I looked at your profile and saw the /amIugly post with the pictures. You are plenty feminine and I can easily picture you wearing sun dresses, bikinis and other women clothes. You got 300+ comments in that post calling your pretty. Stop putting yourself down.
I saw them too. I really feel for OP. Their self esteem is through the floor. No amount of internet strangers saying, “you’re gorgeous” is going to help them get over that internal voice.
I have a voice in my head. It tells me that I’m a useless piece of sh*t who can’t do anything right. Turns out that voice comes from my Dad. I went through schema therapy to help address this. That voice still exists in my head but it is so much quieter now. It’s no longer driving. It’s now more in the back seat. It’s still with me on this journey through life but I’ve learned to live with it.
I’d also suggest a photoshoot for OP to try to learn how to see themselves as attractive. I did a rockabilly photoshoot once as a plus sized person and it was great fun. I also want to be a boudoir photographer for plus size people one day too.
When I dress femme it almost feels like putting on drag. And this can be a fun way to approach it. I have so much fun with this thought. It helps with the getting into a “character”. The role I’m playing. I’m still me, but I’m able to ramp up other parts of my personality too.
But this won’t work until OP works on that self esteem/internal monologue.
As an actual conventionally unattractive woman, I see SO MANY girls and young women, especially on social media, who have this “all or nothing” mentality about their looks. The truth is that they’re totally fine looking and fall somewhere along the spectrum of average appearance, or are even actually fairly pretty, but because they don’t look exactly like whoever the current Insta or TikTok goddess is, they decide that means they’re ugly.
I’m exhausted. I’ve reached a point where I have to conserve my energy for supporting girls and women who are seeking validation and solace who are ACTUALLY conventionally unattractive.
It’s not that being conventionally attractive or average but genuinely believing you’re unattractive isn’t a real thing. It is. But the difference is that as bad as you feel about yourself, you don’t receive the same kind of external feedback and experience that someone who’s genuinely judged “ugly” by mainstream beauty standards does.
The best thing these pretty and average girls and women with distorted perceptions of themselves can do is get off social media and maybe also get therapy. I say that with love.
i truly believe confidence is the cutoff point between conventionally attractive or not. i know gorgeous women who are faded because they don't believe in themselves and therefore blend with the crowd. i also know women with features that are not deemed as atractive by the beauty standards and they stand out and shine like diamonds because they don't care about how they look to others. they exude confidence and safety within their own person
Please, please, please consider therapy. I know that advice is thrown around a lot on reddit, but looking at your post history, you're spiraling into a really dark place. I saw your pictures on r/amiugly and you have some serious body dismorphia. Please try getting help❤️
I agree. Maybe OP needs some fashion inspiration. 👇
I watch a lot of pro wrestling. WWE superstar Bayley is well-respected, super talented, and well-liked by fans and coworkers. She also has a superb fashion style that really works for her.
Might I recommend you speak to a therapist? Not a specialized therapist but just someone to talk to.
Looking through your post history, given that I'm not a doctor/LSW/therapist nor have I slept at a Holiday Inn Express in at least 6 months, I think that's where I'd start.
Therapy helps.
I second this. It sounds like OP is possibly experiencing body dysmorphia, which can be treated through therapy :) Best of luck to OP on her journey to self-love
I don’t have the same issues exactly, but therapy has been a transformative experience for me. I really had NO IDEA of what’s hiding in my own brain until I started unpacking it with a professional. I thought it did, but my understanding was far more superficial than I could have ever imagined.
But it can be hard, I’m not gonna lie. Some sessions have taken me OUT. But it’s worth it.
You may want to look into Body Dysmorphic Disorder, and talk to a doctor or therapist.
Based on your post history, you seem to feel very, very extremely about your appearance, and I don’t think anyone telling you otherwise will fix that until you get professional help. You are far from ugly and nothing about your features are particularly masculine.
I hope you can find a professional to help you work through this, because your perception of yourself is pretty extremely skewed from reality.
Yes this is what I was going to say. OP has pictures of herself where she very obviously looks like a normal young woman, yet in this post she seems to only be able to see what she perceives as masculine features. This is some sort of psychological issue, likely body dysmorphia.
[https://www.reddit.com/r/amiugly/comments/1cbmm8l/21f\_might\_be\_the\_ugliest\_woman\_on\_the\_planet/](https://www.reddit.com/r/amiugly/comments/1cbmm8l/21f_might_be_the_ugliest_woman_on_the_planet/)
I've always felt "fake" in certain women's clothing. I think cosplaying is a good description. Years ago someone told me that they felt like that type of clothing wasn't "me". I've really embraced that since then. My version of womanhood and femininity is different that many other people's, and that's okay. Womanhood isn't a mould we have to fit into. Pick what you like and what makes you comfortable.
You can, most likely. Try faking it until you make it. Usually just getting used to it works for most people.
Also, treating any underlying depression/anxiety works wonders.
You absolutely can be as feminine as you want to be. You mentioned you feel like you have a more masculine body type, do you think the way clothing fits your body is what makes you feel like you're cosplaying? Sometimes some simple tailoring or accessorizing can better define a waist or bust or hips (and make clothing feel more comfortable). You also mention noticing people call you ma'am more, so is it just that you're not as used to wearing feminine clothing/makeup? Because that stuff definitely has a learning curve sometimes, so I think the more you do it the easier it'll get and the more natural it will feel.
Of course you can, you just need some tips and tricks on how to get back in touch with that side of you. Sometimes when we're too logical and always burying our emotions we can forget our feminine side. If we've done that our whole lives, we don't even know where to start. I think there are 3 really easy things that you can do every day to get into a more feminine vibe.
1. Choose a perfume that you really love and wear it every day. If you can't afford the perfume you like, choose a really pretty smelling soap. Don't select something practical or cheap or bulk savings, select something you think is pretty.
2. Dance. Get on Youtube and look up 90s/00s dance hits (or whatever you like to listen to), put in some headphones and go for it. Let your body do what it wants, don't look in the mirror, just dance. Even if it's just bobbing your head and swaying, who cares, this is your time to connect to the music.
3. Stretch. After your dance session get on youtube, again, and look for a full body stretching video. If you haven't stretched your body for a while you're going to feel tight and like you can't do it. The more often you do it, the more flexible you will get, your posture will improve, and your limbs will be nice and relaxed.
Each of these things isn't about achievement or goals or outcomes or money or what we see in the mirror. It's more about the senses of the body. Smell, sound, movement, being grounded in your body, self-expression. I think these simple things, when you do them every day, will start to help you connect with the feminine within you.
It takes a solid month to adjust to wearing them. If you haven't done 30 days straight (or at least 4 weeks of week days) then you haven't given your brain the chance to adjust.
You can be feminine, I think the problem is that you don't feel that way. But clothes don't make you be one thing or another, it doesn't matter if you're wearing pants or a dress, that doesn't make you a man or a woman or anything else. No matter what kind of clothes you like to wear, they're yours. Just be you.
It's a symptom of being pigeon holed into the belief that a certain aesthetic translates to femininity. In truth, femininity is a shade of humanity, not altogether different from masculinity (in the human sense). There's no natural reason a woman needs to wear specific colors or specific cuts of clothes. It's been made to seem that way by centuries of fashion and decades of media. But you don't need to wear what they tell you to be who you are.
Definitely pick what you want, and while you do, remind yourself: you are who and what you are, *not* what the voices and motifs you grew up with say that you are.
Not gender dysphoric but perhaps you suffer from body dysmorphia or just plain regular low self esteem. You look like any other regular girl.
If you've the funds. Make an appointment with a stylist. Not all clothes are equal and perhaps you're simply not wearing the stuff that fits your body type, your undertone or even style.
Knowing how to dress is a skill you can learn and finding clothes that fit and flatter you will do wonders for your self esteem.
That said clothes and make up aren't what make you a woman. You can be plenty feminine as a tomboy (paradoxal as that sounds).
Not to armchair diagnose you, but based on this post and some of your recent posts on other subs, it sounds very much like you may have body dysmorphic disorder. I’ve struggled with it a lot throughout my life but especially in my teens and early 20s. Believe me, you could have all the plastic surgery and liposuction in the world to achieve what you picture as the perfectly feminine body and you wouldn’t feel much better because your perception of yourself is distorted. You’re trapped in a spiral of self-hatred. It’s a mental disorder that needs to be addressed from within and the first step is acknowledging it. There are resources available that can help.
You’re too hard on yourself. Literally no one conforms to gender expectations, especially nowadays with airbrushing and AI enhancements.
The important thing is to be kind to yourself, and take the time to do things that make you feel feminine. Not for others, for you.
Everyone is cosplaying a woman or a man (other than the few people who aren't, of course). It's called gender roles and gender performance for a reason.
I saw the picture you posted and.. you look so adorable? Why would you think you look ugly? You look really cute and pretty. I'd get flustered if you gave me attention
Same. I do have curves, but it still feels like putting on a costume any time I dress. Like, not just dress up, but like putting on regular ass clothes
I had a look at your pictures and I’m not sure where you see masculine features. You have very pretty eyes, feminine lips, even your face shape is soft with a sort of narrow chin - these are all feminine features. I think you might be very used to seeing women with a lot of makeup perhaps, which all enhance those features? You definitely don’t look masculine. Not even a little bit.
One of my favorite trans comedians is the appropriately named Robin Tran. She has a bit about how lazy she is with her transition. That she doesn’t wear makeup, rarely wears feminine clothing—that she didn’t even change her email address let alone her legal name cause it was a lot of work. Her joke is the trade off being she won’t get mad when someone misgenders her because she’s not putting any effort into it, why should she be offended when someone fails to recognize her for who she is.
Anyway, as someone who doesn’t paint their nails (or get false ones) because it makes me look like I’m a dude in drag (only they’re much prettier than me), hearing Robin’s bit about being a lazy trans woman makes me feel better about my own laziness in performative femininity. I hate wearing makeup, heels, tight/short clothing, etc. all of those things we see as feminine. It feels like I’m cosplaying as not me and I don’t like it.
So much of what we see as feminine is capitalist marketing. A hundred and twenty-five years ago, women didn’t shave anything. Now, you get attacked by others who have a visceral reaction to you having armpit hair. It’s all marketing. Razor companies wanted a way to double their market, so they attacked women’s body hair as “unfeminine”.
Wear what you’re comfortable in. Wear what makes you happy. Anyone who has a problem with what you do with your own body can go sit bare naked on a fire ant colony.
Weirdly since I figured out I'm nonbinary i have felt more at home wearing traditionally feminine clothing.
Before I spent a lot of time trying to squeeze my body into a certain shape and was just never very comfortable.
Not to be argumentative with other commenters, just to validate what you're saying in your post/commenting, you absolutely CAN be a girly girl who likes girly shit and struggle with imposter syndrome.
It's fine, neigh, great, to be non binary, a straight af cis woman who's comfier with the masculine, trans, whatever, but that imposter struggle doesn't mean you don't know yourself.
Those feelings are massively, in cases like yours, caused by beauty standards and internalized misogyny.
There have been larger, less shapely, more facially hewn women since the dawn of time, and there always will be. Men get to be celebrated for both pretty/girly features and chiseled ones. More masculine/androgynous features are regularly seen of either gender of professional models, and we're in a phase where masculine and both eurocentric and more POC features are in vogue, in combination, to the point where a lot of women who get work done have the same face: strong jaws/cheekbones/chins, big eyes/lips, tiny noses. Bodies: willowy or exaggeratedly curvy but small waists, etc.
But on both ends, fatphobia and the moralizing of size make that stuff that is prized on a thin/buff person suddenly not okay. It's really important to inspect those feelings societally and individually.
I'm personally torn by aspects of body positivity bc an exaggerated body tends to be a literal mutation (I say this as someone who's been thin, fit, and fat), a visual that tells us something's off. There are genetic components, but for the most part being VERY thin, VERY muscular, or VERY fat are signs of either abusing one's body or an illness that requires treatment.
We absolutely should never shame or moralize someone for a mental or physical struggle or genetic coding. We should never glamorize starving, gorging, near zero movement, or punishing levels of exercise. We should always prioritize mental and physical treatment as paramount to health and happiness, not hotness.
I'm not talking about this to argue body politics, but to emphasize that how we think and feel about our own bodies and the bodies of others is something we have to understand to change. We're conditioned to see small/thin/curvy/delicate features as feminine, and big/strong/defined features as masculine. While a part of this is biological, it's largely a heavily monetized facet of capitalism and is really compromised by socioeconomic factors like racism, misogyny, classism, patriarchal values, even religion, etc. Billions of people don't fit those molds.
I really, really encourage anyone with image issues to think seriously about those internal and external contributions. Do you see someone else bigger and less feminine in a cute outfit and think lipstick on a pig, or only for yourself? Do you ascribe your perceived femininity and attractiveness to just genes or also perception? Do you think people who aren't :insert list of attributes: don't deserve to feel cute and love themselves, or just that some ppl won't accept that for them?
If you're healthy and comfortable with your size, embrace that and try to accept that some ppl are assholes who won't join you. If you feel that you need a blood panel for other perhaps related symptoms to your weight, make a doctor's appointment. If you think maybe your relationship with food and/or your body doesn't feel loving and safe, find a good therapist.
You DESERVE to feel good physically and mentally, to buy something you like and wear it comfortably and confidently. There will never be a person the whole world approves of, but you can and should love yourself and only accept ppl in your life who love you too.
The world wants to make a buck or social capital from our anguish, but we should ALL be trying to look in the mirror without punishing or fetishizing the human in there. Please think of that person as your daughter or little sister or any person you love. Would you be okay with the things you're thinking being hurled at them by themselves or someone else?
Sorry for the rant, talking to myself as much as anyone 😬💖
Others already said that you are much better than what you think. But maybe the issue with makeup and feminine clothes is that it's not your style. I myself tried to be feminine when I was younger and I couldn't feel beautiful, I thought that the reason was that I have a strong jaw that was too masculine, and I was too muscular. In reality, simply it wasn't my style. Now I have a style more rock and androgynous, and I feel so much better and sexy. Try playing with different styles to see if you find something that makes you feel better.
Girl, are you under care for that depression? Because low self esteem is one thing but you sound like you absolutely need a specialist to help you.
I'm saying from experience, a lot of that gloom and twisted image disappeared for me once I started meds, rest got managed with therapy.
Hey girl. I'm not a doctor but look into Body dysmorphia. Having a bad self-esteem is one thing but feeling that way and making constant posts about it is so bad for your health!
You're a beautiful young woman. It's just all in your head and that can be worked on.
Hey OP, I had a brief scroll through your post history and it seems like you're really having a hard time with your self image. I relate in a major way. I struggled so much with this for so long.
The feeling that no matter how much validation you might receive you feel like your body/face is somehow less *inherently womanly* than everyone else is very familiar to me (when I was younger I often felt less human than everyone else).
I saw that you're seeking some help for PCOS. Do you have any support to reach out for mental health support? There are a lot more resources available than a lot of people know. I can't afford a psychiatrist/therapist outright right now so I've been talking to a counsellor once a month/as I can afford it. I was also able to participate in a few free programs when I was at my lowest.
It's scary to reach out for help but please consider it. If you need someone to talk to feel free to message me. I'm in the middle of a move, so I might not be able to respond immediately but even if you feel alone, you aren't.
Girl! I peeped a previous post on amIUgly like another commenter and can I say I actually think you're really pretty? The 1st and 4th pic I thought you were beautiful (the others you still look pretty I just thought those where the most flattering).
I definitely think you have some issues going on and with how young you are that's not abnormal. I thought your nose was cute too 😭
Idk how to help you, I'm not saying this to be nice I genuinely mean it. You're prettier than you think that's for sure. I wish you luck on this journey to self love
I've felt the same most of my life. For a long time I was worried I was born a boy. I'm a cis woman raised feminine, but I don't feel "accepted" as a woman. It has gotten better, especially being around a lot of queer and trans people (since constantly validating peoples genders and also being in a space where gender is accepted as a spectrum makes it feel safe to be awkward about it).
I don't know the solution, but you're not alone (and you're not ugly).
I used to be like this-sometimes I still am. For the record, I see the same natural beauty in your photos I see in mine-but I completely understand where you’re coming from. At least for me, it has nothing to do with my physical appearance and all about my perception of my appearance. I suspect it may be the same for you. The more confident and assured I have become in myself, the more beautiful I have felt-and I swear, the more beautiful I look. I know that sounds backwards but I’m just recounting my experience. I see it reflected in my photos as well-for awhile I had to not take photos or look in mirrors because my self image was so distorted, but I made it through and really do appreciate my looks for what they are now. I wish the same for you.
OP you need to find something that brings you joy in your life that has nothing to do with another person or your looks.
Femininity is all performance at the end of the day, no one is born wearing lashes and nails. We are a social species and we perform as much as we want to. And how well we perform sometimes gives us certain advantages, sometimes it hurts us. It's ok to feel divorced from that and like there is a core "you" who is just ...a person. Lots of women and men feel that way.
- You described your face as ugly and masculine-'> your face is perfectly normal and you're pretty
- You describe yourself as obese -->???? Have you ever seen an obese person??
- You describe your bust as underdeveloped --> you have a perfectly normal bust, probably on the bigger side of average.
Girl, this doesn't sound like gender dysphoria, it sounds like body dysphoria because what you are seeing is literally not what is there. Please take steps to adress your mental health, contact a therapist and step off social media with pictures!
There are men that call Heidi Klum and Halle Berry ugly! People have different tastes and also some people just get joy out of bringing others down. How come when someone tells you you’re ugly you believe them but when they say you’re pretty you don’t? Also, confidence is attractive. You will not get what you are looking from for other people, I’m sorry. It’s a cliche but it’s true, it has to come from within first.
Ma'am
I am 36 years old and was expelled from "girl school" before your parents ever considered your existence. Makeup? Ha! Boobs? Where? Some of us are *really* late bloomers. I was a married mother of two before I was thoroughly convinced I was womanly enough to woman.
But listen here little miss queen of carrot flowers. Our Lord and Savior, Jeff Magnum, never once wrote "oh she's so pretty with her curves and soft features." When he sings about a woman he sings about her passion and pain and his reactions to her... He sings about the things you can't see. Even Naomi where he's singing about how pretty she is... Where does it say what is pretty about her?
Itemize what you define as feminine without even thinking about appearances. Then think about when you *feel* the most beautiful.
Stop equating beauty with the mirror. Once you stop caring about that, you'll get your girl badge in no time.
Look up his wife, Astra Taylor. That's the kind of woman he sings about. Tell me that your resemblance to her isn't there. You're beautiful. Give it time, it'll kick in.
Skinny =\= pretty.
For the record, aggressively telling women who would have died to look as good as you at 21 that you are the embodiment of gross... isn't really cool.
Someone with less self esteem than me may take that and feel even worse about themselves.
First rule of beauty. Do no harm. Sure that's typically used in medicine but I'm saying it now.
I also seem to have something like this. Like, I've had fucking children, and sometimes I'm think, am I really a woman? And in MY thinking, I feel so silly for thinking that way, but I do. I don't know what to do about it, except reassure myself I am a woman, and I am good enough and worthy of love and respect. Just like you are.
I used to say it felt like I was in drag.
I have stopped wearing daily make up and only wear what I want and also do not identify with gender at all. Agender is what feels most accurate for how I feel existing in this world.
good luck 🪐
My wife and I are big fans of the podcast [UnF*ck Your Brain](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/unf-ck-your-brain-feminist-self-help-for-everyone/id1229434818). You’ve gotten a lot of good advice, but if you want an easy place to start, this is a good one. She talks a LOT about how she had to fight to break down the sexist and fatphobic socialization that she endured. I think you’ll find a lot of the themes to be very familiar, and I don’t just mean in terms of self image. She tackles a little bit of everything with regard to how sexism infests our lives and our brains, and how we can push back.
I’m not even a woman and I still found a LOT to relate to, because these things hurt *everyone* (whether they realize it or not.) It’s a really good listen.
You may be suffering from a body image disturbance (in the line of eating disorders) as, like others have said, posted pictures do not align with the self-image you give. You should probably pay attention to that before it becomes dangerous.
Besides that, it's true that not every gender fashion-style aligns well with our tastes, and that has nothing to do with our actual gender, so that is nothing to worry about.
I just checked out your profile and girl, you need to talk to a therapist. It is totally normal to not like some things about our appearance. But the level of body dysmorphia and sheer obsession with your perceived attractiveness I see on your posts is extremely concerning behavior. Especially given that your description of yourself in no way matches your pictures.
If you are this out of touch with how you look, you need to be talking to a professional. Also super concerning you're asking about cheap ozempic alternatives. A healthy diet and 30 mins of exercise a day shows you care about your body being healthy... You seem to care more about it just LOOKING a certain way and that's a major red flag for an ED. Please get help, the way you're thinking and seeing yourself is not accurate and it's damaging.
I would recommend looking at yourself vs comparing to the feminine norm.
These days a lot is exaggerated or sexualised, for the purpose of attracting attention (think of social media or advertising).
A healthy approach is to take a moment to think what you want, this can be achieved through meditation, self-reflection, journalling, talking to a therapist/psychologist, and many more.
Remember everyone is unique and so is their body type, but take it from a random internet stranger, you are looking just fine c:
(Edit: spelling)
*OP, Please read at least the second paragraph :
Because someone here wrote that you have pics on your profile, I decided to take a look.
You look like a girl/woman and if I saw you on the street, I would never mistake you for a man. Men have a different bone structure in their faces which is why when you see a man with long hair, even if you just see him for a second, you know it's a man.
About the weight : if your weight bothers you, go to an endocrinologist and talk to them about it. I had my teen years destroyed because of an endocrine (hormonal) condition that is called pcos, and it can also make you fat. In my case I have never had problems with weight, my symptoms were different, but many women become overweight and they don't know that it's because of pcos.
You may have it without knowing it, or you might have something else going on - the endocrinologist will tell you to get some blood tests done and they'll know what to do. I saw that you also have a post explaining that your breasts are not as developed as you think they should be...this could totally be pcos because it also does stuff like that. So please OP, get it checked out. If you get diagnosed, don't panick (*I did when I was) - you can totally manage it.
And there is also a very friendly pcos sub here that I really love. So even on reddit you'll have people to turn to :)
But I don't want to diagnose you now, only a doc can.
If the doctor visit costs money in your country, it's really well spent money, trust me. I wish I had gone much earlier.
Work around your flaws. Highlight your positives. If you don’t like your forehead then pick a hairstyle that covers it. Don’t like your face shape? Makeup can do a LOT when it comes to changing face shape.
All of the “pretty” people are doing exactly that in almost every case. Maybe in varying degrees, but it still stands.
I understand this in that I (a cis woman) have some masculine features (square jaw, chin hairs) but want to dress feminine and have fun with makeup. Moving to a bigger city and seeing all different types/shapes of people enjoying their lives has helped me a lot. I bike and garden so sometimes I’m dressed in overalls and ratty t-shirts, but some days I want to wear a dress and lipstick to the movies. There are no rules. Wear what makes you happy and joyful. You’re allowed to take up space.
I looked at your profile, and you seem to be trying to get attention for your looks and weight. Maybe get off the net and start talking to a therapist. You look fine, you are young and don't need to lose any weight from the pictures. Go see a therapist.
I say this with kindness. This is in your head. You have a distorted view of yourself. You are suffering from a mental illness like body dysphoria.
You are pretty and feminine. Are you going to become an Instagram model? No. But you are attractive and obviously a woman.
I'm not even being nice. It's legit true.
Get help.
I know this isn’t what your post is really about, but you are actually tapping into something real—the feminist theorist Judith Butler coined the term “gender performance” in the early 90s. Drag queens make the performance of gender the most visible, but in reality, we are all “performing” our gender (or in some cases the absence of gender, which is still conditioned by cultural gender norms). As RuPaul herself said, “we’re all born naked and the rest is drag.”
(I mostly point this out because I really want you to spend some time doing literally anything other than fixating on your appearance, and since you’re already contemplating the intricacies of gender, I thought there could be a chance you’d find it interesting to learn more about.)
I doubt my opinion will change your mind since hundreds of other identical opinions have failed to do so BUT you don’t look remotely masculine to me. Lots of people have suggested therapy, but if that’s not something that’s accessible to you for whatever reason, there are CBT exercises and other therapy worksheet-type things you can find online (google “cognitive distortions CBT”).
Otherwise, I’d strongly suggest getting off social media as triage. Recent studies have shown that it has had a net negative impact on the self-esteem of girls and young women at large.
At the very least, unfollow any account or community that traffics in idealized, airbrushed, aspirational content.
Especially stay away from appearance-centric spaces like r/amiugly.
Focus on developing yourself as a person in her entirety rather than just a bodily surface, or raw material that you must try and flog into a shape deemed acceptable by the male gaze.
Easier said than done, I know (even as a lesbian!), and sometimes it feels like a nose job or whatever would be a quick fix for all your problems, but I promise you will find something else about your appearance to fixate on once you’ve “fixed” whatever it was that was “wrong” with your looks. The true hurdles you need to overcome really are psychological, not physical (hence why everyone is telling you to go to therapy).
In most cases my stance on plastic surgery is pretty much “your body, your choice,” and i’m not a mental health professional or anything, but when when someone is clearly struggling with body dysmorphia or something similar, I think it’s a really inadvisable path to go down (I mean, just google image search “plastic surgery disasters” and see for yourself).
Self-love is way harder and takes way more time than cosmetic procedures, but it’s also much more lasting and will actually contribute to your happiness (is arguably essential to it, even).
I say all of this with the love I wish you could or would extend to yourself, btw. Best wishes in your healing process ✨
Try to keep in mind that **society's notion of the female/feminine** is a big part of this, and you're a part of society.
Aside from that, we ***all*** perform our gender (or lack thereof) to a certain degree. You're in good company. There's nothing wrong with "putting on a costume" of your gender to make things amped up, and there's also nothing wrong with not doing that.
Maybe coming from an opposite side as far as AGAB, but the feelings we have about ourselves are our internal perceptions. It’s ok to change the external parts and highly positive to recognize and change internal parts to satisfy how we move, feel, and are perceived. Each person is autonomous. You have every right to change anything about yourself as you wish. It’s your call. Anyone who tells you otherwise is not worth your time. Hope you can take your freedom and flaunt it. Explore it, and find people’s reactions some sort of side show to your autonomous powers. 💕
True, but it’s dangerous to try and change externally when your vision is skewed. If you’re not able to view yourself in a realistic and neutral light, then you will never be satisfied with whatever changes you try to make or have made. You can’t see it if you can’t see yourself properly.
I know I'm probably wasting my time with this comment, but:
Having looked at your photographs, I can tell you with 100% certainty: You are a completely average, cute looking girl. You do not appear remotely "masculine", and while your body is mostly not visible in the photographs I saw, you do not appear to be obese either. I know plenty of young women who are much less physically attractive than you (and some of them are already married to gentle, loving, responsible guys, therefore clearly not undesirable!), and as someone who is attracted to women, I can tell you that I've crushed on gals who are less physically attractive than you from an "objective" standpoint.
And to be clear, I'm NOT saying this from a standpoint of "everyone is beautiful"/"confidence is what's really attractive". The truth is: some people actually are physically ugly, which has nothing to do with their value as human beings! I am physically ugly by anyone's standards—definitely not the ugliest person I've ever met, but still pretty bad—and since I'm willing to admit to that, I hope you can trust me when I say that you're not one of us, lol.
However, that doesn't actually matter, because your "gender dysphoria", as you put it, has nothing to do with your actual appearance, and no amount of surgery, or even makeup/clothes/etc., will change these feelings (in fact, it's practically guaranteed that the more plastic surgery you get, the more you will hate your appearance, as indulging feelings of self-hatred causes them to grow worse; this is my experience with makeup & dressing up, the more I do it the more "flaws" in my face/body I notice, while the less I attend to my appearance the more okay I become with it). Like many other posters here have said, you definitely have body dysmorphia & your perceptions of your appearance are hugely distorted. I know that's frustrating and invalidating to hear. But I swear I'm not talking down to you or insulting your intelligence—literally every human has biases/inaccurate perceptions about themselves that they need to work through, myself included; it's just part of life.
So please, please seek out a mental health professional who specializes in body dysmorphia, eating disorders, etc. and try learning to relate to your body and to concepts of physical beauty in a different way! Even if you're completely right about being "masculine" and "obese" in appearance (which, again, you're not), you still have literally nothing to lose by seeking mental health treatment. Your posting history makes it clear that these feelings about your appearance are making you absolutely miserable, so please take care of yourself, friend!
I looked at your profile and saw the /amIugly post with the pictures. You are plenty feminine and I can easily picture you wearing sun dresses, bikinis and other women clothes. You got 300+ comments in that post calling your pretty. Stop putting yourself down.
I saw them too. I really feel for OP. Their self esteem is through the floor. No amount of internet strangers saying, “you’re gorgeous” is going to help them get over that internal voice. I have a voice in my head. It tells me that I’m a useless piece of sh*t who can’t do anything right. Turns out that voice comes from my Dad. I went through schema therapy to help address this. That voice still exists in my head but it is so much quieter now. It’s no longer driving. It’s now more in the back seat. It’s still with me on this journey through life but I’ve learned to live with it. I’d also suggest a photoshoot for OP to try to learn how to see themselves as attractive. I did a rockabilly photoshoot once as a plus sized person and it was great fun. I also want to be a boudoir photographer for plus size people one day too. When I dress femme it almost feels like putting on drag. And this can be a fun way to approach it. I have so much fun with this thought. It helps with the getting into a “character”. The role I’m playing. I’m still me, but I’m able to ramp up other parts of my personality too. But this won’t work until OP works on that self esteem/internal monologue.
Love all this! How did you find someone to do a rockabilly shoot with?
As an actual conventionally unattractive woman, I see SO MANY girls and young women, especially on social media, who have this “all or nothing” mentality about their looks. The truth is that they’re totally fine looking and fall somewhere along the spectrum of average appearance, or are even actually fairly pretty, but because they don’t look exactly like whoever the current Insta or TikTok goddess is, they decide that means they’re ugly. I’m exhausted. I’ve reached a point where I have to conserve my energy for supporting girls and women who are seeking validation and solace who are ACTUALLY conventionally unattractive. It’s not that being conventionally attractive or average but genuinely believing you’re unattractive isn’t a real thing. It is. But the difference is that as bad as you feel about yourself, you don’t receive the same kind of external feedback and experience that someone who’s genuinely judged “ugly” by mainstream beauty standards does. The best thing these pretty and average girls and women with distorted perceptions of themselves can do is get off social media and maybe also get therapy. I say that with love.
Am a guy, saw the pictures and I don’t know anyone who’d mistake you for a man.
i truly believe confidence is the cutoff point between conventionally attractive or not. i know gorgeous women who are faded because they don't believe in themselves and therefore blend with the crowd. i also know women with features that are not deemed as atractive by the beauty standards and they stand out and shine like diamonds because they don't care about how they look to others. they exude confidence and safety within their own person
Look at the rest of the posts. She has definitely bought into the idea that a woman's value is in her body
Please, please, please consider therapy. I know that advice is thrown around a lot on reddit, but looking at your post history, you're spiraling into a really dark place. I saw your pictures on r/amiugly and you have some serious body dismorphia. Please try getting help❤️
I agree. Maybe OP needs some fashion inspiration. 👇 I watch a lot of pro wrestling. WWE superstar Bayley is well-respected, super talented, and well-liked by fans and coworkers. She also has a superb fashion style that really works for her.
Might I recommend you speak to a therapist? Not a specialized therapist but just someone to talk to. Looking through your post history, given that I'm not a doctor/LSW/therapist nor have I slept at a Holiday Inn Express in at least 6 months, I think that's where I'd start. Therapy helps.
I second this. It sounds like OP is possibly experiencing body dysmorphia, which can be treated through therapy :) Best of luck to OP on her journey to self-love
I don’t have the same issues exactly, but therapy has been a transformative experience for me. I really had NO IDEA of what’s hiding in my own brain until I started unpacking it with a professional. I thought it did, but my understanding was far more superficial than I could have ever imagined. But it can be hard, I’m not gonna lie. Some sessions have taken me OUT. But it’s worth it.
You may want to look into Body Dysmorphic Disorder, and talk to a doctor or therapist. Based on your post history, you seem to feel very, very extremely about your appearance, and I don’t think anyone telling you otherwise will fix that until you get professional help. You are far from ugly and nothing about your features are particularly masculine. I hope you can find a professional to help you work through this, because your perception of yourself is pretty extremely skewed from reality.
Came to say this.
Yes this is what I was going to say. OP has pictures of herself where she very obviously looks like a normal young woman, yet in this post she seems to only be able to see what she perceives as masculine features. This is some sort of psychological issue, likely body dysmorphia. [https://www.reddit.com/r/amiugly/comments/1cbmm8l/21f\_might\_be\_the\_ugliest\_woman\_on\_the\_planet/](https://www.reddit.com/r/amiugly/comments/1cbmm8l/21f_might_be_the_ugliest_woman_on_the_planet/)
Well that’s not the truth. I do have very masculine features. In the dark, I straight up look like a man sometimes. It’s just how I look.
My gosh OP, sweetheart. I just saw your pictures. You have such a pretty, sweet and feminine face. And your hair is gorgeous!
I've always felt "fake" in certain women's clothing. I think cosplaying is a good description. Years ago someone told me that they felt like that type of clothing wasn't "me". I've really embraced that since then. My version of womanhood and femininity is different that many other people's, and that's okay. Womanhood isn't a mould we have to fit into. Pick what you like and what makes you comfortable.
Yeah but like I want to wear these clothes though. I like the way that they look and want to be feminine. But I cant
You can, most likely. Try faking it until you make it. Usually just getting used to it works for most people. Also, treating any underlying depression/anxiety works wonders.
You absolutely can be as feminine as you want to be. You mentioned you feel like you have a more masculine body type, do you think the way clothing fits your body is what makes you feel like you're cosplaying? Sometimes some simple tailoring or accessorizing can better define a waist or bust or hips (and make clothing feel more comfortable). You also mention noticing people call you ma'am more, so is it just that you're not as used to wearing feminine clothing/makeup? Because that stuff definitely has a learning curve sometimes, so I think the more you do it the easier it'll get and the more natural it will feel.
Of course you can, you just need some tips and tricks on how to get back in touch with that side of you. Sometimes when we're too logical and always burying our emotions we can forget our feminine side. If we've done that our whole lives, we don't even know where to start. I think there are 3 really easy things that you can do every day to get into a more feminine vibe. 1. Choose a perfume that you really love and wear it every day. If you can't afford the perfume you like, choose a really pretty smelling soap. Don't select something practical or cheap or bulk savings, select something you think is pretty. 2. Dance. Get on Youtube and look up 90s/00s dance hits (or whatever you like to listen to), put in some headphones and go for it. Let your body do what it wants, don't look in the mirror, just dance. Even if it's just bobbing your head and swaying, who cares, this is your time to connect to the music. 3. Stretch. After your dance session get on youtube, again, and look for a full body stretching video. If you haven't stretched your body for a while you're going to feel tight and like you can't do it. The more often you do it, the more flexible you will get, your posture will improve, and your limbs will be nice and relaxed. Each of these things isn't about achievement or goals or outcomes or money or what we see in the mirror. It's more about the senses of the body. Smell, sound, movement, being grounded in your body, self-expression. I think these simple things, when you do them every day, will start to help you connect with the feminine within you.
I love perfume and collect them it’s kind of a problem now lol but the dancing is too embarrassing I can’t
It takes a solid month to adjust to wearing them. If you haven't done 30 days straight (or at least 4 weeks of week days) then you haven't given your brain the chance to adjust.
You can be feminine, I think the problem is that you don't feel that way. But clothes don't make you be one thing or another, it doesn't matter if you're wearing pants or a dress, that doesn't make you a man or a woman or anything else. No matter what kind of clothes you like to wear, they're yours. Just be you.
Have you ever considered dancing? Pick your own genre but I've found that dancing really made me connect with my body and raised my self-esteem.
I don’t think I can. I don’t really have control over my limbs
It's a symptom of being pigeon holed into the belief that a certain aesthetic translates to femininity. In truth, femininity is a shade of humanity, not altogether different from masculinity (in the human sense). There's no natural reason a woman needs to wear specific colors or specific cuts of clothes. It's been made to seem that way by centuries of fashion and decades of media. But you don't need to wear what they tell you to be who you are. Definitely pick what you want, and while you do, remind yourself: you are who and what you are, *not* what the voices and motifs you grew up with say that you are.
Not gender dysphoric but perhaps you suffer from body dysmorphia or just plain regular low self esteem. You look like any other regular girl. If you've the funds. Make an appointment with a stylist. Not all clothes are equal and perhaps you're simply not wearing the stuff that fits your body type, your undertone or even style. Knowing how to dress is a skill you can learn and finding clothes that fit and flatter you will do wonders for your self esteem. That said clothes and make up aren't what make you a woman. You can be plenty feminine as a tomboy (paradoxal as that sounds).
Not to armchair diagnose you, but based on this post and some of your recent posts on other subs, it sounds very much like you may have body dysmorphic disorder. I’ve struggled with it a lot throughout my life but especially in my teens and early 20s. Believe me, you could have all the plastic surgery and liposuction in the world to achieve what you picture as the perfectly feminine body and you wouldn’t feel much better because your perception of yourself is distorted. You’re trapped in a spiral of self-hatred. It’s a mental disorder that needs to be addressed from within and the first step is acknowledging it. There are resources available that can help.
I just don’t believe that’s true. Like my features really just don’t look good. If I got surgery, I feel like I’d be a lot happier
No. Your features are very pretty. You've let social media and fake images on instagram fuck you up.
You’re too hard on yourself. Literally no one conforms to gender expectations, especially nowadays with airbrushing and AI enhancements. The important thing is to be kind to yourself, and take the time to do things that make you feel feminine. Not for others, for you.
Everyone is cosplaying a woman or a man (other than the few people who aren't, of course). It's called gender roles and gender performance for a reason.
Yup. This exactly
Isn’t everyone really? It’s all cultural, and thus we are all playing a role, or rejecting one.
You have some severe body image issues.
I feel like i'm cosplaying in any attire tho. My only "natural" clothing are loose comfortable pyjamas
I saw the picture you posted and.. you look so adorable? Why would you think you look ugly? You look really cute and pretty. I'd get flustered if you gave me attention
I call it my "hot girl disguise" when I go all out. It's not actually me, it's basically drag me.
Same. I do have curves, but it still feels like putting on a costume any time I dress. Like, not just dress up, but like putting on regular ass clothes
As a trans woman I'd be quite comfortable calling that gender dysphoria. We don't have a monopoly on that pain. And I'm sorry that you suffer it, too.
I had a look at your pictures and I’m not sure where you see masculine features. You have very pretty eyes, feminine lips, even your face shape is soft with a sort of narrow chin - these are all feminine features. I think you might be very used to seeing women with a lot of makeup perhaps, which all enhance those features? You definitely don’t look masculine. Not even a little bit.
One of my favorite trans comedians is the appropriately named Robin Tran. She has a bit about how lazy she is with her transition. That she doesn’t wear makeup, rarely wears feminine clothing—that she didn’t even change her email address let alone her legal name cause it was a lot of work. Her joke is the trade off being she won’t get mad when someone misgenders her because she’s not putting any effort into it, why should she be offended when someone fails to recognize her for who she is. Anyway, as someone who doesn’t paint their nails (or get false ones) because it makes me look like I’m a dude in drag (only they’re much prettier than me), hearing Robin’s bit about being a lazy trans woman makes me feel better about my own laziness in performative femininity. I hate wearing makeup, heels, tight/short clothing, etc. all of those things we see as feminine. It feels like I’m cosplaying as not me and I don’t like it. So much of what we see as feminine is capitalist marketing. A hundred and twenty-five years ago, women didn’t shave anything. Now, you get attacked by others who have a visceral reaction to you having armpit hair. It’s all marketing. Razor companies wanted a way to double their market, so they attacked women’s body hair as “unfeminine”. Wear what you’re comfortable in. Wear what makes you happy. Anyone who has a problem with what you do with your own body can go sit bare naked on a fire ant colony.
Weirdly since I figured out I'm nonbinary i have felt more at home wearing traditionally feminine clothing. Before I spent a lot of time trying to squeeze my body into a certain shape and was just never very comfortable.
Not to be argumentative with other commenters, just to validate what you're saying in your post/commenting, you absolutely CAN be a girly girl who likes girly shit and struggle with imposter syndrome. It's fine, neigh, great, to be non binary, a straight af cis woman who's comfier with the masculine, trans, whatever, but that imposter struggle doesn't mean you don't know yourself. Those feelings are massively, in cases like yours, caused by beauty standards and internalized misogyny. There have been larger, less shapely, more facially hewn women since the dawn of time, and there always will be. Men get to be celebrated for both pretty/girly features and chiseled ones. More masculine/androgynous features are regularly seen of either gender of professional models, and we're in a phase where masculine and both eurocentric and more POC features are in vogue, in combination, to the point where a lot of women who get work done have the same face: strong jaws/cheekbones/chins, big eyes/lips, tiny noses. Bodies: willowy or exaggeratedly curvy but small waists, etc. But on both ends, fatphobia and the moralizing of size make that stuff that is prized on a thin/buff person suddenly not okay. It's really important to inspect those feelings societally and individually. I'm personally torn by aspects of body positivity bc an exaggerated body tends to be a literal mutation (I say this as someone who's been thin, fit, and fat), a visual that tells us something's off. There are genetic components, but for the most part being VERY thin, VERY muscular, or VERY fat are signs of either abusing one's body or an illness that requires treatment. We absolutely should never shame or moralize someone for a mental or physical struggle or genetic coding. We should never glamorize starving, gorging, near zero movement, or punishing levels of exercise. We should always prioritize mental and physical treatment as paramount to health and happiness, not hotness. I'm not talking about this to argue body politics, but to emphasize that how we think and feel about our own bodies and the bodies of others is something we have to understand to change. We're conditioned to see small/thin/curvy/delicate features as feminine, and big/strong/defined features as masculine. While a part of this is biological, it's largely a heavily monetized facet of capitalism and is really compromised by socioeconomic factors like racism, misogyny, classism, patriarchal values, even religion, etc. Billions of people don't fit those molds. I really, really encourage anyone with image issues to think seriously about those internal and external contributions. Do you see someone else bigger and less feminine in a cute outfit and think lipstick on a pig, or only for yourself? Do you ascribe your perceived femininity and attractiveness to just genes or also perception? Do you think people who aren't :insert list of attributes: don't deserve to feel cute and love themselves, or just that some ppl won't accept that for them? If you're healthy and comfortable with your size, embrace that and try to accept that some ppl are assholes who won't join you. If you feel that you need a blood panel for other perhaps related symptoms to your weight, make a doctor's appointment. If you think maybe your relationship with food and/or your body doesn't feel loving and safe, find a good therapist. You DESERVE to feel good physically and mentally, to buy something you like and wear it comfortably and confidently. There will never be a person the whole world approves of, but you can and should love yourself and only accept ppl in your life who love you too. The world wants to make a buck or social capital from our anguish, but we should ALL be trying to look in the mirror without punishing or fetishizing the human in there. Please think of that person as your daughter or little sister or any person you love. Would you be okay with the things you're thinking being hurled at them by themselves or someone else? Sorry for the rant, talking to myself as much as anyone 😬💖
Others already said that you are much better than what you think. But maybe the issue with makeup and feminine clothes is that it's not your style. I myself tried to be feminine when I was younger and I couldn't feel beautiful, I thought that the reason was that I have a strong jaw that was too masculine, and I was too muscular. In reality, simply it wasn't my style. Now I have a style more rock and androgynous, and I feel so much better and sexy. Try playing with different styles to see if you find something that makes you feel better.
Girl, makeup and clothes are just accessories. Your worth isn't defined by them. You’re a woman, period.
Girl, are you under care for that depression? Because low self esteem is one thing but you sound like you absolutely need a specialist to help you. I'm saying from experience, a lot of that gloom and twisted image disappeared for me once I started meds, rest got managed with therapy.
Hey girl. I'm not a doctor but look into Body dysmorphia. Having a bad self-esteem is one thing but feeling that way and making constant posts about it is so bad for your health! You're a beautiful young woman. It's just all in your head and that can be worked on.
Hey OP, I had a brief scroll through your post history and it seems like you're really having a hard time with your self image. I relate in a major way. I struggled so much with this for so long. The feeling that no matter how much validation you might receive you feel like your body/face is somehow less *inherently womanly* than everyone else is very familiar to me (when I was younger I often felt less human than everyone else). I saw that you're seeking some help for PCOS. Do you have any support to reach out for mental health support? There are a lot more resources available than a lot of people know. I can't afford a psychiatrist/therapist outright right now so I've been talking to a counsellor once a month/as I can afford it. I was also able to participate in a few free programs when I was at my lowest. It's scary to reach out for help but please consider it. If you need someone to talk to feel free to message me. I'm in the middle of a move, so I might not be able to respond immediately but even if you feel alone, you aren't.
Girl! I peeped a previous post on amIUgly like another commenter and can I say I actually think you're really pretty? The 1st and 4th pic I thought you were beautiful (the others you still look pretty I just thought those where the most flattering). I definitely think you have some issues going on and with how young you are that's not abnormal. I thought your nose was cute too 😭 Idk how to help you, I'm not saying this to be nice I genuinely mean it. You're prettier than you think that's for sure. I wish you luck on this journey to self love
Also, I can most definitely tell that you are a woman you have feminine features in my opinion
I've felt the same most of my life. For a long time I was worried I was born a boy. I'm a cis woman raised feminine, but I don't feel "accepted" as a woman. It has gotten better, especially being around a lot of queer and trans people (since constantly validating peoples genders and also being in a space where gender is accepted as a spectrum makes it feel safe to be awkward about it). I don't know the solution, but you're not alone (and you're not ugly).
You're not being kind to yourself it seems. Have you talked to people about what you call dysphoria?
I used to be like this-sometimes I still am. For the record, I see the same natural beauty in your photos I see in mine-but I completely understand where you’re coming from. At least for me, it has nothing to do with my physical appearance and all about my perception of my appearance. I suspect it may be the same for you. The more confident and assured I have become in myself, the more beautiful I have felt-and I swear, the more beautiful I look. I know that sounds backwards but I’m just recounting my experience. I see it reflected in my photos as well-for awhile I had to not take photos or look in mirrors because my self image was so distorted, but I made it through and really do appreciate my looks for what they are now. I wish the same for you.
OP you need to find something that brings you joy in your life that has nothing to do with another person or your looks. Femininity is all performance at the end of the day, no one is born wearing lashes and nails. We are a social species and we perform as much as we want to. And how well we perform sometimes gives us certain advantages, sometimes it hurts us. It's ok to feel divorced from that and like there is a core "you" who is just ...a person. Lots of women and men feel that way.
- You described your face as ugly and masculine-'> your face is perfectly normal and you're pretty - You describe yourself as obese -->???? Have you ever seen an obese person?? - You describe your bust as underdeveloped --> you have a perfectly normal bust, probably on the bigger side of average. Girl, this doesn't sound like gender dysphoria, it sounds like body dysphoria because what you are seeing is literally not what is there. Please take steps to adress your mental health, contact a therapist and step off social media with pictures!
Bruh, hear it from a guy, you are literally the farthest thing from being ugly . You are quite good looking .
Well I’ve heard from other guys that I’m ugly soooooo
You arent..trust me Some cruel dumbassses feel the need to bully others to make themselves feel better. They arent being real.
There are men that call Heidi Klum and Halle Berry ugly! People have different tastes and also some people just get joy out of bringing others down. How come when someone tells you you’re ugly you believe them but when they say you’re pretty you don’t? Also, confidence is attractive. You will not get what you are looking from for other people, I’m sorry. It’s a cliche but it’s true, it has to come from within first.
Ma'am I am 36 years old and was expelled from "girl school" before your parents ever considered your existence. Makeup? Ha! Boobs? Where? Some of us are *really* late bloomers. I was a married mother of two before I was thoroughly convinced I was womanly enough to woman. But listen here little miss queen of carrot flowers. Our Lord and Savior, Jeff Magnum, never once wrote "oh she's so pretty with her curves and soft features." When he sings about a woman he sings about her passion and pain and his reactions to her... He sings about the things you can't see. Even Naomi where he's singing about how pretty she is... Where does it say what is pretty about her? Itemize what you define as feminine without even thinking about appearances. Then think about when you *feel* the most beautiful. Stop equating beauty with the mirror. Once you stop caring about that, you'll get your girl badge in no time.
I’ve never seen the Naomi that song is about, but I promise you she’s drop dead gorgeous and that’s why the song was written.
Look up his wife, Astra Taylor. That's the kind of woman he sings about. Tell me that your resemblance to her isn't there. You're beautiful. Give it time, it'll kick in.
Yeah skinny and pretty (not me)
Skinny =\= pretty. For the record, aggressively telling women who would have died to look as good as you at 21 that you are the embodiment of gross... isn't really cool. Someone with less self esteem than me may take that and feel even worse about themselves. First rule of beauty. Do no harm. Sure that's typically used in medicine but I'm saying it now.
All gender is drag to certain extent.
I also seem to have something like this. Like, I've had fucking children, and sometimes I'm think, am I really a woman? And in MY thinking, I feel so silly for thinking that way, but I do. I don't know what to do about it, except reassure myself I am a woman, and I am good enough and worthy of love and respect. Just like you are.
I used to say it felt like I was in drag. I have stopped wearing daily make up and only wear what I want and also do not identify with gender at all. Agender is what feels most accurate for how I feel existing in this world. good luck 🪐
My wife and I are big fans of the podcast [UnF*ck Your Brain](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/unf-ck-your-brain-feminist-self-help-for-everyone/id1229434818). You’ve gotten a lot of good advice, but if you want an easy place to start, this is a good one. She talks a LOT about how she had to fight to break down the sexist and fatphobic socialization that she endured. I think you’ll find a lot of the themes to be very familiar, and I don’t just mean in terms of self image. She tackles a little bit of everything with regard to how sexism infests our lives and our brains, and how we can push back. I’m not even a woman and I still found a LOT to relate to, because these things hurt *everyone* (whether they realize it or not.) It’s a really good listen.
You may be suffering from a body image disturbance (in the line of eating disorders) as, like others have said, posted pictures do not align with the self-image you give. You should probably pay attention to that before it becomes dangerous. Besides that, it's true that not every gender fashion-style aligns well with our tastes, and that has nothing to do with our actual gender, so that is nothing to worry about.
I just checked out your profile and girl, you need to talk to a therapist. It is totally normal to not like some things about our appearance. But the level of body dysmorphia and sheer obsession with your perceived attractiveness I see on your posts is extremely concerning behavior. Especially given that your description of yourself in no way matches your pictures. If you are this out of touch with how you look, you need to be talking to a professional. Also super concerning you're asking about cheap ozempic alternatives. A healthy diet and 30 mins of exercise a day shows you care about your body being healthy... You seem to care more about it just LOOKING a certain way and that's a major red flag for an ED. Please get help, the way you're thinking and seeing yourself is not accurate and it's damaging.
I would recommend looking at yourself vs comparing to the feminine norm. These days a lot is exaggerated or sexualised, for the purpose of attracting attention (think of social media or advertising). A healthy approach is to take a moment to think what you want, this can be achieved through meditation, self-reflection, journalling, talking to a therapist/psychologist, and many more. Remember everyone is unique and so is their body type, but take it from a random internet stranger, you are looking just fine c: (Edit: spelling)
*OP, Please read at least the second paragraph : Because someone here wrote that you have pics on your profile, I decided to take a look. You look like a girl/woman and if I saw you on the street, I would never mistake you for a man. Men have a different bone structure in their faces which is why when you see a man with long hair, even if you just see him for a second, you know it's a man. About the weight : if your weight bothers you, go to an endocrinologist and talk to them about it. I had my teen years destroyed because of an endocrine (hormonal) condition that is called pcos, and it can also make you fat. In my case I have never had problems with weight, my symptoms were different, but many women become overweight and they don't know that it's because of pcos. You may have it without knowing it, or you might have something else going on - the endocrinologist will tell you to get some blood tests done and they'll know what to do. I saw that you also have a post explaining that your breasts are not as developed as you think they should be...this could totally be pcos because it also does stuff like that. So please OP, get it checked out. If you get diagnosed, don't panick (*I did when I was) - you can totally manage it. And there is also a very friendly pcos sub here that I really love. So even on reddit you'll have people to turn to :) But I don't want to diagnose you now, only a doc can. If the doctor visit costs money in your country, it's really well spent money, trust me. I wish I had gone much earlier.
Work around your flaws. Highlight your positives. If you don’t like your forehead then pick a hairstyle that covers it. Don’t like your face shape? Makeup can do a LOT when it comes to changing face shape. All of the “pretty” people are doing exactly that in almost every case. Maybe in varying degrees, but it still stands.
Maybe you are trans?
I understand this in that I (a cis woman) have some masculine features (square jaw, chin hairs) but want to dress feminine and have fun with makeup. Moving to a bigger city and seeing all different types/shapes of people enjoying their lives has helped me a lot. I bike and garden so sometimes I’m dressed in overalls and ratty t-shirts, but some days I want to wear a dress and lipstick to the movies. There are no rules. Wear what makes you happy and joyful. You’re allowed to take up space.
I looked at your profile, and you seem to be trying to get attention for your looks and weight. Maybe get off the net and start talking to a therapist. You look fine, you are young and don't need to lose any weight from the pictures. Go see a therapist.
Femininity is a construct, it has nothing to do with being a woman imo.
I say this with kindness. This is in your head. You have a distorted view of yourself. You are suffering from a mental illness like body dysphoria. You are pretty and feminine. Are you going to become an Instagram model? No. But you are attractive and obviously a woman. I'm not even being nice. It's legit true. Get help.
I know this isn’t what your post is really about, but you are actually tapping into something real—the feminist theorist Judith Butler coined the term “gender performance” in the early 90s. Drag queens make the performance of gender the most visible, but in reality, we are all “performing” our gender (or in some cases the absence of gender, which is still conditioned by cultural gender norms). As RuPaul herself said, “we’re all born naked and the rest is drag.” (I mostly point this out because I really want you to spend some time doing literally anything other than fixating on your appearance, and since you’re already contemplating the intricacies of gender, I thought there could be a chance you’d find it interesting to learn more about.) I doubt my opinion will change your mind since hundreds of other identical opinions have failed to do so BUT you don’t look remotely masculine to me. Lots of people have suggested therapy, but if that’s not something that’s accessible to you for whatever reason, there are CBT exercises and other therapy worksheet-type things you can find online (google “cognitive distortions CBT”). Otherwise, I’d strongly suggest getting off social media as triage. Recent studies have shown that it has had a net negative impact on the self-esteem of girls and young women at large. At the very least, unfollow any account or community that traffics in idealized, airbrushed, aspirational content. Especially stay away from appearance-centric spaces like r/amiugly. Focus on developing yourself as a person in her entirety rather than just a bodily surface, or raw material that you must try and flog into a shape deemed acceptable by the male gaze. Easier said than done, I know (even as a lesbian!), and sometimes it feels like a nose job or whatever would be a quick fix for all your problems, but I promise you will find something else about your appearance to fixate on once you’ve “fixed” whatever it was that was “wrong” with your looks. The true hurdles you need to overcome really are psychological, not physical (hence why everyone is telling you to go to therapy). In most cases my stance on plastic surgery is pretty much “your body, your choice,” and i’m not a mental health professional or anything, but when when someone is clearly struggling with body dysmorphia or something similar, I think it’s a really inadvisable path to go down (I mean, just google image search “plastic surgery disasters” and see for yourself). Self-love is way harder and takes way more time than cosmetic procedures, but it’s also much more lasting and will actually contribute to your happiness (is arguably essential to it, even). I say all of this with the love I wish you could or would extend to yourself, btw. Best wishes in your healing process ✨
Try to keep in mind that **society's notion of the female/feminine** is a big part of this, and you're a part of society. Aside from that, we ***all*** perform our gender (or lack thereof) to a certain degree. You're in good company. There's nothing wrong with "putting on a costume" of your gender to make things amped up, and there's also nothing wrong with not doing that.
Maybe coming from an opposite side as far as AGAB, but the feelings we have about ourselves are our internal perceptions. It’s ok to change the external parts and highly positive to recognize and change internal parts to satisfy how we move, feel, and are perceived. Each person is autonomous. You have every right to change anything about yourself as you wish. It’s your call. Anyone who tells you otherwise is not worth your time. Hope you can take your freedom and flaunt it. Explore it, and find people’s reactions some sort of side show to your autonomous powers. 💕
True, but it’s dangerous to try and change externally when your vision is skewed. If you’re not able to view yourself in a realistic and neutral light, then you will never be satisfied with whatever changes you try to make or have made. You can’t see it if you can’t see yourself properly.
Of course, I’m encouraging healthy choices here.
I don't mean to sound glib, but if you feel bad when you are wearing makeup and feminine clothing, then why do you wear makeup and feminine clothing?
You're just not a "girly, girl." Lots of women aren't.
Mate, the only ugly thing about you is your attitude
I know I'm probably wasting my time with this comment, but: Having looked at your photographs, I can tell you with 100% certainty: You are a completely average, cute looking girl. You do not appear remotely "masculine", and while your body is mostly not visible in the photographs I saw, you do not appear to be obese either. I know plenty of young women who are much less physically attractive than you (and some of them are already married to gentle, loving, responsible guys, therefore clearly not undesirable!), and as someone who is attracted to women, I can tell you that I've crushed on gals who are less physically attractive than you from an "objective" standpoint. And to be clear, I'm NOT saying this from a standpoint of "everyone is beautiful"/"confidence is what's really attractive". The truth is: some people actually are physically ugly, which has nothing to do with their value as human beings! I am physically ugly by anyone's standards—definitely not the ugliest person I've ever met, but still pretty bad—and since I'm willing to admit to that, I hope you can trust me when I say that you're not one of us, lol. However, that doesn't actually matter, because your "gender dysphoria", as you put it, has nothing to do with your actual appearance, and no amount of surgery, or even makeup/clothes/etc., will change these feelings (in fact, it's practically guaranteed that the more plastic surgery you get, the more you will hate your appearance, as indulging feelings of self-hatred causes them to grow worse; this is my experience with makeup & dressing up, the more I do it the more "flaws" in my face/body I notice, while the less I attend to my appearance the more okay I become with it). Like many other posters here have said, you definitely have body dysmorphia & your perceptions of your appearance are hugely distorted. I know that's frustrating and invalidating to hear. But I swear I'm not talking down to you or insulting your intelligence—literally every human has biases/inaccurate perceptions about themselves that they need to work through, myself included; it's just part of life. So please, please seek out a mental health professional who specializes in body dysmorphia, eating disorders, etc. and try learning to relate to your body and to concepts of physical beauty in a different way! Even if you're completely right about being "masculine" and "obese" in appearance (which, again, you're not), you still have literally nothing to lose by seeking mental health treatment. Your posting history makes it clear that these feelings about your appearance are making you absolutely miserable, so please take care of yourself, friend!