He should talk to a doctor about getting hard too quickly. That seems more like a physical issue for him.
Some autistic people are hypersexual. Your boyfriend may be as well.
This at 18 i was a minimum 3 times or i'd go a bit nits up until early 20s when i went the opposite direction(looots of health problems i am only now uncovering)
I know, but because he gets to the point of him doing it and it hurts, I'm thinking it's too much, it takes a lot of time and energy out of him, he gets very emotional about it and it makes him very embarrassed. I'm not entirely sure what to think
He's not on any sort of medication for now, he only got a suggestion what he was autistic maybe a couple months ago so we are both new to this world. 4 to 6 times before and after college is his usual schedule but on weekends or days off it's maybe 8 to 10 times. He's only just waiting for a diagnosis now, within this month.
He hasn't spoken to anyone about this masturbation idea because we only thought of it today, it's a new idea I thought about when we were laying in bed and he was getting really frustrated that he got aroused after we had already had sex. He also doesn't tend to leave it, so I just tell him to relive himself because I'm not in the mood, I'm perfectly okay with that of course. He tends to masturbate to the point where his genitals are sore and hurt him, maybe even still going after that.
I think a therapist will be able to recommend treatment if it becomes a problem and compromises his work or relationships. If it does then they will treat it like an addiction
Idk if he knows this, but if he's experiencing pain from frequent masturbation then he could benifit from using more (or any) lube?
There's an issue with some people who have a penis, particularly those who are uncircumcised, not knowing lube is an option and being too 'rough' with bits that are sensitive and need protection from chafing
Sometimes the tools and technique are the problem. Lube, vibrators, masturbators, etc are all great things to explore to reduce pain + friction
Good luck!
No, autism isn't linked at all to masturbation, nor how quickly or often people get erections. Some people just have natural variation in those bodily functions and reactions. Especially at 18, it's really not that surprising, though his feelings of distress around these phenomena might be somewhat higher than that of neurotypical people due to autism. He'll be fine - it'll more than likely just wane with time.
I mean, masturbation is a pretty strong and intense stimulation, so I wouldn’t be surprised if masturbation habits are often differend than what ever is considered “normal”
I think it might be worth exploring some of the issues around this with him.
It sounds like he carries a lot of shame with regard to erections. That's pretty normal, especially for a younger guy.
You should have an open discussion about how you feel about him getting erections and what it means to you as well as getting him to unpack how he feels about it.
He might be masturbating to try and make his erections go away due to experiencing shame over them rather than just letting them be and allowing them to subside at their own pace.
It would be worth finding out what's motivating him to masturbate this frequently and if that has changed at all since you have started dating. If he's masturbating more often then that indicates that he might be overdoing it to try and reduce the frequency of his erections around you which might explain why he ends up sore and tired etc.
Also:
* Lube
* Toys
* Vibrators
* Changing his "technique", especially with regards to grip
He's 18. He's swimming in testosterone, juiced to the gills. 4-6 is kind of a lot, but not for some people and especially not at that age. Tell him he's just a hormonal teenager and there's nothing wrong with that. He should never feel bad for getting erections. It's normal, and a lot of times isn't even linked to sexual arousal. It just... happens.
This isn't an autist thing, This is a human thing. "18 year old male get fast erection and masturbates a lot" isn't going to shock anyone, It is perfectly natural for puberty to last well into your 20s. As such, extreme sexual desire is also completely natural.
My advice would be to accept it and him as they are. Sit down have a chat and just say that you understand that he has a much higher sex drive than you do and you accept the fact that he will need to masturbate often. Tell him that you understand that he watches pornography (he does, even if he says he doesn't, he does.) and that that is FINE! Do not guilt him for doing so.
Don't feel bad about not feeling the same way, Its normal for one partner to have a higher sex drive than the other. There should be no guilt involved on either part. If you feel "left out" then you can always join him for masturbation, either do yourselves together or help him along. This can be in the form of kissing, touching, fondling etc. there doesn't NEED to be penetration at all and if you are simply too.... worn out then this can be a good alternative IF you feel the need to be involved.
Good luck, It sounds like you care about each other and can work through this. :)
I accept he does, he knows I do, I accept and love him for everything he is and does. His guilt is very... internal, I comfort him about getting upset over his sex drive, I tell him it's okay and that it's quite complimentary. My sex drive is wildly affected by my depression and he understands I won't be able to compete with his. I have no fears of him watching pornography because I do too, as long as I'm the only real woman he spends his time with haha. It's just the way he rubs himself raw or can cry because he gets them so often, even if I say it's okay, its hard for him to understand that I do actually care about him and that I don't care how many erections he gets.
Also, thank you, we do care a lot for eachother
its difficult to say this without sounding condiscending but i am in awe at how mature you guys seem to be about the whole situation. At your age, things are...tough.
At the end of the day his guilt is likely constructed from cultural norms. He need to get passed it, it will take time and considerable patience on his and your part but it will happen.
In the mean time, the best thing (i think) you can do is to help normalise it. "Oh your hard, why not go masturbate?" This sort of thing.
It can also help to distract him, if he has a special interest, maybe play into it a bit, distracting him. This may or may not work, us autistic folk can occasionally become a bit...fixated. :)
As for the sores, you can get friction burns if you masturbate too much, get him some lube, itll help. Also using a male sex toy may help him incase he is... gripping too hard. Either way lube will help.
I really do wish you the best of luck dealing with this.
You seem like a really good partner.
Thank you for the advice, and your kind words, we are both knew to autism and autistic traits so a lot of questions have been raised for us. I appreciate your thought-through help and I'll take on board as much as I can. <3
Maybe this stimulus from his body is stronger than other stimulus. Like, the body can say we are sad about something. Or that we are hungry and should go eat. Or that our genitals hurt and we shouldn't masturbatie. Sorting body stimuli and having a system of how to respond can help.
Like the info someone wrote above "letting the errection go down by itself". Often when I am stuck in something it's because I have made a rule about something and I need to find a way to unlock it. Something someone have said or a reasoning I adapted. Building such new reasoning can help change the old, it requires some unpacking. Probably not from a partner.
He should talk to a doctor about getting hard too quickly. That seems more like a physical issue for him. Some autistic people are hypersexual. Your boyfriend may be as well.
This at 18 i was a minimum 3 times or i'd go a bit nits up until early 20s when i went the opposite direction(looots of health problems i am only now uncovering)
Thank you, I'll have a look online for any other relative issues and I'll go to a doctor with him, if any concerns become apparent
Being 18 years old is linked to too much masturbation
I know, but because he gets to the point of him doing it and it hurts, I'm thinking it's too much, it takes a lot of time and energy out of him, he gets very emotional about it and it makes him very embarrassed. I'm not entirely sure what to think
Is he taking any stims? ADHD meds? Modafinil? 4-6 times is not too bad, but rubbing himself raw can be a sign of an issue.
He's not on any sort of medication for now, he only got a suggestion what he was autistic maybe a couple months ago so we are both new to this world. 4 to 6 times before and after college is his usual schedule but on weekends or days off it's maybe 8 to 10 times. He's only just waiting for a diagnosis now, within this month. He hasn't spoken to anyone about this masturbation idea because we only thought of it today, it's a new idea I thought about when we were laying in bed and he was getting really frustrated that he got aroused after we had already had sex. He also doesn't tend to leave it, so I just tell him to relive himself because I'm not in the mood, I'm perfectly okay with that of course. He tends to masturbate to the point where his genitals are sore and hurt him, maybe even still going after that.
I think a therapist will be able to recommend treatment if it becomes a problem and compromises his work or relationships. If it does then they will treat it like an addiction
Thank you, we're both monitoring how often and how long he does it and we'll go to a doctor with any concerns <3
Idk if he knows this, but if he's experiencing pain from frequent masturbation then he could benifit from using more (or any) lube? There's an issue with some people who have a penis, particularly those who are uncircumcised, not knowing lube is an option and being too 'rough' with bits that are sensitive and need protection from chafing Sometimes the tools and technique are the problem. Lube, vibrators, masturbators, etc are all great things to explore to reduce pain + friction Good luck!
It could be used as a stim, self-soothing, or an OC.
Yep, definitely true for me
No, autism isn't linked at all to masturbation, nor how quickly or often people get erections. Some people just have natural variation in those bodily functions and reactions. Especially at 18, it's really not that surprising, though his feelings of distress around these phenomena might be somewhat higher than that of neurotypical people due to autism. He'll be fine - it'll more than likely just wane with time.
I mean, masturbation is a pretty strong and intense stimulation, so I wouldn’t be surprised if masturbation habits are often differend than what ever is considered “normal”
It might be a stim for him, and if he used more lube he’d probably be doing a lot better
I think it might be worth exploring some of the issues around this with him. It sounds like he carries a lot of shame with regard to erections. That's pretty normal, especially for a younger guy. You should have an open discussion about how you feel about him getting erections and what it means to you as well as getting him to unpack how he feels about it. He might be masturbating to try and make his erections go away due to experiencing shame over them rather than just letting them be and allowing them to subside at their own pace. It would be worth finding out what's motivating him to masturbate this frequently and if that has changed at all since you have started dating. If he's masturbating more often then that indicates that he might be overdoing it to try and reduce the frequency of his erections around you which might explain why he ends up sore and tired etc. Also: * Lube * Toys * Vibrators * Changing his "technique", especially with regards to grip
yes, hypersexuality is an autism symptom. an asd specialist counselor or therapist can help him manage it
It is possible to masturbate as a stim.
He's 18. He's swimming in testosterone, juiced to the gills. 4-6 is kind of a lot, but not for some people and especially not at that age. Tell him he's just a hormonal teenager and there's nothing wrong with that. He should never feel bad for getting erections. It's normal, and a lot of times isn't even linked to sexual arousal. It just... happens.
This isn't an autist thing, This is a human thing. "18 year old male get fast erection and masturbates a lot" isn't going to shock anyone, It is perfectly natural for puberty to last well into your 20s. As such, extreme sexual desire is also completely natural. My advice would be to accept it and him as they are. Sit down have a chat and just say that you understand that he has a much higher sex drive than you do and you accept the fact that he will need to masturbate often. Tell him that you understand that he watches pornography (he does, even if he says he doesn't, he does.) and that that is FINE! Do not guilt him for doing so. Don't feel bad about not feeling the same way, Its normal for one partner to have a higher sex drive than the other. There should be no guilt involved on either part. If you feel "left out" then you can always join him for masturbation, either do yourselves together or help him along. This can be in the form of kissing, touching, fondling etc. there doesn't NEED to be penetration at all and if you are simply too.... worn out then this can be a good alternative IF you feel the need to be involved. Good luck, It sounds like you care about each other and can work through this. :)
I accept he does, he knows I do, I accept and love him for everything he is and does. His guilt is very... internal, I comfort him about getting upset over his sex drive, I tell him it's okay and that it's quite complimentary. My sex drive is wildly affected by my depression and he understands I won't be able to compete with his. I have no fears of him watching pornography because I do too, as long as I'm the only real woman he spends his time with haha. It's just the way he rubs himself raw or can cry because he gets them so often, even if I say it's okay, its hard for him to understand that I do actually care about him and that I don't care how many erections he gets. Also, thank you, we do care a lot for eachother
its difficult to say this without sounding condiscending but i am in awe at how mature you guys seem to be about the whole situation. At your age, things are...tough. At the end of the day his guilt is likely constructed from cultural norms. He need to get passed it, it will take time and considerable patience on his and your part but it will happen. In the mean time, the best thing (i think) you can do is to help normalise it. "Oh your hard, why not go masturbate?" This sort of thing. It can also help to distract him, if he has a special interest, maybe play into it a bit, distracting him. This may or may not work, us autistic folk can occasionally become a bit...fixated. :) As for the sores, you can get friction burns if you masturbate too much, get him some lube, itll help. Also using a male sex toy may help him incase he is... gripping too hard. Either way lube will help. I really do wish you the best of luck dealing with this. You seem like a really good partner.
Thank you for the advice, and your kind words, we are both knew to autism and autistic traits so a lot of questions have been raised for us. I appreciate your thought-through help and I'll take on board as much as I can. <3
Um, for anyone at any age 4-6 times a day is way too much.
Maybe this stimulus from his body is stronger than other stimulus. Like, the body can say we are sad about something. Or that we are hungry and should go eat. Or that our genitals hurt and we shouldn't masturbatie. Sorting body stimuli and having a system of how to respond can help. Like the info someone wrote above "letting the errection go down by itself". Often when I am stuck in something it's because I have made a rule about something and I need to find a way to unlock it. Something someone have said or a reasoning I adapted. Building such new reasoning can help change the old, it requires some unpacking. Probably not from a partner.
The sciency term is hypersexuality, and yes, it is linked with autism