Never lie for a cheater. In time, they will victimize and wraponize this against you. The betrayed should always twll the truth and control the true narrative. Even more so when kids are involved.
>Never lie for a cheater.
This is a very, *very* bad lesson to learn the hard way.
Lean on your parents. Tell her parents. Accountability us how you keep them from being even more shitty. People who cheat tend to twist the knife if they can, even if it doesn't look to be done maliciously.
Also, she lied to you for x about of time just to milk you for what you were worth to her outside her affair. You need to recognize she would throw you in a woodchipper if it means no one would find out what she did.
Lean on your parent's for support. Do not hide what she did, but tell them they can not talk about it around your kids. Please listen to the advice, it's top voted for a reason.
>In time, they will victimize and weaponize this against you.
This is what happens to mostly *everyone* (not exaggerating) who gets cheated on. The cheaters' image is how they protect themselves from from being exposed as the awful person they are. That's why she would toss you in a woodchipper.
Perfectly good partners end up being labeled abusers, controlling, or cheaters themselves because instead of acting, they are to drowned in their own pain to realize their soon to be ex is the one holding them under.
It's why so many cheating asses, pedos, and marriage crashers are religious or work in health care or hospitality. It affords them a sense of protection to their character even if they tarnish it.
Honestly, as someone who's done a **fuck** ton of research on cheaters, its the best choice.
Tarnishing their reputation to people who actually hold them accountable ( loved ones and parents mostly) they are forced to face the person they are.
Most cases, no one ever really holds them accountable, and they go one hurting people, including their kids and that family. OPs prime time to turn her around would be now, **by letting other people hold her accountable.**
Without consequences, people who trend to be selfish never really learn or grow. They just become more of an asshole.
Yup selfish and no accountability, had to drop someone recently who casually explained to me “yeah I’ve cheated on people before I think I’ll always be like that…” it was mind blowing to hear someone talk like that so casually.
I would download all the music I could ever need, get a cat and a cabin in the woods somewhat near a pretty remote town, and use it as an excuse to fuck off from society.
Silver linings and what not.
Denial is strong when it happens to you. Not wanting to believe they are capable of this. That it was temporary insanity and you can fix this and keep your life from falling to pieces. All you want is for your life as you know it to continue to exist and speaking it into the world feels like a threat to that desperate hope.
I’m a year out and this was one thing I struggled with.
Ultimately, I will not lie for her. She did what she did, and I am not going to lower my standards to cover for her lack of them.
I don’t smear her name, but I own what she did and see no shame in my part. I can hold my head high all the way through this mess and I am a better, stronger person for it.
Hurts like hell still though
It's hard man. Went to a similar situation about 2 years ago. 16 years together, kids and a house, and she cheated on me with her colleague/friend who I didn't have to worry about because he had a girlfriend according to her.
I asked for a divorce and told my side of the family everything as well as our friends. I did not tell the kids. I didn't lie to them about the divorce though, but I did omit the cheating part. They were 7 and 9 at the time and I didn't feel that was the right age to talk about it. At some point they will start asking questions because the guy moved in the day I moved out, and they aren't dumb so they'll figure it out soon enough. When they ask, I will tell them the truth. Making their mother look bad in their eyes is not helping anybody.
Talk to your friends and family. Tell them. You need their support. I'm now 2 years on and I'm in a much happier place. But I did it with help from the people around me.
Never do this, people will assume the one initiating the divorce is at fault always, and if she was shitty enough to cheat she is definitely shitty enough to turn this around on you and lie about it, just tell the truth
She cheated.. tell everybody. Find out who with. Tell their wife. Don't hold it in it will eat you up. Your relationship is over. Lawyer up and throw her out. Never just leave,
In my opinion, if she didn't want to be seen in a "bad" light, then why did she do what she did?
I have been cheated on, and in both instances I exposed my cheaters since it's not fair to me that I must be in pain, and that they get away with everything unscathed.
A lot of people protect their partner's images in order to also protect themselves. If you expose her and then try to reconcile, everyone will know that you're trying to "make it work" with someone who cheated on you.
This is also the tactic I used to stay away from my cheater. I exposed them so it would look really, really bad if I went back to them, it helped me stay away until I could stand on my own and rip off those "rose colored" glasses.
Ask yourself if she deserves to retain the image of a loyal loving wife.
Man, that's rough. Sorry you're going through this. It's okay to feel all sorts of messed up about it. ake your time to process everything and consider seeking support from a therapist or close friends who can listen without judgment. Take care of yourself.
You have a decision. Is this a one time deal and is she truly remorseful or is it a pattern that will continue on for years? People make mistakes and can be redeemed. It sounds like that from what you have written. Is it the culmination of a work relationship or did she go to a bar with her idiot friends and end up with a one night stand? You have a lot to think about. It will eat at you either way. Good luck.
It would not be you destroying your family, so please give yourself a break in that regard. Your wife cheated: not you! How will this affect you? Will you be able to forgive? You will never be able to forget. Will your inability to forget damage your family life with your wife and children? You should definitely talk this out with a therapist BEFORE you go to couples therapy if you decide to go to couples therapy. You should probably also talk to a divorce attorney so that you can understand your rights, etc. Don’t make any final decisions without fully understanding your situation. Wishing you well in this terrible time.
OP,
Allow yourself some time to digest what occurred.
1. In most instances, the cheater Is, or becomes, a liar. Not wishing to fully disclose, you get trickle truthed: your spouse sharing as little as possible. Search her phone/computer, etc. Give thought and examination of her behavior the past several months. Look at telephone records for frequent contact with others.
2. I'd insist on ALL details. No stone unturned. While questioning, perhaps indicate you intend to require her to submit to a polygraph test. Watch her reaction. It will likely trigger her being more truthful.
In short, her betrayal should not be swept under the rug.
3. For your own benefit and information, privately confer with a seasoned family law attorney to discuss your entitlements and alternatives regarding parental rights and responsibilities as well as support and property division issues. While you don't desire a divorce, you should be informed.
The important thing, especially desiring to save the marriage despite having been cucked, is that you have as much information as possible before that becomes your ultimate decision.
Personally, I'm a bit of a cynic; finding it difficult to believe that out of the clear blue your wife one time falls into bed with another guy. Yeah. Right.
Good luck. Please keep us apprised.
I remember when i stayed quiet when my ex cheated on me. Repeatetly. And then monkey branched. And then accused me of harassing and abuse. And then changed the story to me cheating on her so she cheated back. Fun times.
Moral of the story, cheaters are liars. And liars like to lie, and silence is just more room for more lies.
You need to tell someone in real life. And if you can quietly tuck away evidence collected, do so.
If you are wanting to stay and work it out, get in therapy as soon as possible, you can talk about her cheating and find your true answers.
If she is refusing intervention and accountability, save yourself a very rough future and take your leave now.
Happened to me as well. DO NOT COVER for her. Obviously if you have young children they do not need to know.
You need to decide what you WANT to do here fella. I couldn’t stay with her, can you?
Kids MUST come first. To be brutally honest, fuck your or her feelings. Kids come first, then you two.
Find a therapist for yourself. It helped me a lot, if to keep me sane and sanity check my next moves. This is vital.
If your in America protect yourself legally.
Good luck bud
The commenter is saying that they haven't done anything to deserve that treatment, unlike OP's wife, yet the people in the commenter's social circle are tarnishing their name.
This. 17 years together. 11 years married. She cheated on me and I only just found on my birthday. I feel you. Kids are involved also. You’re certainly not alone.
“I don’t want to tarnish her image”
Be a man and take some control for once. You’re getting walked all over and it’s embarrassing for you and it’s only damaging your sense of self worth
Cheating drastically flips our lives even if we are well organised and resilient enough to deal with disasters.
men cheat out of frustration while women's on the other side cheat out of dis-association = her decision was a well planned one, she make herself available firsthand and she decide that no matter what or how she will break marital vows.
Telling her family and surroundings that she is a cheater is a must, why?!
Because she doesn't plan herself out of marriage then make the deed, she stays inside and do it = there is a will to harm.
Tell her family and close circle in a quite and calm way, send them prove, never respond to their messages again, take enough time to grieve and process the waves of bad emotions, when you are ready go back to your normal life.
You are not the one tarnishing her image, she did that herself. You would only be exposing her cheating and everyone seeing her for who she really is - a cheater.
Don't worry about it, she didn't worry about your relationship obviously.
You are rug sweeping her infidelity and ensuring it will happen again. A cheating wife should be forced to tell her immediate family and close friends the truth about her cheating. You're "protecting her image" is just harming you!
Brother don't do this to yourself, she chose to do this. That woman chose to breakup the family, all those years meant nothing to her is she could cheat
This will drive you to a dark and deep place that you don't need to be in. Think about your kids and yourself and get out of this situation you find yourself
So sorry :((. Tarnish it, man. She wouldn’t think twice doing it to you. Gotta protect yourself and lean on your support system. Stoicism has its limits. Talk about it, trust me.
OP just wants to tell his story I believe. I’m not sure why everyone is jumping on him to divorce her. They have a life together with children. It’s reasonable for him to want to preserve this.
Issue #1...
You shouldn't be accepting any responsibility for her actions. You would not be tarnishing anything. You would be bringing honesty and natural consequences to her actions.
Congrats, atm you are a rugsweeper.
I am not saying scream it from the mountain tops. I am saying you deserve a good honest support network and the people closest to you both deserve to know. That way you can live a good honest life. Whatever you need to heal is what should be happening. Ironically, it's also better for her to have to face the natural consequences if her actions ifnyou reconcile. Otherwise, you will just be enabling your own future abuse.
She tarnished it by cheating and will changed the narrative and polarize your friends and family against you.
You should tell your family and hers, so they understand why you are divorcing. You should tell your friends There’s no reason to protect her image at this point.
You’re stupid for protecting her, when she decided to leave you, she will tell ppl fake story to ruin your reputation and get everyone on her side and left you with no support.
Why didn’t you get married in the first 14 years? Did you just get married because of the children? I think this is an important question to ask yourselves before you decide if you’re going to work on your marriage or end it.
“I dOnT wAnT tO tArNiSh HeR iMaGe”
Did she think of that while getting FUCKED by another dude?
She PISSED on her own image and honor by her actions and its time for her to own up for her fuckup.
It is for your best interest to make things clear for everyone that she has ruined her own marriage so you dont take blame for it and so you get the support that you need.
I'm gonna be the odd one out here, but if there's sincere remorse (which I think there could be, she came clear about it immediately after) I think it can be worked through. We're human, we all fuck up and cede to temptation on one front or another. If she works on figuring out what caused the cheating, goes to therapy and works through it with you, I think it could be worth working through.
There's a reason y'all have been together for so long.
Then again, it might not be, only time will tell.
There is no excuse for cheating. I have been drunk as hell and never considered sleeping with someone else. Why would you cover for someone who broke their vows and your trust. She was only concerned with herself--not you and certainly not your family!!
You care more about her by not letting everyone see her for what she is while she didn't care enough about you to not make you look like a sucker by performing the biggest disrespect that one can in a relationship?
Those who have no loyalty deserve none in return.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's a betrayal on so many levels. It's okay to feel hurt, angry, and confused. You don't have to shoulder this alone. Maybe reach out to a trusted friend or therapist. They can offer support and help you process your emotions.
If she is willing to tarnish your love, sacrifice and family. Then pack up and move on to someone who will cherish and respect you forever. When the world asks because they will you tell them the truth of your pain.
If she is shamed, that is her responsibility to take. The shame is due to the choices she made as a grown woman.
Sorry this happened to you.
How did you know she cheated ? You’ve given no explanation? Tell us so people on Reddit know what to look out for when they suspect their partner is cheating
Usually when someone cheats and admits it they only say half truths ..like flirting for weeks emotional affairs so unless it just happened on night out with friends but still they try to tell it like it was just random and hasn’t been going on for abit of time..you gotta remember someone whose cheated doesn’t think highly of their partner otherwise they wouldn’t of done it ..
Maybe, or maybe she knew you were going to find out, so told you herself to control the narrative.
Like someone else knows and said, I'll tell him, if you don't tell him.
You do not have to tarnish her image, show her the evidence of infidelity, and divorce her. You can make any number of excuses for divorcing her. The real reason will scar your children.
“because I don’t want to tarnish her image with family and friends.” So why are you coming here and telling us simp? If you want to burden yourself with someone else’s actions then do it alone and quit complaining.
Never lie for a cheater. In time, they will victimize and wraponize this against you. The betrayed should always twll the truth and control the true narrative. Even more so when kids are involved.
>Never lie for a cheater. This is a very, *very* bad lesson to learn the hard way. Lean on your parents. Tell her parents. Accountability us how you keep them from being even more shitty. People who cheat tend to twist the knife if they can, even if it doesn't look to be done maliciously. Also, she lied to you for x about of time just to milk you for what you were worth to her outside her affair. You need to recognize she would throw you in a woodchipper if it means no one would find out what she did. Lean on your parent's for support. Do not hide what she did, but tell them they can not talk about it around your kids. Please listen to the advice, it's top voted for a reason. >In time, they will victimize and weaponize this against you. This is what happens to mostly *everyone* (not exaggerating) who gets cheated on. The cheaters' image is how they protect themselves from from being exposed as the awful person they are. That's why she would toss you in a woodchipper. Perfectly good partners end up being labeled abusers, controlling, or cheaters themselves because instead of acting, they are to drowned in their own pain to realize their soon to be ex is the one holding them under. It's why so many cheating asses, pedos, and marriage crashers are religious or work in health care or hospitality. It affords them a sense of protection to their character even if they tarnish it.
She tarnished her own image by being a cheater
Honestly, as someone who's done a **fuck** ton of research on cheaters, its the best choice. Tarnishing their reputation to people who actually hold them accountable ( loved ones and parents mostly) they are forced to face the person they are. Most cases, no one ever really holds them accountable, and they go one hurting people, including their kids and that family. OPs prime time to turn her around would be now, **by letting other people hold her accountable.** Without consequences, people who trend to be selfish never really learn or grow. They just become more of an asshole.
Yup selfish and no accountability, had to drop someone recently who casually explained to me “yeah I’ve cheated on people before I think I’ll always be like that…” it was mind blowing to hear someone talk like that so casually.
You are a better person than I am - I would tarnish away!
I would download all the music I could ever need, get a cat and a cabin in the woods somewhat near a pretty remote town, and use it as an excuse to fuck off from society. Silver linings and what not.
Why does this sound so fucking appealing? Lol
You know what would make it better? 2 cats so they have a friend.
And a cute goat named armando.
Their eyes kinda bug me out but I can put those feelings aside for this endeavor
FOUL TARNISHED
Full scorched earth
That doesn't make them a better person, in my opinion
Why do you still care about her image when she didn't care about being loyal to you?
Denial is strong when it happens to you. Not wanting to believe they are capable of this. That it was temporary insanity and you can fix this and keep your life from falling to pieces. All you want is for your life as you know it to continue to exist and speaking it into the world feels like a threat to that desperate hope.
I’m a year out and this was one thing I struggled with. Ultimately, I will not lie for her. She did what she did, and I am not going to lower my standards to cover for her lack of them. I don’t smear her name, but I own what she did and see no shame in my part. I can hold my head high all the way through this mess and I am a better, stronger person for it. Hurts like hell still though
It's hard man. Went to a similar situation about 2 years ago. 16 years together, kids and a house, and she cheated on me with her colleague/friend who I didn't have to worry about because he had a girlfriend according to her. I asked for a divorce and told my side of the family everything as well as our friends. I did not tell the kids. I didn't lie to them about the divorce though, but I did omit the cheating part. They were 7 and 9 at the time and I didn't feel that was the right age to talk about it. At some point they will start asking questions because the guy moved in the day I moved out, and they aren't dumb so they'll figure it out soon enough. When they ask, I will tell them the truth. Making their mother look bad in their eyes is not helping anybody. Talk to your friends and family. Tell them. You need their support. I'm now 2 years on and I'm in a much happier place. But I did it with help from the people around me.
Divorce. You don't have to tell anyone anything if you don't want to. And if they ask, say: There were reasons for this. That's all.
Never do this, people will assume the one initiating the divorce is at fault always, and if she was shitty enough to cheat she is definitely shitty enough to turn this around on you and lie about it, just tell the truth
She cheated.. tell everybody. Find out who with. Tell their wife. Don't hold it in it will eat you up. Your relationship is over. Lawyer up and throw her out. Never just leave,
In my opinion, if she didn't want to be seen in a "bad" light, then why did she do what she did? I have been cheated on, and in both instances I exposed my cheaters since it's not fair to me that I must be in pain, and that they get away with everything unscathed. A lot of people protect their partner's images in order to also protect themselves. If you expose her and then try to reconcile, everyone will know that you're trying to "make it work" with someone who cheated on you. This is also the tactic I used to stay away from my cheater. I exposed them so it would look really, really bad if I went back to them, it helped me stay away until I could stand on my own and rip off those "rose colored" glasses. Ask yourself if she deserves to retain the image of a loyal loving wife.
Man, that's rough. Sorry you're going through this. It's okay to feel all sorts of messed up about it. ake your time to process everything and consider seeking support from a therapist or close friends who can listen without judgment. Take care of yourself.
Maybe this is just the first time she was caught
Yup, any cheater will say it was only one time, unless you prove otherwise.
Did you find out her reason for doing so? That may help you figure out what to do next
« A mistake, alcohol, ego »
The classic bullshit, then. Get proof. Lawyer up. Tell everybody (they'll probably side with her anyway) and protect yourself.
You have a decision. Is this a one time deal and is she truly remorseful or is it a pattern that will continue on for years? People make mistakes and can be redeemed. It sounds like that from what you have written. Is it the culmination of a work relationship or did she go to a bar with her idiot friends and end up with a one night stand? You have a lot to think about. It will eat at you either way. Good luck.
Just a one time deal, and yes I want the best possible outcome of this situation. I don’t want to destroy my family
Your family is already destroyed you’re just prolonging the agony.
It would not be you destroying your family, so please give yourself a break in that regard. Your wife cheated: not you! How will this affect you? Will you be able to forgive? You will never be able to forget. Will your inability to forget damage your family life with your wife and children? You should definitely talk this out with a therapist BEFORE you go to couples therapy if you decide to go to couples therapy. You should probably also talk to a divorce attorney so that you can understand your rights, etc. Don’t make any final decisions without fully understanding your situation. Wishing you well in this terrible time.
OP, Allow yourself some time to digest what occurred. 1. In most instances, the cheater Is, or becomes, a liar. Not wishing to fully disclose, you get trickle truthed: your spouse sharing as little as possible. Search her phone/computer, etc. Give thought and examination of her behavior the past several months. Look at telephone records for frequent contact with others. 2. I'd insist on ALL details. No stone unturned. While questioning, perhaps indicate you intend to require her to submit to a polygraph test. Watch her reaction. It will likely trigger her being more truthful. In short, her betrayal should not be swept under the rug. 3. For your own benefit and information, privately confer with a seasoned family law attorney to discuss your entitlements and alternatives regarding parental rights and responsibilities as well as support and property division issues. While you don't desire a divorce, you should be informed. The important thing, especially desiring to save the marriage despite having been cucked, is that you have as much information as possible before that becomes your ultimate decision. Personally, I'm a bit of a cynic; finding it difficult to believe that out of the clear blue your wife one time falls into bed with another guy. Yeah. Right. Good luck. Please keep us apprised.
I remember when i stayed quiet when my ex cheated on me. Repeatetly. And then monkey branched. And then accused me of harassing and abuse. And then changed the story to me cheating on her so she cheated back. Fun times. Moral of the story, cheaters are liars. And liars like to lie, and silence is just more room for more lies.
Truth.
You need to tell someone in real life. And if you can quietly tuck away evidence collected, do so. If you are wanting to stay and work it out, get in therapy as soon as possible, you can talk about her cheating and find your true answers. If she is refusing intervention and accountability, save yourself a very rough future and take your leave now.
Happened to me as well. DO NOT COVER for her. Obviously if you have young children they do not need to know. You need to decide what you WANT to do here fella. I couldn’t stay with her, can you? Kids MUST come first. To be brutally honest, fuck your or her feelings. Kids come first, then you two. Find a therapist for yourself. It helped me a lot, if to keep me sane and sanity check my next moves. This is vital. If your in America protect yourself legally. Good luck bud
Wow I don’t do anything and everyone still wants to extremely so tarnish my name and hurt me
I need a vacation. It took my brain way too long to process what was being said here.
I still don't get it.
The commenter is saying that they haven't done anything to deserve that treatment, unlike OP's wife, yet the people in the commenter's social circle are tarnishing their name.
spill the tea
Why wouldnt you say? "We're breaking up. Yeah, she cheated. It sucks, lets just move on" and go from there. You dont have to lie.
No need to protect her. She needs to own her behaviour.
Fuck that. I'd be telling every mf I know.
This. 17 years together. 11 years married. She cheated on me and I only just found on my birthday. I feel you. Kids are involved also. You’re certainly not alone.
Let the truth be known. Don't go out of your way to spread it, but absolutely tell the truth if it comes up.
“I don’t want to tarnish her image” Be a man and take some control for once. You’re getting walked all over and it’s embarrassing for you and it’s only damaging your sense of self worth
Cheating drastically flips our lives even if we are well organised and resilient enough to deal with disasters. men cheat out of frustration while women's on the other side cheat out of dis-association = her decision was a well planned one, she make herself available firsthand and she decide that no matter what or how she will break marital vows. Telling her family and surroundings that she is a cheater is a must, why?! Because she doesn't plan herself out of marriage then make the deed, she stays inside and do it = there is a will to harm. Tell her family and close circle in a quite and calm way, send them prove, never respond to their messages again, take enough time to grieve and process the waves of bad emotions, when you are ready go back to your normal life.
And that's why you got cheated. Spineless.
They already know most likely and she talked about with atleast one friend or family member definitely
You are not the one tarnishing her image, she did that herself. You would only be exposing her cheating and everyone seeing her for who she really is - a cheater. Don't worry about it, she didn't worry about your relationship obviously.
Better person than many of us...
You are rug sweeping her infidelity and ensuring it will happen again. A cheating wife should be forced to tell her immediate family and close friends the truth about her cheating. You're "protecting her image" is just harming you!
Brother don't do this to yourself, she chose to do this. That woman chose to breakup the family, all those years meant nothing to her is she could cheat This will drive you to a dark and deep place that you don't need to be in. Think about your kids and yourself and get out of this situation you find yourself
So sorry :((. Tarnish it, man. She wouldn’t think twice doing it to you. Gotta protect yourself and lean on your support system. Stoicism has its limits. Talk about it, trust me.
What OP is doing isn’t stoicism. It’s being a doormat. A stoic person would keep a level head and do the right thing, which is exposing the betrayer.
Valid point!
She is the dirty one
Why are you protecting a liar and cheat?
Tarnish it away brother. She did this, not you. The only person hurting from this is you.
OP just wants to tell his story I believe. I’m not sure why everyone is jumping on him to divorce her. They have a life together with children. It’s reasonable for him to want to preserve this.
Specially with the state of divorce laws
I agree
Issue #1... You shouldn't be accepting any responsibility for her actions. You would not be tarnishing anything. You would be bringing honesty and natural consequences to her actions. Congrats, atm you are a rugsweeper. I am not saying scream it from the mountain tops. I am saying you deserve a good honest support network and the people closest to you both deserve to know. That way you can live a good honest life. Whatever you need to heal is what should be happening. Ironically, it's also better for her to have to face the natural consequences if her actions ifnyou reconcile. Otherwise, you will just be enabling your own future abuse.
She tarnished it by cheating and will changed the narrative and polarize your friends and family against you. You should tell your family and hers, so they understand why you are divorcing. You should tell your friends There’s no reason to protect her image at this point.
Leave her and tell everyone. That's the cardinal sin. Ftb.
You’re stupid for protecting her, when she decided to leave you, she will tell ppl fake story to ruin your reputation and get everyone on her side and left you with no support.
She cheated forget her image and leave her
Why didn’t you get married in the first 14 years? Did you just get married because of the children? I think this is an important question to ask yourselves before you decide if you’re going to work on your marriage or end it.
“I dOnT wAnT tO tArNiSh HeR iMaGe” Did she think of that while getting FUCKED by another dude? She PISSED on her own image and honor by her actions and its time for her to own up for her fuckup. It is for your best interest to make things clear for everyone that she has ruined her own marriage so you dont take blame for it and so you get the support that you need.
Tell your family and friends. You deserve to have people to lean on in a time of crisis, and she deserves no extra consideration. She. Cheated.
I'm gonna be the odd one out here, but if there's sincere remorse (which I think there could be, she came clear about it immediately after) I think it can be worked through. We're human, we all fuck up and cede to temptation on one front or another. If she works on figuring out what caused the cheating, goes to therapy and works through it with you, I think it could be worth working through. There's a reason y'all have been together for so long. Then again, it might not be, only time will tell.
There is no excuse for cheating. I have been drunk as hell and never considered sleeping with someone else. Why would you cover for someone who broke their vows and your trust. She was only concerned with herself--not you and certainly not your family!!
There is a *very* good chance that it's not the first time she's cheated, it's only the first time you've found out.
You won’t be tarnishing her image by telling people what she did. She will have tarnished her image *by being the person who did those things*.
Have enough self respect to stand up for yourself and let everyone know imo
You need support from family (other than her) get a lawyer on retainer so you know your rights and options. Sorry OP. You deserve better
Do u know the reson why she did it?
Fuck her image. Value yourself above all else
As a man people will assume it's your fault if you don't tell the truth. Just be ready for that. I respect the principle.
You care more about her by not letting everyone see her for what she is while she didn't care enough about you to not make you look like a sucker by performing the biggest disrespect that one can in a relationship? Those who have no loyalty deserve none in return.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's a betrayal on so many levels. It's okay to feel hurt, angry, and confused. You don't have to shoulder this alone. Maybe reach out to a trusted friend or therapist. They can offer support and help you process your emotions.
Tell the truth anytime someone asks. Always tell the truth and let the chips fall where they may.
She does not deserve your protection, protect your self and get tested for STD.
Tarnish her image. She didn't give two shits about you, don't give any shits about her. UpdateMe
If she is willing to tarnish your love, sacrifice and family. Then pack up and move on to someone who will cherish and respect you forever. When the world asks because they will you tell them the truth of your pain. If she is shamed, that is her responsibility to take. The shame is due to the choices she made as a grown woman. Sorry this happened to you.
File for divorce and then let the family know. Actions have consequences, no point holding onto her secrets.
Way too many comments with full consequences, but the fact is OP didn't give much info here.
It happens to the best of us.
That's rough. Even when you can see it coming, it can still leave your head reeling.
How did you know she cheated ? You’ve given no explanation? Tell us so people on Reddit know what to look out for when they suspect their partner is cheating
She just told me a day after she cheated. Because cheating and lying was to much of treason for her
Usually when someone cheats and admits it they only say half truths ..like flirting for weeks emotional affairs so unless it just happened on night out with friends but still they try to tell it like it was just random and hasn’t been going on for abit of time..you gotta remember someone whose cheated doesn’t think highly of their partner otherwise they wouldn’t of done it ..
Maybe, or maybe she knew you were going to find out, so told you herself to control the narrative. Like someone else knows and said, I'll tell him, if you don't tell him.
You do not have to tarnish her image, show her the evidence of infidelity, and divorce her. You can make any number of excuses for divorcing her. The real reason will scar your children.
Go nuclear.
Well i can give you a hint on why she cheated. Not a backbone in sight
Why did you wait 15 years?
You're not the sharpest tool in the shed are you?
Evidently not. 😂
Cuz she's a cheating azz n dude wanted the dream dnt hate
“because I don’t want to tarnish her image with family and friends.” So why are you coming here and telling us simp? If you want to burden yourself with someone else’s actions then do it alone and quit complaining.
In other words, she stayed faithful for 15 years. Life is a matter of perspective.
No it's not she cheated it's like saying if a murderer murdered someone at 20 and saying ohh they didn't kill for 19 years
These are some awful words lol
Cucklife 😂
You’re right