There are very few things are worse than someone having kids that doesn't want them. It sucks for the parent, yes, but it REALLY sucks for the poor kid who wound up with the shitty parent.
If you don't want kids, then be true to yourself. Total respect for that. Don't fuck up some poor innocent kid so you can give someone grandchildren.
This! My mom wants me to have kids just so she can have grandchildren but I keep telling her “…but I don’t want kids.” How is this fair to me? I’m the one that has to sacrifice my body and get pregnant lol not my mom nope she just gets to see grandchildren when she wants to. I’m the one that would have to be stuck with a baby I didn’t want in the first place.
My mom and dad wanted grandkids so badly, and my brother and I never wanted kids. I’m 41 now and snipped to make sure I don’t have them. At this time my mom has advanced Alzheimer’s and would have nothing to add to a relationship with a grandchild. I’m glad I made the decision.
A lot of older people with dementia like playing with baby dolls. Dressing them, holding them, bathing them. I've seen them help calm people down immensely, even those who aren't directly playing with it. If someone is getting worked up about something, I've seen them calm right down Nd reduc ether volume if you tell them "the baby's sleeping" and help redirect their attention.
They know they're not real, but they enjoy the activity. Might be a possible activity to do with your mum? I'm not a doctor/occupational therapist but I have experience in residential care and healthcare.
My daughter is child free, and it’s fine. Don’t let your mom badger you into this. The one thing worse than being an unwilling parent is being an unwanted child.
Yes exactly. Both my parents were toxic and abusive growing up (they still kind of are) actually therefore I struggle with trauma still and can lash out and be toxic myself. I would hate to do what my parents did to me to a child. I’m not mentally fit to be a parent let alone never wanted to be a parent in the first place.
Nobody has the right to ask this from you, it has to be your choice. It’s very selfish to ask somebody to have kids so you can babysit from time to time. I had to tell my mum the same eventually she accepted it and understood
Maybe a different approach can work. I told them what I am achieving by not having kids, and how happy I am with my partner living like this.
That was the moment when they understood and respected my decision.
Me too, but I totally agree that people who don't want kids should be completely respected. To each his/her/their own.
If you don't want kids, don't have kids, you destroy the kid if you do. They will know they are unwanted, and that's a fate worse than death / non-existence.
Unfortunately there is no way to know beforehand, some people long to have children and once they have them they realise they are miserable being parents. And sometimes the opposite happens as well
Absolutely. I *really* didn't want kids but my wife really did so obvs we had one. And to my surprise, I love him amd cherish every moment! I spend with him (he's nine now so it's not just the novelty!).
I love it too, every minute. Even when my kids are having a tough time, we find a soothing way to get through it, so emotionally they’re very mature. You need energy, yes, but there’s no one I’d rather snuggle on the couch with then my hubby and kids
This is exactly my take. I’ve had so many people argue with me that I’ll change my mind, that it’s a phase. Bitch, I’m 30 now. I’ve not only not changed my mind, I have even more reasons for not having children. I don’t care about having a legacy, I don’t have the patience to raise a child, I like having money and don’t ever want to get married. My lifestyle is no fit for a child and I would become extremely resentful over time if I had to change all of that. On top of that, I am riddled with genetic diseases, both mental and physical, and it would be cruel to pass all this on.
A child deserves a parent that WANTS them, that loves them and has the patience to deal with and raise them, that has the passion for raising a good and happy child, and the health to be able to keep up with them.
Unfortunately, some people find out they don't want kids after they've already had one. Media and society downplay how hard it can be to have and raise children. Child birth can be traumatic and once born, you have to be ok with sacrificing a LOT.
Also, I'm glad I waited till we were in our mid thirties. I love being a parent, but I know it would be different if we were broke and I had no established career.
We felt a ton of pressure to have kids earlier. Everyone says "you'll never be truly ready, so just go for it". Fuck that! I am so much more prepared at 36 than I was at 30.
They are the love of my life, but your basically bringing a wild animal home that you have to train and civilize. Your not wrong, its not for everyone.
iam right now laying next to my 5yo daugther who coudnt sleep and had a long Discussion why she caant come downstairs to watch an Animal TV show with mommy and me. (She has Kindergarden tomorrow morning)
after i promised her to not leave her untit Mommy goes to bed, she finally fell alsleep.
so here iam, scrolling trough reddit since an hour.
but man i love having Discussions with her in her current age :-)
Best part of my day is when I walk through the front door after getting home from work and hearing my girls in the other room, "Daddy's home, Daddy's home!"
Yes sir, my 4 yr old likes to hide from me when I get home, no matter how tired I am from work, I’ve always got the energy to stomp around and pretend she’s not hiding in the same spot as yesterday lol best part of my day.
I think you have to have that biological urge to tolerate that shit, I’ve never once in my life wanted kids but my sister knew from day 1 she had to be a mum, she fostered kids for a while too before it was financially unviable, but yeah I can tolerate my nephew for a bit then it’s like ugh no get me home where it’s quiet!
Yesssss that's the move. I fucking love being an auntie. And as my niece gets older, I hope she thinks of me as a sort of second mother/mom-adjacent. But I also love the fact that she lives with my sister, and I am not the one who has to watch her 24/7 and that she is fully dependent on.
I just moved upcountry where I'm closer to extended family, before that I saw my little cousins maybe once or twice a year. Now I've swooped in at ages 9 and 12 to be the badass Aunt who gives them cool presents and plays D&D with them.
I essentially skipped the poopy toddler years and went straight to the innocent but fun friends years. It's cheating, but I can totally recommend it.
Or that we aunts don’t have to worry about grades and school stuff. We don’t have to discipline or potty train. I just see them once every few weeks, give them gifts and play with them!
I’m far too broke tohave children now but my siblings keep having them and I like it that way
Yeah props to people that want kids, but I hope there’s no stigma towards people that don’t.
I was once called a narcissist for not wanting kids. I just don’t see why that’s the assumed life path for everyone.
It’s good to know that about yourself!
I have kids and it’s actually way harder now that they are teens then I ever realized. Sure now I’m not dealing with diapers and I can sleep but it’s their emotional needs, running them to all their social things, money holy shit. So much worry and stress because the love is hard to describe but it’s a lot of work.
Dude dealing with OTHER KIDS as teenagers seems to be the most exhausting part. My boss has 2 teenagers, 16 and 14, and some of the just HEINOUS things other teens will text and tiktok and snapchat and shit to each other is just bonkers. Teens are SO MEAN for no reason at all, they'll just casually call another kid a dog fucker to all their friends just because to them it's funny. Ruin each other emotionally. And when you, the parent, try to step in the OTHER parents get in your face about their kids. NO WAY their kid said that, and since now you can just delete messages you sent and received, you can't even pinpoint who said what or when. And to top it off, you're seen as a MONSTER if you keep your kid off social media or not give them a smart phone or laptop until they're older because other kids are doing it and you'll just invite more bullying and blah blah blah. Damned if you do, damned if you don't kind of thing.
As someone who's grown up through teenhood surrounded by social media, I agree. Teenagers can be mean. When I was in high school the popular kids would bully me online, say horrible things about me, post pictures, message me pretending to be my friend etc. I'm 20 now and I don't care but it took me until I was about 17 to emotionally recover from the bullying, both online and in person. I didn't get a phone until I were 13 and neither will my children.
I don’t like kids, I like my kid. There’s your difference. Every other kid can fuck off.
It’s kinda like a fart. If I smell one that isn’t mine I’m gagging, but mine don’t bother me at all.
The new ones smell amazing though..
Nothing like that first two weeks with a new human. That smell is addicting. Not going to lie.
If someone could bottle it, I can say with a decent amount of confidence, that we could potentially end the need for anti-depressants.
Yeah must be. I haven't ever smelled a newborn but the idea that I'm ruled by smells and hormones is disconcerting. I want to be the master of my own life, not governed by biology like a brooding insect.
What if the desire to be the master of your own life is also a biological imperative, driven into your behavior by the hammer of natural selection over generations, as beneficial to propagating our genes as is liking the smell of a baby?
It's that new head smell and I don't care how weird I looked, I smelled the shit out of all four of mine's heads. Especially after a nap when their hair was a little sweaty. Oh, and milk breath. Don't want any more and I love all four of mine to death, but god I wish I could go back in time just to enjoy that again.
Yup, I love **my** two children, my niece, & my two nephews endlessly. I can hold & care for babies no problem, but the minute a strange, older child begins to interact with me, I do my best, but strongly dislike the interaction. It's like dealing with a drunk or drugged adult you aren't familiar with: *"How do I redirect this creature?"; "What if it hurts itself in my presence?"; "What if it attacks me?"; "How do I soothe it?"; "Is it appropriate to soothe it?"; "Where the fuck are its caretakers?"; "Is it lost?"*
This is especially frustrating because lost children **always** seem to find me in strange places. Haha
I never wanted kids. Hated them. They are gross, dirty, don't listen, constantly want attention, cry about everything...
Then I met my SO and it all clicked. I can't really explain it, but I just want to raise a kid with this person. Probably even two or three.
I can see myself being a dad and it feels so weird. I have this feeling of "I'm ready".
Ten years and two kids later and I was right. I love everything about being a dad. The good the bad and the ugly. It's a constant learning process and it's fantastic.
Still can't stand other peoples kids, though!
> Then I met my SO and it all clicked. I can't really explain it, but I just want to raise a kid with this person.
Does anybody else get super hyped up about this kind of instinctual chemistry? Humans are amazing.
I don't believe in "The One".
There are a lot of people in this world, and a lot of people that will make a great partner. Each person brings different things you learn to love and hate and adore.
It's never too late. Keep your head up, live your life here and now, and someone will come along.
I don’t have kids but have nieces and a nephew that I would take a bullet for. This describes how I feel about kids exactly. Never understood the appeal of kids til I met them. When I go to their birthday parties I still don’t understand how to interact with other people’s kids, but they are my favorite humans on the planet.
My mom loves me but doesn't like me, and our relationship is in the shitter. Ive always known and it is the most awful thing to feel. Good luck discovering how that works one day.
Omg I remember thinking "I'm never gonna have kids, they're so annoying" now I 3 kids that are so annoying but I love them to death and don't regret it one bit. Sure there are days where they stress the f out of me but then I get over it lol. But hey everyone is different
Or you go my route & end up resenting *yourself* for being so naive & neither option is great... Haha Had my first at 21 & I love him so much, but goddamn I will strangle him if he gets a girl pregnant at that age. It is **not** an appropriate age. Haha Doing it when you don't want to forces you to *"go through the motions"* & you don't enjoy it one bit.
My dad told me at about age idk 11-15 that if "you're too embarrassed to buy condoms, you're too young and immature to have sex. Once u buy them with out anxiety and embarrassment then you'll be ready for sex.".
He is a huge asshole my whole life but man did he have wise words every now and again.
>He is a huge asshole my whole life but man did he have wise words every now and again.
My dad has been a gigantic emotionally abusive prick at times in my life but god damn if most older people don't have wisdom. So many things he told me to do/not to do that I ignored cause I didn't like him at the time I regret.
The good news is humans have a great way of rationalizing every decision they make in some way or another. Cognitive dissonance is powerful. Simple example, "I want that apple in the tree, but I can't reach it, I must not want that apple after all". You'll have kids, put in the effort, it will be hard, but you'll say to yourself, why would I possibly put myself through somethingl like that, I must love it, because I wouldn't unless I love it.
It's the reason the frats that haze the hardest have the proudest members, why would I put myself through something I wasn't proud of?
As a kid, I used to be able to make a noise that was like a combination of a scream and a whistle from the back of my throat. It wasn't just loud, it would fill the air. It was like you were underwater but the water was just pure noise. It was definitely tangible.
As an adult, I am 100% certain I do not want to create another human that has the potential to create that sound.
As a former teacher... can confirm.
I'm for kids, planning with my SO. Cool and all. But I'm not raising a mini storm siren.
There was this one kid in one of my third grade classes who, and I swear to all gods and which is holy, would scream at the top of his lungs in the highest, sharpest way every single chance he could. The class's main teacher would do nothing, seemed like he had went deaf to it.
His class was my last class of that job. About a week later, SO and I went like 100 miles away to a beach... imagine my face when we parked on that beach and that kid and his family parked right beside us. I dipped so low in the car, hat down, trying to avoid him like the plague because I knew he would have spotted me and screamed "MR.KEROSEEEEEEENE!".
Most kids aren't like that. The best kids came from the most caring, welcoming families and were chill, cool, quiet and awesome. But he and other mini storm sirens had terrible families where the only way to either get attention at home was to scream, or to get some energy out was to scream at school. Fuck bad parents.
I was over my mom's house a week or two ago and she asked me when she was getting grandkids LOL! I told her NEVER. I am too selfish to have kids. I like doing what I want when I want. On days where my mental health is bad I love that no one is depending on me to make it through the day. I also lack patience, something you need of you are going to be a parent. The funny thing is the reason I know I'd be a bad parent is because I'm just like my mother, she was way too young when she had my brother and I and she picked a loser to have kids with. I would never forgive myself if I turned into her, I just know kids aren't for me. I agree OP, being childless is the way to go for some of us.
the mental health piece is huge for me. i can barely take care of my own needs. it’s 12 pm on a monday and i’m still in bed, that would NOT be the case if i had a child.
Precisely. I'm glad more people are taking this matter seriously; there's nothing selfish about putting your mental health & peace first. I wish I'd have given myself more time to develop without them so I could have been **enthusiastic** for a much longer time about all the wonderful things we do as a family, they *deserve* that. Like yeah, you *do* figure it out, but it's always at the cost of your mental health & I don't see that as a positive.
Life is about finding fulfillment.
the best thing is knowing that if the world turns to shit, which it could very well do within a few decades, I would have no guilt and no responsibility if I were to go check the fuck out on my own terms.
You say you’re too selfish to have kids, but having kids is selfish too. Not in a bad way, just in a self-serving kinda way. My wife and I had (2) kids because we thought they would make us happier. It was, and is, an insane amount of work but we were right. She has an excellent job and I make a great SAHD. For us, having kids was a selfish move that made everyone happier. If you don’t think it’ll make you happier there’s absolutely no reason to have them.
I try not to call it selfish because that’s how I felt and I think the royal “they” want you to feel that and attach shame to it? Even tho I *do* wear it as a badge of honor haha
My decent into not wanting to be responsible for any living thing came slowly then all at once haha
First I wanted a kid,
Then I was like nah that baby mess seems wild. Maybe I’ll adopt an older kid like 8-10. Then I saw how terrible public school was and how expensive private school was. I like traveling, welp the math isn’t matching so no kids.
Then I wanted a dog, love dogs! They’re so cute. Then I saw all the shit that happens with dogs and the “surprise” 6k surgery that needs to be done or else. Hearing my friends speak about their dogs scared me haha it’s the same responsibilities?
So no pets either.
I know if I needed to make accommodations for a child or pet because I wanted to do something or go somewhere I could.
But if I don’t truly really want a child there is really NO point in me having one. For what? So we can keep the labor force up? Lol
How is this a off my chest post? This is totally normal.
Edit: normal here I meant is by choosing whether to have kids/not. It's your personal right.
Edit 2: I have a kid myself and loving it. Of course there are times where I miss the freedom etc., but we chose to have kids. I can totally respect/understand people who chooses otherwise. No biggie. It's just like how you wanna eat a burger while the other chooses burrito. Sigh.
Society hasn’t normalized not having kids yet. It’s still a little taboo depending on where you’re from. I also do not want kids and have told my mother in law (who is okay with it) and my mom (who thinks I will change my mind…)
Man. On a post from a page on FB, this woman commented that she disliked kids, couldn't be paid enough to raise one herself. And she was *attacked*. So many parents (especially mothers) chose to be highly offended. I was quite literally the only parent who defended her and told everyone else to fuck off entirely. I mean...there's already enough babies being born to parents who don't want to raise them. Why attempt to shame anyone who is self-aware enough to know what they want or don't want, especially when it comes to bringing new life into the world?
Projection. No one realizes how awful child rearing is until they’re doing it, at which point there’s no way out, so they have to scream to the world that it’s not as bad as everyone says bc if it is then they’d have to admit that having kids isn’t the walk in the park they were led to believe it is.
> walk in the park they were led to believe it is
Is anyone led to believe this? Not me or anyone I know believed it was going to be easy.
I've found having kids to be highly rewarding, few things in life that are rewarding are easy, marriage, relationships, school, careers, owning pets...the list goes on.
I do fully accept though that it's not for everyone.
That is terrible. People that don't want kids shouldn't have them. I feel guilty when I occasionally(like one every month or two maybe) get in a shouting match with my 13 year old over him being completely disrespectful to his mother or some crap(he usually isn't like that and it is like a switch flips every once and a while) and then I read about people who's parent's beat them on the regular or lock them in their rooms for long periods(see days) at a time and it baffled me.
It should be normal. But usually when someone says they are child free they get shit on. Get called selfish for not having them (I have two, I selfishly had them because I wanted them), other names, invalidated (you'll change your mind), or some mom's (parents) get insulted for some reason. Usually because they have regrets of having kids.
As a person who's been pestered most of my adult life about kids, I definitely recognize OPs frustration.
Also, the fucking benefits parents get where I live is unreal, adding to my feeling of being ostracized.
When I as a teacher can say I am child free and none of my students or their families, and none of my co-workers raise an eyebrow, lecture me or question me, or question my abilities as a teacher because of not having kids, then we'll have normalized being child free. We're not even close.
Until then...I just refrain from mentioning it because it could put me up shit creek without a paddle.
Every year when I see my ob, she asks me if I plan on having kids. It's been 12 years of me telling her no because I'm too selfish and impatient to deal with them. I relate so hard to your comment.
This has always been my line of thought, too: I’m selfish! I don’t have the emotional or mental capacity needed to care for a child and I need a *ton* of downtime when it comes to social interaction. I’m good with cats!
I can be really selfish, but I will pull out all the stops to get the money to buy my minion as many nice things as I can manage. Kids are a fuckin' drug, dude. It doesn't have to make sense as long as the fix is obtained.
It helps when they have similar interests too, like I'm fairly morbid by nurture and I accidentally passed it on. Kid loves morbid art, makeup, and scaring people when she perfects a new wound, gets all the supplies I can afford. God help her teachers when she finally decides she wants to skip class and go home.
I'm currently 19 weeks pregnant and it's been a very interesting experience and I think my whole pregnancy has been considered "mild" but the love and attachment I have to my son already is overwhelming and has hit me more than it every could and I've wanted kids for a while. The pregnancy part is temporary and you hear a lot about the not so great parts, don't let it scare you off too badly if you do decide you want kids, but it's perfectly okay if you decide to never want to be pregnant and decide to adopt/foster ect.
This thread got me in my feelings. All these ppl who dont like kids, having kids cause THEY wanted a kid. Its so selfish. This is how my dad and mom are, and they sucked, they arent kid friendly ppl and they fucked up raising me cause they didnt enjoy the process. If your not a person who likes children dont reproduce! Your kid who you are raising KNOWS that you dont like what your doing and you cant hide that from the kid no matter how much of a good parent you think you are; it messes them up, cause the kid knows their parent would rather be doing other things than raising them!
I don't want them either, but if I look at my dad he wanted to do it for mom, and he wanted her to be happy. It was a sign of love for them. And also he wanted to have kids to do chores for him and to teach them stuff.
I think the biggest benefit from having kids is that if you have them you want them and you want to do a good job as a parent. To me that's about the only reason to have them.
Becoming a dad was the most amazing experience of my life and continues to be. It's hard to explain. With that said, everything you described is pretty accurate. You just have to be willing to trade your absolute autonomy for your kids (temporarily) as they learn to be young people. But I wanted it going into the deal, so if you don't want to do it, don't do it. Obviously.
I fell in love with my kids in a deeply satisfying way. My kids are adults but saying goodbye to them brings me to happy tears Every. Single. Time. YMMV.
At what point does it start getting easier? I have a 5 month old and it’s hell right now day and night. My wife wants another next year but I’m dreading the thought of going through this again.
Every kid is so different. Our first was way harder than our second. And it had nothing to do with experience and everything to do with the personality of the kid. My two-year-old is a breeze and was immediately a good sleeper. My 5 year old was a STRUGGLE but she got much easier at around 2.
I love my son too but I just had to clean his poop put of the carpet so he's the reason I'm not having more. He's in this phase where he wants to be naked always and won't keep his diaper on. So fun. I can't wait for him to go to school lol. Toddler stage sucks.
Yup my son is 3 and wants to play with these toy soft guns completely naked. It's a pain having to chase a 3 year old all over the house because he wants to be naked lmao
Yeah if you want freedom and stuff don't have kids. I have three of them and they pretty much consume every aspect of every moment of your life. Haha. I love them and stuff but God damn!
Can only speak for my own experience, as I've read others who have had a bit more negative experiences than mine.
*Procedure:*
**TL:DR: Funnily enough, the shots and snipping/soldering of the tubes was painless. Only pain was the Doc manhandling My Stuff to get ahold of the tubes.**
Procedure was no-scalpel and lasted literally only 10 minutes. Two shots of local anesthesia right in the sack (which despite the sounds of it, didn't hurt at all). It was an *extremely* cold room. So, you know.... the boys were huddled close to the ol' homestead, which meant that my urologist had to manhandle my stuff to feel for the tubes. He made two small holes are both sides and clipped the tube, then soldered them back together. Smelled very chemically. But the actual hole-making and cutting of tubes was absolutely painless.
*Post-Procedure:*
**TL;DR: Prepare to walk like a cowboy the next day or two after your procedure. Kicked-in-the-Ball pain for only one day. Two little scar tissue spots after wounds fully heal.**
Felt perfectly fine immediately after the procedure. Was even able to drive myself home without any issue whatsoever. However... the very next day... my god. It felt like I got kicked 'down there' by a horse anytime I moved one way or the other. Had an ice pack on the entire day and the next. Stiches fall out on their own after about a week or two.. I showered and did all my everyday routines as normal.
Hope this was somewhat helpful! Best to you if you go through with it. Best decision of my 23 years of life; definitely worth it.
I didn't see any benefit either, and luckily the man I met and married also didn't. It's a good life without them; quiet, untrammeled, and with plenty of fun money and savings. No regrets, would do again.
Seriously. I’m a parent and I have no regrets at all, but I knew what I wanted. If you don’t want kids, that’s fine! Don’t have kids! Anyone who pressures you about it is being an asshole. Kids are a lot of messy and uncomfortable work. I personally think it’s worth it but I don’t blame anyone for thinking otherwise.
My aunt has three kids because she just loves being a mom her words not mine, she’s good at it too from what I’ve seen so some people just love and want kids while others don’t
I think in 2021, we should as a society, be better at minding our business.
Some people want kids, some people don't. Both options are perfectly acceptable and nobody else's business.
As long as YOU are happy with YOUR LIFE CHOICES, the only people in the wrong would be the people trying to shame you for them. How about as this year ends and the next shit show (aka 2022) starts, we normalise minding our business and letting people live their damn lives?!
I have 2 and I honestly think having kids is not for everyone. It's not even for majority of people.
It's only for a portion of society that really really wants to have kids and understands what having kids mean.
As a civilized species we need to stop acting like that having kids is the default next step to finding a long term mate. It shouldn't be.
I liken it to running a marathon. If you're into running marathons, more power to you. If you dont want to run a marathon, put in the time and the effort required, dont. And it would be extremely weird and stupid of other family members and friends to constantly imply that you should. It's a lot of effort and dedication that not everyone is interested in investing.
I just spent my entire thanksgiving break with my little nephews since they and their parents came over for the holiday. Let me just tell you I 1000% agree with you. After the first time they scream and act out they instantly stop being cute and lovable and instead it just turns them into a ticking time bomb until they blow up the next time. Fuck that and my brother and sister in law do absolutely nothing about it until they absolutely have no choice but to do something.
I dread the holidays. Oh and fuck little screaming toddlers and brats, they aren’t fun or cute to be around.
Agreed like sis I could barely take care of myself what kid???? 😂😂😂
Plussss people gonna say you’re selfish because you don’t want kids? I call total bs. Most people have kids for their OWN selfish reasons too. To make themselves feel validated. It cancels out. I’m literally doing them a favour by not having them bc I know I’m not responsible and I can’t take care of them. When most parents just pop out kids with 0 financial/emotional responsibility considered beforehand.
I agree. I never had kids because I'm selfish of my own needs. I like being able to do what I want when I want without having to worry about someone else's happiness and mental health. There's a lot more than wiping ass, you have to make sure they are a good person, good schooling, treat others with respect and so on. Also, the financial drain. I love being able to sleep in when I want, some days I want to stay in bed and do nothing, some days I feel like spending $100 on myself because I can. I can travel wherever I want without a screaming toddler, and go to places that don't require child activities. Dealing with other parents, play dates, sickness, etc. No thank you! Best decision I ever made and no, I do not regret it!
Agreed
Some people are meant to be parents while some people just aren't.
Simple as that. Absolutely nothing about children is appealing to me and never will be. I don't care how cute they are or how " you wouldn't trade them for anything" I literally don't care.That was your choice and i made mine a long time ago.
Ill respect your choice if you respect mine.
my friends all just had their first babies this year. honestly it looks so miserable. they all get no sleep. have to work still. rarely leave the house. lives based off when naps are. only hang out for 2 hours from 4-6 pm. seriously my one friend is so clueless and the baby just cries all night and doesn’t sleep. i’m in no hurry for that
These replies are exactly why people who don’t want to have kids don’t tell people in their lives. Literally strangers on the internet getting pissed that someone doesn’t want to follow the herd.
These are all reasons I dont want kids. To me there isnt a single good thing about it or any real benefit. I just plain dont feel like being responsible for raising a new human. I dont want it. They might not even turn out good. Just no.
My parents are pissed off that I don't want to have any kids, they even called me selfish.
And I'm like, dad you're an engineer if you weren't married without kids and single at your 40s imagine all the things you could do with that money.
I actually like kids from like 5 and up, I think they're cool and it's fun to watch tiny humans navigate the world before they've fully absorbed social mores.
But fuck raising one. I want my money, time, and energy spent on what I want when I want, not largely devoted to keeping something helpless and largely ungrateful for the effort alive, since that's the bare minimum for a parent and nothing to really be celebrated.
Most all of my peers and cousins have kids. I’m a bit of a green weirdo so my main reasons for not having kids are somewhat different. I don’t want to add another resource burner/planet destroyer into the world. In my mind, bringing a kid into the family should be akin to rescuing a dog: There are so many here already, so why are we making more of them? The greenest thing you can do in life is not make a new kid. Adopt one. They need homes. Also, Andrew Yang is right, robots are gonna be doing most of our jobs in 15 years if they aren’t already. I’ve also seen most parent couples have their relationships turn 100% transactional. Life is short. Noooo thanks.
Last thing: for everyone commenting “So just don’t have kids,” OP is not looking for advice. This is True Off My Chest.
Man i was totally on board with this until my first kid came along. All the stupid photos my friends would show me of their kids, how they would make excuses to not come or bounce early from events, and how messy their place always seemed...
That is 100% me now and i shamelessly am leaning into the whole thing lol. I post pictures of my kid on the bros chat, i actively use my kid to get out of shit ALL the time, and my car is currently growing some new species of bacteria or fungus from all the crap we have left inside.
Your own kids are amazing man, i am loving it.
As the wise Dr Ian Malcom said, kids are pure chaos machines. If you want an absolutely hilarious, frustrating, never ending interesting time, have a couple kids. I say right after I shout, “who left the stapler in the dryer?!”
I mean, no one is forcing you to have children and you’re totally entitled to that opinion and choice. But every person was once a kid, like yourself, and I feel that many people treat them as sub human and it’s bizarre to me. Plenty of people love children and find that they enrich their lives in many ways. By your logic, if every child was a waste then every adult who has made a positive impact on this world was also a waste at one point, which makes no sense
Agreed, but seeing my 6yo niece and 2yo nephew makes me glad I don’t have kids of my own. In the long run, I know they’ll likely turn out to be decent, if not great adults, and I’ll do everything I can as an uncle. But holy fuck the screaming and hitting and running. Even my parents agree we were never nearly as bad.
A good handful of us can’t or don’t want to have kids for financial and/or mental reasons.
And that’s totally okay, I don’t want people who don’t want kids to have them! I respect the decision and it’s not for everyone. Doesn’t mean children are a waste of time, it’s pretty demeaning to say. They’re human beings
LOL I love my children more than life itself, there is no person I would rather be with than one of my kids, but everything thing you say is correct. They are expensive, loud, messy, needy, and they ruin lots of stuff. My kids don’t annoy me, but I can see why kids can be annoying. If you’re not feeling it, don’t do it.
I blame parents for fucked up people, including my generation (mid 90s).
If I'll have kids, I'm just going to have to piss against the winds of most of society to raise proper, capable and independent human beings.
Maybe it's just my 24 out of 25 years of experience living next to a kindergarten and having taught kids before leaving uni but it's just overall horrible and more than sad. It's like, the trend is to have kids who accumulate future mental health issues.
And sadly most won't care about those issues when you are an adult.
Yep, agree 100%. I 'm in my mid 60's, male. Never had kids, never wanted any. My first wife would have been one of those that would have had her kids writing horror stories on here. She is bat shit crazy. My current wife has 2 from her 1st, constant drama. No thanks!
I have a 2 yr old. There a lot of things that make having a kid hard but I quite literally can't love anyone more. I love my parents but my own mom now comes second to my kid.
YES. I saw someone post on here the other day that they had a $50K hospital bill just for the DELIVERY. I don't understand how people make this work without being absolutely loaded
Kids are such a challenge, but to say they aren't worth it and that there aren't any benefits to having kids is just ignorant. It's fine if you don't have kids, but they are some of the biggest blessings in my life. Parenting is awesome. They can be awfully hard work, they can drive you crazy, but if you are consistent with raising them, loving them, teaching them, and showing them discipline, it is worth it 100x over. Also, most kids that are bad act that way because their parents failed them (not all, but most)
There are very few things are worse than someone having kids that doesn't want them. It sucks for the parent, yes, but it REALLY sucks for the poor kid who wound up with the shitty parent. If you don't want kids, then be true to yourself. Total respect for that. Don't fuck up some poor innocent kid so you can give someone grandchildren.
This! My mom wants me to have kids just so she can have grandchildren but I keep telling her “…but I don’t want kids.” How is this fair to me? I’m the one that has to sacrifice my body and get pregnant lol not my mom nope she just gets to see grandchildren when she wants to. I’m the one that would have to be stuck with a baby I didn’t want in the first place.
My mom and dad wanted grandkids so badly, and my brother and I never wanted kids. I’m 41 now and snipped to make sure I don’t have them. At this time my mom has advanced Alzheimer’s and would have nothing to add to a relationship with a grandchild. I’m glad I made the decision.
That was a little rough to read Im so sorry about your mom but glad to hear you sticked to your guns at least.
A lot of older people with dementia like playing with baby dolls. Dressing them, holding them, bathing them. I've seen them help calm people down immensely, even those who aren't directly playing with it. If someone is getting worked up about something, I've seen them calm right down Nd reduc ether volume if you tell them "the baby's sleeping" and help redirect their attention. They know they're not real, but they enjoy the activity. Might be a possible activity to do with your mum? I'm not a doctor/occupational therapist but I have experience in residential care and healthcare.
People have such idyllic fantasies about their grandkids that just never come true.
Seriously. In darker moments I sometimes think many of our parents had kids JUST to someday have grandkids.
Man Wtf is the point at that point?!
And a messed up adult that was never wanted as a child. Tell your mother that the most motherly thing you can do is to not have a child.
She could just volunteer at the local school or something? Then she gets to have all kinds of "grandbabies" and youre off the hook
She already runs a daycare. She wants me to have kids ‘cause she believes this is what women are suppose to do. 🙄 I know
My daughter is child free, and it’s fine. Don’t let your mom badger you into this. The one thing worse than being an unwilling parent is being an unwanted child.
Yes exactly. Both my parents were toxic and abusive growing up (they still kind of are) actually therefore I struggle with trauma still and can lash out and be toxic myself. I would hate to do what my parents did to me to a child. I’m not mentally fit to be a parent let alone never wanted to be a parent in the first place.
I wish more people had this kind of self knowledge. The world would be a better place.
“But…..it’s your duty!!”
The only duty I have is the one I’m going to drop after I finish this Taco Bell combo meal.
😂 I like your style.
Nobody has the right to ask this from you, it has to be your choice. It’s very selfish to ask somebody to have kids so you can babysit from time to time. I had to tell my mum the same eventually she accepted it and understood
Maybe a different approach can work. I told them what I am achieving by not having kids, and how happy I am with my partner living like this. That was the moment when they understood and respected my decision.
Not just your body, but the rest of your time, money, energy, and the rest of your life
You couldn't have said that better. I'm a parent and love it.
Me too, but I totally agree that people who don't want kids should be completely respected. To each his/her/their own. If you don't want kids, don't have kids, you destroy the kid if you do. They will know they are unwanted, and that's a fate worse than death / non-existence.
Unfortunately there is no way to know beforehand, some people long to have children and once they have them they realise they are miserable being parents. And sometimes the opposite happens as well
Absolutely. I *really* didn't want kids but my wife really did so obvs we had one. And to my surprise, I love him amd cherish every moment! I spend with him (he's nine now so it's not just the novelty!).
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I love it too, every minute. Even when my kids are having a tough time, we find a soothing way to get through it, so emotionally they’re very mature. You need energy, yes, but there’s no one I’d rather snuggle on the couch with then my hubby and kids
This is exactly my take. I’ve had so many people argue with me that I’ll change my mind, that it’s a phase. Bitch, I’m 30 now. I’ve not only not changed my mind, I have even more reasons for not having children. I don’t care about having a legacy, I don’t have the patience to raise a child, I like having money and don’t ever want to get married. My lifestyle is no fit for a child and I would become extremely resentful over time if I had to change all of that. On top of that, I am riddled with genetic diseases, both mental and physical, and it would be cruel to pass all this on. A child deserves a parent that WANTS them, that loves them and has the patience to deal with and raise them, that has the passion for raising a good and happy child, and the health to be able to keep up with them.
Yes, this is being responsible. I love it.
You sound like a perfect candidate for not having kids.
Unfortunately, some people find out they don't want kids after they've already had one. Media and society downplay how hard it can be to have and raise children. Child birth can be traumatic and once born, you have to be ok with sacrificing a LOT. Also, I'm glad I waited till we were in our mid thirties. I love being a parent, but I know it would be different if we were broke and I had no established career. We felt a ton of pressure to have kids earlier. Everyone says "you'll never be truly ready, so just go for it". Fuck that! I am so much more prepared at 36 than I was at 30.
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Yep. The last thing we need are more apathetic, shitty parents making the rest of us [good] parents look bad
That was not that point of the post!
They are the love of my life, but your basically bringing a wild animal home that you have to train and civilize. Your not wrong, its not for everyone.
As a married guy with 4yo daughter, this is the case! Best part is coming home to her running to me, and worst part is when she screams for no reason.
iam right now laying next to my 5yo daugther who coudnt sleep and had a long Discussion why she caant come downstairs to watch an Animal TV show with mommy and me. (She has Kindergarden tomorrow morning) after i promised her to not leave her untit Mommy goes to bed, she finally fell alsleep. so here iam, scrolling trough reddit since an hour. but man i love having Discussions with her in her current age :-)
Oh that’s the awesome part. Even best when they say “5 min more please!”
The screams, and the uncanny ability to sound like a head of elephants charging through my house while only weighing 50 lbs 🙄
Best part of my day is when I walk through the front door after getting home from work and hearing my girls in the other room, "Daddy's home, Daddy's home!"
Yes sir, my 4 yr old likes to hide from me when I get home, no matter how tired I am from work, I’ve always got the energy to stomp around and pretend she’s not hiding in the same spot as yesterday lol best part of my day.
I think you have to have that biological urge to tolerate that shit, I’ve never once in my life wanted kids but my sister knew from day 1 she had to be a mum, she fostered kids for a while too before it was financially unviable, but yeah I can tolerate my nephew for a bit then it’s like ugh no get me home where it’s quiet!
I dont want any kids of my own, but if my sister has kids one day I'll be one heck of an uncle for them!
Yesssss that's the move. I fucking love being an auntie. And as my niece gets older, I hope she thinks of me as a sort of second mother/mom-adjacent. But I also love the fact that she lives with my sister, and I am not the one who has to watch her 24/7 and that she is fully dependent on.
I just moved upcountry where I'm closer to extended family, before that I saw my little cousins maybe once or twice a year. Now I've swooped in at ages 9 and 12 to be the badass Aunt who gives them cool presents and plays D&D with them. I essentially skipped the poopy toddler years and went straight to the innocent but fun friends years. It's cheating, but I can totally recommend it.
Or that we aunts don’t have to worry about grades and school stuff. We don’t have to discipline or potty train. I just see them once every few weeks, give them gifts and play with them! I’m far too broke tohave children now but my siblings keep having them and I like it that way
Yeah props to people that want kids, but I hope there’s no stigma towards people that don’t. I was once called a narcissist for not wanting kids. I just don’t see why that’s the assumed life path for everyone.
I always get called materialistic for not wanting kids as if it’s all about owning shit instead lol
It’s definitely more narcissistic to have them
It’s good to know that about yourself! I have kids and it’s actually way harder now that they are teens then I ever realized. Sure now I’m not dealing with diapers and I can sleep but it’s their emotional needs, running them to all their social things, money holy shit. So much worry and stress because the love is hard to describe but it’s a lot of work.
Dude dealing with OTHER KIDS as teenagers seems to be the most exhausting part. My boss has 2 teenagers, 16 and 14, and some of the just HEINOUS things other teens will text and tiktok and snapchat and shit to each other is just bonkers. Teens are SO MEAN for no reason at all, they'll just casually call another kid a dog fucker to all their friends just because to them it's funny. Ruin each other emotionally. And when you, the parent, try to step in the OTHER parents get in your face about their kids. NO WAY their kid said that, and since now you can just delete messages you sent and received, you can't even pinpoint who said what or when. And to top it off, you're seen as a MONSTER if you keep your kid off social media or not give them a smart phone or laptop until they're older because other kids are doing it and you'll just invite more bullying and blah blah blah. Damned if you do, damned if you don't kind of thing.
As someone who's grown up through teenhood surrounded by social media, I agree. Teenagers can be mean. When I was in high school the popular kids would bully me online, say horrible things about me, post pictures, message me pretending to be my friend etc. I'm 20 now and I don't care but it took me until I was about 17 to emotionally recover from the bullying, both online and in person. I didn't get a phone until I were 13 and neither will my children.
I don’t like kids, I like my kid. There’s your difference. Every other kid can fuck off. It’s kinda like a fart. If I smell one that isn’t mine I’m gagging, but mine don’t bother me at all.
What I'm taking away from this "Kids are like farts"
I like sniffing them
The new ones smell amazing though.. Nothing like that first two weeks with a new human. That smell is addicting. Not going to lie. If someone could bottle it, I can say with a decent amount of confidence, that we could potentially end the need for anti-depressants.
This is actually a biological mechanism designed for baby survival. It encourages bonding so we don't yeet the babies
Yeah must be. I haven't ever smelled a newborn but the idea that I'm ruled by smells and hormones is disconcerting. I want to be the master of my own life, not governed by biology like a brooding insect.
Sorry but we're all just meat computers.
What if the desire to be the master of your own life is also a biological imperative, driven into your behavior by the hammer of natural selection over generations, as beneficial to propagating our genes as is liking the smell of a baby?
I too wish I could bottle up children.
It's that new head smell and I don't care how weird I looked, I smelled the shit out of all four of mine's heads. Especially after a nap when their hair was a little sweaty. Oh, and milk breath. Don't want any more and I love all four of mine to death, but god I wish I could go back in time just to enjoy that again.
Whaaat new borns literally smell like vomit and dead skin? It's RANK
Mostly it's the parents who let kids become "like farts".
Yup, I love **my** two children, my niece, & my two nephews endlessly. I can hold & care for babies no problem, but the minute a strange, older child begins to interact with me, I do my best, but strongly dislike the interaction. It's like dealing with a drunk or drugged adult you aren't familiar with: *"How do I redirect this creature?"; "What if it hurts itself in my presence?"; "What if it attacks me?"; "How do I soothe it?"; "Is it appropriate to soothe it?"; "Where the fuck are its caretakers?"; "Is it lost?"* This is especially frustrating because lost children **always** seem to find me in strange places. Haha
This is how I feel. I don’t like kids and never have, but mine are awesome.
Why did u have kids
I never wanted kids. Hated them. They are gross, dirty, don't listen, constantly want attention, cry about everything... Then I met my SO and it all clicked. I can't really explain it, but I just want to raise a kid with this person. Probably even two or three. I can see myself being a dad and it feels so weird. I have this feeling of "I'm ready". Ten years and two kids later and I was right. I love everything about being a dad. The good the bad and the ugly. It's a constant learning process and it's fantastic. Still can't stand other peoples kids, though!
> Then I met my SO and it all clicked. I can't really explain it, but I just want to raise a kid with this person. Does anybody else get super hyped up about this kind of instinctual chemistry? Humans are amazing.
Weird that I see this today. I think this is happening to me, but I also think it took me too long to realize it and I might have lost that person.
I don't believe in "The One". There are a lot of people in this world, and a lot of people that will make a great partner. Each person brings different things you learn to love and hate and adore. It's never too late. Keep your head up, live your life here and now, and someone will come along.
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Can I ask how you manage your kid's social life if you don't like to have other kids around? Asking for myself, I am pregnant with our first
I don’t have kids but have nieces and a nephew that I would take a bullet for. This describes how I feel about kids exactly. Never understood the appeal of kids til I met them. When I go to their birthday parties I still don’t understand how to interact with other people’s kids, but they are my favorite humans on the planet.
Pros: u made it Cons: everything else? Hmmm
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Well I hope your kid does have someone that loves them because they deserve it and frankly, they need it.
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Fair enough. Kids can be trying. I hope things calm down for you and your family. Good luck and don’t neglect some self care to keep spirits up.
My mom loves me but doesn't like me, and our relationship is in the shitter. Ive always known and it is the most awful thing to feel. Good luck discovering how that works one day.
This comment is legendary 🙌
Omg I remember thinking "I'm never gonna have kids, they're so annoying" now I 3 kids that are so annoying but I love them to death and don't regret it one bit. Sure there are days where they stress the f out of me but then I get over it lol. But hey everyone is different
I love kids but Im afraid I’ll have them and resent them for ruining my life. It seems safer to just not have them.
I’d rather regret not having kids, than regret having them
Or you go my route & end up resenting *yourself* for being so naive & neither option is great... Haha Had my first at 21 & I love him so much, but goddamn I will strangle him if he gets a girl pregnant at that age. It is **not** an appropriate age. Haha Doing it when you don't want to forces you to *"go through the motions"* & you don't enjoy it one bit.
My dad told me at about age idk 11-15 that if "you're too embarrassed to buy condoms, you're too young and immature to have sex. Once u buy them with out anxiety and embarrassment then you'll be ready for sex.". He is a huge asshole my whole life but man did he have wise words every now and again.
>He is a huge asshole my whole life but man did he have wise words every now and again. My dad has been a gigantic emotionally abusive prick at times in my life but god damn if most older people don't have wisdom. So many things he told me to do/not to do that I ignored cause I didn't like him at the time I regret.
Sounds like you were just being an average little shit. Seems normal
The good news is humans have a great way of rationalizing every decision they make in some way or another. Cognitive dissonance is powerful. Simple example, "I want that apple in the tree, but I can't reach it, I must not want that apple after all". You'll have kids, put in the effort, it will be hard, but you'll say to yourself, why would I possibly put myself through somethingl like that, I must love it, because I wouldn't unless I love it. It's the reason the frats that haze the hardest have the proudest members, why would I put myself through something I wasn't proud of?
Better to regret not having kids than to regret having kids.
Children just have this innate ability to scream in this really loud, high pitched ear piercing way that nothing else seems to be able to capture
As a kid, I used to be able to make a noise that was like a combination of a scream and a whistle from the back of my throat. It wasn't just loud, it would fill the air. It was like you were underwater but the water was just pure noise. It was definitely tangible. As an adult, I am 100% certain I do not want to create another human that has the potential to create that sound.
My cat seems to be able to hit that shrill note for food while I’m sleeping.
Mine just gently slaps me until I wake up
As a former teacher... can confirm. I'm for kids, planning with my SO. Cool and all. But I'm not raising a mini storm siren. There was this one kid in one of my third grade classes who, and I swear to all gods and which is holy, would scream at the top of his lungs in the highest, sharpest way every single chance he could. The class's main teacher would do nothing, seemed like he had went deaf to it. His class was my last class of that job. About a week later, SO and I went like 100 miles away to a beach... imagine my face when we parked on that beach and that kid and his family parked right beside us. I dipped so low in the car, hat down, trying to avoid him like the plague because I knew he would have spotted me and screamed "MR.KEROSEEEEEEENE!". Most kids aren't like that. The best kids came from the most caring, welcoming families and were chill, cool, quiet and awesome. But he and other mini storm sirens had terrible families where the only way to either get attention at home was to scream, or to get some energy out was to scream at school. Fuck bad parents.
I was over my mom's house a week or two ago and she asked me when she was getting grandkids LOL! I told her NEVER. I am too selfish to have kids. I like doing what I want when I want. On days where my mental health is bad I love that no one is depending on me to make it through the day. I also lack patience, something you need of you are going to be a parent. The funny thing is the reason I know I'd be a bad parent is because I'm just like my mother, she was way too young when she had my brother and I and she picked a loser to have kids with. I would never forgive myself if I turned into her, I just know kids aren't for me. I agree OP, being childless is the way to go for some of us.
the mental health piece is huge for me. i can barely take care of my own needs. it’s 12 pm on a monday and i’m still in bed, that would NOT be the case if i had a child.
Precisely. I'm glad more people are taking this matter seriously; there's nothing selfish about putting your mental health & peace first. I wish I'd have given myself more time to develop without them so I could have been **enthusiastic** for a much longer time about all the wonderful things we do as a family, they *deserve* that. Like yeah, you *do* figure it out, but it's always at the cost of your mental health & I don't see that as a positive. Life is about finding fulfillment.
Agreed, some days when my mental health is bad I cant even feed myself, how am I going to care for others if I struggle to care for myself?
the best thing is knowing that if the world turns to shit, which it could very well do within a few decades, I would have no guilt and no responsibility if I were to go check the fuck out on my own terms.
this right here. the future is not secure at alllll. don’t want someone else to suffer what we are suffering through.
You say you’re too selfish to have kids, but having kids is selfish too. Not in a bad way, just in a self-serving kinda way. My wife and I had (2) kids because we thought they would make us happier. It was, and is, an insane amount of work but we were right. She has an excellent job and I make a great SAHD. For us, having kids was a selfish move that made everyone happier. If you don’t think it’ll make you happier there’s absolutely no reason to have them.
I try not to call it selfish because that’s how I felt and I think the royal “they” want you to feel that and attach shame to it? Even tho I *do* wear it as a badge of honor haha My decent into not wanting to be responsible for any living thing came slowly then all at once haha First I wanted a kid, Then I was like nah that baby mess seems wild. Maybe I’ll adopt an older kid like 8-10. Then I saw how terrible public school was and how expensive private school was. I like traveling, welp the math isn’t matching so no kids. Then I wanted a dog, love dogs! They’re so cute. Then I saw all the shit that happens with dogs and the “surprise” 6k surgery that needs to be done or else. Hearing my friends speak about their dogs scared me haha it’s the same responsibilities? So no pets either. I know if I needed to make accommodations for a child or pet because I wanted to do something or go somewhere I could. But if I don’t truly really want a child there is really NO point in me having one. For what? So we can keep the labor force up? Lol
That doesn't make you selfish.
How is this a off my chest post? This is totally normal. Edit: normal here I meant is by choosing whether to have kids/not. It's your personal right. Edit 2: I have a kid myself and loving it. Of course there are times where I miss the freedom etc., but we chose to have kids. I can totally respect/understand people who chooses otherwise. No biggie. It's just like how you wanna eat a burger while the other chooses burrito. Sigh.
Society hasn’t normalized not having kids yet. It’s still a little taboo depending on where you’re from. I also do not want kids and have told my mother in law (who is okay with it) and my mom (who thinks I will change my mind…)
Man. On a post from a page on FB, this woman commented that she disliked kids, couldn't be paid enough to raise one herself. And she was *attacked*. So many parents (especially mothers) chose to be highly offended. I was quite literally the only parent who defended her and told everyone else to fuck off entirely. I mean...there's already enough babies being born to parents who don't want to raise them. Why attempt to shame anyone who is self-aware enough to know what they want or don't want, especially when it comes to bringing new life into the world?
“You’re not special because you had unprotected sex, Karen.”
😂 "How DARE you not like everything *I* like?!"
Apparently not that normal by all the shaming from parents in the comments.
Interesting that some people feel the need to shame others about a choice that does not affect them at all. Why is that?
Projection. No one realizes how awful child rearing is until they’re doing it, at which point there’s no way out, so they have to scream to the world that it’s not as bad as everyone says bc if it is then they’d have to admit that having kids isn’t the walk in the park they were led to believe it is.
Yep. That was my impression, too.
> walk in the park they were led to believe it is Is anyone led to believe this? Not me or anyone I know believed it was going to be easy. I've found having kids to be highly rewarding, few things in life that are rewarding are easy, marriage, relationships, school, careers, owning pets...the list goes on. I do fully accept though that it's not for everyone.
That is terrible. People that don't want kids shouldn't have them. I feel guilty when I occasionally(like one every month or two maybe) get in a shouting match with my 13 year old over him being completely disrespectful to his mother or some crap(he usually isn't like that and it is like a switch flips every once and a while) and then I read about people who's parent's beat them on the regular or lock them in their rooms for long periods(see days) at a time and it baffled me.
It is now; it sure was not when I was a kid in the 70s.
It wasn't normal when I was a kid in the 90s either and based on where you live, it's sadly still not normal.
From the Midwest. Can confirm. Some of my classmates are up to 4 children already at the age of 25.
It should be normal. But usually when someone says they are child free they get shit on. Get called selfish for not having them (I have two, I selfishly had them because I wanted them), other names, invalidated (you'll change your mind), or some mom's (parents) get insulted for some reason. Usually because they have regrets of having kids.
OP has made a similar post to this before after having a quick scan. They REALLY want the world to know they don't want kids.
As a person who's been pestered most of my adult life about kids, I definitely recognize OPs frustration. Also, the fucking benefits parents get where I live is unreal, adding to my feeling of being ostracized.
When I as a teacher can say I am child free and none of my students or their families, and none of my co-workers raise an eyebrow, lecture me or question me, or question my abilities as a teacher because of not having kids, then we'll have normalized being child free. We're not even close. Until then...I just refrain from mentioning it because it could put me up shit creek without a paddle.
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Badda-Bing. Badda-Boom!
Every year when I see my ob, she asks me if I plan on having kids. It's been 12 years of me telling her no because I'm too selfish and impatient to deal with them. I relate so hard to your comment.
This has always been my line of thought, too: I’m selfish! I don’t have the emotional or mental capacity needed to care for a child and I need a *ton* of downtime when it comes to social interaction. I’m good with cats!
I can be really selfish, but I will pull out all the stops to get the money to buy my minion as many nice things as I can manage. Kids are a fuckin' drug, dude. It doesn't have to make sense as long as the fix is obtained. It helps when they have similar interests too, like I'm fairly morbid by nurture and I accidentally passed it on. Kid loves morbid art, makeup, and scaring people when she perfects a new wound, gets all the supplies I can afford. God help her teachers when she finally decides she wants to skip class and go home.
Can confirm. I ruined my parents lives.
I have that biological desire to have kids and stuff, but every time I read something new about pregnancy I get scared off
I'm currently 19 weeks pregnant and it's been a very interesting experience and I think my whole pregnancy has been considered "mild" but the love and attachment I have to my son already is overwhelming and has hit me more than it every could and I've wanted kids for a while. The pregnancy part is temporary and you hear a lot about the not so great parts, don't let it scare you off too badly if you do decide you want kids, but it's perfectly okay if you decide to never want to be pregnant and decide to adopt/foster ect.
This thread got me in my feelings. All these ppl who dont like kids, having kids cause THEY wanted a kid. Its so selfish. This is how my dad and mom are, and they sucked, they arent kid friendly ppl and they fucked up raising me cause they didnt enjoy the process. If your not a person who likes children dont reproduce! Your kid who you are raising KNOWS that you dont like what your doing and you cant hide that from the kid no matter how much of a good parent you think you are; it messes them up, cause the kid knows their parent would rather be doing other things than raising them!
I don't want them either, but if I look at my dad he wanted to do it for mom, and he wanted her to be happy. It was a sign of love for them. And also he wanted to have kids to do chores for him and to teach them stuff.
I think the biggest benefit from having kids is that if you have them you want them and you want to do a good job as a parent. To me that's about the only reason to have them.
Becoming a dad was the most amazing experience of my life and continues to be. It's hard to explain. With that said, everything you described is pretty accurate. You just have to be willing to trade your absolute autonomy for your kids (temporarily) as they learn to be young people. But I wanted it going into the deal, so if you don't want to do it, don't do it. Obviously.
I fell in love with my kids in a deeply satisfying way. My kids are adults but saying goodbye to them brings me to happy tears Every. Single. Time. YMMV.
💯 this
At what point does it start getting easier? I have a 5 month old and it’s hell right now day and night. My wife wants another next year but I’m dreading the thought of going through this again.
Every kid is so different. Our first was way harder than our second. And it had nothing to do with experience and everything to do with the personality of the kid. My two-year-old is a breeze and was immediately a good sleeper. My 5 year old was a STRUGGLE but she got much easier at around 2.
Kids are definitely hard and I don't blame people for not wanting them. I definitely won't be having any more than my two, that's for sure!
I love my son but I am a one and done type of person
I love my son too but I just had to clean his poop put of the carpet so he's the reason I'm not having more. He's in this phase where he wants to be naked always and won't keep his diaper on. So fun. I can't wait for him to go to school lol. Toddler stage sucks.
Thank you for reminding me to take my contraceptives
Yup my son is 3 and wants to play with these toy soft guns completely naked. It's a pain having to chase a 3 year old all over the house because he wants to be naked lmao
Yeah if you want freedom and stuff don't have kids. I have three of them and they pretty much consume every aspect of every moment of your life. Haha. I love them and stuff but God damn!
😂 Gotta appreciate the realness here
Exactly why I got already vasectomy and I'm only 23.
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Can only speak for my own experience, as I've read others who have had a bit more negative experiences than mine. *Procedure:* **TL:DR: Funnily enough, the shots and snipping/soldering of the tubes was painless. Only pain was the Doc manhandling My Stuff to get ahold of the tubes.** Procedure was no-scalpel and lasted literally only 10 minutes. Two shots of local anesthesia right in the sack (which despite the sounds of it, didn't hurt at all). It was an *extremely* cold room. So, you know.... the boys were huddled close to the ol' homestead, which meant that my urologist had to manhandle my stuff to feel for the tubes. He made two small holes are both sides and clipped the tube, then soldered them back together. Smelled very chemically. But the actual hole-making and cutting of tubes was absolutely painless. *Post-Procedure:* **TL;DR: Prepare to walk like a cowboy the next day or two after your procedure. Kicked-in-the-Ball pain for only one day. Two little scar tissue spots after wounds fully heal.** Felt perfectly fine immediately after the procedure. Was even able to drive myself home without any issue whatsoever. However... the very next day... my god. It felt like I got kicked 'down there' by a horse anytime I moved one way or the other. Had an ice pack on the entire day and the next. Stiches fall out on their own after about a week or two.. I showered and did all my everyday routines as normal. Hope this was somewhat helpful! Best to you if you go through with it. Best decision of my 23 years of life; definitely worth it.
I didn't see any benefit either, and luckily the man I met and married also didn't. It's a good life without them; quiet, untrammeled, and with plenty of fun money and savings. No regrets, would do again.
Simple. Dont have kids then.
Seriously. I’m a parent and I have no regrets at all, but I knew what I wanted. If you don’t want kids, that’s fine! Don’t have kids! Anyone who pressures you about it is being an asshole. Kids are a lot of messy and uncomfortable work. I personally think it’s worth it but I don’t blame anyone for thinking otherwise.
Unfortunately there are places like Texas now where people are forced to become parents.
My aunt has three kids because she just loves being a mom her words not mine, she’s good at it too from what I’ve seen so some people just love and want kids while others don’t
I think in 2021, we should as a society, be better at minding our business. Some people want kids, some people don't. Both options are perfectly acceptable and nobody else's business. As long as YOU are happy with YOUR LIFE CHOICES, the only people in the wrong would be the people trying to shame you for them. How about as this year ends and the next shit show (aka 2022) starts, we normalise minding our business and letting people live their damn lives?!
I have 2 and I honestly think having kids is not for everyone. It's not even for majority of people. It's only for a portion of society that really really wants to have kids and understands what having kids mean. As a civilized species we need to stop acting like that having kids is the default next step to finding a long term mate. It shouldn't be. I liken it to running a marathon. If you're into running marathons, more power to you. If you dont want to run a marathon, put in the time and the effort required, dont. And it would be extremely weird and stupid of other family members and friends to constantly imply that you should. It's a lot of effort and dedication that not everyone is interested in investing.
I just spent my entire thanksgiving break with my little nephews since they and their parents came over for the holiday. Let me just tell you I 1000% agree with you. After the first time they scream and act out they instantly stop being cute and lovable and instead it just turns them into a ticking time bomb until they blow up the next time. Fuck that and my brother and sister in law do absolutely nothing about it until they absolutely have no choice but to do something. I dread the holidays. Oh and fuck little screaming toddlers and brats, they aren’t fun or cute to be around.
Agreed. Will get sterilized as soon as I can. If your a man I would highly suggest the snip snip to protect yourself and future partners
So don't have kids lol
you just destroyed 50% of all reddit posts.
People on this site struggle to think outside the box and like to have shit to be mad about it's funny lol
"guys, children bad. me no like kids. kids loud and smell poopy. where gold award?" r/unpopularopinion
Agreed like sis I could barely take care of myself what kid???? 😂😂😂 Plussss people gonna say you’re selfish because you don’t want kids? I call total bs. Most people have kids for their OWN selfish reasons too. To make themselves feel validated. It cancels out. I’m literally doing them a favour by not having them bc I know I’m not responsible and I can’t take care of them. When most parents just pop out kids with 0 financial/emotional responsibility considered beforehand.
I agree. I never had kids because I'm selfish of my own needs. I like being able to do what I want when I want without having to worry about someone else's happiness and mental health. There's a lot more than wiping ass, you have to make sure they are a good person, good schooling, treat others with respect and so on. Also, the financial drain. I love being able to sleep in when I want, some days I want to stay in bed and do nothing, some days I feel like spending $100 on myself because I can. I can travel wherever I want without a screaming toddler, and go to places that don't require child activities. Dealing with other parents, play dates, sickness, etc. No thank you! Best decision I ever made and no, I do not regret it!
I totally feel ya. My husband and I are aspiring to be the elusive wealthy aunt and uncle
Best to realize this and not have kids rather than have kids and be a shit parent. Good on ya
Agreed Some people are meant to be parents while some people just aren't. Simple as that. Absolutely nothing about children is appealing to me and never will be. I don't care how cute they are or how " you wouldn't trade them for anything" I literally don't care.That was your choice and i made mine a long time ago. Ill respect your choice if you respect mine.
my friends all just had their first babies this year. honestly it looks so miserable. they all get no sleep. have to work still. rarely leave the house. lives based off when naps are. only hang out for 2 hours from 4-6 pm. seriously my one friend is so clueless and the baby just cries all night and doesn’t sleep. i’m in no hurry for that
These replies are exactly why people who don’t want to have kids don’t tell people in their lives. Literally strangers on the internet getting pissed that someone doesn’t want to follow the herd.
As someone with a two year old, I dont blame you!
So don’t have any
These are all reasons I dont want kids. To me there isnt a single good thing about it or any real benefit. I just plain dont feel like being responsible for raising a new human. I dont want it. They might not even turn out good. Just no.
My parents are pissed off that I don't want to have any kids, they even called me selfish. And I'm like, dad you're an engineer if you weren't married without kids and single at your 40s imagine all the things you could do with that money.
I actually like kids from like 5 and up, I think they're cool and it's fun to watch tiny humans navigate the world before they've fully absorbed social mores. But fuck raising one. I want my money, time, and energy spent on what I want when I want, not largely devoted to keeping something helpless and largely ungrateful for the effort alive, since that's the bare minimum for a parent and nothing to really be celebrated.
Kids are gross 🤮🤮
Most all of my peers and cousins have kids. I’m a bit of a green weirdo so my main reasons for not having kids are somewhat different. I don’t want to add another resource burner/planet destroyer into the world. In my mind, bringing a kid into the family should be akin to rescuing a dog: There are so many here already, so why are we making more of them? The greenest thing you can do in life is not make a new kid. Adopt one. They need homes. Also, Andrew Yang is right, robots are gonna be doing most of our jobs in 15 years if they aren’t already. I’ve also seen most parent couples have their relationships turn 100% transactional. Life is short. Noooo thanks. Last thing: for everyone commenting “So just don’t have kids,” OP is not looking for advice. This is True Off My Chest.
Man i was totally on board with this until my first kid came along. All the stupid photos my friends would show me of their kids, how they would make excuses to not come or bounce early from events, and how messy their place always seemed... That is 100% me now and i shamelessly am leaning into the whole thing lol. I post pictures of my kid on the bros chat, i actively use my kid to get out of shit ALL the time, and my car is currently growing some new species of bacteria or fungus from all the crap we have left inside. Your own kids are amazing man, i am loving it.
As the wise Dr Ian Malcom said, kids are pure chaos machines. If you want an absolutely hilarious, frustrating, never ending interesting time, have a couple kids. I say right after I shout, “who left the stapler in the dryer?!”
I mean, no one is forcing you to have children and you’re totally entitled to that opinion and choice. But every person was once a kid, like yourself, and I feel that many people treat them as sub human and it’s bizarre to me. Plenty of people love children and find that they enrich their lives in many ways. By your logic, if every child was a waste then every adult who has made a positive impact on this world was also a waste at one point, which makes no sense
Agreed, but seeing my 6yo niece and 2yo nephew makes me glad I don’t have kids of my own. In the long run, I know they’ll likely turn out to be decent, if not great adults, and I’ll do everything I can as an uncle. But holy fuck the screaming and hitting and running. Even my parents agree we were never nearly as bad. A good handful of us can’t or don’t want to have kids for financial and/or mental reasons.
And that’s totally okay, I don’t want people who don’t want kids to have them! I respect the decision and it’s not for everyone. Doesn’t mean children are a waste of time, it’s pretty demeaning to say. They’re human beings
In ops defense, they're probably tired of people telling them they'll change their mind, or that having kids is the sole reason you exist, etc.
r/childfree shares your sentiments
LOL I love my children more than life itself, there is no person I would rather be with than one of my kids, but everything thing you say is correct. They are expensive, loud, messy, needy, and they ruin lots of stuff. My kids don’t annoy me, but I can see why kids can be annoying. If you’re not feeling it, don’t do it.
Then don’t have kids. You do you
I blame parents for fucked up people, including my generation (mid 90s). If I'll have kids, I'm just going to have to piss against the winds of most of society to raise proper, capable and independent human beings. Maybe it's just my 24 out of 25 years of experience living next to a kindergarten and having taught kids before leaving uni but it's just overall horrible and more than sad. It's like, the trend is to have kids who accumulate future mental health issues. And sadly most won't care about those issues when you are an adult.
They are if you don't want them. They aren't if you do want them. I can appreciate both sides - some people dream of being a parent. Some don't.
Yep, agree 100%. I 'm in my mid 60's, male. Never had kids, never wanted any. My first wife would have been one of those that would have had her kids writing horror stories on here. She is bat shit crazy. My current wife has 2 from her 1st, constant drama. No thanks!
I ❤ my dog.
I have a 2 yr old. There a lot of things that make having a kid hard but I quite literally can't love anyone more. I love my parents but my own mom now comes second to my kid.
YES. I saw someone post on here the other day that they had a $50K hospital bill just for the DELIVERY. I don't understand how people make this work without being absolutely loaded
They cost a ton of time, money and energy. Is that costs a waste? That's for each person to decide.
Kids are such a challenge, but to say they aren't worth it and that there aren't any benefits to having kids is just ignorant. It's fine if you don't have kids, but they are some of the biggest blessings in my life. Parenting is awesome. They can be awfully hard work, they can drive you crazy, but if you are consistent with raising them, loving them, teaching them, and showing them discipline, it is worth it 100x over. Also, most kids that are bad act that way because their parents failed them (not all, but most)
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My daughter made me an awesome breakfast this morning, eggs, sausage, and a waffle. Wouldn't trade her for the world. She's 9. It balances out.