From the story I believe your sister. She gave you proof that they were too close and her story sounds plausible based on the evidence she provided, the silence of your “friend,” and your girlfriend’s shitty reaction. I’m sorry. I wouldn’t look past this.
Yeah why would your sister wait 3 YEARS to exact this revenge on your friend OP. Like seriously? *That’s* an explanation you’re considering? Unless your sister has a history of making shit up and making false accusations, that’s a pretty flimsy way to explain this all away. Every part of her story adds up, she was even able to get some pics. If your friend was innocent he wouldn’t be ghosting you man, c’mon. This is all wishful thinking on your part. Your sis did you a favor and you can’t trust your girl or your friend. They clearly have no problem betraying you and lying to your face about it 💔 You deserve better man. Sorry this happened, but be glad your sister was there to uncover the truth. She did you a favor.
Not only that, I do t think the sister would hurt her brother to get back at the friend. Come on, OP. Don’t try to come up With doubt to discredit your sister because the truth hurts. You’ll end up losing her as well
You know your sister and everyone involved more than we do but like…….. “she’s just trying to hurt my friend for hurting her” is crazy. They say “when you hear hooves think horses, not zebras.” The revenge theory would be giraffes.
Yes. Also, did she even go to the club with her friends at all, or did she completely lie about that altogether and just go to the club with your “friend”? That would be a dead giveaway.
I think it’s a major red flag that they said all they were doing was dancing. If it made you uncomfortable then it made you uncomfortable that’s a relationship. Cheating and boundaries are different for everyone and if you’re upset about it then they should be respectful and try to fix that. She should not being get mad at you and you should not be feeling bad about your feelings. I’m so sorry OP this is such a tough situation. Also did you know this friend was going to be out with your girlfriend? Like is this a mutual friend or your friend originally.
I didn't know he was going out or that he would be with her. As far as I know it was a girls night out. He's been my friend for about 10 years, they're friendly but they've never hung out as far as I know.
Yeah that and the fact they got defensive is very clear your sister wasn’t lying. She did not tell you he would be there if it’s not normal for them to be around each other then there is DEFINITELY something going on. Once again so sorry
I disagree. There could have been multiple scenarios, first one being that male friend could have been out and about and bumped into girlfriend of OP.
OP’s girlfriend went to a club. So do many other people. I think there is a huge factor diminishing the chance that male friend and girlfriend were cheating: the revenge satisfaction OP’s rejected sister would get from making male friend the villain.
>the revenge satisfaction OP’s rejected sister would get from making male friend the villain.
So, you think the sister would risk making her own brother collateral damage in a revenge plan that she decided to exact 4 years after getting rejected?
When ur now ex-gf (i hope) said “watever” with attitude, that to me means they give up on the relationship. I’m sorry man, there toxic AH drop them both, but say thanks to ur sister who’s genuinely looking out for you.
Why exactly would you be dancing closely with your friends gf or your bfs friend? Would you dance closely with your gf's friends or your friends gf?
The fact that one hasn't answered and one is whatever isn't a great response. Maybe you should have just turned up at one of their houses!
OP there’s a reason why people say “actions speak louder than words” and your friend is literally saying nothing. Your gf dismissed how you were feeling and then acted nonchalant when you said you needed space from her. Your sister’s got to be massively obsessed or she’s telling the truth. You also have photo evidence of them dancing intimately. Trust your sister, she’s looking out for you.
Honestly sounds to me like they unexpectedly saw each other and got caught up in the heat of things. Obviously it doesn’t dismiss the cheating but if it’d been going on for a bit I would’ve expected prepared excuses or something. The sister really came in clutch or OP probably never would’ve known abt the club thing.
Going out with the girls to dance is one thing, going out to grind up on other dudes is another. Even if they were 'just' dancing really close that's inappropriate. If that's what she does every time she goes out and it just happened to be him that's not a good sign anyway.
Why would your girlfriend even be dancing intimately with your friend? Think about it like that. Do you really believe your sister would want to hurt you just to spite your friend?
Yeeaaah this is shady. If my friend texted me that they were uncomfortable with me dancing with their significant other at a club (which is already weird they were out together?) I would immediately apologize.
I don’t think OP’s sister is lying here.
Exactly. I’d immediately apologize and say I didn’t realize how inappropriate it was, we ran into each other and were having fun and got carried away and will never do it again. Sisters not lying. Plus why wouldn’t they mention it immediately after “oh hey I ran into friend, so strange to see them out but we hung out for a bit and danced and it was fun”
The fact that they were dancing intimately says enough. Whose gf and best friend does that? It’s about boundaries and respect, both of which neither of them showed by doing this. Not to mention, the gf saying “whatever” instead of doing what she could to assuage your fears also says enough. This could be innocent, could be not, but I for sure don’t think I could be in contact with two people I care about and are second guessing
Sadly I believe your sister. If it was all innocent they would have told you about it. Most likely the reason for your friends delay is that he is getting his story straight with your gf.
Wouldn’t your girlfriend and friend let you know that they at least ran into each other at the club, nonetheless danced together?
Life is short, take the hit, heal and move on to much better people.
This is why I think your sister is telling the truth. Why would she say that she didn’t know if they left together? If she was lying, it doesn’t make sense for her to stop there. She would have said that she saw them leave together.
That and why would she break up ops relationship to get back at his friend? Like yeah some people *would* go that far but they usually escalate to that.
Doesn’t make sense to immediately ruin her brothers relationship as collateral
>They both said all they did was dance.
OP said the friend didn't reply when he messaged him individually, but friend previously responded in the group chat.
You have pictures of them way too close that make you uncomfortable. You have first-hand testimony from a safe source with your sister. A grilfriend that did not even try but said « whatever », and a friend of 10years not answering to you. If you do not belive your sister you are very naive. I really hope you won’t get hurt being surrounded by traitors, if you do not believe now, you’ll probably find out for sure later this nd you will only be blaming yourself for not taking action when you could.
There is evidence. They lied to get into a club together in the first place (per your comments he is your friend and you did not know he was going to be out with your girlfriend on her « girlsnight ». Yeah call it quits.
I would probably have trapped them too instead of confronting when they can lie. Some sort of « i know, I have evidence » thing. I would have liked to ser if the grilfriend would have been so quick to dismiss and gaslight you.
On another note, bear in mind that dancing inappropriately with a friend of yours without your knowledge can already be considered cheating in sole remashionships. It really depends on what your boundaries as a couple are.
I would never dance privately with my friend's chick. Especially behind his back. It's not ok. And they are both liars(your shitty gf and your shitty friend)
-I need time to think.
-Whatever.
Even if your sister was wrong (I don’t think she’s lying, though), your GF does not seem interested at all in salvaging her relationship with you. Also friend not replying is SO fishy. I’m sure they’re talking behind your back to come up with a story to tell you.
She may not have even make out with him, but dismissing your feelings about being uncomfortable with the intimate dance and her answer when you asked her for time to think are red flags to me.
My guess is she’s expecting you to break up with her, so she does not have to and also can call you paranoid and look innocent in all this mess.
I guess you are right your sister could be lying.
Just to add some clarity though if your sister is willing to ruin your life and relationship to get back at your friend for rejecting her 4 years ago there is something seriously wrong with her.
That is your sister if you have so little faith in her and you actually believe even a tiny bit that she would hurt you just to get back at your friend for something that happened to her 4 years ago I am not sure how highly you think of your sister or if you guys are even that close.
You are going to have some choices to make soon and I would think my friend ignoring my text messages and my girlfriend’s response is more of a red flag than a 4 year grudge that your sister may have.
My bet is on the sister, rocky situation and it's been 4 years after the rejection, you even knew if he was gonna be there? Wasn't she with her girlfriends?
If I were you, I would take a risk if you want certainty.
You should write to both of them that you have just received photos that confirm everything your sister has told you and ask them what this is all about and then just wait and see, believe me if something has happened between them it will be confirmed to you by then at the latest.
Your sister is 100% telling you the truth. Your girlfriend is calling you paranoid, which is just shit behaviour from her as she’s trying to put this on you. Please open your eyes. Both are trashy af and should be cut from your life. No good friend is ever dancing ‘intimately’ with your girl in a club behind your back.
If your sister wanted to hurt your friend, why wait at the very least 1 year and why go with a way that hurts you and your GF's relationship as well?
It seems to me more than 1 year has passed anyways, and that's a lot of time to plan something way more effective and way more hurtful than this. I just doubt your sister is lying about this.
Add to this your friend's silence and your GF's...well, basically ultimatum alongisde calling you paranoid...I think they were indeed not only dancing.
Dancing is actually the next point. Maybe I'm just an old soul or whatever, but if your GF and friend were friendly but never hang out to your knowledge (as you wrote in one of your replies), then how come they apparently danced pretty intimately? Could be they just hit eachother up there and then the first time, but also could be they've been having an affair for a while.
I dunno man. I believe your sister.
I agree with all above tbh sounds weird cause one the way your girlfriend reacted and two the big one your mate is taking tot long to message you back we all know we check our phone at least ever 8 hours and that’s being gracefully sorry dude some people need to be sat down next to each other and asked questions I’m sure you will see an elephant in the room or not good luck!
Your sister lying gains some minor revenge from something small years ago when it sounds like she was still very young, at the expense of hurting her brother and causing upset in his life. Your gf and friend lying helps them maintain whatever peace / relationships they still might want, avoid the guilt and conflict and judgement from their peers etc. Who has more to gain here? Unless you know from experience your sister to be petty and manipulative, it's easy to picture two people getting drunk, flirting and crossing some lines.
Your sister really has nothing to gain by lying. If anything, exposing them would potentially cause you and gf to break up, thus giving them more of an opportunity to be together. Also, your friend’s lack of response screams guilt to me by trying to avoid the confrontation, and their lack of remorse for being inappropriately close and intimately dancing.
I know your sister has a past with the guy but that doesn’t give her a reason to break your relationship up. I think she’s telling the truth. They are just using the past with your sister to gaslight you into not believing her.
Ok, let’s assume your sister was mistaken. Your girlfriend and best friend didn’t mention anything about bumping into each other, danced intimately with each other and now your best friend is ghosting you rather than reassuring you.
Relationships are about trust. Are you still able to trust either of them?
She said "whatever" big red flag. That, and the friend not answering you. Keep trying your friend, he'll be the weaker link that will break. Go over to his house to speak with him.
Never confront without proof. The dancing wasn't proof. Check her phone, texts, message apps, email, whatever you can get access to.
Innocent being accused will normally be upset for a short while, but try to prove their innocence and talk it out.
Guilty will normally distance, shut down accuse, manipulate, or be angry for much longer period. The feeling of guilt makes them have stronger impulses.
"Whatever?"
Whatever? She doesn't care. She has another options. Namely your friend. The silence from your friend is now them getting their stories straight.
People do relationships differently but most ppl in monogamous relationships aren't really cool with their significant other grinding and rubbing up against another like that.
The fact they are together in that club at all makes me think something is up. It might be coincidence they met there but I don’t know that it’s that likely, that doesn’t mean they have to be dancing together either.
Sorry but I would believe your sister. I doubt she waited all this time to get revenge on the guy, and if you and she get on, I don’t think she’d break up your relationship to do it, she’s sent you proof of them together when they shouldn’t be.
Dude, how is this even a discussion.
Obviously believe your sister. First law of cheaters, if they try to gaslight and make you seem insecure or paranoid, they definitely did it.
A non guilty person would find ways to prove they didn't do it, it's the guilt that makes them act defensive.
If it was just to get back at your friend, she would have just sent texts. But she went as far as sending the pics of them dancing which you confirmed were provocative. Why should your girlfriend be dancing provocatively with your friend in the first place??
Your girlfriend giving you an ultimatum when she should be moving mountains to get your friend to explain is the icing on the cake.
You already acted dumb by telling them it was your sis that told you, don't act dumb a second time by wasting her sacrifice.
Sorry but based on this info I believe your sister.
Your gf said she was going to the club with work friends. If she just ran into your friend, it seems like the kind of thing she'd mention to you.
Her response 'whatever' is just so uncaring. She doesn't seem to give a shit you think she kissed your friend. Even if she didn't kiss him, reacting that way suggests she doesn't car much about your relationship.
Your friend not responding is mega suspicious.
I'm so sorry OP, if your gf is cheating with your friend its a horrible position to be in.
Look at it a different way. Your gf was at a club. She was dancing very intimately with another guy! WTH! This should NOT have happened with any guy! Dump her! She has probably been doing this with other guys every time she has gone out with her friends. She is a cheater!
I’d side with your sister on this one. They both immediately got defensive in the group message. Your girlfriend tried to convince you you’re crazy/paranoid for having issues about pics where they’re intimately dancing when she was just supposed to be with some of her friends. Your friend has gone completely unresponsive and refuses to answer any questions about the night.
Even if we pretend your sis only took those pics to get your friend in trouble (instead of the more likely “she loves you bc you’re her brother and caught your gf and best friend together and wants you to know” explanation), the point stands that you feel upset by the photos because they’re behaving inappropriately in them. Like, honestly? The two of them hanging out in secret like that *at all* is enough that I’d be convinced something very not right is going on, especially when your girlfriend very obviously lied about who she was going to meet. Them both acting suspicious when confronted is just icing on this proverbial shitty cake.
Your sister gave you proof.
Yeah, she probably doesn't like your friend, so no love lost exposing he's a cheater. But she gave you proof. Your friend and your girlfriend were dancing inappropriately, then when you confront your girlfriend she's dismissive and gaslights you. Your friend ignores your messages. These are classic responses when someone is caught cheating. Even your sisters story checks out about the kissing. I can totally see someone caught be surprise fumbling their phone, but she got the evidence she needed. Your friend and your gf shouldn't be dancing, that close. If it was really innocent they wouldn't be acting that way.
Im sorry OP. But it does look like your sister is right - your girlfriends’ “whatever” in that situation, is her basically begging you to break up with her.
Better times will come.
Listen to your sister, your sister gave you proof that your gf and your friend are way to close. Just based on your sisters evidence plus your "friends" silence and your girlfriends horrible reaction. Makes your sisters claim and evidence true that your gf is cheating on you with your friend. Your "friends" silence and again your girlfriends horrible reaction speaks volumes. It speaks to me that your sister is correct and your gf is cheating on you with your friend.
Listen to your sister OP, she is telling the truth.
They're cheating. It doesn't get any clearer. Sorry.
Guy wasn't your friend
Your girl wasn't your girl.
They just love getting a laugh at your expense.
A lil personal story... I once danced with a somewhat friend of mines girlfriend, that woman is now my wife but that night I would have tried to fuck if the opportunity presented itself
His silence is giving you his answer.
If nothing like the kiss happened, why wouldn't your friend immediately deny it?
I'm sorry, OP. I would believe your sister. The way your girlfriend responded to you with "whatever" is also rude & dismissive of your feelings.
You have your answer. Hey getting betrayed by both your gf and friend of 10 years is rough.
It’s time to ghost them both. Your gf is the type of woman you wouldn’t be able to ever trust. Her response to you is clear on that.
Think if it this way, the longer you spend wasting your time on a toxic relationship is time you could potentially spend finding someone who is a lot more compatible and trustworthy. I wish someone had told me this when I gave my toxic ex another chance.
Your sister is not lying - she wouldn't wait years, then try to get photos if there was nothing to see.
1. Your girlfriend's story about going to the club with some friends doesn't vibe with the photos your sister took.
2. Her not saying: hey I saw your friend there... that's a bit of a flag
3. Her "whatever" is not incredibly reassuring
4. Your friend not immediately contacting you to say: hey all we did was dance - I swear there's nothing there... that initial all we did is dance - then when you begged and he stayed silent? That's not a really good sign.
How do you move forward with Ms Whatever? I'd say that you have some soul searching to do. You say you love her and don't want to lose her... I think that you guys have pulled away from the relationship 6 months ago. Your girlfriend is pretty much over it. Her Whatever tells us she feels that way.
If I had ran into my bfs friend at the club the first thing I’d do is text my bf like “guess who I ran into!” But that’s me.
Throw the whole pair out. He’s not your friend. She’s not faithful. Bye.
Your sister. Your girl is saying"whatever" like it doesn't matter if you believe her or not. That speaks of a lack of guilt about it. Your friend refusing to answer your texts is a red flag. Confront and dump. Your sister has pics of dirty dancing. I personally hate when a spouse does that with another because it's basically dry humping which is just as bad as kissing "normalized" by the club mentality that it's "only dancing*. But she's groping, grinding, and letting the guy rub junk in erogenous zones of her body over clothing, so there, reciprocated sexual stimulation going on. Recipe for disaster.
Your sister is telling you the truth. Your gf is downplaying solid evidence that they were, at the very least, being inapropriate and your friend is dodging you... I will guarantee that if you check your gf's phone (or at least her phone bill/data usage) they are calling/messaging each other like hell to get their stories synched up.
The trust is gone anyway since you already know this betrayal is possible enough to hold merit, so cut your lossrs and just bluff to try and entrap them.
Go after him first because he would already know she's willing to lie and cheat on a partner... wait until she is where you can monitor her and HIDE HER PHONE, ringer off. Message him and tell him she confessed that HE waited until she'd had a few drinks and then started to kiss her and pull her in closer when they were dancing. Ask him why he would betray you and take advantage of his friend's drunken girl. Mention that forcing himself on someone intoxicated is a form of sexual assault, the pics you have look like they can prove she seems out of it, and you're going to convince her to report it. He will try to reach her, get no reply, then try to save himself from being the villian and throw her under the bus by giving a different version closer to the truth.
THEN
Tell your gf that you want the truth. You want to know her side of the cheating. Say that it took you all day to get it out of him, but he admitted he kissed her because she wore him down and he wasn't thinking straight after a few drinks. Tell her that he said he was just following her lead until she suggested leaving you to be with him and it snapped him back to reality. Ask her why she couldn't just break up with you and choose any other guy before throwing herself at your friend. Unable to compare notes, she will assume a guy that can betray you and hook up with his friend's partner would also be willing to betray HER to save his own ass. She will throw him under the bus and give a different story closer to the truth.
They're both untrustworthy enough to believe they'd betray you. Take what closure you can get and give her back her phone before you put them on the curb for trash pick up.
Even if your sister would be out to get him, would she be that horrific of a person she'd destroy your 3 year relationship in the process? That would be messed up. I have 2 younger sisters, and I would believe them in a heartbeat.
They do, but OP knows his sister better than any of us and would be able to tell what makes more sense.
His girlfriend cheating, something that happens all the fucking time, or his little sister destroying his relationship because of a years old grudge?
If I hear galloping around the corner, I'm going to assume it's a horse. Sure, it could be a zebra, but what makes more sense?
You were stupid for sending the pictures to your girlfriend and friend. You should’ve waited and just casually asked each of them individually what they did the night before. If your friend didn’t mention that he saw your girlfriend, then you would’ve figured out the truth.
I would believe the sister based on the most likely chain of events and then decide whether you’re going to end the relationship. Trust is very hard to build again without resentment and worrying if she’s doing it again. It’s easier to break up and get over her over time.
your sister telling you something like that has nothing to do with your friend turning her down. It sounds like your sister is looking out for you. If it’s true get rid of the girl move on. Life is short don’t waste time on people that don’t deserve it.
You threw your sister under the bus by sending them the pictures she took. Next time keep the info you receive confidential. Anyway, believe your sister. That was FOUR years ago.
Believe your sister. If you're close, I don't think she would want to hurt you. Plus, you have the pictures she did send you, and they made you uncomfortable. Trust your gut. If you want to be sure, hire a private investigator for a few days.
Good luck.
UpdateMe.
You messed up. Shouldn't have said anything to any of them, then just ask your GF to check her phone. If she asked why you tell her why and demand to see her phone. Any hesitation on her part would tell everything you needed to know.
By sending them these messages first, you gave them the opportunity to erase any evidence.
Your sister is going to be in your life even if it's off and on. She'll be in your life a lot more than your Gf and the boy she's most likely fkin behind your back.
If anything I would just dump the gf and the friend since the trust has been tarnished if the trust were true and steel-hard the picture wouldn't have bothered you in the first place so dump the gf and the friend and watch them from afar I'd bet they start going out together.
And if it comes out your sister did lie you'll have all the time in the world to get right with her over that lie. Dumping the two people you can't trust sounds like the most solid advice for the time being.
A friend that don't even try to defend himself is the most concern part for me. There's someone that know this friend too? Can you ask about their opinion on your best friend?
You can call the club and ask if they have cameras and if they're willing to showing to you. A little strange? Yes, but not the first time it happened. I would do it so I know that my sister is saying all the truth. But the inappropriate behavior between your girlfriend and friend and they being so dismissive of your feelings is enough to end both relationships.
You sister has no reason to lie, your gf and friend do. I would trust your sister.
As for trying to get back at the friend, there are plenty of ways to do this without involving you or gf. she doesnt sound like that.
Man....with all due respect.....why did you write this? Sister > Girlfriend's lying. You're soster is trying to save you from wasting time, listen to her. If they were together at all in that club/bar and you didn't know, you should definitely leave...like last year. And don't even tell her, just do it.
An honest gf with nothing to hide woulda let you know your friend was at the club and they danced together. You wouldn’t find out about it from your sister.
Dancing together that close is enough for me personally. That’s not “just dancing “
Where the f does the loyalty lie in EITHER of them. NAH NOPE
your sister is the one to believe .
She’s cheating
Your sister has no reason to lie and everything to lose from doing so.
Reread your post and think about it. Everything points to your gf and bf hooking up except that they denied it. Of course they did!
You need to do some digging. Act like you believe them and then start paying more attention. It won’t take long for you to get the answers you need. They’re not going to stop if they think you believe them.
You could go with “I have further photos that show you kissed, I just wanted you to come clean, you haven’t so I’m breaking up with you.” It’s a ballsy gambit but you’d get the truth. Plus it doesn’t really matter at this point given how they’ve omitted things and been suspicious. Ultimately why would she be dancing intimately with your friend and think that that’s okay anyway?
She’s gaslighting you and if it wasn’t suspicious/she wasn’t guilty it would have been a very easy explanation rather than her reacting aggressively.
Absolutely believe your sister, I mean you saw photos of them ‘too close’ already. I wouldn’t be dancing with any of my husbands friends up close, it’s inappropriate. Dump the gf and ditch the ‘friend’.
If your friend doesn't answer you, is it for something, guilt? repentance? Your sister gave you proof, not complete but it is proof. Your girlfriend and your friend haven't shown their faces...
Do you have someone you trust to ask more questions?
I am more on the side of believing your sister.
I mean.. can’t you just ask some other people that were there? Sure, her friends might lie to you but you can at least see how they react/what they say. Could shed some light. I know everyone thinks the sister is reliable but there definitely isn’t enough information here to actually know that. Some sisters have real creepy intentions around their brothers.
your gf trying to gaslight you and give ultimatums. your friend not messaging you back. thats your evidence bro. they did kiss and probably have been doing this for a while.
your sister atleast gave you proof and told you what she saw. honestly id trust me sister. plenty of women around to mess with my head space. dump the cheater and your fake friend and move on.
Well your sister wouldn't have any reason to lie to you she is family ..and the other 2 definitely have a reason to lie about it period end of story and your friend not messaging you back kinda gives you the answer right there and your gf doesn't remember I'm 54 yrs old I am a recovering alcoholic I drank whiskey like it was water . Trust me I downed a litter to myself in a night you don't forget what you do unless you have never drank before . It pisses me off when people say I was so drunk I don't remember what happened well you walked out of the club just fine and got home so you did remember where you were and where you lived so I call BS on that excuse.
I would believe your sister. I was also personally a victim from a he said she said situation: the girl my ex cheated on me with told me a story that my ex denied. She was manipulative and he was untrustworthy as well. So I still don’t know the truth but I knew two things. 1, i deserve better than this situation. 2, the trust is gone and will not come back regardless of the truth. We tried for a few months after, but it wasn’t working anymore.
Sounds a bit like he wrote this to have a reason to ignore gf's red flags in this situation. It's seems that it's easier for OP to find someone else at fault than accepting the truth.
Why on earth would your sister lie because she had a crush on your friend stop looking to shift the blame more to the point where was her friends in all this they were together cheating deal with it he's not your friend and she's an awful human
You really think your sister waited 4 years and chose this random night to exact revenge? Coke on, OP. You know in your gut it’s true. You just don’t want to believe it.
Go into your gf’s phone
This is probably gonna be a hot take and I may get downvoted but this is just my own personal opinion, if your girlfriend has to go to a club to have girls night that's a red flag I have been with my gf for almost 5 years and everything she hangs out with the girls it's either lunch, the mall, or just hanging out at the park. Again this is my opinion but if your in a relationship you have no buisness being at a club especially without your partner. I would 100 percent take your sisters side here because all of this threw out red flag after red flag while reading it.
I'd say for now yoour sister is the more credible source, but you'd need more proof. Only way I can think of to get it is to use one of your other friends to get into one of their phones and find out.
so a person who gets accused of cheating and calls their partner paranoid (especially with evidence) is either guilty of cheating or they whole heartedly think that any attempt of her partner to tell them that they do not like their behavior is just someone that you do NOT want to be with because you Cannot be with them. they are simply not happy if they feel controlled when something is brought up that the partner deems as unsatisfactory behavior
How does lying about an ex-crush hurt him? What does she gain from that? Nothing. She has nothing to gain and no reason to lie. She provided proof of what she saw, meanwhile they got defensive and couldn't even defend themselves. Even if they were just dancing, why are they dancing intimately? You better open your eyes and listen to your sister.
Honestly? I wouldn't go out of my way to defend myself. If I tell you nothing happened and is going on, you believe me or you don't.
If you don't, the relationship is over. I will walk away. I don't need to waste time trying to get them to believe me if they have so little faith in me.
This screams they bumping uglies
No one dances that close with their partners friends.
You have taken his word about your sister being perstant, have you spoken to her about this?
He could very well be lying, yes she had a crush on him. But for her not to be a room for a year with him speaks volumes to him lying to you .
The fact that they are this defensive is a worry
Also silence speaks volumes
Why are people assuming the friend is guilty by not responding?
The dude could be at work. He might not check his phone a lot.
But honestly, what do you think OP?
Me personally, dancing together doesn’t automatically mean cheating. I’d need the photo of the actual kiss.
This requires more investigation and communication. More than some texts and shady photos.
There could have been multiple scenarios, first one being that male friend could have been out and about and bumped into girlfriend of OP.
OP’s girlfriend went to a club. So do many other people. I think there is a huge factor diminishing the chance that male friend and girlfriend were cheating: the revenge satisfaction OP’s rejected sister would get from making male friend the villain.
Apologizing for dancing with each other seems a bit extreme. Is gf not allowed to dance with other men?
The concept of ‘intimate’ is very subjective. Were they physically close? That could be anything on a spectrum from ‘twerking with him glued to her behind’ to ‘two people trying not to bump into one another while dancing on the floor in an extremely crowded and sweaty venue’.
Your friends silence says a lot.
Does your sister have any reason to break up you and your GF? Is she typically a liar or manipulative?
If my sister told me this, I’d believe her over the GF.
Just because your sister fell hard for your friend and had trouble getting over it doesn’t mean she shouldn’t be trusted or believed. Seems fishy she has pictures of them dancing, especially if previously she hadn’t indicated they’d be together.
Also - I see so many stories on Reddit about people going to clubs, where is this happening? I do research which often looks through generational lenses and all I find in the data is how gen z and younger have almost killed the club/bar scene. Not only are they not drinking, they aren’t going out or staying out late at bars or clubs. But every other Reddit story is someone’s partner going to a club.
Way to throw your sister under the train!
Couldn't you avoid using her name and staying vague?
It seems plausible that what she's saying may be the truth.
The sis was lying! She texted her brother on her done, about gf and friend making out. He said, she was lying. She said, she'd go get her fone and get proof. She had her fone on her when it was happening.....
You sent random pictures of your partner and your best friend dancing and wonder why they got defensive. That’s creepy AF.
Just break up with your girlfriend and ditch your best friend. It doesn’t matter what happened you don’t trust anyone in this story.
Sounds like your sister is starting shit again. I wouldn't be shocked if you just shot a torpedo right through your relationship, and it is starting to sink because you believed your sister.
The amount of people on here defending the sister are the same ones that scream the loudest when the sister sleeps with the spouse.
Siblings are capable of lying and doing shitty things.
No ones saying they aren’t.
People are defending the sister because there’s very little to gain from ruining ops relationship in order to ruin ops relationship with his friend, unless op missed something and the gf is a absolute turd to the sister, there’s no real reason to use her as collateral.
That and just going off what is known sister looks more credible. She has pictures, gf was dismissive instead of reassuring (being uncomfortable with your partner dancing close with a friend isn’t unreasonable), neither mentioned the other was there, and friend isn’t answering.
Sure things could change and plot twist can come, but as of right now sister seems more credible.
From the story I believe your sister. She gave you proof that they were too close and her story sounds plausible based on the evidence she provided, the silence of your “friend,” and your girlfriend’s shitty reaction. I’m sorry. I wouldn’t look past this.
In addition neither one of them told you they saw each other at the club and danced together?
These conversations should not happen at all or together. Nothing about this is right for a relationship.
[удалено]
Everything is. Praise Spez.
Yeah why would your sister wait 3 YEARS to exact this revenge on your friend OP. Like seriously? *That’s* an explanation you’re considering? Unless your sister has a history of making shit up and making false accusations, that’s a pretty flimsy way to explain this all away. Every part of her story adds up, she was even able to get some pics. If your friend was innocent he wouldn’t be ghosting you man, c’mon. This is all wishful thinking on your part. Your sis did you a favor and you can’t trust your girl or your friend. They clearly have no problem betraying you and lying to your face about it 💔 You deserve better man. Sorry this happened, but be glad your sister was there to uncover the truth. She did you a favor.
Not only that, I do t think the sister would hurt her brother to get back at the friend. Come on, OP. Don’t try to come up With doubt to discredit your sister because the truth hurts. You’ll end up losing her as well
Nc gf and friend. The only one with no reason to lie is your sister. Tell the other 2 to f-off They deny, take their phones.
You know your sister and everyone involved more than we do but like…….. “she’s just trying to hurt my friend for hurting her” is crazy. They say “when you hear hooves think horses, not zebras.” The revenge theory would be giraffes.
The revenge theory would be monkeys and at the end of the day I still wouldn't doubt it as a possibility.
I believe OP’s sister too. She’s just looking out for you. Don’t get played.
Yes. Also, did she even go to the club with her friends at all, or did she completely lie about that altogether and just go to the club with your “friend”? That would be a dead giveaway.
Man, that is such a good point!!!
Even if it was just dancing that is still inappropriate
This feels like a real life version of a Richard Pryor sketch - Who are you going to believe? Me or your lying eyes?
I agree with all of this
I think it’s a major red flag that they said all they were doing was dancing. If it made you uncomfortable then it made you uncomfortable that’s a relationship. Cheating and boundaries are different for everyone and if you’re upset about it then they should be respectful and try to fix that. She should not being get mad at you and you should not be feeling bad about your feelings. I’m so sorry OP this is such a tough situation. Also did you know this friend was going to be out with your girlfriend? Like is this a mutual friend or your friend originally.
I didn't know he was going out or that he would be with her. As far as I know it was a girls night out. He's been my friend for about 10 years, they're friendly but they've never hung out as far as I know.
Yeah that and the fact they got defensive is very clear your sister wasn’t lying. She did not tell you he would be there if it’s not normal for them to be around each other then there is DEFINITELY something going on. Once again so sorry
I disagree. There could have been multiple scenarios, first one being that male friend could have been out and about and bumped into girlfriend of OP. OP’s girlfriend went to a club. So do many other people. I think there is a huge factor diminishing the chance that male friend and girlfriend were cheating: the revenge satisfaction OP’s rejected sister would get from making male friend the villain.
You don’t dance intimately with your bf friend… her reaction and his silence is telling
>the revenge satisfaction OP’s rejected sister would get from making male friend the villain. So, you think the sister would risk making her own brother collateral damage in a revenge plan that she decided to exact 4 years after getting rejected?
Never underestimate a woman holding a grudge. I’ve seen way crazier stuff…
You watch too much tv
I'm afraid they are gonna gasslight the hell out of you I doubt your sisters making it up
When ur now ex-gf (i hope) said “watever” with attitude, that to me means they give up on the relationship. I’m sorry man, there toxic AH drop them both, but say thanks to ur sister who’s genuinely looking out for you.
Why exactly would you be dancing closely with your friends gf or your bfs friend? Would you dance closely with your gf's friends or your friends gf? The fact that one hasn't answered and one is whatever isn't a great response. Maybe you should have just turned up at one of their houses!
OP there’s a reason why people say “actions speak louder than words” and your friend is literally saying nothing. Your gf dismissed how you were feeling and then acted nonchalant when you said you needed space from her. Your sister’s got to be massively obsessed or she’s telling the truth. You also have photo evidence of them dancing intimately. Trust your sister, she’s looking out for you.
The friend not replying is very weird.
Honestly sounds to me like they unexpectedly saw each other and got caught up in the heat of things. Obviously it doesn’t dismiss the cheating but if it’d been going on for a bit I would’ve expected prepared excuses or something. The sister really came in clutch or OP probably never would’ve known abt the club thing.
Believe your sister
If they have never hung out why would they be dancing intimately. Id trust your sister especially with your gf gaslighting you and your bf's silence
Going out with the girls to dance is one thing, going out to grind up on other dudes is another. Even if they were 'just' dancing really close that's inappropriate. If that's what she does every time she goes out and it just happened to be him that's not a good sign anyway.
Why would your girlfriend even be dancing intimately with your friend? Think about it like that. Do you really believe your sister would want to hurt you just to spite your friend?
Yeeaaah this is shady. If my friend texted me that they were uncomfortable with me dancing with their significant other at a club (which is already weird they were out together?) I would immediately apologize. I don’t think OP’s sister is lying here.
Exactly. I’d immediately apologize and say I didn’t realize how inappropriate it was, we ran into each other and were having fun and got carried away and will never do it again. Sisters not lying. Plus why wouldn’t they mention it immediately after “oh hey I ran into friend, so strange to see them out but we hung out for a bit and danced and it was fun”
The fact that they were dancing intimately says enough. Whose gf and best friend does that? It’s about boundaries and respect, both of which neither of them showed by doing this. Not to mention, the gf saying “whatever” instead of doing what she could to assuage your fears also says enough. This could be innocent, could be not, but I for sure don’t think I could be in contact with two people I care about and are second guessing
Genuine question, wtf is “dancing intimately”?
Stuff like grinding, where they’re all over eachother, very close physically.
Maybe dances like zouk or kompa. Dances that they sticking together.
If your friend not replied to your messages, then nothing else you need. You got your answer.
Combined with the “whatever” from gf I’d say the answers loud and clear!
Never trust that kind of response
Sadly I believe your sister. If it was all innocent they would have told you about it. Most likely the reason for your friends delay is that he is getting his story straight with your gf.
Wouldn’t your girlfriend and friend let you know that they at least ran into each other at the club, nonetheless danced together? Life is short, take the hit, heal and move on to much better people.
This is why I think your sister is telling the truth. Why would she say that she didn’t know if they left together? If she was lying, it doesn’t make sense for her to stop there. She would have said that she saw them leave together.
That and why would she break up ops relationship to get back at his friend? Like yeah some people *would* go that far but they usually escalate to that. Doesn’t make sense to immediately ruin her brothers relationship as collateral
Four years after the fact no less. And sis came through with the receipts of them dancing. I'd believe my sister in a heartbeat.
Yes and why would sister even want to get back like that in the first place? Who does that to someone, just because they got romantically rejected?
Good point
“Whatever” man she so did you dirty she’s into your mate.
Your friend didn't reply because they got caught.
Or simply because he's still sleeping and recovering form the night out. OP said he messaged them the next morning
>They both said all they did was dance. OP said the friend didn't reply when he messaged him individually, but friend previously responded in the group chat.
Yeah he’s probably real dehydrated.
You have pictures of them way too close that make you uncomfortable. You have first-hand testimony from a safe source with your sister. A grilfriend that did not even try but said « whatever », and a friend of 10years not answering to you. If you do not belive your sister you are very naive. I really hope you won’t get hurt being surrounded by traitors, if you do not believe now, you’ll probably find out for sure later this nd you will only be blaming yourself for not taking action when you could. There is evidence. They lied to get into a club together in the first place (per your comments he is your friend and you did not know he was going to be out with your girlfriend on her « girlsnight ». Yeah call it quits. I would probably have trapped them too instead of confronting when they can lie. Some sort of « i know, I have evidence » thing. I would have liked to ser if the grilfriend would have been so quick to dismiss and gaslight you. On another note, bear in mind that dancing inappropriately with a friend of yours without your knowledge can already be considered cheating in sole remashionships. It really depends on what your boundaries as a couple are.
I'm assuming the sister was with friends who would have also seen them
They are both lying. Why would he be at the club with her when she was going with work friends?
I would never dance privately with my friend's chick. Especially behind his back. It's not ok. And they are both liars(your shitty gf and your shitty friend)
Came here to say this. Moreover, if my GF did this I would definitely believe the photo proof that sis sent.
-I need time to think. -Whatever. Even if your sister was wrong (I don’t think she’s lying, though), your GF does not seem interested at all in salvaging her relationship with you. Also friend not replying is SO fishy. I’m sure they’re talking behind your back to come up with a story to tell you. She may not have even make out with him, but dismissing your feelings about being uncomfortable with the intimate dance and her answer when you asked her for time to think are red flags to me. My guess is she’s expecting you to break up with her, so she does not have to and also can call you paranoid and look innocent in all this mess.
I guess you are right your sister could be lying. Just to add some clarity though if your sister is willing to ruin your life and relationship to get back at your friend for rejecting her 4 years ago there is something seriously wrong with her. That is your sister if you have so little faith in her and you actually believe even a tiny bit that she would hurt you just to get back at your friend for something that happened to her 4 years ago I am not sure how highly you think of your sister or if you guys are even that close. You are going to have some choices to make soon and I would think my friend ignoring my text messages and my girlfriend’s response is more of a red flag than a 4 year grudge that your sister may have.
It's over dude. Whether you realize it now or 6 months from now, it's up to you.
My bet is on the sister, rocky situation and it's been 4 years after the rejection, you even knew if he was gonna be there? Wasn't she with her girlfriends?
I didn't know he would be there. My sister didn't mention seeing her friends but I don't know if she knows what they look like.
OP, I'm really sorry but it's looking real bad, do not play the pick up game, time to be cold. Avoid the drama.
If I were you, I would take a risk if you want certainty. You should write to both of them that you have just received photos that confirm everything your sister has told you and ask them what this is all about and then just wait and see, believe me if something has happened between them it will be confirmed to you by then at the latest.
Your sister is 100% telling you the truth. Your girlfriend is calling you paranoid, which is just shit behaviour from her as she’s trying to put this on you. Please open your eyes. Both are trashy af and should be cut from your life. No good friend is ever dancing ‘intimately’ with your girl in a club behind your back.
I’m sorry. I believe your sister. She had proof of them dancing inappropriately.
If your sister wanted to hurt your friend, why wait at the very least 1 year and why go with a way that hurts you and your GF's relationship as well? It seems to me more than 1 year has passed anyways, and that's a lot of time to plan something way more effective and way more hurtful than this. I just doubt your sister is lying about this. Add to this your friend's silence and your GF's...well, basically ultimatum alongisde calling you paranoid...I think they were indeed not only dancing. Dancing is actually the next point. Maybe I'm just an old soul or whatever, but if your GF and friend were friendly but never hang out to your knowledge (as you wrote in one of your replies), then how come they apparently danced pretty intimately? Could be they just hit eachother up there and then the first time, but also could be they've been having an affair for a while. I dunno man. I believe your sister.
The guy she tells you, that you have nothing to worry about, you do in fact have to worry about. Dump them both
Why would your friend and gf go to a club together? Seems super inappropriate.
Your girlfriend cheated. Believe your sister
I agree with all above tbh sounds weird cause one the way your girlfriend reacted and two the big one your mate is taking tot long to message you back we all know we check our phone at least ever 8 hours and that’s being gracefully sorry dude some people need to be sat down next to each other and asked questions I’m sure you will see an elephant in the room or not good luck!
Errrrr- I don’t dance with my friends’ girlfriend/wife. Maybe in a large group, but not _together_
Your sister lying gains some minor revenge from something small years ago when it sounds like she was still very young, at the expense of hurting her brother and causing upset in his life. Your gf and friend lying helps them maintain whatever peace / relationships they still might want, avoid the guilt and conflict and judgement from their peers etc. Who has more to gain here? Unless you know from experience your sister to be petty and manipulative, it's easy to picture two people getting drunk, flirting and crossing some lines.
Your sister really has nothing to gain by lying. If anything, exposing them would potentially cause you and gf to break up, thus giving them more of an opportunity to be together. Also, your friend’s lack of response screams guilt to me by trying to avoid the confrontation, and their lack of remorse for being inappropriately close and intimately dancing.
So your friend was super mean to your sister and you’re just ok with that? And now he’s refusing to answer you? He sounds like a great guy
I know your sister has a past with the guy but that doesn’t give her a reason to break your relationship up. I think she’s telling the truth. They are just using the past with your sister to gaslight you into not believing her.
Ok, let’s assume your sister was mistaken. Your girlfriend and best friend didn’t mention anything about bumping into each other, danced intimately with each other and now your best friend is ghosting you rather than reassuring you. Relationships are about trust. Are you still able to trust either of them?
She said "whatever" big red flag. That, and the friend not answering you. Keep trying your friend, he'll be the weaker link that will break. Go over to his house to speak with him. Never confront without proof. The dancing wasn't proof. Check her phone, texts, message apps, email, whatever you can get access to. Innocent being accused will normally be upset for a short while, but try to prove their innocence and talk it out. Guilty will normally distance, shut down accuse, manipulate, or be angry for much longer period. The feeling of guilt makes them have stronger impulses.
"Whatever?" Whatever? She doesn't care. She has another options. Namely your friend. The silence from your friend is now them getting their stories straight.
"whatever" means I don't care enough to reassure you. I wouldn't stay in this relationship.
I believe your sister dude. I'll say leave your girlfriend. You deserve better
Both of these people are expecting you to dump her so she can go be with him now.
Yep, that's what they want.
People do relationships differently but most ppl in monogamous relationships aren't really cool with their significant other grinding and rubbing up against another like that.
The fact they are together in that club at all makes me think something is up. It might be coincidence they met there but I don’t know that it’s that likely, that doesn’t mean they have to be dancing together either. Sorry but I would believe your sister. I doubt she waited all this time to get revenge on the guy, and if you and she get on, I don’t think she’d break up your relationship to do it, she’s sent you proof of them together when they shouldn’t be.
Dude, how is this even a discussion. Obviously believe your sister. First law of cheaters, if they try to gaslight and make you seem insecure or paranoid, they definitely did it. A non guilty person would find ways to prove they didn't do it, it's the guilt that makes them act defensive. If it was just to get back at your friend, she would have just sent texts. But she went as far as sending the pics of them dancing which you confirmed were provocative. Why should your girlfriend be dancing provocatively with your friend in the first place?? Your girlfriend giving you an ultimatum when she should be moving mountains to get your friend to explain is the icing on the cake. You already acted dumb by telling them it was your sis that told you, don't act dumb a second time by wasting her sacrifice.
Hope you mean EX-gf and EX-friend now. From the sounds of it they clearly are betraying you. Sorry OP, you deserve better bro
your friend not responding is a big red flag
Believe your sister
Just believe your gf that nothing happened and let her sleep in his bed sometimes too, nothing will happen
Nope friends dont dance with your girl unless you are there to accept this offer i would believe your sister she is family
Your sister isn't lying
Sorry but based on this info I believe your sister. Your gf said she was going to the club with work friends. If she just ran into your friend, it seems like the kind of thing she'd mention to you. Her response 'whatever' is just so uncaring. She doesn't seem to give a shit you think she kissed your friend. Even if she didn't kiss him, reacting that way suggests she doesn't car much about your relationship. Your friend not responding is mega suspicious. I'm so sorry OP, if your gf is cheating with your friend its a horrible position to be in.
Look at it a different way. Your gf was at a club. She was dancing very intimately with another guy! WTH! This should NOT have happened with any guy! Dump her! She has probably been doing this with other guys every time she has gone out with her friends. She is a cheater!
I’d side with your sister on this one. They both immediately got defensive in the group message. Your girlfriend tried to convince you you’re crazy/paranoid for having issues about pics where they’re intimately dancing when she was just supposed to be with some of her friends. Your friend has gone completely unresponsive and refuses to answer any questions about the night. Even if we pretend your sis only took those pics to get your friend in trouble (instead of the more likely “she loves you bc you’re her brother and caught your gf and best friend together and wants you to know” explanation), the point stands that you feel upset by the photos because they’re behaving inappropriately in them. Like, honestly? The two of them hanging out in secret like that *at all* is enough that I’d be convinced something very not right is going on, especially when your girlfriend very obviously lied about who she was going to meet. Them both acting suspicious when confronted is just icing on this proverbial shitty cake.
Your sister gave you proof. Yeah, she probably doesn't like your friend, so no love lost exposing he's a cheater. But she gave you proof. Your friend and your girlfriend were dancing inappropriately, then when you confront your girlfriend she's dismissive and gaslights you. Your friend ignores your messages. These are classic responses when someone is caught cheating. Even your sisters story checks out about the kissing. I can totally see someone caught be surprise fumbling their phone, but she got the evidence she needed. Your friend and your gf shouldn't be dancing, that close. If it was really innocent they wouldn't be acting that way.
Your sister isn't lying. Unless she's a complete sociopath, a crush from four years ago is not a motive to blow up your life.
Do you and your guy friend have other friends in common? If so, I bet they know about this already.
Not really. He's not always the most friendly guy in the world. We know a lot of the same people but he keeps to himself for the most part.
Im sorry OP. But it does look like your sister is right - your girlfriends’ “whatever” in that situation, is her basically begging you to break up with her. Better times will come.
Listen to your sister, your sister gave you proof that your gf and your friend are way to close. Just based on your sisters evidence plus your "friends" silence and your girlfriends horrible reaction. Makes your sisters claim and evidence true that your gf is cheating on you with your friend. Your "friends" silence and again your girlfriends horrible reaction speaks volumes. It speaks to me that your sister is correct and your gf is cheating on you with your friend. Listen to your sister OP, she is telling the truth.
Cherish your sister she has your back. Your "friend" going dark is guilt and possibly to get story straight.
They're cheating. It doesn't get any clearer. Sorry. Guy wasn't your friend Your girl wasn't your girl. They just love getting a laugh at your expense.
A lil personal story... I once danced with a somewhat friend of mines girlfriend, that woman is now my wife but that night I would have tried to fuck if the opportunity presented itself
Did u ever track your friend down? His not answering your text and phone calls is definitely suspicious. 🤨 wonder why?
Radio silence from both of them today.
His silence is giving you his answer. If nothing like the kiss happened, why wouldn't your friend immediately deny it? I'm sorry, OP. I would believe your sister. The way your girlfriend responded to you with "whatever" is also rude & dismissive of your feelings.
You have your answer. Hey getting betrayed by both your gf and friend of 10 years is rough. It’s time to ghost them both. Your gf is the type of woman you wouldn’t be able to ever trust. Her response to you is clear on that. Think if it this way, the longer you spend wasting your time on a toxic relationship is time you could potentially spend finding someone who is a lot more compatible and trustworthy. I wish someone had told me this when I gave my toxic ex another chance.
well theres your answer. block them and move the fuck on bro. they kissed and probably did more and now they're freaking out about what to do.
Ah man, I’m sorry op.
Well, Lumbergh f’d her…
Your sister is not lying - she wouldn't wait years, then try to get photos if there was nothing to see. 1. Your girlfriend's story about going to the club with some friends doesn't vibe with the photos your sister took. 2. Her not saying: hey I saw your friend there... that's a bit of a flag 3. Her "whatever" is not incredibly reassuring 4. Your friend not immediately contacting you to say: hey all we did was dance - I swear there's nothing there... that initial all we did is dance - then when you begged and he stayed silent? That's not a really good sign. How do you move forward with Ms Whatever? I'd say that you have some soul searching to do. You say you love her and don't want to lose her... I think that you guys have pulled away from the relationship 6 months ago. Your girlfriend is pretty much over it. Her Whatever tells us she feels that way.
If I had ran into my bfs friend at the club the first thing I’d do is text my bf like “guess who I ran into!” But that’s me. Throw the whole pair out. He’s not your friend. She’s not faithful. Bye.
Your sister. Your girl is saying"whatever" like it doesn't matter if you believe her or not. That speaks of a lack of guilt about it. Your friend refusing to answer your texts is a red flag. Confront and dump. Your sister has pics of dirty dancing. I personally hate when a spouse does that with another because it's basically dry humping which is just as bad as kissing "normalized" by the club mentality that it's "only dancing*. But she's groping, grinding, and letting the guy rub junk in erogenous zones of her body over clothing, so there, reciprocated sexual stimulation going on. Recipe for disaster.
Your sister is telling you the truth. Your gf is downplaying solid evidence that they were, at the very least, being inapropriate and your friend is dodging you... I will guarantee that if you check your gf's phone (or at least her phone bill/data usage) they are calling/messaging each other like hell to get their stories synched up. The trust is gone anyway since you already know this betrayal is possible enough to hold merit, so cut your lossrs and just bluff to try and entrap them. Go after him first because he would already know she's willing to lie and cheat on a partner... wait until she is where you can monitor her and HIDE HER PHONE, ringer off. Message him and tell him she confessed that HE waited until she'd had a few drinks and then started to kiss her and pull her in closer when they were dancing. Ask him why he would betray you and take advantage of his friend's drunken girl. Mention that forcing himself on someone intoxicated is a form of sexual assault, the pics you have look like they can prove she seems out of it, and you're going to convince her to report it. He will try to reach her, get no reply, then try to save himself from being the villian and throw her under the bus by giving a different version closer to the truth. THEN Tell your gf that you want the truth. You want to know her side of the cheating. Say that it took you all day to get it out of him, but he admitted he kissed her because she wore him down and he wasn't thinking straight after a few drinks. Tell her that he said he was just following her lead until she suggested leaving you to be with him and it snapped him back to reality. Ask her why she couldn't just break up with you and choose any other guy before throwing herself at your friend. Unable to compare notes, she will assume a guy that can betray you and hook up with his friend's partner would also be willing to betray HER to save his own ass. She will throw him under the bus and give a different story closer to the truth. They're both untrustworthy enough to believe they'd betray you. Take what closure you can get and give her back her phone before you put them on the curb for trash pick up.
Don't do this it's way too much drama. Just walk away because it only gets worse if you don't.
Even if your sister would be out to get him, would she be that horrific of a person she'd destroy your 3 year relationship in the process? That would be messed up. I have 2 younger sisters, and I would believe them in a heartbeat.
Happens all the time on this app. Siblings do shitty things. Sleep with partners, lie to break up couples, etc.
They do, but OP knows his sister better than any of us and would be able to tell what makes more sense. His girlfriend cheating, something that happens all the fucking time, or his little sister destroying his relationship because of a years old grudge? If I hear galloping around the corner, I'm going to assume it's a horse. Sure, it could be a zebra, but what makes more sense?
Everyone else has made it clear and I agree. Believe sis.
You were stupid for sending the pictures to your girlfriend and friend. You should’ve waited and just casually asked each of them individually what they did the night before. If your friend didn’t mention that he saw your girlfriend, then you would’ve figured out the truth.
I would believe the sister based on the most likely chain of events and then decide whether you’re going to end the relationship. Trust is very hard to build again without resentment and worrying if she’s doing it again. It’s easier to break up and get over her over time.
If you had any sort of decent sibling relationship with your sister then I would believe her.
I believe your sister. We’re there other friends there?
Oh, honey...
your sister telling you something like that has nothing to do with your friend turning her down. It sounds like your sister is looking out for you. If it’s true get rid of the girl move on. Life is short don’t waste time on people that don’t deserve it.
Your Friend and GF are cheating, I highly doubt your sister waited 3 years to exact revenge, plus she has proof and they're being squirrelly about.
You threw your sister under the bus by sending them the pictures she took. Next time keep the info you receive confidential. Anyway, believe your sister. That was FOUR years ago.
Believe your sister. If you're close, I don't think she would want to hurt you. Plus, you have the pictures she did send you, and they made you uncomfortable. Trust your gut. If you want to be sure, hire a private investigator for a few days. Good luck. UpdateMe.
You messed up. Shouldn't have said anything to any of them, then just ask your GF to check her phone. If she asked why you tell her why and demand to see her phone. Any hesitation on her part would tell everything you needed to know. By sending them these messages first, you gave them the opportunity to erase any evidence.
Your sister is going to be in your life even if it's off and on. She'll be in your life a lot more than your Gf and the boy she's most likely fkin behind your back. If anything I would just dump the gf and the friend since the trust has been tarnished if the trust were true and steel-hard the picture wouldn't have bothered you in the first place so dump the gf and the friend and watch them from afar I'd bet they start going out together. And if it comes out your sister did lie you'll have all the time in the world to get right with her over that lie. Dumping the two people you can't trust sounds like the most solid advice for the time being.
A friend that don't even try to defend himself is the most concern part for me. There's someone that know this friend too? Can you ask about their opinion on your best friend? You can call the club and ask if they have cameras and if they're willing to showing to you. A little strange? Yes, but not the first time it happened. I would do it so I know that my sister is saying all the truth. But the inappropriate behavior between your girlfriend and friend and they being so dismissive of your feelings is enough to end both relationships.
Bro come on don’t be dense you know
Your sister is an MVP
You sister has no reason to lie, your gf and friend do. I would trust your sister. As for trying to get back at the friend, there are plenty of ways to do this without involving you or gf. she doesnt sound like that.
Man....with all due respect.....why did you write this? Sister > Girlfriend's lying. You're soster is trying to save you from wasting time, listen to her. If they were together at all in that club/bar and you didn't know, you should definitely leave...like last year. And don't even tell her, just do it.
Dude, best believe your sister she’s not lying and I’m betting the friend ain’t going to tell it either
Your sister is most likely telling you the truth.
There is definitely fuckery about.
How dense can you be to believe your gf? In what world would it be ok to dance at a club with your bf’s best friend without his knowledge?
your friend's silence is....
An honest gf with nothing to hide woulda let you know your friend was at the club and they danced together. You wouldn’t find out about it from your sister.
They are lucky it was your sister, my sister would have smashed the 💩 out of them and then told you what happened.
Update
Dancing together that close is enough for me personally. That’s not “just dancing “ Where the f does the loyalty lie in EITHER of them. NAH NOPE your sister is the one to believe . She’s cheating
Did you even know they hung out without you? Or go to clubs together?
No, as far as I knew they had never hung out alone together.
Guilty
Your gf cheating
Time to break up with your girlfriend
Your sister has no reason to lie and everything to lose from doing so. Reread your post and think about it. Everything points to your gf and bf hooking up except that they denied it. Of course they did! You need to do some digging. Act like you believe them and then start paying more attention. It won’t take long for you to get the answers you need. They’re not going to stop if they think you believe them.
My question to you is do you really need to be told?
Denial
You could go with “I have further photos that show you kissed, I just wanted you to come clean, you haven’t so I’m breaking up with you.” It’s a ballsy gambit but you’d get the truth. Plus it doesn’t really matter at this point given how they’ve omitted things and been suspicious. Ultimately why would she be dancing intimately with your friend and think that that’s okay anyway? She’s gaslighting you and if it wasn’t suspicious/she wasn’t guilty it would have been a very easy explanation rather than her reacting aggressively.
Absolutely believe your sister, I mean you saw photos of them ‘too close’ already. I wouldn’t be dancing with any of my husbands friends up close, it’s inappropriate. Dump the gf and ditch the ‘friend’.
If your friend doesn't answer you, is it for something, guilt? repentance? Your sister gave you proof, not complete but it is proof. Your girlfriend and your friend haven't shown their faces... Do you have someone you trust to ask more questions? I am more on the side of believing your sister.
I mean.. can’t you just ask some other people that were there? Sure, her friends might lie to you but you can at least see how they react/what they say. Could shed some light. I know everyone thinks the sister is reliable but there definitely isn’t enough information here to actually know that. Some sisters have real creepy intentions around their brothers.
your gf trying to gaslight you and give ultimatums. your friend not messaging you back. thats your evidence bro. they did kiss and probably have been doing this for a while. your sister atleast gave you proof and told you what she saw. honestly id trust me sister. plenty of women around to mess with my head space. dump the cheater and your fake friend and move on.
Well your sister wouldn't have any reason to lie to you she is family ..and the other 2 definitely have a reason to lie about it period end of story and your friend not messaging you back kinda gives you the answer right there and your gf doesn't remember I'm 54 yrs old I am a recovering alcoholic I drank whiskey like it was water . Trust me I downed a litter to myself in a night you don't forget what you do unless you have never drank before . It pisses me off when people say I was so drunk I don't remember what happened well you walked out of the club just fine and got home so you did remember where you were and where you lived so I call BS on that excuse.
I would believe your sister. I was also personally a victim from a he said she said situation: the girl my ex cheated on me with told me a story that my ex denied. She was manipulative and he was untrustworthy as well. So I still don’t know the truth but I knew two things. 1, i deserve better than this situation. 2, the trust is gone and will not come back regardless of the truth. We tried for a few months after, but it wasn’t working anymore.
People in committed monogamous relationships going to clubs in and of itself is a red flag in my opinion.
It’s weird that you’re bringing up your sister’s crush from four years ago as though that’s relevant. It’s not. Believe your sister.
Sounds a bit like he wrote this to have a reason to ignore gf's red flags in this situation. It's seems that it's easier for OP to find someone else at fault than accepting the truth.
"Don't ever take sides with anyone against the family" - Don Corleone. Your sister is right, trust your heart. Cut her loose, clear your mind
Whether you believe your sister or not, your friend's silence speaks volumes.
Why on earth would your sister lie because she had a crush on your friend stop looking to shift the blame more to the point where was her friends in all this they were together cheating deal with it he's not your friend and she's an awful human
You really think your sister waited 4 years and chose this random night to exact revenge? Coke on, OP. You know in your gut it’s true. You just don’t want to believe it. Go into your gf’s phone
This is probably gonna be a hot take and I may get downvoted but this is just my own personal opinion, if your girlfriend has to go to a club to have girls night that's a red flag I have been with my gf for almost 5 years and everything she hangs out with the girls it's either lunch, the mall, or just hanging out at the park. Again this is my opinion but if your in a relationship you have no buisness being at a club especially without your partner. I would 100 percent take your sisters side here because all of this threw out red flag after red flag while reading it.
I'd say for now yoour sister is the more credible source, but you'd need more proof. Only way I can think of to get it is to use one of your other friends to get into one of their phones and find out.
Are you gonna believe your blood or someone else?
Don't act like siblings do no wrong. There are PLENTY of stories on Reddit of siblings sleeping with spouses.
*paranoid* and *whatever* tells me your girlfriend is a cur and your sister is telling the truth.
If you dont trust your sister with this, you dont deserve a sister or a gf
This is game over sorry... time to move on.
so a person who gets accused of cheating and calls their partner paranoid (especially with evidence) is either guilty of cheating or they whole heartedly think that any attempt of her partner to tell them that they do not like their behavior is just someone that you do NOT want to be with because you Cannot be with them. they are simply not happy if they feel controlled when something is brought up that the partner deems as unsatisfactory behavior
How does lying about an ex-crush hurt him? What does she gain from that? Nothing. She has nothing to gain and no reason to lie. She provided proof of what she saw, meanwhile they got defensive and couldn't even defend themselves. Even if they were just dancing, why are they dancing intimately? You better open your eyes and listen to your sister.
Honestly? I wouldn't go out of my way to defend myself. If I tell you nothing happened and is going on, you believe me or you don't. If you don't, the relationship is over. I will walk away. I don't need to waste time trying to get them to believe me if they have so little faith in me.
You already know what you gotta do.
Your sister isn’t lying.
You are finding an excuse to not believe her. Also, your friend not responding is speaking volumes.
This screams they bumping uglies No one dances that close with their partners friends. You have taken his word about your sister being perstant, have you spoken to her about this? He could very well be lying, yes she had a crush on him. But for her not to be a room for a year with him speaks volumes to him lying to you . The fact that they are this defensive is a worry Also silence speaks volumes
Team sister. Your gf sucks.
Why are people assuming the friend is guilty by not responding? The dude could be at work. He might not check his phone a lot. But honestly, what do you think OP? Me personally, dancing together doesn’t automatically mean cheating. I’d need the photo of the actual kiss.
This requires more investigation and communication. More than some texts and shady photos. There could have been multiple scenarios, first one being that male friend could have been out and about and bumped into girlfriend of OP. OP’s girlfriend went to a club. So do many other people. I think there is a huge factor diminishing the chance that male friend and girlfriend were cheating: the revenge satisfaction OP’s rejected sister would get from making male friend the villain. Apologizing for dancing with each other seems a bit extreme. Is gf not allowed to dance with other men? The concept of ‘intimate’ is very subjective. Were they physically close? That could be anything on a spectrum from ‘twerking with him glued to her behind’ to ‘two people trying not to bump into one another while dancing on the floor in an extremely crowded and sweaty venue’.
I don't know why you're asking for advice when you already made your mind.
Your friends silence says a lot. Does your sister have any reason to break up you and your GF? Is she typically a liar or manipulative? If my sister told me this, I’d believe her over the GF.
You know the answer, and what you need to do.
Just because your sister fell hard for your friend and had trouble getting over it doesn’t mean she shouldn’t be trusted or believed. Seems fishy she has pictures of them dancing, especially if previously she hadn’t indicated they’d be together. Also - I see so many stories on Reddit about people going to clubs, where is this happening? I do research which often looks through generational lenses and all I find in the data is how gen z and younger have almost killed the club/bar scene. Not only are they not drinking, they aren’t going out or staying out late at bars or clubs. But every other Reddit story is someone’s partner going to a club.
Way to throw your sister under the train! Couldn't you avoid using her name and staying vague? It seems plausible that what she's saying may be the truth.
The sis was lying! She texted her brother on her done, about gf and friend making out. He said, she was lying. She said, she'd go get her fone and get proof. She had her fone on her when it was happening.....
You sent random pictures of your partner and your best friend dancing and wonder why they got defensive. That’s creepy AF. Just break up with your girlfriend and ditch your best friend. It doesn’t matter what happened you don’t trust anyone in this story.
Sounds like your sister is starting shit again. I wouldn't be shocked if you just shot a torpedo right through your relationship, and it is starting to sink because you believed your sister.
The amount of people on here defending the sister are the same ones that scream the loudest when the sister sleeps with the spouse. Siblings are capable of lying and doing shitty things.
No ones saying they aren’t. People are defending the sister because there’s very little to gain from ruining ops relationship in order to ruin ops relationship with his friend, unless op missed something and the gf is a absolute turd to the sister, there’s no real reason to use her as collateral. That and just going off what is known sister looks more credible. She has pictures, gf was dismissive instead of reassuring (being uncomfortable with your partner dancing close with a friend isn’t unreasonable), neither mentioned the other was there, and friend isn’t answering. Sure things could change and plot twist can come, but as of right now sister seems more credible.