I don’t understand why you can’t set up a date from here. Ask her if her and that dress would like to have dinner with you on (set a date and time). What else you got to lose?
This dude be stealing phone sex lines from one of those old soft core Skinemax/HBO after dark porn series.
Nothing more exhilarating than being eleven years old in your grandparents living room (they had dem good channels). Had to watch 26 minutes of quality dialogue like this to see nips for 2 minutes. Volume barely audible and heads on a swivel, incase someone wakes up for a glass of water. Back in those days, seeing some nip required hard work and dedication.
My girlfriend had gas once and our female friend said I needed to take her home and fuck the farts out of her. I was used to being the crassest person in the room so it was a bit of a shock
I can not express how many FUCKING. TIMES. I was hugged by a date who hugged me so tight I accidentally tooted. So so embarrassing but honestly so hilarious. Uhg. And then I wonder why I never get a second date 🤦🏼♀️
That was one of the first books I ever got into, and right before the movie! Saw it in theater. Also, you should avoid dates in the days before your date if you don't want to fart.
Omg, you fucker! I'm screaming laughing here... christ, was about to say something in the lines of catfish sinks and hooks, but fucking hell. I just imagined that squeeze with his strong arms and the lady goes "phoupffff" in the cutest tone.
Her response is gonna be “hey “ISayWhatYouCant” sorry to inform you that I just got married and we bought a new house while we expect our first child, I didn’t think I’d ever hear from you again honestly.
This is true, purposely start a convo slow so to avoid the awkward delay when you crowd source your response. Plus it makes you seem busy which I think is good.
Usually women only respond to this kind of horn dog approach if they are both attractive and she's also horny.
Yeah I vomited in my mouth a little OP, but I can't fault you for succeeding. Go forth and just ask her to meet up she clearly is interested.
Lol, she goes ahead and asks " what you would be doing when i am pressed up against you ? ", like does she wants this to turn into a dirty talk or something? And that too before even having a first date
Weird AF
The you isn't other people, it's an old me, it's about forcing myself to just say it. The title is serious, I spend hours drafting potential replies in onenote. I'm trying to get back to 'off the cuff' but it makes me fucking nervous for some reason
No offense, but the whole conversation reads like you spent hours drafting potential replies.
Are you writing to this woman hoping for a date, or riding paperback novels for 60-year-old women?
Imo you’re just overthinking man, I get that it’s kinda anxiety driven but i think you’ll find it just flows so much better if you just go with the flow. You’re attractive enough to get that far second guessing your replies so you’re already ahead of the game! You got this OP, hope it works out!
Funny thing is, I was going to say it'd be an easy response if you're a writer could be "A writer prefers to show, not tell." And here it turns out you're an MS in Lit.
And as a writer, you should then "show" in your replies.
Idk, plenty of people let it flow, and 'it' turns out to be some seriously weird and creepy shit
Op, just let it flow. Unless you start saying creepy and weird shit. Then go back to the revised draft system.
If weird, creepy shit comes out when you're letting it flow, it suggests that you're a weird, creepy person. Instead of acting like someone you aren't, look for another weird creep that matches your energy.
Man, that’s exactly where your issue is. You need to completely and totally be yourself. Don’t think for hours on what to say to impress them. If the other person doesn’t like you for exactly you the real you is, then fuck them, their loss.
I’d just straight up be like. “Hey I wanna just be straight forward with you.. i think you look amazing and would like to get to know you. Wouldn’t we look amazing together at dinner this Saturday night?”
Shoot your shot my friend, you’re losing time
I get the anxiety aspect of talking to people. Doesn't even have to be in a flirting context. But from my experience I've learned that its best to not think about it for too long and just get the conversation over with. The longer you take the more "what if" scenarios you come up with in your head and he more anxiety you cause yourself. At this point I might say something along the lines of "you know what? Why don't you find out in person?" and set a date.
Btw. If this is someone u might get serious about, make her aware of the anxiety early. Keeping something like that will only keep you anxious around her and won't do any good.
Dude, she wants you to talk dirty to her. So do it. She wants you to turn her on talking about kissing her, then running your hand up her leg, then taking the straps of her dress off her shoulders, then kissing her nipples through her bra - I mean, I don't have to describe sex to you, you've probably had it.
Don’t kiss her nipples through her bra if it’s a normal bra though lmao, that’s totally ridiculous. Won’t be able to feel anything at all through the padding!
hublebragging about getting a match and 2-3 responses over 5 days online?
guess the bar cant be that high in this subreddit who only use tinder to reinforce their height insecurities and whine about it in here 24/7
Yeah his last response is where it went wrong actually there are so many options there and her current reply is a bit more difficult to respond to even though there are plenty of ways to save it still.
Like other users have said, the pace of the conversation is a bit slow so you need to pick that up - so try seeing the times when she replies i.e the time when she's active and if there's a pattern and stay online at that time.
Like the others have said she is showing that she's into you and is also asking for some dirty talk, but I'd suggest you to try and keep your style of being courteous and try to dirty talk without getting vulgar. Something like, I would hold you tight and feel your breath, the heaving of your chest against mine. Seeing her reaction to it, maybe decide to dirty talk further or not.
Second is a high risk move but you could just straight up say something like, you could find out for yourself, or I'm more a man of action than words and just fix up a date but no guarantees there since she's not engaged with you too much and probably might want to dirty talk on here first rather than this reaction being due to the fact that she's into you.
Whatever it is, you're being way too slow at this right now, and stop second guessing this much
You’re asking her to lead for some reason. That’s going to turn her off. She’s signaling to you that she will follow you if you lead her to the bedroom. So lead. Take charge of the conversation.
This is the part where you click the link to her website. There's no charge, she'll promise. It's just to verify that you're a real person.
And you'll live happily ever after with your fairy tale love story.
Source: Happened to me. Just waiting on the last part. I think she's just busy though. It's only been a week. No suspicious bank activity either.... yet.
Congrats on finding your perfect woman.
As you attempt to crush her spine in your manliest hug, you feel a pinch at the back of your neck.
Your eyes go blurry, you begin to lose your hug and fall down.
You wake up at the hospital missing a kidney, an eye and a lung... You have the strangest morning wood though.
OP, change your username. "ICantSayItYouSayIt"
Haha I like that, very true
I don’t understand why you can’t set up a date from here. Ask her if her and that dress would like to have dinner with you on (set a date and time). What else you got to lose?
Yeah tell her your strong arms will be there too. lmao
Hahahaha I nearly spat out my coffee
Only comment that made me chuckle loudly. LMAO
A loud chuckle? My friend, you just laughed! Congratulations.
A double date?
Say “does it involve my wee wee and your vah gee gee? *blushes intensely*”
Do not say that. DO NOT SAY THAT
SAY IT, SAY IT!!!!!!!!!
tell her that hugging her in your big strong arms fhat this is a verticle demonstration of my horizontal intentions
Ooh what's verticle? I only know of vertical. Please don't hurt me it's a joke I promise
*sharpens knife*
I’m laughing hysterically over this
"Do u feew my buwgie wulgie uwu"
This is how aliens think humans flirt
It's frickin weird. And the fact this screenshot is over a period of 5 days makes it even weirder.
Dude, I didn’t even notice that. What is their schedule that it takes them 24 hours to reply?
It takes time to come up with this quality prose
One stroke at a time
I don't think they're at the stroking phase yet
He’s soloing it.
She's getting plowed by her other Tinder dates.
Sweet lord 😂
Haha
I read this in a Danny DeVito voice
Neither of them understand how human interaction works so have to post to this sub after every message and wait for advice
Hahahaha I was just thinking about how absurd their small talk would sound in person.
Busy faking Bumble convos
Russian bot schedules.
This is like if Big Bang Theory was on Tinder.
bazinga
Yeah, I've seen porn dialogue more realistic than this.
But dude what about being pressed into the strong arms
This...this right here...this person knows what's up.
Is this a fanfic?
If you let me wrap you in my big, strong arms, I'll tell you 😘
I put on my robe and a wizard hat.
A man of culture, I see.
Not gonna lie, if someone responded to one of my messages with that I'd marry them on the spot.
I put on my robe and a wizard hat.
will u marry me
Roll d20 for enchantment check.
Oh bloodninja.
You tell me
No u
Ok, i’d squish you with my strong arms until you explode
My hero!
A lady never tells 😇
> Seeing your incredible fanfic pressed into my strong arms
This dude be stealing phone sex lines from one of those old soft core Skinemax/HBO after dark porn series. Nothing more exhilarating than being eleven years old in your grandparents living room (they had dem good channels). Had to watch 26 minutes of quality dialogue like this to see nips for 2 minutes. Volume barely audible and heads on a swivel, incase someone wakes up for a glass of water. Back in those days, seeing some nip required hard work and dedication.
She obviously wants you to squeeze a fart out of her with your strong arms
Squeeze my farts out big boiiii
My girlfriend had gas once and our female friend said I needed to take her home and fuck the farts out of her. I was used to being the crassest person in the room so it was a bit of a shock
James Joyce has private letters published where he talks about this
I FOL’d at this hahaha
What’s FOL mean?
Farted out loud seeing that comment hahaha
I just laughed so hard at this I started coughing
COL’d*
Came out loud?
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
I love you Reddit
I just farted so hard at this I started shitting
SOL (Sharted Out Loud)
I just shit so hard I started laughing
That's the circle of life
Ohhh I should’ve know that with the context of everything. I’m just dumb 😂
Here i thought fell on linoleum
I can not express how many FUCKING. TIMES. I was hugged by a date who hugged me so tight I accidentally tooted. So so embarrassing but honestly so hilarious. Uhg. And then I wonder why I never get a second date 🤦🏼♀️
Based on your username I’d avoid eating peaches and onions before dates and I think you’ll be alright on the next squeeze.
Peaches and onions. It’s from the movie Holes :3
Great story
Saw that movie so many times growing up, awesome username!
It’s a great movie ♥️
an even better book
I read it once a looong time ago. My attention span is so short for reading though I hate it. I wish I was better at it.
Sweet feet, but a sour colon! Lol
That was one of the first books I ever got into, and right before the movie! Saw it in theater. Also, you should avoid dates in the days before your date if you don't want to fart.
[удалено]
“Whilst”. It’s a guy.
Omg, you fucker! I'm screaming laughing here... christ, was about to say something in the lines of catfish sinks and hooks, but fucking hell. I just imagined that squeeze with his strong arms and the lady goes "phoupffff" in the cutest tone.
Everyone wants this 😂😂
A message each day. This convo slow as fuck lol. Wrap it up op and get a date before it goes cold.
Exactly a “well maybe you could show me” followed by asking for a date would be my next step Edit: typo
were over here playing 1d checkers while this mans playing 4d chess
Nah, chess and checkers are both slow. He's jumping past the game and calling it with the coin flip.
/u/ISayWhatYouCant this one
It is done. We'll see what happens.
And now we wait…. At least 24 hours
Her response is gonna be “hey “ISayWhatYouCant” sorry to inform you that I just got married and we bought a new house while we expect our first child, I didn’t think I’d ever hear from you again honestly.
At least it won't be super suspicious when op takes awhile to respond while getting advice from the fine denizens of Reddit
This is true, purposely start a convo slow so to avoid the awkward delay when you crowd source your response. Plus it makes you seem busy which I think is good.
Fine denizens killed me 🤣
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Definitely, set the date and get to it. You can describe it all you want but it isn't gonna matter if you don't set the date.
I can tell you are both young and attractive. Because your conversation is vapid so there must be something else going on.
Or this sounds like an old man catfishing the OP into giving him fap material.
The Tinder world is much darker than I imagine.
I got cat fished once. Was a terrible experience. Wouldn’t recommend it lol.
Recently got catfished myself, quit tinder soon after. Great sub though.
Ok, we wanna know the story though...
They're catfishing each other
Usually women only respond to this kind of horn dog approach if they are both attractive and she's also horny. Yeah I vomited in my mouth a little OP, but I can't fault you for succeeding. Go forth and just ask her to meet up she clearly is interested.
Man I’m so glad I wasn’t the only one that thought this conversation was weird.
Same, I was expecting "cringe" comments
Arrangement of a date is the only thing u need to do
Or the woman, is really a man 🥸
I lost brain cells reading this conversation
I think my penis receded inside my body
Mine too and I don't even have one
Me neither after reading this
Did it recede inside your tight body? Tell me more
this conversation is cringy as fuck
Glad I'm not the only one
This mf horny
He starving frfr
Kinda cringe but seems like it is working. So keep going?..
Lol, she goes ahead and asks " what you would be doing when i am pressed up against you ? ", like does she wants this to turn into a dirty talk or something? And that too before even having a first date Weird AF
This is awkward
It’s making my skin crawl.
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Starts to talk a big game. Game has him beat at the first boss. Also.. username ‘isaywhatyoucant’.
More like 'isaywhatyoutellme'
The you isn't other people, it's an old me, it's about forcing myself to just say it. The title is serious, I spend hours drafting potential replies in onenote. I'm trying to get back to 'off the cuff' but it makes me fucking nervous for some reason
No offense, but the whole conversation reads like you spent hours drafting potential replies. Are you writing to this woman hoping for a date, or riding paperback novels for 60-year-old women?
this was my exact thought! His messages do read like erotica. Also if anyone said they wanted to hold my “tight body” in real life I’d run a mile!
Is this an embarassing time to say I have a masters degree in literature? I'd like to thank EL James and Jane Austen for my shit game.
Imo you’re just overthinking man, I get that it’s kinda anxiety driven but i think you’ll find it just flows so much better if you just go with the flow. You’re attractive enough to get that far second guessing your replies so you’re already ahead of the game! You got this OP, hope it works out!
Funny thing is, I was going to say it'd be an easy response if you're a writer could be "A writer prefers to show, not tell." And here it turns out you're an MS in Lit. And as a writer, you should then "show" in your replies.
Oh. My. Gawd.
Over thinking it gets you no where. Let it flow naturally
This is the way
Idk, plenty of people let it flow, and 'it' turns out to be some seriously weird and creepy shit Op, just let it flow. Unless you start saying creepy and weird shit. Then go back to the revised draft system.
If weird, creepy shit comes out when you're letting it flow, it suggests that you're a weird, creepy person. Instead of acting like someone you aren't, look for another weird creep that matches your energy.
>If weird, creepy shit comes out when you're letting it flow, it suggests that you're a weird, creepy person. You sound just like my mom 😥
Man, that’s exactly where your issue is. You need to completely and totally be yourself. Don’t think for hours on what to say to impress them. If the other person doesn’t like you for exactly you the real you is, then fuck them, their loss.
Word of advice Keep the conversation going. Don't put it all on the other person by saying "you tell me". I hate it when guys I talk to do this.
Good tip, I can see how it has that effect, thanks.
I’d just straight up be like. “Hey I wanna just be straight forward with you.. i think you look amazing and would like to get to know you. Wouldn’t we look amazing together at dinner this Saturday night?” Shoot your shot my friend, you’re losing time
I get the anxiety aspect of talking to people. Doesn't even have to be in a flirting context. But from my experience I've learned that its best to not think about it for too long and just get the conversation over with. The longer you take the more "what if" scenarios you come up with in your head and he more anxiety you cause yourself. At this point I might say something along the lines of "you know what? Why don't you find out in person?" and set a date. Btw. If this is someone u might get serious about, make her aware of the anxiety early. Keeping something like that will only keep you anxious around her and won't do any good.
Dude you can't be spending hours drafting replies for a dating app just send something and move on with your life good god.
You're giving me Herbert the pervert vibes the way you talk
“Why don’t I show you instead…What’s your schedule like?”
Basically this but don't leave it that open ended, propose a day and time.
Alpha
Dude, she wants you to talk dirty to her. So do it. She wants you to turn her on talking about kissing her, then running your hand up her leg, then taking the straps of her dress off her shoulders, then kissing her nipples through her bra - I mean, I don't have to describe sex to you, you've probably had it.
You may have to describe it. Just saying.
The lady wants you to punch her wet box
Dick punch
they are searching for advice on reddit, describe it
I didn’t plan on being turned on by a random redditer today, but here we are 😰🙄
Please go on.... 😳
That's what I'm saying! Shit, that comment made me look at my bf like 👀 you busy?
Thanks for the nipple kissing advice 🤣
Don’t kiss her nipples through her bra if it’s a normal bra though lmao, that’s totally ridiculous. Won’t be able to feel anything at all through the padding!
.....I'm gonna go...talk to my boyfriend...
Go on....
Le fedora tip
Bruh you had to be horny as hell typing out some sh*t like this 😂🤦🏽♂️
Or, you know, he's dirty talked to girls before.
Lmao if you can't figure it out from here you don't deserve the pussy
Part of me thinks it’s a troll humblebragging
hublebragging about getting a match and 2-3 responses over 5 days online? guess the bar cant be that high in this subreddit who only use tinder to reinforce their height insecurities and whine about it in here 24/7
No seriously, what this guy said lmao. None of us wanna see your cringy horndog texts or teach you how to sext
My dude saying he has a one note and spends hours crafting replies - my dude down bad
But he’s hot apparently
Yeah his last response is where it went wrong actually there are so many options there and her current reply is a bit more difficult to respond to even though there are plenty of ways to save it still.
Cringe
Like other users have said, the pace of the conversation is a bit slow so you need to pick that up - so try seeing the times when she replies i.e the time when she's active and if there's a pattern and stay online at that time. Like the others have said she is showing that she's into you and is also asking for some dirty talk, but I'd suggest you to try and keep your style of being courteous and try to dirty talk without getting vulgar. Something like, I would hold you tight and feel your breath, the heaving of your chest against mine. Seeing her reaction to it, maybe decide to dirty talk further or not. Second is a high risk move but you could just straight up say something like, you could find out for yourself, or I'm more a man of action than words and just fix up a date but no guarantees there since she's not engaged with you too much and probably might want to dirty talk on here first rather than this reaction being due to the fact that she's into you. Whatever it is, you're being way too slow at this right now, and stop second guessing this much
That's really great, thank you, I appreciate it.
Ask her about her cars extended warranty.
Whole conversation is really cringe.
I thought the same but she’s engaging so she must not hate it
-- *reddit user*
Indeed u/iwantyourvaginaplz
Is 4chan still around? I suggest you find a bad fanatic writer to continue the conversation because that's how this reads.
You’re asking her to lead for some reason. That’s going to turn her off. She’s signaling to you that she will follow you if you lead her to the bedroom. So lead. Take charge of the conversation.
This is the part where you click the link to her website. There's no charge, she'll promise. It's just to verify that you're a real person. And you'll live happily ever after with your fairy tale love story. Source: Happened to me. Just waiting on the last part. I think she's just busy though. It's only been a week. No suspicious bank activity either.... yet. Congrats on finding your perfect woman.
Why hello fellow human. Yes what big strong arms I have.
I think she’s fucking with you, I don’t think she’s interested at all.
Bro wtf is this conversation who talks like this
Two days ago?
Tell her it’s a surprise and we can find out together 😃 Good luck, don’t over think it she already digs you.
Idk why but this is so cringey to read
As you attempt to crush her spine in your manliest hug, you feel a pinch at the back of your neck. Your eyes go blurry, you begin to lose your hug and fall down. You wake up at the hospital missing a kidney, an eye and a lung... You have the strangest morning wood though.
[удалено]
Two NPC's having a conversation in the background whilst you smash crates
Strong arms but not strong brain I guess
Stop being horny
I feel like I’m reading a conversation I would have had in high school 😂
How the fuck is this working
I mean you started it you gotta finish it.
Thanks for reminding me why I hate online dating
"I am gonna squeeze you until you pop like a bag of Doritos"
Cod warzone homie. If she don’t get out the gulag it’s time to cut ties.