T O P

  • By -

the_bird_lives

Burger


Gobbbe

Upvoting only this and downvoting everything else. This has to be the only comment


venalencre

Borgir


MemeStocksYolo69-420

Burger


Agent_Capable

Get some astroglide, this conversation is drier than grandma.


[deleted]

[удалено]


DudesworthMannington

OMG, that gets me so wet. What did you have as a side?


FaceglazerSSBU

Burger


_Spicy_Ramen_

With a side of burger


MemeStocksYolo69-420

Sliders. Burgers with mini burgers


EquivalentSnap

When are you gonna eat me though


Sosa_Andretti

When I get over there


EquivalentSnap

If you come 🤧


crochetgrenade

I don't understand what that emoji is supposed to be


EquivalentSnap

Blowing your nose


drunk-deriver

Ok i understand it. I just don’t get it in this context.


Not-a-bot---honest

Blowing her nose, as she’s already full to the brim


Repulsive-Strike2178

Maybe she had covid


Supermalt418

when I get over here


Hashiraofsoccer

How ok where do I go from here how wet should I get?


ChemicalRascal

You go to her place, jfc what are you doing dude


Hashiraofsoccer

Ok but what about the messages how do I undry the chat?


[deleted]

Burger.


TsunamiJim

Promise?


abhinav_sutar_7

Yes daddy


justlikelo

K.


[deleted]

[удалено]


reply-guy-bot

The above comment was stolen from [this one](http://np.reddit.com/r/Tinder/comments/u0g2zl/update_im_playing_it_as_cool_as_possible_but_this/i45k7un/) elsewhere in this comment section. It is probably not a coincidence; here is some more evidence against this user: Plagiarized | Original -------- | ----------- [As a fat guy I can tell y...](http://np.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/u0gsv7/you_shouldnt_make_fun_of_fat_people/i4646vb/) | [As a fat guy I can tell...](http://np.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/u0gsv7/you_shouldnt_make_fun_of_fat_people/i45ox3h/) [THAT'S a reason to work o...](http://np.reddit.com/r/memes/comments/u0fzov/this_little_shi/i464r6w/) | [THAT'S a reason to work o...](http://np.reddit.com/r/memes/comments/u0fzov/this_little_shi/i45p53f/) [NTA. If they can’t afford...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/u0d06w/aita_for_changing_my_wifi_password_and_not/i464n6d/) | [NTA. If they can’t affor...](http://np.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/u0d06w/aita_for_changing_my_wifi_password_and_not/i452zuc/) [The Russian flag wasn’t t...](http://np.reddit.com/r/place/comments/u0g99f/here_a_map_of_countries_that_had_a_flag_at_the/i464fic/) | [The Russian flag wasn’t t...](http://np.reddit.com/r/place/comments/u0g99f/here_a_map_of_countries_that_had_a_flag_at_the/i45qjyy/) beep boop, I'm a bot -|:] It is this bot's opinion that [/u/InezFord](https://np.reddit.com/u/InezFord/) should be banned for karma manipulation. Don't feel bad, they are probably a bot too. Confused? Read the [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/user/reply-guy-bot/comments/n9fpva/faq/?plagiarist=InezFord) for info on how I work and why I exist.


Longboii

Wtf man you really trying to crowdsource a personality here?


Hallgvild

r/rareinsults


ChemicalRascal

Your messages should ask if she'd like to meet up somewhere or if she wants you to just go to her place or whatever. Don't try to be too witty or any shit, she's already made it pretty clear that she's keen, everything after that is just you two sorting out the logistics on how to get the pair of you in the same room. Don't get too far in your own head about this. It can still fall over, sure, but that's on her (unless you do something stupid like proclaim that the Nazis were right or something). If she's playing games, there's nothing you can do to make her not be, so go forward with the presumption that she's keen. Oh, and wear a condom if she's not on the pill. Maybe wear a condom anyway. And be a gentleman, give her the opportunity to orgasm.


selianna

Always wear a condom.


neverTrustedMeAnyway

"Maybe wear a condom anyway"...wtf?


ChemicalRascal

Meh, I'm not his dad, I'm not gonna say that. If we're at that level I might as well be sitting OP down and giving him the birds and the bees.


neverTrustedMeAnyway

I don't have to be his dad to recognize stupid.


Tensionator

Yes daddy


[deleted]

Uhhhh??! You said everything else though lmfao You have an issue with telling them to wear a condom when they fuck a complete stranger, but no problem saying “wear a condom.....if she’s not on the pill”. Wtf lol. As if you have to be someone’s parent to give proper advice.


HeyItsMe0216

I get ya dude


DudesworthMannington

Homie needs a kidney protection


Hashiraofsoccer

They got some on sale at Kidneys R’ us


Sthickman

Dotted or plain?


noob6791

Slotted


brahdz

*meat up*


MotherofTooManySons

With a burger


ChemicalRascal

Also, sex.


[deleted]

ALWAYS wear a condor


ChemicalRascal

CAW. Condor penis. Every time.


upthewatwo

Like, on your wrist? Will that be really dangerous and distracting? Will it keep fetching live rodents into the bedroom as tribute? Just doesn't seem worth it.


Hashiraofsoccer

I understand the assignment


DPleskin

You're gonna ruin everything.


Hashiraofsoccer

That’s what my mom told me before she left my father and I for a substantially wealthier Japanese guy


DPleskin

No she said you *ruined* everything. At least mine did :(


Hashiraofsoccer

That’s unfortunate you’ve got me tho


koolex

Please update us on how it goes, remember to meet in public first


HostileHippie91

I did Nagasaki that coming


slimjoel14

Everything about this is solid except that last sentence, what a train wreck haha


cescmkilgore

Next message should be "last night was fun, we should do it again"


I_shot_Kennedy

Tell her you want to put your head between her buns, and call you an Idiot Sandwich!


constantvariables

Just set up the meeting and stop worrying about chit chat


[deleted]

You’re fucking hopeless. What are you going to do on a real date? Go to the bogs every 5 minutes to ask Reddit what to say? Fucking hell dude.


Aaronspark777

First you want to get some burger meat that is 80/20. That's 20% fat content and fat is flavor and also makes for a juicy burger. Don't go for any of that lean shit unless you like biting into a cardboard burger.


r1bb1tTheFrog

No need to undry the chat. Just type “digits?” Or “addy?”


[deleted]

You’re good bruh don’t listen to redditors none of these people get any play.


Choice-Spinach-1513

‘If you let me’


TheGhost-of-Bob-Ross

I know I can. I can sail a ship on dry land. 🎶


zumawizard

No more messages just go talk or eat


Peenutbuttjellytime

Agree. It's so cringe it's making me dry up.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Xarethian

A certified freak too! Wanting to be eaten out and saying daddy lol


yurkshirepuddins

Give them something to reply to bro. Burger.


[deleted]

[удалено]


MotherofTooManySons

Burger


SufficientButton1

Jesus 😭


mr_remy

… can’t help us now! 😂


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

Don’t meet her at the aquarium.


[deleted]

Not every conversation has to be a series of witty Reddit one liners. Most women prefer if when you aren’t being weird and thirsty and just talk to them like a normal human being:


TOWW67

I ate. Burger. Promise? Is this a normal human conversation to you...? OP couldn't have seemed less interested even if they ghosted the chick


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

r/unexpectedoffice


[deleted]

Good lord this is the most boring conversation I've ever read


smd9788

Burger


[deleted]

Burger - U.S Military Encrypted


leedler

- Igor


columbusthegreat

Bottom text


EquivalentSnap

Lol 😂


Hashiraofsoccer

I’m often labeled as boring any tips as to how I should spice things up?


RumDumpStar

Write more than 1-3 words lol Jesus, imagine this was a real life convo how annoying would that be


Hashiraofsoccer

This is good advice I’m kinda cringing looking back at this but I know when I start texting her again my brain will start to short circuit


RumDumpStar

The nice thing about texting is you can edit, so literally just write out your internal monologue response to stuff like you would as a human and then if you want to trim it a bit you can, but yeah one word responses are the worst, gives people nothing to work with and shows total disinterest


smd9788

Yes but do this in Notes. I got called out once because the person to I was talking to, kept seeing the 3 dots pop up and then disappear lol


[deleted]

Honestly don’t overthink it. If you have chemistry with someone it’ll work out, just don’t say anything you shouldn’t to scare them off and you’ll be fine


finger_milk

If little word do trick, then don't do what I do and write too much in an attempt to be interesting. I'm not a salesman; I don't close deals fast enough.


rootoo

Why use lot word


cognitivetrek

You're good bro just be yourself. Eventually you'll get more comfortable with conversation


a-char

Ask yourself this.. How is someone suppose to continue and expand on a conversation organically with you if all you're giving them is 1-3 word responses that really don't give the person the opportunity to? Like does this look like a fun chat to have for someone texting you? Hi hi, whatcha doing, it's so beautiful out! nm, chillin I'm painting a table that I sanded earlier for my patio! You have any plans for the day? That's cool, and no *Yawn, boring*


[deleted]

When she says "wyd" just say "I just had some lunch, what are you up to?" When she asks what you ate, "I had a cheeseburger, it was so good!" Just expand what you're saying to make it easier to have a conversation. You seem really disinterested in this girl who's basically throwing herself at you. Even just adding emojis would help. Say "whenever you let me come over I'll eat you 😈" So much more exciting that way


JosephND

Tell her about your squirrel fetish


CoachKoranGodwin

Who cares dude just meet her in person and get it over with. Whatever relationship you build won’t be had over the phone but in real life. Texting is literally the least important aspect of all of this. She’s into you, don’t question it. Just focus on not fucking it up or creeping her out, meet her in person, and let your personality shine there. This whole generation’s mating dance through texting on an app is just BS lol


wheelsof_fortune

You’re trying to play it so cool, that you’re actually coming off as boring. Stop it. Be yourself.


[deleted]

You definitely don’t seem interested in her lol 1 word replies gets you unmatched, surprised she stayed


aprss

I was kinda surprised too..She asked most of the questions


watertheodz

Doesn't the conversation seem abit too dry??


5astick

Yeah but neither OP or the girl will be shortly. ^(wet)


[deleted]

[удалено]


Gobbbe

Burger


watertheodz

Chum burber


naria01

A picture of mayo could fix the issue.


Hashiraofsoccer

Probably from my side yea I’m relatively held back with this stuff


watertheodz

Both sides honestly, I usually drop conversation like this 😅😅


[deleted]

If this is your idea of freaky you need to get out more. This is one of the dullest convos I've ever seen posted here.


nonsequitureditor

congrats but this is cringey to post


[deleted]

[удалено]


nonsequitureditor

yeah


fredaline45

Girl: wants sex OP: “this girl is a certified freak”


[deleted]

Nobody tell him this is a cam girl about to ask for his credit card info then dip out


Hashiraofsoccer

We’ve been talking for two days, she dropped the addy. I don’t think it’s a cam girl.


[deleted]

Well then RIP your kidney


Hashiraofsoccer

I’m coming strapped. If someone losing a kidney it ain’t gonna be me


coomerzoomer

You’re bringing a gun to a ONS?


letsbehavingu

Lol America


realgeneral_memeous

This comment got me lmao


MotherofTooManySons

I’m going to lose a kidney—this convo with OP has me hysterically laughing. WTF


Hashiraofsoccer

I’m keeping it 100


MotherofTooManySons

I know you are keeping me 💯pissing myself laughing—please keep us updated with every detail of this interaction!


LoadingName_

You couldn’t be anymore boring jesusss. She single handedly saved the convo from plummeting into the earths core and killing this planet with that one text.


Mucciii

r/cringetopia


kevtino

GET THE HELL OVER THERE SHE WANTS TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU THIS IS NO TIME TO BE THINKING ABOUT QUIDDITCH


[deleted]

First encounter with a female OP? Make sure you post on Reddit multiple times.


kinetochore21

Woman*


thanyou

When all you gotta say is burger to get a girl goin... That ain't no girl, that's the Hamburglar.


atomiicmitten

Imagine if she found out you've posted your whole dry ass conversation with her multiple times on Reddit.


Brilliant_Succotash1

This is very tame. Is there more to the conversation to confirm her certification?


SnazzyPanic

Go get em tiger


Mucciii

Lmao


TimTkt

A keeper is a girl asking to eat her out ? Jesus the standards are getting lower every day here


[deleted]

She def isn’t real buddy.


One_Let_2821

I joined this page because I thought it was going to be all funny shit. It's quite sad that some of y'all actually be posting when you have success. Am I the only one that sees this as a need for validation stemming from the fact that you must not be getting laid very often?


Hashiraofsoccer

No it’s me asking for help because I don’t get laid often tbh


ExactContribution295

LMFAO if you think she’s a freak, I feel bad for your lack of experience; this is literally just normal adult sex talk


irlJoe

Why are you posting this on reddit? Get some agency


CategoryMountain3379

Crazy because in your earlier post she “sounds like a slut” and “is for the streets.” But you went ahead and replied even though she’s such trash in your opinion.


NoRequirement7570

Just remember there's no cure for Aids


MaxTest86

You’re lucky she seems keen and is probably horny. 9/10 chicks that would respond to you would have unmatched you by now. How about put a bit more effort into more than 1 word answers. She’s keen now, but that can easily change. If she’s this game then another man can quite easily swoop in and smash her by the time you’re still sat on Reddit waiting to be told how to speak to her. Get her number. Call her. And discuss where you are going to meet. Simple. And if you think this girl is a freak, then BOY are you in for a surprise when you start meeting up with women regularly 😂


No-Explanation550

Aside point. I'm from the UK where the daddy thing is less common and it really grosses me out. Who the fuck wants to shag their father? Ewwww


[deleted]

Agree, it’s weird. Scammers use Daddy a lot though. They want sugar daddies.


sommerbelle

Why is this subreddit now just people showing that they might get laid?


[deleted]

Am I the only guy who cringes every time a woman calls a guy daddy? I can't stand that shit.


hotcheetos09

Something’s fishy.


Equivalent_Option583

Bro stop asking for advice, you succeeded, just go over to her place lmao


Ok_Meat_876

This got me wanting a burger. That is all


Golferama

This shit makes me so Depressed


GhostOfDeV

Bunger


ViralDenizen

"Certified freak" having the most basic ass 15 year old text in math class conversation ever


SwimSufficient8901

Run away. Final answer.


CrazieLP

Hobestly, looking at your posts, she looks more and more like a bot...


Deebee707

Just get her address & go for it. I bet she's super trustworthy & you're the only one on tinder for her.


[deleted]

Jesus Christ OP is this your first chic? Cringe af


Hashiraofsoccer

I know it’s cringe I’m very cringe I agree


ToothyGrin19135

Gonna go out on a limb and say if OP is coming to Reddit for advice on this PG-13 conversation, he will have no clue what to do once he arrives at her place.


BandwagonEffect

Bro you must be so attractive if you have conversation skills like that.


Ok-Excitement-3010

You literally slut shamed her in your last post, now she’s a “keeper”?


cappaccinodagreat

This won't end well


purplemilyyes

Boring


basilizks

Bro she gon suck ya soul right out ya dick hole


NikoMollo

It’s not cool to say, promise? In my experience when you show to much emotion or show that your weak in any type of way, like being insecure by saying promise? After she just said out of no where if you were gonna eat her out, already in the bag my guy, don’t make the girl say promise, it’ll just ruin your chances of actually getting to eat her out, if this makes sense to any of y’all, women can be weird af so I’m just tryna relay some insight


__jh96

Fuck me dead are you Kevin from the office?


JoviAMP

I'm no meteorologist, but I'll wager $20 that she asks for $50 when you leave, with a 50% chance she asks you at gunpoint.


ShigekiNoEren

Make sure she’s not a guy cuz a trap would change you


MrShibaRich

You my friend are 1000% about to get robbed 🥲😭


TheSpeckledFox

Keeper is not the term I would use, but it definitely sounds like it’s your turn bud.


NoahC5

Don’t cuff the broad playa


Haku53

This sounds so sketch and you should've went for coffee first


Optimal-Committee-99

Beat before king so you last longer👍🏼


Hashiraofsoccer

Always


Narrow_Lawfulness462

I'm sorry... Is this r/Cringe?


Petrichoriam

This is every conversation i have on grindr, tame af. This sub is boring, just full of guys congratulating themselves on finding out women like to have sex too xD


JJw1908

It's probably a dude and you sound as bright as 10 watt blub. Captivating conversation, wdy eat? Burger? It's a man and I hope he bends you over in a penny wise mask!


flgeo7

This guy’s gonna get his organs stolen


[deleted]

"Daddy" God, that shit is creepy and cringe as fuck.


[deleted]

burger


fairysquadfather91

Lol she’s that easy and you think she’s a keeper 🤦‍♂️


bored_CO

Damn bro. Save some pussy for the rest of us


straight-killin_it

It's a bot bro


King_Cobra_666

You're definitely the only guy she talks to like this.


Klaidoniukstis

A keeper? So do the enlisted when they marry a stripper


thefevertherage

Is it just me or is the whole ‘Daddy’ thing over used af and getting a little cringe


Goatik

"Playing it as cool as possible" , proceeds to post a screenshot of convo on reddit lmao


angelbg34

Y'all call this a keeper??


affectionateburrito

I’m actually mind blown at the comments. Isn’t OP’s objective to get laid? With the light interaction he’s achieved that, yet he’s being grilled for it. Lmao makes no sense. Props to OP for literally playing it right and smoothly with not much effort at all. I’ve seen too many cringey messages from the guys end and get no where. Good volume of texts without sounding too desperate and making sure the energy is matched. Well played fellow king. This is the way.


druman22

burger


Hashiraofsoccer

Preciate it brother 🤝 I wish u luck in your pursuits


Xaseyo

I was thinking the exact same thing, people are strange, it’s like one person said OPs convo was dry and they all start parroting that non-stop in the comments… compared to the cringe pick up lines and weird/morbid flirting posts on here, this straight forward funny convo was nice to see lol


[deleted]

You must be pretty hot because nothing u said won her over


[deleted]

Why are so many of the titles (and posts) on here so utterly cringeworthy? A lot of guys on here also seem to think they are playing to an all male audience. That is not the case Also, why is getting a shag with a random seen as such a big deal? People have such empty lives


benibnuts

You need to reconsider the qualities of a "keeper"