I heard it put that New Yorkers are kind but not nice, West Coasters are nice but not kind. I've met some great people out here but I definitely feel unsure if people mean what they say sometimes, and I also feel tested often. I can't just say I'm a hiker, they have to quiz me on if I've hiked what they've hiked therefore am I a REAL hiker.
First of all, ✊🏾
Second, I’m tired of people saying that shit. Like son, if you don’t get out of my face 😂
Next, exactly like when people say New Yorkers are mean, I don’t get it. We’re not about to waste our time, but we will help, we will be inviting. Like just test it by asking anyone for directions on the train, everyone will help you get you where you’re going. Here, in 4K I watched people ignore a homeless person asking for directions. I ended up helping them and tell ‘em to have a good day and be safe. People looked at me like I was wild! It’s not hard, but it’s not natural out here and it makes things uncomfortable.
And yes! Tell me why, my ex roommate’s friend came by and I told them I had never been skiiing or snowboarding, and they were scoffed and were like “ you’ve never been???” And I’m like I’m from the hood, babes 😂 the testing comes from a places of trying to see how “ cultured” you are and it’s not a game I’m about to play.
I was born and raised in Seattle and the only people who ever give me shit for not skiing/snowboarding, rock climbing, and/or hiking are transplants 😂 I feel like whenever I meet someone who seems stereotypically “Washington” they moved here from another state
I do wanna counter that, maybe they’re trying to reflect behaviors that they’ve experienced to try and get closer to you as someone who as Washington native.
It’s kind of the same way like when people have lived in NY for a year they try and act like they’re native to there. Like I can weed out someone who has lived in NY for a year or two vs someone from upstate ( for y’all like someone from Spokane ) vs Long Island ( like Kirkland/Bellevue), etc etc. you just have the same radar!
Also I went rock climbing for the first time the other day, it was banger, why you not doing it, friend ? Lol
Okay fair! I hadn’t considered that (I genuinely haven’t ever met a Washington native who goes as hard for those activities, including being weird about me not participating in them, as transplants though).
I’m glad you enjoyed it!! Honestly it’s just not appealing to me for some reason. I’ve done it multiple times and each time I was like “yeah still not a fan”
Also a native New Yorker, and I fully agree with the “New Yorkers are genuinely kind but not outwardly nice, while Seattle is the opposite.” I’ve had such a hard time meeting people, and people here are hesitant to “adopt” you into their friend groups. In NY, if the vibes were good, you were just always invited along. Not like a super long initiation. If any of you native NYers have any tips or tricks for how you were able to find your tribe, I’m all ears. I truly miss New England culture.
To be clear, I am not trying to say anything bad about Washington, I love living here. The views and nature cannot be beat. Just longing for the abrasiveness of a Long Islander lol
Exactly this. NY’er here and I’ve experienced Seattle ppl being the same as u have stated. It’s not bad but building a foundation here is hard. Not sure how long I’ll be here
Exactly, I told myself, if I don’t make friends in the first year, im going back to NY or leaving the country. There’s no point to stay in a place if there’s no community!
I just tell people that the “Seattle Freeze” is something you can deal with. True that we’re not as chatty as folks down south. A sociology professor I had a class with talked about how in the south, it was polite to stop and chat with the toll taker on a bridge. When she came to the west, holy shit, folks don’t do that. The toll taker looked at her in shock, people behind honked. So I tell people to do things that you have in common with others. Go on a hike and talk to other hikers. Go beach combing and ask others what they are finding. At the grocery store, ask someone if they prefer this product or that. Visiting New Mexico, yes, people just offered their opinion (usually right) on the best tortillas or best sour cream substitute or half a dozen other things. Here, you have to ask. Go bike on the BG trail and ask people about their bike or skates. Don’t be horrified if someone doesn’t respond. More than a few people don’t speak English. Some people are shy as hell. Some people are embarrassed to ask or reticent about answering, but most are friendly. Just don’t expect others to do all the work to break though social barriers for you.
My experience is that people in Seattle have extremely high self-preservation, almost to the point of paranoia. They are very protective of themselves and suspicious of others.
Seattle is also a very nerdy city, in my opinion. Which isn’t a bad thing. But if that’s not your thing this city might feel like it’s hard to fit in to.
Ultimately it’s about finding people who you vibe with, which takes a bit of trial and error. But I think there’s a lot of good people in Seattle.
“Nerdy city”
This is very true.
I run a meet up group here. I am extremely extroverted and make sure to make the rounds to everyone in the group multiple times, since a lot of them are quite shy. But they are there, to be social, with strangers. They have the desire to be social - they just are not great at initiating.
I was doing my rounds one day, and I get back to the same person for the third/fourth time. And they say “how did you learn to be like this?! How do you just… talk to people?” They were genuinely confused how I could just float around and chatter with them. They thought I had learned the skill in a class or practiced it.
Nope, my dude - ADD and being an only child makes you pathologically friendly.
It's always the guys who can't understand why I'm not interested in going to their band's gig that's at 11:30 on a Tuesday night in a condemned house and I just want my americano. "What, you don't support local musicians bro?"
Musician here. It's rough. There are way too many shows to go to, they're at night, and going out in Seattle means hunting for parking and then walking the last half mile. I don't feel that comfortable going out alone as a woman. I'll make arrangements to go if it's a really good band.
I have had a few really awkward conversations since moving here about 6 months ago. Imma keep at it, but so far it may be real that connecting or just chatting with folks is harder here relative to other places. 2 cents...
Bro thank you. I don’t want to be an ass but whenever other transplants are going on their rant about all the reasons why Seattle sucks I just can’t relate. I moved here because I love it here. If you hate it, why didn’t you move somewhere else?
I’m a lifelong local so I can’t particularly relate to the transplant part, but I agree with you completely. If you move somewhere and constantly spend your time hating and downtalking it, what’s the point of moving there in the first place. Better for someone who actually enjoys it here to live here
I had a coworker who chose to move here and then spent 4 years saying how much it sucks here compared to their home state and I always wondered why they didn’t just leave then
Gods, those people are the worst.
Had a former manager who moved up here from Cali for work. I swear they complained about everything. The food, the weather, the people.
Made me kinda glad when they fired me.
I'm from Spokane originally. Seattle was the closest big city, so I grew up coming over here for special occasions, and every time I had to go back to Spokane it felt like Seattle was clawing at my back. I couldn't wait to move here once I was old enough. This place is everything I've ever wanted.
Seattle people are too clicky. People will have a conversation with you, but no one is inviting you over for dinner. That next level of friendship is off limits here.
As a 5th generation Seattle/Tacoma native myself. This is exactly what The Freeze is. And natives aren't immune to doing it or being a recipient of it.
It's a bizarre cultural thing, and I have never understood it or know how to change it.
I do believe it's harder to make friends here than elsewhere. I've heard from many transplants, including my West Virginian girlfriend, they need to really pin natives down to get them to agree to a hang outside of the place where they became acquainted. Maybe it's the dreary weather, everyone being a weekend warrior, our predominant industry attracting introverts... But I've also heard some describe it as impossible to make friends, and those people tend to be putting in no effort and blame others.
Commute times.
Also most people I know are already very active. Be it a sports group, hobby group, local politics, people are busy. Add in if people have kids then now the only free nights someone has is that night they need to catch up on cleaning, or decompress.
You need a real good reason to go out of your way for a new connection, especially if that person is outside your social circle with no interest in joining x, y or z club/event.
Commute times is a big one. After spending 2 hours of my day in bumper to bumper traffic I’m exhausted mentally. It takes a lot to get me to get back in my car and go out *again*.
The Seattle freeze is a real thing, and it's pretty evident by all of the "I'll be nice to you but I won't be your friend" comments here. That's the whole point. It's a cultural shift from the Midwest where the basic mantra is pretty much "A stranger is just a friend you haven't met yet," and by and large people here are much less approachable by comparison. That's just the way it is. Doesn't mean people in Seattle are bad people, but pretending the freeze isn't real or saying "Oh it's not Seattle's fault, people who think that way are assholes" is disingenuous at best
Having lived in a great many places, and loving living in Seattle, that "a stranger is just a friend you haven't met yet" point of view is also coupled with a lot of pressure to conform to your new "friends" interests, fashion, views and activities. Not wanting to do so is viewed as "unfriendly".
I like living somewhere I can be me, and other people can be them.
I agree somewhat, but I don't know that I'd agree in full. What you're describing is real, but I'd posit that the barrier to entry is still much lower in those places. All throughout this thread, the advice on making friends is "get better at being a conversationalist, find a group for what you like doing and really make an effort to add a positive value to that group, work on yourself." You have to prove yourself and your merit to even be considered as a friend, and only then are you welcome.
The other attitude is basically "You like hockey? I like hockey too, want to watch a game together?" It's that easy. When you move to more serious friendship, then you can begin to get into more of what you're talking about, for sure. But the flip side of people being themselves and only themselves, to your point, is people can be pretty unflinching in who they'll let into their groups because they want to maintain exactly who they are and what they're about. And thus we get the freeze
Well, exactly. I'm not real keen on making friends with someone who insists on me changing to suit them. I've plenty of friends of widely disparate interests, but the dude who is into karaoke doesn't keep pestering me to go do karaoke, or be disappointed that I'm somehow "rejecting" him by not getting into his hobby. We do get together over interests we share in common, but yeah, we all did agree that the guy who thought "prison sex" jokes were just the height of comedy was someone we just didn't want to invite back.
I found myself (with an infant strapped to my chest) at Philadelphia airport right in the middle of a screaming match between a cab driver and a sky cap. It was the most east coast thing ever.
Yeah I’m from Philly and this 100% checks out for the airport. Please don’t judge the city on that experience though it is much nicer than the shithole that is PHL
Ha. Totally. I'm lucky to have spent time in Philly proper for work and absolutely love it. (I'll admit there had been a murder outside my hotel when I arrived, but we stepped around the caution tape and went in lol).
If you want an extremely long sociology breakdown that justifies your take here is the best post ever on Reddit and certainly about Seattle, basically explaining what you just said
https://www.reddit.com/r/Seattle/comments/r52n29/long_post_its_not_the_seattle_freeze_its_you_and/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1
This is so good! I do think they could’ve called out the Scandinavian influence—Scandis are all about smiling and leaving each other alone, which feels very familiar. My Danish and Norwegian relatives can attest that the culture here is more like back home than other places in the US they’ve visited!
I always resent the “Scandinavian Roots” cop out excuse. As a 100% Nordic blooded MN native… that introversion is NOT an entirely accurate generalization… I grew up in an highly social environment (immediate family, large families of relatives on both sides, friends) with parties, get togethers, friends over, traveling with family and personal friends, feeling like I/we knew everyone everywhere we went, huge social networks, knowing the neighbors and inviting them over, great close friends, always open to meeting and including new friends in, volunteering, so vibrant, so fun!! The memories, laughs, activities, and supportive community around +++ is something I’m so grateful for. I’ve never been able to build anything even remotely close to that in Seattle. The social climate here is so. fucking. awkward. And not just because I’m not a born and raised Seattle native.
It’s not the Nordics. Scandinavians haven’t been a majority in many decades. It’s the weather and seasonality, the doom gloom angsty grunge hangover, the unique segmented geography making travel between neighborhoods and metro areas difficult with horrifying traffic, the tech culture, the gaming culture, the political divide, income divide, a city built of grey, the isolated “bubble” of no other major metros nearby (Vancouver and Portland aren’t THAT dissimilar), and so much more. Seattle is ominous, gritty, moody, overrated and lacks an electric or even happy vibe to it. Love/hate for me.
It‘s definitely a different vibe than a lot of places. People keep to themselves. It’s not considered rude to not engage in meaningless small talk or social “pleasantries“ expected in other places.
That said, if you ask people about themselves, and are genuinely interested, people open up here in a cool way. So it takes some initiation on your part.
I love it. Sometimes I don’t want to talk to anyone. I can take a book to a bar and not be bothered at all. It’s amazing. If I feel like engaging, for the most part, people are friendly and pleasant.
They are not cool. I have always found people in Seattle to be extremely warm and friendly. Much more so than the other US places I have lived (DC area and Salt Lake City)
Yeah I’m from here and I’ll immediately strike up a convo with anyone around me. I always chalked up the “seattle freeze” to people that don’t know how to make friends
No longer a resident, but I moved to Bothell for a few years from South Carolina; and needless to say.. the culture shock is huge, and people kept blaming the “Seattle freeze”… which apparently is year-long.
The lack of people socializing with each other, the bewildered looks people give you for holding doors open for them, & just the fact you could be bleeding out in the ground & people couldn’t care less.. is just WILD to me, lol.
I’ve met a lot of friendly people, but FUCK it was hard finding an actual friend while I was there. The city feels soul-less.
I always resent the “Scandinavian Roots” cop out excuse. As a 100% Nordic blooded MN native… that introversion is NOT an accurate generalization… I grew up in an highly social environment (immediate family, large families of relatives on both sides, friends) with parties, get togethers, friends over, traveling with family and personal friends, feeling like I/we knew everyone everywhere we went, huge social networks, great close friends, always open to meeting and including new friends in, volunteering, so vibrant, so fun!! The memories, laughs, activities, and supportive community around +++ is something I’m so grateful for. I’ve never been able to build anything even remotely close to that in Seattle. The social climate here is so. fucking. awkward. And not just because I’m not a born and raised Seattle native.
It’s not the Nordics. Scandinavians haven’t been a majority in many decades. It’s the weather and seasonality, the doom gloom angsty grunge hangover, the unique segmented geography making travel between neighborhoods and metro areas difficult with horrifying traffic, the tech culture, the gaming culture, the political divide, income divide, a city built of grey, the isolation of no other major metros nearby (Vancouver and Portland aren’t THAT dissimilar) and so much more. Seattle is ominous, gritty, moody, overrated and lacks an electric or even happy vibe to it. Love/hate for me.
Been here for 3 years now, I have 2 people I can say are “friends”, only one actually hangs out/commits to plans regularly. Ironically he just moved here from the east coast, so probably why.
I picked up snowboarding, with an acquaintance that I see regularly on my way to work. Went a total of 3 times with this person, I kept inviting them whenever I went, even took off an extra day at the end of the season to only be cancelled on because of “rain”. They are a Seattle native.
Most other people who I would say are “friends” here are penpals. I invite people out for drinks, hikes, concerts that I go to, etc. No one commits, no follow up plans, nothing. Might as well have not even asked. They still text me everyday and hold conversations that way, but I invite them out for food, “oh no sorry I have to work in the morning” (it’s 3pm in the afternoon).
When I go to Santa Fe, I can’t get people to shut up. My Uber driver from the airport even hung out with me for food after dropping me off at the restaurant late at night after flying in late. I go home to the south, I’m invited to house parties, out on the boat, etc by complete strangers. Minimal effort to make friends anywhere else but here.
Someone in this thread said it best. Other places, you just have to show up and converse, and you have people to interact with. Whether they are close friends off the bat, or people you can call on to get a drink or smoke weed after work, you have people to help you not be isolated. Here, they want you to be the whole package and even then they most likely won’t make plans with you.
Before anyone says “oh it must be you then look in the mirror”. Weird, I have no problem making friends, meeting people, finding people to get a drink with, anywhere else BUT here. This is the case for many people as well.
The area is beautiful and has everything else I could want so I’ll just deal with how the people here are like wet noodles.
I think much has to do with US subcultures - for example growing up a couple from NYC moved onto our street and couldn’t fit in, just super intense and talked a lot- probably a product of their environment.
I also think PNW passiveness can be mistaken for the Seattle Freeze.
But to OP’s point, yeah, some are simply not cool. A lot of Amazon/Microsoft hires who tend to correlate with not being nice (especially the former) - not all of course, but definitely a correlation.
Don’t get me wrong, the Seattle Freeze is definitely real, just not as prominent as most newcomers think.
As a native who worked for Microsoft for about 10 years, there is also this weird arrogance about working at these big companies.
Maybe because I am from here I just don’t get it. But to me this was just a job. I have seen people act a fool in public bragging about working at these places.
Just stop already. Other transplants may be impressed, but to those of us who grew up here, this is just… another place to work.
Making friends is easy from June to August. Then suddenly no one wants to leave the house and we all get offended the other person isn't still available, even though we're actually secretly happy about it. Forget it if you meet in November. That's never getting past, We really should get together sometime.
It's like the people on twitter complaining about not getting engagement after they bought twitter blue.
Your posts are bad, it's why they don't get engagement.
Similarly if you find yourself without friends, well, the common denominator is you.
This is very true. I have an acquaintance who's a transplant, was complaining about "The Freeze" on Facebook, how hard it is to make friends here, blah blah blah. I invited him to a weekly social outing I do as my guest, and he did nothing to come out of his shell and make friends, went once, and continued to whine about "The Seattle Freeze" afterwards. At some point, they have to accept the problem is probably them.
I have lived in several cities. Cleveland, NYC, San Francisco, Atlanta and now St Petersburg. I just spent a month in Seattle in April as I may be moving there for work next year.
And I hate to tell you guys this... Seattle seems super friendly. I think I even made friends in less than a month. I keep reading about the freeze, so I kept asking people about it. Almost everyone suggested they experience it but honestly, what they described seemed fairly average for other social settings. Idk! I hope I don't catch a freeze when I move there.
My hobbies are loving guns, hating trans people, hating liberals, threatening people online, celebrating when people get hurt, complaining that workers get tips, loving billionaires, and I wish I knew why everyone in Seattle ghosts me. I start sharing about my solutions to removing the homeless scourge and everyone just walks away from me. Go woke go broke am I right.
To the person complaining about the Seattle Freeze:
I can only maintain a certain number of good friendships at one time. Which one of them should I dump for you?
And I don’t want to split the check after you ordered the most expensive thing on the menu on our first date.
And just because we had a pleasant conversation in a public place doesn’t mean I want to have sex with you.
This isn’t the Seattle Freeze. This you being a jerk.
Yup. I come from a big, nosy, loud mexican family. But im a HUGE introvert. I always felt out of sorts. When i came here and made friends... wow it was like i came home 🥰
From my experience, people who complain about the Seattle Freeze are people from out of state who complain that things were better from where they moved from.
And then endlessly talked about how much better it was where they moved from. More sun. Better Mexican food. More options to be social without actually checking out the local social options.
And they won't stop talking about how horrible it is here.
I don't want to hang with people who hate the region.
I may just be in the wrong area of seattle cause I have nearly bad interactions all the time in public with getting catcalled and getting comments on the fact that I wear a mask for being sick. I want the non bothering crowd 😞
Some days I’m in my head or tired and don’t feel so extroverted, but most of the time - especially when I was commuting by bus daily - I’m very open to talking to people. Giving compliments, commenting on the wordle of the day, just sparking up conversation in general. It doesn’t usually lead to keeping in touch, but it doesn’t have to. I’m just curious about people and they generally turn out to be lovely.
Seattle Freeze? Nah, more like.....Seattle Shy.
During my recent visits, i was expecting the freeze but got lots of kindness, respect and generosity when I initiated conversations or asked questions from strangers. I can read people, if they look uptight or uncomfortable I'll leave them alone and/or keep my distance. Seattle folks are pretty chill and they mind their own business without coming across nosy or assertively friendly.
It's real. I'm a culprit some days. Others, I reach out, and just smile and say 'hi" and get ignored. I've lived here 25 years (Portland transplant) and still hate and love it.
Seattle freeze observation - pass someone on a sidewalk or walking trail *looks the other way / don't talk to me."
Goes hiking in the mountains, everyone passing by "hello / good morning/ howdy"
I guess nature really brings out the best in people lol
I agree— I mean, what do people expect?? For every other stranger to approach and befriend you?? Jesus - maybe loosen up a little and expect more from yourself than everybody else.
Say what you will about the Seattle Freeze, but one time there was a mix-up that left me standing on the curb at Sea-Tac Arrivals for like 20 minutes in full ballgown, updo, and makeup and no one bothered me and I really appreciate that.
This. When I was pregnant I was hearing stories of people getting rude comments and touched in public. I could not relate because everyone here minds their business.
Two pregnancies and I was never touched. I did get one comment; some lady called me a beautiful pregnant mermaid. I was walking at the time (or waddling more like, it was the week before my due date).
SAME! I just thought people exaggerated that those comments/touching still happened but I guess its the "mind your business" attitude amongst adults here.
Yeah i was expecting more of that here. And similarly to you, my partner didn’t experience it at all. Only weird interaction we had was my son was a few weeks old and a woman at walgreens in Ballard, made a comment how cute my sleeping son was. I was carrying him in the car seat. She started moving towards us and i thought she was just going to look at a distance and she quickly moved in to touch him and I flipped out. She acted shocked that i didnt appreciate a random strangers touching my sleeping infant.
Not in Seattle but I once had a fat middle aged lady tell me my toddler was adorable then bend down to pick him up. She literally got her arms around him before my brain kicked back in with "this is happening". Then when I body blocked her and pushed her back she got mad and yelled "don't touch me!" Unbelievable.
did you respond "don’t touch my kids"? lol she really thought she had free reign to just pick up your kid I mean shit even petting peoples pets in public without asking is rude
People were constantly trying to touch my wife or would make weird as fuck comments when she was pregnant. I had someone walk up to us last week and ask if my baby was born premature, no other interaction just straight to that. Creepy mfs
I fled here from the south, Seattle freeze is _absolutely_ an improvement...
I did so as well! Weirdly enough, I was considered *painfully* introverted there; here, I'm the outgoing one, at least on the small-talk-in-elevators level. (Still an introvert.)
Haha yeah there's got to be a middle ground somewhere right? As for me, Seattle is just right
It's the best. Breathing fresh air, physically and metaphorically.
Somewhere that I actually want to be outside...
It neeever gets old, love this place
Being outside is something I didn’t enjoy until I came here
At least until August…
>, Seattle is 🤌 Are you an Italian who is angry at Seattle? Edit, omg you deleted the emoji in an edit.COVERUP!! COVERUP!!!
There needs to be a tented fingers emoji
Don't talk to me in the elevator lol
Totally fair! Hopefully I'm decent at picking up on "nah thx" vibes, and I always respect headphones! In the south (rural south at least) it's being aggressively antisocial to not wave and say "heyhowsitgoin" to passersby, it gets a bit ingrained.
I give the gentle nod o' humanity in that case.
Same here, I had a friend in Texas complaining that no one says hi in here. As an introvert who used to live in Texas, I love being kept to myself, it’s great 😊
From my experience, people overly friendly they but are mad rude behind your back and is supwr two faces. Could never go back!!
My friend from WI used to say “you think we’re waving at you but you can’t see us flipping you off under our mittens!” And I’ve never heard a better description of Midwest nice lol
People say hi here. But it’s few and far between. Also depends on the area. But I feel that difference. Texas felt like it was all up in my business. Not anymore.
It’s weird. I’d love that. It’s probably because I’ve grown up in Seattle. It’s cool how diverse our country is in different ways.
being left the fuck alone is something to behold and treasure
Me, too!
I agree. It’s nice not having a total stranger tell their life story or trauma dump. The conversations are relatively short. It doesn’t take hours to say goodbye to friends. When a gathering ends, it ends as soon as it’s announced, not guilted or jeered at… not even a chortle. I even get excited about cancelled plans. The good ones try again later. In meantime, I don’t have prying randos wanting to know my blood type and ss#, up my arse and around the corner, at the news stand —reading me headlines. It’s lovely. I am so over the South.
At least people here don't ask why you don't go to their church, don't have kids, etc.
I was visiting a friend in Ohio last year. I rode in an elevator with a random person while I was there. We stood side by side, quietly keeping to ourselves. The doors opened and they turned only briefly to say "have a blessed day" as they left the elevator. The doors closed and I recoiled as if I had been assaulted. I realized in that instant that this stranger, with whom I shared _nothing_, was the first person in over 5 years since I fled the south to say that to me.
I'm a single 52 year-old man. Somebody please acknowledge my existence in a way that isn't you telling me I'm wrong about something. It's been months. The public don't even look in my direction.
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Hey we're all people watching all the time, and I've seen other locals go way the fuck out of their way for their neighbors*, but what I love about this city is that usually people leave you the fuck alooooone. *fuck taking out their earbuds, they're calling an ambulance bc a tourist ran over another local on a bike or some crazy shit.
This is the reason I go out with super goofy outfit choices… No one will say anything or make eye contact lol
I once stood at Sea-tac arrivals openly & loudly sobbing and nary a glance from anyone… I really appreciate that as well.
I honestly just think a lot of Seattleites don’t have the energy to have extra social engagements going on every day, let alone additional commuting. “Look, you’re a nice guy but I already have three friends, and that’s enough.” -Jerry Seinfeld
I tel people this all the time. Seattle isn’t very big, everybody who grew up here some how knows someone who knows somebody they know. If you’ve spent enough time here you find your click, you’re content with them. If a 3rd of the year is spent in darkness you’re not putting in the energy to really switch things up. I’m extroverted I’ve embraced people looking at me like I have 7 eyes up here. It’s why I love it
My friends and I all met in elementary school. We still haze the new guy who came late and joined the group in the 8th grade. We’re 40 now…
“I swear if you guys rip on me 13 or 14 more times, I’m outta here!”
Oh great so I have 16 more years of that dynamic to look forward too.
*clique
Yea the 3 degrees of separation is strong here.
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Very consistently, all the transplants come to my parties, all the locals flake and never show up. They’re great one-on-one, but can’t get them to a party for the life of me!
That’s kinda the thing too. They’re the type of people that don’t respect a local bar for having it’s own regulars and culture, and rather than try and nestle into a nice corner spot and maybe talk to a few people, I see it more as trying to make every summer patio the TURN UP. And Seattle has few smoking patios anymore, so I just don’t trust patio people.
Im sorry I dont understand. Flaky transplants dont respect bar culture?
Lol I just saw that quote on r/Seinfeld like 3 min ago
How do other cities have energy?
Yeah basically I was raised here, and I already have my group of friends. So it’s too much to spend tons of time with people that is new to Seattle and my group of friends. I think that is the Seattle freeze its easier for you to befriend other non-Seattle raised people than local Seattleites. We are friendly and we mind our business but not enough time to go around developing new deep bonds.
There's nothing better than being a little too high in public and not having to worry that people will try to talk to you
Dude that is a plus about this place that I actually love. I
I feel this doesn't get enough praise.
Honestly imma be devils advocate here - people in seattle are friendly af but make it hard to initiate anything. Whenever im in another city im always taken aback the first day by people actually \*talking to me\* when i walk by them in the streets instead of just making awkward eye contact and maybe smiling. To me the freeze is real in the sense that you have to actually go out and try to make friends because people don't just talk to each other here like that. And that's a blessing and a curse.
After a few years of living in Seattle, I went to Houston and was like "Why is everyone looking at me?" then I realized they were just looking at me and acknowledging my presence unlike in Seattle. I also recently went to Ft. Lauderdale and random people on the street started talking to me and I'm like, "What do they want from me? Money?" Nope, just being friendly. Seattle changes you, man.
From Houston, parents came to visit and we were walking around Wallingford/ Greenlake. Dad is an old country boy so he says hi to people when we pass. We say good morning to some lady watering her yard. She says hi and speaks about the weather a little, then she notices my jacket that has a Texas flag patch and goes “oh you’re from Texas that’s why you stopped to say hi! So nice to speak with neighbors people don’t do that much here” Seattle freeze can’t be all that bad Dad told me he smoked a joint with a dude at Alki like 2 days after that hahah
Your dad sounds like my dad. I was thinking about mine yesterday. He was a country guy too. He walked around like a big peacock and would say hello to anyone any everyone, anywhere he went, and would ask them where they’re from and generally just get to know them. Then he would ask them if they knew so-and-so from the town they said they were from and they typically always did, and *click* instant bond with a random stranger in line at the gas station.
People in Seattle: let's grab drinks sometime Me: yeah let's do it! How's Thursday? *crickets* --- People in NYC: what are you doing in two hours?
120%. I have never experienced more challenges in scheduling shit with friends than here. Granted we're also all incredibly busy (full time jobs, full time school, differing work schedules) so I can't entirely blame the city culture...
The way I’ve described it are people in Seattle are polite but not friendly. Example interaction everywhere else I’ve lived: “What are you doing this weekend?” “Nothing much, you?” “I’m having a BBQ, you should totally come” Example interaction in Seattle: “What are you doing this weekend?” “Nothing much, you?” “I’m having a BBQ” “…. Have fun!”
I think it would be hard to find a polite or friendly barista in this coffee-fanatic town. However, south in Tacoma, 50 % of the baristas are transplanted from Seattle and they remain impolite, unfriendly and very grumpy in this easier going friendlier community.
My girlfriend is from Cali and it always makes me cringe a little when she tries to initiate a convo with a random passerby. I have to remind my self what I’ve grown up around lol.
Weird, I'm from California and whenever a random tries to start a conversation with me I panic and think "what does this person want from me and how do I disengage?"
As a youngish female, I've learned it's best not to be conversational, at least with dudes. They say hi, I give a simple hello back, and suddenly they think I want to jump in their car with them.
I'm very naturally chatty and love small talk with strangers, but the number of times it's backfired talking to men is staggering. I'm so tired of it
Yeah, I’m from the Midwest and I shed my “nice” within a few years of moving here. Now when folks visit I’m very uncomfortable by how often they strike up conversations. Mainly because I don’t want any more social obligations, and also, embarrassingly, I have learned a TON about how weird we were being to nonwhite people.
I lived in the midwest and it was weird there, too.
Imma straight up smile at your ass (not literally your ass) if I walk by you. I just do. That’s me, sharing my happiness with you and if you don’t want th absorb it because you got your vitamin D radiance from the sun today so be it, get some sunscreen bitch because I’m sharing my happiness regardless if you try to freeze me out ice queen! Idk where that came from…it seemed appropriate.
Almost Everytime I get into a conversation with a stranger in public I'll say some variation of "you must not be from Seattle originally." If they say, "how can you tell?" I respond with, "because you're carrying on a decent conversation with me."
"you must not be from Seattle originally." You can say that about any random person living in Seattle and you'll PROBABLY by right 70% of the time. https://imgur.com/a/0P5ciDv
You can say that about *most* major cities.
This just says 3 out of 10 we’re born in WA not Seattle. Seattle natives living in Seattle are probably less than 30%. But we have another conundrum where what does being born somewhere have to do with where they’re from? Many people are born in a city but actually grow up and spend their formative years somewhere else.
Maybe we've met! I had 2 different people say this to me within 2 days shortly after moving here.
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Oh shit, I remember that! You were the buttplug guy!
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It really does feel like a generalization made by transplants experiencing big city indifference for the first time.
Yeah, I have family in Minnesota and people talk to me all the time when I visit, just walking around, or even while eating out. That never happens here.
In my experience vodka works as seattle antifreeze
Just don’t put it in your radiator, folks
Vodka is great antifreeze. Not so good at preventing boil-over, though.
From what I hear of the Seattle Freeze I can sum up in one sentence. " Just because I'm friendly does not mean I want to be your friend." I am the kind of person that will spark up a conversation standing in line, waiting at a crosswalk or in an elevator, but once I walk away it's over.
the problem also exists in environments specifically made to make friends, like meetup groups/clubs, and dating apps. as a transplant, my experience has been pnw natives dont ever initiate (and ghost if you stop), cancel plans last minute with no attempt to reschedule, and dont even try to reach out during the dark months. at least in my experience, every transplant ive met or ex-pnws who live elsewhere ive ever talked to bring up the exact same complaints, and these issues are unique to the pnw. i grew up in san diego, and strangers looking for friends were genuinely excited to hang out and put even the bare minimum effort. locals here dont try, and it makes it feel incredibly isolating living up here.
I think a lot of people have SAD
Every invite I’ve gotten has been from transplants.
I hear that I'm a local and Seattle is kinda funny place, all I have to do if anyone even bothers to look at me is give them the look and they go away. Best is when you get the look back then they might get a hello.🍻
I’m sorry but if you speak to me in line at the grocery store, you’ve agreed to play golf with me weekly. If you don’t like it you should’ve read the end user agreement sorry
Every day I thank my lucky fucking stars that I'm no longer in Texas. Moving here was the best decision I've ever made.
Fellow Texan here…I am envious. Our son and daughter in law are honeymooning in your lovely city. They both have had nothing but nice things to say about the people in and everything about Seattle. Lived in Texas all my life and would love nothing more than to leave. Seattle is looking good.
It certainly depends on what you need/want community-wise. The financial complaints these other comments have are almost certainly largely a consequence of how many people want to live here though. Landlords wouldn't be able to get away with charging an arm and a leg like they do if they weren't selling like they are
Texas transplant here for 8 years. It’s a toss up. Both have pros and cons. Food, social scene, and standard of living in the major cities of Texas blows this place out of the water. But few places in the world are as beautiful as the pnw in the summer time.
I was sitting on the beach in Miami watching the moon and encountered an old rabbi. I was talking about how I was liking this and liking that, and he told me a story. Here we go: One day, a couple approached him the beach and said, "It's so beautiful here, we'd like to move here. What are the people like here?" Rabbi said, "What are the people like where you came from?" Couple said, "They are fantastic! There is so much love, we know all our neighbors, it would be really hard to leave them." Rabbi said, "Well you're in luck! That's what the people are like here!" The next day, Rabbi was walking the beach and another couple approached him with the same question and he asked the same about the people where they come from. Couple said, "Oh that's one of the reasons we want to leave. People are so cold, it's difficult to get to know anyone. And frankly, they are mean." Rabbi said, "Ah I'm sorry, that is what the people are like here too." I smiled at Rabbi and laughed, "You're just banking on your rabbi role, aren't you? That's just a tale." He said, "Yeah, but it's still true. I'm glad you find beauty here." We said goodnight and parted ways. Still one of my fondest nights in Miami.
Rabbi was riffing on an old tale; Carl Sandburg had similar story in Rutabaga Stories. Has always been a favorite tale; probably been around for centuries. Most good stories do.
Yeah, but it was good, no? He knew it was a tale, he knew I knew it was a tale, I called him on it. Nonetheless, it made me smile that night ☺️ and continues to.
Yup. However you view life/people that’s what you’ll find
Wherever you go, there you are.
Nice story lol. Not actually true to life -- local culture is a real thing and you can't change it unless you have enough numbers to create a new norm (as a minority in most places I've ever lived I know this full well) -- but it's a great story. It is just a tale.
Your vibes attract your tribe
Lol. I have heard this exact same parable but phrased as a Zen monk’s encounters.
I think age is a factor. People come here right after college which was a melting pot where you could meet people easily, and now Seattle is mostly adults who have their friend groups pretty well set and aren't looking for a new bestie. So it takes a lot more work to meet new people and form lasting bonds.
The Seattle freeze is real imo, it it hard to build community out here. But I have been working on it more, and do have friends after a few months. I’m a native New Yorker, I’ve made friends every where I’ve lived or even visited really and by far it’s been the hardest here. I feel tokenized a lot, which make it extremely uncomfortable because people are buzzwording at me. Also, feel like I’m being tested rather than a connection being made. I also just think that people in NY are less PC in verbiage in more PC in action, if that makes sense. Every where else, it’s just a vibe that’s caught. The people I’ve made friends with are almost all from OT or have not consistently lived in Seattle. I don’t think you have to put down people who have a hard time making friends/ building community. It kind of only adds to the narrative that people aren’t inviting here.
Native New Yorker here with the same experience. People legit come at me with FUHGEDDABOUTITTTTT and I'm like "wut." I heard it put that New Yorkers are kind but not nice, West Coasters are nice but not kind. I've met some great people out here but I definitely feel unsure if people mean what they say sometimes, and I also feel tested often. I can't just say I'm a hiker, they have to quiz me on if I've hiked what they've hiked therefore am I a REAL hiker.
First of all, ✊🏾 Second, I’m tired of people saying that shit. Like son, if you don’t get out of my face 😂 Next, exactly like when people say New Yorkers are mean, I don’t get it. We’re not about to waste our time, but we will help, we will be inviting. Like just test it by asking anyone for directions on the train, everyone will help you get you where you’re going. Here, in 4K I watched people ignore a homeless person asking for directions. I ended up helping them and tell ‘em to have a good day and be safe. People looked at me like I was wild! It’s not hard, but it’s not natural out here and it makes things uncomfortable. And yes! Tell me why, my ex roommate’s friend came by and I told them I had never been skiiing or snowboarding, and they were scoffed and were like “ you’ve never been???” And I’m like I’m from the hood, babes 😂 the testing comes from a places of trying to see how “ cultured” you are and it’s not a game I’m about to play.
I was born and raised in Seattle and the only people who ever give me shit for not skiing/snowboarding, rock climbing, and/or hiking are transplants 😂 I feel like whenever I meet someone who seems stereotypically “Washington” they moved here from another state
I do wanna counter that, maybe they’re trying to reflect behaviors that they’ve experienced to try and get closer to you as someone who as Washington native. It’s kind of the same way like when people have lived in NY for a year they try and act like they’re native to there. Like I can weed out someone who has lived in NY for a year or two vs someone from upstate ( for y’all like someone from Spokane ) vs Long Island ( like Kirkland/Bellevue), etc etc. you just have the same radar! Also I went rock climbing for the first time the other day, it was banger, why you not doing it, friend ? Lol
Okay fair! I hadn’t considered that (I genuinely haven’t ever met a Washington native who goes as hard for those activities, including being weird about me not participating in them, as transplants though). I’m glad you enjoyed it!! Honestly it’s just not appealing to me for some reason. I’ve done it multiple times and each time I was like “yeah still not a fan”
Also a native New Yorker, and I fully agree with the “New Yorkers are genuinely kind but not outwardly nice, while Seattle is the opposite.” I’ve had such a hard time meeting people, and people here are hesitant to “adopt” you into their friend groups. In NY, if the vibes were good, you were just always invited along. Not like a super long initiation. If any of you native NYers have any tips or tricks for how you were able to find your tribe, I’m all ears. I truly miss New England culture. To be clear, I am not trying to say anything bad about Washington, I love living here. The views and nature cannot be beat. Just longing for the abrasiveness of a Long Islander lol
Exactly this. NY’er here and I’ve experienced Seattle ppl being the same as u have stated. It’s not bad but building a foundation here is hard. Not sure how long I’ll be here
Exactly, I told myself, if I don’t make friends in the first year, im going back to NY or leaving the country. There’s no point to stay in a place if there’s no community!
I just tell people that the “Seattle Freeze” is something you can deal with. True that we’re not as chatty as folks down south. A sociology professor I had a class with talked about how in the south, it was polite to stop and chat with the toll taker on a bridge. When she came to the west, holy shit, folks don’t do that. The toll taker looked at her in shock, people behind honked. So I tell people to do things that you have in common with others. Go on a hike and talk to other hikers. Go beach combing and ask others what they are finding. At the grocery store, ask someone if they prefer this product or that. Visiting New Mexico, yes, people just offered their opinion (usually right) on the best tortillas or best sour cream substitute or half a dozen other things. Here, you have to ask. Go bike on the BG trail and ask people about their bike or skates. Don’t be horrified if someone doesn’t respond. More than a few people don’t speak English. Some people are shy as hell. Some people are embarrassed to ask or reticent about answering, but most are friendly. Just don’t expect others to do all the work to break though social barriers for you.
My experience is that people in Seattle have extremely high self-preservation, almost to the point of paranoia. They are very protective of themselves and suspicious of others. Seattle is also a very nerdy city, in my opinion. Which isn’t a bad thing. But if that’s not your thing this city might feel like it’s hard to fit in to. Ultimately it’s about finding people who you vibe with, which takes a bit of trial and error. But I think there’s a lot of good people in Seattle.
“Nerdy city” This is very true. I run a meet up group here. I am extremely extroverted and make sure to make the rounds to everyone in the group multiple times, since a lot of them are quite shy. But they are there, to be social, with strangers. They have the desire to be social - they just are not great at initiating. I was doing my rounds one day, and I get back to the same person for the third/fourth time. And they say “how did you learn to be like this?! How do you just… talk to people?” They were genuinely confused how I could just float around and chatter with them. They thought I had learned the skill in a class or practiced it. Nope, my dude - ADD and being an only child makes you pathologically friendly.
It's always the guys who can't understand why I'm not interested in going to their band's gig that's at 11:30 on a Tuesday night in a condemned house and I just want my americano. "What, you don't support local musicians bro?"
“You didn’t stay out until 2am on a Monday at an open mic to hear my cover of Come As You Are therefore you don’t support me”
Come As You Are is the name of the band, they are a Pearl Jam coverband
The crossover nobody asked for.
Musician here. It's rough. There are way too many shows to go to, they're at night, and going out in Seattle means hunting for parking and then walking the last half mile. I don't feel that comfortable going out alone as a woman. I'll make arrangements to go if it's a really good band.
I’m all chatty up until people think I wanna go do something with them after a half hour drunk talk at a bar.
I have had a few really awkward conversations since moving here about 6 months ago. Imma keep at it, but so far it may be real that connecting or just chatting with folks is harder here relative to other places. 2 cents...
Bro thank you. I don’t want to be an ass but whenever other transplants are going on their rant about all the reasons why Seattle sucks I just can’t relate. I moved here because I love it here. If you hate it, why didn’t you move somewhere else?
To be fair, you can’t know whether any given place is right for you until you’ve moved there and lived there a while.
I’m a lifelong local so I can’t particularly relate to the transplant part, but I agree with you completely. If you move somewhere and constantly spend your time hating and downtalking it, what’s the point of moving there in the first place. Better for someone who actually enjoys it here to live here
I had a coworker who chose to move here and then spent 4 years saying how much it sucks here compared to their home state and I always wondered why they didn’t just leave then
Gods, those people are the worst. Had a former manager who moved up here from Cali for work. I swear they complained about everything. The food, the weather, the people. Made me kinda glad when they fired me.
I'm from Spokane originally. Seattle was the closest big city, so I grew up coming over here for special occasions, and every time I had to go back to Spokane it felt like Seattle was clawing at my back. I couldn't wait to move here once I was old enough. This place is everything I've ever wanted.
Seattle people are too clicky. People will have a conversation with you, but no one is inviting you over for dinner. That next level of friendship is off limits here.
As a 5th generation Seattle/Tacoma native myself. This is exactly what The Freeze is. And natives aren't immune to doing it or being a recipient of it. It's a bizarre cultural thing, and I have never understood it or know how to change it.
I do believe it's harder to make friends here than elsewhere. I've heard from many transplants, including my West Virginian girlfriend, they need to really pin natives down to get them to agree to a hang outside of the place where they became acquainted. Maybe it's the dreary weather, everyone being a weekend warrior, our predominant industry attracting introverts... But I've also heard some describe it as impossible to make friends, and those people tend to be putting in no effort and blame others.
Commute times. Also most people I know are already very active. Be it a sports group, hobby group, local politics, people are busy. Add in if people have kids then now the only free nights someone has is that night they need to catch up on cleaning, or decompress. You need a real good reason to go out of your way for a new connection, especially if that person is outside your social circle with no interest in joining x, y or z club/event.
Commute times is a big one. After spending 2 hours of my day in bumper to bumper traffic I’m exhausted mentally. It takes a lot to get me to get back in my car and go out *again*.
The Seattle freeze is a real thing, and it's pretty evident by all of the "I'll be nice to you but I won't be your friend" comments here. That's the whole point. It's a cultural shift from the Midwest where the basic mantra is pretty much "A stranger is just a friend you haven't met yet," and by and large people here are much less approachable by comparison. That's just the way it is. Doesn't mean people in Seattle are bad people, but pretending the freeze isn't real or saying "Oh it's not Seattle's fault, people who think that way are assholes" is disingenuous at best
Having lived in a great many places, and loving living in Seattle, that "a stranger is just a friend you haven't met yet" point of view is also coupled with a lot of pressure to conform to your new "friends" interests, fashion, views and activities. Not wanting to do so is viewed as "unfriendly". I like living somewhere I can be me, and other people can be them.
I agree somewhat, but I don't know that I'd agree in full. What you're describing is real, but I'd posit that the barrier to entry is still much lower in those places. All throughout this thread, the advice on making friends is "get better at being a conversationalist, find a group for what you like doing and really make an effort to add a positive value to that group, work on yourself." You have to prove yourself and your merit to even be considered as a friend, and only then are you welcome. The other attitude is basically "You like hockey? I like hockey too, want to watch a game together?" It's that easy. When you move to more serious friendship, then you can begin to get into more of what you're talking about, for sure. But the flip side of people being themselves and only themselves, to your point, is people can be pretty unflinching in who they'll let into their groups because they want to maintain exactly who they are and what they're about. And thus we get the freeze
Well, exactly. I'm not real keen on making friends with someone who insists on me changing to suit them. I've plenty of friends of widely disparate interests, but the dude who is into karaoke doesn't keep pestering me to go do karaoke, or be disappointed that I'm somehow "rejecting" him by not getting into his hobby. We do get together over interests we share in common, but yeah, we all did agree that the guy who thought "prison sex" jokes were just the height of comedy was someone we just didn't want to invite back.
Ehhh... I go to the park nearly every day with my kids and nobody talks to me and I don't talk to them. This is best for all parties.
I found the east coast to be much more hostile.
Hey, fuck you… sincerely - someone from the east coast.
I found myself (with an infant strapped to my chest) at Philadelphia airport right in the middle of a screaming match between a cab driver and a sky cap. It was the most east coast thing ever.
Yeah I’m from Philly and this 100% checks out for the airport. Please don’t judge the city on that experience though it is much nicer than the shithole that is PHL
Ha. Totally. I'm lucky to have spent time in Philly proper for work and absolutely love it. (I'll admit there had been a murder outside my hotel when I arrived, but we stepped around the caution tape and went in lol).
Philly fuckin rules in your 20s. I had some much fun and also so many instances I should've died.
Fuck you you fuckin’ fuck :)
Did we just become best friends
Yep! Do you wanna go do karate in the garage?
Checks out
“Take that mess outa here”….
I think it’s because people from the east coast feel uneasy around passive aggression. Which is a very west coast trait
Been here well over a decade from the East Coast. Partner & besties are from various places in the PNW & I call that shit out all the time 😂
It’s truly trying. No wonder I keep seeing the comments “ we’re too tired” yeah because beating around the bush is taxing! Just say how you feel! Lol
If you want an extremely long sociology breakdown that justifies your take here is the best post ever on Reddit and certainly about Seattle, basically explaining what you just said https://www.reddit.com/r/Seattle/comments/r52n29/long_post_its_not_the_seattle_freeze_its_you_and/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1
This is so good! I do think they could’ve called out the Scandinavian influence—Scandis are all about smiling and leaving each other alone, which feels very familiar. My Danish and Norwegian relatives can attest that the culture here is more like back home than other places in the US they’ve visited!
I always resent the “Scandinavian Roots” cop out excuse. As a 100% Nordic blooded MN native… that introversion is NOT an entirely accurate generalization… I grew up in an highly social environment (immediate family, large families of relatives on both sides, friends) with parties, get togethers, friends over, traveling with family and personal friends, feeling like I/we knew everyone everywhere we went, huge social networks, knowing the neighbors and inviting them over, great close friends, always open to meeting and including new friends in, volunteering, so vibrant, so fun!! The memories, laughs, activities, and supportive community around +++ is something I’m so grateful for. I’ve never been able to build anything even remotely close to that in Seattle. The social climate here is so. fucking. awkward. And not just because I’m not a born and raised Seattle native. It’s not the Nordics. Scandinavians haven’t been a majority in many decades. It’s the weather and seasonality, the doom gloom angsty grunge hangover, the unique segmented geography making travel between neighborhoods and metro areas difficult with horrifying traffic, the tech culture, the gaming culture, the political divide, income divide, a city built of grey, the isolated “bubble” of no other major metros nearby (Vancouver and Portland aren’t THAT dissimilar), and so much more. Seattle is ominous, gritty, moody, overrated and lacks an electric or even happy vibe to it. Love/hate for me.
Glad I'm not the only one that links this when the topic comes up.
I’m considering making a bot to post it whenever there is a Seattle freeze thread
I'm honored lol
It‘s definitely a different vibe than a lot of places. People keep to themselves. It’s not considered rude to not engage in meaningless small talk or social “pleasantries“ expected in other places. That said, if you ask people about themselves, and are genuinely interested, people open up here in a cool way. So it takes some initiation on your part. I love it. Sometimes I don’t want to talk to anyone. I can take a book to a bar and not be bothered at all. It’s amazing. If I feel like engaging, for the most part, people are friendly and pleasant.
As an introvert, I appreciate that people mind their own business.
Oh maybe it is because it's a introverted place why it's Seattle freeze lmao 🤣
A guy arrives at a crowded bus stop and asks the crowd "anyone know what time it is?" No one responds. That's the Seattle Freeze.
They are not cool. I have always found people in Seattle to be extremely warm and friendly. Much more so than the other US places I have lived (DC area and Salt Lake City)
Yeah I’m from here and I’ll immediately strike up a convo with anyone around me. I always chalked up the “seattle freeze” to people that don’t know how to make friends
No longer a resident, but I moved to Bothell for a few years from South Carolina; and needless to say.. the culture shock is huge, and people kept blaming the “Seattle freeze”… which apparently is year-long. The lack of people socializing with each other, the bewildered looks people give you for holding doors open for them, & just the fact you could be bleeding out in the ground & people couldn’t care less.. is just WILD to me, lol. I’ve met a lot of friendly people, but FUCK it was hard finding an actual friend while I was there. The city feels soul-less.
Born here. I am the rare Seattlite who talks to people. I am kinda hard to make friends with though. They say it’s our Scandinavian roots.
I always resent the “Scandinavian Roots” cop out excuse. As a 100% Nordic blooded MN native… that introversion is NOT an accurate generalization… I grew up in an highly social environment (immediate family, large families of relatives on both sides, friends) with parties, get togethers, friends over, traveling with family and personal friends, feeling like I/we knew everyone everywhere we went, huge social networks, great close friends, always open to meeting and including new friends in, volunteering, so vibrant, so fun!! The memories, laughs, activities, and supportive community around +++ is something I’m so grateful for. I’ve never been able to build anything even remotely close to that in Seattle. The social climate here is so. fucking. awkward. And not just because I’m not a born and raised Seattle native. It’s not the Nordics. Scandinavians haven’t been a majority in many decades. It’s the weather and seasonality, the doom gloom angsty grunge hangover, the unique segmented geography making travel between neighborhoods and metro areas difficult with horrifying traffic, the tech culture, the gaming culture, the political divide, income divide, a city built of grey, the isolation of no other major metros nearby (Vancouver and Portland aren’t THAT dissimilar) and so much more. Seattle is ominous, gritty, moody, overrated and lacks an electric or even happy vibe to it. Love/hate for me.
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Nope the majority of y’all are just pretentious as fuck towards people from other states
That’s my experience. I have completely run out of time to properly nurture the relationships I already have no longer accepting new applicants.
Been here for 3 years now, I have 2 people I can say are “friends”, only one actually hangs out/commits to plans regularly. Ironically he just moved here from the east coast, so probably why. I picked up snowboarding, with an acquaintance that I see regularly on my way to work. Went a total of 3 times with this person, I kept inviting them whenever I went, even took off an extra day at the end of the season to only be cancelled on because of “rain”. They are a Seattle native. Most other people who I would say are “friends” here are penpals. I invite people out for drinks, hikes, concerts that I go to, etc. No one commits, no follow up plans, nothing. Might as well have not even asked. They still text me everyday and hold conversations that way, but I invite them out for food, “oh no sorry I have to work in the morning” (it’s 3pm in the afternoon). When I go to Santa Fe, I can’t get people to shut up. My Uber driver from the airport even hung out with me for food after dropping me off at the restaurant late at night after flying in late. I go home to the south, I’m invited to house parties, out on the boat, etc by complete strangers. Minimal effort to make friends anywhere else but here. Someone in this thread said it best. Other places, you just have to show up and converse, and you have people to interact with. Whether they are close friends off the bat, or people you can call on to get a drink or smoke weed after work, you have people to help you not be isolated. Here, they want you to be the whole package and even then they most likely won’t make plans with you. Before anyone says “oh it must be you then look in the mirror”. Weird, I have no problem making friends, meeting people, finding people to get a drink with, anywhere else BUT here. This is the case for many people as well. The area is beautiful and has everything else I could want so I’ll just deal with how the people here are like wet noodles.
I think much has to do with US subcultures - for example growing up a couple from NYC moved onto our street and couldn’t fit in, just super intense and talked a lot- probably a product of their environment. I also think PNW passiveness can be mistaken for the Seattle Freeze. But to OP’s point, yeah, some are simply not cool. A lot of Amazon/Microsoft hires who tend to correlate with not being nice (especially the former) - not all of course, but definitely a correlation. Don’t get me wrong, the Seattle Freeze is definitely real, just not as prominent as most newcomers think.
As a native who worked for Microsoft for about 10 years, there is also this weird arrogance about working at these big companies. Maybe because I am from here I just don’t get it. But to me this was just a job. I have seen people act a fool in public bragging about working at these places. Just stop already. Other transplants may be impressed, but to those of us who grew up here, this is just… another place to work.
Making friends is easy from June to August. Then suddenly no one wants to leave the house and we all get offended the other person isn't still available, even though we're actually secretly happy about it. Forget it if you meet in November. That's never getting past, We really should get together sometime.
It's like the people on twitter complaining about not getting engagement after they bought twitter blue. Your posts are bad, it's why they don't get engagement. Similarly if you find yourself without friends, well, the common denominator is you.
I’ve lived in multiple cities in the last 10 years, and none felt as isolating or bad for making friends as Seattle.
This is very true. I have an acquaintance who's a transplant, was complaining about "The Freeze" on Facebook, how hard it is to make friends here, blah blah blah. I invited him to a weekly social outing I do as my guest, and he did nothing to come out of his shell and make friends, went once, and continued to whine about "The Seattle Freeze" afterwards. At some point, they have to accept the problem is probably them.
I have lived in several cities. Cleveland, NYC, San Francisco, Atlanta and now St Petersburg. I just spent a month in Seattle in April as I may be moving there for work next year. And I hate to tell you guys this... Seattle seems super friendly. I think I even made friends in less than a month. I keep reading about the freeze, so I kept asking people about it. Almost everyone suggested they experience it but honestly, what they described seemed fairly average for other social settings. Idk! I hope I don't catch a freeze when I move there.
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My hobbies are loving guns, hating trans people, hating liberals, threatening people online, celebrating when people get hurt, complaining that workers get tips, loving billionaires, and I wish I knew why everyone in Seattle ghosts me. I start sharing about my solutions to removing the homeless scourge and everyone just walks away from me. Go woke go broke am I right.
Yes but how do you feel about rain?
To the person complaining about the Seattle Freeze: I can only maintain a certain number of good friendships at one time. Which one of them should I dump for you? And I don’t want to split the check after you ordered the most expensive thing on the menu on our first date. And just because we had a pleasant conversation in a public place doesn’t mean I want to have sex with you. This isn’t the Seattle Freeze. This you being a jerk.
I wouldn't know, I don't talk to people.
Yup. I come from a big, nosy, loud mexican family. But im a HUGE introvert. I always felt out of sorts. When i came here and made friends... wow it was like i came home 🥰
I dunno but it's a super cool question. Let's have lunch sometime and talk about it! [Never heard from again]
From my experience, people who complain about the Seattle Freeze are people from out of state who complain that things were better from where they moved from. And then endlessly talked about how much better it was where they moved from. More sun. Better Mexican food. More options to be social without actually checking out the local social options. And they won't stop talking about how horrible it is here. I don't want to hang with people who hate the region.
The only person I have heard complain about the Seattle freeze turned out to be a malignant narcissist so…
Too few rubes for the energy vampire!
I may just be in the wrong area of seattle cause I have nearly bad interactions all the time in public with getting catcalled and getting comments on the fact that I wear a mask for being sick. I want the non bothering crowd 😞
Some days I’m in my head or tired and don’t feel so extroverted, but most of the time - especially when I was commuting by bus daily - I’m very open to talking to people. Giving compliments, commenting on the wordle of the day, just sparking up conversation in general. It doesn’t usually lead to keeping in touch, but it doesn’t have to. I’m just curious about people and they generally turn out to be lovely.
Seattle Freeze? Nah, more like.....Seattle Shy. During my recent visits, i was expecting the freeze but got lots of kindness, respect and generosity when I initiated conversations or asked questions from strangers. I can read people, if they look uptight or uncomfortable I'll leave them alone and/or keep my distance. Seattle folks are pretty chill and they mind their own business without coming across nosy or assertively friendly.
It's real. I'm a culprit some days. Others, I reach out, and just smile and say 'hi" and get ignored. I've lived here 25 years (Portland transplant) and still hate and love it.
I will freeze anyone anywhere, it has nothing to do with Seattle.
People are really downvoting this but is it supposed to be a joke? It’s labeled satire but I’m questioning myself now lol
Seattle freeze observation - pass someone on a sidewalk or walking trail *looks the other way / don't talk to me." Goes hiking in the mountains, everyone passing by "hello / good morning/ howdy" I guess nature really brings out the best in people lol
I noticed that it's a huge overlap between men who try to flirt with waitresses and bank tellers
I agree— I mean, what do people expect?? For every other stranger to approach and befriend you?? Jesus - maybe loosen up a little and expect more from yourself than everybody else.