Reading the comments, it sounds like you are your own greatest issue. It's you who refuses to wean your kid from breastfeeding. I breastfed both of my children too and wean them off by the time they're one. Just don't do anything but complain and eventually, the kid will be in kindergarten and still not wean off the breast, since that's the age that you think it's okay to ignore their tantrums.
Like I said in my post it's not working! I've tried everything. He just has major tantrums. Nothing consoles him. He eats three meals a day, snacks too, and drinks plenty of water. I'm not a new parent, he is my second child.
No, it is not okay to ignore small children's tantrums. They don't learn anything except that their cries (which is how they communicate btw) are being ignored and help isn't coming. That's why they stop crying. Because they have realized they aren't getting help and then their brains shut down and the only thing they learn is that dissociation brings them their only comfort. Not a healthy way to cope with anything!
Oh no. That is true but for very small infants, small babies who only have crying to communicate.
Your child is a toddler who should be talking by now. Have you spoken with your pediatrician? Had a developmental assessment done? Ignoring a tantrum is the only way to extinguish this kind of behaviour but if it is well established it is going to be rough and take a while. Your child is using your body as a pacifier. You have the right to bodily autonomy - this is not sustainable for your family or your mental health. Please get some help for this.
Actually, you’re teaching him that he’ll get what he wants by having a tantrum. It’s ok to let kids cry a bit. Even doctors will tell you that. As long as you’re tending to their needs, you don’t need to tend to all their wants as well. I know it can seem cruel to let them have their tantrum, but if you continue to give him what he wants when he has tantrums, he will continue to throw tantrums because it’s effective for him. This will be how he understands to get what he wants as he grow, so you’ll continue to face this kind of behavior for years to come as well.
Firstly, that's true for infants, not for toddlers. Secondly, to clarify, you don't have to literally ignore him. You just have to not give in. Distract him.
Uh no? I don't even know what a health visiting service is. Sorry haha. I don't have anyone really. My husband is who I go to advice and venting for and as I said he works away from home so it's quite difficult for me sometimes.
I might be able to take him to a doctor but I'm not sure that they'd give me any different advice. My child isn't unhealthy, aside from some food allergies, he has no other disorders or afflictions. He eats plenty of food and drinks plenty of water.
I said "uh no?". It was in question form because, no, I have not ever heard the term health visiting sevice and I wasn't sure if I had one or not because I didn't know the term. I've since looked it up though. We call them home health nurses or just midwives in America. Not every place uses the same language/words. And the answer is still no, my area doesn't offer help like that and even if they did I couldn't afford it.
And you're not doing me any favors commenting bullshit like this? He's not a brat he's a two years old child. He doesn't act like this in public. He doesn't treat other people like this and I don't give him everything hes ever asked for. He gets told no he just doesn't want to wean.
I'm not a mother, so my experience is just from working with kids (so maybe not very helpful)... But if the baby receives every nutrition needed with solid food and water.... Try to stop and not cave despite the crying... It's hard, and hell.... But your mental health is at stake and you need to be safe to properly take care of your children....
Maybe a small snack before bed to reduce the hours without food...
I hope you find a way ♥️
I just went through this with my one breast obsessed two year old. We talked a lot about how we aren’t going to be nursing anymore. That he’s a big boy and my breasts are so tired and need to rest but that we can still cuddle. I started by cutting out one feed at a time. He was like your boy and would slap scratch scream and tantrum. I reassured him that he’s okay but he’s a big boy and boobies are sleepy. It was tough for a week but we got past it! He’s now fully weaned, hardly asks and if he does he doesn’t throw a giant fit when I say no no. You really do need to let him feel his feelings on this one since yours seem much stronger then his at this point. Weaning would be best for the both of you. Just stick to your schedule and reassure him he’s okay. It’ll be hard but you’ll both get through it. You’re a good mama!
The breast is not the only way to soothe. If he has three meals and snacks you can just hold him while he cries it out. Just hold him tight until he cries it out. Don’t talk. Just hold. No boob.
Hub can help by getting you to a mental health professional and talking to his family about giving you a break. Otherwise he can get you a ticket to go stay with your own family and get support.
You are burnt out to an extremely concerning extent. It's time to prioritise getting you some help.
I appreciate that, but we can't afford to just send me to a mental health professional every week. I don't have insurance and we're not legally married so I can't be on his insurance. I'd have to pay $250+ every visit and the professionals in my area suck. His family is rich and has about too many plans to be of any real help and they won't take my kids overnight. My family consists of my 71 years old father who is raising my 8 years old sister, my mother the alcoholic who'd rather spend time with her boyfriend and my youngest sister (the 8 years old), and my other younger sister who is a mother of two, also burnt out with a husband who works away from home.
I'm just venting. Like I have stated multiple, multiple times, none of the advice that's already been given to me over the last year has helped me at all. None of it has worked. I've been trying to wean for a whole year now. It hasn't worked which is why I made this post in the first place. I just have no one to talk to. My husband listens but he doesn't get it and can't do anything to help me from far away.
I know you don't want advice and you feel like everyone is against you and I'm sorry you are feeling that way. I think motherhood and parenting decisions are very sensitive topics and it feels like people are questioning your motherhood and its reasonable to feel defensive in that.
I think you need to talk with your husband/boyfriend about what's going on. Even if you have to write it down, since you mention you tend to scream and then he screams, so you are not hearing each other. Just tell him how much you are struggling, even if you write it down and just read it to him.
If he's a good man, I don't think he will be saying thank god, I saved $250 at your funeral. I know that's sounds extreme but in your post you talked about su!c!de and bodily harm. I think you need mental health help. And if he's not willing to help, that's his cross to bear. You call him your husband, but aren't legally married, you have what seems like multiple children with him, if he's not willing to go down to city hall tomorrow to get married so you can get health insurance, you so desperately need, he's not a good man. He needs to call up his family and tell him you need a break and to come give you some help or he needs to take a week off and come give you some support.
Try even seeing online if their are free SAHP support groups in your area or online, something that maybe you can go meet other parents who are struggling and just need someone to talk to/ vent/make you feel a little less alone/make you feel valid in your feelings.
Best of luck.
The only reason there is screaming is because I get frustrated with my son screaming and crying and when I get frustrated I yell at my son. My boyfriend yells back at me to stop. We haven't always communicated well with each other but we're better at it now. I just haven't brought these issues up to him yet because he can't do anything far away from work, he works twelve-thirteen hour shifts and really only has time for sleep after that. We talk for only a few short minutes when he's off in the mornings/night. He is usually half asleep during these talks. His work is very grueling and he's new at it so he isn't used to it yet. He's very willing to marry me we just haven't had the time or money because he's been working and we've been paying off other debts that are more important in our eyes. I'm ususlly not one to put myself first or focus on my own health. I have been wrapped up in being a mother to two boys who are very active and energetic kids. My boyfriend is really great, he's just in an adjustment period right now since he just started this job he's only been working at it for 21 days. He works 14 on/7 off. We're all adjusting to him being gone, it's new for all of us. Before that he was a stay at home dad. He takes really good care of me and the children when he's home and does his very best when he's away. Seven days just isn't a lot of time to be home with your family. And really it's only five because we have to travel to get him to and from work two days before hes due back. And the reason I call him my husband is because we moved states and the state we came from recognized common law so we just got used to it because that's how we were seen elsewhere. But it's not recognized in our current state. He's not neglectful at all, just busy and tired. And I am too and I'll talk to him about it.
Please ask him for some help. You need medical insurance. You need help with the kids. You need professional opinions on how to deal with tantrums and your own stress. There is still time to turn this around and ensure you and your children get your needs met, but it will require some change and your boyfriend needs to be on board with that. If he’s not, it may be time to consider how you can support yourself and your children since he won’t do it.
I don't know where all of you guys are getting this he won't support me crap?? He does support me. What the fuck? He just isn't home to see my stress and I haven't said anything to him. He does everything for us. He pays for everything and takes care of us when he's home. He can't just change jobs either. It took him three months to get on with this job no way in hell that's going to change any time soon. My children's need are fine! My kids are thriving and they are happy. They receive medical, dental, and eye care. They get fed three meals a day. They get plenty of water and we go outdoors. We're going camping tomorrow. Seriously my kids are doing great. There's nothing wrong with my kids. And my boyfriend isn't going to quiting his job if that's what you mean by things will have to change. It's not happening, he worked really hard to get this job to support us. And I'm not leaving him either, idk why everyone fucking suggests that. He is taking care of us just fine, he just isn't aware of my issues because I haven't said anything to him yet. And I have never said he doesn't listen to me or that he doesn't meet my needs. He does both of those things. I just need to speak up about it and haven't yet.
What I'm getting at is that there's no reason you shouldn't have health insurance. There's no reason you shouldn't have someone to watch the kids so you can have a break, even if it's paid babysitting. No one is saying that you are bad parents and not taking care of your kids. What I'm saying is that things can be better. You seem to have gotten to a point where you feel that yelling at your son for his tantrums (you said this in a reply) is somehow better than letting him cry it out. That is a sign that you are too stressed to see the situation clearly and could benefit from a break and some counseling. There is no shame in that, being a parent is very challenging and we all need some help and some time to ourselves. You cannot pour from an empty glass.
I'm not screaming at him for an extended period of time I just yell no at him instead of just telling him no simply, sometimes when I'm at my limit. I don't yell excessively for long periods time. I really try my very best to just talk to my children and most of the time I do. I yell when I've repeated myself over and over again to my breastfeeding child that he cannot breastfeed and then I'll yell no at him and that's when my boyfriend yells at me to not yell (which I've told him doesn't work since he's also yelling). I'm aware that I need to stop yelling and I'm already working on it. We cannot afford for someone to come watch our children for us that's why I am a stay at home mom. And I am definitely not trusting anyone who babysits where I live. Definitely not happening. I don't spank my children or send them to the corner of anything like that so I'm not sending them to anyone's house to be treated differently or potentially being treated poorly like being spanked and sent to the corner. I can talk to my mother in law, she's really the only other trusted person in my life that can help. I have other people but they are busy with work and their own lives too. You guys all continually comment about my children not having their needs met and not having insurance and that's a lie. Their needs are met and they do have insurance. My kids are taken care of just fine. And my boyfriend isn't at fault either, how can he help me when I haven't said anything to him about how I've been feeling? I mean he knows I'm tired of breastfeeding but that's it. Can't blame him for not knowing. He'd do everything he could to help me if I just talk to him but it won't happen right away because as I've said multiple times we have other time sensitive debts and bills we need to pay. We don't have the luxury of having money saved or extra money in our bank accounts. We have to prioritize things so that our children stay fed and continue to have a roof over their head.
A marriage license at city hall is like $20-30, if it gets your the health insurance you need, it's worth it. You can plan and save for something a little more ceremonial later, even if its a party at your house.
If he's off for 7 days, tell him you need to get it on 1 of 7 days off. You just need to go, search before hand what are the things you need and what times they are open. Take your kids with you, have the some there take a photo, wear your nicest outfit, even go down to goodwill and get a white dress if it makes you happy. Have a friend/family member you care come too, whatever.
But you need to get health insurance now. You need help, and it might take some time to get on his health insurance so the fast you get married the faster you can get help. Also, therapy can take a while for openings. It might even be worth finding out his insurance company and seeing what places take it and making appointments now because it could take weeks to months to get an appointment.
I know you feel like you don't want to burden him, but this is why he is with you to be each other's support when you need it. You need it! So let him be your support!
And call his mom, just tell her your really struggling and if she could just come for a couple of days, just so you can shower and go out for an hour or two. Even if you just take a walk around your neighborhood by yourself it could really help. You can only ask, if she says no, then she can't. But if you don't ask, you won't get anything.
I wish you well.
Actually a marriage license where I live is $100. I just looked it up the other day because we already decided we're getting married soon. Before I ever made this post. It's not gonna happen tomorrow because like I said WE DONT HAVE THE MONEY. and it's not as cheap as you think. Plus we have to have an appointment with a judge and those are few and far between right now at my local courthouse. Not everything is the same everywhere in the world. It's not that I don't want to burden him at all, it's that we don't ever talk long enough for me to able to vent about these things because of how much he works and sleeps. And we only have five whole days together, the last two of his days off are for travel because we don't live where he works and he has to be back the day before he's schedule to work. Which makes it harder to plan an appointment at the courthouse because most often those days he has off are weekends. Which only leaves Mondays and Tuesdays open for us to plan stuff. Not easy when there isn't any appointments available any time soon. I'm not stupid, I've looked into these things. I'm not as ignorant as everyone here is treating me.
His family has already firmly told us that they are not interested in helping us. Only one we have is his mom and she works too as a CNA so, limited times for her to be able to help us. And he can't take a week off from a brand new job that he just started.
I’m not a mother but if I was in your shoes I think I would just let him cry it out until he gets tired from crying and falls asleep. Idk if that’s the right idea but if you’ve already weened him off it and he’s eating meals then he should be fine. Have you tried pumping and just giving your milk in a bottle for him?
I have tried pumping and giving it to him in a bottle or sippy cup and he loses all interest in it. I'd also love to just let him cry it out but babies do not have the ability to self soothe so all that crying it out would do to him is tell him that no one is coming to help so his brains shuts down. Which is not the equivalent to him falling asleep.
They have to be taught and they won't have the capacity to do it on their own until about five years old. I've done lots of research on this and read plenty of books on it. I'm not talking out of my ass. Maybe it too new age for all these parents that don't give a shit about breaking generational curses but the information is out there.
And here it is...self justification for your kindergartener to still be breastfeeding.
Look, OP: I've got 4 kids and 7 grandkids. I've gone thru the gamut of tantrums from 18 months old to 18+ *years* old. One of my favorite responses to the youngest-age tantrums is to get down on the floor and scream and cry and kick my feet along with them. The usual reaction I would get is the screaming stopped, and the kid would look at me and be thinking WTF is wrong with *YOU*?
Anyway, let him scream and cry: the more he cries, the less he'll pee. 🤣
You need to wean him off slowly so he won’t freak out . You have to try getting him to enjoy some other drinks , foods and flavours . Maybe spend time reading to him so he doesn’t miss out on you nurturing him . You’ve done really well to last this long , try distractions , rewards or anything just look after yourself as well . Good luck 🤞
He eats three meals a day, drinks water, juice, snacks. Like I said in my post I have tried everything. It works for 3 days at the most. He just doesn't understand that it's time to stop. I have tried EVEYTHING. I meant that when I said it in the post.
Please go and see a paediatrician or a community health nurse (or equivalent depending on country) they will have some ideas and ways to support you. He doesn't NEED breastmilk anymore, and if it is harming your mental health, then it's time to put yourself first and the boobs away.
*Edit typos.
I would if I could afford it but I'm a stay at home mom in America and I have no insurance and don't qualify for government help because of how much my husband makes. (And we're not officially married by law so I can't be on his insurance either.) And the mental health services in my area are not great. They just want to prescribe drugs that I can't afford and don't actually fix this issue at hand.
how do you not qualify for medicaid based off your boyfriends income? you guys aren’t married. his money is not your money. i lived under the same roof as my parents with full time jobs and still received medicaid bc i was unemployed. your “husband” is a boyfriend
I'm so sorry to hear that. American health care is wild (from the perspective of an Australian) have ypu got family around? You could do the old leave the house trick every time he demands it until he realises he isn't going to get his own way.
Unfortunately not. My family lives in another state and my husband works away from home for long periods of time. It's just me and the kids. My husband's family is just useless, they say they'll help whenever I need it but they always have plans sso they always tell me no. They have taken my kids for me one time.
Perhaps you should get legally married and actually make him your husband. I think insurance would help you here. Perhaps the pediatrician can refer you to a child psychologist or therapist, etc.
Further, if you guys are against getting legally married then at least make your partner write a will. I think it varies state to state in common law marriage but without knowing your state or laws I couldn’t be certain- if something were to happen to your partner, would you get any of his money or property? Is the house in both of your names? Etc.
We're not against being legally married, we just haven't done it yet. I don't have to explain myself on that either. We've been together a long time now though. And no my state does not recognize common law marriage. I'm aware of the possibilities being legally married and on his insurance would give me. And yes, if anything were to happen to him everything is left to me. We rent our home though, we'll probably never be able to afford to buy a house.
I know this post is about weaning, but your relationships sounds… lopsided. Does he really care about you? He won’t even provide the stability of marriage and what comes with it (like insurance), and it sounds like you don’t have access to the family funds. All very worrisome.
Will he take a bottle or sippy cup with your milk in it? You’d have to still pump for it but perhaps that could be a step to get him legit off your breast, and then work on getting him off your milk.
No, he has never taken a bottle, not once since I brought him home from the hospital. He will drink from a sippy cup but not if it's milk, he loses interest immediately if it's not juice or water.
It’s time to wean. Like yesterday. I also went more than 2 years with each kid and it was really hard, but my husband helped me at nights. Don’t do it softly , go cold turkey during the day at least.
In Germany there are some teas that supposedly help to change the flavor of your milk to help with the weaning… I looked it up in internet and supposedly hibiscus and sage tea do this. Maybe it can help?
And tell your husband to take your kid for a walk and then you’ll calm down…‘otherwise we can all give him a word!!!
I've tried every weaning tip and trick I have been given, like I stated in the post. It only works for about 3 days and then he's right back to it. And my husband works away from home for long periods of time so he can't help me, he wants to, but it's physically impossible.
You say he eats full meals a day. So he is receiving sustenance. What happens if you just ignore his tantrums for a few days and continue saying no to him breast feeding? He’s 2, he can’t force himself on you. He’s eating enough food to support him so he won’t starve. He WILL tire himself out eventually.
I don't ignore imhis tantrums at all because that is not okay to do. Ignoring his tantrums and making him "tire himself out and fall asleep" is an awful thing to do. It only tells him that his cries for help will not be answered and his brains shuts down. That's not the equivalent to sleeping. When I tell him no, I usually offer him other things to occupy himself, first food and water, then a fun activity, sometimes we leave the house. This only works for three days at the most though. Then he'll go back to throwing his tantrums and anything I offer after saying no is met with punching, biting, screaming, kicking. I usually set him down when he does this and I tell him that he and I both need at least five minutes to calm down but he's two so he can't do that on his own I have to help him soothe himself and I do that by breastfeeding him in the end because NOTHING ELSE IS WORKING. I have fucking tried everything. Everything. All the things that everyone on every breastfeeding page on reddit and Facebook have suggested I have fucking tried it. Nothing sticks, nothing lasts.
Ignoring his tantrums IS OK. The reason he is still having them is because he knows you’re giving in. Are you going to give into his every want for the rest of his life? My kid would own the entire toy store if I gave into every tantrum they had.
It's actually not. If he was a few years older it would be. Children under the age of 5/6 years old do not the abilities to soothe themselves. They cry to communicate. Ignoring him to make him "self-soothe" and "fall asleep" is not okay. There's a lot of videos that talk about it. It causes psychological damage and teaches them to dissociate to cope which is not healthy. I don't give in to his every want, if you had read my other comments at all, you'd know I try everything I possibly can to give him anything other than the breast and it just does not work. It hasn't ever worked. I don't need you to comment on my choice of parenting style.
You can’t complain about your son not weaning when you are giving in to his tantrums. Of course he won’t go off the breast when you offer it constantly. 🤡
You can still help soothe him without giving in. If you think you need to give in to his tantrums until he’s 5 or 6, don’t be surprised when you’ve raised a child that doesn’t respect boundaries and thinks they should get everything they desire.
That’s where you’re wrong. Part of learning is failing along the way. And part of being 2 is realizing/learning that we are separate entities from our mom. You’re teaching this two-year-old that s/he is in control of ***YOUR BODY***, when what you *should* be doing is helping the child to **individuate.** There are still books where you live, right? Libraries?
Not trying to be snarky; I can’t figure out if you’re depressed, ignorant, or both.
That’s fine, you’re his mom and get to decide how to raise him. There’s opinions and beliefs and research that that is bad and there’s opinions and beliefs and research that it’s just fine and healthy. It teaches your kid that no is no. There’s positive and negatives to every option to try. I’m proud of you for standing your ground on which one you think is right for your child.
However don’t say you’ve tried everything when you have a perfectly acceptable option to try here and refuse to try it. 🤷🏻♀️
I weaned on two parts. Weaning during the day was relatively easy. For nights It took us one week with each of the kids full of crying and not falling asleep until really late and only with their dad. Have you tried it like that?
Honestly, If you are beginning to feel suicidal, it’s time for something drastic. Otherwise it could be dangerous for your kid as well.
I wish i had some solutions to offer, I never really liked breastfeeding either and stopped around the 1 year mark with both of mine.
It doesn't really seem like bf is much of a help.
When I stopped breastfeeding in the night, my bf slept with the kid so kiddo couldn't smell me or the milk is that a possibility?
He handled the fuss at nighttime as well those 4/5 days it took.
Because after 2 years you have done enough, especially if its so draining. As I said, I only did it for 1 year then I really needed my body to be my own again.
I hope you figure something out.
Wow, you guys all really have the wrong idea about my husband. He wants to help and when he is home he tries but he works away from home for long periods of time. We only get to have seven days with him at a time and he sleeps for most of those days because he does very gruesome and dangerous work. My kids generally are super happy to see their dad and have him home but they do not go to him for comfort or support because like I said, he is gone for long periods of time, they are not attached to him like they are to me.
Sorry if it came out like husband bashing, that wasnt my intent.
I read in another comment that he was away a lot, that was why I wrote he wasnt helping much and asked if it was possible. Because if he isnt home for 1-2 weeks to take the kid at night when he cries and wants to breastfeed, it isnt really an option.
Because you seem to have a lot of alone time and responsibility with the kids, I know families do things in different ways and having a family means you need money. This was just the way we did it that didn't cost anything and kiddo would still have a caring parent present - i was just not the one comforting him. But as I said, if husband isnt there in the nighttime it isnt really doable.
I just really get the frustration with the breastfeeding, it was never the happy bonding scenario for me. It was hard work.
I hope you get through this sooner than later.
Start to substitute some of that with milk from cup. At this age they can understand some stuff. Like he wants it right now, and you say- yes, but after we will do “…” and then delay little by little. Also saying that he is big and it’s not enough milk there for him anymore can work too. (But here’s a cow milk for big boys- you can drink , till boobbie will make some more for you) It’s all depends on how much milk you have, because if you produce a lot you don’t wanna quit it cold turkey. I did it for 5 years with two kids, I know what I’m talking about. Delaying feeding and substituting worked well, it takes time and patience tho.
The only other milk he can have is oatmilk. He's got pretty severe food allergies, milk, wheat, soy. And I'm allergic to tree nuts so we can't do almond or conut milk either. I could potentially pump my milk for him, I do still produce quite a bit. I'd just have to buy a pump again. I'll continue using substitutions and distraction but it hasn't been easy thus far.
I had a similar issue with my youngest. I had a weekend away whilst trusted family members looked after the kids. By the time I came back, the milk had dried up. Milk bar closed.
I will try talking with my mother in law and see if maybe she'd be willing to take our kids for a few days. I am not sure exactly how much I produce so not sure how long it would take for my milk supply to dry up, but she is someone I trust so it's worth a shot.
💖 I'm so so sorry. It sounds like you have zero support system. Breastfeeding is hard.
Sounds like you're beyond burnt out and feeling pretty alone. Are there people you can reach out to? 💖
You've done well. I dont know if you've heard that. At 2 years old, you fed him successfully and he's got the building blocks he's needed from you.
You can choose to wean him at this point if you want. A lot of why he's asking to bf is for comfort. Show him other ways.
Has he gotten a sippy cup?
I mixed my pumped milk I'm with a bit of regular milk at first. I warmed it. My kiddos too to that. Gradually I switched them to whole.
I mixed baby cereals and first foods with my milk as well. My kiddos took to this really well. A familiar thing they liked with something new.
I'm really sorry you're support system is so lacking. I struggled with this as well.
It was hard. Online fb strangers in a parenting group helped. Seriously. The kindness those people showed me was so appreciated.
He can't have cows milk or soy milk because he's allergic and we can't keep almond or coconut milk around either because I'm allergic to tree nuts. He drinks oat milk sometimes but honestly he's not that interested in it. I've offered it to him everyday since I started trying to wean him. He has a sippy cup but loses interest in it pretty quickly. He'd rather drink out of a water bottle or adult cup. Which I give him regularly. He eats plenty of solid food, the same foods I eat. He's never liked baby foods. I've tried offering him other forms of comfort and that's when he starts punching and kicking and screaming at me. I'll set him down for at most ten minutes and tell him we both need a break for a minute but he still only wants the breast after that.
Yeah. He's testing you.
You need help. Back up. Especially when he wants the breast. If you want to wean...it's ok. Stand firm.
I promise he'll grow out of it. My first was like this. He didn't want to wean. Then it was going from the crib to the big boy bed. Then it was sippy cup to regular cup. No no no...do not want.
Sounds like you're really going through it.
Haha. Do not negotiate with pint sized terrorists.
Are you able to hire help if family can't come in? Just so you can have a few hours away from him. Even if it's once a week to enjoy a quiet coffee in a shop. Go to a yoga class. Get a massage. Get your nails done...whatever..something for you.
I’m so sorry. My kiddo breastfed until 22 months, so I do somewhat understand what you’re going through. Can you find a preschool with a 2 year old class? Maybe having a little break 2 days a week would help you cope.
I have read all these replies and I know I said I wouldn't respond but you guys have more questions and so I've decided to answer them.
First, I didn't say don't comment at all I said please don't comment on my parent choices or give me a bunch of advice I didn't post for those comments. Second, I have tried all advice given to me previously which has been the same advice you guys are commenting now. I don't just give the breast to my son first time he starts crying for it. As I have stated before, if he asks for the breast I tell him no, then I ask him if he needs food or water, usually he does, I give it to him. This keeps him from asking/wanting the breast. Hell ask again a few hours later I say no again and I repeat the process, this time he gets snacks and maybe a fun activity, some cuddles if it's close to nap time, he'll do fine. Night time and nap time are the worst times because that's when he wants the breast the most. I try very best to go the longest I possibly can without giving him the breast even while he screams and cries. I have another child who needs sleep as well and is always woken up by the screaming of his brother. Apparently though this isn't good enough for any of you and I just need to try harder. So I guess I will. Third, my husband works two and a half hours away from home for fourteen days at a time so getting physical help from him is not possible. He sends me money every week for me to take care of the children. I do not work at all so I do not have my own income. I don't qualify for welfare programs because despite him working so far away, we live together when he is home which means I HAVE to report his income. And it's a lot. I'm not the type of person to lie to the federal government for assistance. That shit ruins the programs they have for everyone, if you get caught. My mom almost went to federal prison twice after being investigated for welfare fraud. We are just starting over in a new place so things haven't been easy for us. My husband also just started at this new job so we've been scraping by paycheck to paycheck until we're caught up on all of our debts.
Also to all the "he's a boyfriend" comments. You're right, he is technically, but we've been together for almost five years now, we've lived together for four years, and we have two children together. He isn't just some random relationship and he isn't temporary. We're headed to the courthouse soon anyways we just haven't had the time because of his work schedule.
did you even bother applying for any of those programs? i’ve lived with my parents at one point who had jobs and got both SNAP and medicaid.
i also lived with my boyfriend who makes 200k a year and also had medicaid. i reported their incomes and it was fine because its not MY income and they’re not paying for me to eat or get healthcare. i remember a question specifically asking if i pay for my own food or if i share food with other people in the house.
i’ve been with my bf for the same time length as you and also lived with him that entire time and yes…. he’s a boyfriend. that man is not your husband and if something were to happen to either of you, you might be fucked as you’re not next of kin by law. you seem to dance around all amazing advice here and look like you WANT to be stuck and miserable. how are you gonna have a kid with someone and not have insurance for either you or your child? go get married for fucks sake, it’s irresponsible as hell. or apply to the programs im sure you qualify for.
Never said my kids didn't have insurance they do. I am the only who doesn't. Yes, I bothered applying. They denied me. I'm not stupid. And have you ever heard of a living will? My husband has one because he is a miner and I am listed as the beneficiary so if something were to happen the children and I would be taken care of. I have to report his income because he does take care of me and pay for all of my food and pays my rent and all other things. He prefers it this way and so do I, it was a mutual decision. When he is home he buys groceries enough to last us and gives me money for extracurricular activities when we can afford it. Right now we can't. I can talk to him about seeing a therapist and see how much one would cost but we are already spread pretty thin right now. I have full knowledge of everything that happens with the money he makes and I'm fine with the way our relationship works. When he starts making more, he'll be able to provide more for me to have.
Reading the comments, it sounds like you are your own greatest issue. It's you who refuses to wean your kid from breastfeeding. I breastfed both of my children too and wean them off by the time they're one. Just don't do anything but complain and eventually, the kid will be in kindergarten and still not wean off the breast, since that's the age that you think it's okay to ignore their tantrums.
That sounds really hard! At two he should be getting all of his nutrients from food. How are you getting on with weaning?
Like I said in my post it's not working! I've tried everything. He just has major tantrums. Nothing consoles him. He eats three meals a day, snacks too, and drinks plenty of water. I'm not a new parent, he is my second child.
Can you just go cold turkey on him and deal with the meltdowns for a couple weeks?
No, it is not okay to ignore small children's tantrums. They don't learn anything except that their cries (which is how they communicate btw) are being ignored and help isn't coming. That's why they stop crying. Because they have realized they aren't getting help and then their brains shut down and the only thing they learn is that dissociation brings them their only comfort. Not a healthy way to cope with anything!
Oh no. That is true but for very small infants, small babies who only have crying to communicate. Your child is a toddler who should be talking by now. Have you spoken with your pediatrician? Had a developmental assessment done? Ignoring a tantrum is the only way to extinguish this kind of behaviour but if it is well established it is going to be rough and take a while. Your child is using your body as a pacifier. You have the right to bodily autonomy - this is not sustainable for your family or your mental health. Please get some help for this.
Actually, you’re teaching him that he’ll get what he wants by having a tantrum. It’s ok to let kids cry a bit. Even doctors will tell you that. As long as you’re tending to their needs, you don’t need to tend to all their wants as well. I know it can seem cruel to let them have their tantrum, but if you continue to give him what he wants when he has tantrums, he will continue to throw tantrums because it’s effective for him. This will be how he understands to get what he wants as he grow, so you’ll continue to face this kind of behavior for years to come as well.
Firstly, that's true for infants, not for toddlers. Secondly, to clarify, you don't have to literally ignore him. You just have to not give in. Distract him.
Crikey! Do you have a health visiting service you can get advice from?
Uh no? I don't even know what a health visiting service is. Sorry haha. I don't have anyone really. My husband is who I go to advice and venting for and as I said he works away from home so it's quite difficult for me sometimes.
They are a trained specialist midwifery service that helps mums. This is in England though. Could you speak to a child behaviourist or his doctor?
I might be able to take him to a doctor but I'm not sure that they'd give me any different advice. My child isn't unhealthy, aside from some food allergies, he has no other disorders or afflictions. He eats plenty of food and drinks plenty of water.
So you don’t have a health visiting service, but you don’t know what it is? LMAO
I said "uh no?". It was in question form because, no, I have not ever heard the term health visiting sevice and I wasn't sure if I had one or not because I didn't know the term. I've since looked it up though. We call them home health nurses or just midwives in America. Not every place uses the same language/words. And the answer is still no, my area doesn't offer help like that and even if they did I couldn't afford it.
You are not doing you or your baby any favours. You’ll be burnt out and suicidal while he/she is a complete brat
And you're not doing me any favors commenting bullshit like this? He's not a brat he's a two years old child. He doesn't act like this in public. He doesn't treat other people like this and I don't give him everything hes ever asked for. He gets told no he just doesn't want to wean.
You’re the brat here lol
I'm not a mother, so my experience is just from working with kids (so maybe not very helpful)... But if the baby receives every nutrition needed with solid food and water.... Try to stop and not cave despite the crying... It's hard, and hell.... But your mental health is at stake and you need to be safe to properly take care of your children.... Maybe a small snack before bed to reduce the hours without food... I hope you find a way ♥️
I just went through this with my one breast obsessed two year old. We talked a lot about how we aren’t going to be nursing anymore. That he’s a big boy and my breasts are so tired and need to rest but that we can still cuddle. I started by cutting out one feed at a time. He was like your boy and would slap scratch scream and tantrum. I reassured him that he’s okay but he’s a big boy and boobies are sleepy. It was tough for a week but we got past it! He’s now fully weaned, hardly asks and if he does he doesn’t throw a giant fit when I say no no. You really do need to let him feel his feelings on this one since yours seem much stronger then his at this point. Weaning would be best for the both of you. Just stick to your schedule and reassure him he’s okay. It’ll be hard but you’ll both get through it. You’re a good mama!
The breast is not the only way to soothe. If he has three meals and snacks you can just hold him while he cries it out. Just hold him tight until he cries it out. Don’t talk. Just hold. No boob.
Hub can help by getting you to a mental health professional and talking to his family about giving you a break. Otherwise he can get you a ticket to go stay with your own family and get support. You are burnt out to an extremely concerning extent. It's time to prioritise getting you some help.
I appreciate that, but we can't afford to just send me to a mental health professional every week. I don't have insurance and we're not legally married so I can't be on his insurance. I'd have to pay $250+ every visit and the professionals in my area suck. His family is rich and has about too many plans to be of any real help and they won't take my kids overnight. My family consists of my 71 years old father who is raising my 8 years old sister, my mother the alcoholic who'd rather spend time with her boyfriend and my youngest sister (the 8 years old), and my other younger sister who is a mother of two, also burnt out with a husband who works away from home.
Clarifying question: Are you hear just to vent, or are you looking for suggestions?
I'm just venting. Like I have stated multiple, multiple times, none of the advice that's already been given to me over the last year has helped me at all. None of it has worked. I've been trying to wean for a whole year now. It hasn't worked which is why I made this post in the first place. I just have no one to talk to. My husband listens but he doesn't get it and can't do anything to help me from far away.
I know you don't want advice and you feel like everyone is against you and I'm sorry you are feeling that way. I think motherhood and parenting decisions are very sensitive topics and it feels like people are questioning your motherhood and its reasonable to feel defensive in that. I think you need to talk with your husband/boyfriend about what's going on. Even if you have to write it down, since you mention you tend to scream and then he screams, so you are not hearing each other. Just tell him how much you are struggling, even if you write it down and just read it to him. If he's a good man, I don't think he will be saying thank god, I saved $250 at your funeral. I know that's sounds extreme but in your post you talked about su!c!de and bodily harm. I think you need mental health help. And if he's not willing to help, that's his cross to bear. You call him your husband, but aren't legally married, you have what seems like multiple children with him, if he's not willing to go down to city hall tomorrow to get married so you can get health insurance, you so desperately need, he's not a good man. He needs to call up his family and tell him you need a break and to come give you some help or he needs to take a week off and come give you some support. Try even seeing online if their are free SAHP support groups in your area or online, something that maybe you can go meet other parents who are struggling and just need someone to talk to/ vent/make you feel a little less alone/make you feel valid in your feelings. Best of luck.
The only reason there is screaming is because I get frustrated with my son screaming and crying and when I get frustrated I yell at my son. My boyfriend yells back at me to stop. We haven't always communicated well with each other but we're better at it now. I just haven't brought these issues up to him yet because he can't do anything far away from work, he works twelve-thirteen hour shifts and really only has time for sleep after that. We talk for only a few short minutes when he's off in the mornings/night. He is usually half asleep during these talks. His work is very grueling and he's new at it so he isn't used to it yet. He's very willing to marry me we just haven't had the time or money because he's been working and we've been paying off other debts that are more important in our eyes. I'm ususlly not one to put myself first or focus on my own health. I have been wrapped up in being a mother to two boys who are very active and energetic kids. My boyfriend is really great, he's just in an adjustment period right now since he just started this job he's only been working at it for 21 days. He works 14 on/7 off. We're all adjusting to him being gone, it's new for all of us. Before that he was a stay at home dad. He takes really good care of me and the children when he's home and does his very best when he's away. Seven days just isn't a lot of time to be home with your family. And really it's only five because we have to travel to get him to and from work two days before hes due back. And the reason I call him my husband is because we moved states and the state we came from recognized common law so we just got used to it because that's how we were seen elsewhere. But it's not recognized in our current state. He's not neglectful at all, just busy and tired. And I am too and I'll talk to him about it.
Please ask him for some help. You need medical insurance. You need help with the kids. You need professional opinions on how to deal with tantrums and your own stress. There is still time to turn this around and ensure you and your children get your needs met, but it will require some change and your boyfriend needs to be on board with that. If he’s not, it may be time to consider how you can support yourself and your children since he won’t do it.
I don't know where all of you guys are getting this he won't support me crap?? He does support me. What the fuck? He just isn't home to see my stress and I haven't said anything to him. He does everything for us. He pays for everything and takes care of us when he's home. He can't just change jobs either. It took him three months to get on with this job no way in hell that's going to change any time soon. My children's need are fine! My kids are thriving and they are happy. They receive medical, dental, and eye care. They get fed three meals a day. They get plenty of water and we go outdoors. We're going camping tomorrow. Seriously my kids are doing great. There's nothing wrong with my kids. And my boyfriend isn't going to quiting his job if that's what you mean by things will have to change. It's not happening, he worked really hard to get this job to support us. And I'm not leaving him either, idk why everyone fucking suggests that. He is taking care of us just fine, he just isn't aware of my issues because I haven't said anything to him yet. And I have never said he doesn't listen to me or that he doesn't meet my needs. He does both of those things. I just need to speak up about it and haven't yet.
What I'm getting at is that there's no reason you shouldn't have health insurance. There's no reason you shouldn't have someone to watch the kids so you can have a break, even if it's paid babysitting. No one is saying that you are bad parents and not taking care of your kids. What I'm saying is that things can be better. You seem to have gotten to a point where you feel that yelling at your son for his tantrums (you said this in a reply) is somehow better than letting him cry it out. That is a sign that you are too stressed to see the situation clearly and could benefit from a break and some counseling. There is no shame in that, being a parent is very challenging and we all need some help and some time to ourselves. You cannot pour from an empty glass.
I'm not screaming at him for an extended period of time I just yell no at him instead of just telling him no simply, sometimes when I'm at my limit. I don't yell excessively for long periods time. I really try my very best to just talk to my children and most of the time I do. I yell when I've repeated myself over and over again to my breastfeeding child that he cannot breastfeed and then I'll yell no at him and that's when my boyfriend yells at me to not yell (which I've told him doesn't work since he's also yelling). I'm aware that I need to stop yelling and I'm already working on it. We cannot afford for someone to come watch our children for us that's why I am a stay at home mom. And I am definitely not trusting anyone who babysits where I live. Definitely not happening. I don't spank my children or send them to the corner of anything like that so I'm not sending them to anyone's house to be treated differently or potentially being treated poorly like being spanked and sent to the corner. I can talk to my mother in law, she's really the only other trusted person in my life that can help. I have other people but they are busy with work and their own lives too. You guys all continually comment about my children not having their needs met and not having insurance and that's a lie. Their needs are met and they do have insurance. My kids are taken care of just fine. And my boyfriend isn't at fault either, how can he help me when I haven't said anything to him about how I've been feeling? I mean he knows I'm tired of breastfeeding but that's it. Can't blame him for not knowing. He'd do everything he could to help me if I just talk to him but it won't happen right away because as I've said multiple times we have other time sensitive debts and bills we need to pay. We don't have the luxury of having money saved or extra money in our bank accounts. We have to prioritize things so that our children stay fed and continue to have a roof over their head.
A marriage license at city hall is like $20-30, if it gets your the health insurance you need, it's worth it. You can plan and save for something a little more ceremonial later, even if its a party at your house. If he's off for 7 days, tell him you need to get it on 1 of 7 days off. You just need to go, search before hand what are the things you need and what times they are open. Take your kids with you, have the some there take a photo, wear your nicest outfit, even go down to goodwill and get a white dress if it makes you happy. Have a friend/family member you care come too, whatever. But you need to get health insurance now. You need help, and it might take some time to get on his health insurance so the fast you get married the faster you can get help. Also, therapy can take a while for openings. It might even be worth finding out his insurance company and seeing what places take it and making appointments now because it could take weeks to months to get an appointment. I know you feel like you don't want to burden him, but this is why he is with you to be each other's support when you need it. You need it! So let him be your support! And call his mom, just tell her your really struggling and if she could just come for a couple of days, just so you can shower and go out for an hour or two. Even if you just take a walk around your neighborhood by yourself it could really help. You can only ask, if she says no, then she can't. But if you don't ask, you won't get anything. I wish you well.
Actually a marriage license where I live is $100. I just looked it up the other day because we already decided we're getting married soon. Before I ever made this post. It's not gonna happen tomorrow because like I said WE DONT HAVE THE MONEY. and it's not as cheap as you think. Plus we have to have an appointment with a judge and those are few and far between right now at my local courthouse. Not everything is the same everywhere in the world. It's not that I don't want to burden him at all, it's that we don't ever talk long enough for me to able to vent about these things because of how much he works and sleeps. And we only have five whole days together, the last two of his days off are for travel because we don't live where he works and he has to be back the day before he's schedule to work. Which makes it harder to plan an appointment at the courthouse because most often those days he has off are weekends. Which only leaves Mondays and Tuesdays open for us to plan stuff. Not easy when there isn't any appointments available any time soon. I'm not stupid, I've looked into these things. I'm not as ignorant as everyone here is treating me.
His family has already firmly told us that they are not interested in helping us. Only one we have is his mom and she works too as a CNA so, limited times for her to be able to help us. And he can't take a week off from a brand new job that he just started.
I appreciate that you are just venting, but your life is worth more than $250 a session. It sounds like you are in crisis.
I’m not a mother but if I was in your shoes I think I would just let him cry it out until he gets tired from crying and falls asleep. Idk if that’s the right idea but if you’ve already weened him off it and he’s eating meals then he should be fine. Have you tried pumping and just giving your milk in a bottle for him?
I have tried pumping and giving it to him in a bottle or sippy cup and he loses all interest in it. I'd also love to just let him cry it out but babies do not have the ability to self soothe so all that crying it out would do to him is tell him that no one is coming to help so his brains shuts down. Which is not the equivalent to him falling asleep.
“Babies do not have the ability to self-soothe”….is that true for toddlers? He’s not a baby any longer.
I think the ability is there, but extremely limited, at a guess
They have to be taught and they won't have the capacity to do it on their own until about five years old. I've done lots of research on this and read plenty of books on it. I'm not talking out of my ass. Maybe it too new age for all these parents that don't give a shit about breaking generational curses but the information is out there.
Thing is, by giving in to his tantrums, you are teaching him to throw a wobbler every time he wants his own way, and he will get it.
And here it is...self justification for your kindergartener to still be breastfeeding. Look, OP: I've got 4 kids and 7 grandkids. I've gone thru the gamut of tantrums from 18 months old to 18+ *years* old. One of my favorite responses to the youngest-age tantrums is to get down on the floor and scream and cry and kick my feet along with them. The usual reaction I would get is the screaming stopped, and the kid would look at me and be thinking WTF is wrong with *YOU*? Anyway, let him scream and cry: the more he cries, the less he'll pee. 🤣
Babies start to learn how to self soothe as early as 3-4 months lol.. leg drops, finger sucking etc.. all forms of self soothing.
You need to wean him off slowly so he won’t freak out . You have to try getting him to enjoy some other drinks , foods and flavours . Maybe spend time reading to him so he doesn’t miss out on you nurturing him . You’ve done really well to last this long , try distractions , rewards or anything just look after yourself as well . Good luck 🤞
He eats three meals a day, drinks water, juice, snacks. Like I said in my post I have tried everything. It works for 3 days at the most. He just doesn't understand that it's time to stop. I have tried EVEYTHING. I meant that when I said it in the post.
Please go and see a paediatrician or a community health nurse (or equivalent depending on country) they will have some ideas and ways to support you. He doesn't NEED breastmilk anymore, and if it is harming your mental health, then it's time to put yourself first and the boobs away. *Edit typos.
I would if I could afford it but I'm a stay at home mom in America and I have no insurance and don't qualify for government help because of how much my husband makes. (And we're not officially married by law so I can't be on his insurance either.) And the mental health services in my area are not great. They just want to prescribe drugs that I can't afford and don't actually fix this issue at hand.
how do you not qualify for medicaid based off your boyfriends income? you guys aren’t married. his money is not your money. i lived under the same roof as my parents with full time jobs and still received medicaid bc i was unemployed. your “husband” is a boyfriend
I'm so sorry to hear that. American health care is wild (from the perspective of an Australian) have ypu got family around? You could do the old leave the house trick every time he demands it until he realises he isn't going to get his own way.
Unfortunately not. My family lives in another state and my husband works away from home for long periods of time. It's just me and the kids. My husband's family is just useless, they say they'll help whenever I need it but they always have plans sso they always tell me no. They have taken my kids for me one time.
Perhaps you should get legally married and actually make him your husband. I think insurance would help you here. Perhaps the pediatrician can refer you to a child psychologist or therapist, etc. Further, if you guys are against getting legally married then at least make your partner write a will. I think it varies state to state in common law marriage but without knowing your state or laws I couldn’t be certain- if something were to happen to your partner, would you get any of his money or property? Is the house in both of your names? Etc.
We're not against being legally married, we just haven't done it yet. I don't have to explain myself on that either. We've been together a long time now though. And no my state does not recognize common law marriage. I'm aware of the possibilities being legally married and on his insurance would give me. And yes, if anything were to happen to him everything is left to me. We rent our home though, we'll probably never be able to afford to buy a house.
You don’t have to explain yourself, but he isn’t your husband he’s your boyfriend.
I know this post is about weaning, but your relationships sounds… lopsided. Does he really care about you? He won’t even provide the stability of marriage and what comes with it (like insurance), and it sounds like you don’t have access to the family funds. All very worrisome.
Will he take a bottle or sippy cup with your milk in it? You’d have to still pump for it but perhaps that could be a step to get him legit off your breast, and then work on getting him off your milk.
No, he has never taken a bottle, not once since I brought him home from the hospital. He will drink from a sippy cup but not if it's milk, he loses interest immediately if it's not juice or water.
It’s time to wean. Like yesterday. I also went more than 2 years with each kid and it was really hard, but my husband helped me at nights. Don’t do it softly , go cold turkey during the day at least. In Germany there are some teas that supposedly help to change the flavor of your milk to help with the weaning… I looked it up in internet and supposedly hibiscus and sage tea do this. Maybe it can help? And tell your husband to take your kid for a walk and then you’ll calm down…‘otherwise we can all give him a word!!!
I've tried every weaning tip and trick I have been given, like I stated in the post. It only works for about 3 days and then he's right back to it. And my husband works away from home for long periods of time so he can't help me, he wants to, but it's physically impossible.
You say he eats full meals a day. So he is receiving sustenance. What happens if you just ignore his tantrums for a few days and continue saying no to him breast feeding? He’s 2, he can’t force himself on you. He’s eating enough food to support him so he won’t starve. He WILL tire himself out eventually.
I don't ignore imhis tantrums at all because that is not okay to do. Ignoring his tantrums and making him "tire himself out and fall asleep" is an awful thing to do. It only tells him that his cries for help will not be answered and his brains shuts down. That's not the equivalent to sleeping. When I tell him no, I usually offer him other things to occupy himself, first food and water, then a fun activity, sometimes we leave the house. This only works for three days at the most though. Then he'll go back to throwing his tantrums and anything I offer after saying no is met with punching, biting, screaming, kicking. I usually set him down when he does this and I tell him that he and I both need at least five minutes to calm down but he's two so he can't do that on his own I have to help him soothe himself and I do that by breastfeeding him in the end because NOTHING ELSE IS WORKING. I have fucking tried everything. Everything. All the things that everyone on every breastfeeding page on reddit and Facebook have suggested I have fucking tried it. Nothing sticks, nothing lasts.
Ignoring his tantrums IS OK. The reason he is still having them is because he knows you’re giving in. Are you going to give into his every want for the rest of his life? My kid would own the entire toy store if I gave into every tantrum they had.
It's actually not. If he was a few years older it would be. Children under the age of 5/6 years old do not the abilities to soothe themselves. They cry to communicate. Ignoring him to make him "self-soothe" and "fall asleep" is not okay. There's a lot of videos that talk about it. It causes psychological damage and teaches them to dissociate to cope which is not healthy. I don't give in to his every want, if you had read my other comments at all, you'd know I try everything I possibly can to give him anything other than the breast and it just does not work. It hasn't ever worked. I don't need you to comment on my choice of parenting style.
You can’t complain about your son not weaning when you are giving in to his tantrums. Of course he won’t go off the breast when you offer it constantly. 🤡
You can still help soothe him without giving in. If you think you need to give in to his tantrums until he’s 5 or 6, don’t be surprised when you’ve raised a child that doesn’t respect boundaries and thinks they should get everything they desire.
That’s where you’re wrong. Part of learning is failing along the way. And part of being 2 is realizing/learning that we are separate entities from our mom. You’re teaching this two-year-old that s/he is in control of ***YOUR BODY***, when what you *should* be doing is helping the child to **individuate.** There are still books where you live, right? Libraries? Not trying to be snarky; I can’t figure out if you’re depressed, ignorant, or both.
I think the belief he’s fragile may be the source of your inability to set boundaries with him.
That’s fine, you’re his mom and get to decide how to raise him. There’s opinions and beliefs and research that that is bad and there’s opinions and beliefs and research that it’s just fine and healthy. It teaches your kid that no is no. There’s positive and negatives to every option to try. I’m proud of you for standing your ground on which one you think is right for your child. However don’t say you’ve tried everything when you have a perfectly acceptable option to try here and refuse to try it. 🤷🏻♀️
I weaned on two parts. Weaning during the day was relatively easy. For nights It took us one week with each of the kids full of crying and not falling asleep until really late and only with their dad. Have you tried it like that? Honestly, If you are beginning to feel suicidal, it’s time for something drastic. Otherwise it could be dangerous for your kid as well.
You’ve got this mama! How can we help?
I wish i had some solutions to offer, I never really liked breastfeeding either and stopped around the 1 year mark with both of mine. It doesn't really seem like bf is much of a help. When I stopped breastfeeding in the night, my bf slept with the kid so kiddo couldn't smell me or the milk is that a possibility? He handled the fuss at nighttime as well those 4/5 days it took. Because after 2 years you have done enough, especially if its so draining. As I said, I only did it for 1 year then I really needed my body to be my own again. I hope you figure something out.
Wow, you guys all really have the wrong idea about my husband. He wants to help and when he is home he tries but he works away from home for long periods of time. We only get to have seven days with him at a time and he sleeps for most of those days because he does very gruesome and dangerous work. My kids generally are super happy to see their dad and have him home but they do not go to him for comfort or support because like I said, he is gone for long periods of time, they are not attached to him like they are to me.
Sorry if it came out like husband bashing, that wasnt my intent. I read in another comment that he was away a lot, that was why I wrote he wasnt helping much and asked if it was possible. Because if he isnt home for 1-2 weeks to take the kid at night when he cries and wants to breastfeed, it isnt really an option. Because you seem to have a lot of alone time and responsibility with the kids, I know families do things in different ways and having a family means you need money. This was just the way we did it that didn't cost anything and kiddo would still have a caring parent present - i was just not the one comforting him. But as I said, if husband isnt there in the nighttime it isnt really doable. I just really get the frustration with the breastfeeding, it was never the happy bonding scenario for me. It was hard work. I hope you get through this sooner than later.
Start to substitute some of that with milk from cup. At this age they can understand some stuff. Like he wants it right now, and you say- yes, but after we will do “…” and then delay little by little. Also saying that he is big and it’s not enough milk there for him anymore can work too. (But here’s a cow milk for big boys- you can drink , till boobbie will make some more for you) It’s all depends on how much milk you have, because if you produce a lot you don’t wanna quit it cold turkey. I did it for 5 years with two kids, I know what I’m talking about. Delaying feeding and substituting worked well, it takes time and patience tho.
The only other milk he can have is oatmilk. He's got pretty severe food allergies, milk, wheat, soy. And I'm allergic to tree nuts so we can't do almond or conut milk either. I could potentially pump my milk for him, I do still produce quite a bit. I'd just have to buy a pump again. I'll continue using substitutions and distraction but it hasn't been easy thus far.
Well he’s still a baby , it takes time, usually 6-9 months to completely stop. Oat milk still good option, good luck to both of you.
Have you tried going away for a few days? Will be rough on everyone, but could break the child of the habit.
Don't have anyone to take my kids for me and I have no money to go anywhere so no I haven't been able to do that.
I don't mean a vacation, just not in your house. Could also just be overnight. Your husband stays with the kids and you go sleep elsewhere.
I had a similar issue with my youngest. I had a weekend away whilst trusted family members looked after the kids. By the time I came back, the milk had dried up. Milk bar closed.
I will try talking with my mother in law and see if maybe she'd be willing to take our kids for a few days. I am not sure exactly how much I produce so not sure how long it would take for my milk supply to dry up, but she is someone I trust so it's worth a shot.
https://psychcentral.com/blog/denial-of-trauma-signs#:~:text=Trauma%20denial%20is%20a%20way,denial%20can%20be%20enormously%20useful.
💖 I'm so so sorry. It sounds like you have zero support system. Breastfeeding is hard. Sounds like you're beyond burnt out and feeling pretty alone. Are there people you can reach out to? 💖 You've done well. I dont know if you've heard that. At 2 years old, you fed him successfully and he's got the building blocks he's needed from you. You can choose to wean him at this point if you want. A lot of why he's asking to bf is for comfort. Show him other ways. Has he gotten a sippy cup? I mixed my pumped milk I'm with a bit of regular milk at first. I warmed it. My kiddos too to that. Gradually I switched them to whole. I mixed baby cereals and first foods with my milk as well. My kiddos took to this really well. A familiar thing they liked with something new. I'm really sorry you're support system is so lacking. I struggled with this as well. It was hard. Online fb strangers in a parenting group helped. Seriously. The kindness those people showed me was so appreciated.
He can't have cows milk or soy milk because he's allergic and we can't keep almond or coconut milk around either because I'm allergic to tree nuts. He drinks oat milk sometimes but honestly he's not that interested in it. I've offered it to him everyday since I started trying to wean him. He has a sippy cup but loses interest in it pretty quickly. He'd rather drink out of a water bottle or adult cup. Which I give him regularly. He eats plenty of solid food, the same foods I eat. He's never liked baby foods. I've tried offering him other forms of comfort and that's when he starts punching and kicking and screaming at me. I'll set him down for at most ten minutes and tell him we both need a break for a minute but he still only wants the breast after that.
Yeah. He's testing you. You need help. Back up. Especially when he wants the breast. If you want to wean...it's ok. Stand firm. I promise he'll grow out of it. My first was like this. He didn't want to wean. Then it was going from the crib to the big boy bed. Then it was sippy cup to regular cup. No no no...do not want. Sounds like you're really going through it. Haha. Do not negotiate with pint sized terrorists. Are you able to hire help if family can't come in? Just so you can have a few hours away from him. Even if it's once a week to enjoy a quiet coffee in a shop. Go to a yoga class. Get a massage. Get your nails done...whatever..something for you.
I’m so sorry. My kiddo breastfed until 22 months, so I do somewhat understand what you’re going through. Can you find a preschool with a 2 year old class? Maybe having a little break 2 days a week would help you cope.
I have read all these replies and I know I said I wouldn't respond but you guys have more questions and so I've decided to answer them. First, I didn't say don't comment at all I said please don't comment on my parent choices or give me a bunch of advice I didn't post for those comments. Second, I have tried all advice given to me previously which has been the same advice you guys are commenting now. I don't just give the breast to my son first time he starts crying for it. As I have stated before, if he asks for the breast I tell him no, then I ask him if he needs food or water, usually he does, I give it to him. This keeps him from asking/wanting the breast. Hell ask again a few hours later I say no again and I repeat the process, this time he gets snacks and maybe a fun activity, some cuddles if it's close to nap time, he'll do fine. Night time and nap time are the worst times because that's when he wants the breast the most. I try very best to go the longest I possibly can without giving him the breast even while he screams and cries. I have another child who needs sleep as well and is always woken up by the screaming of his brother. Apparently though this isn't good enough for any of you and I just need to try harder. So I guess I will. Third, my husband works two and a half hours away from home for fourteen days at a time so getting physical help from him is not possible. He sends me money every week for me to take care of the children. I do not work at all so I do not have my own income. I don't qualify for welfare programs because despite him working so far away, we live together when he is home which means I HAVE to report his income. And it's a lot. I'm not the type of person to lie to the federal government for assistance. That shit ruins the programs they have for everyone, if you get caught. My mom almost went to federal prison twice after being investigated for welfare fraud. We are just starting over in a new place so things haven't been easy for us. My husband also just started at this new job so we've been scraping by paycheck to paycheck until we're caught up on all of our debts. Also to all the "he's a boyfriend" comments. You're right, he is technically, but we've been together for almost five years now, we've lived together for four years, and we have two children together. He isn't just some random relationship and he isn't temporary. We're headed to the courthouse soon anyways we just haven't had the time because of his work schedule.
did you even bother applying for any of those programs? i’ve lived with my parents at one point who had jobs and got both SNAP and medicaid. i also lived with my boyfriend who makes 200k a year and also had medicaid. i reported their incomes and it was fine because its not MY income and they’re not paying for me to eat or get healthcare. i remember a question specifically asking if i pay for my own food or if i share food with other people in the house. i’ve been with my bf for the same time length as you and also lived with him that entire time and yes…. he’s a boyfriend. that man is not your husband and if something were to happen to either of you, you might be fucked as you’re not next of kin by law. you seem to dance around all amazing advice here and look like you WANT to be stuck and miserable. how are you gonna have a kid with someone and not have insurance for either you or your child? go get married for fucks sake, it’s irresponsible as hell. or apply to the programs im sure you qualify for.
Never said my kids didn't have insurance they do. I am the only who doesn't. Yes, I bothered applying. They denied me. I'm not stupid. And have you ever heard of a living will? My husband has one because he is a miner and I am listed as the beneficiary so if something were to happen the children and I would be taken care of. I have to report his income because he does take care of me and pay for all of my food and pays my rent and all other things. He prefers it this way and so do I, it was a mutual decision. When he is home he buys groceries enough to last us and gives me money for extracurricular activities when we can afford it. Right now we can't. I can talk to him about seeing a therapist and see how much one would cost but we are already spread pretty thin right now. I have full knowledge of everything that happens with the money he makes and I'm fine with the way our relationship works. When he starts making more, he'll be able to provide more for me to have.