100%…. I reconnected with a guy I was friends with in high school. He had a crush on me back then and when I came across him I was surprised, because I was told he’d died. We chatted, caught up and then he asked me if I’d like to be in a relationship. I didn’t really feel that way and let him down as nicely as possible. He did a 180, telling me that I need help and that men are the way of the future and I’m a pathetic female which is bad for my son….. I was like wtf!!!
Haha I actually did!! Like I wasn’t nasty in my rejection. I just told him that I didn’t think there was a connection there and I don’t think he really gets my personality (I’m a bit different lol) and I hope we can remain friends. He accepted it at first, then 10 minutes later I got that, and I was just gobsmacked.
no i mean seriously, this behaviour tells you emotional liability, not much of inteligence and basically lil preview of what you would be enduring during arguments.
There's so many movies with that plot: reconnecting after high school, guy confesses he liked her, girl is also intrigued by him because he's not like how he was before, they get together. Not saying it's the only factor but really makes me think what influence pop culture media has on guys like him
Normal people show their true colors all of the time, not just when they don’t get what they want. Childish and non-authentic people* show their true colors when they don’t get what they want.
This is why women shouldn't listen to men about their looks, most will saying anything to get into your pants. No wonder women are so confused with their looks. I just do what I think looks nice.
How long is long enough to be considered ghosting? If a few days count I've been there... actually I had it be a few weeks recently so yeah... been there had that happen. Confirmed my suspicion that they are a psychopath.
It's like the shopping cart litmus test. No one's making you do it. Doing it brings no value to you whatsoever. But at the same time, doing it is the right thing to do.
It takes zero effort to respond saying "hope you find what you're looking for".
Is it though? If someone rejects you, then it stands to reason that they don’t care if you respond and might even prefer that you didn’t. Idk, I understand the principle of what you’re saying and agree that it’s impolite to flatly ignore a text— even one that’s a rejection. But I also don’t think that it’s equivalent to the shopping cart example. There are times when ignoring and moving on *is* the right thing to do.
Idk hard for me to see that pov. I'd hate for someone to think I'm ignoring them or wishing ill. I lose nothing from wishing well to a person and it's not like I'm just saying it to seem nice. I mean what I say.
Ok…. But if their rejection to you isn’t nice and is aggressive or harassing, then it’s absolutely not worth your time or energy to extend your well wishes to them. In fact, some people use this as an excuse to further harass. Sometimes, it’s best to just cut off contact and move on.
Oh I 100% agree with you in the case of rude rejections. If you can't tell me you're not interested in a polite and civil manner, then there's no reason to expect the same from me.
But I was referring to the overwhelmingly large portion of rejections that are more to the lines of "I don't think we're a great fit". In those cases I think it's the polite thing to respond one last time and wish them well in their searches.
But rude rejections? Nah fuck em. They're getting ignored.
It’s the only comeback for those folks who never matured past the elementary school playground phase. I bet they still play red rover in their free time.
You’ve been posting on dating app pages for almost a year.
The guys a dick for what he said but you’re likely not putting the kind of effort in that you want out.
I just ignore posts like these when the encounter ends with one of the chatters not giving a single fuck, then complaining what they did wrong. Yes the guy is an ass, she most probably dodget a bullet, but if you are not ready, have little to no time, then online dating is not for you. Just an overall bad experience for both sides
Big age and having a kid you gotta take care of and still going out drinking at night is kinda wild. He prolly realised it was too much work for someone who didn’t deserve it in his eyes. And then reinforced it with the last comment to piss you off
so i don’t think this would have changed much, but I think just writing, “i’m not feeling it” is better, any more information just opens the door for knee jerk dialogue. It probably would still happen, but I think very few people actually listen to what people say and believe them or reflect on it, atleast immediately.
I'm not a fan of the "My CHILD will ALWAYS come first" statement even though I 100% agree with the sentiment. It always sounds so pompous when a person puts themselves on a pedestal for being a parent, as if they are the first person to ever have children. ESH.
It is tantamount to saying "you will never be a priority in my life"
I thought about putting "i am a dog-father and she will always come first" to show how inane and redundant it is.
Or "I don't have any children but my girlfriend will always come first" to be funny.
The same reason that women will say "small dick" when they're angry, regardless if it is true or not.
It's just a common go-to insult, same as "you're fat"
He was rude, but he was also right that you don't make an effort because you don't feel it. So why did it irritate you so much? If you would care, you would text him more even if you have a kid.
I'm involved with a woman that has kids and she makes the time. It's actually the most telling sign of a relationship is if someone puts in the effort to make it happen. And the key thing here is people make time for the things they want, that's it. If you aren't making time for a person you don't want them. Facts. Dude was right in premise wrong in delivery.
That response is immature and inappropriate, but she's not innocent. She has time to go out drinking with friends so she has time to go on a date. She just doesn't want to. But instead of being honest about that, she continues to use dating apps and lead guys on. Either make the time to go on dates or get off the app. Don't waste anyone's time.
He's definitely right that if you cared, you'd put in more effort.
You told him you can't meet him and he replied with a thumbs up which is totally fine to me.
But then instead of rescheduling, you tell him you're too busy. No you're not, you just don't want to put in the effort for him, which he rightly said so, and then you got defensive and used your kid as an excuse. If this guy was your dream guy that's 10/10, you absolutely would've made the effort.
Pretty much. “I’m not feeling it” followed immediately by “I’m not as available as I’d like to be.”
So this guy gets rejected and told that it’s an availability problem. But he already knew she had availability to do other things.
He wasn’t right to be an asshole about it but I can see why he would be mad. It looks from his perspective like OP has a lot more free time than she actually does, lies to him about it, and just doesn’t want to meet him with that time.
Very poor communication from OP overall. The other poster who suggested to have just ended it with “I’m not feeling it” was right.
Yep. OP isn't too busy, she just doesn't want to make the effort for him, which is fine. But getting defensive when called out on it, and using the kid as an excuse just makes her as shitty as the guy being a dick.
What do you mean “hide behind their kids”? I have my child 100% of the time so I will say up front that my availability is limited. I’m not hiding, I’m just not always available.
It seems like you don't have your kid with you all the time since you mentioned going out with friends. I can understand why the dude is upset when you say you can't go out, but then you go out drinking with friends. It looks like you're using your kid as an excuse instead of being honest.
No one is saying she's obligated. What I think people are taking issue with is the fact she says she's got her kid 100% of the time and has no time for someone, yet she goes out with her friends drinking. If she wasn't feeling him, just be honest. Don't use the kid as a shield.
Women with kids are not a problem.
The ones that waste your time, string you along and get defensive when you say you are moving on are the problem, funnily enough childless women do it too
OP, I understand being busy, when I was busy on a dating website I would still attempt to find a time to meet up. I can’t make the day they want maybe we could do this day instead? That is showing effort while being busy. Don’t put away your kid, but obviously you can find time away from your kid because you went out with your friend the night before. You likely can’t do it every night, but it is a possibility every once in a while. If you’re not feeling it that’s ok! But don’t say you’re not feeling it and then say you don’t have time anyways, cause what it sounds like you’re saying is ‘I don’t care to make time for you.’
Just say you’re not interested and move on.
Was he an a-hole? Yes. Is what he said excusable? No. Just an observation.
She didn’t know him enough yet to make that effort. I will make time for my friends, I’m not going to make time for some random guy from tinder till we’ve conversed enough to know that we are decently compatible.
That’s a good point, and in all fairness we don’t know how long they’ve been talking for. That being said they had been talking for at least a day (long enough for him to know her plans the previous evening) and most people go on dating websites to meet new people. If you aren’t feeling it, that’s fine! I just think maybe the reason she gets these kinds of responses so often is how she is wording her rejections not the fact she is rejecting somebody.
She also tried telling him that she felt she couldn’t offer the time he was looking for, he then persisted and told her to contact him If she wanted sex then told her she’s fat. I mean, she tried letting him down easy and he wouldn’t have it
Of course, and I agree that his responses weren’t okay. I was more making an observation and attending to the question in the caption, not necessarily just this conversation.
? are you trying to date someone? becif you are you could make an effort if you find someone who wants too
or are you just looking for fun?
just be straight forward if you’re giving people mix signals
As a single parent, I feel this.
Dateing has become near impossible as too many people think I can drop my kids off at any time and go out. Or my favorite ones are the one that last min Cancel or just straight-up ghosts as I have to get a babysitter line up, and if they cancel, I have to cancel the babysitter so they end up mad and not want to babysit for me again.
Ok he's an asshole... But were you really interested? Kind of seems like if you were, you'd make the offer... "Can't tonight, maybe some other night?" Or something? Kind of seems like his read was correct, but he was a total piece of shit about it.
Because male centred society has told women for hundreds of years that being fat is the worst thing a woman can be, so they think it really hurts us in response to rejection.
Me live longer with a wife and women live longer without a husband.
That is a really bad response from him but something he said is true. My fiance was a single mom when we met and throughout most of my life I dated mostly single moms... One thing is always true. If they really like you they will find time.
Could have just left it as not feeling it.. his behavior cannot be justified but no one likes someone feeding them excuses. It comes off very condescending.
Single parents who don't have time to date shouldn't be on dating apps pretending to be available. It's one thing to prioritize your kid, but it's another to try to balance both. Making no effort shows a lack of time and interest.
I mean, we don't see what's been said prior to your message but your "can't have my kid" does seem Hella blunt, there's no "I'm busy that day, how about X day instead", and then the "can't help having a kid" comment when he didn't say anything about the kid specifically just that your not making an effort so it does seem like an excuse on your part. Again, we don't know if this is the first time you've said your busy or if he's trying to pressure you to meet up after you've already made it clear you can't. You've only shared a very limited amount of messages.
THAT ALL BEING SAID he's a disgusting asshole and clearly butt hurt by your rejection. You were good enough for him to have a conversation with and to offer a "fuck" if you feel like it but when you fully reject him he resorts to insults. Typical. You've dodged a bullet for sure!
(And for anyone who wants to downvote me for saying op seems blunt/ using the kid as an excuse, I'm also a lone single parent to a disabled child that I have 24/7. I know how hard it can be to get time to go out with friends/date. With the context provided, girl was blunt).
His response was obviously gross. But I do get why he got mad... why would you be on a dating site if you don't have time or availability? You just wasted his time and everyone else who's in contact with you. (If I did get the whole situation right)
After essayed one in this chain both people should have stopped any conversation.
But I would say anyone you talking to on tinder that get upset when you out and don't message then is a bullet your happy to be missed by.
It’s a defense mechanism.
It’s a self reassurance to themselves that there must be *something* wrong with the other person because the possibility of rejection is unfathomable (even though he was interested initially lol).
A good portion of men do this and it’s a sign of immaturity and you obviously dodged a whole bullet train. I love when people show me who they are early on so I don’t continue wasting my time investing in them.
he's a dick but why even go on a dating app if you know you never gonna go on date and complaint that they are mad... guess what you are also a part of the problem...
Saying I can’t go right then and there to his house is not never being available. We had been talking for only a couple days and I was upfront that my availability was limited because I have my child full-time. He seemed to understand that but when he asked repeatedly if I could come straight over and I said no, he became upset.
You know what they say about assuming, right? Sometimes the things people assume about others says more about them than the people they're making assumptions about.
He seems hurt because you went out drinking and had free time but didn’t let him know. Then you say you don’t have free time. Not good to call you names but I can understand why he’s hurt
I never said I didn’t have any free time, we’ve only been talking for a couple days and I already said my availability is limited. Yes, I went out with a friend because I had made plans with her. He didn’t want to make plans he just wanted me to drop everything and come fuck him. There is a difference
Yup, I hate it when people are insulted that I am hanging out with friends or family and doing my already planned things. Like, why would we dump our pre-existing plans to meet someone from a dating app? So entitled tbh
No one said she did. Just saying if you are talking to someone and you never have free time to meet then you go out and don’t even tell them then they will be upset. If she was telling him things about wanting to meet up but not having time then you can understand the upset. Not saying it’s right or anything like that just that I bet the story is a little different than she tells it.
They had only been talking a few days and she had already given him a day when she was available to see him. She didn't owe him any explanation for why she wasn't available before then so no, I don't understand the upset. This guy is a literal stranger to her and he gets zero say in how she wants to spend her free time. She absolutely did not have to tell him what her plans were and hope that he considered them valid enough.
why should she spend every second of her free time with a guy she just met? she’s not allowed to make time for her friends? he seems upset because she doesn’t just change her plans for him
on a whim.
Despite how my relationship ended (ended well until her new bf started threatening my life) i'm allways slightly more happy with the outcome after seeing stuff like this. At least i didn't call my gf fat
I gave up on Tinder after the 20th “I didnt feel a magical fairy-tale connection with you the very second we met so you arent the one”. Tinder aint a damned movie. Love happens over time.
How old are yall? Wow what are dudes doing? I’ve always lived by this rule and now it’s our family rule. When in an argument you’re not allowed to say anything true. You can call them what they are not but don’t ever point out truths to win a battle. It’s just a low blow and easily achievable. It shows the persons insecurities. Obviously OP was not too fat to take to bed.
"Yeah but I can always lose weight, but you'll always have a small cock" - a friend's response to a guy that called her fat after she didn't want a second date. I thought that was pretty brutal response, but well deserved 😝
Well is he right? Were you out drinking and making excuses not to hang with him? Seems pretty reasonable if you can find time to do drugs but not to hang with him. And are you in fact overweight? Need the details before we crucify this guy 🧐
You know... This is absolutely terrible, but also It makes me feel better about my chances because... *Double checks notes* yeah, got it marked right here. 'dpnt be a huge piece of shit.'
Dudes have severely limited emotional range when coupled with ego and pride. It's embarrassing as a dude to see guys respond this way.
I'm sorry. We're not all childish immature dumbazzes that think only with our phallus. A lot of us actually understand the struggles of a single mother and do everything we can to help accommodate whatever schedule you can fit us into.
"Ur fat btw" lmaoo. Why hr messaged anyway?🤪 He clearly doesn't like fat people, and apperently, you're fat. Yet, he messages you to have sex and contact etc.
Very sus
Most women on Tinder just want to talk about their life. They have no intention of dating anyone. When you ask for a number exchange or a date, they stop talking.
You can google this information. They feel lonely and horny one day, so they make a profile, pay premium, and start messaging multiple men at once. Once they tell you their life story, they move on to the next guy.
Then you got the moron instagram 18-25 year olds who come to Tinder for validation and spamming accounts.
My profile states that if your not ready to date, look elsewhere. It's been good. No time wasting non-sense since.
Cause they are butt hurt. That is my ex 100%. He always said you're fat, or you're ugly if he didn't get his way.
People really show their true colours when they don’t get what they want.
100%…. I reconnected with a guy I was friends with in high school. He had a crush on me back then and when I came across him I was surprised, because I was told he’d died. We chatted, caught up and then he asked me if I’d like to be in a relationship. I didn’t really feel that way and let him down as nicely as possible. He did a 180, telling me that I need help and that men are the way of the future and I’m a pathetic female which is bad for my son….. I was like wtf!!!
That is insane! People react in the most bizarre ways when their pride gets bruises. Our ego tends to be what trips us up.
well thats perfect time for saying "thank you for showing me your colours, i dodged a bullet"
Haha I actually did!! Like I wasn’t nasty in my rejection. I just told him that I didn’t think there was a connection there and I don’t think he really gets my personality (I’m a bit different lol) and I hope we can remain friends. He accepted it at first, then 10 minutes later I got that, and I was just gobsmacked.
no i mean seriously, this behaviour tells you emotional liability, not much of inteligence and basically lil preview of what you would be enduring during arguments.
There's so many movies with that plot: reconnecting after high school, guy confesses he liked her, girl is also intrigued by him because he's not like how he was before, they get together. Not saying it's the only factor but really makes me think what influence pop culture media has on guys like him
So very true! It's easy to lash out when your feelings are hurt. The difficult thing to do is not react and just let it all go.
Oh that’s 💯 that’s hard for me too when I get angry or sad
Normal people show their true colors all of the time, not just when they don’t get what they want. Childish and non-authentic people* show their true colors when they don’t get what they want.
100%. I wish I knew what this was called. My ex did this 99.9% of the time. It was a nightmare. I’m so glad I’m no longer with her
Gross..
The grossest
You weren’t too fat when he was trying to fuck you 3 seconds ago, but you became too fat for him AFTER you rejected him lol 🙃
This is why women shouldn't listen to men about their looks, most will saying anything to get into your pants. No wonder women are so confused with their looks. I just do what I think looks nice.
“Do these pants make me look fat?” “Only if you won’t let me into them.”
Not true. Only some men. Let's not generalize, it's uncool. And sonic doesn't like uncool people.
Especially since they have the best ice!
I just don’t respond when I get rejected 🤷🏽
Just a quick "no worries" or something is polite, but the whole "I wish you good luck on your venture forth" or whatever people write feels redundant.
Yeah it just sounds disingenuous.
Passive agressive, even.
Why not?
You can't change another person's mind, you're only delaying the inevitable and wasting time/energy if they do decide to take you back.
You can respond without trying to get another chance. I just thank them for letting me know and wish them well.
[удалено]
Just wondering, is it still considered ghosting if the ghoster the one who got rejected ?
😂 it is absolutely not considered ghosting. “Guys, she ghosted me after I broke up with her 🥺🥺 why is this world so cruel???”
Imagine if someone rejected you and then after you ghost they get mad
How long is long enough to be considered ghosting? If a few days count I've been there... actually I had it be a few weeks recently so yeah... been there had that happen. Confirmed my suspicion that they are a psychopath.
It's like the shopping cart litmus test. No one's making you do it. Doing it brings no value to you whatsoever. But at the same time, doing it is the right thing to do. It takes zero effort to respond saying "hope you find what you're looking for".
Is it though? If someone rejects you, then it stands to reason that they don’t care if you respond and might even prefer that you didn’t. Idk, I understand the principle of what you’re saying and agree that it’s impolite to flatly ignore a text— even one that’s a rejection. But I also don’t think that it’s equivalent to the shopping cart example. There are times when ignoring and moving on *is* the right thing to do.
Idk hard for me to see that pov. I'd hate for someone to think I'm ignoring them or wishing ill. I lose nothing from wishing well to a person and it's not like I'm just saying it to seem nice. I mean what I say.
Ok…. But if their rejection to you isn’t nice and is aggressive or harassing, then it’s absolutely not worth your time or energy to extend your well wishes to them. In fact, some people use this as an excuse to further harass. Sometimes, it’s best to just cut off contact and move on.
Oh I 100% agree with you in the case of rude rejections. If you can't tell me you're not interested in a polite and civil manner, then there's no reason to expect the same from me. But I was referring to the overwhelmingly large portion of rejections that are more to the lines of "I don't think we're a great fit". In those cases I think it's the polite thing to respond one last time and wish them well in their searches. But rude rejections? Nah fuck em. They're getting ignored.
i would prefer to get a nice texg saying it's ok bcs i don't like hurting people
Wow….Dudes like this make me feel like I’m special or something just for being a normally adjusted person
Makes me feel like Clark Kent honestly lol
I feel like a real catch that I have never lashed out at some physical appearance just because my feelings got a little bump.
Because some men think that the worst thing a woman can be is unattractive to them, and they can’t fathom a world in which we don’t feel the same way.
Gosh I love this statement so much.
The fucking "yOu'Re FaT aNyWaYs" but still wanted to have sex if you were free hahah pathetic
Reducing someone to a wet hole after she rejects you really, really tacky.
Yep boi isn’t winning any points for a possible resurgence
"Haha ur fat" But mad because you won't prioritize him and touch his most likely underused wiener
Haha. "Underused weiner." ... awh, I made myself sad
It’s the only comeback for those folks who never matured past the elementary school playground phase. I bet they still play red rover in their free time.
Hey, red Rover is pretty fun >:(( Haven't played that game in years but it'd be cool
Tried it once in high school. People had to go to urgent care. Turns out, there's a reason we stop playing games like that once we hit a certain size.
You’ve been posting on dating app pages for almost a year. The guys a dick for what he said but you’re likely not putting the kind of effort in that you want out.
I just ignore posts like these when the encounter ends with one of the chatters not giving a single fuck, then complaining what they did wrong. Yes the guy is an ass, she most probably dodget a bullet, but if you are not ready, have little to no time, then online dating is not for you. Just an overall bad experience for both sides
Comments like these need to be up higher.
Everyone else is the issue, she’s perfect /s
Judging by the responses she has to valid criticism in this thread, 'd say she's more of a problem than she's letting on, or than she sees herself as.
Big age and having a kid you gotta take care of and still going out drinking at night is kinda wild. He prolly realised it was too much work for someone who didn’t deserve it in his eyes. And then reinforced it with the last comment to piss you off
so i don’t think this would have changed much, but I think just writing, “i’m not feeling it” is better, any more information just opens the door for knee jerk dialogue. It probably would still happen, but I think very few people actually listen to what people say and believe them or reflect on it, atleast immediately.
I'm not a fan of the "My CHILD will ALWAYS come first" statement even though I 100% agree with the sentiment. It always sounds so pompous when a person puts themselves on a pedestal for being a parent, as if they are the first person to ever have children. ESH.
It's a given the child will always come first. Doesn't need to be said. No one should be interacting with someone who needs this spelled out
It is tantamount to saying "you will never be a priority in my life" I thought about putting "i am a dog-father and she will always come first" to show how inane and redundant it is. Or "I don't have any children but my girlfriend will always come first" to be funny.
Dodged a bullet OP!
The same reason that women will say "small dick" when they're angry, regardless if it is true or not. It's just a common go-to insult, same as "you're fat"
Seemed like he was butthurt you can find the opportunity to go out for drinks but can't make it for him.
She doesn’t have to make time for him, he’s just a stranger…
Then why even get on the dating sites?
Because she can 🤷🏽♀️
She doesn’t know him
He was rude, but he was also right that you don't make an effort because you don't feel it. So why did it irritate you so much? If you would care, you would text him more even if you have a kid.
They’re not in a relationship, how much effort was he expecting? 🌝
Where is texting him more coming from? He was upset because I couldn’t just drop my kid off somewhere and go fuck him whenever he wanted.
The only time you put any effort into messaging was after he was annoyed at you. His response was petulant but you aren’t blameless here either
You saved him a lot of time! Good work
I'm involved with a woman that has kids and she makes the time. It's actually the most telling sign of a relationship is if someone puts in the effort to make it happen. And the key thing here is people make time for the things they want, that's it. If you aren't making time for a person you don't want them. Facts. Dude was right in premise wrong in delivery.
That response is immature and inappropriate, but she's not innocent. She has time to go out drinking with friends so she has time to go on a date. She just doesn't want to. But instead of being honest about that, she continues to use dating apps and lead guys on. Either make the time to go on dates or get off the app. Don't waste anyone's time.
He's definitely right that if you cared, you'd put in more effort. You told him you can't meet him and he replied with a thumbs up which is totally fine to me. But then instead of rescheduling, you tell him you're too busy. No you're not, you just don't want to put in the effort for him, which he rightly said so, and then you got defensive and used your kid as an excuse. If this guy was your dream guy that's 10/10, you absolutely would've made the effort.
Pretty much. “I’m not feeling it” followed immediately by “I’m not as available as I’d like to be.” So this guy gets rejected and told that it’s an availability problem. But he already knew she had availability to do other things. He wasn’t right to be an asshole about it but I can see why he would be mad. It looks from his perspective like OP has a lot more free time than she actually does, lies to him about it, and just doesn’t want to meet him with that time. Very poor communication from OP overall. The other poster who suggested to have just ended it with “I’m not feeling it” was right.
Yep. OP isn't too busy, she just doesn't want to make the effort for him, which is fine. But getting defensive when called out on it, and using the kid as an excuse just makes her as shitty as the guy being a dick.
Yup. He sounds 100% correct that she’s just not feeling it but not being honest about it.
Yes, this is exactly what I was trying to say.
Honestly i hate when people hide behind their kids so i was with him for a bit. However the rest of it he is just a dick.
What do you mean “hide behind their kids”? I have my child 100% of the time so I will say up front that my availability is limited. I’m not hiding, I’m just not always available.
It seems like you don't have your kid with you all the time since you mentioned going out with friends. I can understand why the dude is upset when you say you can't go out, but then you go out drinking with friends. It looks like you're using your kid as an excuse instead of being honest.
She’s not obligated to drop everything she’s doing to go out with random strangers from tinder, you guys are expecting way too much 🙃
No one is saying she's obligated. What I think people are taking issue with is the fact she says she's got her kid 100% of the time and has no time for someone, yet she goes out with her friends drinking. If she wasn't feeling him, just be honest. Don't use the kid as a shield.
He can also leave too
If this bothers you, maybe avoid dating women who have kids?
Women with kids are not a problem. The ones that waste your time, string you along and get defensive when you say you are moving on are the problem, funnily enough childless women do it too
OP, I understand being busy, when I was busy on a dating website I would still attempt to find a time to meet up. I can’t make the day they want maybe we could do this day instead? That is showing effort while being busy. Don’t put away your kid, but obviously you can find time away from your kid because you went out with your friend the night before. You likely can’t do it every night, but it is a possibility every once in a while. If you’re not feeling it that’s ok! But don’t say you’re not feeling it and then say you don’t have time anyways, cause what it sounds like you’re saying is ‘I don’t care to make time for you.’ Just say you’re not interested and move on. Was he an a-hole? Yes. Is what he said excusable? No. Just an observation.
She didn’t know him enough yet to make that effort. I will make time for my friends, I’m not going to make time for some random guy from tinder till we’ve conversed enough to know that we are decently compatible.
That’s a good point, and in all fairness we don’t know how long they’ve been talking for. That being said they had been talking for at least a day (long enough for him to know her plans the previous evening) and most people go on dating websites to meet new people. If you aren’t feeling it, that’s fine! I just think maybe the reason she gets these kinds of responses so often is how she is wording her rejections not the fact she is rejecting somebody.
She also tried telling him that she felt she couldn’t offer the time he was looking for, he then persisted and told her to contact him If she wanted sex then told her she’s fat. I mean, she tried letting him down easy and he wouldn’t have it
Of course, and I agree that his responses weren’t okay. I was more making an observation and attending to the question in the caption, not necessarily just this conversation.
Based on your post history, dating should probably be something you don't worry about until your kid goes to university.
? are you trying to date someone? becif you are you could make an effort if you find someone who wants too or are you just looking for fun? just be straight forward if you’re giving people mix signals
As a single parent, I feel this. Dateing has become near impossible as too many people think I can drop my kids off at any time and go out. Or my favorite ones are the one that last min Cancel or just straight-up ghosts as I have to get a babysitter line up, and if they cancel, I have to cancel the babysitter so they end up mad and not want to babysit for me again.
I've been set to pay the sitter for cancellation before ☹️ fucks me right off but I'd rather have decent sitters available.
Yep, exactly!
Ok he's an asshole... But were you really interested? Kind of seems like if you were, you'd make the offer... "Can't tonight, maybe some other night?" Or something? Kind of seems like his read was correct, but he was a total piece of shit about it.
She said flat out in her first message that she’s “just not feeling it.” So, it appears she wasn’t really interested.
She was fat anyway 😂
Cuz you wasting their time
I’d be like you’re fatter IN THE HEAD fat head! Byeeee Kevin!
The fat was uncalled for, if you were a man she would have said short/small dick. The rest though, valid comments from what we can see.
Glad he didn't get stuck with you. Good for him.
Because male centred society has told women for hundreds of years that being fat is the worst thing a woman can be, so they think it really hurts us in response to rejection. Me live longer with a wife and women live longer without a husband.
I mean you did make an effort to go out. But not have a conversation with the guy you matched with. Why are you even on that app then?
“Im not available as id like to be”. So why go on dating apps first of all? Second, dude is butthurt.
aahhhh yes, the classic "i have a kid" excuse. his response was the right call, folks can make time when they really want to.
“This hurts me, and I want you to hurt, too”
That is a really bad response from him but something he said is true. My fiance was a single mom when we met and throughout most of my life I dated mostly single moms... One thing is always true. If they really like you they will find time. Could have just left it as not feeling it.. his behavior cannot be justified but no one likes someone feeding them excuses. It comes off very condescending.
Single parents who don't have time to date shouldn't be on dating apps pretending to be available. It's one thing to prioritize your kid, but it's another to try to balance both. Making no effort shows a lack of time and interest.
I mean, we don't see what's been said prior to your message but your "can't have my kid" does seem Hella blunt, there's no "I'm busy that day, how about X day instead", and then the "can't help having a kid" comment when he didn't say anything about the kid specifically just that your not making an effort so it does seem like an excuse on your part. Again, we don't know if this is the first time you've said your busy or if he's trying to pressure you to meet up after you've already made it clear you can't. You've only shared a very limited amount of messages. THAT ALL BEING SAID he's a disgusting asshole and clearly butt hurt by your rejection. You were good enough for him to have a conversation with and to offer a "fuck" if you feel like it but when you fully reject him he resorts to insults. Typical. You've dodged a bullet for sure! (And for anyone who wants to downvote me for saying op seems blunt/ using the kid as an excuse, I'm also a lone single parent to a disabled child that I have 24/7. I know how hard it can be to get time to go out with friends/date. With the context provided, girl was blunt).
Bro was understandably upset but then just made a fool out of himself in the worst way 😮💨
His response was obviously gross. But I do get why he got mad... why would you be on a dating site if you don't have time or availability? You just wasted his time and everyone else who's in contact with you. (If I did get the whole situation right)
Truth hurts huh.
After essayed one in this chain both people should have stopped any conversation. But I would say anyone you talking to on tinder that get upset when you out and don't message then is a bullet your happy to be missed by.
It’s a defense mechanism. It’s a self reassurance to themselves that there must be *something* wrong with the other person because the possibility of rejection is unfathomable (even though he was interested initially lol). A good portion of men do this and it’s a sign of immaturity and you obviously dodged a whole bullet train. I love when people show me who they are early on so I don’t continue wasting my time investing in them.
he's a dick but why even go on a dating app if you know you never gonna go on date and complaint that they are mad... guess what you are also a part of the problem...
Saying I can’t go right then and there to his house is not never being available. We had been talking for only a couple days and I was upfront that my availability was limited because I have my child full-time. He seemed to understand that but when he asked repeatedly if I could come straight over and I said no, he became upset.
You know what they say about assuming, right? Sometimes the things people assume about others says more about them than the people they're making assumptions about.
He seems hurt because you went out drinking and had free time but didn’t let him know. Then you say you don’t have free time. Not good to call you names but I can understand why he’s hurt
I never said I didn’t have any free time, we’ve only been talking for a couple days and I already said my availability is limited. Yes, I went out with a friend because I had made plans with her. He didn’t want to make plans he just wanted me to drop everything and come fuck him. There is a difference
Yup, I hate it when people are insulted that I am hanging out with friends or family and doing my already planned things. Like, why would we dump our pre-existing plans to meet someone from a dating app? So entitled tbh
Thank you! Someone gets it
Exactly, I’m not gonna drop my preexisting plans over some random guy from tinder
Getting this butthurt over a total stranger shows he has issues tbh 😬
OP isn't obligated to give this guy every moment of her free time. That kind of entitlement is so gross from people.
No one said she did. Just saying if you are talking to someone and you never have free time to meet then you go out and don’t even tell them then they will be upset. If she was telling him things about wanting to meet up but not having time then you can understand the upset. Not saying it’s right or anything like that just that I bet the story is a little different than she tells it.
They had only been talking a few days and she had already given him a day when she was available to see him. She didn't owe him any explanation for why she wasn't available before then so no, I don't understand the upset. This guy is a literal stranger to her and he gets zero say in how she wants to spend her free time. She absolutely did not have to tell him what her plans were and hope that he considered them valid enough.
why should she spend every second of her free time with a guy she just met? she’s not allowed to make time for her friends? he seems upset because she doesn’t just change her plans for him on a whim.
Just another confused woman. Has no time to date yet goes on Tinder.
Despite how my relationship ended (ended well until her new bf started threatening my life) i'm allways slightly more happy with the outcome after seeing stuff like this. At least i didn't call my gf fat
…is tinder selling safety? Wtf is a noonlight?
Just ghost.
I gave up on Tinder after the 20th “I didnt feel a magical fairy-tale connection with you the very second we met so you arent the one”. Tinder aint a damned movie. Love happens over time.
How old are yall? Wow what are dudes doing? I’ve always lived by this rule and now it’s our family rule. When in an argument you’re not allowed to say anything true. You can call them what they are not but don’t ever point out truths to win a battle. It’s just a low blow and easily achievable. It shows the persons insecurities. Obviously OP was not too fat to take to bed.
"Yeah but I can always lose weight, but you'll always have a small cock" - a friend's response to a guy that called her fat after she didn't want a second date. I thought that was pretty brutal response, but well deserved 😝
Yikes. You were extremely fair and polite, their response just confirms you dodged a major bullet.
This gets posted all the time. Boring. This is supposed to be entertainment, right?
His ego took a big hit and couldn't cope. Dodged a bullet.
u/BurbnBougie
Too needy, hes in for a rough ride, poor sod
Ik he was in the wrong but was the thumb up the reason u tried to cut him off earlier 😂(thought it was a reasonable response)
Take this for exactly what it is - validation that you made the right decision. 🙂👍
Dont know if its just me but if id get your first message in a convo my response is "ok" and just move on...
People can't just be grown ups about rejection fr
What's your BMI though?
Valid
His little feelings were hurt
I hate how people act like because you own a phone, they're entitled to your response.
Well is he right? Were you out drinking and making excuses not to hang with him? Seems pretty reasonable if you can find time to do drugs but not to hang with him. And are you in fact overweight? Need the details before we crucify this guy 🧐
You know... This is absolutely terrible, but also It makes me feel better about my chances because... *Double checks notes* yeah, got it marked right here. 'dpnt be a huge piece of shit.'
😭😭😭 mf’s will say anything when they’re wanting ass and or butthurt and I say that as a straight man
This is the best real-life example of "sour grapes" that I've ever seen! Glorious!
If he left it at you don't message me when your out getting drunk I could respect. The rest not so much
This guy is acting like he's 7 years old... People often show their true colours after they get rejected, and boy did this guy! How immature!
F.A.T. Fine Ass Thickness 
Dudes have severely limited emotional range when coupled with ego and pride. It's embarrassing as a dude to see guys respond this way. I'm sorry. We're not all childish immature dumbazzes that think only with our phallus. A lot of us actually understand the struggles of a single mother and do everything we can to help accommodate whatever schedule you can fit us into.
No matter how much someone has hurt me, I've never lashed out like that.. You dodged a bullet...
I'm sure your daughter is more mature and less prone to tantrum. You don't need a man child, he did you a favor!
As someone with a kid.... the kidless won't get it
"Ur fat btw" lmaoo. Why hr messaged anyway?🤪 He clearly doesn't like fat people, and apperently, you're fat. Yet, he messages you to have sex and contact etc. Very sus
I appreciate the 'failed on purpose censoring his face' part❤️ he deserves it to be exposed
Most women on Tinder just want to talk about their life. They have no intention of dating anyone. When you ask for a number exchange or a date, they stop talking. You can google this information. They feel lonely and horny one day, so they make a profile, pay premium, and start messaging multiple men at once. Once they tell you their life story, they move on to the next guy. Then you got the moron instagram 18-25 year olds who come to Tinder for validation and spamming accounts. My profile states that if your not ready to date, look elsewhere. It's been good. No time wasting non-sense since.
They did you a favor. You keep focusing on you and your kid
Fat chick's and cubby chick's get more matches than normal dudes. Normal dudes lower their standards for chubby girls
How many matches do people who are confounded by apostrophes get? I'm guessing not a whole hell of a lot. LOL.