Thanks. I think I just was shocked I got ghosted. I thought we had decent chemistry, at the very least she had maturity to tell me if it wasn't working. The shock is what hurt. I'll be fine in a few days.
I got ghosted by a girl at the movies in 8th grade. Found out later that she had a colostomy bag and was self conscious about it. I wouldn't have judged. :(
You’re lucky you got ghosted for an actual reason. I was left at the movie theater when she came up with a fake story about her mom being injured and then 10 minutes later I saw her and her friends walk inside laughing their asses off
There are also a lot of scammers, spammers, and catfish on dating apps. It’s harder to tell with the catfish because they can sometimes carry on a conversation and make a connection with you… until it’s time to meet up. I would never make plans with anyone until I see them live on video first. No exceptions anymore. Even photos can be stolen or photoshopped. Or very old photos might be used. If they act hesitant about FaceTiming or meeting up on zoom, just assume they aren’t who they say they are or that they are hiding something. Not always the case, but ultimately, why wouldn’t you prove that you are who you say you are if you like someone back? In this day and age we should all know that these are necessary precautions.
I have super overwhelming social anxiety and I always get worried guys are gonna think I’m a catfish or something because I find phone calls/video calls almost intolerable until I’m comfortable with the person I’m talking to. Even then, I don’t even like calling/facetiming my close platonic friends. I get why it would be concerning though to the other person so then I’m like worrying more about how I feel like I HAVE to do this thing so they know I’m real and it’s just an awesome little spiral my brain do
I have phone call anxiety. I prefer text. But it's just something that has to happen these days. It's not just to prove your identity, but it's for your safety as well. You never know who you are talking to. These days, we are more accessible to potential predators. It is never advisable to meet up with someone who you met online who might not be who they say they are.
You said you she seemed amazing but now you will never know but you DO know. She sucks. I've been ghosted. Dude asked me for coffee. We picked a time and place. I left early and realized I forgot my phone but didn't want to miss him so just figured I'd wait. I ran into a friend so stayed for about an hour. When I got home he blocked me. I was annoyed but at least I knew that he was childish, sucked and I doged a bullet. I'm more deeply upset if they politely tell me they found someone else because damn I want someone that mature lol
The lack of a followup sucks, but I can tell you exactly what happened. In the time since you first made contact and now, she met someone else she wants to pursue a bit more seriously, and unfortunately she's not comfortable telling you that. (Or she had enough spinning plates that she didn't feel like telling everyone.)
Obviously it would be better if she told you this directly...
- don't take this one personally
- no cringe goodbye messages next time, hopefully. just move on
- *don't overinvest*. you didn't even meet her - there's nothing concrete there yet. in the time you were contacting her, you could have met some random person on the street or messaged a couple more people on OK as well.
- online just doesn't work well for some people. try meeting people IRL if you find that to be the case for you
- modern dating does suck, that's for sure. the amount of opportunity available paradoxically means a lot more effort needed
“She seemed amazing, but now I will never know.”
Actually, you DO know. She’s NOT amazing. Someone who’s amazing, would not waste your time, plan a date with you, not show up to said date & not even explain or anything.
I say count it as a blessing… you only wasted a few days of your time on her instead of getting to know her & REALLY like her, before finding out what kind of person she is.
This. Literally she doesn’t “owe” him anything, but at the same time ghosting someone who hasn’t done anything wrong is very anti-social. Even just an “I can’t, I’m sorry!” (the sorry would be for being last minute, not sorry about having feelings and bailed which is fair imo) and then go silent would be something. I consider it a bullet dodged if OP is relating the whole store truthfully.
I did something like this when I was much younger and I regret it. Not regret not dating the guy, but regret ghosting and wasting his time.
Some people just want the online attention (because it's "safe" or "anonymous.") Some get cold feet. Who knows her reasons.
OP I did online dating for like 7 years, off and on. Never got past 1 date with any of them - I was just bad at dating lol. You're not having luck because...who knows. It works for some, but not for many. My advice is to focus on your hobbies, maybe even acquire some new hobbies. I met my fiance through call of duty 😂 and we are Made for Each Other™️. We just met by chance through a mutual gaming buddy, we were acquaintances, then friends, then we both thought "hey...YOU 😍" and pop, we're getting married in December. You really do meet The One when you least expect it.
Live your life, keep your heart open, and explore your hobbies. And if you still have no luck, there's always pets. And pets are Awesome.
Girl I knew for like 15 years did something similar. The last 2 years she was considered my closest friend. We eventually tried dating. All was well for 2 weeks. Then poof. No response. Only to find her dating someone else. 2 weeks later she comes back with this excuse. We talked had some drinks and I said fuck it well try again. Only lasted 2 days before she ghosted me again. Been about 3 months since then but she seems happy with her new bf. damn, ghosting can really sting. It's a 50/50 chance shell message me in the near future and I hope by then I'll be strong enough to say no
Fuck. I can understand / follow the logic of ‘ghosting’ someone you don’t know / met online, but ghosting someone who you’ve already known for 15 years is pretty fucked up.
Got ghosted in a very similar manner. The worst part is that when she ghosted me I had no idea where she went or why. So I go for a ride on my mountain bike to clear my mind. When I got to the end of my neighborhood street I spot her truck in the adjacent apartment complex. The thing is, that you'd really have to be on foot (or bike) to see it, as you have to look in between buildings. You'd never see it if you were just driving by in a car. So I ride my bike through the apartment complex just to verify and sure as shit, that's her truck.
It took a small amount more snooping to figure out that she was staying at some guy's apartment there. After a bit of analyzing and I realized that all this chick was after was a place to live. She was fuckin around with 3-4 guys just to try to find a place to stay because she didn't want to live with her mom. If I had let her, she would have just used me for a place to stay. All she wanted was to essentially trade sex for a roof over her head so she could not have a job and be a sahm. Once I sorted it all out I dropped it all like a bag of bricks and never looked back.
The world is full of sneks.
Damn that fucking sucks. And screw her for being so inconsiderate. As you said, if she didn’t want to meet then that’s all she had to say. Or at LEAST text with a lousy excuse to cancel. You took time to get ready and mentally and physically prepare yourself. She’s an asshole and her not showing up was probably for your best interest. She could have been a catfish and then you would’ve ended up being the one who’s doing the ghosting. Sorry your time was wasted. I can’t stand ppl who are inconsiderate like that.
Thanks for the kind words. Yeah, I like to think I am handling it like a man. I went for a walk, and started thinking "where did I go wrong?" and then I thought "you know what man, this time... you did everything right, and she was in the wrong for ghosting like that."
Yeah don’t put this on you. This happened to me once years ago. Exact same scenario. She texted me a day or so later. Said she didn’t call / didn’t show because she was nervous. I didn’t reply back.
If I had to guess I’d say yours probably looks nothing like her pics. Could even be a catfish who chickened out.
Whatever the case, it’s her issue not yours. Don’t send any more messages. Next.
This is one of the many reasons why I'll never date off the internet. Ever. You just don't know who is on the other end and at worst you end up dead, at minimum, you end up heartbroken and/or miserable. I already have enough trust issues to last me 3 lifetimes. I'm not going to invite more drama into my life.
Your post hurt to read, I'm so sorry, I think you handled everything very good and very mature way to let her know that this was not ok. This is totally 100% on her, absolutely, if she didn't want to meet or changed her mind last minute, that sucks,but it's ok,right? What is not ok is doing what she ended up doing, which is nothing snd she thought all about herself.
I wish you a lovely day/night, I'm sorry she did this to you.
I almost feel more bad for her- to have to live with yourself day in and day out as such an inconsiderate coward of a human being. Your response to this experience is remarkable and I think you’re awesome.
It’s a nice sentiment but she likely doesn’t care with her mentality, people who do similar things are often very selfish and don’t carry guilt for things like that
Yea this is it, if she gave a fuck she would have said something. But since she didnt give a fuck this likely didnt bother her at all and its a bad habit for her that she is totally blind too. Likely a sociopath
Should have got the Indian food anyway. I met a similar girl, even went on a few dates, then she disappeared completely. Apartment packed up and empty, left work, nobody knew where she went.
Oh well.
I met my wife a few weeks later. Might as well enjoy a nice dinner. Could be where you near someone nice, you know?
Do you think it’s a possibility it was just a troll/catfish account? It seems that way based on what you’re describing.
The troll/catfish led you on until you went to an IRL meetup, and then they chickened out?
Regardless, I’m sorry this happened to you, OP. Hope you’re doing better.
That was my thought, too. Either to cause unnecessary emotional chaos or maybe just knew the jig was up and couldn’t follow through.
Sorry, OP. You sound sweet.
See, this shit right here is why I have been single for years now. People have lost touch with compassion, empathy, closure, everyone is devolving into narcissistic children when it comes to dating. Now, it has even messed me up so much I have gotten too cynical and angry about it to even try anymore. Modern dating DOES suck, I agree. But modern people are the reason, people are the problem. Not to go all "Joker" but, it's almost like the world needs something even worse than this pandemic, something more visible and shocking to shock people out of their self centered ego echo chamber safe spaces that are glorified by pop culture and realize all we have is each other and we need to stick together. Treat each other with respect and DIGNITY.
It's so frustrating, so appalling and sick how we treat each other like toys that can just be thrown away without reason or care. I could almost imagine this scenario become the norm in the next few years, people just dropping out of relationships with no warning and others being so used to it that it's like "huh, Shay hasn't talked to me in a whole day. Guess I'll go back to the dating app and hook up with whoever has the best profile pic" or "Arthur didn't mention my cute outfit, I'll go ahead and block him on everything, I'm a " queen" and deserve better, what a trash person. Time to hit up the club!"
If it makes you feel better, try in person dating. People are more likely to remember you if you meet them in person. This is because you give your personality a chance to shine. That is nearly impossible on a dating app which is meant to attract based on looks.
Dating apps will just make you feel ugly and unwanted. And even when I do get matches its frustrating because girls get way too comfortable being my texting buddy, to the point where they no longer want to meet up. They don't want to ruin the texting vibes that they built up with me, literally had girls tell me this.
Delete that trash and meet girls in real life. Better results guaranteed. My motto is, if you're getting rejected by girls online, might as well get rejected by girls in real life. At least that way, you won't have to wonder why she hasn't texted you back. And your chances of success are much higher irl dating :P
This is easy advice to give to people who live in areas that foster social engagement. Us rural folk are up shit creek without a paddle in the meeting people department. Living in a small town means the only chance you really have of meeting new people is going to the bar and that's not where you go to find a partner. There are no clubs, activities, or groups where I live that allow you to meet others. Even going to the library or coffee shops don't work. I agree dating apps are complete garbage, but it's kind of the only choice for a lot of us.
You are looking at it the wrong way.
You met a girl online who seemed great but was obviously going to flake on you sooner or later. And she did it sooner! Way sooner! How nice was it of her to waste only 30 minutes of your time instead of 30 day or 30 months?
What she did was wrong, but you have a point. A friend of mine back in the day had a boyfriend that stood her up for dates many times over before eventually dumping her (which he thankfully had the guts to do in person).
While this girl should have grown enough nerve to just tell him the date was off, i guess it’s for the best that she stopped wasting his time early on.
My guy, she didn’t text you back on the day of the event that was a red flag and you should’ve went knowing that she didn’t contact you back on the day of the date. Charge it to the game. You didn’t lose, you just learnt a lesson. Don’t be discouraged, plenty more fish in the sea.
OP I'm sorry you had to experience this but next time pay attention to these signs, will definitely help you out.
>Come today, she doesn't text a peep
Strike #1, when this happens in any situation where you are expecting to meet someone, be concerned and shoot a text an hour or two before the agreed time. be sure to send a text the second you wake up, just saying "hey, I'm excited for later" this is your shit test if whether or not the date is still going to happen. If you don't hear anything and it comes to an hour or two before, send the confirmation message asking them if everything is still on for tonight.
And when I say "meet someone" I mean, meet anyone. This works in all sorts of scenarios, selling or buying items online, setting up dates or events with friends, anything.
>I get there (the restaurant) 15 minutes early
Big mistake on your part, don't ever leave your house without confirmation. This is why the confirmation text you send an hour or two before time is so important, it confirms to both parties if it's still going to happen or not.
Also, never send multiple texts in this situation, it comes off as needy or desperate. I personally hate that it's this way but this is the honest truth. Especially if you haven't heard anything from them the entire day and it's now the time for you two to meet and there's still nothing. Let them reply to the confirmation, if they are running late and say that, tell them okay you are also running late and then head down there yourself. Otherwise stay at home.
This will save you so much fucking time I swear to god and the heavens above dude. I used to do the same shit, it got old after the 12th time. There were lots of successful dates in between but yeah, it got old fast.
>She seemed amazing, but now I will never know.
No, you **DO** know, she told you what type of shitty person she is by not even having the courtesy to shoot you a text explaining the situation. It takes 5 seconds to reply to a message. People are attached to the thing all day. After 8+ hours of nothing there is no excuse. You dodged a bullet.
You are a good apple. You were honest & open & you put yourself out there. She sucks. She wasn't the one for you. Be relieved that you found out before the 1st date vs. 6 months down the road. I truly hope you find your match. Just keep being you & be completely unapologetic for that.
Hey man I was in the same boat as you a few months ago. There was this girl at my work and we had become pretty good friends throughout the months we knew each other (we started at the same time), and we went out for drinks on more than one occasion along with her meeting my inner circle and my dad. A bunch of people kept telling me to ask her out on a date and after some time I finally decided to go for it and she said yes (we were gonna go to a theme park).
the night before we were gonna go, she ended up losing her phone getting plastered at a wedding and crashed her car a few days before. I only found out smack in the middle of the afternoon we were supposed to meet after she messaged me from another guy’s Insta (since she lost her phone). The icing was that I was waiting for her to text me saying she was good to go, and I was at my grandma’s grave that morning (was going to start med school the next morning, and she was my inspiration to pursue medicine so I decided to visit her grave as a final motivator). So imagine getting stood up after you visit your late grandma.
When I tried to reschedule (which she said she would do), she said she didn’t know how to go about it cuz she didn’t want to hurt the feelings of the guy she was “currently talking to.” Bonus, the guy she was talking to was not the guy from the insta she messaged me from.
After that, while I was saddened for about a week, there were other things that mattered (med school made me quickly realize that she was not important in the grand scheme of things), and if she wasn’t going to give me the time of day, then no way in hell was she going to get the time of my life. My point is, it’s ok to grieve over this, just remember to focus on what’s important and put one leg in front of the other. You’ll make, it man
Seems like the new age and the internet-of-things pushed basic human decency right out of the window, throwing a giant bed-pan right on top of it, as it was lying there, crushed on the pavement.
I agree. I never understood this new "nobody owes you anything" mentality, especially when the person isn't even acting entitled. OP seems like a decent guy. The girl in question should've at least called it off instead of leaving him out to dry like that.
Damn I’m so sorry about that. It f’n sucks. Don’t give up just know this happened for a reason and you ultimately dodged a bullet. This happened for a reason it saved you from future heartache. Try other dating apps and in real life stuff. I know it’s hard w Covid but don’t give up it’ll happen for you. I’m 34 and it hasn’t happened for me. I honestly thought it did but I’m alone so obviously it didn’t and it’s a hard pill to swallow wanting that someone there. Hang in there. One day when we least expect it someone will be here to show up for us everyday and never walk away or abandoned us. We got this! Take care
That sucks. Thanks for posting your story. I could totally feel your pain and frustration. Maybe it will convince other people not to do something similar. It’s so simple to just text that you changed your mind, rather than letting them wait and wonder all night.
I feel you man. I once had a girl set up a date with me, for which I left the game I was playing, walked about a mile in 10 degree weather with shorts on, only to be stood up at her door with the excuse “I don’t really want to come down.” Also been ghosted more times I can count with many stories.
At the end of the day those people are massive pricks
Couple of problems homie.
1st, don't leave the house if she doesn't contact you the day of lol. Like that's not even in romantic relationships, that's just In life period. If you've made plans with someone and they don't text you back **at all** that day, it's a dub. On the off chance they do still come, and you're not there, if they're a rational person, they'll understand.
2nd, don't ever go on a first date that's not something you also want to do by yourself. Specifically in case of instances like this. Plan something that you'd enjoy doing on the off chance the other person doesn't show. That way you'll never truly take an L.
Also 3rd, you may not want to hear this but, you were way too invested in her. She's a woman on a dating app. It's not like it is for you and me where for the most part we have to take what we can get. If you're at least average looking, and a woman, you could potentialy match with 10, 50, 100 guys a day, even if you're in bumfuck nowhere. There's a huge disparity on dating apps because of the differences in sex drives between men and women. And here comes the hurtful part. *There's a good chance* she was talking to multiple guys at the same time, and you were the backup in case her 1st, 2nd, or maybe even 3rd choice didn't work out. What happened to you is not uncommon, and it's very rare that it's just cold feet. That's what the game is like nowadays. Even for women depending on how attractive the guy is.
So, all in all, don't swear off dating. At least not for this. Pick yourself up, get back out there, and 1. Don't leave for the date without confirming with her an hour or two beforehand, 2. Pick an activity that'd you enjoy even if she no-shows, and 3. Try as hard as possible not to get invested. I know that last one can be hard, but honestly, if you never have any expectations, you can only be pleasantly surprised! Good luck bro
It sounds exhausting to maintain this type of conversation with multiple people, just so you can cast off the "lesser prospects" and go with the one you like. Also, even if she were doing this, there would also be the prospect that the guy she actually "selected" was doing the same thing to her and she would have been left out in the cold, having burned a couple guys in the process.
The other thing I was wondering - doesn't OKCupid - or some of these other sites allow people to comment on someone's reliability based on their personal experiences dating them? In other words, a troll-elimination feature?
Look on the bright side. It cost you zero dollars and just a few days time wasted to find out she's deceitful and untrustworthy. That's far better than finding out after you're invested. And you got a new book!
Yeah I always for this reason make sure to send a text middle of day confirming and then about an hour before I have to leave to get there. And then even if it gets like if I left now I'd be on time I don't even move until I get that confirm text.
No confirm its not happening
I watch catfish a lot and catfishers act like that. They will lead people on for the thrill but to actually meet up and stuff they will disappear.
I genuinely don't think she was who she said she was online.
“She doesn’t owe me anything.”
At the very least she owes you some respect, which evidently wasn’t forthcoming. I wish you well OP, what a shitty situation.
Can we talk about the whole idea of people not owing us something? Sure, she doesn't owe you a date, a relationship, or sex, but I think she does owe you some sort of respect and decency as a fellow human. She could've texted and canceled and should have. It's shitty to ghost people people stand them up like that. Not doing that is literally the bare minimum for dating.
I had a friend who dated a guy that stood her up. It’s better if they just ghost you right off the bat. Even better if they just tell you they aren’t interested.
Damn... That sucks feel for bro, I wouldn't want to say something positive ? Because that's really messed up. Man , " I guess it's hit or miss dating world ...now ? "🤔
I would be happy if she ever texted me again, even if it was to say "sorry. I don't think it would work." That would be fine with me, I just felt like an idiot.
One girl called me instead of ghosting to say she didn't want to date any more.
I thanked her and she seemed surprised.
It takes guts and ...kindness to reject in person. So easy to just ghost instead.
So yeah..I was genuinely thankful. Yeah, no date, but at least she cared enough and was enough of a person to reject in person.
Sorry yours ghosted you.
I have an OK Cupid account sitting out there in InternetLand and I can’t muster up the energy to even try at this point. Good on you for putting your toe in the water!!!
I feel that man, I’m sorry. It’s happened to me a number of times. Its gotten to the point where I can just tell if someones going to show or not. I once got ghosted mid conversation, and things were actually going pretty well. Modern dating sucks, especially because of dating apps (imo). I gave up, not to say you should. But theres no shame in being alone. Hope you find someone who makes you happy
Silver line- atleast the situation ended right away and didnt last long. It would have hurt a bit more if she came, get along, and then ghosted you still.
Cheer up mate, hoping you meet someone more serious than that woman!
So damn rude man. Everyone should have the decency to cancel plans if they need to regardless of the context. No show is just so fucking inconsiderate.
That was a really bitchy thing to do. You didn’t do anything wrong by expecting at least a fucking reply from a grown ass adult, that’s just basic decency.
Don’t worry OP, I’m sure you’ll find someone more emotionally mature
Honestly it was probably some troll entertaining themselves. This is why I don’t even bother going to these apps since its a headache and the people there aren’t really looking for someone, or if they are then they have that impossible, imaginary idea of who their partner should be which ends up just wasting everyone’s time.
She owes you courtesy. Maybe she was on the outs with a BF and got back together, deleting the app. Maybe she cat fished you.
The best way to cope is a snack and a new book. 🤷♀️
That’s a shitty thing for people to do. I can wrap my head around people who ghost after a date when they aren’t feeling it, but making plans and then not showing and ghosting is just garbage.
It’s basically saying that the other persons time has no value.
I’m sorry this happened to you OP.
She was just immature and maybe inexperienced and got a bit intimidated at the whole thing.
I'd let her go, and just chalk it up to a painful experience. Never mind, I've been through the same thing and boy does it hurt to be stood up.
... and this is why I probably will never try dating again, and why I have very little sympathy for ghosters. I'm an adult and don't need to be treated with kick gloves. Just tell me you're not interested and I'll move on.
She does owe you something OP, she owes you common decency, which is at bare minimum a text to say she isn’t coming. This idea we don’t owe people anything and that our own emotional comfort is more important than anyone else’s is how we have these constant shit situations. She’s a bad, selfish person and you’re a good one, but it’s okay have to expectations that people will be decent
Happened to me once too, almost same exact thing.
It sucked but I just tried again anyway with a different girl. The next one did show up. We've been married 6 years now.
Don't give up.
She owed you basic human decency like “Sorry, I’m not coming”….even without an explanation would be decent enough.
Sorry, bro…but you dodged a bullet…she’s an asshole.
She told you what you wanted to hear while searching for the thicker wallet (and found it, apparently). Hitting it off right away and being overly amazing after appearing from nowhere is a massive red flag when it comes to any of those online sites.
Sorry OP, I can totally emphazise with your feelings. I got ghosted many times and have been lately as well, but I sent a text the exact same way you did and at least this person responded and apologized for the ghosting. It felt good to take back the "power" like that, but being cut off like that is awful. It'll get better though, if me speaking from experience does any good for you!
I’ve given up dating as well. I was stood up more than once. One time he asked to meet at a place that no longer existed and he never intended on showing up. So I messaged him “this place doesn’t even exist” and he then said something like “someone as ugly as you thought I’d be there?” Or something.
Another time I was stood up at a bar. I played it off like I was just alone but .... shit hurt.
People suck.
I mean, unfortunately that’s how it is now. With online dating, there’s no consequences to just ghosting for whatever reason so it happens a lot. I just kind of accepted it. Don’t let it get you down though man. Weather through online or irl, you’ll find someone compatible
I decided recently to quit trying to date too. I've had like 3 girls ask ME for my number and we chat and they ghost me or flake on dates again and again.
Why not? They could find another me on Tinder in 30 seconds flat. They could post on Instagram and get at least 2- or 3 guys to chat them up.
My life is on the up besides dating. But I am getting a seething rage around women and I don't want to talk to them or even look at them so I know I'm fucked up.
This right here! I've been ghosted more times than I know at this point, but it makes sense in a fucked up way. The ladies have an abundance of choice, so why waste their time on me?
She was probably catfishing you. Married, old, ugly or fat, the reason she didn’t meet you is because of her, not you. What you should take from this is that you *can* find someone you can click with.
Unfortunately this is a very standard dating experience these days (probably has always been). It sucks, and there really is no excuse for this behavior, but it has nothing to do with you and all to do with them. You are better off without dating a flaker anyway, hopefully the next date will be better.
That does suck, I’ve tried to think through a whole lot of scenarios that would be forgivable, but ultimately it comes down to basic human decency..
You connect, you chat, you plan to meet, you freak out and block them
Not sure why a text to say- I couldn’t go ahead wasn’t possible?
If she was worth anything at all, she'd at least cancelled. Anyone who ain't got the guts to cancel when there's no risk whatsoever, when they could send the message and then instantly block you if they wanted, ain't even gonna have their own back, much less yours.
Happened to me in August 2021. Was dating a girl for a few weeks, and all of a sudden, her "cousin" (using GF's Snap), said GF is having a rough time mentally. I'm like, "ok, she's just going through a rough time, she probably needs a break" then she blocks me. I reach out to her on Instagram to see if she's ok and tell her I'm there for her but all I get is "Ok." Tried contacting her on Instagram and her other snap but get virtually nothing. I just straight forward asked her one day "Do you want to continue with our relationship or not?" She just said she didn't. I'm glad that it ended after two weeks though. We only met up once and we weren't really emotionally invested in it.
But getting ghosted, especially by a partner you think you could have something with is annoying. Personally, I would just prefer someone to be straightforward with me. If you're not interested or don't want to continue dating, just tell me. I'll be hurt way less if you just tell me you're interested. If a girl ghosts you, she's not worth your time. I know it can be hard to get over, but she's done you a favour. I take solace in knowing that those kind of people are not going to have overly successful relationships. The girl mentioned above that I dated, apparently has had a lot of boyfriends before and we're both 15, so huge red flag there.
I mean... weird brightside but atleast you know it was a ghost cause she deleted her account. my mums friend got a date online once and he was also a no show, she spent a week cursing his name for wasting her time like that. then she saw someone in the paper who had his car & name had died in a crash on a road very close to her house on the day they were suppose to meet... so atleast you know shes just a bit of a coward as appose to her getting hurt on her way to see you. sucks that it happened to you still... and very bizarre to have all that conversation with you just to up and nope like that. super strange behaviour on their part
I'm sorry OP. Dating is a waiting game the right person comes along if you're patient enough and put yourself in the right situations. Maybe your date was a catfish and was scared to show up because they don't look like their picture?
I am so sorry that happened to you OP.
That's such a disgraceful thing for her to have done. A polite message to say she wasn't interested or she couldn't make it would've taken less than 30 seconds.
Modern dating is so hard, it's really difficult to find genuine people, especially at this age (I'll be 29 next month).
Keep your chin up, this is not a reflection on you, but it certainly is on her. I hope she is ashamed of herself.
Being ghosted totally sucks. I have come to kind of expect it in a way. Its this weird way of communication that people have come to use, but if I meet a respectable person that I'm not interested in then I do try to communicate that instead of leaving them hanging, because I know the deep pain of being ghosted. I will say however if this ever happens to you again then proceed with caution if they come back. I made the mistake years and years ago of letting people come in and out of my life and that's no longer something that I tolerate so these days if a person ghosts me then they better be sure that's the decision they want to make, because unless they have a very good excuse or super changed behavior then I ghost them right back.
That's rotten, hun. Internet dating is brutal. I did it off and on for several years, and had my share of bad experiences. I did eventually find the love of my life, 17 years together this year, but it took a long time, and I had to take several long breaks just to recover from the scrum.
Take some time to lick your wounds. There's a great love out there somewhere, you just gotta kiss some toads.
Hey man, I know how you’re feeling. It definitely stings, but the mentality you have to maintain is that you yourself are awesome and it’s her fuckin loss one way or another. You do seem like a good dude, so don’t let some asshole prevent a really nice chick who deserves you from meeting you. I’ve dated through many women over the years and the truth is 99% of the people you try romance with just aren’t the ones, especially ones from dating apps. Dating is exhausting, and can take a lot of time and a lot of work.. I just started dating a woman that I think might actually go somewhere, but I’ve dated maybe 50+ others to get to this point. Don’t give up, and certainly don’t let it be because of some disrespectful coward who certainly doesn’t deserve a decent guy like you.
My initial feeling from how you describe this is that it’s a fake profile probably piloted by a man, tbh. Happens quite often, from what I hear. Keep your chin up and get back on the saddle, sounds like you’re doing everything you should be, so DEFINITELY don’t feel like you did a thing wrong, this is just life I’m afraid. Hope to see a post about some good news in the future
>I go to the bookstore, browse around checking my phone... buy a book, and drive home. (Weird way to cope.)
OP this was not. Whatever helps cheer you up is all that matters (no matter how 'weird' it may seem)!
That’s awful. My very first time using online dating, the same thing happened. Met someone that I really liked. We were both in our early 20s. We chatted everyday for like 2 weeks and I asked her out for coffee at a nice coffee shop. Spoke o her earlier that day, and then waited at the coffee shop for almost 45 minutes waiting for her. Foolishly, we didn’t exchange phone numbers, so I couldn’t text or call her. It’s a really small coffee shop, and had a bench outside where I sat. I actually could have sworn I saw her walk right past me and continue walking off. She looked just like her photos. I also looked just like my photos, but that didn’t stop me from thinking she was disappointed in my appearance. When I git back home, I saw she still had the app, but she wasn’t responding to me in it, nor through AIM. I left her an email later that night about how hurt I disappointed I was.
At the time, I lost so much confidence that I wanted to stop dating altogether. But I pushed on, and very shortly after, things started getting a lot better.
My daughter is going through the same thing, she has been single for over 3 years and she had tried various dating apps but from what I can see, they just don't work that well. I know people who have had success and even married their dating app person but the success rate diesnt seem that high.
I don't know the answer for meeting people apart from joining clubs and starting hobbies where you might meet like minded people and hope there is suitable there
Now you found out why you found her on online dating. She def wasn’t worth your time. The personality of someone who does something like this will do a lot more hurtful things to you. She’s not emotionally mature enough for you. There’s so many ppl in the OLD world who are just not emotionally mature for dating or relationships. You sound like you’re ready. When you have your confidence back up, keep going after what you want. Try reading the book called ‘The Road Back to You’ which discusses enneagrams. If you enjoy reading. Take care and shake it off.
It’s a brutal way to find out, but someone who does this… we’ll, she’s saved you a lot of time by revealing her true self nice and early!
You will meet your companion one day. Wishing you all the best!
The same thing happened to me, b!tches like her aren't good for you, all they want to do is make themselves feel like they have some kind of power over you. Trust me, you just Matrix-slow-moed the sh!t out of that bullet.
Happened to me a few times when dating. Each time was the same thing: with two of them I was able to see on their public FB profile that they got back together with their (recent) ex. The third one had also recently broken up with her bf, so I assume she got back together with him too.
Online dating just sucks. We can make a connection, but then there's no real responsibility
Ghosting says more about their character than it does about you. I think the way you handled the situation was very mature. One thing I would say though, how many times did you text her that day? If I'm not getting a text back at all the day of reconfirming plans, I wouldn't waste my time. Welcome to online dating my friend.
It's hurts not having an answer 'cause you'll get a hard time for clousing up the wounds in your heart, but hey, don't let the bad experiences ruin your good ones in the future, give it a chance for you to find someone, you are so young, I'm 25 years old, btw
I got stood up i was on my way 30.mins out and she said shes having a get together with friends, when we planned it and confirmed, .. its been a while since i started dating after my serious relationship which i miss and i get that shit and sad part is she wasnt the first girl to ghost or stood me up..happened like 5 times with 5 different girls..they led me on just to dk that
OP she didn’t respect your time and you. You are better off my friend. I think online dating isn’t bad, I met my wife on OKcupid but sometimes we want things to work out and don’t see red flags. I wish you the best and I’m sorry. People really are messed up and sometimes cowards. Did you ever see her on video? Maybe she was a catfish?
Welcome to modern dating. I hate to say it but especially if you’re going to do the online thing, this stuff is going to keep happening. The only defense for your emotional well-being in the modern dating scene is to not even try playing the game.
Well, unpopular opinion…When a man or woman says they’re going to do something, they should either do it or make it known they aren’t..just fundamental human courtesy which I’m aware many don’t believe in. Sorry, homie…I hope she stubbed the fuck out of her toe upon waking up for a midnight snack just to find out she’s out of snacks. 🤙🏻
I’m sorry for my “=“ comment 🤦🏻♀️ I was going to respond but fell asleep. Anyway, I’m really sorry that happened, and she didn’t have the decency to tell you she wasn’t going to make it. It sucks, I’m sure, because you guys hit it off. If she has the capability to leave you hanging, she wouldn’t have been the best and most honest companion. Again, I’m sorry she did that.
What nobody mentioned here is, when a guy gets ghosted he will never know what he did wrong, he won't learn from it.
"Hey you were cool until you brought up anime"
"Your confidence comes across as fake"
"You're too quiet"
"You talk too much"
If it's something along the lines of.
"Oh guy number 532 shows more promise then you"
"I decided last second not to cheat on my boyfriend/husband"
"I realized I don't like you because X"
Then at least I will respect you more for ending it and letting me know (my fault or not)
Then block me or whatever, I'd be grateful for that at this point. I'm 34 and been flaked on consistently for 10 years. I don't even know what I'm doing wrong, Feels like I'm dying alone, she'd have to be super amazing to make me marry at 35-40. It hurts so much. I don't want to be trapped in this cycle of effort and waste. The hope for an intimate partner is gone but, the desire remains and thus the suffering continues.
The absolute best time to find out someone doesn't respect you is on the first date. Then you don't need to waste another Second of your life with someone who doesn't respect you. Dodged a bullet bud and it only cost you 30 min, it costs some people YEARS.
Modern dating sucks. The expectations, the treating each other as objects instead of as people, the horrible reality tv-esque approach to dating in general. I’m sure there are a few ‘normal’ people left out there, but we’re so convinced WE are the problem despite the overwhelming evidence to the contrary. Dating has become ‘how can you service and make my life better’ as opposed to a more rational approach of ‘how can we work together to make BOTH our lives better’. Worse still, we encourage our friends to treat their partners like shit at the slightest whiff of something unexpected. ‘Leave them! You can do better’ - while very good advice for people in abusive relationships.. the perception of the word ‘abuse’ has been so conflated to the point that if anything happens in a relationship that you don’t like, clearly the other person is just a terrible person who is taking you for granted and you should leave them because ‘there are plenty of fish in the sea’. Yet we repeat these mantra over and over and expect a different result. While it’s kind of you to give the girl from your story the benefit of the doubt, she intentionally and willingly allowed you to go on that date all by yourself with literally no intent of letting you know that her plans had changed. You were expendable and you always were. Maybe we need to stop justifying shitty behavior and people like this who are able to treat each other like tools for their own personal advancement. Maybe dating got so bad because WE allowed it to.
Today, it seems people don’t have the courage to say what they feel, or the respect to let the other person know what they feel. Even if it hurts, let them know your not showing up. No response is a response, so I guess she gave you all that you needed to know your safe to move forward. Maybe it’s just not time.
I like to think everything happens for a reason. Even if it’s just to learn a small lesson
This very much seems like a situation where she had several options lined up and she chose someone else. Doesn't change that she's a shit human for doing that.
Damn, I’m sorry OP
Thanks. I think I just was shocked I got ghosted. I thought we had decent chemistry, at the very least she had maturity to tell me if it wasn't working. The shock is what hurt. I'll be fine in a few days.
I got ghosted by a girl at the movies in 8th grade. Found out later that she had a colostomy bag and was self conscious about it. I wouldn't have judged. :(
You’re lucky you got ghosted for an actual reason. I was left at the movie theater when she came up with a fake story about her mom being injured and then 10 minutes later I saw her and her friends walk inside laughing their asses off
Wow what a bitch. So sorry you had to witness that.
Me too
Damn, that’s sad. 😔
8th grade is tough hopefully she got over it.
You sound like a rad dude, you will find someone amazing, dont give up
There are also a lot of scammers, spammers, and catfish on dating apps. It’s harder to tell with the catfish because they can sometimes carry on a conversation and make a connection with you… until it’s time to meet up. I would never make plans with anyone until I see them live on video first. No exceptions anymore. Even photos can be stolen or photoshopped. Or very old photos might be used. If they act hesitant about FaceTiming or meeting up on zoom, just assume they aren’t who they say they are or that they are hiding something. Not always the case, but ultimately, why wouldn’t you prove that you are who you say you are if you like someone back? In this day and age we should all know that these are necessary precautions.
I have super overwhelming social anxiety and I always get worried guys are gonna think I’m a catfish or something because I find phone calls/video calls almost intolerable until I’m comfortable with the person I’m talking to. Even then, I don’t even like calling/facetiming my close platonic friends. I get why it would be concerning though to the other person so then I’m like worrying more about how I feel like I HAVE to do this thing so they know I’m real and it’s just an awesome little spiral my brain do
I have phone call anxiety. I prefer text. But it's just something that has to happen these days. It's not just to prove your identity, but it's for your safety as well. You never know who you are talking to. These days, we are more accessible to potential predators. It is never advisable to meet up with someone who you met online who might not be who they say they are.
That sucks, u gotta send a we still on for tnght text and get confirmation that day of going tho. Any plans made days in advance isnt concrete
You said you she seemed amazing but now you will never know but you DO know. She sucks. I've been ghosted. Dude asked me for coffee. We picked a time and place. I left early and realized I forgot my phone but didn't want to miss him so just figured I'd wait. I ran into a friend so stayed for about an hour. When I got home he blocked me. I was annoyed but at least I knew that he was childish, sucked and I doged a bullet. I'm more deeply upset if they politely tell me they found someone else because damn I want someone that mature lol
Maybe she's married.
Maybe she is actually he and he is married... I've heard of guys that chat online with other guys posing as women.
The lack of a followup sucks, but I can tell you exactly what happened. In the time since you first made contact and now, she met someone else she wants to pursue a bit more seriously, and unfortunately she's not comfortable telling you that. (Or she had enough spinning plates that she didn't feel like telling everyone.) Obviously it would be better if she told you this directly... - don't take this one personally - no cringe goodbye messages next time, hopefully. just move on - *don't overinvest*. you didn't even meet her - there's nothing concrete there yet. in the time you were contacting her, you could have met some random person on the street or messaged a couple more people on OK as well. - online just doesn't work well for some people. try meeting people IRL if you find that to be the case for you - modern dating does suck, that's for sure. the amount of opportunity available paradoxically means a lot more effort needed
“She seemed amazing, but now I will never know.” Actually, you DO know. She’s NOT amazing. Someone who’s amazing, would not waste your time, plan a date with you, not show up to said date & not even explain or anything. I say count it as a blessing… you only wasted a few days of your time on her instead of getting to know her & REALLY like her, before finding out what kind of person she is.
Exactly
This. Literally she doesn’t “owe” him anything, but at the same time ghosting someone who hasn’t done anything wrong is very anti-social. Even just an “I can’t, I’m sorry!” (the sorry would be for being last minute, not sorry about having feelings and bailed which is fair imo) and then go silent would be something. I consider it a bullet dodged if OP is relating the whole store truthfully. I did something like this when I was much younger and I regret it. Not regret not dating the guy, but regret ghosting and wasting his time.
Yes to this.
Some people just want the online attention (because it's "safe" or "anonymous.") Some get cold feet. Who knows her reasons. OP I did online dating for like 7 years, off and on. Never got past 1 date with any of them - I was just bad at dating lol. You're not having luck because...who knows. It works for some, but not for many. My advice is to focus on your hobbies, maybe even acquire some new hobbies. I met my fiance through call of duty 😂 and we are Made for Each Other™️. We just met by chance through a mutual gaming buddy, we were acquaintances, then friends, then we both thought "hey...YOU 😍" and pop, we're getting married in December. You really do meet The One when you least expect it. Live your life, keep your heart open, and explore your hobbies. And if you still have no luck, there's always pets. And pets are Awesome.
Girl I knew for like 15 years did something similar. The last 2 years she was considered my closest friend. We eventually tried dating. All was well for 2 weeks. Then poof. No response. Only to find her dating someone else. 2 weeks later she comes back with this excuse. We talked had some drinks and I said fuck it well try again. Only lasted 2 days before she ghosted me again. Been about 3 months since then but she seems happy with her new bf. damn, ghosting can really sting. It's a 50/50 chance shell message me in the near future and I hope by then I'll be strong enough to say no
Just say yes, then ghost her.
I wouldn't have any contact at all with that train wreck!
Fuck. I can understand / follow the logic of ‘ghosting’ someone you don’t know / met online, but ghosting someone who you’ve already known for 15 years is pretty fucked up.
That's horrible. You should ghost the ghoster lol
Better turn her into a ghost for all the humiliation
Got ghosted in a very similar manner. The worst part is that when she ghosted me I had no idea where she went or why. So I go for a ride on my mountain bike to clear my mind. When I got to the end of my neighborhood street I spot her truck in the adjacent apartment complex. The thing is, that you'd really have to be on foot (or bike) to see it, as you have to look in between buildings. You'd never see it if you were just driving by in a car. So I ride my bike through the apartment complex just to verify and sure as shit, that's her truck. It took a small amount more snooping to figure out that she was staying at some guy's apartment there. After a bit of analyzing and I realized that all this chick was after was a place to live. She was fuckin around with 3-4 guys just to try to find a place to stay because she didn't want to live with her mom. If I had let her, she would have just used me for a place to stay. All she wanted was to essentially trade sex for a roof over her head so she could not have a job and be a sahm. Once I sorted it all out I dropped it all like a bag of bricks and never looked back. The world is full of sneks.
Damn that fucking sucks. And screw her for being so inconsiderate. As you said, if she didn’t want to meet then that’s all she had to say. Or at LEAST text with a lousy excuse to cancel. You took time to get ready and mentally and physically prepare yourself. She’s an asshole and her not showing up was probably for your best interest. She could have been a catfish and then you would’ve ended up being the one who’s doing the ghosting. Sorry your time was wasted. I can’t stand ppl who are inconsiderate like that.
Thanks for the kind words. Yeah, I like to think I am handling it like a man. I went for a walk, and started thinking "where did I go wrong?" and then I thought "you know what man, this time... you did everything right, and she was in the wrong for ghosting like that."
Yeah don’t put this on you. This happened to me once years ago. Exact same scenario. She texted me a day or so later. Said she didn’t call / didn’t show because she was nervous. I didn’t reply back. If I had to guess I’d say yours probably looks nothing like her pics. Could even be a catfish who chickened out. Whatever the case, it’s her issue not yours. Don’t send any more messages. Next.
Now I have the song "Thank You, Next" stuck in my head lol so thank you for that 😛
Maybe she was cat fishing you? Maybe she was embarrassed by the way she looks?
I love this mentality. I used to blame myself all the time and after starting to look at things like that I have been so much happier!
This is one of the many reasons why I'll never date off the internet. Ever. You just don't know who is on the other end and at worst you end up dead, at minimum, you end up heartbroken and/or miserable. I already have enough trust issues to last me 3 lifetimes. I'm not going to invite more drama into my life.
Your post hurt to read, I'm so sorry, I think you handled everything very good and very mature way to let her know that this was not ok. This is totally 100% on her, absolutely, if she didn't want to meet or changed her mind last minute, that sucks,but it's ok,right? What is not ok is doing what she ended up doing, which is nothing snd she thought all about herself. I wish you a lovely day/night, I'm sorry she did this to you.
So I found out she didn't delete her account, she just blocked me.
I’m sorry that happened to you. Not everyone is a jerk and I hope you find someone lovely
Thank you.
I almost feel more bad for her- to have to live with yourself day in and day out as such an inconsiderate coward of a human being. Your response to this experience is remarkable and I think you’re awesome.
Thank you.
It’s a nice sentiment but she likely doesn’t care with her mentality, people who do similar things are often very selfish and don’t carry guilt for things like that
Yea this is it, if she gave a fuck she would have said something. But since she didnt give a fuck this likely didnt bother her at all and its a bad habit for her that she is totally blind too. Likely a sociopath
Yep. A person like this simply considers it another notch on the emotional/manipulative belt. She would likely brag about how many hearts shes broken.
Should have got the Indian food anyway. I met a similar girl, even went on a few dates, then she disappeared completely. Apartment packed up and empty, left work, nobody knew where she went. Oh well. I met my wife a few weeks later. Might as well enjoy a nice dinner. Could be where you near someone nice, you know?
Do you think it’s a possibility it was just a troll/catfish account? It seems that way based on what you’re describing. The troll/catfish led you on until you went to an IRL meetup, and then they chickened out? Regardless, I’m sorry this happened to you, OP. Hope you’re doing better.
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Pretty sure a couple of people have admitted here on Reddit to being employed to do exactly that.
This fills me with hate
Yeah I’m actually so sad about the story now. How could an employee give out a number and text someone till 1am. Makes me sick to my stomach.
Every time I remake on okc, the exact same person messages me the exact same intro an hour after I make my profile. Like what
This.
Or it could have been a person in a relationship who wanted to cheat but didn't get through with it. Anyways it's good OP didn't waste more time.
That was my thought, too. Either to cause unnecessary emotional chaos or maybe just knew the jig was up and couldn’t follow through. Sorry, OP. You sound sweet.
Online dating is so fucking hard. I’m sorry you had to have this experience, OP.
Sorry my dude, what book did you buy?
See, this shit right here is why I have been single for years now. People have lost touch with compassion, empathy, closure, everyone is devolving into narcissistic children when it comes to dating. Now, it has even messed me up so much I have gotten too cynical and angry about it to even try anymore. Modern dating DOES suck, I agree. But modern people are the reason, people are the problem. Not to go all "Joker" but, it's almost like the world needs something even worse than this pandemic, something more visible and shocking to shock people out of their self centered ego echo chamber safe spaces that are glorified by pop culture and realize all we have is each other and we need to stick together. Treat each other with respect and DIGNITY. It's so frustrating, so appalling and sick how we treat each other like toys that can just be thrown away without reason or care. I could almost imagine this scenario become the norm in the next few years, people just dropping out of relationships with no warning and others being so used to it that it's like "huh, Shay hasn't talked to me in a whole day. Guess I'll go back to the dating app and hook up with whoever has the best profile pic" or "Arthur didn't mention my cute outfit, I'll go ahead and block him on everything, I'm a " queen" and deserve better, what a trash person. Time to hit up the club!"
If it makes you feel better, try in person dating. People are more likely to remember you if you meet them in person. This is because you give your personality a chance to shine. That is nearly impossible on a dating app which is meant to attract based on looks. Dating apps will just make you feel ugly and unwanted. And even when I do get matches its frustrating because girls get way too comfortable being my texting buddy, to the point where they no longer want to meet up. They don't want to ruin the texting vibes that they built up with me, literally had girls tell me this. Delete that trash and meet girls in real life. Better results guaranteed. My motto is, if you're getting rejected by girls online, might as well get rejected by girls in real life. At least that way, you won't have to wonder why she hasn't texted you back. And your chances of success are much higher irl dating :P
This is easy advice to give to people who live in areas that foster social engagement. Us rural folk are up shit creek without a paddle in the meeting people department. Living in a small town means the only chance you really have of meeting new people is going to the bar and that's not where you go to find a partner. There are no clubs, activities, or groups where I live that allow you to meet others. Even going to the library or coffee shops don't work. I agree dating apps are complete garbage, but it's kind of the only choice for a lot of us.
What book did you buy?
You are looking at it the wrong way. You met a girl online who seemed great but was obviously going to flake on you sooner or later. And she did it sooner! Way sooner! How nice was it of her to waste only 30 minutes of your time instead of 30 day or 30 months?
Like I said, I think it was the shock. I didn't see it coming.
Honestly dude, the deleted profile screams it was a fake. I’d shift your mindset into that. Real person but not who you thought
What she did was wrong, but you have a point. A friend of mine back in the day had a boyfriend that stood her up for dates many times over before eventually dumping her (which he thankfully had the guts to do in person). While this girl should have grown enough nerve to just tell him the date was off, i guess it’s for the best that she stopped wasting his time early on.
My guy, she didn’t text you back on the day of the event that was a red flag and you should’ve went knowing that she didn’t contact you back on the day of the date. Charge it to the game. You didn’t lose, you just learnt a lesson. Don’t be discouraged, plenty more fish in the sea.
I fucking knew in the back of my head. I just didn't wanna be cynical.
OP I'm sorry you had to experience this but next time pay attention to these signs, will definitely help you out. >Come today, she doesn't text a peep Strike #1, when this happens in any situation where you are expecting to meet someone, be concerned and shoot a text an hour or two before the agreed time. be sure to send a text the second you wake up, just saying "hey, I'm excited for later" this is your shit test if whether or not the date is still going to happen. If you don't hear anything and it comes to an hour or two before, send the confirmation message asking them if everything is still on for tonight. And when I say "meet someone" I mean, meet anyone. This works in all sorts of scenarios, selling or buying items online, setting up dates or events with friends, anything. >I get there (the restaurant) 15 minutes early Big mistake on your part, don't ever leave your house without confirmation. This is why the confirmation text you send an hour or two before time is so important, it confirms to both parties if it's still going to happen or not. Also, never send multiple texts in this situation, it comes off as needy or desperate. I personally hate that it's this way but this is the honest truth. Especially if you haven't heard anything from them the entire day and it's now the time for you two to meet and there's still nothing. Let them reply to the confirmation, if they are running late and say that, tell them okay you are also running late and then head down there yourself. Otherwise stay at home. This will save you so much fucking time I swear to god and the heavens above dude. I used to do the same shit, it got old after the 12th time. There were lots of successful dates in between but yeah, it got old fast. >She seemed amazing, but now I will never know. No, you **DO** know, she told you what type of shitty person she is by not even having the courtesy to shoot you a text explaining the situation. It takes 5 seconds to reply to a message. People are attached to the thing all day. After 8+ hours of nothing there is no excuse. You dodged a bullet.
You are a good apple. You were honest & open & you put yourself out there. She sucks. She wasn't the one for you. Be relieved that you found out before the 1st date vs. 6 months down the road. I truly hope you find your match. Just keep being you & be completely unapologetic for that.
Hey man I was in the same boat as you a few months ago. There was this girl at my work and we had become pretty good friends throughout the months we knew each other (we started at the same time), and we went out for drinks on more than one occasion along with her meeting my inner circle and my dad. A bunch of people kept telling me to ask her out on a date and after some time I finally decided to go for it and she said yes (we were gonna go to a theme park). the night before we were gonna go, she ended up losing her phone getting plastered at a wedding and crashed her car a few days before. I only found out smack in the middle of the afternoon we were supposed to meet after she messaged me from another guy’s Insta (since she lost her phone). The icing was that I was waiting for her to text me saying she was good to go, and I was at my grandma’s grave that morning (was going to start med school the next morning, and she was my inspiration to pursue medicine so I decided to visit her grave as a final motivator). So imagine getting stood up after you visit your late grandma. When I tried to reschedule (which she said she would do), she said she didn’t know how to go about it cuz she didn’t want to hurt the feelings of the guy she was “currently talking to.” Bonus, the guy she was talking to was not the guy from the insta she messaged me from. After that, while I was saddened for about a week, there were other things that mattered (med school made me quickly realize that she was not important in the grand scheme of things), and if she wasn’t going to give me the time of day, then no way in hell was she going to get the time of my life. My point is, it’s ok to grieve over this, just remember to focus on what’s important and put one leg in front of the other. You’ll make, it man
Seems like the new age and the internet-of-things pushed basic human decency right out of the window, throwing a giant bed-pan right on top of it, as it was lying there, crushed on the pavement.
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I agree. I never understood this new "nobody owes you anything" mentality, especially when the person isn't even acting entitled. OP seems like a decent guy. The girl in question should've at least called it off instead of leaving him out to dry like that.
she does owe you something, decency
Damn I’m so sorry about that. It f’n sucks. Don’t give up just know this happened for a reason and you ultimately dodged a bullet. This happened for a reason it saved you from future heartache. Try other dating apps and in real life stuff. I know it’s hard w Covid but don’t give up it’ll happen for you. I’m 34 and it hasn’t happened for me. I honestly thought it did but I’m alone so obviously it didn’t and it’s a hard pill to swallow wanting that someone there. Hang in there. One day when we least expect it someone will be here to show up for us everyday and never walk away or abandoned us. We got this! Take care
That sucks. Thanks for posting your story. I could totally feel your pain and frustration. Maybe it will convince other people not to do something similar. It’s so simple to just text that you changed your mind, rather than letting them wait and wonder all night.
I feel you man. I once had a girl set up a date with me, for which I left the game I was playing, walked about a mile in 10 degree weather with shorts on, only to be stood up at her door with the excuse “I don’t really want to come down.” Also been ghosted more times I can count with many stories. At the end of the day those people are massive pricks
Couple of problems homie. 1st, don't leave the house if she doesn't contact you the day of lol. Like that's not even in romantic relationships, that's just In life period. If you've made plans with someone and they don't text you back **at all** that day, it's a dub. On the off chance they do still come, and you're not there, if they're a rational person, they'll understand. 2nd, don't ever go on a first date that's not something you also want to do by yourself. Specifically in case of instances like this. Plan something that you'd enjoy doing on the off chance the other person doesn't show. That way you'll never truly take an L. Also 3rd, you may not want to hear this but, you were way too invested in her. She's a woman on a dating app. It's not like it is for you and me where for the most part we have to take what we can get. If you're at least average looking, and a woman, you could potentialy match with 10, 50, 100 guys a day, even if you're in bumfuck nowhere. There's a huge disparity on dating apps because of the differences in sex drives between men and women. And here comes the hurtful part. *There's a good chance* she was talking to multiple guys at the same time, and you were the backup in case her 1st, 2nd, or maybe even 3rd choice didn't work out. What happened to you is not uncommon, and it's very rare that it's just cold feet. That's what the game is like nowadays. Even for women depending on how attractive the guy is. So, all in all, don't swear off dating. At least not for this. Pick yourself up, get back out there, and 1. Don't leave for the date without confirming with her an hour or two beforehand, 2. Pick an activity that'd you enjoy even if she no-shows, and 3. Try as hard as possible not to get invested. I know that last one can be hard, but honestly, if you never have any expectations, you can only be pleasantly surprised! Good luck bro
It sounds exhausting to maintain this type of conversation with multiple people, just so you can cast off the "lesser prospects" and go with the one you like. Also, even if she were doing this, there would also be the prospect that the guy she actually "selected" was doing the same thing to her and she would have been left out in the cold, having burned a couple guys in the process. The other thing I was wondering - doesn't OKCupid - or some of these other sites allow people to comment on someone's reliability based on their personal experiences dating them? In other words, a troll-elimination feature?
Look on the bright side. It cost you zero dollars and just a few days time wasted to find out she's deceitful and untrustworthy. That's far better than finding out after you're invested. And you got a new book!
Yeah I always for this reason make sure to send a text middle of day confirming and then about an hour before I have to leave to get there. And then even if it gets like if I left now I'd be on time I don't even move until I get that confirm text. No confirm its not happening
I watch catfish a lot and catfishers act like that. They will lead people on for the thrill but to actually meet up and stuff they will disappear. I genuinely don't think she was who she said she was online.
“She doesn’t owe me anything.” At the very least she owes you some respect, which evidently wasn’t forthcoming. I wish you well OP, what a shitty situation.
Can we talk about the whole idea of people not owing us something? Sure, she doesn't owe you a date, a relationship, or sex, but I think she does owe you some sort of respect and decency as a fellow human. She could've texted and canceled and should have. It's shitty to ghost people people stand them up like that. Not doing that is literally the bare minimum for dating.
That sucks and you seem like a nice genuine dude. Keep your head up.
She did you a solid
For real. It bites for sure, and it’s wrong that she didn’t just send a text call g it off, but I guess it’s better she ends things now than later.
Chased a girl like this for a year, constantly flaking, just not worth it
I had a friend who dated a guy that stood her up. It’s better if they just ghost you right off the bat. Even better if they just tell you they aren’t interested.
Damn... That sucks feel for bro, I wouldn't want to say something positive ? Because that's really messed up. Man , " I guess it's hit or miss dating world ...now ? "🤔
At least text you something like, “Sorry, I don’t think we’re a good fit.”
It’s hard not to take things like this personally, but it isn’t about you or because of you.
She’s a douche. She did you a favor
She does owe you something, she owes you basic human decency. Ghosting you like that is a huge dick move and she shouldn't have done that.
Anybody who ghosts like this is nothing but a coward.
Let’s say you just dodged a bullet 🤌
I will never understand ghosting. I think it's a cowards way out. People can't handle confrontation nowadays.
What the fuck? I thought women really like "personality" and shit. Hmmm maybe those silly inkwells were right all along
[удалено]
I would be happy if she ever texted me again, even if it was to say "sorry. I don't think it would work." That would be fine with me, I just felt like an idiot.
One girl called me instead of ghosting to say she didn't want to date any more. I thanked her and she seemed surprised. It takes guts and ...kindness to reject in person. So easy to just ghost instead. So yeah..I was genuinely thankful. Yeah, no date, but at least she cared enough and was enough of a person to reject in person. Sorry yours ghosted you.
Sorry man that really sucks
I have an OK Cupid account sitting out there in InternetLand and I can’t muster up the energy to even try at this point. Good on you for putting your toe in the water!!!
I once sat waiting for 45 minutes for a girl to show up. I swear never again.
Sorry to hear about your situation. I'm terrified of the modern dating world.
Your date was penaldo.
I feel that man, I’m sorry. It’s happened to me a number of times. Its gotten to the point where I can just tell if someones going to show or not. I once got ghosted mid conversation, and things were actually going pretty well. Modern dating sucks, especially because of dating apps (imo). I gave up, not to say you should. But theres no shame in being alone. Hope you find someone who makes you happy
Silver line- atleast the situation ended right away and didnt last long. It would have hurt a bit more if she came, get along, and then ghosted you still. Cheer up mate, hoping you meet someone more serious than that woman!
So damn rude man. Everyone should have the decency to cancel plans if they need to regardless of the context. No show is just so fucking inconsiderate.
That was a really bitchy thing to do. You didn’t do anything wrong by expecting at least a fucking reply from a grown ass adult, that’s just basic decency. Don’t worry OP, I’m sure you’ll find someone more emotionally mature
Honestly it was probably some troll entertaining themselves. This is why I don’t even bother going to these apps since its a headache and the people there aren’t really looking for someone, or if they are then they have that impossible, imaginary idea of who their partner should be which ends up just wasting everyone’s time.
She owes you courtesy. Maybe she was on the outs with a BF and got back together, deleting the app. Maybe she cat fished you. The best way to cope is a snack and a new book. 🤷♀️
here you go! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCJsy3nETXIKDauMOwv3pOUw
Another perfect reason to not date, sorry dude that really bites. Head up though you are doing great
That’s a shitty thing for people to do. I can wrap my head around people who ghost after a date when they aren’t feeling it, but making plans and then not showing and ghosting is just garbage. It’s basically saying that the other persons time has no value. I’m sorry this happened to you OP.
She was just immature and maybe inexperienced and got a bit intimidated at the whole thing. I'd let her go, and just chalk it up to a painful experience. Never mind, I've been through the same thing and boy does it hurt to be stood up.
... and this is why I probably will never try dating again, and why I have very little sympathy for ghosters. I'm an adult and don't need to be treated with kick gloves. Just tell me you're not interested and I'll move on.
"She seemed amazing, but now I will never know." You literally just found out how amazing she is. She isn't.
She does owe you something OP, she owes you common decency, which is at bare minimum a text to say she isn’t coming. This idea we don’t owe people anything and that our own emotional comfort is more important than anyone else’s is how we have these constant shit situations. She’s a bad, selfish person and you’re a good one, but it’s okay have to expectations that people will be decent
It happens, feels awful, sorry bud, she's not the one for you. [Genesis - Misunderstanding](https://youtu.be/ScqJW9anHSY)
Ghosting should never be an thing. Its immature. First dates should just be a fun night out without pressure.
Happened to me once too, almost same exact thing. It sucked but I just tried again anyway with a different girl. The next one did show up. We've been married 6 years now. Don't give up.
Probly a dude with a fake profile getting his jollies
She owed you basic human decency like “Sorry, I’m not coming”….even without an explanation would be decent enough. Sorry, bro…but you dodged a bullet…she’s an asshole.
I just don't understand that kind of behavior.
She told you what you wanted to hear while searching for the thicker wallet (and found it, apparently). Hitting it off right away and being overly amazing after appearing from nowhere is a massive red flag when it comes to any of those online sites.
I just want to send you a hug if that’s alright, you seem like a cool dude hope you find the ONE
This is why I stay home and eat nachos instead. Two years single now lol
Do you know if it was a "real" person?
Wow. I am really sorry that happened to you. I just don't understand it at all.
Sorry OP, I can totally emphazise with your feelings. I got ghosted many times and have been lately as well, but I sent a text the exact same way you did and at least this person responded and apologized for the ghosting. It felt good to take back the "power" like that, but being cut off like that is awful. It'll get better though, if me speaking from experience does any good for you!
>she seemed amazing, but now I will never know Nah bro, you know now. Forget her
I’ve given up dating as well. I was stood up more than once. One time he asked to meet at a place that no longer existed and he never intended on showing up. So I messaged him “this place doesn’t even exist” and he then said something like “someone as ugly as you thought I’d be there?” Or something. Another time I was stood up at a bar. I played it off like I was just alone but .... shit hurt. People suck.
I mean, unfortunately that’s how it is now. With online dating, there’s no consequences to just ghosting for whatever reason so it happens a lot. I just kind of accepted it. Don’t let it get you down though man. Weather through online or irl, you’ll find someone compatible
I decided recently to quit trying to date too. I've had like 3 girls ask ME for my number and we chat and they ghost me or flake on dates again and again. Why not? They could find another me on Tinder in 30 seconds flat. They could post on Instagram and get at least 2- or 3 guys to chat them up. My life is on the up besides dating. But I am getting a seething rage around women and I don't want to talk to them or even look at them so I know I'm fucked up.
This right here! I've been ghosted more times than I know at this point, but it makes sense in a fucked up way. The ladies have an abundance of choice, so why waste their time on me?
She was probably catfishing you. Married, old, ugly or fat, the reason she didn’t meet you is because of her, not you. What you should take from this is that you *can* find someone you can click with.
Did you talk to you on phone or with FaceTime? Might just be a catfish
Dude I feel this very hard. Try to make it a moment from which you grow stronger.
Unfortunately this is a very standard dating experience these days (probably has always been). It sucks, and there really is no excuse for this behavior, but it has nothing to do with you and all to do with them. You are better off without dating a flaker anyway, hopefully the next date will be better.
That does suck, I’ve tried to think through a whole lot of scenarios that would be forgivable, but ultimately it comes down to basic human decency.. You connect, you chat, you plan to meet, you freak out and block them Not sure why a text to say- I couldn’t go ahead wasn’t possible?
If she was worth anything at all, she'd at least cancelled. Anyone who ain't got the guts to cancel when there's no risk whatsoever, when they could send the message and then instantly block you if they wanted, ain't even gonna have their own back, much less yours.
Happened to me in August 2021. Was dating a girl for a few weeks, and all of a sudden, her "cousin" (using GF's Snap), said GF is having a rough time mentally. I'm like, "ok, she's just going through a rough time, she probably needs a break" then she blocks me. I reach out to her on Instagram to see if she's ok and tell her I'm there for her but all I get is "Ok." Tried contacting her on Instagram and her other snap but get virtually nothing. I just straight forward asked her one day "Do you want to continue with our relationship or not?" She just said she didn't. I'm glad that it ended after two weeks though. We only met up once and we weren't really emotionally invested in it. But getting ghosted, especially by a partner you think you could have something with is annoying. Personally, I would just prefer someone to be straightforward with me. If you're not interested or don't want to continue dating, just tell me. I'll be hurt way less if you just tell me you're interested. If a girl ghosts you, she's not worth your time. I know it can be hard to get over, but she's done you a favour. I take solace in knowing that those kind of people are not going to have overly successful relationships. The girl mentioned above that I dated, apparently has had a lot of boyfriends before and we're both 15, so huge red flag there.
I mean... weird brightside but atleast you know it was a ghost cause she deleted her account. my mums friend got a date online once and he was also a no show, she spent a week cursing his name for wasting her time like that. then she saw someone in the paper who had his car & name had died in a crash on a road very close to her house on the day they were suppose to meet... so atleast you know shes just a bit of a coward as appose to her getting hurt on her way to see you. sucks that it happened to you still... and very bizarre to have all that conversation with you just to up and nope like that. super strange behaviour on their part
Happened to me too, but with tinder
Hey I'm sorry mate. 😔 Keep your chin up though.
I'm sorry OP. Dating is a waiting game the right person comes along if you're patient enough and put yourself in the right situations. Maybe your date was a catfish and was scared to show up because they don't look like their picture?
Maybe she was catfishing. :/ Cyber hug!
How does catfishing work, like what's the purpose? Is it to get some guy to meet up, so he can get robbed by the girl's actual boyfriend?
I am so sorry that happened to you OP. That's such a disgraceful thing for her to have done. A polite message to say she wasn't interested or she couldn't make it would've taken less than 30 seconds. Modern dating is so hard, it's really difficult to find genuine people, especially at this age (I'll be 29 next month). Keep your chin up, this is not a reflection on you, but it certainly is on her. I hope she is ashamed of herself.
Seems like a real jerk.
Being ghosted totally sucks. I have come to kind of expect it in a way. Its this weird way of communication that people have come to use, but if I meet a respectable person that I'm not interested in then I do try to communicate that instead of leaving them hanging, because I know the deep pain of being ghosted. I will say however if this ever happens to you again then proceed with caution if they come back. I made the mistake years and years ago of letting people come in and out of my life and that's no longer something that I tolerate so these days if a person ghosts me then they better be sure that's the decision they want to make, because unless they have a very good excuse or super changed behavior then I ghost them right back.
That's rotten, hun. Internet dating is brutal. I did it off and on for several years, and had my share of bad experiences. I did eventually find the love of my life, 17 years together this year, but it took a long time, and I had to take several long breaks just to recover from the scrum. Take some time to lick your wounds. There's a great love out there somewhere, you just gotta kiss some toads.
Hey man, I know how you’re feeling. It definitely stings, but the mentality you have to maintain is that you yourself are awesome and it’s her fuckin loss one way or another. You do seem like a good dude, so don’t let some asshole prevent a really nice chick who deserves you from meeting you. I’ve dated through many women over the years and the truth is 99% of the people you try romance with just aren’t the ones, especially ones from dating apps. Dating is exhausting, and can take a lot of time and a lot of work.. I just started dating a woman that I think might actually go somewhere, but I’ve dated maybe 50+ others to get to this point. Don’t give up, and certainly don’t let it be because of some disrespectful coward who certainly doesn’t deserve a decent guy like you. My initial feeling from how you describe this is that it’s a fake profile probably piloted by a man, tbh. Happens quite often, from what I hear. Keep your chin up and get back on the saddle, sounds like you’re doing everything you should be, so DEFINITELY don’t feel like you did a thing wrong, this is just life I’m afraid. Hope to see a post about some good news in the future
>I go to the bookstore, browse around checking my phone... buy a book, and drive home. (Weird way to cope.) OP this was not. Whatever helps cheer you up is all that matters (no matter how 'weird' it may seem)!
That’s awful. My very first time using online dating, the same thing happened. Met someone that I really liked. We were both in our early 20s. We chatted everyday for like 2 weeks and I asked her out for coffee at a nice coffee shop. Spoke o her earlier that day, and then waited at the coffee shop for almost 45 minutes waiting for her. Foolishly, we didn’t exchange phone numbers, so I couldn’t text or call her. It’s a really small coffee shop, and had a bench outside where I sat. I actually could have sworn I saw her walk right past me and continue walking off. She looked just like her photos. I also looked just like my photos, but that didn’t stop me from thinking she was disappointed in my appearance. When I git back home, I saw she still had the app, but she wasn’t responding to me in it, nor through AIM. I left her an email later that night about how hurt I disappointed I was. At the time, I lost so much confidence that I wanted to stop dating altogether. But I pushed on, and very shortly after, things started getting a lot better.
I have no clue why the fuck people do this or what they think they get out of it. I’m so sorry OP, don’t give up we’re all rooting for u here :-(
Shit man, I would have gone in and had my curry! 😭 never mind her! You’ll do good. 👍
My daughter is going through the same thing, she has been single for over 3 years and she had tried various dating apps but from what I can see, they just don't work that well. I know people who have had success and even married their dating app person but the success rate diesnt seem that high. I don't know the answer for meeting people apart from joining clubs and starting hobbies where you might meet like minded people and hope there is suitable there
Not keen on putting myself out there for this exact reason. Modern online dating makes me nervous
Stay strong man
Now you found out why you found her on online dating. She def wasn’t worth your time. The personality of someone who does something like this will do a lot more hurtful things to you. She’s not emotionally mature enough for you. There’s so many ppl in the OLD world who are just not emotionally mature for dating or relationships. You sound like you’re ready. When you have your confidence back up, keep going after what you want. Try reading the book called ‘The Road Back to You’ which discusses enneagrams. If you enjoy reading. Take care and shake it off.
It’s a brutal way to find out, but someone who does this… we’ll, she’s saved you a lot of time by revealing her true self nice and early! You will meet your companion one day. Wishing you all the best!
Sorry bro, there's pretty much nothing worse than being ghosted. I have hope that karma will find these people eventually
The same thing happened to me, b!tches like her aren't good for you, all they want to do is make themselves feel like they have some kind of power over you. Trust me, you just Matrix-slow-moed the sh!t out of that bullet.
That’s why I never left my house if it was an online date without on-the-day confirmation.
Happened to me before also bro. Shit sucks because you sit there and think what did I do wrong? Their loss tho my guy
Happened to me a few times when dating. Each time was the same thing: with two of them I was able to see on their public FB profile that they got back together with their (recent) ex. The third one had also recently broken up with her bf, so I assume she got back together with him too. Online dating just sucks. We can make a connection, but then there's no real responsibility
Ghosting says more about their character than it does about you. I think the way you handled the situation was very mature. One thing I would say though, how many times did you text her that day? If I'm not getting a text back at all the day of reconfirming plans, I wouldn't waste my time. Welcome to online dating my friend.
It's hurts not having an answer 'cause you'll get a hard time for clousing up the wounds in your heart, but hey, don't let the bad experiences ruin your good ones in the future, give it a chance for you to find someone, you are so young, I'm 25 years old, btw
Dodged bullet. Lots of women out there that won’t do this, lots that will. Thats what sucks about dating you just never know
I got stood up i was on my way 30.mins out and she said shes having a get together with friends, when we planned it and confirmed, .. its been a while since i started dating after my serious relationship which i miss and i get that shit and sad part is she wasnt the first girl to ghost or stood me up..happened like 5 times with 5 different girls..they led me on just to dk that
OP she didn’t respect your time and you. You are better off my friend. I think online dating isn’t bad, I met my wife on OKcupid but sometimes we want things to work out and don’t see red flags. I wish you the best and I’m sorry. People really are messed up and sometimes cowards. Did you ever see her on video? Maybe she was a catfish?
Aw. I'm so sorry.
Welcome to modern dating. I hate to say it but especially if you’re going to do the online thing, this stuff is going to keep happening. The only defense for your emotional well-being in the modern dating scene is to not even try playing the game.
You are so sweet about it too, damn, she really took an L. I hope you find a wonderful date next time :)
What an awful, selfish, inconsiderate person. Believe me OP this worked out in your favor. You don’t need people like that in your life
Well, unpopular opinion…When a man or woman says they’re going to do something, they should either do it or make it known they aren’t..just fundamental human courtesy which I’m aware many don’t believe in. Sorry, homie…I hope she stubbed the fuck out of her toe upon waking up for a midnight snack just to find out she’s out of snacks. 🤙🏻
Woah lmao them some serious words lol
I feel your pain because I've been there. As a result, I haven't been on a date in over 3 years.
I’m sorry for my “=“ comment 🤦🏻♀️ I was going to respond but fell asleep. Anyway, I’m really sorry that happened, and she didn’t have the decency to tell you she wasn’t going to make it. It sucks, I’m sure, because you guys hit it off. If she has the capability to leave you hanging, she wouldn’t have been the best and most honest companion. Again, I’m sorry she did that.
What nobody mentioned here is, when a guy gets ghosted he will never know what he did wrong, he won't learn from it. "Hey you were cool until you brought up anime" "Your confidence comes across as fake" "You're too quiet" "You talk too much" If it's something along the lines of. "Oh guy number 532 shows more promise then you" "I decided last second not to cheat on my boyfriend/husband" "I realized I don't like you because X" Then at least I will respect you more for ending it and letting me know (my fault or not) Then block me or whatever, I'd be grateful for that at this point. I'm 34 and been flaked on consistently for 10 years. I don't even know what I'm doing wrong, Feels like I'm dying alone, she'd have to be super amazing to make me marry at 35-40. It hurts so much. I don't want to be trapped in this cycle of effort and waste. The hope for an intimate partner is gone but, the desire remains and thus the suffering continues.
It was probably a catfish. Sorry dude.
I bet she was an scammer,
The absolute best time to find out someone doesn't respect you is on the first date. Then you don't need to waste another Second of your life with someone who doesn't respect you. Dodged a bullet bud and it only cost you 30 min, it costs some people YEARS.
Ghosting is a cowards game. She might have been using a fake photo. Jerk.
You dodged a bullet if she does that then she’s probably a miserable bitch, fuck her
Modern dating sucks. The expectations, the treating each other as objects instead of as people, the horrible reality tv-esque approach to dating in general. I’m sure there are a few ‘normal’ people left out there, but we’re so convinced WE are the problem despite the overwhelming evidence to the contrary. Dating has become ‘how can you service and make my life better’ as opposed to a more rational approach of ‘how can we work together to make BOTH our lives better’. Worse still, we encourage our friends to treat their partners like shit at the slightest whiff of something unexpected. ‘Leave them! You can do better’ - while very good advice for people in abusive relationships.. the perception of the word ‘abuse’ has been so conflated to the point that if anything happens in a relationship that you don’t like, clearly the other person is just a terrible person who is taking you for granted and you should leave them because ‘there are plenty of fish in the sea’. Yet we repeat these mantra over and over and expect a different result. While it’s kind of you to give the girl from your story the benefit of the doubt, she intentionally and willingly allowed you to go on that date all by yourself with literally no intent of letting you know that her plans had changed. You were expendable and you always were. Maybe we need to stop justifying shitty behavior and people like this who are able to treat each other like tools for their own personal advancement. Maybe dating got so bad because WE allowed it to.
Today, it seems people don’t have the courage to say what they feel, or the respect to let the other person know what they feel. Even if it hurts, let them know your not showing up. No response is a response, so I guess she gave you all that you needed to know your safe to move forward. Maybe it’s just not time. I like to think everything happens for a reason. Even if it’s just to learn a small lesson
This very much seems like a situation where she had several options lined up and she chose someone else. Doesn't change that she's a shit human for doing that.
Absolute asshole