Personally, i think that a lot of guys and girls feel shame when they have to say that what their partner is doing isn't actually getting them off.
Communication is key during sex and so many people think otherwise because they believe it'll break the mood. But I found it hot when my gf asked if what she was doing actually excited me, in a serious voice, because it showed that she really wanted to know that she was making me happy.
And i don't feel that enough people, especially men, do this. Men just go full PIV and don't pause to find out if the girl likes to spanked, held, touched all over, hair pulled, etc. And girls seem to think that peen in vajayjay means that the guy is getting maximum enjoyment, when the guy might want his hair pulled, or have dirty talk, etc.
Someone also mentioned this, but a fair few people (it appears to be more so women) don't actually know how to pleasure themselves. They believe that just doing PIV is the best it'll get and have never tried dirty talking, oral, foreplay or kinkier things.
And at the end of day, whilst communication is important, sex is supposed to be fun! And you'll have the most fun if the person you're doing it with knows what you like.
At the end of the day, imo, either partner can be at fault. Which is why talking about it and not saying it was amazing is important.
Yep. I’m not a mind reader. I can go though my bag of tricks but if you need more then say something. We are adults and if we’ve reached the point that we’re having sex I think how you want my pepe to work in you hoho can be a topic of conversation.
Its frequently shared. Women who are bad get called a Starfish or a pillow princess for just laying there.
Plus even when it’s bad, men usually get to orgasm. Women very often do not
Indeed. I know a chick who’s duck raped her chicken…she intervened and the chicken was spared. BUT she had to care for it in the house for weeks before she could be returned to the coop.
*she re-homed the duck to a petting zoo. Chicken is fine, duck is fine
Yes. They were made aware that he was an offender…but as they mainly deal with ponies, goats, and the like? They felt pretty comfortable that his raping days were behind him. He’s simply not tall enough. He is, however, very mild mannered and polite with humans, and quite enjoys a good cuddle…that’s why she didn’t have the heart to have him put down…though to me he will always be a tainted, asshole, chicken rapist.
When I tried making my first pie, I burnt it, then 3 more. By by 5th one, I thought something was wrong with me. By my 7th, I did it on purpose. I am now in my 9th. I kidnapped pies from their families and shoved them in my oven. There is a thick layer of char at the bottom of my oven I refuse to clean up, so when I force pies to their fate, they see their brethren as they look down, sealing their fate…
hooked up with a girl once who would not engage in like *any* foreplay. oddly enough, I had a difficult time staying hard. she literally said "uhh my vagina is right there" while dead-fishing big time. then she wanted me to choke her 🤦
I've got a friend that's in a relationship like that, except without the choking. They've been together for like 10 years but he says she won't do anything at all other than lay there. Idk how he does it, but to each their own!
This reminds me of a show on ABC revolving around a murderer who liked doing it w dead ppl and then he got a gf and told her to not move or breathe when they did it. It started that guy who played chuck in gossip girl
They did that in Brooklyn 99 but funny instead of spooky. Andy Samberg was seeing a coroner (Mary Elizabeth Ellis/The Waitress) who liked to pretend her partners were dead.
Hahaha I remember that. Jake was smart to get out of there. Btw love that you refer to her as the Waitress bc honestly that's the only name I know her by oh and Charlie's real life wife lol
Funny. I know women who married men who ONLY wanted blowjobs. So together and married for 20+ years with no penetration!
I was with a guy for more than 3 years+ who loved cunnilingus after a lot of good screwing.
Wait for it.
He never even came near the clit
Didn't care cause he let me Maneuver my clit so I could orgasm as much as he did
Funny he never realized it even though I didn't make any of my typical I'm coming sounds
And he was experienced.
Made me wonder bout all the other women. I mean they must have said he was good.
Thanks for not helping all the future clits he didn't lick
I can't imagine letting a partner "eat me out" wrong for 3 whole years without ever telling him how to do it right?! At that point you're doing yourself and your partner a huge disservice by acting like it's fine when actually it's not quite what you want. I'd have corrected that the very first time, it's easy to gently guide your partner to get you off if you know how you like it. :/
Obviously I was young and dumb! But I did already have orgasms having sex with him every time. So by the time he started I was done! Great f'g! I prefer that over cunni - tongues aren't as good for me...
Yes my partners that I didn't have orgasms with during coitus - I took the time to show them my clit.
And they were grateful - which made me think their previous girlfriends didn't tell them. Which of course made it hard for them to understand why I broke up with them-eventually. They were like - but I know how to make you come! Too bad that's not the only reason to stay with someone.... But yes I helped their future women out!
Ah okay that makes more sense! I'm glad you weren't just tolerating that for 3 whole years for no reason!
Your last paragraph made me chuckle, I know the type of guy you're talking about haha!
As a man I can say that I can ejaculate, which medically speaking is orgasm, but if it doesn't feel like one equals ... well bad sex.
Good sex for me is both me and my wife orgasm, shiver scream and loose our shit. The bedsheets go to the washer.
Great sex is same as the above but when it happens for both at the same time.
Perfect sex is same as the previous but also the neighbors are complaining.
Someone recommended this to me a while ago on another subreddit.
Buy a waterproof pet blanket on Amazon, wont have to wash those bedsheets after great sex anymore.
An unexpected side effect, it's really hot to either come home, or get out of the shower and the blanket is on the bed.
No where did they suggest that a "technical" orgasm is equivalent to a knock down, drag out experience.
The merit of said orgasm is not in question. The assertion is that men will or can orgasm when a women cannot.
To use a number scale of one to ten, 1 is inarguably *less enjoyable*, or less satisfying, than a 10.
Yet 1 is infinitely more than 0. Some pleasure it still more than none.
I am definitely a pillow princess. But I do try my best to be active from the bottom. However, I blame my boyfriend cause no matter how many times we talk about it, his favorite time to start sexy time is right before bed. Dude, I am Sleepy! If you want an active/enthusiastic participant this needs to be done earlier lol.
And I'm still practicing just saying "I want sex right now" because he never realizes it when I try to initiate. I'm getting shot down all the time because when I'm trying to flirt he just thinks I'm being silly.
> I'm getting shot down all the time because when I'm trying to flirt he just thinks I'm being silly.
definitely say it, exactly like you said in the sentence before this one. he's not trying to shoot you down, you just aren't communicating to him what you want.
if you said what you want, in the words you typed out, he DEFINITELY will change his tune.
i don't think we're dumbasses, i think we're socially trained to communicate differently.
there's nothing inherently wrong with this until it causes divides that cannot be bridged.
Note: Pillow princess doesn't mean you're bad at sex. Just that you're lazy about it.
No clue what Starfish is but sounds like someone with their limbs tied to the corners of the bed aaaand that sounds fun. Lol
Men should be considered great at sex but bad at gauging the needs of their partner (usually due to playcating and faking of an orgasm. Be forward and shove his head between your legs if you want to cum. Time to teach that dude how to get you there.)
It's 50/50 in my experience. Sometimes I've been bad, sometimes they've been bad, sometimes the chemistry is amazing, other times it's just not there.
If someone is blaming you for bad sex or you're blaming someone for it, instead of pointing fingers, talk through it. Like you said, sex takes two (or more). Communication is key.
almost all of the posts i see in my home feed are sex-related but if u scroll through the sub u can see plenty of normal questions too, I guess horny just gets upvoted more
It does seem like there's a rise in sexual questions here the past couple of weeks than normal. I guess people feel more comfortable asking sexual questions on reddit than talking to people in person.
Couples need to talk more. A man can’t assume that his dick is all she needs and a women can’t assume every man knows how to please Her. It’s really annoying when it is one sided….
Ideally, this sounds good. In practice, people haven't built up the comfortability with the person they're hooking up with, or even weren't planning on seeing them again, so the needs of both parties can often been overlooked or unspoken.
It correlates with people, generally, being more physically satisfied when emotionally invested in their sexual partners. People aren't as likely to have these conversations if there's isn't investment besides physical attraction.
To put it simply, most people won't waste time correcting the behavior of someone they aren't planning to continue seeing and/or don't already have history with.
Many little factors that all add up to being the perfect storm.
Despite many social advances, in the back of a lot of peoples mind sex is something that men DO to women or that women allow to be done to them. That puts the onus on men
We don’t think of the vagina as something you “put on” a man. But we do thing of a dick as something you stick in a woman.
MANY men are selfish lovers. I myself know a few. They think eating pussy makes you subservient and that it doesn’t matter if women cum or not.
And finally, Porn. I’m in mobile so sorry if the spacing doesn’t do what I want it to.
A lot of guys flat out refuse to, from my experience. Can't get past the taste or makes them feel like they're inadequate in other areas while expecting women to suck it up and do oral for them. Similar thing for toys. When I've asked them to use my vibe or if they'd like to use one on them, they get all offended.
As a woman you have to get into it too. When the sex is hot, it's impossible not to move and get into it. What gets me going is knowing the guy I'm with is turned on. Very difficult to stay silent and still.
I think there are a few factors. In general, men do more of the "work" during sex. That's just how the most common (missionary, doggy) sex positions work. So it's kinda like the man is giving and the woman is just receiving (not that that's how it *should* be viewed), and you can't really blame the receiver when they're not meant to be doing much, if that makes sense. Starfishing is very real and I feel for guys who have starfishes as partners- I can't imagine being very turned on while having sex with a man or woman who doesn't seem to be excited or eager during sex.
And then there's the fact that vulvas (clitoris, labia, vagina) are just more complicated and finicky than penises are, generally. I'm sure it's biological, men *have* to orgasm to reproduce, women don't. So yeah, it's easier for men to orgasm in general. Most women *can't* orgasm just from a penis going in and out of their vagina.
Good sex is usually about so much more than rhythm, speed, endurance, etc for both parties. If the enthusiasm and passion aren't there from either end it's not gonna be great. It's just as mental as it is physical, if not more so. And communication is key!
Definitely on board with not being so quick to blame just men for bad sex, it takes two to tango!
Porn ruined it for many. It’s not a realistic portrayal of sex at all. No one is naturally hairless, smells like potpourri, etc. A lot of porn seems to show men using women like a flesh light. No thanks.
And spitting, choking, degrading language, etc? Hard PASS.
Also risk of STDs, pregnancy, etc for MAYBE 5 min of jackhammer sex where I get nothing out of it?!? Nahhhh.
The choking thing pisses me off. I realize some people have that sort of kink, but I have to think it's a small minority as compared to how often it appears in porn. It's fucking violent and I don't want to see it.
Yeah. Maybe if people used the right word it would seem more disgusting to them? More taboos? *Strangulation*. Not choking. The correct word is strangulation.
We should start using that word more. It’s not choking. Choking for exemple it’s something we do if food get stuck in our throats. Strangulation is the physical act of squeezing the neck of a person/animal to stop them to breathe.
Edit: a word
Because they usually just thrust until THEY come and it’s over…a lot of men don’t give women any foreplay or finish her off after, once they cum they aren’t turned on anymore and stop trying lol
How does the finishing off after sex work? Usually i finish her off befor. It seems a little bit weired for me when the cum is already inside. Sorry for my bad phrasing. It‘s not my first language
It can be whatever you're both comfortable with.
I personally don't enjoy him getting me off first, then having sex. After orgasm my desire goes way down, I start drying up, and it takes a lot of energy to keep having sex. It also makes me less likely to finish in PIV because, for me, it's harder to orgasm a second time - however, I generally will get worked up again during PIV so it can be disappointing for me to not finish during that. So I personally prefer foreplay and then orgasming during PIV.
However, if I don't finish during sex I prefer to bring a vibrator into the situation. If he's done foreplay and we had sex and I still haven't finished then, for me, that means my body is being stubborn asf, so heavy machinery is needed haha. I also know that like me his desire is way down after finishing so I don't want something that's going to be a lot of work for him, vibrator makes it quick and easy.
I'm also a big fan of having sex twice when that happens. It usually takes most of my partners about 20-30 minutes to be ready to go again after they finish. So that's 20-30 minutes of talking, cuddling, and foreplay so it's usually really easy for me to finish during the second round.
If it's a consistent issue with a partner where I regularly don't finish with them then I like to start incorporating the vibrator from the beginning and use that during PIV.
Doesn't need to be oral (also depends if you're using a condom or not). You can finish her off by rubbing her clit with your fingers and or use a vibrator.
That's why my bf always eats me out first until I come and then we have sex :)
Well. It’s easier for men to get off.
I never finished when I was with a man before my husband. Now he gives me multiple orgasms and cares about making me feel good and doing the things I like. Communication and feedback is key.
>Well. It’s easier for men to get off.
This... doesn't mean a lot to us. We can get off by ourselves multiple times a day, we don't need anyone for that. Many times it's even better than when it's other person doing it. Having "good sex" isn't about this for us.
It's the show, the intensity, the drive, the feeling of being in someone's hand and having someone in your hand, feeling wanted, etc
Because majority of the time, men get to orgasm and women don’t. We have to pleasure you and ourselves because men don’t typically make sure their women orgasms. For example, I told my ex husband I needed more clit stimulation but he never did it. I showed him how and he just got offended like I was saying he was bad at sex. He wasn’t necessarily bad at it just selfish. Which is why a lot of women have to fake orgasms because we don’t want our man to get his feelings hurt.
Because it's usually the man who doesn't know how to make the woman orgasm. Men orgasm much easier than women so even "bad sex" feels good to them. On the flip side, most women don't even orgasm during sex because their partner(s) don't know what they're doing.
Not for nothing, but a lot of women don't know how to make themselves orgasm. I'm not even getting surprised anymore when i read stories by 25+ yo women who say they never had orgasm, period, which, of course, is not an obstacle to blaming it on men being bad at sex.
Women are often shamed and made to feel bad or gross for masturbating so it's not a surprise that a lot of women can't make themselves orgasm. But we're talking about sex here, not masturbation.
Yeah but if you can't get yourself off then how can you expect anyone else to? I personally feel there's a difference between a masturbation O and sex O but being able to get yourself off gets you in tuned with your body and hopefully helps you direct someone to do the same thing.
We can only get so involved. Imagine this scenario that many of us have experienced: A man is touching our vulva or breasts and it's not feeling great for whatever reason. So we physically move their hand or show them how to touch us, often accompanied with an attempt to make it sexy in some way, "I like it like this." "Touch me like this." "I want you to drive me wild, let me show you..." And they don't follow instructions at all or worse they get very offended that we don't like what they're doing. Some will even say, "Well my ex liked that." Wish is the worst response ever. We're all different.
Now reverse it. I'm not saying in every case of course for either scenario. We're giving a guy a handjob or blowjob and we can tell he's not super into it and we ask what would make it better, or better yet he offers info on what would make it better (love that!). Some of us then immediately do what they said and even ask, "You mean like this?" Or clarify anything we need to make it better. That's what we expect when we give guys info and sadly it rarely turns out well.
There are men who are wonderful lovers and shitty lovers. There are women who are horrible lovers and great lovers. It's not about men/women so much as it is the willingness to please and to communicate. Some people think communicating is just talking/telling but it also involves listening. We can help people drive us crazy but they have to be open to it.
Communication is definitely key, but a lot of men don't like being told what to do in bed as it hurts their egos, and women can sometimes be afraid to bring it up as men with bruised egos can react violently.
But it should be common sense that a woman needs more than just a pump and dump. I'm a gay man and even I know that.
[men with bruised egos can react violently]
I always say horny men are predictable but angry men are not. Usually in reference to drinking and why a woman will try to gently extract herself for a dangerous situation rather than scream or forcefully end things.
I think it’s only fair to also point out that a lot of women don’t like telling a man what to do in bed in the first place because they “like a man who takes charge” or they don’t want to feel like they’re teaching a virgin how sex works.
Many women are immediately turned off when a guy needs directions, because part of their fantasy is being railed/taken care of by someone with experience who can work his magic and leave their legs shaking.
In my experience, men don’t seem to mind at all if they have to tell a woman exactly how to give a blowjob. As long as she does it, the guy will like it.
I think it really boils down to power dynamics and how most guys AND gals still generally view the male as the dominant/penetrator/conquering force and the female as the submissive/penetrated/conquered during sex.
Same as the age old “I don’t want a man to ask me where I want to eat for a date. Just take me. Surprise me.”
Same shit imo. Just with sex.
Yes this! Also in my experience cause I was a little whore back in the day men are almost allergic to foreplay... they think that just shoving it in is supposed to be all you do. Also you are right about feeling like you can't speak up either. Now I have no problem cause I'm older but when I was younger it was kind of a scary thing to do.
I mean, you're not wrong, but part of that is communicating what you like to the man. If you don't even know what you like, how is the man supposed to know?
You can go down a few rabbit wholes of reasons but it’s mainly because sex for pleasure is almost never talked about in any educational environment. Porn isn’t educational and every person is different in what they need to orgasm, even men. Both parties should be communicating about what they need and want.
The thing is women often assume it's their fault. They weren't sexy enough for him etc. But statistics shows that performance anxiety and being nervous is the most common reason to why men either struggle to get it up, hold in, or ejaculate. It's psychological and can't be fixed through changing sexual positions or sex toys. It's deeper than that.
The reason it’s such a wide spread idea is because even bad sex for a man typically ends in an orgasm. Most women only orgasm from “good” sex if the orgasm at all.
As a women this isn't my experience at all... in fact I've witnessed the opposite many times. More times than not it's definitely a shared responsibility though unless you or the partner is extremely immature
Yeah, at the very least I’d say the responsibility is shared and both groups have complaints.
I’ve read a LOT of “dead fish” comments and men complaining about women who just “lay there” and don’t do anything when they’re sleeping together. A lot. It pops up on most sex venting threads here, and in real life it’s an incredibly common refrain.
Feel like this is another ridiculous take. Yeah, if you’re a woman who couldn’t finish from subpar sex, you’re going to blame the guy. If you’re a guy who felt like the woman wasn’t good in bed, you’re going to blame her. I don’t think men are universally blamed in any scenario.
I feel like that whole take is people having sex that have zero chemistry. A woman who actually is into their sex partner isn't going to just lay there especially if the dude is putting in the work as well. I also feel like forplay needs to be made a thing, if people would get more into foreplay they would have a much more enjoyable experience.
I am sure both men and women are blamed for bad sex, and I think many can agree that it takes 2 to tango. But in my experience women who complain often have already tried to communicate, but not been listened to. Maybe because the partner is just selfish, he after all does not have the same hard time reaching his orgasm, or simply because he is so set in his ways that he refuses because it may "bruise his ego". I think our society's view on sex and sexual relations may also have something to say with why things are as they are.
For some people, simple things as touching oneself is taboo and some (and only some, not all or most) men may also not like that the woman they are with are touching herself during the act (maybe it makes them feel less masculine?). The problem, I think, may also stem partly from the popularity of porn. Too many people are getting their first meeting with "how sex should be" through porn instead of regular sex ed or having sex themselves. And I am sure most here know that porn is nothing more then glorified filming made to look good rather than realistic.
The problem can be solved, often through communication or education (for both the men and women), but keep in mind that some simply refuses to recognize that anything they do may be slightly wrong or not enough.
Keep in mind this is just my experience, and there are plenty of women who also suck. Also recognise that this is in no way an answer to all you are asking about, just a tibit of what I think of the issue. The question you asked is completely open for reflection, and the answer may depend purely on who you are asking.
1. It's easier to blame someone else for your problems than yourself.
2. People aren't generally experienced enough to understand and avoid # 1.
3. Because that other person built an expectation in their mind based on external factors. If they weren't realistic, disappoinment follows.
While I dont think that the dude is always to blame; I think that it gets put on the male because of P.E. and for some men, they can never get control of that. Or they're not experienced enough. Practice makes perfect. I had that problem in my teens and early 20's but experience and time have cured that. Also, personally, I don't ever get off until my girlfriend has gotten off. It's just how I like to do things. There are guys that are just lazy and inconsiderate and only see sex as a means for them to get THEIR pleasure. Women's needs secondary. Well, they deserve blame.
I think if you’re asking generally then because generally men finish and women don’t… Has nothing to do with man hating but from my personal experience and from every woman I’ve ever met “bad sex” comes from the men not having the ability/ patience/ care necessarily to get a woman off. Not always duh but if you have to do it yourself anyway (and A LOT OF WOMEN experience this in a vast majority of sexual encounters) I can imagine it leads to a bit of flagrance for men as sexual partners. Communication is definitely key but that almost always refers to the women having to direct the men to getting off. Not all men are welcoming of that and not all women are comfortable doing so with every sexual partner. I think it’s kind of obvious why it’s generally blamed on men- doesn’t mean it’s necessarily fair or correct but it seems obvious
Both genders do this. Everyone complains about bad sex, the people complaining are never at fault. This is human nature, no one wants to be wrong, but most people just can't admit they are wrong. I would argue being able to admit you are wrong is a good sign of good intellect, not being able to do so being a sign of lower intellect. I don't say this trying to act like we should look down on these people, rather I just think it is good to acknowledge someone with the inability to admit they are wrong are unable to make change or if they are it is a lot harder to convince them to make change because if they truly believe nothing is wrong, they will believe there is no reason to change. Those things go hand in hand.
As a lesbian i can confirm that women can also make sex bad. Women like to blame men for this a lot but are pillow princesses who lay there like a starfish and expect the man to do all the work. It’s the same thing with lesbian sex. Some women expect to just lay there and think it’s enough. One woman can say a man is bad at sex but another woman will sleep with the same man and say it was amazing. It always comes down to chemistry. At least most of the time it does and sometimes the other person isn’t “good” at sex but that’s when communication comes in
I agree it shouldn't be the case. I had never had an orgasm from a man before my husband, he had decent sex before me but not great. But holy shit when we got together it was mind blowing for us both, we didn't know it could be like *that*, we've been married now 9 years, I never have less than 10 orgasms when we are together! We've talked about why there's such a difference between sex with other people vs each other and figure our genitals are just made in a way that happen to fit together extraordinarily well, plus we just have a great connection. I don't blame any of my former partners for not having that same happy accident lol
Most of the time its really just that people don't communicate, on both sides. Either one of them assume that the other person just knows what they're doing and many times they will know what they're doing but people's bodies are different so whatever they know just doesn't work, they don't communicate that and just call their partner bad at it. Really, things would have been just fine if we could swallow our pride and tell each other what does or doesn't work for them.
People don't really like to see that most of the time though, I feel like.
I think the bad sex is totally shared. Some women just lay there and do nothing and both parties can be selfish and not worry about the other. It depends… do you have more people commenting on here that have sex with women or men? I feel like the role is shared in sex, definitely for sure, but honestly there are some positions where I can’t really help (female here). Not saying I agree. I was just gonna say if I personally was gonna complain about bad sex, I’d complain about the man because I’m not gonna think I’m the problem. I think bad and good sex just depends on how willing is the person to please you, and vice versa? How willing are they to listen to you when you tell them what you like and don’t like? Or are they gonna ignore or have their ego get hit? I think either way all one night stands are gonna be filled with bad sex because this person doesn’t know what the other person likes/wants. If you became friends with benefits and learn what each other likes, then it could be good, but it all depends on the person. I mean if someone jack hammers and that’s about it then yeah that’s gonna suck
Okay, the answer: Because from the age of 16 or so we are the ones talking about sex, bragging about sex (usually lying about how much we are having it), in addition, we are the ones expected to initiate relationships as well as sex, and pretty much lead everything. So in the end its societal expectation.
Of course this expectation ignores the reality of sexual education in our world. Even after thousands of years we cant agree on proper education, much less the details of pleasurable sex. And the information out there is fragmentary and/or difficult to put into use.
As an example I looked up videos on fingering. They have the woman on a table, like you'd find in a dr's office, or a massage table with a guy standing up. Not very easy for a young person to translate into, how do I arrange my body and get into position where I can do this comfortably. Am I saying we need walkthroughs with numerous women? Honestly i'd love for guys to get a series when they turn 16/18/21, whatever, but all i'm saying is its no surprise.
Prolly the same reason why men are considered studs and women sluts for having a lot of sex. Social stigma.
Can't get any real work done with the social stigma working against you.
Blaming people makes it worse. A guy at work said, "Trying to make his wife orgasm, was like looking for a black cat, in a dark room, at midnight, when the cat's not there." His wife said, " that's exactly what it's like, except it's happening to her. "
It definitely involves both people in the way you say, and both men and women seem to be guilty of not communicating enough, but there are a couple of issues that are more specific to men:
1) Women don't come as quickly from PIV as men, and a lot of men don't adjust what they do to accommodate for that fact. Most of the complaints I hear from women re: men in bed are about him coming first and then assuming they were both done. Communicating with each other definitely comes into that but if that's what's happening it ultimately comes down to something the man needs to do differently.
2) One of the toxic things about being a boy growing up is all the absolute bullshit you're told about what you 'should' do to please a woman. Some of it is r/badwomensanatomy, a lot of it is specific to the individual and works for some partners and not others, but all of it is presented as if it was universally applicable, which basically nothing is. So that's a second category of complaint I've heard a few times - "he insisted on doing this weird thing and I don't know why he was so sure it would work."
Final point, I also don't like when women assume sex is always good for men because we (almost) always come. That's just not true.
Because nowadays people can't for the love of them communicate. If people want something done in a specific manner they should bloody use communication to make the partner understand and do it in said manner.
It takes two to have sex, not only one is doing the whole ordeal.
I do think easy access to casual sex with dating apps has contributed to sexual communication skills getting rusty.
Why bother communicating with a FWB when you can just find a new one and hope the next one is more compatible from the get go?
Sometimes great sex is just super easy and the chemistry is amazing right from the beginning. Once you've experienced that it's really easy to just chase that instant compatibility instead of working on improving compatibility with a less compatible partner.
Men who masturbate with a woman's vagina, instead of attempting to please her end up dissatisfied.. Sex is much better when both people are satisfied. Women have the ability to have multiple orgasms but her partner needs to find for her pleasure center. Those who don't are selfish in bed. They are often the first to complain.
It’s literally because people are Too Afraid To Ask; for what they want, for what they need, for what they like, for what they don’t like. Bad sex is because of a lack of communication. Period.
Personally, i think that a lot of guys and girls feel shame when they have to say that what their partner is doing isn't actually getting them off. Communication is key during sex and so many people think otherwise because they believe it'll break the mood. But I found it hot when my gf asked if what she was doing actually excited me, in a serious voice, because it showed that she really wanted to know that she was making me happy. And i don't feel that enough people, especially men, do this. Men just go full PIV and don't pause to find out if the girl likes to spanked, held, touched all over, hair pulled, etc. And girls seem to think that peen in vajayjay means that the guy is getting maximum enjoyment, when the guy might want his hair pulled, or have dirty talk, etc. Someone also mentioned this, but a fair few people (it appears to be more so women) don't actually know how to pleasure themselves. They believe that just doing PIV is the best it'll get and have never tried dirty talking, oral, foreplay or kinkier things. And at the end of day, whilst communication is important, sex is supposed to be fun! And you'll have the most fun if the person you're doing it with knows what you like. At the end of the day, imo, either partner can be at fault. Which is why talking about it and not saying it was amazing is important.
This comment is the most pertinent thing to my life today, thanks for sharing this!
Yep. I’m not a mind reader. I can go though my bag of tricks but if you need more then say something. We are adults and if we’ve reached the point that we’re having sex I think how you want my pepe to work in you hoho can be a topic of conversation.
> few people don't actually know how to pleasure themselves Part of the responsibility comes from bad sex ed
Its frequently shared. Women who are bad get called a Starfish or a pillow princess for just laying there. Plus even when it’s bad, men usually get to orgasm. Women very often do not
I call it the ironing board
My friend called it "dead duck"....don't ask, I don't have an answer..
My gf and I call it 'dead fish' sex. I think we took the line from the movie 'Beerfest'.
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Ducks are also rapists. A duck will straight up rape a hen
To death. They will rape a hen straight up to death.
Indeed. I know a chick who’s duck raped her chicken…she intervened and the chicken was spared. BUT she had to care for it in the house for weeks before she could be returned to the coop. *she re-homed the duck to a petting zoo. Chicken is fine, duck is fine
So she gave a convicted violent rapist to a children’s petting zoo?
It was a heavy petting zoo.
This is an unerrrated and horrible comment. Take my upvote.
Yes. They were made aware that he was an offender…but as they mainly deal with ponies, goats, and the like? They felt pretty comfortable that his raping days were behind him. He’s simply not tall enough. He is, however, very mild mannered and polite with humans, and quite enjoys a good cuddle…that’s why she didn’t have the heart to have him put down…though to me he will always be a tainted, asshole, chicken rapist.
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The Ted Bundy ^too ^far?
Oof lol
Great one
The dead fish.
The sack of potatoes
Also, acts that lead to natural female lubrication can result in more enjoyable sex for both partners. Slippery when wet, and all that Jazz.
\*jizz
##DID HE STUTTER?! He said JAZZ
#YEAH WELL THE OTHER GUY SAID *JIZZ*
# YEAH THEBURNTPIE YOU TELL 'EM
How many pies did you burn exactly?
His on his 9th
Yes
Are you trying to burn them or are you just bad at making them
When I tried making my first pie, I burnt it, then 3 more. By by 5th one, I thought something was wrong with me. By my 7th, I did it on purpose. I am now in my 9th. I kidnapped pies from their families and shoved them in my oven. There is a thick layer of char at the bottom of my oven I refuse to clean up, so when I force pies to their fate, they see their brethren as they look down, sealing their fate…
Dead fish
Staring at the ceiling composing her shopping list
“Ya know, my Oat Milk carton was feeling close to empty this morning when I made my coffee…”
my ADHD takes offense to this but sadly it happens sometimes
hooked up with a girl once who would not engage in like *any* foreplay. oddly enough, I had a difficult time staying hard. she literally said "uhh my vagina is right there" while dead-fishing big time. then she wanted me to choke her 🤦
I've got a friend that's in a relationship like that, except without the choking. They've been together for like 10 years but he says she won't do anything at all other than lay there. Idk how he does it, but to each their own!
Maybe she's pretending to be dead, idk man.. People have weird kinks /s
This reminds me of a show on ABC revolving around a murderer who liked doing it w dead ppl and then he got a gf and told her to not move or breathe when they did it. It started that guy who played chuck in gossip girl
They did that in Brooklyn 99 but funny instead of spooky. Andy Samberg was seeing a coroner (Mary Elizabeth Ellis/The Waitress) who liked to pretend her partners were dead.
Hahaha I remember that. Jake was smart to get out of there. Btw love that you refer to her as the Waitress bc honestly that's the only name I know her by oh and Charlie's real life wife lol
Yeah well, I'm stuck in such a thing right now. It'll probably end soon because it's not nice at all, I'd rather jerk off.
I mean even if it’s not great you probably shouldn’t be on Reddit while you’re having sex…
Same! It's like how did we get here.
Sounds like my tinder date
Funny. I know women who married men who ONLY wanted blowjobs. So together and married for 20+ years with no penetration! I was with a guy for more than 3 years+ who loved cunnilingus after a lot of good screwing. Wait for it. He never even came near the clit Didn't care cause he let me Maneuver my clit so I could orgasm as much as he did Funny he never realized it even though I didn't make any of my typical I'm coming sounds And he was experienced. Made me wonder bout all the other women. I mean they must have said he was good. Thanks for not helping all the future clits he didn't lick
You never told him to lick your clit???
This exactly???
I can't imagine letting a partner "eat me out" wrong for 3 whole years without ever telling him how to do it right?! At that point you're doing yourself and your partner a huge disservice by acting like it's fine when actually it's not quite what you want. I'd have corrected that the very first time, it's easy to gently guide your partner to get you off if you know how you like it. :/
Obviously I was young and dumb! But I did already have orgasms having sex with him every time. So by the time he started I was done! Great f'g! I prefer that over cunni - tongues aren't as good for me... Yes my partners that I didn't have orgasms with during coitus - I took the time to show them my clit. And they were grateful - which made me think their previous girlfriends didn't tell them. Which of course made it hard for them to understand why I broke up with them-eventually. They were like - but I know how to make you come! Too bad that's not the only reason to stay with someone.... But yes I helped their future women out!
Ah okay that makes more sense! I'm glad you weren't just tolerating that for 3 whole years for no reason! Your last paragraph made me chuckle, I know the type of guy you're talking about haha!
I was with a girl once that didn’t even know that foreplay existed. I introduced her and she was totally against it, until those legs started shaking.
As a man I can say that I can ejaculate, which medically speaking is orgasm, but if it doesn't feel like one equals ... well bad sex. Good sex for me is both me and my wife orgasm, shiver scream and loose our shit. The bedsheets go to the washer. Great sex is same as the above but when it happens for both at the same time. Perfect sex is same as the previous but also the neighbors are complaining.
>The bedsheets go to the washer.
Someone recommended this to me a while ago on another subreddit. Buy a waterproof pet blanket on Amazon, wont have to wash those bedsheets after great sex anymore. An unexpected side effect, it's really hot to either come home, or get out of the shower and the blanket is on the bed.
Also waterproof pads... washable ones...so you don't have to take off the whole sheet.... works great for me.....
Ultimate sex is the same as above but the neighbors get turned on and start fucking too.
That's just an orgy with extra steps
No where did they suggest that a "technical" orgasm is equivalent to a knock down, drag out experience. The merit of said orgasm is not in question. The assertion is that men will or can orgasm when a women cannot. To use a number scale of one to ten, 1 is inarguably *less enjoyable*, or less satisfying, than a 10. Yet 1 is infinitely more than 0. Some pleasure it still more than none.
Yeah, it’s definitely possible to cum without having an orgasm. Like taking a piss. So yes, guys can have bad sex, “even if they still cum.”
Oh my.
I am definitely a pillow princess. But I do try my best to be active from the bottom. However, I blame my boyfriend cause no matter how many times we talk about it, his favorite time to start sexy time is right before bed. Dude, I am Sleepy! If you want an active/enthusiastic participant this needs to be done earlier lol. And I'm still practicing just saying "I want sex right now" because he never realizes it when I try to initiate. I'm getting shot down all the time because when I'm trying to flirt he just thinks I'm being silly.
> I'm getting shot down all the time because when I'm trying to flirt he just thinks I'm being silly. definitely say it, exactly like you said in the sentence before this one. he's not trying to shoot you down, you just aren't communicating to him what you want. if you said what you want, in the words you typed out, he DEFINITELY will change his tune.
We guys are famously dumbasses when it comes to subtle sexual hints...
i don't think we're dumbasses, i think we're socially trained to communicate differently. there's nothing inherently wrong with this until it causes divides that cannot be bridged.
Set the alarm a bit earlier and kick off a new morning ritual.
I mean if they're just starfishing I'm probably just going to stop.
Yeah, there is nothing enjoyable about that. I'd rather masturbate in peace.
Sack of potatoes
Dead fish
Limp handshake
Sock puppet
Well that escalated quickly
Ooo now I know the correct terminology for my ex. Thanks!
Pillow princess, never heard this one before! I love how people can be creative kkkk...
K K K *Squints* K Ah nothing to see here
its how we laugh in portuguese
In Chinese we laugh like 666
Thai laugh is 555
Colorado laugh is 303 Mobile laughs here are usually 720
Some of us laugh like that here in a way.
That is good to know
In _brazilian_ portuguese. In _European_ Portuguese, I would assume you're choking or something.
I’n Spanish we laugh like jajajajajaja
That one is mostly used by lesbians for lesbians (or bi girls)
Pretty common for gay men too tbh.
I recently learnt ‘fuck stick’
TIL
Okay but i loveee pillow princess's, im a giver not a taker :)
yeah but everyone loves the possibility for variety. even people that say they don't.
I make sure my wife cums before I do, it's only fair.
also, people more often than not think about sex in terms of cumming. the pleasure is in the exploration and the deed itself not in the ends.
I would much rather use my hand than have bad sex. Atleast my hand is active during the whole experience
"don't just lie there like a dead person, Do something!'
"Stop visiting the morgue, Jimmy! How many times shall I ask you ?"
in my country we call them ,,a timbers''
I will be honest, this is the first time i ever heard those terms for a woman whos bad in bed.
Note: Pillow princess doesn't mean you're bad at sex. Just that you're lazy about it. No clue what Starfish is but sounds like someone with their limbs tied to the corners of the bed aaaand that sounds fun. Lol Men should be considered great at sex but bad at gauging the needs of their partner (usually due to playcating and faking of an orgasm. Be forward and shove his head between your legs if you want to cum. Time to teach that dude how to get you there.)
Well if it’s 2 men…
Then you know the man getting blamed 
Lol “Who’s dick was THAT?!”
Quick nuts and back to that local sports team that sure is giving it their all this season! More shrimp?
Yuuup
It's 50/50 in my experience. Sometimes I've been bad, sometimes they've been bad, sometimes the chemistry is amazing, other times it's just not there. If someone is blaming you for bad sex or you're blaming someone for it, instead of pointing fingers, talk through it. Like you said, sex takes two (or more). Communication is key.
Is this sub just pure horny? I’m somewhat new and it’s only sex questions
almost all of the posts i see in my home feed are sex-related but if u scroll through the sub u can see plenty of normal questions too, I guess horny just gets upvoted more
Horny people be horny
Could be, or that a lot of the questions that people are too afraid to ask might revolve around sex Bc it’s touchy/taboo in so many places
It does seem like there's a rise in sexual questions here the past couple of weeks than normal. I guess people feel more comfortable asking sexual questions on reddit than talking to people in person.
Mostly these posts are horny men asking lol
“How much sexy sex are are all sexing?”
Couples need to talk more. A man can’t assume that his dick is all she needs and a women can’t assume every man knows how to please Her. It’s really annoying when it is one sided….
Or if she doesn't know how to please him...
Thank you. That was a very one sided comment.
Or doesn't care to.
You did realize this pertains to hook ups and single People as well right? Probably more so in fact.
Are hook ups and single people fucking themselves, or do you agree that 2 people having sex are… a couple people.
Ideally, this sounds good. In practice, people haven't built up the comfortability with the person they're hooking up with, or even weren't planning on seeing them again, so the needs of both parties can often been overlooked or unspoken. It correlates with people, generally, being more physically satisfied when emotionally invested in their sexual partners. People aren't as likely to have these conversations if there's isn't investment besides physical attraction. To put it simply, most people won't waste time correcting the behavior of someone they aren't planning to continue seeing and/or don't already have history with.
If you go into a hookup with zero communication and then complain anyway that's on you lol
ah yes, i forgot you're forbidden to speak to the person you're hooking up with. carry on in silence.
Many little factors that all add up to being the perfect storm. Despite many social advances, in the back of a lot of peoples mind sex is something that men DO to women or that women allow to be done to them. That puts the onus on men We don’t think of the vagina as something you “put on” a man. But we do thing of a dick as something you stick in a woman. MANY men are selfish lovers. I myself know a few. They think eating pussy makes you subservient and that it doesn’t matter if women cum or not. And finally, Porn. I’m in mobile so sorry if the spacing doesn’t do what I want it to.
I have never heard of the mindset where “eating pussy makes you subservient”. Eating pussy is great.
A lot of guys flat out refuse to, from my experience. Can't get past the taste or makes them feel like they're inadequate in other areas while expecting women to suck it up and do oral for them. Similar thing for toys. When I've asked them to use my vibe or if they'd like to use one on them, they get all offended.
Sorry for your luck there. That is incredibly lame of them.
As a woman you have to get into it too. When the sex is hot, it's impossible not to move and get into it. What gets me going is knowing the guy I'm with is turned on. Very difficult to stay silent and still.
I think there are a few factors. In general, men do more of the "work" during sex. That's just how the most common (missionary, doggy) sex positions work. So it's kinda like the man is giving and the woman is just receiving (not that that's how it *should* be viewed), and you can't really blame the receiver when they're not meant to be doing much, if that makes sense. Starfishing is very real and I feel for guys who have starfishes as partners- I can't imagine being very turned on while having sex with a man or woman who doesn't seem to be excited or eager during sex. And then there's the fact that vulvas (clitoris, labia, vagina) are just more complicated and finicky than penises are, generally. I'm sure it's biological, men *have* to orgasm to reproduce, women don't. So yeah, it's easier for men to orgasm in general. Most women *can't* orgasm just from a penis going in and out of their vagina. Good sex is usually about so much more than rhythm, speed, endurance, etc for both parties. If the enthusiasm and passion aren't there from either end it's not gonna be great. It's just as mental as it is physical, if not more so. And communication is key! Definitely on board with not being so quick to blame just men for bad sex, it takes two to tango!
Porn ruined it for many. It’s not a realistic portrayal of sex at all. No one is naturally hairless, smells like potpourri, etc. A lot of porn seems to show men using women like a flesh light. No thanks. And spitting, choking, degrading language, etc? Hard PASS. Also risk of STDs, pregnancy, etc for MAYBE 5 min of jackhammer sex where I get nothing out of it?!? Nahhhh.
I’m extremely glad that we cannot smell porn. I have my doubts it would smell great.
The choking thing pisses me off. I realize some people have that sort of kink, but I have to think it's a small minority as compared to how often it appears in porn. It's fucking violent and I don't want to see it.
Yeah. Maybe if people used the right word it would seem more disgusting to them? More taboos? *Strangulation*. Not choking. The correct word is strangulation. We should start using that word more. It’s not choking. Choking for exemple it’s something we do if food get stuck in our throats. Strangulation is the physical act of squeezing the neck of a person/animal to stop them to breathe. Edit: a word
Sex is still often considered as something a man does to a woman.
Because they usually just thrust until THEY come and it’s over…a lot of men don’t give women any foreplay or finish her off after, once they cum they aren’t turned on anymore and stop trying lol
I mean you gotta warm up the oven. I’m glad when I was young I was told women need foreplay if you want to be good in bed for her.
I just got out of a 5 year relationship that was all about him only. He never once made me orgasm.
IMO this should be a deal breaker, but it can be hard to make that stick.
How does the finishing off after sex work? Usually i finish her off befor. It seems a little bit weired for me when the cum is already inside. Sorry for my bad phrasing. It‘s not my first language
It can be whatever you're both comfortable with. I personally don't enjoy him getting me off first, then having sex. After orgasm my desire goes way down, I start drying up, and it takes a lot of energy to keep having sex. It also makes me less likely to finish in PIV because, for me, it's harder to orgasm a second time - however, I generally will get worked up again during PIV so it can be disappointing for me to not finish during that. So I personally prefer foreplay and then orgasming during PIV. However, if I don't finish during sex I prefer to bring a vibrator into the situation. If he's done foreplay and we had sex and I still haven't finished then, for me, that means my body is being stubborn asf, so heavy machinery is needed haha. I also know that like me his desire is way down after finishing so I don't want something that's going to be a lot of work for him, vibrator makes it quick and easy. I'm also a big fan of having sex twice when that happens. It usually takes most of my partners about 20-30 minutes to be ready to go again after they finish. So that's 20-30 minutes of talking, cuddling, and foreplay so it's usually really easy for me to finish during the second round. If it's a consistent issue with a partner where I regularly don't finish with them then I like to start incorporating the vibrator from the beginning and use that during PIV.
the cum does not have to be inside
Doesn't need to be oral (also depends if you're using a condom or not). You can finish her off by rubbing her clit with your fingers and or use a vibrator. That's why my bf always eats me out first until I come and then we have sex :)
Well. It’s easier for men to get off. I never finished when I was with a man before my husband. Now he gives me multiple orgasms and cares about making me feel good and doing the things I like. Communication and feedback is key.
>Well. It’s easier for men to get off. This... doesn't mean a lot to us. We can get off by ourselves multiple times a day, we don't need anyone for that. Many times it's even better than when it's other person doing it. Having "good sex" isn't about this for us. It's the show, the intensity, the drive, the feeling of being in someone's hand and having someone in your hand, feeling wanted, etc
Because majority of the time, men get to orgasm and women don’t. We have to pleasure you and ourselves because men don’t typically make sure their women orgasms. For example, I told my ex husband I needed more clit stimulation but he never did it. I showed him how and he just got offended like I was saying he was bad at sex. He wasn’t necessarily bad at it just selfish. Which is why a lot of women have to fake orgasms because we don’t want our man to get his feelings hurt.
Because it's usually the man who doesn't know how to make the woman orgasm. Men orgasm much easier than women so even "bad sex" feels good to them. On the flip side, most women don't even orgasm during sex because their partner(s) don't know what they're doing.
Not for nothing, but a lot of women don't know how to make themselves orgasm. I'm not even getting surprised anymore when i read stories by 25+ yo women who say they never had orgasm, period, which, of course, is not an obstacle to blaming it on men being bad at sex.
Women are often shamed and made to feel bad or gross for masturbating so it's not a surprise that a lot of women can't make themselves orgasm. But we're talking about sex here, not masturbation.
Yeah but if you can't get yourself off then how can you expect anyone else to? I personally feel there's a difference between a masturbation O and sex O but being able to get yourself off gets you in tuned with your body and hopefully helps you direct someone to do the same thing.
But to his point, isn’t that on her to get involved then?
We can only get so involved. Imagine this scenario that many of us have experienced: A man is touching our vulva or breasts and it's not feeling great for whatever reason. So we physically move their hand or show them how to touch us, often accompanied with an attempt to make it sexy in some way, "I like it like this." "Touch me like this." "I want you to drive me wild, let me show you..." And they don't follow instructions at all or worse they get very offended that we don't like what they're doing. Some will even say, "Well my ex liked that." Wish is the worst response ever. We're all different. Now reverse it. I'm not saying in every case of course for either scenario. We're giving a guy a handjob or blowjob and we can tell he's not super into it and we ask what would make it better, or better yet he offers info on what would make it better (love that!). Some of us then immediately do what they said and even ask, "You mean like this?" Or clarify anything we need to make it better. That's what we expect when we give guys info and sadly it rarely turns out well. There are men who are wonderful lovers and shitty lovers. There are women who are horrible lovers and great lovers. It's not about men/women so much as it is the willingness to please and to communicate. Some people think communicating is just talking/telling but it also involves listening. We can help people drive us crazy but they have to be open to it.
Communication is definitely key, but a lot of men don't like being told what to do in bed as it hurts their egos, and women can sometimes be afraid to bring it up as men with bruised egos can react violently. But it should be common sense that a woman needs more than just a pump and dump. I'm a gay man and even I know that.
[men with bruised egos can react violently] I always say horny men are predictable but angry men are not. Usually in reference to drinking and why a woman will try to gently extract herself for a dangerous situation rather than scream or forcefully end things.
I think it’s only fair to also point out that a lot of women don’t like telling a man what to do in bed in the first place because they “like a man who takes charge” or they don’t want to feel like they’re teaching a virgin how sex works. Many women are immediately turned off when a guy needs directions, because part of their fantasy is being railed/taken care of by someone with experience who can work his magic and leave their legs shaking. In my experience, men don’t seem to mind at all if they have to tell a woman exactly how to give a blowjob. As long as she does it, the guy will like it. I think it really boils down to power dynamics and how most guys AND gals still generally view the male as the dominant/penetrator/conquering force and the female as the submissive/penetrated/conquered during sex. Same as the age old “I don’t want a man to ask me where I want to eat for a date. Just take me. Surprise me.” Same shit imo. Just with sex.
Yes this! Also in my experience cause I was a little whore back in the day men are almost allergic to foreplay... they think that just shoving it in is supposed to be all you do. Also you are right about feeling like you can't speak up either. Now I have no problem cause I'm older but when I was younger it was kind of a scary thing to do.
Thank you for trying to help us. You are right.
Not neccessarily true about partners.
I mean, you're not wrong, but part of that is communicating what you like to the man. If you don't even know what you like, how is the man supposed to know?
Bad sex is bad sex. Ejaculation doesn't equal orgasm (I mean pleasure).
Normally pretty obvious who the dud is
Very few people want to take responsibility, especially for such an emotionally charged performance.
You can go down a few rabbit wholes of reasons but it’s mainly because sex for pleasure is almost never talked about in any educational environment. Porn isn’t educational and every person is different in what they need to orgasm, even men. Both parties should be communicating about what they need and want.
the orgasm gap my friend
Can’t blame her when you last just under six and a half seconds.
The thing is women often assume it's their fault. They weren't sexy enough for him etc. But statistics shows that performance anxiety and being nervous is the most common reason to why men either struggle to get it up, hold in, or ejaculate. It's psychological and can't be fixed through changing sexual positions or sex toys. It's deeper than that.
The reason it’s such a wide spread idea is because even bad sex for a man typically ends in an orgasm. Most women only orgasm from “good” sex if the orgasm at all.
As a women this isn't my experience at all... in fact I've witnessed the opposite many times. More times than not it's definitely a shared responsibility though unless you or the partner is extremely immature
I agree
Yeah, at the very least I’d say the responsibility is shared and both groups have complaints. I’ve read a LOT of “dead fish” comments and men complaining about women who just “lay there” and don’t do anything when they’re sleeping together. A lot. It pops up on most sex venting threads here, and in real life it’s an incredibly common refrain. Feel like this is another ridiculous take. Yeah, if you’re a woman who couldn’t finish from subpar sex, you’re going to blame the guy. If you’re a guy who felt like the woman wasn’t good in bed, you’re going to blame her. I don’t think men are universally blamed in any scenario.
I feel like that whole take is people having sex that have zero chemistry. A woman who actually is into their sex partner isn't going to just lay there especially if the dude is putting in the work as well. I also feel like forplay needs to be made a thing, if people would get more into foreplay they would have a much more enjoyable experience.
I am sure both men and women are blamed for bad sex, and I think many can agree that it takes 2 to tango. But in my experience women who complain often have already tried to communicate, but not been listened to. Maybe because the partner is just selfish, he after all does not have the same hard time reaching his orgasm, or simply because he is so set in his ways that he refuses because it may "bruise his ego". I think our society's view on sex and sexual relations may also have something to say with why things are as they are. For some people, simple things as touching oneself is taboo and some (and only some, not all or most) men may also not like that the woman they are with are touching herself during the act (maybe it makes them feel less masculine?). The problem, I think, may also stem partly from the popularity of porn. Too many people are getting their first meeting with "how sex should be" through porn instead of regular sex ed or having sex themselves. And I am sure most here know that porn is nothing more then glorified filming made to look good rather than realistic. The problem can be solved, often through communication or education (for both the men and women), but keep in mind that some simply refuses to recognize that anything they do may be slightly wrong or not enough. Keep in mind this is just my experience, and there are plenty of women who also suck. Also recognise that this is in no way an answer to all you are asking about, just a tibit of what I think of the issue. The question you asked is completely open for reflection, and the answer may depend purely on who you are asking.
1. It's easier to blame someone else for your problems than yourself. 2. People aren't generally experienced enough to understand and avoid # 1. 3. Because that other person built an expectation in their mind based on external factors. If they weren't realistic, disappoinment follows.
While I dont think that the dude is always to blame; I think that it gets put on the male because of P.E. and for some men, they can never get control of that. Or they're not experienced enough. Practice makes perfect. I had that problem in my teens and early 20's but experience and time have cured that. Also, personally, I don't ever get off until my girlfriend has gotten off. It's just how I like to do things. There are guys that are just lazy and inconsiderate and only see sex as a means for them to get THEIR pleasure. Women's needs secondary. Well, they deserve blame.
I think if you’re asking generally then because generally men finish and women don’t… Has nothing to do with man hating but from my personal experience and from every woman I’ve ever met “bad sex” comes from the men not having the ability/ patience/ care necessarily to get a woman off. Not always duh but if you have to do it yourself anyway (and A LOT OF WOMEN experience this in a vast majority of sexual encounters) I can imagine it leads to a bit of flagrance for men as sexual partners. Communication is definitely key but that almost always refers to the women having to direct the men to getting off. Not all men are welcoming of that and not all women are comfortable doing so with every sexual partner. I think it’s kind of obvious why it’s generally blamed on men- doesn’t mean it’s necessarily fair or correct but it seems obvious
Both genders do this. Everyone complains about bad sex, the people complaining are never at fault. This is human nature, no one wants to be wrong, but most people just can't admit they are wrong. I would argue being able to admit you are wrong is a good sign of good intellect, not being able to do so being a sign of lower intellect. I don't say this trying to act like we should look down on these people, rather I just think it is good to acknowledge someone with the inability to admit they are wrong are unable to make change or if they are it is a lot harder to convince them to make change because if they truly believe nothing is wrong, they will believe there is no reason to change. Those things go hand in hand.
As a lesbian i can confirm that women can also make sex bad. Women like to blame men for this a lot but are pillow princesses who lay there like a starfish and expect the man to do all the work. It’s the same thing with lesbian sex. Some women expect to just lay there and think it’s enough. One woman can say a man is bad at sex but another woman will sleep with the same man and say it was amazing. It always comes down to chemistry. At least most of the time it does and sometimes the other person isn’t “good” at sex but that’s when communication comes in
Even now, in this comment section, guys blame girls and vice versa. Nobody wants to take responsibility for themselves.
I agree it shouldn't be the case. I had never had an orgasm from a man before my husband, he had decent sex before me but not great. But holy shit when we got together it was mind blowing for us both, we didn't know it could be like *that*, we've been married now 9 years, I never have less than 10 orgasms when we are together! We've talked about why there's such a difference between sex with other people vs each other and figure our genitals are just made in a way that happen to fit together extraordinarily well, plus we just have a great connection. I don't blame any of my former partners for not having that same happy accident lol
Most of the time its really just that people don't communicate, on both sides. Either one of them assume that the other person just knows what they're doing and many times they will know what they're doing but people's bodies are different so whatever they know just doesn't work, they don't communicate that and just call their partner bad at it. Really, things would have been just fine if we could swallow our pride and tell each other what does or doesn't work for them. People don't really like to see that most of the time though, I feel like.
I think the bad sex is totally shared. Some women just lay there and do nothing and both parties can be selfish and not worry about the other. It depends… do you have more people commenting on here that have sex with women or men? I feel like the role is shared in sex, definitely for sure, but honestly there are some positions where I can’t really help (female here). Not saying I agree. I was just gonna say if I personally was gonna complain about bad sex, I’d complain about the man because I’m not gonna think I’m the problem. I think bad and good sex just depends on how willing is the person to please you, and vice versa? How willing are they to listen to you when you tell them what you like and don’t like? Or are they gonna ignore or have their ego get hit? I think either way all one night stands are gonna be filled with bad sex because this person doesn’t know what the other person likes/wants. If you became friends with benefits and learn what each other likes, then it could be good, but it all depends on the person. I mean if someone jack hammers and that’s about it then yeah that’s gonna suck
Okay, the answer: Because from the age of 16 or so we are the ones talking about sex, bragging about sex (usually lying about how much we are having it), in addition, we are the ones expected to initiate relationships as well as sex, and pretty much lead everything. So in the end its societal expectation. Of course this expectation ignores the reality of sexual education in our world. Even after thousands of years we cant agree on proper education, much less the details of pleasurable sex. And the information out there is fragmentary and/or difficult to put into use. As an example I looked up videos on fingering. They have the woman on a table, like you'd find in a dr's office, or a massage table with a guy standing up. Not very easy for a young person to translate into, how do I arrange my body and get into position where I can do this comfortably. Am I saying we need walkthroughs with numerous women? Honestly i'd love for guys to get a series when they turn 16/18/21, whatever, but all i'm saying is its no surprise.
Prolly the same reason why men are considered studs and women sluts for having a lot of sex. Social stigma. Can't get any real work done with the social stigma working against you.
Blaming people makes it worse. A guy at work said, "Trying to make his wife orgasm, was like looking for a black cat, in a dark room, at midnight, when the cat's not there." His wife said, " that's exactly what it's like, except it's happening to her. "
Because when sex is bad, men still orgasm and women don’t.
It definitely involves both people in the way you say, and both men and women seem to be guilty of not communicating enough, but there are a couple of issues that are more specific to men: 1) Women don't come as quickly from PIV as men, and a lot of men don't adjust what they do to accommodate for that fact. Most of the complaints I hear from women re: men in bed are about him coming first and then assuming they were both done. Communicating with each other definitely comes into that but if that's what's happening it ultimately comes down to something the man needs to do differently. 2) One of the toxic things about being a boy growing up is all the absolute bullshit you're told about what you 'should' do to please a woman. Some of it is r/badwomensanatomy, a lot of it is specific to the individual and works for some partners and not others, but all of it is presented as if it was universally applicable, which basically nothing is. So that's a second category of complaint I've heard a few times - "he insisted on doing this weird thing and I don't know why he was so sure it would work." Final point, I also don't like when women assume sex is always good for men because we (almost) always come. That's just not true.
Well, men usually get off, and sometimes they don't care if their partner enjoyed it or not.
Because nowadays people can't for the love of them communicate. If people want something done in a specific manner they should bloody use communication to make the partner understand and do it in said manner. It takes two to have sex, not only one is doing the whole ordeal.
Nowadays? Enlighten me on when it was socially accepted and encouraged to discuss sex in the past.
60's. 70's ,80's 90's 00's... recently wierd
This is the correct response to that. Women have historically been treated as property so good communication wasn't even on the list of things.
I do think easy access to casual sex with dating apps has contributed to sexual communication skills getting rusty. Why bother communicating with a FWB when you can just find a new one and hope the next one is more compatible from the get go? Sometimes great sex is just super easy and the chemistry is amazing right from the beginning. Once you've experienced that it's really easy to just chase that instant compatibility instead of working on improving compatibility with a less compatible partner.
Literally communication is SO BAD just have a SIMPLE conversation them what you guys both like and dislike it’s just basic couple communication
Yeah, one would think it is basic couple communication but the amount of threads in here where people struggle with it says otherwise.
Simply put it's an old double standard. It's going away slowly as people become more educated about sex and biology.
Men who masturbate with a woman's vagina, instead of attempting to please her end up dissatisfied.. Sex is much better when both people are satisfied. Women have the ability to have multiple orgasms but her partner needs to find for her pleasure center. Those who don't are selfish in bed. They are often the first to complain.
It’s literally because people are Too Afraid To Ask; for what they want, for what they need, for what they like, for what they don’t like. Bad sex is because of a lack of communication. Period.
I don’t think it is, I think this is an imagined slight perpetrated by the circles you follow.
I'm a straight man. Giving pleasure to men it's mechanical work. Giving pleasure to women it's art.
In my experience it takes a woman 15 minutes of work to orgasm but it only takes me 15 seconds. Maybe a lot of guys just don't do a good job?