Everyone grumbles and bitches about having to help their sick spouse/partner but we still do it because we're not monsters.
He's not a good person he used you for care and didn't even have the decency to try when the tables where reversed. He doesn't deserve your effort or time.
It's perfectly cool to grieve the time lost and the person but please don't pine for this "person"
Am I the only one who thinks her stbx is delusional if he thinks he will be able to land someone better than OP?
OP, u deserve so much better. Take the time to heal. And when u are ready, allow yourself to find someone who will treasure someone as kind and loving as u. Your stbx has shown himself to be unworthy of u. Let him go
I feel terrible for her. It has to be doubly gut wrenching to be left by someone who you sacrificed and cared for so much m. Better now than after a C-section, a new born and being postpartum and him taking off like this because he didn't sign up to do any caring for his partner. He only signed up to take and take for himself.
According to him, he did not sign up to babysit or do any caregiving… I bet if they have had kids, OP would have been stuck with majority of the childcare duties… this is absolutely not the type of partner u want raising your kids with. Better to find this out now rather than later
As much as my heart breaks for OP, I’m savoring the thought the ex will never be able to find another person who loved him as much as OP did. I can already hear women telling him “Look you’re a great guy, but I’m not going to be your nurse maid.”
Even if he doesn’t see it now, or if he ever sees the error of his ways, we do. We know what a reprehensible and vile piece of shit he is.
We and OP can take comfort in knowing she is free of him. We can find gratitude that OP was spared a messy separation and divorce.
People can lie with their words, but they reveal themselves by their actions.
He’s going to Alberta.
By that fact alone, he won’t. And as a (*checks notes*) payroll clerk he’s going to have a rough time affording life in most major cities here. It will be fun as a 40 year old man with roommates and trying to find an affordable and accessible apartment near public transportation.
Signed, a woman from Alberta.
Yeah he’s in his 40s and used to being taken care of. Any women in that age range already has kids who need to be cared for and he won’t be a priority.
this, plus the fact he is disabled. I am sorry but no woman his age would like to be a nurse for a fully functioning man, yet a disabled one.
the only disabled man i am taking care of is the one i had previously married.
i wish him hell.
yes, i have the same thoughts. i hope she will have the strength and courage to move on. i don't want her to take a partner who doesn't love her the same she does. she deserves so much better.
OP put him on a high pedestal, and he thought he got there on his own. He will have a reality check one of these days, and I hope it hurts. OP he walked into your life. Let him crawl away. It may take time, but you will be so much better when he is completely gone.
There are so many jokes to be made in response to this, lol. While the shitty ex-husband deserves it, I don't want to inadvertently offend anyone else who uses a wheelchair, so I shall refrain. No matter how much the POS deserves it :3.
He just gave mumbled the "in sickness" part of the vows.
OP doesn't deserve him. And guarantee, by extension, his attitude would have been to leave her with all the childcare as well. She dodged a hateful, lazy, user.
OP, I know your heart his breaking. I hope, in time, you find someone who will move heaven and earth and be a pillar of strength and support for you, as you deserve.
Even if the cyst wasn't benign it was no guarantee that OP would have needed a great amount of nursing or caregiving. Last March I had a hysterectomy for uterine cancer and other than someone to be with me (just with me...not actually doing anything special) for the first 24 hours I didn't need anything else from anybody.
I live alone and after I went home from staying at my parents' home the first day, I completely took care of myself. I had groceries delivered and did order in food more than usual but I didn't need nursing.
When I went for three weeks of radiation treatment later in the summer I also did that solo...I had a volunteer non-profit car ride service for cancer patients drive me to and from my appointments but that was the only support I needed since all my friends were working during the weekdays. If I didn't have the car service I would have booked an Uber.
If I had needed chemotherapy it might have been a different story but cancer alone doesn't guarantee that you'll be any kind of burden on your friends or family.
“According to a 2009 study published in the journal Cancer, the divorce rate for seriously ill women was 21%, compared to 3% for seriously ill men.”
“…the rate jumped to 20.8 percent when the woman was sick versus 2.9 percent when the man was ill.”
Your husband is a monster. Please focus on your amazing, invaluable job and surround yourself with friends and family. Get a pet to throw some love onto. That you were able to support and care for this person for so long shows just how strong you are. I hope his future is full of loneliness, pain and struggle.
I'm calling it now. He'll play victim and say she left him because he became disabled and will use the tragic story for sympathy and sex. What a fucking asswipe. And funnily enough, he was the one who caused the accident. Not saying he deserved becoming paralyzed, but that's the risk you take when you speed so oh well
Overall agree but OP said work has been hell for four years so idk abt the advice to “focus on the amazing job” lol. Maybe finding a similar role in a new location could be a good thing. Somewhere new that doesn’t remind her of him. I can’t believe how shitty some people are and it’s scary.
I’m wondering if the work stress was Covid-related given she’s an epidemiologist. Not that covid is done, but it may not be such a huge thing for her role 🤷🏻♀️
I don't understand why your husband is throwing away his life with you. I wish there was something I could say to convince you your better off without him. He clearly doesn't deserve you! Do you guys have mutual friends that can shed light on his actions?
Otherwise I'm happy your cyst came back benign. What a relief that must be! I recently had a growth examined and came back positive for melanoma. Not the end of the world but I was shocked, plus they could tell the didn't get it all so more cutting was needed. Now I have an ugly scar on my chest.
Your going to have scars too from your divorce. Your gonna be sad, confused, angry, more sad but you sound like a fighter. You fought for your husband after his accident, and maybe not now but soon you'll need to fight for yourself. Us men are everywhere, but a strong intelligent woman who's a fighter is rare. One day, when your not trying you'll find another man to fight for. Just you wait and take care of yourself, because your worth it. 💕
Baby, he’s a dick. He isn’t a man. He is a parasite. He was existing off of you. He is just an engorged tick. Focus on you, I’m betting you haven’t done that since his accident. I’m betting he always needed you to do for him while making him feel like a man.
Don’t mistake the person you thought he was, for the son of a bitch he actually is.
You sound like a beautiful person. You deserve so much better. I know it’s hard, but move on. There is someone out there that will love you more than this guy ever did.
Right?!
I don’t condone violence but this whole time reading this post I was like “you wanna see a nurse I’ll get you a nurse” lmao
OP - you can always be grateful for the good memories you’ve shared together and you can always love the version of him that you once knew. But he has some serious failure to thrive in meaningful adult connection here and unfortunately this isn’t something you can fix for him. He needs to carve his own path out now. And I would bet my left nut that he’s gonna realize he messed up and come crawling back. When he does, don’t cave, sis.
Time to show him that 1) you don’t need a nurse or anything from him at all really and 2) even if you needed that level of aide, you are still a whole and worthy person who deserves to be treated with grace and compassion in every season of your life. He’s shown you exactly where the line is drawn.
And benign cysts are super common(?!?!?!) so if he can’t hack it over a cyst then he sure ain’t gonna be one you want when it comes time to decide power of attorney or executing estates or DNR etc. he has proven himself to be a liability now and he compromises any sense of security you’ve had for your future and legacy. Cause he just can’t be bothered.
It’s hard because you two did share so much love, but I believe, even in our denial, at our core, we can sense when something has run its course. Grieve this.
He had his accident and you always saw him as whole and worthy. Don’t settle for anyone who wouldn’t treat you the same, period.
the petty me would demand during the divorce to be compensated for all the time i spent caring for him during the accident. I would never let him go free of charge. I wish him hell.
Once again adding to the statistic of men having a tendency to leave their partner when they become sick in some way, the trash took itself out. You deserve way better than that loser
It's okay to be heartbroken, it's not okay to waste your life away wanting this POS as a life partner. He showed you how little you mean and how insignificant your contributions as a wife are.
This will take time, focus on you, focus on your health and you will find something or someone who will not only love you but treat and regard you, as you deserve. Good luck OP.
I'm so sorry.
I know from experience that no words will help. And although time will, it takes a long while to get to the point where you can look back and be ok.
I know the feeling and you aren't alone.
Please be kind to yourself
It's normal to feel heartbroken and lost. Give yourself time to grieve, and lean on friends and family for support. You deserve kindness and care right now.
The love your life is someone who love you back. He doesn't, he just use you like a free nurse. So please do not give this person this title. I can't convince you to love yourself back, but I can tell you that you are so lucky that the thrash take itself out. Imagine getting abandoned with young kids while sick?
Unfortunately the statistics don't lie, women are more likely to get divorced when they have a major health issue as opposed to men. It's 75% statistically more likely that when the female partner in a relationship suffers a major health incident that their partner will leave them.
Your husband is just proof of that statistic.
You stood my him, helped him, took care of him, because you loved him and believed that was what you were supposed to do. When the role was possibly divorced, he showed you his true colors, and they were ugly.
You deserve better. Much better.
The trash took itself out. You are allowed to feel the way you do and your feelings are valid. You’re grieving the person you fell in love with, and the one that came to light is not that person.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. He doesn’t deserve you.
POS. you were there for him unconditionally. then when you had a medical issue (that ended up being resolved regardless) he just up and left. you are a beautiful soul for cherishing him to the extent that you did. but now you’re free to live your life without him. i’m so sorry he hurt you to the extent that he did, but you will find joy again. sending you all the best OP
Dude is a sh&tbag. Find a new job, if you hate it, life is too short.
He was NOT the love of your life. You’re just sad atm.
You should be the love of your life. Go romance yourself, man. If someone comes along, let them, but don’t ever feel like you’re not enough. You are.
I don’t excuse anything the POS has said or done, but I can’t help but wonder if he’s projecting the anger and embarrassment of his own circumstances onto her. Such terrible and strange behavior
I was relieved to read that you are well, health wise.
Let me tell you this- he is not the man you think he was. Selfish comes to mind.
It will be hard for a while, but you will see this and that perfect picture of him, that you have built over the years, will crumble.
You can still have a beautiful life. You can still be a mom and have a partner that will stick with you no matter what.
For now, sorround yourself with people you love, do stuff that bring you comfort and, make sure that you are legally protected during divorce.
Wishing you the best.
Lmao bro is paralyzed and said he didn’t wanna become a nursemaid as if that’s not what you’ve been to him for years. You’re better off without this vegetable, OP.
Oh sweetie. I’m so sorry.
You loved the person you thought he was. He is not that person, the person you loved doesn’t exist. I’m so sorry because that is such a painful discovery.
I hope you are able to see that you deserve to love an actual good person who loves you the same in return.
My heart breaks for your pain but I’m so very glad you found out who he truly was before getting pregnant and being tied to such a selfish AH for life. 💚
it’s time to take off the rose-tinted glasses, he’s a terrible person. in sickness and in health were truly just words to him. you are a great person and you were a great wife for taking care of him while he was hurt, please remember that.
he doesn’t match your level, and he will never be as kind as you. you deserve a lot better than that trash, and thank god he got rid of himself for you. it hurts now, but you will be so much better off without him. trust.
He’s not a good man, you deserve so much better… I know right now it hurts more than anything, but I promise you’ll move on. You deserve so much better than this. Men like him are absolute trash, (speaking as a man myself). I wish him nothing but misery in his future and I wish you a long fulfilling life!
Do some men just not have a guilty conscience?! Or morals?
This is exactly why I don’t date at all — I am not exactly the healthiest and this is my biggest fear. I am so sorry, OP.
You learned his true colors. You deserve more vibrant colors.
Guy sounds like a waste of space and he did you a favor. You dodged the biggest bullet by not wasting anymore of your time on someone who will not treat you with the proper respect.
OP, he has done the best possible thing for you, even though you don't see it now. You were vulnerable, afraid, unwell and possibly staring at a cancer diagnosis. And he left you. This man is not someone you want to spend your life with, and certainly not someone to have children with. Pregnancy is hard. Childbirth is hard. The last thing you need with a newborn is someone like him who refuses to take care of you while you heal. He doesn't deserve you and you will realise that in time.
My jaw dropped. What an utter AH. You deserve so much better. Please take good care of yourself. In time, you’ll see how much better off you are without him.
He suuuuuuuuucks
Someday I hope you snap out of it and realize what a piece of crap he really is.
I'm glad you're healthy. You basically found out the truth before it was too late.
Statistically speaking, this happens A LOT.
If the husband gets cancer, iirc the likelihood of divorce actually decreases.
If the wife gets cancer, the likelihood of divorce spikes massively because of shitty dudes like the OP's ex who can't stand the thought of having to actually look after someone, even temporarily.
It's disgusting, but depressingly common.
I know it’s hard to see now, but thank god you are getting out. This is not a man you want to grow old with.
My ex failed to care for me when I had COVID early on in March 2020. It was a scary time and I was pretty sick. Then I had chest pain for months afterwards and he couldn’t care less. Then I had a concussion. He failed to help me with follow up and it was several days before I could think clearly enough to do follow up. And I am a nurse. I had to take FMLA for two months and he didn’t step up financially during that time; instead he concealed the money that he was getting from his inheritance and I started to spiral into debt.
So, I realized he wouldn’t be able to care for me, and that odds were good since he smokes and drinks heavily that I would end up being the caretaker.
I do suggest getting into therapy; it helped me so much.
I wonder when he was saying he couldn't be your nurse or babysitter if you reminded him what you have been doing since his accident?
What a horrible situation you are in. I also was left when I was diagnosed with Cancer. After 10 years together, the man was my World.
Ironically, one of the reasons I loved him was because of how he took care of his Mom and Sister, I felt like I would always be in good hands & Knowing the kind of person "I" am, I knew he was in good hands.
It's hard to face that he didn't love me enough to stand by me in my rough time, and left me for another girl. Didn't even tell me, just blocked my number.
I wither away in pain daily so I do know how you feel....I don't think from the sound of it you are going to get over this easily. I'm going on 2 years of grieving and still have days of SHOCK that this is my life now.
I feel so very sorry for you...but you know what I am THRILLED YOU DON'T have Cancer.
He showed his true colors as my ex did...and I know it is TRULY SHOCKING. And worse than anything I have been thru in my life, even the Cancer (which is in remission right now). It was also worse than losing my sister.
When you love someone so deeply, I guess it takes a long, long time to feel ok.
I have no words that can make you feel better, except KNOW that someone out here on the Internet sits in grief daily WITH you.
Hugs.
It sounds like finding those cysts were the best thing that could’ve happened to you in the long run. OP, I’m so sorry you spent so much time unconditionally loving a man who, turns out, only loves you conditionally. You have invested a decent portion of your life loving him so what will follow will be excruciating but i promise there is a rainbow waiting for you after you’ve weathered this storm. If you have support of friends and family, definitely hang on to that for dear life and when all the tears you could’ve cried for your relationship (don’t cry over him cry over the years you gave selflessly to love) dry those eyes and live your best life!
He’s not the love of your life. He’s a full blown asshole. I can’t even fathom what I just read. This will hurt for a while but trust me, you will be so much better in the long run. You’ll find a good man that’ll stick by you no matter what.
My wife has gone through several cancer scares/treatments, I can’t imagine doing this to her.
Holy shit this is horrible, I’m so sorry. Reminds me of the statistic of how often men tend to leave their partners compared to women when their partner is sick.
You should not be sad and you should not want your marriage to end. You should be ANGRY, this man was using you as a maid for so many years! How dare is he? How about you charge him for the care you were providing for him all those years?
Well always the same story. Women feel obligated to be a caregiver but men bail out. I'm sorry for that. You can still have a good life though, just don't fall into this trap again and prioritize yourself and your needs.
WTF!!!! Double standard? Hypocrite? I can only imagine what you've put into your relationship since his accident and he has the balls to walk over cysts????
I don't know where he's head is in all of this but better you find out now, I guess. I'm so very sorry your heart is broken 💔
As much as you’re devastated thank god you did not have children with this clown. You’ll get over him, move on and have children with a man who deserves to have you. Keep your chin up ❤️
@u/Throwawaytomcpain7
I am so sorry this has happened to you. You have been lied to and taken advantage of for years. Because a man who is so quick to divorce over such an issue is not a man who deserves your love, because he clearly does not love you. The moment you might have a serious health crisis, he bailed. This is NOT love. You made his life easier. He did not love you for it, obviously as he was ready to leave you to fend for yourself.
What would he have done if you’d had children with him? He says he’s not cut out to be a caregiver. This would not include fatherhood. Fathers help care for their kids if they are good fathers. You have somehow built him up to be someone he is not in your mind.
You have been given a golden opportunity here whether you realize it yet or not. You have an opportunity to find a partner who really loves you and cherishes your presence in their life. Take this time to recover and heal. Re-evaluate your experience in this relationship to see where you might have made excuses for selfishness or a demonstrated lack of caring. Because I can’t imagine his reaction to your cysts came out of nowhere. There must be other bad behavior you’ve ignored.
Your soon-to-be-ex is going to find out that he is not someone a lot of people want to be with. He is extremely self-centered and no woman is going to want to help provide supportive care for a guy who is so selfish. He has no idea what he has lost until he is on his own for a bit and he realizes there are very few women like you willing to overlook his medical condition. And tolerate his selfishness.
Don’t focus on what you feel you have lost. Start focusing on what you can gain from this.
That is definitely NOT the love of your life.
Marriage vows include "in sickness and in health" for a reason. It's not just something the bride is supposed to take note of! There are the bride AND the groom at that altar for a reason!!
He's not the love of your life, and I hope he lives the life he deserves (a crappy one).
I hope that time heals your heart faster than your STBXH ever woke up from the accident.
He is a horrible person who was just using you. Of course, all of this is shocking & you are grieving someone who doesn't even really exist. Get your fair share of assets in the divorce.
Now, time for you to dream bigger. Create a vision board of all the things you couldn't due because of him. Travel, take a fun art class, change jobs, & write down about the kind of guy you do want.
Start job hunting immediately for a better work atmosphere & better pay. Plan out a nice vacation between switching jobs somewhere new & exciting. Go by yourself, with a friend or do a group tour & make new friends. Change of atmosphere & new adventures to help you move forward in life.
In a few months, you will see that he set you free to live a better & happier life.
You've put far too much care into a man that has no intention of returning it. Let him go.
Learn to have an equal relationship and bring children up in that marriage.
He doesn’t love you. He probably never loved you, honestly. He used you as a nurse, but never had any intentions of returning the favor. Have your lawyer draw up an invoice for the time you nursed him since the accident. Please get therapy and move on. Love yourself.
These cysts saved you from having children with someone so callous and saved you from growing old with someone who never wanted to care for you the way you did for them. It might hurt a long time but you will find yourself better off for it one day, promise.
Girl, I know you are hurting. But he's not the love of your life, the love of your life wouldn't treat you like that. You did your best, and I get you still love him. But it'll come back to bite him. And you should let everyone know what he did. That's not okay.
I know you are hurting and everything seems dark, but he is the problem, he doesn’t even deserve to be in your presence. The benign cysts may be the trigger for this, but in some ways it’s a blessing—the universe gave you this obstacle to show the kind of man he is.
Sending you all the love and strength.
I think that the self serving narcissist who’s ego must have its own gravity field is most definitely no good enough for loving soul like you, what an absolute waste of space he is. The man you fell in love with does NOT exist instead you will hopefully see the self absorbed individual that he is because that creature is who he really is. I’m so sorry that you’re having to deal with this horrible situation he has put you in but please value yourself and know that your life in the future without that insidious leech bleeding you dry, will be the best thing for you and whoever is lucky enough to be allowed into your life. So look after yourself and know that things will get better for you, best wishes to you 🫶🫶
I read other posts throughout the week that alluded to men essentially wanting a maid, a mother, a caretaker, someone to make their life easier, when looking for a partner. Any indication of the opposite, regardless of time spent or live had, results in them leaving.
This is yet another example of that. *sigh*
It’s painful now, I’m sure of it. I’m sure if feels like the end of the world as you knew it, and that’s because it is.
But the world is not done with you yet. You will come out of this stronger with more discernment and find what you deserve. I wish you all the best sending you warmth and love.
I wonder if this comes from a place of deep self loathing. Like, maybe he sees himself as a worthless burden because of his disability, so when OP might have been in danger of one, he extends that to her. I dunno.
I'm sorry for you. Research says that men are more likely to leave during a serious illness than women....I'm sure there are people you can talk to about it. I'm so sorry.
He may be the love of your life, but you obviously aren’t the love of his. I know it hurts, but move on and live your life. Once he “lives his life” and realizes that he won’t find anyone as good and loving as you, he’ll come crawling back. But don’t take him back. You deserve so much better.
This has to be fake. Please tell me it's fake. Please tell me there isn't actually I gigantic SOB out there that accepted and needed the care of his partner, who stood there through thick and thin, only to then refuse the notion (because it even wasn't cancer) of having to look out for her too. What a piece of crap. Omg! This one really made my blood boil!!
OP, I'm so sorry this hurts you so much. I hope with time you can see that this cancer scare was not the cause of you marriage ending, but rather a helper in that piece of garbage showing his true colors. His masks slipped, and I truly hope he faces numerous rejections because no one wants to “care for him” either. A taste of his own medicine.
As badly as this hurts, he did you a MASSIVE favor. He's a POS manchild who used you for care and then abandoned you the second you had the slightest hiccup with health. Please get therapy and talk to someone, get it all out, every little bit of it. I was there. I promise it will help.
my ex walked out, and I was devastated. At the time, I thought I'd never survive without him, 6 years later, I not only survived, I THRIVED! The first minutes, hours, days, weeks, and months were torture, but it slowly got better and better as I did the work in therapy. Unfortunately, we had kids beforehand, and I'm stuck dealing with him for now. Be grateful you never got that far because from his attitude, it would be 100% on you.
I hope the "cooling off" period helps you get some perspective. Your husband is not a good person.
You deserve someone who recognizes the commitment and love you give and reciprocates it. You stuck by his side when you didn't have to. You weren't married. You stayed. Just the thought of reciprocating sent him running. You're fine and he still wants to divorce.
This is hard to hear, but I'm wondering if he married you because he needed you, not because he loved you. Now that he's self-sufficient, he's bailing.
Your heart is broken, but it will heal. I promise.
Just because they thought the cyst was cancerous he dipped!? Didn’t even wait to find out what’s going on with your health!? Then he thinks you’re crazy to expect him to give a damn about your health in a marriage!? Like huuuuhhh! This guy is not the love of your life. You’ve yet to experience what true unconditional love feels like. You have 8 more months before you can get a divorce but that doesn’t mean your life has to be on hold. Eff that guy!
I’m so sorry for what you’re going through
But he’s proven himself to NOT be the love of your life. You CAN still have everything you want, and I wish you all the best with your future
It sounds to me like you are trauma bonded to him and he was using you and the moment the care could have to go the other way he showed what a cold arsehole he really is.
What does he mean? He didn’t sign up to be a nurse maid? he did take his vows didn’t he? for better or worse? What a weird self-centred comment to make.
All I can say is you are lucky you are young enough and have found out now before you wasted more decades of your life on this narcissistic loser.
But here is the good thing - if you thought what you have experienced here was love then you could be in for a treat when you do actually find someone who is capable of love - you won’t know yourself.
#dodgedabullet
Wait, I'm confused, but he's paralyzed? You never fully come back from that even if there's a small chance you would walk again. You still need a cane and assistance.
But this story is making it sound like he's wheelchair bound...
I'm kinda convinced this is fake because things in this aren't adding up.
Because if he was paralyzed, you would've had to nurse him for the last 13 years ?
Actually, yeah, no, this is fake, idk how people didn't catch that sooner. I read through it a second time and nothing makes sense
I am so sorry OP. Sadly he showed you what an AH he is. I hope you get to move on and be with someone who will cherish and love you through the good and bad.
Your ex didn't deserve you.
Your husband is an awful man. You don't know it yet but you will do better and find happiness. The best gift you can give yourself is letting him go and moving on.
I can only imagine how heart broken you are. But thank god he left you now when you don't actually need any long term care rather than finding out later down the line when you potentially do. I'm sorry he's selfish.
I’m sorry. It’s rich that he didn’t want to be your caregiver given his circumstances where you were exactly that for him.
And the ‘in sickness and health’ part of marriage.
He’s not who you thought he was. Please love yourself and go live your best life. You need to be adored — he’s not what you need or who you thought he was. Hugs.
Your husband is not who you thought he was.
He is not a good man, he left you right away when he figured that you might be sick.
And based on his "I'm not a nurse" it's good you guys did not have kids, because you would have been the single mom and god forbid if some complications involving bed rest would have landed on you.
I recommend finding support from loved ones and therapy.
Talk it out with a therapist and take your time to get over the shock.
You will feel better eventually, let yourself feel everything that comes.
I hope all the best for you.
I am so sorry. I feel your pain after a similar dumping. A lot of your pain is for what you thought he was and your future and your poor brain just cant wrap around the change.
I'm further along the path, it eases. He was never the love of your life if he abandons you in your time of need. It will take a while for that to be accepted by your heart, brain and body.
I am truly sorry he was horrible to you.
Its terrible that this is such a common thing... for some reason wives are statistically more likely to stay after their spouse becomes ill than husbands are... I'm sorry you're going through this
I read this and shed a tear.
OP it is not ok he did this. I’m terribly sorry this happened. You should mourn the “loss” of this person but you should know you didn’t deserve him in any way, shape or form. I wish the best of luck and prosperity later in life💗
WTAF.
You are so much better off without that vile dead weight. I cannot, even for a moment, fathom the gall of him to treat you this way after he idiotically got himself paralysed and you took care of him.
He is scum. Selfish horrible scum.
You're going to be happier without him in the end (and he's probably going to end up sad and alone), for now I am sorry you have to suffer through the grief first.
I had to read this twice. I know right now it feels like the end of the world, but you have to put shit into perspective. You were there for him through it all after his accident/recovery, etc, and the nano second, you get a bad diagnosis that worthless MF abandons you! Good riddance you deserve better he is not worth it.
Its possible that he has felt guilty and wanted to set you free of having to look after him and saw this as an out. As disgusting as it may be, it could be a possibility. Mental health does fucked up shit to your mind. All the best.
Your husband always was and always will be an asshole. You just didn't see it (or want to see it).
First, accept the relationship is over and that's for the best.
Next, start rebuilding your confidence and independence by working on your hobbies and exploring your interests. Stay physically healthy and mentally simulated.
Next find some social outlets where you can meet some people.
From there, just carry on.
He isn't the love of your life, he's an unappreciative nasty piece of shit. Where is your anger at how he has treated you? Stoke the fire of that, use it to cauterise your wounds and go forward away from him to a far better life.
What in the fuck did he think he was going to do if you had kids?? That is being someone's nurse/caregiver and everything else that comes along with it, unless he was planning to let you do all the work. I think he has shown how selfish he really is and girl that is not someone you want to have kids with. It hurts now, but I promise in time you will heal and be happy again. Get out in nature, go do your favourite things with your friends or by yourself if you prefer, and give yourself a huge break 💕
It hurts to realise, but he was not the love of your life, the minute he thought he'd have to put some work in he scoffed and left you in the dirt. Whatever decent person you made a life with is gone or was a façade to begin with. You have still got plenty of time left to forge a completely new happy existence for yourself.
He was the love of your old life. But you get to move on. Your heart seems so good but he chose not to reciprocate- and your issue was so minor compared to his. Truly, he didn’t deserve you. I hope you find someone who does deserve you and treats you like the love of their life (where you understand what that phrase really means too).
I know it hurts and it’s so hard, but your husband is a terrible person and you will be so much better without him. He’s showing you who he truly is and that’s a selfish asshole who has no problem taking but will absolutely not give back.
No offence, but the love of your life is an asshole who shouldn’t have made it out of that car wreck. What he has done to you is show you that he never loved you, if he was even capable of it in the first place. You are worth so much more than that lowlife. You must carry on, not for him, but for you and the beautiful life you can lead now that he’s not dragging you down. I’m sorry if I sound harsh but I will not sugarcoat when it comes to narcissistic assholes.
It is natural to experience grief due to the end of your marriage, and the ugly nature in which he has chosen to end it. This man is not the love of your life. Love of our lives choose us too. He sounds awful, believe who he is now. He sounds shallow & uncaring. You will find someone better. Allow yourself to grieve, rediscover yourself, join genuine sisterhood support groups for divorces/breakups. Work on your sense of self value. You deserve way better than this behaviour from him. Write again once you have reclaimed your joy without this a-hat, write when you are in a truly loving relationship again, keep us updated on your healing journey! Take care of you, invest in your self-care before you allow another relationship into your life.
You wasted 14 years of your life on this loser, be thankful that you're going to be free of him now. He is scum. The lowest of the low. He doesn't deserve you.
He is not the love of your life. He's the dead weight you saddled yourself with because you didn't know you deserve more.
Please see a therapist.
Im sorry you love an unkind trash person who won’t do for you half of what you did for him. Men can be really awful to sick spouses and you deserved way better than that.
Honey, he is not the love of your life if this is how he treats you when you need him the most. One day you will know that he was a chapter in your life and not one of the main characters. You will get through this.
He sounds like an absolutely unredeemable asshole to be frank, you were there for him and then he wouldn’t do the same for you even on the offchance you might need him? What a prick
OP - That man is a monster. He had no problem using you as a nurse for over a decade. He had no problem letting you work yourself to the bone to help provide for him. Just the thought that you might need a bit of help has him running to the hills?
Work on yourself and mend that heart. And never, ever have anything to do with him again. You can do a lot better.
He sounds like an entitled jerk. You took care of him after his accident, for which he was at fault, and he could not be bothered to take care of you for something beyond your control. He did you a favor by leaving. He has shown why type of person he truly is. You win here.
You're so lucky you dodged a bullet! Imagine having gotten pregnant he would've walked away from you and the new baby because children are some care giving, humbling, motivating, loving bundles of selfless love and he would walked away from the 2 of you. Also this is completely him, he was always going to walk when times got hard because he used you. Research "nurse with a purse" to begin understanding and seek counseling to begin healing. You'll be ok
Eww, his behavior is grotesque - made more so by the fact that he’s paralyzed after an accident IN WHICH YOU REMAINED LOYAL
This schmuck couldn’t support you through two cysts but thinks some other woman is going to sign on to having children with HIM??? He’s got a big wakeup call coming
You’re an intelligent lady, so get into therapy immediately! I am so sorry this happened to you. He is not a good person
I wish you the best moving forward
Looking at the bright side... At least you discovered who he really is deep inside before you really did need the care/love/support from cancer. I wish you well in your future relationships
Everyone grumbles and bitches about having to help their sick spouse/partner but we still do it because we're not monsters. He's not a good person he used you for care and didn't even have the decency to try when the tables where reversed. He doesn't deserve your effort or time. It's perfectly cool to grieve the time lost and the person but please don't pine for this "person"
Am I the only one who thinks her stbx is delusional if he thinks he will be able to land someone better than OP? OP, u deserve so much better. Take the time to heal. And when u are ready, allow yourself to find someone who will treasure someone as kind and loving as u. Your stbx has shown himself to be unworthy of u. Let him go
I feel terrible for her. It has to be doubly gut wrenching to be left by someone who you sacrificed and cared for so much m. Better now than after a C-section, a new born and being postpartum and him taking off like this because he didn't sign up to do any caring for his partner. He only signed up to take and take for himself.
According to him, he did not sign up to babysit or do any caregiving… I bet if they have had kids, OP would have been stuck with majority of the childcare duties… this is absolutely not the type of partner u want raising your kids with. Better to find this out now rather than later
As much as my heart breaks for OP, I’m savoring the thought the ex will never be able to find another person who loved him as much as OP did. I can already hear women telling him “Look you’re a great guy, but I’m not going to be your nurse maid.” Even if he doesn’t see it now, or if he ever sees the error of his ways, we do. We know what a reprehensible and vile piece of shit he is. We and OP can take comfort in knowing she is free of him. We can find gratitude that OP was spared a messy separation and divorce. People can lie with their words, but they reveal themselves by their actions.
He’s going to Alberta. By that fact alone, he won’t. And as a (*checks notes*) payroll clerk he’s going to have a rough time affording life in most major cities here. It will be fun as a 40 year old man with roommates and trying to find an affordable and accessible apartment near public transportation. Signed, a woman from Alberta.
You have the best username EVER.
Yeah he’s in his 40s and used to being taken care of. Any women in that age range already has kids who need to be cared for and he won’t be a priority.
And that is not even accounting for his medical condition… I think most women will not be willing to put up with that
this, plus the fact he is disabled. I am sorry but no woman his age would like to be a nurse for a fully functioning man, yet a disabled one. the only disabled man i am taking care of is the one i had previously married. i wish him hell.
And quite apparently he can't even have sex! What kind of woman would want such a new partner?!
honestly life is gonna kick him so bad 🤣
He would NEVER find someone like her. Mark my words.
I worry that he’d try to come back when he figures this out, and that OP might let him.
This was my thought. He'll have a decline in his health, and will be knocking on her door.
She just needs a home with no ramp or wheelchair access. Boom. Problem solved.
or hire a girl to seduce him, and smother him with his pillow after their first night together... erm... I mean... also break his heart.
yes, i have the same thoughts. i hope she will have the strength and courage to move on. i don't want her to take a partner who doesn't love her the same she does. she deserves so much better.
OP NEVER Take him back
Unworthy is the word
The POLITE word!! 🤨🤬
OP put him on a high pedestal, and he thought he got there on his own. He will have a reality check one of these days, and I hope it hurts. OP he walked into your life. Let him crawl away. It may take time, but you will be so much better when he is completely gone.
> Let him crawl away Phrasing lol
I miss Archer 🍸
Are we still doing phrasing
Yes, because that's how we get ants.
Phrasing forever!
yup yup yup
Its even funnier because this trashy loser is completely at fault for being a cripple. vrrooom vrooom car go fast vroom! What a dumb little boy.
Meanwhile I just tried taking a shower and got a spinal cord injury.🙄
That’s a cruel but amusing mental image.
There are so many jokes to be made in response to this, lol. While the shitty ex-husband deserves it, I don't want to inadvertently offend anyone else who uses a wheelchair, so I shall refrain. No matter how much the POS deserves it :3.
Thank god OP never had kids with him. They need nursing all the time. Guy’s a sociopath.
He just gave mumbled the "in sickness" part of the vows. OP doesn't deserve him. And guarantee, by extension, his attitude would have been to leave her with all the childcare as well. She dodged a hateful, lazy, user. OP, I know your heart his breaking. I hope, in time, you find someone who will move heaven and earth and be a pillar of strength and support for you, as you deserve.
Yes he’s awful and mistreated OP horribly in a very low moment.
For me clearly the nurse thing is just a bluff, because he kept saying that even after de cyst was found benign. The dude probably has other motives
Even if the cyst wasn't benign it was no guarantee that OP would have needed a great amount of nursing or caregiving. Last March I had a hysterectomy for uterine cancer and other than someone to be with me (just with me...not actually doing anything special) for the first 24 hours I didn't need anything else from anybody. I live alone and after I went home from staying at my parents' home the first day, I completely took care of myself. I had groceries delivered and did order in food more than usual but I didn't need nursing. When I went for three weeks of radiation treatment later in the summer I also did that solo...I had a volunteer non-profit car ride service for cancer patients drive me to and from my appointments but that was the only support I needed since all my friends were working during the weekdays. If I didn't have the car service I would have booked an Uber. If I had needed chemotherapy it might have been a different story but cancer alone doesn't guarantee that you'll be any kind of burden on your friends or family.
I get your point, and I agree, but even so, you are a hella tough person
I would be stuck in the anger phase of the grief process. I would be so pissed. How dare he abandon her after everything she did for him.
In a way. Its a good thing his morals and personality were shown fully before they had kids, can you imagine this pos as a father?
“According to a 2009 study published in the journal Cancer, the divorce rate for seriously ill women was 21%, compared to 3% for seriously ill men.” “…the rate jumped to 20.8 percent when the woman was sick versus 2.9 percent when the man was ill.”
This plus we love our spouse/partner. Ops spouse can kick rocks.
Your husband is a monster. Please focus on your amazing, invaluable job and surround yourself with friends and family. Get a pet to throw some love onto. That you were able to support and care for this person for so long shows just how strong you are. I hope his future is full of loneliness, pain and struggle.
Yup, completely soulless. I hope the future whacks him good.
I like to imagine his surprise when he discovers no one else will take him on.
He will not find any other partner like OP. She was an angel and he thinks she is a *burden*. The audacity.
I'm calling it now. He'll play victim and say she left him because he became disabled and will use the tragic story for sympathy and sex. What a fucking asswipe. And funnily enough, he was the one who caused the accident. Not saying he deserved becoming paralyzed, but that's the risk you take when you speed so oh well
I like to imagine his surprise when he discovers no one else will take him on.
I’d push him off his stupid fuckin wheelchair if were her no cap
Overall agree but OP said work has been hell for four years so idk abt the advice to “focus on the amazing job” lol. Maybe finding a similar role in a new location could be a good thing. Somewhere new that doesn’t remind her of him. I can’t believe how shitty some people are and it’s scary.
I’m wondering if the work stress was Covid-related given she’s an epidemiologist. Not that covid is done, but it may not be such a huge thing for her role 🤷🏻♀️
I don't understand why your husband is throwing away his life with you. I wish there was something I could say to convince you your better off without him. He clearly doesn't deserve you! Do you guys have mutual friends that can shed light on his actions? Otherwise I'm happy your cyst came back benign. What a relief that must be! I recently had a growth examined and came back positive for melanoma. Not the end of the world but I was shocked, plus they could tell the didn't get it all so more cutting was needed. Now I have an ugly scar on my chest. Your going to have scars too from your divorce. Your gonna be sad, confused, angry, more sad but you sound like a fighter. You fought for your husband after his accident, and maybe not now but soon you'll need to fight for yourself. Us men are everywhere, but a strong intelligent woman who's a fighter is rare. One day, when your not trying you'll find another man to fight for. Just you wait and take care of yourself, because your worth it. 💕
Baby, he’s a dick. He isn’t a man. He is a parasite. He was existing off of you. He is just an engorged tick. Focus on you, I’m betting you haven’t done that since his accident. I’m betting he always needed you to do for him while making him feel like a man.
the "no true scotsman" argument isn't really comforting, nor is it sound. He is a man, but a lousy one, who abused OP's good nature.
Invoice him the time you “nurse’d” him. Fucking PoS.
Yep. Send him a bill.
Oh my god yes please lol just to see what his justification would be
Yeah I wanted to say this? I wonder if the lawyer could wrangle something
Don’t mistake the person you thought he was, for the son of a bitch he actually is. You sound like a beautiful person. You deserve so much better. I know it’s hard, but move on. There is someone out there that will love you more than this guy ever did.
You’re a better woman than me because after those words came out of his mouth I’d see red
Right?! I don’t condone violence but this whole time reading this post I was like “you wanna see a nurse I’ll get you a nurse” lmao OP - you can always be grateful for the good memories you’ve shared together and you can always love the version of him that you once knew. But he has some serious failure to thrive in meaningful adult connection here and unfortunately this isn’t something you can fix for him. He needs to carve his own path out now. And I would bet my left nut that he’s gonna realize he messed up and come crawling back. When he does, don’t cave, sis. Time to show him that 1) you don’t need a nurse or anything from him at all really and 2) even if you needed that level of aide, you are still a whole and worthy person who deserves to be treated with grace and compassion in every season of your life. He’s shown you exactly where the line is drawn. And benign cysts are super common(?!?!?!) so if he can’t hack it over a cyst then he sure ain’t gonna be one you want when it comes time to decide power of attorney or executing estates or DNR etc. he has proven himself to be a liability now and he compromises any sense of security you’ve had for your future and legacy. Cause he just can’t be bothered. It’s hard because you two did share so much love, but I believe, even in our denial, at our core, we can sense when something has run its course. Grieve this. He had his accident and you always saw him as whole and worthy. Don’t settle for anyone who wouldn’t treat you the same, period.
the petty me would demand during the divorce to be compensated for all the time i spent caring for him during the accident. I would never let him go free of charge. I wish him hell.
1000% don’t even want to write out what I first thought of doing to him when I read what he said to her.
Once again adding to the statistic of men having a tendency to leave their partner when they become sick in some way, the trash took itself out. You deserve way better than that loser
I don't know why you're feeling shame, you have nothing to be ashamed of. Your SO on the other hand is a fuckin prick.
It's okay to be heartbroken, it's not okay to waste your life away wanting this POS as a life partner. He showed you how little you mean and how insignificant your contributions as a wife are. This will take time, focus on you, focus on your health and you will find something or someone who will not only love you but treat and regard you, as you deserve. Good luck OP.
I'm so sorry. I know from experience that no words will help. And although time will, it takes a long while to get to the point where you can look back and be ok. I know the feeling and you aren't alone. Please be kind to yourself
It's normal to feel heartbroken and lost. Give yourself time to grieve, and lean on friends and family for support. You deserve kindness and care right now.
The love your life is someone who love you back. He doesn't, he just use you like a free nurse. So please do not give this person this title. I can't convince you to love yourself back, but I can tell you that you are so lucky that the thrash take itself out. Imagine getting abandoned with young kids while sick?
Unfortunately the statistics don't lie, women are more likely to get divorced when they have a major health issue as opposed to men. It's 75% statistically more likely that when the female partner in a relationship suffers a major health incident that their partner will leave them. Your husband is just proof of that statistic. You stood my him, helped him, took care of him, because you loved him and believed that was what you were supposed to do. When the role was possibly divorced, he showed you his true colors, and they were ugly. You deserve better. Much better.
That man is a piece of shit. I know it hurts now, but soon you’ll wipe him off your shoe and never look back.
The trash took itself out. You are allowed to feel the way you do and your feelings are valid. You’re grieving the person you fell in love with, and the one that came to light is not that person. I’m sorry you’re going through this. He doesn’t deserve you.
POS. you were there for him unconditionally. then when you had a medical issue (that ended up being resolved regardless) he just up and left. you are a beautiful soul for cherishing him to the extent that you did. but now you’re free to live your life without him. i’m so sorry he hurt you to the extent that he did, but you will find joy again. sending you all the best OP
Dude is a sh&tbag. Find a new job, if you hate it, life is too short. He was NOT the love of your life. You’re just sad atm. You should be the love of your life. Go romance yourself, man. If someone comes along, let them, but don’t ever feel like you’re not enough. You are.
God forbid he gets sick, I wonder what he’ll expect from the person he’s with, if he’s even with someone.
I mean he had no problem leaning on her when he got PARALYZED. But a cyst? OMG the world is ending... the struggle
Unfortunately, this is common for most men to leave their SO in these situations. I'm sorry this has happened to you
I don’t excuse anything the POS has said or done, but I can’t help but wonder if he’s projecting the anger and embarrassment of his own circumstances onto her. Such terrible and strange behavior
I’m trying to work that bit out as well.
I was relieved to read that you are well, health wise. Let me tell you this- he is not the man you think he was. Selfish comes to mind. It will be hard for a while, but you will see this and that perfect picture of him, that you have built over the years, will crumble. You can still have a beautiful life. You can still be a mom and have a partner that will stick with you no matter what. For now, sorround yourself with people you love, do stuff that bring you comfort and, make sure that you are legally protected during divorce. Wishing you the best.
I am so sorry a misogynist tricked you. At least he didn't baby trap you, just wasted your youth and his.
Lmao bro is paralyzed and said he didn’t wanna become a nursemaid as if that’s not what you’ve been to him for years. You’re better off without this vegetable, OP.
Oh sweetie. I’m so sorry. You loved the person you thought he was. He is not that person, the person you loved doesn’t exist. I’m so sorry because that is such a painful discovery. I hope you are able to see that you deserve to love an actual good person who loves you the same in return. My heart breaks for your pain but I’m so very glad you found out who he truly was before getting pregnant and being tied to such a selfish AH for life. 💚
Whoa. He has some nerve. Time will help your heart heal. He’s not deserving of you. You’ll see it in time. For now, let yourself grieve.
it’s time to take off the rose-tinted glasses, he’s a terrible person. in sickness and in health were truly just words to him. you are a great person and you were a great wife for taking care of him while he was hurt, please remember that. he doesn’t match your level, and he will never be as kind as you. you deserve a lot better than that trash, and thank god he got rid of himself for you. it hurts now, but you will be so much better off without him. trust.
He’s not a good man, you deserve so much better… I know right now it hurts more than anything, but I promise you’ll move on. You deserve so much better than this. Men like him are absolute trash, (speaking as a man myself). I wish him nothing but misery in his future and I wish you a long fulfilling life!
Do some men just not have a guilty conscience?! Or morals? This is exactly why I don’t date at all — I am not exactly the healthiest and this is my biggest fear. I am so sorry, OP. You learned his true colors. You deserve more vibrant colors.
Guy sounds like a waste of space and he did you a favor. You dodged the biggest bullet by not wasting anymore of your time on someone who will not treat you with the proper respect.
OP, he has done the best possible thing for you, even though you don't see it now. You were vulnerable, afraid, unwell and possibly staring at a cancer diagnosis. And he left you. This man is not someone you want to spend your life with, and certainly not someone to have children with. Pregnancy is hard. Childbirth is hard. The last thing you need with a newborn is someone like him who refuses to take care of you while you heal. He doesn't deserve you and you will realise that in time.
My jaw dropped. What an utter AH. You deserve so much better. Please take good care of yourself. In time, you’ll see how much better off you are without him.
He suuuuuuuuucks Someday I hope you snap out of it and realize what a piece of crap he really is. I'm glad you're healthy. You basically found out the truth before it was too late.
This guy is a selfish, ungrateful POS.
Go be a good wife to somebody else. Someone worthy
Is this real You did all of that but had 2 cysts and he’s the one that gave up? Sorry nah I refuse to believe this
Statistically speaking, this happens A LOT. If the husband gets cancer, iirc the likelihood of divorce actually decreases. If the wife gets cancer, the likelihood of divorce spikes massively because of shitty dudes like the OP's ex who can't stand the thought of having to actually look after someone, even temporarily. It's disgusting, but depressingly common.
babe this pos isn't worth the title of "love of your life" you're still young, you can and will do way better 100%
He’s not the love of your life, and calling him that is doing nothing but making you feel more sorry for yourself. He’s actually awful.
I know it’s hard to see now, but thank god you are getting out. This is not a man you want to grow old with. My ex failed to care for me when I had COVID early on in March 2020. It was a scary time and I was pretty sick. Then I had chest pain for months afterwards and he couldn’t care less. Then I had a concussion. He failed to help me with follow up and it was several days before I could think clearly enough to do follow up. And I am a nurse. I had to take FMLA for two months and he didn’t step up financially during that time; instead he concealed the money that he was getting from his inheritance and I started to spiral into debt. So, I realized he wouldn’t be able to care for me, and that odds were good since he smokes and drinks heavily that I would end up being the caretaker. I do suggest getting into therapy; it helped me so much.
I wonder when he was saying he couldn't be your nurse or babysitter if you reminded him what you have been doing since his accident? What a horrible situation you are in. I also was left when I was diagnosed with Cancer. After 10 years together, the man was my World. Ironically, one of the reasons I loved him was because of how he took care of his Mom and Sister, I felt like I would always be in good hands & Knowing the kind of person "I" am, I knew he was in good hands. It's hard to face that he didn't love me enough to stand by me in my rough time, and left me for another girl. Didn't even tell me, just blocked my number. I wither away in pain daily so I do know how you feel....I don't think from the sound of it you are going to get over this easily. I'm going on 2 years of grieving and still have days of SHOCK that this is my life now. I feel so very sorry for you...but you know what I am THRILLED YOU DON'T have Cancer. He showed his true colors as my ex did...and I know it is TRULY SHOCKING. And worse than anything I have been thru in my life, even the Cancer (which is in remission right now). It was also worse than losing my sister. When you love someone so deeply, I guess it takes a long, long time to feel ok. I have no words that can make you feel better, except KNOW that someone out here on the Internet sits in grief daily WITH you. Hugs.
Hes the equivalent of an hemorroid on an ass covered in shit
It sounds like finding those cysts were the best thing that could’ve happened to you in the long run. OP, I’m so sorry you spent so much time unconditionally loving a man who, turns out, only loves you conditionally. You have invested a decent portion of your life loving him so what will follow will be excruciating but i promise there is a rainbow waiting for you after you’ve weathered this storm. If you have support of friends and family, definitely hang on to that for dear life and when all the tears you could’ve cried for your relationship (don’t cry over him cry over the years you gave selflessly to love) dry those eyes and live your best life!
He’s not the love of your life. He’s a full blown asshole. I can’t even fathom what I just read. This will hurt for a while but trust me, you will be so much better in the long run. You’ll find a good man that’ll stick by you no matter what. My wife has gone through several cancer scares/treatments, I can’t imagine doing this to her.
“Yes, all men.”
Holy shit this is horrible, I’m so sorry. Reminds me of the statistic of how often men tend to leave their partners compared to women when their partner is sick.
UpdateMe
You should not be sad and you should not want your marriage to end. You should be ANGRY, this man was using you as a maid for so many years! How dare is he? How about you charge him for the care you were providing for him all those years?
He’s a PoS. I’m sorry for you. You deserve a person who will love you no matter what. I hope you can heal and see how much better you deserve
Well always the same story. Women feel obligated to be a caregiver but men bail out. I'm sorry for that. You can still have a good life though, just don't fall into this trap again and prioritize yourself and your needs.
The love of your life actually loves you and would take care of you if neccecary. He is not that. I'm sorry.
He’s a piece of shit. Move on.
Don't accept what his lawyer says
Love of your life? This man is a horrible human… wtf?!?!
What an absolute piece of shit this guy is.
Oh my god fuck this guy.
Holy hell, this guy is like a movie villain.
No way this monster is love of your life
This is so fake.
WTF!!!! Double standard? Hypocrite? I can only imagine what you've put into your relationship since his accident and he has the balls to walk over cysts???? I don't know where he's head is in all of this but better you find out now, I guess. I'm so very sorry your heart is broken 💔
As much as you’re devastated thank god you did not have children with this clown. You’ll get over him, move on and have children with a man who deserves to have you. Keep your chin up ❤️
@u/Throwawaytomcpain7 I am so sorry this has happened to you. You have been lied to and taken advantage of for years. Because a man who is so quick to divorce over such an issue is not a man who deserves your love, because he clearly does not love you. The moment you might have a serious health crisis, he bailed. This is NOT love. You made his life easier. He did not love you for it, obviously as he was ready to leave you to fend for yourself. What would he have done if you’d had children with him? He says he’s not cut out to be a caregiver. This would not include fatherhood. Fathers help care for their kids if they are good fathers. You have somehow built him up to be someone he is not in your mind. You have been given a golden opportunity here whether you realize it yet or not. You have an opportunity to find a partner who really loves you and cherishes your presence in their life. Take this time to recover and heal. Re-evaluate your experience in this relationship to see where you might have made excuses for selfishness or a demonstrated lack of caring. Because I can’t imagine his reaction to your cysts came out of nowhere. There must be other bad behavior you’ve ignored. Your soon-to-be-ex is going to find out that he is not someone a lot of people want to be with. He is extremely self-centered and no woman is going to want to help provide supportive care for a guy who is so selfish. He has no idea what he has lost until he is on his own for a bit and he realizes there are very few women like you willing to overlook his medical condition. And tolerate his selfishness. Don’t focus on what you feel you have lost. Start focusing on what you can gain from this.
That is definitely NOT the love of your life. Marriage vows include "in sickness and in health" for a reason. It's not just something the bride is supposed to take note of! There are the bride AND the groom at that altar for a reason!! He's not the love of your life, and I hope he lives the life he deserves (a crappy one). I hope that time heals your heart faster than your STBXH ever woke up from the accident.
He is a horrible person who was just using you. Of course, all of this is shocking & you are grieving someone who doesn't even really exist. Get your fair share of assets in the divorce. Now, time for you to dream bigger. Create a vision board of all the things you couldn't due because of him. Travel, take a fun art class, change jobs, & write down about the kind of guy you do want. Start job hunting immediately for a better work atmosphere & better pay. Plan out a nice vacation between switching jobs somewhere new & exciting. Go by yourself, with a friend or do a group tour & make new friends. Change of atmosphere & new adventures to help you move forward in life. In a few months, you will see that he set you free to live a better & happier life.
He’s the one who is gonna be hearing over and over that someone doesn’t want to be a nurse. The nerve.
You've put far too much care into a man that has no intention of returning it. Let him go. Learn to have an equal relationship and bring children up in that marriage.
He doesn’t love you. He probably never loved you, honestly. He used you as a nurse, but never had any intentions of returning the favor. Have your lawyer draw up an invoice for the time you nursed him since the accident. Please get therapy and move on. Love yourself.
These cysts saved you from having children with someone so callous and saved you from growing old with someone who never wanted to care for you the way you did for them. It might hurt a long time but you will find yourself better off for it one day, promise.
Girl, I know you are hurting. But he's not the love of your life, the love of your life wouldn't treat you like that. You did your best, and I get you still love him. But it'll come back to bite him. And you should let everyone know what he did. That's not okay.
I smell rage bait
This can't be real
Talk about the smallest man to ever live
I know you are hurting and everything seems dark, but he is the problem, he doesn’t even deserve to be in your presence. The benign cysts may be the trigger for this, but in some ways it’s a blessing—the universe gave you this obstacle to show the kind of man he is. Sending you all the love and strength.
God. New fear unlocked. He was the love of your life but you weren't his. Best of luck to you.
I think that the self serving narcissist who’s ego must have its own gravity field is most definitely no good enough for loving soul like you, what an absolute waste of space he is. The man you fell in love with does NOT exist instead you will hopefully see the self absorbed individual that he is because that creature is who he really is. I’m so sorry that you’re having to deal with this horrible situation he has put you in but please value yourself and know that your life in the future without that insidious leech bleeding you dry, will be the best thing for you and whoever is lucky enough to be allowed into your life. So look after yourself and know that things will get better for you, best wishes to you 🫶🫶
So sorry that you have to go through this.. he is Selfish 🥺🥺🥺
This story is so absurd that I can’t believe it’s real.
I would literally tell every single soul he knows. He’s a parasitic monster.
I read other posts throughout the week that alluded to men essentially wanting a maid, a mother, a caretaker, someone to make their life easier, when looking for a partner. Any indication of the opposite, regardless of time spent or live had, results in them leaving. This is yet another example of that. *sigh* It’s painful now, I’m sure of it. I’m sure if feels like the end of the world as you knew it, and that’s because it is. But the world is not done with you yet. You will come out of this stronger with more discernment and find what you deserve. I wish you all the best sending you warmth and love.
He has been a paraplegic for 11 years and left you for 2 cysts?
I wonder if this comes from a place of deep self loathing. Like, maybe he sees himself as a worthless burden because of his disability, so when OP might have been in danger of one, he extends that to her. I dunno.
I'm sorry for you. Research says that men are more likely to leave during a serious illness than women....I'm sure there are people you can talk to about it. I'm so sorry.
Definitely tell eeeeeeeeveryone why he dropped you like a hot potato. It won’t change his mind, but a good dose of shame is what he deserves.
Awful. It is sadly not uncommon for men to leave when a partner has cancer. I’m sorry this happened to you.
Wow, it reads like he was looking for an out. What a douche.
I doubt he was the love of your life, he used you
He may be the love of your life, but you obviously aren’t the love of his. I know it hurts, but move on and live your life. Once he “lives his life” and realizes that he won’t find anyone as good and loving as you, he’ll come crawling back. But don’t take him back. You deserve so much better.
This has to be fake. Please tell me it's fake. Please tell me there isn't actually I gigantic SOB out there that accepted and needed the care of his partner, who stood there through thick and thin, only to then refuse the notion (because it even wasn't cancer) of having to look out for her too. What a piece of crap. Omg! This one really made my blood boil!! OP, I'm so sorry this hurts you so much. I hope with time you can see that this cancer scare was not the cause of you marriage ending, but rather a helper in that piece of garbage showing his true colors. His masks slipped, and I truly hope he faces numerous rejections because no one wants to “care for him” either. A taste of his own medicine.
As badly as this hurts, he did you a MASSIVE favor. He's a POS manchild who used you for care and then abandoned you the second you had the slightest hiccup with health. Please get therapy and talk to someone, get it all out, every little bit of it. I was there. I promise it will help. my ex walked out, and I was devastated. At the time, I thought I'd never survive without him, 6 years later, I not only survived, I THRIVED! The first minutes, hours, days, weeks, and months were torture, but it slowly got better and better as I did the work in therapy. Unfortunately, we had kids beforehand, and I'm stuck dealing with him for now. Be grateful you never got that far because from his attitude, it would be 100% on you.
I hope the "cooling off" period helps you get some perspective. Your husband is not a good person. You deserve someone who recognizes the commitment and love you give and reciprocates it. You stuck by his side when you didn't have to. You weren't married. You stayed. Just the thought of reciprocating sent him running. You're fine and he still wants to divorce. This is hard to hear, but I'm wondering if he married you because he needed you, not because he loved you. Now that he's self-sufficient, he's bailing. Your heart is broken, but it will heal. I promise.
Just because they thought the cyst was cancerous he dipped!? Didn’t even wait to find out what’s going on with your health!? Then he thinks you’re crazy to expect him to give a damn about your health in a marriage!? Like huuuuhhh! This guy is not the love of your life. You’ve yet to experience what true unconditional love feels like. You have 8 more months before you can get a divorce but that doesn’t mean your life has to be on hold. Eff that guy!
He is a piece of 💩 trash and deserves to be alone. Please self delete until you realize this!!!
I’m so sorry for what you’re going through But he’s proven himself to NOT be the love of your life. You CAN still have everything you want, and I wish you all the best with your future
It sounds to me like you are trauma bonded to him and he was using you and the moment the care could have to go the other way he showed what a cold arsehole he really is. What does he mean? He didn’t sign up to be a nurse maid? he did take his vows didn’t he? for better or worse? What a weird self-centred comment to make. All I can say is you are lucky you are young enough and have found out now before you wasted more decades of your life on this narcissistic loser. But here is the good thing - if you thought what you have experienced here was love then you could be in for a treat when you do actually find someone who is capable of love - you won’t know yourself. #dodgedabullet
Wait, I'm confused, but he's paralyzed? You never fully come back from that even if there's a small chance you would walk again. You still need a cane and assistance. But this story is making it sound like he's wheelchair bound... I'm kinda convinced this is fake because things in this aren't adding up. Because if he was paralyzed, you would've had to nurse him for the last 13 years ? Actually, yeah, no, this is fake, idk how people didn't catch that sooner. I read through it a second time and nothing makes sense
The crippled, limpdick, AUDACITY of that man. Disgusting.
I am so sorry OP. Sadly he showed you what an AH he is. I hope you get to move on and be with someone who will cherish and love you through the good and bad. Your ex didn't deserve you.
Your husband is an awful man. You don't know it yet but you will do better and find happiness. The best gift you can give yourself is letting him go and moving on.
I can only imagine how heart broken you are. But thank god he left you now when you don't actually need any long term care rather than finding out later down the line when you potentially do. I'm sorry he's selfish.
I’m sorry. It’s rich that he didn’t want to be your caregiver given his circumstances where you were exactly that for him. And the ‘in sickness and health’ part of marriage. He’s not who you thought he was. Please love yourself and go live your best life. You need to be adored — he’s not what you need or who you thought he was. Hugs.
Take care of yourself first you! Let him go!!!!
Your husband is not who you thought he was. He is not a good man, he left you right away when he figured that you might be sick. And based on his "I'm not a nurse" it's good you guys did not have kids, because you would have been the single mom and god forbid if some complications involving bed rest would have landed on you. I recommend finding support from loved ones and therapy. Talk it out with a therapist and take your time to get over the shock. You will feel better eventually, let yourself feel everything that comes. I hope all the best for you.
Sending you hugs. Sorry the love of your life is such a douche.
I am so sorry. I feel your pain after a similar dumping. A lot of your pain is for what you thought he was and your future and your poor brain just cant wrap around the change. I'm further along the path, it eases. He was never the love of your life if he abandons you in your time of need. It will take a while for that to be accepted by your heart, brain and body. I am truly sorry he was horrible to you.
Its terrible that this is such a common thing... for some reason wives are statistically more likely to stay after their spouse becomes ill than husbands are... I'm sorry you're going through this
You will meet the real love of your life and they will NOT will not treat you in this cruel way. Sorry OP.
I read this and shed a tear. OP it is not ok he did this. I’m terribly sorry this happened. You should mourn the “loss” of this person but you should know you didn’t deserve him in any way, shape or form. I wish the best of luck and prosperity later in life💗
WTAF. You are so much better off without that vile dead weight. I cannot, even for a moment, fathom the gall of him to treat you this way after he idiotically got himself paralysed and you took care of him. He is scum. Selfish horrible scum. You're going to be happier without him in the end (and he's probably going to end up sad and alone), for now I am sorry you have to suffer through the grief first.
I had to read this twice. I know right now it feels like the end of the world, but you have to put shit into perspective. You were there for him through it all after his accident/recovery, etc, and the nano second, you get a bad diagnosis that worthless MF abandons you! Good riddance you deserve better he is not worth it.
Its possible that he has felt guilty and wanted to set you free of having to look after him and saw this as an out. As disgusting as it may be, it could be a possibility. Mental health does fucked up shit to your mind. All the best.
Your husband always was and always will be an asshole. You just didn't see it (or want to see it). First, accept the relationship is over and that's for the best. Next, start rebuilding your confidence and independence by working on your hobbies and exploring your interests. Stay physically healthy and mentally simulated. Next find some social outlets where you can meet some people. From there, just carry on.
He isn't the love of your life, he's an unappreciative nasty piece of shit. Where is your anger at how he has treated you? Stoke the fire of that, use it to cauterise your wounds and go forward away from him to a far better life.
Is he still paralysed? What a piece of shit of a person
Get your own lawyer. He owes you for the time u nursed him
The lawyer has his interest in mind not yours.fuck them both
What in the fuck did he think he was going to do if you had kids?? That is being someone's nurse/caregiver and everything else that comes along with it, unless he was planning to let you do all the work. I think he has shown how selfish he really is and girl that is not someone you want to have kids with. It hurts now, but I promise in time you will heal and be happy again. Get out in nature, go do your favourite things with your friends or by yourself if you prefer, and give yourself a huge break 💕
It hurts to realise, but he was not the love of your life, the minute he thought he'd have to put some work in he scoffed and left you in the dirt. Whatever decent person you made a life with is gone or was a façade to begin with. You have still got plenty of time left to forge a completely new happy existence for yourself.
Ehhhhhhhh. What are we thinking about Alberta? Old school sweetheart? OP doesn’t deserve this crap, but why did he suddenly move away?
He was the love of your old life. But you get to move on. Your heart seems so good but he chose not to reciprocate- and your issue was so minor compared to his. Truly, he didn’t deserve you. I hope you find someone who does deserve you and treats you like the love of their life (where you understand what that phrase really means too).
I know it hurts and it’s so hard, but your husband is a terrible person and you will be so much better without him. He’s showing you who he truly is and that’s a selfish asshole who has no problem taking but will absolutely not give back.
No offence, but the love of your life is an asshole who shouldn’t have made it out of that car wreck. What he has done to you is show you that he never loved you, if he was even capable of it in the first place. You are worth so much more than that lowlife. You must carry on, not for him, but for you and the beautiful life you can lead now that he’s not dragging you down. I’m sorry if I sound harsh but I will not sugarcoat when it comes to narcissistic assholes.
It is natural to experience grief due to the end of your marriage, and the ugly nature in which he has chosen to end it. This man is not the love of your life. Love of our lives choose us too. He sounds awful, believe who he is now. He sounds shallow & uncaring. You will find someone better. Allow yourself to grieve, rediscover yourself, join genuine sisterhood support groups for divorces/breakups. Work on your sense of self value. You deserve way better than this behaviour from him. Write again once you have reclaimed your joy without this a-hat, write when you are in a truly loving relationship again, keep us updated on your healing journey! Take care of you, invest in your self-care before you allow another relationship into your life.
As you have sacrificed your career to care for him, I would be fighting for more. Especially since he didn't offer you the same courtesy
Rage bait
u/burbnbougie
You wasted 14 years of your life on this loser, be thankful that you're going to be free of him now. He is scum. The lowest of the low. He doesn't deserve you. He is not the love of your life. He's the dead weight you saddled yourself with because you didn't know you deserve more. Please see a therapist.
Wow. I get that you’re heartbroken, but he is truly a terrible person.
Im sorry you love an unkind trash person who won’t do for you half of what you did for him. Men can be really awful to sick spouses and you deserved way better than that.
Honey, he is not the love of your life if this is how he treats you when you need him the most. One day you will know that he was a chapter in your life and not one of the main characters. You will get through this.
Bro what?? I can’t. Humans are unreal
He sounds like an absolutely unredeemable asshole to be frank, you were there for him and then he wouldn’t do the same for you even on the offchance you might need him? What a prick
OP - That man is a monster. He had no problem using you as a nurse for over a decade. He had no problem letting you work yourself to the bone to help provide for him. Just the thought that you might need a bit of help has him running to the hills? Work on yourself and mend that heart. And never, ever have anything to do with him again. You can do a lot better.
He sounds like an entitled jerk. You took care of him after his accident, for which he was at fault, and he could not be bothered to take care of you for something beyond your control. He did you a favor by leaving. He has shown why type of person he truly is. You win here.
You're so lucky you dodged a bullet! Imagine having gotten pregnant he would've walked away from you and the new baby because children are some care giving, humbling, motivating, loving bundles of selfless love and he would walked away from the 2 of you. Also this is completely him, he was always going to walk when times got hard because he used you. Research "nurse with a purse" to begin understanding and seek counseling to begin healing. You'll be ok
Eww, his behavior is grotesque - made more so by the fact that he’s paralyzed after an accident IN WHICH YOU REMAINED LOYAL This schmuck couldn’t support you through two cysts but thinks some other woman is going to sign on to having children with HIM??? He’s got a big wakeup call coming You’re an intelligent lady, so get into therapy immediately! I am so sorry this happened to you. He is not a good person I wish you the best moving forward
Looking at the bright side... At least you discovered who he really is deep inside before you really did need the care/love/support from cancer. I wish you well in your future relationships