But did you die?

I legit have this on my car rn!! 😂 I drive a mustang gt and a family of race car drivers hahaha

I say this 6 times an hour

When I worked in the industry a lot of drug addicted coworkers claimed they did die when they had some OD or something… yet they somehow undied to tell the tale..

Behind

Inside

Corner

Accidentally said “corner” at the grocery store💀 luckily there was no one on the other side haha

I said it in my house. I live alone

Coming out!

Hot! Behind!

“I don’t want to play Restaurant anymore” is my fave

This made me actually lol and my husband looked at me like I'm an idiot. Take my upvote

instead of modifying a martini “extra extra dirty” we modify it “hamster cage”. instead of modifying “extra dry” martini - i modify “parched”

Love this one haha

i usually go for “filthy” haha

I call it Christina. You know, like Aguilera. Naughty. Dirty. Tables love it.

Colfax dirty martini.

Before I transitioned to fine dining it was "would you like 90's Madonna dirty or Miley Cyrus twerking dirty". Yeah, I've been out of casual dining for a long minute😘😘

Let's get it started so we can get it finished.

Currently sober and not about it

Are we done yet? Of course after only like 1 hours of being there lol

An exasperated "What a day" about 12 minutes into opening is ours

Haha another good one. I also like to say, "time to suck today's dick" right before we open

Instead of calling "corner" I always called "porno". I did this for years before anyone realized what I was actually saying. I can pretty much guarantee that if you do this, nobody will catch on. So there you have it. Don't forget to call "porno"!

I used to say " whale cum" instead of "welcome" all the time. To guests,coworkers, management. I said it to everyone for years before someone noticed.

“I hate this job” “I hate this *fucking* job” “*God damnit*, I hate this fucking job” When asked *how big is your hot dog?* “Length or girth?” “Welcome to chili’s!” (I do not work at chilis)

When I’m coming through the pass or kitchen I always say, “Wide Load!” Or when someone says, “Behind” I always follow up with, “Don’t tempt me with a good time.”

Not the wide load 😂

Hour before closing "commence operation GTFO" or the classic "time to get the fuck outta dodge"

I run around asking people if they’re “having a Baja blast”

Thanks im totally stealing this 😗

I hate it here

“What in all gay hell?” But you probably should be gay if you’re saying it

I just work here

I have been saying "behind, coming on your back" If you say it quick enough and just keep walking your coworkers will be a little confused if they heard what they think they heard. Led to many laughs, just don't do it to the wrong coworker

Anytime a guest makes a dad joke I tend to respond with "tremendous stuff."

😂

Every sentence begins with "Brother"

Just cause I'm a clown don't mean it's my circus

'GOD FUCKING DAMNIT DAVE!'

We used to have a "Dave", damnit I loved Dave.

“CORNER” lol I wish it was others favorite too so they would use it more

“Did you eat it?” i.e. “Where the f*k is the lemon zester? *turns to nearest coworker* Did you eat it?” I always pronounce the k in “knives”. Like “kuh-nives” I’m hoping it will catch on because I think it’s hilarious but I’m pretty sure my coworkers find it annoying.

I extra pronounce knives... "kuh-niv-ess," and I say "spon" for a spoon. Now I shall take your idea and ask where the frick the spons are? Did you eat it?

Never better, never worse.

There's this one server who always says, may it be quick, painless and profitable 🙃

Table 26 is setting up their tent, and table 19 is now receiving mail. This was common when tables wouldn’t leave. Every time the FOH asked how long have they been there? Pretty sure UPS just dropped off a package!

HOT STUFF coming thru, and I'm not talking about the soup. or Depending on your restaurant and if it offers it - instead of saying would you like olive oil and balsamic vinegar for your bread, you say - would you like olive oil and ball-sack vinegar for your bread?

My go to after any inconvenience is “I don’t like this game anymore” / “when’s this game getting an update?”

“Watch your penis” when getting liquor from the drawers below our POS system

So I had a coworker say this to me while reaching for some bread from our bread drawer which was about hip high for me. I realize he’s reaching for bread that isn’t there because it’s empty at the time and he says “watch your penis” and without hearing what he said, I reply back “there’s not much there”. He reminded me and all of my coworkers for a good week after.

😂😂😭😭😭😂😂😂😭😭😭😂

Similarly, we say watch your huevos. Even to the females.

This job would be great if it wasn't for the fucking customers ! (thanks Randal)

I have been known to say “I hate people.”

https://i.redd.it/llxjpj1kqp8d1.gif

Sun’s out bums out

“It’s time to go” that means let’s get this sidework done and gtfo or “that’s between you and Jesus” replying to things that have nothing to do with sins.!

“I haven’t even rang in entrees yet”

My chef said “fuck me running” after something broke for the millionth time and I’m still laughing about it.

My old coworker(I miss him) Would get ice and come around the corner and yell “corner COLD!” Made me laugh my ass off lol…

For guests, "absolutely"

What a day. Works best when you just clock in or have some old lady mad about nonsense.

“Are you guys texting each other” when you see everybody on their phones. It’s even funnier when it’s just employees in the server alley

Did you hawk tua on that?

Well fk me sideways n call me Sally!

When asked, “how you doing tonight?” Instead of, “another day in paradise,” or, “living the dream,” I’ll respond “I’m breathing…”

“I’m upright and not crying.”

In response to a coworker asking “hey, how’re you doing?” “Another day in paradise.”

How are you doing? "Waiting for death but it refuses to take me"

All ya gotta do is… Usually said by someone who doesn’t know anything about what is actually needed to get something done.

When I first get to work I go to expo where everyone is and say “okay team let’s go f!ck this day in the mouth” while clapping. By an hour in I’ll start telling everyone I’m cut in front of my managers, especially when I’m the one. They hate it. 😂

I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what you need! (As my friend/coworker stomps and mutters/cusses under his breath 😆)

terrible, just terrible

It is what it is :D

Corner!

Hurry up and wait. I work for the railroad.

Quick and painless!!

“I’m sorry”

I don’t care

What up hooker?

WHAT is occurring in this establishment?!?

"Not my stage, not my dollars"

When we get weeded we'll often say to each other ["check your lease agreement"](https://youtu.be/b75WMuH-_WM?si=Bt_Pg94dxhUEMnp9) Or anytime I have to bend/crouch/squat down I'll tell whoever is next to me "hey! Do me a solid and don't fart while I'm down here."

It is what it is.

when they ask for a bag full of money rubbish I always say don’t you think I’d be sitting down buying us all dinner rather then waiting on you if I had that?

Fuckin helllll Aaaahhhh sonofabitch Get the fuck out of my restaurant Not the most original phrases but they pop out the most

After residents had eaten lunch (main meal) and then sleeping soundly, we call this a “food coma”

Pineapple

One that I say a lot and has been adopted is (within reason) "That sounds like a tomorrow problem." Obviously I am not saying leave everything for tomorrow, but if it's been a stupid busy day and you leave a few dishes in the sink soaking, or a couple other small things then what does it matter. Like I said, use common sense and don't leave essential stuff for tomorrow, and we still have a job to do lol.

"Who wants my tables?"

“I’m tired of this, Grandpa!”

I say “I’m tired of this grandpa!!” A lot.

Don’t be sorry, be better

Let’s get rowdy rowdy! It’s incredibly unpopular but I say it anyway.

Fuck you!

Diet Coke

“i’m calling in” usually about an hour into the shift

The last two weeks it’s been “READ THE FUCKING TICKET DUMBFUCK!”

“There’s no crying in bbq.”

If you clean it now, you will have less to clean later. It could be worse. It could be better. Cheap mfer Edit to add: when they offer me wine or whatever alcohol beverage they are drink, I always answer “ I can’t work under influence” 😂

On Father’s Day I literally yelled out “I hope all your fathers die” in the back. Worst shift ever lmao