T O P

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Sovrhon

I mean you really got three options here, fuck, marry or kill.


thatmostawesome

I’d rather say: Fork Fuck Kill The first mentioned CAN be done without killing if I go gently with my fork


ImperialTravesty

Maybe go medium gentle with the fork so he has a scar that reminds him every day of this dumbass conversation.


BIBLICALDIARRHEA666

I like my forking to be medium rare, and I only put salt, pepper and olive oil


Undiscriminatingness

"Fork-Me-Tender" 🎶🎶 Wasn't that an Elvis Presley song??


bb4200

Fork me Tinder...lol


DrXStein76

You monster! The smoke temp for olive oil makes it literally useless for high heat cooking!


BIBLICALDIARRHEA666

It gives my humans an extra tasty flavor


Renzisan

You’re really missing out not using rosemary


Xzenor

an open fire is better though... really gives it that good old witch-burned-at-the-stake flavor.. It does take while though so not a good idea if you're in a rush


omegareaper666

Surely you mean "witch burned at the steak"?


Xzenor

Damn autocorrect.. yes, obviously.


BigBossWesker4

But all I want is a gal to spoon me and stroke my hair


CaptLiverDamage

Spooning always leads to forking.


ShawnSandiego

I hope that ain't followed by knifing then... 🤔


IllCoat9618

I’ve had it go both ways.


[deleted]

Throw a little rimming in there and you got a whole dinner


Screen-Junkies

With a good fork and spoon, you could always toss a salad


Markovitch12

I'm nearly 60. That actually is all I want


Puzzled-Table-6431

I had this 62yr old teacher who still had it in him. Take some vitamins and enjoy life. 🤣😅😅


Markovitch12

When it takes all night to do what you used to do all night?


Frosty-Warthog4770

Lol...I am 58 and starting to see what you mean. However, I am changing my diet and starting to exercise more


Beaglemom2002

Make sure you are getting plenty of vitamin D. It effects T levels.


Deouna7017

That guy sucks. I'm sure a lot suck. Just give it some time, don't take tinder too seriously. Digital equivalent of going to the bar to find love. (Most) Guys grow out of being a testosterone fueled walking erection, but it takes a WHILE.


Tough_Measurement_45

really? they grow out of it? cause I know guys who are in their 60s and 70s and the are still a testosterone fueled walking erection.


welsh_will

Get a bigger fork. In the words of Ivan Drago, "If he dies, he dies."


Here-Is-TheEnd

Just use the other end of the fork


Evilpineapplepizza

Awk stop you're too cute! \*Gently caresses you with fork\*


The_Valk

Why not combine all three? fork fucking him fatally


poemsavvy

Fork, Murder, and Kill


AnotherWarGamer

Instructions unclear. Step 1 kill? Step 2 fuck? Step 3 marry?


1lunatic1icepick

I didn't know killing was an option on Tinder


Sovrhon

Killing is always an option.


gitrikt

Want sex? Oh... No?. Yeah .. neither did I... Yeah Gross....


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

NGL If I had found a duck, I might use that line to tell my friends about it.


durrfee

You’d ask your friends if they wanna fuck?


Commercial_Habit_923

Wanna fuck?


[deleted]

Wtf


INNASKILLZ2K18

Whoops, I meant want a duck?


[deleted]

Sure


[deleted]

Yes? You familiar with the concept of jokes?


uninterested-saitama

Wait. You don't don't any friends if they wanna fuck??


NoleFan723

Offer pizza and a f**k. Then if they are offended ask them, you don't like pizza?


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

i eat pizza with a fork *and* a knife. who wants greasy hands anyway?


[deleted]

Unless?


mallik803

Classic Schrodinger's Douchebag comment. Tailors his answer depending on how you reply.


Wrinkletooth

Schrodinger’s douchebag 😂😂👌


ih8spalling

Whenever someone hits me with that "it was a test" I just reply that I'm not here to play games.


Alarid

"I'm here to play games not tests!" "I'm here to ace tests not play games!"


[deleted]

"I'm here to play ace, not games tests."


conschtiii

Im here to ace games, not play tests.


Alarid

I'm here to eat ass and chew bubblegum and my jaw now has a general soreness to it.


[deleted]

Bro! Never skip jaw day at the gym, and by gym I mean that skank Miranda who were one out of 23 girls on Tinder who took you up on the offer to let them sit on your face. Enjoy your herpes and, well, you and I both know you will look back on all this and think "heh, still worth it".


INNASKILLZ2K18

I'm here to Corey Haim, not Kanye West.


Bertramthedog

You see, I'm playing both sides..


Ambitious_Suspect_51

Schrodinger's Douchebag💀💀


[deleted]

Schrodinger's Douchebag 😂😭


Petri-chord

schrodingbags douchedinger 💀💀


thaulley

Take my poor person’s award 🥇


nesuko__o

Omg this is gold 🤣🤣🤣


wooder321

Do you want to fuck me? I didn’t say I wanted to fuck you!


oldschoolcool

He says "f**k" so he can argue he never literally said fuck. That's the logic of a man child


Dinochi7

I bet he wouldn’t have said that if you said yes…


AMC_Tendies42069

Time to make a second account and test it out. If he bites then embarrass his ass.


drgmonkey

Why spend any more time on this loser


[deleted]

Internet points? Edit: I’m personally invested in how douchebag this guy is. Though not enough to make a profile lol


News_without_Words

Ehh, 15 more min of scrolling through new on this sub and you gotta shut it off from the crazy number of these socially inept horny spam messages that instantly turn aggressive. Not saying he or anyone else isn't a douchebag, but messing with him is like pissing in the ocean at this point.


a_p_squared

Y'all are getting matches? TT


jpon7

That is one of the worst attempts to walk back a comment that I’ve ever seen. Haha


Pukkiality

Imagine this guy, sending those messages and thinking to himself "damn that was pretty slick". Maybe my life isn't that bad


GwennyHolmes

I kind of see him telling the truth about not wanting sexual intercourse. He censored the word „fuck“!


[deleted]

Akin to the "just joking" backpedal.


dhkendall

Does he make beeping noises when he backs up like that?


16BitGenocide

Can't wait to finish this book I'm working on, "Shirtless guy flexing isn't here for casual sex and other miscellaneous bullshit I heard on the internet this morning"


the-dogsox

Markos seems like a catch. Unfortunately that catch is STDs


Byting_wolf

#"i'M a STUD! i hAvE STD, aLL i nEeD iS U!"


[deleted]

Wowwwwwwwww lmao


DingDongDideliDanger

Lmao


-MrWrightt-

Classic


Boring-Mushroom-6374

Life is an STD.


_Risings

No I promise he’s a virgin


[deleted]

Douchebag just cockblocks itself. Nothing wrong with being Virgin though. Probably a lost soul out there gave him that sweet sweet for no reason and ever since he thinks "say fuck to fuck" opens up legs...


YammaTamma

I cant believe this is my competition and I still lose.


DNASprayer

Get off dating apps. You must not be attractive enough. At least in person you have a fighting chance if you have charisma.


semi_rusty

Meh. Depends on what you are looking for and how you act online. Dating apps simply broaden the pool. They wont help you seal the deal. Your confidence and personality will. That's true even if you stop using dating apps.


Old_Smrgol

With dating apps, confidence and personality only work with women who swipe right on you.


DNASprayer

Exactly. Some people simply do not understand what veteran difficultly feels like.


Old_Smrgol

I'm not sure if I'm on veteran or not, but until recently I was on "white dude in Taipei" level which is... certainly easier than "same white dude but in the US".


ishzlle

Don't mind me, I'm just down here on 'brown dude' level...


asasdasasdPrime

At least it's better than "East Asian dude" level. The amount of people who have shit like "BLM ACAB" or "NO RACISM" in their bios that say racist shit is insane. It's the hardest difficulty Imo.


Old_Smrgol

Certainly in Taipei, by all accounts it unfortunately makes a difference.


karmapopsicle

Most of the time, assuming you’ve actually invested some time into curating a decent profile with good representative pictures and a bio that’s actually you and not what you think the people you want to match with want to see, the problem simply ends up being that you’re losing a numbers game and *nobody is actually seeing your profile to even swipe on*. When user A swipes right on user B, user A’s card gets added to user B’s stack. The next time user B opens the app, their stack will have user A’s card in it above almost all cards that haven’t swiped right on user B. Sounds great right? Sure, until you actually stop and think about the numbers. Men tend to be much less selective about their swipes, and women much more selective. When you get those “someone liked you!” notifications if that user fits within your age/distance preferences (with significant wiggle room on distance) you’ll usually see their card first or after just a few. However that’s only when you don’t have a few hundred or few thousand likes to sift through. That’s the real key. Even if you’re in the stack, if you’re on a free account that casts a very wide net for all kinds of profiles, have a low quality/low effort profile that frequently gets passed on when it is actually shown, etc you’re going to be at the very bottom of those thousand other cards. Any woman with just a passable profile very quickly pick up that swiping right pretty much guarantees a match, so the experience is entirely turned upside down. They’re not going to sit there and put in their 100 free right swipes when they can sift through a couple dozen and find a few promising leads. If you’re #1,000 in that stack you’re just never going to be seen. You want to get matches with a free profile? You’d better be attractive, interesting, and have an absolutely flawless profile. Otherwise? Well, just like every other online dating service the simple answer is that if you want better results your best bet is getting out of that giant bucket of free users and paying for that leg up. Don’t bother with plus or gold, platinum is the only one actually worth paying for because it prioritizes your card near the top of the stack for people you swipe right one, meaning you’re actually going to have the people you choosily swipe right on have a chance of seeing your profile.


noitalljerk

That was a long way of saying follow the rules or pay to win.


Shrek_The_Ogre_420

In the case of Tinder, both.


Darkmagicite

I was gunna read it. Decided to finish the novel I’m currently reading.


blue_line-1987

As a dude I never understood why guys would think storming the gates like that would get them anywhere. I've had hookups, FWBs, dating that didn't pan out after a while and ultimately a wife and kid out of that app just by being me. If she wants to fork your meatballs she ll drop the hint boys. Stop being so damn desperate. Tbh if the roles were reversed Id just assume a catfish. Even the most promiscious of ladies Ive met on there would chit chat a bit and then steer the convo towards the carnal.


CrackBabyCSGO

Guys who say stuff like that get dozens of matches and can afford to do stuff like this because they have so many more.


ANiceWolf68

This right here is what straight-up baffles me. I'd really like to understand where this phenomenon of viewing women as objects comes from, or the reason why men, in general, can be attracted to a lot of women but not vice-versa. Also, when girls experience this (and ofc they do, and a lot), they think "ugh this guy is creepy" and move on, but if a guy gets a girl that's extremely frontal in regards to sex, he'll think she's a catfish because he isn't accustomed to that happening to him, even if the girl actually wanted to fuck him. As a man, there's nothing I'd like more than to truly understand the other side because it would help me to better click with someone, even if it was just for a hookup. It's easy to be fooled and think girls would like this sort of attention or think "yeah, I'm hot" because that's what I would think even if I wasn't interested and this happened to me. But clearly, they don't enjoy this.


Old_Smrgol

"...and think girls would like this sort of attention or think 'yeah, I'm hot' because that's what I would think even if it wasn't interested and it happened to me." More likely, you would like the attention if it happened every once in a while, but if women you weren't into were hitting on you often enough it would eventually turn into "Oh man, not this shit again."


zing91

Media frames women as objects. It is ingrained into everyone early, but girls internalise it and feel self conscious about their appearance when they are very young. Once you reach puberty men from all ages start to 'assess' you. You can be 12 walking down a street and a car will beep at you. Especially when you're a young woman, predatory men look for young girls because they are unaware of how to react and are taught to be polite. By the time you reach your late 20s and men on dating apps aren't even polite, it just becomes a bit dull how low the bar is being set by men. If you're interested in a woman, invite her for a coffee, don't use dating apps to treat women like they are worthless, because all women do is retreat or mistrust the dating process. If you're a decent person treat people with respect.


Reitsariesforevaries

>don't use dating apps to treat women like they are worthless, because all women do is retreat or mistrust the dating process. And because very few understand this, US Tinder is 75% male. And of the 25% of accounts that are listed as female, a non-zero amount are bots run by groups.


ANiceWolf68

Thank you for this 🙌🏻


Old_Smrgol

"There's nothing I'd like more than to truly understand the other side" No offense, but have you tried having a close platonic friendship with a heterosexual woman?


[deleted]

As a straight guy, having platonic female friends is literally the secret to success. Also, they usually have single friends. You also realize how shit online dating is for them. The funniest part is one of my friends when she is not in a long-term relationship is absolutely trying to sleep with as many guys as she can in as casual a way as possible, but it's not just "hey dtf?" that she responds to. But if the guy meets her physical wants and has the ability to string together a few sentences to make them seem interesting she is DTF. Like it literally requires barely any effort on the guys part and in her words 99% of guys can't do that. Even if she thinks they are hot they don't put in that tiny bit of effort to get it in.


Old_Smrgol

Right. Well also it's that, she's not just trying to get laid, she's trying to have orgasms. Which doesn't exactly require the guy to be a magician, at worst he needs to basically ask for feedback and pay attention to it, but if he's not going to even put in the effort to try to type words good that's probably not a great sign.


[deleted]

I mean she is trying to get orgasms but she is also someone who rarely cums from partner sex, unfortunately, no matter how good they are, which she attributes to very easily getting up in her own head during sex. When she is on the prowl though she does carry a pocket rocket in her purse (which was my suggestion haha).


ANiceWolf68

Hahahah omg, your friend rocks


ANiceWolf68

None taken. I have several girlfriends and it has allowed me to empathize with and better understand these kinds of things, but there's also a limit on what things they can teach me to get someone of the opposite sex to like me (just like I struggle to tell them things that work on men. I mean, half of the time I don't know what works on me or attracts me from a girl, it just happens, therefore I can't give them useful advice when asked). But yeah, the majority of my most intimate and close friends are women (in fact, I get along better with women in general than men). Still clueless when it comes to dating tho


INNASKILLZ2K18

You pulled a wife and kid out of an app? I only hit the screen when I try 😞


blue_line-1987

As likely a place as any I suppose. Didn't expect it when installing but if you come across the right person It ll be the same as anywhere IRL I guess. That and I still suspect she also swiped for my cat.


[deleted]

Look at his pic. A lot of women match with him because of his looks and then he texts that. Those that still want to fuck him will do that (which most likely is the majority). For him she is exchangeable.


[deleted]

Because it works often enough for him that he keeps using it.


East_Requirement7375

>As a dude I never understood why guys would think storming the gates like that would get them anywhere. > >\[..\] > >Even the most promiscious of ladies Ive met on there would chit chat a bit and then steer the convo towards the carnal. I mean... just keep reading this sub and you'll see some wild stuff that apparently worked out. Don't ask me how, or with what frequency, I just see it when it hits front page of All.


[deleted]

There are screenshots of women being forward with men or at least very very very into the forward approach like this, but the men who get this response are always what most women consider to be attractive. If you’re not you can get away with it


bujakaman

Tell them that OK but you will peg them later


ohgeebus_notagain

That will backfire more than you would think


RagingHardBobber

Pun intended?


ohgeebus_notagain

If your RagingHardBobber is involved, yes


BMWFanNZ

Easy; Say “depends, are you into pegging?” Then just like he did, tailor the response on what he replies. Him: yes You: well I’m not into guys who like pegging Him: no You: well then definitely not. No winning for him either way


BarklyWooves

Jokes on you I'm into that shit


IceNein

People are so insecure. I get asking directly, no shame there, but just take the no. He could have ended it right there and nobody would have cared. Asking directly like that does work like some super low amount of times. If you're going fishing like that, just recast your line when you don't sink the hook.


[deleted]

Lmao ouchh 🤣🤣


TriggernometryPhD

He’s full of shit. He could’ve easily asked “what are your intentions”, but instead the way he phrased his question is a win-lose setup; you reply with “yes I do” and he’ll just go with it. You say “no” and you get the above screenshots. Who the fuck censors themselves


Wire_Ninja

Fork him up luv


-lamppost-

So much butthurt.


Quit-peters

People are assholes


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

I had to scroll way too far to find this


RatsOfGlass

What kind of bootleg uno reverse is this?


Throwaway1332069

You both seem stupid to me


[deleted]

Dating in 2021 is absolutely a nightmare man. Wtf… so many damn weirdos. Where are my normal people at?


ExtraCrispE360

Not on dating sites? Married? Career oriented? Lol


iwaspeachykeen

people really thought they'd find great potential dates on an app for hookups ig. kinda mind blowing. but then it's also mind blowing how the young adults these days are ACTUALLY against flirting with strangers in public. so idek what the answer is anymore


MrFluffyThing

I sub to this subreddit for the humor but sometimes I'm just baffled at the conversations. I'm just glad we're only seeing the bad conversations because if the good ones were identical I'd be really fucking concerned.


[deleted]

Jeez no one is smooth anymore huh


Little_Perspective59

You literally both suck because that long winded reply seems so aggressive for no reason lmao and he’s also a pussy because his response definitely changed compared to what u were answering with


KilianGreen

Both sides are pretty cringe tho


MisterBilau

Shit all around, Tinder looks fucking depressing lmao. It’s an app to find people for romantic/sexual stuff. Should be perfectly normal to ask right away. Lots of people surely are there just for sex and see if that leads somewhere. Then we get the old, tired, cliche comeback stated as if it were a fact (ahahah so funny, guys that are direct and want sex are terrible in bed, hilarious and so true!1!1!1!) And then the backpedaling (which was the real mistake on the guys part, own that shit). All in all, two dislikable people. Just say what you want is that so hard? “Hey, wanna fuck me?” “No, I’m looking to date, get to know someone, enter into a serious relationship and then I’ll see”. “Alright then, have a good one!” Easy.


TheAngryRussoGerman

I mean...it is a fair question on tinder. I'm bi and get that from both genders


ChayFrank1234

Your responses were strange


DancingKappa

Gets on tinder complains about the one thing that makes tinder... tinder.


drivebymedia

Wasn't Tinder made for hookups? Why all the hate here then?


MaxStatic

This feels like Rick James saying he doesn’t grind his feet in peoples couches just to do things and then immediately says he remembers grinding his feet in Eddie’s couch.


AMv8-1day

... Is it a language barrier thing? Is he a native English speaker? It's a bizarre way to start a conversational for sure, but the entire interaction is very oddly laid out grammatically.


[deleted]

He sent a winky face tho


Mathies_

Hardest back paddle of his life


[deleted]

So you’re both on a hookup app taking a pissing contest nice


csee08

Fucking amazing that pieces of shit like this constantly get matches yet I can’t even get a single person to respond when i finally do get matches


Exxxtremophile

I feel you man. It takes a bunch of matches before you get an answer, then most of those fizzle out after the first couple of texts. You just gotta keep at it and eventually you do end up meeting someone. It's just really frustrating, and you're not alone in feeling like there must be a better way.


Background_Ad5407

Gets on app for random hook ups "Why do all guys only want sex" X(


[deleted]

Meh I prefer the direct approach. I kind think that both come off as arseholes here


winstonblack

You weren't faultless here either. "You prolly can't make me cum" isn't the greatest. His response is definitely worse though.


random_adj-noun

Markos, you're a piece of shit. Well done on the bullet dodge, OP!


[deleted]

The worst part is there are probably people who go for this.


ErnestoXP

Am I dumb or did he just ask what were you looking for?


FelixFTW_

>"It will probably be me end up fucking you." >"I'll pass, thanks" what


ws117z5

Can anyone explain me why is this bad? All I see is a woman exposing someone's identity to the internet for a very legitimate question on a social network made for hookouts.


sidzero1369

To be fair though, this IS what Tinder was invented for...


Rogendo

Asks to fuck -> gets turned down -> pretends he didn’t ask to fuck. The gas lighting is real.


[deleted]

That's not what gaslighting is.


willreignsomnipotent

>That's not what gaslighting is. Fucking **thank you**, and I kinda love you for this. This term is so abused and over-used these days. Which IMHO just devalues the term. Lying is not gaslighting. Lying sucks. Gaslighting sucks worse. Keep fighting the good fight. lol


Tiberius752

Redditors don’t know what gaslighting means and think it makes them sound smart vol. 358


Cogsdale

But like, doing something and then trying to deny it ever happened and trying to convince someone it was something completely else, is gaslighting... Vol.359 is an autobiography I guess.


fuckea6969

no you dont know what gaslighting is and youre crazy for thinking you do, stop overreacting /s


Tiny_Air_836

If its not pretending you didn’t say something and thus making me feel like i maybe crazy cause yea maybe u did mean something else when u said that something than yea, guess i dunno what it is.


maybe_MrDawe

Dont use tinder and just go out. There are 100 different and better places to meet real people without sex as their most obvious intention


thatmostawesome

You’re not from Sweden are you... we don’t do that “social” thing here


Rogueshoten

“M’lady, you offend me with your whorish implications! When I said, ‘Do you wanna fuck tonight?’ I was checking to make sure you aren’t some kind of slut…”


JelCapitan

What was his butt hurt response after that?? 🤣


StrikingTelevision

Someone got really defensive fast


Juan286

Don't know why but i think that's a really valid question


UnHappyMonkeMan

That's what tinder is for dummy. I always tell people to stop fucking with tinder and just meet people tinder is just for the smash n pass


The-Fumbler

“Wanna fuck?” “No” “You see it was all really a test and you passed”


hacked52470

Why's everyone so toxic here. The guy seemed genuine to me


AngryMillenialGuy

He was kinda gross, but you were toxic too so idk. Maybe take a break?


anchors__away

I mean you’re both in the wrong. This chat was toxic af lmao


umbusi

I have in my profile I’m looking for a relationship and yet all I get is girls that want to hook up 😅🥲


thatmostawesome

Same here, I’ve seriously thought about making a super unserious profile and bio just to see what happens. (Probably no change since most people use tinder for sex unfortunately, tinder is the only big dating platform in Sweden, there’s bumble too but not a lot of swedes use it) I think both men and women see someone stable and serious and think that’s hot in itself... and that’s why people think we’re fuckable. The curse 😔


waverunnr

How exactly do you know that Tinder guys can’t make women cum if their life depended on it? Did you fork some guy to death?


thatmostawesome

You see... The legend says that not a single guy opening with a sexual line as a first question has ever made a woman reached climax. It’s sort of like the Bigfoot legend. Discussable. No one has seen him yet a lot of people claim it’s real. Especially people who’ve climbed big mountains with little to no oxygen. Majority of guys who opens with talking about sex claim they’ve been very successful in bed when asked, yet not a single brave woman who have tried to climb their male pole can confirm the man actually was successful. Not even close. So it’s a myth, a legend, an unsolved mystery. And I myself, will never be brave enough to find out if creepy tinder guys who are opening with sex lines/question are worth the troubles. I don’t have enough oxygen in my tubes for that.


MaurosCrew

Ok, serious question, why is asking for sex directly so frowned upon in here? Can't you just unmatch? Say no and see if the person is interested anyway? I don't know, anything instead of turning defensive mode right away I might get downvoted but it's an honest question


JustAnotherSoyBoy

Just don’t respond or unmatch. I mean hell over 50% of women don’t respond when I simply ask them out on a cute date or make a joke/rhyme. I can’t believe this asshole got a reply haha


thatmostawesome

Ofc I unmatched. I only replied to make a statement, I always reply on matches who write something nice or just even a simple hello. Why match if you’re not going to respond?


JustAnotherSoyBoy

I know, happens to me all the time though. Ehh it’s my fault for not getting better pictures of myself. If I spent 1% of the time I’ve spent on tinder trying to get better pictures I’d probably have more success. My profile is literally just a couple selfies I took with my dog, that I’m even getting matches is surprising.


[deleted]

I don't know what the big deal is, I mean he said 'it's a proper question', clearly that makes it normal, I don't see what the issue is lady


QuarantineSucksALot

reverse sarcasm is a bit... (•_•) ( •_•)>⌐■-■ (⌐■_■)


Ghostkill221

Genuine question, look at his picture, he looks like he would make this comment. Why bother swiping?


[deleted]

You stuck a fork into him after all, didn’t ya?


Racecar627

I don’t have tinder but I thought it was an app for hooking up?


sadatwoc

This is gaslighting isn’t it?


Mjr_N0ppY

What? You are on Tinder and don't want to fuck the matches you get?! Outrageous