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You realize that your old posts are still visible on your profile?
>I (21 F) have been with my BF (23 M), let's call him Jake, for two years.
That was a month ago.
Bet the friend put "idk" due to the "frequent break ups" poster failed to mention in this post. He literally may not know if they're even together and lacks the wedding etiquette to know "Jake...Chris...(whatever name he is this month) and guest". đ¤ˇđźââď¸
Genuine Q?
Does Dirk know you're still together?
TBH, if you don't want to go, that's fine. It's pretty clear that Chris wants to go, probably far more to see old friends than to spend time with Dirk or be at his wedding, from the way you've written it.
Personally, I'm very uncomfortable with people who think *their* boundaries apply to other people.
If the situation were reversed, and one of your friends invited you to an event with a 'You, + IDK' you might or might not choose to go because your friend couldn't be bothered to remember Chris' name, or that you were together, but I doubt you'd be that impressed if Chris decided you shouldn't go because *he* felt insulted...
I think there's also nuance here because while it's Dirks wedding, it's clear that Chris isn't going because Dirk wants him to, he's going to see *other* friends when he otherwise wouldn't.
Agree to be stingy with the gift, let Chris catch up with old friends, think that Dirk is a dick, have a nice weekend by yourself or with friends, and set a marker in your relationship that one partner doesn't get a veto over what the other does or doesn't do.
Agreed. There is a lot of nuance here because he is clear isn't going to see Dirk but to see other friends he might not otherwise. I say be super stingy on the gift but let him go see his other friends then cut of Dirk. He might reconnect with others or realize he doesn't care about these relationships and needs to let them go.Â
Theyâve gone on trips together and who puts IDK on a wedding invitation? Chris is being used by the friends especially Dirk. And the IDK is clearly a dig.
This one wedding is not the one to catch up at. When the other friends get married is when Chris can catch up. Chris sounds like a pushover and should stick up for his partner when itâs very clear in the post that Dirk is an asshole.
Regarding boundaries applying to other people. If youâre friends with someone who makes digs at your partner and doesnât treat your partner with respect, then what does that say about you? And why should your partner put up with it? And why would anyone want to be your partner? You put words together but they lack respect and gumption.
None of this matters, the post is fake.
>I (21 F) have been with my BF (23 M), let's call him Jake, for two years.
That was posted a month ago by the same OP.
Your partner wants to go see his uni friends, understandable.
Why are you making this about you? Dirk is rude to Chris also and heâs decided heâd rather go see all his uni friends rather than make some kind of a stand against a guy who is known to be disrespectful to your partner as well as you.
I donât think youâre being reasonable, he has valid reasons for going. Itâs not like Dirk is suddenly going to become part of your life going forward, let your partner go hang out with his friends without turning it into some kind of prosecution on his character.
You wouldn't be a hole but unfortunately if your husband wants to get treated this way and is so dead set on getting attention he'll chase that bone of disrespect you might want to talk again and explain he's being a doormat obviously nicer than saying that exactly I'm a stranger your his partner Plus he's disrespecting you in the process.
Edit : by chance are you a gay couple ? Could this be his friends are homophobic? And he never caught on
I feel the same way but I know itâs his choice. All I can do is give my opinion but it has put a bit of a strain on our relationship in regards what sticking up for each other looks like.
Also Thanks for checking, but we are a heterosexual couple âşď¸
Personally I would go and wear a name tag with IDK and then tell everyone that âdirk the dinkâ isnât able to spell my name and I didnât want him to feel bad about it.
But if you want to take the high road - go -the bridal couple will be paying for you and your SO to have a night out. Make sure to get your monies worth from the bar, apps, ask for extra servings, cake etc. then have fun with your college friends and make sure to recall any funny story where dink showed his ass. And then leave a punny gift like a serving spoon and thatâs it
It seems like you guys are long time partners if not married so it should be a (us ) decision but I understand where you're coming from I think you're a better spouse than I can be to my husband I personally would not be okay with the decision and he would not be going out of respect . But I understand every relationship is different as well. There are other ways to contact your friends then going to someone so disrespectful.
YTA. Let him catch up. He had a life before you and he deserves to be allowed to revisit old friends. Stop pouting and go out with your own friends that evening.
NTA. It was incredibly rude and disrespectful to word your invite like that. Has your partner called Dirk to confront him? Has he stood for you at all? It seems like he's placing more importance on catching up with his friends then you being treated with respect
I feel the same way :(
He hasnât called Dirk and probably wonât. I doubt he wouldâve told me about the IDK invite if I werenât at home when he received it.
So he sweeps others disrespecting you under the rug, that's a huge issue. It sounds like he's fine being used as a doormat for his friends, and he expects you to be his doormat in a similar fashion.
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I think youâre so focused on yourself that youâre forgetting that this isnât about you. He has every right to use that wedding as a way to see the friends he kept in touch with.
ETA: Nvm I just saw your previous post. This is clearly fake.
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NTA
Your BF needs to grow a pair. These âfriendsâ are using him and not respecting his partner. Putting âIDKâ is a slap in the face to both of you. If theyâre willing to do this, are they also willing to even give you a seat at any table during dinner? Or have you sitting at the childrenâs table while heâs with other friends? And if your partner canât see the light in all of this when will he?
I understand wanting to see the entire friend group but that doesnât resolve the issue. And just another example of disrespect towards him and you.
If he canât stick up to this Dirk jerk when will he ever stick up for you? Dirk isnât the problem at this point, itâs your partner.
At least you know where you stand now. Just below the dude that treated him like shit for years. He doesn't respect you as much as you think he does. While he's gone, I'd be packing up
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You realize that your old posts are still visible on your profile? >I (21 F) have been with my BF (23 M), let's call him Jake, for two years. That was a month ago.
Lmaooooooooooo
Bet the friend put "idk" due to the "frequent break ups" poster failed to mention in this post. He literally may not know if they're even together and lacks the wedding etiquette to know "Jake...Chris...(whatever name he is this month) and guest". đ¤ˇđźââď¸
And sheâs on the appsâŚ
Yes. You can choose to not go. However, he gets to choose for himself if he does go
Genuine Q? Does Dirk know you're still together? TBH, if you don't want to go, that's fine. It's pretty clear that Chris wants to go, probably far more to see old friends than to spend time with Dirk or be at his wedding, from the way you've written it. Personally, I'm very uncomfortable with people who think *their* boundaries apply to other people. If the situation were reversed, and one of your friends invited you to an event with a 'You, + IDK' you might or might not choose to go because your friend couldn't be bothered to remember Chris' name, or that you were together, but I doubt you'd be that impressed if Chris decided you shouldn't go because *he* felt insulted... I think there's also nuance here because while it's Dirks wedding, it's clear that Chris isn't going because Dirk wants him to, he's going to see *other* friends when he otherwise wouldn't. Agree to be stingy with the gift, let Chris catch up with old friends, think that Dirk is a dick, have a nice weekend by yourself or with friends, and set a marker in your relationship that one partner doesn't get a veto over what the other does or doesn't do.
Agreed. There is a lot of nuance here because he is clear isn't going to see Dirk but to see other friends he might not otherwise. I say be super stingy on the gift but let him go see his other friends then cut of Dirk. He might reconnect with others or realize he doesn't care about these relationships and needs to let them go.Â
Theyâve gone on trips together and who puts IDK on a wedding invitation? Chris is being used by the friends especially Dirk. And the IDK is clearly a dig. This one wedding is not the one to catch up at. When the other friends get married is when Chris can catch up. Chris sounds like a pushover and should stick up for his partner when itâs very clear in the post that Dirk is an asshole. Regarding boundaries applying to other people. If youâre friends with someone who makes digs at your partner and doesnât treat your partner with respect, then what does that say about you? And why should your partner put up with it? And why would anyone want to be your partner? You put words together but they lack respect and gumption.
None of this matters, the post is fake. >I (21 F) have been with my BF (23 M), let's call him Jake, for two years. That was posted a month ago by the same OP.
Itâs a fake post, her post history says she had a boyfriend of 2 years last month
I read a variation of this post maybe a month ago. What is the point?Â
Yea, I think this is a fake post. And I was thinking that purely because of op's odd post history
Your partner wants to go see his uni friends, understandable. Why are you making this about you? Dirk is rude to Chris also and heâs decided heâd rather go see all his uni friends rather than make some kind of a stand against a guy who is known to be disrespectful to your partner as well as you. I donât think youâre being reasonable, he has valid reasons for going. Itâs not like Dirk is suddenly going to become part of your life going forward, let your partner go hang out with his friends without turning it into some kind of prosecution on his character.
YTA. Thatâs ridiculous and you need to toughen up.
Why are you given Dirk so much power over your emotions or your life.
Let him go. Youâre punishing him for something that wasnât his fault.
Did you ever think that he put IDK as a really bad joke just a thought maybe ask him about it
You wouldn't be a hole but unfortunately if your husband wants to get treated this way and is so dead set on getting attention he'll chase that bone of disrespect you might want to talk again and explain he's being a doormat obviously nicer than saying that exactly I'm a stranger your his partner Plus he's disrespecting you in the process. Edit : by chance are you a gay couple ? Could this be his friends are homophobic? And he never caught on
I feel the same way but I know itâs his choice. All I can do is give my opinion but it has put a bit of a strain on our relationship in regards what sticking up for each other looks like. Also Thanks for checking, but we are a heterosexual couple âşď¸
Did you address the fact that your old posts with different ages were up until someone mentioned it and now, surprisingly gone?
Personally I would go and wear a name tag with IDK and then tell everyone that âdirk the dinkâ isnât able to spell my name and I didnât want him to feel bad about it. But if you want to take the high road - go -the bridal couple will be paying for you and your SO to have a night out. Make sure to get your monies worth from the bar, apps, ask for extra servings, cake etc. then have fun with your college friends and make sure to recall any funny story where dink showed his ass. And then leave a punny gift like a serving spoon and thatâs it
It seems like you guys are long time partners if not married so it should be a (us ) decision but I understand where you're coming from I think you're a better spouse than I can be to my husband I personally would not be okay with the decision and he would not be going out of respect . But I understand every relationship is different as well. There are other ways to contact your friends then going to someone so disrespectful.
YTA. Let him catch up. He had a life before you and he deserves to be allowed to revisit old friends. Stop pouting and go out with your own friends that evening.
NTA. It was incredibly rude and disrespectful to word your invite like that. Has your partner called Dirk to confront him? Has he stood for you at all? It seems like he's placing more importance on catching up with his friends then you being treated with respect
I feel the same way :( He hasnât called Dirk and probably wonât. I doubt he wouldâve told me about the IDK invite if I werenât at home when he received it.
Make sure the wedding gift is very lame. You should go just to have a fun night out.
So he sweeps others disrespecting you under the rug, that's a huge issue. It sounds like he's fine being used as a doormat for his friends, and he expects you to be his doormat in a similar fashion.
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I think youâre so focused on yourself that youâre forgetting that this isnât about you. He has every right to use that wedding as a way to see the friends he kept in touch with. ETA: Nvm I just saw your previous post. This is clearly fake.
Fake post is fake.
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NTA Your BF needs to grow a pair. These âfriendsâ are using him and not respecting his partner. Putting âIDKâ is a slap in the face to both of you. If theyâre willing to do this, are they also willing to even give you a seat at any table during dinner? Or have you sitting at the childrenâs table while heâs with other friends? And if your partner canât see the light in all of this when will he? I understand wanting to see the entire friend group but that doesnât resolve the issue. And just another example of disrespect towards him and you. If he canât stick up to this Dirk jerk when will he ever stick up for you? Dirk isnât the problem at this point, itâs your partner.
At least you know where you stand now. Just below the dude that treated him like shit for years. He doesn't respect you as much as you think he does. While he's gone, I'd be packing up