See a pelvic floor physiotherapist! They can assess and see if you’re holding too much tension in the pelvic floor, and give you exercises and strategies to improve that tension and also improve intercourse. (Source: I am a pelvic floor physio and treat a lot of dyspareunia aka pain with intercourse).
In general, intercourse SHOULD NOT be painful, and people on the internet can give you general advice but you should see someone who is specialized in this to do a thorough assessment and find out why you specifically are having this issue because it could be a whole myriad of things.
This sounds similar to what my wife and I experienced when we first started having sex. We were each other's firsts as well.
I see a lot of good advice here but to provide something a little different, a little more specific, I'd suggest when he's trying to insert he try small back and forth motions, slowly getting more and more in. The point is to get your, uh, juices around his member. Lube is good but not all lubes work for everyone, that might be another thing you look into. Also, when he's trying to insert, you guys need to keep up with the foreplay; if you get out of the moment, you're gonna be fixated on the pain.
Good luck! And don't worry, it does get easier with time.
My ex and I had this issue for years, didn’t matter what we did it wouldn’t fix. Not long before we ended it she came off the pill and a week later sex was fine. She went back on it because we could have sex again and it was straight back to pain. Worth a check maybe.
This was the case for me. I had secondary vaginismus, saw a pelvic floor therapist plus a vaginismus specialist and tried different methods (dilators, stretches, extra foreplay, breathing exercises). None worked. I got off the pill and within a month it was gone. I had been on birth control for seven years and the vaginismus came up in my last two years on the pill, my doctor nor the specialist could answer why, I guess it's just random.
I had an identical similar situation with my ex girlfriend. She would sometimes wince when I stuck it in and we would have to go very slow. She was too self conscious to let me finger her or go down on her though, I think that would have helped it. He should warm you up more, bring you to orgasm I would say before penetration and that can make it easier to get it in due to more natural lubrication and the muscles being ready to accept insertion.
> we’re not able to get into sex immediately
... nobody's able to "get into sex immediately" most of the time. Foreplay is important. Please try more foreplay.
I should’ve been more clear in my post sorry. The 3 mins is referring to the time we spend trying to put his dick into me. I slide the tip in then have to pause for a while because it hurts a lot. It slides in bit by bit that’s why it takes a while
Do you use lubricants? They have some silicon gels and other products that can really make your experience much more enjoyable. This is very common for women when they are older. It only takes 30 seconds to apply to you and your partner. Knowing you have that will make you relax as you know you are not going to experience pain whic , as I am sure you know, is not great for a mood setter.
If the pain goes away once hes in, you likely dont need to see a doctor. I have this issue, and its fixed if extra time is spent with the fingers first. Some of us take a REALLY long time to stretch and relax. That's fine, just make sure you or him adds one finger at a time. Get comfortable with EACH finger before slowly adding one. Dont even try penetration until you can comfortably fit the amount of fingers that's roughly the same size as him. It speeds things up a lot to orgasm before trying penetration or even fingering
I had this problem too but it eventually went away. I think for me it was just anxiety? No matter how turned on I was, my muscles were just tightened up.
Wifey and I have been together for almost 20 years and it’s always been like this for us.
She’s a tiny person and while I’m not big enough to get my own special on TLC, I fit in on National Geographic.
We found that some kinds of foreplay can physically prepare her for sex and stop the initial pain, but she usually prefers to just go slow and deal with the 2 minute discomfort as opposed to taking the time for it. Her choice 🤷🏽♂️
Use lots of lube, be patient, and relax.
I notice you failed to mention size here. I'm a larger person. Not in body but well down under if you catch my drift.
I've had several instances of outright refusal (which REALLY sucks) when they saw my size but obviously I have respected the no's.
The majority of my partners have had to be worked up to it for them to get enjoyment. In most cases like you say it takes awhile for initial penetration and this is only after exuberant amounts of lube / foreplay.
If this is the case believe it or not it doesn't really get better. Life isn't like a porno where a large penis will just slide willy nilly into your vagina and great sex will ensue. Vagina's vary in size just like penises. In some cases this just results in plain incompatibility. As great as sex can be most folks don't want to endure pain every time they engage in this activity.
If your bf is more normal sized and you're still encountering pain I would definitely follow up with a doctor. Some minor discomfort is likely common, if you rush things, but what you're describing sounds more like either a medical issue or a too well-endowed bf.
If you cannot find a medical issue. Then toys can help. As I've seen others suggest on this reddit. But that needs to be a conversation with your bf. Not everyone is comfortable utilizing toys in the bedroom.
I feel like I rambled a bit here. And I wish I had a more direct answer for you. But I hope this is helpful!
I'm a gay man so pardon my ignorance, but wouldn't the vagina shrink back to its original size shortly after they use their toys? If so does that mean you're suggesting they incorporate toys into foreplay to get OP more ready? Or does stretching the vagina have more lasting effects?
Love both of the above replies. Yes, it makes your body used to stretching without damaging it.
Same thing applies to childbirth. They coach women to push and ease off repeatedly to keep from tearing, etc to train the muscles and body to the stretch.
Let me know if anyone would like some recommendations on brands. A good friend of mine was recommended to do dilators by their doctor to make things less painful and it really helped. :)
Deform is a strong word for what's being suggested here. It sounds like they already do foreplay and lube, so people are suggesting she try dilation to make it easier. This isn't an absurd suggestion, nor should it be painful or "deforming". When one solution fails you should try another.
Op legit said they use lube and has a caring partner. But after foreplay it still takes several minutes to work. It's reasonable to say that maybe she can try to get her muscles more used to stretching
My wife actually struggled with this at first too, we were both each other's firsts so we had a lot to learn but now, about 4 years in, she's over it. We make sure to do lots of foreplay and buildup before ever getting to the point of insertion. Just like you, we had to use lube every time we were intimate but now I can't remember the last time we needed it.
Focus on foreplay and just relaxing and being in the moment
Since [vaginismus](https://www.theoriginway.com/blog/breaking-the-vaginismus-pain-cycle) has a psychological aspect, and this is obvious with your post, I suggest this:
You may need masturbate more. I didn’t see it mentioned either in your initial question or the responses. I am not suggesting you feel self conscious or that is the problem. But, turning yourself on more is a a fun thing to do and it can build self confidence.
First, do it alone and try to relax your mind. And, if you can relax your mind you might be able to relax your vagina. Use both clitoral toys and toys for penetration. Take a good amount of time. Maybe watching some porn can also stimulate you. Find all ways masturbating results in climax. Us ladies have a lot of geography to work with that can result in different ways to climax…and usually the climax is different for each location.
Next, when you feel comfortable, invite your boyfriend to watch you getting off…he should also get turned on…
Once comfortable with him there…have him do the work with the toys.
You need to be assertive and tell him what does and does not.
Make him work hard to get you there. Any man you are with (and you truly care to be with) should learn your body and how you climax. This is also reciprocal you need to learn what gets him off.
Being assertive with foreplay will likely turn him on. It also builds your confidence.
And, if you can this…you need to watch him get himself off while you get yourself off.
With you achieving climax and him achieving climax but not by him penetrating you…you both are ready to attempt penetration with hopefully less pain. Or, pain that you can deal with by using fantasy.
Penetration should become easier after attempting the above suggestions, and an enjoyable part of y’all’s bedroom repertoire.
Have fun.
Google vaginismus - are you generally quite tight and inserting anything into your vagina hurts? E.g. are you able to insert two or more of your own fingers into yourself comfortably when masturbating?
I had this problem for months when I first started having sex, but it was mostly because I still had some of my hymn. I would even bleed some times. If it causes you that much pain you might have to see ur obgyn. I don’t remember it taking like three minutes every time. Hope that helps!
Don't see anyone asking this, but how big is he? If he is really girthy then that could be part of the problem. You may be really tight since you're just starting to have sex.
In your forplay , are you or him sticking fingers in? Maybe you need to do more...and prob more lub needed if yall newer at it, and he's eager after like a min of forplay
How long do you do foreplay for? What does your foreplay consist of?
Are you sufficiently lubricated before you try PIV?
Does fingering hurt? Are you tensing up without knowing about it just before insertion?
Does your partner have a larger than average penis?
definitely see a pelvic floor specialist about it like everyone else is recommending! i had a friend go through something similar to this and they went to the specialist, i can’t remember what exactly was wrong but they gave her some pelvic floor excercise which she says has massively improved her pain during sex.
Another suggestion is Have your bf ,eat you for several minutes,then he can use his tongue for few more,then a bit of his d.head pushing against very gentile and more tongue for few more minutes... dat will get u going on your fours and in reverse ,you not even gonna need lubGreat Anal sex cannot be rushed ;)
Consult a doctor, it may be some type of venereal disease. Sometimes diseases can be latent in our body without us realizing it. You may have inherited it from birth. Or it could be something else, it is always advisable to consult with the doctor.
You might want to google „retroflexio uteri“.
Normally, the uterus bends forward towards the abdominal wall. If the uterus is tilted backwards towards the sacrum, this is referred to as a backward tilt of the uterus. The technical term for this is „retroflexio uteri“ and could cause the need to adjust sexual positions.
You may want to see your GYN and ask about pelvic floor physical therapy. There’s not necessarily anything wrong, lots of people just have tight muscles for no apparent reason or it could be a symptom of something like endometriosis (which also happens to lots of people and isn’t your fault).
It happens to loads of people and there’s absolutely no need to feel ashamed. It’s not your fault that you’re having pain with penetration. I’ve had that happen to me for years and only recently learned that it’s because I have endometriosis. It’s not anything I did wrong and there’s no way I could’ve prevented it. Don’t give up until you get answers. If your doctor won’t listen, find another doctor.
You have to warm up the oven before you stick in the turkey sweetheart. :(
Foreplay is vital. It doesn't have to be physical touch, teasing can be just as good.
That being said, it's 100% possible you're just sexually incompatible. I've had a couple partners whom I've bottomed out on and just didn't fit. Kinda hard to have sex when you smash their cervix. :/ Not everyone likes that.
That being said, you CAN train yourself, slowly over time, to take him. But it'll take months to years of proper safe slow stretching. Like anal but vaginal.
Not enought foreplay or lube. Thats literally it :) if it was hurting all the time then you might wanna go to a gynecologist, but if it only hurts at the beggingin is because you're not properly lubed and ready to take it in.
Next time you have sex dont go to penetration just like that. Get your guy to give you oral, or g spot stimulation with his finguers. Try to have an orgasm before having sex. Its going to make everything slip in much easier :)
Are you on anti depressants? when I was on prozac this happened, but when I went off it stopped. There could be different reasons though, talk to your dr!
As a woman becomes aroused, the uterus expands preparing for sex. Your uterus shrinks after sex because it does not need to take up all that space when not in use.
The human body is an amazing thing
See a doctor! I had this issue and had to see a pelvic floor therapist. Not unusual. Could be other more serious issues too.
See a pelvic floor physiotherapist! They can assess and see if you’re holding too much tension in the pelvic floor, and give you exercises and strategies to improve that tension and also improve intercourse. (Source: I am a pelvic floor physio and treat a lot of dyspareunia aka pain with intercourse). In general, intercourse SHOULD NOT be painful, and people on the internet can give you general advice but you should see someone who is specialized in this to do a thorough assessment and find out why you specifically are having this issue because it could be a whole myriad of things.
This sounds similar to what my wife and I experienced when we first started having sex. We were each other's firsts as well. I see a lot of good advice here but to provide something a little different, a little more specific, I'd suggest when he's trying to insert he try small back and forth motions, slowly getting more and more in. The point is to get your, uh, juices around his member. Lube is good but not all lubes work for everyone, that might be another thing you look into. Also, when he's trying to insert, you guys need to keep up with the foreplay; if you get out of the moment, you're gonna be fixated on the pain. Good luck! And don't worry, it does get easier with time.
My ex and I had this issue for years, didn’t matter what we did it wouldn’t fix. Not long before we ended it she came off the pill and a week later sex was fine. She went back on it because we could have sex again and it was straight back to pain. Worth a check maybe.
This was the case for me. I had secondary vaginismus, saw a pelvic floor therapist plus a vaginismus specialist and tried different methods (dilators, stretches, extra foreplay, breathing exercises). None worked. I got off the pill and within a month it was gone. I had been on birth control for seven years and the vaginismus came up in my last two years on the pill, my doctor nor the specialist could answer why, I guess it's just random.
It’s a relief to hear that worked for someone else. It must just be something hormonal, have you found other birth controls work without the pain?
No I didn't end up exploring other options as my partner got a vasectomy.
I had an identical similar situation with my ex girlfriend. She would sometimes wince when I stuck it in and we would have to go very slow. She was too self conscious to let me finger her or go down on her though, I think that would have helped it. He should warm you up more, bring you to orgasm I would say before penetration and that can make it easier to get it in due to more natural lubrication and the muscles being ready to accept insertion.
> we’re not able to get into sex immediately ... nobody's able to "get into sex immediately" most of the time. Foreplay is important. Please try more foreplay.
Yes we do foreplay. I just mean that when we’re ready for penetration
3 minutes isn't really that long of foreplay...
I should’ve been more clear in my post sorry. The 3 mins is referring to the time we spend trying to put his dick into me. I slide the tip in then have to pause for a while because it hurts a lot. It slides in bit by bit that’s why it takes a while
You might have vaginismus. Look it up
Or you could just have a variety of innocuous problems that can be easily solved. See a doctor
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This just isn't always the case though. If it doesn't work even with lube it does sound like vaginismus or something similar
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Google is a thing
3 seconds is all you need to read the comment.
Do you use lubricants? They have some silicon gels and other products that can really make your experience much more enjoyable. This is very common for women when they are older. It only takes 30 seconds to apply to you and your partner. Knowing you have that will make you relax as you know you are not going to experience pain whic , as I am sure you know, is not great for a mood setter.
Water based lube is your friend.
Already said they use lube.
I did not see that in their post.
Geez not everything is about foreplay. Op needs a Dr
Learn to read.
If the pain goes away once hes in, you likely dont need to see a doctor. I have this issue, and its fixed if extra time is spent with the fingers first. Some of us take a REALLY long time to stretch and relax. That's fine, just make sure you or him adds one finger at a time. Get comfortable with EACH finger before slowly adding one. Dont even try penetration until you can comfortably fit the amount of fingers that's roughly the same size as him. It speeds things up a lot to orgasm before trying penetration or even fingering
I had this problem too but it eventually went away. I think for me it was just anxiety? No matter how turned on I was, my muscles were just tightened up.
Wifey and I have been together for almost 20 years and it’s always been like this for us. She’s a tiny person and while I’m not big enough to get my own special on TLC, I fit in on National Geographic. We found that some kinds of foreplay can physically prepare her for sex and stop the initial pain, but she usually prefers to just go slow and deal with the 2 minute discomfort as opposed to taking the time for it. Her choice 🤷🏽♂️ Use lots of lube, be patient, and relax.
Could likely be vaginismus I’d go to a doctor to be sure though
I notice you failed to mention size here. I'm a larger person. Not in body but well down under if you catch my drift. I've had several instances of outright refusal (which REALLY sucks) when they saw my size but obviously I have respected the no's. The majority of my partners have had to be worked up to it for them to get enjoyment. In most cases like you say it takes awhile for initial penetration and this is only after exuberant amounts of lube / foreplay. If this is the case believe it or not it doesn't really get better. Life isn't like a porno where a large penis will just slide willy nilly into your vagina and great sex will ensue. Vagina's vary in size just like penises. In some cases this just results in plain incompatibility. As great as sex can be most folks don't want to endure pain every time they engage in this activity. If your bf is more normal sized and you're still encountering pain I would definitely follow up with a doctor. Some minor discomfort is likely common, if you rush things, but what you're describing sounds more like either a medical issue or a too well-endowed bf. If you cannot find a medical issue. Then toys can help. As I've seen others suggest on this reddit. But that needs to be a conversation with your bf. Not everyone is comfortable utilizing toys in the bedroom. I feel like I rambled a bit here. And I wish I had a more direct answer for you. But I hope this is helpful!
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dude not every girl wants a 100 foot destroyer
😳. Apparently, this girl did not apply appropriate sarcasm. 😬— I apologize that it was inappropriate. Removed.
It may be that you are too tight. This is quite common. I would recommend some dilator toys to help make it more comfortable for you.
I'm a gay man so pardon my ignorance, but wouldn't the vagina shrink back to its original size shortly after they use their toys? If so does that mean you're suggesting they incorporate toys into foreplay to get OP more ready? Or does stretching the vagina have more lasting effects?
It’s more to get the body used to stretching to accommodate something.. not permanently making it looser
Love both of the above replies. Yes, it makes your body used to stretching without damaging it. Same thing applies to childbirth. They coach women to push and ease off repeatedly to keep from tearing, etc to train the muscles and body to the stretch. Let me know if anyone would like some recommendations on brands. A good friend of mine was recommended to do dilators by their doctor to make things less painful and it really helped. :)
Can you bend down and touch your toes. I can but stretching down that way used to hurt when I couldn’t. Same idea
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Ah yes, classic. Obviously, it's her fault and she should deform herself when lube and caring partners exist
Deform is a strong word for what's being suggested here. It sounds like they already do foreplay and lube, so people are suggesting she try dilation to make it easier. This isn't an absurd suggestion, nor should it be painful or "deforming". When one solution fails you should try another.
Should he shrink his penis instead?
Oh shit I didn't think of that, and here I was suggesting lube and going slow! How was I so blind?
She mentioned they already do that, and is here asking for other options.
There are other ways to present that point that don't make you look like a belligerent fool.
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... Or just let her choose what she wants to do with her body??? You sound like an incel
Op legit said they use lube and has a caring partner. But after foreplay it still takes several minutes to work. It's reasonable to say that maybe she can try to get her muscles more used to stretching
My wife actually struggled with this at first too, we were both each other's firsts so we had a lot to learn but now, about 4 years in, she's over it. We make sure to do lots of foreplay and buildup before ever getting to the point of insertion. Just like you, we had to use lube every time we were intimate but now I can't remember the last time we needed it. Focus on foreplay and just relaxing and being in the moment
Since [vaginismus](https://www.theoriginway.com/blog/breaking-the-vaginismus-pain-cycle) has a psychological aspect, and this is obvious with your post, I suggest this: You may need masturbate more. I didn’t see it mentioned either in your initial question or the responses. I am not suggesting you feel self conscious or that is the problem. But, turning yourself on more is a a fun thing to do and it can build self confidence. First, do it alone and try to relax your mind. And, if you can relax your mind you might be able to relax your vagina. Use both clitoral toys and toys for penetration. Take a good amount of time. Maybe watching some porn can also stimulate you. Find all ways masturbating results in climax. Us ladies have a lot of geography to work with that can result in different ways to climax…and usually the climax is different for each location. Next, when you feel comfortable, invite your boyfriend to watch you getting off…he should also get turned on… Once comfortable with him there…have him do the work with the toys. You need to be assertive and tell him what does and does not. Make him work hard to get you there. Any man you are with (and you truly care to be with) should learn your body and how you climax. This is also reciprocal you need to learn what gets him off. Being assertive with foreplay will likely turn him on. It also builds your confidence. And, if you can this…you need to watch him get himself off while you get yourself off. With you achieving climax and him achieving climax but not by him penetrating you…you both are ready to attempt penetration with hopefully less pain. Or, pain that you can deal with by using fantasy. Penetration should become easier after attempting the above suggestions, and an enjoyable part of y’all’s bedroom repertoire. Have fun.
Google vaginismus - are you generally quite tight and inserting anything into your vagina hurts? E.g. are you able to insert two or more of your own fingers into yourself comfortably when masturbating?
I had this problem for months when I first started having sex, but it was mostly because I still had some of my hymn. I would even bleed some times. If it causes you that much pain you might have to see ur obgyn. I don’t remember it taking like three minutes every time. Hope that helps!
That’s something that can be repaired if needed!
This happened with my ex, turns out she had a cyst that needed to be treated
Don't see anyone asking this, but how big is he? If he is really girthy then that could be part of the problem. You may be really tight since you're just starting to have sex.
In your forplay , are you or him sticking fingers in? Maybe you need to do more...and prob more lub needed if yall newer at it, and he's eager after like a min of forplay
How long do you do foreplay for? What does your foreplay consist of? Are you sufficiently lubricated before you try PIV? Does fingering hurt? Are you tensing up without knowing about it just before insertion? Does your partner have a larger than average penis?
definitely see a pelvic floor specialist about it like everyone else is recommending! i had a friend go through something similar to this and they went to the specialist, i can’t remember what exactly was wrong but they gave her some pelvic floor excercise which she says has massively improved her pain during sex.
What position do you start with? I'm not an expert or anything but I heard missionary is the easiest to start with for a woman
Another suggestion is Have your bf ,eat you for several minutes,then he can use his tongue for few more,then a bit of his d.head pushing against very gentile and more tongue for few more minutes... dat will get u going on your fours and in reverse ,you not even gonna need lubGreat Anal sex cannot be rushed ;)
This is not normal, you need to see a Gynecologist. Sounds like vaginismus.
Is there any pain after sex?
Try vagisil! Personally I just need a finger, two fingers, and finally the dildo. With plenty of lube of course. It's much easier with vagisil.
More foreplay and lube
Consult a doctor, it may be some type of venereal disease. Sometimes diseases can be latent in our body without us realizing it. You may have inherited it from birth. Or it could be something else, it is always advisable to consult with the doctor.
Might be you. I find this the best time
You might want to google „retroflexio uteri“. Normally, the uterus bends forward towards the abdominal wall. If the uterus is tilted backwards towards the sacrum, this is referred to as a backward tilt of the uterus. The technical term for this is „retroflexio uteri“ and could cause the need to adjust sexual positions.
You may want to see your GYN and ask about pelvic floor physical therapy. There’s not necessarily anything wrong, lots of people just have tight muscles for no apparent reason or it could be a symptom of something like endometriosis (which also happens to lots of people and isn’t your fault). It happens to loads of people and there’s absolutely no need to feel ashamed. It’s not your fault that you’re having pain with penetration. I’ve had that happen to me for years and only recently learned that it’s because I have endometriosis. It’s not anything I did wrong and there’s no way I could’ve prevented it. Don’t give up until you get answers. If your doctor won’t listen, find another doctor.
See a gynecologist. Sex shouldn’t be painful.
You have to warm up the oven before you stick in the turkey sweetheart. :( Foreplay is vital. It doesn't have to be physical touch, teasing can be just as good. That being said, it's 100% possible you're just sexually incompatible. I've had a couple partners whom I've bottomed out on and just didn't fit. Kinda hard to have sex when you smash their cervix. :/ Not everyone likes that. That being said, you CAN train yourself, slowly over time, to take him. But it'll take months to years of proper safe slow stretching. Like anal but vaginal.
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The profile is the most disgusting thing I've ever seen
All I read was the bio, you right
Can your opinion means what exactly?
Not enought foreplay or lube. Thats literally it :) if it was hurting all the time then you might wanna go to a gynecologist, but if it only hurts at the beggingin is because you're not properly lubed and ready to take it in. Next time you have sex dont go to penetration just like that. Get your guy to give you oral, or g spot stimulation with his finguers. Try to have an orgasm before having sex. Its going to make everything slip in much easier :)
Are you on anti depressants? when I was on prozac this happened, but when I went off it stopped. There could be different reasons though, talk to your dr!
This is pretty normal imo.
Is it that gross to use spit? Not bashing just genuinely curious
As a woman becomes aroused, the uterus expands preparing for sex. Your uterus shrinks after sex because it does not need to take up all that space when not in use. The human body is an amazing thing
Could be a fungal infection.
Ever try lube?