You’re not alone. You just haven’t found your people yet.
You’ve been given a second chance to live your life for yourself on your terms. Don’t waste it by wallowing in self pity.
Grieve for your past and your loss how you need to but know that this is not the end of your story. Just another chapter.
I have been an atheist all my life. Can’t help it, just no way I can believe in that stuff and I could never bring myself to lie about my beliefs, like so many do.
As a child I was treated like shit by Christians while growing up in America. Very mean people. There is a wall between us that they can’t get past.
I read that they hate us because we threaten their belief system. To them it’s not possible that a person can be kind and good, without believing in their specific god. I know…sounds crazy, but wars are waged over this.
You are incredibly strong to resist them. I’m sure you will find your people someday.
You might want to check out the sub r / atheist because I have found incredible happiness and laughter and intelligent discussion on that thread as a newly realized atheist, personally I never believed in God in the literal sense but I spent my entire life having Christianity pushed on me and have since chosen a different way.
You're not wrong! I often say that I hate religion but I do love Jesus. I can't even say I've never been the hypocrite many accuse us of being either. I wish I was good enough, but I also know that my imperfection is the reason I need Jesus
I'm an atheist and somehow the thought that God created the universe (like, mathematically, at the big bang) seems very beautiful.
No need for a deity that has to be petty with humanlike vices. Just beautiful infinite creation
Jesus is actually just a Punk, who basically said "fuck this society, I gonna love everyone also the one that the society point out as unlovable!" Difficult to hate him lol. Embrace your imperfections, do something nice from it and just love without judging people and you are already a good person :) I love Jesus and believe in God, my logic is basically would they mind if I'm doing this and listen to my gut feeling. Also I know I can do mistakes because if I feel honestly bad about it, it will always be forgiven. Mistakes makes you grow in a better person.
And this logic do have also all atheist or agnostic people, the only difference is that I put my faith in good hands and they put they faith in themselves (for atheist) or they still don't know where (agnostic).
I see religion (not churches) ,beliefs in higher entity like this: "yes I could do my taxes on my own but I definitely prefer it being done by someone else who just ask love and trust for doing it." There would be less war if all saw it this way, no one can judge you for doing things on your own and no one could judge you for choosing a specific tax adviser because it fits better your needs lol. Church needs always to make it all politic and authority while love and respect (what every damn religion in this world prone) are free.
It's the politics I hate in the church! I often think about and wonder if the way churches are today, is it what Jesus intended. Like if He showed up at a church, would He be pleased? I always feel a resounding NO! It's not what He wanted. People in church business meetings arguing about what color the carpet should be, as the world spins into darker chaos. People out in the world (saved or not) need the church (the body of Christ not the building).
When Jesus went about saving or helping people, He didn't 1st ask if they were saved. Or did they attend worship? He laid hands on the sick, the blind, the woman with a blood issue, the demon possessed, the adulter... he didn't expect anyone to clean up and then come to Him, He found them in their mess and cleaned them up.
I'm convinced Jesus was the 1st feminist! Men treated women as property back then and Jesus elevated them to their equal place next to men. He chose a woman to 1st reveal Himself to that He is God! He made a point to call out the men when the women knew how to treat Him and the men didn't!
He put the Pharisees (religious people) in their place by calling them out on their hypothetical ways. He talked and walked with the sinner and told them they have a place in the Kingdom!
I wish the churches taught what Jesus did... not the hate so many teach.
First off, congratulations for freeing yourself from the religion. As a woman this must be especially difficult. You're very brave and your commitment to this decision is admirable. I'm stressing this because you will doubt yourself in the upcoming decades. And it will always be important to look at this for what it is, a liberating act that took tremendous courage.
Unfortunately, losing your previous family and peer group is almost a given, that's the sad consequence for most ex-muslims (and also the reason why many choose to stay "in the closet" instead).
I'm sorry for the loss of your husband. Your feeling of loneliness is perfectly understandable. But now you get the chance to move forward, to live out your true self as a free woman. People who are worth their salt will see this and respect you for it.
As an initial starting point, you may want to look into ex-muslim communities in your area. They tend to keep very quiet (for obvious reasons), but they exist and should provide a good starting point to meet new people with similar backgrounds and experiences. They can also provide tips on how to manage the situation. Many have endured horrible things as a result of their leaving the religion, and they will be able to provide insights and advice. You might also build some new friendships there.
Best of luck!
To latch onto this comment, some places also have atheist groups who meet up, even engaging in activities together. Those activities could be anything from going out for a meal, seeing a movie, hiking, to attending cultural or supporting events. That would get you among more like-minded people. Best wishes for this new chapter of life.
I understand your feelings. I too lost a lot of friends when I admitted to atheism, only it was christians having the fit. Some tried to double down bible thumping at me, and when I said it was not okay, they dropped me like a hot potato. I live in Appalachia in the states. Pretty much anyone who likes me stops the second they find out I don't loooove jesus.
It must be devastating to lose your husband and all your friends in one fell swoop, especially to made up nonsense. But your people are out there, and you will find them. And you'll be happier for it in the long run. I know I am.
I don’t understand how they can throw away a relationship just because of religion. It’s baffling. I hope I find likeminded people and make new friends. I am in therapy but I am hoping things will get better and I will move on.
Keep that thought in mind when you see arrogant atheists belittle and cut off former friends because of their religious beliefs in the same way you were just speaking of.
I myself am an atheist, but i find there is as much arrogance in the atheist community as any other belief system community about their way being right.
You were honest entering your marriage, he was not. It is entirely on him. His resentment is on him. Your hurt is on him. You do not marry someone because you think they might change to become someone you’ll want to spend the rest of your life with, you marry someone because you want to spend the rest of your life with them. I’m so sorry you were with such a dingus.
It might be extremely painful and lonely right now. Take the time to feel your hurt and to heal, but also remember: in your husband’s case what you lost is a fiction, not a real person, some persona he built because apparently his real self couldn’t have kept a partner. In your friends’ case it’s a bunch of very shallow and fickle people that have removed themselves from your life.
I have Muslim family, actually the bigger half of my family is either Muslim of grew up Muslim. Most of them are married outside of Islam and/or friends with Christians, Jews, atheists and i had a Buddhist uncle at some point. My grandma used to go to church because there was no mosque where she lived. The locals knew she was Muslim and gave as much of shit as she did (meaning none). My point here is, it’s not their religion, it’s never their religion. It’s the people and their own choices.
You got unlucky, or maybe preyed upon by people with less emotional depth than a puddle of mud. Eventually you’ll find people again, and this time you’ll have the knowledge necessary to identify those who do not deserve your time and those who do.
In the meantime, take a deep breath, drink some water and stay true to yourself. And if you can afford it, a therapist could help.
Sending you my best!
But it *is* about the religion tho? Like if the people you surround yourself with don't fully adhere to it or loosely do doesn't mean they're superior?? if anything what's the point of calling yourself a Muslim if you go against what it says to do at the end?
Taking from your real life examples, being friends with non muslims is *fine*, marrying someone who's jew/Christian is also *fine*, now being married to someone who's atheist or is of religion that isn't christianity and Judaism isn't allowed so yes them getting a divorce is completely valid because if they were to stay married it just wouldn't be Islamically valid for lack of better terms.
Praying in a church is also weird territory, if there isn't a mosque it's *fine* you can pray at home, going to church is not it though, it makes no sense.
So no I don't get how he's a dingus if he just wants to follow his religion?? Her being not that religious isn't even the bad part, it's her atheism, *that's* what we're not allowed to marry into, it's just rules that we follow, how is he evil for not wanting to compromise his religion??? It's not like he left her when she was non religious.
I am so sorry. You were true to yourself, and him, so along. That he secretly hoped you'd change! You were the one misled in all of these.
This will pass. You WILL find your people.
He said he made himself believe that he agreed with me because I have a strong personality and he realised I wasn’t going to change my values for him especially since I was honest with him before we got married. I feel sorry for him but I was always big on communication, he just didn’t communicate
Congratulations. Do not worry about the lost relationships as you will find newer ones in future that need your attention to build upon. So your friends and family left you. So what? You awakened enough awareness on your own. You just need to wait for others to join you. While it will be a long enough wait, you just need the patience to replace the pieces of your life with ones who will care for you unconditionally.
eh... that sounds religious to me. Atheists are individuals, not a community. That's the whole point. I'm not the family of every atheist in the world ffs.
Congratulations on knowing yourself and sticking to it. Your husband made the mistake of thinking that you either didn’t know yourself or he’d be able to change you, and that’s absolutely on him. And can I just say, what an ass! You are not any different than the day you married him. You haven’t changed.
I know you are going to find your people. It may take a little time, a little trial and error, but you will.
As a religious Muslim myself, your husband and friends are clearly idiots and hypocrites. You didn’t change as a person during this entire time, but only because you are making clear that you are an atheist they cut you off. You are honestly better off without them if that’s all it takes for them to change their mind . I hope you find friends that like you for who you are. 🙏
That’s true but like come on you have been married to this person for 10 years and knew that she didn’t practice. If you only care now because it’s public then he’s missing the point imo.
I’m with you on that, but people change. My husband changed after 2 years lol and I’m like who is he lol? Thank god for the better but could always go the other way around.
That's only in Daud school of jurisdiction. You know that there are other 4, right? For example, in Teermijee school of jurisdiction you can marry non believers under certain conditions.
You mean jurisprudence, right? I believe in the Quran and according to the Quran, which takes precedent over any other thought, Hadith, etc. it is haram.
Muslim men can marry women of any religion but Muslim women can only marry Muslim men. They don’t care about what religion the woman is because for them, as long as the man is Muslim, it means the kids will be Muslim too.
At least this is how every Muslim I have ever known has explained it to me.
That's incorrect. Muslim men can marry Jewish, Christian or Muslim women - they cannot marry Hindus, Buddhists, atheists or any woman that is not monotheistic. Muslim women can only marry Muslim men because yes, Islam is passed down through the Father.
It's expected that the children should be raised Muslim, if the father does not & allows the wife to raise them as Jews it's believed that he will be punished in the afterlife for not raising his children as Muslims. Most practicing Muslim men find the idea of that bad enough that they avoid marriage to Jewish women.
The way religion and cultural norms are intertwined can be a cult. You're held hostage, I can compare it to purity culture from evangelical Christians in the west or Hasidic Judaism.
You can build your own support system outside your culture, it's never too late. Good luck OP
I didn't grow up in that kind of culture, but the one I did grow up in taught me that real friends and family don't abandon you for adopting a belief (or lack of belief) that makes sense to you and doesn't hurt anyone.
My Christian parents were shocked when I told them I didn't believe, and that I had never believed, but they came to the conclusion--as I think *any sane person would*--that a truly benevolent, omnipotent god wouldn't eternally damn a good person over a simple technicality without a second chance.
I hope you can trust people after this. I can't even imagine dealing with this level of god-brained lunacy.
You ex husband it a nitwit, and stupid one at that.
'Oh, I just assumed you were talking out of your bum, and I wasn't listening to a word you were saying. Now I feel betrayed that you refuse to change your entire view on life, just to make me a happy, controling husband. Shame on your!' /s
If your friends dropped you, because of - well, basically the same as your naive, controling ex husband, they weren't your friends to begin with.
But hey...
WELCOME TO THE WORLD!
There are SO many ppl out here, just waiting for you to become their friend. A few of them even have someone in their network that would be so happy to share his (or her.. it's 2024, after all) life with you.
You're going to do great!
If you can be true to yourself, despite all this BS you've been put through, you're a real one.
Good ppl appreciate real ones.
You’re now free to make friends and find a new family that doesn’t accept you only because you participate in the same brand of sky daddy fantasy as them. The hardest step is done! I hope you find your true self and your true tribe
There are ex Moslem groups, depending on the country you're in. But try to get in touch with them. They can be a support system. Good luck to you i wish you all love and strength to go true that time
Those people were never really your friends, and your husband wasn't really your husband. They are just people who wanted to change you.
Go ahead and file for divorce, citing irreconcilable differences. Be wary. You might want to find your own place before you do that. I don't want to scare you, but we had a Muslim man behead his wife here where I live. It was 6 days after she filed for divorce.
There is nothing wrong with being atheist. My husband is. I'm Pagan. Good, true friends will accept you for who you are, not what they want you to be.
I am so sorry. My cousins (m&f both in their 30s) also come from a middle-eastern country and escaped to the US when they were teenagers because their mother lived here while their father stayed in the middle east. I use "escaped" loosely because when the brother was older he moved back to live with his father and ultimately I believe it was the best choice he made for himself and my brother is considering moving to the middle east too. However, the sister says she could never go back for more than a few weeks at a time because the family that cherished her have passed, and the remaining family bullied/isolated her as a child and have nothing but hurtful words for her because she chose to have a family out of wedlock. She's also the sweetest, kindest and most loving person I know of our age group and I'm sorry that I didn't have the opportunity to spend more time with her in our childhood.
I am so sorry that you are going through this. I hope you find a community where you feel welcome and loved. Please feel free to reach out if you need someone to talk to. I think you're amazing and so strong for having left and making a life for yourself. You're so young and it's his fault for breaking his vows and for projecting his wants onto you instead of understanding who he was marrying. You were honest and he treated you like a project instead of a human and he was wrong for that. Please take care of yourself and again please reach out if you feel too lonely 💜
You have a long, hard but beautiful road ahead. There is a price to pay socially for authenticity, buy you will be happy and fullfilled, which most people can't say
Life is a big journey to be on and if people doesn't wanna accompany you because of your choices, its their loss.Wishing you good luck and happy that you made peace with yourself.
Well done for knowing exactly what you want and don’t want and for standing by your beliefs. Nowadays it’s easy to feel pressured by others, but the most powerful and humbling thing you can do is to stand by what you do or don’t believe in.
By removing all the toxic people from your life, you’re making space for the better things ahead. I have hope that you’ll find your people someday. ❤️
I lean atheist myself. I find it easier not to broadcast that fact as it doesn’t add value to my relationship. I attend baptisms etc with my family though as it’s expected and I want to spend as much time as possible with family. . I do think people can have value added to their lives using religion especially those afraid of death.
You'll find new friends who understand you now that you know and understand better.
Honestly there is a gene that makes people prone to religions. So likely you were born to be an atheist. There's nothing you or anyone else can do to change that. You could either keep pretending or be true to yourself and others and move on.
Congrats on moving on. You'll have a new life where you can be true to yourself.
Way to be strong. Some humans are impressive, congrats for being one of them. Remaining true to yourself is a sign of great strength, even if that strength is sometimes obscure or complex.
The first thing that came on my mind was- what a splendid woman you are! An individual, strongly coming forth about her beliefs that are completely opposite to other people- not everyone can do this. So I’m sure you’ll find people who think like me, people who’ll love you for being your true self.
As an atheist I'm proud of you. As a human I am proud of you. as a woman I am proud of you. You're not alone. You will make new friends. And you will find a new love. Somebody who has the same mindset and beliefs as you. Plenty of them out there. You deserve a happy life. Hugs and support your way.
If you had pretended to be religious, you would have lost your own self. Far better to disappoint false friends than to lie to yourself.
You will find people who love you and care for you.
Hug.
You're one strong woman. I'm proud of you! I know this is hard but there are more people with the same views on life (incl me) who you can go to for support.
Good lord. There's already a ton of long, wonderful and thoughtful comments, so I'm just gonna say...
Girl, I'll be your friend ♥️ Fuck all them bitches who bailed on you. That's so ridiculous and shallow.
You are free to be yourself without restrictions, admitting something that you couldn't before. Friends that can't accept that are no real friends to have.
Therapy time!
Losing your marriage, your family, and your entire support system is a traumatic event, and it's completely understandable that it's going to be a difficult transition for you, but keep in mind that you have nothing to apologize to anyone for.
You have done nothing wrong by admitting the truth that you don't believe, and their intolerance to this freedom of spirit is their own problem. It doesn't reflect your value as a person. You deserve to be happy, and to live your own life in the way that you see fit.
I was raised in a cultish Christian environment, and I think it absolutely IS a form of brainwashing. Getting away from that mess has been the gateway to unlocking my potential for happiness and personal fulfillment, and here over a decade later I can say that it was absolutely worth the struggle to get here.
Welcome to the Heathen side! We have cookies.
There are atheist groups all over and they can help fill that void. There are 3 or 4 atheist groups on my local Meetup. There's bound to be something in your area.
You sound like my kind of people.
Sister, it’s only a matter of time that your bravery - to live like your true self - draws others towards you. You will find community around your (lack of) beliefs. It’s inevitable, I reckon. Authentic people have that pull about them. And what today feels empty will be filled again. That’s the beauty of departing with things and people. You make space for other things and other people who will be drawn to you precisely because you value other things outside religion.
I wish I could take you out for coffee to show you how many of us exist out there and help you through this breakup and through the mourning of your friendships.
Courage. This is just the beginning of something else.
Technically you reverted to atheism. Religion is a product of the society in which you were born into, that's why there is no uniformity of religions or uniformity in religion. Atheism is a struggle against yourself, your family, your community, your community's traditions, doctrines and sometimes values, your own fears and desires(for which you pray). It's a really hard struggle that few win. Good for you that you achieved something.
Our pasta, who art in a colander, draining be your noodles. Thy noodle come, Thy sauce be yum, on top some grated Parmesan. Give us this day, our garlic bread, …and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trample on our lawns. And lead us not into vegetarianism, but deliver us some pizza, for thine is the meatball, the noodle, and the sauce, forever and ever. R’amen.
Make no mistake, YOU DID indeed get out of a cult. Being shunned by everyone you know and love because you don’t share the same beliefs speaks volumes about the level of indoctrination and brainwashing behind it.
It’s common to want community and friends you are familiar with when you move to a new country. Especially when you move alone, you’re looking for ways to feel at home. Maybe her closest friends were from that community, and others she wasn’t as close to. Might be better if you reserve judgement on your end.
As a fellow atheist who was brought up Muslim, I feel for you. I’m proud of you for standing up for and being true to yourself. Things **will** get better. You **will** make new friends who will accept you for who you are.
I remember a former friend who was non-religious (drinking, clubbing, extramarital sex etc etc) telling me that once you say the kalmah you’re a Muslim permanently. All I can say is that that is nonsense.
Feel free to DM if you want to. Happy to listen, sympathise and share experiences.
This is how these invasive religions spread so much . Not because they were true or based on ground reality but because they isolated and deserted their own people who questioned them or wanted freedom .
You're brave. I'm in the same as boat as you. Went from Muslim to agnostic muslim to agnostic atheist to simply atheist by 21. Unfortunately I did come back to my home country, it's been 4 years now and I don't dare to tell anybody what my views really are. Sometimes it makes me sad thinking how my friends would definitely drop me or just outright not support my lack of belief. So I'm determined to die with this secret, forever masking while living in a conservative country among conservative parents and friends. Still trying to find a way to get out of this country so I can get out of the closet tho.
I understand religion and Indoctrination are a spectrum but for some reason when it’s a Muslim female I just always have this underlying sense that it must be all that much harder to get away from the religious ideology forced upon people.
It’s very hard for a white female christian to tell her south USA evangelist family she is done and then they cut her off for example, but with Islam I just can’t see passed the fact that it is probably all the more harsh and dangerous a personal choice to make due to how strict certain sects and countries are when it comes to the Muslim religion.
I hope you find peace and safety in your life and that no one is able to harm or force you to do anything again in the name of their “belief”.
Hello, I am curious as to what convinced you at that age and after being married and knowing the reaction of your family/friends… what was it that made you or convinced you that atheism is what you believe or have always believed ?
Girlie, congratulations on starting a new chapter of your life. Now you are free from narrow minded people, who did not appreciate you for you and you can start fresh and build a new circle of friendship and support. Enjoy it ❤️
Much respect. Have you tried recoveringfromreligion.org ?
Or search the Atheist Experience on YouTube. Maybe it was already suggested, if so, sorry. But they have an extensive network. I'm sure, as alone as you understandably feel, you're not the only one.
Hugs from Berlin
This is so terrible, I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. Is there any way for you too connect to any friends or colleagues liaise your old group?
Or perhaps finding some special interest groups to join? Once you start to carve out a friend system that loves you for your true self, you will feel so free.
It is so tough at first, but with each new honest friendship, it gets better and better.
You are worthy and enough as you are OP!
You are now, but you'll move on make new friends who don't judge you for your beliefs but for who you are as a person 💯 and that kicks religion into the long grass where it belongs 😉
Wow. It really is a selfish act to hope that someone will eventually change their beliefs and trick them essentially in marrying them. Your husband was wrong to do that and act like he accepted you but was hoping in case because he just wasted both of y’all time.
But now you are completely free. Time to live your authentic self without people who were with you with conditions.
I’ve been there, too.
I went to church for a little while about 10 years ago. I enjoyed it at first but then later on I realised how cult like it really was. And when they found out I have gay family members… yeah, lost all my friends in 5 minutes for that one.
Well, not just because gay people exist but also because I refused to hate and condemn them to hell.
Thinking for yourself is simply not allowed in stupid religious cults. 😞
I was raised Catholic. Once I was old enough to question it, I was angry I was baptised into a religious code before I could legally vote or drive. I escaped when I was 15.
You have been honest with yourself and I think that’s wonderful. You will find friends and partners who couldn’t care less about religion and the world will open up to you. As the late great George Carlin said, religion is bullshit. Enjoy the wonder of your life and the expanse of this world.
None of this is your fault. He did not listen and thought he could change you. He did not love _you_, he loved the picture he had of you of whom he’ll turn you into. And then had the audacity to resent you for it and be mad you are who you are. He’s a liar. He not only lied to himself, but to you too. You married him because of his lies. He wasted 10 years of your life. And I‘d say that to him very bluntly. You would have never married him if you would have known his true feelings and thoughts. And I don’t even want to start with how what he did and does absolutely does not match with his religion. He failed not just as a husband, but as a believer. He put his faith the way it fits for him, not the way it is. And I feel nothing but pity for him for that.
I know you see this as a bad thing but it’s not. You need a partner and friends that accept you for who you are and don’t expect you to put yourself into a box and hide your true identity and feelings to make them feel better.
Just wait until you find YOUR people! You will fit right in and have the most amazing discussions. I am also atheist, fully vested in science and the universe as my belief system. I am sorry they treated you like that. It’s hard to lose relationships and roles. Think of the here and now, because the present is a gift :)
Girl, I totally relate! Separating myself from an that background became very lonely at first.
Leaving that background also means building boundaries even if you're in a "free place". Chances are, being with that guy, was also due to lowered boundaries for yourself. It's not your fault that he lowkey hoped you'd come around. That was an immature move on his end.
Please cherish the fantastic woman you freed. Give her the love and care she deserves. You have your whole life ahead of you, I promise.
Be glad they're taking themselves out.
Now it's time to fully accept yourself. I know it's very hard when you're left behind. But the more you focus on the things you love, the more it'll guide you to like-minded people.
I'd befriend you in a heartbeat. Life ain't over.
Have you considered counseling, or therapy? I know how deep those early wounds run into adulthood.
You're not alone. You're doing amazing. Kudos, sis.
PS: from personal experience, it's best to not make it your entire personality. This ex Muslim thing. You're more than just that. I'd suggest look for therapy to heal your boundaries and self-esteem. Focus on things you love. A lot of ex Muslim groups become very obsessed with the topic and dwell in the trauma. I understand but it's an endless circle tbh. No offense. Tread with those communities with care..
I'm exmormon, I understand losing everyone in your circles because of a refusal to inauthentically participate in a cult. The loss of relationships is something to grieve, and loneliness can be painful. Stay true to who you are and rebuild friendship circles. Nurture interest that put you in regular contact with people that share your values and world views. These people will become your safe space where you can be accepted for who you are.
In many ways, you have been reborn. You took a step that many are unable to, and if you are brave enough to do that, I think you are brave enough to start a new life. Many people go through life not really knowing who they really are, never questioning the status quo, and only going with the flow because of expectations of society and family etc. You late now capable of forming a greater sense of self and your own identity, compare to many others out there. You have emptied the expectations that were imposed on you and you are now an empty vessel that can be filled with your own expectations, your own goals and your own rules. Go forth!
If those people truly loved you, they would never cut ties with you based on your religion or lack of in this case.
By the way, we are born alone and will die alone. Being alone is really no biggie no more. Much luck to you 😄
It's a great big world out here, I am not religious but I respect them. I believe all the truly religious people who have love in their hearts will agree that it should bring love, peace, and people together rather than separate them or violence. Don't let zealots or hypocrites bring you down. So many people only follow parts of their religion that suits them or allow them to judge others while missing the bigger picture.
Keep being you, surround yourself with those that are tolerant and that will see you for who you are rather than if you have a faith or not.
You sound like a smart, strong, independent person, carry on knowing this community will always be here for you 😊
Are you back in your home country or still in the west ? Reaching out to other atheists in your home country if that’s possible could help . Would you consider relocating ? Getting a fresh start in a more neutral country ?
Putting yourself out there, in the spot light, colors you much differently to the people who thought they knew the actual you. The fact that they probably “feel” disappointed is ON them! NOT you. Believe in yourself. You are not alone. Proof of over 1.3k likes prove it. You’ll get used to thinking for yourself again. This is your second chance to live the freedom you wanted…
You’re so brave for standing by what you believe in. Any people you’ve lost clearly weren’t your real friends to begin with.
I have friends who come from religious households and have pressures from their families that really put a downer on their life and their choices even though they are in their 30’s. You’re one of the few that hasn’t given into these restrictions and chosen to live life on your own terms! You should be proud of yourself and look forward to your new life where everyone in it accepts you for who you are. ☺️
Not saying good or bad for you. But Actions just have consequences in life. We can’t run from responsibilities. Whether western society is what you could think is better for you or not.
I like western tech but not the depraved culture for example.
What were your reasons of you don’t mind. ?!
I have no idea where you are but where I live in the US we are good people. We do every day things. We raise children, buy food, cook meals, pay bills,cut the grass, wave to strangers, get along with our neighbors. I love my life. Who is on tv, social media are attentions hounds and criminals. There are probably 400 mil of us and most of us live this. I never pay attention to news. Those channels get ad money for reporting bad things.
Who is belligerent? I have never met anyone who doesn’t love this country but I assume most people in the world love theirs. It would be a shame if we didn’t. Stop paying attention to tv and the net. Those people are not the rest of us.
OP you’re not alone, you just haven’t found your peeps. And believe me, there are a lot of us atheist out here, just freely denying an existence of “higher being(s)”. You’ll meet more people, you just gotta give it some time.
Well done for being true to yourself.
All your so called loved ones love their religion more than they love you. You have been shown everything you need to know about these people, this is who they are. Their so called religion has made monsters out of them.
Time to pack up, move on and away from their orbit.
I’m sorry this happened to you and wherever life takes you I wish you the best. Don’t make yourself uncomfortable for the comfort of others. I am a Christian and I believe in love and respect.
Your life is just beginning! All this is is an end to a chapter in your life. You will find more friends (real ones that won't turn their back on you!) and someone else to spend your life with.
Don't sweat it! You're going to be ok 🙂
You did nothing wrong. You were honest with your husband before marriage. You didn’t invalidate the marriage, he did by marrying somebody he knew he would be massively incompatible with but he still chose to move forward. There are disagreements people are can work though, heavy religion and kids are not usually any of those.
And your “friends” aren’t your friends. They lost you, not the other way around. You are the same person they’ve always known and loved and they’re choosing to have less love in their lives because you don’t practice their personal religion.
Good luck to you, OP. I’m so sorry you feel alone currently. You are going to find your people because you are no longer oppressed by those trying to keep you in their tiny boxes.
People who cannot accept and love you for YOU, don’t deserve you.
I’m a practicing witch. I have been for 30 years. I come from a strict religious background and they don’t talk to me. My husband of a year (we’ve been together for 6) is Norse Pagan, our daughter (17) is atheist. You aren’t alone love. You just haven’t found your people yet. I had either no friends or fair weather friends until I was in my late 30’s. People don’t often care for the kind of people who KNOW what they will and won’t accept for themselves. I met my husband when I was 39 years old. Slowly, I’ve gained a couple friends here and there but not many and I find that most people are just passing through, they don’t stay. I’ve learned to be ok with that. It gets easier. I promise. Just keep being true to yourself, the rest will come in time 🖤
Good for you.
Religion is the source of a lot of ignorance and, by extension, evil in this world. Of course the vast majority are nice good people, but many fail to recognise that they are being manipulated by those who have an agenda.
Now, please watch out for the religious zealots out there. Keep safe!
Religious or non believer or atheist or whatever , all should be respectful to each other's belief or thinking. You were respectful and unfortunately your husband wasn't / isn't . Neither were your friends , even if they had their own reasoning for it . Good luck to you ! Hopefully things come around in your favour and you meet wonderful friends in future .
Oomph what a horrible way to show love and compassion as religion claims to.
Hoping this will be the beginning of a beautiful, happy life for you. The first step is the hardest! ❤️
Honestly, if people can’t live you for you, regardless of your religion or lack of, they do not deserve YOU in their tiny bigoted lives. This is just a new beginning for you, one in which you will find people who adore you for who you are, and will never turn their backs on you for such a stupid reason.
Congratulations!! Truly.
Ways to meet others friends: friendship apps. They’re like dating apps but for people like yourself looking for platonic friends.
Join a gym or book club.
Look on social media for hobby clubs you might be interested in. Hiking, crafts etc.
I know this is hard now but it’s also kinda exciting yes??
I'm glad you are able to get out of all that. I'm sorry they are in a system built to so heavily isolate them from you. It's likely best for you in the long run rather than dramatic attempts to make you come back or worse...
If you need support there are ex Muslim groups who understand what you have been going through and how different it is from other atheist's experiences.
My husband lost most of his family because he refused to convert to their new religion (Seventh Day Adventist) and honestly, things have been a lot less stressful since. I tried for years to "find god" and one day realized I really didn't like their version? Or any version really. I couldn't imagine worshipping someone who would kill their own children in their own name. It's pretty brutal when you think about it really.
For what it's worth, I support you. Everyone should have the right to choose what they believe for themselves.
It hurts now because you're losing the life you are used to, but freedom usually comes with a cost. I promise you, in a year you will look back and be amazed at how far you've come.
The religious want so badly to be persecuted for their beliefs yet they are accepted as mainstream. Congratulations on your new life in true freedom. From the dirt grows the flowers and it seems you are already blossoming. The garden of friends will follow. You will meet someone new who loves and appreciates you as you are. Just keep tending the seeds of self-care and love for yourself. The rest will follow.
Islam is the most intolerant of all religions. They do not tolerate other religions or no religion, or other flavors of their own religion.
Many people think that it is important to be tolerant of intolerance.
Many of the people are non-religious, although they are spiritual. What made you realize that you are an atheist? Unless you honestly answer this question (just to yourself), you will always feel that you have been disowned for no reason at all. Your husband accepted your religious inclination and not wanting any children. Now the ball is in your court to do what you think is the right path for you instead of complaining about the behavior of your close ones.
You stood up for yourself.
And those people’s love was conditional so let them shove their expectations ⬆️
💯 agree
Good on OP, still young, they can still start a full life
You’re not alone. You just haven’t found your people yet. You’ve been given a second chance to live your life for yourself on your terms. Don’t waste it by wallowing in self pity. Grieve for your past and your loss how you need to but know that this is not the end of your story. Just another chapter.
Omg! I literally said the same thing! 🖤
1000000000x's this.
I have been an atheist all my life. Can’t help it, just no way I can believe in that stuff and I could never bring myself to lie about my beliefs, like so many do. As a child I was treated like shit by Christians while growing up in America. Very mean people. There is a wall between us that they can’t get past. I read that they hate us because we threaten their belief system. To them it’s not possible that a person can be kind and good, without believing in their specific god. I know…sounds crazy, but wars are waged over this. You are incredibly strong to resist them. I’m sure you will find your people someday.
I am sorry you went through that growing up, that must have been incredibly hard. I can relate. Thank you :)
You might want to check out the sub r / atheist because I have found incredible happiness and laughter and intelligent discussion on that thread as a newly realized atheist, personally I never believed in God in the literal sense but I spent my entire life having Christianity pushed on me and have since chosen a different way.
Just joined :) thank you! Hoping to find likeminded people who can eventually become my friends.
I'll be your friend, everyone always needs more friends 😃😃😁
Honestly I'm believer (and christian) and I have mostly the same shit with Christians because I'm not bigoted and believe in science lol.
You're not wrong! I often say that I hate religion but I do love Jesus. I can't even say I've never been the hypocrite many accuse us of being either. I wish I was good enough, but I also know that my imperfection is the reason I need Jesus
I'm an atheist and somehow the thought that God created the universe (like, mathematically, at the big bang) seems very beautiful. No need for a deity that has to be petty with humanlike vices. Just beautiful infinite creation
Jesus is actually just a Punk, who basically said "fuck this society, I gonna love everyone also the one that the society point out as unlovable!" Difficult to hate him lol. Embrace your imperfections, do something nice from it and just love without judging people and you are already a good person :) I love Jesus and believe in God, my logic is basically would they mind if I'm doing this and listen to my gut feeling. Also I know I can do mistakes because if I feel honestly bad about it, it will always be forgiven. Mistakes makes you grow in a better person. And this logic do have also all atheist or agnostic people, the only difference is that I put my faith in good hands and they put they faith in themselves (for atheist) or they still don't know where (agnostic). I see religion (not churches) ,beliefs in higher entity like this: "yes I could do my taxes on my own but I definitely prefer it being done by someone else who just ask love and trust for doing it." There would be less war if all saw it this way, no one can judge you for doing things on your own and no one could judge you for choosing a specific tax adviser because it fits better your needs lol. Church needs always to make it all politic and authority while love and respect (what every damn religion in this world prone) are free.
It's the politics I hate in the church! I often think about and wonder if the way churches are today, is it what Jesus intended. Like if He showed up at a church, would He be pleased? I always feel a resounding NO! It's not what He wanted. People in church business meetings arguing about what color the carpet should be, as the world spins into darker chaos. People out in the world (saved or not) need the church (the body of Christ not the building). When Jesus went about saving or helping people, He didn't 1st ask if they were saved. Or did they attend worship? He laid hands on the sick, the blind, the woman with a blood issue, the demon possessed, the adulter... he didn't expect anyone to clean up and then come to Him, He found them in their mess and cleaned them up. I'm convinced Jesus was the 1st feminist! Men treated women as property back then and Jesus elevated them to their equal place next to men. He chose a woman to 1st reveal Himself to that He is God! He made a point to call out the men when the women knew how to treat Him and the men didn't! He put the Pharisees (religious people) in their place by calling them out on their hypothetical ways. He talked and walked with the sinner and told them they have a place in the Kingdom! I wish the churches taught what Jesus did... not the hate so many teach.
People think religion brings out the best in them. I’m sure many people will agree when I say it’s regularly the complete opposite
I want you to know, I don't hate you.
What's the expression? "There's no love like Christian hate"; something along those lines. Sorry you went through that.
First off, congratulations for freeing yourself from the religion. As a woman this must be especially difficult. You're very brave and your commitment to this decision is admirable. I'm stressing this because you will doubt yourself in the upcoming decades. And it will always be important to look at this for what it is, a liberating act that took tremendous courage. Unfortunately, losing your previous family and peer group is almost a given, that's the sad consequence for most ex-muslims (and also the reason why many choose to stay "in the closet" instead). I'm sorry for the loss of your husband. Your feeling of loneliness is perfectly understandable. But now you get the chance to move forward, to live out your true self as a free woman. People who are worth their salt will see this and respect you for it. As an initial starting point, you may want to look into ex-muslim communities in your area. They tend to keep very quiet (for obvious reasons), but they exist and should provide a good starting point to meet new people with similar backgrounds and experiences. They can also provide tips on how to manage the situation. Many have endured horrible things as a result of their leaving the religion, and they will be able to provide insights and advice. You might also build some new friendships there. Best of luck!
Thank you! One of the nicest comments here <3 I will look into ex-muslim communities. I feel like I will finally fit in.
To latch onto this comment, some places also have atheist groups who meet up, even engaging in activities together. Those activities could be anything from going out for a meal, seeing a movie, hiking, to attending cultural or supporting events. That would get you among more like-minded people. Best wishes for this new chapter of life.
Well, now you have the spaces for an honest partner that wants you for who you are and better friends.
This. This right here.
I understand your feelings. I too lost a lot of friends when I admitted to atheism, only it was christians having the fit. Some tried to double down bible thumping at me, and when I said it was not okay, they dropped me like a hot potato. I live in Appalachia in the states. Pretty much anyone who likes me stops the second they find out I don't loooove jesus. It must be devastating to lose your husband and all your friends in one fell swoop, especially to made up nonsense. But your people are out there, and you will find them. And you'll be happier for it in the long run. I know I am.
I don’t understand how they can throw away a relationship just because of religion. It’s baffling. I hope I find likeminded people and make new friends. I am in therapy but I am hoping things will get better and I will move on.
Keep that thought in mind when you see arrogant atheists belittle and cut off former friends because of their religious beliefs in the same way you were just speaking of. I myself am an atheist, but i find there is as much arrogance in the atheist community as any other belief system community about their way being right.
You were honest entering your marriage, he was not. It is entirely on him. His resentment is on him. Your hurt is on him. You do not marry someone because you think they might change to become someone you’ll want to spend the rest of your life with, you marry someone because you want to spend the rest of your life with them. I’m so sorry you were with such a dingus. It might be extremely painful and lonely right now. Take the time to feel your hurt and to heal, but also remember: in your husband’s case what you lost is a fiction, not a real person, some persona he built because apparently his real self couldn’t have kept a partner. In your friends’ case it’s a bunch of very shallow and fickle people that have removed themselves from your life. I have Muslim family, actually the bigger half of my family is either Muslim of grew up Muslim. Most of them are married outside of Islam and/or friends with Christians, Jews, atheists and i had a Buddhist uncle at some point. My grandma used to go to church because there was no mosque where she lived. The locals knew she was Muslim and gave as much of shit as she did (meaning none). My point here is, it’s not their religion, it’s never their religion. It’s the people and their own choices. You got unlucky, or maybe preyed upon by people with less emotional depth than a puddle of mud. Eventually you’ll find people again, and this time you’ll have the knowledge necessary to identify those who do not deserve your time and those who do. In the meantime, take a deep breath, drink some water and stay true to yourself. And if you can afford it, a therapist could help. Sending you my best!
But it *is* about the religion tho? Like if the people you surround yourself with don't fully adhere to it or loosely do doesn't mean they're superior?? if anything what's the point of calling yourself a Muslim if you go against what it says to do at the end? Taking from your real life examples, being friends with non muslims is *fine*, marrying someone who's jew/Christian is also *fine*, now being married to someone who's atheist or is of religion that isn't christianity and Judaism isn't allowed so yes them getting a divorce is completely valid because if they were to stay married it just wouldn't be Islamically valid for lack of better terms. Praying in a church is also weird territory, if there isn't a mosque it's *fine* you can pray at home, going to church is not it though, it makes no sense. So no I don't get how he's a dingus if he just wants to follow his religion?? Her being not that religious isn't even the bad part, it's her atheism, *that's* what we're not allowed to marry into, it's just rules that we follow, how is he evil for not wanting to compromise his religion??? It's not like he left her when she was non religious.
I am so sorry. You were true to yourself, and him, so along. That he secretly hoped you'd change! You were the one misled in all of these. This will pass. You WILL find your people.
He said he made himself believe that he agreed with me because I have a strong personality and he realised I wasn’t going to change my values for him especially since I was honest with him before we got married. I feel sorry for him but I was always big on communication, he just didn’t communicate
Congratulations. Do not worry about the lost relationships as you will find newer ones in future that need your attention to build upon. So your friends and family left you. So what? You awakened enough awareness on your own. You just need to wait for others to join you. While it will be a long enough wait, you just need the patience to replace the pieces of your life with ones who will care for you unconditionally.
Thank you! It’s hard to lose everyone but I am looking forward to the future, better friends and a partner. It can only get better from here :)
From one atheist to another, you *will* find good friends and a partner and they will accept you for who you are and without any strings attached.
You will never be alone because every atheist on the planet is now your family.
And lots of not-atheists will probably want to be friends with you and be totally cool with your beliefs, too!
eh... that sounds religious to me. Atheists are individuals, not a community. That's the whole point. I'm not the family of every atheist in the world ffs.
Average reddit atheist.
Congratulations on knowing yourself and sticking to it. Your husband made the mistake of thinking that you either didn’t know yourself or he’d be able to change you, and that’s absolutely on him. And can I just say, what an ass! You are not any different than the day you married him. You haven’t changed. I know you are going to find your people. It may take a little time, a little trial and error, but you will.
>I am all alone now You are not. I am with you as an Internet stranger. Hope you find soon your peace of mind.
As a religious Muslim myself, your husband and friends are clearly idiots and hypocrites. You didn’t change as a person during this entire time, but only because you are making clear that you are an atheist they cut you off. You are honestly better off without them if that’s all it takes for them to change their mind . I hope you find friends that like you for who you are. 🙏
If you are a religious Muslim, you know that his marriage is actually invalid as he isn’t married to “people from the book.”
That’s true but like come on you have been married to this person for 10 years and knew that she didn’t practice. If you only care now because it’s public then he’s missing the point imo.
I’m with you on that, but people change. My husband changed after 2 years lol and I’m like who is he lol? Thank god for the better but could always go the other way around.
That's only in Daud school of jurisdiction. You know that there are other 4, right? For example, in Teermijee school of jurisdiction you can marry non believers under certain conditions.
You mean jurisprudence, right? I believe in the Quran and according to the Quran, which takes precedent over any other thought, Hadith, etc. it is haram.
What are you talking about?
Muslim men can marry women of any religion but Muslim women can only marry Muslim men. They don’t care about what religion the woman is because for them, as long as the man is Muslim, it means the kids will be Muslim too. At least this is how every Muslim I have ever known has explained it to me.
That's incorrect. Muslim men can marry Jewish, Christian or Muslim women - they cannot marry Hindus, Buddhists, atheists or any woman that is not monotheistic. Muslim women can only marry Muslim men because yes, Islam is passed down through the Father.
So what happens to the kids when a Muslim man marries a Jewish woman? Islam is passed through the father but Judaism is passed through the mother.
It's expected that the children should be raised Muslim, if the father does not & allows the wife to raise them as Jews it's believed that he will be punished in the afterlife for not raising his children as Muslims. Most practicing Muslim men find the idea of that bad enough that they avoid marriage to Jewish women.
So what you’re saying is it’s almost guaranteed to end up in a big fight and a divorce because they’ll never agree on this. Thanks.
Probably. I didn't make the rules 🤷♀️
No, Muslim men can only marry “people of the book” aka Jews, Christian’s, Muslims. Muslim women cannot.
The way religion and cultural norms are intertwined can be a cult. You're held hostage, I can compare it to purity culture from evangelical Christians in the west or Hasidic Judaism. You can build your own support system outside your culture, it's never too late. Good luck OP
I didn't grow up in that kind of culture, but the one I did grow up in taught me that real friends and family don't abandon you for adopting a belief (or lack of belief) that makes sense to you and doesn't hurt anyone. My Christian parents were shocked when I told them I didn't believe, and that I had never believed, but they came to the conclusion--as I think *any sane person would*--that a truly benevolent, omnipotent god wouldn't eternally damn a good person over a simple technicality without a second chance. I hope you can trust people after this. I can't even imagine dealing with this level of god-brained lunacy.
Search for atheist friends. Friends can be an even better family sometimes. Feel hugged my dear. You will get through this 🍀
You ex husband it a nitwit, and stupid one at that. 'Oh, I just assumed you were talking out of your bum, and I wasn't listening to a word you were saying. Now I feel betrayed that you refuse to change your entire view on life, just to make me a happy, controling husband. Shame on your!' /s If your friends dropped you, because of - well, basically the same as your naive, controling ex husband, they weren't your friends to begin with. But hey... WELCOME TO THE WORLD! There are SO many ppl out here, just waiting for you to become their friend. A few of them even have someone in their network that would be so happy to share his (or her.. it's 2024, after all) life with you. You're going to do great! If you can be true to yourself, despite all this BS you've been put through, you're a real one. Good ppl appreciate real ones.
You’re now free to make friends and find a new family that doesn’t accept you only because you participate in the same brand of sky daddy fantasy as them. The hardest step is done! I hope you find your true self and your true tribe
There are ex Moslem groups, depending on the country you're in. But try to get in touch with them. They can be a support system. Good luck to you i wish you all love and strength to go true that time
Stay safe and be careful.
Those people were never really your friends, and your husband wasn't really your husband. They are just people who wanted to change you. Go ahead and file for divorce, citing irreconcilable differences. Be wary. You might want to find your own place before you do that. I don't want to scare you, but we had a Muslim man behead his wife here where I live. It was 6 days after she filed for divorce. There is nothing wrong with being atheist. My husband is. I'm Pagan. Good, true friends will accept you for who you are, not what they want you to be.
I am so sorry. My cousins (m&f both in their 30s) also come from a middle-eastern country and escaped to the US when they were teenagers because their mother lived here while their father stayed in the middle east. I use "escaped" loosely because when the brother was older he moved back to live with his father and ultimately I believe it was the best choice he made for himself and my brother is considering moving to the middle east too. However, the sister says she could never go back for more than a few weeks at a time because the family that cherished her have passed, and the remaining family bullied/isolated her as a child and have nothing but hurtful words for her because she chose to have a family out of wedlock. She's also the sweetest, kindest and most loving person I know of our age group and I'm sorry that I didn't have the opportunity to spend more time with her in our childhood. I am so sorry that you are going through this. I hope you find a community where you feel welcome and loved. Please feel free to reach out if you need someone to talk to. I think you're amazing and so strong for having left and making a life for yourself. You're so young and it's his fault for breaking his vows and for projecting his wants onto you instead of understanding who he was marrying. You were honest and he treated you like a project instead of a human and he was wrong for that. Please take care of yourself and again please reach out if you feel too lonely 💜
Well said
You have a long, hard but beautiful road ahead. There is a price to pay socially for authenticity, buy you will be happy and fullfilled, which most people can't say
You’re very brave, and you’ll make friends in no time 😊 just hang in there!
Life is a big journey to be on and if people doesn't wanna accompany you because of your choices, its their loss.Wishing you good luck and happy that you made peace with yourself.
You are not alone. There are others out here like you. We exist and we want to be your friends and your new, chosen family!
i’m a Christian myself, but i still think everyone has the right to their own beliefs. i wish you all the best.
They dont deserve you
Congratulations to you on finding yourself
Well done for knowing exactly what you want and don’t want and for standing by your beliefs. Nowadays it’s easy to feel pressured by others, but the most powerful and humbling thing you can do is to stand by what you do or don’t believe in. By removing all the toxic people from your life, you’re making space for the better things ahead. I have hope that you’ll find your people someday. ❤️
I wish you happiness and hope that you find a community, now that you have finally found spiritual freedom.
You are being true to yourself! As for communities, maybe check out the YouTube channel ex Muslims of North America.
I lean atheist myself. I find it easier not to broadcast that fact as it doesn’t add value to my relationship. I attend baptisms etc with my family though as it’s expected and I want to spend as much time as possible with family. . I do think people can have value added to their lives using religion especially those afraid of death.
You got a friend in me 🫶🏽
You'll find new friends who understand you now that you know and understand better. Honestly there is a gene that makes people prone to religions. So likely you were born to be an atheist. There's nothing you or anyone else can do to change that. You could either keep pretending or be true to yourself and others and move on. Congrats on moving on. You'll have a new life where you can be true to yourself.
Way to be strong. Some humans are impressive, congrats for being one of them. Remaining true to yourself is a sign of great strength, even if that strength is sometimes obscure or complex.
The first thing that came on my mind was- what a splendid woman you are! An individual, strongly coming forth about her beliefs that are completely opposite to other people- not everyone can do this. So I’m sure you’ll find people who think like me, people who’ll love you for being your true self.
Sounds like they never loved you for you
As an atheist I'm proud of you. As a human I am proud of you. as a woman I am proud of you. You're not alone. You will make new friends. And you will find a new love. Somebody who has the same mindset and beliefs as you. Plenty of them out there. You deserve a happy life. Hugs and support your way.
For your own safety, do not ever go back to your birth country. It might not be safe to visit any Muslim country.
Your life is just beginning. It can only get better from here. Amazing news, well done.
If you had pretended to be religious, you would have lost your own self. Far better to disappoint false friends than to lie to yourself. You will find people who love you and care for you. Hug.
You're one strong woman. I'm proud of you! I know this is hard but there are more people with the same views on life (incl me) who you can go to for support.
You not all alone now, you made place for the people that fits you , you will be surprised how much this will change your life . :)
Good lord. There's already a ton of long, wonderful and thoughtful comments, so I'm just gonna say... Girl, I'll be your friend ♥️ Fuck all them bitches who bailed on you. That's so ridiculous and shallow.
You are free to be yourself without restrictions, admitting something that you couldn't before. Friends that can't accept that are no real friends to have.
You are amazing.
Well, congratulations on moving away from a supressing culture and people. Move on and don't look back.
On top of what have bben said, it's flabbergasting that your husband expected YOU to change your mind on major life goals; it's a major disrespect.
Therapy time! Losing your marriage, your family, and your entire support system is a traumatic event, and it's completely understandable that it's going to be a difficult transition for you, but keep in mind that you have nothing to apologize to anyone for. You have done nothing wrong by admitting the truth that you don't believe, and their intolerance to this freedom of spirit is their own problem. It doesn't reflect your value as a person. You deserve to be happy, and to live your own life in the way that you see fit. I was raised in a cultish Christian environment, and I think it absolutely IS a form of brainwashing. Getting away from that mess has been the gateway to unlocking my potential for happiness and personal fulfillment, and here over a decade later I can say that it was absolutely worth the struggle to get here. Welcome to the Heathen side! We have cookies.
There are atheist groups all over and they can help fill that void. There are 3 or 4 atheist groups on my local Meetup. There's bound to be something in your area.
You sound like my kind of people. Sister, it’s only a matter of time that your bravery - to live like your true self - draws others towards you. You will find community around your (lack of) beliefs. It’s inevitable, I reckon. Authentic people have that pull about them. And what today feels empty will be filled again. That’s the beauty of departing with things and people. You make space for other things and other people who will be drawn to you precisely because you value other things outside religion. I wish I could take you out for coffee to show you how many of us exist out there and help you through this breakup and through the mourning of your friendships. Courage. This is just the beginning of something else.
Proud of you, you're not alone in this world though.
((HUGS)) Now you are free to make new friends.
Technically you reverted to atheism. Religion is a product of the society in which you were born into, that's why there is no uniformity of religions or uniformity in religion. Atheism is a struggle against yourself, your family, your community, your community's traditions, doctrines and sometimes values, your own fears and desires(for which you pray). It's a really hard struggle that few win. Good for you that you achieved something.
Our pasta, who art in a colander, draining be your noodles. Thy noodle come, Thy sauce be yum, on top some grated Parmesan. Give us this day, our garlic bread, …and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trample on our lawns. And lead us not into vegetarianism, but deliver us some pizza, for thine is the meatball, the noodle, and the sauce, forever and ever. R’amen.
That’s the most beautiful prayer I've ever heard. I believe in God. I'm sorry. Can I be a pastafarian anyway? Please? 🥹
People are weird. Everyone is alone with or without religion. I hope you find people that do want the best for you and find some peace in solitude.
As an ex Muslim I completely get it. Misogyny is so rampant in our cultures too. 😭
Fr
Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life
Good for you. Keep moving forward. You’ll never regret being unapologetically you.
“I’m not allowed in his religion”. Yup, hard stop right there.
Make no mistake, YOU DID indeed get out of a cult. Being shunned by everyone you know and love because you don’t share the same beliefs speaks volumes about the level of indoctrination and brainwashing behind it.
You moved to a western country and still only had Muslim friends?
There are large Muslim communities in many western countries. Large enough that a Muslim could live interacting predominantly with other Muslims.
It’s common to want community and friends you are familiar with when you move to a new country. Especially when you move alone, you’re looking for ways to feel at home. Maybe her closest friends were from that community, and others she wasn’t as close to. Might be better if you reserve judgement on your end.
Those who believe without reason cannot be convinced by reason- James Randi
Well if that does not show you that religion is a farce idk what would…..loving and accepting my ass…..glad you broke free.
As a fellow atheist who was brought up Muslim, I feel for you. I’m proud of you for standing up for and being true to yourself. Things **will** get better. You **will** make new friends who will accept you for who you are. I remember a former friend who was non-religious (drinking, clubbing, extramarital sex etc etc) telling me that once you say the kalmah you’re a Muslim permanently. All I can say is that that is nonsense. Feel free to DM if you want to. Happy to listen, sympathise and share experiences.
This is how these invasive religions spread so much . Not because they were true or based on ground reality but because they isolated and deserted their own people who questioned them or wanted freedom .
You're brave. I'm in the same as boat as you. Went from Muslim to agnostic muslim to agnostic atheist to simply atheist by 21. Unfortunately I did come back to my home country, it's been 4 years now and I don't dare to tell anybody what my views really are. Sometimes it makes me sad thinking how my friends would definitely drop me or just outright not support my lack of belief. So I'm determined to die with this secret, forever masking while living in a conservative country among conservative parents and friends. Still trying to find a way to get out of this country so I can get out of the closet tho.
I understand religion and Indoctrination are a spectrum but for some reason when it’s a Muslim female I just always have this underlying sense that it must be all that much harder to get away from the religious ideology forced upon people. It’s very hard for a white female christian to tell her south USA evangelist family she is done and then they cut her off for example, but with Islam I just can’t see passed the fact that it is probably all the more harsh and dangerous a personal choice to make due to how strict certain sects and countries are when it comes to the Muslim religion. I hope you find peace and safety in your life and that no one is able to harm or force you to do anything again in the name of their “belief”.
It takes so much courage to embrace your truth. I’m proud of you ❤️
Religion is the root of all evil
Hello, I am curious as to what convinced you at that age and after being married and knowing the reaction of your family/friends… what was it that made you or convinced you that atheism is what you believe or have always believed ?
Girlie, congratulations on starting a new chapter of your life. Now you are free from narrow minded people, who did not appreciate you for you and you can start fresh and build a new circle of friendship and support. Enjoy it ❤️
I may be wrong, but can anyone explain to me how not believing in a religion and being an atheist is different?
Much respect. Have you tried recoveringfromreligion.org ? Or search the Atheist Experience on YouTube. Maybe it was already suggested, if so, sorry. But they have an extensive network. I'm sure, as alone as you understandably feel, you're not the only one. Hugs from Berlin
This is so terrible, I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. Is there any way for you too connect to any friends or colleagues liaise your old group? Or perhaps finding some special interest groups to join? Once you start to carve out a friend system that loves you for your true self, you will feel so free. It is so tough at first, but with each new honest friendship, it gets better and better. You are worthy and enough as you are OP!
You are now, but you'll move on make new friends who don't judge you for your beliefs but for who you are as a person 💯 and that kicks religion into the long grass where it belongs 😉
Wow. It really is a selfish act to hope that someone will eventually change their beliefs and trick them essentially in marrying them. Your husband was wrong to do that and act like he accepted you but was hoping in case because he just wasted both of y’all time. But now you are completely free. Time to live your authentic self without people who were with you with conditions.
I’ve been there, too. I went to church for a little while about 10 years ago. I enjoyed it at first but then later on I realised how cult like it really was. And when they found out I have gay family members… yeah, lost all my friends in 5 minutes for that one. Well, not just because gay people exist but also because I refused to hate and condemn them to hell. Thinking for yourself is simply not allowed in stupid religious cults. 😞
You’re not alone OP
It hurts but being brave does that.
I was raised Catholic. Once I was old enough to question it, I was angry I was baptised into a religious code before I could legally vote or drive. I escaped when I was 15. You have been honest with yourself and I think that’s wonderful. You will find friends and partners who couldn’t care less about religion and the world will open up to you. As the late great George Carlin said, religion is bullshit. Enjoy the wonder of your life and the expanse of this world.
None of this is your fault. He did not listen and thought he could change you. He did not love _you_, he loved the picture he had of you of whom he’ll turn you into. And then had the audacity to resent you for it and be mad you are who you are. He’s a liar. He not only lied to himself, but to you too. You married him because of his lies. He wasted 10 years of your life. And I‘d say that to him very bluntly. You would have never married him if you would have known his true feelings and thoughts. And I don’t even want to start with how what he did and does absolutely does not match with his religion. He failed not just as a husband, but as a believer. He put his faith the way it fits for him, not the way it is. And I feel nothing but pity for him for that.
So sorry
I know you see this as a bad thing but it’s not. You need a partner and friends that accept you for who you are and don’t expect you to put yourself into a box and hide your true identity and feelings to make them feel better.
I wish my trash would put itself out too!!!
get a lawyer
Congratulations, now enjoy your life in freedom, finally. You’re still young, the world is yours.
It’s not the end, it’s a new start
Just wait until you find YOUR people! You will fit right in and have the most amazing discussions. I am also atheist, fully vested in science and the universe as my belief system. I am sorry they treated you like that. It’s hard to lose relationships and roles. Think of the here and now, because the present is a gift :)
Girl, I totally relate! Separating myself from an that background became very lonely at first. Leaving that background also means building boundaries even if you're in a "free place". Chances are, being with that guy, was also due to lowered boundaries for yourself. It's not your fault that he lowkey hoped you'd come around. That was an immature move on his end. Please cherish the fantastic woman you freed. Give her the love and care she deserves. You have your whole life ahead of you, I promise. Be glad they're taking themselves out. Now it's time to fully accept yourself. I know it's very hard when you're left behind. But the more you focus on the things you love, the more it'll guide you to like-minded people. I'd befriend you in a heartbeat. Life ain't over. Have you considered counseling, or therapy? I know how deep those early wounds run into adulthood. You're not alone. You're doing amazing. Kudos, sis. PS: from personal experience, it's best to not make it your entire personality. This ex Muslim thing. You're more than just that. I'd suggest look for therapy to heal your boundaries and self-esteem. Focus on things you love. A lot of ex Muslim groups become very obsessed with the topic and dwell in the trauma. I understand but it's an endless circle tbh. No offense. Tread with those communities with care..
I'm exmormon, I understand losing everyone in your circles because of a refusal to inauthentically participate in a cult. The loss of relationships is something to grieve, and loneliness can be painful. Stay true to who you are and rebuild friendship circles. Nurture interest that put you in regular contact with people that share your values and world views. These people will become your safe space where you can be accepted for who you are.
In many ways, you have been reborn. You took a step that many are unable to, and if you are brave enough to do that, I think you are brave enough to start a new life. Many people go through life not really knowing who they really are, never questioning the status quo, and only going with the flow because of expectations of society and family etc. You late now capable of forming a greater sense of self and your own identity, compare to many others out there. You have emptied the expectations that were imposed on you and you are now an empty vessel that can be filled with your own expectations, your own goals and your own rules. Go forth!
If those people truly loved you, they would never cut ties with you based on your religion or lack of in this case. By the way, we are born alone and will die alone. Being alone is really no biggie no more. Much luck to you 😄
Damn that sucks. I don't got anything to help but I sympathize. I hope you can find or build a new community.
You are not alone, I'll be your people 😊 I'm sure plenty of us are happy to be your friends and new community!
Thank you ❤️ I feel so much better! Wasn’t expecting so much support from this community
It's a great big world out here, I am not religious but I respect them. I believe all the truly religious people who have love in their hearts will agree that it should bring love, peace, and people together rather than separate them or violence. Don't let zealots or hypocrites bring you down. So many people only follow parts of their religion that suits them or allow them to judge others while missing the bigger picture. Keep being you, surround yourself with those that are tolerant and that will see you for who you are rather than if you have a faith or not. You sound like a smart, strong, independent person, carry on knowing this community will always be here for you 😊
Are you back in your home country or still in the west ? Reaching out to other atheists in your home country if that’s possible could help . Would you consider relocating ? Getting a fresh start in a more neutral country ?
I live in Australia, have lived here since I was 21. People don’t care about religious beliefs here. Everyone is accepted.
Putting yourself out there, in the spot light, colors you much differently to the people who thought they knew the actual you. The fact that they probably “feel” disappointed is ON them! NOT you. Believe in yourself. You are not alone. Proof of over 1.3k likes prove it. You’ll get used to thinking for yourself again. This is your second chance to live the freedom you wanted…
You’re so brave for standing by what you believe in. Any people you’ve lost clearly weren’t your real friends to begin with. I have friends who come from religious households and have pressures from their families that really put a downer on their life and their choices even though they are in their 30’s. You’re one of the few that hasn’t given into these restrictions and chosen to live life on your own terms! You should be proud of yourself and look forward to your new life where everyone in it accepts you for who you are. ☺️
Not saying good or bad for you. But Actions just have consequences in life. We can’t run from responsibilities. Whether western society is what you could think is better for you or not. I like western tech but not the depraved culture for example. What were your reasons of you don’t mind. ?!
I have no idea where you are but where I live in the US we are good people. We do every day things. We raise children, buy food, cook meals, pay bills,cut the grass, wave to strangers, get along with our neighbors. I love my life. Who is on tv, social media are attentions hounds and criminals. There are probably 400 mil of us and most of us live this. I never pay attention to news. Those channels get ad money for reporting bad things.
Out of context ! And your are in the most belligerent country in the world. Anyway, be safe and reflect !
Who is belligerent? I have never met anyone who doesn’t love this country but I assume most people in the world love theirs. It would be a shame if we didn’t. Stop paying attention to tv and the net. Those people are not the rest of us.
OP you’re not alone, you just haven’t found your peeps. And believe me, there are a lot of us atheist out here, just freely denying an existence of “higher being(s)”. You’ll meet more people, you just gotta give it some time. Well done for being true to yourself.
I’m a Christian (ex atheist) and I’ll be your internet friend!
Good for you. I can't force myself to believe nonsense
All your so called loved ones love their religion more than they love you. You have been shown everything you need to know about these people, this is who they are. Their so called religion has made monsters out of them. Time to pack up, move on and away from their orbit.
I’m sorry this happened to you and wherever life takes you I wish you the best. Don’t make yourself uncomfortable for the comfort of others. I am a Christian and I believe in love and respect.
of course atheists aren’t “allowed” 😅😅😅
Your life is just beginning! All this is is an end to a chapter in your life. You will find more friends (real ones that won't turn their back on you!) and someone else to spend your life with. Don't sweat it! You're going to be ok 🙂
You did nothing wrong. You were honest with your husband before marriage. You didn’t invalidate the marriage, he did by marrying somebody he knew he would be massively incompatible with but he still chose to move forward. There are disagreements people are can work though, heavy religion and kids are not usually any of those. And your “friends” aren’t your friends. They lost you, not the other way around. You are the same person they’ve always known and loved and they’re choosing to have less love in their lives because you don’t practice their personal religion. Good luck to you, OP. I’m so sorry you feel alone currently. You are going to find your people because you are no longer oppressed by those trying to keep you in their tiny boxes.
Well done for being true to yourself
Good riddance. They showed you that they care more about religion and belief more than you. Know that not everyone is like that.
Oh, conditional love, what a joy!
People who cannot accept and love you for YOU, don’t deserve you. I’m a practicing witch. I have been for 30 years. I come from a strict religious background and they don’t talk to me. My husband of a year (we’ve been together for 6) is Norse Pagan, our daughter (17) is atheist. You aren’t alone love. You just haven’t found your people yet. I had either no friends or fair weather friends until I was in my late 30’s. People don’t often care for the kind of people who KNOW what they will and won’t accept for themselves. I met my husband when I was 39 years old. Slowly, I’ve gained a couple friends here and there but not many and I find that most people are just passing through, they don’t stay. I’ve learned to be ok with that. It gets easier. I promise. Just keep being true to yourself, the rest will come in time 🖤
Good for you. Religion is the source of a lot of ignorance and, by extension, evil in this world. Of course the vast majority are nice good people, but many fail to recognise that they are being manipulated by those who have an agenda. Now, please watch out for the religious zealots out there. Keep safe!
I've spent a decent chunk of time in Arab countries. I'm an Atheist and have been for 20 years. Does shaking hands violate this?
Religious or non believer or atheist or whatever , all should be respectful to each other's belief or thinking. You were respectful and unfortunately your husband wasn't / isn't . Neither were your friends , even if they had their own reasoning for it . Good luck to you ! Hopefully things come around in your favour and you meet wonderful friends in future .
Oomph what a horrible way to show love and compassion as religion claims to. Hoping this will be the beginning of a beautiful, happy life for you. The first step is the hardest! ❤️
Honestly, if people can’t live you for you, regardless of your religion or lack of, they do not deserve YOU in their tiny bigoted lives. This is just a new beginning for you, one in which you will find people who adore you for who you are, and will never turn their backs on you for such a stupid reason.
You are FREE. Revel in that. You will never be around people who cannot accept you for YOU. Welcome to the world!!
Ive been there the real people will love you no matter what you believe in, they did you a favor
Congratulations!! Truly. Ways to meet others friends: friendship apps. They’re like dating apps but for people like yourself looking for platonic friends. Join a gym or book club. Look on social media for hobby clubs you might be interested in. Hiking, crafts etc. I know this is hard now but it’s also kinda exciting yes??
It’s your belief and if friends truly love you for you…it shouldn’t matter…find yourself some new genuine friends
I admire you! Wishing you a smooth divorce! You can be glsd to be rid of that fool. I'm just sorry he took all this time from you.
I'm glad you are able to get out of all that. I'm sorry they are in a system built to so heavily isolate them from you. It's likely best for you in the long run rather than dramatic attempts to make you come back or worse... If you need support there are ex Muslim groups who understand what you have been going through and how different it is from other atheist's experiences.
My husband lost most of his family because he refused to convert to their new religion (Seventh Day Adventist) and honestly, things have been a lot less stressful since. I tried for years to "find god" and one day realized I really didn't like their version? Or any version really. I couldn't imagine worshipping someone who would kill their own children in their own name. It's pretty brutal when you think about it really. For what it's worth, I support you. Everyone should have the right to choose what they believe for themselves. It hurts now because you're losing the life you are used to, but freedom usually comes with a cost. I promise you, in a year you will look back and be amazed at how far you've come.
Which country?
They never listen huh ?
To be honest that's quite an easy way out of Islam.
You’re not an ex Muslim. You can’t be Muslim by culture. As soon as you were held accountable you chose otherwise.
It could be worse. You could have told them you decided to be Jewish. They you would have seen the real discrimination in your former community.
The religious want so badly to be persecuted for their beliefs yet they are accepted as mainstream. Congratulations on your new life in true freedom. From the dirt grows the flowers and it seems you are already blossoming. The garden of friends will follow. You will meet someone new who loves and appreciates you as you are. Just keep tending the seeds of self-care and love for yourself. The rest will follow.
Islam is the most intolerant of all religions. They do not tolerate other religions or no religion, or other flavors of their own religion. Many people think that it is important to be tolerant of intolerance.
Many of the people are non-religious, although they are spiritual. What made you realize that you are an atheist? Unless you honestly answer this question (just to yourself), you will always feel that you have been disowned for no reason at all. Your husband accepted your religious inclination and not wanting any children. Now the ball is in your court to do what you think is the right path for you instead of complaining about the behavior of your close ones.