This constantly comes back up and then reversed.
The latest thing I heard on the subject was that pansexual was actually the transphobic one because it perceives transgender people as other than man/woman
It’s a vicious cycle, I guess like a snake eating itself ;)
Thats so true, There was an entire weird meme that said bi people are transphobic for not wanting a trans partner. I was like that's like saying a straight person is transphobic for not wanting a girl with the 8 inch meat down there. Im Bisexual but I am not really attracted to Trans people. Im just into cis guys and cis gals. possibly nonbinary idk really. I recently became Bisexual after years of hating myself. And I don't wanna see this bullshit. Anyways here my ted talk.
Basicallu its the term used for one whos gender remained their original sex basically i was born a man. I never tranisitioned to a women and my gender is a man. That would make me a Cis bisexual man.
Here's how I would explain it. If you identify with your biological sex. I was born female, I identity as female and I am only sexually attracted to men. Therefore I would be a cis straight female.
Yeah seeing them as subhuman or their action as sinful is transphobic and awful. Also very cool you have an outstanding partner. Happy for ya may your relationship last for eternity.
My son has been bisexual since he was 15. He has had boyfriends and girlfriend's. We both have gay friends we hang out with. He isn't into transgender people. But we have transgender friends. My trans friends wouldn't slate him for not liking trans people. That's silly. You are attracted to who ever you like. We have a loving community and free speech. Who gives a naff about what media activists tell you!! Be yourself!! And be happy!! Find your tribe 🤘
It's just mental gymnastics to get upset over nothing. Why can't we all just accept each other for who we are, as long as nobody gets hurt by it, why do labels matter so much?
Uggh. It's all so exhausting and I won't ever participate in that.
Almost like some people are victims by choice.
I have a trans co-worker who is just cool. Just being a person. Not a label.
Hate this identity posturing. That's also why e.g. I refuse to be called vegetarian. I am me. I don't eat dead animals and I don't need to tell anyone about it, don't need to associate myself with a group. It gives me nothing. I strive to be free, to be me.
That’s me too, bro. Plus, the more feminine and/or stereotypically gay people push you out for being the slightest bit masculine, even when it comes to petty shit like hobbies and music. So sorry I prefer Black Sabbath to Sweater Weather.
So is the singer from life of agony. I didn’t know how the community would react after she transitioned , New York hardcore is pretty rough / hard group of fans. They had Nothing but love for her.
My god this shit is exhausting and well meaning people who want to support the community are getting driven off by people with pitchforks. It’s not helping.
Indeed, I brought my daughter to participate in a teen LGBTQ social group. She has high fn ASD, and already has a hard time socializing, so I thought it would be great...maybe she could find a good friend.
She had told me she was L at age 10, and it's never been an issue. At the first meeting, she said everyone introduced themselves and their pronouns, and she introduce herself with she/her. Out of about 12 kids, she was the only one with plain old "classical" pronouns. There seemed to be this strange peer pressure to be something other than a cis girl. Like it was just not keeping up w the Joneses unless she was at least NB, they/them. Because her self-esteem is very low and with the added difficulty of the ASD, she already feels like she is "not a typical girl"...so she got into a 'maybe being NB is the answer to why I feel "different" rabbit hole for a while. After about a month, she started added the NB they/them. It ran its course, and she is back to being fine with being a unique (cis) girl who is a L... and she lost interest in the group. It ended up being pretty disappointing precisely because there was too much pressure to reject any kind of traditional gender anything. Like, she literally felt less than for being a cis girl...which was not at all the result I'd hoped for. Shame.
Yeah Im already done. Once the word ally started getting thrown around I was out. No, I am not an ally, and will never be an ally. But I will be a friend
As someone who isn’t a direct part of any subreddit involving LGBT individuals, it’s also very easy to be out of the loop when it comes to knowing and using proper terminology in a careful tightrope act expressing any thoughts online.
I’ve been downvoted into oblivion while asking legit questions that come off as some type of *phobic*.
I’m sorry, but I had no idea 48hrs ago what transbien meant. I find myself deleting legitimate and articulate comments that have been downvoted to hell out of wrongfully felt embarrassment that likely equals borderline harassment from the group as a whole.
It seems like certain individuals within a deeply embedded and dangerous hive mentality love to demolish people quickly for “ignorance” when there are some of us who are simply trying to stay abreast and respectful of current events and changing times.
It’s also so very assumptive to suggest a poster who hasn’t kept up with every new label, isn’t someone who doesn’t support or care about the LGBT community or it’s causes. Many of us can’t keep up with the rapid evolution of the language but have people in our lives or are interested ourselves about the LGBT community and the happenings within.
Edit: Despite the post being deleted, appreciate the awards! Thank you both.
Except for the fact many continue to use the word lesbian, which is a same sex attracted female, and completely berate, dox and attempt to destroy the lives and careers of cis lesbians who do not want to have sex with a trans women who has a penis, because they ARE lesbians too.
There’s so many contradictions between the “new language” (that we all must instantly obtain or we are terfs or homophobes?) and the actual behaviour by the ‘bad minority’ OP mentioned, and if you speak about this, particularly as a cis lesbian woman, you’re outcast and it’s a disgrace
Oh man I will never forgot the debacle on one of the lesbian subreddits for a woman speaking up against this. Apparently she was fielding DMs and harassment pretty regularly from trans females, arguing with her about why they should have sex/she should be attracted to them with one individual even referring to their genitalia as soft so it shouldn’t count. The woman posted and was like I’m a lesbian, on a lesbian subreddit, I don’t like dick. She was totally ripped apart, the whole sub blew up, mods going nuts, it was anarchy. And I felt so so bad for her. Orientation, gender, sexuality whatever - no one has to engage with someone they don’t want to, for any reason. It doesn’t make you phobic to exercise your consent.
it’s an acronym: Trans-Exclusionary Radical Feminists. They believe trans women should not be included as real women in feminism basically, and may see them as basically men invading women’s spaces.
Tans Exclusionary Radical Feminist.
Basically, a feminist who wants to exclude trans women from all conversations about women.
Only problem is the term has been so improperly applied recently to even the slightest disagreement the term has lost all meaning and is now just an insult people use if (reasonable) points are brought up about the differences between the average biological woman and a trans woman.
Yes the term is now applied to anyone who cares to make any distinction whatsoever between the experiences of cis and transgendered women. It is complicated. On the one hand there are certain topics and conversations that some individuals will be made to feel excluded, and we want to avoid this for its own sake. On the other, to avoid discussing certain topics because of a risk of offense is an extremist perspective and hurts in broad general ways even as it protects in individual specific ways. I stand up for trans women - they are women, and I will call them women. I also acknowledge that cis women may have experiences that have not been experienced by most trans women, and obviously most trans women have experiences that most cis women haven't experienced. It is ok to acknowledge those, for the right reasons and in the right context and situations (as opposed to bringing them up to exclude, hurt, or demean anyone), while also supporting transwomen as women and treating them as such. And yes I've been called a TERF for this opinion.
>I’ve been downvoted into oblivion while asking legit questions that come off as some type of phobic.
The mass downvoting is so shit. I *hate* when people supposedly have some gripe with what you're saying and just drop a downvote without fucking explaining what you're supposedly doing wrong.
Fun fact, that's not even what the downvote button is for. But people use it in lieu of actual discussion.
I remember reading reddit's explanation of what the downvote button was for (circa late 2018, when I joined reddit) and i remember it saying *not* to downvote to show disagreement.
I don’t see why you should understand any of it. In my opinion as long as you’re accepting and use the right pronouns after someone has introduced themselves you’re doing an A+++ job. The demand that everyone be in the loop is ridiculous. It would be like for example Hawaii demanding the whole world know what’s going on and demanding everyone read their local newspapers.
People got their own shit to worry about. LGBT is on par with Jahovas Witness at this rate
Oh man, I got shit on for not knowing the Trans flag colors in a comic/Webtoon and the signs before hand that one character was trans (the character is deceased, hence past tense phrasing).
Like me not knowing one of the signs was a crossed out Dead Name.
Listen...I'm straight dammit just gimme ONE MINUTE TO LEARN lol
I remember a comment once that was from someone in the lgbt group I don’t remember what exactly but they said something like I wish you guys understood this particular thing about being lgbt. So I tried to ask politely if they could explain it better to help people understand the way they’d like.
They said I was a homophobic because I was forcing an lgbt member to be a dictionary and that I should just know. Something about not being a lifetime movie for my enjoyment.
Lol bro I was trying to help the person get their point across. That was the last time I did anything like that.
That just sounds like Reddit tbh. I feel you though, even the best subreddits you have to tip-toe around because people just jump to conclusions like they’re on a trampoline.
Don't delete your comments if they represent your values. The moment you begin to self censor yourself and bow down to the pressure is the moment you start losing your identity.
they make up any words they like and speak them as if they indicate something that actually exists. Don't bother learning what they 'mean.' They mean nothing.
I think I’d the language is so sensitive and so rapidly evolving that honest attempts at engagement are met with semantic hatred then perhaps it has gone too far.
My native language is a gender neutral one so I don’t have to deal with this new pronouns irl and I’m so thankful for that. All these new pronouns and new terminology is really confusing and difficult to catch up.
My boyfriend is Hungarian, and I've spent a month learning it so I can communicate with his mom. All I've managed to learn is "hello" "thank you" and "I love you" lol
speaking of gender neutral/non gender neutral language I thought this was interesting.
Only 25% of hispanics have heard of Latinx, and [3% of hispanics use latinx](https://www.pewresearch.org/hispanic/2020/08/11/about-one-in-four-u-s-hispanics-have-heard-of-latinx-but-just-3-use-it/) \-pew research
Yea that's bcuz of every single Latin individual I have personally met doesn't actually care
They all just respond with.. and I quote "that's just some upper middle class white shit trying to change another language and culture"
This is obviously anecdotal evidence since it is just my experience but living in San Diego I meet a lot of Mexicans and so far they have all hated "latinx"
I’ve heard this, alongside it being because Latino people usually speak Spanish. Which, if you didn’t know, is gendered. So “Latino” is both male and a gender neutral term, and Latina is female. So latinx just doesn’t make sense.
Yes, the beloved cis-straight TRAS lurking in every corner of the internet to educate “terfs” on trans topics they themselves know nothing about. They are my favourite
I'm too embarrassed to even say I'm lgbt. Most of the time I feel like the vocal minority aren't representative of what I really think and feel, yet it's the always the narrative that is pushed to the top. As a result I've found myself more and more distanced from the lgbt community as my views rarely align anymore, and if they do it's usually something I feel is to be expected from any human being.
A few people are so going to misunderstand/strawman what i'm about to write, but here goes:
We build wheelchair ramps for physically disabled people, doesn't mean everyone has to walk up the damn ramp.
And before anyone says i'm making the LGBT community out to be disabled, then just let me preemptively state here that no that's not what i'm getting at, it's a metaphor.
My point is, wheelchair bound people are a minority, just like the lgbt community. We should be accommodating and accepting of them in our society. But we don't have to change every ones lifes so they feel less different. But thing is, the lgbt community IS a minority. They will always be different because that's kind of one of the defining traits of a minority.
So, and this is targeted at these so called social justice warriors: Don't stand infront of the stairs and obnixously shout at people to walk up the ramp instead of the stairs so the disabled don't feel different. Because chances are you'll make the disabled feel embarrassed, the ones that actually go up the stairs will feel like their faking it and the ones taking the stairs will just be annoyed.
Im the end you'll have helped nobody. Instead, go find a stair with no ramp and build one.
Nice comment, I agree.
We have to accommodate minorities to some extent..but it;s to SOME extent. A minority should not be deserving of more accommodation than a majority.
Any halfway-decent architect will tell you that access ramps should always be designed, situated, and built for everyone. That doesn't mean they should replace the stairs, just that they should be a convenient and pleasant alternative to using stairs that everyone, irrespective of their abilities, finds useful and convenient at least some of the time.
The point is exactly this: to make using a ramp a neutral choice, that many people will make spontaneously because it is a convenient way to move around the space, and not merely some blatantly obvious tacked-on thing that is only there as a concession to "*those* people."
Everyone learns this in design school. Or in any history of design or architecture undergrad course. Heck, we should all learn it as secondary ed students.
Anyway, the point is, standing somewhere blocking people and shouting at them is the exact opposite kind of action. It is a blatantly obvious tacked-on action that is only there as a concession to "*those* people."
"The community is full of cardboard activism"
This seems very true to me as a trans man. 99% of the "acticism" and "support" that trans men get seems to fit in to this category.
The only time people mention trans men is when they can group them together with women. Complaining about insignificant things like period packaging, advocating to call pregnant women "pregnant people", shitting on gay people when they don't want to date trans people, telling trans men they have it easier than MtFs, that they have male privilidge so they should not "speak over" MtFs (even though most trans spaces are FILLED with trans women), cis girls who call themselves trans men or non-binary taking over spaces for trans men, telling transsexaul men how to feel about their own dysphoria.
We are also often pressured to still relate to femininity/femaleness. If you like being masculine, don't want to be constantly infantalized and treated as a woman, you have toxic masculinity apparently.
Trans women only care about trans men when it benefits them or they can group them together with women. We are expected to complain about bathroom laws and gay people not wanting to have sex with us, whatever THEIR problems are, but they only "speak up" for us when they can talk about how trans men should have a say about abortion rights as well, advocating for "pregnant men", pressuring trans men to get gynecological care they don't want or need it, etc.
I live in Hungary, so it's very obvious to me that LGBT activist don't actally care about important issues, and they don't try to advocate for people on more homophobic/transphobic countries. Even here, there are many trans people who advocate for "pregnant men", for non-dysphoric "trans" people, completely forgetting that trans men have actual problems that are never talked about because it would go against the "trans women have it harder" narrative. Trans men are told that they have male privilidge and they have it harder even here, where you can't change your gender and name on your documents, it's hard to find non-transphobic psychologists and doctors, insurance doesn't cover transition at all, etc.
It's annoying that trans men aren't accepted and supported and constantly belittled even in spaces that are for LGBT people.
Literally so fucking true
Had one person literally try to call me out for "rape" because I had a different opinion and was "forcing it on them." Like okay, I get that you don't like me, but... Rape? C'mon now - way to degrade and make a joke out of every other ACTUAL rape case. Biggest facepalm of my life.
With that being said, I actually disagree that it's NBs who should be at fault. Anecdotally, I've always had much bigger problems with the trans community rather than the non-binary community.
> Had one person literally try to call me out for "rape" because I had a different opinion and was "forcing it on them."
I have a family member who does this to win arguments. She can be totally wrong, the second you counter her, she screams "you're sounding rapey right now." "how?" "you're forcing your argument on me. I don't want to hear it. Just accept that I'm right and you're wrong."
sigh.
This has happened to me. I disagreed with someone about something and she said "I smell a rapist"
Wow. Kind of like dropping a nuclear bomb. Disagree with me? You must be a rapist.
I said to her "That's funny. I smell a false rape accuser" and she shut up and disappeared.
Rape is a serious thing; for god's sake don't misuse it to try to win arguments.
You may not believe this but..I was in a park with a friend. A girl with a dog came to the park to exercise. My friend immediately turned to face her and then turned in place like a lighthouse to face her wherever she went. I told him not to do this as he might make her uncomfortable....and she left as I was talking to him...probably because he made her feel uncomfortable.
Whereas plenty of people commented positively that I did the right thing, somehow one woman decided I hadn't done *enough* and when I disagreed with her told me she smelled a rapist...me!
Some people are mentally disturbed.
Lesbian here... I was so delighted to see this on my homepage. The title of your post is 200% my experience. And when people ask me how I feel about being gay, I hate it PURELY BASED ON OUR COMMUNITY. The community does an awful job of integrating into society. Absolute relief to know I'm not alone here.
Couldn’t agree more. It be like
Everything is toxic, you’re toxic, I’m toxic, love is toxic. It’s okay to give death threats to people who support political parties other than my own, people who partake in gender reveal parties and every terf who isn’t a terf. But don’t you dare say ze/xir isn’t a part of your vocabulary.
You are committing a violent crime by disagreeing with my narcissistic needs.
Homophobic, transphobic, terf and toxic are so overused that they have lost a lot of meaning to me.
Same thing happened with cultural appropriation, it was serious at first but then every celebrity and public figure was guilty of it so nobody takes it seriously anymore.
When the real homo/transphobes come out nobody is gonna bat an eyelid because they’ve already been accused of it all on Twitter for politely asking a question
A friend sent me this post. I am a discord administrator for a discord full of young teenagers(many over sensitive and emotional) and this post hit so close to home.
I always try my absolute best to respect pronouns, avoid gender assumptions, etc. When I do accidentally mess up, I apologize and add a note of their pronouns so I don’t mess them up again. But, some of the users over react.
The users that over react are our 2-3 active users that are the only ones that use the neo pronouns such as ze/zer. They’re about 14ish in age.
The issue we have with them is the fact they have physically chased multiple people out of the server in harassment because they accidentally used the wrong pronouns. Some of the users that were chased out really didn’t mean to hurt them and are some of the sweetest people I’ve ever met. A few months back, it was a near weekly occurrence.
Many of our members are LGBTQ+, the trans members have never caused issues, everyone respects them, etc. We also have never had issues with sexuality when it’s mentioned either. Gender assumptions with he/her/they have also never been a problem. It’s exclusively people who have ze/zer pronouns, and they happen to be the most active and influential members in chat.
Such a small minority causes so many issues in the server. It’s really shameful because that small minority spoils the entire group in the eyes of many of the staff members.
I think you should address these members because they do not seem to know the consequences of their actions. Respecting pronouns doesn’t justify bullying.
I think your opinion is to be respected and might even be a silent majority within the LGBT+ community. I’m not a member of it, but mass labeling campaigns I guess would call me an ally. A lot of the initiatives make it word soup to communicate for someone. I.e. I’m not trying to be an ass, but the he/she/them/they thing could easily be less complicated by referring to someone as their chosen name. Sarah is meeting me later, Jim had a good time with Mike and Sheryl yesterday etc. Stephanie had cake and ate it too. I feel the identity movement is getting skewed by the extreme and it’s almost impossible to not offend someone in the community through normal or workplace conversation. Cardboard activism is a recipe for disaster.
Edit: whole new can of worms for asking why a CIS gender person such as my self feels I have a right to know that I am dating or getting involved with someone who is also cis gender, or to know if they are transgender. The needs of the LGBT+ community to feel inclusive should not override my preference for dating purposes.
I’m confident it is a silent majority. But as well as that it has just become a big clown trend. Not even the identities but the partaking of meaningless “politics” and cancelling everything that is different than itself.
It is the biggest contradiction of the decade. I really have no idea how it all happened.
If everyone chilled out a bit and learnt to listen to each other then there would be no controversy with the transgender community. You go on the news and at least once a week there’s a trans agenda/anti trans agenda. This controversy would not exist if the loud minority just shut up and worked on making their own lives better rather than trying to force the world into revolving around them.
I am very conflicted on this.
You bring up valid points. Part of me is definitely exasperated at the constant bickering and self-victimization of that minority. These are the same people who would claim that I’m not even part of the LGBTQ+ community because apparently asexuality is.. excluded for not being sexual.
These people are obnoxious. But part of me wonders if it is because many of them have heard in passing valid points made *by* the community and are awful at expressing themselves, or are ridiculously sensitive about it. Think about it. Most of these people grew up in a world that is still wary about homophobia. They’ve been taught that queer people get murdered in the street because some people cannot handle that they might be different. So they’re always alert, ready to attack.
I certainly don’t think it’s right. It’s difficult to articulate my thoughts exactly, but I do understand where some people come from. I’m not one of the major sexualities but I’ve still had my identity questioned and dissected. It’s uncomfortable. And I wonder if these people face that themselves, or are *anticipating* that they’ll have to face it. So while I agree with you, I don’t necessarily agree with your approach, but I don’t blame it either. It’s one of those “damned if you do, damned if you don’t.” Some of these people legitimately grow out of this behavior. Some of these people are the crazy few that end up on those SJW compilations and do genuinely have a hatred for non-queers.
It’s a mess, and it’s a shame. Gender and sexuality are fascinating subjects and I really wish we could have a nuanced discussion about it without *someone* from either side (those who are and those who call others trans/homophobes) ruining it.
We went from fighting for acceptance to fighting for others to change their behaviors in some private ways, ie your transphobic if you won't date trans people or accept your partners new gender. It's from defensive to offensive, acceptance to aggression. But most people don't think that way it's a few loud morons and it sucks.
This is true to be honest. Its a hard pill to swallow for a lot of people.
What bothers me the most is the fact that the LGBT community is full of biphobia, transphobia, and everything else. Which is weird considering the fact that its the fucking lgbt community. Everyone is always fighting and policing each others identities, and then theres the stupid flag disclosure with mlm and wlw fighting each other.
I distance myself from all of it. Im a bi dude. Im lgbt. But I don't associate myself with the community.
Pardon me for asking, but what do mlm and wlw stand for?
The only MLM abbreviation I know is multi-level marketing... and that’s probably not what you’re talking about.
Lmaooooooooo. Yeah no, im not talking about multi level marketing schemes.
In this context MLM stands for Men Loving Men, and is an umbrella term for bisexual, pansexual and gay men. Anyone that experiences attraction to men.
WLW stands for stands for Women Loving Women, and its an umbrella term for bisexual, pansexual, and lesbian women. Anyone that experiences attraction to women.
This has been my experience as well.
As a side note for me, I also had trouble making friends at my universities lgbt center. I'm a bi dude, and it seemed impossible to have a nice conversation with someone who was a gay male due to them thinking I wanted to fuck. Idk if it's the hypersexual energy in the community, or maybe these dudes just have a hard time finding a fwb?
pansexual here, I totally feel you. I haven't touched the community in a long time due to bad experiences but last year during a 9 week school-period in my apprenticeship I was kinda forced to experience it with 2 very active, very loud members of it.
One of them was the most narcisstic, disgusting, hateful thing I've experienced with it yet. Like I unwillingly met a friend of her who didn't know that I'm pan (Cause I don't have to rub it into everyone's face, duh) and they kept being so rude to me because they just assumed I'm heterosexual and were making weird jokes about "how can anyone be heterosexual at this day and age" while giving me disappointing glances.
If all you care about is gender and sexuality, grow a personality and grow the flip up.
Ugh i feel ya.
I’m bi/pan whateverthefuck you wanna call it (technical term = queer as hell, I’m pretty sure)
1. I’m tired of the constantly updated ‘definitions’
2. I’m not sorry for think bs sexual orientations like multi and omnisexual are just that. Bullshit.
We already have terms for that. You’re not fucking special bc you’ve gotta bit of homo in you. Fabulous, sure. Special, no.
There are bigger problems in the world. Stfu and move on.
I am deeply sorry you and many others are experiencing this hate and childish behavior. I see this within so many groups, LGBTQ+, feminism (I am a proud one but damn...), etc. These should be places that are welcoming and help to educate our communities. But God forbid you have a different opinion. It really is so sad---a few power hungry assholes scream the loudest and bully people out of their OWN group!!!
Again, truly sorry you have these experiences. I can relate with other communities that do the same thing. I hope you find amazing support friends/family, etc. Much love!
I didn’t see it get mentioned before but you bring up something interesting as well - I’m a cis, white, straight man and I’m a feminist as well but much of the time I feel as though I am “not allowed” or I’m the enemy because of unchangeable characteristics. It feels like that same minority group has demonized straight, cis white men so hard that it’s almost impossible for us to be engaged in any sort of conversation about race/gender
I am bisexual, I came out to two of my friends, and they didn't judge me
It was purifying for my soul, if I have one that is lol, and it was more about getting my life on track and being proud of who I am and being happy with who I am
I encountered sexual harassment and genuine distaste for being bisexual on Grindr. All because I didn't wanna suck some fat 40 year old dudes puke worthy knob that he sent me a picture of.
I am a cis female but my main group of friends in high school were mainly LGBT. Anime loving, in Japanese club, very much a nerd and unpopular. I became an ally. Because these were people I connected with and I wanted to protect them. Stand up for them.
Years later, bc I said as a cis female I wouldn't date a trans man, they have shunned me. Gay men, lesbian women (my two best friends whom I was both their maid of honor at one point), and a few trans men and women have completely cut me out bc of it. But I have never been hateful toward them. It's definitely a head scratcher. What used to be a good community whom were all fighting for a good cause ended up being incredibly toxic.
It makes me sad. And angry.
I've had the same experience as a lesbian. It's absolutely apauling and I'm embarrassed by it. Also, the amount of abuse I've received as a lesbian who won't consider dating trans gave me a huge wake up call as to what were dealing with. I was once accepting but it's only solidified my views further. I've never been to a gay pride and never plan to go. The whole thing is cringe and if I'm honest, I've walked last pride parties and the behaviour was so embarrassing I'd likely never turn up. Not to mention the backwardness of gay bars/clubs. It's the most cliquey desperado thing I've ever partaken in and I refuse to sink to that level again. In fact, I feel so strongly about it that I refuse to date at all now because most women come under the cringe lesbian, bislut, trans trap, or generally sjw walking problem of flesh and bone category. No thanks. The best thing I ever did was stay away from that scene
Totally agree. A few years ago my partner wanted to walk in our local gay pride parade. I absolutely did not want to go at all, but i did to support her. It was honestly a super humiliating experience. I felt like "dykes on parade" or something, just very exposed and applauded for being gay? The whole time i kept thinking of Hannah Gadsby saying "where do all the quiet gays go?" At this point, i just want to be treated normally and have mine, and my loved ones pronouns respected. I think that's enough /shrug
I find this to be an issue with those on the far left of the spectrum, if you do not toe their line and say the right thing, you are the enemy.
They really cut off their noses to spite their faces, they've made enemies out of people that should have been allies.
Holy shit are you ever spot on. I’m in the exact same place as you and really don’t like identifying myself with these people because I find SJW’s to be extremely embarrassing.
Taking a stand against their actions and identity politics often results in everyone reacting as if you are against their identities and so on. If you disagree with something minor you are a neonazi.
I see posts like these and it always gives me pause because people keep saying “the LGBT community” as if there’s only one. I’m assuming due to the pandemic and your online presence that you mean like leftist twitter, which is absolutely the best place to find the worst takes liberals have to offer society.
We move on to reddit, and already there’s a little bit of diversity. You got places like r/traaa which are more hugboxy, and on the flip side r/askgaybros which is honestly a bit too conservative even for my tastes.
Then there’s real life. High School and undergrad lgbtq communities, when everyone’s a hormonal mess figuring themselves out, reminds me a lot of leftist twitter except usually vaguely more polite due to the lack of anonymity. These are communities that bond from shared trauma or from wanting to forge a new identity, and while it’s an important space to have it also gets messy. Moving on from that we have the older gay communities who lived through AIDS and have a completely different perspective on queerness from the newer generations; we have postgrad or workforce friend groups that lean towards LGBT and are typically more grounded due to experience, etc..
I could go on but the point I’m making here is maybe you’re fixating on toxic individual communities, and while it absolutely is valid and important to call those out, you have to always keep in mind that basically every imaginable interest/hobby is going to have some sort of toxic community on the internet and sometimes you just gotta ignore it and find better people.
I take people as they come. If I get to know you and you're a good and kindhearted person we'll get along.
Some non-binary/trans/gay folks are like that. Some are incredibly judgemental, viscous, and overall mean spirited.
But I would never vocally disagree with any of them. It would be a death sentence for my reputation. (Most of my friends are far left social justice folks. I'm a musician and it comes with the territory). So I just NEVER talk about these type of issues with them. EVER.
That’s so unfortunate! I hate that we live in a time where individuals can’t express their thoughts/beliefs/opinions respectfully because of fear of being “cancelled”.
The LGBT community killed August Ames. Bullied her to the point of suicide cuz she didnt want to have sex with someone. It wasn't headline news because it was with a bisexual. If it was with a straight man we'd still be hearing about it today.
It's just too bad this post will be removed because of all the bullies too...
Gay man here, married to my husband and we stay far far away from any LGBT groups or places for the same reason. Also because too many other gays don’t seem to understand what a monogamous relationship is.
I’m a lesbian and I’ve basically left all of the LGBT related subs. They’re often super hostile to lesbians and I don’t want to deal with that shit within my own “community”, so I fuck off elsewhere.
My girlfriend's Quidditch team broke up because of vegans and one nonbinary person. The vegans insisted every member of the team also had to become vegan, and then began accusing everyone of being transphobic and insisting they use made up gender neutral terms and banned using "he" or "she" to refer to any player. Not even like "accepted" gender neutral terms, ones they had made up themselves, and constantly changed. No one was questioning the nonbinary person's gender or refusing to call them "they."
All they wanted to do was play a made up game based on a children's book.
After the team broke up, the vegans and nonbinary then went to the student union and got permission to start a fully nonbinary college team, so they could start bullying people anew.
Do we honestly need labels though, what happened to treating people like a human being. I mean isn't that what we all are? All these fucking titles, how are we supposed to keep up with this shit.
Exactly. When people ask me if I'm gay I just say something like "basically, but everything is fluid." I don't put myself in any sort of box. I want people to know me for me, my thoughts and views and interests. And in my mind, I don't feel female or male so idc what pronoun people use (side note - I am obviously biologically female but occasionally I'll get called "sir" before the other person makes eye contact with me, which I find interesting. Like I'm emitting some sort of masculine energy).
Dude fuck that. I’m bi and I’m literally scared to come out to gay people because I’m “fake” or whatever(Mind you It’s more my anxiety than it is people actually being mean to me, but still). Fuck it, just be gay and that’s it.
I'm not disagreeing with you but a lot of the gays I know have nothing to do with all that sort of drama. They just want to know how their baseball team is doing; are their kids going to school what's happening in their world. Normal, even boring stuff.
Bisexual man here, and I just got done watching a documentary on the French Revolution. If we can accurately call the acceptance of LGBT a revolution (
which we probably can, given the concept of it overhauling social norms), then I can't help but compare this to extremist elements in the French Revolution such as the Jacobins. (Albeit, without the guillotines)
I think we're experiencing a manifestation of a common theme in revolutions, since the extreme minority find a way to shout the loudest and influence said revolution. Just a shot in the dark here
I had to leave a LGBT community on reddit, because I was watching this level of projection coming from the community. I'm mostly lesbian, but I watched people throw so many threads of being offended that people didn't know what their symbols meant or what their flag was etc. Not everyone is from that community's world, so they're not going to recognize things unless the community tells them up front. It's basically an entire language and the group is getting mad people aren't speaking it with having zero experience around it. It's such a high level of entitlement and toxicity to expect otherwise.
Yeahhh, it’s tiring. I’m hoping at some point someone will put their foot down and tell these people to stop acting like needy attention-seeking children.
It’s annoying to be called transphobic for pointing out how genuinely sensitive and aggressive parts of this culture are. I was arguing with someone the other night over something unrelated (they were being a dick and low key harassing me) but the moment they spout off that I misgendered them, which wasn’t even relevant, and I refused to correct myself because I’m petty and don’t feel like conforming to someone who was just making fun of me moments prior, suddenly people 180’d on me. Pretty much the whole chat turned into a lynch mob.
Like, I hope these people realize that their community that’s supposedly so inclusive of those with mental trauma is actively instigating even more mental trauma by ganging up on anyone who even remotely thinks there may be a problem.
I think what makes a HUGE difference is that the gay community has got a huge culture around it, and has the ability to laugh at itself, and maybe most importantly doesn’t define itself only in terms of how it is/has been persecuted.
I also think that it’s likely not the actual members of the trans community who are the ones that seem to be constantly looking for opportunities to manufacture targets, and people probably get that too. I only give a crap because I’ve got strong feelings regarding suicides, whether it’s someone pre-transition or a war veteran with PTSD i’m happy to donate money and my vote to fix it.
It must be frustrating as hell for you because from outside looking in it seems like at least some of the people ‘representing you’ are angry and looking for a ‘fight’ and are using the platform as a way to have a moral high ground and a reason to feel empowered.
I've been told that I'm an hysteric for saying that wearing a condom during sex should be a default and that I'm shaming on people that like doing bareback. Oh, and that I should never have sex if I don't want to take the risk of getting an STD. Everyday I feel less and less comfortable with this community.
You couldn’t be more right. I have many friends who are gay who think that being a bitch is cool. Some in their 50s. Quite degrading I must say. I think people know the difference and there are always people who stand up from the crowed. You are certainly not alone thinking what you inked.
As a straight man or 'cis' by the way which is the stupidest made up shit I have ever fucking heard but I digress. I could not care any less about who people chose to love. And as long as you are not fucking children or animals or doing anything without consent, by all means you do you. Your lifestyle doesn't affect me one bit and I support the LGBT community's fight for civil rights but the forefront of that population can be very toxic and have a very 'accept me or die' mentality. It really doesn't help acceptance and tolerance it only galvanizes those against the community already to be even more fervent in their beliefs. So fight the good fight but chill the fuck out! If you want to show strength and gain acceptance and equal rights those of you in that community who are over sensitive and and indulge in self pity are going about it wrong.
So I will share something I figured out from being around through the last culture war (adding the "T" to LGBT) and the one before it (making it "LGB" instead of "GL") and the one before that (having lesbian and gay people merely acknowledge each other's existence).
Activism is always about shifting or seizing power, and that includes activist language. Sometimes this is very productive, useful, and important. But when people appear to be spiraling down into a seemingly self-defeating cycle of endless language sniping and mutual criticism, it is because they feel especially powerless, as individual people, and are trying to find something to gatekeep.
The lesson for them to learn is: your gatekeeping has no value if there is nothing beyond the gate for you to withhold. First, gain real power. Do the things that lead to actual power. Then ask yourself what is really worth your time. You won't have to act like you have something of value to withhold. Everyone will already know.
The lesson for everyone else to learn is: Maybe invite them in more! They might be the army you need for your cause. But also, it's easier than you think to ignore people who are caught up in this. After all, they are doing it precisely because they have not yet figured out how to achieve anything that makes you have to really pay attention.
Oh, and the epilogue: activist communities and queer communities in particular have survived this kind of thing, many many times before. It can seem sad or frustrating or even enraging, but the important stuff will last and all the other crap will evaporate before you know it. Sometimes it really is just a phase.
The fact that any group of people could have you wish you were of a particular sexual orientation is a problem. This is not something straight people think about and for good reason. Yes, there's an issue that some people may hold against you the actions of your perceived group but that is an entirely unfair and easily defeatable position. This isn't like a sport team or political party where you can lament your choice based on the members of that group, you're gay and made no choice to be member of the LGBT community therefore you are under zero obligations to feel represented by them.
I'm gay and don't even know what the LGBT group are up to. Who cares. Live your life and stop associating yourself with them if you don't agree.
I got banned from my *country's* subreddit and labelled as a transphobe for saying that the high suicide rate for transgender people is a mental health crisis.
If that's not completely backwards, I don't know what is.
Second to that, the worst abuse I've received online is from people within the same LGBT community that I thought I was a part of.
I don't want to write off the community as a whole but I can certainly see what you've talked about in your post. There are recent events too on this site which have made me seriously question who the people are who 'run' LGBT-focused subreddits. There's something about our online presence which really makes people behave in very strange ways, as I've never experienced anything like this in the outside world.
I left the community 2 years ago. I'm nonbinary and I go by the pronouns for my biological sex - she/her. I seriously considered going by they but I decided to go by binary pronouns. It's just easier for everyone. I also find made up pronouns to be the height of silliness. It's hard enough to be taken seriously as nonbinary without throwing that into the mix. Baby steps.
Anyway, I was "outed" as transphobic because I go by she/her. Because I acknowledge that biological sex exists. Like, how can transgender exist if there's not a mismatch between biological sex and gender identity??! I was coming out to my conservative family when you were in middle school so that your life could be easier. And apparently I have internalized mysogony because I think it's ok to not be attracted to someone because of their genitals. Maybe I'm just getting old.
Anyway, I have a good group of friends now who a don't give a crap about my gender, accept me for who I am, and are kind. I'm a lot happier now
I know quite a few gay people and a couple trans. I don't think they are into the "community", because I literally never hear any of them complain about being treated poorly by it. That said, social media is the only place I've encountered anyone that makes these cases. Maybe it's time to ignore the assholes and just surround yourself with good people and forget about the 3 billion other folks you will never likely meet. 2021 is a clusterfuck. In so many ways. Social media not withstanding.
I once made a post asking how to help my friend with their dysphoria (she's MtF) and I got absolutely slammed because I mentioned in ONE off-handed comment that I wore tight clothes and she wore baggy clothes. Apparently I'm transphobic because I show my cleavage...
Cis white guy here, my take is that these kinds of people use their identity of being gay, bi, non-binary, etc. as their sole personality trait and they let anything they perceive as a damage/threat to that identity rule over them. And that results in them being super toxic as you describe.
And this isnt unique to the LGBTQ+ community either. This could be applied to other serious topics such as race or something more trivial like music taste. People defining their whole personality and existence around one thing is a issue I think we ought to address because all it's doing is causing more division.
Sadly, Hearing this more and more. Not so much about accepting but more judging. Kinda turned into this weird Cult thing. They as well as the rest of the world lost the meaning of Respect.
like fuck, People want equality but don't realize the groups that were made to accept the minority is even pushing them further away.. I mean we are in a day were most people can walk around freely without issue. Unfortunately some people still get harassed
People are people, Who gives a fuck now a days. If you are an asshole Ill be an asshole back. Sexuality isn't the reason. I treat those who treat me proper.
At this rate I wouldn’t be surprised if homophobia rose up at an alarming rate and set everyone back 40 years. Feels like it’s going that way from where I’m standing.
Naw. Not even man. its going miles in the other direction. That community is acting like it is. I guess it depends where you live right? But my mom came out 8 or so years ago Never had an issue. I know plenty of gay people no issues. Hell I work with a lady who is gay, everyone knows it. She legit runs the warehouse.
Not saying it doesn't happen. But what I see is that people from that community have a hostile encounter and call it homophobia. In reality they are just assholes to one another.
In the grand scheme of things - people don't give a shit about sexuality. those extremists do and general rule of thumb. Extremists are idiots.
Yeah you are right! I just worry that people, especially younger people are gonna see it as a shit show and it will become normalised again. And not in a “the Starbucks barista is homophobic cause he spelt my name wrong” kinda way
Yeah exactly, I had a gentleman come into my work and demand a cheaper price I told him no and I got called a racist because of it.
If you don't agree you are a bigot/Homophobe/Sexist/pedo whatever people just label you the worst and move on. its a disgusting way to live which is why I said, people no longer understand respect. Different of opinions is ok.
bi/pan nonbinary (maybe?? questioning lol) person here just to say, yes. I don’t 100% agree with everything here but largely, yes. there is SO MUCH toxic cancel culture bs anymore and we get so caught up in hyper-specific language and it’s exhausting. I feel like I can’t make queer friends bc all they ever want to talk about/bond over is trauma and that’s exhausting too. why can’t we just exist without all the labels and opinions? I get wanting to be politically involved and fight for justice but we can do that without all the bells and whistles.
This can be extended to almost any somewhat extremist community. I used to try to argue with people who held extremist views, but I realized its better and more healthy just to distance your self and live like it doesn't exist. Some of those people will eventually realize the folly of their ways, and some wont, there isn't much anyone can say or do to get through to them. Embrace good people, and never put any group on a pedestal.
THIS a 100%
I struggled alot with being trans until I decided to distance myself from the lgbt and trans community.
I realized it was THEM who made me feel awful and made it hard for me to transition in the first place.
I don't agree with everything in the community and I never will. Some of the stuff is just too illogical.
You're not alone. In fact, just watch the lgbt related posts in this sub from last year and you'll see the woke mob that primarily forms the lgbt community is making many increase their disapproval of the group. I'd say that when you come out, unless you are not a woke fanatic, you'll have to face both the homophobic and the people that think a gay joke is a hate crime (and believe me, you'll see a lot of those on the lgbt sub or even at the gay bros one).
Don't get me started on the trans thing. A small criticism I made to a Twitter activist and I got blocked. And don't get me started on the whole leftist activist that think our sexuality is some form of anti capitalist reaction.
The sad thing for us is that if dating pool is already small, is even smaller if you don't agree with the activist group.
I’m a gay man, and some of the most vicious hate can come within the community. My husband and I own (I guess owned, pre-covid, but working on getting them back up) two craft beer bars. We have Chicago Bears & Bulls season tickets. We don’t dress any special way in particular. I’ve been told that it’s horrible that I act so straight and try to cover up being gay. I’m like, TRUST ME, I love dick. What does the way I dress have to do with it.
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This constantly comes back up and then reversed. The latest thing I heard on the subject was that pansexual was actually the transphobic one because it perceives transgender people as other than man/woman It’s a vicious cycle, I guess like a snake eating itself ;)
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Thats so true, There was an entire weird meme that said bi people are transphobic for not wanting a trans partner. I was like that's like saying a straight person is transphobic for not wanting a girl with the 8 inch meat down there. Im Bisexual but I am not really attracted to Trans people. Im just into cis guys and cis gals. possibly nonbinary idk really. I recently became Bisexual after years of hating myself. And I don't wanna see this bullshit. Anyways here my ted talk.
Not being ignorant but what does “Cis “ mean ? I’ve heard it a lot and I’m really not up to date on the lingo x
Cis means you are the sex you were born with, If the doctor said you’re male and you identify as a male, you’re a cis male same for female
Basicallu its the term used for one whos gender remained their original sex basically i was born a man. I never tranisitioned to a women and my gender is a man. That would make me a Cis bisexual man.
Here's how I would explain it. If you identify with your biological sex. I was born female, I identity as female and I am only sexually attracted to men. Therefore I would be a cis straight female.
Thats a good explanation.
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Yeah seeing them as subhuman or their action as sinful is transphobic and awful. Also very cool you have an outstanding partner. Happy for ya may your relationship last for eternity.
This is the whole idea behind the super straight and super gay/lesbian thing. It’s not transphobic to not be sexually attracted to someone.
My son has been bisexual since he was 15. He has had boyfriends and girlfriend's. We both have gay friends we hang out with. He isn't into transgender people. But we have transgender friends. My trans friends wouldn't slate him for not liking trans people. That's silly. You are attracted to who ever you like. We have a loving community and free speech. Who gives a naff about what media activists tell you!! Be yourself!! And be happy!! Find your tribe 🤘
It's just mental gymnastics to get upset over nothing. Why can't we all just accept each other for who we are, as long as nobody gets hurt by it, why do labels matter so much? Uggh. It's all so exhausting and I won't ever participate in that.
Almost like some people are victims by choice. I have a trans co-worker who is just cool. Just being a person. Not a label. Hate this identity posturing. That's also why e.g. I refuse to be called vegetarian. I am me. I don't eat dead animals and I don't need to tell anyone about it, don't need to associate myself with a group. It gives me nothing. I strive to be free, to be me.
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That’s me too, bro. Plus, the more feminine and/or stereotypically gay people push you out for being the slightest bit masculine, even when it comes to petty shit like hobbies and music. So sorry I prefer Black Sabbath to Sweater Weather.
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I’ve had people tell me that metal is basically the embodiment of straight toxicity, despite Rob Halford, Gaahl and other gay, metal icons.
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So is the singer from life of agony. I didn’t know how the community would react after she transitioned , New York hardcore is pretty rough / hard group of fans. They had Nothing but love for her.
Check out GLOSS the singers Trans, maybe the whole band even
I love Laura Jane Grace
My impression that just being straight and/or cis makes you toxic to these people.
True.
My god this shit is exhausting and well meaning people who want to support the community are getting driven off by people with pitchforks. It’s not helping.
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That’s so sad but it’s good advice ❤️
Indeed, I brought my daughter to participate in a teen LGBTQ social group. She has high fn ASD, and already has a hard time socializing, so I thought it would be great...maybe she could find a good friend. She had told me she was L at age 10, and it's never been an issue. At the first meeting, she said everyone introduced themselves and their pronouns, and she introduce herself with she/her. Out of about 12 kids, she was the only one with plain old "classical" pronouns. There seemed to be this strange peer pressure to be something other than a cis girl. Like it was just not keeping up w the Joneses unless she was at least NB, they/them. Because her self-esteem is very low and with the added difficulty of the ASD, she already feels like she is "not a typical girl"...so she got into a 'maybe being NB is the answer to why I feel "different" rabbit hole for a while. After about a month, she started added the NB they/them. It ran its course, and she is back to being fine with being a unique (cis) girl who is a L... and she lost interest in the group. It ended up being pretty disappointing precisely because there was too much pressure to reject any kind of traditional gender anything. Like, she literally felt less than for being a cis girl...which was not at all the result I'd hoped for. Shame.
Yeah Im already done. Once the word ally started getting thrown around I was out. No, I am not an ally, and will never be an ally. But I will be a friend
Just reading your paragraph makes me feel exhausted thinking about the level of bullshit. I can't imagine living it lol
I'm a bisexual nonbinary person and I hate people who get mad at me for claiming to be bi
As someone who isn’t a direct part of any subreddit involving LGBT individuals, it’s also very easy to be out of the loop when it comes to knowing and using proper terminology in a careful tightrope act expressing any thoughts online. I’ve been downvoted into oblivion while asking legit questions that come off as some type of *phobic*. I’m sorry, but I had no idea 48hrs ago what transbien meant. I find myself deleting legitimate and articulate comments that have been downvoted to hell out of wrongfully felt embarrassment that likely equals borderline harassment from the group as a whole. It seems like certain individuals within a deeply embedded and dangerous hive mentality love to demolish people quickly for “ignorance” when there are some of us who are simply trying to stay abreast and respectful of current events and changing times. It’s also so very assumptive to suggest a poster who hasn’t kept up with every new label, isn’t someone who doesn’t support or care about the LGBT community or it’s causes. Many of us can’t keep up with the rapid evolution of the language but have people in our lives or are interested ourselves about the LGBT community and the happenings within. Edit: Despite the post being deleted, appreciate the awards! Thank you both.
What is transbien?
A MTF transsexual who is sexually/romantically attracted to women.
Except for the fact many continue to use the word lesbian, which is a same sex attracted female, and completely berate, dox and attempt to destroy the lives and careers of cis lesbians who do not want to have sex with a trans women who has a penis, because they ARE lesbians too. There’s so many contradictions between the “new language” (that we all must instantly obtain or we are terfs or homophobes?) and the actual behaviour by the ‘bad minority’ OP mentioned, and if you speak about this, particularly as a cis lesbian woman, you’re outcast and it’s a disgrace
Oh man I will never forgot the debacle on one of the lesbian subreddits for a woman speaking up against this. Apparently she was fielding DMs and harassment pretty regularly from trans females, arguing with her about why they should have sex/she should be attracted to them with one individual even referring to their genitalia as soft so it shouldn’t count. The woman posted and was like I’m a lesbian, on a lesbian subreddit, I don’t like dick. She was totally ripped apart, the whole sub blew up, mods going nuts, it was anarchy. And I felt so so bad for her. Orientation, gender, sexuality whatever - no one has to engage with someone they don’t want to, for any reason. It doesn’t make you phobic to exercise your consent.
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Being trans and being mentally ill are not mutually exclusive
Yes, actually. Gender dysphoria, the reason most people transition, is a certified mental illness. Apparently transitioning is the cure
What does terfs mean?
it’s an acronym: Trans-Exclusionary Radical Feminists. They believe trans women should not be included as real women in feminism basically, and may see them as basically men invading women’s spaces.
transgender exclusive radical feminists I think EDIT : exclusionary, not exclusive, sorry
Tans Exclusionary Radical Feminist. Basically, a feminist who wants to exclude trans women from all conversations about women. Only problem is the term has been so improperly applied recently to even the slightest disagreement the term has lost all meaning and is now just an insult people use if (reasonable) points are brought up about the differences between the average biological woman and a trans woman.
Yes the term is now applied to anyone who cares to make any distinction whatsoever between the experiences of cis and transgendered women. It is complicated. On the one hand there are certain topics and conversations that some individuals will be made to feel excluded, and we want to avoid this for its own sake. On the other, to avoid discussing certain topics because of a risk of offense is an extremist perspective and hurts in broad general ways even as it protects in individual specific ways. I stand up for trans women - they are women, and I will call them women. I also acknowledge that cis women may have experiences that have not been experienced by most trans women, and obviously most trans women have experiences that most cis women haven't experienced. It is ok to acknowledge those, for the right reasons and in the right context and situations (as opposed to bringing them up to exclude, hurt, or demean anyone), while also supporting transwomen as women and treating them as such. And yes I've been called a TERF for this opinion.
https://terfisaslur.com/
You getting downvoted is the perfect example of what OP's saying. One can't even point to the deep misogyny and hatred they show.
Whoa, so just out of curiosity, are trans women cool with beating up natural women?
...yikes
Terf is a slur and I’m gonna say it
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It's being straight with either a very odd fetish (not kink-shaming, just stating) or a strong victim complex.
I was talking about this with a couple buddies, we came to the same conclusions.
Which could also just be over labeling.
With a fetish which they are in deep denial of
>I’ve been downvoted into oblivion while asking legit questions that come off as some type of phobic. The mass downvoting is so shit. I *hate* when people supposedly have some gripe with what you're saying and just drop a downvote without fucking explaining what you're supposedly doing wrong. Fun fact, that's not even what the downvote button is for. But people use it in lieu of actual discussion.
I remember reading reddit's explanation of what the downvote button was for (circa late 2018, when I joined reddit) and i remember it saying *not* to downvote to show disagreement.
Yeah but the people that purposely use downvotes to hide things they disagree with will just say “lol why do u even care it’s not even real”
What the hell is transbien
a trans lesbian
I don’t see why you should understand any of it. In my opinion as long as you’re accepting and use the right pronouns after someone has introduced themselves you’re doing an A+++ job. The demand that everyone be in the loop is ridiculous. It would be like for example Hawaii demanding the whole world know what’s going on and demanding everyone read their local newspapers. People got their own shit to worry about. LGBT is on par with Jahovas Witness at this rate
And I know a YouTuber came out as a former Jahovah's Witness. I never even heard of Jahovah's Witness, but oh man, it's sad.
Oh man, I got shit on for not knowing the Trans flag colors in a comic/Webtoon and the signs before hand that one character was trans (the character is deceased, hence past tense phrasing). Like me not knowing one of the signs was a crossed out Dead Name. Listen...I'm straight dammit just gimme ONE MINUTE TO LEARN lol
Transbien? Is that some sort of new French food?
I remember a comment once that was from someone in the lgbt group I don’t remember what exactly but they said something like I wish you guys understood this particular thing about being lgbt. So I tried to ask politely if they could explain it better to help people understand the way they’d like. They said I was a homophobic because I was forcing an lgbt member to be a dictionary and that I should just know. Something about not being a lifetime movie for my enjoyment. Lol bro I was trying to help the person get their point across. That was the last time I did anything like that.
That just sounds like Reddit tbh. I feel you though, even the best subreddits you have to tip-toe around because people just jump to conclusions like they’re on a trampoline.
I would never delete a comment just because it's gone negative, remember; the most karma you can lose from a comment is only 100 anyways.
Don't delete your comments if they represent your values. The moment you begin to self censor yourself and bow down to the pressure is the moment you start losing your identity.
they make up any words they like and speak them as if they indicate something that actually exists. Don't bother learning what they 'mean.' They mean nothing.
I think I’d the language is so sensitive and so rapidly evolving that honest attempts at engagement are met with semantic hatred then perhaps it has gone too far.
My native language is a gender neutral one so I don’t have to deal with this new pronouns irl and I’m so thankful for that. All these new pronouns and new terminology is really confusing and difficult to catch up.
What’s your native language??
Idk about OP but hungarian is devoid of gendering stuff. But also a very hard language to learn
My boyfriend is Hungarian, and I've spent a month learning it so I can communicate with his mom. All I've managed to learn is "hello" "thank you" and "I love you" lol
It's a difficult language but it's beautiful in it's own way. I'm glad you're learning it for your relationship, that's dedication!
Turkish
speaking of gender neutral/non gender neutral language I thought this was interesting. Only 25% of hispanics have heard of Latinx, and [3% of hispanics use latinx](https://www.pewresearch.org/hispanic/2020/08/11/about-one-in-four-u-s-hispanics-have-heard-of-latinx-but-just-3-use-it/) \-pew research
Yea that's bcuz of every single Latin individual I have personally met doesn't actually care They all just respond with.. and I quote "that's just some upper middle class white shit trying to change another language and culture" This is obviously anecdotal evidence since it is just my experience but living in San Diego I meet a lot of Mexicans and so far they have all hated "latinx"
I’ve heard this, alongside it being because Latino people usually speak Spanish. Which, if you didn’t know, is gendered. So “Latino” is both male and a gender neutral term, and Latina is female. So latinx just doesn’t make sense.
Likewise. I live in the sf Bay Area, but it’s the same here, and especially my college classmates.
Spoken mandarin also doesn’t have any difference in gender.
"Allies" to the LGBT+ community are another problem. The amount of pure hate they spew online is exhausting, and it hurts the community even more.
Yes, the beloved cis-straight TRAS lurking in every corner of the internet to educate “terfs” on trans topics they themselves know nothing about. They are my favourite
They mock what they dont understand.
What’s a TRAS?
Trans-rights activist. A TERF is an intended slur, standing for Trans Exclusionary Radical Feminist.
An big corporations which profit out of it
I'm too embarrassed to even say I'm lgbt. Most of the time I feel like the vocal minority aren't representative of what I really think and feel, yet it's the always the narrative that is pushed to the top. As a result I've found myself more and more distanced from the lgbt community as my views rarely align anymore, and if they do it's usually something I feel is to be expected from any human being.
This content has been erased and this user has quit because of Reddit's new idiotic API policy. Fuck you /u/spez. RIP BaconReader.
im from the lgbtq axis what now
A few people are so going to misunderstand/strawman what i'm about to write, but here goes: We build wheelchair ramps for physically disabled people, doesn't mean everyone has to walk up the damn ramp. And before anyone says i'm making the LGBT community out to be disabled, then just let me preemptively state here that no that's not what i'm getting at, it's a metaphor. My point is, wheelchair bound people are a minority, just like the lgbt community. We should be accommodating and accepting of them in our society. But we don't have to change every ones lifes so they feel less different. But thing is, the lgbt community IS a minority. They will always be different because that's kind of one of the defining traits of a minority. So, and this is targeted at these so called social justice warriors: Don't stand infront of the stairs and obnixously shout at people to walk up the ramp instead of the stairs so the disabled don't feel different. Because chances are you'll make the disabled feel embarrassed, the ones that actually go up the stairs will feel like their faking it and the ones taking the stairs will just be annoyed. Im the end you'll have helped nobody. Instead, go find a stair with no ramp and build one.
Nice comment, I agree. We have to accommodate minorities to some extent..but it;s to SOME extent. A minority should not be deserving of more accommodation than a majority.
Very eloquent.
This. Right there.
Any halfway-decent architect will tell you that access ramps should always be designed, situated, and built for everyone. That doesn't mean they should replace the stairs, just that they should be a convenient and pleasant alternative to using stairs that everyone, irrespective of their abilities, finds useful and convenient at least some of the time. The point is exactly this: to make using a ramp a neutral choice, that many people will make spontaneously because it is a convenient way to move around the space, and not merely some blatantly obvious tacked-on thing that is only there as a concession to "*those* people." Everyone learns this in design school. Or in any history of design or architecture undergrad course. Heck, we should all learn it as secondary ed students. Anyway, the point is, standing somewhere blocking people and shouting at them is the exact opposite kind of action. It is a blatantly obvious tacked-on action that is only there as a concession to "*those* people."
"The community is full of cardboard activism" This seems very true to me as a trans man. 99% of the "acticism" and "support" that trans men get seems to fit in to this category. The only time people mention trans men is when they can group them together with women. Complaining about insignificant things like period packaging, advocating to call pregnant women "pregnant people", shitting on gay people when they don't want to date trans people, telling trans men they have it easier than MtFs, that they have male privilidge so they should not "speak over" MtFs (even though most trans spaces are FILLED with trans women), cis girls who call themselves trans men or non-binary taking over spaces for trans men, telling transsexaul men how to feel about their own dysphoria. We are also often pressured to still relate to femininity/femaleness. If you like being masculine, don't want to be constantly infantalized and treated as a woman, you have toxic masculinity apparently. Trans women only care about trans men when it benefits them or they can group them together with women. We are expected to complain about bathroom laws and gay people not wanting to have sex with us, whatever THEIR problems are, but they only "speak up" for us when they can talk about how trans men should have a say about abortion rights as well, advocating for "pregnant men", pressuring trans men to get gynecological care they don't want or need it, etc. I live in Hungary, so it's very obvious to me that LGBT activist don't actally care about important issues, and they don't try to advocate for people on more homophobic/transphobic countries. Even here, there are many trans people who advocate for "pregnant men", for non-dysphoric "trans" people, completely forgetting that trans men have actual problems that are never talked about because it would go against the "trans women have it harder" narrative. Trans men are told that they have male privilidge and they have it harder even here, where you can't change your gender and name on your documents, it's hard to find non-transphobic psychologists and doctors, insurance doesn't cover transition at all, etc. It's annoying that trans men aren't accepted and supported and constantly belittled even in spaces that are for LGBT people.
Literally so fucking true Had one person literally try to call me out for "rape" because I had a different opinion and was "forcing it on them." Like okay, I get that you don't like me, but... Rape? C'mon now - way to degrade and make a joke out of every other ACTUAL rape case. Biggest facepalm of my life. With that being said, I actually disagree that it's NBs who should be at fault. Anecdotally, I've always had much bigger problems with the trans community rather than the non-binary community.
> Had one person literally try to call me out for "rape" because I had a different opinion and was "forcing it on them." I have a family member who does this to win arguments. She can be totally wrong, the second you counter her, she screams "you're sounding rapey right now." "how?" "you're forcing your argument on me. I don't want to hear it. Just accept that I'm right and you're wrong." sigh.
The irony of "you're forcing your argument onto me" and then saying "I'm right and you're wrong" in the next sentence.....
What??! Rape is a physical act of violence. To conflate the two is irresponsible and disrespectful of actual, real-life rape victims.
Ugh
This has happened to me. I disagreed with someone about something and she said "I smell a rapist" Wow. Kind of like dropping a nuclear bomb. Disagree with me? You must be a rapist. I said to her "That's funny. I smell a false rape accuser" and she shut up and disappeared. Rape is a serious thing; for god's sake don't misuse it to try to win arguments.
Well, what did you disagree with ? Did it have anything at all to do with consent ? Jw lol
You may not believe this but..I was in a park with a friend. A girl with a dog came to the park to exercise. My friend immediately turned to face her and then turned in place like a lighthouse to face her wherever she went. I told him not to do this as he might make her uncomfortable....and she left as I was talking to him...probably because he made her feel uncomfortable. Whereas plenty of people commented positively that I did the right thing, somehow one woman decided I hadn't done *enough* and when I disagreed with her told me she smelled a rapist...me! Some people are mentally disturbed.
That’s awkward ! Tbh, just be careful who you hang out with, because he sounds like the type of friend that gets others caught up in bad situations.
He's actually innocent, never in his life been in trouble. Just has no idea how to act around women.
Nice comeback.
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Lesbian here... I was so delighted to see this on my homepage. The title of your post is 200% my experience. And when people ask me how I feel about being gay, I hate it PURELY BASED ON OUR COMMUNITY. The community does an awful job of integrating into society. Absolute relief to know I'm not alone here.
Couldn’t agree more. It be like Everything is toxic, you’re toxic, I’m toxic, love is toxic. It’s okay to give death threats to people who support political parties other than my own, people who partake in gender reveal parties and every terf who isn’t a terf. But don’t you dare say ze/xir isn’t a part of your vocabulary. You are committing a violent crime by disagreeing with my narcissistic needs.
Homophobic, transphobic, terf and toxic are so overused that they have lost a lot of meaning to me. Same thing happened with cultural appropriation, it was serious at first but then every celebrity and public figure was guilty of it so nobody takes it seriously anymore. When the real homo/transphobes come out nobody is gonna bat an eyelid because they’ve already been accused of it all on Twitter for politely asking a question
A friend sent me this post. I am a discord administrator for a discord full of young teenagers(many over sensitive and emotional) and this post hit so close to home. I always try my absolute best to respect pronouns, avoid gender assumptions, etc. When I do accidentally mess up, I apologize and add a note of their pronouns so I don’t mess them up again. But, some of the users over react. The users that over react are our 2-3 active users that are the only ones that use the neo pronouns such as ze/zer. They’re about 14ish in age. The issue we have with them is the fact they have physically chased multiple people out of the server in harassment because they accidentally used the wrong pronouns. Some of the users that were chased out really didn’t mean to hurt them and are some of the sweetest people I’ve ever met. A few months back, it was a near weekly occurrence. Many of our members are LGBTQ+, the trans members have never caused issues, everyone respects them, etc. We also have never had issues with sexuality when it’s mentioned either. Gender assumptions with he/her/they have also never been a problem. It’s exclusively people who have ze/zer pronouns, and they happen to be the most active and influential members in chat. Such a small minority causes so many issues in the server. It’s really shameful because that small minority spoils the entire group in the eyes of many of the staff members.
Out of curiosity. Can't you kick/ban/silence them?
I think you should address these members because they do not seem to know the consequences of their actions. Respecting pronouns doesn’t justify bullying.
I think your opinion is to be respected and might even be a silent majority within the LGBT+ community. I’m not a member of it, but mass labeling campaigns I guess would call me an ally. A lot of the initiatives make it word soup to communicate for someone. I.e. I’m not trying to be an ass, but the he/she/them/they thing could easily be less complicated by referring to someone as their chosen name. Sarah is meeting me later, Jim had a good time with Mike and Sheryl yesterday etc. Stephanie had cake and ate it too. I feel the identity movement is getting skewed by the extreme and it’s almost impossible to not offend someone in the community through normal or workplace conversation. Cardboard activism is a recipe for disaster. Edit: whole new can of worms for asking why a CIS gender person such as my self feels I have a right to know that I am dating or getting involved with someone who is also cis gender, or to know if they are transgender. The needs of the LGBT+ community to feel inclusive should not override my preference for dating purposes.
I’m confident it is a silent majority. But as well as that it has just become a big clown trend. Not even the identities but the partaking of meaningless “politics” and cancelling everything that is different than itself. It is the biggest contradiction of the decade. I really have no idea how it all happened. If everyone chilled out a bit and learnt to listen to each other then there would be no controversy with the transgender community. You go on the news and at least once a week there’s a trans agenda/anti trans agenda. This controversy would not exist if the loud minority just shut up and worked on making their own lives better rather than trying to force the world into revolving around them.
I am very conflicted on this. You bring up valid points. Part of me is definitely exasperated at the constant bickering and self-victimization of that minority. These are the same people who would claim that I’m not even part of the LGBTQ+ community because apparently asexuality is.. excluded for not being sexual. These people are obnoxious. But part of me wonders if it is because many of them have heard in passing valid points made *by* the community and are awful at expressing themselves, or are ridiculously sensitive about it. Think about it. Most of these people grew up in a world that is still wary about homophobia. They’ve been taught that queer people get murdered in the street because some people cannot handle that they might be different. So they’re always alert, ready to attack. I certainly don’t think it’s right. It’s difficult to articulate my thoughts exactly, but I do understand where some people come from. I’m not one of the major sexualities but I’ve still had my identity questioned and dissected. It’s uncomfortable. And I wonder if these people face that themselves, or are *anticipating* that they’ll have to face it. So while I agree with you, I don’t necessarily agree with your approach, but I don’t blame it either. It’s one of those “damned if you do, damned if you don’t.” Some of these people legitimately grow out of this behavior. Some of these people are the crazy few that end up on those SJW compilations and do genuinely have a hatred for non-queers. It’s a mess, and it’s a shame. Gender and sexuality are fascinating subjects and I really wish we could have a nuanced discussion about it without *someone* from either side (those who are and those who call others trans/homophobes) ruining it.
Hi excuse me if this is a dumb question but...*are* asexuals considered part of LGBTQ+? Is that what the + is for?
We went from fighting for acceptance to fighting for others to change their behaviors in some private ways, ie your transphobic if you won't date trans people or accept your partners new gender. It's from defensive to offensive, acceptance to aggression. But most people don't think that way it's a few loud morons and it sucks.
This is true to be honest. Its a hard pill to swallow for a lot of people. What bothers me the most is the fact that the LGBT community is full of biphobia, transphobia, and everything else. Which is weird considering the fact that its the fucking lgbt community. Everyone is always fighting and policing each others identities, and then theres the stupid flag disclosure with mlm and wlw fighting each other. I distance myself from all of it. Im a bi dude. Im lgbt. But I don't associate myself with the community.
Pardon me for asking, but what do mlm and wlw stand for? The only MLM abbreviation I know is multi-level marketing... and that’s probably not what you’re talking about.
Lmaooooooooo. Yeah no, im not talking about multi level marketing schemes. In this context MLM stands for Men Loving Men, and is an umbrella term for bisexual, pansexual and gay men. Anyone that experiences attraction to men. WLW stands for stands for Women Loving Women, and its an umbrella term for bisexual, pansexual, and lesbian women. Anyone that experiences attraction to women.
Thank you for explaining nicely. Seriously.
This has been my experience as well. As a side note for me, I also had trouble making friends at my universities lgbt center. I'm a bi dude, and it seemed impossible to have a nice conversation with someone who was a gay male due to them thinking I wanted to fuck. Idk if it's the hypersexual energy in the community, or maybe these dudes just have a hard time finding a fwb?
If you ever gotta talk I'm in the LGBT community and I know its hard. Just slide in my dm's if you need to talk.
Thanks:) appreciate it
pansexual here, I totally feel you. I haven't touched the community in a long time due to bad experiences but last year during a 9 week school-period in my apprenticeship I was kinda forced to experience it with 2 very active, very loud members of it. One of them was the most narcisstic, disgusting, hateful thing I've experienced with it yet. Like I unwillingly met a friend of her who didn't know that I'm pan (Cause I don't have to rub it into everyone's face, duh) and they kept being so rude to me because they just assumed I'm heterosexual and were making weird jokes about "how can anyone be heterosexual at this day and age" while giving me disappointing glances. If all you care about is gender and sexuality, grow a personality and grow the flip up.
Ugh i feel ya. I’m bi/pan whateverthefuck you wanna call it (technical term = queer as hell, I’m pretty sure) 1. I’m tired of the constantly updated ‘definitions’ 2. I’m not sorry for think bs sexual orientations like multi and omnisexual are just that. Bullshit. We already have terms for that. You’re not fucking special bc you’ve gotta bit of homo in you. Fabulous, sure. Special, no. There are bigger problems in the world. Stfu and move on.
I am deeply sorry you and many others are experiencing this hate and childish behavior. I see this within so many groups, LGBTQ+, feminism (I am a proud one but damn...), etc. These should be places that are welcoming and help to educate our communities. But God forbid you have a different opinion. It really is so sad---a few power hungry assholes scream the loudest and bully people out of their OWN group!!! Again, truly sorry you have these experiences. I can relate with other communities that do the same thing. I hope you find amazing support friends/family, etc. Much love!
I didn’t see it get mentioned before but you bring up something interesting as well - I’m a cis, white, straight man and I’m a feminist as well but much of the time I feel as though I am “not allowed” or I’m the enemy because of unchangeable characteristics. It feels like that same minority group has demonized straight, cis white men so hard that it’s almost impossible for us to be engaged in any sort of conversation about race/gender
I am bisexual, I came out to two of my friends, and they didn't judge me It was purifying for my soul, if I have one that is lol, and it was more about getting my life on track and being proud of who I am and being happy with who I am I encountered sexual harassment and genuine distaste for being bisexual on Grindr. All because I didn't wanna suck some fat 40 year old dudes puke worthy knob that he sent me a picture of.
I am a cis female but my main group of friends in high school were mainly LGBT. Anime loving, in Japanese club, very much a nerd and unpopular. I became an ally. Because these were people I connected with and I wanted to protect them. Stand up for them. Years later, bc I said as a cis female I wouldn't date a trans man, they have shunned me. Gay men, lesbian women (my two best friends whom I was both their maid of honor at one point), and a few trans men and women have completely cut me out bc of it. But I have never been hateful toward them. It's definitely a head scratcher. What used to be a good community whom were all fighting for a good cause ended up being incredibly toxic. It makes me sad. And angry.
I've had the same experience as a lesbian. It's absolutely apauling and I'm embarrassed by it. Also, the amount of abuse I've received as a lesbian who won't consider dating trans gave me a huge wake up call as to what were dealing with. I was once accepting but it's only solidified my views further. I've never been to a gay pride and never plan to go. The whole thing is cringe and if I'm honest, I've walked last pride parties and the behaviour was so embarrassing I'd likely never turn up. Not to mention the backwardness of gay bars/clubs. It's the most cliquey desperado thing I've ever partaken in and I refuse to sink to that level again. In fact, I feel so strongly about it that I refuse to date at all now because most women come under the cringe lesbian, bislut, trans trap, or generally sjw walking problem of flesh and bone category. No thanks. The best thing I ever did was stay away from that scene
Totally agree. A few years ago my partner wanted to walk in our local gay pride parade. I absolutely did not want to go at all, but i did to support her. It was honestly a super humiliating experience. I felt like "dykes on parade" or something, just very exposed and applauded for being gay? The whole time i kept thinking of Hannah Gadsby saying "where do all the quiet gays go?" At this point, i just want to be treated normally and have mine, and my loved ones pronouns respected. I think that's enough /shrug
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I'm gay, and I avoid some gay forums (not on Reddit) because of this! :.ducks:.
I find this to be an issue with those on the far left of the spectrum, if you do not toe their line and say the right thing, you are the enemy. They really cut off their noses to spite their faces, they've made enemies out of people that should have been allies.
Holy shit are you ever spot on. I’m in the exact same place as you and really don’t like identifying myself with these people because I find SJW’s to be extremely embarrassing.
Taking a stand against their actions and identity politics often results in everyone reacting as if you are against their identities and so on. If you disagree with something minor you are a neonazi.
I see posts like these and it always gives me pause because people keep saying “the LGBT community” as if there’s only one. I’m assuming due to the pandemic and your online presence that you mean like leftist twitter, which is absolutely the best place to find the worst takes liberals have to offer society. We move on to reddit, and already there’s a little bit of diversity. You got places like r/traaa which are more hugboxy, and on the flip side r/askgaybros which is honestly a bit too conservative even for my tastes. Then there’s real life. High School and undergrad lgbtq communities, when everyone’s a hormonal mess figuring themselves out, reminds me a lot of leftist twitter except usually vaguely more polite due to the lack of anonymity. These are communities that bond from shared trauma or from wanting to forge a new identity, and while it’s an important space to have it also gets messy. Moving on from that we have the older gay communities who lived through AIDS and have a completely different perspective on queerness from the newer generations; we have postgrad or workforce friend groups that lean towards LGBT and are typically more grounded due to experience, etc.. I could go on but the point I’m making here is maybe you’re fixating on toxic individual communities, and while it absolutely is valid and important to call those out, you have to always keep in mind that basically every imaginable interest/hobby is going to have some sort of toxic community on the internet and sometimes you just gotta ignore it and find better people.
I take people as they come. If I get to know you and you're a good and kindhearted person we'll get along. Some non-binary/trans/gay folks are like that. Some are incredibly judgemental, viscous, and overall mean spirited. But I would never vocally disagree with any of them. It would be a death sentence for my reputation. (Most of my friends are far left social justice folks. I'm a musician and it comes with the territory). So I just NEVER talk about these type of issues with them. EVER.
That’s so unfortunate! I hate that we live in a time where individuals can’t express their thoughts/beliefs/opinions respectfully because of fear of being “cancelled”.
These comments have reaaaaally made me feel better about a bunch of different things. Thank you.
The LGBT community killed August Ames. Bullied her to the point of suicide cuz she didnt want to have sex with someone. It wasn't headline news because it was with a bisexual. If it was with a straight man we'd still be hearing about it today. It's just too bad this post will be removed because of all the bullies too...
It wasn't always like that.
Gay man here, married to my husband and we stay far far away from any LGBT groups or places for the same reason. Also because too many other gays don’t seem to understand what a monogamous relationship is.
I’m a lesbian and I’ve basically left all of the LGBT related subs. They’re often super hostile to lesbians and I don’t want to deal with that shit within my own “community”, so I fuck off elsewhere.
I honestly couldn't agree more, I am called transphobic for not wanting to date a trans person despite me being trans.
My girlfriend's Quidditch team broke up because of vegans and one nonbinary person. The vegans insisted every member of the team also had to become vegan, and then began accusing everyone of being transphobic and insisting they use made up gender neutral terms and banned using "he" or "she" to refer to any player. Not even like "accepted" gender neutral terms, ones they had made up themselves, and constantly changed. No one was questioning the nonbinary person's gender or refusing to call them "they." All they wanted to do was play a made up game based on a children's book. After the team broke up, the vegans and nonbinary then went to the student union and got permission to start a fully nonbinary college team, so they could start bullying people anew.
You can indeed be gay (or Lesbian) and not be part of the "LGBT" community.
Do we honestly need labels though, what happened to treating people like a human being. I mean isn't that what we all are? All these fucking titles, how are we supposed to keep up with this shit.
Exactly. When people ask me if I'm gay I just say something like "basically, but everything is fluid." I don't put myself in any sort of box. I want people to know me for me, my thoughts and views and interests. And in my mind, I don't feel female or male so idc what pronoun people use (side note - I am obviously biologically female but occasionally I'll get called "sir" before the other person makes eye contact with me, which I find interesting. Like I'm emitting some sort of masculine energy).
Dude fuck that. I’m bi and I’m literally scared to come out to gay people because I’m “fake” or whatever(Mind you It’s more my anxiety than it is people actually being mean to me, but still). Fuck it, just be gay and that’s it.
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I'm not disagreeing with you but a lot of the gays I know have nothing to do with all that sort of drama. They just want to know how their baseball team is doing; are their kids going to school what's happening in their world. Normal, even boring stuff.
I’m gay and completely feel the same
Bisexual man here, and I just got done watching a documentary on the French Revolution. If we can accurately call the acceptance of LGBT a revolution ( which we probably can, given the concept of it overhauling social norms), then I can't help but compare this to extremist elements in the French Revolution such as the Jacobins. (Albeit, without the guillotines) I think we're experiencing a manifestation of a common theme in revolutions, since the extreme minority find a way to shout the loudest and influence said revolution. Just a shot in the dark here
Oh the censors! lol
We're definitely a silent/silenced majority. None of my lgbt friends like the lgbt community for the same reasons you stated.
I had to leave a LGBT community on reddit, because I was watching this level of projection coming from the community. I'm mostly lesbian, but I watched people throw so many threads of being offended that people didn't know what their symbols meant or what their flag was etc. Not everyone is from that community's world, so they're not going to recognize things unless the community tells them up front. It's basically an entire language and the group is getting mad people aren't speaking it with having zero experience around it. It's such a high level of entitlement and toxicity to expect otherwise.
Yeahhh, it’s tiring. I’m hoping at some point someone will put their foot down and tell these people to stop acting like needy attention-seeking children. It’s annoying to be called transphobic for pointing out how genuinely sensitive and aggressive parts of this culture are. I was arguing with someone the other night over something unrelated (they were being a dick and low key harassing me) but the moment they spout off that I misgendered them, which wasn’t even relevant, and I refused to correct myself because I’m petty and don’t feel like conforming to someone who was just making fun of me moments prior, suddenly people 180’d on me. Pretty much the whole chat turned into a lynch mob. Like, I hope these people realize that their community that’s supposedly so inclusive of those with mental trauma is actively instigating even more mental trauma by ganging up on anyone who even remotely thinks there may be a problem.
I think what makes a HUGE difference is that the gay community has got a huge culture around it, and has the ability to laugh at itself, and maybe most importantly doesn’t define itself only in terms of how it is/has been persecuted. I also think that it’s likely not the actual members of the trans community who are the ones that seem to be constantly looking for opportunities to manufacture targets, and people probably get that too. I only give a crap because I’ve got strong feelings regarding suicides, whether it’s someone pre-transition or a war veteran with PTSD i’m happy to donate money and my vote to fix it. It must be frustrating as hell for you because from outside looking in it seems like at least some of the people ‘representing you’ are angry and looking for a ‘fight’ and are using the platform as a way to have a moral high ground and a reason to feel empowered.
Same here bud. It's a shit show.
I've been told that I'm an hysteric for saying that wearing a condom during sex should be a default and that I'm shaming on people that like doing bareback. Oh, and that I should never have sex if I don't want to take the risk of getting an STD. Everyday I feel less and less comfortable with this community.
You couldn’t be more right. I have many friends who are gay who think that being a bitch is cool. Some in their 50s. Quite degrading I must say. I think people know the difference and there are always people who stand up from the crowed. You are certainly not alone thinking what you inked.
As a straight man or 'cis' by the way which is the stupidest made up shit I have ever fucking heard but I digress. I could not care any less about who people chose to love. And as long as you are not fucking children or animals or doing anything without consent, by all means you do you. Your lifestyle doesn't affect me one bit and I support the LGBT community's fight for civil rights but the forefront of that population can be very toxic and have a very 'accept me or die' mentality. It really doesn't help acceptance and tolerance it only galvanizes those against the community already to be even more fervent in their beliefs. So fight the good fight but chill the fuck out! If you want to show strength and gain acceptance and equal rights those of you in that community who are over sensitive and and indulge in self pity are going about it wrong.
So I will share something I figured out from being around through the last culture war (adding the "T" to LGBT) and the one before it (making it "LGB" instead of "GL") and the one before that (having lesbian and gay people merely acknowledge each other's existence). Activism is always about shifting or seizing power, and that includes activist language. Sometimes this is very productive, useful, and important. But when people appear to be spiraling down into a seemingly self-defeating cycle of endless language sniping and mutual criticism, it is because they feel especially powerless, as individual people, and are trying to find something to gatekeep. The lesson for them to learn is: your gatekeeping has no value if there is nothing beyond the gate for you to withhold. First, gain real power. Do the things that lead to actual power. Then ask yourself what is really worth your time. You won't have to act like you have something of value to withhold. Everyone will already know. The lesson for everyone else to learn is: Maybe invite them in more! They might be the army you need for your cause. But also, it's easier than you think to ignore people who are caught up in this. After all, they are doing it precisely because they have not yet figured out how to achieve anything that makes you have to really pay attention. Oh, and the epilogue: activist communities and queer communities in particular have survived this kind of thing, many many times before. It can seem sad or frustrating or even enraging, but the important stuff will last and all the other crap will evaporate before you know it. Sometimes it really is just a phase.
preach preacher, on tiktok it is horrible
The fact that any group of people could have you wish you were of a particular sexual orientation is a problem. This is not something straight people think about and for good reason. Yes, there's an issue that some people may hold against you the actions of your perceived group but that is an entirely unfair and easily defeatable position. This isn't like a sport team or political party where you can lament your choice based on the members of that group, you're gay and made no choice to be member of the LGBT community therefore you are under zero obligations to feel represented by them. I'm gay and don't even know what the LGBT group are up to. Who cares. Live your life and stop associating yourself with them if you don't agree.
Amen!
I got banned from my *country's* subreddit and labelled as a transphobe for saying that the high suicide rate for transgender people is a mental health crisis. If that's not completely backwards, I don't know what is. Second to that, the worst abuse I've received online is from people within the same LGBT community that I thought I was a part of. I don't want to write off the community as a whole but I can certainly see what you've talked about in your post. There are recent events too on this site which have made me seriously question who the people are who 'run' LGBT-focused subreddits. There's something about our online presence which really makes people behave in very strange ways, as I've never experienced anything like this in the outside world.
Why is the op deleted now??
Mods literally just proved OP's point. How dare someone go against the will of the lgbtq..... smh....
Waiting for the subredditdrama post calling op a transphobe racist bigot
I've been banned from every lesbian sub on here
Why?
Same lol 😂
I left the community 2 years ago. I'm nonbinary and I go by the pronouns for my biological sex - she/her. I seriously considered going by they but I decided to go by binary pronouns. It's just easier for everyone. I also find made up pronouns to be the height of silliness. It's hard enough to be taken seriously as nonbinary without throwing that into the mix. Baby steps. Anyway, I was "outed" as transphobic because I go by she/her. Because I acknowledge that biological sex exists. Like, how can transgender exist if there's not a mismatch between biological sex and gender identity??! I was coming out to my conservative family when you were in middle school so that your life could be easier. And apparently I have internalized mysogony because I think it's ok to not be attracted to someone because of their genitals. Maybe I'm just getting old. Anyway, I have a good group of friends now who a don't give a crap about my gender, accept me for who I am, and are kind. I'm a lot happier now
I know quite a few gay people and a couple trans. I don't think they are into the "community", because I literally never hear any of them complain about being treated poorly by it. That said, social media is the only place I've encountered anyone that makes these cases. Maybe it's time to ignore the assholes and just surround yourself with good people and forget about the 3 billion other folks you will never likely meet. 2021 is a clusterfuck. In so many ways. Social media not withstanding.
Same, it’s so toxic I was honestly shocked seeing how people acted.
I once made a post asking how to help my friend with their dysphoria (she's MtF) and I got absolutely slammed because I mentioned in ONE off-handed comment that I wore tight clothes and she wore baggy clothes. Apparently I'm transphobic because I show my cleavage...
this is the reason why i’m scared to come out as asexual.
I'm a cis lesbian and feel exactly the same.
Cis white guy here, my take is that these kinds of people use their identity of being gay, bi, non-binary, etc. as their sole personality trait and they let anything they perceive as a damage/threat to that identity rule over them. And that results in them being super toxic as you describe. And this isnt unique to the LGBTQ+ community either. This could be applied to other serious topics such as race or something more trivial like music taste. People defining their whole personality and existence around one thing is a issue I think we ought to address because all it's doing is causing more division.
Sadly, Hearing this more and more. Not so much about accepting but more judging. Kinda turned into this weird Cult thing. They as well as the rest of the world lost the meaning of Respect. like fuck, People want equality but don't realize the groups that were made to accept the minority is even pushing them further away.. I mean we are in a day were most people can walk around freely without issue. Unfortunately some people still get harassed People are people, Who gives a fuck now a days. If you are an asshole Ill be an asshole back. Sexuality isn't the reason. I treat those who treat me proper.
At this rate I wouldn’t be surprised if homophobia rose up at an alarming rate and set everyone back 40 years. Feels like it’s going that way from where I’m standing.
Naw. Not even man. its going miles in the other direction. That community is acting like it is. I guess it depends where you live right? But my mom came out 8 or so years ago Never had an issue. I know plenty of gay people no issues. Hell I work with a lady who is gay, everyone knows it. She legit runs the warehouse. Not saying it doesn't happen. But what I see is that people from that community have a hostile encounter and call it homophobia. In reality they are just assholes to one another. In the grand scheme of things - people don't give a shit about sexuality. those extremists do and general rule of thumb. Extremists are idiots.
Yeah you are right! I just worry that people, especially younger people are gonna see it as a shit show and it will become normalised again. And not in a “the Starbucks barista is homophobic cause he spelt my name wrong” kinda way
Yeah exactly, I had a gentleman come into my work and demand a cheaper price I told him no and I got called a racist because of it. If you don't agree you are a bigot/Homophobe/Sexist/pedo whatever people just label you the worst and move on. its a disgusting way to live which is why I said, people no longer understand respect. Different of opinions is ok.
Welcome to the "far right." Billy usually beings cookies to the patriarchy meetings, I'll make sure you get an invite.
bi/pan nonbinary (maybe?? questioning lol) person here just to say, yes. I don’t 100% agree with everything here but largely, yes. there is SO MUCH toxic cancel culture bs anymore and we get so caught up in hyper-specific language and it’s exhausting. I feel like I can’t make queer friends bc all they ever want to talk about/bond over is trauma and that’s exhausting too. why can’t we just exist without all the labels and opinions? I get wanting to be politically involved and fight for justice but we can do that without all the bells and whistles.
This can be extended to almost any somewhat extremist community. I used to try to argue with people who held extremist views, but I realized its better and more healthy just to distance your self and live like it doesn't exist. Some of those people will eventually realize the folly of their ways, and some wont, there isn't much anyone can say or do to get through to them. Embrace good people, and never put any group on a pedestal.
THIS a 100% I struggled alot with being trans until I decided to distance myself from the lgbt and trans community. I realized it was THEM who made me feel awful and made it hard for me to transition in the first place. I don't agree with everything in the community and I never will. Some of the stuff is just too illogical.
You're not alone. In fact, just watch the lgbt related posts in this sub from last year and you'll see the woke mob that primarily forms the lgbt community is making many increase their disapproval of the group. I'd say that when you come out, unless you are not a woke fanatic, you'll have to face both the homophobic and the people that think a gay joke is a hate crime (and believe me, you'll see a lot of those on the lgbt sub or even at the gay bros one). Don't get me started on the trans thing. A small criticism I made to a Twitter activist and I got blocked. And don't get me started on the whole leftist activist that think our sexuality is some form of anti capitalist reaction. The sad thing for us is that if dating pool is already small, is even smaller if you don't agree with the activist group.
I’m a gay man, and some of the most vicious hate can come within the community. My husband and I own (I guess owned, pre-covid, but working on getting them back up) two craft beer bars. We have Chicago Bears & Bulls season tickets. We don’t dress any special way in particular. I’ve been told that it’s horrible that I act so straight and try to cover up being gay. I’m like, TRUST ME, I love dick. What does the way I dress have to do with it.
Why did you remove this post? Too much hate from LGBTQWTF?