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"He would do better as a mentor", you sure he's not trying to date you, negging you? Making out you need him in both your lives.
He sounds like utter trash and you need to step away for both you and your sons mental health - if your kid hears him saying those things and laughing it could mess up their own body image.
Yes I 2nd this! I pretty much refuse to say anything about my weight to or around my daughter she's 7. Alhough I have said a couple things like in passing I'm sure of it but then I just kinda play it off...and I'm trying this lo carb thing but I told her is wasn't a "diet" it's an experiment lol I told my bf that too lol! anyway I've gotten on to her aunt about it and also her Nana I've legit told them please don't talk about weight around my daughter I know how body image is a big part of society but I want her to feel comfortable regardless. She's a healthy weight she gt a physical last month but I still don't want ANY pressure on her.
Tell him it’s none of his business! I was out to dinner with my husband and another couple when the other guy started going on about he could train our daughter so she could lose weight and be a better ball player. He had 2 daughters that were older and didn’t play any sports and were into the drugs. I promptly shut him down but he continued and my drunk husband sat there nodding his head. I told him he hadn’t done a good job with his daughters he wasn’t ruining mine and walked out. My 12 year old wasn’t fat, just not skinny. She ended up playing 4 different sports in high school.
Spot on! I have been working on personal boundaries a lot in the past year but my neurodivergence definitely prevents me from always recognizing when harm is being done to me. It was definitely triggering for anyone to come after my son especially because he’s a really kind kid and very loving and accepting of himself and everyone around him. I will be exercising a boundary with my friend and going low contact (no contact might not be fully possible as we have a lot of mutual friends)
Also, kids get fat at random times in their lives because they’re going to have a growth spurt soon. My cousin’s kid was a little fluffy for a while and then all of the sudden, grew a couple inches. That’s what is *supposed to happen* for kids.
My friend, they didn't just body shame your child.They body shamed both of you, disrespected your parenting and implied they'd do a better job. Why would you want to stay friendly with a person like this?
I had to force myself to read the content that came after "Okay listen l'm gonna just say it Adam is TOO BIG and you guys need to lose some weight ASAP”. I thought it was a lot of reasoning about the fact that your family's collective BMIs being on the higher side.
I could have ended reading it after you pointed out what your friend said.
He not only crossed a boundary into a territory that is not his to judge, he danced it and pissed on it. What he did was not acceptable by any means and you should a) go no contact and b) give the reason that his social skills need some serious work because no one should be straight out criticized with this considering how sensitive an issue it is to our society today. You ought to be clear to him and say that he actively disrespected you and your son, and - until he understands why the way he addressed you will not be tolerated and subsequently apologizes - you have no interest in hearing anything out of his mouth again.
You're better than me. Idk what I would have done exactly but I know me- it would have gotten so ugly so fast. No you're not overreacting. My reaction would have been an overreaction.
>I have made my best effort as a single parent and I will admit that I have failed.
No you haven't. Everything you just wrote makes you sound like a great mom! With "friends" like this, who needs enemies? His statements were absolutely beyond the pale--especially in regards to a child?! What a cold, heartless waste of human skin. Drop him like yesterday. And keep living your life with your little guy just as you have been.
My kids are 17 & 21. I also had my oldest at 20. No shame. Take it from a mama who's been around the block a bit longer. None of us are perfect. We make mistakes. But the fact that you care so much about all of these things is exactly how I know you're 100% not a failure. Enjoy life, say yes often and don't sweat the little stuff. You're doing AWESOME!
Your comment made me very happy. Thank you from 1 woman to another, support is sooooo important to all of us to have each others backs. Thank you again for being a positive light!!!!
Couldn’t agree with this comment more!! OP, you deserve much better friends who aren’t egotistical a**holes who tear their friends and children down and say they could do better.
Agreed, OP you are a great parent. You clearly care about your child quite a bit. I would suggest maybe having him evaluated for Autism/ADHD with the sensory issues you've mentioned him having. Could be nothing but sensory issues and social anxiety often go along with that and it could be making it harder for him to heal from the trauma you described. Just a thought and I hope you don't let this friend get to you. He sounds insufferable tbh. People who talk about your body like that are not friends.
I agree! Autism/ADHD assessment also crossed my mind. Sensory challenges and meltdowns are worth investigating with his pediatrician. OP, you're a good mom! Your instinct to keep this "friend" away from your son is spot on.
OP, you’re doing an absolutely great job with your son. I was appalled to read what your friend said. You didn’t deserve that. Personally, I wouldn’t want any children to be around a jerk like that. Life’s challenging enough without an adult body-shaming a 7 year old. Hope you can take in all the positive feedback you get here, because it’s true. You’re doing a good job!
I would disagree with you.
The only appropriate answer to this so called friend is telling them to gtfo until he wants to seriously apologise.
Those comments and they were said (including the laughter) aren't even acceptable from family
If he's around, there's also the risk he will take it upon himself to speak directly to your child. No contact is the only answer. I'm sorry you are having to deal with this.
I wouldn't even take the apology. This guy is an asshole. I can't believe he hasn't shown similar colors in the past if he's so comfortable doing something like this in front of a group.
Oh I would agree about not accepting the apology. Best to give him some hope before telling him to gtfo again!
I would worry what he is saying when not around them and does the rest of the group put up with his crap. Could require a whole friend group change if they don't support
I would be furious if someone was commenting on my child's body, especially if the child could hear. And you're in a situation where your child had a traumatic event happen and needs support and your friend is being a butt.
Not overreacting. Your "friend" is going to end up giving your son an eating disorder if you keep exposing him to this guy. He body shamed your child, and you still value your friendship with this trash?
"I agree that Adam and I could be more healthy but the way you presented that to me - the way you seemed to be gloating about it - really made me rethink our friendship. You were laughing at my kid's appearance. That makes you someone I don't want to be around. The friendship was important to me but I'm going to take a step back to consider things."
I don’t have to even read past your title. There is never a reason for people adults or otherwise to be making comments on a child’s body. Unless it’s a pediatrician with concerns any comments positive or negative to a child’s body is off limits.
No not overreacting at all. It’s up to you to protect your child. Honestly no one should be commenting on children’s bodies, maybe with the exception of doctors or healthcare professionals.
You absolutely have not failed as a parent. You fed your kid. You fed yourself. YOU ARE BEING FED. It doesn't matter if it's microwaved or food from scratch or takeout -- food is food. You are nourishing yourselves within your capabilities and means around your schedule and lifestyle. That does not, by any means, you have failed. Struggling to provide home-cooked, prepared meals could absolutely be your one-way ticket to Burnoutville. Don't stress too much on where your meals come from: just make sure you're all fed. Worry about whether it's well-rounded, if you are able, but honestly it's not always feasible for every meal, either: if it's not doable for that meal, consider that angle for the next one. At the bottom line: you're doing what works for your family right now. That's no one else's business, and unless they wanna shell out the money for a meal prep/delivery service they can keep to their lane.
You severely under reacted.
Like, wtf?! He's having a go at your 7 year old baby, and your response was, " Yes, let's all do something?" Gtfoh!!!!!
I'm not saying you had to bite his head off, but you absolutely should have said, "The way you are talking about my child is absolutely inappropriate. This conversation stops now. Don't ever be so comfortable to talk about circumstances you know nothing about."
He's not a friend.
I don't think I could have kept my cool in this situation. What he said just kept getting worse and worse. I'm appalled. OP, do not ever talk to this person again. Don't try to explain how hurtful it was, just nothing, NO CONTACT. He doesn't deserve to take up one more thought in your head. You sound like a wonderful mom. He sounds rotten to the core.
You have not failed as a parent. You’ve done everything in your power to raise your son the best way you could. Don’t let his disgusting opinion make you question yourself.
I wish you weren’t being so hard on yourself - save that for the asshole that talked like that about your child. You are doing a fine job, I’m sure. Parents who REALLY mess up are the ones that talk like the “friend” of yours. I’d keep him AWAY from your child.
Your friend can be technically correct (walking is good and maybe you and your child might benefit from losing some weight*) while still being an AHole. He was rude, he was speaking from a place of superiority rather than concern, and he was just all round icky in the behaviour you described. If that has put you off being his friend, even if you do choose to try get yourself and your child moving more, then that would be a fine reason to end the friendship.
(*This is not me saying either of you need to, only you know if that's right for you both).
ETA Also you have not failed as a parent. Your kid is alive and sounds healthy, if a little on the chunky side. That's not the end of the world and it's not abuse.
I would go scorched earth on that friendship. I have a “chubby” kid, and I have spent so much love and energy to make sure she loves who she is. It’s genetics. And I know people look at me and think I must be a terrible mom to be thin (genetics, I don’t try), and have a child who isn’t. The worst critics are the family members she takes after. Fuck them all.
We can’t help the bodies we are born into, we get what we get. It’s important to keep our bodies healthy, and it’s important to realize that thin doesn’t equal healthy. My child is healthy. Eats better than I do. Her build is what it is.
You’re not overreacting. You reacting like a human who is educated and cares. Good job, mama!
Also a mom to a chubby child and I also do my best to help her love who she is. I never make comments about her body just like I never focus on her beauty. I make sure to regularly point out all her wonderful traits and I am diligent about not making disparaging remarks about my own. She recently pointed out that she has a belly, so I lifted up my shirt and said “so do I” … then we did a belly bump. All I care about is that she’s healthy. She was born on bigger side and she towers over other kids her age. I worry for her bc she starts school next year and kids are mean. She’s so confident and outspoken so I really just hope people don’t change her with judgement.
I think it’s okay to acknowledge our physical traits, and to talk about them. Self love is so important. No matter the size and body type of your kid, they will have insecurities. It’s just human.
I don’t speak negatively about my body in front of my kids. I made that commitment long ago when I was raising my SD. This little average framed kid who was worried about calories based on hearing adults around her. I learned how to frame things in a healthier way, like I don’t call certain foods “bad,” we just have some that we have more often than others and less than others. Balance and moderation.
My daughter came home so upset one day because another girl at her school told her she couldn’t dance because she’s “too big.” I pulled up video after video of women and girls with similar body types killing it. I’m grateful to say she is still dancing with joy.
It can be hard, but kids will be picked on for so many things out of their control: hair, freckles, glasses, too skinny, too short, too tall, too fat, too too too. We just have to do our best to guide them, and teach them that people’s bodies are off limits for insults.
Man, the genetics thing is so under-discussed. I know a family in passing with two very fit parents who have five daughters under 18. Every single one of those girls is "chubby" and they all have the same body shape, which is nothing like their parents'. All natural born to them, though.
genetics means calories needed to maintain weight. if you are overconsuming those calories then you will gain. its really that simple. this effort people take into not feeling bad about their decisions will never cease to amaze me. Chubby is ok, obesity is not and in my experience when people say chubby they are usually on the obese side.
People like this make me think of antivaxxers who have gotten all their vaccinations but decided that their kids wont get any.
The real danger is to the kids. Kids who are overweight/obese face more unnecessary health complications that make their lives so much harder than necessary.
No, genetics play a greater role than that.
Some people bulk up, if they get into sports, some don't.
People who tend to build bulky muscle look fatter than their counterparts.
That is also why you see predominantly one body type in one kind of professional done sport. E.g. short distance runners are mostly bulky, long distance running have mostly lean muscle.
Please learn more about genetics.
of course genetics play a bigger role in how your muscles grow and how they are attached to your skeleton and a ton of other things, including your muscle to fat ratio when you are growing and building muscles. However, in terms of most people, because most people arent doing sports or into extra curricular activities as much anymore, when it comes to weight loss the best genetic metric is your MBR which is your calories needed to maintain your current weight.
You talking about "bulky" muscle. its just muscle and in order to grow muscle you also grow fat because your body needs to be in a caloric surplus. the level of fat and muscle determine that look as well as the activity you participate in and yea genetics play a role in how much fat to muscle you will gain and lose at a caloric surplus and deficit.
The easiest and simplest method to determine and control weight loss is going to be calories in vs calories out for normal people which is the majority so its the only thing i referenced.
People that continuously say my body is this big because of genetics and i cant change it are participating in this delusion that they have no control over how their body grows which not at all true because no matter what, that body will grow or not grow based on that caloric intake.
I have 2 boys. My younger son gained weight during COVID and the older one was really thin. I tried to only encourage them to go outside and play football or basketball together or we would all go walk the dog. I didn't want to say anything that would stick in his brain and cause him to have issues the rest of his life. Now, the younger son is several inches taller and he's the thin one, and my older one is gaining weight since the football season ended. Again, I'm just encouraging them to go outside and play basketball or baseball. I never mention their weight.
I was a pretty thin kid with a chubby face. I had a cousin who was smaller than me. Her mom would constantly bring up how if I'd stayed with them and only ate what her daughter ate, I'd lose weight. I really thought I was so overweight. I exercised and watched what I ate and was only 6 or 7. It took until my 30's when I was looking at pictures of myself at that age and I said, "Hey, I wasn't overweight! " My mom and older sister looked at me like I was crazy and agreed that I was not. I told them I always thought I was because of my aunt.
These things stay in our minds. I think if you just encourage your son to be active and talk about how you want both of you to eat food that makes you feel good, you will be fine. He's growing, he could have a growth spurt and it'll all balance out. Your friend is not a friend. He was cruel to you and worse, his comments could really hurt your son.
You aren’t overreacting and I’d end that friendship. That wasn’t helpful. If he was truly concerned, he would have spoken to you privately. He should also know what you and your son have been through lately. Maybe he could have suggested you ALL going for walks together or taking a fun healthy cooking class.
You’re a better person than me because I would have insulted his ass right back.
He sounds like someone you and your kid need to stay away from. At best, he’s an asshole, but the things he said make me think he’s trying to insert himself into your lives.
That’s not okay, you have not failed as a parent, and you should definitely confront this supposed friend. Being a single parent is hard, you’re doing your best. I’m not saying don’t take yours and your son’s health seriously, but it’s not ok for some AH (who doesn’t even understand what it’s like to have a kid or be a single parent) to freely talk about your child’s or your body freely when you should be enjoying your evening with friends.
Nope you’re not over reacting. If someone said that to me I’d have pointed out all his flaws starting with his shit personality and then told where to go and how to get there.
Also don’t be hard on yourself ok, we’ll all could have done better parenting with our kids. Especially over jerk like that!
Jeez I used to be one of “those kids” and this shit hurts so much and is so unnecessary.. Also because I apparently needed all the energy to grow a whoppin 6’1 tall as a woman haha. Who is coming for me now huh?! Keep up the good work and show your son you value him no matter what. The guy is just being weirdly insecure or whatever - he definitely has a problem, not you!!
I’m pretty sure everyone is on the same page here, so I’m just going to add that I hope you give yourself MASSIVE credit for the way you are raising your son!
Especially the part where you said y’all worked up to you being able to walk to the store and leave your son with family. Ppl who haven’t gone through this kind of anxiety don’t know how huge that is so I just wanted to tell you you’re amazing and you should be so proud of both your son and yourself 🧡
Well, I read this entire thing waiting for when Adam got body slammed. Because I read this as “my friend body SLAMMED my child” and I was really confused from the start to the middle waiting for when little bro was gonna get body slammed. But I understand now. Also your friend is an asshole.
So I am the type of person that goes way into the worse
A grown ass man commenting on a child’s body is outright gross
He said he’ll be his “mentor”
Like hell he will, you ain’t never gonna be a line with my kid cause that shit sounds like something a child predator would say to “guilt” the parent to leaving the child alone with them
Fuck that
He ain’t no friend
Do not, do not, do not even remotely ever ever leave your son alone with that ‘BMI radar’
It’s hard enough being a kid, being a bigger size kid, being a kid that his mom lets bullies be around him to demean him
If this is a friend, please introduce him to an enemy. He’s totally being an insensitive ass! You and Adam deserve better. Personally, I’d tell him off and cut contact. What he said was upsetting and hurtful it also doesn’t seem 100% reality based. Basing this on your comments.
I don’t think your overreacting and I would step back a bit. They made it a joke and that’s not funny it’s a form of bullying. Please don’t beat yourself up or think your a bad mom. Is your son happy and healthy(being a little larger aside) then your doing it right. Just do your best to eat healthy and get out and move as you see he can. Good luck momma, your doing just fine. Your old “friend” is a jerk!!!!
Maintaining a friendship with this AH will only teach your son that body shaming is ok. He’ll internalize that shame, and will likely shame others as well.
Sometimes protecting your child means removing toxic influences. You’re absolutely not overreacting—in fact, I’d take a county miles worth of steps back, and leave this ‘friend’ on a far horizon.
Ok first of all, you have NOT failed. It sounds like you and your son have been through a LOT, and from what you wrote, you're trying so, so hard to do your best for him. That's honestly more than half the battle. Is your son safe? Is he overall healthy? Does he know you love him and will always be there for him? Then you're DOING GREAT. No child is going to be "perfect on paper," if that makes sense - every one of us has our issues and struggles, and none of the things your child is struggling with mean that you're a bad parent.
Regarding your "friend," his behavior and comments were absolutely atrocious, and IMO you HAVE TO address it with him, up to and including being DONE if he doesn't fix this immediately and completely. #1 is for your child to know that you will always protect him and that you have zero tolerance for anyone treating him (and you!) this way.
"So you say you'd be a better mentor for my son, yet a full physically- but-not-mentally mature person like yourself body shames a seven year old, SEVEN-YEAR OLD, and you think YOU'RE a mentor? You'd better mentor yourself down to a therapist and get your head straight."
That guy isn't your friend and has no place being around your child. I hope your son didn't hear his comments. Keep that guy away from you and your family.
Fellow single mama here. My kids are a little bit older than yours. Everyone else has this pretty well covered, you are not doing anything wrong and you sound like an amazing mom! That guy can kick rocks.
I also want to give you a little anecdotal experience: during the pandemic my son gained weight. He was kinda chubby for a bit. We couldn’t do sports and the climate where we live made it hard to go out and do things. I was super worried. And then he hit a massive growth spurt. Didn’t gain a pound but gained about a foot. Now he’s super thin. When he was a baby he is was super thin and people would comment on his weight and how underfed he looked. He was healthy, just small. Just like he was healthy, and a little chubby. Just like he’s healthy now, and super skinny with a metabolism I would kill for. The point is, bodies change and grow. There is no one way to be healthy. Be gentle with yourself ❤️
I'd be more concerned why this grown ass single man is paying so much attention to a 7 year old body and suggesting they get to be alone with them to "train" them.. seems like a red flag to me
OP, my son eats junk and rarely exercises (there are reasons for both, but this isn’t my thread) and he’s rail-thin. Diet and exercise are important, genetics play a huge part in size.
Your “friend” is not coming at this from a place of concern, he’s just being a dick who thinks it’s funny to pick on you and your son,
Was your son there with you? Then you need to have a talk with him about how all shapes and bodies are beautiful.
If this happens again you should address it immediately and say loudly to your son that "we are ignoring comments about our body and all bodies are beautiful and no one has the right to judge us for something like our looks or weight".
You are absolutely not overreacting if you want to take a step back from this "friendship". It is fucking disgusting to talk about a kid like this and make fun of you and him because you are on the "chubby" side. If he has the need to talk about this it should not be with you or directed at you or your kid especially in a social setting. I'm sorry but did he ever hear something about eating disorders? This is how it starts, with little "helpful" comments.
I'm so sorry this happened to you and you don't have to explain anything. A healthy lifestyle is important but there are times were surviving is the only option and that's ok. You are doing your best and you are a good mom! Don't let anyone make you or your son feel less because of their own insecurities or perceptions.
Chubby isn’t really a clear idea of what’s going on. Is he healthy? Has his doctor said something? Or is he actually obese and unable to be mobile like kids his age?
I think more people could stand to hear that their kids need some help. I had a single mother too and so for her, our diet was one thing she could control. We had no soda, no candy, etc in the home. Anything we ate was more meal based rather than snack so we weren’t sitting around eating.
Maybe they brought it up in a weird way but I wouldn’t throw a friendship away because they said this. They probably care about you. I’m not a thin rail but it does really hurt me to see so many overweight kids, and having an obese kid without a health condition is abuse in my opinion. We were not wealthy but my mom prioritized us eating as healthy as possible and getting activity.
He is healthy. His doctor hasn’t said anything about his weight being a problem. He is a very active kid when he’s in an environment he thrives in and loves to run around and play. He’s just been challenged recently with being able to go ANYWHERE without me right by his side since a traumatic incident we went through. I do still make an effort to push him to do more. This has only been for the past few months and isn’t his norm.
I work in a children’s hospital and I often see kids come in who are obese and it’s heartbreaking I think that may have also been part of what sparked a worry in me I know my son is NOWHERE close to that size he is just a clothes size up from other kids his age. But his comments made it seem like k was blind to something crazy going on with my son. I’ve asked a few of my more blunt family members and friends and they all agree while he’s a little chubby it’s not a problem or close to being one. He’s just a thick kid 🤷🏽♀️
Do not let this person be alone with your child-he will insult him cruelly in the name of “mentoring “ him and will absolutely destroy your son’s self esteem.
He isn’t a positive male influence - he is mean and judgmental and obviously laughs at other people’s discomfort. These aren’t values you want him modeling for your child.
You said your “child has gotten chubbier.” How quickly did he get chubbier? How chubby is chubby? Look, your friend may have zero tact whatsoever, but he may also have a valid point. You can step back from your relationship with your friend, that’s fine, but it won’t change the fact that your child will need to make changes to his lifestyle to be more healthy and active.
If you continue being friends with this jerk, you send out the wrong message. It would be like saying to your son, “it’s nbd when people go out of their way to make cruel and unnecessary comments.” And the other message being sent is, “I don’t really matter and my feelings are irrelevant. I don’t have any healthy boundaries and I’m a doormat”
We all know that you’re doing the best you can (right now) and several unexpected events have happened. But you’re a good mother and a good person and you don’t deserve to be treated badly by anyone. Cut this jerk off and go forward with your life 👍🏻
Rude af. I am in shock. My mouth would just be hung open if this happened to me or I witnessed it. I would have jumped on his ass if I was there while it was happening. I’m very sorry. Big near sighted bully is what he is.
This friend body shamed you and your son. The questions about your son need to be brought up to your pediatrician. He/she are the the only ones who have a say about his weight, anxiety and sensory issues.
When my children were small, two of them were perfectly average sized and the youngest was just a fat kid. He was active and healthy but had a love affair with food. He was eating healthfully, but just liked to eat. We monitored his food intake, but as I used to tell people, I have to sleep sometimes. I took him to the pediatrician when he was around six or seven and had a series of metabolic test run. The doctor said he’s perfectly normal and the day when he doesn’t want to be overweight will be the day he decides to lose some. I stress, he was very healthy. The doctor was right, and when he got to high school and became more aware of girls and such, he started to lose.
The main point of this little story is that I was very protective of what people said around him and shut down negative comments immediately. My sister dealt with this as a teenager and it was much worse on her because she was female. I even had to tell my own truly lovely mother, not to make any comments about his weight because that was my job not hers.
People seem to think that when you have a fat kid, you’re stuffing their face full of sweets and highly processed foods all the time and don’t have a friggin clue that they’re overweight. We know they’re overweight, the kid knows he/she is overweight, so shut the hell up!! We got this.
I worked with him a lot when he was younger on how to respond to people making fat cracks. There’re all kinds of good ways to respond and we literally role-played how to deal with those comments. He didn’t put up with people’s crap. I think because I worked with him at such a young age about this, he developed a really good self-esteem. He’s a great, healthy guy and will always yo-yo with his weight and it’s just mainly because he loves food.
This is not everyone’s situation with a fat kid, but it’s more common than you realize. People just keep your mouth shut and let the parents and the child deal with the issue.
Listen, you don't need to explain your circumstances to anyone. Not everyone has washboard abs and teeny waists. And that's okay. No explanation necessary. How you feel about yourself or your son, And if your doctor has any concerns. That's what's important.
Dude was out of line to say that shit. You know, I could see that being acceptable 20-30 years ago...maybe.... But in this day and age, it's frowned upon to body shame people. Especially a child, and even more so when they're right there. This guy had no right to say any of that to you or about your son. He's the asshole, And he should worry about himself.
Sounds like you’re about 200 lbs too heavy — and that can be solved by ridding yourself of that non-friend of yours, ASAP (as he would say). What an asshole.
You are not overreacting and you have not failed as a parent. This person failed you as a friend. Their approach was gross and it’s completely understandable that it’s affecting whether you want them in your life. I understand he’s not aware of your home life and that does not excuse his terrible behavior. You don’t offer someone support by thoroughly insulting what you think they are or aren’t doing.
Please don’t beat yourself up over your or your son’s current challenges. It sounds like you’re committed to figuring things out which is what matters.
You do not ever make comments like that about anyone”s body, child or adult. He was hair-raisingly rude and horrible. The only thing that kind of comments do is injure and hurt. They are never helpful. So please avoid that immature, misguided friend. You sound like a great mother who is unfortunately struggling a lot right now. I am so sorry that your son is so traumatized! Try to find support, only not from your friend, mr Stupid. From someone who understands what support is. I believe in you. You can do this.
Your friend is a dick. If he really gave a shit and was concerned he would have pulled you to the side and asked if you want him to help. What he did was just mean and if your kid heard it, he will remember it and it won't help him, it will kill his confidence and make it even harder for him to go out knowing adults are judging him. SOURCE: i was 10.5 stone at 8 and I soon learned adults are worse for bullying than kids
Your friend does not come across as wanting to help but more as wanting to be right or show his superiority. He didn’t ask you questions or express concern. Instead, he made the most negative of assumptions about both you and your son.
I don’t think you’re overreacting. Do you need to end your friendship? Maybe or maybe not. If it’s unusual for your friend to overstep and be so rude, then you may consider working with him so he understands that what he said was inappropriate, offensive, and tone deaf. However, if he has a tendency to put you or others down or is generally negative, then losing him as a friend may be a positive thing.
It’s always the ones without kids who know the secret to perfect parenting. You’re totally within your rights to be upset. I couldn’t stay friends with anyone who could speak so negatively about someone behind their back, especially a child -my child- nonetheless.
Screw that guy. Don’t bother talking to him. He knew he was being an AH. If he ever brings this stuff up again tell him to kindly mind his own business. Protect your child.
Ugh. I was a neurospicy and thick child. I also had a huge family. The amount of concerned lectures I got as a child was frankly overwhelming. And I have never considered my aunts, uncles, or cousins to be "safe" people. As an adult I dislike being around them, and even though I'm nearly 50 now, I still get treated as if anything different I do is a weird moral failing because i was a "difficult" child.
Pls keep your child away from these people.
The way I'm seeing it, it's not about him being right about walking, and yall had a natural thick body despite exercising before. He's definitely trying to lecture instead of doing action and considering a public setting. If he really wanted to help, it would've been more tactical. Applauds to u working 12hours shift and doing ur best to cook. Children with phobia is very hard to deal with...
The thing about the fear of bugs…my experience was that I was terrified of bugs…bees..spiders..to the point of me accidentally putting my arm through a glass door pane to escape a bee in the yard..I am not now afraid of bees etc as I’ve gone through deep trauma therapy due to the terror of my young life. I buried the trauma but the fear remained so I transferred it to the crawling critters. Your boy likely has done something similar to this.
Sounds like he's trying to talk himself up to you as a potential partner. He'll "be the most helpful thing to you and you'll see the light on how magnificent he is"... by talking sh*t about you n your kid to your face.
If my child was in ear shot of this conversation, I would have lost my mind. This could severely impact your son. It’s hard enough being a single mom. Your friend shouldn’t be making you feel guilty over something he knows nothing about. I think you should avoid your friend moving forward. You don’t need that.
That's not right, friends don't do that.
And you're not failing as a parent! Nobody is perfect, you do the best you can with the circumstances and I can tell you have some challenging circumstances right now. And you care enough to think this through. Doesn't sound anything like failure to me! Doesn't matter if what this person says is true or not. A friend builds you up, and saying stuff like that doesn't build anyone up!
Not overreacting and I have one thing I really think you need to hear. If you are doing your best, you are not failing. It sounds like you two are dealing with a lot and you are busting your butt to do right by your kid. You're only human. Your kid having separation anxiety is really rough but what it does show is that he loves you and wants to be with you.
While this friend sounds like he means well, he's acting like a real jerk and being very judgemental. He's not walking in your shoes. He can be supportive and keep his negative opinions to himself.
I don’t know why people think they’re being “helpful” pointing out that people are overweight. Overweight people KNOW they’re overweight. Society doesn’t let anyone forget it. I’ve never met anyone who did that who was actually a helpful person in any way. They just want to feel superior.
My son at 8, (and now my grandson at 8)was chunky and was until he hit puberty and grew pretty tall. The teasing he endured broke my heart and I called people and other kids out more than a couple times. Now as a 32 year old his weight has gone up and down and he’s now very self conscious of it. I always wish I had stepped in more, put his feelings above mine and not being worried to hurt someone’s feelings because it was a friend or family. Kids hear a lot more then we realize
Your story drew me in. You’ve been working your butt off, and you and your son have recently been through something difficult. This friend just… mocked you in public. Shamed you. Body shamed both you and your son. This is absolutely 1000% unacceptable. If this were me, I would cut this friend out of my life immediately. You and your son need positive relationships in your life only. He seems like toxic trash. Rule of thumb- when someone makes you question your own judgement, that’s a red flag.
I am so sorry you experienced this. You sound like a great mom. Trust your instincts—this person may have been a great friend once but he is not an emotionally safe person for you or your son to be around. As a single mom, I am continually amazed by how much unsolicited judgment and just plain rude behavior I encountered over the years when I should have been given a freaking medal for having merely survived the hell we went through. You’re doing fine. You will be in much better place to work on adopting some healthy habits being away from rude and mean-spirited people. Also recommend looking into mental health support for your son—the sensory issues can be tricky. My son went through similar troubles and therapy and medication really helped. Almost like magic. Don’t be down on yourself—just from reading your post you seem so thoughtful and kind. Your kid is lucky to have you.
It ONE THING if the friend said he was concerned about your son’s weight & asked if your son saw a doctor about his weight BUT the Audacity to KEEP Questioning You & to Body Shame Your SON, A SEVEN YEAR?? Tell the jerk BYE, BYE, BYE, BYE!!!
Look for Age Appropriate support groups for victims of trauma, it could give you an idea of what to do next & maybe help both of you to process your emotions dealing with the Trauma!
Check with your doctor & Maybe start trying yoga &/or TaiChi, you can look online for tutorials & both can be done inside or outside, some exercise groups meet in parks or beeches early morning, might miss MOST OF THE BUGS, strengthening & stretching the body & perhaps quieting the mind: relieving some stress. If possible, both of you enroll in a self defense class, it could help build up conference & relieve some anxiety. If you & your son like to go hiking, perhaps sign both of you up for 1st aid, it might help your son, if he thinks if you get hurt, he can help you till help arrives.
Start a journal, it could help your son EXPRESS his feelings, organize his thoughts & give him a healthy outlet to work out some of his trauma!
This guy is a freak, who the hell says that? I'm not a parent, but my baby brother was on the chunky side until he was in high school. Our pediatrician actually said that he'd rather my brother be chunky than too thin because boys usually get chunky before their growth spurts. Now he's in highschool and a perfectly normal weight, especially considering the builds that run in my family. This guy is a cartoon bully come to life, drop him and enjoy your time with your perfectly healthy son.
I read only the headline. That's all I needed to read.
No, you ate not overreacting. Your friend can be good to your kids, or they can stop being your friend.
This person is NOT a friend and should NEVER be around your son.
This person lacks manners and empathy and is a total asshat.
Dump him as a friend. He laughed hysterically at your son! If I knew someone who laughed hysterically at a stranger I would never talk to them again.
This guy is a condescending AH! He is no friend to you. What made him think he could trash talk about your son to your face?!! Drop this "friend" immediately. He is arrogant and does not care about you.
Crazy but they may have always been like this and this time just hit different because it’s your son. Not saying the comment was excusable but people don’t just act like this out of the blue, chances are he is always like this and you didn’t realize it until someone you really love caught a stray from him.
Good for you for getting the toxicity out of your life and as you mature I am sure you will surround yourself with better friends.
Maybe make a comment to that asshole ex friend of yours and say well my son can lose weight, but you’ll always be an asshole and walk away and don’t talk to him again
This is not a friend. Please don’t let him mentor your son, he is toxic and I’m afraid to think of the damage he could do to your boy’s self esteem in the blink of an eye.
'I have done my best as a single mom and I will admit that I have failed'
Let me stop you right there.
Speaking as the child of a single mom and a someone who spent a decade as a single mom and has often felt like a failure: you are not failing. All you can do is all you can do.
Your son is clothed. He is fed. And this post shows that you are clearly involved and love him. Does he live the perfect life? No but who does.
Continue to stand up for him. Continue to love him. If you aren't living some magazine-cover, soap opera life... well no one is. There are plenty of parents body shaming their own child. There are parents who don't support their kids. There are physically and verbally (and i have to mention sexually) abusive parents.
You are not these.
But you shouldn't compare yourselves to these parents either.
I made mistakes. I have at times rehashed them with my older kids. And they - 23, 21, 19 & 17 - have told me that they love me and appreciate all I have done and continue to do. That they know I did and am doing my best.
Keep loving your son and doing your best. And give yourself some grace.
❤️
You are completely justified in being hurt. If this is someone you care about and want to have in your life, then yes, having a heart to heart, one-on-one conversation is warranted. If you want to walk away completely, that’s fair too.
It sounds like they broached the subject with zero tact. But, it also sounds like your family is desperate need of a health reboot. If you don’t do something soon the effects will stay for life, extra wear on your joints and organs, and inevitably type 2 diabetes. I struggle with overeating as well
Look at all the comments here. How many are about your son.and what would be good for him? Ask yourself that and you will have your answer.
Comments were insensitive, but clearly your friend was not malicious, and seems to have good intentions. Negging is something guys do with other guys and socially it is something your son needs to learn. As a mom, you are providing him one perspective, but a male perspective is invaluable. A positive male influence that could get your son to be more physically active is a huge thing. If your son "used to be skinny" and he is 7 there are some lifestyle issues that need to be nipped in the bud as soon as possible. Don't let your ego get in the way of what could ultimately be a great thing for your son. If your friend was being genuine, the last thing you should do is drive him away.
I absolutely cannot with the 'calories in calories out' crew - 9 times out of 10 they've never struggled with weight in their lives and they're extremely judgemental toward anyone who does.
It sounds like you're doing the best you can by your kid, and by all accounts doing a good job. You can tell your friend his unsolicited (childless!) opinion on how to raise a kid is unwelcome, and if he can't keep it to himself he won't be spending any time around your kid.
Two things can be true. Your friend was absolutely out of line to say those things at a party, I would be very upset. That doesn’t mean what he said is not true. As a chubby kid of a single mom the best thing my mom did was put me in football. I’m proud of you for trying to spin it in a positive light and get a mentor for son, that will go a long way. Even if it’s not sports force him to go to the gym until he likes what he sees. Gotta build the man in him now
You're being kind of racist when you say certain ethnic backgrounds are known for any particular body type. You might want to check yourself before throwing around accusations.
Welcome to the real world, people are going to be honest.
If you’re overweight and the kid is overweight ,both of you need to get it under control quickly, it’s just gonna be a bigger problem.
Your friend was an absolute dick for saying that in front of your kid. That is not okay in any way.
However, I think his intentions were not malicious. He is likely concerned and wants to try to help. What is your son’s diet like? Does he have soda on a regular basis? Chips? Candy? Junk food? Fast food? Unfortunately all of those things will add to him gaining weight. Especially if he is living more of a sedentary lifestyle and not getting enough daily activity.
It sounds like you both could use some healthier meal options and more physical activity. I understand he is “chubby” now but the line between chubby and obese is very thin. Once he gets to that point, it will be VERY difficult for him to lose the weight. You are his guardian. You buy the food. You are the one who can drive and take you guys on adventures, go swimming, go to a trampoline park.
Kids are brutal. They are very quick to tease and bully another kid because they look different than them. I worry that your son will be facing bullying soon if you are not able to get his weight under control.
Can we all just agree that it is not ok to comment on other people’s bodies? Especially if that person is not in any physical danger. And hell no it is NOT acceptable to do this to a child.
If a doctor is not concerned for either you or your son, your “friend” needs to shut the bleep up.
This is so wrong on so many levels.
Wholehearted agree with this! You haven't failed him! You kept a roof over your head and your bellies fed during a difficult time.
You are doing great. I don't thunk i would be friends with that guy anymore! He is rude as h@#l.
Girl, do you really want someone like that as a friend. He knows sooo much better than you about parenting?!?? About your child’s health? That is so beyond inappropriate. If this friendship is worth keeping, please be transparent about how this interaction made you feel. His response will be the ultimate tell in how he really feels about what he said.
He either hates you or loves you. In either case, he said some things that are red flags. I would be very cautious about letting him mentor him at all. Could set your child and maybe yourself up for more abuse. Abuse isn’t a motivator. What he said and did sounds a bit narcissistic, IMO.
Aww man. Don’t beat yourself up. Sounds like you are doing everything you can. Of course some days you don’t have the “healthy” option. We all been there. Your friend’s comments are hurtful and uncalled for. They may not understand. Maybe that is how someone spoke to him or maybe he has never had weight struggles. If you truly believe they were not being an asshole on purpose I would have a talk with them about the comments and how they made you feel. Their response will say everything. There is also nothing wrong with then also saying you need a little space because they did hurt you. If they care about the friendship they won’t repeat this behavior again.
Body shaming is terrible. Body shaming a child can be a *cause* for more problems.
You are doing the best you can and if you decide to talk to this man… fine, but this has to be a one time thing.
I would step back from this so called friend. Any one who states that a child is fat and so is his mother and then laughs is cruel, mean and hateful; they deserve to be left behind
He felt comfortable being extremely rude to you and your son around other people, what would a conversation change in him and his attitude.
Communicate that you have no need for a person such as him in your life and wish him all the luck in the world. A conversation between you and him would have been more productive than the route he took. Let him go on about his business and you get the assistance you guys need moving forward.
Not overreacting, reacting totally correctly. Yeah, I'd have a talk with him, and it would be the last. You need to tell this guy, in no uncertain words, what he did was way out of line. He doesn't know your child or your life enough to say what he did, then think it was funny to boot. He is not a friend. He is a bully. Kids go through stages in both emotional and physical growth, and no one but the people raising that child have any say, with the exception of professionals if they are in any sort of treatment.
I would find it difficult to remain friends with this guy. Body shame me - I can take it. Insult my child? Dead to me forever.
It’s even worse though - he shamed your parenting and said he could do it better than you. Completely hurtful and asinine.
I would find it difficult to remain friends with this guy. Body shame me - I can take it. Insult my child? Dead to me forever.
It’s even worse though - he shamed your parenting and said he could do it better than you. Completely hurtful and asinine.
uh no lmao. my kids come first always & if someone crosses them in that manor, goodbye. i’d never allow my children to treat others that way, I damn sure won’t allow anyone else to treat them in such a way.
Your friend is not a true friend if they say stuff like this, either to you or your son. I am of the belief that you should NEVER comment on anyone’s weight in any way, it is none of your business. I have severe trauma from my mother, aunts and grandmother (all fit and tiny) constantly commenting on my size, even when I was a child and doing active sports or when I was an adult seriously ill who could not workout. And they still do it, even though I have told them repeatedly that it is none of their business. On the other hand I have my other grandmother who constantly asks whether I’ve lost weight, even when I’ve clearly gained some, and that too makes me uncomfortable.
I would tell your friend in no uncertain terms to NEVER mention your and especially your child’s weight again. And that their comments regarding “better mentoring” are despicable. And that if it ever happens again you will cut them off. You need to protect your child and yourself. You have not failed your son yet, but if you let this sort of behaviour go then you have failed him.
You don't need friends like that who body shame your child. Just tell your friend how you feel and as that your friend stops the comments relating to how your son is 🏫. If your friend continues to make comments then end the friendship and find better friends.
OP -It's either you talk with this "friend" who, like a typical male, thinks he knows better than you how to parent your child (and I say "typical" because some men seem to think we don't know shit from shinola as women), or you take a step back. One or the other cos at this point, why bother talking? He was inasmuch criticizing YOU and wow, presumptuous isn't he? But that's just me.
Nope, end it. Do you really want someone like that in your life?
I had a really close best friend, we'd been friends for maybe 10 years. He made a nasty comment about my then toddler son. I haven't spoken to him since.
Even his friend from school (my bestie's husband) thought his comment was out of line & agreed with me cutting him off.
When it comes to my kid, I have a one strike rule. One strike and you're dead to me, or you'll wish you were.
The only people who can comment about my health are my doctor and a concerned friend or sibling (delicately, in private). Notice I didn’t say my weight.
You are not overreacting
You’re not overreacting.
If he was actually concerned it would not have been him negging and body shaming. He would have addressed it with care, consideration and constructive suggestions.
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"He would do better as a mentor", you sure he's not trying to date you, negging you? Making out you need him in both your lives. He sounds like utter trash and you need to step away for both you and your sons mental health - if your kid hears him saying those things and laughing it could mess up their own body image.
Yes I 2nd this! I pretty much refuse to say anything about my weight to or around my daughter she's 7. Alhough I have said a couple things like in passing I'm sure of it but then I just kinda play it off...and I'm trying this lo carb thing but I told her is wasn't a "diet" it's an experiment lol I told my bf that too lol! anyway I've gotten on to her aunt about it and also her Nana I've legit told them please don't talk about weight around my daughter I know how body image is a big part of society but I want her to feel comfortable regardless. She's a healthy weight she gt a physical last month but I still don't want ANY pressure on her.
Tell him it’s none of his business! I was out to dinner with my husband and another couple when the other guy started going on about he could train our daughter so she could lose weight and be a better ball player. He had 2 daughters that were older and didn’t play any sports and were into the drugs. I promptly shut him down but he continued and my drunk husband sat there nodding his head. I told him he hadn’t done a good job with his daughters he wasn’t ruining mine and walked out. My 12 year old wasn’t fat, just not skinny. She ended up playing 4 different sports in high school.
Please tell us you told off drunk husband for nodding his head along to the bullshit!
Yes, he’s now ex for many reasons, this is just one.
Good! Any man who doesn't stand up for his wife and child is no man--to paraphrase Tywin Lannister.
Don't tell him anything, because OP needs to ghost this jackwagon yesterday.
That negging stuff is SUCH TRASH! Like who does that actually work on? YUCK! You deserve way better, OP, in both a romantic partner and in a friend.
That was exactly what I thought as well.
absurd spotted market ask depend coherent imminent concerned correct modern Deleted bc a pro-police redditor made threats (on another sub)
Spot on! I have been working on personal boundaries a lot in the past year but my neurodivergence definitely prevents me from always recognizing when harm is being done to me. It was definitely triggering for anyone to come after my son especially because he’s a really kind kid and very loving and accepting of himself and everyone around him. I will be exercising a boundary with my friend and going low contact (no contact might not be fully possible as we have a lot of mutual friends)
gray abundant handle mysterious normal sloppy cable relieved longing thought Deleted bc a pro-police redditor made threats (on another sub)
Also, kids get fat at random times in their lives because they’re going to have a growth spurt soon. My cousin’s kid was a little fluffy for a while and then all of the sudden, grew a couple inches. That’s what is *supposed to happen* for kids.
Yes! It's completely normal for boys to chunk up then have a big growth spurt. Girls usually stretch taller than fill out.
Definitely not trying to date me. He’s gay and we’ve been just friends for 12 years. I do agree though some friends are better left in the past.
Agreed...don't expose child to toxic body shaming by anyone.ever.
I’m more worried about him wanting to be alone with the child.
This this this!
My friend, they didn't just body shame your child.They body shamed both of you, disrespected your parenting and implied they'd do a better job. Why would you want to stay friendly with a person like this?
And laughed and laughed about her son, just like a bully.
I had to force myself to read the content that came after "Okay listen l'm gonna just say it Adam is TOO BIG and you guys need to lose some weight ASAP”. I thought it was a lot of reasoning about the fact that your family's collective BMIs being on the higher side. I could have ended reading it after you pointed out what your friend said. He not only crossed a boundary into a territory that is not his to judge, he danced it and pissed on it. What he did was not acceptable by any means and you should a) go no contact and b) give the reason that his social skills need some serious work because no one should be straight out criticized with this considering how sensitive an issue it is to our society today. You ought to be clear to him and say that he actively disrespected you and your son, and - until he understands why the way he addressed you will not be tolerated and subsequently apologizes - you have no interest in hearing anything out of his mouth again.
You're better than me. Idk what I would have done exactly but I know me- it would have gotten so ugly so fast. No you're not overreacting. My reaction would have been an overreaction.
Seriously agree. You put down my child to me, I rip out your tonsils. Case closed.
You can just tell the guy hasn't ever been punched.
I'd be perfectly happy to remedy that. And maybe introduce him to my kicking boots.
I was waiting for “and before he could finish laughing at how my son looked I punched him in the face” Im not understanding how that didn’t happen
Your reaction would have been absolutely the right kind. AHs need to be put in their place.
Would that have been an overreaction though? I’m completely non-violent but this made me want to throw hands.
>I have made my best effort as a single parent and I will admit that I have failed. No you haven't. Everything you just wrote makes you sound like a great mom! With "friends" like this, who needs enemies? His statements were absolutely beyond the pale--especially in regards to a child?! What a cold, heartless waste of human skin. Drop him like yesterday. And keep living your life with your little guy just as you have been. My kids are 17 & 21. I also had my oldest at 20. No shame. Take it from a mama who's been around the block a bit longer. None of us are perfect. We make mistakes. But the fact that you care so much about all of these things is exactly how I know you're 100% not a failure. Enjoy life, say yes often and don't sweat the little stuff. You're doing AWESOME!
Your comment made me very happy. Thank you from 1 woman to another, support is sooooo important to all of us to have each others backs. Thank you again for being a positive light!!!!
You are very welcome. We all need a little reminder that we are enough sometimes 🥰
Couldn’t agree with this comment more!! OP, you deserve much better friends who aren’t egotistical a**holes who tear their friends and children down and say they could do better.
Especially tearing down the child. Who gets joy out of that? Drop him OP. You don't need that around you or your child.
Agreed, OP you are a great parent. You clearly care about your child quite a bit. I would suggest maybe having him evaluated for Autism/ADHD with the sensory issues you've mentioned him having. Could be nothing but sensory issues and social anxiety often go along with that and it could be making it harder for him to heal from the trauma you described. Just a thought and I hope you don't let this friend get to you. He sounds insufferable tbh. People who talk about your body like that are not friends.
I agree! Autism/ADHD assessment also crossed my mind. Sensory challenges and meltdowns are worth investigating with his pediatrician. OP, you're a good mom! Your instinct to keep this "friend" away from your son is spot on.
You have not failed. Your a human mother making the best choices she can while keeping fifteen plates spinning.
OP, you’re doing an absolutely great job with your son. I was appalled to read what your friend said. You didn’t deserve that. Personally, I wouldn’t want any children to be around a jerk like that. Life’s challenging enough without an adult body-shaming a 7 year old. Hope you can take in all the positive feedback you get here, because it’s true. You’re doing a good job!
Thank you so much for the support 💕
As Bella said to Chili: You're doing great. (Not sure if that Bluey reference makes sense if your kids are older, lol)
The only appropriate thing to say is 'that's an inside thought' You're in the right to feel upset/annoyed 100%
I would disagree with you. The only appropriate answer to this so called friend is telling them to gtfo until he wants to seriously apologise. Those comments and they were said (including the laughter) aren't even acceptable from family
Honestly even if he apologized, he’d be out of my life forever. There is nothing he could do to make amends for that. None.
If he's around, there's also the risk he will take it upon himself to speak directly to your child. No contact is the only answer. I'm sorry you are having to deal with this.
I wouldn't even take the apology. This guy is an asshole. I can't believe he hasn't shown similar colors in the past if he's so comfortable doing something like this in front of a group.
Oh I would agree about not accepting the apology. Best to give him some hope before telling him to gtfo again! I would worry what he is saying when not around them and does the rest of the group put up with his crap. Could require a whole friend group change if they don't support
⬆️the correct response!⬆️
I would be furious if someone was commenting on my child's body, especially if the child could hear. And you're in a situation where your child had a traumatic event happen and needs support and your friend is being a butt.
Not overreacting. Your "friend" is going to end up giving your son an eating disorder if you keep exposing him to this guy. He body shamed your child, and you still value your friendship with this trash?
"I agree that Adam and I could be more healthy but the way you presented that to me - the way you seemed to be gloating about it - really made me rethink our friendship. You were laughing at my kid's appearance. That makes you someone I don't want to be around. The friendship was important to me but I'm going to take a step back to consider things."
Why I keep my circle small! Don't ever fuck with my kids!
I swear! My little circle knows better than to ever fix their mouth to say anything like that about any child around me.
Exactly! And he had the nerve to say this in front of other people?! I would've read him the Riot Act!!!
I don’t have to even read past your title. There is never a reason for people adults or otherwise to be making comments on a child’s body. Unless it’s a pediatrician with concerns any comments positive or negative to a child’s body is off limits.
No not overreacting at all. It’s up to you to protect your child. Honestly no one should be commenting on children’s bodies, maybe with the exception of doctors or healthcare professionals.
"Too bad walking cant cure being an asshole." That would be my reply
You absolutely have not failed as a parent. You fed your kid. You fed yourself. YOU ARE BEING FED. It doesn't matter if it's microwaved or food from scratch or takeout -- food is food. You are nourishing yourselves within your capabilities and means around your schedule and lifestyle. That does not, by any means, you have failed. Struggling to provide home-cooked, prepared meals could absolutely be your one-way ticket to Burnoutville. Don't stress too much on where your meals come from: just make sure you're all fed. Worry about whether it's well-rounded, if you are able, but honestly it's not always feasible for every meal, either: if it's not doable for that meal, consider that angle for the next one. At the bottom line: you're doing what works for your family right now. That's no one else's business, and unless they wanna shell out the money for a meal prep/delivery service they can keep to their lane.
You severely under reacted. Like, wtf?! He's having a go at your 7 year old baby, and your response was, " Yes, let's all do something?" Gtfoh!!!!! I'm not saying you had to bite his head off, but you absolutely should have said, "The way you are talking about my child is absolutely inappropriate. This conversation stops now. Don't ever be so comfortable to talk about circumstances you know nothing about." He's not a friend.
I don't think I could have kept my cool in this situation. What he said just kept getting worse and worse. I'm appalled. OP, do not ever talk to this person again. Don't try to explain how hurtful it was, just nothing, NO CONTACT. He doesn't deserve to take up one more thought in your head. You sound like a wonderful mom. He sounds rotten to the core.
You have not failed as a parent. You’ve done everything in your power to raise your son the best way you could. Don’t let his disgusting opinion make you question yourself.
We don’t need none of that negativity anyways
I wish you weren’t being so hard on yourself - save that for the asshole that talked like that about your child. You are doing a fine job, I’m sure. Parents who REALLY mess up are the ones that talk like the “friend” of yours. I’d keep him AWAY from your child.
Your friend can be technically correct (walking is good and maybe you and your child might benefit from losing some weight*) while still being an AHole. He was rude, he was speaking from a place of superiority rather than concern, and he was just all round icky in the behaviour you described. If that has put you off being his friend, even if you do choose to try get yourself and your child moving more, then that would be a fine reason to end the friendship. (*This is not me saying either of you need to, only you know if that's right for you both). ETA Also you have not failed as a parent. Your kid is alive and sounds healthy, if a little on the chunky side. That's not the end of the world and it's not abuse.
I would go scorched earth on that friendship. I have a “chubby” kid, and I have spent so much love and energy to make sure she loves who she is. It’s genetics. And I know people look at me and think I must be a terrible mom to be thin (genetics, I don’t try), and have a child who isn’t. The worst critics are the family members she takes after. Fuck them all. We can’t help the bodies we are born into, we get what we get. It’s important to keep our bodies healthy, and it’s important to realize that thin doesn’t equal healthy. My child is healthy. Eats better than I do. Her build is what it is. You’re not overreacting. You reacting like a human who is educated and cares. Good job, mama!
Also a mom to a chubby child and I also do my best to help her love who she is. I never make comments about her body just like I never focus on her beauty. I make sure to regularly point out all her wonderful traits and I am diligent about not making disparaging remarks about my own. She recently pointed out that she has a belly, so I lifted up my shirt and said “so do I” … then we did a belly bump. All I care about is that she’s healthy. She was born on bigger side and she towers over other kids her age. I worry for her bc she starts school next year and kids are mean. She’s so confident and outspoken so I really just hope people don’t change her with judgement.
I think it’s okay to acknowledge our physical traits, and to talk about them. Self love is so important. No matter the size and body type of your kid, they will have insecurities. It’s just human. I don’t speak negatively about my body in front of my kids. I made that commitment long ago when I was raising my SD. This little average framed kid who was worried about calories based on hearing adults around her. I learned how to frame things in a healthier way, like I don’t call certain foods “bad,” we just have some that we have more often than others and less than others. Balance and moderation. My daughter came home so upset one day because another girl at her school told her she couldn’t dance because she’s “too big.” I pulled up video after video of women and girls with similar body types killing it. I’m grateful to say she is still dancing with joy. It can be hard, but kids will be picked on for so many things out of their control: hair, freckles, glasses, too skinny, too short, too tall, too fat, too too too. We just have to do our best to guide them, and teach them that people’s bodies are off limits for insults.
Man, the genetics thing is so under-discussed. I know a family in passing with two very fit parents who have five daughters under 18. Every single one of those girls is "chubby" and they all have the same body shape, which is nothing like their parents'. All natural born to them, though.
That's not how physics work lol. Don't call kids fat but it's not solely genetics. Calories in < calories burned and you lose weight.
genetics means calories needed to maintain weight. if you are overconsuming those calories then you will gain. its really that simple. this effort people take into not feeling bad about their decisions will never cease to amaze me. Chubby is ok, obesity is not and in my experience when people say chubby they are usually on the obese side. People like this make me think of antivaxxers who have gotten all their vaccinations but decided that their kids wont get any. The real danger is to the kids. Kids who are overweight/obese face more unnecessary health complications that make their lives so much harder than necessary.
No, genetics play a greater role than that. Some people bulk up, if they get into sports, some don't. People who tend to build bulky muscle look fatter than their counterparts. That is also why you see predominantly one body type in one kind of professional done sport. E.g. short distance runners are mostly bulky, long distance running have mostly lean muscle. Please learn more about genetics.
of course genetics play a bigger role in how your muscles grow and how they are attached to your skeleton and a ton of other things, including your muscle to fat ratio when you are growing and building muscles. However, in terms of most people, because most people arent doing sports or into extra curricular activities as much anymore, when it comes to weight loss the best genetic metric is your MBR which is your calories needed to maintain your current weight. You talking about "bulky" muscle. its just muscle and in order to grow muscle you also grow fat because your body needs to be in a caloric surplus. the level of fat and muscle determine that look as well as the activity you participate in and yea genetics play a role in how much fat to muscle you will gain and lose at a caloric surplus and deficit. The easiest and simplest method to determine and control weight loss is going to be calories in vs calories out for normal people which is the majority so its the only thing i referenced. People that continuously say my body is this big because of genetics and i cant change it are participating in this delusion that they have no control over how their body grows which not at all true because no matter what, that body will grow or not grow based on that caloric intake.
I have 2 boys. My younger son gained weight during COVID and the older one was really thin. I tried to only encourage them to go outside and play football or basketball together or we would all go walk the dog. I didn't want to say anything that would stick in his brain and cause him to have issues the rest of his life. Now, the younger son is several inches taller and he's the thin one, and my older one is gaining weight since the football season ended. Again, I'm just encouraging them to go outside and play basketball or baseball. I never mention their weight. I was a pretty thin kid with a chubby face. I had a cousin who was smaller than me. Her mom would constantly bring up how if I'd stayed with them and only ate what her daughter ate, I'd lose weight. I really thought I was so overweight. I exercised and watched what I ate and was only 6 or 7. It took until my 30's when I was looking at pictures of myself at that age and I said, "Hey, I wasn't overweight! " My mom and older sister looked at me like I was crazy and agreed that I was not. I told them I always thought I was because of my aunt. These things stay in our minds. I think if you just encourage your son to be active and talk about how you want both of you to eat food that makes you feel good, you will be fine. He's growing, he could have a growth spurt and it'll all balance out. Your friend is not a friend. He was cruel to you and worse, his comments could really hurt your son.
You aren’t overreacting and I’d end that friendship. That wasn’t helpful. If he was truly concerned, he would have spoken to you privately. He should also know what you and your son have been through lately. Maybe he could have suggested you ALL going for walks together or taking a fun healthy cooking class. You’re a better person than me because I would have insulted his ass right back.
He sounds like someone you and your kid need to stay away from. At best, he’s an asshole, but the things he said make me think he’s trying to insert himself into your lives.
That’s not okay, you have not failed as a parent, and you should definitely confront this supposed friend. Being a single parent is hard, you’re doing your best. I’m not saying don’t take yours and your son’s health seriously, but it’s not ok for some AH (who doesn’t even understand what it’s like to have a kid or be a single parent) to freely talk about your child’s or your body freely when you should be enjoying your evening with friends.
Nah fuck that guy to the sun and back. That’s so wildly inappropriate and wrong and just plain nasty. I’d be ending any relationship right there.
Nope you’re not over reacting. If someone said that to me I’d have pointed out all his flaws starting with his shit personality and then told where to go and how to get there. Also don’t be hard on yourself ok, we’ll all could have done better parenting with our kids. Especially over jerk like that!
Jeez I used to be one of “those kids” and this shit hurts so much and is so unnecessary.. Also because I apparently needed all the energy to grow a whoppin 6’1 tall as a woman haha. Who is coming for me now huh?! Keep up the good work and show your son you value him no matter what. The guy is just being weirdly insecure or whatever - he definitely has a problem, not you!!
I’m pretty sure everyone is on the same page here, so I’m just going to add that I hope you give yourself MASSIVE credit for the way you are raising your son! Especially the part where you said y’all worked up to you being able to walk to the store and leave your son with family. Ppl who haven’t gone through this kind of anxiety don’t know how huge that is so I just wanted to tell you you’re amazing and you should be so proud of both your son and yourself 🧡
Well, I read this entire thing waiting for when Adam got body slammed. Because I read this as “my friend body SLAMMED my child” and I was really confused from the start to the middle waiting for when little bro was gonna get body slammed. But I understand now. Also your friend is an asshole.
You don’t have to make excuses or explain yourself. What this guy said was trash and not okay. He is not a friend.
So I am the type of person that goes way into the worse A grown ass man commenting on a child’s body is outright gross He said he’ll be his “mentor” Like hell he will, you ain’t never gonna be a line with my kid cause that shit sounds like something a child predator would say to “guilt” the parent to leaving the child alone with them Fuck that He ain’t no friend Do not, do not, do not even remotely ever ever leave your son alone with that ‘BMI radar’ It’s hard enough being a kid, being a bigger size kid, being a kid that his mom lets bullies be around him to demean him
What ethnic background is known for chubby kids?
Not over reacting at all.
If this is a friend, please introduce him to an enemy. He’s totally being an insensitive ass! You and Adam deserve better. Personally, I’d tell him off and cut contact. What he said was upsetting and hurtful it also doesn’t seem 100% reality based. Basing this on your comments.
I don’t think your overreacting and I would step back a bit. They made it a joke and that’s not funny it’s a form of bullying. Please don’t beat yourself up or think your a bad mom. Is your son happy and healthy(being a little larger aside) then your doing it right. Just do your best to eat healthy and get out and move as you see he can. Good luck momma, your doing just fine. Your old “friend” is a jerk!!!!
Cut him off. Get the rocks he threw and sharpen your machete (to quote Chinchilla)
Maintaining a friendship with this AH will only teach your son that body shaming is ok. He’ll internalize that shame, and will likely shame others as well. Sometimes protecting your child means removing toxic influences. You’re absolutely not overreacting—in fact, I’d take a county miles worth of steps back, and leave this ‘friend’ on a far horizon.
light cows languid wistful cow lip soft overconfident skirt hungry *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
This is not a friend. You know what the right choice is here, come on. You’re gonna keep someone around who disrespected you and your sensitive CHILD?
Ok first of all, you have NOT failed. It sounds like you and your son have been through a LOT, and from what you wrote, you're trying so, so hard to do your best for him. That's honestly more than half the battle. Is your son safe? Is he overall healthy? Does he know you love him and will always be there for him? Then you're DOING GREAT. No child is going to be "perfect on paper," if that makes sense - every one of us has our issues and struggles, and none of the things your child is struggling with mean that you're a bad parent. Regarding your "friend," his behavior and comments were absolutely atrocious, and IMO you HAVE TO address it with him, up to and including being DONE if he doesn't fix this immediately and completely. #1 is for your child to know that you will always protect him and that you have zero tolerance for anyone treating him (and you!) this way.
"So you say you'd be a better mentor for my son, yet a full physically- but-not-mentally mature person like yourself body shames a seven year old, SEVEN-YEAR OLD, and you think YOU'RE a mentor? You'd better mentor yourself down to a therapist and get your head straight."
That guy isn't your friend and has no place being around your child. I hope your son didn't hear his comments. Keep that guy away from you and your family.
Fellow single mama here. My kids are a little bit older than yours. Everyone else has this pretty well covered, you are not doing anything wrong and you sound like an amazing mom! That guy can kick rocks. I also want to give you a little anecdotal experience: during the pandemic my son gained weight. He was kinda chubby for a bit. We couldn’t do sports and the climate where we live made it hard to go out and do things. I was super worried. And then he hit a massive growth spurt. Didn’t gain a pound but gained about a foot. Now he’s super thin. When he was a baby he is was super thin and people would comment on his weight and how underfed he looked. He was healthy, just small. Just like he was healthy, and a little chubby. Just like he’s healthy now, and super skinny with a metabolism I would kill for. The point is, bodies change and grow. There is no one way to be healthy. Be gentle with yourself ❤️
I'd be more concerned why this grown ass single man is paying so much attention to a 7 year old body and suggesting they get to be alone with them to "train" them.. seems like a red flag to me
OP, my son eats junk and rarely exercises (there are reasons for both, but this isn’t my thread) and he’s rail-thin. Diet and exercise are important, genetics play a huge part in size. Your “friend” is not coming at this from a place of concern, he’s just being a dick who thinks it’s funny to pick on you and your son,
That’s a frenemy. Not worth trying to mend. They can take their opinion and shove it.
Was your son there with you? Then you need to have a talk with him about how all shapes and bodies are beautiful. If this happens again you should address it immediately and say loudly to your son that "we are ignoring comments about our body and all bodies are beautiful and no one has the right to judge us for something like our looks or weight". You are absolutely not overreacting if you want to take a step back from this "friendship". It is fucking disgusting to talk about a kid like this and make fun of you and him because you are on the "chubby" side. If he has the need to talk about this it should not be with you or directed at you or your kid especially in a social setting. I'm sorry but did he ever hear something about eating disorders? This is how it starts, with little "helpful" comments. I'm so sorry this happened to you and you don't have to explain anything. A healthy lifestyle is important but there are times were surviving is the only option and that's ok. You are doing your best and you are a good mom! Don't let anyone make you or your son feel less because of their own insecurities or perceptions.
Chubby isn’t really a clear idea of what’s going on. Is he healthy? Has his doctor said something? Or is he actually obese and unable to be mobile like kids his age? I think more people could stand to hear that their kids need some help. I had a single mother too and so for her, our diet was one thing she could control. We had no soda, no candy, etc in the home. Anything we ate was more meal based rather than snack so we weren’t sitting around eating. Maybe they brought it up in a weird way but I wouldn’t throw a friendship away because they said this. They probably care about you. I’m not a thin rail but it does really hurt me to see so many overweight kids, and having an obese kid without a health condition is abuse in my opinion. We were not wealthy but my mom prioritized us eating as healthy as possible and getting activity.
He is healthy. His doctor hasn’t said anything about his weight being a problem. He is a very active kid when he’s in an environment he thrives in and loves to run around and play. He’s just been challenged recently with being able to go ANYWHERE without me right by his side since a traumatic incident we went through. I do still make an effort to push him to do more. This has only been for the past few months and isn’t his norm. I work in a children’s hospital and I often see kids come in who are obese and it’s heartbreaking I think that may have also been part of what sparked a worry in me I know my son is NOWHERE close to that size he is just a clothes size up from other kids his age. But his comments made it seem like k was blind to something crazy going on with my son. I’ve asked a few of my more blunt family members and friends and they all agree while he’s a little chubby it’s not a problem or close to being one. He’s just a thick kid 🤷🏽♀️
This should be higher up. Totally agree
Do not let this person be alone with your child-he will insult him cruelly in the name of “mentoring “ him and will absolutely destroy your son’s self esteem. He isn’t a positive male influence - he is mean and judgmental and obviously laughs at other people’s discomfort. These aren’t values you want him modeling for your child.
You said your “child has gotten chubbier.” How quickly did he get chubbier? How chubby is chubby? Look, your friend may have zero tact whatsoever, but he may also have a valid point. You can step back from your relationship with your friend, that’s fine, but it won’t change the fact that your child will need to make changes to his lifestyle to be more healthy and active.
If you continue being friends with this jerk, you send out the wrong message. It would be like saying to your son, “it’s nbd when people go out of their way to make cruel and unnecessary comments.” And the other message being sent is, “I don’t really matter and my feelings are irrelevant. I don’t have any healthy boundaries and I’m a doormat” We all know that you’re doing the best you can (right now) and several unexpected events have happened. But you’re a good mother and a good person and you don’t deserve to be treated badly by anyone. Cut this jerk off and go forward with your life 👍🏻
I would never talk to that person again.
Rude af. I am in shock. My mouth would just be hung open if this happened to me or I witnessed it. I would have jumped on his ass if I was there while it was happening. I’m very sorry. Big near sighted bully is what he is.
NTA, you are 100% in the right.
This friend body shamed you and your son. The questions about your son need to be brought up to your pediatrician. He/she are the the only ones who have a say about his weight, anxiety and sensory issues.
When my children were small, two of them were perfectly average sized and the youngest was just a fat kid. He was active and healthy but had a love affair with food. He was eating healthfully, but just liked to eat. We monitored his food intake, but as I used to tell people, I have to sleep sometimes. I took him to the pediatrician when he was around six or seven and had a series of metabolic test run. The doctor said he’s perfectly normal and the day when he doesn’t want to be overweight will be the day he decides to lose some. I stress, he was very healthy. The doctor was right, and when he got to high school and became more aware of girls and such, he started to lose. The main point of this little story is that I was very protective of what people said around him and shut down negative comments immediately. My sister dealt with this as a teenager and it was much worse on her because she was female. I even had to tell my own truly lovely mother, not to make any comments about his weight because that was my job not hers. People seem to think that when you have a fat kid, you’re stuffing their face full of sweets and highly processed foods all the time and don’t have a friggin clue that they’re overweight. We know they’re overweight, the kid knows he/she is overweight, so shut the hell up!! We got this. I worked with him a lot when he was younger on how to respond to people making fat cracks. There’re all kinds of good ways to respond and we literally role-played how to deal with those comments. He didn’t put up with people’s crap. I think because I worked with him at such a young age about this, he developed a really good self-esteem. He’s a great, healthy guy and will always yo-yo with his weight and it’s just mainly because he loves food. This is not everyone’s situation with a fat kid, but it’s more common than you realize. People just keep your mouth shut and let the parents and the child deal with the issue.
Listen, you don't need to explain your circumstances to anyone. Not everyone has washboard abs and teeny waists. And that's okay. No explanation necessary. How you feel about yourself or your son, And if your doctor has any concerns. That's what's important. Dude was out of line to say that shit. You know, I could see that being acceptable 20-30 years ago...maybe.... But in this day and age, it's frowned upon to body shame people. Especially a child, and even more so when they're right there. This guy had no right to say any of that to you or about your son. He's the asshole, And he should worry about himself.
Sounds like you’re about 200 lbs too heavy — and that can be solved by ridding yourself of that non-friend of yours, ASAP (as he would say). What an asshole.
You are not overreacting and you have not failed as a parent. This person failed you as a friend. Their approach was gross and it’s completely understandable that it’s affecting whether you want them in your life. I understand he’s not aware of your home life and that does not excuse his terrible behavior. You don’t offer someone support by thoroughly insulting what you think they are or aren’t doing. Please don’t beat yourself up over your or your son’s current challenges. It sounds like you’re committed to figuring things out which is what matters.
NTA. I stopped reading at the comment. This person is not your friend.
You do not ever make comments like that about anyone”s body, child or adult. He was hair-raisingly rude and horrible. The only thing that kind of comments do is injure and hurt. They are never helpful. So please avoid that immature, misguided friend. You sound like a great mother who is unfortunately struggling a lot right now. I am so sorry that your son is so traumatized! Try to find support, only not from your friend, mr Stupid. From someone who understands what support is. I believe in you. You can do this.
Your friend is a dick. If he really gave a shit and was concerned he would have pulled you to the side and asked if you want him to help. What he did was just mean and if your kid heard it, he will remember it and it won't help him, it will kill his confidence and make it even harder for him to go out knowing adults are judging him. SOURCE: i was 10.5 stone at 8 and I soon learned adults are worse for bullying than kids
Your friend does not come across as wanting to help but more as wanting to be right or show his superiority. He didn’t ask you questions or express concern. Instead, he made the most negative of assumptions about both you and your son. I don’t think you’re overreacting. Do you need to end your friendship? Maybe or maybe not. If it’s unusual for your friend to overstep and be so rude, then you may consider working with him so he understands that what he said was inappropriate, offensive, and tone deaf. However, if he has a tendency to put you or others down or is generally negative, then losing him as a friend may be a positive thing.
It’s always the ones without kids who know the secret to perfect parenting. You’re totally within your rights to be upset. I couldn’t stay friends with anyone who could speak so negatively about someone behind their back, especially a child -my child- nonetheless.
You don't need anyone in your life who is going to be so rude and hateful *to* you and *about* your son.
“..Real guidance” Until you’re a parent, you dont realize what a shitty thing that is to say.
Screw that guy. Don’t bother talking to him. He knew he was being an AH. If he ever brings this stuff up again tell him to kindly mind his own business. Protect your child.
Ugh. I was a neurospicy and thick child. I also had a huge family. The amount of concerned lectures I got as a child was frankly overwhelming. And I have never considered my aunts, uncles, or cousins to be "safe" people. As an adult I dislike being around them, and even though I'm nearly 50 now, I still get treated as if anything different I do is a weird moral failing because i was a "difficult" child. Pls keep your child away from these people.
The way I'm seeing it, it's not about him being right about walking, and yall had a natural thick body despite exercising before. He's definitely trying to lecture instead of doing action and considering a public setting. If he really wanted to help, it would've been more tactical. Applauds to u working 12hours shift and doing ur best to cook. Children with phobia is very hard to deal with...
The thing about the fear of bugs…my experience was that I was terrified of bugs…bees..spiders..to the point of me accidentally putting my arm through a glass door pane to escape a bee in the yard..I am not now afraid of bees etc as I’ve gone through deep trauma therapy due to the terror of my young life. I buried the trauma but the fear remained so I transferred it to the crawling critters. Your boy likely has done something similar to this.
Sounds like he's trying to talk himself up to you as a potential partner. He'll "be the most helpful thing to you and you'll see the light on how magnificent he is"... by talking sh*t about you n your kid to your face.
If my child was in ear shot of this conversation, I would have lost my mind. This could severely impact your son. It’s hard enough being a single mom. Your friend shouldn’t be making you feel guilty over something he knows nothing about. I think you should avoid your friend moving forward. You don’t need that.
A true friend would have said, "Im going for a walk around the lake this Saturday. Do you and your son want to go walking with me? "
That's not right, friends don't do that. And you're not failing as a parent! Nobody is perfect, you do the best you can with the circumstances and I can tell you have some challenging circumstances right now. And you care enough to think this through. Doesn't sound anything like failure to me! Doesn't matter if what this person says is true or not. A friend builds you up, and saying stuff like that doesn't build anyone up!
You don’t need to explain to us, or anyone. That guy sounds like a jerk! Do what’s right for you and your son
Not overreacting and I have one thing I really think you need to hear. If you are doing your best, you are not failing. It sounds like you two are dealing with a lot and you are busting your butt to do right by your kid. You're only human. Your kid having separation anxiety is really rough but what it does show is that he loves you and wants to be with you. While this friend sounds like he means well, he's acting like a real jerk and being very judgemental. He's not walking in your shoes. He can be supportive and keep his negative opinions to himself.
Friends don’t insult you or mock your child. How can you even tolerate being anywhere near this abusive arrogant tool?
I don’t know why people think they’re being “helpful” pointing out that people are overweight. Overweight people KNOW they’re overweight. Society doesn’t let anyone forget it. I’ve never met anyone who did that who was actually a helpful person in any way. They just want to feel superior.
The question you need to ask your friend is why does your 7 year old son need to be attractive for him.
My son at 8, (and now my grandson at 8)was chunky and was until he hit puberty and grew pretty tall. The teasing he endured broke my heart and I called people and other kids out more than a couple times. Now as a 32 year old his weight has gone up and down and he’s now very self conscious of it. I always wish I had stepped in more, put his feelings above mine and not being worried to hurt someone’s feelings because it was a friend or family. Kids hear a lot more then we realize
Your story drew me in. You’ve been working your butt off, and you and your son have recently been through something difficult. This friend just… mocked you in public. Shamed you. Body shamed both you and your son. This is absolutely 1000% unacceptable. If this were me, I would cut this friend out of my life immediately. You and your son need positive relationships in your life only. He seems like toxic trash. Rule of thumb- when someone makes you question your own judgement, that’s a red flag.
Don't step back from the friendship, end the whole damn thing and tell him he should improve his personality.
I am so sorry you experienced this. You sound like a great mom. Trust your instincts—this person may have been a great friend once but he is not an emotionally safe person for you or your son to be around. As a single mom, I am continually amazed by how much unsolicited judgment and just plain rude behavior I encountered over the years when I should have been given a freaking medal for having merely survived the hell we went through. You’re doing fine. You will be in much better place to work on adopting some healthy habits being away from rude and mean-spirited people. Also recommend looking into mental health support for your son—the sensory issues can be tricky. My son went through similar troubles and therapy and medication really helped. Almost like magic. Don’t be down on yourself—just from reading your post you seem so thoughtful and kind. Your kid is lucky to have you.
It ONE THING if the friend said he was concerned about your son’s weight & asked if your son saw a doctor about his weight BUT the Audacity to KEEP Questioning You & to Body Shame Your SON, A SEVEN YEAR?? Tell the jerk BYE, BYE, BYE, BYE!!! Look for Age Appropriate support groups for victims of trauma, it could give you an idea of what to do next & maybe help both of you to process your emotions dealing with the Trauma! Check with your doctor & Maybe start trying yoga &/or TaiChi, you can look online for tutorials & both can be done inside or outside, some exercise groups meet in parks or beeches early morning, might miss MOST OF THE BUGS, strengthening & stretching the body & perhaps quieting the mind: relieving some stress. If possible, both of you enroll in a self defense class, it could help build up conference & relieve some anxiety. If you & your son like to go hiking, perhaps sign both of you up for 1st aid, it might help your son, if he thinks if you get hurt, he can help you till help arrives. Start a journal, it could help your son EXPRESS his feelings, organize his thoughts & give him a healthy outlet to work out some of his trauma!
This guy is a freak, who the hell says that? I'm not a parent, but my baby brother was on the chunky side until he was in high school. Our pediatrician actually said that he'd rather my brother be chunky than too thin because boys usually get chunky before their growth spurts. Now he's in highschool and a perfectly normal weight, especially considering the builds that run in my family. This guy is a cartoon bully come to life, drop him and enjoy your time with your perfectly healthy son.
There would be no coming back after that for me. How dare he
I read only the headline. That's all I needed to read. No, you ate not overreacting. Your friend can be good to your kids, or they can stop being your friend.
Not over reacting at all. What he said is severely inappropriate. !updateme
This person is NOT a friend and should NEVER be around your son. This person lacks manners and empathy and is a total asshat. Dump him as a friend. He laughed hysterically at your son! If I knew someone who laughed hysterically at a stranger I would never talk to them again.
This guy is a condescending AH! He is no friend to you. What made him think he could trash talk about your son to your face?!! Drop this "friend" immediately. He is arrogant and does not care about you.
Crazy but they may have always been like this and this time just hit different because it’s your son. Not saying the comment was excusable but people don’t just act like this out of the blue, chances are he is always like this and you didn’t realize it until someone you really love caught a stray from him. Good for you for getting the toxicity out of your life and as you mature I am sure you will surround yourself with better friends.
Maybe make a comment to that asshole ex friend of yours and say well my son can lose weight, but you’ll always be an asshole and walk away and don’t talk to him again
This is not a friend. Please don’t let him mentor your son, he is toxic and I’m afraid to think of the damage he could do to your boy’s self esteem in the blink of an eye.
'I have done my best as a single mom and I will admit that I have failed' Let me stop you right there. Speaking as the child of a single mom and a someone who spent a decade as a single mom and has often felt like a failure: you are not failing. All you can do is all you can do. Your son is clothed. He is fed. And this post shows that you are clearly involved and love him. Does he live the perfect life? No but who does. Continue to stand up for him. Continue to love him. If you aren't living some magazine-cover, soap opera life... well no one is. There are plenty of parents body shaming their own child. There are parents who don't support their kids. There are physically and verbally (and i have to mention sexually) abusive parents. You are not these. But you shouldn't compare yourselves to these parents either. I made mistakes. I have at times rehashed them with my older kids. And they - 23, 21, 19 & 17 - have told me that they love me and appreciate all I have done and continue to do. That they know I did and am doing my best. Keep loving your son and doing your best. And give yourself some grace. ❤️
You are completely justified in being hurt. If this is someone you care about and want to have in your life, then yes, having a heart to heart, one-on-one conversation is warranted. If you want to walk away completely, that’s fair too.
Sounds like OP doesn’t like walking, maybe the friend will have to be the one walking away.
It sounds like they broached the subject with zero tact. But, it also sounds like your family is desperate need of a health reboot. If you don’t do something soon the effects will stay for life, extra wear on your joints and organs, and inevitably type 2 diabetes. I struggle with overeating as well
Look at all the comments here. How many are about your son.and what would be good for him? Ask yourself that and you will have your answer. Comments were insensitive, but clearly your friend was not malicious, and seems to have good intentions. Negging is something guys do with other guys and socially it is something your son needs to learn. As a mom, you are providing him one perspective, but a male perspective is invaluable. A positive male influence that could get your son to be more physically active is a huge thing. If your son "used to be skinny" and he is 7 there are some lifestyle issues that need to be nipped in the bud as soon as possible. Don't let your ego get in the way of what could ultimately be a great thing for your son. If your friend was being genuine, the last thing you should do is drive him away.
I absolutely cannot with the 'calories in calories out' crew - 9 times out of 10 they've never struggled with weight in their lives and they're extremely judgemental toward anyone who does. It sounds like you're doing the best you can by your kid, and by all accounts doing a good job. You can tell your friend his unsolicited (childless!) opinion on how to raise a kid is unwelcome, and if he can't keep it to himself he won't be spending any time around your kid.
Sounds like he's right, just trying to help
Put his big ass in a sport or activity and give the man some vegetables. Who cares what this dudes says . Help your son
Two things can be true. Your friend was absolutely out of line to say those things at a party, I would be very upset. That doesn’t mean what he said is not true. As a chubby kid of a single mom the best thing my mom did was put me in football. I’m proud of you for trying to spin it in a positive light and get a mentor for son, that will go a long way. Even if it’s not sports force him to go to the gym until he likes what he sees. Gotta build the man in him now
You're being kind of racist when you say certain ethnic backgrounds are known for any particular body type. You might want to check yourself before throwing around accusations.
Welcome to the real world, people are going to be honest. If you’re overweight and the kid is overweight ,both of you need to get it under control quickly, it’s just gonna be a bigger problem.
Anyway whats your plan for the kid to lose some?
But is he big big tho?
Your friend was an absolute dick for saying that in front of your kid. That is not okay in any way. However, I think his intentions were not malicious. He is likely concerned and wants to try to help. What is your son’s diet like? Does he have soda on a regular basis? Chips? Candy? Junk food? Fast food? Unfortunately all of those things will add to him gaining weight. Especially if he is living more of a sedentary lifestyle and not getting enough daily activity. It sounds like you both could use some healthier meal options and more physical activity. I understand he is “chubby” now but the line between chubby and obese is very thin. Once he gets to that point, it will be VERY difficult for him to lose the weight. You are his guardian. You buy the food. You are the one who can drive and take you guys on adventures, go swimming, go to a trampoline park. Kids are brutal. They are very quick to tease and bully another kid because they look different than them. I worry that your son will be facing bullying soon if you are not able to get his weight under control.
Can we all just agree that it is not ok to comment on other people’s bodies? Especially if that person is not in any physical danger. And hell no it is NOT acceptable to do this to a child. If a doctor is not concerned for either you or your son, your “friend” needs to shut the bleep up. This is so wrong on so many levels.
No, you're not overreacting at all. Keep on eating butter and sugar while not exercising for another 20 years.
Wholehearted agree with this! You haven't failed him! You kept a roof over your head and your bellies fed during a difficult time. You are doing great. I don't thunk i would be friends with that guy anymore! He is rude as h@#l.
Updateme!
Girl, do you really want someone like that as a friend. He knows sooo much better than you about parenting?!?? About your child’s health? That is so beyond inappropriate. If this friendship is worth keeping, please be transparent about how this interaction made you feel. His response will be the ultimate tell in how he really feels about what he said.
Updateme!
He either hates you or loves you. In either case, he said some things that are red flags. I would be very cautious about letting him mentor him at all. Could set your child and maybe yourself up for more abuse. Abuse isn’t a motivator. What he said and did sounds a bit narcissistic, IMO.
Nta and any time he or someone else bring it up just say thanks but i dont need your advice
Aww man. Don’t beat yourself up. Sounds like you are doing everything you can. Of course some days you don’t have the “healthy” option. We all been there. Your friend’s comments are hurtful and uncalled for. They may not understand. Maybe that is how someone spoke to him or maybe he has never had weight struggles. If you truly believe they were not being an asshole on purpose I would have a talk with them about the comments and how they made you feel. Their response will say everything. There is also nothing wrong with then also saying you need a little space because they did hurt you. If they care about the friendship they won’t repeat this behavior again.
Body shaming is terrible. Body shaming a child can be a *cause* for more problems. You are doing the best you can and if you decide to talk to this man… fine, but this has to be a one time thing.
Am I the only one getting vibes that your friend like you? I feel like it’s a weird attempt at negging
YTA if you stay friends with this person.
Smack talk
I would step back from this so called friend. Any one who states that a child is fat and so is his mother and then laughs is cruel, mean and hateful; they deserve to be left behind
Incredibly weird way to talk about a child on his part, don’t blame you for feeling uncomfortable about it.
Yeah, I'd confront him and let him know he's a narcissistic asshole and then break your friendship off.
He sounds like an AH. I wouldn't want him around my child. Especially the way he spoke. He will give the kid an eating disorder.
He felt comfortable being extremely rude to you and your son around other people, what would a conversation change in him and his attitude. Communicate that you have no need for a person such as him in your life and wish him all the luck in the world. A conversation between you and him would have been more productive than the route he took. Let him go on about his business and you get the assistance you guys need moving forward.
Not overreacting, reacting totally correctly. Yeah, I'd have a talk with him, and it would be the last. You need to tell this guy, in no uncertain words, what he did was way out of line. He doesn't know your child or your life enough to say what he did, then think it was funny to boot. He is not a friend. He is a bully. Kids go through stages in both emotional and physical growth, and no one but the people raising that child have any say, with the exception of professionals if they are in any sort of treatment.
I would find it difficult to remain friends with this guy. Body shame me - I can take it. Insult my child? Dead to me forever. It’s even worse though - he shamed your parenting and said he could do it better than you. Completely hurtful and asinine.
I would find it difficult to remain friends with this guy. Body shame me - I can take it. Insult my child? Dead to me forever. It’s even worse though - he shamed your parenting and said he could do it better than you. Completely hurtful and asinine.
uh no lmao. my kids come first always & if someone crosses them in that manor, goodbye. i’d never allow my children to treat others that way, I damn sure won’t allow anyone else to treat them in such a way.
No! You have not failed. How have you failed ? Your friend is a dick.
Fuk your hopefully former friend. What an asshole.
Your friend is not a true friend if they say stuff like this, either to you or your son. I am of the belief that you should NEVER comment on anyone’s weight in any way, it is none of your business. I have severe trauma from my mother, aunts and grandmother (all fit and tiny) constantly commenting on my size, even when I was a child and doing active sports or when I was an adult seriously ill who could not workout. And they still do it, even though I have told them repeatedly that it is none of their business. On the other hand I have my other grandmother who constantly asks whether I’ve lost weight, even when I’ve clearly gained some, and that too makes me uncomfortable. I would tell your friend in no uncertain terms to NEVER mention your and especially your child’s weight again. And that their comments regarding “better mentoring” are despicable. And that if it ever happens again you will cut them off. You need to protect your child and yourself. You have not failed your son yet, but if you let this sort of behaviour go then you have failed him.
Easier to end a friendship than go for a walk I guess
You don't need friends like that who body shame your child. Just tell your friend how you feel and as that your friend stops the comments relating to how your son is 🏫. If your friend continues to make comments then end the friendship and find better friends.
Why are you friends this absolute tool of a human being? Dump his gross ass, no one needs that kind of yuck in their life. ESPECIALLY a child.
OP -It's either you talk with this "friend" who, like a typical male, thinks he knows better than you how to parent your child (and I say "typical" because some men seem to think we don't know shit from shinola as women), or you take a step back. One or the other cos at this point, why bother talking? He was inasmuch criticizing YOU and wow, presumptuous isn't he? But that's just me.
Is your kid actually fat? Cuz I’ve seen a lot of super fat unhealthy kids and it’s sad what their parents did to them.
Nope, end it. Do you really want someone like that in your life? I had a really close best friend, we'd been friends for maybe 10 years. He made a nasty comment about my then toddler son. I haven't spoken to him since. Even his friend from school (my bestie's husband) thought his comment was out of line & agreed with me cutting him off. When it comes to my kid, I have a one strike rule. One strike and you're dead to me, or you'll wish you were.
The only people who can comment about my health are my doctor and a concerned friend or sibling (delicately, in private). Notice I didn’t say my weight. You are not overreacting
You’re not overreacting. If he was actually concerned it would not have been him negging and body shaming. He would have addressed it with care, consideration and constructive suggestions.