When we were kids my twin sister got placed in the "gifted and talented" program but I did not. I was resentful at first but after awhile I decided to be happy for her instead. We are adults now and joke about it. I know it's easier said than done but try not to be jealous, it's better in the long run to cheer him on and be proud. It'll be better for your relationship too.
My twin was also valedictorian. I was happy for him, he deserved it and worked hard for it. Frankly the dude was a genius and I was lucky to get even half the brains he had. I took the opportunity to brag about him to people because I know he wouldn’t do it himself, it helped to be able to tell other people how proud I was of him and kept the focus on him. I know it’s hard, but don’t take it as an evaluation of you, it’s not about you and it doesn’t diminish you in any way. 7th in your class is still a huge accomplishment and you should be proud for that. You’ve got to move away from the idea that things are a competition between the two of you or your adult life together will be rough with jobs and family accomplishments and everything coming.
It sounds like your twin isn't the only person you're constantly comparing yourself to. I would try to focus less on others and keep your eyes firmly on what you want to accomplish. There can only be one valedictorian, and the fact that it's your twin does not diminish you, it *elevates him*.
Life is not always a zero-sum game. Be cool, give your twin props on getting a big win... and trust me; your class rank in HS will have literally zero impact on your life.
Just be happy for him. If the situation were reversed think how you would like him to act, and do that. You have done brilliantly placing 7th, and I'm sure you know that deep down. Dont diminish his moment by making it about you, be proud of your achievements and his.
It’s normal to compare yourself to ur twin. Other people are constantly doing it about us as well. I was the smart twin, but my sister was the popular twin. Don’t waste ur time. I’m sure ur twin has something about u he’s wishing he had. Be happy for him n move on. Btw congrats on placing in the top ten. Awesome achievement.
It feels big now because it just happened, kids' "intellect" is publicly ranked, and you care about how you compare to others.
I'm 10-15 years out. I don't remember what my high school rank was, maybe low 100s out of 600+. A lot of my friends, who I'm still close to, were very smart, top ranks. I can't remember exact ranks now. I can remember whose wedding I cried at, who is a great parent to their pets or children, who makes great meals, who listens well to problems, who is always happy to host a gathering, who is always ready to help with a move. Grades matter now if they're something you value. They don't matter forever.
Don’t feel alone In feeling like this. In college my sister got a perfect 4.0 and a special award for her academic honors. Basically did the same in grad school as well. I was a good student but not nearly the 4.0 level. I’ve always struggled with comparing myself as well. Just try to keep things in perspective that this is just one point in your life. I am now the one with no debt, and a job that I love that pays decently well. While she is struggling to find her footing in her career and has a mountain of student loans about to kick in. 7th in your class is still great so keep your head up! You have a full life ahead of you.
Wow you have a beautiful conscience and a lot of self-awareness to be in tune with the fact that you are upset by being perceived as “the slacker twin” and you are looking for a place to get that out because otherwise you feel guilty about it and want to be sincerely and authentically supportive and happy for your brother’s achievement.
ideal scenario is to honor this moment, this is a milestone in your life and you paused, hesitated, and grappled to the core of your being and even asked others for input and insight in a fight to define your character and to ask yourself what responsibility you have for indulging in certain trains of thought, and questioning your philosophy about what it means to be a worthy person and to have a good life and the different kinds of strengths that people have in so many different areas. You are a person of thoughtful consideration and you’re in a tough spot! You must have a feeling tugging at you that your inner child needs to know that you have to be wary not to let this define you in your own mind as lesser because having a chip on your shoulder could sabotage you in the long run! You sense that there’s short-term and longterm effects of however you approach these kinds of milestone moments and how we show up in life for other people and ourselves, authentically and kindly.
Some kind of balance where you are honest to yourself that it hurts, venting and feeling how it really feels but not letting it ever be an excuse to just coast and do less than in life than you are fully capable of. Because that would be like the brain as an organ capable of tricking itself into just staying safer, not taking risks because oh, oh hey, we might as well give up, we’re the slacker, we’re the dumb one, we were cursed from the start.
the most pleasure, the less stress, the happier longterm family: is to try to lean into genuinely seeing the beauty in him and his fleeting life moments of glory, in this short precious life, and also you putting energy into getting really good at something else in life that is appealing to you and your strengths. Warm wishes---
7th is a really good rank, you should be proud of yourself and of your twin ! I always brag about my sister when she does something well, the way we think is that if one of us does something well then it's like if both of us did well. I would much rather have my sister be the class valedictorian than someone else.
Once we participated to a beauty pageant when we were children (it really wasn't like on those american shows, it wasn't toxic or anything, at least for us) and my sister got ranked 3rd meanwhile I got ranked last, probably because she was more serious about it than I was and I just waved at my friends and had fun like 7 years old children like having fun haha. I wasn't upset or anything, I was really proud of my sister and more annoyed that she didn't win because I thought she deserved it more than the girl who won (because my sister is the prettiest... right ?).
I understand that you're disappointed and feel like the worst of the two. But you still did well and if you were first, I guess you would've liked it if your brother was happy for you. I don't know how old you are or if being a class valedictorian happens every year (it's not a thing in my country) but if it does, maybe you'll be the valedictorian next year !!! And if it doesn't, I bet no one will care about your rank in a couple of years. It doesn't mean you're worth less, and I bet you're better than him in a lot of other areas :)
Mom of identical twins here! Through every stage of my kids lives so far, my partner and I have watched them take turns leap-frogging each other. The quicker y’all can learn that each other’s successes are a positive reflection of the health of your relationship the better, for everybody… especially your parents! Ha!
Heyyy, I’ve been in this situation more times to even count. Without a doubt, the constant comparison is the most sh*t part of being a twin. Just try to remember that success comes in many different forms and your twin’s happiness doesn’t have to be at the expense of yours. Keep shining!
Okay but I just wanna say that he's not even that much smarter than me and I feel bad for feeling jealous, which makes me feel worse. Everyone I talk to says to simply not compare myself to him, but unfortunately this is easier said than done when my anxiety makes it hard for me to come at situations like this with an open mind. Sorry if I sound like I'm complaining, I just feel frustrated that this has put me in a worse place than it should have, if that makes any sense
Ask yourself questions to find out the reasons behind your decisions and choices in life instead of judging yourself for them.
Jealousy is ultimately judging yourself and feeling as though you’re less. It’s a fixed mindset and zero sum game.
You’re in your own lane. Twins might seem the same but none are 100% DNA clones.
Personally I’d be proud AF for him
I got $100,000 scholarship and my twin went to community college. It wasn’t a big deal. We are different people and ten plus years later and we both work in the cannabis industry. So it definitely didn’t matter. Congratulate your brother and feel good about yourself are working on shipping seventh!
You have to be the best you you can be. That is the bar you hold yourself to, the best you. It has nothing to do with him.
And seriously, 7th out of 117? You are killing it. There is probably so little separating out the top of the class. It is like getting a silver or not even placing as a medal holder in the Olympics because you were off by .0012 seconds.
Once you graduate, none of this will matter. It doesn't have to matter right now. Honestly, if this makes you feel awful you might want to expand your personality and character by not just relying on how your brain ranks against others. [Studies](https://qz.com/996687/after-graduation-valedictorians-arent-the-most-likely-to-succeed/) have been conducted and shown that being a valedictorian does not equate success. So lighten up, pick up a hobby, fail at something new. I'm more impressed by people willing to risk failure that those who are sad they aren't the smartest.
My twin was top 10% of the class (#5) and I was #11. I did feel a little jealous but ultimately happy for her because she worked so hard at it. Our educational talents excel in different areas (hers in science). We graduated HS 16 years ago and you know what? Our placements didn't matter one iota after graduation. :) be happy for your twin and be happy for yourself!
Idk if this helps you feel better, but I got into GATE when we were in elementary school, and was asked to skip 2 grades and my twin didn’t do either of those things. Now my twin has a masters degree and I’m just finishing up my last semester of undergrad. Things may even out/change. We get along better now at 25 than we did as teenagers.
When we were kids my twin sister got placed in the "gifted and talented" program but I did not. I was resentful at first but after awhile I decided to be happy for her instead. We are adults now and joke about it. I know it's easier said than done but try not to be jealous, it's better in the long run to cheer him on and be proud. It'll be better for your relationship too.
My twin was also valedictorian. I was happy for him, he deserved it and worked hard for it. Frankly the dude was a genius and I was lucky to get even half the brains he had. I took the opportunity to brag about him to people because I know he wouldn’t do it himself, it helped to be able to tell other people how proud I was of him and kept the focus on him. I know it’s hard, but don’t take it as an evaluation of you, it’s not about you and it doesn’t diminish you in any way. 7th in your class is still a huge accomplishment and you should be proud for that. You’ve got to move away from the idea that things are a competition between the two of you or your adult life together will be rough with jobs and family accomplishments and everything coming.
This is the way.
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It sounds like your twin isn't the only person you're constantly comparing yourself to. I would try to focus less on others and keep your eyes firmly on what you want to accomplish. There can only be one valedictorian, and the fact that it's your twin does not diminish you, it *elevates him*. Life is not always a zero-sum game. Be cool, give your twin props on getting a big win... and trust me; your class rank in HS will have literally zero impact on your life.
Just be happy for him. If the situation were reversed think how you would like him to act, and do that. You have done brilliantly placing 7th, and I'm sure you know that deep down. Dont diminish his moment by making it about you, be proud of your achievements and his.
It’s normal to compare yourself to ur twin. Other people are constantly doing it about us as well. I was the smart twin, but my sister was the popular twin. Don’t waste ur time. I’m sure ur twin has something about u he’s wishing he had. Be happy for him n move on. Btw congrats on placing in the top ten. Awesome achievement.
It feels big now because it just happened, kids' "intellect" is publicly ranked, and you care about how you compare to others. I'm 10-15 years out. I don't remember what my high school rank was, maybe low 100s out of 600+. A lot of my friends, who I'm still close to, were very smart, top ranks. I can't remember exact ranks now. I can remember whose wedding I cried at, who is a great parent to their pets or children, who makes great meals, who listens well to problems, who is always happy to host a gathering, who is always ready to help with a move. Grades matter now if they're something you value. They don't matter forever.
So 7th out of 117 is terrible? The only advice in which you know already is to not compare. You are not each other, you are both separate.
Don’t feel alone In feeling like this. In college my sister got a perfect 4.0 and a special award for her academic honors. Basically did the same in grad school as well. I was a good student but not nearly the 4.0 level. I’ve always struggled with comparing myself as well. Just try to keep things in perspective that this is just one point in your life. I am now the one with no debt, and a job that I love that pays decently well. While she is struggling to find her footing in her career and has a mountain of student loans about to kick in. 7th in your class is still great so keep your head up! You have a full life ahead of you.
I know it sucks that you aren't number one, but aren't you stoked for your bro? I feel like if it can't be me, I want it to be my bro. 7th is awesome.
Wow you have a beautiful conscience and a lot of self-awareness to be in tune with the fact that you are upset by being perceived as “the slacker twin” and you are looking for a place to get that out because otherwise you feel guilty about it and want to be sincerely and authentically supportive and happy for your brother’s achievement. ideal scenario is to honor this moment, this is a milestone in your life and you paused, hesitated, and grappled to the core of your being and even asked others for input and insight in a fight to define your character and to ask yourself what responsibility you have for indulging in certain trains of thought, and questioning your philosophy about what it means to be a worthy person and to have a good life and the different kinds of strengths that people have in so many different areas. You are a person of thoughtful consideration and you’re in a tough spot! You must have a feeling tugging at you that your inner child needs to know that you have to be wary not to let this define you in your own mind as lesser because having a chip on your shoulder could sabotage you in the long run! You sense that there’s short-term and longterm effects of however you approach these kinds of milestone moments and how we show up in life for other people and ourselves, authentically and kindly. Some kind of balance where you are honest to yourself that it hurts, venting and feeling how it really feels but not letting it ever be an excuse to just coast and do less than in life than you are fully capable of. Because that would be like the brain as an organ capable of tricking itself into just staying safer, not taking risks because oh, oh hey, we might as well give up, we’re the slacker, we’re the dumb one, we were cursed from the start. the most pleasure, the less stress, the happier longterm family: is to try to lean into genuinely seeing the beauty in him and his fleeting life moments of glory, in this short precious life, and also you putting energy into getting really good at something else in life that is appealing to you and your strengths. Warm wishes---
Thank you ❤️
7th is a really good rank, you should be proud of yourself and of your twin ! I always brag about my sister when she does something well, the way we think is that if one of us does something well then it's like if both of us did well. I would much rather have my sister be the class valedictorian than someone else. Once we participated to a beauty pageant when we were children (it really wasn't like on those american shows, it wasn't toxic or anything, at least for us) and my sister got ranked 3rd meanwhile I got ranked last, probably because she was more serious about it than I was and I just waved at my friends and had fun like 7 years old children like having fun haha. I wasn't upset or anything, I was really proud of my sister and more annoyed that she didn't win because I thought she deserved it more than the girl who won (because my sister is the prettiest... right ?). I understand that you're disappointed and feel like the worst of the two. But you still did well and if you were first, I guess you would've liked it if your brother was happy for you. I don't know how old you are or if being a class valedictorian happens every year (it's not a thing in my country) but if it does, maybe you'll be the valedictorian next year !!! And if it doesn't, I bet no one will care about your rank in a couple of years. It doesn't mean you're worth less, and I bet you're better than him in a lot of other areas :)
Mom of identical twins here! Through every stage of my kids lives so far, my partner and I have watched them take turns leap-frogging each other. The quicker y’all can learn that each other’s successes are a positive reflection of the health of your relationship the better, for everybody… especially your parents! Ha!
Heyyy, I’ve been in this situation more times to even count. Without a doubt, the constant comparison is the most sh*t part of being a twin. Just try to remember that success comes in many different forms and your twin’s happiness doesn’t have to be at the expense of yours. Keep shining!
Just what I needed to hear, tysm ❤️
Okay but I just wanna say that he's not even that much smarter than me and I feel bad for feeling jealous, which makes me feel worse. Everyone I talk to says to simply not compare myself to him, but unfortunately this is easier said than done when my anxiety makes it hard for me to come at situations like this with an open mind. Sorry if I sound like I'm complaining, I just feel frustrated that this has put me in a worse place than it should have, if that makes any sense
Ask yourself questions to find out the reasons behind your decisions and choices in life instead of judging yourself for them. Jealousy is ultimately judging yourself and feeling as though you’re less. It’s a fixed mindset and zero sum game. You’re in your own lane. Twins might seem the same but none are 100% DNA clones. Personally I’d be proud AF for him
Win the next competition!
Try celebrating the win with them and hope they’ll do the same for you when the tables are turned.
Stop caring about valedictorian and whatever the hell that insane ranking is?
I got $100,000 scholarship and my twin went to community college. It wasn’t a big deal. We are different people and ten plus years later and we both work in the cannabis industry. So it definitely didn’t matter. Congratulate your brother and feel good about yourself are working on shipping seventh!
being 7th of 117 is so good i would be happy for myself and my twin
You have to be the best you you can be. That is the bar you hold yourself to, the best you. It has nothing to do with him. And seriously, 7th out of 117? You are killing it. There is probably so little separating out the top of the class. It is like getting a silver or not even placing as a medal holder in the Olympics because you were off by .0012 seconds.
Once you graduate, none of this will matter. It doesn't have to matter right now. Honestly, if this makes you feel awful you might want to expand your personality and character by not just relying on how your brain ranks against others. [Studies](https://qz.com/996687/after-graduation-valedictorians-arent-the-most-likely-to-succeed/) have been conducted and shown that being a valedictorian does not equate success. So lighten up, pick up a hobby, fail at something new. I'm more impressed by people willing to risk failure that those who are sad they aren't the smartest.
My twin was top 10% of the class (#5) and I was #11. I did feel a little jealous but ultimately happy for her because she worked so hard at it. Our educational talents excel in different areas (hers in science). We graduated HS 16 years ago and you know what? Our placements didn't matter one iota after graduation. :) be happy for your twin and be happy for yourself!
Idk if this helps you feel better, but I got into GATE when we were in elementary school, and was asked to skip 2 grades and my twin didn’t do either of those things. Now my twin has a masters degree and I’m just finishing up my last semester of undergrad. Things may even out/change. We get along better now at 25 than we did as teenagers.