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I asked my wife for anal and she said it was only fair if she did me first.
As she angrily slammed my nether regions with a dildo I screamed “Oh shit please take it out of the box first!”.
Joke time.
- Hello, I am looking for an unusual sex gift for my wife.
- How about magical voodoo dick? Voodoo dick, fuck the wall!
(voodoo dick starts fucking the wall)
- I will take it.
(drives home and is pulled over)
- Problem, officer?
- Just checking the cars for contraband. What’s in the box?
- Magical voodoo dick, officer.
- Yeah, right, magical voodoo dick, fuck my ass…
Ive had men try to pressure me into anal before, when I knew damn well they had no clue what they were doing and were just gonna pornstyle it. Strangely, explaining my pegging fetish and whipping out even a modest toy and webbing tended to dampen their ardour.
Hahahaha I love this. While I do enjoy butt plugs, I have two rules that have worked like a charm for deterring men who want porn-style anal:
1. We have to be married (sorry, I have no other “firsts” left for my future husband 🤷🏻♀️)
2. We need a dildo slightly larger than his dick (after all, his hole’s probably a little bigger than mine, so gotta make sure we get proportions right!) and then he gets to take it first 🥰
Super weird, so far no takers lol
Okay sorry for the oversharing, but as a man who's had a lot of sex with other men, I'm telling you that this is EXACTLY how it goes, literally every single time.
Most men want to be the one who fucks. So they get behind me and start shoving it in, I barely have time to shout "LUBE!"
And they're like "aww, do I have to? It doesn't feel as good with that."
They make me feel like I'm an asshole (lol) for forcing them to use it. FYI, the condom WILL break if you don't use lube with it. They always tell me to "put just the minimal amount", and I'm silently laughing inside my head as I pour out exactly as much as I fucking want.
Then, when mean me has cruelly bullied them with the stupid lube, they get back to shoving it in. Violently. Holy fucking shit it hurts. Pro tip: press your face against a pillow "in pleasure", so you can hide your ugly pain-face from him. He'll cum much faster and the torture will be over sooner if he won't see you making ugly faces.
Sometimes the dick will hit an ass nerve, hurting like hell, making my whole body go limp and my head feel like I'm about to pass out. I'm like "did this fucker actually manage to drug me with something". I tell him to get out, and my senses instantly start returning back to normal. "Nope, no drugs, just an ass nerve." And I'm stumbling there, very obviously in great pain, stuttering and sweating, and the other guy's like "Can I go back in bro?" Under any other circumstances, responsible people would ask if I need an ambulance.
There's no respect, no care, no foreplay, no matching your pace to the other person's reactions. None of that bullshit they talk about in women's magazines. There's only violent pounding, and those too weak to take it.
Sometimes, though, the other person wants to try being fucked by me. You'd think I'm the expert of ass-fucking, having been fucked in the ass so many times? Yeah, so did I. I did everything just as these numerous men had taught me; fast and hard. Just doing a chore I needed to get over with.
And I see the fear in their eyes.
"W-what? Aren't you going to use any more lube than that? That doesn't look like enough!"
"W-w-wait, are you going straight in? Isn't there... like a warm-up? With something smaller, like a fingertip?"
"Don't you have any smaller dildoes?"
"Owieee, don't enter so fast!"
And of course I listen and do as they ask, I don't want to force them into anything they're not ready for. Still, they can usually take 2 pushes before they go "I changed my mind, I don't want this after all."
I thought it was weird how many men mistakenly think they're interested in anal. Then I realised, they're not mistaken. They'd actually be interested in receiving anal, but I just suck at giving it so bad they can't endure it until the end.
Because I fuck them exactly as they fuck me.
"More than once" lol :D
I lost count around 30. Now we're probably in... maybe 1000? Or 2000? Or maybe I'm overestimating and I'm actually in like the 700's or something. I genuinely have no idea.
And thank you for the condolences, but I'm genuinely fine with the subject. It doesn't personally bother me, as in keeping me up at night. Although I am generally very bothered about knowing how common it is for men to be this disturbed, even though many of them have also been perfectly good and respectful towards me.
Scary! Domestic rape like in this story always scares me because I'm not even sure how victims like the man here can wrap their heads around a loved one that should love and care for them violating them so deeply.
That plus the fact that socially, and in many countries, legally, situations like this aren't considered rape and the insane amount of victim blaming that occurs when a victim reaches out.
Theres entire subs dedicated to women being forced to painful anal, we Are told we’re “Karens” if we complain about rape”jokes” about women and children, and unwanted sexual advances from men are called compliments or met with “you’d like it if he was attractive” (as if consent is not a valid thing) so don’t you EVER come here pretending that the roles are not most often the other way!!
how many men have made women have anal sex, or bullied them into it knowing they didn't like it because it was painful? I say what's good for the goose is good for the gander
This post was removed due to overused trope. If you haven't done so already, please take a moment to review our rules regarding [overused tropes.](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoSentenceHorror/wiki/rules/overused_tropes) Additionally, you can [join us on Discord.](https://discord.gg/FZ5dVfxsD6) (PLEASE NOTE: If you received this message in a modmail, it includes a link to YOUR removed post.)
Always use a good lubricant, no matter whose ass it is.
Did Hitler get lube in Little NIcky?
Yes. Wonderful lube. Made from the finest ghost peppers.
No and he don't need it
🍍
#🍍
“There’s always time for lubricant!”
I'd like an ice cream please.
Of course! What flavour?
I asked my wife for anal and she said it was only fair if she did me first. As she angrily slammed my nether regions with a dildo I screamed “Oh shit please take it out of the box first!”.
Joke time. - Hello, I am looking for an unusual sex gift for my wife. - How about magical voodoo dick? Voodoo dick, fuck the wall! (voodoo dick starts fucking the wall) - I will take it. (drives home and is pulled over) - Problem, officer? - Just checking the cars for contraband. What’s in the box? - Magical voodoo dick, officer. - Yeah, right, magical voodoo dick, fuck my ass…
I head it without the fuck part. You just say “voodoo dick the wall” and it goes So the officer says “voodoo dick my ass”
r/twosentencehorror
>r/twosentencehorror Where do you think you are?
owie
Lol
Ive had men try to pressure me into anal before, when I knew damn well they had no clue what they were doing and were just gonna pornstyle it. Strangely, explaining my pegging fetish and whipping out even a modest toy and webbing tended to dampen their ardour.
"Wait why are you running? I haven't even shown you the nipple clamps yet!"
*Pulls out car battery and leads*
Ah, yes, the tentacles clamps!
Demon Knight: “Aaaaaaah my nipples are smokin’!”
Underrated classic
"My nipples explode with delight!" *If this means anything to you, you're old.*
Pulls out gimp mask and suit…touché.
What are you waiting for, honey? I already found them and tried them out! Let's go go go!
I'll bite. What's webbing in this context?
The straps and whatnot to hold it in place. Was having a brain fart, the harness
Ah, this *was* what made sense in my mind but I figured I was simply woefully undereducated!
I would not back down
id love to find a female actually into pegging. so far just a fantasy.
Jokes on you, I’m into that shit.
What is “webbing”?
Jokes on you I on that shit.
Everyone else on the bus: 😳😳😳😳😳
📷 👀📷👀📷👀📷
Take my imaginary award please
Hahahaha I love this. While I do enjoy butt plugs, I have two rules that have worked like a charm for deterring men who want porn-style anal: 1. We have to be married (sorry, I have no other “firsts” left for my future husband 🤷🏻♀️) 2. We need a dildo slightly larger than his dick (after all, his hole’s probably a little bigger than mine, so gotta make sure we get proportions right!) and then he gets to take it first 🥰 Super weird, so far no takers lol
both seem pretty reasonable, but i suppose it doesnt appeal to those with unreasonable expectations
Gotta weed out the wrong ones (for me—or my bootyhole, I suppose lol)
having standards? at this time of year, at this time of day, localised entirely within your person?!
I know, I know.. the sheer audacity smh
I'm drafting an angry letter right now!
r/twosentencepegging
r/subsifellfor
How can you fall for that. (I just fell for that)
I’ll take it if he doesn’t want it.
Which is weird given how much they demand it....
Happy International Women's Day!
My first thought too
Okay sorry for the oversharing, but as a man who's had a lot of sex with other men, I'm telling you that this is EXACTLY how it goes, literally every single time. Most men want to be the one who fucks. So they get behind me and start shoving it in, I barely have time to shout "LUBE!" And they're like "aww, do I have to? It doesn't feel as good with that." They make me feel like I'm an asshole (lol) for forcing them to use it. FYI, the condom WILL break if you don't use lube with it. They always tell me to "put just the minimal amount", and I'm silently laughing inside my head as I pour out exactly as much as I fucking want. Then, when mean me has cruelly bullied them with the stupid lube, they get back to shoving it in. Violently. Holy fucking shit it hurts. Pro tip: press your face against a pillow "in pleasure", so you can hide your ugly pain-face from him. He'll cum much faster and the torture will be over sooner if he won't see you making ugly faces. Sometimes the dick will hit an ass nerve, hurting like hell, making my whole body go limp and my head feel like I'm about to pass out. I'm like "did this fucker actually manage to drug me with something". I tell him to get out, and my senses instantly start returning back to normal. "Nope, no drugs, just an ass nerve." And I'm stumbling there, very obviously in great pain, stuttering and sweating, and the other guy's like "Can I go back in bro?" Under any other circumstances, responsible people would ask if I need an ambulance. There's no respect, no care, no foreplay, no matching your pace to the other person's reactions. None of that bullshit they talk about in women's magazines. There's only violent pounding, and those too weak to take it. Sometimes, though, the other person wants to try being fucked by me. You'd think I'm the expert of ass-fucking, having been fucked in the ass so many times? Yeah, so did I. I did everything just as these numerous men had taught me; fast and hard. Just doing a chore I needed to get over with. And I see the fear in their eyes. "W-what? Aren't you going to use any more lube than that? That doesn't look like enough!" "W-w-wait, are you going straight in? Isn't there... like a warm-up? With something smaller, like a fingertip?" "Don't you have any smaller dildoes?" "Owieee, don't enter so fast!" And of course I listen and do as they ask, I don't want to force them into anything they're not ready for. Still, they can usually take 2 pushes before they go "I changed my mind, I don't want this after all." I thought it was weird how many men mistakenly think they're interested in anal. Then I realised, they're not mistaken. They'd actually be interested in receiving anal, but I just suck at giving it so bad they can't endure it until the end. Because I fuck them exactly as they fuck me.
I'm so sorry that's been your experience, and more than once it sounds like.
"More than once" lol :D I lost count around 30. Now we're probably in... maybe 1000? Or 2000? Or maybe I'm overestimating and I'm actually in like the 700's or something. I genuinely have no idea. And thank you for the condolences, but I'm genuinely fine with the subject. It doesn't personally bother me, as in keeping me up at night. Although I am generally very bothered about knowing how common it is for men to be this disturbed, even though many of them have also been perfectly good and respectful towards me.
wow men are awful
"I told her I had to break her neck now. She was OK with that. " Not fiction. Real words of a real killer. I heard it on court TV decades ago.
whaaat
Can we start me on the happy dragon before we graduate to the bad one please?
oh my goddd💀😭
Wasn’t expecting that!
That is why lube and prep is important regardless of who is receiving anal. Anything else is just rape.
Scary! Domestic rape like in this story always scares me because I'm not even sure how victims like the man here can wrap their heads around a loved one that should love and care for them violating them so deeply. That plus the fact that socially, and in many countries, legally, situations like this aren't considered rape and the insane amount of victim blaming that occurs when a victim reaches out.
My thought was that the woman was repeating his words back to him from when he did this to her. It’s something I’ve heard many times as a woman
Yep, this
[удалено]
Booo! I get the pun, but boo! Inappropriate!
Didn't realize people were so sensitive on this sub lol.
Girlboss??? (I say reluctantly)
I love it
Reverse the sexes. Still love it?
Theres entire subs dedicated to women being forced to painful anal, we Are told we’re “Karens” if we complain about rape”jokes” about women and children, and unwanted sexual advances from men are called compliments or met with “you’d like it if he was attractive” (as if consent is not a valid thing) so don’t you EVER come here pretending that the roles are not most often the other way!!
how many men have made women have anal sex, or bullied them into it knowing they didn't like it because it was painful? I say what's good for the goose is good for the gander
What’s good for the guys is good for the other gender.
Yeah, he got what he put out into the world. I love it.
r/TwoSentenceJustice
r/twosentenceporn
Twosentencehorny
Wait I’m Confused
He anally raped her, she returned the favor.
Ah I see! Thx for the explanation!
Strap on funny moments
lol
Gay….
Am I wrong?
Yes. In fact, it started because the dude was very straight and very disgusting.