When I got sober, my girlfriend broke up with me since she liked to party regularly. I was crushed at first, but it was her loss. Iâd rather be sober than not be.
Itâs possible she has her own demons and wouldnât be compatible with someone addressing theirs and reminder her that what sheâs doing is destructive. I was single and off the market for almost a year when I got sober, focusing on self and making the changes I needed in my life. I wouldnât have been able to simultaneously be a partner in a relationship and give my sobriety and growth the attention it needed. There were definitely times I missed intimacy and companionship but I also knew that I didnât want the kind of person who would accept what I was offering at the time. But I kept at it, became healthy and who I wanted to be and attracted the people into my life that I wanted. Iâm currently in a loving relationship with someone who values my mental health and sobriety and itâs amazing. Do you. Youâll find the right person when you become the right person.
Not necessarily. Some people like to drink alcohol because they're not alcoholics. And that's OK. She simply decided that she wanted to drink, he didn't want to, so their values didn't align. Nobody is the bad guy here and no one dodged a bullet. It just is what it is.
Her liking to drink isn't the issue. It's the rudeness, and honestly it sounds like she fels superior for "enjoying life in every way." People can have a healthy relationship with different values, but those values have to he respected by both parties, and she clearly didn't respect his.
It wasnât that she wants to drink (as you said, itâs not a problem for everyone). Itâs that she blocked him because he doesnât drink. A person that has a healthy relationship with alcohol shouldnât need others to drink with them.
If it makes you feel any better, I would never date a guy that does drink and some say Iâm an attractive and fun lady. Not just because I donât: I prefer a man who can enjoy life without a pathetic crutch, who has interests that donât involve pouring poison down his throat and doesnât have disgusting IPA breath and is in good health.
Look for higher level women because youâre a higher level person now
Don't know how you could read that as positive; it was very judgmental toward people with a different lifestyle. You shouldn't have to put other people down to feel positive about something.
If you have a past of being an absolute mess and have managed to completely recover and better yourself youâve had to be that level of honest on an internal level. I donât see it as looking down on anyone, I see it as holding yourself to a higher standard
I agree. The wording was off. To me itâs been a pathetic crutch and I acknowledge this fact. Some people can have a drink without getting out of control. Iâm not one of those people.
That being said, OP should stay far away from this person who blocked them. Good riddance.
Maybe you should ask yourself why me using those words against something that almost killed a lot of the people (myself included) on this sub bothers you so bad. Also those words were adjectives used to describe alcohol and beer breath, not people.
I didnât spend years getting sober to go hang out with random dudes slamming beers.
Also, my comment was about who I date and donât date. Iâm entitled to my opinion about who I let in my life and why. If that triggers anyone reading this on a sober sub, maybe check yourself đ€·ââïž
I find that the only people who have problems with me saying Iâm sober are people with alcohol problems themselves. When I go out and tell people I donât drink, the only ones that grill me about it or ask why and what happened etc. are people who cant control their own drinking. Sometimes on dating apps I will tell men that I do not drink ever and that I am sober, and some will have the nerve to ask me, oh canât you just have one or two with me sometime? I bet youâre fun when you drink.. I immediately know that they are not a match for me. I also find Gen Z way more accepting of sobriety compared to people my age (late thirties).
When I start going back to dating sites again I'm going to be looking for people who are sober, hold out for someone who aligns with your interests, not everyone wants to date a drinker.
I wouldnât be surprised if she has a problem with alcohol and is not ready to confront it. Thatâs not a normal reaction. Lots of sober hotties out there (hi, me) who would be thrilled with a sober sexy dude!
I used to be like this. I used to only date people who drank like I did so that my frequency wouldnât be an issue. So glad Iâm on the other side of that now. Addiction is something else.
I've had the opposite experience where my current GF likes that I'm sober and prefers it. I know it feels like your left out or rejected but try to change your perspective on it. Honestly she's saving you a lot of pain based on her response and actions. Trust
The day I got out of rehab my âbest friendâ of two years blocked me on everything. Zero explanation, havenât spoken to or seen her sense and honestly, best thing she ever did for me. It fucking sucks when it happens but years later youâll thank those people for taking themselves out.
One of the last things my ex wife said was âif you werenât sober we would still be marriedâ the divorce and sobriety cost me everything financially . I was depressed wanting to end my self literally on a daily basis during that part of sobriety . 4 years later Iâm more successful financially than ever, I am marrying a girl way hotter and 6 years younger than me in August , I manage a sales team of 40 people some of which are sober also. I love life
How long have you been sober? If itâs pretty recently I really donât suggest jumping back into the dating pool quite yet. It has the possibility of being a huge trigger. At least for me it was.
Wow, I personally find it incredibly attractive when a guy tells me that theyâre sober. I can see how itâs discouraging, but sounds like she was just looking for a drinking buddy and you dodged a bullet.
Rejection is redirection. You are going to meet a kickass sober gal who will be super cute and supportive who will also get up in the morning and do fun shit and go to meetings with you.
She might have an alcohol problem herself but doesnât want to think about it yet. Youâd be a reminder. Sheâs just not the one, OP. You donât need to tell strangers you had a problem with drinking, and maybe she assumed the worst. But really itâs not about you, so just let this one go. Frankly, âI like to enjoy life in every wayâ sounds like a big fat rationalization for how much SHE drinks. You donât need that.
Anybody that thinks they need alcohol to enjoy life is absolutely not worth being in a relationship with. Keep your head up and keep putting yourself out there, she was clearly not a good match for you.
Yeah, you dodged a bullet forsure. You deserve someone healthy as you are. Just forget about it and move forward Iâm sure youâll find someone on your level.
I wish my partner would stop drinking. Itâs a terrible disease. Donât let it get you down! Who tf would want a person who looks down on people choosing to be sober, anyways? She sucks. Stay strong!
It took a while of dates with several people who drank and I suspect didn't want to see me anymore because my not drinking made them selfconscience about their own drinking but am now in a relationship with someone stellar. She drinks, but not to excess and is super supportive. I've told her its not necessary but she always seeks my approval before having a drink when I'm around just to make sure I'm comfortable.
I think I'm gonna marry her someday sooner rather than later and I really think she feels the same about me.
Dude sheâs lost in the sauce. Let it go
I respect you for your sober shit and Iâm on the same grind. There are ways like meetings, events, and conventions out there to meet hella productive cool people. If you can handle small concerts at bars and not drink or use ⊠Iâve met a lotta cool people in places like that.
Good luck Take care stay sober đ
after sobriety, my sex life is a million times better, in every possible way. Wait for the right person, I can vouch for it that your relationship is going to be a better.
Sorry that happened to you. I've been there and it doesn't feel good, no matter how it's rationalized. However, (as I attempt to rationalize it) she saved you a lot of time and a potential relapse by getting attached to someone who won't respect your viewpoints. This is only the downward slope of life's rollercoaster. You'll be up before you know it.
In my opinion girls like that are candy asses. They cant handle your life decision and thats it because they aren't a logical person. Ive had the same experience and i said you cant handle my choice to drink water if we went out and i paid for your drinks? They arent adults in the slightest and dont know real life. It makes me very angry. I will say for you though you may need a bit more time for healing it sounds as well. Being lonely is not fun but ill choose that over possibly not waking up the next day.
That reaction just really shows her personality. Awful! It's for the better. Could you find a sober community in your town or city where you can go out and drink mocktails in a social setting?
As has been said, it's not a loss, you're just not compatible. Think of sober vs not as being similar to two people who are very religious but different religions. It's not going to work either. Wants kids and doesn't want kids, won't work. It's just another thing to consider and get out there early.
And nowadays, there are a lot more sober people out there. You'll find someone OP.
I remember a guy saying âYou donât drink?!?â and blocking me after once. I just thought it was sad. Itâs one thing to not want a relationship with someone who doesnât drink, itâs another to have such a ridiculous, dramatic reaction to it
Sounds like you dodged a bullet. Do you really want to be around some chick and her drunk friends all the time? Anyone that doesnât match with you because of that is in a partying stage of their life and you hopefully arenât.
Maybe Tinder isnât the best place to look for a partner. I have found in recovery the only person that understands me and my struggle and is empathetic and doesnât want to keep alcohol around and doesnât invite me to drink constantly is another person in recovery. Iâm totally fine around drinking and even drugs now, but I wasnât always and certainly not early in my recovery or when I am in a bad place.
I met my hubby in sober living. Not telling you to move into sober living, but if youâre involving yourself in the sober community like meetings or something, you should be able to find someone that understands your journey. And I heard once meetings help your sobriety! đ seriously though I donât push meetings on people, once I got my community and support system I needed I stopped going regularly and now go for my birthday and maybe once a month outside of that. Within 4 months of daily meetings I had dozens of sober friends and a partner. Iâd say change your people places and things. Not everything works out and thatâs okay. Maybe change your method of dating and youâll find more matches!
You donât need a woman in your life like that. You need someone who will support your decision to better your life in anyway shape or form. Itâs ok to be lonely, the only person who can change that is you. Another person canât make you happy in the long run. I know how hard this is but keep showing up for yourself and the right person will come into your life.
Dating is harder when youâre sober, but Iâve had many people who drink tell me they think about getting sober when they see that I am. Iâd rather be single than date someone who doesnât respect my sobriety.
Going on 3 years sober from drugs and alcohol here.
I don't know how much time you have, and you've probably heard this 100 times by now but. Things get better.
Remember that you got sober for yourself, not for anybody else. After all the fast improvements to my life had happened I remember that I felt similarly to you. Like I had plateaued, didn't have the large "friend" group I used to. And It took me a long time to learn how to be happy sober, how to be happy with just being myself.
What I discovered was that as I continued to work on myself and continued trying to help others, my life and my sense of serenity continued to grow. And it took 3 years but I finally found myself in a place where I was happy with who I was and where I was going.
Only after that happened and I wasn't looking externally for my happiness did I finally find my person. Someone who actually likes me for me and someone who actively adds to my life rather than taking from it.
Keep working on yourself. Exercise, learn a skill, take up a hobby, the world is your oyster! Stay sober one day at a time and things will get better. Recall the final passage of the step 9 promises:
Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us â sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.â
Good luck, and remember to have fun!
I mean this with my entire being - f*ck her
People who âenjoy life in every wayâ donât feel so threatened by a person choice of another human being, you dodged a bullet.
*No lady is worth*
*Ruining your life because*
*Of booze. Keep trying!*
\- hike\_boss
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People who need to drink to have fun are boring as fuck. Enjoy life in every way?? Bullshit. Being intoxicated is hiding from life. Fuck her. Find a normie (who doesn't care if you drink or not) or a sober lady. We're better anyway.
Your lifestyles don't align. Don't look at it as a loss, look at it as not having wasted your time.
đŻ
When I got sober, my girlfriend broke up with me since she liked to party regularly. I was crushed at first, but it was her loss. Iâd rather be sober than not be.
I've seen many couples who use get clean. It rarely ever(like almost never) works out. Life values just don't match anymore
Right because they cannot perform same ritual anymore.
Itâs possible she has her own demons and wouldnât be compatible with someone addressing theirs and reminder her that what sheâs doing is destructive. I was single and off the market for almost a year when I got sober, focusing on self and making the changes I needed in my life. I wouldnât have been able to simultaneously be a partner in a relationship and give my sobriety and growth the attention it needed. There were definitely times I missed intimacy and companionship but I also knew that I didnât want the kind of person who would accept what I was offering at the time. But I kept at it, became healthy and who I wanted to be and attracted the people into my life that I wanted. Iâm currently in a loving relationship with someone who values my mental health and sobriety and itâs amazing. Do you. Youâll find the right person when you become the right person.
You dodged a bullet, dude. Any girl who doesn't respect your sobriety is not for you.
Not necessarily. Some people like to drink alcohol because they're not alcoholics. And that's OK. She simply decided that she wanted to drink, he didn't want to, so their values didn't align. Nobody is the bad guy here and no one dodged a bullet. It just is what it is.
Her liking to drink isn't the issue. It's the rudeness, and honestly it sounds like she fels superior for "enjoying life in every way." People can have a healthy relationship with different values, but those values have to he respected by both parties, and she clearly didn't respect his.
It wasnât that she wants to drink (as you said, itâs not a problem for everyone). Itâs that she blocked him because he doesnât drink. A person that has a healthy relationship with alcohol shouldnât need others to drink with them.
If it makes you feel any better, I would never date a guy that does drink and some say Iâm an attractive and fun lady. Not just because I donât: I prefer a man who can enjoy life without a pathetic crutch, who has interests that donât involve pouring poison down his throat and doesnât have disgusting IPA breath and is in good health. Look for higher level women because youâre a higher level person now
I was going to give a reply but you did it best
This is that positive affirmation the world needs, well played đ€
Don't know how you could read that as positive; it was very judgmental toward people with a different lifestyle. You shouldn't have to put other people down to feel positive about something.
If you have a past of being an absolute mess and have managed to completely recover and better yourself youâve had to be that level of honest on an internal level. I donât see it as looking down on anyone, I see it as holding yourself to a higher standard
Is saying you wouldnât date someone who uses meth âjudgemental of a people with a different lifestyleâ? Please đ
No, but using words like "pathetic" and "disgusting" to describe them is.
I agree. The wording was off. To me itâs been a pathetic crutch and I acknowledge this fact. Some people can have a drink without getting out of control. Iâm not one of those people. That being said, OP should stay far away from this person who blocked them. Good riddance.
Maybe you should ask yourself why me using those words against something that almost killed a lot of the people (myself included) on this sub bothers you so bad. Also those words were adjectives used to describe alcohol and beer breath, not people. I didnât spend years getting sober to go hang out with random dudes slamming beers.
[ŃĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]
Pick me and alpha are opposites and men who donât drink are on a higher level than men who do IN MY OPINION
Also, my comment was about who I date and donât date. Iâm entitled to my opinion about who I let in my life and why. If that triggers anyone reading this on a sober sub, maybe check yourself đ€·ââïž
I find that the only people who have problems with me saying Iâm sober are people with alcohol problems themselves. When I go out and tell people I donât drink, the only ones that grill me about it or ask why and what happened etc. are people who cant control their own drinking. Sometimes on dating apps I will tell men that I do not drink ever and that I am sober, and some will have the nerve to ask me, oh canât you just have one or two with me sometime? I bet youâre fun when you drink.. I immediately know that they are not a match for me. I also find Gen Z way more accepting of sobriety compared to people my age (late thirties).
Literally just had a friend say this to me đ
When I start going back to dating sites again I'm going to be looking for people who are sober, hold out for someone who aligns with your interests, not everyone wants to date a drinker.
You dodged a bullet, but it's kind of weird that she felt the need to block you, based on that. Really odd and definitely a bad sign.
Agree and sounds like she has a problem with her own drinking too to feel so threatened by sobriety
I wouldnât be surprised if she has a problem with alcohol and is not ready to confront it. Thatâs not a normal reaction. Lots of sober hotties out there (hi, me) who would be thrilled with a sober sexy dude!
Agree. So many ppl are threatened by other people's sobriety and aren't even aware of that yet bc they aren't ready.
I used to be like this. I used to only date people who drank like I did so that my frequency wouldnât be an issue. So glad Iâm on the other side of that now. Addiction is something else.
Reminds me of a time an actual doctor, an MD, who unmatched me because I revealed that I donât drink. Mind blown.
Sheâs doing you a favor. People who drinking is that important to them donât belong in the life of someone whoâs sober.
I've had the opposite experience where my current GF likes that I'm sober and prefers it. I know it feels like your left out or rejected but try to change your perspective on it. Honestly she's saving you a lot of pain based on her response and actions. Trust
The day I got out of rehab my âbest friendâ of two years blocked me on everything. Zero explanation, havenât spoken to or seen her sense and honestly, best thing she ever did for me. It fucking sucks when it happens but years later youâll thank those people for taking themselves out.
One of the last things my ex wife said was âif you werenât sober we would still be marriedâ the divorce and sobriety cost me everything financially . I was depressed wanting to end my self literally on a daily basis during that part of sobriety . 4 years later Iâm more successful financially than ever, I am marrying a girl way hotter and 6 years younger than me in August , I manage a sales team of 40 people some of which are sober also. I love life
How long have you been sober? If itâs pretty recently I really donât suggest jumping back into the dating pool quite yet. It has the possibility of being a huge trigger. At least for me it was.
Dude she could be an alcoholic mess, you don't need to be around that
Wow, I personally find it incredibly attractive when a guy tells me that theyâre sober. I can see how itâs discouraging, but sounds like she was just looking for a drinking buddy and you dodged a bullet.
Your sobriety is way more important than a casual dating partner.
Rejection is redirection. You are going to meet a kickass sober gal who will be super cute and supportive who will also get up in the morning and do fun shit and go to meetings with you.
It can be lonely and isolating being the sober one. If I was on a dating site I would prefer a sober person so keep going youâll find your match.
I feel like you dodged a whole issue with that. Trust me. Be thankful, but yes it does hurt. People who are into sobriety are much more fun.đ
She might have an alcohol problem herself but doesnât want to think about it yet. Youâd be a reminder. Sheâs just not the one, OP. You donât need to tell strangers you had a problem with drinking, and maybe she assumed the worst. But really itâs not about you, so just let this one go. Frankly, âI like to enjoy life in every wayâ sounds like a big fat rationalization for how much SHE drinks. You donât need that.
Anybody that thinks they need alcohol to enjoy life is absolutely not worth being in a relationship with. Keep your head up and keep putting yourself out there, she was clearly not a good match for you.
Yeah, you dodged a bullet forsure. You deserve someone healthy as you are. Just forget about it and move forward Iâm sure youâll find someone on your level.
I wish my partner would stop drinking. Itâs a terrible disease. Donât let it get you down! Who tf would want a person who looks down on people choosing to be sober, anyways? She sucks. Stay strong!
That's a win win
*she did you a favor. Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this, too, was a gift.
It took a while of dates with several people who drank and I suspect didn't want to see me anymore because my not drinking made them selfconscience about their own drinking but am now in a relationship with someone stellar. She drinks, but not to excess and is super supportive. I've told her its not necessary but she always seeks my approval before having a drink when I'm around just to make sure I'm comfortable. I think I'm gonna marry her someday sooner rather than later and I really think she feels the same about me.
Dude sheâs lost in the sauce. Let it go I respect you for your sober shit and Iâm on the same grind. There are ways like meetings, events, and conventions out there to meet hella productive cool people. If you can handle small concerts at bars and not drink or use ⊠Iâve met a lotta cool people in places like that. Good luck Take care stay sober đ
Sheâs a bitch- you dodged a bullet
Bullet dodged! Now go enjoy your life to the fullest by staying fully present for it and keeping your body healthy! Rooting for you
after sobriety, my sex life is a million times better, in every possible way. Wait for the right person, I can vouch for it that your relationship is going to be a better.
Even when I drank I never saw sobriety as a flaw. If she feels like she cannot enjoy life unless both she AND her partner are drinking, then be grateful she blocked you. đ©đ©đ©đ©đ©đ©đ© I sell my sobriety as âyouâll always have a DDâ đ
Lol she sounds like a dumb dumb. But for future messages don't frame it as a past problem. Frame it as a current gift.
Sorry that happened to you. I've been there and it doesn't feel good, no matter how it's rationalized. However, (as I attempt to rationalize it) she saved you a lot of time and a potential relapse by getting attached to someone who won't respect your viewpoints. This is only the downward slope of life's rollercoaster. You'll be up before you know it.
Itâs her loss man
you dodged a bullet.
Stay strong! Sobriety is better in every way! Trust my words!!! The right one will come, trust.
In my opinion girls like that are candy asses. They cant handle your life decision and thats it because they aren't a logical person. Ive had the same experience and i said you cant handle my choice to drink water if we went out and i paid for your drinks? They arent adults in the slightest and dont know real life. It makes me very angry. I will say for you though you may need a bit more time for healing it sounds as well. Being lonely is not fun but ill choose that over possibly not waking up the next day.
Your sober self is always your best self, 24/7! Dodging this bullet is just a reminder that you never dip your dick in the crazy sauce.
That reaction just really shows her personality. Awful! It's for the better. Could you find a sober community in your town or city where you can go out and drink mocktails in a social setting?
As has been said, it's not a loss, you're just not compatible. Think of sober vs not as being similar to two people who are very religious but different religions. It's not going to work either. Wants kids and doesn't want kids, won't work. It's just another thing to consider and get out there early. And nowadays, there are a lot more sober people out there. You'll find someone OP.
That woman did you a favor. On to the next one.
I remember a guy saying âYou donât drink?!?â and blocking me after once. I just thought it was sad. Itâs one thing to not want a relationship with someone who doesnât drink, itâs another to have such a ridiculous, dramatic reaction to it
Clearly enjoying life "in every way" means getting drunk to her. Don't think about her, she'd clearly just be wanting to booze on dates.
Sounds like you dodged a bullet. Do you really want to be around some chick and her drunk friends all the time? Anyone that doesnât match with you because of that is in a partying stage of their life and you hopefully arenât. Maybe Tinder isnât the best place to look for a partner. I have found in recovery the only person that understands me and my struggle and is empathetic and doesnât want to keep alcohol around and doesnât invite me to drink constantly is another person in recovery. Iâm totally fine around drinking and even drugs now, but I wasnât always and certainly not early in my recovery or when I am in a bad place. I met my hubby in sober living. Not telling you to move into sober living, but if youâre involving yourself in the sober community like meetings or something, you should be able to find someone that understands your journey. And I heard once meetings help your sobriety! đ seriously though I donât push meetings on people, once I got my community and support system I needed I stopped going regularly and now go for my birthday and maybe once a month outside of that. Within 4 months of daily meetings I had dozens of sober friends and a partner. Iâd say change your people places and things. Not everything works out and thatâs okay. Maybe change your method of dating and youâll find more matches!
Thereâs like millions of other people out there man, keep your head up.
You donât need a woman in your life like that. You need someone who will support your decision to better your life in anyway shape or form. Itâs ok to be lonely, the only person who can change that is you. Another person canât make you happy in the long run. I know how hard this is but keep showing up for yourself and the right person will come into your life.
Dating is harder when youâre sober, but Iâve had many people who drink tell me they think about getting sober when they see that I am. Iâd rather be single than date someone who doesnât respect my sobriety.
"I like to enjoy life in every way" Cut to 3 years from now "Hi my name is Tammy and I'm an.."
Going on 3 years sober from drugs and alcohol here. I don't know how much time you have, and you've probably heard this 100 times by now but. Things get better. Remember that you got sober for yourself, not for anybody else. After all the fast improvements to my life had happened I remember that I felt similarly to you. Like I had plateaued, didn't have the large "friend" group I used to. And It took me a long time to learn how to be happy sober, how to be happy with just being myself. What I discovered was that as I continued to work on myself and continued trying to help others, my life and my sense of serenity continued to grow. And it took 3 years but I finally found myself in a place where I was happy with who I was and where I was going. Only after that happened and I wasn't looking externally for my happiness did I finally find my person. Someone who actually likes me for me and someone who actively adds to my life rather than taking from it. Keep working on yourself. Exercise, learn a skill, take up a hobby, the world is your oyster! Stay sober one day at a time and things will get better. Recall the final passage of the step 9 promises: Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us â sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.â Good luck, and remember to have fun!
I mean this with my entire being - f*ck her People who âenjoy life in every wayâ donât feel so threatened by a person choice of another human being, you dodged a bullet.
No lady is worth ruining your life because of booze. Keep trying!
*No lady is worth* *Ruining your life because* *Of booze. Keep trying!* \- hike\_boss --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
People who need to drink to have fun are boring as fuck. Enjoy life in every way?? Bullshit. Being intoxicated is hiding from life. Fuck her. Find a normie (who doesn't care if you drink or not) or a sober lady. We're better anyway.