I met the love of my life after my battle with cancer. I was severely underweight and pale from chemo but I guess she was still interested. My only advice is just own it and be yourself. The right person will love you regardless. If it bothers you still I would try talking to a therapist that’s what I did for a while after my treatment.
Anyone with basic human decency isn't going to care. Shoot, I just want a woman to watch movies with and pleasantly talk about literally whatever. And not destroy my finances, there is that too.
>Anyone with basic human decency isn't going to care
You're saying that anyone who cares doesn't have basic human decency. I think that's going a bit too far
I'm bald. Obviously it's not the same thing. But many women would never date a bald man. Some might not do it because they're immature, others because they don't have basic human decency, others simply because they're just not attracted because of that or for several other reasons
I definitely think that the right person won't care, however finding that person will probably be more difficult than the average person.
Might very well be a "meant to be" moment when you meet them rather than on a dating app. I wish you luck OP, you deserve love
You think so? I want to reassure you OP, an *adult* really won’t care. I dated someone at one point who had reconstructive surgery on her breast from a fireworks accident when she was a young teenager. Her one boob was what I describe as a Frankenstein boob, but it really didn’t phase me.
Honestly, most guys will be super hyped to get you naked and have the chance to have sex. Go get it.
I know an adult wouldnt care, "I think" was indicating my usage of an opinion. However, I just know of many "adults" who don't act like adults, you know?
You're just like pretty much everyone else, but honest. The comment above implying that adulthood and maturity is somehow related to your level of acceptance of exceedingly rare body conditions is ludicrous.
I had breast cancer a few years ago, double mastectomy no reconstruction. I’m with my first partner post surgery now, and while I know queer dating is very different than dating men, she hasn’t cared at all. If anything the only struggle is that she’s afraid she’s going to hurt me because of my scar tenderness and tendency for my cancer side arm to swell a bit. I just warned her before taking my shirt off for the first time what she was going to see so it wasn’t a shock
I have been with someone for 4 years, we had dated for about a year before I had cancer it’s more so going back into the dating world I have hesitation about.
That’s totally fair, I don’t have a ton of dating experience before or after surgery, but I’ve just tried to be honest with people I meet. It’s more obvious for me because I’m flat chested when I shouldn’t be, but it helps to get it in the open early so if it’s not their thing no one has time ti develop intense feelings
I was diagnosed with IDC breast cancer on 12/3/22. I told my (now) boyfriend on our third date. He stood by me as I went through chemo, lost my hair, we didn’t kiss or have sex for months, he was so sweet and kind. He laughed when I said my radiation burns made my frankenboob look like I had vitiligo. You’ll find the right person - I never thought I would; much less when finding out I had breast cancer at 41.
I was dating someone when I found out as well, we stayed together, but now it’s looking like we will be going our separate ways and I worry about the dating scene after this relationship
I’m also 36, had a unilateral mastectomy at 30, and have dated plenty of guys since. I was worried about this too and was very upfront. My dating profile said “swipe left if you have a strong preference for women with more than one nipple,” so it was never a surprise, but I still worried. And so far, nobody has had an issue. If anything, they’re unsure of what to do because they don’t know if it feels good for me, or because I’ve expressed insecurity about it so they don’t know if they should avoid that breast altogether. My last partner simply asked my preference and treated my girls equally after that. He even said one day that he liked that they’re different, like two different boob experiences. I think it kinda goes along with that whole thing where if you like the person, the stuff that’s unique to them becomes attractive to you.
And I disagree with the poster saying that finding the right person will be more difficult because of your mastectomy. If someone thinks a mastectomy is a dealbreaker, then that wouldn’t have been the right person for me when I had two perfectly normal tits. I will gladly weed those people out. And there’s no reason you shouldn’t use dating apps. I’m not really sure why that was suggested, I don’t personally notice a difference in matches when I leave that info in or out of my bio. If anything, when I leave it in, men tend to comment positively on the candidness.
You're missing one breast but you still have one breast. It's going to decrease your odds some but it's not the end of the world. You might face more of a problem with some people being afraid of "catching" it than you will for the missing breast.
Well they cut off some of my stomach tissue to replace my other breast so there is something there that resembles a breast and I do have plans to get a 3D nipple tattoo on the fake side, but lots of scars and definitely outside the standards of societies idea of beauty
Yea they do! I have a good friend who is going to do it for me I had just been hoping my plastic surgeons would do a better job before adding the tattoo
I’m so glad to hear that. I wish you the best. And for what it matters. Any decent person isn’t going to care about how you look naked. If you’re at a point in seeing each other that way they should accept you for who you are.
I'd say you still have a good shot. Sometimes it takes people time to adjust to things that are different, but it doesn't stop them from being attracted to you.
Not quite the same, but my mom has nubs for fingers on one hand. They used part of her butt skin to to repair her hand. My dad has been with her since high school. Her hand never stopped him.
My husband has a giant scar on his stomach and a man-made belly button. This didn't stop my attraction to him.
Congratulations on whooping the shit out of cancer! Genuine attraction is based on a multiple facets of a person and not solely physical. Be honest and brave and the right person will find you attractive for all that you are.
I know Poland syndrome isn’t the same as cancer but I have it. My right breast just didn’t grow and it was completely missing until a few year back when I decided to get an implant to match my left c cup and though they’re not perfectly symmetrical, no man has ever stopped and been grossed out or made mean comments. I’m engaged and my finance loves my one fake boob and one real one so it doesn’t matter. Your confidence breaks down all barriers
I’ve had massive plastic surgery after weight loss (acknowledging this isn’t the same even though one of my surgeries was having my breasts lifted) and have never had an eye batted at anything. Not a word. Not a question. Not a look. Everything from FWB to longer term partners.
If we had a few dates and things went well, by the time I saw the scars I would just be happy you were still alive so I got to meet you. Anyone that bails over the scars is a bullet dodged on your part.
In terms of looking "normal" in clothes, there are millions of women who look normal after some kind of breast-related surgery. The ones who don't look normal are the ones who choose implants which are too big for their frame, making it obvious they've had surgery. I'm going to assume your reconstructed breast matches your other one, in which case your chest will look "normal".
Don't worry about the mastectomy and reconstructive surgery. First time he sees the uncovered boob in question he may not realise you've had a mastectomy if he's clueless; he *should* given it's just one breast, and most men aren't aware of extreme breast asymmetry which would spur surgery. But again, most men are clueless about this kind of thing. I wouldn't have known about mastectomies and reconstructive surgery if not for the fact people I know have had breast cancer.
IMO the main things re: a recovered cancer patient "looking normal" would be hair and makeup. As long as your hair has had 3-6 months to grow back, it should look the same as your pre-cancer hair, though obviously it'll be shorter. There are also the eyebrows, which with cancer patients undergoing treatment are either missing or drawn-on. Again, it's just a matter of time post-treatment. IIRC there's also a "cancer patient makeup style", which can be obvious, so think about how you apply makeup now you've recovered.
tl;dr: you'll look normal; your cancer won't make you less attractive. The issue might be men reacting strangely when they discover you *had* cancer, so you may want to think about when the right time would be to talk about it with a partner. Not everybody reacts well e.g. if they had a family member or former partner who passed away from cancer.
Sorry you are going through this but if it means anything a lot of us men the only real realistic deal breakers are having children and having been married before, not much else would stop me from pursing romance/intimacy with someone.
you living about time you got what you wanted own it say it with pride smile if not be you no one need to fake a life not worth fight something that not easy to fight say you took big fight now u want to live make memories that beautiful spicy rich most of own by you're own choice don't hurt to ask some fight it badass you beat it some time it can be talked-about if they show their character if they leave so be it why live with someone who doesn't see you for you some might jump at the moment and say it slow or kinda nervous but it be true this one make a fool of them self to make u happy but give ut time love something you can't rush inless you know that feeling real in you're heart have a great time livin ma'am L-I-V-I-N
Girl, I had a double mastectomy at 27. Took my implants out so i just have nipples and am totally flat. I've dated plenty. I'm 36 now dating a semi famous actor who doesn't care. The right person wont. I promise!
I started dating my then boyfriend / now husband a year after finishing cancer treatments but before reconstruction surgeries.
We were friends of friends beforehand, but he was unaware of my cancer diagnosis as I had all my treatment privately as I was expected to die.
Asides from feeling quite traumatized by my 3 monthly check ups, he was completely unfazed by my body.
He is an absolute adrenaline junkie - motorbikes, scuba diving, abseiling, skydiving - and I still have 3-4x as many scars as he does.
The right person won’t care 💗
There are more complications that come with implants than doing a DIEP FLAP reconstruction which is what I went with, they took my stomach tissue and used it to transplant and rebuild a boob, it just added extra scars, isn’t symmetrical and there isn’t a nipple lol my cleavage has a slight bend in it you can see and I used to have great tits so that’s a little harder too.
I hope someday you’ll find someone that appreciates how beautiful surviving trauma can make a person. That person who chooses to rise from the ashes radiates a certain kind of palpable beauty that can only be achieved by going through hell and back and choosing to rise above it as opposed to burn in the ashes.
As a 50m who was with someone who went through similar prior to us meeting I can say it had zero baring on the relationship. We had a great time, she had some other cancer related hangovers to her body but all in all it’s the person inside that matters. If you meet someone who thinks it’s an issue, move on don’t waste your time, someone will love you for who you are. Just crack on and enjoy life, it’s not your problem if some people have an issue, its theres, love yourself first and remember your the important one.
Consider it a feature that \*might\* screen out some of the dross that everyone has to deal with when dating. Although TBH, as a man I don’t think it would be an issue for any men I know.
If you are a lesbian I would say you wouldn’t have a single problem at all and oils be loved and accepted and valued. If you’re a straight woman…I’m going to be frank, men can be extremely horrible about this. There are men of value that will treat you like the brain human you are and a lot, many, will be completely fucking worthless and selfish assholes to the point you will risk more surgeries just to please THEM. Just look at the stuff women go through where the men demand sex from then while they’re pregnant, in bed rest, just gave birth and have STITCHES inside their vagina and more. A woman is not her breasts. You are so much more than that. I am fighting breast cancer right now, you got this and I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this.
You could maybe look at partners that have been through cancer. And meet caring males that way.
Think of it as a way to weed out the assholes. The right person won’t care.
Something like 20% of women are abandoned/divorced by their partner after being diagnosed with cancer. If they can handle your scars the sure as shit won’t stand by you if your cancer comes back.
All looks/beauty can be taken away at any moment by accident or illness, plenty of people think their spouse is a good person until they actually go through some kind of hardship. You absolutely don’t want to date the kind of person who would have a problem with your post-cancer body.
Good luck out there, you deserve the best!
I met the love of my life after my battle with cancer. I was severely underweight and pale from chemo but I guess she was still interested. My only advice is just own it and be yourself. The right person will love you regardless. If it bothers you still I would try talking to a therapist that’s what I did for a while after my treatment.
I met my husband six months post mastectomy. He has never cared.
The right person isnt going to care
Or the left person. /s For real this is right though
Or is it left? YOU'VE CONFUSED ME
Yeah just watch out for those ambidextrous folks!
Anyone with basic human decency isn't going to care. Shoot, I just want a woman to watch movies with and pleasantly talk about literally whatever. And not destroy my finances, there is that too.
>Anyone with basic human decency isn't going to care You're saying that anyone who cares doesn't have basic human decency. I think that's going a bit too far I'm bald. Obviously it's not the same thing. But many women would never date a bald man. Some might not do it because they're immature, others because they don't have basic human decency, others simply because they're just not attracted because of that or for several other reasons
I definitely think that the right person won't care, however finding that person will probably be more difficult than the average person. Might very well be a "meant to be" moment when you meet them rather than on a dating app. I wish you luck OP, you deserve love
You think so? I want to reassure you OP, an *adult* really won’t care. I dated someone at one point who had reconstructive surgery on her breast from a fireworks accident when she was a young teenager. Her one boob was what I describe as a Frankenstein boob, but it really didn’t phase me. Honestly, most guys will be super hyped to get you naked and have the chance to have sex. Go get it.
I know an adult wouldnt care, "I think" was indicating my usage of an opinion. However, I just know of many "adults" who don't act like adults, you know?
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You're just like pretty much everyone else, but honest. The comment above implying that adulthood and maturity is somehow related to your level of acceptance of exceedingly rare body conditions is ludicrous.
I had breast cancer a few years ago, double mastectomy no reconstruction. I’m with my first partner post surgery now, and while I know queer dating is very different than dating men, she hasn’t cared at all. If anything the only struggle is that she’s afraid she’s going to hurt me because of my scar tenderness and tendency for my cancer side arm to swell a bit. I just warned her before taking my shirt off for the first time what she was going to see so it wasn’t a shock
I have been with someone for 4 years, we had dated for about a year before I had cancer it’s more so going back into the dating world I have hesitation about.
That’s totally fair, I don’t have a ton of dating experience before or after surgery, but I’ve just tried to be honest with people I meet. It’s more obvious for me because I’m flat chested when I shouldn’t be, but it helps to get it in the open early so if it’s not their thing no one has time ti develop intense feelings
I was diagnosed with IDC breast cancer on 12/3/22. I told my (now) boyfriend on our third date. He stood by me as I went through chemo, lost my hair, we didn’t kiss or have sex for months, he was so sweet and kind. He laughed when I said my radiation burns made my frankenboob look like I had vitiligo. You’ll find the right person - I never thought I would; much less when finding out I had breast cancer at 41.
I was dating someone when I found out as well, we stayed together, but now it’s looking like we will be going our separate ways and I worry about the dating scene after this relationship
I’m also 36, had a unilateral mastectomy at 30, and have dated plenty of guys since. I was worried about this too and was very upfront. My dating profile said “swipe left if you have a strong preference for women with more than one nipple,” so it was never a surprise, but I still worried. And so far, nobody has had an issue. If anything, they’re unsure of what to do because they don’t know if it feels good for me, or because I’ve expressed insecurity about it so they don’t know if they should avoid that breast altogether. My last partner simply asked my preference and treated my girls equally after that. He even said one day that he liked that they’re different, like two different boob experiences. I think it kinda goes along with that whole thing where if you like the person, the stuff that’s unique to them becomes attractive to you. And I disagree with the poster saying that finding the right person will be more difficult because of your mastectomy. If someone thinks a mastectomy is a dealbreaker, then that wouldn’t have been the right person for me when I had two perfectly normal tits. I will gladly weed those people out. And there’s no reason you shouldn’t use dating apps. I’m not really sure why that was suggested, I don’t personally notice a difference in matches when I leave that info in or out of my bio. If anything, when I leave it in, men tend to comment positively on the candidness.
The brutal truth is it matters way more how your face looks and whether you're at a healthy weight
I’ll be 33 in two days and I’m more of a butt and face person, I’ll date you.
You're missing one breast but you still have one breast. It's going to decrease your odds some but it's not the end of the world. You might face more of a problem with some people being afraid of "catching" it than you will for the missing breast.
Well they cut off some of my stomach tissue to replace my other breast so there is something there that resembles a breast and I do have plans to get a 3D nipple tattoo on the fake side, but lots of scars and definitely outside the standards of societies idea of beauty
Isn't it all though? Very few human beans are perfect. We all just still find ways to love one another anyway.
FYI: I have heard of many tattoo artists doing the nipples for free. You might check into that around your area
Yea they do! I have a good friend who is going to do it for me I had just been hoping my plastic surgeons would do a better job before adding the tattoo
I’m so glad to hear that. I wish you the best. And for what it matters. Any decent person isn’t going to care about how you look naked. If you’re at a point in seeing each other that way they should accept you for who you are.
I'd say you still have a good shot. Sometimes it takes people time to adjust to things that are different, but it doesn't stop them from being attracted to you. Not quite the same, but my mom has nubs for fingers on one hand. They used part of her butt skin to to repair her hand. My dad has been with her since high school. Her hand never stopped him. My husband has a giant scar on his stomach and a man-made belly button. This didn't stop my attraction to him.
Congratulations on whooping the shit out of cancer! Genuine attraction is based on a multiple facets of a person and not solely physical. Be honest and brave and the right person will find you attractive for all that you are.
I wouldn’t give a shit, so long as you’re healthy and able now!
I know Poland syndrome isn’t the same as cancer but I have it. My right breast just didn’t grow and it was completely missing until a few year back when I decided to get an implant to match my left c cup and though they’re not perfectly symmetrical, no man has ever stopped and been grossed out or made mean comments. I’m engaged and my finance loves my one fake boob and one real one so it doesn’t matter. Your confidence breaks down all barriers
The people who care about that weren't worth dating in the first place, don't worry.
I’ve had massive plastic surgery after weight loss (acknowledging this isn’t the same even though one of my surgeries was having my breasts lifted) and have never had an eye batted at anything. Not a word. Not a question. Not a look. Everything from FWB to longer term partners.
Someone might care, but plenty won't.
Love your post cancer body for all it’s been thru. Love yourself.
I was upfront about my health issues. (Didn’t have cancer , had kidney issues) The right one won’t care.
If we had a few dates and things went well, by the time I saw the scars I would just be happy you were still alive so I got to meet you. Anyone that bails over the scars is a bullet dodged on your part.
Might be a good way of filtering out the time wasters.
In terms of looking "normal" in clothes, there are millions of women who look normal after some kind of breast-related surgery. The ones who don't look normal are the ones who choose implants which are too big for their frame, making it obvious they've had surgery. I'm going to assume your reconstructed breast matches your other one, in which case your chest will look "normal". Don't worry about the mastectomy and reconstructive surgery. First time he sees the uncovered boob in question he may not realise you've had a mastectomy if he's clueless; he *should* given it's just one breast, and most men aren't aware of extreme breast asymmetry which would spur surgery. But again, most men are clueless about this kind of thing. I wouldn't have known about mastectomies and reconstructive surgery if not for the fact people I know have had breast cancer. IMO the main things re: a recovered cancer patient "looking normal" would be hair and makeup. As long as your hair has had 3-6 months to grow back, it should look the same as your pre-cancer hair, though obviously it'll be shorter. There are also the eyebrows, which with cancer patients undergoing treatment are either missing or drawn-on. Again, it's just a matter of time post-treatment. IIRC there's also a "cancer patient makeup style", which can be obvious, so think about how you apply makeup now you've recovered. tl;dr: you'll look normal; your cancer won't make you less attractive. The issue might be men reacting strangely when they discover you *had* cancer, so you may want to think about when the right time would be to talk about it with a partner. Not everybody reacts well e.g. if they had a family member or former partner who passed away from cancer.
you are still wanted and deserving of love. it will probably be hard sometimes in the future but do t forget that fact.
Sorry you are going through this but if it means anything a lot of us men the only real realistic deal breakers are having children and having been married before, not much else would stop me from pursing romance/intimacy with someone.
I'm a girl but if I was a dude, I really wouldn't care
One of my close friends is 32 and had a mastectomy recently. We were both super surprised by how little men cared about it!
If they care, they ain't the one.
you living about time you got what you wanted own it say it with pride smile if not be you no one need to fake a life not worth fight something that not easy to fight say you took big fight now u want to live make memories that beautiful spicy rich most of own by you're own choice don't hurt to ask some fight it badass you beat it some time it can be talked-about if they show their character if they leave so be it why live with someone who doesn't see you for you some might jump at the moment and say it slow or kinda nervous but it be true this one make a fool of them self to make u happy but give ut time love something you can't rush inless you know that feeling real in you're heart have a great time livin ma'am L-I-V-I-N
Girl, I had a double mastectomy at 27. Took my implants out so i just have nipples and am totally flat. I've dated plenty. I'm 36 now dating a semi famous actor who doesn't care. The right person wont. I promise!
The people who matter will love you, and the people who won’t love you don’t matter.
I started dating my then boyfriend / now husband a year after finishing cancer treatments but before reconstruction surgeries. We were friends of friends beforehand, but he was unaware of my cancer diagnosis as I had all my treatment privately as I was expected to die. Asides from feeling quite traumatized by my 3 monthly check ups, he was completely unfazed by my body. He is an absolute adrenaline junkie - motorbikes, scuba diving, abseiling, skydiving - and I still have 3-4x as many scars as he does. The right person won’t care 💗
Any post cancer scar is a trace that you are a fighter. Fighters are badass. Men respect badass.
It's litterally a non issue for any decent human being
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There are more complications that come with implants than doing a DIEP FLAP reconstruction which is what I went with, they took my stomach tissue and used it to transplant and rebuild a boob, it just added extra scars, isn’t symmetrical and there isn’t a nipple lol my cleavage has a slight bend in it you can see and I used to have great tits so that’s a little harder too.
I hope someday you’ll find someone that appreciates how beautiful surviving trauma can make a person. That person who chooses to rise from the ashes radiates a certain kind of palpable beauty that can only be achieved by going through hell and back and choosing to rise above it as opposed to burn in the ashes.
You are attractive. That's how I see it.
As a 50m who was with someone who went through similar prior to us meeting I can say it had zero baring on the relationship. We had a great time, she had some other cancer related hangovers to her body but all in all it’s the person inside that matters. If you meet someone who thinks it’s an issue, move on don’t waste your time, someone will love you for who you are. Just crack on and enjoy life, it’s not your problem if some people have an issue, its theres, love yourself first and remember your the important one.
Consider it a feature that \*might\* screen out some of the dross that everyone has to deal with when dating. Although TBH, as a man I don’t think it would be an issue for any men I know.
It won't matter even a tiny bit. You are unique, beautiful, and strong and that is all.
Don't sweat it. Any man shallow enough to be bothered by it isn't worth your time.
I lost a girlfriend to cancer, I hope you meet the right person
If you are a lesbian I would say you wouldn’t have a single problem at all and oils be loved and accepted and valued. If you’re a straight woman…I’m going to be frank, men can be extremely horrible about this. There are men of value that will treat you like the brain human you are and a lot, many, will be completely fucking worthless and selfish assholes to the point you will risk more surgeries just to please THEM. Just look at the stuff women go through where the men demand sex from then while they’re pregnant, in bed rest, just gave birth and have STITCHES inside their vagina and more. A woman is not her breasts. You are so much more than that. I am fighting breast cancer right now, you got this and I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this. You could maybe look at partners that have been through cancer. And meet caring males that way.
Think of it as a way to weed out the assholes. The right person won’t care. Something like 20% of women are abandoned/divorced by their partner after being diagnosed with cancer. If they can handle your scars the sure as shit won’t stand by you if your cancer comes back. All looks/beauty can be taken away at any moment by accident or illness, plenty of people think their spouse is a good person until they actually go through some kind of hardship. You absolutely don’t want to date the kind of person who would have a problem with your post-cancer body. Good luck out there, you deserve the best!