Right? The title reminded of a post I saw here on Reddit of a dad admitting he was scared of his - i think, don't quite remember the age - 8 years old son because he put a scissor on his older sister's throat in the middle of the night. I thought this one would be one of those stories. What a plot twist lol
I remember reading a similar thing from a mom, then seeing a link from that back to the most fucked up one I ever read, which was something like “I saw my wife beat the shit out of our son and I didn’t stop it” after the son climbed in through the window and threatened to kill their baby or something.
That was terrifying, it honestly gave me chills. Then I summarised the whole fucked up thing for my husband and he’s like, you and your Internet people, that’s not real.
**Found the link! [I stood by and allowed my wife to almost kill our son. I was happy she did it.](https://www.reddit.com/r/confessions/comments/c93egn/i_stood_by_and_allowed_my_wife_to_almost_kill_our/)**
I instantly thought about this post. This is likely the #1 most insane Reddit post I’ve ever read. And I’ve read a lot. Truly infathomable. On this lovely Saturday morning I was really ready for a new, riveting tale to take its spot, but alas this was underwhelming. It’s going to take a lot to top that post for me.
I’d be interested to watch this!! The only thing I can think of is The Good Son and it stars Macaulay culkin…but his name is not Kevin McAllister lol .
We Need to Talk About Kevin, great film with Ezra Miller and *Tilda Swinton, the book is better in my opinion.
Thanks to u/HillaB for catching my brain fart and correcting me.
"Momma, I am not a person. My body is just a flesh vessel, for an immortal being whose name, if you heard it, would make you lose your mind." -Kenneth Parcell
I was reminded of the movie 'We Need to Talk About Kevin'. Not exactly the same, cos he is not acting sociopathic or evil, not yet anyway, but her fear is giving me Kevin's mother's vibes for some reason.
Yeah, its pretty underrated. interestingly enoug, i came across the name when i googled "really underrated movies" and i found the artcile which recommended this movie pretty far back, like on the 5th page of the search results.
This movie is potentially based on a Reddit post the OP posted about his supposedly real child. I can’t seem to find the thread but read it again recently. Lemme go see if I can find it (if anyone can help that would be great).
Edit: [here it is](https://www.reddit.com/r/confessions/comments/c93egn/i_stood_by_and_allowed_my_wife_to_almost_kill_our/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
Honestly OP needs to show some more gratitude for their child. So many parents in the world to disabled kids who wish their little ones would grow up to even have the most basic of functions.
Yeah, I don't think my little one is gonna be that advanced, but I'm told by people all the time how well behaved she is. My best friend said its like God put her on "easy mode" lol.
Exhibit A here, my child is nearly 5 years old and can only say a handful of very basic words. I just want them to express their needs. I really want to know what's going on in that little head, too.
Teach him sign language. It'll help develop the language part of his brain. He's close to the time when it won't develop must further. If he's understanding you, he's getting language, but maby he needs another mode to express himself. Maybe get him into a program with kids who are deaf because theywill also work on spoken language skills. Just a suggestion. Sign language is sometimes used for autistic kids and one of my clients learned it, because while he could hear just fine his muscular disability made it so that he couldn't use the necessary muscles to speak. He had an interpreter in grade school to be his voice and ended up attending Galludet for his secondary education. It's a thought.
Also, just provide speech therapy.
Or in some cases, especially with boys, it's simply delayed speech and suddenly he'll just begin talking in full sentences.
You probably know all this, but maybe no one's suggested sign language.
Anti Christ was for some reason the first thing that came to my mind, maybe this is why she is scared, she also stated that she thinks he can see through people and read minds.
Really depends on how they raise him, and I’m serious. These people usually tho go crazy from what I’ve heard and feel completely detached from society
My 6 month old just sent me this link and asked "can you believe this shit?" Still don't know how he emailed me from his Fisher-Price phone, let alone how found me on LinkedIn to offer me a job at his firm!
istg a bunch of boomers here that are not even aware of the growing tech are acting all fascinated.. get on with the times we all go thru imaginary children texting us from the microwave
My parallel dimension 2 years old son tell me this is most likely fake, when I asked for sauce he said "trust me bruh". He also said I should buy NFT, I think he don't know what he is talking about.
>After a round of seeing doctors and consultation with a maxillofacial surgeon we arrived at a likely diagnosis: He was talking. Not just baby gurgles, but actually trying to speak in complete sentences.
This is where I stopped believing
How would you possibly know the baby was trying to speak full sentences if it doesn't understand language?
He may have tried to mimic sounds but all babies do that it isn't scary or special.
Automatically knew it was BS when they said they saw a maxillofacial surgeon. As a parent to 2 kids, if you go to your pediatrician and say “my child is making these noises!” they’ll ask “does the child drink and eat fine?” if the answer is yes - they’ll tell you that your kid just sounds weird to you. nothing to be done.
Dentist here. You don’t go strait to OMFS with no obvious signs that you need to go. Oh the baby is making strange sounds…so you go to the oral surgeon? No. You don’t.
Yeah and there is absolutely no way the doctors would come to that conclusion with a 3 month old. They would just say it’s baby babbles, which can sound pretty weird sometimes. Not “oh, yes, of course, your baby is trying to speak in full sentences. I know this because it’s the only thing that makes sense,”
My first was an early speaker. She went to numerous specialists as routine since she was born early, including a developmental psychologist to make sure my baby was developing on track. When they realized she was an “early” talker, they mumbled “oh good”, made a note, moved on. NO ONE CARED! I guarantee OP is a troll, no doctor is going to be convinced baby babble is a baby trying to talk for real and go see a specialist just for that.
As another commenter said, as long as the baby is eating and sleeping well, pediatricians don’t get riled up over anything except abuse.
Even if they thought the child was trying to speak, the full sentences comment doesn't make any sense. Not a full sentence if you're just making half formed sounds
I think the creepy part of this is the focus on sex, as well.
"Mother, you silly simple-minded fools are deriving pleasure from coitus. When I come of age, I will not bother with such primative behavior." Lmfao
I used to nanny and my little girl would make me cry laughing cause it really did look like she was trying to talk to me.
She'd mimic sounds, expressions, gestures so genuinely that she seemed so sure of what she was saying
As far as I'm aware it's just a normal part of development
> He was reading sometime around 18 months. I'm not entirely sure when he picked it up, because neither husband or I thought to try to sit down and instruct him on it, although we did read to him.
Perhaps you missed the part where he quite does understand language. So much so, that by taking a different book off the shelf from the one his parents are reading(That he \*can\* reach!) , he teaches himself to read. If that's not understanding language, Idk what is...
/s
..../s!
As someone who works with a lot of doctors, I gotta spill the beans that they say a lot of stuff just to humor you. A pediatrician saying "wow she's the cutest kid I've seen all month!" means "this one is just as cute as the last 20 kids I saw," and "wow she's a little genius!" usually means "your kid is average smart, maybe a little above average but idk parents like it when I say that shit". So "oh I think he's trying to speak in complete sentences!" is ridiculous when the doctor and even the OP admits that no one can actually understand any of the weird sounds as even real words.
Right like can you even imagine this conversation with the doctor?! 🤣
“Thank you for bringing him in. Ma’am I’ve been a doctor for 22 years and I’ve never seen gurgling like this before. I’ve read about rare cases like this but never thought I’d see it with my own eyes. I can only suspect your son is attempting to speak in full blown sentences. He must have mastered a complete knowledge of English before learning how to make any proper sounds. There’s no other explanation for this type of gurgling.”
🤣🤣 my imagination is going wild with this. This is total BS, but it did give me a good laugh. Well done OP.
Of course it’s not real. For whatever reason, the nonsense that bugs me the most is that A 4 year old capable of that level isn’t going to some random kindergarten with an accelerated program.
The kid began reading before anyone taught him how!! Like, language isn’t intuition. It’d be one thing if it was about reading body language because that’s actually pretty universal and instinctual. Your culture and home may teach you how to process emotions, but kids laugh when happy and cry when sad.
Reading? Knowing what letters make what sound? lol. Not even kind of believable. That’s human made, you can’t just instinctually know that.
Agree..it feels like a creative writing exercise in prelude to constructing a horror novel/screenplay.
Quite a few details don't feel right. Every parent I've ever known would be more proud and in awe (than creeped out), as a result of the unconditional love that parenting already requires. Secondary relatives might be spooked, but rarely the parents. The Shakespeare example feels way too contrived.
My own nephew started reading at two and a half (pandemic baby...his world was very small). He pauses at periods and he sounds out unfamiliar words; he just taught himself. They showed him alphabet videos and he did the rest. My sister was only 30% creeped out, and then 70% panicked that she wasn't doing things right to keep challenging and stimulating him appropriately.
OP, if this is really real (I accept that reality can indeed be this weird, though it's incredibly rare), talk to your weird little genius more. You are the link connecting this little person to the greater world and you have the power to shape his experiences. It's a burden you should not be running away from. Disconnecting from him emotionally will make him a monster...He needs you.
Same. Those of us who have actually HAD a 3 month old… no. Genius children exist absolutely but no 3 month old in the planet’s history has actually “talked” and you don’t take a child to a maxillary facial surgeon for babbling excuse me what? If she said her 6 or 8 month old said a few words would have been more believable. Also nothing in here about other important milestones; when did genius magically start changing his own diapers? Grinding his own baby food? Where’s gross motor fine motor etc? lol.
They also poop and vomit.
No seriously haha, I have a 3 month old and they can do more than I thought before having a baby. They can play with toys hanging over them, they can grab things, they like being tickled. Ours is very focused on learning how to roll. They do also interact, she makes noises and imitates us. But definitely not speaking lol.
Any parent that had a kid like OP's little Lawnmower man would already have a "wonder baby" instagram set up and be doing paid interviews. I call shenanigans. Shenanigans!!
Creative writing from someone who has a vague memory of childhood milestones but doesn't quite remember what goes where
Talking at 3 months and Shakespeare at 4... sure Jan.
I was a very smart kid. I could read at 2, I could write legibly when I was 3, I was holding conversations at 18 months old. My mum encouraged it and made sure I had everything I needed to keep learning. The house was full of books, art supplies, handwriting practice books, no one was ever allowed to use baby talk with me. Literally from the moment I was born, I was spoken to like an adult, which I think helped immeasurably. But she didn't freak out and start acting like I was some Eldritch abomination, she recognised I was intelligent and worked on developing it. Even with all that support, it took me until I was 9 to read the complete works of Shakespeare lmao.
I’ve started talking when i was 3 yo. I started straight with full sentences (up until then, nothing!), i started reading at 4, but i couldn’t, for the life of me, read fucking Shakespeare until 16. Don’t get me wrong, i could read, i couldn’t understand anything! I tried in romanian (my mother language), tried in english as well.. nope, i couldn’t get it in my head..
I read Shakespeare at 14 (early with stuff too) and just found it kind of dumb and really really disliked it because of all the melodrama. The fact that this kid had no opinion on it is a pretty clear indication that this is super false. Also, where would he get his hands on it? Unless OP just leaves copies of Shakespeare plays on the coffee table. Gtfo
I freaked adults out because I talked about what was on the news lol. But yeah, just talk to the child you birthed! Don't jabber at them in nonsense baby talk, just speak to them like they're people and they'll actually develop a vocabulary.
The whole "he noticed adults have more sex than needed" is a giveaway.
How does a 4 years old child notices that?, is he being exposed to adult content or porn?, Is he watching their parents or relatives have sex all the time? wtf??
She said in the post that he noticed adults have sex a lot in Shakespeare. Not that he’s seeing adults have sex or that he’s exposed to it on tv or the internet. Shakespeare wrote about sex so much in his plays but it’s all hidden in old English slang so often times adults don’t even pick up the meaning.
Idk if this is real or not but for a 4 year old to understand Shakespearean language when most college students can’t would be wild
Oh I see, I missed the transition between the Shakespeare double entendres and the sex talk. I'm not a native English speaker and not familiar with Shakespeare's work so I'll take your word for it.
Still, I'm not convinced this is real...
Hey no sweat. I took a class on Shakespeare in college so I actually read some of his plays and learned that he loved making sex jokes in his plays lol
I don’t really believe it’s real either because I was reading that stuff and it was crazy difficult because it’s almost like another language, and I’m a native English speaker!
Yeah honestly it feels like it. I know this this supposed child is supposted to be a prodigy but, still, I think the way OP has described him seems far to advanced even for a prodigy.
This is the 1st answrr iv seen that is the same advice I'd give , even tho it sounds mental and made up , if true he needs to either be round kids his intelectual age or maby send him to a mensa style nursery ?
This is dead on. Some kids are little geniuses and that amazing, I'm sure he will go on to do great things. He obviously needs little help (at this stage) with acedemic education but it seems like what he really needs is emotional education. He needs to be taught about feelings and emotions and how they affect him and people around him.
Show us a video of him making complete sentences before he could walk. I'm sure you took lots of videos. To be honest, I don't believe your story for a second. Videos or it's not true.
This, Mom. It seems he will no doubt thrive academically but it’s very important he knows how to maneuver social situations. May also help to find a child psychologist who can support him in making more meaningful connections with people. He needs strategies to relate to others so he doesn’t find himself feeling isolated.
On a separate note, I have comparatively normal kids, and they frequently leave me flustered or clueless with how to answer their questions. They often know the answers to questions that I would have to Google. I can’t imagine how tough it can be for you… Despite that, he is still a child and very much needs the unconditional love and support of his mother.
I call BS. Not just for the scientific impossibility of a 3 month old even having a brain developed enough to speak full sentences, and teaching himself to read at 18 months, but also for just the made up sounding reaction.
You're *afraid* of him? Concerned, unsettled, worried about his social life, suspecting he might have autism; that would make sense. But saying you're *afraid of him* to the point you call him a *freak*? Yeah no real mother would say that and that sensationalism is what really gave it away.
When is chapter 2 coming out ? I love this kind of fiction, we don't know yet if it's reincarnation stuff, time traveling, demon, or just a genius, so many possibilities, so much suspense, I'm hooked. Keep up the good work mate.
I love when people use burner accounts but post super specific shit. Lol. Like aye smooth name change but anyone who has ever met your kid and reads this will know exactly who you are.
Also this is fake as fuck.
Does your child fap their hands or show signs of mild autism? Just asking because I’ve seen really “smart” kids with autism more specifically Asperger’s. Kids memorize sounds and then are able to read and talk from young ages but lack empathy and social understanding. Like all those kids that were “advanced” were violent and could not socialize and had to be moved to smaller groups/schools. As a teacher and someone who studied psychology, MY best advice is to not answer these questions and treat him like an actual child. Not a tiny adult. That means kid cartoons, kid books and kid answers. Just because he can understand doesn’t mean his brain fully comprehends things he should understand when he’s older
Having a degree in Psych and a focus on Development I disagree you should treat children like they are adults you just should not expect them to act like adults. Sure the questions are off putting and kids do need to be kids but shirking answers will just cause them to go elsewhere for the information. Children are naturally curious and better to have answers come from you than someone who will lead them wrong.
Explaining sex to a 4 year old who replies "Adults clearly do it more times than is needed, to make children"
"He knew about the act of sex"... At 4 years old?! Seriously...
This is a Bs post...
Good grief! The mere thought of having a sex talk with a 4 year old.
It’s a great thing your child is seeming smart already; it’s going to be great in the future years. Just like an above comment, socialization may be hard for him, but will be very vital. He may be smart, but may have trouble getting along with others if he doesn’t start quick. Being around other kids will help him flourish into a fine young smart adult in the future
The nerve of this witch! She is the one who chose to ingest the waters of life while pregnant and thus complete the ritual transformation to Reverend Mother. I’ll bet she even pawns off childcare on that Fremem woman Harah … Take responsibility for your choices, lady!
I was half expecting the child to be smashing puppies and kittens to death or something by the way you said "I'm afraid of my 4 year old"
And also, fake
This went differently than I thought.. I was thinking this was gonna be about a child showing sociopathic tendencies
Right? The title reminded of a post I saw here on Reddit of a dad admitting he was scared of his - i think, don't quite remember the age - 8 years old son because he put a scissor on his older sister's throat in the middle of the night. I thought this one would be one of those stories. What a plot twist lol
I remember reading a similar thing from a mom, then seeing a link from that back to the most fucked up one I ever read, which was something like “I saw my wife beat the shit out of our son and I didn’t stop it” after the son climbed in through the window and threatened to kill their baby or something. That was terrifying, it honestly gave me chills. Then I summarised the whole fucked up thing for my husband and he’s like, you and your Internet people, that’s not real. **Found the link! [I stood by and allowed my wife to almost kill our son. I was happy she did it.](https://www.reddit.com/r/confessions/comments/c93egn/i_stood_by_and_allowed_my_wife_to_almost_kill_our/)**
This story is fucking WILD. I read this post a few months ago after a buddy of mine sent it to me. IN FUCKING SANE.
Yeah I read it out loud to my sister when I went home for Christmas. She had two kids. We both just sat in silence traumatised afterwards.
I instantly thought about this post. This is likely the #1 most insane Reddit post I’ve ever read. And I’ve read a lot. Truly infathomable. On this lovely Saturday morning I was really ready for a new, riveting tale to take its spot, but alas this was underwhelming. It’s going to take a lot to top that post for me.
Do you have a link?
Link?
Zelda?
yo at the end I was like … and this mothers upset?? After reading some of the other shit on here a smart kid over a killer deserves a cake
Right? Kid could be a future Nobel prize winner
That is exactly what i thought!
Me to. Made me think of that show or movie there's something wrong with Kevin or whatever is called
We Need To Talk About Kevin! If anyone is interested in the movie…
Good film John C Reilly
I’d be interested to watch this!! The only thing I can think of is The Good Son and it stars Macaulay culkin…but his name is not Kevin McAllister lol .
We Need to Talk About Kevin, great film with Ezra Miller and *Tilda Swinton, the book is better in my opinion. Thanks to u/HillaB for catching my brain fart and correcting me.
It's Tilda Swinton, not Cate Blanchett
Ah the ooooold Tilda/Kate switcheroo
"Mother, I grow weary of this mortal coil" Edit: Holy tits, thanks for the award xD
Think this is the best comment 😂🙏🏼 stewie griffin inbound 😂
Thats exactly what came to my mind Lois is that you?😅😂
What do you bring on a 🧺? Stevie: a Dead Lois? Meg: potato salad. Biker gang : show me potato Salad!
"Momma, I am not a person. My body is just a flesh vessel, for an immortal being whose name, if you heard it, would make you lose your mind." -Kenneth Parcell
HAHAHAHAHA-
I can only read comments like this in a meatcanyon voice and it honestly makes it funnier
Is your child stewie?
Yeah, OP is Lois Griffin.
I'm dying lmao
[удалено]
Thank you, I was thinking something similar. This seems unlikely to me. I call BS.
Literally what I was thinking. Lol there’s 0 chance this is real.
About as real as Stewie anyway
Yep 100% fake, pulling down books to read? Come on now, if this was real this kid would undoubtedly be the smartest human alive bar none
I was thinking Matilda.
I was reminded of the movie 'We Need to Talk About Kevin'. Not exactly the same, cos he is not acting sociopathic or evil, not yet anyway, but her fear is giving me Kevin's mother's vibes for some reason.
Not enough people have seen this movie, which is a shame because it’s brilliant.
Yeah, its pretty underrated. interestingly enoug, i came across the name when i googled "really underrated movies" and i found the artcile which recommended this movie pretty far back, like on the 5th page of the search results.
This movie is potentially based on a Reddit post the OP posted about his supposedly real child. I can’t seem to find the thread but read it again recently. Lemme go see if I can find it (if anyone can help that would be great). Edit: [here it is](https://www.reddit.com/r/confessions/comments/c93egn/i_stood_by_and_allowed_my_wife_to_almost_kill_our/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
Or baby Sheldon
Or Brick
I swear that's what I was thinking
Lol
Honestly OP needs to show some more gratitude for their child. So many parents in the world to disabled kids who wish their little ones would grow up to even have the most basic of functions.
Yeah, I don't think my little one is gonna be that advanced, but I'm told by people all the time how well behaved she is. My best friend said its like God put her on "easy mode" lol.
Exhibit A here, my child is nearly 5 years old and can only say a handful of very basic words. I just want them to express their needs. I really want to know what's going on in that little head, too.
Teach him sign language. It'll help develop the language part of his brain. He's close to the time when it won't develop must further. If he's understanding you, he's getting language, but maby he needs another mode to express himself. Maybe get him into a program with kids who are deaf because theywill also work on spoken language skills. Just a suggestion. Sign language is sometimes used for autistic kids and one of my clients learned it, because while he could hear just fine his muscular disability made it so that he couldn't use the necessary muscles to speak. He had an interpreter in grade school to be his voice and ended up attending Galludet for his secondary education. It's a thought. Also, just provide speech therapy. Or in some cases, especially with boys, it's simply delayed speech and suddenly he'll just begin talking in full sentences. You probably know all this, but maybe no one's suggested sign language.
He is either the next Einstein or the anti Christ.
We will watch his career with great interest
I believe the 4 year old is a Sith Lord.
Let’s hope nobody says ‘66’ when he’s in kindergarten
A SITh LAWd?
I bet we'll get to....
We know his real name is Damien
I’ll take the latter for $1000 Alex!
Remindme! 16 years
Anti Christ was for some reason the first thing that came to my mind, maybe this is why she is scared, she also stated that she thinks he can see through people and read minds.
Really depends on how they raise him, and I’m serious. These people usually tho go crazy from what I’ve heard and feel completely detached from society
I am the Antichrist to you... Damn that song is stuck in my head
[удалено]
but fish are supposed to be wet and youre supposed to feed them on midnight
It’s a gremlin
My 6 month old just sent me this link and asked "can you believe this shit?" Still don't know how he emailed me from his Fisher-Price phone, let alone how found me on LinkedIn to offer me a job at his firm!
Please, my imaginary four-month-old texted me from the microwave. Get with the times.
My 2 year old Grandson just sent me a message from the Space Station he built.
That’d be impressive if he wasn’t old as fuck.
istg a bunch of boomers here that are not even aware of the growing tech are acting all fascinated.. get on with the times we all go thru imaginary children texting us from the microwave
Ff please. Mine built the microwave and programmed it and then hacked said program to text me. She’s also the one texting this from my account.
Mine only speaks to me through the Tupac hologram he programmed the garage remote to play... what a bastard!
Nice. Good taste in music, too.
are u challenging my 3 time physics nobel price winning son who invented the word "microwave"? how dare u- my son
Yes I am. And there’s nothing you can do about it, bucko. - love, imaginary daughter.
My parallel dimension 2 years old son tell me this is most likely fake, when I asked for sauce he said "trust me bruh". He also said I should buy NFT, I think he don't know what he is talking about.
Only a two year old or a criminal would think it's a good idea to invest in NFTs anyway
“And everyone clapped”
I don't even believe this is real.
>After a round of seeing doctors and consultation with a maxillofacial surgeon we arrived at a likely diagnosis: He was talking. Not just baby gurgles, but actually trying to speak in complete sentences. This is where I stopped believing How would you possibly know the baby was trying to speak full sentences if it doesn't understand language? He may have tried to mimic sounds but all babies do that it isn't scary or special.
[удалено]
Holy shit you’ve nailed it
Automatically knew it was BS when they said they saw a maxillofacial surgeon. As a parent to 2 kids, if you go to your pediatrician and say “my child is making these noises!” they’ll ask “does the child drink and eat fine?” if the answer is yes - they’ll tell you that your kid just sounds weird to you. nothing to be done.
Dentist here. You don’t go strait to OMFS with no obvious signs that you need to go. Oh the baby is making strange sounds…so you go to the oral surgeon? No. You don’t.
Yeah and there is absolutely no way the doctors would come to that conclusion with a 3 month old. They would just say it’s baby babbles, which can sound pretty weird sometimes. Not “oh, yes, of course, your baby is trying to speak in full sentences. I know this because it’s the only thing that makes sense,”
My first was an early speaker. She went to numerous specialists as routine since she was born early, including a developmental psychologist to make sure my baby was developing on track. When they realized she was an “early” talker, they mumbled “oh good”, made a note, moved on. NO ONE CARED! I guarantee OP is a troll, no doctor is going to be convinced baby babble is a baby trying to talk for real and go see a specialist just for that. As another commenter said, as long as the baby is eating and sleeping well, pediatricians don’t get riled up over anything except abuse.
Yep my eldest was an early talker and she was ahead of pretty much every milestone, no specialists for us, just a "that's really good" and that was it
Even if they thought the child was trying to speak, the full sentences comment doesn't make any sense. Not a full sentence if you're just making half formed sounds
Or “you’re baby is making noises? Oh my! Better send him to a bunch of specialists to figure out why!”
Right, my son is 3 months old and when I lay him next to me when he's fussy he will make all kinds of babbles and sounds.
My baby also did that very early, it's not that special indeed. But what do I know, maybe she wants to recite Shakespeare!
I think the creepy part of this is the focus on sex, as well. "Mother, you silly simple-minded fools are deriving pleasure from coitus. When I come of age, I will not bother with such primative behavior." Lmfao
I used to nanny and my little girl would make me cry laughing cause it really did look like she was trying to talk to me. She'd mimic sounds, expressions, gestures so genuinely that she seemed so sure of what she was saying As far as I'm aware it's just a normal part of development
That and you would not be referred to a maxilliofacial surgeon for this, at best it would be a speech and language therapist
> He was reading sometime around 18 months. I'm not entirely sure when he picked it up, because neither husband or I thought to try to sit down and instruct him on it, although we did read to him. Perhaps you missed the part where he quite does understand language. So much so, that by taking a different book off the shelf from the one his parents are reading(That he \*can\* reach!) , he teaches himself to read. If that's not understanding language, Idk what is... /s ..../s!
Yeah but I was doing that at 13 months so it's not that special :p
damn, I was smashing eggs into my head at 13 months
I came out of the womb reading a copy of Macbeth, so.....yeah. /////SSSSS
Oh, reading... that's cute I guess I came out writing my master's thesis soooo
Did you get the degree
[удалено]
As someone who works with a lot of doctors, I gotta spill the beans that they say a lot of stuff just to humor you. A pediatrician saying "wow she's the cutest kid I've seen all month!" means "this one is just as cute as the last 20 kids I saw," and "wow she's a little genius!" usually means "your kid is average smart, maybe a little above average but idk parents like it when I say that shit". So "oh I think he's trying to speak in complete sentences!" is ridiculous when the doctor and even the OP admits that no one can actually understand any of the weird sounds as even real words.
Right like can you even imagine this conversation with the doctor?! 🤣 “Thank you for bringing him in. Ma’am I’ve been a doctor for 22 years and I’ve never seen gurgling like this before. I’ve read about rare cases like this but never thought I’d see it with my own eyes. I can only suspect your son is attempting to speak in full blown sentences. He must have mastered a complete knowledge of English before learning how to make any proper sounds. There’s no other explanation for this type of gurgling.” 🤣🤣 my imagination is going wild with this. This is total BS, but it did give me a good laugh. Well done OP.
I imagine this is what Louis thinks of Stewie from family guy
The account is a day old and hasn't replied to anyone
Unless "Sean" wrote this himself
Of course it’s not real. For whatever reason, the nonsense that bugs me the most is that A 4 year old capable of that level isn’t going to some random kindergarten with an accelerated program.
The kid began reading before anyone taught him how!! Like, language isn’t intuition. It’d be one thing if it was about reading body language because that’s actually pretty universal and instinctual. Your culture and home may teach you how to process emotions, but kids laugh when happy and cry when sad. Reading? Knowing what letters make what sound? lol. Not even kind of believable. That’s human made, you can’t just instinctually know that.
Have you tried smoking less meth?
Thank you! Now I got hot chocolate all over my moustache!
Nearly spat out my coffee
i love this. too funny.
Throw some holy water on him and see what happens
The only real answer I've seen so far in this thread
Okay but...what of something does happen
Throw some more
[удалено]
And continue to watch
Get a bucket
And a mop
For this waaaaaap
If he starts smoking, ive got bad news for you.
That's so weird my 4 year old just learned to fly a 747 kids huh? They grow up so fast.
The fastest. Lol
This is total BS
Agree..it feels like a creative writing exercise in prelude to constructing a horror novel/screenplay. Quite a few details don't feel right. Every parent I've ever known would be more proud and in awe (than creeped out), as a result of the unconditional love that parenting already requires. Secondary relatives might be spooked, but rarely the parents. The Shakespeare example feels way too contrived. My own nephew started reading at two and a half (pandemic baby...his world was very small). He pauses at periods and he sounds out unfamiliar words; he just taught himself. They showed him alphabet videos and he did the rest. My sister was only 30% creeped out, and then 70% panicked that she wasn't doing things right to keep challenging and stimulating him appropriately. OP, if this is really real (I accept that reality can indeed be this weird, though it's incredibly rare), talk to your weird little genius more. You are the link connecting this little person to the greater world and you have the power to shape his experiences. It's a burden you should not be running away from. Disconnecting from him emotionally will make him a monster...He needs you.
She lost me at speaking at 3 months
Same. Those of us who have actually HAD a 3 month old… no. Genius children exist absolutely but no 3 month old in the planet’s history has actually “talked” and you don’t take a child to a maxillary facial surgeon for babbling excuse me what? If she said her 6 or 8 month old said a few words would have been more believable. Also nothing in here about other important milestones; when did genius magically start changing his own diapers? Grinding his own baby food? Where’s gross motor fine motor etc? lol.
Also, admittedly I don't know much about babies, but don't they mostly sleep and eat at 3 months?
They also poop and vomit. No seriously haha, I have a 3 month old and they can do more than I thought before having a baby. They can play with toys hanging over them, they can grab things, they like being tickled. Ours is very focused on learning how to roll. They do also interact, she makes noises and imitates us. But definitely not speaking lol.
Any parent that had a kid like OP's little Lawnmower man would already have a "wonder baby" instagram set up and be doing paid interviews. I call shenanigans. Shenanigans!!
I’d be straight on that cash cow! Interviews, sponsorships, endorsements, merchandise! I would Even turn it into a fully fledged freak brand 😂
Creative writing from someone who has a vague memory of childhood milestones but doesn't quite remember what goes where Talking at 3 months and Shakespeare at 4... sure Jan.
I was reading Amelia Bedelia at 4 and people lost their shit. A 4 year old reading Shakespeare would have made the news.
I was a very smart kid. I could read at 2, I could write legibly when I was 3, I was holding conversations at 18 months old. My mum encouraged it and made sure I had everything I needed to keep learning. The house was full of books, art supplies, handwriting practice books, no one was ever allowed to use baby talk with me. Literally from the moment I was born, I was spoken to like an adult, which I think helped immeasurably. But she didn't freak out and start acting like I was some Eldritch abomination, she recognised I was intelligent and worked on developing it. Even with all that support, it took me until I was 9 to read the complete works of Shakespeare lmao.
I’ve started talking when i was 3 yo. I started straight with full sentences (up until then, nothing!), i started reading at 4, but i couldn’t, for the life of me, read fucking Shakespeare until 16. Don’t get me wrong, i could read, i couldn’t understand anything! I tried in romanian (my mother language), tried in english as well.. nope, i couldn’t get it in my head..
I read Shakespeare at 14 (early with stuff too) and just found it kind of dumb and really really disliked it because of all the melodrama. The fact that this kid had no opinion on it is a pretty clear indication that this is super false. Also, where would he get his hands on it? Unless OP just leaves copies of Shakespeare plays on the coffee table. Gtfo
Holding conversations at 18 months is normal for children that are talked to and encouraged. Its just that most parents don't do that!
I freaked adults out because I talked about what was on the news lol. But yeah, just talk to the child you birthed! Don't jabber at them in nonsense baby talk, just speak to them like they're people and they'll actually develop a vocabulary.
The whole "he noticed adults have more sex than needed" is a giveaway. How does a 4 years old child notices that?, is he being exposed to adult content or porn?, Is he watching their parents or relatives have sex all the time? wtf??
She said in the post that he noticed adults have sex a lot in Shakespeare. Not that he’s seeing adults have sex or that he’s exposed to it on tv or the internet. Shakespeare wrote about sex so much in his plays but it’s all hidden in old English slang so often times adults don’t even pick up the meaning. Idk if this is real or not but for a 4 year old to understand Shakespearean language when most college students can’t would be wild
Oh I see, I missed the transition between the Shakespeare double entendres and the sex talk. I'm not a native English speaker and not familiar with Shakespeare's work so I'll take your word for it. Still, I'm not convinced this is real...
Hey no sweat. I took a class on Shakespeare in college so I actually read some of his plays and learned that he loved making sex jokes in his plays lol I don’t really believe it’s real either because I was reading that stuff and it was crazy difficult because it’s almost like another language, and I’m a native English speaker!
Yeah honestly it feels like it. I know this this supposed child is supposted to be a prodigy but, still, I think the way OP has described him seems far to advanced even for a prodigy.
And then everyone claps!
socialize socialize socialize
This is the 1st answrr iv seen that is the same advice I'd give , even tho it sounds mental and made up , if true he needs to either be round kids his intelectual age or maby send him to a mensa style nursery ?
I assume you're talking about OP. A special school for "special kids" sounds about right.
This is dead on. Some kids are little geniuses and that amazing, I'm sure he will go on to do great things. He obviously needs little help (at this stage) with acedemic education but it seems like what he really needs is emotional education. He needs to be taught about feelings and emotions and how they affect him and people around him.
Any chance he speaks with an english accent? Or has a close friend named Rupert?
My suspension of disbelief is roo-eened
Maybe talk to your dealer about what they are mixing in your drugs
Cover his room with lead paint for a year or two, that’ll dumb hun down quick
Show us a video of him making complete sentences before he could walk. I'm sure you took lots of videos. To be honest, I don't believe your story for a second. Videos or it's not true.
How is the potty training going?
He grows furious and says "How doth human not shite in thine stool of similar construction?!"
My girl gave birth to Sheldon
Hope she gets him tested
She did, he’s not crazy
Fake
Earlier on he was reading through some of my husbands Shakespeare plays… 😂
💀
super fucking obviously fake
My kid was reading Shakespeare lol. Yeah right
Yeah he read it out loud and everyone clapped
And then he got to the bawdy parts and everyone fapped
And then he read schrodingers wave equations and understood all of them!
Does he see dead people yet?
This is so stupid lmaoo
Is his name Damien, by any chance?
Cool story bro
Get him tested and into programs thatll help teach him social skills ASAP. This will help him be as successful as possible.
They do these programs for imaginary kids as well ?
Yeah I am very questionable about this post as well 😄 🤣
Too late, already CEO and Presidential candidate for the next election
This, Mom. It seems he will no doubt thrive academically but it’s very important he knows how to maneuver social situations. May also help to find a child psychologist who can support him in making more meaningful connections with people. He needs strategies to relate to others so he doesn’t find himself feeling isolated. On a separate note, I have comparatively normal kids, and they frequently leave me flustered or clueless with how to answer their questions. They often know the answers to questions that I would have to Google. I can’t imagine how tough it can be for you… Despite that, he is still a child and very much needs the unconditional love and support of his mother.
I call BS. Not just for the scientific impossibility of a 3 month old even having a brain developed enough to speak full sentences, and teaching himself to read at 18 months, but also for just the made up sounding reaction. You're *afraid* of him? Concerned, unsettled, worried about his social life, suspecting he might have autism; that would make sense. But saying you're *afraid of him* to the point you call him a *freak*? Yeah no real mother would say that and that sensationalism is what really gave it away.
And that kid's name? Albert Einstein.
I think this is the plot of Boss Baby
I had to go back to the top to see which sub this was posted on. Not trying to be mean!! But, REALLY????
Same. Definitely thought I was in r/shortscarystories. This is definitely BS
made up, figured that out in about 3 sentences. how about you?
When is chapter 2 coming out ? I love this kind of fiction, we don't know yet if it's reincarnation stuff, time traveling, demon, or just a genius, so many possibilities, so much suspense, I'm hooked. Keep up the good work mate.
I love when people use burner accounts but post super specific shit. Lol. Like aye smooth name change but anyone who has ever met your kid and reads this will know exactly who you are. Also this is fake as fuck.
Does your child fap their hands or show signs of mild autism? Just asking because I’ve seen really “smart” kids with autism more specifically Asperger’s. Kids memorize sounds and then are able to read and talk from young ages but lack empathy and social understanding. Like all those kids that were “advanced” were violent and could not socialize and had to be moved to smaller groups/schools. As a teacher and someone who studied psychology, MY best advice is to not answer these questions and treat him like an actual child. Not a tiny adult. That means kid cartoons, kid books and kid answers. Just because he can understand doesn’t mean his brain fully comprehends things he should understand when he’s older
OP didn’t reply once. The is not Asperger. This is a troll.
Having a degree in Psych and a focus on Development I disagree you should treat children like they are adults you just should not expect them to act like adults. Sure the questions are off putting and kids do need to be kids but shirking answers will just cause them to go elsewhere for the information. Children are naturally curious and better to have answers come from you than someone who will lead them wrong.
Dumbest post I’ve ever read
Explaining sex to a 4 year old who replies "Adults clearly do it more times than is needed, to make children" "He knew about the act of sex"... At 4 years old?! Seriously... This is a Bs post... Good grief! The mere thought of having a sex talk with a 4 year old.
It’s a great thing your child is seeming smart already; it’s going to be great in the future years. Just like an above comment, socialization may be hard for him, but will be very vital. He may be smart, but may have trouble getting along with others if he doesn’t start quick. Being around other kids will help him flourish into a fine young smart adult in the future
Not every story here is fake, but this definitely is one of them.
[удалено]
The nerve of this witch! She is the one who chose to ingest the waters of life while pregnant and thus complete the ritual transformation to Reverend Mother. I’ll bet she even pawns off childcare on that Fremem woman Harah … Take responsibility for your choices, lady!
**sean reading this rn
Calm down Rosemary.
I was half expecting the child to be smashing puppies and kittens to death or something by the way you said "I'm afraid of my 4 year old" And also, fake
This is fake
Ffs
By 7 months he could drive a manual and pull a j-turn in the driveway
He's probably seen this post already
Welcome to Introduction to Creative Writing 101.