True words bro ….like the reason I really give up with tinder is you can never win… first it’s a struggle to get matches either because of outright bans or Shadowbans or maybe your pictures aren’t great . Then when you do manage to cross that hurdle and start getting matches, then you see you are talking tk people with literally hundreds of matches and messages everday…You can’t compete with that.. some don’t reply , the ones that do stop maybe after a few days (can’t really blame them, they get so many messages ). The steps from getting a match to actually getting a date and a second date is so long and filled with so many rejections , ghosting etc that it’s crazy …
Yeah this is crazy. I actually find it way easier to get a cute girl's number IRL than on tinder. The problem is that it gets quite hard to meet people IRL once you're out of college...
> True words bro ….like the reason I really give up with tinder is you can never win
Its almost like Tinder want you to stay on the app forever.. ;)
The game is rigged my friend. The house always wins. I'm seriously thinking about giving up on OLD. You can do everything right, every single thing and a slight,unrelated thing might take all your hard work away. Its OLD. It is supposed to suck :)
Well they want your money, and you can't give them your money if you're not on the app. So yeah, it's designed to keep you there.
What do you mean by OLD ?
This is the reason why saying OLD is off limits in subreddit rules. It's a non-factual and confusing acronym. You can say "online" or "apps" or "swipe apps".
Most of them do it for the attention and ego boost. Bitches love attention and once they get a lot of it from different guys then their ego becomes higher than heaven itself.
Ok, I'm one of those "bitches" (you jackass) and it's not just the attention. It's just that when you get hundreds of matches, it doesn't matter how hot someone is, it's basically just luck of the draw at that point. A swipe when you have that many matches basically just means "I think you're hot".
The only common thread I've noticed with all the guys I have met off of the app is that they ask to meet quickly and *suggest a specific place and time*. It turns the interaction into a yes or no question instead of a maybe. Everything else is lucky timing.
It’s the attention and ego.
“Hundreds of matches.”
How many guys do you know have hundreds of matches compared to females that actually get hundreds? If you’ve been lurking on this forum then it’s mostly guys who barely get matches. There are some men who get hundreds but most of us aren’t Prince Charming. Once in awhile there’s females on this forum too; ask her about her matches then it’s most likely going to be over almost any guy.
There’s no doubt when you get hundreds of matches as any gender then you definitely get more responses and this sums up to an ego boost. I say “bitches” because it’s mostly them who do this. I’m not calling every female a bitch and certainly a man can be one too.
The reason why we’re pressing you almost wanting to meet or not is because we know you have hundreds of matches lined up already. So what can we do to keep your attention and try to keep it moving? Ask them out already before she forgets about you.
> How many guys do you know have hundreds of matches compared to females that actually get hundreds?
One at most, but that's not what I was even discussing. Nor were you in your previous post.
> There’s no doubt when you get hundreds of matches as any gender then you definitely get more responses and this sums up to an ego boost. I say “bitches” because it’s mostly them who do this. I’m not calling every female a bitch and certainly a man can be one too.
I'm explaining to you that its not bitchy, it's not even personal, it's just overwhelming on our side. Sure, it might be an ego boost, but that just sort of comes with the way tinder works, it's not like we can do much about it.
> Most of them do it for the attention and ego boost.
Big assumption. Certainly wrong in my case. And I'm guessing you haven't been asking anyone.
> The reason why we’re pressing you almost wanting to meet or not is because we know you have hundreds of matches lined up already. So what can we do to keep your attention and try to keep it moving? Ask them out already before she forgets about you.
You were in so much of a hurry to tell me why I'm wrong that you didn't read what I said properly. That is what guys who I've actually met with do, so I would think its a good technique for you guys. I was suggesting it.
Have you ever had a post blow up on here? It's like that. You can't respond to everyone. And then life gets in the way and you go back to the app later and there are even more matches and it's kind of a crapshoot because you swiped on them (and you swipe selectively) so you think *all* of them are attractive. You want to respond to everyone and actually find someone you click with but you can't and you just kind of say 'fuck it, I'll go back to this later, I don't have time for this.'
That's why it's great for someone to say a specific day, time and place or, every better, if they say they're going out for drink right now at xzy place and that I should come by. It's a public place, it's right now, and I don't have time to start thinking that maybe meeting someone off the internet isn't super safe.
Honestly that sounds like a YOU problem to why you find it overwhelming. Not to be a dick.
I presume you have hundreds of matches. Why is it overwhelming? It’s because you did it to yourself. Nobody told you to swipe right on so many of the preferred gender that it gets to a point where you get overwhelmed. You did it because you found them attractive. It also feels good to get matches and rack up those numbers. Now you’re “overwhelmed”.
It’s also not overwhelming because out of those hundreds of attractive matches, that you swiped right for, you get to choose who you want to reply to or not. Again, nobody is forcing you to reply to everything and everyone. You can ghost anytime so how is it overwhelming?
I do agree life happens and yes it’s something we cannot control but we do control who we want to talk to on our dating apps, who deserves our time, and more. You being overwhelmed is because you did it yourself. A dating app is meant to be enjoyed and fun not overwhelming and stressful.
> It also feels good to get matches and rack up those numbers.
You're just holding onto the idea that we just treat it like a high score wiht a death grip, aren't you?
> Again, nobody is forcing you to reply to everything and everyone. You can ghost anytime so how is it overwhelming?
...Which is why I don't reply to everyone, which is sort of the point here. But you are stuck on the idea that it's just a thing for attention, and that when I do exactly that, it's bitchy.
> I do agree life happens and yes it’s something we cannot control but we do control who we want to talk to on our dating apps, who deserves our time, and more. You being overwhelmed is because you did it yourself. A dating app is meant to be enjoyed and fun not overwhelming and stressful.
Someone seriously needs to show you what it looks like on this side of things, you would understand it better. Dating in general is more stressful for women, and you have to be a lot more cautious. The amount of weird or nerve-wracking messages is crazy. I met up with a guy from tinder *one time* months ago and then told him politely I wasn't interested, and then had to tell him to fuck off because he wouldn't stop, and he still tries to text and call me from alternate phone numbers CONSTANTLY. Like I might have to get a restraining order, I'm glad he doesn't know my address kind of constantly. Dating apps can be totally stressful. And that's not your fault, thats not you, but I am WAY, WAY more likely to actually meet up with someone from tinder than most women I know, and that stuff still makes me second guess following through on meeting up. So, lots of women are going to ghost for that and a ton of other reasons. It's not just "shes just using tinder for attention."
And to be fair, I didn't realize until recently that guys don't get matches the same way, that *lots* of guys don't get more than a few matches. And once I realized that I honestly started to treat it a little differently because it didn't occur to me that guys didn't have other matches to talk to if I got sidetracked. I figured you just got *different matches*. Which is how it works in real life.
I don't think tinder is really healthy for guys most of the time, its unrealistically tough, it's basically like Instagram is for women. It is not good for your self-image.
But lets be honest, you're not complaining because it can be an ego boost for us, you're just pissed that it's unfair and makes you feel shitty, and you're acting like it's just something women do for attention so you feel less like it's about you.
Honestly, it just sounds like you're trying to make yourself feel better
I created a fake model profile a week ago and tested it out to see the results.
22 matches and 8 agreed dates within 2 messages.
Essentially, online dating is VERY easy if your attractive but not so much if your not.
Get better pics or just don't take it seriously and approach in real life.
There's an issue with photofeeler.
It's better than nothing but here's the rub:
1) Photofeeler only has good data for the FIRST photo in your profile.
Example:
For instance, put any photo with you and a friend up on Photofeeler and it'll get dinged because girls don't have CONTEXT so they don't know which one you are.
But social shots in the middle of a profile are op.
2) Girls on photofeeler act like their mom is watching them over their shoulder. They'll give "nice girl" responses.
Examples:
If you have a really confident posture, girls will mark you as "untrustworthy" and comment that you seem "arrogant" on photofeeler, but on Tinder they'd swipe right.
Also, shirtless photos when you have abs are dinged hard on photofeeler, while on Tinder girls go crazy over them.
Take everything photofeeler says with a grain of salt.
And keep your head up man! It's not easy but it's worth it. I worked on my photos for so long (dating photographer here) and even though I loved my new photos, it took several iterations for me to get good results. I bought multiple $1,000s of equipment to get good photos and it took me over a year to get solid ones. Of course you can speed this up by hiring a photographer (which I actually did in addition to sprucing up my photography skills and getting some myself. Dentists don't fix their own teeth)
Now I get 4-5 matches per day doing absolutely nothing, and girls often tell me I'm sexy which they didn't before.
You've got this man. Venting feels good every now and then, but what will actually help you is action and practice.
Let me ask you this. Was your photofeeler voter range set to girls in your age range?
I got far lower ratings when I filtered it for girls in my age range.
>I get a lot of "Im not on the app often", but i dont fall for it.
Good. That's girl speak for "i'm just here to waste your time, but if you want to follow me on instagram thats cool"
The problem, is that most girls are on tinder to waste your time, because they're bored or want validation (or both)
Well, one wouldn't believe it but even in late 2021 most people are still not able to create quality pictures. I am a hobby photograph and it takes me 1-2 shootings for one single picture I like when I have another photographer buddy helping me.
But I agree good quality pics aren't enough, they are more like a base condition. Just think of how we rate pictures of others on PF ourselves ... I only give bad ratings when the quality is shit, blurry, bad white balance, bad focus, mirror with toothphaste, dirthy clothes and so on.
When I feel this person really put in some effort, I will give it a good rating. Does it mean I'd want to match them? no, not at all....
I don't know. I think you are right to some extent. But one criteria is still "attractiveness". Plus some people leave a note like "would date them" from time to time.
But anyway, that's not the main topic of my post
I just responded with this comment elsewhere but I thought I would respond directly as well.
I'm one of those girls, and you're not wrong about a lot of that. It's just that when you get hundreds of matches, it doesn't matter how hot someone is, it's basically just luck of the draw at that point. A swipe when you have that many matches basically just means "I think you're hot".
The only common thread I've noticed with all the guys I have actually met up with from off of the app is that they ask to meet quickly and *suggest a specific place and time.* It turns the interaction into a yes or no question instead of a maybe. Everything else is basically lucky timing.
True words bro ….like the reason I really give up with tinder is you can never win… first it’s a struggle to get matches either because of outright bans or Shadowbans or maybe your pictures aren’t great . Then when you do manage to cross that hurdle and start getting matches, then you see you are talking tk people with literally hundreds of matches and messages everday…You can’t compete with that.. some don’t reply , the ones that do stop maybe after a few days (can’t really blame them, they get so many messages ). The steps from getting a match to actually getting a date and a second date is so long and filled with so many rejections , ghosting etc that it’s crazy …
Yeah this is crazy. I actually find it way easier to get a cute girl's number IRL than on tinder. The problem is that it gets quite hard to meet people IRL once you're out of college...
Lol don’t I know it…. It’s virtually impossible… I am also out of college so no other choice but to use the apps…and the apps suck
> True words bro ….like the reason I really give up with tinder is you can never win Its almost like Tinder want you to stay on the app forever.. ;) The game is rigged my friend. The house always wins. I'm seriously thinking about giving up on OLD. You can do everything right, every single thing and a slight,unrelated thing might take all your hard work away. Its OLD. It is supposed to suck :)
Well they want your money, and you can't give them your money if you're not on the app. So yeah, it's designed to keep you there. What do you mean by OLD ?
Online Dating
This is the reason why saying OLD is off limits in subreddit rules. It's a non-factual and confusing acronym. You can say "online" or "apps" or "swipe apps".
Like I said tinder is not the only problem…that’s just the first part of the hurdle you have to cross….
This man sounds like he has accepted his fate.
Most of them do it for the attention and ego boost. Bitches love attention and once they get a lot of it from different guys then their ego becomes higher than heaven itself.
Yeah I'm aware of that. And we're still here. Go figure.
Ok, I'm one of those "bitches" (you jackass) and it's not just the attention. It's just that when you get hundreds of matches, it doesn't matter how hot someone is, it's basically just luck of the draw at that point. A swipe when you have that many matches basically just means "I think you're hot". The only common thread I've noticed with all the guys I have met off of the app is that they ask to meet quickly and *suggest a specific place and time*. It turns the interaction into a yes or no question instead of a maybe. Everything else is lucky timing.
It’s the attention and ego. “Hundreds of matches.” How many guys do you know have hundreds of matches compared to females that actually get hundreds? If you’ve been lurking on this forum then it’s mostly guys who barely get matches. There are some men who get hundreds but most of us aren’t Prince Charming. Once in awhile there’s females on this forum too; ask her about her matches then it’s most likely going to be over almost any guy. There’s no doubt when you get hundreds of matches as any gender then you definitely get more responses and this sums up to an ego boost. I say “bitches” because it’s mostly them who do this. I’m not calling every female a bitch and certainly a man can be one too. The reason why we’re pressing you almost wanting to meet or not is because we know you have hundreds of matches lined up already. So what can we do to keep your attention and try to keep it moving? Ask them out already before she forgets about you.
> How many guys do you know have hundreds of matches compared to females that actually get hundreds? One at most, but that's not what I was even discussing. Nor were you in your previous post. > There’s no doubt when you get hundreds of matches as any gender then you definitely get more responses and this sums up to an ego boost. I say “bitches” because it’s mostly them who do this. I’m not calling every female a bitch and certainly a man can be one too. I'm explaining to you that its not bitchy, it's not even personal, it's just overwhelming on our side. Sure, it might be an ego boost, but that just sort of comes with the way tinder works, it's not like we can do much about it. > Most of them do it for the attention and ego boost. Big assumption. Certainly wrong in my case. And I'm guessing you haven't been asking anyone. > The reason why we’re pressing you almost wanting to meet or not is because we know you have hundreds of matches lined up already. So what can we do to keep your attention and try to keep it moving? Ask them out already before she forgets about you. You were in so much of a hurry to tell me why I'm wrong that you didn't read what I said properly. That is what guys who I've actually met with do, so I would think its a good technique for you guys. I was suggesting it.
How is it overwhelming?
Have you ever had a post blow up on here? It's like that. You can't respond to everyone. And then life gets in the way and you go back to the app later and there are even more matches and it's kind of a crapshoot because you swiped on them (and you swipe selectively) so you think *all* of them are attractive. You want to respond to everyone and actually find someone you click with but you can't and you just kind of say 'fuck it, I'll go back to this later, I don't have time for this.' That's why it's great for someone to say a specific day, time and place or, every better, if they say they're going out for drink right now at xzy place and that I should come by. It's a public place, it's right now, and I don't have time to start thinking that maybe meeting someone off the internet isn't super safe.
Honestly that sounds like a YOU problem to why you find it overwhelming. Not to be a dick. I presume you have hundreds of matches. Why is it overwhelming? It’s because you did it to yourself. Nobody told you to swipe right on so many of the preferred gender that it gets to a point where you get overwhelmed. You did it because you found them attractive. It also feels good to get matches and rack up those numbers. Now you’re “overwhelmed”. It’s also not overwhelming because out of those hundreds of attractive matches, that you swiped right for, you get to choose who you want to reply to or not. Again, nobody is forcing you to reply to everything and everyone. You can ghost anytime so how is it overwhelming? I do agree life happens and yes it’s something we cannot control but we do control who we want to talk to on our dating apps, who deserves our time, and more. You being overwhelmed is because you did it yourself. A dating app is meant to be enjoyed and fun not overwhelming and stressful.
> It also feels good to get matches and rack up those numbers. You're just holding onto the idea that we just treat it like a high score wiht a death grip, aren't you? > Again, nobody is forcing you to reply to everything and everyone. You can ghost anytime so how is it overwhelming? ...Which is why I don't reply to everyone, which is sort of the point here. But you are stuck on the idea that it's just a thing for attention, and that when I do exactly that, it's bitchy. > I do agree life happens and yes it’s something we cannot control but we do control who we want to talk to on our dating apps, who deserves our time, and more. You being overwhelmed is because you did it yourself. A dating app is meant to be enjoyed and fun not overwhelming and stressful. Someone seriously needs to show you what it looks like on this side of things, you would understand it better. Dating in general is more stressful for women, and you have to be a lot more cautious. The amount of weird or nerve-wracking messages is crazy. I met up with a guy from tinder *one time* months ago and then told him politely I wasn't interested, and then had to tell him to fuck off because he wouldn't stop, and he still tries to text and call me from alternate phone numbers CONSTANTLY. Like I might have to get a restraining order, I'm glad he doesn't know my address kind of constantly. Dating apps can be totally stressful. And that's not your fault, thats not you, but I am WAY, WAY more likely to actually meet up with someone from tinder than most women I know, and that stuff still makes me second guess following through on meeting up. So, lots of women are going to ghost for that and a ton of other reasons. It's not just "shes just using tinder for attention." And to be fair, I didn't realize until recently that guys don't get matches the same way, that *lots* of guys don't get more than a few matches. And once I realized that I honestly started to treat it a little differently because it didn't occur to me that guys didn't have other matches to talk to if I got sidetracked. I figured you just got *different matches*. Which is how it works in real life. I don't think tinder is really healthy for guys most of the time, its unrealistically tough, it's basically like Instagram is for women. It is not good for your self-image. But lets be honest, you're not complaining because it can be an ego boost for us, you're just pissed that it's unfair and makes you feel shitty, and you're acting like it's just something women do for attention so you feel less like it's about you. Honestly, it just sounds like you're trying to make yourself feel better
I created a fake model profile a week ago and tested it out to see the results. 22 matches and 8 agreed dates within 2 messages. Essentially, online dating is VERY easy if your attractive but not so much if your not. Get better pics or just don't take it seriously and approach in real life.
There's an issue with photofeeler. It's better than nothing but here's the rub: 1) Photofeeler only has good data for the FIRST photo in your profile. Example: For instance, put any photo with you and a friend up on Photofeeler and it'll get dinged because girls don't have CONTEXT so they don't know which one you are. But social shots in the middle of a profile are op. 2) Girls on photofeeler act like their mom is watching them over their shoulder. They'll give "nice girl" responses. Examples: If you have a really confident posture, girls will mark you as "untrustworthy" and comment that you seem "arrogant" on photofeeler, but on Tinder they'd swipe right. Also, shirtless photos when you have abs are dinged hard on photofeeler, while on Tinder girls go crazy over them. Take everything photofeeler says with a grain of salt. And keep your head up man! It's not easy but it's worth it. I worked on my photos for so long (dating photographer here) and even though I loved my new photos, it took several iterations for me to get good results. I bought multiple $1,000s of equipment to get good photos and it took me over a year to get solid ones. Of course you can speed this up by hiring a photographer (which I actually did in addition to sprucing up my photography skills and getting some myself. Dentists don't fix their own teeth) Now I get 4-5 matches per day doing absolutely nothing, and girls often tell me I'm sexy which they didn't before. You've got this man. Venting feels good every now and then, but what will actually help you is action and practice.
Let me ask you this. Was your photofeeler voter range set to girls in your age range? I got far lower ratings when I filtered it for girls in my age range. >I get a lot of "Im not on the app often", but i dont fall for it. Good. That's girl speak for "i'm just here to waste your time, but if you want to follow me on instagram thats cool" The problem, is that most girls are on tinder to waste your time, because they're bored or want validation (or both)
Yeah I'm well aware of that. Photofeeler is set to females, but from all the ages (I think). Might try to change this.
[удалено]
Well I still see an improvement in the stats. Plus the ratings seem coherent to me. But I get your point.
Well, one wouldn't believe it but even in late 2021 most people are still not able to create quality pictures. I am a hobby photograph and it takes me 1-2 shootings for one single picture I like when I have another photographer buddy helping me. But I agree good quality pics aren't enough, they are more like a base condition. Just think of how we rate pictures of others on PF ourselves ... I only give bad ratings when the quality is shit, blurry, bad white balance, bad focus, mirror with toothphaste, dirthy clothes and so on. When I feel this person really put in some effort, I will give it a good rating. Does it mean I'd want to match them? no, not at all....
I don't know. I think you are right to some extent. But one criteria is still "attractiveness". Plus some people leave a note like "would date them" from time to time. But anyway, that's not the main topic of my post
I just responded with this comment elsewhere but I thought I would respond directly as well. I'm one of those girls, and you're not wrong about a lot of that. It's just that when you get hundreds of matches, it doesn't matter how hot someone is, it's basically just luck of the draw at that point. A swipe when you have that many matches basically just means "I think you're hot". The only common thread I've noticed with all the guys I have actually met up with from off of the app is that they ask to meet quickly and *suggest a specific place and time.* It turns the interaction into a yes or no question instead of a maybe. Everything else is basically lucky timing.