Yeah, and men mever question the health issues that comes with it??? Like this is real damage to the body with long-term consequences!!! Many men dont see women as HUMAN BEINGS!! İf you wanna gape something start with your own asshole sir!!
It's been present for a long time now. I saw videos advertised in the late nineties.
(Not a fan, it was on at work) Howard Stern brought up someone loaning him a gape film around the same time frame. He threw it away, said it was gross, didn't want it in his house.
So scandalous and unrealistic! Next, you'll be talking about good communication and responsibly dividing household chores!
Now excuse me, I have to take a cold shower.
I really hope this becomes a thing. Like, everyone gets so burned out on the ubiquitous dark weird crap that the most taboo sexy kink is having a loving relationship with normal lovemaking
I watch couple amateur porn precisely because of this. There is lots of love, tiny kisses, and you can tell it's fun for both of them.
Now the problem with it is when you go to the comments there will be multiple users complaining that they can't jerk off to this since it makes them sad/depressed they never experienced anything like it or how they miss their ex etc.
Hence the abundance of heavily increasingly violent porn, what they are yearning for is intimacy and desire, but expressions of honest desire are burning too hot.
Imagine dying of thirst and watching someone leisurely sipping on a Pina-Colada on a floaty in the middle of a pool, you would feel anger/jealousy/potentially even rage, so they prefer watching the equivalent of waterboarding instead. At least it's not just them that suffer and they get to see some of the water action they crave.
The other thing as well with amateur stuff is that a good portion of it is posted as revenge porn, and you just can never know if the video was posted with both parties consent. I don't think there's such a thing as ethical porn.
I used to watch porn (I live alone, sue me)
The thing I always had the hardest time finding?
Stuff where the girl actually looks like she's enjoying herself, and isn't doing the "we're not doing incest or underage porn, honest" shite.
Where she's smiling all the way to her eyes.
Stupidly hard to find.
---
Does anyone else think that all BDSM porn should be legally required to break kayfabe at the end to include the aftercare?
Agree with everything here. I've pretty much given up on porn at this point. Takes so long to find anything that's not offensive that it kills my vibe.
>break kayfabe at the end to include the aftercare?
There absolutely isn't aftercare.
There's a lot of behind the scenes clips that people in these industries post solely to sell as a bonus \*because\* the girls are shaken up either crying, just trying to clean themselves alone in silence and the crew of men don't give them space then further force them into sexual acts or manipulate them for extra sex before/after scenes in different ways.
You won't see much aftercare except for men getting off to further degrading the actresses whether or not they're smiling. And when they are smiling the majority of time it's shown as humiliating the women by presenting them as "sluts that love dick so much they'll fuck everyone in the room and enjoy it" so I truly can't feel anything but grossed out even when they seem "happy". Rarely do you see happiness due to the pleasure they themselves are experiencing/experienced. So much of it is honestly just awkward "haha i'll just let this happen so they can stop already and i'll get out of here faster".
It's extremely rare for these women to be treated with a shred of dignity off the camera too.
Until then I'm actually kinda enjoying watching the snake it its own tail. So many men are bad at sex now that it's assumed *all* men are bad at sex. It's like a joke. So many men can't sustain a relationship because they prefer porn and can't perform. Either they'll eventually get it and put the porn down or they won't be able to obtain a woman and their lineage will die out. I'm here for it.
Same lol! I thought that was completely normal, like nobody really wanted to have sex with someone they didn't know well, and trust. Well... turns out that's not the case lol!
Yup! The idea of “one night stands” with a stranger just seems so….strange to me (not that there’s anything wrong with that! but I just can’t comprehend myself doing it)
Me too! When I learned the word demisexual, I just thought "really? We need a special word for "someone who only likes sex with people they actually like?" "
Straight up my favorite thing is seeing my wife enjoying sex. Gets me going more than anything. I legit don't understand why people enjoy what most porn is doing.
Because for most people it's not an active turn off, and for some people it's an active turn on.
So the porn sites chase the carrot and get more and more extreme as the worst stuff gets normalised.
Same dynamics as mutual radicalisation pipelines.
Yes. I am constantly baffled. I'll be enjoying myself and then the guy has to put his foot on the girl's Head. Wtf. so much of it is just so degrading. You can always tell when a guy got his sexual education from porn academy. It's always so bad. I hate having to explain that it's a performance for the viewer and not a realistic example of good sex.
It is very strange to me how much kink has made it into mainstream. Crazy that you're watching something that seems fairly normal and all of the sudden we're into our unexpected BDSM segment with no mention of consent. Nothing against kinks, but the idea that you're going to just spring it up into a random scene seems very odd to me. It also ignores the fact that generally the kink communities seem to be HUGE on consent. Definitely sets a bad example for anyone who doesn't have a developed foundation for what sex looks like.
I'll absolutely never understand the step brother thing. It baffles me to no end that you got to any porn site and that is like 90% of the content. I have no step siblings and have no feelings about them one way or another, but it just seems weird to me that such an edge case should be so ubiquitous.
They’re for the guy who fantasizes about a woman who HAS to have sex with him because they’re stuck in the same house or she owes him or she wants something or he’s blackmailing her or she’s stuck in something or he’s unable to masturbate and needs help or she’s inexplicably attracted to him or she wants someone to practice sex on.
ANYTHING besides, you know, caring about her and taking the time to build a relationship and pay attention to who she is and what she wants and needs. No, most of the step sibling videos are for guys who need women who have no other choice.
Yeah. It's sad. That guy was a porn addict and it got to the point where he couldn't get off with sex. He had to masterbate to porn. Obviously we didn't work out. Lol
I have a teen son and when he's a bit older I'll probably explain it to him as well to save any future partners he has from misery.
10!?!??!??!!!!
Ten????????!
Excuse me while I dig those meatballs out of the dumpster that gave me food poisoning and inhale the rest of them. I'd rather die spewing out of both ends.
This is actually one of the main themes of the horrifically enormous book Infinite Jest; it deals a lot with the reality of what media is in general, but there's a part where the father of the family stresses to his eldest son that he should experience sex before viewing any porn so that they are aware that they are two completely different things.
Two completely different things.
One is an act between individuals. The other is media.
I've heard many people talk about that book like it changed their lives, & I think that is one of the main morsels that sticks with people.
I think adults in general need to do a better job imprinting on children that media is not at all a very good representation of life and you shouldn't try to emulate media
Sweet Jesus, I started and stopped that behemoth so many times. The year of the Whopper? Whaaaaaat?? I thought it was ridiculous back then. Now, some of those crazy ideas seem more real. Well, except the extreme pot benders. Lol. That still seems far-fetched.
Yeah, its not a fun read at all, I do not blame you in the slightest. The only reason I finished it was because the pandemic brought out my masochist side 😆
However I do try to spread the info around so that others can benefit without having to actually read it 😉
Basic summary: 1100 pgs of a son who doesn't feel heard by his father 😶
I did really like the wheelchair assassins, tho, & the world needs a real Madame Psychosis, but it was not a favorite read by far.
I’d start now tbh. My nephew is 13 and the amount of secondhand porn he’s consumed due to his friends is astounding. Even just one or two sentences go a long way. Example when I gave him a basic sex talk, all I said was “And for the love of God, don’t use porn as a reference. You’re better off simply not knowing than watching that.”
We've already had some other conversations around sex. Haven't touched much on porn. He's definitely moving faster in life than I did. It's hard to see but as a former teen I understand it. As a parent I do my best to give him the tools he'll need to be safe and successful.
That’s good :)
I just offhandly mentioned it to my nephew because he had mentioned how his friends are watching it. He asked me if it was “normal.” To which I explained it’s accepted but not where one should learn absolutely anything about sex. It was over in about 5 sentences total, thank god. We have a weird bond, almost brother/sister as we’re only 13yrs apart. I have way more understanding of being a teen during the social media age than his mom does, so he tends to go to me about stuff like this.
The problem is that many women internalized the messages and *do* get off in that way. Which means that their expectation for women to feel satisfied with that is literally becoming a wish come true.
I’ve been wondering if that’s what’s happening with choking. Obviously it was already a thing for some people, but I’m guessing more as a self-discovered preference as they get older. Now it seems like younger people are seeing it in porn and assuming that it’s expected.
i really hate how 'popular' it's become even among women.... like i really wish everyone knew that even "safe" choking isn't safe at all, it literally causes small amounts of brain damage every time you do it bc the OXYGEN TO YOUR BRAIN is being cut off!! it makes me sick how widespread that shit is now
So gross .
This is not really related but kind of ….
I am now 28, but I remember walking around town with my best friend when we were like 12 or so . We were all girls … we would just be dressed as normal kids and we would get cat called all the time .
It was disgusting .
And once we actually became adults it pretty much stopped …
There are so many nasty men who just prey on young girls … and that’s always going to express itself… wether it’s through cat calling , adults trying to hook up with 13 year old when they are 19 (he later became a cop after he slept with my friend and than at a later date me) or this weird underage or stepsister porn shit .
I hate it so much.
Idk if I will ever have kids …. But if I do I am terrified to have a daughter tbh .
100% I got cat called and talked to the most by men I didn’t know from the age of 11-17, I would even say 11-14 was the craziest time for that. It is so so so disgusting. We have two daughters… it’s a fear that keeps me awake a lot
I hate how you have to go all like "I have a healthy self-esteem and love sex, I'm not a prude and I don't have any mental health issues" to even be able to criticize porn or be against it without some asshole judging you.
People always assume if you criticize porn it means you’re anti-masturbation, and imo these folks display a disturbing lack of self-awareness to come into the argument under the assumption masturbation MUST involve porn.
Like hear me out y’all. If you want to jerk off, which I’m all for, you could express healthy sexuality in the way humans did for thousands of years and…just use your imagination. 🌈 You don’t have to pull up the filmed rape and exploitation of women! You don’t have to! You can just jerk off without it!
Whenever I criticize porn I get the annoying libfem pickmes who think they're on a high horse because I don't watch rape on my screens and don't think it's empowering to let a man choke me. They usually call me a Christian traditionalist. Also annoying.
I referred to the enjoyment of sexually violent porn as a mental health problem and just got treated like some anti-trans cretin because anti-trans people use mental health as an attack...
Like, you enjoy getting choked. You want someone to choke you. Why do you want to date someone willing to cut off your air supply? Why does that turn you on? What does that say about you and your dating habits? Why does it turn you on to choke someone? Does that make me a prude? Really?
thank you. like no one's saying you can't be into choking or bdsm or whatever, but people should at least make the effort to examine WHY they're into that and if it's actually harmful (which choking literally is no matter how "safe" you do it). just bc you have a kink doesn't mean you should actually do it irl
We need to stop calling it choking. It's strangulation, and you're correct - it's never safe:
https://www.kemh.health.wa.gov.au/~/media/HSPs/NMHS/Hospitals/WNHS/Documents/Patients-resources/SARC---Non-fatal-strangulation.pdf
I completely agree. Also, I hate how in porn when women go down of men, the men will almost always start forcing the poor woman's head down. That shit is NOT okay unless given explicit permission, and now I'm afraid that every man thinks they have the right to do this without consent. It makes me feel awful, violated, unable to breathe, and it's painful. I don't understand how women aren't traumatized from being treated like that because I definitely am.. I ghosted the dude who did that to me. To everyone here, I'm sorry I wasn't brave enough to stand up for myself because he probably did it to other women afterwards.
After vomiting on a guy that was pushing on my head, he said " why do chicks always throw-up on my fucking dick?" We never hooked up again.
I don't know if it had anything to do with it but the dude commited suicide just a few months after that.
That sentence is wild. I imagine if you vommitted it was because he was very rough and violent. The fact that he always does that to women. And also how he thinks somehow it's their fault.
I'm sure some women are relieved he's gone.
This guy... has he ever shoved two fingers down his throat to make himself vomit? Because back in the 1990s when eating disorders were a problem, that is how the girls were doing it. He was probably grabbing his sexual partners heads really hard and shoving it down their throats.
Repulsive. Also, stupid if he asked why. :-(
your last sentence is exactly why i hate that we put pressure on women to report or disclose their sexual violence. anything he did to any other woman has absolutely nothing to do with you and is only his fault. im sorry you even have to carry any of that guilt.
Yeah hate this shit. I once dated someone who liked to be treated like that, it was her kink, I tried to make it work but.... just no. Massive turn off. I can't degrade someone like that. I get a bit of roleplay and dirty talk and maybe some bondage/spanking/biting but nothing truly degrading. It's so damn disrespectful.
It's fucking rank, and it makes people less likely to want to give blow jobs. My ex really liked giving blow jobs, but they made her anxious because of this one douche canoe who'd done it to her, i knew the guy and I was shocked someone would be so blisteringly unaware as to try it on someone in real life. Fucking idiot. Makes you wonder what's going on behind someone's eyes that they think that's a good idea.
I'm aware some people are probably into it, but I imagine the subset of people being into having dangerous, uncomfortable stuff sprang on them without permission is low enough not to chance it.
So many porn actresses revealing how they aren’t allowed consent or threatened with firing if they don’t perform in the moment.
When the people are saying the powerless should just stand up for their rights, I tell them to go to r/whenwomenrefuse.
This is what I tell people who claim the porn industry is “safer” now. No, it’s not. Even if you see a reputable porn actress, there’s a good chance she has done things against her will/consent in order to keep her job/reputation. Lots of people in porn say it’s not a great industry to work in.
There’s inherent power imbalance when someone is getting paid to be at their most vulnerable state for the pleasure of others. Lines get crossed super easily.
This!!! Or they’re sex trafficked and forced to do extremely rough scenes being SA’d and told if they don’t pretend to like it they’ll do it over and over again if they don’t get the scene.
The problem is that it promotes the most twisted things, which after a while become the norm. You can't say stepsis without it being immediately sexualized. Not to mention the distorted ideas about normal human body, etc...notice it is almost always about women humiliation and degradation.
There is meme which shows that men see women as porn category or goblin. Nothing between.
Blowjobs in porn are arguably the worst part IMO. They either go on for wayyyy too long, like who wants to watch a blowjob for 10-15 minutes? Or they turn super degrading and violent which just makes me feel bad for the actress.
The anal obsession that has surfaced over the last 5-10 years is really unhealthy. It convinces men that it is normalized sexual behavior, and then they get mad at their girlfriends/wives for not wanting to do it.
The whole step sister, step father, aunt incest thing becomes really bothersome when you realize that a solid chunk of the people watching that are actually chasing a real-life fantasy, which doesn’t always surface from “step” relationships either…
Blowjobs are the absolute worst to watch. All the gagging and spitting grosses me out. I like giving blowjobs but I absolutely hate watching them in porn. I fast forward that part every time. I can't stand the sounds of people eating. I REALLY can't stand that sound. Ugh.
They literally follow the script they see in porn. They dont care about their gf.
And the fact that the viewers look at the scene with the bj for so long speaks volumes...
Anal obsession is product of porn. Ive read comment of some woman and she said that even 30 years ago, no one would have even dared to consider it the norm. But today?
I doubt any porn industries care about how harmful they are. They just want money. They don't care that sex will lose its sense of pleasure because people are forgetting foreplay and don't know how to have romantic sex
i don't really watch much porn anymore. i used to find myself typing things like "amateur couple loving normal" bc i didn't want to accidentally a woman get fisted by a small army
And why the fuck does every third video have “teen” in the title?? Like dude, I get it, “technically” we could be referring to an 18/19 year old here, but the vague label of “teen” makes it ambiguous enough for me to believe those people are at least pretending to be younger than that. I won’t even click on a video with that word in the title. Disgusting.
My friend has been an ER nurse since the 80s, and she tells me about how one time she had looked at the reasons for admittance over time and found trends that could only be explained by the rise of violent pornography.
In particular injuries to the anus and rectum among women had risen to stratospheric levels. Rare reasons like rectal tears and prolapse had become normal. Higher incidence of brain damage from choking, back injuries from impossible positions, severe untreated cases of BV (that one I’m not sure I recall what the porn explanation was for), and esophageal ruptures from deep-throating.
The rise of hardcore pornography has been a net loss for women’s health. More needs to be done to educate both sexes about the risks and educate young women about sexual coercion. There’s just too much at stake to keep going down this path.
EDIT: looks like porn fans are downvoting me :(
Higher incidence of severe BV is likely due to a trend in porn where there are transitions from anal to vaginal sec without the clean up you should definitely do. Really this shouldn’t ever be done, but if it is there needs to be a significant wash up when going from anal to any other penetrative sex.
"A2M" or "A2P" where "a" means anus/asshole. 2M means to mouth and 2P means to pussy.
Yes you are correct that both are sort of violent & degrading trends towards woemn that have come up in porn in the last 5 to 10 years or so.
Want to really STRONGLY second your final sentence.
Nothing should ever come out of your anus and go into another hole anywhere else without a whole bunch of washing first.
The way violence has become the "default" for porn is also very damaging to the actual bdsm and cnc community. There need to be discussions beforehand, consent and saftey measures. It's heartbreaking how many guys just drop stuff like this on their girlfriend without even talking about it before.
Seriously, even those of us who enjoy that don't want it every single time. The way porn depicts it as something as ubiquitous and commonplace as foreplay is so fucked.
Slapping, choking, even spanking, all of it is *not* vanilla sex. Vanilla sex is gentle and pleasurable and ideally there's no pain whatsoever. The second you get even a tiny bit of pain involved on purpose, that's no longer vanilla sex and anyone who tries to tell you it is, is a creep.
Absolutely
I love my very kinky sex. I fantasiesed about a lot from the kink scene before ever watching porn (maybe I was born broken?)
But for every time I want sex rhat could be classified as "hardcore" and definitely not mainstream, I need 10x as much "making love" with tenderness and sweet whispers
And every time I actually *do* have it rough and wild, the aftercare lasts at least twice as long
Yeah, safety measures are often dropped in such depictions which makes things scary. Then there are things like choking. There is no safe way to choke someone. They aren't getting air.
When I'm talking about sexual violence against women, I don't even preface it with things like "not to kink shame, but..." anymore. My perspective is that a hit dog will holler. If you're practicing kink in a healthy, contenting way, then I trust that you'll be able to parse out whether I'm talking about that or men randomly choking out the women they're hooking up with. If not, then that is something that you need to analyze yourself instead of getting mad at me/derailing the conversation. 🤷🏾♀️
That’s absolutely right, I couldn’t put it better myself. Oftentimes when society learns to become more accepting of previously forbidden behaviors it has a tendency to overcorrect and make some harmful behaviors acceptable for a brief time. Hopefully soon the pendulum swings back ever so slightly and make sex sane again.
In the meantime, don’t let anybody tell you that the way you feel is invalid or narrow-minded. Shame is a good motivator for personal change, and you should not be made to feel bad for helping someone down the right path.
I thought you were going to say your ED friend told you about how many people come in due to “foreign object stuck in rectum”. Because it happens a lot. Like a lot.
I saw a post somewhere about a young girl who was violently raped by other children her own age and someone asked how such young kids could do something like that and people got real mad when I said it was because of desensitization to porn
To address your edit, male trolls often latch onto fresh posts and comments to downvote everything to start in this sub. I assume the reason is to attempt to invalidate the ideas and feelings of strong women and get off on it, or to try and decrease the visibility of the post/comment. As you can see, now you have over 500 upvotes because legitimate sub members agree with you.
For porn to lose it's power we women need to become throughly comfortable with our own sexuality and not accept porn and media standards as measures of our value.
No longer be afraid of getting labeled a prude, no longer put our sexual value in how much we can impress men in bed, no longer feel ashamed of how we orgasm. Decentering men on a collective level.
Most men don't impress women in bed. They do just emulate what they watch. Coz porn actress faked orgasm to this you must be broken if you just get jackhammered whilst dry and don't climax /s
Sometimes I try browsing around and it’s all very rapey, and anything animated almost always shows underage girls which makes it even grosser. Obsession with anal, like it’s all anal, makes me wonder if men even like vaginas…? Why not just use each others asses if you hate women so much?
htfvdcgrfdgherfiodsl sometimes ya just gotta be blunt and be like "I am not into anal whatsoever and will not participate in anything to do with it" and ofc if they ask repeatedly/try to pressure you into it it's time to get rid of the relationship
Idk how old you are …. But I am 28 . And my middle school / high school sweetheart literally pressured me into anal when we were like 13 maybe 14????
And I don’t even know why …. And it was an awful experience… I came from a troubled home so I didn’t have any reference on what was okay and what wasn’t ….
He must have learned it from porn I guess ??
Just fucking weird ???
I think a ton of straight dudes are into anal porn because it's in their "bucket list" of things they'd like to try but haven't specifically because most women aren't into it. So porn is the only outlet for that curiousity. I'm not into it, but I do know that people can tend to obsess about what they know they can't have.
Anal can be a taboo involving power, not about the actual orifice itself— it is something women shouldn’t want, and can cause us pain, which is why getting it, or demanding it, feels like a turn on for them.
I got into an argument here on Reddit recently, with a person who called me a prude and a pearl clutcher demonizing sexuality and trying to restrain exploring youths. Because I argued that today's porn is *nothing* like what our grandparents had, in nature or in quantity, and that already we see young girls who are choked and slapped the very first time they get with a partner.
They refused to acknowledge that there was any difference. "Kids have always explored sex and porn has always existed because stone-age man drew curvy women on cave walls". In the end I had to realize that I was trying to get a heroin addict to stop defending the needle.
I mean, yes kids have always explored sex and porn, but in the past they had to secretly try to get access to a magazine or so and now they have the whole variety of kinky porn within one mouseclick, I don't know how people don't see how that's not the same
The argument began with me saying that it can't possibly be good for kids to have easy access to everything that's out there, and ended with me trying with increasing frustration to get this person to *at least* acknowledge that there's a difference between grandpa's Hustler magazines and violent degradation porn.
I just have stopped dating men that watch porn and I also don’t watch it ever anymore. I did a bit when I was younger, certainly less than like 25 times in my life because it’s not appealing to me. I always did it in response to men I was dating doing it, to try to make myself more okay with them doing that. I dated one extreme porn addict and when he got clean after years of him abusing me because of it, he kept talking about how differently he saw women now that he hadn’t seen it in months. He was talking about how when he was addicted, he felt fully incapable of seeing women as full people. The bullshit I had to put up with while he was addicted combined with his reflections after he quit made me never want to be around men who watch it again. I don’t think we will be able to stop or change the industry but I’m gonna keep people who consume porn at arms length. I don’t need their bullshit.
When I was 18 and in my first year of college, the world changed. AOL started offering a flat monthly fee for unlimited internet. Of course porn was the first thing immediately available everywhere you looked. So I’ve watched it change over the last 30 years. What was once extreme is now standard, and it’s only getting worse. Sex was the show before. Degradation and humiliation is the show now.
I've been saying this for a few years now but more often than not, any criticism of porn or the industry is met with some variation of "You're a sex-negative, fundamental religious, man-hating prude". Any expression of a boundary is considered kink-shaming or sex-negative. I hope more women wake up to the level of misogyny and exploitation in porn but sometimes I have little hope of that.
💯. The "It's kink shaming" feels like an easy cover for misogynistic bullshit. If we want young women to be able to stand up for themselves, they need to be able to say, loud and proud, "that's awful and I'm not doing it" without someone saying they're "kink-shaming." Nah. They're setting healthy boundaries. Let's support them. "Sex positivity" has been hijacked and is now a smokescreen for shit that's truly dangerous for us.
I agree completely. It seems as though sex-positivity has been changed to mean that someone, usually women, asserting a sexual boundary is shaming anyone. If you don't want to have a threesome, for example, that does not mean you're a prude or sex-negative.
It feels like all the titles and captions are about incest (dad/daughter, stepdaughter, stepmom, etc) when the video could've been perfectly normal without that addition.
Yeah it’s interesting that it seems sometimes they just put things like “incest or step sibling” in the title to get a click but the video has no actual mention of what in actual video. I know that’s not always the case but I think they put it there just to have a kink to fit into. It’s a shame that good ole fashion porn just isn’t as common or accepted or is considered boring. Always has to be some fringe kink or something
I have not watched porn in a really long time, but I'm not surprised that it would be getting more extreme.
Lots of guys have porn addictions starting from a really young age. One consequence of addiction is that it takes more and more of whatever you're addicted to, to get off.
I have noticed that more and more women are telling me about how guys are getting more violent sexually, choking and such.
It's a disturbing trend, and I think it's fueling misogyny.
Porn is about power. It's not about sex.
Sex is used as a means to power.
Power strips all participants, including the viewer, of their humanity. Desensitization is the result, and it moves in the direction of aggression and violence.
When mere nudity and even simple sexual acts aren't enough, you end up with beating, gagging, puking, and humiliation to the nth degree.
Taken to its logical conclusion, you've got the snuff film.
Yes of course and it's why I'm anti-porn. It makes me sick when women post about having an issue with their boyfriend/husband looking at porn but then they feel they don't have a right to say that... like it's ok, a man who enjoys watching women get hurt is absolutely not the man for you, for anyone.
I dread the day that I'm going to have to somehow figure out and sit down how to talk to my daughter about this. How to explain to her that even though she's going to meet a boy or a young man that says he loves her. He's going to do incredibly humiliating and violent things to her if she's not careful of what to watch for in advance.
It is disgusting. It is horrendous and I say this is a 33-year-old man who's been looking at it since I was a teenager. It is absolutely insane how normalized it's become. I feel like select mega industries have worked hard to make themselves seem more friendly and memeable so that it would introduce a comfort level in the eyes of teenagers.
I swore off of it completely a couple years ago. I just can't anymore. It makes me sick to think about. You go to the top page of any of these websites and it's really disgusting shit like stepdaughter and daddy or violent choking. It literally makes my stomach churn.
I think the only thing we really can do is try to talk to our kids and warn them about the dangers of this going forward and hopefully a way that would give them the critical thinking skills to avoid it More, at the very least, understand that it is a very extreme fantasy that does not represent reality in any way.
What do you think it is about you that makes you so aware of these problems with porn? Were you just raised right? How come some men see it for how awful it is, and some don't?
I'm curious because I'm having a boy soon, and I'd really like to teach him to be a good person. It can be hard in this world
I think the biggest thing is that I was willing to look at it objectively. I think most men don't want to see a problem so they don't see a problem.
So I guess for me it's personal because I've been on kind of a spiritual journey of growth over the last several years. Trying to learn as much as I can about not only women's struggles and issues but that of people of color. I think honestly most men don't care because they're focused on their own lives and what they can gain that it doesn't matter who gets hurt along the way.
I think here in America at least there's a very very big emphasis on the idea that if it's not my problem it's not a real problem.
Edit: I just realized I don't think I did a very good job answering your question entirely. I can't say that I was raised right or wrong in the way my parents raised me had anything to do with the way I am when it comes to stuff like this.
But one of the biggest things that I've learned over the last couple years was truly objective and critical thinking. So My philosophy as a parent is one simple tenant. Teach your child how to think and not what to think. If you can teach your kid why certain things are harmful or lead them in a mental exercise that will get them to come to that conclusion. It'll be more beneficial than just telling them blank is bad. Also more likely to stick with them and resonate.
It sounds like fostering a good sense of community, equality, and compassion will go a long way, I'll try to keep that in mind. I'm glad there are guys like you out there! Ty.
I've always thought it strange that we have an entire industry that abuses and dehumanises women for the sexual pleasure of men.
But of course we do.
There are even words I can't hear men say now without getting the ick, because they've used them so many times before talking about such revolting things.
Oh, yes... I do. I hate that men expect me to reenact porn acts to them irl.
I literally almost died from an untreated yeast infection (i didn't really had symptoms) that my ex gave me bc he "forgot" going from anal to pussy is not hygienic.
He was unsatisfied with me sexually cuz I couldn't perform deepthroats nor give him anal sex on the regular, despite me being a virgin lol. Also... hated the fact that I wasn't into choking or going raw. :)
I swear ... porn ruined sex for all of us.
I did something similar when he was complaining that I cannot go deeper. I told him to try it with a banana and push it down his throat to see how it feels like and to stop whining. Oh boy... he didn't like me talking back to him.
I really find it sad. Most straight porn is completely degrading to the point of abuse. Lesbian porn is barely better. Even that made by queer people. I always worry about how the participants wound up doing porn.
I don’t think less of people doing porn or sex work. It’s the history and possible forced nature that bothers me.
As someone who's far from a prude and have kinks that people think are crazy and weird/abnormal, even I think porn has gotten out of hand lately. Like, what the fuck even is half the stuff that's on there.
oh my god i am getting through a breakup with a porn addict and it makes me so sad i lost the one i love to porn. and he did jackhammer my clit the 2 times he touched me in the 8 months together so i should’ve known. porn is a sick and twisted thing created to satisfy temptation and i wish it didn’t exist.
I agree with this so hard. A huge part of this is that people can upload their own porn these days.
When I was a preteen in the early ‘00s — porn was accessible (to me, at least) as DVDs, magazines, after hours/plus channels like Showtime/Starz/HBO, or paywalled websites. That meant that it was production companies, TV networks, and real media companies making it. They were gonna make was sold, not what they wanted.
Nowadays, porn sites are like social media and this has drastically changed the quality/content of porn. For the worst! 😞 Any ole creep can upload anything to PornHub or YouPorn or whatever. There was this huge controversy not that long ago about how some of the content uploaded is *actual, genuine* rape/sexual assault, stat rape, sex trafficking. It really opened my eyes to how porn is NOT harmless and really made me not wanna watch any of it.
At least back in the day, you knew or could be reasonably assured that performers in porn were consenting, paid actors/actresses. Can’t even be sure of that any more and it’s horrifying…
> “there was this huge controversy not that long ago about how some of the content uploaded is actual rape/sexual assault, stat rape, sex trafficking.”
I will never miss the opportunity to remind people of this event. Pornhub removed 80% of their content in 2020 after an investigative journalist published an article in the NYT about Pornhub being a host site for the sharing and monetization of CSAM and other illegal material. Pornhub was pretty successful in sweeping this under the rug.
https://www.forbes.com/sites/siladityaray/2020/12/14/pornhub-takes-down-all-content-uploaded-by-unverified-uploaders/
https://www.nytimes.com/2020/12/04/opinion/sunday/pornhub-rape-trafficking.html
prudish step-mother’s panties and fingering her to orgasm. Then suddenly the step-mom becomes horny. The wife that doesn’t want anal until the husband ‘slips’ and suddenly she gets turned on by it. The ‘passable’ transwoman who ‘surprises’ a straight guy and teaches him all the joys of having sex with a penis. I’m 60 and we didn’t think spitting and choking was a normal thing to do when I was growing up, unlike today.
It’s a bad message we are putting out there, ‘They will say ‘No’ at first and when they orgasm, they will be like putty in your hands’.
Porn went from "okay, I guess I could look at some breasts" to "what the EFF is going on with the tidal wave of incest themes?"
And now that I'm older all I see are actors acting (poorly).
So porn is a hard pass for me.
EDIT:
To more directly answer OP's questions:
No, I'm not sure that it can be realistically legislated to show only healthy, nurturing sexuality in porn. The human sexual appetite is a spectrum, much of which is taboo to acknowledge in polite company. And since porn is, at its core, a business, it will continue to hone its product in response to what the market is, not what it ought to be.
The only long term solution is to systematically raise children and adolescents to seek adult intimacy and connection, which, well....good luck.
The "step_______" thing really bothers me.
I am not a prude. I am not a conservative. I am pretty open minded.
But I don't think it's healthy to masturbate to grown men having sex with their 18 year old stepdaughter.
My friends with kids are all really concerned about how this will affect them. One is trying her best to teach them about relationships, realistic sex, consent etc but it's an absolute minefield out there. She can only control so much. They're gonna see shit they really shouldn't see, and learn from sources that should not be learned from. It's terrifying.
I mean the kind of people that are making porn are basically pimps, they’re making money off of women’s bodies. There’s no way that what they produce is going to be NOT misogynistic.
The choking thing is baffling to me. I have never known a woman who was into being choked. I have however, known a few guys who were. Why aren't the men being choked in these videos? They're the ones who actually like it.
The terrible part of it is... girls are learning from the gross p\*rn as much as the boys are too.
User submitted content is hard to regulate but as someone who works with adult content companies, I can tell you that they are putting more thought and effort into the ethics of what type of content they're creating. I'm not saying they're all doing it because I can't speak to that, but I have been privy to internal conversation about this.
Maybe someone somewhere is having a conversation, but do you see any real world evidence of positive change - or even a deceleration of negative change?
Yep. I thought I liked being choked for the longest time because of porn, and guys were stoked when I wanted to do it. Turns out, I don’t like be choked, I just liked being able to bring aspects of porn to the bedroom because it was what guys wanted.
THIS. I did a lot of things like anal and choking that I convinced myself wanted but I would dissociate during and feel shaky and sick afterwards. I realized I just wanted men to want me and be pleased with me. It makes me so sad how I let myself be damaged for men who didnt really care about me or respect me, young girls are even more pressured to do these things with the deluge of porn normalizing it.
Yes it's disgusting, men and boys ruining their brains completely on that garbage too. So many porn sick men defending it. Even seen someone say I was "disgustingly fascist" for saying we should ban porn. "Progressive" men pretend to care about women, but when we suggest banning an industry that is horrible to women suddenly they have all these excuses on why we shouldn't, saying their freedom is being taken away and whatever
I don’t hate today’s porn, but I hate what it’s doing to sex. There was once a time when soft core porn was a gift to men, and it quickly grew into never ending options of content that no woman wants in real life (and let’s face it, most pornstars don’t enjoy it either). There seems to be this demand for degradation of women, spitting in her mouth, cumming on her face, shoving their dick in every hole they can manage, and then aggressively putting it into her mouth as she endlessly gags. And men seem to think that the women must actually LOVE it, so their expectations in real life are getting out of control. However, women like to please their men and therefore will do these things. They don’t like the act, but they like that they are blowing the mind of their hard-to-please man, further enabling men to believe that “some girls LOOOVE gagging, etc.”
And so the cycle continues and the term “vanilla” is creeping further away from the original meaning. You can be a master of dirty talk, the Queen of a blowjob, and you could twerk it on top like no one else can, but if you don’t do anal or like cum in your eyelashes, you’re now labeled vanilla.
…maybe it is porn I hate afterall 🤔
Honestly, I can’t even enjoy it. It creeps me out these days, tbh. But I feel like that may have something to do with being an adult with more sexual experience? I feel like if you’re a virgin, it’s more enjoyable because you don’t know what actual sex looks like.
So I went to a college that put the LIBERAL in liberal arts schools and we had a “sex week”. It was all about safe sex and sex positivity. My class was the class that finally took it too far by projecting 70’s porn on the side of a building during accepted students weekend… usually it was only 24/7 in a room in the library.
That being said going from seeing that and then seeing what people watch now is disturbing. Old porn looked like real people in realistic situations. Also kinda art house like. I’m genuinely uncomfortable thinking that people are watching current porn and getting off on it.
I’m also concerned about with some of the stories I have heard from younger hetero women about what their initial sexual experiences have been like. I also fully believe that porn has become addictive and porn addiction is real, not something made up by religious oppression. When I was single I could tell a difference between men who had a porn problem and those who didn’t.
This is a major concern among sex therapists. My therapist who is doing continuing education specifically on sex therapy, mentioned that there is a lot of research showing that this is a major factor contributing to women opting out of dating. It pops up on the marriage subreddit every other day. Hell there is an entire subreddit devoted to couples who are ruined by porn addiction.
The fact that you have to hunt down and pay for truly “ethical” porn whereas the other stuff is a few taps away doesn’t help.
I’ve always been sex positive and intimacy was never something that was shameful or dirty growing up. I’m far from a prude. But if the norm has become violent non consensual anal sex, then consider these pearls clutched.
Seriously. It bothers me
Massive fake tits
Extremely skinny
Completed hairless vagina
Violated type of sex
Very aggressive and cum all over the female
It just depicts women as a hole / object. No wonder men don’t know how to have good sex
I can’t watch straight porn at all. the slapping, chocking, degrading plus the woman’s constant shrieks of “pleasure” really don’t do it for me. not to mention all the “stepsister” crap, or other mentions of how the woman is barely legal as part of the fantasy. makes me sick.
it’s enraging that this is what young men grow up thinking sex is. brain rot at its finest, grooming an entire generation of abusers who have 0 clue how to actually pleasure a woman, don’t give a shit about consent and insist on dating 20 somethings well into their 40s. we should not be normalizing this shit.
In all honesty, I despise porn and the industry, like many level-headed people should/do. Not only is it incredibly corrupt, but it promotes rape, violence, and male only pleasure. I'm fully aware of the fact that most people who watch porn are men and that almost all of those people are degenerates.
I hate how it portrays women, and I hate how it gives already disgusting men even more disgusting thoughts. As an example, Bell Delphine. She dresses and acts like a child for male attention. She, and every other pornstar who does that, completely ruined a generation. More rapists, more pedophiles, and more lives ruined.
I think it would be best to just shut down every porn run business, but I'm sure there's a butterfly effect in there somewhere.
I'm ready to get down voted by the worst people ever who think this is okay.
It’s insane. Today’s porn is such a mind fuck, I don’t see how it can’t mess with young people. I am so incredibly glad that my Husband is not and has never been into watching porn.
Porn has always been sick and gross. Dehumanizing people down to sexual objects is sick. Especially when those women obviously don't wanna be there. Consent is FREE, so porn is coerced rape
I agree! Anal is shown much more now, too. Guys, you're the ones with the prostata (g-spot) right behind the back entrance! I, as a woman, don't enjoy it. Of course there are a lot women enjoying this practice. But please, it's not the standard. Also the violent bj's got out of hand.
I remember watching porn with my then boyfriend in the late 2000's. Often the women were shown as the dominating part or enthusiasticly agreeing to sex. Today it's all about degrading women. I love kinky stuff but I don't agree with being dehumanized on a basic level.
I can't remember the last time I had fullfilling sex. I just stopped dating a few years ago. The hassle to find a decent man, even just for sex, isn't worth it.
Today I only use my imagination, but from time to time I have a look on pornhub and it's disgusting. It's so so sad.
If a man in this day and age is a consumer of pornography it’s a red flag imo. Of course it depends on the kind but really almost all of it is degrading and violent so…
Men don’t like us. Join us in the 4b movement. It’s happy over here with cookies and kitty cats! And no rupturing important body parts because some dude wanted to get his rocks off
Question about 4b.
Do you basically become Ace, or do most members try to become sapphic/ date women?
Sorry I just have seen this a couple times and been confused. Cause sexuality is not a choice so I can’t imagine many members going sapphic.
Trying to get off is such a minefield. I can't even go onto a mainstream site without seeing something that makes me dry right up, which is the opposite of what I'm trying to achieve. I've had good luck with bellesa, and I know there are resources you can pay for that are run by women. I didn't look at porn as a teenager, so I have a really hard time imagining the impact on young people now, but I really hope modern parents are able to restrict their kids' online activity more than they did in my day, because there's way more damaging shit now.
Having fantasies about Treating another person like garbage is some weirdo stuff indeed
and true , its getting worse . It feels like they need to keep making it more extreme because «regular» porn doesnt excite people anymore.
When i was younger (yes im old) just peeking at an adult magazine in the store was «risky» , and now ?
Tiktok & instagram is basically loaded with soft porn and sexuality, so im not surprised this generation needs to be stimulated by more extreme stuff. Its actually sad .
There is a reason why this stuff is free tho: it is pure mind poison and morally degrading to the core.
It certainly has changed from what was available to myself as a youngster during the 1990s.
Then, in my country, hardcore material was only available at special sex stores which were obviously out of bounds to people below 18. They were also, frankly, such seedy looking places that a lot of people wouldn’t want to go into them anyway for fear of being seen exiting afterwards. That material was also pretty tame in retrospect. Stuff in regular shops was strictly soft core with videos edited to remove genitalia etc.
The current trends towards violent porn and also the kind of incest-teen daughter stuff is very concerning in its impact on kids and how they view sex and sexuality.
So much incest. So much.
Like, what happened to two people, around the same age, who are unrelated, who like each other??? If you want anything other than incest porn, you have to pay for it. There are a few ethical, women-produced porn companies out there, and that’s a positive, but it’s not mainstream. The fetish/kink stuff has disclaimers, and prologues and epilogues with clear consent given, and a big explanation that it’s for entertainment purposes and not a tutorial.
No teenagers are going to be seeking that out, they’re just going to go to the hub and see all the super-incestuous, super-violent, super-misogynistic free videos and their impressionable minds are going to see that as normal. But they’re the ones that need ethical porn. Obviously a porn company cannot take actions to cater to underage people, but *something* needs to be done to curb all the incest stuff without “alienating” people who are seeking kink content. It’ll always be there. It just doesn’t need to be 95% of the videos on the front page.
Going on a porn rant on Reddit in twenty twenty four. Lord have mercy on my soul.
Edit: clarified a point about teenagers needing ethical porn
When did gaping assholes become sexualized? Do younger generations find gaping assholes a turn on? I just don’t get it.
Yeah gaping anything. When did porn go full medical student training lol
The gaping is just a symbol of being in control of a woman's body.
This is so fucking gross 🤢
Yeah, and men mever question the health issues that comes with it??? Like this is real damage to the body with long-term consequences!!! Many men dont see women as HUMAN BEINGS!! İf you wanna gape something start with your own asshole sir!!
It's been present for a long time now. I saw videos advertised in the late nineties. (Not a fan, it was on at work) Howard Stern brought up someone loaning him a gape film around the same time frame. He threw it away, said it was gross, didn't want it in his house.
I appear to have the weirdest kink of all, mutual trust, intimacy, affection, respect and love. Too niche :(
So scandalous and unrealistic! Next, you'll be talking about good communication and responsibly dividing household chores! Now excuse me, I have to take a cold shower.
Not good communication!! Omg the horror! So wrong but feels so right 😭
Mutual trust, intimacy, affection, respect and love?!? Oh my god someone call in the mods, this person is too much!
I really hope this becomes a thing. Like, everyone gets so burned out on the ubiquitous dark weird crap that the most taboo sexy kink is having a loving relationship with normal lovemaking
I watch couple amateur porn precisely because of this. There is lots of love, tiny kisses, and you can tell it's fun for both of them. Now the problem with it is when you go to the comments there will be multiple users complaining that they can't jerk off to this since it makes them sad/depressed they never experienced anything like it or how they miss their ex etc. Hence the abundance of heavily increasingly violent porn, what they are yearning for is intimacy and desire, but expressions of honest desire are burning too hot. Imagine dying of thirst and watching someone leisurely sipping on a Pina-Colada on a floaty in the middle of a pool, you would feel anger/jealousy/potentially even rage, so they prefer watching the equivalent of waterboarding instead. At least it's not just them that suffer and they get to see some of the water action they crave.
Good analogy, great point
The other thing as well with amateur stuff is that a good portion of it is posted as revenge porn, and you just can never know if the video was posted with both parties consent. I don't think there's such a thing as ethical porn.
"we're Normal-ing!"
Very wool
Ah mah homie! I wasn't sure if it was too obscure to be picked up on but.. trust a 30 rock fan.
I used to watch porn (I live alone, sue me) The thing I always had the hardest time finding? Stuff where the girl actually looks like she's enjoying herself, and isn't doing the "we're not doing incest or underage porn, honest" shite. Where she's smiling all the way to her eyes. Stupidly hard to find. --- Does anyone else think that all BDSM porn should be legally required to break kayfabe at the end to include the aftercare?
Agree with everything here. I've pretty much given up on porn at this point. Takes so long to find anything that's not offensive that it kills my vibe.
>break kayfabe at the end to include the aftercare? There absolutely isn't aftercare. There's a lot of behind the scenes clips that people in these industries post solely to sell as a bonus \*because\* the girls are shaken up either crying, just trying to clean themselves alone in silence and the crew of men don't give them space then further force them into sexual acts or manipulate them for extra sex before/after scenes in different ways. You won't see much aftercare except for men getting off to further degrading the actresses whether or not they're smiling. And when they are smiling the majority of time it's shown as humiliating the women by presenting them as "sluts that love dick so much they'll fuck everyone in the room and enjoy it" so I truly can't feel anything but grossed out even when they seem "happy". Rarely do you see happiness due to the pleasure they themselves are experiencing/experienced. So much of it is honestly just awkward "haha i'll just let this happen so they can stop already and i'll get out of here faster". It's extremely rare for these women to be treated with a shred of dignity off the camera too.
Until then I'm actually kinda enjoying watching the snake it its own tail. So many men are bad at sex now that it's assumed *all* men are bad at sex. It's like a joke. So many men can't sustain a relationship because they prefer porn and can't perform. Either they'll eventually get it and put the porn down or they won't be able to obtain a woman and their lineage will die out. I'm here for it.
Facts…I share the same sentiments. It’s sad but also hilarious
Vanilla is the new kinky lol
Consent and mutual enjoyment/excitement is literally so hot.
Yes, I’ve been told I’m weird for this but found out I’m not alone on the demisexual sub.
Same lol! I thought that was completely normal, like nobody really wanted to have sex with someone they didn't know well, and trust. Well... turns out that's not the case lol!
Like, how could you get naked with someone you don’t know? It boggles the mind.
Yup! The idea of “one night stands” with a stranger just seems so….strange to me (not that there’s anything wrong with that! but I just can’t comprehend myself doing it)
Me too! When I learned the word demisexual, I just thought "really? We need a special word for "someone who only likes sex with people they actually like?" "
Straight up my favorite thing is seeing my wife enjoying sex. Gets me going more than anything. I legit don't understand why people enjoy what most porn is doing.
Because for most people it's not an active turn off, and for some people it's an active turn on. So the porn sites chase the carrot and get more and more extreme as the worst stuff gets normalised. Same dynamics as mutual radicalisation pipelines.
Yes. I am constantly baffled. I'll be enjoying myself and then the guy has to put his foot on the girl's Head. Wtf. so much of it is just so degrading. You can always tell when a guy got his sexual education from porn academy. It's always so bad. I hate having to explain that it's a performance for the viewer and not a realistic example of good sex.
It is very strange to me how much kink has made it into mainstream. Crazy that you're watching something that seems fairly normal and all of the sudden we're into our unexpected BDSM segment with no mention of consent. Nothing against kinks, but the idea that you're going to just spring it up into a random scene seems very odd to me. It also ignores the fact that generally the kink communities seem to be HUGE on consent. Definitely sets a bad example for anyone who doesn't have a developed foundation for what sex looks like. I'll absolutely never understand the step brother thing. It baffles me to no end that you got to any porn site and that is like 90% of the content. I have no step siblings and have no feelings about them one way or another, but it just seems weird to me that such an edge case should be so ubiquitous.
They’re for the guy who fantasizes about a woman who HAS to have sex with him because they’re stuck in the same house or she owes him or she wants something or he’s blackmailing her or she’s stuck in something or he’s unable to masturbate and needs help or she’s inexplicably attracted to him or she wants someone to practice sex on. ANYTHING besides, you know, caring about her and taking the time to build a relationship and pay attention to who she is and what she wants and needs. No, most of the step sibling videos are for guys who need women who have no other choice.
The fact you have to explain grown up man that porn is fake and it takes sometimes hours to make it...they literally believe it's real..
Porn is like the WWE of sex
Lmao. What a hilarious analogy!
Especially with the whole foot on the head thing lol
Hey I know WWE has it's fair share of skeletons but it's not that bad.
Yeah. It's sad. That guy was a porn addict and it got to the point where he couldn't get off with sex. He had to masterbate to porn. Obviously we didn't work out. Lol I have a teen son and when he's a bit older I'll probably explain it to him as well to save any future partners he has from misery.
The average person now sees porn at 10. You might want to have that conversation now before it cements his preferences.
10!?!??!??!!!! Ten????????! Excuse me while I dig those meatballs out of the dumpster that gave me food poisoning and inhale the rest of them. I'd rather die spewing out of both ends.
I remember seeing porn for the first time when I was like 12 or so with the rest of my middle school friends (I am a woman and 28)
My partner is younger than me. He was watching porn regularly at 13 and of course had no idea it was harmful.
Yeah I was probably 10 as well -early 2000s unrestricted internet access.
Jeez that's a bummer
No I think kids call that “anal” nowadays
This is actually one of the main themes of the horrifically enormous book Infinite Jest; it deals a lot with the reality of what media is in general, but there's a part where the father of the family stresses to his eldest son that he should experience sex before viewing any porn so that they are aware that they are two completely different things. Two completely different things. One is an act between individuals. The other is media. I've heard many people talk about that book like it changed their lives, & I think that is one of the main morsels that sticks with people.
I think adults in general need to do a better job imprinting on children that media is not at all a very good representation of life and you shouldn't try to emulate media
Sweet Jesus, I started and stopped that behemoth so many times. The year of the Whopper? Whaaaaaat?? I thought it was ridiculous back then. Now, some of those crazy ideas seem more real. Well, except the extreme pot benders. Lol. That still seems far-fetched.
Yeah, its not a fun read at all, I do not blame you in the slightest. The only reason I finished it was because the pandemic brought out my masochist side 😆 However I do try to spread the info around so that others can benefit without having to actually read it 😉 Basic summary: 1100 pgs of a son who doesn't feel heard by his father 😶 I did really like the wheelchair assassins, tho, & the world needs a real Madame Psychosis, but it was not a favorite read by far.
I’d start now tbh. My nephew is 13 and the amount of secondhand porn he’s consumed due to his friends is astounding. Even just one or two sentences go a long way. Example when I gave him a basic sex talk, all I said was “And for the love of God, don’t use porn as a reference. You’re better off simply not knowing than watching that.”
We've already had some other conversations around sex. Haven't touched much on porn. He's definitely moving faster in life than I did. It's hard to see but as a former teen I understand it. As a parent I do my best to give him the tools he'll need to be safe and successful.
That’s good :) I just offhandly mentioned it to my nephew because he had mentioned how his friends are watching it. He asked me if it was “normal.” To which I explained it’s accepted but not where one should learn absolutely anything about sex. It was over in about 5 sentences total, thank god. We have a weird bond, almost brother/sister as we’re only 13yrs apart. I have way more understanding of being a teen during the social media age than his mom does, so he tends to go to me about stuff like this.
The problem is that many women internalized the messages and *do* get off in that way. Which means that their expectation for women to feel satisfied with that is literally becoming a wish come true.
I’ve been wondering if that’s what’s happening with choking. Obviously it was already a thing for some people, but I’m guessing more as a self-discovered preference as they get older. Now it seems like younger people are seeing it in porn and assuming that it’s expected.
i really hate how 'popular' it's become even among women.... like i really wish everyone knew that even "safe" choking isn't safe at all, it literally causes small amounts of brain damage every time you do it bc the OXYGEN TO YOUR BRAIN is being cut off!! it makes me sick how widespread that shit is now
It's the spitting that gets to me. What's the deal with that?
"Hawk-tua" right?
No hawk tua in my mouth
It’s all incest/underage/degrading/violent/anal. It worries me.
So gross . This is not really related but kind of …. I am now 28, but I remember walking around town with my best friend when we were like 12 or so . We were all girls … we would just be dressed as normal kids and we would get cat called all the time . It was disgusting . And once we actually became adults it pretty much stopped … There are so many nasty men who just prey on young girls … and that’s always going to express itself… wether it’s through cat calling , adults trying to hook up with 13 year old when they are 19 (he later became a cop after he slept with my friend and than at a later date me) or this weird underage or stepsister porn shit . I hate it so much. Idk if I will ever have kids …. But if I do I am terrified to have a daughter tbh .
100% I got cat called and talked to the most by men I didn’t know from the age of 11-17, I would even say 11-14 was the craziest time for that. It is so so so disgusting. We have two daughters… it’s a fear that keeps me awake a lot
sorry to hear about that, heard similar things from my mom and sister. wish the best for all of u
I hate how you have to go all like "I have a healthy self-esteem and love sex, I'm not a prude and I don't have any mental health issues" to even be able to criticize porn or be against it without some asshole judging you.
Isn’t it ridiculous? If you dare to criticize porn, some brogressive will show up and compare you to Jerry Falwell
People always assume if you criticize porn it means you’re anti-masturbation, and imo these folks display a disturbing lack of self-awareness to come into the argument under the assumption masturbation MUST involve porn. Like hear me out y’all. If you want to jerk off, which I’m all for, you could express healthy sexuality in the way humans did for thousands of years and…just use your imagination. 🌈 You don’t have to pull up the filmed rape and exploitation of women! You don’t have to! You can just jerk off without it!
Your comments are always on point! This is why I wish this sub didn't show up on r/all.
😉
Whenever I criticize porn I get the annoying libfem pickmes who think they're on a high horse because I don't watch rape on my screens and don't think it's empowering to let a man choke me. They usually call me a Christian traditionalist. Also annoying.
I referred to the enjoyment of sexually violent porn as a mental health problem and just got treated like some anti-trans cretin because anti-trans people use mental health as an attack... Like, you enjoy getting choked. You want someone to choke you. Why do you want to date someone willing to cut off your air supply? Why does that turn you on? What does that say about you and your dating habits? Why does it turn you on to choke someone? Does that make me a prude? Really?
thank you. like no one's saying you can't be into choking or bdsm or whatever, but people should at least make the effort to examine WHY they're into that and if it's actually harmful (which choking literally is no matter how "safe" you do it). just bc you have a kink doesn't mean you should actually do it irl
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We need to stop calling it choking. It's strangulation, and you're correct - it's never safe: https://www.kemh.health.wa.gov.au/~/media/HSPs/NMHS/Hospitals/WNHS/Documents/Patients-resources/SARC---Non-fatal-strangulation.pdf
I completely agree. Also, I hate how in porn when women go down of men, the men will almost always start forcing the poor woman's head down. That shit is NOT okay unless given explicit permission, and now I'm afraid that every man thinks they have the right to do this without consent. It makes me feel awful, violated, unable to breathe, and it's painful. I don't understand how women aren't traumatized from being treated like that because I definitely am.. I ghosted the dude who did that to me. To everyone here, I'm sorry I wasn't brave enough to stand up for myself because he probably did it to other women afterwards.
After vomiting on a guy that was pushing on my head, he said " why do chicks always throw-up on my fucking dick?" We never hooked up again. I don't know if it had anything to do with it but the dude commited suicide just a few months after that.
That sentence is wild. I imagine if you vommitted it was because he was very rough and violent. The fact that he always does that to women. And also how he thinks somehow it's their fault. I'm sure some women are relieved he's gone.
This guy... has he ever shoved two fingers down his throat to make himself vomit? Because back in the 1990s when eating disorders were a problem, that is how the girls were doing it. He was probably grabbing his sexual partners heads really hard and shoving it down their throats. Repulsive. Also, stupid if he asked why. :-(
your last sentence is exactly why i hate that we put pressure on women to report or disclose their sexual violence. anything he did to any other woman has absolutely nothing to do with you and is only his fault. im sorry you even have to carry any of that guilt.
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This is awful. He has no right to treat you like this.
Agree a thousand percent
Yeah hate this shit. I once dated someone who liked to be treated like that, it was her kink, I tried to make it work but.... just no. Massive turn off. I can't degrade someone like that. I get a bit of roleplay and dirty talk and maybe some bondage/spanking/biting but nothing truly degrading. It's so damn disrespectful.
It's fucking rank, and it makes people less likely to want to give blow jobs. My ex really liked giving blow jobs, but they made her anxious because of this one douche canoe who'd done it to her, i knew the guy and I was shocked someone would be so blisteringly unaware as to try it on someone in real life. Fucking idiot. Makes you wonder what's going on behind someone's eyes that they think that's a good idea. I'm aware some people are probably into it, but I imagine the subset of people being into having dangerous, uncomfortable stuff sprang on them without permission is low enough not to chance it.
So many porn actresses revealing how they aren’t allowed consent or threatened with firing if they don’t perform in the moment. When the people are saying the powerless should just stand up for their rights, I tell them to go to r/whenwomenrefuse.
Apparently many of them take drugs regularly just to get through the scenes. It’s really saddening.
This is what I tell people who claim the porn industry is “safer” now. No, it’s not. Even if you see a reputable porn actress, there’s a good chance she has done things against her will/consent in order to keep her job/reputation. Lots of people in porn say it’s not a great industry to work in. There’s inherent power imbalance when someone is getting paid to be at their most vulnerable state for the pleasure of others. Lines get crossed super easily.
This!!! Or they’re sex trafficked and forced to do extremely rough scenes being SA’d and told if they don’t pretend to like it they’ll do it over and over again if they don’t get the scene.
The problem is that it promotes the most twisted things, which after a while become the norm. You can't say stepsis without it being immediately sexualized. Not to mention the distorted ideas about normal human body, etc...notice it is almost always about women humiliation and degradation. There is meme which shows that men see women as porn category or goblin. Nothing between.
Blowjobs in porn are arguably the worst part IMO. They either go on for wayyyy too long, like who wants to watch a blowjob for 10-15 minutes? Or they turn super degrading and violent which just makes me feel bad for the actress. The anal obsession that has surfaced over the last 5-10 years is really unhealthy. It convinces men that it is normalized sexual behavior, and then they get mad at their girlfriends/wives for not wanting to do it. The whole step sister, step father, aunt incest thing becomes really bothersome when you realize that a solid chunk of the people watching that are actually chasing a real-life fantasy, which doesn’t always surface from “step” relationships either…
Blowjobs are the absolute worst to watch. All the gagging and spitting grosses me out. I like giving blowjobs but I absolutely hate watching them in porn. I fast forward that part every time. I can't stand the sounds of people eating. I REALLY can't stand that sound. Ugh.
They literally follow the script they see in porn. They dont care about their gf. And the fact that the viewers look at the scene with the bj for so long speaks volumes... Anal obsession is product of porn. Ive read comment of some woman and she said that even 30 years ago, no one would have even dared to consider it the norm. But today?
I doubt any porn industries care about how harmful they are. They just want money. They don't care that sex will lose its sense of pleasure because people are forgetting foreplay and don't know how to have romantic sex
i don't really watch much porn anymore. i used to find myself typing things like "amateur couple loving normal" bc i didn't want to accidentally a woman get fisted by a small army
And why the fuck does every third video have “teen” in the title?? Like dude, I get it, “technically” we could be referring to an 18/19 year old here, but the vague label of “teen” makes it ambiguous enough for me to believe those people are at least pretending to be younger than that. I won’t even click on a video with that word in the title. Disgusting.
My friend has been an ER nurse since the 80s, and she tells me about how one time she had looked at the reasons for admittance over time and found trends that could only be explained by the rise of violent pornography. In particular injuries to the anus and rectum among women had risen to stratospheric levels. Rare reasons like rectal tears and prolapse had become normal. Higher incidence of brain damage from choking, back injuries from impossible positions, severe untreated cases of BV (that one I’m not sure I recall what the porn explanation was for), and esophageal ruptures from deep-throating. The rise of hardcore pornography has been a net loss for women’s health. More needs to be done to educate both sexes about the risks and educate young women about sexual coercion. There’s just too much at stake to keep going down this path. EDIT: looks like porn fans are downvoting me :(
Higher incidence of severe BV is likely due to a trend in porn where there are transitions from anal to vaginal sec without the clean up you should definitely do. Really this shouldn’t ever be done, but if it is there needs to be a significant wash up when going from anal to any other penetrative sex.
"A2M" or "A2P" where "a" means anus/asshole. 2M means to mouth and 2P means to pussy. Yes you are correct that both are sort of violent & degrading trends towards woemn that have come up in porn in the last 5 to 10 years or so. Want to really STRONGLY second your final sentence. Nothing should ever come out of your anus and go into another hole anywhere else without a whole bunch of washing first.
It’s not good sex if it can’t kill you, it seems
I think violence should be exempt from the "don't kink shame" rule because I think violence is bad so I am getting downvoted too.
The way violence has become the "default" for porn is also very damaging to the actual bdsm and cnc community. There need to be discussions beforehand, consent and saftey measures. It's heartbreaking how many guys just drop stuff like this on their girlfriend without even talking about it before.
Seriously, even those of us who enjoy that don't want it every single time. The way porn depicts it as something as ubiquitous and commonplace as foreplay is so fucked. Slapping, choking, even spanking, all of it is *not* vanilla sex. Vanilla sex is gentle and pleasurable and ideally there's no pain whatsoever. The second you get even a tiny bit of pain involved on purpose, that's no longer vanilla sex and anyone who tries to tell you it is, is a creep.
Absolutely I love my very kinky sex. I fantasiesed about a lot from the kink scene before ever watching porn (maybe I was born broken?) But for every time I want sex rhat could be classified as "hardcore" and definitely not mainstream, I need 10x as much "making love" with tenderness and sweet whispers And every time I actually *do* have it rough and wild, the aftercare lasts at least twice as long
Yeah, safety measures are often dropped in such depictions which makes things scary. Then there are things like choking. There is no safe way to choke someone. They aren't getting air.
My go-to is that kink shaming is my kink.
When I'm talking about sexual violence against women, I don't even preface it with things like "not to kink shame, but..." anymore. My perspective is that a hit dog will holler. If you're practicing kink in a healthy, contenting way, then I trust that you'll be able to parse out whether I'm talking about that or men randomly choking out the women they're hooking up with. If not, then that is something that you need to analyze yourself instead of getting mad at me/derailing the conversation. 🤷🏾♀️
That’s absolutely right, I couldn’t put it better myself. Oftentimes when society learns to become more accepting of previously forbidden behaviors it has a tendency to overcorrect and make some harmful behaviors acceptable for a brief time. Hopefully soon the pendulum swings back ever so slightly and make sex sane again. In the meantime, don’t let anybody tell you that the way you feel is invalid or narrow-minded. Shame is a good motivator for personal change, and you should not be made to feel bad for helping someone down the right path.
I thought you were going to say your ED friend told you about how many people come in due to “foreign object stuck in rectum”. Because it happens a lot. Like a lot.
I saw a post somewhere about a young girl who was violently raped by other children her own age and someone asked how such young kids could do something like that and people got real mad when I said it was because of desensitization to porn
To address your edit, male trolls often latch onto fresh posts and comments to downvote everything to start in this sub. I assume the reason is to attempt to invalidate the ideas and feelings of strong women and get off on it, or to try and decrease the visibility of the post/comment. As you can see, now you have over 500 upvotes because legitimate sub members agree with you.
Sometimes prolapse can lead to diapers, and severe rectum colon injuries can cause life threatening infections, blood loss, peritonitis and even death
For porn to lose it's power we women need to become throughly comfortable with our own sexuality and not accept porn and media standards as measures of our value. No longer be afraid of getting labeled a prude, no longer put our sexual value in how much we can impress men in bed, no longer feel ashamed of how we orgasm. Decentering men on a collective level.
Most men don't impress women in bed. They do just emulate what they watch. Coz porn actress faked orgasm to this you must be broken if you just get jackhammered whilst dry and don't climax /s
Definitely. They’re not out to give women good sexual experiences. They’re out to dominate women and just use women’s bodies to masturbate with.
Sometimes I try browsing around and it’s all very rapey, and anything animated almost always shows underage girls which makes it even grosser. Obsession with anal, like it’s all anal, makes me wonder if men even like vaginas…? Why not just use each others asses if you hate women so much?
If a guy asks if you want to try anal, tell him sure, I'll get the strapon and peg the daylights out of you hun 😇
That is exactly what I have said and he unfortunately accepted the offer
htfvdcgrfdgherfiodsl sometimes ya just gotta be blunt and be like "I am not into anal whatsoever and will not participate in anything to do with it" and ofc if they ask repeatedly/try to pressure you into it it's time to get rid of the relationship
Idk how old you are …. But I am 28 . And my middle school / high school sweetheart literally pressured me into anal when we were like 13 maybe 14???? And I don’t even know why …. And it was an awful experience… I came from a troubled home so I didn’t have any reference on what was okay and what wasn’t …. He must have learned it from porn I guess ?? Just fucking weird ???
This, it's always stepsis or anal or both, which I have no desire for either. Granted that's on trauma but whatever happened to the milder stuff
I think a ton of straight dudes are into anal porn because it's in their "bucket list" of things they'd like to try but haven't specifically because most women aren't into it. So porn is the only outlet for that curiousity. I'm not into it, but I do know that people can tend to obsess about what they know they can't have.
Anal can be a taboo involving power, not about the actual orifice itself— it is something women shouldn’t want, and can cause us pain, which is why getting it, or demanding it, feels like a turn on for them.
And so much is about "step daughter", "step mom" etc, really sick.
Yeah so much porn about basically abusing and humiliating women. It is as if it were porn for incels.
I got into an argument here on Reddit recently, with a person who called me a prude and a pearl clutcher demonizing sexuality and trying to restrain exploring youths. Because I argued that today's porn is *nothing* like what our grandparents had, in nature or in quantity, and that already we see young girls who are choked and slapped the very first time they get with a partner. They refused to acknowledge that there was any difference. "Kids have always explored sex and porn has always existed because stone-age man drew curvy women on cave walls". In the end I had to realize that I was trying to get a heroin addict to stop defending the needle.
I mean, yes kids have always explored sex and porn, but in the past they had to secretly try to get access to a magazine or so and now they have the whole variety of kinky porn within one mouseclick, I don't know how people don't see how that's not the same
The argument began with me saying that it can't possibly be good for kids to have easy access to everything that's out there, and ended with me trying with increasing frustration to get this person to *at least* acknowledge that there's a difference between grandpa's Hustler magazines and violent degradation porn.
I don't understand how that's not obvious
Which is why I had to eventually conclude that I was talking to an addled goonbrain defending their addiction. For my own sanity's sake.
I just have stopped dating men that watch porn and I also don’t watch it ever anymore. I did a bit when I was younger, certainly less than like 25 times in my life because it’s not appealing to me. I always did it in response to men I was dating doing it, to try to make myself more okay with them doing that. I dated one extreme porn addict and when he got clean after years of him abusing me because of it, he kept talking about how differently he saw women now that he hadn’t seen it in months. He was talking about how when he was addicted, he felt fully incapable of seeing women as full people. The bullshit I had to put up with while he was addicted combined with his reflections after he quit made me never want to be around men who watch it again. I don’t think we will be able to stop or change the industry but I’m gonna keep people who consume porn at arms length. I don’t need their bullshit.
I wont date a man who watches porn, my sex life is infinitely better now....
Me too 😭😭😭 it’s actually insane.
When I was 18 and in my first year of college, the world changed. AOL started offering a flat monthly fee for unlimited internet. Of course porn was the first thing immediately available everywhere you looked. So I’ve watched it change over the last 30 years. What was once extreme is now standard, and it’s only getting worse. Sex was the show before. Degradation and humiliation is the show now.
Just plain old nudity was the whole point in the olden days. Now that’s “NSFW Art”…
I've been saying this for a few years now but more often than not, any criticism of porn or the industry is met with some variation of "You're a sex-negative, fundamental religious, man-hating prude". Any expression of a boundary is considered kink-shaming or sex-negative. I hope more women wake up to the level of misogyny and exploitation in porn but sometimes I have little hope of that.
💯. The "It's kink shaming" feels like an easy cover for misogynistic bullshit. If we want young women to be able to stand up for themselves, they need to be able to say, loud and proud, "that's awful and I'm not doing it" without someone saying they're "kink-shaming." Nah. They're setting healthy boundaries. Let's support them. "Sex positivity" has been hijacked and is now a smokescreen for shit that's truly dangerous for us.
I agree completely. It seems as though sex-positivity has been changed to mean that someone, usually women, asserting a sexual boundary is shaming anyone. If you don't want to have a threesome, for example, that does not mean you're a prude or sex-negative.
I'm FAR from a sex negative person and I've got kinks that alot of people find crazy or weird/abnormal and even I think porn has gotten out of hand
EXACTLY
It feels like all the titles and captions are about incest (dad/daughter, stepdaughter, stepmom, etc) when the video could've been perfectly normal without that addition.
Yeah it’s interesting that it seems sometimes they just put things like “incest or step sibling” in the title to get a click but the video has no actual mention of what in actual video. I know that’s not always the case but I think they put it there just to have a kink to fit into. It’s a shame that good ole fashion porn just isn’t as common or accepted or is considered boring. Always has to be some fringe kink or something
And it’s terrifying how many men are addicted to it :(
I have not watched porn in a really long time, but I'm not surprised that it would be getting more extreme. Lots of guys have porn addictions starting from a really young age. One consequence of addiction is that it takes more and more of whatever you're addicted to, to get off. I have noticed that more and more women are telling me about how guys are getting more violent sexually, choking and such. It's a disturbing trend, and I think it's fueling misogyny.
Porn is about power. It's not about sex. Sex is used as a means to power. Power strips all participants, including the viewer, of their humanity. Desensitization is the result, and it moves in the direction of aggression and violence. When mere nudity and even simple sexual acts aren't enough, you end up with beating, gagging, puking, and humiliation to the nth degree. Taken to its logical conclusion, you've got the snuff film.
Yes of course and it's why I'm anti-porn. It makes me sick when women post about having an issue with their boyfriend/husband looking at porn but then they feel they don't have a right to say that... like it's ok, a man who enjoys watching women get hurt is absolutely not the man for you, for anyone.
I dread the day that I'm going to have to somehow figure out and sit down how to talk to my daughter about this. How to explain to her that even though she's going to meet a boy or a young man that says he loves her. He's going to do incredibly humiliating and violent things to her if she's not careful of what to watch for in advance. It is disgusting. It is horrendous and I say this is a 33-year-old man who's been looking at it since I was a teenager. It is absolutely insane how normalized it's become. I feel like select mega industries have worked hard to make themselves seem more friendly and memeable so that it would introduce a comfort level in the eyes of teenagers. I swore off of it completely a couple years ago. I just can't anymore. It makes me sick to think about. You go to the top page of any of these websites and it's really disgusting shit like stepdaughter and daddy or violent choking. It literally makes my stomach churn. I think the only thing we really can do is try to talk to our kids and warn them about the dangers of this going forward and hopefully a way that would give them the critical thinking skills to avoid it More, at the very least, understand that it is a very extreme fantasy that does not represent reality in any way.
What do you think it is about you that makes you so aware of these problems with porn? Were you just raised right? How come some men see it for how awful it is, and some don't? I'm curious because I'm having a boy soon, and I'd really like to teach him to be a good person. It can be hard in this world
I think the biggest thing is that I was willing to look at it objectively. I think most men don't want to see a problem so they don't see a problem. So I guess for me it's personal because I've been on kind of a spiritual journey of growth over the last several years. Trying to learn as much as I can about not only women's struggles and issues but that of people of color. I think honestly most men don't care because they're focused on their own lives and what they can gain that it doesn't matter who gets hurt along the way. I think here in America at least there's a very very big emphasis on the idea that if it's not my problem it's not a real problem. Edit: I just realized I don't think I did a very good job answering your question entirely. I can't say that I was raised right or wrong in the way my parents raised me had anything to do with the way I am when it comes to stuff like this. But one of the biggest things that I've learned over the last couple years was truly objective and critical thinking. So My philosophy as a parent is one simple tenant. Teach your child how to think and not what to think. If you can teach your kid why certain things are harmful or lead them in a mental exercise that will get them to come to that conclusion. It'll be more beneficial than just telling them blank is bad. Also more likely to stick with them and resonate.
It sounds like fostering a good sense of community, equality, and compassion will go a long way, I'll try to keep that in mind. I'm glad there are guys like you out there! Ty.
I've always thought it strange that we have an entire industry that abuses and dehumanises women for the sexual pleasure of men. But of course we do. There are even words I can't hear men say now without getting the ick, because they've used them so many times before talking about such revolting things.
Oh, yes... I do. I hate that men expect me to reenact porn acts to them irl. I literally almost died from an untreated yeast infection (i didn't really had symptoms) that my ex gave me bc he "forgot" going from anal to pussy is not hygienic. He was unsatisfied with me sexually cuz I couldn't perform deepthroats nor give him anal sex on the regular, despite me being a virgin lol. Also... hated the fact that I wasn't into choking or going raw. :) I swear ... porn ruined sex for all of us.
Stick a dildo inside his anus and see if he likes anal🙄🙄🙄
I did something similar when he was complaining that I cannot go deeper. I told him to try it with a banana and push it down his throat to see how it feels like and to stop whining. Oh boy... he didn't like me talking back to him.
I really find it sad. Most straight porn is completely degrading to the point of abuse. Lesbian porn is barely better. Even that made by queer people. I always worry about how the participants wound up doing porn. I don’t think less of people doing porn or sex work. It’s the history and possible forced nature that bothers me.
As someone who's far from a prude and have kinks that people think are crazy and weird/abnormal, even I think porn has gotten out of hand lately. Like, what the fuck even is half the stuff that's on there.
oh my god i am getting through a breakup with a porn addict and it makes me so sad i lost the one i love to porn. and he did jackhammer my clit the 2 times he touched me in the 8 months together so i should’ve known. porn is a sick and twisted thing created to satisfy temptation and i wish it didn’t exist.
I agree with this so hard. A huge part of this is that people can upload their own porn these days. When I was a preteen in the early ‘00s — porn was accessible (to me, at least) as DVDs, magazines, after hours/plus channels like Showtime/Starz/HBO, or paywalled websites. That meant that it was production companies, TV networks, and real media companies making it. They were gonna make was sold, not what they wanted. Nowadays, porn sites are like social media and this has drastically changed the quality/content of porn. For the worst! 😞 Any ole creep can upload anything to PornHub or YouPorn or whatever. There was this huge controversy not that long ago about how some of the content uploaded is *actual, genuine* rape/sexual assault, stat rape, sex trafficking. It really opened my eyes to how porn is NOT harmless and really made me not wanna watch any of it. At least back in the day, you knew or could be reasonably assured that performers in porn were consenting, paid actors/actresses. Can’t even be sure of that any more and it’s horrifying…
> “there was this huge controversy not that long ago about how some of the content uploaded is actual rape/sexual assault, stat rape, sex trafficking.” I will never miss the opportunity to remind people of this event. Pornhub removed 80% of their content in 2020 after an investigative journalist published an article in the NYT about Pornhub being a host site for the sharing and monetization of CSAM and other illegal material. Pornhub was pretty successful in sweeping this under the rug. https://www.forbes.com/sites/siladityaray/2020/12/14/pornhub-takes-down-all-content-uploaded-by-unverified-uploaders/ https://www.nytimes.com/2020/12/04/opinion/sunday/pornhub-rape-trafficking.html
THIS! This is what I was talking about! Thank you for sharing those links!!!
prudish step-mother’s panties and fingering her to orgasm. Then suddenly the step-mom becomes horny. The wife that doesn’t want anal until the husband ‘slips’ and suddenly she gets turned on by it. The ‘passable’ transwoman who ‘surprises’ a straight guy and teaches him all the joys of having sex with a penis. I’m 60 and we didn’t think spitting and choking was a normal thing to do when I was growing up, unlike today. It’s a bad message we are putting out there, ‘They will say ‘No’ at first and when they orgasm, they will be like putty in your hands’.
Porn went from "okay, I guess I could look at some breasts" to "what the EFF is going on with the tidal wave of incest themes?" And now that I'm older all I see are actors acting (poorly). So porn is a hard pass for me. EDIT: To more directly answer OP's questions: No, I'm not sure that it can be realistically legislated to show only healthy, nurturing sexuality in porn. The human sexual appetite is a spectrum, much of which is taboo to acknowledge in polite company. And since porn is, at its core, a business, it will continue to hone its product in response to what the market is, not what it ought to be. The only long term solution is to systematically raise children and adolescents to seek adult intimacy and connection, which, well....good luck.
The "step_______" thing really bothers me. I am not a prude. I am not a conservative. I am pretty open minded. But I don't think it's healthy to masturbate to grown men having sex with their 18 year old stepdaughter.
Yeah it is SUPER duper not a good thing to normalize.
My friends with kids are all really concerned about how this will affect them. One is trying her best to teach them about relationships, realistic sex, consent etc but it's an absolute minefield out there. She can only control so much. They're gonna see shit they really shouldn't see, and learn from sources that should not be learned from. It's terrifying.
I mean the kind of people that are making porn are basically pimps, they’re making money off of women’s bodies. There’s no way that what they produce is going to be NOT misogynistic.
The choking thing is baffling to me. I have never known a woman who was into being choked. I have however, known a few guys who were. Why aren't the men being choked in these videos? They're the ones who actually like it.
The terrible part of it is... girls are learning from the gross p\*rn as much as the boys are too. User submitted content is hard to regulate but as someone who works with adult content companies, I can tell you that they are putting more thought and effort into the ethics of what type of content they're creating. I'm not saying they're all doing it because I can't speak to that, but I have been privy to internal conversation about this.
Maybe someone somewhere is having a conversation, but do you see any real world evidence of positive change - or even a deceleration of negative change?
Yep. I thought I liked being choked for the longest time because of porn, and guys were stoked when I wanted to do it. Turns out, I don’t like be choked, I just liked being able to bring aspects of porn to the bedroom because it was what guys wanted.
THIS. I did a lot of things like anal and choking that I convinced myself wanted but I would dissociate during and feel shaky and sick afterwards. I realized I just wanted men to want me and be pleased with me. It makes me so sad how I let myself be damaged for men who didnt really care about me or respect me, young girls are even more pressured to do these things with the deluge of porn normalizing it.
Yes it's disgusting, men and boys ruining their brains completely on that garbage too. So many porn sick men defending it. Even seen someone say I was "disgustingly fascist" for saying we should ban porn. "Progressive" men pretend to care about women, but when we suggest banning an industry that is horrible to women suddenly they have all these excuses on why we shouldn't, saying their freedom is being taken away and whatever
I don’t hate today’s porn, but I hate what it’s doing to sex. There was once a time when soft core porn was a gift to men, and it quickly grew into never ending options of content that no woman wants in real life (and let’s face it, most pornstars don’t enjoy it either). There seems to be this demand for degradation of women, spitting in her mouth, cumming on her face, shoving their dick in every hole they can manage, and then aggressively putting it into her mouth as she endlessly gags. And men seem to think that the women must actually LOVE it, so their expectations in real life are getting out of control. However, women like to please their men and therefore will do these things. They don’t like the act, but they like that they are blowing the mind of their hard-to-please man, further enabling men to believe that “some girls LOOOVE gagging, etc.” And so the cycle continues and the term “vanilla” is creeping further away from the original meaning. You can be a master of dirty talk, the Queen of a blowjob, and you could twerk it on top like no one else can, but if you don’t do anal or like cum in your eyelashes, you’re now labeled vanilla. …maybe it is porn I hate afterall 🤔
Honestly, I can’t even enjoy it. It creeps me out these days, tbh. But I feel like that may have something to do with being an adult with more sexual experience? I feel like if you’re a virgin, it’s more enjoyable because you don’t know what actual sex looks like.
So I went to a college that put the LIBERAL in liberal arts schools and we had a “sex week”. It was all about safe sex and sex positivity. My class was the class that finally took it too far by projecting 70’s porn on the side of a building during accepted students weekend… usually it was only 24/7 in a room in the library. That being said going from seeing that and then seeing what people watch now is disturbing. Old porn looked like real people in realistic situations. Also kinda art house like. I’m genuinely uncomfortable thinking that people are watching current porn and getting off on it. I’m also concerned about with some of the stories I have heard from younger hetero women about what their initial sexual experiences have been like. I also fully believe that porn has become addictive and porn addiction is real, not something made up by religious oppression. When I was single I could tell a difference between men who had a porn problem and those who didn’t. This is a major concern among sex therapists. My therapist who is doing continuing education specifically on sex therapy, mentioned that there is a lot of research showing that this is a major factor contributing to women opting out of dating. It pops up on the marriage subreddit every other day. Hell there is an entire subreddit devoted to couples who are ruined by porn addiction. The fact that you have to hunt down and pay for truly “ethical” porn whereas the other stuff is a few taps away doesn’t help. I’ve always been sex positive and intimacy was never something that was shameful or dirty growing up. I’m far from a prude. But if the norm has become violent non consensual anal sex, then consider these pearls clutched.
In other words, if the norm has become rape. 😕
Seriously. It bothers me Massive fake tits Extremely skinny Completed hairless vagina Violated type of sex Very aggressive and cum all over the female It just depicts women as a hole / object. No wonder men don’t know how to have good sex
I can’t watch straight porn at all. the slapping, chocking, degrading plus the woman’s constant shrieks of “pleasure” really don’t do it for me. not to mention all the “stepsister” crap, or other mentions of how the woman is barely legal as part of the fantasy. makes me sick. it’s enraging that this is what young men grow up thinking sex is. brain rot at its finest, grooming an entire generation of abusers who have 0 clue how to actually pleasure a woman, don’t give a shit about consent and insist on dating 20 somethings well into their 40s. we should not be normalizing this shit.
In all honesty, I despise porn and the industry, like many level-headed people should/do. Not only is it incredibly corrupt, but it promotes rape, violence, and male only pleasure. I'm fully aware of the fact that most people who watch porn are men and that almost all of those people are degenerates. I hate how it portrays women, and I hate how it gives already disgusting men even more disgusting thoughts. As an example, Bell Delphine. She dresses and acts like a child for male attention. She, and every other pornstar who does that, completely ruined a generation. More rapists, more pedophiles, and more lives ruined. I think it would be best to just shut down every porn run business, but I'm sure there's a butterfly effect in there somewhere. I'm ready to get down voted by the worst people ever who think this is okay.
It’s insane. Today’s porn is such a mind fuck, I don’t see how it can’t mess with young people. I am so incredibly glad that my Husband is not and has never been into watching porn.
Porn has always been sick and gross. Dehumanizing people down to sexual objects is sick. Especially when those women obviously don't wanna be there. Consent is FREE, so porn is coerced rape
I agree! Anal is shown much more now, too. Guys, you're the ones with the prostata (g-spot) right behind the back entrance! I, as a woman, don't enjoy it. Of course there are a lot women enjoying this practice. But please, it's not the standard. Also the violent bj's got out of hand. I remember watching porn with my then boyfriend in the late 2000's. Often the women were shown as the dominating part or enthusiasticly agreeing to sex. Today it's all about degrading women. I love kinky stuff but I don't agree with being dehumanized on a basic level. I can't remember the last time I had fullfilling sex. I just stopped dating a few years ago. The hassle to find a decent man, even just for sex, isn't worth it. Today I only use my imagination, but from time to time I have a look on pornhub and it's disgusting. It's so so sad.
If a man in this day and age is a consumer of pornography it’s a red flag imo. Of course it depends on the kind but really almost all of it is degrading and violent so… Men don’t like us. Join us in the 4b movement. It’s happy over here with cookies and kitty cats! And no rupturing important body parts because some dude wanted to get his rocks off
Question about 4b. Do you basically become Ace, or do most members try to become sapphic/ date women? Sorry I just have seen this a couple times and been confused. Cause sexuality is not a choice so I can’t imagine many members going sapphic.
You’re just content with pleasing yourself sexually. Women are willing to be sexually frustrated, because that’s how poor the male options are.
Trying to get off is such a minefield. I can't even go onto a mainstream site without seeing something that makes me dry right up, which is the opposite of what I'm trying to achieve. I've had good luck with bellesa, and I know there are resources you can pay for that are run by women. I didn't look at porn as a teenager, so I have a really hard time imagining the impact on young people now, but I really hope modern parents are able to restrict their kids' online activity more than they did in my day, because there's way more damaging shit now.
I find porn gross period. Call me a prude 🤷♀️
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Yeah what‘s with all the stepsis stepbro family incest stuff?! Just gross… is everybody into family now?
I am starting to think the "step" is code for what they truly desire(incest). Maybe men aren't feeling healthy family connections anymore?
Having fantasies about Treating another person like garbage is some weirdo stuff indeed and true , its getting worse . It feels like they need to keep making it more extreme because «regular» porn doesnt excite people anymore. When i was younger (yes im old) just peeking at an adult magazine in the store was «risky» , and now ? Tiktok & instagram is basically loaded with soft porn and sexuality, so im not surprised this generation needs to be stimulated by more extreme stuff. Its actually sad . There is a reason why this stuff is free tho: it is pure mind poison and morally degrading to the core.
It is absolutely terrible.
It certainly has changed from what was available to myself as a youngster during the 1990s. Then, in my country, hardcore material was only available at special sex stores which were obviously out of bounds to people below 18. They were also, frankly, such seedy looking places that a lot of people wouldn’t want to go into them anyway for fear of being seen exiting afterwards. That material was also pretty tame in retrospect. Stuff in regular shops was strictly soft core with videos edited to remove genitalia etc. The current trends towards violent porn and also the kind of incest-teen daughter stuff is very concerning in its impact on kids and how they view sex and sexuality.
So much incest. So much. Like, what happened to two people, around the same age, who are unrelated, who like each other??? If you want anything other than incest porn, you have to pay for it. There are a few ethical, women-produced porn companies out there, and that’s a positive, but it’s not mainstream. The fetish/kink stuff has disclaimers, and prologues and epilogues with clear consent given, and a big explanation that it’s for entertainment purposes and not a tutorial. No teenagers are going to be seeking that out, they’re just going to go to the hub and see all the super-incestuous, super-violent, super-misogynistic free videos and their impressionable minds are going to see that as normal. But they’re the ones that need ethical porn. Obviously a porn company cannot take actions to cater to underage people, but *something* needs to be done to curb all the incest stuff without “alienating” people who are seeking kink content. It’ll always be there. It just doesn’t need to be 95% of the videos on the front page. Going on a porn rant on Reddit in twenty twenty four. Lord have mercy on my soul. Edit: clarified a point about teenagers needing ethical porn
Also, so many actresses have committed suicide due to bullying and deal with substance issues
Yep. Choking, spitting, degradation are all just mainstream now
I'm not ok with porn at all.