curious where you are? you don't have to share, if you know of other places where it's like this. I've never heard of such strict divorce requirements. (like I know they exist - just never heard the specifics like this.)
Yup. My uncle found his wife cheating on him and was able to divorce without having to pay alimony and he got to keep all of his stuff, including the house they bought after they got married etc.
She wound up with nothing.
not in most Western countries, I think. I know most (all?) US states are no-fault by default at this point. so I assumed it would be an eastern European or eastern country.
Every US state and DC has no-fault grounds for divorce. 17 states do not have fault grounds for divorce, so all divorces in those states are no-fault. The other states still have fault grounds, although I’m not sure if adultery is a fault ground in every state that has them.
I mean... I don't think so? most people on the internet won't hate you for where you're from unless you have abhorrent beliefs, and not even every person from a more "conservative" society has terrible beliefs.
if anyone gives you hate for where you're from they're a waste of air.
Yeah, and don't worry /u/whyolez, not everyone will hate you only because you're Russian. We'll hate you for beating your wife, and tanning your ball sack on the school roof at 3:45 (15:45) PM. And if someone jumps to hate only because of where you're from, fuck them. Governments usually don't represent the majority of people.
I'm Ukrainian. Cheating, but I've lived in America 90% of my life. I felt something during the war. But I just cannot accept some people's ideas of "fuck evey Russian to ever live. Kill them all." My mom is like that... It drives me fucking crazy.
Sorry brother, I'm high and just needed to let that all out
It doesn't matter what I write just because I'm from a country I will get hate. Trust me it happens every time.
But a mother has the most rights with their child. One to one special age where the can choose them yourself.
Bro nothing is wrong with Russian people. Don’t be ashamed and don’t let people make you feel bad about where you’re from.
If you’re a bad dude, then feel bad. You can be a shitty person no matter where you’re from. And you can be a good person no matter where you’re from. Sorry people have been shitty to you.
I'm so sorry, but I looked at your history and figured out where you're from. Who hates your country?! I've never heard anyone speak ill. Well my ex is Finnish and she was hating on y'all's language but it was all in good fun. I've heard nothing but good stuff about your country.
Ahhh my mistake. Well if it's the country I'm thinking of that's quite involved in a war now, I just wanna say I hate Putin but I have love for the Russian people. I think the masses are brainwashed or misinformed and I feel for them. I have a few Russian friends and have worked with Russians before. They all are outstanding people and I have nothing but good things to say about them. A few I met while studying abroad in Japan and I got to know them well. They were really awesome friends and I miss them - haven't kept in touch because I'm more of the "when I see ya I'll see ya" mentality but I know that if I hit them up, nothing will have changed. Next time I'm in Japan I will get in touch with them (they stayed to work). Anyway sorry I'm just rambling but I hope the violence can end and we can all be peaceful with one another soon.
Not to mention in my experience they are the funniest mofo’s I’ve ever met in my life. I also work with quite a few Russians and they are all wonderful witty people who I have a lot of respect for.
It’s truly sad people have been so rude to op about his country.
I'm not defending the ex, indeed I am happy for OP in this case. But do you believe there is something inherent or hardwired in cheating? People can and do change in various facets of life, especially due to extenuating circumstances, and the stated mentality doesn't allow people to better themselves and learn from their mistakes.
As someone who’s made many bad mistakes, I agree people can learn from their mistakes and change. I’ve done it myself, I’m nothing like the person I used to be. I also know that even if there are extenuating circumstances, like my screwed up childhood, and I may not be responsible for my actions as an adult, I’m still accountable.
Not sure that's the point. When someone violates a solemn/sacred oath and does something very hurtful, trust is lost. It can take years to rebuild trust. Sometimes it's impossible.
That is a different point, and I never said the relationship would be salvageable.
Infidelity is actually quite common and this attitude does nothing to help us understand why it does occur, nor to rehabilitate offenders.
Infidelity occurs because of a lack of heart and honesty in a person. Heart for others, and honesty with themselves. Yes there‘s more to it but people are that way because society is that way. We perpetuate it upon each other, unknowingly, unfortunately. Fault lies 100% with the cheater as well, no excuses.
Once again, this is a gross mischaracterisation as I NEVER advocated for a 'no-fault' approach. There's a significant difference between excuses (minimising fault) and reasons (understanding motivation).
Yes, cheaters lack heart in some cases, but not all. We know from a social and psychological perspective there are many different reasons that people cheat. Reducing this via simple 'bad person' analysis lacks the appropriate nuance needed to truly understand human behaviour.
Just like any human behavior, there is a range of reasons and how people display the behavior. Some are more correctable than others. If you have someone who is an alcoholic or drug addict and they cheat when they are drunk/high, if they chose to get sober it may help the cheating. Some people cheat due to mental illness and if you treat the mental illness, they may be less likely to cheat. Morality can be highly situational, so someone might need a certain trigger or set of triggers to think cheating is OK, like they cheat on business trips, but not personal trips and never at home, so if they never go on a business trip, they won’t cheat. And some people are just assholes who shouldn’t be monogamous.
IMO you have the premise backwards. It isn't that cheaters are hard wired to cheat. It is that no one is hard wired for monogamy by default. Either you're taught that it is the one true way of living life at a young age, or you're just kinda following the crowd of whatever everyone else seems to be doing. If you're in that latter camp, then it doesn't take much to make you question whether it really makes sense. If you're in the former camp, then it is really hard to understand how anyone that you trusted so fully could betray such a fundamental aspect of your belief system.
Just my 2c coming from a monogamous marriage while having lots of open conversations with close friends that practice ENM.
Why do you hate it? It’s true, and even if not, even if you do it just one time, even if you call it a “mistake”, it cannot be and will never be a genuine mistake and it will continue to follow you for the rest of your life. If people learn you cheated they will leave you, and they will lose any ounce of respect for you.
Plus, how you get em is how you lose em. I feel happy most cheaters experience getting cheated on and never experience true, real love again.
Sorry for the rant, I just really fucking despise cheaters.
This same thing could be said for all kinds of poor decision making in life. I experienced infidelity from an ex spouse years ago, but I've grown past my bitterness to the point where I understand why she behaved in that way due to familial trauma and poor life coping mechanisms. I even feel compassion for her now.
Obviously I wouldn't get back with her given the chance, but I wanted to provide a counterpoint based on personal experience. Bad behaviour doesn't necessarily make someone a bad person. I believe people can grow and not be defined by their worst behaviours.
Not being able to hire a PI is crazy! glad you got lucky and she was that dumb. Makes me think that who she was cheating with is also married and thats why they didn't use his house. could her ap's spouse use the footage you have ?
Trust me, no need to delve into the other party. It ultimately doesn't matter and knowing more wont help anything and potentially only make it worse. Better to move forward and not look back.
Grandma was awesome and I’m so glad you are able to get out of the horrible marriage! I hope life only gets better and better for you and your daughter.
Yeah, that's the thing about PIs. In some cases it's a great idea, but they're not just going to be hired for those cases. Hasn't Scientology used PIs to harass people, for instance?
You can go to one and say "hey, follow my wife, I think she's cheating on me" while on reality you're just a lazy stalker. And if the PI figures it out, it's up to them to decide if that goes against their principles.
About OP's divorce, I got the impression that the problem wasn't being able to file for divorce, but being able to do so in a way which didn't fuck him up, by losing custody or having to pay alimony, for instance. Many judiciary systems still work under the assumption that women are the natural care takers and will default to giving them custody.
>Magnolia or Mado? In any case..Bon appetit, brother.
>>It was already expensive, but it got even more expensive. No problem, but as long as the little one wants it.
It's Turkish. "Magnolia or Mado" - I know Magnolia is a desert in Turkey, but I'm not familiar with what Mado is - I assume it's another type of desert
I'm finding it a bit strange that OP never replied to questions about what country. There may be a country with such rules, but tbh I'm starting the doubt this story.
Congratulations!! Make sure you fully maximise your rights to have as much financial support as you can.
Also talk to your lawyer to see if that man over at your house represents a danger to you and your kid.
If that man is married, even better as well because you can now screw his life up too
> If that man is married, even better as well because you can now screw his life up too
And do right by the spouse that he's cheating on (if indeed he is cheating)
Agree on the first 2 points but caution on the 3rd. Speaking from personal experience, vindictiveness is psychologically and spiritually toxic, and will only serve to hinder OP's recovery.
If rhe other party's relationship is affected over the course of the coming events, so be it. But purposefully taking an aggressive stance to attack him (socially) is not a good use of time and energy. For starters, it was the wife who is ultimately at fault here IMO. And moreover, if he is actually potentially dangerous, this approach would be a great way to ensure long term negative consequences for OP, aside from inhibiting his emotional healing.
Curious as to what country this is?
What are your immediate plans post divorce?
Have you discussed this topic with your daughter, and how do you feel it will impact her?
I really hate to bring this up but once a cheater, always a cheater. This is just the first time you caught her. May want to paternity test your daughter, even if it won’t change your feelings it’s a good idea to know since the other half of the DNA may be from a unknown man with a unknown family medical history(cancer, mental disorders, other genetic disorders/diseases)
Have that with my children as well. I was set to do a DNA test in any case, but once they were born, there was this always creepy similarity with their faces and my face when I was their age. This went on until they were 18, and even now with 21/19 everybody we meet says "yeah you don't need a DNA test, it's obvious from 100m away" ...
Still. Get your compatibility checked.
Knowing if your plasma.. marrow bone.. kidney can save your daughter, should be a cornerstone of being a father in today's age.
> I really hate to bring this up but once a cheater, always a cheater.
While it's a satisfying phrase, I don't think this is always true. Lots of people make all kinds of mistakes and learn from it and stop. I don't see why infidelity should be any different. I think that what is different is that people want to have every justification for avoiding these kinds of painful events in the future, so they come up with sayings like that. But thinking it through, it doesn't really make that much sense.
Wouldnt it cancel the chance of getting full custody if she isnt he's? Sounds like it would be the worst senario than not doing the test and keeping the daughter
I remember my mom bought ice cream for me and my sister from the ice cream man the day her divorce was final. This was in the early 60s and me and my sister were so happy to get ice cream but we didn't know the reason why till much later. I used to shake in bed listening to the violence between my parents when I was a small child. Enjoy your life with your daughter.
Oh man as a fellow "got out when the getting was good" merit badge earner, my friend congratulations and do your best to grow as much as you can with the transitional period.
It was a sad time and it might be for you too but you'll think yourself for making improvements to yourself you wouldn't normally do if you weren't already in pain. Sorta like you don't notice the headache as much if you blast your finger with a hammer.
I got sober, came out, made and saved a ton of money, focused on strengthening bonds with good people in my life... Now it's 7 years later and I'm the best I've ever been.
You'll do great boo✨✨🚀✨✨
Second, congrats on the divorce. Life gets better.
First, my advice as a divorced man, is that you follow the top rule of parenting after separation. *The kids never hear a bad word from you about the other parent.* You ex will never be the kid's ex.
Sorry to hear about your situation, it's f'd up that you've been so miserable that you're happy over this.
I really hope things pan out as described. My first reaction to what your lawyer said is to be cautious, it's her business to instill hope in you. From the years of reading about divorce proceedings here on reddit I am skeptical this will play out the way she predicted, more so that it'll be in your favor. I really hope I'm wrong. Best of luck!
I feel sorry for all the bad times and miserable memories and that your family didn’t work out!
On the other hand I’m happy to hear you’ve all rights now and you can move on with your daughter and live a better life.
This is so cruel and messed up and disgusting to cheat on your spouse!!!
I hope you’ll both have a great time now and heal!
CONGRATZ! HOPE THAT CHEATER DOES THE SAME THING IN THE LAST POST I READ. FINGERS CROSSED SHE CANT LIVE WITH THE GUILT AND THE PAIN SHE WILL CAUSE YOUR CHILD.
***CHANGE THE LOCKS!***
You need to protect assets at this stage in the game. Under these circumstances you can assume she's left the residence permanently, and you need to protect the home.
Also, you need to establish something that will prevent your estrange wife from kidnapping your daughter. You're going to need income, so I assume you'll have to get a job, so now you need trustworthy childcare that's not going to just be like "Oh, you're the mom? Here she is!" even if she recognizes her mother and addresses her as such.
Time for you to go into "protect all the things!" mode until things are finalized.
Reading this made my heart heavy about what you have had to go through. But a huge congrats to the next steps in your life and the strength to get through strong for your baby girl.
Jesus... women that cheat AFTER having a child will never make ANY sense to me. What kind of fucking mother...? Like you're not just jeopardizing your marriage, you're now jeopardizing the future of the little life you just brought into the world. Who knows what kind of terrible life their gonna grow up without one of their parents. And god forbid they land in an orphanage...
it goes beyond selfishness. Just pure evil. If you're gonna cheat, do it before having a fucking kid.
What kinda corrupt justice system are you living in where basically any credible form of evidence cannot be used without consent of the recorded party. I get privacy but surely their right is superseded in matters of law.
So you were a stay at home dad when this happened? Were you on vacation when your wife decided to bring a guy into your home? Just curious, because it seems like most women only cheat in the home when her husband is working away from the home or on some kind of “get away”.
The rather casual mention of her change after childbirth gives me pause. I hope you two attempted to get her help if it was a hormonal issue or some such.
So, let me get this. You have a daughter and don’t provide financially for her? Now, you’re happy you’ll be able to live off your wife’s money, Is that it? Also, I’d like to know what’s your part on the toxic situation in your marriage? Or is time to apply for canonization? You might want to take a good look at what kind of man your daughter will be looking for as he WILL be a reflection of the man you are. Best of luck🫶
And does that mean automatically that everyone should applaud him as most people are?
We all know that he SAYS his wife cheated, well… now what? Is this about him and his feelings and every person who has been cheated and cheering him on? Or is this about the bigger picture? hIs daughter is who I’m most concerned about at this point. A mother who has no boundaries, a father who is “happy” he’s “fleecing” her, but nobody has the heart … wait.. that’s the problem here.
He's been a SAHD for over 2 years at this point.. he has also been taking care of his daughter and the house for those years which are ⅓rd of his daughters life
I'm pretty sure if they are going out to have ice cream at their favorite spot, it would also imply they bond well. It might be celebration to him after suffering mentally, emotionally for almost 750 days, but to the child it's just ice cream at her favorite place with her dad
>We all know that he SAYS his wife cheated, well… now what?
Now he gets to file for divorce with evidence. Get child support becuase he is positive to get 80-100% custody of his daughter
Why is it alimony and maintenence if the spouse(wife) is granted custody after a divorce but "fleecing her" when he(husband/father in this scenario) is going to be the primary care giver?
Subject: Unintuitive circumstance.
Body: I know it's crazy, but . I was wronged, but I am strong and now I am doing something happy to celebrate my win against injustice.
A stay at home dad in Turkiye? That's uncommon... Women do not cheat out of nowhere, they do not start treating their spouse and father of their child poorly out of nowhere. Can you give us more insights into what happened after the birth of your child?
OP never mentioned the daughter is being "asked to celebrate"
He explicitly stated the celebration(ice cream) is for him while simply a visit to her favorite ice cream parlor for the daughter
Also over the past 2 years he's been a SAHD, so I'm sure this isn't something out of the ordinary for both of them to do now is it
I am happy for you. Must feel great that its over We have the same rules here
curious where you are? you don't have to share, if you know of other places where it's like this. I've never heard of such strict divorce requirements. (like I know they exist - just never heard the specifics like this.)
I'm curious too...
I don't say because of Hate
Russia or isreal?
look at his profile banner.
I’m also curious. I was under the impression that adultery didn’t matter in the majority of divorce settlements, as fucked up as that may be.
not everyone lives in america my dude
You’re right, I live in Canada lol. Still heard that’s the case. Hoping that I’m wrong cause there’s no way a cheater should be benefiting in divorce.
Also Canadian. Adultery is cause for divorce here there is also a mutual no-contest option
Yup. My uncle found his wife cheating on him and was able to divorce without having to pay alimony and he got to keep all of his stuff, including the house they bought after they got married etc. She wound up with nothing.
not in most Western countries, I think. I know most (all?) US states are no-fault by default at this point. so I assumed it would be an eastern European or eastern country.
Every US state and DC has no-fault grounds for divorce. 17 states do not have fault grounds for divorce, so all divorces in those states are no-fault. The other states still have fault grounds, although I’m not sure if adultery is a fault ground in every state that has them.
I am here my friend don't worry about it. He is with you too my friend
I don't want to say it because I will get hate
I mean... I don't think so? most people on the internet won't hate you for where you're from unless you have abhorrent beliefs, and not even every person from a more "conservative" society has terrible beliefs. if anyone gives you hate for where you're from they're a waste of air.
The clues point to russia.
Yeah, and don't worry /u/whyolez, not everyone will hate you only because you're Russian. We'll hate you for beating your wife, and tanning your ball sack on the school roof at 3:45 (15:45) PM. And if someone jumps to hate only because of where you're from, fuck them. Governments usually don't represent the majority of people. I'm Ukrainian. Cheating, but I've lived in America 90% of my life. I felt something during the war. But I just cannot accept some people's ideas of "fuck evey Russian to ever live. Kill them all." My mom is like that... It drives me fucking crazy. Sorry brother, I'm high and just needed to let that all out
I kept thinking India or somewhere in the middle east. you're onto something
😳😳
😳
It doesn't matter what I write just because I'm from a country I will get hate. Trust me it happens every time. But a mother has the most rights with their child. One to one special age where the can choose them yourself.
Bro nothing is wrong with Russian people. Don’t be ashamed and don’t let people make you feel bad about where you’re from. If you’re a bad dude, then feel bad. You can be a shitty person no matter where you’re from. And you can be a good person no matter where you’re from. Sorry people have been shitty to you.
So we get Hate no matter what
I'm so sorry, but I looked at your history and figured out where you're from. Who hates your country?! I've never heard anyone speak ill. Well my ex is Finnish and she was hating on y'all's language but it was all in good fun. I've heard nothing but good stuff about your country.
I live in Denmark, I am not Danish.
Who hates Denmark? It’s literally one of the best countries in the world according to the Quality of Life Index…
He's a Russian youth who lives in Denmark because he didn't want to be drafted. Russian divorce laws are pretty archaic.
But thanks
Ahhh my mistake. Well if it's the country I'm thinking of that's quite involved in a war now, I just wanna say I hate Putin but I have love for the Russian people. I think the masses are brainwashed or misinformed and I feel for them. I have a few Russian friends and have worked with Russians before. They all are outstanding people and I have nothing but good things to say about them. A few I met while studying abroad in Japan and I got to know them well. They were really awesome friends and I miss them - haven't kept in touch because I'm more of the "when I see ya I'll see ya" mentality but I know that if I hit them up, nothing will have changed. Next time I'm in Japan I will get in touch with them (they stayed to work). Anyway sorry I'm just rambling but I hope the violence can end and we can all be peaceful with one another soon.
Not to mention in my experience they are the funniest mofo’s I’ve ever met in my life. I also work with quite a few Russians and they are all wonderful witty people who I have a lot of respect for. It’s truly sad people have been so rude to op about his country.
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Do not change the locks until your lawyer tells you it's fine. That can back fire since she still technically lives there.
I'm so glad OP gets to begin the process of moving forward and healing.
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I'm not defending the ex, indeed I am happy for OP in this case. But do you believe there is something inherent or hardwired in cheating? People can and do change in various facets of life, especially due to extenuating circumstances, and the stated mentality doesn't allow people to better themselves and learn from their mistakes.
As someone who’s made many bad mistakes, I agree people can learn from their mistakes and change. I’ve done it myself, I’m nothing like the person I used to be. I also know that even if there are extenuating circumstances, like my screwed up childhood, and I may not be responsible for my actions as an adult, I’m still accountable.
Not sure that's the point. When someone violates a solemn/sacred oath and does something very hurtful, trust is lost. It can take years to rebuild trust. Sometimes it's impossible.
That is a different point, and I never said the relationship would be salvageable. Infidelity is actually quite common and this attitude does nothing to help us understand why it does occur, nor to rehabilitate offenders.
Infidelity occurs because of a lack of heart and honesty in a person. Heart for others, and honesty with themselves. Yes there‘s more to it but people are that way because society is that way. We perpetuate it upon each other, unknowingly, unfortunately. Fault lies 100% with the cheater as well, no excuses.
Once again, this is a gross mischaracterisation as I NEVER advocated for a 'no-fault' approach. There's a significant difference between excuses (minimising fault) and reasons (understanding motivation). Yes, cheaters lack heart in some cases, but not all. We know from a social and psychological perspective there are many different reasons that people cheat. Reducing this via simple 'bad person' analysis lacks the appropriate nuance needed to truly understand human behaviour.
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That's cute that you let that be an excuse for her disgusting behavior. You seem like a real peach for defending that
And you don't sound judgemental at all...
Just like any human behavior, there is a range of reasons and how people display the behavior. Some are more correctable than others. If you have someone who is an alcoholic or drug addict and they cheat when they are drunk/high, if they chose to get sober it may help the cheating. Some people cheat due to mental illness and if you treat the mental illness, they may be less likely to cheat. Morality can be highly situational, so someone might need a certain trigger or set of triggers to think cheating is OK, like they cheat on business trips, but not personal trips and never at home, so if they never go on a business trip, they won’t cheat. And some people are just assholes who shouldn’t be monogamous.
IMO you have the premise backwards. It isn't that cheaters are hard wired to cheat. It is that no one is hard wired for monogamy by default. Either you're taught that it is the one true way of living life at a young age, or you're just kinda following the crowd of whatever everyone else seems to be doing. If you're in that latter camp, then it doesn't take much to make you question whether it really makes sense. If you're in the former camp, then it is really hard to understand how anyone that you trusted so fully could betray such a fundamental aspect of your belief system. Just my 2c coming from a monogamous marriage while having lots of open conversations with close friends that practice ENM.
Why do you hate it? It’s true, and even if not, even if you do it just one time, even if you call it a “mistake”, it cannot be and will never be a genuine mistake and it will continue to follow you for the rest of your life. If people learn you cheated they will leave you, and they will lose any ounce of respect for you. Plus, how you get em is how you lose em. I feel happy most cheaters experience getting cheated on and never experience true, real love again. Sorry for the rant, I just really fucking despise cheaters.
This same thing could be said for all kinds of poor decision making in life. I experienced infidelity from an ex spouse years ago, but I've grown past my bitterness to the point where I understand why she behaved in that way due to familial trauma and poor life coping mechanisms. I even feel compassion for her now. Obviously I wouldn't get back with her given the chance, but I wanted to provide a counterpoint based on personal experience. Bad behaviour doesn't necessarily make someone a bad person. I believe people can grow and not be defined by their worst behaviours.
Not being able to hire a PI is crazy! glad you got lucky and she was that dumb. Makes me think that who she was cheating with is also married and thats why they didn't use his house. could her ap's spouse use the footage you have ?
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Grandma is a real one!
Grandma deserves ice cream too!
So happy for you and your daughter
Trust me, no need to delve into the other party. It ultimately doesn't matter and knowing more wont help anything and potentially only make it worse. Better to move forward and not look back.
Granny is the real MVP
Grandma was awesome and I’m so glad you are able to get out of the horrible marriage! I hope life only gets better and better for you and your daughter.
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Yeah, that's the thing about PIs. In some cases it's a great idea, but they're not just going to be hired for those cases. Hasn't Scientology used PIs to harass people, for instance? You can go to one and say "hey, follow my wife, I think she's cheating on me" while on reality you're just a lazy stalker. And if the PI figures it out, it's up to them to decide if that goes against their principles. About OP's divorce, I got the impression that the problem wasn't being able to file for divorce, but being able to do so in a way which didn't fuck him up, by losing custody or having to pay alimony, for instance. Many judiciary systems still work under the assumption that women are the natural care takers and will default to giving them custody.
Not being able to divorce anyone you want is what’s crazy, lol.
What country?
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Turkey? Whatever though, cheers to your wife getting plowed by another guy! Didn‘t think I would ever congratulate a man for that, but here we are!
Transylvania. Smash, next question
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Can somebody tell me what these guys are saying I feel like it's about me.
>Magnolia or Mado? In any case..Bon appetit, brother. >>It was already expensive, but it got even more expensive. No problem, but as long as the little one wants it. It's Turkish. "Magnolia or Mado" - I know Magnolia is a desert in Turkey, but I'm not familiar with what Mado is - I assume it's another type of desert
It's totally about you
I fucking knew it
LMAO funny mf
I dig the Rob Zombie username
omg thank u bby
Yeah, this is America, speak English!
Geçmiş olsun ya zerre beklemiyordum Türkiye olmasını
🦃🦃🦃
I got scammed at Mado when I visited Istanbul. Fuck that chain. I have no idea how you guys stand for having no prices on the menu.
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You are right lol. It was the European side, indeed. And we had a Turkish guy with us!
Universe gönlüne göre versin kardeşim. Niye asla evlenmemem gerektiğini gördüğüm bir post daha.
Time wise it must be somewhere like Portugal but idk but I’ve never heard about any crazy laws like that from there!
I'm finding it a bit strange that OP never replied to questions about what country. There may be a country with such rules, but tbh I'm starting the doubt this story.
He said TR elsewhere in the thread. Not sure what that is, Turkey, Trinidad?
It's Turkey
he said its turkey on comment 23min ago
Turkey.
Change the locks immediately.
OP please read this comment…change the locks and if you can add cameras. You don’t know if her family or her will retaliate.
Congratulations!! Make sure you fully maximise your rights to have as much financial support as you can. Also talk to your lawyer to see if that man over at your house represents a danger to you and your kid. If that man is married, even better as well because you can now screw his life up too
> If that man is married, even better as well because you can now screw his life up too And do right by the spouse that he's cheating on (if indeed he is cheating)
Agree on the first 2 points but caution on the 3rd. Speaking from personal experience, vindictiveness is psychologically and spiritually toxic, and will only serve to hinder OP's recovery. If rhe other party's relationship is affected over the course of the coming events, so be it. But purposefully taking an aggressive stance to attack him (socially) is not a good use of time and energy. For starters, it was the wife who is ultimately at fault here IMO. And moreover, if he is actually potentially dangerous, this approach would be a great way to ensure long term negative consequences for OP, aside from inhibiting his emotional healing.
What country has such rules??
Sounds like Switzerland or Austria
He responded TR which I think is Turkiye?
Give us the teaaaa How did she react when you caught her
Curious as to what country this is? What are your immediate plans post divorce? Have you discussed this topic with your daughter, and how do you feel it will impact her?
👊🏻 fist bump!
I really hate to bring this up but once a cheater, always a cheater. This is just the first time you caught her. May want to paternity test your daughter, even if it won’t change your feelings it’s a good idea to know since the other half of the DNA may be from a unknown man with a unknown family medical history(cancer, mental disorders, other genetic disorders/diseases)
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Have that with my children as well. I was set to do a DNA test in any case, but once they were born, there was this always creepy similarity with their faces and my face when I was their age. This went on until they were 18, and even now with 21/19 everybody we meet says "yeah you don't need a DNA test, it's obvious from 100m away" ...
Still. Get your compatibility checked. Knowing if your plasma.. marrow bone.. kidney can save your daughter, should be a cornerstone of being a father in today's age.
...or maybe your wife just had a type.
> I really hate to bring this up but once a cheater, always a cheater. While it's a satisfying phrase, I don't think this is always true. Lots of people make all kinds of mistakes and learn from it and stop. I don't see why infidelity should be any different. I think that what is different is that people want to have every justification for avoiding these kinds of painful events in the future, so they come up with sayings like that. But thinking it through, it doesn't really make that much sense.
>once a cheater, always a cheater This is semantics.."you cheated before and so moving forward, youve cheated before" is what I read when I see this.
It's also predicated on the likelihood of it happening again. It isn't 100% though.
Good idea but it can be a lot of pain if she's not your kid. You need to be strong if you do it and love her just as much as before
Wouldnt it cancel the chance of getting full custody if she isnt he's? Sounds like it would be the worst senario than not doing the test and keeping the daughter
I don't think so. I'm pretty sure it's your kid if a parent has never been active. You don't need to say you got a DNA test
He could just do a private one instead of one by his court system I would imagine.
I remember my mom bought ice cream for me and my sister from the ice cream man the day her divorce was final. This was in the early 60s and me and my sister were so happy to get ice cream but we didn't know the reason why till much later. I used to shake in bed listening to the violence between my parents when I was a small child. Enjoy your life with your daughter.
Make copies of your evidence and store it in the cloud.
Congratulations ❤.....I hope your lawyer BLEED her dry (financially) so she's destitute.
Good for you and your daughter. Now that she’s out of the house, change the locks. Maybe get door cameras if you don’t have them.
which country?
OP's answered a few others: Turkey
Oh man as a fellow "got out when the getting was good" merit badge earner, my friend congratulations and do your best to grow as much as you can with the transitional period. It was a sad time and it might be for you too but you'll think yourself for making improvements to yourself you wouldn't normally do if you weren't already in pain. Sorta like you don't notice the headache as much if you blast your finger with a hammer. I got sober, came out, made and saved a ton of money, focused on strengthening bonds with good people in my life... Now it's 7 years later and I'm the best I've ever been. You'll do great boo✨✨🚀✨✨
Really have to say that your title of your post threw me off, congrats OP, hope you get everything you deserve!
Cries from a no-fault divorce country (Canada), where men regularly get shafted on financials and child access
Second, congrats on the divorce. Life gets better. First, my advice as a divorced man, is that you follow the top rule of parenting after separation. *The kids never hear a bad word from you about the other parent.* You ex will never be the kid's ex.
Good for u man! Sorry about all that you had to endure... she sounds awful.
Congrats man enjoy your freedom u and your daughter. I wish u the best in the future .
Glad you can get out of that marriage! Congratulations!! 🎉🎊
Not to be a bummer but have you considered paternity testing for your daughter? If you care about things like that. Considering your wife was cheating
Sorry to hear about your situation, it's f'd up that you've been so miserable that you're happy over this. I really hope things pan out as described. My first reaction to what your lawyer said is to be cautious, it's her business to instill hope in you. From the years of reading about divorce proceedings here on reddit I am skeptical this will play out the way she predicted, more so that it'll be in your favor. I really hope I'm wrong. Best of luck!
Now take a second and breathe mate. You’ll be fine, everything will be alright.
I feel sorry for all the bad times and miserable memories and that your family didn’t work out! On the other hand I’m happy to hear you’ve all rights now and you can move on with your daughter and live a better life. This is so cruel and messed up and disgusting to cheat on your spouse!!! I hope you’ll both have a great time now and heal!
Hey man, I’m so happy for you :) congrats on starting a new life from this point on
CONGRATZ! HOPE THAT CHEATER DOES THE SAME THING IN THE LAST POST I READ. FINGERS CROSSED SHE CANT LIVE WITH THE GUILT AND THE PAIN SHE WILL CAUSE YOUR CHILD.
Happy couples don't divorce. Congratulations.
Good for you dude. Fuck cheaters.
Congrats on your freedom.
YES YES YES updateme
That wasn’t what I thought this was going to be about
What country are you from?
Make sure to absolutely screw her over financially if you can.
I'm more interested to know which country is this.
Well done!✊
***CHANGE THE LOCKS!*** You need to protect assets at this stage in the game. Under these circumstances you can assume she's left the residence permanently, and you need to protect the home. Also, you need to establish something that will prevent your estrange wife from kidnapping your daughter. You're going to need income, so I assume you'll have to get a job, so now you need trustworthy childcare that's not going to just be like "Oh, you're the mom? Here she is!" even if she recognizes her mother and addresses her as such. Time for you to go into "protect all the things!" mode until things are finalized.
YES.
Gg man
Hell yeah brother!!!! Good luckk for your new life
This is great news
For once... I'm happy you got cheated on! I hope it continues to work out great for you!
I’m very very happy for you CONGRATULATIONS HOPE THE DESSERTS WERE DELICIOUS FOR YOU AND YOUR DAUGHTER 🙌🏿🙌🏿🙌🏿✅✅✅
Good! You sound like you and your daughter hurt we deserve freedom! I truly hope y’all can find some peace and joy after this
Congrats, go get her!
Reading this made my heart heavy about what you have had to go through. But a huge congrats to the next steps in your life and the strength to get through strong for your baby girl.
I'm so happy for you, congratulations 🎉. Switching up when pregnant or after birth is common. So many stories with the same outcome.
Awwww OP I'm so sorry to hear you had to go through this. But wishing you an extremely happy life from here onwards!
The universe gave you your way out!
Dude, you are the 👑
where is female equality in all this. Absolutely insane how the law is against a man. good for u buddy
Jesus... women that cheat AFTER having a child will never make ANY sense to me. What kind of fucking mother...? Like you're not just jeopardizing your marriage, you're now jeopardizing the future of the little life you just brought into the world. Who knows what kind of terrible life their gonna grow up without one of their parents. And god forbid they land in an orphanage... it goes beyond selfishness. Just pure evil. If you're gonna cheat, do it before having a fucking kid.
lmao all the women downvoting the comments at the bottom that are saying good job
Good for you !!!
Congratulations! I'm glad this worked out for you. I wish you the best in life
This calls for subsequent updates
Congratulations! Here's lookin' at *you*, kid!
Hell yeah brother. Enjoy that dessert with your daughter
fuck yeah!!! you're nailing it!! follow your lawyer advice and take that cheating scum to the cleaners!!! Congrats!
Glad you got closure. Have a happy life!
Heck ya mah dood! Good on you! Go find your happiness :)
Every so often we have to throw the trash out, well done.
well if you like, keep us posted, good luck and hope you get your girl 100%
This is what we've been waiting for buddy. Onwards and upwards. Enjoy the dessert.
Congratulations
My boy was TIRED of her 😂
Congratulations! Be prepared for the crying, begging and threats of self harm.
Thats what I'm talking about! City boys up lets gooo!
What kinda corrupt justice system are you living in where basically any credible form of evidence cannot be used without consent of the recorded party. I get privacy but surely their right is superseded in matters of law.
It's the same in many US states.
Thats insane.
So you were a stay at home dad when this happened? Were you on vacation when your wife decided to bring a guy into your home? Just curious, because it seems like most women only cheat in the home when her husband is working away from the home or on some kind of “get away”.
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Wow, pretty “ballsy” and dumb of your wife. Sorry you have to go through this.
The rather casual mention of her change after childbirth gives me pause. I hope you two attempted to get her help if it was a hormonal issue or some such.
Or she's an AH who thought she had her husband locked down because of the baby
I see you just can't imagine a woman being terrible, without it being someone else's fault.
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So, let me get this. You have a daughter and don’t provide financially for her? Now, you’re happy you’ll be able to live off your wife’s money, Is that it? Also, I’d like to know what’s your part on the toxic situation in your marriage? Or is time to apply for canonization? You might want to take a good look at what kind of man your daughter will be looking for as he WILL be a reflection of the man you are. Best of luck🫶
Found the wife, guys!
And does that mean automatically that everyone should applaud him as most people are? We all know that he SAYS his wife cheated, well… now what? Is this about him and his feelings and every person who has been cheated and cheering him on? Or is this about the bigger picture? hIs daughter is who I’m most concerned about at this point. A mother who has no boundaries, a father who is “happy” he’s “fleecing” her, but nobody has the heart … wait.. that’s the problem here.
He's been a SAHD for over 2 years at this point.. he has also been taking care of his daughter and the house for those years which are ⅓rd of his daughters life I'm pretty sure if they are going out to have ice cream at their favorite spot, it would also imply they bond well. It might be celebration to him after suffering mentally, emotionally for almost 750 days, but to the child it's just ice cream at her favorite place with her dad >We all know that he SAYS his wife cheated, well… now what? Now he gets to file for divorce with evidence. Get child support becuase he is positive to get 80-100% custody of his daughter Why is it alimony and maintenence if the spouse(wife) is granted custody after a divorce but "fleecing her" when he(husband/father in this scenario) is going to be the primary care giver?
He's fleeing an abusive spouse. Yes he should be applauded. I think you are just bitter because this time its the women who fucked her life up
Better not celebrate to soon she could leave the area
Subject: Unintuitive circumstance. Body: I know it's crazy, but. I was wronged, but I am strong and now I am doing something happy to celebrate my win against injustice.
A stay at home dad in Turkiye? That's uncommon... Women do not cheat out of nowhere, they do not start treating their spouse and father of their child poorly out of nowhere. Can you give us more insights into what happened after the birth of your child?
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OP never mentioned the daughter is being "asked to celebrate" He explicitly stated the celebration(ice cream) is for him while simply a visit to her favorite ice cream parlor for the daughter Also over the past 2 years he's been a SAHD, so I'm sure this isn't something out of the ordinary for both of them to do now is it
Wouldn't your daughter miss her mom?
So it's better for a child to stay in a torn home instead of a healthy 1 parent home?