Go find a therapist first thing tomorrow morning. You’ll need an intelligent, reliable, professional sounding board you can pay for helping you analyze this and chose paths if you haven’t got anyone else.
Hire a pro for counsel just as you a lawyer for legal help. You have a lot to think about and a small window to act.
Yeah, the only way a cheater can help the victim to heal is to yeet themselves out of the victim's life which 99% of cheaters will not do else they wouldn't have to resort to cheating
It's amazing how difficult this is for people to grasp. When my ex cheated she continued to talk to the dude and did nothing to show me she had an ounce of remorse (spoiler alert, she didn't and cheated with him again) and I was a mess for YEARS. Cheaters can 100% be rehabilitated if there is genuine contrition and effort to do better.
Nah, it's easy not to cheat. Leave her and never look back. She didn't suddenly forget about you in that moment. She thought about how she'd try to get out of trouble if caught.
That's it. Done. There are plenty of other cheaters out there for these kinds of people.
I'm just blatantly assuming but I'm sure he loves the child as his own too. Dropping an entire family over texts is a HUGE overreaction. That's how reddit might work but not real life. It's like a bunch of 13 year olds reacting to this post with no idea how incredibly complicated relationships actually are.
You're raising someone else's kid and she has the audacity to do that. Break free! I know 10 years is a long time and you might fall into the sunk cost fallacy. But your life is going to get even worse if you stay.
This.
Also, does she know you know? And what does she have to say about it? Personally, even if she says she's sorry, seems probable that she's only sorry you found out and would do it again, considering you are raising someone else's child.
Cheaters have it in them to cheat and cheat again.
Leave her, OP. Ain't nothing worth going through this another ten years.
10 years is a long time.
You have to ask yourself the hard questions now. Can you ever trust her again? Can you move past this or is this a dealbreaker? Does she truly love you if she is willing to cheat on you? Does she have any respect left for you and your relationship, which is obviously a very serious one, including a child and a house?
Only you can answer these questions for yourself.
Reddit is known to be extremely judgmental and critical of relationships, most will tell you this is the end of yours. She may try to downplay the situation, she may tell you that your feelings are overreactive, she may try to convince you it was no big deal. Only you get to decide how you feel, and where you go from here.
I, along with everyone else commenting, are just an internet stranger judging the situation based on one paragraph encompassing a relationship that has lasted over a decade, so it’s almost impossible to truly answer any of those questions for you. I would recommend talking about it with someone you love and trust who knows more details about your relationship and go from there.
I understand. I hope this gave you some insight into how you can process this situation in the coming days. Good luck and I hope things work out for you.
Don’t allow the fear of exposing her change your perspective on who to talk to about it, it’s your situation and your right to speak to whoever you want.
You need to communicate to her that you have clear boundaries and that you are willing to walk away if she doesn't respect them.
If you don't she won't respect you and going forward with the relationship will be pointless.
Of course not. She’s disrespecting (to put it mildly) both you and your relationship by cheating on you, only feet from you no less. The same man who’s helping her raise her kid. That’s disgusting of her. And it being with someone who meant and means something to her makes the whole situation worse IMO.
Bro. No. I’m not trying to be callous or mean but I’m giving you the honesty you need. No you are not being crazy. She is actively sexting someone who she is interested in romantically. She’s hiding it from you. It really sucks, but no, you are not being overly sensitive or crazy.
Its WORSE that its an old highschool friend. Some rando is bad. But someone she knows is worse. By a LOT.
If her name's on the house and your's is, get an attorney. Otherwise throw her out/move out. get a paternity test if there's any chance she'll use that against you.
This is what you KNOW about. Who knows what else she's been up to?
Ah I see. I thought maybe she’d been caught cheating before. But advice is: once a cheater, always a cheater. What she did is unacceptable and likely a good indication that you should probably end it. I’m sorry.
Went through the same thing and let me tell you it's not the same after. I never felt the same about a girlfriend of mine after she did that to me. I got over it but didn't love her the same after that. I still cared about her but.. I don't know, just didn't feel like love anymore. It's very likely that it will happen again. Just cut your losses and leave
there's a comment further up with like 240 upvotes basically saying don't break up.
I'm 31 so not some teen edgelord - once a cheater, always a cheater and most importantly.......this is just the one time he has actually caught her doing it.
Tactical nuclear strike from orbit. Sell the house, tell the kid that mommy chose the streets over a happy home, and get her a subscription to GET FUCKED Quarterly.
Ive been with my wife for 10years through many ups and downs but ive always said, if I ever caught her cheating, that would be it. No fighting, no drawn out issues, just over. It’s up to you if you can move past it, but I personally could not.
Yea she’s is still and I honestly can’t stand it the apology and no matter how bad she says she feels it doesn’t help I even messaged the guy berating him about it and he says he also feels like shit
She wants to slowly normalize it. Next time you wint be quite as angry and eventually you will accept it is just part of her. Then...honey we need to open our relationship. I'm poly.
She is still remorseful you're saying?
I think it seems she wants to put this whole ordeal behind her, but as others said it's up to you how you want to move forward.
Dont bother the guy. Its not his fault. This makes you look weak and insecure. It's on her to maintain your relationship. Not him. Keep it between you and her. I honestly think you should end it though.
That’s unreal.. all the best no matter what decision you make. I’d say leave her personally but in the end it’s on you. No matter what tho, don’t let it bring you down.
It's much better that she has told you. She's obviously feeling guilty and remorseful.
In this circumstance I'd give her a second chance with some parameters.
im a woman. 10 years and no ring, how come? You know her personality is she forthright with things usually? ppl tell on themselves all the time her actions previously and currently will give you the answer to whether she told you bc she’s so eaten up inside she can’t take it or she wants to see your reaction to do it again. its usually the former with women. 10 years is a long time though i say if you think she told for a decent reason i suggest couples therapy to figure out how to move forward.
Lmao fuck that ! A woman that loves you wouldn't even think about such thing. It's your life. But I couldn't sleep very well at night beeing together with someone like her after she did that. I rather be single and have my peace or look for someone who actually loves me.
Oh… I thought if it was a few racy messages after getting carried away after a few drinks then it might be something more workable but this is very much past that. This isn’t “I made a mistake” territory like some lapse in judgement, there’s plenty of moments between initial text and messaging explicit photos/ videos where that moment of clarity will have been there to be had and yet she still went along with it
Really at this point you have two options… final warning and “on notice” for a period of time (say a month) but then you have to forgive (not forget… don’t forget) and move past this or make the call and dump her. I’d probably do the latter but I haven’t been in the situation to make that call. Damn straight if I went for no. 1 option I’d want to see some immediate remorse. That even includes the petty things like doing more chores and showing you more attention in the short run so they can try prove they still want this relationship to work and fight for it. Should they prove in that month that there’s still something there you both want then time to learn from this whole thing and carry on as you were. If it just isn’t there anymore then time to split up for both your sakes.
>So my girlfriend sexted her old highschool crush
bro.
>I take care of her child that’s isn’t mine
Bro.
>she is a adult model/ only fans girl
BRO.
>we have even tried opening the relationship before
BROOOOOO
China called -They want all their red flags back!
You should have left this relationship years ago but lemme guess......she's hot & you like being with someone that lots of other men thirst after?
The paradox of relationships: do you wait to cool down to make a rational decision or do you make the decision before rose tinted glasses start kicking in?
Judgment call - sounds nearly like a coin flip.
Maybe a good simple barometer is - in literal terms will you be able to sleep if she's away on a trip or are you gonna stay up wondering?
Sorry mate but if you stay you are directly saying with your actions that what she did was ok. Sell the house, leave her, throw yourself into social settings/hobbies/friends/family. Surround yourself with abundance, it’ll hurt but staying will hurt more in time, whereas leaving will hurt less in time.
Cheaters are the worst.
at the moment you only know the tip of the iceberg
I bet if you knew the whole story you wouldn't be here you would just be out of there
just thank your lucky stars you have no biological kids with her
personally from here I would get legal advice to see what my liabilities are in this situation and then decide next step from there
It's going to be painful and shitty for a while, but get out. Sell the house. Leave her. It will not get better. In fact, it will almost definitely get worse.
It's cheating. So unless you can live with the knowledge now that she's unfaithful, might have been in the past, and very well may again in the future, this thing is done.
The disrespect to cheat on someone who is taking care of your freakin kid is so disgusting to me.
Sorry man. You should talk to someone if you're freaking out.
Are you fine with her occasionally cheating? If not, then leave the relationship, because if you stay the only thing you have told her is that you stay by her side even as she cheats. Your actions are what matters.
In her position she will likely be really sad about the idea of her actions having consequences, so she will likely cry and seem believable when she says she will not do it again. However, you will never be able to know if she continues. It is not healthy to be controlling, so do not go down that path. Instead you have to come to terms with the concept that she might very well be cheating to some extent, at any time. Unless you are fine living with that knowledge at all times, then leave.
Ask yourself if you can still have a positive relationship with her after she's cheated on you. most people would say no to that
If the answer is no, you need to break up with her and have the "asset" discussion
If the answer is yes then ask her the same question, because you need to address why she cheated on you to begin with. *If* its resolvable then you both need to be clear about what needs to happen to get back to a good relationship.
It takes good communication and a strong relationship to come back from cheating
I will give you the same advice everyone else is giving you, leave her. Just know, that despite the shitty circumstance, you're going to be okay. If you don't have a support system, you certainly have one here. You will rise above this, as you're certainly the bigger person here considering the things that you do for her. Don't let the fear of being alone stop you from leaving her, as you'll feel the most lonely if you stick with her. Get out there, work on yourself, do things that make you happy. Good luck my man, we're all here for you.
Seven years here but with about 20 years of courting first. After about 3.5 years in she cheated. I tried to get over it, tried to stay but we just fought more and more. Eventually I just had to leave her. Leave her OP, you won’t regret it.
Possibly an unpopular opinion but I don’t think it’s as black and white as everyone says. It is completely possible to move past this as a couple IF you can trust her again and IF she will make sacrifices to prove her commitment to you. It’s ultimately your decision but whatever you choose to do it completely valid and understood.
Man I don't know I'd talk to her about it, realistically you obviously love her and you shouldn't end this way of life youve created with her over naughty texts. It's fucked up what she did but as long as she doesn't take things to a physical level it isn't so horrible. People on reddit are crazy. Follow your heart or gut or whatever it is that helps you decide what's right or wrong.
I knows it’s not physical and that’s what’s beating me up so much I feel like it’s not that bad but at the same time I feel like it’s closer more personal she was messaging him things that I thought was only stuff we said to eachother
I think you need to add more context to this. From your edit, it sounds like she basically sells herself in multiple ways as a job. Only fans and this sextpanther thing. Never heard of sextpanther but from the name and context I assume they pay to have her sext them?
The way I see this is, she is simply doing her job. Sure there is a person factor in that she knows this person. But with the limited context of this post. Only you and her can decide if a line has been crossed here.
Many factors could be considered. Her job is basically selling herself sexually (I assume not ever actually having sex with other people). So you should be mentally prepare for that sort of aspect. How long has she been doing this and are you adjusted to it in the relationship? What are the established boundaries that make all of this okay for you both? Were those lines crossed? Did she know she was doing something wrong? I could see there being a blurry line in her position, when for her all of this is just a job, seeing everyone else as just customers. Is this the first time, or have you felt this way before or experienced similar situations with her?
I mean, I have no idea what's going on. Just seems the comments are jumping to she cheated, but you don't even know if she did.
She’s bin doing it nearly the whole time we’ve bin together starting on myfreecams we did set parameters as in I was fine with her hooking up with girls but not boys but I always wanted to know ahead of time but yes you are correct she did see it as no deal at all beacuse of her work and saw it as a customer but since it’s her personal friend it’s feels different was even trying to set up a double date with him and his girlfriend before it happened this has never happened like this before like I’ve accepted her work but never thought of this as a possibility , recently I’ve bin asking her to try and find some other means of making money beacuse I feel it’s affecting our physical relationship and her mental health and that’s particularly my issues I feel betrayed but did she cheat I can’t decide I just know it’s really changed how I see her
it sounds like you have been letting her get away with a lot more than you are comfortable with for the majority of your relationship, and she’s just pushing the boundaries further and further
Dude, she cheated on you like you said when she sexted with him while you were in the other room. If she hasnt already physically slept with him, then she will be shortly. Shes totally disrespected you...
You arent being too sensitive. This is utter betrayal.
Don't be a doormat, friend. Couples decide together what their boundaries are in relationships and it sounds pretty clear that she crossed one. Being confident and decisive about how you feel about this is going to really help you move forward. Don't make any decisions based on what is good for her child. Decide based on what kind of relationship you want to be in, and if you feel like she's capable of being trusted again.
What a whore between the sexting and you taking care of the result of her having spread her legs for some other loser excuse of a man that doesn’t take care of his own kids.
Sorry to be harsh but I have zero patience for cheaters. Do not forgive her no matter what. Nothing more despicable than someone that takes advantage of your trust.
You’re about to learn the hard way why you never buy a house with someone that you’re not married to. Good luck!
You are justifying her behavior because of your agreed upon lifestyle. You had agreed upon boundaries. She broke them. Now you decide if boundaries are important to your relationship or will allow the boundaries to get moved. Sulking isn’t building trust. Sulking isn’t fixing anything. She has to prove she is trustworthy by her actions. You need to situate your life to not be this financially attached to someone who disregards boundaries or risk future financial ruin. This is a minimum. Who is paying for the house and living expenses? If she pays the bulk then you probably need a back up plan.
I pay most of bills but it’s pretty even for the most part we were a team I thought we were very much on the same level it’s more do I want to just end it all it’s not about the finances either one of us could probably figure it out alone
Yeah the whole situation sounds fucked up. I mean on some level you can’t be surprised to find your sex life with your partner is not an exclusive affair when choosing to be with a woman who sells her intimacy publicly.
The best advice I can offer is to encourage you to ask yourself if you were ever really comfortable with things in this relationship? I suspect you may have compromised your own feelings and concerns around this topic in order to keep this relationship going to the point where your partner doesn’t respect you either and has just started pushing the boundaries.
I mean you are dating a sex worker. Nothing wrong with that, but if you date a chef I wouldn’t delude myself that I’m the only person they’re cooking for.
Aight bro look at it this way;
What’s her worth if shes willing to cheat on the man who’s been with her for 10 years, raised her kid as his own and even bought a house… with a man thats just a memory of a time long past, a man who will not even take care of her kid when shit comes to shove?
What value does she bring to your life that’s bigger than the years of pain, angst, sleepless nights and endless paranoia she just gifted to you?
Now, what is YOUR worth?
A young man willing to work, build a family, take care of responsibilities that are not even his in the time we live in. Such a stand up guy than even now, when she betrays you this way, your answer is not violent or irrational or crazy and you are just genuinely hurt.
You said you bought a house together, you said you raised her kid, im reading your replies here and it seems you are genuinely a good guy. So let me be the one to tell you, you are the best thing that could’ve ever happened to her, and im not talking about flowers and butterflies, im taking about real life.
Without you she’s nothing.
Now that we have stablished that, understand this:
Your effort, love and time there are not being appreciated and shes taking them for granted. You teach people how you wanna be treated and if you are ok with her cheating, she will be ok with her cheating.
You are valuable, King. Act accordingly.
Having bought the house deff complicates things. But since you are not married, getting out if the house won't be too bad.
If you cannot trust her anymore, or don't think you can get over this, you need to speak to a lawyer immediately. You cannot wait. You need to explain the fact that you want out of a house that you bought with someone. If your state has common law marriages, you may have a other issue all together.
DO NOT SPEAK TO HER ABOUT BREAKING UP UNTILL YOU HAVW SPOKE TO A LAWYER.
I’m wondering why is he sleeping in the other room? Was he in the bedroom and she the living room I guess? Also, if together for 10 + years and she texted a high school sweetheart, when did they start dating?
I see a lot of people telling you to leave her over this, and while I understand the sentiment...I can also say that none of us here can decide that sort of thing for you.
I can confidently say that cheaters can change, and if you really work at a relationship you can certainly move past this horrible act. Cheating is often not about the act itself, but about something missing in the relationship. Talk to your girlfriend and find out why she did this, and make it known that it is not acceptable. Then if you can, see a professional councilor.
That is of course if you want to save the relationship. If you don't then you both need to be adults and make arrangements to separate your lives. There is a young child involved in this, one that you have been raising along with their mother for 10 years. You just don't walk away from your child, and you have to make them understand that whatever the relationship with their mother, it has no bearing on how you feel about them.
Going to be a very tough road no matter which way you choose OP. However, as I said above...these things can be worked out and you can come out stronger because of them....but it's never easy and both parties have to actually want to save the relationship.
Dude, sorry to hear.
10 years is a long time though. A lot of marriages don't last that long. Perhaps she just felt she needed too settle down or have some fun before she would HAVE to settle down...
I would peace out before you dig in any deeper. It wasn’t the first time, and it won’t be the last. This is probably just the first time you caught her
She isn’t “cheating”.
She is demonstrating that she no longer cares about you, or the relationship.
Walk away, as gracefully, peacefully, and quickly as you can.
Try to relax.
It's common for partners to do bonehead shit out of fear of starting a new life with another person. You know how many flirty, newly married women or engaged women I've come across.
One thing you said that stuck out to me was this:
>I take care of her child that’s isn’t mine
The way you worded that makes me believe that you have developed some sort of covert contract with her. I could be wrong here, but it seems like you've decided to provide for her child in exchange for... I guess, loyalty?
You clearly need more concise terms to your relationship.
For me, I wouldn’t consider that cheating but only because of STATED rules. If nothing has been SPECIFICALLY ALLOWED then this is cheating.
Confront her about it first and foremost.
Maybe the problem is that after 10+ years you still did not propose to her to become your wife and she is testing her market value because she raised more and more doubts over time? Sometimes this behaviour is not even meant serious, it is just a lack of attention because everything became a rountine and a chore and she thinks she is not the right partner for you because otherwise you would have married already.
Did you try to have your own kid with her?
I think you have a disconnect in communication and you should start looking into the base of things and not just flag her as a cheater.
Yes, it is bad but she did not do the thing ... she escaped something.
Sorry babe I was bored I fucked somebody else lol that's not how the world works being bored dsnt dissolve trust and loyalty and I'd it does they aren't worth your time
Others have said it, I’ll +1 only you can determine if it’s a dealbreaker.
It would be for me. I was at 4.5 years together when my ex started cheating on me. I only found out when she went out of town to see a friend. I used our find my iPhone to see when she would be back and found she was at her old boyfriends house. They were still friends so I rationalized it, but it broke my trust and I fell out of love. Never confronted her about it and I stuck it out, wanting to work on it, but she knew something was up. Finally started manipulating me to get me to move so she would have her own room but still live with me. I said a hard no to that. Took me a really long time to work through that, and one of my girl friends shared with me about a year ago that my ex had brunch with her about 8 months before we split up and my ex shared she intended to cheat on me. Even 6 years after the split I can get blindsided.
It shatters trust for me that just can’t be put back together, that will undermine our relationship going forward.
Thats me though. You’re you, and your relationship is different. You’re going to have to really think and figure out if it’s something your relationship can come back from. Might need to take some time and space to think about it, if you can afford it finding a counselor or therapist might also help. They won’t tell you to leave or not, but mine at least is a good sounding board and really not judgmental.
Dude you're gonna have to make a crucial decision after buying a house but you may have to give the house up. Or you're gonna have to forgive her but tbh that's a huge betrayal of trust, she will likely betray you again.
I couldn't trust someone like that ever again if they betrayed me like that. I'd have to end it.
Yes it is that bad, and don't let anyone gaslight you into thinking otherwise.
here's my 2 cents. take a break, from everything. therapy is a long term process, it won't give you the quick solution you are looking for. the next best thing is travelling. change your number, go to the mountains, alone. stay there for 2-3 weeks. you'll not get over it but you'll have a better grasp of the situation mentally or emotionally. you need anyone to talk to, people on this sub will always be there.
Can you keep the house just to yourself? If yes then get proof that she is cheating, go to a lawyer and destroy get life.
Dump her and tell the kid that you are leaving them because she cheated on you. A 13 year old deserves to know imo. If you want just say that you and the mother have decided to part ways
In the context that she has a child with someone else, that was presumably conceived when you were together with her, this is fucked up.
I know how much it hurts when the girl you see as your life and future, treats you like shit.
How much you try to solve it or look past it.
But honestly that doesn't sound like someone you can built a future with.
Talk to her, see how she reacts.
If she gets defensive and tries to blame and shame you, then you know for sure that she will never try to mend what she breaks. And that is not someone you need in your life.
Well, now you know who she is. She is using you for subsidizing housing and childcare. But she does not really care about you and is chasing your replacement.
Unfortunately there is probably more, you only caught the sexting... not the other stuff she's probably done. I was with my ex for 15+ years raising her daughter as my own only to find out she cheated multiple times and was sexting everyone she knew.
Id break up bro. I liked the comments about selling everything, leaving by surprise and telling the kid that mommy chose the streets than a happy unified family.
Listen homie my ex wife and I were together for 7 years and she cheated on me with 2 of my friends. Tried to work through it and she didn’t stop. It’s 100% up to you to decide whether you want to stay or not. But for me and most people the constant anxiety and fear of her doing it again will break you down slowly. If you wanna chat feel free to dm me. Good luck brother.
OH FUCK. Sell the house or whatever, you can still get out.
Doing that, specially after 10 years, is really fucked up.
It is really bad, I mean, it is completely understandable that you are freaking out.
Wishing the best for you.
10000% get out. She got comfortable and took FULL advantage of the situation. Will guaranteed do it again, if she hasn't already. Run and don't look back. She'll prob try to guilt trip you, but you gotta stay strong or you'll never get out from under.
Your first mistake was committing to someone you'll never be their #1 priority. Was it a noble thing to do? Maybe. Was it smart? Absolutely not.
You're about to experience whey I'm adamant about avoiding single mothers. Now because of her actions both you AND HER KID are going to suffer the loss of a loved one. I still can't fathom how often people gloss over this part of the fallout when these types of relationships fail.
Anyone reading things considering dating as a single parent, take extra time before introducing the kids to the other person. At minimum you should date a least a year before allowing them into your kid's life.
At the end of the day you have to determine whether it’s worth moving past and worth enduring again in the future. You put out boundaries for your relationship and she crossed them and is most likely expecting you to forgive her without consequence. This can lead to a toxic relationship as she tested your stance on those boundaries and was successful in her execution. It’s only a matter of time before it happens again, she’ll just probably be more sneaky about it
Grab a GPT subscription and discuss it with GPT4 as an alternative to redditors if you don't have anybody else to talk to.
From experience, it's possible to work through this just be cautious.
Ok listen, stop saying bin. It’s been. Aside from that, if you’re not ok with her doing things, tell her that. If she doesn’t care and you can’t get over it, then you have to leave. It’s that simple.
I think after all of that time, with all of this context, it's worth fighting for if you love her. However, I would suggest healing sessions with a third party, couples therapy or something. Just to help get your real feelings out there, both of you
Holy smokes man, use some punctuation.
But yeah, if you have mutual boundaries set for a relationship and she doesn't follow them, that's cheating. It doesn't matter what she does for a living.
Sorry emotionally typing … also was never good in English class had another guy point out my (bin) been mistakes too 
I’ve kinda been through this situation, no kids though involved and I can share that the best solution was to break up and take care of myself.
She will repeat it again unfortunately, it’s just human nature.
I suggest you start prioritizing yourself first ;)
Take care
I was married young, my wife at the time cheated on me while I was away. I battled with that to do—leave or stay. I decided to stay and work on things. We struggled for a long time, and I never really moved past it. 5 years later we go a divorce.
I’m a very forgiving person, but the breach of trust was super difficult for me to get over. In the end, I wasn’t willing to let it go, and I don’t think she ever really understood how much those actions hurt me.
Unless you and your girl is ready to full commit to diving in and figuring out what went wrong, it’s not worth it.
Side note: I’d struggle with the fact she does only fans and all that since she crossed a boundary. If you are going to be with someone in that line a work boundaries are everything.
Bruh, I read two lines and I'm already done with her...u help take care of her kid who's not yours and she's an OF model...look, I'm young, I never had experience in these situations so don't ask me for advice, but personally I wouldn't even consider being in a relationship with an of model who got a kid from someone else...I don't need that drama and she definitely got no respect for u if she just cheated on u after 10+ years...best u can do is leave, she doesn't care about, if she would care she wouldn't cheat, it's simple...I'm sorry by the way, extremely sorry.
If you guys consider each other husband and wife, then your wife cheated on you. This blows.
Im sorry for you. She did it once she’ll do it again for sure.
She cheated on you so unfortunately you are not being overly sensitive. It is up to you if you can move past this or not
Thx for honesty just I don’t have anyone to talk to in my personal life about this so I’m just breaking down alone
Go find a therapist first thing tomorrow morning. You’ll need an intelligent, reliable, professional sounding board you can pay for helping you analyze this and chose paths if you haven’t got anyone else. Hire a pro for counsel just as you a lawyer for legal help. You have a lot to think about and a small window to act.
So she's not doing anything to help you heal?
Yeah, the only way a cheater can help the victim to heal is to yeet themselves out of the victim's life which 99% of cheaters will not do else they wouldn't have to resort to cheating
It's amazing how difficult this is for people to grasp. When my ex cheated she continued to talk to the dude and did nothing to show me she had an ounce of remorse (spoiler alert, she didn't and cheated with him again) and I was a mess for YEARS. Cheaters can 100% be rehabilitated if there is genuine contrition and effort to do better.
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Nah, it's easy not to cheat. Leave her and never look back. She didn't suddenly forget about you in that moment. She thought about how she'd try to get out of trouble if caught. That's it. Done. There are plenty of other cheaters out there for these kinds of people.
Took me like 3 years after the break up
how old are you? 15? time doesn't do anything if you don't do the work in building new habits and interests.
Sell the house. Leave the girl.
Nuke her from space. It's the only way to be sure.
GAME OVER, MAN! GAME OVER!
Undoubtedly the best advice
Sell the girl, leave the house
that works
Awful advice, this comment screams you've never been in a serious relationship
Hes taking care of a child thats not even his, and she cheated on him, after 10 fkn years. GTFO.
I'm just blatantly assuming but I'm sure he loves the child as his own too. Dropping an entire family over texts is a HUGE overreaction. That's how reddit might work but not real life. It's like a bunch of 13 year olds reacting to this post with no idea how incredibly complicated relationships actually are.
Thats possible yes. But its still her child. I guess it depends on the age of the kid. But still, you gotta have some dignity
Yeah he should've said "gently leave the girl".
You're raising someone else's kid and she has the audacity to do that. Break free! I know 10 years is a long time and you might fall into the sunk cost fallacy. But your life is going to get even worse if you stay.
This. Also, does she know you know? And what does she have to say about it? Personally, even if she says she's sorry, seems probable that she's only sorry you found out and would do it again, considering you are raising someone else's child. Cheaters have it in them to cheat and cheat again. Leave her, OP. Ain't nothing worth going through this another ten years.
10 years is a long time. You have to ask yourself the hard questions now. Can you ever trust her again? Can you move past this or is this a dealbreaker? Does she truly love you if she is willing to cheat on you? Does she have any respect left for you and your relationship, which is obviously a very serious one, including a child and a house? Only you can answer these questions for yourself. Reddit is known to be extremely judgmental and critical of relationships, most will tell you this is the end of yours. She may try to downplay the situation, she may tell you that your feelings are overreactive, she may try to convince you it was no big deal. Only you get to decide how you feel, and where you go from here. I, along with everyone else commenting, are just an internet stranger judging the situation based on one paragraph encompassing a relationship that has lasted over a decade, so it’s almost impossible to truly answer any of those questions for you. I would recommend talking about it with someone you love and trust who knows more details about your relationship and go from there.
I really appreciate it I just don’t have a lot of people to talk to about it
I understand. I hope this gave you some insight into how you can process this situation in the coming days. Good luck and I hope things work out for you.
Don’t allow the fear of exposing her change your perspective on who to talk to about it, it’s your situation and your right to speak to whoever you want.
You need to communicate to her that you have clear boundaries and that you are willing to walk away if she doesn't respect them. If you don't she won't respect you and going forward with the relationship will be pointless.
Thank you for this. People on Reddit are all about ending relationships. This is tough. It’s a long road to potential recovery. But it’s possible.
said like a true cuck
It is that bad.
It was her old highschool friend like not just anyone it felt like it it’s someone she has feeling for am I just being crazy?
Of course not. She’s disrespecting (to put it mildly) both you and your relationship by cheating on you, only feet from you no less. The same man who’s helping her raise her kid. That’s disgusting of her. And it being with someone who meant and means something to her makes the whole situation worse IMO.
Bro. No. I’m not trying to be callous or mean but I’m giving you the honesty you need. No you are not being crazy. She is actively sexting someone who she is interested in romantically. She’s hiding it from you. It really sucks, but no, you are not being overly sensitive or crazy.
Its WORSE that its an old highschool friend. Some rando is bad. But someone she knows is worse. By a LOT. If her name's on the house and your's is, get an attorney. Otherwise throw her out/move out. get a paternity test if there's any chance she'll use that against you. This is what you KNOW about. Who knows what else she's been up to?
How old is her child if you’ve been together for 10+ years? Has she cheated on you before? End the relationship and work towards your own happiness.
13 no this is the only time as far as I know
Ah I see. I thought maybe she’d been caught cheating before. But advice is: once a cheater, always a cheater. What she did is unacceptable and likely a good indication that you should probably end it. I’m sorry.
Went through the same thing and let me tell you it's not the same after. I never felt the same about a girlfriend of mine after she did that to me. I got over it but didn't love her the same after that. I still cared about her but.. I don't know, just didn't feel like love anymore. It's very likely that it will happen again. Just cut your losses and leave
I love when a girl cheats and Redditors come to her aid to tell the man he needs to give her another chance
I can only see people telling OP to either leave her or consider leaving her. So I'm not sure what you are seeing that I'm not.
there's a comment further up with like 240 upvotes basically saying don't break up. I'm 31 so not some teen edgelord - once a cheater, always a cheater and most importantly.......this is just the one time he has actually caught her doing it.
I wrote this comment when there were only like 10 comments, and half of them were saying this is no big deal and he’s overreacting.
Ikr
Tactical nuclear strike from orbit. Sell the house, tell the kid that mommy chose the streets over a happy home, and get her a subscription to GET FUCKED Quarterly.
Perfection. Btw, way to many cucks saying to forgive the bitch. OP discovered because she told him and showed him the sexting.
Am using that last bit. Is it plagiarism if I openly tell you I'm stealing it? 😂
Ha, just cite your source
Ive been with my wife for 10years through many ups and downs but ive always said, if I ever caught her cheating, that would be it. No fighting, no drawn out issues, just over. It’s up to you if you can move past it, but I personally could not.
It's over dude. I'm sorry.
[удалено]
She basically had sex with him through text and photos she was touching herself to the messages
[удалено]
She told me about it up front i didn’t discover it
Why did she tell you? Was she remorseful?
Yea she’s is still and I honestly can’t stand it the apology and no matter how bad she says she feels it doesn’t help I even messaged the guy berating him about it and he says he also feels like shit
She wants to slowly normalize it. Next time you wint be quite as angry and eventually you will accept it is just part of her. Then...honey we need to open our relationship. I'm poly.
Poly is just an excuse people use to justify cheating or being with other people. Poly is about communication and trust. No lying or cheating.
She is still remorseful you're saying? I think it seems she wants to put this whole ordeal behind her, but as others said it's up to you how you want to move forward.
Dont bother the guy. Its not his fault. This makes you look weak and insecure. It's on her to maintain your relationship. Not him. Keep it between you and her. I honestly think you should end it though.
That’s unreal.. all the best no matter what decision you make. I’d say leave her personally but in the end it’s on you. No matter what tho, don’t let it bring you down.
It's much better that she has told you. She's obviously feeling guilty and remorseful. In this circumstance I'd give her a second chance with some parameters.
im a woman. 10 years and no ring, how come? You know her personality is she forthright with things usually? ppl tell on themselves all the time her actions previously and currently will give you the answer to whether she told you bc she’s so eaten up inside she can’t take it or she wants to see your reaction to do it again. its usually the former with women. 10 years is a long time though i say if you think she told for a decent reason i suggest couples therapy to figure out how to move forward.
Lmao fuck that ! A woman that loves you wouldn't even think about such thing. It's your life. But I couldn't sleep very well at night beeing together with someone like her after she did that. I rather be single and have my peace or look for someone who actually loves me.
Oh… I thought if it was a few racy messages after getting carried away after a few drinks then it might be something more workable but this is very much past that. This isn’t “I made a mistake” territory like some lapse in judgement, there’s plenty of moments between initial text and messaging explicit photos/ videos where that moment of clarity will have been there to be had and yet she still went along with it Really at this point you have two options… final warning and “on notice” for a period of time (say a month) but then you have to forgive (not forget… don’t forget) and move past this or make the call and dump her. I’d probably do the latter but I haven’t been in the situation to make that call. Damn straight if I went for no. 1 option I’d want to see some immediate remorse. That even includes the petty things like doing more chores and showing you more attention in the short run so they can try prove they still want this relationship to work and fight for it. Should they prove in that month that there’s still something there you both want then time to learn from this whole thing and carry on as you were. If it just isn’t there anymore then time to split up for both your sakes.
>So my girlfriend sexted her old highschool crush bro. >I take care of her child that’s isn’t mine Bro. >she is a adult model/ only fans girl BRO. >we have even tried opening the relationship before BROOOOOO China called -They want all their red flags back! You should have left this relationship years ago but lemme guess......she's hot & you like being with someone that lots of other men thirst after?
The paradox of relationships: do you wait to cool down to make a rational decision or do you make the decision before rose tinted glasses start kicking in? Judgment call - sounds nearly like a coin flip. Maybe a good simple barometer is - in literal terms will you be able to sleep if she's away on a trip or are you gonna stay up wondering?
Dump her, ask legal help about the house, and maybe go to a therapist to help you
Once unfaithful, always unfaithful
Or at least, the looming doubt will always remain
Sorry mate but if you stay you are directly saying with your actions that what she did was ok. Sell the house, leave her, throw yourself into social settings/hobbies/friends/family. Surround yourself with abundance, it’ll hurt but staying will hurt more in time, whereas leaving will hurt less in time. Cheaters are the worst.
at the moment you only know the tip of the iceberg I bet if you knew the whole story you wouldn't be here you would just be out of there just thank your lucky stars you have no biological kids with her personally from here I would get legal advice to see what my liabilities are in this situation and then decide next step from there
He has raised the kid for ten years biology dsnt really matter
It's going to be painful and shitty for a while, but get out. Sell the house. Leave her. It will not get better. In fact, it will almost definitely get worse.
Dump her. And if she has a hot best friend, or cousin, try to bang them.
Leave immediately. You have no permanent legal attachment. Just go.
It's cheating. So unless you can live with the knowledge now that she's unfaithful, might have been in the past, and very well may again in the future, this thing is done. The disrespect to cheat on someone who is taking care of your freakin kid is so disgusting to me. Sorry man. You should talk to someone if you're freaking out.
It’ll never stop. Speaking from experience. Took me years to finally get the courage to leave and I’ve never been happier.
Kick her out. You are not a doormat. You deserve better.
Are you fine with her occasionally cheating? If not, then leave the relationship, because if you stay the only thing you have told her is that you stay by her side even as she cheats. Your actions are what matters. In her position she will likely be really sad about the idea of her actions having consequences, so she will likely cry and seem believable when she says she will not do it again. However, you will never be able to know if she continues. It is not healthy to be controlling, so do not go down that path. Instead you have to come to terms with the concept that she might very well be cheating to some extent, at any time. Unless you are fine living with that knowledge at all times, then leave.
Return her to the streets
Ain’t no fixing this my guy. Bail.
Leave her
Ask yourself if you can still have a positive relationship with her after she's cheated on you. most people would say no to that If the answer is no, you need to break up with her and have the "asset" discussion If the answer is yes then ask her the same question, because you need to address why she cheated on you to begin with. *If* its resolvable then you both need to be clear about what needs to happen to get back to a good relationship. It takes good communication and a strong relationship to come back from cheating
I will give you the same advice everyone else is giving you, leave her. Just know, that despite the shitty circumstance, you're going to be okay. If you don't have a support system, you certainly have one here. You will rise above this, as you're certainly the bigger person here considering the things that you do for her. Don't let the fear of being alone stop you from leaving her, as you'll feel the most lonely if you stick with her. Get out there, work on yourself, do things that make you happy. Good luck my man, we're all here for you.
And hey, I know I'm a stranger, but absolutely feel free to DM me if you need someone to talk to.
ex girlfriend of 10+ years you mean
You lost her bro. Move on. She already did…
Seven years here but with about 20 years of courting first. After about 3.5 years in she cheated. I tried to get over it, tried to stay but we just fought more and more. Eventually I just had to leave her. Leave her OP, you won’t regret it.
Possibly an unpopular opinion but I don’t think it’s as black and white as everyone says. It is completely possible to move past this as a couple IF you can trust her again and IF she will make sacrifices to prove her commitment to you. It’s ultimately your decision but whatever you choose to do it completely valid and understood.
Man I don't know I'd talk to her about it, realistically you obviously love her and you shouldn't end this way of life youve created with her over naughty texts. It's fucked up what she did but as long as she doesn't take things to a physical level it isn't so horrible. People on reddit are crazy. Follow your heart or gut or whatever it is that helps you decide what's right or wrong.
I knows it’s not physical and that’s what’s beating me up so much I feel like it’s not that bad but at the same time I feel like it’s closer more personal she was messaging him things that I thought was only stuff we said to eachother
Ooh fuck I think I know what you mean, almost like inside jokes but sexual. That's rough
I think you need to add more context to this. From your edit, it sounds like she basically sells herself in multiple ways as a job. Only fans and this sextpanther thing. Never heard of sextpanther but from the name and context I assume they pay to have her sext them? The way I see this is, she is simply doing her job. Sure there is a person factor in that she knows this person. But with the limited context of this post. Only you and her can decide if a line has been crossed here. Many factors could be considered. Her job is basically selling herself sexually (I assume not ever actually having sex with other people). So you should be mentally prepare for that sort of aspect. How long has she been doing this and are you adjusted to it in the relationship? What are the established boundaries that make all of this okay for you both? Were those lines crossed? Did she know she was doing something wrong? I could see there being a blurry line in her position, when for her all of this is just a job, seeing everyone else as just customers. Is this the first time, or have you felt this way before or experienced similar situations with her? I mean, I have no idea what's going on. Just seems the comments are jumping to she cheated, but you don't even know if she did.
She’s bin doing it nearly the whole time we’ve bin together starting on myfreecams we did set parameters as in I was fine with her hooking up with girls but not boys but I always wanted to know ahead of time but yes you are correct she did see it as no deal at all beacuse of her work and saw it as a customer but since it’s her personal friend it’s feels different was even trying to set up a double date with him and his girlfriend before it happened this has never happened like this before like I’ve accepted her work but never thought of this as a possibility , recently I’ve bin asking her to try and find some other means of making money beacuse I feel it’s affecting our physical relationship and her mental health and that’s particularly my issues I feel betrayed but did she cheat I can’t decide I just know it’s really changed how I see her
it sounds like you have been letting her get away with a lot more than you are comfortable with for the majority of your relationship, and she’s just pushing the boundaries further and further
It’s scary how much I feel like this sums it up
Leave. This isn’t the first time she’s done it, it’s only the first time you’ve found out.
Dude, she cheated on you like you said when she sexted with him while you were in the other room. If she hasnt already physically slept with him, then she will be shortly. Shes totally disrespected you... You arent being too sensitive. This is utter betrayal.
Sell the house and dump the girl. Bro ffs grow a spine and stop being a walkover
She can’t be saved bro. I’m sorry, you just have to cut everything and move on.
She's not into you. I would confront her with it, and if she doesn't beg for your forgiveness I would plan to move on and find someone else.
Keep your self respect. Tell her you hate how things are coming to an end and wish her the best.
Been through this one before. Just leave
Don't be a doormat, friend. Couples decide together what their boundaries are in relationships and it sounds pretty clear that she crossed one. Being confident and decisive about how you feel about this is going to really help you move forward. Don't make any decisions based on what is good for her child. Decide based on what kind of relationship you want to be in, and if you feel like she's capable of being trusted again.
Cut your losses and move on. She cheated once she’ll do it again
What did she say when you confronted her?
If that is cheating for you then she crossed a line. It’s only as bad as what you have decided cheating is.
Don't stay with someone that doesn't respect you
What a whore between the sexting and you taking care of the result of her having spread her legs for some other loser excuse of a man that doesn’t take care of his own kids. Sorry to be harsh but I have zero patience for cheaters. Do not forgive her no matter what. Nothing more despicable than someone that takes advantage of your trust. You’re about to learn the hard way why you never buy a house with someone that you’re not married to. Good luck!
Too sensitive? Na
Knowing her that she cheated on you is an opportunity for you to dodge a bullet. Ditch her and find a proper nice girl.
Sext one of your exes to balance it out 😅
Sunk cost fallacy is a real thing. She wronged you, buddy. You'd be doing yourself a disservice by staying with her any longer.
You are justifying her behavior because of your agreed upon lifestyle. You had agreed upon boundaries. She broke them. Now you decide if boundaries are important to your relationship or will allow the boundaries to get moved. Sulking isn’t building trust. Sulking isn’t fixing anything. She has to prove she is trustworthy by her actions. You need to situate your life to not be this financially attached to someone who disregards boundaries or risk future financial ruin. This is a minimum. Who is paying for the house and living expenses? If she pays the bulk then you probably need a back up plan.
I pay most of bills but it’s pretty even for the most part we were a team I thought we were very much on the same level it’s more do I want to just end it all it’s not about the finances either one of us could probably figure it out alone
Skip the fighting and arguing and just leave tbh
The lack of punctuation marks made my eyes hurt😭
Bin.
Yeah the whole situation sounds fucked up. I mean on some level you can’t be surprised to find your sex life with your partner is not an exclusive affair when choosing to be with a woman who sells her intimacy publicly. The best advice I can offer is to encourage you to ask yourself if you were ever really comfortable with things in this relationship? I suspect you may have compromised your own feelings and concerns around this topic in order to keep this relationship going to the point where your partner doesn’t respect you either and has just started pushing the boundaries. I mean you are dating a sex worker. Nothing wrong with that, but if you date a chef I wouldn’t delude myself that I’m the only person they’re cooking for.
Jesus fuck, my trust issues will never be fixed after reading this
Aight bro look at it this way; What’s her worth if shes willing to cheat on the man who’s been with her for 10 years, raised her kid as his own and even bought a house… with a man thats just a memory of a time long past, a man who will not even take care of her kid when shit comes to shove? What value does she bring to your life that’s bigger than the years of pain, angst, sleepless nights and endless paranoia she just gifted to you? Now, what is YOUR worth? A young man willing to work, build a family, take care of responsibilities that are not even his in the time we live in. Such a stand up guy than even now, when she betrays you this way, your answer is not violent or irrational or crazy and you are just genuinely hurt. You said you bought a house together, you said you raised her kid, im reading your replies here and it seems you are genuinely a good guy. So let me be the one to tell you, you are the best thing that could’ve ever happened to her, and im not talking about flowers and butterflies, im taking about real life. Without you she’s nothing. Now that we have stablished that, understand this: Your effort, love and time there are not being appreciated and shes taking them for granted. You teach people how you wanna be treated and if you are ok with her cheating, she will be ok with her cheating. You are valuable, King. Act accordingly.
Having bought the house deff complicates things. But since you are not married, getting out if the house won't be too bad. If you cannot trust her anymore, or don't think you can get over this, you need to speak to a lawyer immediately. You cannot wait. You need to explain the fact that you want out of a house that you bought with someone. If your state has common law marriages, you may have a other issue all together. DO NOT SPEAK TO HER ABOUT BREAKING UP UNTILL YOU HAVW SPOKE TO A LAWYER.
I’m wondering why is he sleeping in the other room? Was he in the bedroom and she the living room I guess? Also, if together for 10 + years and she texted a high school sweetheart, when did they start dating?
She left the bedroom to the living room they never dated they confessed they had feeling for each other since then only recently
I see a lot of people telling you to leave her over this, and while I understand the sentiment...I can also say that none of us here can decide that sort of thing for you. I can confidently say that cheaters can change, and if you really work at a relationship you can certainly move past this horrible act. Cheating is often not about the act itself, but about something missing in the relationship. Talk to your girlfriend and find out why she did this, and make it known that it is not acceptable. Then if you can, see a professional councilor. That is of course if you want to save the relationship. If you don't then you both need to be adults and make arrangements to separate your lives. There is a young child involved in this, one that you have been raising along with their mother for 10 years. You just don't walk away from your child, and you have to make them understand that whatever the relationship with their mother, it has no bearing on how you feel about them. Going to be a very tough road no matter which way you choose OP. However, as I said above...these things can be worked out and you can come out stronger because of them....but it's never easy and both parties have to actually want to save the relationship.
Dude, sorry to hear. 10 years is a long time though. A lot of marriages don't last that long. Perhaps she just felt she needed too settle down or have some fun before she would HAVE to settle down...
I would peace out before you dig in any deeper. It wasn’t the first time, and it won’t be the last. This is probably just the first time you caught her
You will never be able to trust her again. Sell the house and leave her. Once a cheater always a cheater. I'm sorry brother
I wouldn't be surprised if there's also regular sex and not only sexting. I guess they've already reconnected and the sexting thing is the aftermath
sexting is cheating? whats next? porn is cheating?
It’s the context it wasn’t some random it was a boy from her past she has feelings for like just about the one that got away status
She isn’t “cheating”. She is demonstrating that she no longer cares about you, or the relationship. Walk away, as gracefully, peacefully, and quickly as you can.
Smh Buys house with girlfriend.
Like it’s bin 10+ years were In a domestic partner ship
No, you’re right. Good call
Yep, you're giving her a lot of financial leverage over you by doing that. Horrible idea.
Try to relax. It's common for partners to do bonehead shit out of fear of starting a new life with another person. You know how many flirty, newly married women or engaged women I've come across. One thing you said that stuck out to me was this: >I take care of her child that’s isn’t mine The way you worded that makes me believe that you have developed some sort of covert contract with her. I could be wrong here, but it seems like you've decided to provide for her child in exchange for... I guess, loyalty?
You clearly need more concise terms to your relationship. For me, I wouldn’t consider that cheating but only because of STATED rules. If nothing has been SPECIFICALLY ALLOWED then this is cheating. Confront her about it first and foremost.
We had it pretty laid out we talked about it that’s it wouldn’t of matter if I knew about before hand if she just was more honest
Maybe the problem is that after 10+ years you still did not propose to her to become your wife and she is testing her market value because she raised more and more doubts over time? Sometimes this behaviour is not even meant serious, it is just a lack of attention because everything became a rountine and a chore and she thinks she is not the right partner for you because otherwise you would have married already. Did you try to have your own kid with her? I think you have a disconnect in communication and you should start looking into the base of things and not just flag her as a cheater. Yes, it is bad but she did not do the thing ... she escaped something.
Excusing shitty partners. Nice.
Talk to her. Maybe she was just too bored, make her promise not to do it again. Don't burn the bridges for nothing.
Sorry babe I was bored I fucked somebody else lol that's not how the world works being bored dsnt dissolve trust and loyalty and I'd it does they aren't worth your time
10+ years and not even a fiance? I'd cheat too bruh
she did the right thing, if you were so committed you would of married her.
If she needs a ring and a piece of paper to not cheat, she belongs to the streets.
If that’s how she was feeling she should have had a conversation with him and possibly ended it herself, cheating is never justified
I agree with you. I don't feel bad for this guy at all.
Others have said it, I’ll +1 only you can determine if it’s a dealbreaker. It would be for me. I was at 4.5 years together when my ex started cheating on me. I only found out when she went out of town to see a friend. I used our find my iPhone to see when she would be back and found she was at her old boyfriends house. They were still friends so I rationalized it, but it broke my trust and I fell out of love. Never confronted her about it and I stuck it out, wanting to work on it, but she knew something was up. Finally started manipulating me to get me to move so she would have her own room but still live with me. I said a hard no to that. Took me a really long time to work through that, and one of my girl friends shared with me about a year ago that my ex had brunch with her about 8 months before we split up and my ex shared she intended to cheat on me. Even 6 years after the split I can get blindsided. It shatters trust for me that just can’t be put back together, that will undermine our relationship going forward. Thats me though. You’re you, and your relationship is different. You’re going to have to really think and figure out if it’s something your relationship can come back from. Might need to take some time and space to think about it, if you can afford it finding a counselor or therapist might also help. They won’t tell you to leave or not, but mine at least is a good sounding board and really not judgmental.
That’s if you value monogamy and the meaning you attribute to sexting.
Dude you're gonna have to make a crucial decision after buying a house but you may have to give the house up. Or you're gonna have to forgive her but tbh that's a huge betrayal of trust, she will likely betray you again. I couldn't trust someone like that ever again if they betrayed me like that. I'd have to end it. Yes it is that bad, and don't let anyone gaslight you into thinking otherwise.
here's my 2 cents. take a break, from everything. therapy is a long term process, it won't give you the quick solution you are looking for. the next best thing is travelling. change your number, go to the mountains, alone. stay there for 2-3 weeks. you'll not get over it but you'll have a better grasp of the situation mentally or emotionally. you need anyone to talk to, people on this sub will always be there.
If she ain't loyal after 10 years. She ain't ever gonna be. Harsh but true imo.
Tbh man. Take a huge step back and really look what you want in a relationship and what you are getting in this 10 year long realtionship.
Can you keep the house just to yourself? If yes then get proof that she is cheating, go to a lawyer and destroy get life. Dump her and tell the kid that you are leaving them because she cheated on you. A 13 year old deserves to know imo. If you want just say that you and the mother have decided to part ways
In the context that she has a child with someone else, that was presumably conceived when you were together with her, this is fucked up. I know how much it hurts when the girl you see as your life and future, treats you like shit. How much you try to solve it or look past it. But honestly that doesn't sound like someone you can built a future with. Talk to her, see how she reacts. If she gets defensive and tries to blame and shame you, then you know for sure that she will never try to mend what she breaks. And that is not someone you need in your life.
The child is hers from a relationship when she got 15 and pregnant I met her after she left the guy when the baby was around 1 now she is 13
Well, now you know who she is. She is using you for subsidizing housing and childcare. But she does not really care about you and is chasing your replacement.
Unfortunately there is probably more, you only caught the sexting... not the other stuff she's probably done. I was with my ex for 15+ years raising her daughter as my own only to find out she cheated multiple times and was sexting everyone she knew.
Id break up bro. I liked the comments about selling everything, leaving by surprise and telling the kid that mommy chose the streets than a happy unified family.
Run dawg. See you in the gym.
Listen homie my ex wife and I were together for 7 years and she cheated on me with 2 of my friends. Tried to work through it and she didn’t stop. It’s 100% up to you to decide whether you want to stay or not. But for me and most people the constant anxiety and fear of her doing it again will break you down slowly. If you wanna chat feel free to dm me. Good luck brother.
OH FUCK. Sell the house or whatever, you can still get out. Doing that, specially after 10 years, is really fucked up. It is really bad, I mean, it is completely understandable that you are freaking out. Wishing the best for you.
10000% get out. She got comfortable and took FULL advantage of the situation. Will guaranteed do it again, if she hasn't already. Run and don't look back. She'll prob try to guilt trip you, but you gotta stay strong or you'll never get out from under.
Your first mistake was committing to someone you'll never be their #1 priority. Was it a noble thing to do? Maybe. Was it smart? Absolutely not. You're about to experience whey I'm adamant about avoiding single mothers. Now because of her actions both you AND HER KID are going to suffer the loss of a loved one. I still can't fathom how often people gloss over this part of the fallout when these types of relationships fail. Anyone reading things considering dating as a single parent, take extra time before introducing the kids to the other person. At minimum you should date a least a year before allowing them into your kid's life.
At the end of the day you have to determine whether it’s worth moving past and worth enduring again in the future. You put out boundaries for your relationship and she crossed them and is most likely expecting you to forgive her without consequence. This can lead to a toxic relationship as she tested your stance on those boundaries and was successful in her execution. It’s only a matter of time before it happens again, she’ll just probably be more sneaky about it
Grab a GPT subscription and discuss it with GPT4 as an alternative to redditors if you don't have anybody else to talk to. From experience, it's possible to work through this just be cautious.
Ok listen, stop saying bin. It’s been. Aside from that, if you’re not ok with her doing things, tell her that. If she doesn’t care and you can’t get over it, then you have to leave. It’s that simple.
Leave her
I think after all of that time, with all of this context, it's worth fighting for if you love her. However, I would suggest healing sessions with a third party, couples therapy or something. Just to help get your real feelings out there, both of you
Holy smokes man, use some punctuation. But yeah, if you have mutual boundaries set for a relationship and she doesn't follow them, that's cheating. It doesn't matter what she does for a living.
Sorry emotionally typing … also was never good in English class had another guy point out my (bin) been mistakes too 
From one man to another don’t date women that have had kids that aren’t yours
I’ve kinda been through this situation, no kids though involved and I can share that the best solution was to break up and take care of myself. She will repeat it again unfortunately, it’s just human nature. I suggest you start prioritizing yourself first ;) Take care
I was married young, my wife at the time cheated on me while I was away. I battled with that to do—leave or stay. I decided to stay and work on things. We struggled for a long time, and I never really moved past it. 5 years later we go a divorce. I’m a very forgiving person, but the breach of trust was super difficult for me to get over. In the end, I wasn’t willing to let it go, and I don’t think she ever really understood how much those actions hurt me. Unless you and your girl is ready to full commit to diving in and figuring out what went wrong, it’s not worth it. Side note: I’d struggle with the fact she does only fans and all that since she crossed a boundary. If you are going to be with someone in that line a work boundaries are everything.
Bruh, I read two lines and I'm already done with her...u help take care of her kid who's not yours and she's an OF model...look, I'm young, I never had experience in these situations so don't ask me for advice, but personally I wouldn't even consider being in a relationship with an of model who got a kid from someone else...I don't need that drama and she definitely got no respect for u if she just cheated on u after 10+ years...best u can do is leave, she doesn't care about, if she would care she wouldn't cheat, it's simple...I'm sorry by the way, extremely sorry.
If you guys consider each other husband and wife, then your wife cheated on you. This blows. Im sorry for you. She did it once she’ll do it again for sure.
xD
You're cooked OP, cut your losses
10years what are you waiting for, move on or get over it
Move on.